Nerd Poker - Episode 27 - Dream Shard

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

The Ice Five have fought hard for the mysterious artifact they found in the caves. Thing is, they're now expected to hand it over to some mind-flayers, and they're not so sure that this was such a great call in the first place. As they trudge through the snowy hills along the coast it becomes increasingly clear that they made a series of real weird choices. And now you, dear listener, may enjoy the culmination of these choices!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Poussaint. And you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. All my friends are here. It's episode 27 of season three. We've got Chris. Hello. Sarah. Greetings.

Ken. Hello. Sarah. Greetings. Ken. Sorry. Dan. Hi, honey. Oh, God. Blaine, I guess. Oh, yeah. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Chugga-chugga. Bow, bow, bow, bow. oh yeah oh yeah

that is the entrance music of course for Sam hi guys also I want to thank some patreons that go by names like Jamie Swedler what's up Jamie Swedler my What's up, Jamie? Swedler, my office. Thank you, Mike Cribier.

Oh, he's... He's contributed before. Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Wild Garlic. The best kind of garlic. And thank you, Peyton Scosche. Thanks. Thank you, Peyton Scosche.

Peyton Scosche. Thanks. Thank you, Peyton Scosche. Peyton Scosche. Out of my office. Well, I think it's about that time, everybody, where I tell you what happened last time on Nerd Poker. The Ice Five descended into a cave. Ice Five? A name y'all

made up and called yourselves. I always thought it sounded a little Vonnegut-y, so I was kinda into it. Anyways, you defeated an icy hag and her undead Bulette in the cavern. Now you find a strange

glowing shard in a pouch upon her belt. You know it to have had negative effects on other monsters in the realm, but the Thixit clan seek clam? I guess I'm thinking about a trip to Maine, everybody. You said a word wrong. You're thinking about the Thixit clan and whether or not they have noble intentions now, the Thixit clan and whether or not they have noble intentions now, and especially whether their intentions could remain noble

once they give the icy god dream shard to their quote-unquote mother brain. So, Snaginthus is eyeballing this big, glowy... A god dream shard? You know, he told you that he believes it contains the dreams of gods. Wow, that's just a very... Now I really don't want to...

That's part of the rumors, the scuttlebutt. I kind of don't want to give it to the... The brain lady. Whatever your second name is. The mother brain? Yes, the mother brain. I mean, what was the original plan? I think I was not here.

That's true. You weren't here. We did have some text messages about the hypothetical directions. Yeah, because I feel like my goal, like what made you guys feel comfortable? What made you think this was not going to be the result? I think part of it was me voicing what you said, Halseen. What did I say? Which was you felt partially responsible for whether these guys became good or evil.

So you at least wanted to be there for decisions like this rather than let them make this decision on their own. So now we're feeling more like it's just going to make them evil. I don't think I knew that we would be giving them one of these things to make themselves into monsters. Well, we knew we were helping them find something, but we're trying to help them turn over a new leaf, I thought. Yes. This is our problem.

We want to support you guys in your mission to be contributing members of society and now we're worried that that you're gonna just turn around and use this to to you know start wreaking havoc why is this even based upon why what is your misgiving i do not understand well you know how mind flayers are well i'm a mind failure but I've only been a mind flayer since we, as you say, turned over, I do leaf. If I might point out something, let's take the mind flayerness out of it

for a moment. Everyone who shoved one of these things into their bodies has tried to kill us. That's a good point. We have yet to meet anyone with one of these things that's like, hey, I made cookies. But the Mother Blade is very powerful. She wouldn't just shove it in her body. She's not some kind of

drug addict on the street who would desperately try to ingratiate her. Not like some cuckoo dragon. A dragon has succumbed to these. I don't know what the dragon did with this, but we would be very careful. Oh, well, that's a relief. Come on. You know, be very careful.

Oh, well, that's a relief. Come on. Maybe we could talk to the other. Did you guys talk to the old guard? I don't know that we want to do that. Those guys want to eat us. This is the new guard. Snaginthus is the leader of the new.

Oh, you mean like the elder mind flayers who are like in the private area. Well, what did you suggest? Because it feels like if we leave here, we're going to... I suggest we get a lot of healing going on between us all. I'm going to grab my hatchets and start looking for the head of the other... You're going to start carving into undead Bulet bunghole? I want to find that warforged head and ask some questions okay

do an investigation check does anybody want to help me sure I will assist you going to go bum spelunk do you want to roll and I'll roll I'm zero points remember you're actually at four I think or six

I will let one of you assist the other. So what's your investigation? I will. Oh, I have a plus two. Who's the better detective? And I'm sorry, Sarah and Brian, were you saying something to me while that was happening? Brian, we were talking to each other. Okay, cool, cool, cool.

I have no bonus to my role. So I roll. You can roll with advantage because he's amazing. He can help spread the butt cheeks. Well, it's better than a one. Let me spread those for you. It's an eight. You know, you're just trying to hack them apart.

How much time would you spend, Max, before you would get at least a moment where you'd consider going deeper? Maybe I'll go on the other end. But how long would you go before you would... However long this is taking. So like 10 minutes. Okay, so yeah, 10 minutes you don't find anything. It's hard getting through. The armor is really tough.

Somebody else is good at looking for heads. But it takes, yeah, 10 minutes. In this time, Snaginthus is... He's happy because we're trying to fix this. Yeah, he's saying like, whatever we can do, yes, I suppose. Can you find his head?

I will try. Okay. So he's gonna... He uses his sword to kind of dig around and help with the... And eventually, yes, you find the worst for wear head of licks and rot

can we ask it some questions oh no guys it has to have died within the last minute yeah at this point at least half an hour has passed since he was decapitated we could eat it so what do we do with the head? Tell me again.

