Nerd Poker - Episode 32 - Dragons for Giants

Episode Date: August 27, 2019

The Ice Five appear to have worn out their welcome in Wexhall as the Barrowsteppes Dragons descend on the town, looking for their prey. The alliance with the Archmage may have to wait, as it's time for the Ice Five to do what they do best: run like hell. It's also time to announce our August drawing winner! Congrats!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 32. 32! Oh, my God. Of season three. Three! Yeah. That's my friend you're

going to meet in a minute. A minute! My friends are here. Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hi. Ken. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good, buddy. Ted. Hey.

A guy you met a minute ago. Blaine. Hi, Brian. Hey, buddy. At the end of the table did hey uh guy you met a minute ago glaine hi brian hey buddy at the end of the table as always keeping it together sam hey everyone hey sam you know who else keeps it together who patreon supporters yeah that's right holy shit yeah and you know who else congress no no wait do they keep together or not? No, they don't. Not really. I will sooner lop my own head off than applaud Congress.

Go political there. Let's thank our Patreon supporters. It's better in the Senate, right? Congress consists of Senate and the House of Republicans. Yeah. Republicans! Representatives! Politics! I just tried to own you in the night. This is why we don't talk them. Congress consists of Senate and the House of Republicans. Yeah. Republicans. Representatives. Politics.

I just tried to own you in the night. This is why we don't talk them. All right. Shut up. Thank you, James DTJ. Thank you, James DTJ. What's DTJ stand for? Down to Jam.

Okay. I thought it was down to Jug. And then thank you. Oh, we may have thanked this guy before But he's still showing up next in the order Matt parenthetical oh that guy Miller thank you Matt Oh that guy

Oh that guy We've done this one it looks like before too You know what it is it's because we've resorted it for the next month Thank you Cherp Erson Thank you Cherp Cherp Cherp Erson. Thanks, Cherp. And thank you, Boognosis. Thank you, Boognosis.

Thank you, Boog. I've been Boognotized. Have you? On occasion. It's time for our August drawing. Hey, everybody. Thank you for supporting us on Patreon. If you are at the $10 Stargoyle level or above, that's the Stargoyle or the boss level uh we will draw your name for a big old pile of swag and this month it is going to be

aiden gervais thank you aiden Gervais thank you Aiden Gervais thanks Aiden congratulations yeah you just got some stuff so we appreciate it and thank you and we're going to send this to you

it's going to be like some signed thing we get postcard a book a little fun swag you'll see other things that will help you aid Gervais. I get it. Thanks, guys. Last time on Nerd Poker.

The Ice Five interrogated the Archmage of Anzervale after he literally botched an escape attempt from their battle. On his way out, he confessed many things about the city of Vindaria and what he had been up to in the days of the comet collision. And he promised to give you a little walkie-talkie stone so you guys could keep in touch, talk about boys you like, stuff like that. Dogther was really into that part. He was like, can you describe the latest issue of Tiger Beat to me?

And the Archmage was like, yeah, I'll do that. And they're like, I don't remember that part at all. Anyway, so after that happened, Dark Thurd chased a guy who popped his head into the tent and noticed he was selling information to the Barrow Steps Dragons who had set up an encampment a few hundred feet outside the south end of Wexhall. He ran back, told everybody, he learned there's maybe a

north way out of the canyon. But can you get out in time? Anyway. I like it ending with the laugh there. Maybe I need to just do that. It feels really good. A good evil laugh is always good.

And evil. Are you letting go of the Archmages? Get a little sweaty from all the physical contact? Never. We should go. Should I unsqueeze this guy? Yeah. We will be in contact soon.

I hope we can count on you. Dope. He really doesn't like tiktok where would you suggest that we go in our quest for information about how to defeat the tenebrous one or should we just yelp it uh first of all i just want to uh acknowledge something that happened you're oh right son of queen Dratlana, the vampire overlord. That's interesting. Maybe. No, I mean, you looked me in the eye and you said it real loud.

Or did I? The vampire overlord? We all say a lot of things. It was a while ago, wasn't it? The pirate overlord. You thought we were the Ice Five as well. You get all kinds of crazy things mixed up. Also, everybody's just skimming over that he just called her a vampire overlord.

No, I said pirate. You definitely did. Anywho. Yeah, he's very interested. And if you don't want to talk about it anymore, he seems confident enough that banking the information is worth a little smile and some silence. You wanted to know what else?

I call it smilent. Yeah. Where should we go? Should we track down these druidic whatever items? you wanted to know what else? I call it Smilent. Yeah. Where should we go? Should we track down these druidic, whatever, items? Well, you could, but they're all, you know, being located or defended. Where?

We don't know anything. He laughs again and he says, it would be interesting if you went for the nearest one. Why? It's being held by giants. Giant what? Giants. Giants. Horrible giants.

They might be giants. No, they're for reals giants. Why are you not using all these giants? I'm in a birdhouse in my soul. I cannot defeat these giants on my own. Yeah, but... They've done horrible things and they've... They're like mutants.

Look, why aren't you trying to save the world? I am. Or do you just like it how it is because now you have power? I like doing it on my terms. Did he throw his hat in the air? That was my favorite Scott Baio movie. By the way, he is speaking entirely through a disembodied voice uh he has he if you want you i can say you threw the hood off him and you can see his yeah i mean he's like a he's like an ancient looking sun elf and the voice has this you know just really like youthful exuberance to it

no uh but like it's it's it's coming from all around you what's under your uh kerchief it's uh a wound i took from trying to escape the giants oh giants huh so you'd really like us to go after them i think it's a great idea okay let me see the wound uh well he's not restrained anymore, so he shrugs and he pops it down. He's missing his lower jaw, his nose. It's just completely smashed open. It's scar tissue, but it looks real.

