Nerd Poker - Episode 3 - Manannan and the Lost City

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

This episode our heroes learn some intel from the evil fairy named Goggo about the sea god Manannan and a strange rumor about wizards and the end of the world. Will they venture into a lost city, or get super emo from the bad news? Only time will tell.

Hey, it's Brian Poussin and you're about to listen to episode three of Nerd Poker. Super excited you're joining us here wherever you're listening to it. Google or iTunes or Libsyn or maybe you're on our Patreon account. If you're not on our Patreon account, join us over at Patreon and you can get a bunch of different bonuses. We've already got over 250 people and they're getting a cool bonus coming up. But the reason I'm leaving this little message is to let you guys know that we recorded around 10 of these episodes before we took care of the microphone issues. So I, cause I just wanted to get this show up and going. And by episode 10, we got an engineer to help us and figure out our mic problems.

So please be patient with us. I think you're going to enjoy these next eight episodes before we get the mic taken care of. But it's going to take some patience. Thanks so much, guys. You rule. care of and but it's gonna take some patience thanks so much guys you rule hey it's Brian Poussin I used to have a podcast where I played Dungeons & Dragons with a bunch of my friends I missed, so I decided to make a new one. It's called Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker. It's myself, a couple of my buddies, Blank and Patch, Dan Telfer,

Ken Daly, an occasional guest or two, and we're going to be playing in a new setting, my dining room. Each week you'll hear my wife, my son, my dogs, and we're going to be playing in a place that I love and playing the game that I've loved half my life. Dungeons & Dragons. We've got 5th edition and we're ready. So are you ready? Here's Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey everybody.

I'm Brian Pessain and you're listening to Brian Pessain's Nerd Poker. Not Nerd Poker with Brian Pessain and Friends. No, you're listening to Brian Pessain's Nerd Poker. And I also happen to have my friends here. Hi friends. Hi Brian Pessain. That would be from sitting right in front of me. I'm looking right into his eyes. What happened?

I've known him a long time. Whoa. Brian and Ken finally kiss. To my right is Blaine. To my left is Dan. Thanks for listening bye that was great you guys

good hustle out there see you guys at Barney's Beanery oh Blaine also has leftover from last episode control of my son's Casio keyboard or does he have

control of it? Blaine's character is a bard? He's going to wake up and run in. That's how I'm justifying this in my head? Yeah. So the three of you, Twee, Tom, Doretto, and Bodhi are currently in a tent.

It's like two in the morning. You're with a drunk Dragonborn, and you're interrogating a fairy caught in the woods amidst some shadow business. And he has hinted at a couple of things that you found intriguing. One, he keeps talking about something called the demolith uh that is seems to be in the woods and related to the shadows that you saw that the the tall uh gone black figures yes and he also keeps referring to your world as gone yeah which first of all you didn't know your world and his world were really that different places. But he seems to be boasting about it a little bit. He's kind of a little dick.

And you were talking about maybe getting him drunk and seeing what comes up. Yeah, let's pour some meat on that. He was saying, make you monograte. Again. Now, he's currently tied down with Twine. Let's ply him with So we decided last episode That we were going to ply him

With some sort of beverage How do you want to go about this though Because he's currently tied down So there's an antagonistic vibe Between you right now Based on the fact that he is physically restrained Alright well I would say

whiskey first, then release him. Or not whiskey, but like... Are you waterboarding him with the whiskey? No, no. Let him sip from a little thimble. He's a tiny... If he wants to drink, he can drink. Should we go get him his fermented

fruit thing? Where do we obtain? Because he told us what he'll take it. Because he told us what he loves to drink. I know. I don't want to get that stuff. We've got to go in the forest for that. I say we give him some mead or some wine.

Yeah, he was definitely making a reference to, like, a fairy drink in the woods. Right. Now, the bartender pretty much just got whiskey, but you could ask if he's got something else. Okay. Here. Go ahead. Something sweet, something this little guy would like, some berries or maybe wine. Yeah, yeah.

I got some girly stuff you want me to... Sure. I'm getting something with a little bit of a current in it. Give us a wine cooler. All right. current in it. Give us a wine cooler. Alright. He takes out a pink bottle and

pours a tall glass of it. Bacardi cooler? Yeah. Strawberry explosion. Nicki Minaj mix. I'm not going to drink anything. I'm a tweetotaler. You're a tweetotaler for everybody who can't hear

blades. I can't keep my head up. What kind of outfit are you wearing exactly? I'm curious. You know what I'm wearing. Is it all tweed? That's what I'm trying to say. Really, Blades? I hadn't already thought of that.

I wasn't really thinking about it. I just sort of pictured myself in a bathrobe. Are you dressed like a character in the Fantastic Mr. Fox? I am now. Yeah, I look like Professor Moriarty's college roommate. I also play in The Headcoats. Nice.

Are you on Twitter by any chance? I'm a tweeter The bartender offers you a little eyedropper Okay Oh me? No for the fairy What was the name? Golak? Gago Gago

Gago Gago Gago Offer it. Gago. Gago. Gago. Gago. Gago. Do you want to offer it up and just see what happens? Yeah. Yeah. I'll take the lead on this thing. Yeah, he immediately resists and he starts going, man, I don't need your shit. Might make you feel better.

