Nerd Poker - Episode 29 - Run Cook Run

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

First things first, this episode we welcome Chris Tallman as a regular guest and set aside the guest formalities. Then we immediately try to kill his character as she flees thousands of kobolds and increasingly complex tiers of elite dragon forces. Her only hope, a small hut on the other side of a small portal. Also a very special thanks to someone who provided a pre-recorded tiny cameo this week, the details of which are a surprise we do not want to spoil in the description. Listen and learn what we're talking about!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Ken Sam

Lee Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker Season 2. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Pussain. Hold! God damn it. Sorry, we had a truck. No, we didn't.

Didn't you hear that truck? Truck was laughing. Anyway, I don't think they cut it on sound. Three, three, back to two. Brian in two, three, throw to Brian. Hey, everybody. My name is Brian Posain, and you're listening to Brian Posain's Nerd Poker.

Hi, friends. Hello, Brian. Hi, Brian. Mavis is here. Hi, Mavis. It's episode 29. We have, all the friends are here, and we have a new full-time friend.

That sounds weird it sounds like a terrible hollow notes song it's on a test basis it's a full time but still a test friend Chris Tallman hi Sarah Ken Dan yes Lane

and Sam's our engineer hi everyone it's for Samantha episode 29 so we got a couple of these have been piling up And Sam's our engineer. Hi, everyone. It's for Samantha. Episode 29. So we got a couple of these have been piling up. Some of these might be really old. Gentleman named Dan Aigner, A-I-G-N-E-R,

apologizes for his bad penmanship, but he sent us a dear BP and F I'm, I'm assuming that's you guys. Uh, first off, love the old pod. Love the new pod too. I personally could use more Steve Agee though. Hmm.

You're the guy. I know we love Steve. You don't need that much Steve Agee. You got to put a towel down. Brian, I know you love metal, uh, in full caps. caps you gotta say it like that when somebody writes it in caps so i sent you an album these guys vocals are so metal that they won

an award for this album i know you'll love it and spin it often also included our metal d6 um the metal album he sent us is jethro jull, Christopher Knave, which they actually beat Metallica for the Grammy that year. Guys like me lost our goddamn minds. I was happy. Jethro Tull was in metal. This was almost 20 years ago.

That was a later Tull. It was a later Metallica too. It probably wasn't even a good Metallica record, but I still went insane. Remember when Patti LaBelle beat Megadeth? No. On my own. It was great vocals.

Oh, yeah. I mean, jeez, I'd put her up against Dio any day of the week. Any Dio of the week. You watch your gutting. Sam, did you get that? Did you get that on tape? Good. You watch your cotton-picking mouth.

Come do stand-up in Chicago soon. Bring Kpatch and Telfer. Nope. I would pay big money for that show. Come during roller derby season. Have you tried the shallow dish pizza? God damn it, Blaine. He misses being in a regular campaign episode.

Come during roller derby season and catch a Windy City Rollers game. They fucking rock, too. Oh, yeah. Constructive criticism for Dan. Do your checks with DC, please. I promise you it will make your DM life easier. You're a fun DM. This change will elevate your game.

Keep up the good work, brother. I think you've gotten better since he wrote this. What is he saying? Doing checks with DC? Yeah, isn't that... Is he talking about the danger? Difficulty checks. Difficulty checks.

Difficulty checks. Yeah, I mean, you're mostly doing that. I'm just not telling you the number. I think he wrote this a while ago. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, some of the stuff I'm trying to streamline for audio and some of the stuff I'm trying to keep for secrets. Let's say there's a difficulty rating for what you're trying to do

i'm not always going to be like all right if you get over 15 because i want it yeah but every monster has its own difficulty cool uh number and i think that's what he means because i homebrew a lot of monsters it might not always be clear that i know what i'm doing but i swear i've got way too many spreadsheets over here it's pretty clear you know you're going. I don't do what a lot of... There's all these other Dungeons & Dragons podcasts now where they're like, rules! Here's your rules, everybody! We've never been that, though.

When I was growing up, RDM never told us what was going on. That's what the screen was for. Yeah. Love you guys as a group, and all of your other projects, too. Keep on keeping on, and may all your roles be crit 20s. Sorry for bad penmanship.

Dan Aigner. Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan. And thanks for the Jethro Tull. I will never play. I'll keep it forever, but I will never, ever play it. Wearing a shirt of the, this is Chicago Underground Comedy. This is at the Bee Kitchen where I've performed with you in Chicago before.

Oh, I love that place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this has been sitting in there. I didn't even know. I just realized it was an envelope and a card from somebody. I didn't know. It was just in a pile of stuff. But it's from... There's a priceless Van Gogh.

There was some cash. It is a very beautiful R2-D2. Yeah, it's a nice... Rhinestone D2. Yes. At least it's from this year, 2018. Nerd Poker, beep, beep, boop. Translation, happy birthday.

Thanks for all the tracing. Andrew, Mr. He might have been trying to write Mr. Incredible, but he wrote Mr. Insettable. So maybe that's what he's going for. Andrew, Mr. Insettable Roden.'s what he's going for uh andrew mr insettable rodent uh thanks andrew and he sent us some cash and then this i just received and uh and raleigh uh god i wish i could read her name can you read her name let me take a look i'm good at this

she said she had so she gave us cash and she I said, did you write your name on it? She said on the picture. It looks like either Annie or Dina. Let me see. Wait, no, it says Watashi Machine at the bottom. Oh, okay. That's the username of someone on Patreon, so I'll look up Watashi Machine.

But she drew Bodhi, and who else is that supposed to be? Is it? I think it's me. Tom and Twee. Oh, cool. That's great. And he's saying very calmly, I'm going to rage. Yeah.

He has his arms crossed and he's saying I'm going to rage. To the Nerd Poker crew, thanks for all the laughs and getting me into D&D. For Glennis Moore. And it does look like it's danny cohen or something like that hold we have a plane on that one yeah and then this we should go all the way back to the top i think we did this guy before but i just found this letter mixed in with everything else but ryan parker sent us something thanks ryan thanks all you guys i love uh Ghostbusters, too.

I couldn't find Watashi Machine's real name. It's not listed in their Patreon, but it's definitely a regular listener. It's a cool drawing. She lives in Raleigh. Very nice lady. Thank you, Watashi. Thanks for listening and supporting. Do you have any Patreon names? We're going to fit that in in a fun way.

Oh, right. Maybe a little different than last time. I think we're going to be attacked by a group of Patreon supporters. I've never said that before. Hey, put that next to the tall. That's a sentence I've never, ever said. Blaine wasn't here, but you did get attacked by a group of Patreons last time. Oh, we did, yeah.

