Nerd Poker - Episode 22 - Turning Gears

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

The Ice Five have been negotiating with the corrupted dragon known as Havoccula, and so far they seem to go together like peanut butter and bleach. Of course they'd love to just stab him in his gross face, but he has the habit of flying out of stab range and generally appearing far more powerful than our heroes. Will Halcyne's fiery eyes scare him into submission???

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. All my friends are here. That doesn't happen all the time. Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hello. Sarah. Hello.

Ken. Ach, du lieber. Dan. Hi. Wayne. Hello. And at the end of the table, our friend Sam. Hi, guys.

Hey, Sam. This is episode 22. I'd like to thank our Patreons, wouldn you i sure would thank you uh let's see oh thanks big carlos mencia fan i thank you tom garing thank you tom garing thanks tom garing thank you casey ransom thank you real name thank you matt scro you. Real name. Thank you, Matt Scroggins. Real name. And thank you, Fart Simpson. Real name. Fart Simpson. Thank you, Fart.

We're out of fart license plates. Repeat, out of fart license plates. So what's you going to tell me something? I was going to tell you what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Oh, okay.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Yeah, why don't we get right into it? Last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes went to go and look inside the observatory come skyship. Look at Ken. You know, I'm real uncomfortable with that. skyship. Look at Ken. You know, I'm real uncomfortable with that. And once they looked for treasure

and discovered all they thought fit to discover, they decided to go back to their boat, only to find a dragon had been circling the skyship. They tried to tell the dragon they didn't find anything cool, but the dragon didn't

believe it. It was in search of either the gnome that created the skyship or the treasures that were inside the skyship. Tick Tock decided to bluff and say, look at this axe we found. It's cool. You want this cool axe? And the dragon was like, no, I wouldn't. And so TikTok was like, would you like to kiss me?

And the dragon was like, I've been thinking about that for a long time. And he tugged at his shirt collar. Wait, are we at the right podcast? Oh, excuse me. Wrong word, Doc. Anyways, so you tried to get him to take that cursed axe and he wasn't into it, so he ripped a sail. And we last left, what was it exactly?

Do you remember you said, Halseen, something at the very end of the last episode? I remember the dragon closed his neck flap that he was whispering through, snapped his head back into place, and smiled. I don't remember what it was you said. Well, I had used command relax on him. Yeah, and that inspired him to rip the sail slower.

And then he said that he thought, I feel like he said he thought that we were being annoying, and I told him that I thought that he was being annoying. Yes. Some variation on that. Yes. So here's what we're gonna do um you know uh i'm not saying this dragon isn't still amenable to flying you guys up to the

airship and i'm not saying that there aren't a number of other things that could happen like the dragon ripping your head off but this last part of dialogue where you're trying to basically convince him not to give you treasure in lieu of finding the baron uh you've been lying to him a little bit and what i haven't made you all do is a deception check so what we're going to do is a broad deception check wait what are we deceiving him about not finding you guys try to convince him that all you found in or at least this is what tiktok did so if none of you want to be on board with this deception to give him a thing that's fine well from the dungeon master's point of view

it seemed like a pretty clear like we don't want to tell him about the cool shit we found in the airship so I'm going to present him with this axe I guess I'm blanking on what we we all found some stuff I found some boots you didn't find anything yourself the letter? no as a dungeon master to balance out the gifts

you got gus while everyone got baron gifts um but you tried to get him to fuck off by giving him that magical axe yeah i just thought it would i don't know i thought he wanted a thing yeah i feel like he wants the baron and we don't i feel like that was a real smooth way to not have to do the deception roll to say oh no i'll do a deception roll gladly no if you want to convince him as a party that you found nothing that you will hand over to him it's going to be a deception i just thought he didn't want anything he only wanted the baron that was the sense that i got i was trying to get across to you guys uh he wanted the baron and then he was like what else did you find

tell me everything and you guys were like you guys were i mean he's definitely said i know you spent two days in there tell everything. And you guys were like, you guys were, I mean, he's definitely said, I know you spent two days in there. Tell me everything. And you guys were like, we found nothing. Well, I guess he wouldn't have been able to avoid seeing. I mean, I have a dragon scale shield. There's not, it's not going in my pocket. But he doesn't know you found it in there because he didn't see you before you went

in there. He's basically demanding right now, pledge fealty to me either by giving me this barren or by giving me this Baron or by giving me treasure. Oh, so what I'd like you guys to do then is decide, and I'm going to set the one minute timer. What are you going to do?

Are you going to appease the dragon or are you doing some deception? Okay. No, I mean, what are we going to give him all our treasure? No. So the, so deception then yeah okay we're gonna go for deception dan okay so uh we're gonna take that last move as a deception i'm gonna ask everyone to roll a deception check all right and if anyone i'm not going to tell you the secret numbers that i plan but i am going to tell you like broadly if

one person does terrible he's going to read it. And if it's a character who has been trying really hard to make him feel one way or another, I'm going to take that into account. Is 18 bad? Nope. It's not terrible. How's five?

Five's good, right? Let's hear what everybody's scores are. It's better than one of Charlie Brown's friends, isn't it? I'm going to reserve my derisive comments until we hear a little bit more. 11? Yeah. Is 18 the highest we got? I bet you Darkthor rolled a

30. Deception. Yeah, I got a 20. Alright, Darkthor. The timer just ran out. What are you going to say to this dragon? Do we know where the Baron is? No. He's dead.