What do we... I put the head together and do something like... Valkyr. What? Oh my god. He's doing a broker. Just so he thinks that we're trying. He doesn't need to know that I screwed up my own spell

because I wasn't here partially. I'm pulling a Ferris Bueller's Day Off bed dummy with this guy's head. All right. Uh, do it behind staying at this. Do you actually know? You know what?

I'm part of it though. I am. When I put the, when I stick the head on, I am going to actually pray to Valkor and be like, like quietly. I'm going to be like, look,

I know I, I didn't get the head out of the butt soon enough, but no pun intended. Can I get this guy back? Do a religion check. Okay. I will. You know who needs to get their head out of their butt?

America. Oh, yeah. Wow. You're like holding up a mirror to America. 16. You get this stinging pain in your stomach that tells you right now you're about to have to do a deception check because this is clearly not going well. 16. You get this stinging pain in your stomach that tells you right now you're about to have to do

a deception check because this is clearly not going well. Okay. From Valkyr. He sends you this. I don't think I have to do deception. I just have to be like,

oh, I can't. I think you know and you knew when you prayed it was futile and deception check is to make it not look futile. 10. He sighs deeply and just kind of

closes his eyes, presses his fingers, kind of rubbing them clean. I think we should not tarry much longer. Do you wish anything else here? Do we want to root through the stuff? He just did that in the

trash, right? He did, but I guess he wouldn't have left anything. He said he was only looking for this crystal shard. What about our boat? We have to go back. Right. But we're not going to exchange it until our boat's fixed, right?

Of course. But you need some helium ups. Let's go talk and rest. I'm going to whip up some good berries. We're a little worn down, all of us. You're going to keep your crystal in the head pouch without... Six! For you, Brian.

You're getting good berries. Six worth. So yeah, he definitely seems kind of let's just say, uh, grim about the way this is boiled down to an exchange. He, he understands you've expressed your reservations,

but it's just sort of made him a little stoic. Good. Uh, he's not pouting, but he's definitely keeping an eye on you and waiting for you to do something. I tell him, I tell him that my word means something and I i don't intend to break any promises that we made he yeah he

silently nods at you um when he turns around i do a sleight of hand though and i'm gonna pass the shard off to tiktok just roll that check so they don't that's a fun check who has it uh 13 all right how are you trying to slight hand too well i mean i'm waiting till they're walking ahead of me so it shouldn't even be that complicated and you're gonna give him the whole the a bag to put in his bag or slide the i'm gonna slide that no the the pouch i'm gonna slide it over to tiktok so they think that i have it still but that actually tiktok will have it so that if they come are you gonna like keep the pouch though and like are you doing an indiana jones like replace this oh i see what you're saying situation well where was the pouch on they wouldn't be able to see the pouch it was like it was like uh yeah it was like

a shoulder pouch that it was in oh okay i was imagining it much smaller um then i guess do i have another pouch that i could slip it into without touching it okay so i do that and then i slight of hand it over to over to him, the new pouch. The new pouch with it in there. Okay, with a 13. Noted. He doesn't acknowledge you in any way, so you think you may have gotten away with it. As we're walking back.

And you're walking, you're not stopping to rest or anything in the cave. I heard a mention of that at one point. I think we should go rest. Do you want a short rest right here? In case we... He's way down, I'm way down. If things get dicey back at the boat, we might want to...

Well, let me just do a prayer of healing. How about that? And then we'll do... Okay. Yeah, I could relearn a good Barry and a cure one. I'm going to have to relearn. But I don't think we should do that here. So, you know what I mean?

I think we should just do prayer of healing. I'm going to do it with a third level right now, so hold on. This is going to be... While Halstein's figuring that out, I want to ask Snangathus, do you know what Lixenrot's name was before he was Lixenrot? He pauses

for a second and says, yes, I believe his name was Barrier. Barrier. Barrier. Interesting. And do you know anything where he came from? Are there other Warforged who have also joined your?

No, he was quite special. Tell me. Oh, I think she's right. Many, many refugees from the Sun Elf cities came to us, but only one Warforged found his independence, shall we say, from their sort of hive mind. They have a similar hive mind to a mind flayer.

Warforged do? Yes. Eleven. Everybody get the eleven back. Thank you. Checking out that cool dwarven forge, Brian. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's the best shit ever. Actually, give me back if you'd be so kind, just the Bulette and

maybe the Ice Walls if you're feeling generous, but look at how there's all this fun terrain that we were... It's so great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And perhaps next month we'll get some more. Yeah, for sure. I just wanted to jump on top of that thing because it was there. And those, yeah, that boulder we didn't have last time, but that's

two on top of each other. You said? Eleven. What's happening? I do think we should splurge on a bigger tray. Sure. We should get a tray that's wide. Maybe go by the restaurant supply and get a pizza. But how much room do we actually have

on the... Okay, this is so boring. Definitely off the air. Or guys, maybe like one for oysters. You're just mad because we didn't order pizza and we're talking about pizza all of a sudden. How about a lazy Susan? Yeah, so you guys short rest, so you're going to do this.

Or a lazy Steve for change. In the cavern? No, I did the healing and then we're going go back and rest somewhere else right are you spending any time in the cavern at all however long the prayer are you 10 minutes i think um yeah 10 minutes yeah all right uh everybody do a perception check please 11 12 16 11

uh dark as everyone's resting and praying and you're just about ready to sort of pack up and get out of this cave, you hear from sort of just a dark corner of this big expanse, not where her nest is, but kind of over here, you hear this really quiet in the distance.

It's a porg. It sounds almost humanoid. It just can't quite make it out it's is there something in the room like in the far end and yeah hey i heard something in here uh somebody want to fly over there it's a big room oh i wish i could fly i can't imagine oh wait i'll fly over there are you gonna fly over there yeah fly over there there Are you going to fly over there? Yeah. I'll fly over there. It looks like another sort of, not an archway, but like a pit that goes down. There's like a bend in the ceiling.