Did I tell you about that, Blaine? Did you listen back? Somebody tweeted that they were really happy yeah some people got stoked i basically because you guys were fighting an army of kobolds i i got a volunteer crew of a couple hundred patreons and i translated them all into kobold type names and as these guys were plowing through like hundreds of kobolds uh their their epitaph each kobold i would announce the dead kobold's name and it would be a Patreon name you know you go that extra mile

that makes you worth the $17,000 you pull down every month doing this oh and we haven't I wish oh my god if I had $17,000 it wouldn't be Chris just gave me a look like he's not the new guy

you'll work your way up. We're all making sweet, sweet bank at this. Oh man, I'd be getting so many cat scans if I could get that kind of one. I just had one yesterday. No shit. I would not be at Good Nights out in Raleigh, North Carolina if Dan was making 17 grand a month

off this. Yeah, Blaine? Hey, ask me how my cat scan went. Hey, Blaine, Hey, ask me how my cat scan went. Hey, Blaine, how'd your cat scan go? No cats. Hey, I'm kidding. Ask me how my cat scan went.

Full of cats? No, I'm more of a dog scan guy. Hey, Blaine, how'd your cat scan go? I just did that off of his setup. Sorry, thanks. No, I was trying to see

if you had a third one. No, I didn't really think ahead. It can only go dark from here. All right, well, you guys are not in a great place storytelling-wise. Real quick, let's plug the t-shirts. There's a Bodhi shirt that I don't think we've plugged yet. Oh, we've plugged it. It's been out for a while.

Please just go anyway to near mint merch dot com slash nerd poker they actually near mint merch loves us a lot I think they're selling some shirts so they put us up right on it

Sarah's very skeptical but play it cool I mean like you don't even you don't talk about Elderwood Academy

right in front of us we have some we're working on some very special Elderwood yeah I love my Elderwood box there's your some very special Elderwood. Yeah. I love my Elderwood box.

They sent us some cool things. Oh, wait. There's your naked enthusiasm for Elderwood Academy. No, I said I love their book. You said they love you. Do you see the difference? I meant love us. Yeah.

Did I say me? No, you said us. Okay. I'm just saying. What's happening to us? I'm not good at ever playing cool. I get really enthusiastic and wear my heart on my sleeve, and then I just get mowed down

by a bulldozer going two miles an hour. No. That's you, serious. Wait, I'm a bulldozer? Nothing. Chris is trying to sow discord. He's content already

with his first full-time day. What am I doing? When I was in New Orleans a couple weeks ago, I know I'm mispronouncing that. No, Leona. Aaron Black. I don't know the blue.

Please never. It took so long. Why did I never answer that right? That was offensive, what you just did. It was wonderful. I think this is two people, Aaron Black and Justin. Or Aaron and Black Justin. I'm not sure.

This can't go well. I think your filing system needs some revamp. Yeah, no, for sure. Let's play. Hey, you guys just all plopped through the portal with the exception of Typha. I think I got through. Nope.

You're kind of the big sticking point right now. So listeners will know this already if they've been going episode to episode. And this is, let's just face it, everybody, a serialized story. But, yep, you're trying to escape a giant battle with thousands of kobolds various types of dragons some orcs and um where you're at right now is a portal came in at the last second you guys were very overwhelmed a giant black chromatic dragon entered the fray but yeah you had executed hundreds of kobolds, but there were thousands more piling on top of you.

Some of you were getting buried. Some of these orcs, you dispelled an enchantment. Clearly the dragon had sort of enthralled some orcs against their will to serve as warriors. And you managed to knock a couple of them out of their enchantment. And they were on these giant wolves that were probably going to enter combat soon. You guys kind of skedaddled, though. Some giant serpent-like dragons, which I looked it up.

They're longer than the Tremors Graboids. What? They're very long and very huge. But they had been jumping out of the ground and biting horses in half and dragging horses underground. They're like horses. But Storm Door Landing definitely made it look a bit dire and grim,

and that's when you guys were very grateful that Tui, who had been scouting ahead, popped the portal, stuck his head out. Tui, as soon as you did that, you just saw blood and carnage. And I went ahead and I decided that Tui popped his head back out. It's like have an HBO Go.

Tui decided to get as close to Gantham as he could. Gantham was where your ultimate goal was. It was the nearest mage college where there was a big sort of fungal tube going up to the moon. And you're hoping to use that as some sort of a pathway to the moon if possible. Now, Tui couldn't get all the way in the city. Tui noticed that there were some sort of a dangerous activity inside city limits. So he found a little hovel just outside of Gantham.

Are you telling us what he did? You're all sort of learning what I already told Blaine. He can tell you a little bit more about it if he wants. But as you crash through the portal, you see that Tui is not alone. He is with two dwarves who look

a little grumpy. And you are in a small hut. And as you all sort of tumble through the hut, a couple dozen kobolds start tumbling through the portal with you because the battlefield is that crowded and the dwarves become a little more uncomfortable with all the stuff tumbling into their home. It's getting very crowded very fast. And as you all kind of get through Tom,

you have to kind of make a running dive. Some horses are starting to fill the hut. Um, you know, you look over at Dessa, she's tied to the back of one of these things and her hood that you'd kind of put over her head has fallen off. And you see,

she's got a black eye and a fat lip from when Bodie had been steering her face into some trees. Um, but she seems concerned, seems concerned by everything. She's got kind of a look of patheticness on her face because of just all the spears kind of grazing her shoulders as these kobolds just keep tumbling through the portal over and over. And you realize Typha is much closer to the black chromatic dragon than she is to the portal.

closer to the black chromatic dragon than she is to the portal uh she's at least 30 feet away and this thing is reeling from a spell that esmeralda cast against it it's basically blind but it's roaring and vomiting these huge splashes of acid everywhere you also notice gago has disappeared at one point a wave of acid breath just splashed against him and he was no longer visible it was almost as if he either had been completely disintegrated or was reduced to so little organic material that he got lost in the mud underfoot um i feel like i just uh thrown a lasso to somebody you did and it didn't go great, unfortunately. You threw a rope to Typha, and it fell short of her being able to reach it. Can I try again, but through the portal? It'll take a turn as soon as things start happening.

Okay. You can try that. You successfully threw it, but she rolled a one. She was unable to get her grab on, as it were. Well, I'm going to try to help again when I can. First up, we've got Tom. Tom, you are laying on the ground. You had to make quite a dive to get through.

I understand you're pretty low on hit points, yes? I am, yes. So I'll let you, as your bonus action, stand if you want. But yeah, you're in a quickly filling hut. Can I cast... Why can't I levitate on Typha? I'm going to look up the 60. I'm going to double check that in the name of emails.