We don't know. We think he's dead. We'll go look for him, but we definitely don't have anything. He flies away. Nice. He's already been flying near the top of the mast. So he is going to pivot and just slowly

your back sail is ripped in half is he gonna come back he he i would say uh based on your guys's passive insight you would think he deliberately tried to make you guys sitting ducks here that have to wait for him uh you feel like he knew what he was doing when ripped your sale wasn't just an insult it was definitely to insult you but it was also to like make you stuck no he remembers in the last time like he said something about like now you'll have time to sit here right right he he's i think you would all figure out he's planning to come back and maybe because dark thirst said that with a 20 on his deception that uh i'm giving you uh less damage to your boat and party when he flies away well i have mending as a cantrip but it

only does one foot at a time right so the trick with mending is it is it has to be that's the total damage it can't be like you do at a foot at a time. That's why there's another spell called greater mending where you can do like two feet at a time or bone and stuff like that. Can we stitch at the foot mark so she could mend in between the stitch marks? Just to speed it up? Yeah, we can bring down the sail

and start sewing on it. Okay, you guys bring down the sail. Sew like the wind. I could use a rest. It's morning right now For spell reasons Why don't people who need spells rest And those of us who don't Does anybody need heal?

Get the rest of us concerned I could use a heal But I will definitely work To Alright If you guys are resting And just starting repairs, I'm going to say you get less than a quarter of the way done

through this sale in half a day when I'm going to tell you some more stuff that's happening. Is anybody doing watch? Did anyone say they're going to do watch? I am. You are? All right, let's do a perception check for Darkthor, please. All right.

And you're doing this above deck? Sure. and you're doing this above deck sure just 12 it's pretty thick I said you you you look over the side of the boat a couple of times cuz you swear you saw a silhouette in the water but you don't see anything definitive okay you guys you guys can I burn some hit dice while we're doing this somewhere in here so i can heal up a little bit yes cool that's what i meant am i getting a spells but i got a long enough rest to get uh so far it's just a short rest you can rest the rest of the day the daylight and i will give you long rest full health yeah i press the snooze button okay so that's going to be one more perception for someone who's doing watch if that's brian again then let's see it uh 10 okay at one point you see um fegma makes her way up to the deck and apologizes profusely

for not being able to be of more use uh she you know is primarily here to aim your cannons fire the cannons maintain the cannons and uh she says she's pretty much back at full speed, but she's a little dizzy. Yeah, the mists are still heavy, and you think you hear thunder in the distance, Darkthor. Halcyon, you are up to full health. And perhaps more importantly, as the sun begins to set, you are all level five. So here's what we're going to do. There's a lot that you probably wish

you could handle right away, but we're just going to have to narratively say, like, if you don't have something you already know about leveling up, then we're just going to postpone it until, you know, two episodes from now. So people might, you know, maybe we can squeeze some in between, but right now I can look up

your hit dice so we can roll for your new hit points. So does anyone know what their hit dice is? I have a D10. I was just rolling healing. Great, so you're a D10.

So go ahead and if you remember what I like to offer you guys is, I know Sarah kind of took issue with the freedom of this, is to say you can either take the flat suggested one or you can roll for chance and potentially get lower.

Oh, I don't know. What's the suggested for a D10? Five? I'm assuming the average. I believe that's what it is, yeah. Well, you know what? For a druid, I have a D8, but at higher levels, I can do one D8 or five plus my constitution modifier, which is eight.

That's what it is. It's five. It's a number plus your constitution modifier. So you're going to be, Kweep, a D12 plus your constitution modifier. All righty. Oh, yeah.

So I can say one D8 or five plus my constitution modifier. So I can pick. It's just a risk. I'm just going to do eight. Okay. Wait. One D8. Now'm just going to do eight. Okay. Wait. So now I'm up to 590 hit points.

He has one D something? Hmm? It can be five plus your constitution modifier or he can roll a D8. Also. What's Dark Thirst? Let's see. I'm going to roll. Also, I get two third level spells, so I'm gonna roll.

Also, I get two third level spells, so I'm gonna. Yeah, if you know how to start incorporating your level five now, that's fine, but. I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's gotta be something for Gloomstalkers, too. I rolled and I got seven. I would've gotten six instead, so.

Darkthru, you're at 1d10. Okay. Rolling, rolling, rolling. And I believe that's everybody. Alright. These up rolls brought to you by Febreze Chloroform. Make sure your dirty clothes...

Febreze Ch chloroform. Also, there's a couple of things that I can tell you. Darkthru, you start getting an extra attack. Okay. So that's a pretty big bonus. And let's see. Hey, listeners. Sorry. This is so silly.

We can take a brief break, right? Yeah, we could summarize this. You get an extra attack plus fast movement, Kweeb. Dan doesn't care. Yeah, maybe we should take a quick break and let's just handle some math, everybody. Okay.

And we're leveled. We're back in. We're all so much stronger now. Flex for the camera, Chris. There's no camera. Oh, you made your face real flat and wide. That was pretty close. We want to flex for the camera.

No, I love you better. After a full day of working on the sale, you get it almost half fixed, but those you've been working on it are pretty tired and you're going to suffer a point of exhaustion if you don't go to bed. Okay. So, uh,

I can have me and Gus can stand watch or I can stand watch with somebody else. I can stand watch with your boss. Sure. Okay. I won't take a nap. All right. So do a perception check chris uh i'm gonna have him

do perception too okay now roll for him too please he's his the reason i bring it up is because he's way better than me uh let's see here we go his perception when it comes to sight hearing or smell he has advantage okay so i'm gonna roll for him that sounds good to know yeah oh a natural 20 so he got a natural 20 plus perception is three so it's a 23 so that's so that's everything that he sees. Okay. So Gus flies around the boat. Right? That's what you're having him do? Circles? Okay.