What do you mean make me feel better, man? I'm going to have a drink. All right. Oh, fine, I guess. For all three of them. Let's drink to the end of the world. What do you mean Leave me feel better man I'm gonna have a drink Alright Oh fine I guess For all of them Let's drink to Let's drink to

The end of the world Or our world being destroyed Yeah man It's the end of your world Not my world No I know I'm clearly fine My words are fine

They're waiting for me And shit It's fucking extreme The world Ending in shit Let's drink to that Oh man Sorry about that

And everything Alright Herpes and Nevada everybody Here That's crazy Cheers Cheers Starts with an earthquake and shit. Let's drink to that. Oh man, sorry about that. Purple Cider Vada, everybody. That's crazy. Starts with an earthquake. Do you need some? I won't say no.

Thank you, sir. Eddie Bruce is not afraid. Yeah. We're a yummy role-playing. You're LARPing. So he does seem to relax a little bit. You're LARPing. Oh, So he does seem to relax a little bit. You're warping. So he does. Yeah.

He takes from the little. Cool. He definitely seems like he's evil. Are you. He's hostile. Right. So take that into account. You're dealing with an evil magical creature

just give it a minute is it like the god you you have family in the forest oh man I got 17 sisters 3 brothers 93 kids

we're all mortal as fuck I don't give a shit about you guys you're mortal, you're immortal because you're 350 years old yeah man 95 kids? yeah 93 do you have grandkids?

man I don't even keep track of that shit alright we're just fucking fairies in the world so nobody's ever given you a mug that says world's greatest grandpa fairy cause you don't give a shit I ain't got no mugs I got fucking acorn I drink out of

let's toast to his family yeah yeah have another one there alright buddy Let's toast to his family. Yeah, yeah. Have another one there. All right, buddy. Like some Dave Rathman. Hey, buddy. What else? You do feel like you could maybe try to squeeze in some more questions. Yeah, but I'm also all for taking the binds off him if he wants to.

I mean, if he seems like he's going to be... Are you going to take advantage of him? No, no. I mean, I'm going to let him just be free if he... Do you just go for it? No. No. Do you say something to him first? Yeah, I say...

If you promise not to freak out i'll uh i'll let you free for a minute way to go i just remind you to freak out if you go nuts i might go extreme uh he rolls his eyes and he's like fine I won't go nuts I take it but what do we have him tied down it's like twine I just pop the twine he took a twin

and turned him into twine now you may want to keep in mind he is a magical creature so there's any number of things he could potentially I ain't afraid of now. Alright so little black

fang dude kind of sits on the edge of the bar. Starts chugging on the eyedropper. Adorable. Little pink fluid guzzling down his throat. Tell us about... How recent did the world shit the bed? What do you mean, your world?

Yeah. Oh, man, time is relative out here. Well, we just got here from another part of our world where it hadn't shit the bed. Oh, I guess your world just ended from where you are, man. Okay. Sorry about that. What do you need to tell us about Mammon? Oh, man.

Mammon's the god of the sea and shit. He's the one who let you come here. Interesting. How do you know of Mammon? Because, man, he helped make this our own place. We get to survive because of his protection, man. Well, did he have something to do with our world shitting the bed?

Oh, no, man. That was some crazy-ass wizards and shit. I ain't got nothing to do with that. Oh, wizards. Where did they go? Oh, man, they're still out there. Out where? In what's left of your world.

Amina? No, man, we're in Amina right now. The land you come from is but wastelands ruled by wisdom. How do you know that? We just came from there. The forest knows, motherfucker. We're the only continent that survived. That's because we're between worlds right now, motherfucker.

Yeah, motherfucker. Man keeps us safe and out of time. What do you guys think of this guy? Hey, what's on the other side of the woods, anything? I mean, that's the Demolits' territory, so I don't really need to go out there. He does whatever he wants. Can we go around the woods?

You can try. I hear there's mountains on the other side of the woods. Have you been to those mountains? Yep. What are they like? I've fucked some mountain fairies, if that's what you're asking.

Um, no, I wasn't. I don't tie down to the roads, man. You know, I don't tie down to the roads. All right, okay. I know, hey. He has 93 kids. Hey, I played drums for Leon Redbone for a while. I know what you're talking about. let's get to I'm tied down to the Reds man you know all sorts of shit alright okay I know hey hey I played drums for Leon Redbone for a while

I know what you're talking about man you can go explore you can go do whatever you want here but you better watch

your ass you guys look like a bunch of purses whoa there's some shit that are way outside of here

we're just a bunch of friends having some drinks here and talking. Whatever, bro. As soon as I'm done with this fucking eyedropper full of booze, I'm out of here. Hey, can I ask you something? What's up, baby? If you had to give us one piece of advice that would keep us alive on this island, what would it be? Just ask.

I mean, I don't think you can, but you probably want to get rid of that Demolith, because he's killed a lot of people. He's? Or is it more than one Demolith? I mean, the Demolith is everything here now. Demolith. The Demolith is everything here now. It's like a... I'm assuming that the trees are like some sort of bread mold.

That's one of those big fungus mats that sort of encompasses the whole forest. A lot of magical beings in your world was going to shit the bed and ask for Manon's favor, right? But Demolith was like, I'm going to get the fuck out of here, too. So he's kind of crashing in our woods right now, but he kind of runs the mountains now, too. He's like a

new mayor right now. Huh. Where would you say is a good place for us to go? I mean, anywhere is as good as anywhere. Stay out of my woods and don't fuck my ladies. There's no particularly interesting areas

to you? Again, man, the demo was run, so I don't know if you noticed the sun don't come out around here much anymore, so... I mean, you could go to the Underground City, but... What? There's an Underground City? Where's the Underground City? It's under the woods, man. Wow, talk about burying the lead.