Where? Over here. You know how the ceiling in a cave will sometimes just slope to the floor? The floor kind of opens up. It looks like there's a pit. There's some sort of a pit over here. You call out? Yeah. Okay.

Are you looking into the pit? How lit is it? It's very dark. How lit's the pit, man? I'm walking towards it. We need some light over here. Okay. Are you going to reach down or cast anything?

I can press to digitate a fire if we want to spare it. Oh, that's neat. Let's just light the torch and hold it. Let's not throw fire down there. I have a produce flame cantrip. You see when you create the flame

and the light that shines down, it goes down about 10 feet. You can't quite see. It goes around a 90 degree bend. I'm going to knock it. You hear... I don't think any of you know this what are your languages anyone know off the top of their head what language I have no mish

abyssal celestial common and Elvis French Elvis half Lang and under common I'm trying to remember what languages Queep... I know, Eric. I picked something. I can't... Right, right, right.

Common, druidic, and elvish. You gotta print your character sheets on... Why? Orin? Because you took the longest to find it. Orin, that's it. Okay, Orin and common. So none of you recognize it immediately, but you do hear just... When the light kind of goes around the corner.

She was wearing a tremendous amount of goblin stuff, wasn't she? Oh, yeah. Goblins have gold. Say hello down there. Hello. Are you okay? Okay, I go down and check it out. You slide down this sort of slippery gravelly slope

um and you can see now there are two goblins shackled to a wall they're wearing filthy robes and they look emaciated they reach out to you and point at their shackles and gibbering the goblin language little small yellow goblins aren't the mind fl. Little small yellow goblins. Aren't the mind flayers like eating goblins right now? I mean, out of the frying pan, I guess. But I unshackle them. Hey, good news. We're going to get you out of this room.

You do have in that. There is like a small kind of rusty key in the pouch that after you take a minute to shuffle around, you've noticed before. Okay, I unshackle them. You can get all your deals down here, rusty key dodge. So when you unshackle them, they try and run past you. Do you stop them or try to stop them? No.

They just blind to you. They don't even thank you start scrambling very rude up the slope fucking goblins the rest of you see two very thin yellow goblins about three feet tall uh burst out of this pit uh and then they see snagging this and they freeze like deer in headlights and they look at all of you. And they look at him. And they slowly try and sidestep away from him. This is like watching Planet Earth.

Snaggant just kind of folds his arms. And you can tell he's thinking about what to do. Seems like an opportunity to, prove my morals oh i don't know i do feel as if you are dangling a couple of cupcakes in front of me right now and you did just question my integrity so though i would normally say, forgive me a moment. Evil brains are in front of me and I will take a private meal. I think in this particular case, I let them go and you think better of me. I don't have a problem if he eats one of the goblins, do you?

Yeah. Oh, you do? Really? Yeah, I, you do? Really? Yeah, I kind of do. That's how they, but that's their food. We know that that's their regular food. Oh, as Brian, I guess maybe Darkthor doesn't. Let me think about it.

Yeah, think about it. Does anybody care? I don't care. I don't think it proves anything other than what you said. You eat goblins. I see enough reservation from one amongst you that I will stay my hand i mean i i'm open to you know i feel bad when somebody picks the lobster out of a tank and then you know that that lobster is being killed and it's been alive for years and that's somebody's gonna eat it but

oh man give me a bite of that i mean i feel bad because i heard it. Yeah. And I went to help it. And now we're going to, yeah. He waits and lets them kind of sidestep real slow like around him in this big open space. And as soon as they feel like they are no longer cut off at the pass by Snagentus, they just jet up this tunnel. I call after them.

Speak of the Ice Five. We're still working on it. Run. All right. You just finished your rest. I take it now. Oh, we did rest? You're going to head back to the fix.

You're 10 minutes. At some point in this, I want to wake up Gus. Okay. Gus wakes up. He should have been healed another way. Hey, boss. Yep. Oh, boy.

Did you get a number of that truck? Ha, what's a truck? No, exactly. Hey, he's wearing a digital watch. This whole thing is full of anachronisms. Hey, boss. Yeah, boss. Aren't you aisms. Hey, boss. Yeah, boss. Aren't you a familiar?

Ha, yeah. Yeah. So, but what happened there? You were supposed to go poof. Well, it's hard for me to say exactly, but I know I'm a special kind of familiar that the Temple of LaRue did special things to. Oh, boy.

I don't remember my life before I was brought to the Temple of LaRue. They kind of took my memory away when they performed their arcane experiments on me. Wait, they brought you? So you're not a familiar? Well, I'm a familiar. I'll do whatever you want. I've got most of the abilities of familiar.

As far as I know, I can do whatever a familiar can do. You didn't do the one important thing, which was not die. Well, that's a shame could do. You didn't do the one important thing, which was not die. Well, that's a shame. Yep. I do know I can poof out of existence when certain command words are uttered. What?

Like what? I don't remember. Boss. As soon as the word is uttered, I'm transported to a place called the Feywild. Sweetheat Skittles. Oh, boy. What's that not on his scroll? It is not on the scroll, although the very first word on the scroll

is a spell summoning word that you learn to pronounce from reading the entire thing a few times. Okay. And you know how to make him appear, but from studying the scroll, you're not sure how to make him disappear but from studying the school you're not sure how to make him disappear can i do an arcana check to yes you may see if i can help with this uh 23 jesus so you figure out a normal familiar would strictly be

a creature from the feyild that can change shape. You also believe you've heard of pseudo-dragons being familiars, but they're doing it of their own free will and do not have the same connection to the Feywild that a summoned familiar would. It sounds to you like they tried to break the free will of a pseudo dragon. Oh, boss. Yeah, boss.

Oh, boy, boss. You might. Hey, boss. That brings up an interesting question. Can you hurt people with these hands? They got claws. Yeah, I know they do. I think so.