So around the middle of the night he flies up to you and says, well, I don't know if it's much to worry about, but I did see what looked like a real long tentacle come up out of the water and kind of feel around the deck of the boat for a second. And then it went back in the water real quick. Oh my God in heaven.

Hmm. I guess where? Starboard? All right. How big of a tentacle would you say? It was so long, it went in the water and I didn't see what was on the other side of the tentacle, boss. All right, well.

Good to know. We're all going to die. Me too? No, you'll be fine. You're a creature of another land and another time. You're fine. What? Yeah, you're good.

I didn't know I was immortal. That's great. Well, as far as I'm concerned. I thought I bled blood. Well, magic blood. Okay. I don't remember how I was born or anything, so I'll believe you. Thanks, boss. I don't mean how i was born or anything so i'll believe you thanks boss i i don't i don't

mean to mislead you i'm sure i'm creating some horrible when it goes when do i get to call you boss i mean when do you get to call me boss well i can call you boss now if you want can we call each other boss sure boss that would keep me from developing an inferiority complex. No, you are an advanced creature. Okay, boss. All right, boss. Oh, that felt better than I thought it would. Yeah. Don't need it too much, Gus.

What do you mean? I'm just saying, enjoy it. I noticed you called me Gus instead of boss. Because I'm trying to bring you in a little bit. Okay. It's not a status thing. This is my emotional hand touching the back of your neck. Oh.

No, no, no. In a friendship, you're asleep. He purrs like a cat. You're horrible. He purrs like a cat. Oh, see, yeah, see. It's just, I just want to make sure he's okay. That's all.

So, giant tentacle. Oh, God. I assume everyone else is below deck sleeping let's i had i not slept it off i mean slept up you slept yeah you could you could be above that i'm ready to wake up okay yeah yeah i'll wake everybody up hey there's a monster great gus wake them up quickly okay man the cannons uh. Fegma runs to one of the cannons. It's on the starboard, right? Mm-hmm.

Okay. So you guys wait. Everybody do a perception check. Am I rolling for me? Do you want Gus? Can I? Because we have that. I can see through his eyes.

You do. So roll for him. Yes, please. 21. 11, please. 21. 11. 9. 5. Everything's...

What are we drawing? Perception. Okay. Listeners, I know you want to believe that Brian took a nap or something irresponsible, but no, he was looking in his character's leveling stuff. 12. Great. but no he was looking in his characters leveling stuff uh 12 great everyone including your pseudo dragon friend gus sees nothing everyone sees nothing uh you spend a solid five minutes go by

um does your fairy fire light up things you don't know are there? It can. It occupies a space. It's like throwing a paint bucket on something. You want to try throwing that down there? Yeah, but I might also have something better in a second. Could it also be that this was not exactly an

attack so much as just like that thing for a second said, anybody up there? There's's the thing I'll come eat them tomorrow yeah that's what it feels like maybe but hopefully hopefully are we still working on the sail you can be yeah all right I'll get up there since I've been sleeping

yeah sail it up sails at this point spread out across the deck of the boat you guys been working on it it's not functional so you wouldn't hoist it up till it's done I would think yeah so you spend't hoist it up until it's done I would think. Yeah, so you spend the next shift all hands on deck. Let's get the hell out of here. I don't actually

mend the sail. I just embroider Ice V into it. No, I want to repair it. If you get help from somebody for the rest of the night you can get it 75% fixed. Yeah, I'm in. in okay so cool sun starts to rise through the clouds and mist you can just sort of see you know the ambient light kind of echoing through it and um how's jonkel by the way he's very rattled but uh yeah he's only got a couple of hit points so provided you at some

point tossed a spell on him and relearned the spell he'll he'll be at full health but uh yeah he's he's he feels like shit just psychologically he was not ready to be attacked uh he clues you guys in on what happened so no one saw these things show up on the boat no one saw them come on a boat or anything they were just suddenly standing there out of nowhere as if they just flashed a new existence and based on your combat you would know the weird can take the form of of like an icy slushy puddle and the choker can fit between cracks and wood because it's boneless. So they ambushed the party. The choker grabbed Jonkel's leg,

ripped it open, trying to drag him off the boat. Hoshinka fought it back. They got below deck. Hoshinka cast a spell on the door, and that's about what you guys missed. Jonkel's making you breakfast, but yeah, you can tell his heart's not in it and he just feels like ass.

This is the most bummer omelet bar I've ever had. It's like a gray airport omelet that he gives you. Has anybody messed around with bark skin? No. The way I read it, it says you touch a willing creature, but you can't cast bark skin on yourself

is what I'm guessing. I think you can. If I'm a willing creature, but you can't cast Barkskin on yourself is what I'm guessing. I think you can. If I'm a willing creature, right? A lot of spells that are meant to be defensive for your party are things you can cast on yourself. Okay. So, for the listeners, you need concentration

for this. You can keep it going for up to an hour. You touch a willing creature until the spell ends. The target's skin has a rough, bark-like appearance and the target's AC cannot be less than 16. Nice. So this will be helpful for your squishier party

members. If I pick it, yeah. I don't know who your squishiest party member is, though. Is anyone below a 16? Armor class? Yeah. No, not. Is anyone below a 16? Armor class? Yeah. No, not me. I have a 14.

Well, it sounds like Queep could use it. Queep could use it. Didn't you just get some armor? That should have added something to it. Yeah, I feel like you might be missing something. Well, the boots

are a different conversation. You did get like a... You got those sexy leather straps. I want to say that boosted your AC. Yeah, you need to put some armor on you're just a naked bird at this point i only get to pick one right didn't you say you get four total spells and uh two of them can be second level but i already had how many did i have three three this is a lot easier a lot easier to do within the app probably.