Does everybody coming through need hit point? Is everybody down hit points? Everyone's down hit points. A lot of people are very, it is 60 feet. Uh, but the, the downside is you're going to, you know,

be a little overwhelmed with people who need healing. Uh, as far as what you can cast, you haven't rested. You've been kind of running and flying. Um, so if there's any spells that you have cast since the last time you sat with us,

blame, then they are not recharged. Also, the two dwarves you are with are not healers. They're just a couple of homebodies, and they're kind of furrowing their brows right now. Back to you, Tom. So you want to try to levitate Typha. Yeah.

Great. It happens. Whee! Okay. I'm pulling her towards the well you don't get to pull her if you levitate her but she starts getting bounced around a little bit by all the physical action around her

there's kobolds grabbing her legs and Esmeralda you're up I'm going to throw a rope to her also great it's going to be an athletics check difficulty 15 throw a rope to her also. Great. It's going to be an athletics check. Difficulty 15. 20.

With the bonus. Beautiful. Alright, so you're going to try and grab this, eh, Typha? Yep. So, dex check. Dex check. Difficulty 15. I have a quality, I am a remarkable athlete, so I get to add two to my roll. Well, goddamn.

Yeah, how about that? Did you play lacrosse? Mm-hmm. Lacrosse. Ooh, good. 16. Great. So she grabs a hold of this rope that is tossed to her.

Yeah, I reel in my big fish. You still get a bonus action. You're going to start reeling her in? Yeah. All right. I will also pull on the rope. All right. Weird.

And you start getting tugged up. Well, I need to pull me out. You you start getting tugged up like climbing leaving it behind me we end up in the middle of the battlefield adorable you get 10 feet closer you just stay there you'll be able to cover more distance on your turn

because you're more in control of your levitating and the physical space around you great before the next player goes, who is Bodhi, we're going to have some crowd control happen. So kobolds all start stabbing at you. And you take 14 points of damage. Now when you say me, you mean me?

Typha. 14? Yes, sir. Okay. And also you're floating, but they're grabbing you. You've got some hangers on. It's difficult to tell before your turn, but you've got at least five of them are grabbing and coming with you.

And up next is Stormdoor who's going to try to gain some of his senses back. What's that number there, Brian? 69. First of all, high five everybody. Second of all, no.

That's a one. We're going to roll 100 here. 99. All right. He rolled a 94. Oh, shit. He's just trying to regain his senses. So he's not like.

My bone wanded him. Yeah. So, but this is a big deal. Because he botched him trying to regain his senses, he is now going to suffer a permanent effect. Oh. And the old magic. Oh, okay. One of his, this is actually going to affect you, Sarah.

You suddenly sort of, you're getting used to, Esmeralda, like the fact that you can see through his eyes at will. And right now, I'm going to assume because you threw the rope, you've got to kind of tune him out a little bit. Yeah, no, I'm not choosing to do that right now. But yeah, you might notice something interesting the next time you try to tune into old Stormdor. A couple more of these baddies are going to go. A couple more of these baddies are going to go. You notice it doesn't hit you, Typha, but one of those churn worms,

those long serpent-like dragons bursts out of the ground near you. Its head gets like 20 feet above the ground, and it starts just chomping its maw at you. You also see over the side of this cliff that all these guys have kind of been coming over, like a thousand more kobolds start pouring towards you from the direction of Gantham, where, you know... Where we are headed. Where you're headed.

Tui has gotten past the army, so however far he was able to fly and run, he got past all these guys. But like a thousand more kobolds come over, and also you start seeing these big huge like elite soldiers that you realize are black chromatic dragonborn and they are giant warriors they've all got war hammers there's like a dozen of them and they're hanging out with kobold you get the impression that these are the big bad guys who usually come in and stormdoor doesn't usually land.

And they look like they're trying to take a perimeter around Stormdoor to protect him. Not that you had any success causing any damage to him, but he suddenly is in danger and they look like they're coming to get revenge. On me? On somebody. And you're the most visible by a long shot. I didn't have that bone wand i have a frying pan uh but lucky for you he botched trying to gain control so he was not even able to do like a panicky belch of acid breath great you are up bode okay um

well i'm gonna now she's she's luring typha back in i'm gonna help great okay so you're just gonna grab the rope too and yeah yeah get her in and then i'll worry about the kobolds in here but i want to get her in and then close this portal great you don't even have to roll for it you just get your hands on that rope and you pull her another 10 feet closer um do i get more than one yeah i mean that's like a bonus action you can potentially do something else but you can't pull on the rope again oh I can't I mean you're getting resistance it's just the most amount

of physical action you can get out of this rope in a set amount of time then I stab or I slash at some of these kobolds great roll a 20 it's difficulty 5 to hit any of them it's not going to be too hard slash at some of these kobolds. Great. Roll a 20. It's a difficulty 5 to hit any of them. It's not going to be too hard.

Just want to make sure you're not botching, basically. That's a 16. Great. All right. So roll a 6, and that is how many are dead. Wow. Roll a 69. Just 2. Just two.

All right. Well, we're going to say goodnight. Do I not get a plus on that? No. Not for that. Not for that. Well, no. This is a special roll just because. But you just murdered forever two kobolds named Dicey McGiabine and Mike Moy.

Sorry, Mike. Mike Moy. Thanks for listening. Keep listening even though you're dead. From beyond the grave. And I will let you, you are frenzying. I will let you do one more action. All right.

Put him in the frenzy zone. Are you going to attack some more? Is that what's happening? Oh, my God. Well, first I'm going to attack Blaine. Don't forsake frenzy zone. With the crossbow. Blaine do a

I got to go into the office and get my crossbow. Okay. That's a nice 23 I think. With your crossbow? No. No. No.

On the Harold of Kumar. These Skittles are weird as hell. They're good though kind of. They really are. Through certain? Okay. Yeah, and then slashing the tail of Kumar. These Skittles are weird as hell. They're good, though, kind of. They really are. I haven't decided. Whatever. Sweet heat.

I feel like I'm being attacked, but also I like it. I feel like I just ate some contrast. Don't ever. I would like to apologize. Someone is texting me. I'm closing. I would like to apologize. Someone is texting me. I'm closing. I ate at a place while I was just there.

This place called Grigri. It was fucking insane. Like the chef, we got there late and he was closing and he let us just... He cooked for us. Oh, nice.

He drank a couple of beers and cooked for us at the chef's table. Beautiful. It was insane on that. So if you're in... You should go to Grigri. chef's table. It was Insano Netzo. If you're in New Orleans, you should go to Grigri.

They got a Palladino's out in New Orleans? Chef Eric is the guy's name. I went somewhere great there, and then I also went somewhere really sick. I had bad alligator sausage. Last time I was there was a long time ago, and I tried to fight vampires. I was so full of booze.

I was screaming walking at four in the morning. You were walking by Anne Rice's house? Pretty much in that area. I was just like, any vampires, come out and fight me. That was when I was younger and could fight vampires. Did you win?