Interesting. Check out my tail. It's got a stinger on it, too. Let's let's keep walking. I think so. Interesting. Check out my tail. It's got a stinger on it, too. Let's keep walking. Oh. So you're heading back to camp, or you're taking a short rest outside? Which are you doing? I couldn't remember.

We were supposed to be heading back to camp, but we all need to take a rest, a long rest, so we can... It'll only take you like 30 minutes to get back to camp if you wanted to... Maybe we long rest outside camp and then... so we can continue the discussion in the morning. Okay. Snaginthus, are you going to...

Or we can do it at the camp if Snaginthus is comfortable. I do understand why we wouldn't just go right back to camp. Okay, but we're going to have a long rest before we continue our conversation, right? If you wish, we can prepare beds. There is an inn in our camp. It's a bit of a makeshift inn, but there are enough beds for all of you.

That would be great. Thank you. And Snaggath is just out of curiosity. It's an air D&D. When you run back and tell everybody about the God dream, what's going to happen then? About the god dream.

What's going to happen then? I mean, am I to understand you're not giving me this god dream shard until the boat repairs are finished? I think we just want to make sure we're safe. That's it. Well, if you like, you can be present when I present these to the elder mind flayer. I don't know that we do. We want to be on our boat. Yeah, we want to, you know, let's say some new ideas happen.

I feel like we should be there and then we can be the voice of reason. Oh, all right. No, but I mean, for now, let's just, we need to clear our heads. It's been a tough day. Okay. So you guys head to the camp. So if you come in from the west, there is a, you're coming in from the west. There's a dirt road that comes in from the mountains.

And then there's registration. There's like a registration cabin. He takes you to an inn that is sort of like up against a few docked buildings on the far east side. It's not far from Timeboat. He says you can either stay there or... You could stay in Timeboat, but they're literally hammering steel and installing... I forget if it's pronounced ballistas or ballistas, but they're installing more weapons on your boat.

So it'll be a lot of all-night hammering and shuffling of equipment. If you're in a rush to get this fixed, they could put, you know, could stop repairs, but they're like, oh yeah, sleep on your boat and we'll stop repairs. Or you can sleep in the end while we keep going. Sleep in the end while they keep going. Yeah.

And with watches. All right. Who's doing watch? It's nighttime. I still need quite a bit of... Standard bedtime. I can set up with Gus. He's got great perception, and we get to roll with advantage.

Go roll it. I'll go next. Okay. With somebody else. 21. All right. So it's a very small inn. It called the uh suckle stem in uh it's clearly meant to be a uh i had a friend die from a creepy mind flayer joke uh but yeah there's you know

you're in a really small wooden shack it's got eight beds just lined up straw beds. There's no front desk or anything. It's just like a shack with beds. And there is like a small cupboard with libations in it meant for guests. Boss, libations. You want a drink? No, I'm just saying it's fun. I'll drink. Oh, boy.

You're up, Helsing. And somebody else, I think, right? Yeah, I I think right you hear noises you hear with that perceptional it's really good I mean it sounds like they're doing boat repairs outside who else is going to stay up with me anybody we'll all eventually get along Blaine is rolling dice I'll stay up because I'm going to roll one more

cure I'm going to do a third slot on this guy. Yeah, I still need 27 hit points. What am I rolling? Over this long rest, we get a perception, right? So 15. 15, yeah. Aren't we getting back our hit points?

Yes. Now I'm going to rest and get all my stuff back. If you're doing watch shifts, it adds a third four-hour stretch to it so everyone has a chance to get eight hours of sleep. Got it. And so, yeah, at the end of the next watch, you will all be at full hit points provided nothing murders you in your sleep or tries to murder you in your sleep.

Yeah, with the 15, you know, you hear more hammering outside. You definitely hear people approach the front door, stop, and walk away. You're not sure what that's about except maybe they're trying to see if you're awake, noticing you're not, and walk away. You're not sure what that's about, except maybe they're trying to see if you're awake, noticing you're not, and walking away. Okay. Ready for third watch? Who's doing it?

I'll go. Sweet. Roll a perception check. When we did the watch shift, I will have handed off the shard to the doctor. Okay. Finally, I can have handed off the shard to the doctor. Okay. Finally, I can check my mail! The idea being

that you're making it even harder to track who is actually holding. If he clocked it, now nobody knows. 21. Cool. You hear very far away, right near the end of your... Everyone's healing up.

Everyone's feeling like they've learned some spells. You hear this... And you think you hear very distant shouting. Only Ken heard it? He's going to watch, yeah. Oh, right. Does the shouting continue? It's hard to tell you knew you you felt like there was like a a clarity to your hearing with the echo of the boom

and then it's almost like the the blood in your ears is drowning out any ambient noise it's hard to tell without leaving the and you're saying the watch is almost over. I'll wake people up. Okay. You're all made aware. Tell them what I hear. A boom as in, could it be, because this is after all, they make every ship stop.

Perhaps there's a ship that does not want to. Can Gus go fly out and take a look? Gus, find the noise. Yeah, boss. Go, boss. Thanks, boss. And he sneaks out. Okay, boss.

You're my boss, too. Did you know that? I called you boss. Sure. What do you want to call me back? I wasted too much time with this interaction. Bye. And he runs out the door.

He runs? Oh. I used my little feet. He cracks it open, walks outside, closes it behind him. It's really weird to see him walk around. And do you wait? You can telepathically talk to him.

Yeah, I mean, I see what he sees. You see him, he does sort of dust himself off after he gets outside to start flying. He flies north. And you see, as he flies over the water they're what looks like a scout ship of fix it pirates mind flayers and they are firing uh ballistas back and forth with another ship um they're they're very close to what looks like the drop-off for that giant whirlpool where a chunk of the comet hit.

So it's very perilous where they are having this sea battle. Are they knocking them into the pit? The other ship is very close to the edge of it. The Thixits are closer to shore. The other ship is about twice the size of the Thixit ship and it has a thick black cloud looming over it.