Also, just like it's easier to find. Yeah, this is the kind of thing if you had D&D Beyond loaded on like an iPad or something, it would be unquestionably easy. Hail of Thorns sounds pretty killer. It might be helpful with this. Hail of Thorns sounds very you also. I didn't like the last episode. I signed that petition.

They just wanted that thorn. I'm back. Alright. I'm going to do that. As the light begins to hit everybody, you're looking at the sail and you're all thinking... Gus on patrol. Gus, patrol, check, check, check, check, check, check. Have him do a perception check.

You're thinking there's maybe four hours work left on this sale. You're getting close. Do we have that card or will I have to buy that? We probably have that card, but it will take too much dead air. I'll pull it up when we take a break. I'm going to ask for dead air. Do it now. I want my card.

Okay. This is like when my dad wanted my Jose Canseco. Yeah. So what'd you roll? With advantage, he got a five. Why does he get advantage? Because he gets advantage on anything. I said this, with perception, anything with smelling, hearing.

And what did he get? Or seeing. With advantage, he got a five. Okay. So sorry I snapped back and forth between you and Brian. But yeah. So he flies back. And he's like,

that's kind of hard to see with all the sunlight. Sorry, boss. And as soon as he says boss, you hear a... Get behind me, boss. This little fella shows up. Our old friend. Oh. I'm sure we came up with a plan, right?

If we're fighting, I'm catching very far. I'll let you have, in the foomf noises, an hourglass amount of time to decide what you're going to do. So very quickly. Did he say anything, or is he just here? He's approaching. He's about to... We're going to fight.

We're going to fight. I'm giving him a slow motion fly-in of what you're going to do. We're going to fight it, right? We're going to fight it. We're going to fight it. I'm giving him a slow motion fly in of what you're going to do. We're going to fight it, right? We're going to fight the dragon? I have an idea. Maybe we could use Gus as a distraction. Poor Gus. Well, Gus is fine.

Gus is a magical creature. What if we wait for Gus to distract him and that's when we strike so we get some kind of drop? What did you do with the other sail? You think we shouldn't fight the dragon? What do you want to do? It is a dragon. They're kind of harsh. Yeah, it'll be hard to beat.

I'm fine. I just, I figured, let's see what he has to say. Yeah. And then, you know what I mean? Like, let's not launch an attack right away. Okay. Let's be prepared. I think that's a smart thing.

Julio. What did you do with the front sail? What do you mean? You had all night to. Fixing, fixing, fixing. What about the front? The back is the one you've been fixing. Did you leave the front one up?

You would have brought it down, I think, just for being in stasis. I'll give that to you. Yes. All right. You're asking me like I'm a sailor. I don't know. Okay.

What is this, Fleet Week? So he decides to stay flying up by your sail. He cracks his neck open. Oh, is he about to stay flying up by your sail. He cracks his neck open. Oh, is he about to? I say we get started. If he starts to go for the sail. Right now he's flying right up here. Is he or is he about to rip our sail again?

Because he thinks that'll be funny. I said I gave you a gimme that your sail, your other sail is pulled down. Okay. And he says, are you ready to go back in the egg? Yes. I'm not against helping. Yes.

Sure. You can bring us up there on our own. It took us a while to get up and down. Also, you got to keep an eye on our own it took us a while to get up and down also you gotta keep an eye on our boat yeah and you also have to watch my computer while I go to the restroom what's the code can you also feed my cat

I have I have advantage I'm proficient, right? Doesn't mean I get advantage. 15. I will not watch your boat.

I'm just worried that a dragon might come and rip our sail and then we won't be able to leave again. He cocks his neck very slowly down just so he can roll his eyes at you and then he cocks his neck very slowly down just so he can roll his eyes at you and then he cocks his neck back up okay i i put fire in my eyeballs again and i wink at him do an intimidation and then when i wink it changes into like a mighty wave inside my eye do an intimidation check with advantage

nope that's not gonna do it let's see no uh nine for a second he flinches and you guys have never seen a dragon flinch before you think the first time you did this you did give him some kind of ptsd but uh back up on the rope he says uh i will carry but i will not help who must i carry it would be all of us well i can fly oh okay our non-player characters on the yeah they're cool so uh jess and i will take the rear you're gonna carry someone you're gonna fly yourself Gus and I will fly cause he makes it clear that he can

carry four of you in his four claws right great can I get an aisle claw no but the four of you who are being carried by the dragon can do a constitution saving throw cause it's a fun flight I got fucking bulkhead No, but the four of you who are being carried by the dragon can do a constitution saving throw. Because it's a fun flight.

I got fucking bulkhead. Brian, did you roll bulkhead? Yep. I got a 16. Actually, I got a 19. Who got below a 15? I did. Oh, I did.

I got a nine. What'd you get, Brian? Yeah, below. did. Oh, I did. I got a nine. What'd you get, Brian? Yeah, below. Eight. Oh, dear. You all take four points of bludgeoning damage from this thing. Same thing happens

usually on Southwest, so it's, you know, you're used to it. I'm going to get there two hours early. I'm going to get four points. It grabs you recklessly and without any sensitivity whatsoever

as it just sort of flies down quickly and just snatches you in its claws and grips you way too tight, and it flies up towards the airship. It slows down a little bit at the opening at the broken end of it, and then it very sloppily throws all four of you onto the ledge. I'm going to need you four to now do a dexterity saving throw. Can I try to catch anybody? Unnecessary. 17. Why don't they

just make the whole dragon out of the black box? Hey, Sam, could you do me a favor? Could you bulk erase this entire season because of that joke? Thank you. Thanks in advance. 25.