Is that under your woods? Yeah, there's entrances all over the place, but there's one under the woods, man. Wow, talk about burying the lead. Is that under your woods? Yeah, there's entrances all over the place, but there's one in the woods. Alright. Oh, all over the place. I mean, the demo doesn't seem to have that much interest in it. It is much more interested in devouring all your stuff. Can you take us there in the morning?

Can you tell us about it? I guess. But I mean, what do you guys want, anyway? You want to go go see what happened to your world? You want to?

Yeah. We want to find out what happened. Yeah. And then maybe talk to this Demolith about getting our world back.

Good luck with that. He can't bring your world back, man. He ran from that ship. Even he's too scared of what those wizards did. Oh, fuck, man. You guys don't even know. Oh, then what about the wizards?

Yeah, so the Demolit didn't do the damage. Oh, man, he's just keeping a low profile out here. Alright. What else can you tell us about the wizards? Do we... I don't know a whole lot about them except they fucked your world up real good man there ain't no ground left or nothing

it's just like you keep circling back to that oh shit man so the demolition is sort of on our side well no it's on the side of the fairies and the forest dwellers forest protectors from you

motherfuckers a bunch of you humans came into words like a couple months ago yeah that's what we really want to hear those motherfuckers like they never existed it was hilarious erased so they didn't they didn't flee he he murdered the humans he knows how to fuck with time and space so you know first he took the bones and then he took the skin. So we saw a gentleman put a sword in his belly and rip towards his face. And then before his guts fell out of his body, we thought this dark creature, I guess it's the Demolite that you're talking about.

Is that what took him? Yeah, oh, for sure. That was the Demolite shit, man. That's probably going to happen to all your guys sooner or later. Your boats aren't coming back. Did the Demolite do that? You're just nothing but upbeat.

Did the Demolite tell this man to do that? Oh, for sure, man. Okay. The Demolite doesn't tell him to do it, then he doesn't get all the good bits. All right. He doesn't get all the good bits, man.

How does the Demolith communicate to humans? He gets all up in their head and shit. All sorts of people have been wandering in the woods and doing what that weirdo was doing. Is there any protection against it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. He doesn't fuck with the fairies. He doesn't like humans, though.

Better than he used to be, Ron. Oh, what makes you think that? Oh, because he kills the humans first. Hmm. That's sad. I hope the listeners can even hear it. I hope the mic's picking it or can even hear it

I hope the mic's picking up it sounds like my dad's basement in 1979 we must pose some kind of a threat bro

to the to the demo it kills the humans first he has all the power here he likes being in charge

yeah hey what time is it outside it can be like 2.30 2.45 AM you know what I'm going to kind of I think I'm going to kind of do an elf shutdown power down a little bit go into sleep mode

which is still kind of awake I don't need to sleep much being an elf I think I'm going to sort of start to wind down. Maybe go outside. You guys bought tents. So you could actually try to sleep.

I don't know about sleeping, but I do want to kind of go outside. Keep me posted on what's going on. I just want to see what's happening outside. Okay. We're going to take the third river. keep me posted on what's going on. I just sort of want to see what's happening outside. Alright, okay. We gonna take the third with us? We gonna take the third and go with us?

And then... Yeah, as soon as you guys get up and he goes, you guys still partying? What's going on? Yeah, come with us. Where you guys going? Where was the party, man? We're gonna go outside and set up our own little party. All right. So we'll go

outside and set up the kids. He follows you and we grab the bottle. Lekas says he's going to get some rest. He's got a bad feeling about this. A bad feeling about what? Everything. Okay. Everything. I don't like the everything part. sorry I have a bad feeling about what everything okay everything

oh I don't like the everything part well he's not sure what he heard he was only kind of half paying attention he was a little drunk

but he did not like the stuff he heard about the end of the world from us yeah he was just kind of overhearing it and it was really bumming him out

well none of us are that happy about it either I get it yeah hearing it and it was really bumming him out. Well, none of us are that happy about it either. I get it. Yeah. So you're going to take Gago with you? In your tent?

Yeah, he can crash out. He's going to crash in your tent. Is that what you do? You guys going to crash? Yeah, sure. I hope you're like a dude on Ambien walking out of a second story window. We'll take watches, though. Yeah, yeah. We'll take watches with goggle.

You'll take turns with goggle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because he doesn't need sleep, so he's. Oh, okay. He'll, if you bring him the little bottle. Yeah, we'll keep him quiet. He'll have the eyedropper. He'll have the eyedropper.

He'll hang out with you, I think. Okay, cool. Nicky Nash Peach Muscatel. That's more of that. You're taking first, I think. Okay, cool. Mickey and Ash Peach. Yep. Muscatel. That's more of that. You're taking first shift? Sure. Okay. So these guys rest, right?

Yeah. Gago takes a couple of eyedroppers, and he looks at you. So am I the prisoner, or what's going on here, man? Not at all, no. You can go if you want, but we'd like for you to show us where the entrance to the underground city is. He seems satisfied with that answer. Do you want to ask me questions before a couple hours go by? What do you want to tell... How bad was this wizard takeover when the wizards came?

I mean, it was not good. I mean, I guess you guys have a chance. How many humans were here? Going back, I mean, humans here? I don't know, there was a few hundred. They're all gone. They're dead. Right.

So what do you remember about that event? Oh, you know, he made a bunch of people skin themselves Like that one dude Who did? So a lot of days ago I thought you were saying wizards Oh the wizards Your world is gone

And like it's been gone For a long time Okay Where you are right now does not exist Like, it's been gone for a long time. Okay. Where you are right now does not exist at the same time as your world. Oh. Okay. Renan allowed you to come here.