Magically even. Sounds like a Norwegian cruise. The cloud sticks to the surface of the boat so that you can't see the ship's sails even. It's just like a wooden hull with this arc of blackness over it. So no flag, no insignia.

Not that you can see. And then you see a giant ballista spear rocket out of it and slam into the side of the Thixit clan boat. Dark Ther. What is the violent? What's your mom's? Dratlana. What's Dratlana's?

Does she have a big cloudy ship? I don't know. I do a history check, just you. Okay. This is you remembering your mom's pirate group. Would that be? 14 plus yeah history uh it's 15 yeah you you're not sure it's her ship but it sure sounds like something that she used to

do with her boats that she would shroud them in uh magical black fog and how far away is this it's off the coast reasonable bit you couldn't swim there you could sail timeboat out there if you wanted to though if we go back to our boat Hoshinka might be able to tell us a couple things yeah right as far as you know Hoshinka is actually sleeping during all the repair noise

not hiding necessarily but with Fegma and Jonkel perhaps we should let's go to Timeboat and... Ice-5 Timeboat. You head over to Timeboat. It looks like they're actually done with pretty much all the repairs.

There's these huge steel plates alongside of it now. It looks very reinforced. Timeboat's pretty small. It's a vacation vessel, but it now looks like it's reinforced time boat's pretty small it's a vacation vessel but it now looks like it's outfitted for war and so you're wondering if it's going to be a little slower and then you look up and the sail is made of this amazing looking hard to describe many like layers of thick fabric and there's like smaller bits of fabric built alongside it it looks like it might if not

go as fast as it used to faster um cool and the only thing that isn't miles an hour i think it doesn't look installed it looks like they started to install the ballistas and then they took them out for a minute but they're sitting right on the dock so let's go talk to how's your head below yeah let's can we as we board can we grab the ballistas and throw them on the boat is it that is it literally just picking them up and hauling them on there you're not sure if you

can secure them completely and they're pretty heavy that you would require all of you to kind of drag also we don't want to like okay let's just promise let's get on the boat well maybe we do you feel like if you wanted to people would see you break your promise but given the distraction happening offshore now that you guys are out too like you can see it's in the very far distance this this ship battle are you calling boss back is gus gonna

come join you or is he you want him to keep scouting the let's stay i mean hi to be careful but i let's you want him to kind of circle around and scout it more? I think as long as we can see the battle, it's good. And what you see, it looks like the Fixit Clan might be losing the battle. So you head below deck. Fegma and Jonkel are... And they're kind of waking up.

Hoshinka is just sitting on a stool, smoking a cigarette. She was apparently keeping watch or something. She kind of nonchalantly waves at all of you as you open the door. So we think the Drodlana clan is attacking the Thixit clan. Ah, yes.

That is what they are doing, I am sure. Oh, what have you heard? The Violet Fang has fought with them before. It's my hope to kill them. Right. Would you like to go kill them? Maybe not next to the death hole.

That is fair. I do not like the death hole. You know, they say one day we will all die, but I do not die today. How are we for supplies? Let's say hypothetically we wanted to leave right now. When they heard that you had arrived, I could hear chatter of supplying you with more food, fully stocking the kitchen.

Then they say you are not giving them their prize yet, and they kind of keep the kitchen stocked as is for a bit. Copy. All right, guys, we just have to decide what we're doing here. Maybe we need the timer and we just say we're giving them the shard, we're not giving them the shard.

Well, they're about to lose the battle. Oh, we'll just say something will happen when they win the battle. Give them the shard. To help them win the battle. Give them the shard. To help them win the battle. Our enemy's enemy is our friend. Our guy's been nothing but helpful.

Well, we... I mean, we're about to meet, if not his mother, someone who might connect us. But they were all evil, terrible. Yeah, and just... We might need to think one step ahead. But that's what I'm saying we we might need to think one step ahead uh but that's what i'm saying we might want to get allies by giving them the shirt let's give them the shard okay i do want to meet

the the old guard people when we okay as he offered okay uh so um you see snagging this kind of pacing around not in the dock dock, but kind of like in the... Hey, buddy. Kind of waves, walks over. Again, he's been a little stoic since you held on to this thing. We are agreed, guys, that we're going to do it. I'm good with it. But most of our men are getting...

We only have two boats where they're getting it prepared to go assist the other boats. Clearly, you see Dratlana is assaulting us with one of her larger warships. So you're giving it to us, you say? Yes, we would like to be there and speak with your elders about next steps. But yes, we are going to go ahead and follow through on our promise to you. He sighs deeply and says,

Very well, there. You should be excited. It is just a field in great danger, eyes deeply and says, very well, you should be excited. I just feel in great danger and I am tense. Want this help? Yes, I'm relieved but until, let's say, you know, like the contractor signed,

I am a little nervous. Got it. Do you want us to go help you with Dreadlana? Is that what you're implying? Either way, let us hurry. Whatever assistance you can provide will be incredibly grateful, yes. Do you have a birth certificate? We just need to make a quick copy.

A funny one. Yes, come with me. I take it you would all like to meet with the elders? Yeah, let's go. Hey, while we're about to go do that, can you tell them to load up the supplies and put the ballistas on the ship and do everything that we said?

Now? Do a persuasion check. I shouldn't do that. I know, but you know what's funny? He doesn't have the stats, but your personality of TikTok, he's always trying it. I enjoy the silliness. That was definitely cool.

Oh, that's a natural one. So I did great. Bashed persuasion and unpersuasion. We will install the blisters immediately as soon as you are done meeting with the elders.

Okay. So if there's a barracks and what they call the brine quarters in the back of the barracks so on the south side of their chris chris processing my jokes it's it's like a tex avery cartoon so you go into these barracks there's beds uh for the mind flayers that do not look like normal beds they're kind of at like a they look like coffins at a 45 degree angle um and they walk you through a big wooden door uh once you

go through there you see a mind flare this guy standing silently jeez uh snaginthus walks you up to him. And he says, This is one of the elders.