You guys are, you three are fine. Queep, as you approach, you see all four of your friends get thrown onto the ledge and you see Tick Tock go bonk off the wall and start rolling down. And he falls off the edge of it. So I'm going to dash and try to grab him. Sweet. You can catch up with Dash. Whether or not you will catch him will depend on your own.

This will be acrobatics check. All right. 16. You just barely get him. I had a 16 for people who fall off the cliff and need to be caught come on clock man I gotta call you quick talk so are we like almost in the doorway

yeah in fact the dragon now turns and flies away I wanted to ask him something but while we were all going inside the doorway he like starts to turn because he's so done with you but he notices you trying to get in I just wanted to say hey hey, were you always a dragon? Yes. Okay.

I was just curious. Bye. You're a real dragon this party. Do an insight check. I have a question, too. I was just thinking, since we met a beholder that wasn't always a beholder with all those ice things. Oh, yeah.

I have a question. met a beholder that wasn't always a beholder with all those ice things oh yeah i have a question should i should i binge a fleabag or uh or a russian russian doll i don't have amazon prime so i'd go with russian doll oh okay all right cool natasha leone's really great okay cool yeah yeah i've heard that i want to just i got a coming up. It's not as derivative of other shows like Dead Like Me and stuff. It's really good. Oh, okay. Yeah, but what was your? The correct answer is Fleabag, first of all, and second of all, Nine.

Yeah, I mean, you can't quite read anything beyond what he says. Okay. Well, nothing I can do about that now. He starts to fly away unless anyone else has any other viewing questions for their streaming platforms you're not on a streaming platform though you're on a ad dark improvised platform

pushes his middle finger yeah but as the dragons flying away like see you later, buddy. You showed him, doctor. Do a deception check for scratching the side of your face. Deception check, Brian. All right.

He doesn't even know what it means. I botched it. As he flies away, you see his two back claws go. He flipped you the double bird. Nice. I'll take it. You guys are aware what he is now tasking you with is finding him the baron and finding him some treasure. So you've been here before.

You've done a relatively thorough sweep, but you decided to keep what you found. Now perhaps you can look a little more. It's up to you. Did we really go interior? Yeah, I thought, wasn't there like a- We skipped at least two floors. Yeah.

No, we got out of here pretty quick. We dug around in the rubble. Mm-hmm. And there is the question of can we do a little more investigating on we didn't find the Baron's body or skeleton.

It's weird, right? Yeah, so can we try to find his trail or where he might have gone or something maybe. Sure, and you also found three things in that little pocket that you suspect the Baron occupied at some point. A candle. A candle.

A quill. A quill. And his diary. I got those insect gauntlets, too. They're nice. Dr. Halseen, is there a way he could be... I thought you called me Dr. Halseen. You know what?

I like that. That is totally what I thought you said, yeah. General Halcine, is there a way he could be inside one of those items somehow? Like, is there some magical thing where he's inside the candle or the quill? I don't know

about wild magic. That would be a doctor question. I'm trying to remember what the diary said. It was ripped off. The last thing was he was about to reveal... Sorry, go ahead. An Arcana check. All right.

Yeah. Does anyone else have an Arcana proficiency? I know he does. Yeah, I do. No. You do? No, wait.

I have Arcana proficiency. Nine. Nice. You can do one, too. Okay. This isn't an automatic advantage because because your proficiency this is a you get to roll because 21 so you ask the question dr who kind of shrugs and you think about a little bit and you're like i've seen the baron do some pretty complicated magical tricks i didn't know

that he could do this weird combination of scrying and messaging that he did with his weird-ass magical cryptocurrency. But you do know you have seen him do things like polymorphy, abjuration, things that you would think only a wizard

would know how to do. So you're not like 100% sure that would know how to do. So you're not you're not like 100% sure that the Baron could be hidden, but you've seen the Baron turn a goose into an iguana.

So therefore, it's elementary for silent E. He's probably turned himself into that quill. It's mostly been for party tricks and such but right yeah is there uh have we read the book yet have we looked at yeah you did you read you flipped through the diary enough you got a high enough role that i gave you those uh very four crucial last pages four and a half um the last page was ripped up yeah and like that's the thing

he's about to reveal the identity of the Tenebris one, and all of a sudden the sentence is cut off. So my thought is wherever he went, he grabbed it, and it didn't get the whole book. You know what I mean? Like he ripped it. Yeah. Hmm.

Hmm. But let's search. Okay. Yeah, let's search okay yeah let's just start looking around so if you head into okay and I find the answer what's the answer oh you win uh good night thanks

patreon listeners this particular yeah I mean if you go in uh you'll see pretty quickly that there's just like a T-intersection where you can... You can't really go anywhere backwards except the deck.

Thank you, guys, if you want to clear the boat of all but the cannons and NPCs, I will lift the boat out. You can leave the NPCs there because you don't need them for this next part. I'm going to call you Rising Tide, Ken. But yeah, there's basically two doors and then a gear room on this floor. A room with gears or gear?

Gears. Yes. And the gears do what? They're connected to? They keep the bubble going, I think. Gears. Yes. And the gears do what? They're connected to... They keep the bubble going, I think. And you found a manual that looked like he had been using Modron magic. Should we go up a floor?

Mo leads. Yeah. 2737. Nearest place that we haven't explored. Yeah, so you have not explored the room on the right. So if you go check that out you'll notice there's like uh you get a feeling you have noticed this place does look picked over it looks like maybe people have come and gone there's basic supplies uh like in like in a

scavenging sense but it looks like like this particular room was an office. And then it goes off into some sleeping areas, but it looks like it was part of a castle or an observatory where things are made of not just wood, but stone. So it's tough. You spend some time looking around and you can do an investigation check as a party. Sure.