No, no one came out. I got turned though. But you didn't answer. Is there Palladinos in New Orleans? There is. Because you know who's playing at Palladinos this weekend? Yeah, Tony one came out. I got turned, though. But you didn't answer, is there a Palladino's in New Orleans? There is. Because you know who's playing at Palladino's this weekend? Yeah, Tony Sammartini. That's not all. Because they're a great cover band place.

Oh, yeah, no, I know. And you can also see, no, a tribute band to Yes. That's a Palladino's band sent to us from Chip Malfunction. Thanks, Chip Malfunction. I can't remember the guy who sent it. One of our listeners did a Tony Sammartini riding with the monkey. That story I've told.

He made a mock-up CD. I retweeted it, actually. We've got to find his name. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm going to go find him real quick. Hey, you know who I saw at Palladino's over the weekend? Who? John Kinda Mellencamp.

John Kinda. It was great. Walt Keegan. Thanks, John Kinda Walt Keegan Walt Keegan you made this CD it's great he rules also playing at Paladino's

Dirty Puppet Innuendo an all procession cover of Frank Zappa that's from Boy TRQ thank you wow thanks guys we got a new running gag oh oh

you're never gonna believe this also playing at Paladino's is Spicy Shits, a tribute band to Red Hot Chili Peppers and Butthole Surfers. I like it. That's from Matt Ortiz. Thanks, Matt. I'm going to roll. Thanks, Matt Ortiz.

They're also playing with E-Vai, not Steve Vai. And they're also playing with Worser Than Ezra. You're going to roll six. Better Than Ezra. Roll six, six It's a better than Ezra cup Roll six on a twenty You already did that Alright

Veruca low salt And you kill massacres monkries Of course I did Would it be sodium free Veruca? That'd be the Gotcha Jesus Christ Well

And the bit is dead. No, just kidding. Not quite. I haven't done zig-zig Sputnik-ish. Hey, Tweet? Yeah? I said Tweet. Yeah?

I said, hey, Tweet. Hey. I want to hear Tweet's voice. You'd still be in blame. The listeners on Twitter are freaking out because you don't do it ever. All right, here. Let me go in. Let me find Tui in here.

Hey, it's me, Tui. Hey, I get no respect from Tui. What are you going to do, Tui? What are my options? Well, you can cast spells to help. I mean, you could probably get Typha through this hole. You could also abandon Typha. I would say Tui is smart enough to notice Gago is MIA,

and no one has explained it yet exactly. And he's been in your party for on and off for a while now, so that would pop up. Oh, and isn't Jendi looking real rough? Jendi is. Gagos died though, right? Gagos died, right? Or did we lose them? You haven't really called it out yet,

but it seems pretty likely that Gagos toast. Do we remember when? In the battle when Stormdor hit him with acid spit. Oh, okay. Well, we're going to have to pour out some my four. Pour out a 20-sided for him? Two of them. said spit. Oh, okay. Well, we're going to have to pour out some.

Pour out a 20-sided for him? Two of them. Yeah, I mean, it depends how you want to deal with this toy. Hmm. How important is Typha to us? Very. She's sitting across the room. She's important, but Jendi can cast spells and it's almost dead. I mean, this is not a, should I light you up

what me he looked right at me everybody you all know this twee is smoking a cigarette and he's looking as evil as ever he's not officially gone to the evil side but he's certainly dabbling in it lately so he would be joking but he would not surprise you if he

was a little bitter. What do you need to get through here? How far away? Me? I'm inside. Typha's outside. You've got two people manning the rope. I mean, you could do something supernatural to kind of hasten the process,

but you've got Esmeralda and Bodhi both just hauling Typha through the portal. Tom levitated me, so I'm sort of proud of him. She's coming. Are you levitating? No, I'm inside with you. Typha's levitating Tom levitated me, so I'm sort of proud of him. She's coming. Are you levitating? No, I'm inside with you. Typha's levitating. Yeah. I'm Esmeralda. Just trying to get her above the danger and make it easier to pull. But Gendi, who's the

teacher, she was casting some badass spells, but now she's almost dead. There's Master Magnus. The three NPCs that made it through the portal are Dessa, Master Magnus, and Master Gendi. Master Gendi is the woman, human, and she is at one hit point. She's bleeding outwardly, and she also is heavily scarred from all the acid damage that she took. You've got Master Magnus, who took some battle damage,

but he's fine and mostly just looks sad and annoying. And he also is already dead, right? He's kind of undead right now. And then you've got Dessa, who is... Her hands are tied, and she's over the back of one of the horses. Huh.

Do I have enough room to throw a spell on the crowd that's coming at us? Yeah, but there is going uh uh to throw a spell on the crowd that's coming at us yeah but there is gonna have to be a role to see if you hit typha because you'd have to do it through the portal all right let's just uh let's just get her out of there let's just get everybody to safety let's just get everybody out of this portal i'm i just want to make yeah i would say the easiest thing for twee to do would be to grab either Bodhi or Esmeralda around the waist and yank from there

because there's almost not enough room on this little rope. Okay, yeah, yeah, of course. All right, so if you do that, you'll get her just a little bit closer. 13. Yeah, I mean, that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, at this point,

you're like splitting hairs how close you're getting her out. Yeah, my spells are kind of useless at this point. Yeah, I mean, you could try to do what Bodhi's doing and kill some of the kobolds that are coming through the portal. He has reduced their number a significant amount. But, I mean, there's currently 23 kobolds in this hut. There are three horses in this hut and the party. Can everybody get next to me really quick?

Like up close to me and throw a thunder wave so that nobody gets hit? Everyone except Typha on the other end of this rope. Well, where are you throwing it? Are you throwing it at the guys in the hut? I guess it would come out from us. Normally I throw it from above, but I'm not above right now. As you're contemplating all this, Dessa says,

I can help. No, shut up. No, really, I can help. Like how? What? Spells. I'm a sorcerer. I know stuff.

Well, if you think we're going to let you loose, you're fucking insane. So shut up. You can leave my hands tied. Just get me off the back of this horse. No. I'll fight anybody that helps her. He knocked your head into a tree.

Let's get Typha through. Yes, you're just going to. Okay, so you get within five feet, Typha, as it becomes your turn. You're like five feet away, and you're coated in kobolds to the point where you might get hit again. Feels like college. Before Tom gets to go again,

you might get hit again just because there's so many kobolds on you. Your feet are not on the ground. You could probably risk doing a hand over fist with the rope. Will that get me through? If you roll really well. That's what I would like to do. It's going to be a strength check.

Okay. Fortunately, I am a remarkable athlete. I get that. I heard you play a lot of squash. That's right. Ooh, that's not as good. So that's a that and then that. So that's an eight total.