The other cannot be present. They are climbing aboard the backup boat to go battle Jatlana. Okay. This guy is very tall. He's taller than all of you by a significant amount, and he doesn't speak. He just sort of silently... He's got no pupils in his eyes.

They're just bright green in his head, and he's just kind of... I don't like it. Can we communicate with him at all? No, sir. You can try. Hello. You hear a voice in your head say, yes.

Ooh, that's creepy. I i think do we all hear it or just hear uh you all hear it all right so do i need to actually talk out loud to you or can you just hear what i'm thinking all the time in your head or out loud your choice don't think about elephants don't think about this is really um hey so well then you can just really basically see what we're concerned about uh uh you're worried i will eat your brain i am i would say of a larger big picture kind of concern is about like the brains of everybody else you know we some of us have not had the best experience with mind flayers the people here seem great honestly snaggle this is uh it's really one

of a kind he's a real sweetheart he is um and and we've been treated very kindly and fairly but uh we're we're concerned about the power of this item. What do you want of me? What do you want of us? What do you hope is going to happen when you give the mother brain the shard? The mother brain lives off of organic material the same as you. We hope that this will give her much more endurance. She is older than most elder brains of our people. She is very old. Her organic material is beginning to rot and decay.

Do you guys have like another brain? Like normally, I assume your hive has some way of replacing a queen? When I say our people, I mean we have vague memories of eons ago when we were told stories as other races. We do not encounter other hives. There are no brains we have met directly other than this. And he gestures behind himself,

and you see there is a red velvet curtain, and there are some sort of lanterns behind it that give off a glow. And you think behind that curtain. That should be good. I love red velvet. The mother brain. So. Reminds me of Thugas. brain um so

reminds me of thugas that's your return of the jedi plane is just presenting this mini so we can all be emotionally affected um so i didn't paint that though that's the the original job. Yeah. Is there glitter on him? How dare you? I mean,

just from like going out and stuff. For those of you listening at home, we're passing around a plastic figure of a mind flayer. Yeah. We'll take a picture of this guy. So our concern is that you seem to have set up a, a community that has integrated with the larger community, which is great.

Yes. I should say there are other races who come through here and we do not attack them. We are attacking the Trodlana clan because she is assaulting us. Yes, and we don't have a problem with that. Yeah, we watch TMZ. We're very impressed with what you've done here. We're just concerned that with the power of this shard your hive may you will become a bunch of monsters when you say with the power of the shard he walks towards you very quickly and as

soon as you finish your sentence he leans down towards you and says, what do you know of this? I put a hand on him. Oh, no. Do an intimidation check. Well, the base rolls a four Dan. So of course it's a 38.

Do a strength check. Just a straight strength check. 11. He goes to knock. just a straight strength check 11 uh he goes to knock your hand aside and it just you know collides with it and he starts shoving it off yeah

boys let's all come down he was gonna eat your brain no he was asking me a question what do you know of this blue shard? I know it is the dream of a god, not a god. We will not become evil gods. There is potential in this. It is not a weapon.

We have only seen creatures made. I let him see an image of the troll our friend the troll and like how he was before and then or not do a persuasion check okay to try to get him to see this as an evil example because you're summoning the image i actually have a um persuasion proficiency so that's a 23 he nods what else do you know i guess the other shard that we saw uh you can i mean the the the troll he would recognize is mutated by but there weren't shards like sticking out of it you have seen shard beholder the behold so you were you showing him the beholder first or second second i guess okay so okay show him that he nods you don't need okay that one's not as hard for him to understand okay um and do you get to show him the dragon the dragon was the other shard yeah

when you show him the image of havacula he nods and kind of steps away from you, gives you a little bit of personal space. And he says, I have heard of Havocula, but I have never encountered Havocula. The dragons that come to our camp of the Barrow Steps dragons, they are different, yes, but they are not full of blue crystals that you can see. Yes, but they are not full of blue crystals that you can see.

Avacula seems to have done some sort of drastic experiment with himself. We would be careful. I mean, he seems reasonable. Look, he's trying. Of course, he can read everything we say. Yeah, I know. There's no conversation we had because he can read our minds. That's true. There's no whispering or note passing in this particular moment.

I think we just need assurance. We're looking for assurance. He looks at Snaginthus and nods, and Snaginthus leaves. And he says, The ballistas are being installed in your boat right now. We will stock your kitchen. What more insurance do you want?

We want insurance that you're not going to Sorry, I just, the absurdity of this entire conversation. Or kill us. Well, I thought it. Sorry. So he's carrying this sorry i just the absurdity of this entire conversation or kill us yeah just yeah well i thought it sorry so he's carrying this how are our la privileges he's carrying this chitinous uh silver staff um he glides a hand across it uh and then sets it on the ground

he walks over to a wall uh you see on the wall there is a halberd with a giant blade on it uh it's on some sort of wooden case with other weapons but it's large it's the largest weapon on that wooden case and he walks it over you're in a barracks it doesn't surprise you that much that there's weapons hung up in this little area in front of the mother brain's drapes. And he holds the halberd out to you. And he says, You may come with me to give the shard to the mother brain. I will be unarmed and you may place this at my neck. And if anything goes wrong, do what you will.