Who's got the best investigation? Well, you should all do it together anyways. Oh, so everybody roll? By the way, if there's any doubt from anyone out there just how nerdy Brian is and how much he cares about D&D, he is so sucked into his character sheet now that he's leveled up. Every time I look over, he's just like,

look at those numbers, man. Those sweet-ass nerdy numbers. Does primeval awareness help me with... Because what was the Baron? He's a humanoid, right? Yeah, he's a gnome. Okay, but nothing. Not magical, not an aberration,

not a celestial dragon. Beginning of third level, you can use your action to expend one range or spell spot. Focus your awareness on a region around you. For one minute, Celestial dragon or... Beginning of third level, you can use your action to expend one range or spell spot. Focus your awareness on a region around you. For one minute, you can sense whether the creatures are present within a mile of you. Aberrations, celestials, dragons. It wouldn't work on him.

No, but you could sense a dragon. Oh, right. Well, we know where that is. Well, actually, you haven't tried. So the thing is this dragon has a couple of times sprung his presence on you without you really wanting to see him. Okay.

I'm going to see if he's still around. Alright, so you're going to burn a spell slot to do that. Sure. You focus and you do feel like there is a dragon beneath you. But i can't be sure it's him do an insight check uh i'm losing my vision uh 16 you get a sense he might have

some sort of layer inside the ice flow that this airship is stacked on top of okay and that he is currently inside it I think he's pretty close you guys I still sense him he's waiting for us that would make sense because those creatures that attack the boat

had to come from somewhere they are creatures of his lair alright yeah so that attacked the boat had to come from somewhere. They are creatures of his lair. All right. Yeah. So, you, did your investigation check?

Yes. Yeah, I got a natural 20. 17. I didn't do one yet. I went two. A what check? You find, Investigation.

You find a third of a chess set, but that's it. This room looks very picked over. Who took all the queens? So you're going to head up a floor? There's not really anything else here. You get the feeling that maybe there was maybe another way around, but these adjoining rooms... Any dark rooms or anything? Is there any rooms that

are dark? You've explored all the rooms that you can easily access without smashing a wall open on this floor. You've done investigation checks that are high enough in all the rooms where you haven't found any hidden openings or passages. Wait, are there rooms to be explored by smashing walls? Do an insight check.

Let's get a smashing. Yeah. 22. Nice. I got a no. 18. Seven. Oh, no, way, 26.

That's even better. So, Dr. Ewood, you go back in that room that's like sleeping quarters, and there's no more mattresses, there's no more sheets, there's nothing. I left the thing on the doorknob, too! There's some wooden frames of bunk beds. You think that maybe servants used to sleep here, and Brian's son fell off a bunk beds. You think that maybe servants used to sleep here and it's Brian's son fell off a bunk bed. Uh,

but you, uh, you feel on one of the walls and, you guys are all trying to just find extra rooms and you feel like if they're in any of these directions based on how wide the airship is, there could be more rooms. But by the, by that room in particular,

you, you think you like hear noises on the other side of it, and when you bang on it, it's hollow, and the noises get quieter. Hmm. What can we put through that wall? We don't have any rogues. Can anyone look for traps?

Or is this, you have to have like a... Fuck, that was one of the ones I could have gotten if I didn't get hail of thorns. You may have, I don't know, for clerics at least, every time you, you can pick different spells when you have your long locks. I can pick locks. Oh, I thought I could only.

You can have certain ones that are known and then certain ones that are prepared, right? So I don't know if it's the same for Gloomstalker. Okay, anyway. Yeah, you would have to rest to relearn your spell um but could i pick it even though i haven't picked it before uh this is yeah we can yeah we why don't we cross that bridge when we come to it either you're resting now and you're doing it or not but i'm but does how does it work with

anybody looking for traps or is it can anyone look for traps yes with anybody looking for traps? Or is it... Can anyone look for traps? Yes, anyone can look for traps. I say it to the DM. I'm sorry for having a touch of anger in my voice. No, this is an investigation check. But we just investigated. And we found it, then we have to do another investigation. Yeah, I mean, how do I put this?

I found all the walls. Based on him rolling a 25 with his investigation check, you think it's a wall and there's noises on the other side of it. And it's kind of hollow. But we don't think it's like a trap door we just think it's like another is correct can we i would tell you at that roll if you found like a trap door it feels as if this room is otherwise inaccessible from the smashed open sort of improvised patio that you entered the airship okay is there a way for us to figure out uh to walk around and like come in from a different angle or do we have to bash the wall yeah if you walk around the other

rooms you have access to uh there is a a wall that you can't really hear anything because it's too noisy from the gears if you're in the gear room the sort of engine room as it were you kind of feel against the right hand wall and, and you're like, okay, this must be the same room. If I go back in the sleeping quarters, that is on the far wall. But yeah. So there were things in this room before we came in here to look,

you don't know. No, no, no, no. There's no doorways that you haven't explored. There's no, there's something alive on the other side of the wall.

This is this, there's more to this airship that you guys haven't. And what's the wall made out of? Wood. There's stone where the floor meets and the ceiling meet the walls, but the walls

themselves are like wood panels. Do we have a magic axe? Sure, we could chop right through. I'll give Halsey my two hand axes. Drink, drink. I remember being a kid and just finding Sure, we could chop right through. Let's chop. We're chopping. I'll give Halsey my two hand axes. Drink, check. Chop it broccoli. Let's do it. I remember being a kid and just finding Sigourney Weaver's deadpan during that scene.