No. I'm going to say the rope just kind of slips as you do it. You don't lose ground, but you don't gain any either. Can I take my extra attack and slash at one of these fuckers? Or should I? Does that cause me to lose rope? You're going to do, if you do that, an athletics saving throw

to determine whether you can hang onto the rope while you do it. Yeah, I'm not going to let go of the rope. Okay. Bonus action. You can do one more little thing. Do you want to finish your buttered toast? Yeah. There's literally... Shout out to all those Typha fans? Yeah. A little kiss. There's literally no...

What else is there? Shout out to all those Typha fans out there. Hey, everybody. Thanks for all those great recipes you've been sending. Keep sending them in. I'm sure Tom or Esmeralda, somebody will take good care of them. The lutefisk was delicious. So you...

I love the idea for small s'mores called smalasses. As Typha gets closer, you guys all notice she's got so many kobolds jumping up and just grabbing out all these little lizard fuckers. She is slightly bigger than the portal with them. They fuck lizards? Huh? They fuck lizards? Lizard fuckers?

They're fuckers who are lizards. I apologize. I mean, I guess that means they fuck lizards. Guys, it's college. You're experimenting. It's a different life. We're talking about mage colleges here. I mean, they just came probably from raiding one of them.

No wrong answers in college. I got a lot of hemipene picks. So, yep. But my point being, she is probably going to fit through this portal, but you might have to yank extra hard when she gets to it because she's becoming... I think it'll scrape the kobolds off of the yank. Yeah, you have to scrape them off the edge of the portal, basically, as she goes through. And you take an additional four points of damage from the guys who are stabbing you.

Tom, you're up. I'm giving her the yank. I'm hanging on to the other guys and yanking Trying to yank her through Alright well that'll do she hits the portal And she kind of goes like As She kind of catches One of the kobolds goes head

Goes over her head and tumbles onto the ground Of the hut A ground that is quickly filling with kobolds Who would like to attack all of you Does Blaine need to have a turn to close it or can he close it by me just saying close it? He does need to have a turn to close it.

And he's the only person who can close. No, anybody can close it. One of you has a separate portal set that won't work. Someone can take the staff from Tui and do it. But again, Tom, you notice half of her is through. Right.

And the kobolds that make it through kind of like because of the whiplash kind of like fall off for a little bit. But they're grabbing her legs. And once she hits the portal, you have this moment that you can act in where you realize stuff on the other side of the portal. You have this moment that you can act in where you realize, stuff on the other side of the portal, this would be a great time for them to grab her legs and pull in the opposite direction. Right. What do you do?

I stab at the stuff on the other side of the portal. Actually, you can shoot a fireball. Shoot a fireball at them. You're going to have to do an aim roll to see if you hit Typha with your fireball. This portal is about the size of the table we're playing on. Typha sticking out the middle. Kobold's grabbing her hips, keeping her from coming all the way through. I really screwed this up.

Wow. I mean, you only tried to attack a dragon face-to-face. That's the only thing that kind of... At the time, it seemed like a great idea. Again, college. I mean mean we all How do you know something can't be done until you try And realize that was

No that was Jägermeister How many hit points do you have left Me? 19 Well chances are I won't kill you if I hit you Great So I'm going to go for it Chances are I'm't kill you if I hit you. Great. So I'm going to go for it. Chances are.

I'm going to shoot a fireball. Here's how I would do it if you shot the fireball. I would make you do a wisdom check. Okay. If you can beat a 15, you don't hit her at all. If you beat a 10, she takes half the damage. If you don't beat a 10, it's going to hit her. Okay.

So roll a 20. Give it going to hit her. Okay. Roll a 20. Give it to me with your wisdom modifier. Oh. It's a plus 3. Oh, nice. All right, so you do not hit her. Yay. Roll your damage for that fireball.

All right. Should I try to hit her? Wait. Somebody who doesn't understand what's happening. Those were difficulty numbers I was giving Tom. 13. Difficulty class. Difficulty class.

I was thinking. Oh, that's the NPC's difficulty class, right? I just was thinking that's about checks, but not difficulty. Sorry, go ahead. I've had to adapt 5th edition to fit my brain. That is the end of the story. Great, so you knock off tons from her hips

and you feel like whoever's turn is next could get her all the way through. And that person's name is Esmeralda. You are holding the rope with Bodhi and Tui is just kind of grabbing at both you guys, trying to yank you backwards. And suddenly the force-resisting Typha loosens,

and you feel like you could yank her all the way through. Okay, I yank. Excellent. Just for kicks and athletics check. 17. Woo! You come tumbling through Typhapha and so do 10 more kobolds who've been grabbing and spilling behind you

I kick my heels in their faces you have another attack you can do or action it's gonna be you you then you so while we're waiting for that to happen I'm gonna go ahead and But Dan said you could you could you could grab it from him grab the portal

He's ready to loan you that stuff, okay Then I'll take it and close the portal remember that it's gonna become a deadly weapon the second it closes the third portal is like Right the third swing of the portal will will cause it to Anything that goes in will start getting spit back out. Like chopped up. It's going to create a third, so you don't make it disappear. You point it somewhere else and there becomes a deadly thing. Okay.

There's strategy to where you point this staff right now. Okay, so is there a door? To the hut? Yeah. Yes. Is it open? It is to the left of the portal. Okay, so I'm going to take the staff, run out the door, and then look for a place to

put the portal. Okay, yeah, that is a turn. You can't, but that's the thing. You can't run out the door of this crowded hut with the staff and swing it. Okay, then I'm not going to do that. But you can take it and swing it. You just can't. I don't know what's out there, then I'm not going to do that. But you can take it and swing it. You just can't. I don't know what's out there, so I don't want to do that.

It's going to turn into like a shredder. Can you aim it at a bunch of the kobolds? No. Into the portal itself? I think it's fine to give it another second here. I'll just keep them at bay. I'm going to just swing at them, the ones that are coming in. Roll a 20.

And then roll a six. So 18. Great. Roll a six. Two. Cool. You just killed two named Bachoco and Lord McUnicorn. Oh.

The last of his kind. Wow. I remember when Lord McUnicorn came up And put their head in my lap I was kind of hanging out in the woods Just combing my hair Next thing I know a unicorn in my lap Sleeping away Bodhi you see a whole bunch of kobolds

Starting to come through this portal I thought the portal was closed Nope not yet Must have been the peanut butter She thought about taking it and casting it somewhere safe but she decided to wait until twee would do it so it wouldn't take so much of her turn up oh okay i just thought if i ran out the door with it then i'm just leaving okay cool well you could do what she was thinking about doing if you wanted to remember that we're it's gonna set up three portals whenever you do it

again and then each portal is going to become dangerous. There's one portal in the battlefield, one portal in this hut, and the next time you swing it, it's going to create a third portal somewhere. Where? Wherever you point it. So I was trying to take it outside, but there wasn't time. I have time, though, to do that, right? Because I have more than one movement.