Well, you can't beat that. I feel like TikTok wants to do that so i don't want to hurt him i just no but i'm saying you're the most i feel like you're the most suspicious really blaine is the most suspicious but not well what's that mean sure i'll do it have you guys been talking about my health suspicious suspicious i am wow that's suspicious who's gonna do it sure dark third you want to do it i will brian shook his head so much all right yes you broke the rpm record for no no no no no i'm good all right tick tock um he hands you the hallbird it is a pretty wicked hallbird it's got big spikes coming off of it it doesn't seem magical, but

it seems dangerous. Metal! Do you put it against his neck, or do you just kind of hold it? I just handle it like a weapon. I'm ready to use it, but I don't need to. So, the red velvet curtain has three parts. There is a recessed, sort of middle section, and then one on the right and one

on the left. You walk around the corner. Hey, what's your name? My name. name yeah what shall we call you drizzlesh drizzlesh cool um are we gonna freak out when you pull back the curtain is there an effect here what does it's not like the medusans in star trek where we see we look upon them and insane. I just want to make sure there's no... When people who are not of the clan are exposed to the mother brain, a great honor. Is it...

She speaks through me. I speak from her. I just want to make sure we're not overwhelmed. She will not be surprised. Okay, cool. I'm just... I'm trying to be respectful. Do an insight check.

That's bad. Just Chris. Eight. Other than the fact that you are speaking to a what looks like boneless vile cephalopod humanoid, you don't see a reason

not to believe him. Great. Drizlesh pulls the curtain back uh when you go back there it is oddly romantically lit i mean there's you know like a few there's books sitting around eyebrow raised there's a

there's a few cushy chairs it looks like i'm here to deliver the shard it looks like not just the so to speak i lookard it looks like not just the so to speak I was hip there's not just a little pizza man this you it looks avoid this noise Sam are you getting all this is going to send this straight over the Museum of radio television don't forget the description you're three percent way through don't forget the description three percent uh so you get in there and yeah it's like time to unleash the beast no uh you get it through the curtains yeah there's

there's like seats it looks like not just the very tall ones but all all shapes and sizes of mind flayers come into this room to relax commune with it but it does seem sort of like they're set up in a circle around a big pit uh the pit is lined with glass it goes into the wooden floor there's a cracker in the middle uh and the pit is about 20 feet wide in in in the middle of this uh pit it's it is filled with a what looks like a briny bubbling almost plasma like liquid um it's very dark and murky you can't see the bottom of it i you're not 100 sure how deep it is but you do see floating in the middle it looks like a five foot long three foot wide brain um it has black uh sort of tendrils coming out of it

that sort of like wave on the surface of the water not at you not actively just sort of like with the rhythm of the plasma like bubbling fluid this place is groovy it's like Burke Williams and tell me are you carrying

the crystal did you take it no it's still in the sack you gave it carrying the crystal did you take it no it's still in the sack you gave it to doctor I gave it to the doctor but did you take it back I guess I will unless you're with you want to come with no no no there was no there he would not have come with the only thing we're going to go back and decide whether or not you took it with you or you're deceiving

no I will bring it of course great so crystal I already sold that on eBay! It's silent for a moment and then Drizlesh turns to you and says, Would you like to present it to me now?

Oh, I would. And I hand him the thing. You open it up. I open it. It's a briefcase full of underwear. I don't touch it. You don't touch it. I do not touch it. He reaches in. Takes it out.

Looks at it. Turns it over in his hand. He nods. He does a little bow to you. I bow back? You do? I'm in front of the mother brain. Do a charisma check. to you? I bow back? You do? Of course.

I'm in front of the mother brain. Do a charisma check. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Just a charisma check. Okay, 15. Your people are powerful. I respect what you've done. When you broke free of them, you did something that I had only seen

barrier do. I do not know that I did it. He looks, like, hard to read. Again, he has pupil-less green eyes. He kind of rocks his head back and forth. I don't understand. What do you mean you didn't do it? You're here. You're not with them on the Trident Coast.

That's where they are? Yes, they stand there motionless, waiting on the trident coast that's where they are yes they stand there motionless waiting for the elves to return and then they will be executed elves return from where their plane that they retreated to so the elves escaped and so the warforged are just waiting to complete their mission yes interesting well what. Well, what are you going to do now? He turns. I'll show you. Go to Disney World. I believe if I place this in the fluid,

she can study it on her own. Yep. I'm going to take a step back. He places it in the fluid. The second he does this everything turns white for all of you I'm going to need you to do a constitution save

oh no natural 20 TPK I only take 100 points of damage 19 oh fuck 19 I'm definitely dead Okay I'm gonna go around the circle

What did you roll? 17 What did you roll? 2 What did you roll? Natural 20 What did you roll? 19 What did you roll? 9 Okay You are going to take What did you roll? 19. What did you roll? 9. Okay. You are going to take half. 35 points of psychic damage.

You guys are going to take... Unless... Hang on a second. Let me do the roll first. Damn it. Unless... Hang on a second. Let me do the roll first. We may have made a huge mistake. If you beat a 15... How many points? Four episodes ago.

Yeah, I wasn't here. We should have never hooked up with these assholes. If you beat a 15, you take seven points of psychic damage. If you did not beat a 15, you take 14 points of psychic damage if you did not beat a 15 you take 14 points of psychic damage wait how much do i take huh i forget i uh i wish you had you had asked me that before i replaced my my one little number hole in my brain five yeah yeah but you take half of that you take half of that because you're well know what? I just want to make sure I get it. Yeah.

I'll let you... It's so tough when you roll a crit on a saving throw for something. You almost want to give them an added bonus, but no. You get half of 35. Are you dead? No, I'm just trying to do the math. Okay. All right.

17? Yes, 17. 17.5? Yes. i think you round down for when you have damage i think everything is down so uh is anyone uh dead no okay if you failed the role you are knocked unconscious uh if you if you've got under 15 yes i'm unconscious and so sarah right just you too okay yeah so uh you guys all sort of like reel back slam into the wooden walls um tiktok you your brain just sears with pain and you go blind and you can't quite regain your vision uh you're stumbling around what do you do

you're about like you know you think you're like a few feet from the velvet curtains you entered through i can and when i said i back up i just continue taking steps in that backup direction okay do a survival check please how far was i from them in terms of the distance between the rest of your party yeah it feels like maybe a total 20 feet okay so as i'm backing up i'm saying to them i'm blind i'm coming towards. Get that shard out of there. Survival check. I'm blind. We're running that fluid.