So fucking amazing. Just Dana Carvey just losing his mind playing that song. And Sigourney Weaver just like, yes, yes. He was the king of comedy for a little while. I love him, but I never liked that bit. I really, really loved it. I was like... He's one of my favorite funny people. I was like 11 years old, though, so that was perfect.

She was the what? Music producer. Yeah, she was a music producer who was waiting for him to turn up. You know why? You know why I don't like that bit? I saw him perform that in like a... I only ever saw it as part of a show. I don't think I ever saw it...

I had it on an album first. And so it was an audio bit. It was an audio bit for me and it didn't work. Like I was like, this is dumb. And he's committing his ass off to that bit, but it just, I only ever saw it as a bit,

but it was very funny. Me too. And that made me lose my mind. Shopping broccoli. She's my little lady. She shopped. Yeah. He's fucking hilarious.

Just his reaction to Leprechaun, that Leprechaun joke in Wayne's World where Wayne scares him by talking about the Leprechaun and his reaction. He looks so genuinely terrified of the Leprechaun in it and his reaction he was so genuinely terrified of the leprechaun it's so fucking funny anyway sorry that was my

fault yeah and I was your extra don't give me carby schwack so you smash open it up Tim Kazerinsky oh I'm done you smash open like a one by one square hole gave me one of the axes and I'm done you smash open like a one by one square hole he gave me one of the axes and I'm chopping what did you roll roll your goddamn strength check dear I'm angry and don't forget to say here's Johnny when you poke your head through

okay I won't that is a 16 so this is you see actually more than you would have so you both are smashing and in creeps got his axe to if he wants to get in on this. We're chopping like cool like lumber. Yeah, I

can make this reveal happen fifteen minutes from now. We're going to give you like a less interesting reveal. Now I'm going to give you a bigger one and then if you want, I can give you the same one, but farther in the future. So yeah, you get you get it open like three by three feet this big you both just pull back and crunch and splinters fly everywhere and you see what looks like uh round golden orbs with arms

and legs uh pivot away from you really fast and skitter into the darkness through a doorway. The thing from the other plane, right? The Meloid? The Mondors? What are they called? Mandalorian? Moloids? No, the Moloids. Oh, yeah, the Moloids.

2-7-3-7. You guys have given some pretty good rolls of this before. If I'm not mistaken, it was like an investigation check on the manual you did for the gear room like five episodes ago, but I think I can just say the plane that they're from is Mechanus, and it's like this

incredibly lawful, unemotional, machine-like dimension where these things are from. And they're gone almost instantaneously. The noise scared the shit out of them, and the room is pitch black. Wait, we need to talk to you.

I have dark vision. Well, I'm real vision. With dark vision, you manage to see them for two seconds, and they are panicking and fleeing out of vision. I'm following. We won't hurt you. You're going to dive through and chase after them? Yes.

Okay. So that's going to be... Have I ever seen these things before? Yes. Okay, so that's going to be... Have I ever seen these things before? No. Wow. Not that you can remember anyway. You've definitely got memory problems. So that is going to be an athletics

check to get through that hole. Okay. Damn it. A roll low but just an eight i had a four and i have a plus four okay you managed to get through but you get your boot caught for a second of course um when you get through you do hear skittering noises in the distance okay i run again i'm calling out we're not here to hurt you we need to talk all right so you get through and i call them by their name

yeah modrons so you call out and um we come in peace it still just sounds panicky you get to a hallway on the other side of this door there's a very small door and it's full of brass instruments that are all on one wall because of the whole thing being at a 45-degree angle. You don't really have time to look beyond that. You get into the hallway, and the whole thing is sloped down. So you're looking up from the bottom of this angle up a hallway. So you know the skittering noises. They were going like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da up that way. But you can't see them, and you kind of hear skittering noises they were going like up that way but you can't see them and you kind of

hear skittering noises in what you think is a room off to the side far ahead in the dark can i follow them you can try but this is going to be treacherous terrain that you will lose distance on please wait we just need to speak with you yeah i call for them i call for them uh please wait we're friendly get silent but they seem to have gotten pretty far away down this hallway. Can I get through there? Yeah. Because I have a long strider,

which makes me pretty not fast. Okay. Yeah, we can send Gus. I can fly. I believe I can fly. I believe I can fly. I believe that not only that, but there is a sky that's touchable. What?

You send Gus up. You send Queep up. You've got Dr. Udall prancing out there, and it doesn't take you too long. You get into a room. I'm okay. You get in a room, and there is a rip in space and time on one wall that is bright pink. And there's gold glitter behind it. Pretty.

And you see a little, this is going to be the only people who can possibly get there fast enough if you're panicking or a creep, Gus and Dr. Uwud. But you just see like a golden leg like just going like through the portal and then one of the guys turns and looks at you hey hi we are friends of the baron do a persuasion check i'm bad at persuasion tick tock you're not there so you can roll it for gus okay uh 18 he will say what you want him to through your link. What did you get, Dr. Wood? I got a 12.

He seems confused. He doesn't speak your language, but he goes with that level of persuasion, just kind of stops and thinks for a second, and the portal goes and he looks back at the portal. It looks back at you. We mean you no harm.

He just goes, Have we caught up? You all get in the room. It takes you a while to climb a 45 degree angle. It's like a hundred foot long hallway and you get up there and yeah. Can I try gnomish? Because that's how the Baron would say

we are friends in gnomish. Does that do how the Baron would say we are friends in gnomish. Does that do anything? He suddenly plinks and goes I'm going to pull out a gold coin and snack. You hungry?

Want some gum? What do I know about Modrons? Can I have a history of proficiency? Want some gum? Yeah, what do I know about Modrons? Can I have a history of proficiency? Does that help? You can roll. Good roll? Is it one of those Hawaiian sweet rolls? Those are the best rolls.