So you're not in a... Oh, I can't ask. I'm not in the... You can't hear any of this video. Yeah. Yeah, you'll hear about'll hear so the wizards had nothing to do with the humans going away you're gonna have to get out of here and try and go back to the world if you want to confront the wizards and i guess you could try to make your world but the way i'm just trying to get you to clarify the the wizards aren't what killed the humans here

the wizards right yeah so you get the if I can just stop doing that fucking voice for a second. You get a pretty clear impression, like, you are in a weird in-between world that this god has... You've been hinting at that, I guess. Well, not hinting, but saying it pretty clearly. My god has allowed this sort of safe haven to exist for some fey creatures. And some creature called the Demolith migrated here with the humans and sort of took over the mortal aspect of this area. So he doesn't mess with the fey creatures.

The fey creatures don't mess with him, but he seems to be devouring a lot of the humans and elves who are coming here for uh why do you have to say elves it's mostly humans and elves oh i'm an elf um but something happened to your world something it's um he he doesn't seem to he's being a little cagey because you don't think he really knows everything. But it sounds like part of the sanctuary means that people who come here

come from different times, maybe even different eras. And, uh, you're, you're lucky to have escaped something

where you came from. It sounds like some wizards fucked some shit up real bad. It was a shock event. Right. Yeah. So

it's not just a matter of do you want to get back to where you came from? It's is there anything left if you get there? He seems to hint that there is. Like you could go there but that things are really bad. Hmm. How do we know for sure that he knows knows what he's talking about well you get a sense he really knows what he's talking about when he talks about amina

and this continent and and uh manan the sea god but you don't really get the impression he knows what he's talking about when he talks about the wizard cataclysm. He might be telling the truth, but it seems like he's trying to hype up some rumors he heard. He must have his world, basically. So you're at about 3, 4 in the morning. You want to swap shifts? Yeah, sure.

Hey, what have I seen outside? What's the vibe like outside? People are restless. You get the impression that before you guys had lit the tree line on fire a little bit well you specifically actually uh people had been going to bed they were they drank a little bit they were pissed off everyone was in a bad mood but after that happened everyone's kind of like oh what's really going on here and people are a little uncomfortable so not everyone went back to bed after that happened uh and you notice some people have been toying at the edge of the woods

and kind of thinking about going exploring themselves in the woods. Hey, how long would it take us

to get to this city? Why don't we just here's the plan, right? We sleep tonight. We wake up and see where this

fairy is in the morning. We have him lead us to the to the city and we just go from there yeah I mean we have nothing to lose nothing to go back to before I crash out

I'm gonna I'm kind of intrigued by the people going to the yeah you wanna know what they're doing I wanna know if they're being told of intrigued by the people going to the to the fort? Yeah. You want to go walk up to them? I want to know if they're being told to go there. You guys want to follow Bodhi? See what happens?

Well, somebody's got to stay with them. You can bring the ferry with, too. It's up to you. Let's get a mellow and hang around the tent. Alright. So, Tui and Bodhi you guys check out okay so you go

there's like yeah I'm ready to rock there's like 10 soldiers and none of them look like they know each other they're all wearing different kinds of armor

and uh they're like poking at the trees with their swords they're not really going in there but they see you come up and they're like

hey you're the guys you got a little going in there, but they see you come up and they're like, hey, you're the guys. You got in that little fight in there. What's going on in the woods? Not exactly sure. I can only describe it as Hooters bathroom on Mardi Gras. Well, Steve and Larry over here are thinking about heading in there, killing some shit.

What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Hey, you know what? The sun's not up yet. You know what? When the sun comes up, knock yourself out. But don't do it now?

No, don't do it now. Probably not. Yeah. Wait until the sun comes up, knock yourself out. But don't do it now? No, don't do it now. Probably not. Yeah. Wait until the sun comes up. They get kind of big eyes and they're like impressed with your assuredness. And they're like, oh, okay, oh. Seriously, what have you got to lose? We saw some terrible stuff in there.

But we're waiting to go back ourselves in the morning. We're having that weird bard dude? Wasn't he out here with you? Didn't we see him walk in the woods? Is that the dude that, yeah They're probably talking about Horo, the guy in the Lumiere suit Things didn't end well for Horo Ooh, okay

We saw the forest take him But he kind of gave himself What do you mean the forest took him? Well he gave himself to the forest Gave himself to the forest take him But he kind of gave himself Well he gave himself to the forest He gave himself to the forest Yeah he Stuck a sword in his Stuck a sword in his belly And was trying to kill himself

And then the forest helped him Finish the job Yeah it sounds a lot like Hmm So they agree that maybe it's a lot like... Sorry. So they agree that maybe it's a good idea to wait until morning. That's what I'm telling you. Do you want to wait with them and go get more

rest while... Yeah, I'm going back to the tent. Cool. If you gentlemen would like to follow us, we're investigating a hidden city in the morning. They percum and get pretty excited. They're in. They can't believe their luck that you came

over and told them about this. We've got this fairy that we're interrogating and we're going to follow him to this entrance to a hidden city. All ten of them are like, fantastic. We need to see some action.

We don't like the vibe going on here so uh great cool shall we fast forward to morning yeah the sun rises uh gago still wants more booze he's wide awake wide awake he just wants more and more booze the bottle is empty at this point uh go back to the go grab some at the bar yeah Go back to the... Go grab some at the bar. Yeah, go back to the bartender. The bartender's asleep. For a couple extra gold, he agrees to give you another bottle. Just let him go back to sleep.