So that's what I'm going to do. All right. So you grab the staff from Twee. Yeah, I close this portal. that right because i have more than one movement yes that's what i'm gonna do all right so you grab the staff from twee yeah and close this portal you can't just close it okay it doesn't work like you can say we should you would have to you would have to go out the front door that's what i do all right so you open the door kobolds chase you out the door and you see you are but 50 yards from the gates of Gantham in a sort of small series of huts. Where there used to be a gate, though, the rocks of the wall have been sort of caved in and demolished. And you see one dragonborn, he's black chromatic dragonborn,

leaning up against the wall asleep. Okay. Do I point it at him? Yes. Or next to him. Like behind him, yeah. Yeah, behind him. I point it behind him.

All right, do a wisdom check. Difficulty 10, please. Yep. So. Get theulty 10, please. Yep. So all of a sudden, a portal opens up behind this dragonborn on the wall that he's been leaning in. And as the portal opens up, you all hear a woman's voice say, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz into a bunch of meaty chunks. And kobold chunks start spraying into the hut where there are lively, angry kobold horses and a variety of NPCs,

including two dwarves who are now shouting at you, What are you doing? Please, no! Oh, God! And they run out of the hut. What was the original agreement they had with Twee? Okay, but just for a second. Twee went in there. Can I use youre? Okay, but just for a second. Twee went in there.

Can I use your apartment? Yeah, this was an Airbnb thing. Basically, they weren't home when he went in, but they were nearby. And when Twee went in, they chased in there and were like, no, no, you can't do this. No, no, no. I don't think insurance is going to cover this. But their names are Billfuss and Jugfour, and they are now running away. And they will get you a settlement.

So good news. You have escaped the battlefield, and it is now Twee's turn. Bad news. There's still kobolds everywhere. Like how many? I dropped a drink. There are... Actually, you know what?

That's a great question. That's a great question. Because guess what? Some of them were near the portal that has now turned into a meat shredder. Whoops-a-doodle. Guess what that roll was. All right.

Roll to see if the doodle would stay upright. All right, so eight of the kobolds were basically leaning up against the portal and they get shredded more into the room time to clean, you should have learned but that leaves 22 kobolds

22? it's very chaotic, they don't even know what's happening they're very stupid they look like they're ready to attack anything or run away. It's not entirely clear. But their turn comes after you, Tui. So you've got the only element of surprise your group has. So we're in a hut.

We're not outside of the hut. Bodhi is. Bodhi just shredded a dragonborn. We do see an open door. Yeah, should we all just get out of here? I'm not against it. Yeah, should we all just get out of here? I'm not against it. Yeah, I think we should get out of here so that we can start using spells. You would think there's going to be a lot of advantages to getting out of here.

Yeah, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to run like a cheetah. You do. Use my tail to change direction. And as you leave, the fresh air feels wonderful. It was getting very claustrophobic inside that hut. Yeah, it's like that cigar place next to change direction. And as you leave, the fresh air feels wonderful. It was getting very claustrophobic inside that hut. Yeah, it's like that cigar place next to the improv.

Typha, you're up. I will follow... Did you run out? Yeah. I'll follow him and hack and slash as we go. Excellent. Roll a 20. So let's excellent roll 20 so it's what's my thing do you not know what numbers are

I do but I don't know where the number is that I normally see what does it say on the dice fella it says 8 and then there's a and I have a 3 string so that's it so it's a 13 or 11 it's an 11 yeah that's a hit cool roll 6 that's how so it's a 13 or 11 it's an 11 yeah that's a hit cool roll six that's how many you take out in one swing three great so say goodbye to three more kobolds i have not

taken i have an extra attack can i take my second attack as i go uh yes you can oh. That's a better. That's a 18. And a 1. Okay. But you really fuck him up. Yeah. And goodbye to the kobolds named Shaw Weaver, Jorge Gaisperis, Brentie Dohanahue, and Tom Pickhardick.

Jorge! Thanks, guys. Thanks for dying. Thanks for dying. Thanks for dying. I'm glad I didn't kill any of our listeners on the way out. Now I think about it. And you get outside. As you get outside, Tom, you see they are starting to panic and run away.

Good. However, they're dumb. Who, the Cobes? Yeah. Them Cobes. Oh, is that your full Who, the Cobes? Yeah. Them Cobes. Oh, is that your full name for the Cobles? In the panic, two of them run right into the portal, thinking it will somehow save them, and are shredded into tiny chunks of Cobles.

Yay. Oh, well. What do you do? I run out and try and kill some on the way. Great. Roll a 20. 18. Roll a 6. 18. Roll a 6.

5. Oh, well, thank you and goodbye forever to the Komals named Edgy Johnson, Eddie Muldweeney, and Leo Lucchetti. And of course, who could forget

Maxusius Bicious and Davwali Lodelson. So now we're down to 14? Yeah. Wow. I like that last name kind of got caught in your mouth for a second. I was trying to add a little bit of just like cobalt culture. You're woke.

Dear God, no. Esmeralda, you're up. Cool. I'm going to my um war magic again so i'm gonna cast frostbite and then attack excellent so frostbite is um saving constitution saving uh they they actually uh it says we're only the only one now still in the hut Saving? They actually... Is Esmeralda the only one now still in the hut? She's in there with all the NPCs.

The dwarves ran. But she's in there with three horses and three other NPCs. Okay. Yeah, they made a saving throw. Oh, okay. Then I'm just going to attack with my battle axe. Go for it. As I'm running for the door.

I'm on your six. If you get over a ten. I didn't. You did? I failed. You failed? Oh, okay. You almost beheaded Gwendolyn Perry.

Ooh. And she makes a face at you. gwendoline perry and she makes a face at you uh we are now back to bodie bodie you you feel a great sense of accomplishment and a small burst of experience points as you watch a gigantic dragonborn warrior get turned into pudding oh good uh you also notice people are fleeing the hut that you just came from, some of them screaming. Are they kobolds? Well, I mean, some of them are your pals. Okay.

And you see four kobolds run into the woods in terror. So they're gone. Okay. There's like six kobolds left. Are there any kobolds close to me? No. They're kind of pouring out of the hut, and they look like they want to run in the woods.

Okay. I'm going to in the woods. Okay. I'm going to go grab two. Okay. Make an athletics check, which you're not very bad at. Uh, I have, so that's a 12. All right. You, you grab a couple by the tail. Yeah.

And I wing them into the portal. That'll be an athletic strict difficulty 15. Sure. It's a pretty far throw. That's all right. I close a little distance with my bonus action. How about if I run a couple feet with my... Yeah, you can run, but I'm going to hang on.