20. All right, you make it to the curtain and blink. And with that 20... A 15 plus five. Not a natural 20, just a 20. Yeah, you blink and your vision comes back just a little bit. Do I think it's because of the distance or because time passage you both you both were able to just sort of use whatever kind of you know casing you have on your warforged eyes to just

like squeeze the organic wood and tissue in in there and you're you're just sort of getting a little bit more self-aware. Dr. Uwud, Kweep, you hit a wall. You're not blind, but you see your friends hit walls and get knocked out. Snaginthus has already exited. No one else is in here with you, but you heard an incredibly loud bang and both your ears are ringing. You're not sure what happened, but you hear TikTok call out. Head to TikTok. Okay. um you're not sure what happened but you hear tiktok call out uh head to tiktok okay does do cure wounds and good berries work on mechanical men um um

yes yes okay uh you you walk up uh through the curtain queep yeah so you get to tiktok i you you're sort of blinking awake and you can see uh the room there's there's no like shining white light it was just a powerful white light that he was subjected to while it was a flash. There's no drizzlish in the room. But you see what looks like this pulsating white and pink blob rising out of the brine pool. Oh, that's good, right?

Bigger than the brain? It is the brain. I know it is the brain, but is it the same size or is it now? You do an insight check. Oh, that's going to be bad. Five. All you can really tell is it's rising out of the pool of water and it's pulsating much more actively than it was a second ago.

Where's the blue shard? Do a perception check. Sorry. Didn't mean to go to the mic. Seven. You don't see it where he placed it we need to go we need to get the fuck out of here we need to grab our friends all right let's grab grab we grab dark there grab the house scene yeah i think to gus i tell him we're in trouble oh boy okay uh i should tell you things got real weird here out on the boat though

what happened well all all of a sudden all those little guys just disappeared on the on the boat which guys you know those guys with the with the horrible fishy faces i didn't like them they're all gone. Yeah. The Dralana clans, they're both just ripping them up now. She absorbed them all. You guys make it outside and you hear explosions

coming from inside the barracks that you just left the second you get out the door. Run! Doctor, show berries in their mouths. Aren't I still unconscious on the floor?

No, they're dragging you out of there on the boat. So you guys make it to the end of the boat. The ballistas are kind of half installed and just sort of sitting under deck. Four stars. But they're physically on the boat. Uh-huh. I mean, do you want to fight your mom?

Or are we going to wake your mom? Yeah, I'm out. Doctor, can you goodberry these two? Yeah. I'll goodberry them good. Roll your goodberry. I'll get a seven and so 11.

Well, I'm still unconscious, right? No, they can wake you up at this point. But at the time it takes you manage to almost finish untying the boat. You manage to wake up your friends. And then you see the side of the barracks explode. What are you getting at, Dan?

Ew, this is going to be gross, whatever it is. Dan, what are you doing? Whoa! No! Guys, it's another fucking beholder what and we'll call it there made out of bubble yum did we just make that thing god where did it come from it's the brain it's a fucking mind flayer beholder uh what do you think happened sam all right episode 27 it's about i'll say too it's about a hundred feet away to say it matches my hair it's a hundred feet away from the barracks to where you are in the dark all right here are my notes for episode 27 god dream nope god dream shard is a cool series of words uh oh awesome

we're not giving the shard back i love when we're assholes uh we're in a cavern there's two goblins chained up we set them free gus seems incredibly full of pain um i don't know why it's so funny when you guys rest um oh shit evil cloud ship in the distance is gus like our slave i forget where we met him uh oh wait we're giving the shard up boo we met an elder that looks like steven tyler uh we're talking to him mentally brian's i don't like it no sir is a line from mr horse on ren and stimpy tick tock put a hand in the elder excuse me the elder and the elder shoved it off oh shit we're gonna see the mother brain the noid is a reference to the domino's pizza character the noid that was retired in 1989 when a deranged man named Keith Lamar Noid entered a Domino's pizza

with a gun and hurt people, believing the commercials were speaking to him telepathically. Finally, somebody's speaking up. We're behind the curtain giving the shard to the brain. Everything went white. Everyone got mildly fucked up. If Tip-Tock is hurt, I will kill myself. And oh, I know this. That's a beholder.

Holy shit, are we this. That's a beholder. Uck, uck, uck. Holy shit, are we dumb. You've made some fun choices. San Diego gave me some money and said, don't forget about Jerry. That's all they said. Didn't even say their name. Just San Diego? Just San Diego and they don't want everybody

to not forget about Jerry. The whole city. Fuck. San Diego and they don't want everybody to not forget about Jerry. The whole city. Uh, fuck. God damn it. I really thought there was a lower chance that you would meet this guy. Yeah, it seemed like we might have been on the right track for a while and then just veered right off

it again. Although, what would happen if we just run off with the shard? We were really in a lose-lose situation. I feel like it's fair to tell you, you could have gotten away with the shard. Yeah, we could have gotten away with the shard, but then what would have happened? You fucked us, Dan. Could we pull the shard out of the thing and kill it? No.

Unlike the Last Beholder, it would at least appear from 100 feet away there are not large blue crystals sticking out of it. I rolled a seven. Didn't we make a deal with them? The mind flayers. Yeah, but they disappeared.

They all disappeared. I don't think they were planning for this. They know because remember the thing said, I'm talking to you through her. She knows what the deal is. We will now find out if she's going to pass over us and go attack. She might go attack the pirates. Well, but what happened to

all the mind flayers? I think they're in there. Remember they said she was dying and rotting. I mean, she doesn't look nice. She doesn't look pretty. Pretty color. Well, anyway.

Guys, what's going to happen? Let's not play. We fucked up. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,

Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.