Yeah, Gago's like, man, you guys are pretty cool. And he agrees to take you to the edge of the underground city, but he does laugh darkly at your gall and reminds you that the sun will never truly rise here and the Demolith may not want you to go underground. We'll see what happens. Okay. This Demolith is going to be a problem. I know, but I take his whole attitude with a grain of salt.

Cool. So you've been to the edge of the woods, and there are ten soldiers there. Again, different backgrounds. Let's see. Why didn't we have music the whole three years we did the other show yeah I know it's like distracting in a good way I keep going like I'll live up to this fucking vibe

that's happening all of a sudden over here uh I'm gonna try and roll some stats for these guys real quick this roll up brought to you by bed bath and fuck you beyond you know what you did bed bath all right so these guys yeah you've got uh three elves uh six humans and a halfling all right follow us yeah six humans and a halfling. Alright. Follow us.

Yeah. Gago, lead the way. You head in the forest and it's true, you can tell the sun has risen somewhere, but you can't pinpoint which way is east except make a guess based on your maps. You head, you follow

Gago. Gago's laughing. He's like, you know, don't worry. None of my people will fuck with you long with you. I'm trying to document where we're going on the map as best I can. So, if I may... Did he hear me? Yeah. He can tell you're the least worried. I'm not worried.

You guys are heading right into the thick of it. So again, here's like the beach where you landed. You went up to this sort of point in the triangle. He's taking you right into the deep middle of the woods. And you do feel lost a bunch of times. You swear. How about a little XLF? And you see the

shadows everywhere. You see the moving vertical shadows the whole time. It's like a backdrop. Why don't you guys everybody roll your dexterity.

I'd love to. Ten. I rolled my dexterity. My dexterity is 18, by the way. Yeah, I'm 18 too. Oh, Lekas came with also. I'm over. So, um...

Ha ha. So, at one point, things get a little gnarly you feel like you're going down a hill and the tree branches are getting thicker and Leon's getting larger let's take a break my wife's here All right, so.

That's right. He'll make sure. I'm not worried about him. Ernie, right? That's Ernie, the old man. Ernie's giving us some extra. It's you guys' footfalls in the forest. So, yeah, you got to go downhill a little bit. is giving us some extra it's you guys footfalls in the forest so yeah you gotta

go downhill a little bit and it's still really dark and foggy and Brian your ankle catches a root go for a little tumble down the hill why don't you roll your dexterity

again Why don't you roll your dexterity again. Again, yes. Plugs. Right there. Great. So you get to your feet. Everyone else has kind of been walking Due west And you've kind of Tumbled down north a little bit And you

There's a weird clearing a little bit to your north And you're getting a real Fucked up vibe from this clearing Do you wanna What do you wanna do What do you mean like It's up to Brian You guys are still trying to walk in the same way.

You notice he took a tumble. Oh. I would avoid it. Yeah? Well, I'll tell them. Where are they? They're right behind me? Yeah.

Well, no. They're kind of ahead of you now because they've got a good footing and they've been walking properly. I'm getting a weird vibe off this. Hey, Dom. Is it Tom? It's Tom. Yeah. Tom Doretto. Yeah. Tom. weird vibe off this uh hey dom or is it tom that's tom yeah tom dorado yeah tom i'm getting a weird uh a weird vibe off this uh um clearing here yeah you want to stay away from that buddy

how do you know i don't like weird vibes all right uh goggle goggle looks in the direction you're talking about and just laughs. Well, what's so funny? I don't know, man. You want to throw down before you go underground? How about if I throw you in there and see what happens? Nah, I'm cool. I'm cool. All right.

You do feel like you may have narrowly missed something, good or bad, you're not sure. Okay. But there was something eerily open about the clearing that you almost fell into. You guys keep following Gago, and you get to the side of a hill,

and he points out an outline in the dirt and says, you know, there's a stone door here. If you guys are strong enough to open it, go for it. That's all I can really tell you. Alright, well we got 15 of us.

Yeah, you definitely came prepared. You got 10 soldiers and basically 10 warriors and a cleric. In addition to the three of you. Let's get this thing open. They all gather around. No problem pulling the door out.

But once you do, you see an old stone stairwell going deep underground. No torches. Nothing. Very dusty. Smells like death. Do you soldiers have torches? A couple of them bust out of stick. Okay,. Smells like death. Do you soldiers have torches? A couple of them bust out a stick. Okay, I got one too.

I like my torch. Sweet. And you head down? Hey, ask us what we're going to do. What you going to do? We're going to light our torches and go down the stairs. That's from fucking classic D&D you guys I was

I was waiting for the baseline Say it one more time Say it one more time Hey Blaine There's a dark stone stairwell Going underground What are you gonna do Let's light our torches

And go down the steps well love it at first and then hate it for a while they love it again it again this is what got Jocko's story as beaten to death in Maryland roll perception oh poor Jocko

everybody just yeah Jocko was great what roll perception roll perception I'm good what is that is that a 20

you do snicker bell 15 which is a wisdom check right yes perception. I'm good. What is that? Is that a 20? You do sneaker bell. 15, which is a wisdom check, right? Yes. Oh, I have a 14, but I have a perception skill, which gives me a plus one, so I'm in. You're in. Okay.

I'm over, and I do not have perception. Well, it's all good good you really only needed one person to be under but those of you who are under notice Gago is not following you down the stairs hey Gago come with us

I don't know man I don't really do this underground shit what are you scared of I mean I don't even know what's down there man well keep drinking and come with where I'm going. What are you scared of? I mean, I don't even know what's down there, man. Well, keep drinking and come with us. I'm done, bro. He goes with you. He's clearly out of his element at this point.