They're going to do a constitution check to see if they're... Wait, wait, they have to do a constitution check to see if their tails fall off. Oh, yeah, because they're scared. No. Good. They tried to lose their tails and it didn't work. All right. They can choose?

I remember I almost got sideswiped by a semi truck the other day and my dick fell off. Hey, Brian, what did you just roll? Oh, 26. I think they're pretty dead. So as you check the first one. Like you've thrown a football through a tire. I say, be like a tree and get the fuck out of here. Steven Tyreel says, I love Back to the Future.

Gets thrown into a portal and it turned into mud. Hey, can I give you an idea for something to yell? Problem dissolved. And then the second one you an idea for something to yell? Problem dissolved. And then the second one you toss, what do you say? Problem dissolved. And Paul J. Easton says, I heard the other guy say that to you beforehand.

Didn't feel spontaneous. Don't worry about it. Yeah, he can't because his brain is now dust. There's four more guys kind of scrambling into the forest twee as it is now dust. There's four more guys kind of scrambling into the forest, Tui, as it is now your turn. Fireball them. Three guys headed for the forest?

Mm-hmm. Four. A little fireball, yeah. Alright. Alright. So, uh... What do they do? Sorry. I should know this by now. Firebolts are what?

D8? 10. 2d10 is what I have here. Yep. Well, it's 1d10. And then once you get fifth level, it becomes 2d10. So yeah. Crack my knuckles on my face.

I apologize. 15. So yeah. Crack my knuckles on my face. I apologize. 15. They don't have enough hit points between them to absorb that. So you just sort of see the outlines kind of get burned into a tree.

Hiroshima style as three skeletons kind of freeze in place for a second and then topple over. Kind of takes me back. Takes me back to that alley. Oh, that alley. What was I doing in that alley? Blaine being a creep is brought to you by Paladinos. The number one tribute band. You know who I like to go see?

Bar in the Valley. This week, hold on. This week we have Ziggy Pop. It's an Iggy Pop tribute band, but they're dressed like Ziggy, that adorable little comic book fella. Comic strip fella. Also downstairs, don't miss Duran. Well, out in the alley.

They can only afford the one Duran. The one man band Duran Duran tribute. Out in the third stage by the pickup zone, we've got Real Big Fish with a PH, the only jam band with 40 minute long trumpet solos. So you guys have eliminated the immediate threat and aren't feeling too great. Two dwarves are kind of shaking their heads

and whispering to each other, judging what they're going to do about the fact that their house is now... I'm not going to get my security deposit back. Bilfus and Jugvor are deciding what to do about the fact that their home is now filled with kobold guts, three horses, and a couple other characters.

We'll get the horses out of there. Let's get the queer eye guys in here. We'll get the horses out of there. We told them they can keep the horses. Let's get the Queer Eye guys in here. We spent a gold brick for those horses. Not those horses. I don't know how to tell you guys this. What? The horses are larger than the doorway. That's all right.

Let's just go the other way. You give them to the doors because we're about to go to the moon, right? We just bust down the door. I'm telling you, the horses are a gift to them, or they can give them to the dwarves because we're about to go to the moon, right? We just bust down the door. The horses are a gift to them or they can throw them in the portal. No, I'll make the doorway bigger. Yeah, I make the doorway bigger too. I'm not giving up these goddamn horses. As you go towards the doorway, the dwarves, kind of their

eyes get big as they realize what you're doing. They start shouting. Just give them some gold. No! I'm sorry, it's the end of the world. You need to sit down. Hey, I owe you a gold brick. I'm good for it.

Give him a couple gold pieces. These poor guys were going for a walk, and all of a sudden there's an army of kobolds. You know what? I'm going to go in, and I'm going to take the horses by the reins, and I'm going to dimension door the horses outside of his

great do a wisdom check difficulty of I would have made you do a check I'll make you do a roll off to see who busts her a six and an eight it's technically tweeze turn so that's why I'm letting you

so yeah I mean, you Dimension Door everybody out, but their home is still full of cobalt guts. Well, they can clean that shit out. I just didn't want to fuck their door up. I don't want to cause structural damage or damage any load-bearing walls. There are still two visible portals, one in their hut that's a giant blender. They can put some more. Another in the former gate of Gantham.

You know what it'll look good over that? Beads. When we do the fourth one. Go to Spencer's, get some beads. When we do the fourth one it... They seal in the magical barriers that will fade after 24 hours. So you could swing that staff one more time and do him a solid.

He has it here so you swing it okay yeah uh i'll uh peanut butter sandwiches now don't do it again it's very important that you only do the one and the portals gloss over all right good do we do we forget our our chance to scrape some plates off in there? Yeah, I mean, if you've got any composting you want to do in their living room, that was a good time. It spits it back out again, though, so it's not great, right? Dirty diapers and Popeyes. Right, it would come out

in smaller bits. So, yeah, but you've sealed them off canonically. And, yeah's other than some rustling deep in the forest where a few of the kobolds ran off there's no more sign of the giant monstrous melee although

Gendi on the back of her horse is starting to pass out okay somebody help her I'll go bind her I'll see to her I have a yeah let's why don't I throw up a tiny hut sure

and we can all sit in here for the night we'll take shifts or whatever and we can heal up fill it full of farts as you cast Lehman's tiny hut

the two dwarves go what the and you all disappear absolving yourselves of immediate responsibility the thing is so funny is we're like 10 feet from their house the whole time. And so, yeah, you can start healing up.

Some stuff might happen if you spend more than, I would say, an hour in here. So you can do like a round of healing. But if you want to relearn spells, try to attune yourself to magical objects, it's going to have a risk of your environment changing. Yeah, it feels like we're on a little bit of a time crunch here with the whole dragon situation. Yeah, did the army come from here? Because that dragonborn

guy, I saw a bunch of those as I was getting pulled through. You would all put two and two together and the army either came from here or because there was a I would assume Bodhi's telling you this a guard at that what was left of the gate there's some kind of black chromatic presence here of storm doors army and didn't you say the wall was knocked down the gate is gone there looks like there used to be a proper

stone city gate with doors and everything but something maybe the size of a dragon kind of just ripped it out of the wall or disposed of it or exploded it or something. Could it have been another dragon, you guys? Do we still see the... I would say you could give all the credit to Stormdor in another... Is the tower going up to the moon? Can we see it? Oh, yes.

Okay. So you see not very far into this little city, there is a giant spire reaching up into the clouds, full of red lightning. And it looks kind of pretty. It's a nice contrast because the lightning is all crimson red and the fungal spire is this sort of yellowish green. And it's very, very colorful against all the dark raininess around you. There are some buildings between the wall and the spire. But you can see from where there is now a white barrier where the dragonborn got churned up

that there is some sort of door built into the base of the spire as well. So we should just do the bare minimum and then get going if we want to do that still, I think. Yeah. All right. Stop people from dying. Yeah, and I think Tui is in the process of getting his dice warm for a heal.