You know that they have sort of like a hive mind. So seeing one trapped alone like this is generally rare. You think that just by trying to speak to it and rolling above a 10 that you got him to stall long enough. But that portal was closing

and they were... It's like seeing a bee on the sidewalk. I tried to tell him, stall long enough. But that portal was closing and they were... It's like seeing a bee on the sidewalk. I tried to tell him you're okay. Wait, he speaks... He has a spoken language, right? So Gus can communicate with him. The deal with the pseudodragon is they can

within 100 feet telepathically communicate anything that has language. It has language, but it only seems to speak vooms even with gus correct i mean gus can interpret it in some way but it's going to be different than say if he was interpreting dwarvish or something right okay well if that's yeah so he it'll help us understand gus tries to communicate it's difficult the modron seems to really be speaking in ones and zeros basically okay uh but you gather he is a part of a hive that is working on this what he calls a

machine of property does he can you ask can you just can he describe the baron and ask if he has known has seen him have there been any other beings, creatures here? He says, property owner alpha affirmative. Is he with you in your land? He says negative. That's big negatory, good buddy. You've seen him recently.

Where is he? He claps his hands together and seems to concentrate uh and he sort of uh points at you and says affirmative is he inside you is he inside you are you the Baron? This is... Where would he be? I'm trying to think. What do I have?

What do your tattoos say? Let's look at the mirror and see what your tattoos say. I do have carvings all over me. I'm trying to think like where would he be in your heart?

He rolls his eye. His one eye. The Modron? Yeah, the Modron's got like one central eye. Does he have little overalls on? No. If I have a mini, I can dig out while you guys talk amongst yourselves.

Can he be stored in you like a memory or a file? Sure. Is he in there? Can we ask? He said he was here. Here's a little fellow you're talking to. Aw. Aw, look at the world.

Oh, little Modron. Oh, little Modron. Coming to. Aw. Aw, look at the world. A little more drawn. A little more to keep with the boo. Very much so. What are you asking? He's like Beep Boobo the owl from Clash of the Titans. He is in me now? Negative. Oh, okay.

He was in me. Negative. He made him. He made him? He points at you and says, affirmative. The property of him. Oh. He just sort of cocks his

body to the side. I don't understand. I was part of him. Can we come with you so we can talk more in your land? He says, query. Query?

I think it means what? It's like question mark. he says query. Query? I think it means what? It's like question mark. Come with him. I think he's going, come with me. Yeah, we just like, can we come with you? Can you open the portal? Unknown.

Can you try? Yeah. Do it. Window arrival unknown. Is this the only window? Window quantity unknown. What did he say? Transportation date unknown.

What was the property phrase that they're there to work on the property? I can't remember what exactly he said at first. He says property query? Property ongoing. Property present. They're keeping the dome going. But they're working. Yeah, and they're working.

Project active. What is project? Define project. Project deal between being Alpha. The Baron. I feel like we haven't fully, but yes. He's got to be. I mean. And?

They work for the Baron. He has a hard time finding a word for it, but when you say and, he just sort of clacks against his own body. Where Alpha? He points at tiktok and then i point at tiktok inside he says negative in his head negative he knows negative uh it it struggles like it understands it doesn't have the language word for it uh it says um uh uh addendum addendum pointing at me yes you were you are to continue the Baron's work? Unit negative.

Unit addendum affirmative. So you're an extension of the Baron? Yeah. He's clearly frustrated. Am I unit alpha? Negative points at you. And he kind of tries to point up a part of your shoulder. Gus.

He's negative, negative. He walks up to you and starts tugging at your bag. Oh. I open my bag. He pulls out the quill and holds it up to you and says affirmative. Being alpha. Affirmative.

You motherfucking son of a bitch. I can't believe you guessed that. Good work, TikTok Chris. And on that note, we will end the episode. Affirmative. Yay. We didn't fight anything, but something cool happened. That's pretty awesome.

It's kind of our last Quill and Testament. Oh. I know. He's a pen. A dragon could have killed you that episode, but instead, you found a little robot man

who told you about a pen. But let me not do the job of someone else. Right. What? Well, we should have Sam tell us what happened. I'd be happy to.

If you're just joining us, everybody leveled up, and I can't wait to see how that affects Terry. Someone mentioned having a magic portal on a rope. This game is the best. The sail was repaired for a while. This dragon has the opposite energy of TikTok. The dragon tossed the gang on a ledge.

I got excited because I heard bird talk, but it was only Brian flipping the bird. We're looking around for some items, and we're about to magic axe something. There's mojons in the walls that we can hear. Where is the Baron? Everyone laughed when I said TikTok had an energy, and now there might be someone living inside him.

Oop, I'm wrong. It's in a quill. This quill has a great energy. Yay. Nice job, buddy. Anything you want to plug no this is going to be like three weeks in the future so yeah yeah ryanprasane.com for uh tour dates oh i'll be at uh san diego comic-con so maybe we can high five there sure i don't think you're going to you can find anyone i'm terrible at high fives. I will be shouting, look at the elbow while I high five you.

Awesome. And try not to take your face off. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 in Sino, California, 91416.

Thanks for listening. So that is... What's happening? The reason we're going to pause while your smoke alarm goes off. It's right over here. Weird. Is that your computer?

It is. Sorry, guys. I'll cut that out. What the eff, a lagunga? It was very weird. Nothing. Just a reminder to take a... Oh, I know what it is.

I apologize. When I started the timer, instead of the stopwatch, I hit timer. So it was counting back from. Oh, God. We have to start all over again. Yeah, I didn't record. I forgot to record, too.