He's more of a... He's... You've grown on him, but he's more of a hostage than a guide at this point. I don't care what he is. We got your back, Gago. Alright. So you head down the stairs.

They go on for quite some time until they hit a big opening. And Gago points out that there are probably books and stuff, wizarding type stuff, you might find interesting to get out of here. This used to be... Oh, are we, like, in a library? He thinks there's one nearby.

He said this used to be a drow city. There used to be dark elves that lived under the ground here. I know what drows are uh you see he said they left this land uh some time ago rather abruptly do you remember we went on the star trek ride at in vegas and the poor actor because we were all wasted and yes we were super wasted and just it was a bunch of jackass friends. It was me, Dana Gould,

Rob Cohen, not Rob Cohen, the shitty director, but Rob Cohen, the funny writer, and our friend Dworkz at the Star Trek Experience. What casino was that? Hilton, Las Vegas Hilton. And so they're doing dorks at the Star Trek experience at what casino was that? Hilton

Las Vegas Hilton and so they're doing doing the whole thing and they're acting you know like we're on the bridge and they tell us what we're going to do and I go we've been to space before

and just the attitude the woman was so not into it been to space before. Just the attitude. The woman was so not into it. Yeah, we were challenging and everything. Checking if their Klingon was correct. Yeah, we were the worst nerds to come through the Star Trek experience by far. Yeah, I think I met Rob

when we did Dana's podcast. It was a good time. Oh yeah. So, Yeah, I think I met Rob when we did Dana's podcast. Yeah, that was a good time. Oh, yeah. Let's, so. So, hey, everybody, roll perception again. What? Yep. Good.

Again. Four. Great. Over. Okay, you are not not I'm good okay uh you feel like you've got a good sense of where civilization would be you're

you're kind of with the soldiers and you you're you feel like okay I'm gonna hit a library eventually like you find an area like oh this is sort of the downtown area of this city uh you've seen a couple of books you're like okay if there's a library eventually. You find an area like this is sort of the downtown area of the city. You've seen a couple of books. You're like,

okay, if there's a library it's near here. Blaine, you also notice at one point there's a, what looks like

some sort of music hall. Really? Yes. Who's playing? Is it like the Saban? Yeah, right now Rickles is playing there with Three Do the Saban? Yeah, right now Three Doors Down is doing a set right now

Jesus I'm going to find some kerosene-soaked rags and fire wand it What do you guys want to do? You can pursue his lead of Finding the Library or you can check out the music hall. I will look in the music hall, please. You're going to separate yourself?

No. Separate from who? How do you guys want to handle it? Do you want to try to get some of the soldiers to go with you in the music hall? Everyone to come with you? Do you want to go solo? What do you want to do? I say we stay together.

Okay, sure, sure. Let's look into this first room. The music hall one? Yeah, yeah. As a group? Yeah say we stay together. We're flicking into this first room. The music hall one? As a group? You go in there and... Not a good reaction from a dungeon master. Everything's very quiet

in the music hall. Poker face. You think you see some old instruments against the far wall, but there's a... Yeah. There's some water dripping in the distance, and when there's

not a water drop, it is terrifyingly quiet. Like one of those weird parking garages with the stuff on the walls? Absolutely. The walls are absorbing all the sound. You're deep underground now in some sort of cavern city. And you've got a real bad vibe. Real bad vibe.

And there's a lot of stuff under tarps in here. Oh, I don't like tarps. A lot of old burlap covers are over there. Some of them look like instruments. Some of them, you can't tell what they are. I'm going to go over to one of the instruments. One of mine looks like an instrument. Roll a 20-sided

dice. Did I mention slowly? 20? No shit, really? Yeah. Is that bad? No, man. I'm trying to give you some loot. Oh, okay.

And speaking of loot, you just discovered a loot. Give me the loot. It has carvings of wolves on it discover a lute. Give me the lute. Give me the lute. Oh, cool. It has carvings of wolves on it and two little rabbits on the side.

Wolf. Hunting lute. Wolf lute. Wolf lute with two rabbits. Let's see. Buck them, buck them, buck them. I'll give you enough to look it up later if you can roll another 20. Let's see. Maybe I can give you... Buckle, buckle, buckle. I'll give you enough to look it up later if you can roll another 20.

Roll a 20 again. Eight. Sure, I'll give it to you. It's a Doss loot. D-O-S-S. Doss loot. And it definitely has some sort of

animal friendliness to it oh cool this will go good with my DOS boots oh lute l-u-t-e-s I started off talking about wanting to give him l-o-o-t and then I was like well he's gonna find

some kind of usable instrument and he just rolled the uncommon number so nice however He just rolled the uncommon number. Nice. However, the vibe you're feeling, the hair stands up on the back of your neck. When I hold the lute or just in general?

In general. You had to take a few steps into the middle of the room to pull a tarp off this half-covered instrument and you now feel like almost certain there's something else in the room with you guys that didn't walk in the front gates with you I'm stepping back to the I guess the doorway where we came in as fast as I can with the loot in my hand You hear a strange noise underneath one of the tarps a kind of

Sounds almost like does anybody have a detect evil? Yeah detect evil blame Do you have a detect evil blame? I don't. I have find AM PMs. And I have Pandora. Try starting an evil station and see what comes up first. Yeah, I'm going. Plug in Sugar Ray. Gago starts giggling

not unlike I just did. Poor Gago. He goes, What do you know, Gago? He's like, I don't think there's a dragon here anymore But you've got some company The tarp that's

Moving around Lifts up off the ground And you notice there's something Fleshy underneath it That is now hovering the tarp There's like a Floating tarp Ball Right's like a floating tarp ball right

in the middle of the room. It's behind you now. You can get out of the room, but you woke something up. So there's something under the tarp and the tarp is standing up with the tarp on it. It's floating, though. Mm-hmm.