16 for people. I just did a cure wounds. Great. Mass cure. Everybody gets 16 or? I believe so. It's mass cure wounds. Yeah.

Thank you. Enjoy. How's Gindi? She's much better after that But she looks terrible She's got some scar damage from this one Oh, I don't know It's like a pixie cut We'll just kind of do it a certain way

Yeah, her hair's not growing back anytime soon You know what? Tomorrow's another day We're going to figure that out She's going to be awesome Yeah, she spends pretty much the whole time silently resting and contemplating your guys's situation and after you've sort of healed her she says thank you um she's uh here overhearing kind of the plans and gathering what's next and

she's sort of the more most lucid of the mages that you've brought with you, even though she was so fucked up. And she says, I don't know, guys. I don't know how many of us you are thinking about bringing with you on the rest of this quest. But some of us are in better shape than others. I hate to say it. I'm in better shape than these other two knuckleheads. Master Magnus, I'm not sure how trustworthy he is being a witch, but he's also not very powerful.

All he can really do is babysit Dessa if he needed to. And Dessa, I would trust about as far as I could throw her. That's how I feel, and I can throw her further. She nods and says, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still trust her less. She's like, I would not try to compete with you how hard I can throw Dessa hard do we need to make a decision about dessa because like if we leave her behind are we just we need to talk about dessa um and when you say that of course uh see that movie uh you see you see actually when you say that magnus walks over to dessa and kind of shushes her and implies that she should just shut the fuck up.

And Gendy says, well, I've been trying to figure out exactly why we would keep her around from a practical point. I mean, I, she was my student too, so I would kind of hate to see her die, but there,

there is sort of the practical thing. You're going to meet with an imprisoned God, a deadish God that's looking for a vessel. I mean, I don't know if you're looking to meet with an imprisoned god a deadish god that's looking for a vessel i mean i don't know if you're looking for bait if you're looking somewhere to trap a god but uh these two have interest in each other so yeah no i don't think she should come with us yeah and she kind of sighs and says that's your decision to make but uh you know i don't think the god's necessarily going to become more powerful if they merge it would definitely be a distraction to bring her with you and also if we're just talking about bait wasn't so i'm i'm not clear is she recommending it or no she's like you guys guys decide. I'm not powerful enough to lead this group.

My only concern is if we don't kill her, if we leave her here. No, we're not leaving her. Well, then what are our other options? Who are you talking to? I said, do you want to? No, I don't know if my alignment will let me just waste her i want to she's evil right yeah so uh gendy walks over to the two of them and magnus and dessa and instructs uh them to walk outside of liam and tiny hut uh she kind of says

it loud enough for you guys to hear waits for one of you to stop her. She kind of says it loud enough for you guys to hear, waits for one of you to stop her, and then kind of stops waiting and just kind of shoes the horse. And they just go right outside the hut. She says, they can't hear us now. Here's what I'm going to suggest. You let me come with you, but I cast a pretty powerful paralysis spell against them, so we just get a head start.

I really don't think they can do much. If we take the remnants of that tree, those barks and seed chunks that let us communicate with us, that was her only real way of communicating with Zinzerina. Okay. So I think she's kind of cut off unless she knows some secret sorcerer type stitches uh and even then i don't know how worried i am she's like she's kind of shrugged she's like the world feels like it's in rough shape right well i like the paralysis spell i just don't want her to if we leave she overtakes magnus or or uh convinces magnus yeah she says i can buy us basically three days guaranteed if we can if we can find a place to ditch these two but can't

she like summon demons like didn't she make that demon baby head thing again gendy says uh what you saw were two familiars i believe the first familiar she summoned was a bit innocent, and she was trying to send a message to get you guys some help. No, I mean the big baby-faced monster thing that was eating a guard in the city. Didn't she summon that? Baby-faced monster that was? Yeah. Oh, right, right, right, right.

It wasn't baby. It was just human. She threw me for a second face that was funny she threw me for a second i was like what horror movie are we in um yeah she's she he's like you should have that thing attack us later that would be great shut up she's like i don't think she can reach us whatever suffering happens i'm not as concerned i mean i think i'm talking about i'm not even so worried about what happens to us but like should we leave the demon baby witch to just do whatever the fuck she wants to do here? Well, we're paralyzing her for three days.

Also, I think everyone in this city is dead. Like, Stormdor just came through. I don't think it's like. She says, I believe, I am suggesting this because it is the only hope I have of salvation for this kid. it is the only hope I have of salvation for this kid. I think if we can do something about this god, it will disconnect her from whatever evil she's involved in, at least enough to get her some kind of, I don't know, atonability for her crimes.

So high atonability. She says, I'm going to recommend you guys go investigate that spire and i'm gonna go tell these guys we're gonna rest in another hut and then paralyze them because there's some other huts here and i'm getting the impression that those dwarves are maybe some of the only people who stuck around okay some of these look abandoned this city survived a major siege and those two look like they were just farming mushrooms in the forest because they're hardy. But I don't think there's a lot of happy, normal humanoids

around here except for those two knuckleheads. And so she goes and walks out of Lehman's tiny hut and starts looking. She finds a hut. There's someone in there. She goes to the next hut. She opens the door. No one's in there. And she kind of pulls Dessa off the horse and goes in there with Magnus.

And that is where we will leave. Cool. Our adventure. Forever Nerdy, my book, is available to preorder a bunch of places. You can go to Decapo, who my publisher and they can direct you or you can just go to barnesandnoble.com or uh the places where you normally buy books because you read all the time right listeners amazon those places check it out also on a very very sad note I lost a friend on Thursday that was gonna come and be a part

of this show she hadn't played D&D in a long time but she was gonna come be a guest on our show my friend Jill Janis from the band Huntress from the band Starbreaker and from being just fucking awesome she passed away on Thursday,

and I'm super bummed still, and there's a thing that I will not be able to be a part of, but Rainbow Barn Grill this Friday, after, well, actually, it'll be before this airs, but people can come ask me on twitter and those places and i will direct you if you want to uh give to a cause me personally i'm gonna i have she's on two songs on my album and we're trying to figure out but uh i'm gonna give some money to suicide prevention in her in her name uh sorry to add on this end on a sad note,

but it's been on my mind. She's come up on the show a couple of times. Yeah, I've mentioned her before, and we played her on, she's on Take On Me, and she fucking destroyed it in a good way. She had an incredible voice, and I'm sad. But thanks for listening.

Catch you on episode 30. Three, two, three, four, two to Brian and two to one and tape. Ready, Sam and rolling speed. Go Brian in three, two, two to tape.

Hey everybody. It's Brian Passani. God damn it.