It's a flying fleshy thing. I love that you found this so fast. Do you? Yeah, because I set this one up. I'm like, this would be fun if they bumped into it. I'm going to fire an arrow at it. Really? I'm going to tell it to reveal itself.

But I'm going to say it really cool And kind of extreme Reveal yourself In response You hear a noise underneath the tarp go How big is this thing It's like the size of Not as big as me

Let's see It is... Is it 6'4", 300-something pounds? Like a half-orc? It is... I'm trying to figure out the exact size of this. It's like a bear. Something the size of a bear. It's bigger even than me.

Yeah, a little bit. A big, giant, floating bear. But it's under something. It's still shifting underneath. A fleshy, floating bear. What's your vibe, Tweet? I can just see sort of ripples of flesh in the edges of the tarp. What's your vibe? Get out of the room.

What are we... I'm shooting. He's going to take a... Why don't you roll for initiative? It sounds like some combat's happening. There's a... Okay, there's a... Yeah, so there's a tarp on it, right?

Yeah. Okay. I rolled a one. Set the tarp on fire. Yeah, I'm totally going to do that. I'm going to firebolt it. Yeah, you miss it completely. Why?

Why did he miss it? Oh, initiative is one. What did you guys get? Why did he miss it? No, I thought he was going to attack. I got ahead of myself. He got a one for his initiative. Would you give me some combos?

16. All right. Four. All right. So old happy-go-lucky over here gets the first shot. Alright, I'm going to go right through the heart of the thing with my sword. Okay. Get a fair shot and go swing that sucker.

Swing that great sword up in that business. Oh yeah, fucking 20. Take that. You hear a loud squealing noise. Good. And a tentacle comes out from underneath the tarp and grabs a hold of your sword. Let's see how well it does so...

Oh, it does a great job of grabbing your sword. So I don't do any damage on it? You do. You hit it real good. Let's see what that is. You get two attacks too, right? Six.

And two. Eight. Well, the good news is it wraps its tentacle around your sword. You're able to pull it out and blood kind of sprays around. Get him, guys.

I believe you're next. I was at one? No, he was at four. Yeah, he's at you. You gonna shoot a fireball at it? To me? Yeah, I'm out of you. What, you're going to shoot a fireball at it? At me? Yeah, I'm going to fire a...

I'm going to do a... Tweet, it's your twarn. Yeah, I'm going to do a fireball. Adorable. He's going to do a fireball, you guys. Fireball! Do we know for sure that his voice is picking up? No, but it probably is.

for sure that his voice is picking up. No, but it probably is. As before, I hurl a mode of fire at a creature or object within range. I make a ranged spell attack against the target, and once hit, the target takes 1d10 fire damage, and I'm sure it lights on fire. There's a 3,

though. I just rolled a 3. Alright, so you catch the blanket On fire And this thing squeals louder You still don't have a good look at it Okay but the thing's on fire at least Yes I believe

Take it from her She'll She bites you Really Really Don't take it from her and show. Did she bite you? Really? Really? Don't take it from her. I've never seen her do that.

We have an adorable spaniel. Not wanting to let go of a bone. Alright, so the creature gets to go before you can. Yes. Because you rolled a one. Yeah. Am I in range though? If I'm firing a arrow at it? Hey, Ken.

Yeah? Roll a wisdom check. Alright. Good. Okay, and now... Do a wisdom saving throw. Eleven.

Oh dear. That did not go well. You suddenly get overcome with a feeling of peace. Ah. And have a hard time figuring out

who's really attacking you. And who's like attacking you on the inside. And get like a real... But we don't know anything's going on with that. No, no, no, no. But Tom, you suddenly feel like, man, why am I even fighting? And who really is my friend anyway?

Uh-oh. And you kind of lose... Your eyes start to fog over a little bit. All right. We'll get more into it next go-round. Love it. Bodhi, what do you want to do? We'll get more into it next go-round.

Love it. Bodhi, what you want to do? There's currently a flaming blanket that's squealing in front of you, floating over the ground about the size of a bear. I'm going to, like, batting stance, and then just swing at the middle of it and just try to cut it in half. Absolutely. Go for it.

Okay. 17. 17. All right. That's a hit for sure. Seven. All right. Just one on that one, right? Yeah. Alright, that's a hit for sure Uh, seven Alright Just one on that one, right? Yeah, you

swing through it tries to grab your sword again but you lop a tentacle off Also, as you cut through it and some blood sprays out you manage to pull the blanket off of this thing

and all you can really see is just giant, cloudy and some blood sprays out, you've managed to pull the blanket off of this thing. And all you can really see is just giant, cloudy, purple eyeballs staring at you. Oh. Interesting. All right. What are you going to do, Mike? Oh, sorry?

What are you going to do? Well, sorry? What are you going to do? Well, I am going to mention that tonight's broadcast is brought to you by Three Guys Hamburgers. Fuck those other two guys. Three Guys. Three Guys. Oh, man. I love the music

Hey you know what I'm gonna do I'm going to whip off a little Short bow and I'm gonna fire A thing into this thing And I'm not gonna look at it I'm gonna look towards it but not at it I'm not going to look at it. I'm going to look towards it, but not at it. I'm not stupid. What are you firing again? An arrow.

An arrow? Alright. Go roll for attack, my friend. Eleven. That is a hit. Okay. Just barely. That's a six, right? How about three?

All right. Yeah, it goes thunk right into its middle. Squeals some more and now it is very focused on you. Great. As opposed to Brian or Ken. That's good. I was thinking about that. Trying to figure out a way to make it focus on me.

Ken, roll a wisdom check. What happened? I'm okay. 20. That's over. Ooh. All right, you have two choices. Uh-huh.

Attack or don't attack. I'm not going to attack. I'm feeling peaceful. You're going to sit down and just take a break? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. All right.

You notice your friend Tom Beretto just sort of plants his butt right in the middle of this haunted-ass music hall and just chills out as opposed to doing anything. Something's happening, Dave. I think one of these dark spirits is talking now. Can I get another shout off at this thing or do I have to wait? Brian's up.

Oh, we're low on battery juice. Oh, okay. Should we call it an hour? You were about seven minutes away from an hour. All right, why don't we do a real quick wrap-up here. How much juice is left? Five percent. Just want to plug it in.

You got a charger? We'll gonna get another ten minutes in here yeah yeah fifty five percent is gonna go quick I'll pause still like five percent all right so who's up that's All right. So. Who's up? That's you, buddy. I still sit on my ass on the floor. Yeah, well, someone sat on his ass because he knows he might be in trouble. It's taking a little holiday. Ding dong. You guys, that noise is my newest dog, Lexi, and she's got a bone.

And Ken tried to take it away from her a minute ago, and it didn't go well. Actually, before you go, Ryan. She has her paw on my foot She's She's full personality Tweed Yeah This thing pivots on you And takes a bite out of your arm

For five damage. What the fuck? That's not good. It's got real long fangs and it takes a real nice chunk. Who did the bite out of an arm? This creature. This thing under the...

It looks like a pale, naked human skin wrapped around tentacles. Big, cloudy, blind, almost looking eyeballs at the end of its tentacles. And one big motherfucking eyeball right in the middle of its toothy face. So far, nobody's hit the eyeball. No, no. One of the little tentacles got lobbed off at one of your strikes.

But it is floating in piss. Alright, I'm going for that fucking eyeball. Biggie in the middle? Yep. Enjoy. Just a nine, but... I'm afraid that it's just under its armor class. Wouldn't that make it 11?

Oh yeah, you've got the bonus. You're in. So roll to attack. Bonus, you're in. Roll for damage, I should say. Four. Just one on that guy. Mm-hmm. All right, so you hit it right along the side of its eyeball.

Definitely did some retina damage. Going to need to get some LASIK later. Good. And it is still screaming all the time. If you were in here secretly, you are not in here secretly anymore. Oh, shit, yeah. You've caused quite a ruckus in here. Not that worried about it

Did I tell you guys I'm extreme? Extremely a lot Hey Tweed what you gonna do? I'm going to try to get out of this room Because I just got hit for most of my hit points Yeah this thing's a real motherfucker Yeah Not good

Tweed doesn't have a ton of What are all the other ten soldiers doing? They didn't want to go searching, so they're not in the middle of the room with the monster, but they're circling around. Let's help us out, fellas. Give them one more round. We're going to see what

Blaine is able to get out of the room. So let's see, you you're just trying to get just roll me a To get out of the room. So let's see. You. You're just trying to get. Just roll me a don't fall on your ass check. Go go gadget. Don't die.

13. Yeah. Great. So there's plenty of you guys that you squeeze past. And things are about to get real fun. Yeah, I'm going to try to, uh, find my wound. Is that going to happen in episode four? Is that going to happen?

Uh, first things first. Before. Okay. So all the soldiers, uh, kind of group up and they're like, don't worry. This thing sucks, but we can take care of it. One guy's even like, yeah, I've seen one of these things before. We got this. We got this. Really? Because there's a lot of you. They're feeling pretty cocky.

That said, Ken, you suddenly just feel like, I don't know, it's like too tight. Just too crowded. You want to make some space for yourself. Yeah. Do me a favor and roll a 20 5 alright so you swing your sword

and do what's your short sword's damage? 1d6. Why don't you roll a 1d6 for me? 6. You fucking just almost right to the bone

almost cut off the hand of one of these soldiers and swing your short sword. He's got this real sort of distracted look in his eyes, like he's just trying to chill out, and this guy was in his way. What happened? I run to him and try to put him, like, in a sleeper hold and try to control him. Well, good luck with that.

I guess we'll find out next week how well your sleeper hole works. Okay. Thanks for listening. Brian Poussin's Nerd Poker. We don't know when this is airing yet, so we're not going to tell our

comedy dates. Go to BrianPoussin.com Follow us on the things. Yes. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys. Hey, thanks for listening to Brian Cassane's Nerd Poker. You can follow us on Facebook and Twitter at Nerd Poker Podcast.

Nerd Poker Podcast. Our new P.O. Box is Nerd Poker P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416. Anything you want to send us comes right to me and I'll share it with the guys. We also have a Patreon account. Patreon.com slash nerdpoker, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash nerdpoker. And there, if you join us there, you can get monthly bonus episodes for supporting us there. As you may have noticed, we have some mic problems in these first couple episodes. I just had one mic in my dining room as we got a producer involved. We figured we really need a second mic.

So that gets resolved. But I still want to present you the first eight episodes the way we recorded them. But just know, sometimes we'll be off mic. One or two of us might be off mic. Thanks again for listening, guys. Couldn't do it without you.