Where are the giants located? Pulls his bandana back up. The nearest giant is the one that took over the Aarakocra tribe nearby. What? We're only a couple of miles from the former home of the Kawakawaka tribe. Is that your tribe? Say that again.

It is my tribe. In those mountains, there are giants that drove the Arakokra from that place. There are giants that drove the Aarakocra from that place. So they stay there in the hopes of rubbing it in the faces of other civilized beings, but they're also at war with the halflings, and it's a strategic point. And that's also where Pandemonium's Fang is? Pandemonium's Fang is a bit east. That's where we wizards believe the Tenebrous One himself lives.

Okay. A lot of fangs. Is there? Oh, there's a Violet Fang and then there's Pandemonium's Fang. There's two. Weird how that happened. Fang's two's a lot. It's almost like there's two fangs and Archmage just told you

that maybe they're related. Also, Phyllis Diller's husband. My husband fang. Fang. Okay. And I would say at this point all of you realize just instinctively if we don't get out of here. Oh my god.

A thing fell. And the Archmage you know he's definitely rolling his eyes at you guys and still being pretty condescending. But he seems to be encouraging you. You might want to get out of here before it's too late. What will you do? The Barrow Steps dragons fear me enough not to attack me.

Wow. All right, well. What will you give us if we defeat the dragons? Give you? Yeah. You want your jaw back? Or how about if you stay in this tent and we fight? Are you trying to intimidate him

or are you trying to persuade him to give you something? I'm trying to persuade him. I'll let you choose. Yeah, do a persuasion check. Also, while she's doing this, I'd like to remind you it's the Baristain dragons. Sorry. 21.

If the Ice Five should choose to... Ice Five. Y'all named yourselves that. I believe I might be able to give you something. Look for my home in the woods just a little bit farther east between the Kowakawaka tribes, cliffs and mountains,

and Pandemonium's Fang. You will know it from a glowing blue flame in the darkness. What was the name of that tribe again? The Kawakawaka tribe. Is it like Waka Waka? I was like, huh? How would you say it? Kawah.

Kawah. All right. The Kawakawaka tribe lives in a series of caves in the side of Mount Kakakakaka. Shitty place. You guys going to head that way? Yes. All right.

I'm going to need all of you to do a stealth check while you try to get out of a small town where everyone wants to sell your corpses for money. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before everyone does it. Oh. I rolled a 20 and a 23. Sarah beseeches you. No, it's fine.

I can't. There's not much I can do. Did you think you had like pass without a trace or something? Yeah, I thought I might have something. 23. Holy shit. Well, that side of the table sounds like me. Oh, stealth?

25. What? Nine. Hey, could I? 17. nine hey while we're sneaking I'm gonna hand him some good berries to get his beak healed up okay roll those good berries please

he's pretty fucked up three and can I do a cure wounds on him too please roll that do you need me to pull out the numbers for that one sure sure let me see is anybody else surprised? I mean, I thought that guy was going to kill us

me too it's weird, it's like you guys keep meeting these archvillain types and instead of killing them you just become their best friends because you're so evil also our original plan to meet him was not to kill him 1d8 plus your modifier as I recall I think now he fears and respects

us. He didn't seem that respectful, but yeah. Well, in that he's now not going to be one of the many other people trying to kill us. Thank you. What was your stealth role, Sarah? 17.

17? Okay. Sorry. So you guys make it through town. there's just people running everywhere it's gotten a little bit quieter so there's not like outright screams anymore it looks like some people maybe are hiding inside because they know something's common and as you make it to the north end of town you're getting to some woods and you know there's probably like another cliff pass narrow cliffs um you hear behind you and you look over your shoulder and there is an aarakocra pointing at queep a bright green one do i recognize him oh i'll do an inside check here we go I'm queep checking this out

18 he's from a nearby tribe on the cocky cow cliffs cocky cow does he look like our friend he's trying to like identify us as the ice five yep that's sure what that feels like but you guys are like leaving and he's pointing like.

Talk him down. Talk him down? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what's up, friend? What are you doing here? We're just traveling around. You're with the Ice Five?

No, what's the Ice Five? I don't know about the Ice Five. Do a persuasion check. No, it's deception. Nine. He flies away fast okay oh can i see can is he within 60 feet of me just barely okay i i cast command oh okay so what is the that's a saving throw right um that is a succeed on a wisdom saving throw. Yeah. Ah, he fails.

Uh, okay. So I, I put whatever direction he was flying in. I right into the town square. Yeah. So like East versus West or whatever. I'm just going to point the other direction and go like West or whatever.

He's going South. So he's good. I'm saying whatever direction he was going, I'm going to tell him to go in the other command him to go. Okay. So he's flying away from you south he stops turns around and he starts flying north past you okay so he goes through the mountain pass at top speed let's follow him smack him into the ground i mean i don't see this green i don't mind just like i'm not a fan it was only one where oh i can't do anything that's gonna hurt him he can't like make himself flying on the ground so i mean let's go i guess i'm just trying to get him to uh and you guys i'm letting you keep

your stealth check other than that uh creep thing um as far as the the cliffs go uh everybody do a perception check as you walk through this mountain pass 22 22 24 off my natural 20 holy shit 21 pay the man everyone who hit 20 first of all

you guys are rolling so high this and last episode you're rolling so high it's like another it's like another thing where I'm like I'm seeing all the opportunities I feel like odds are

I could have killed you and I'm just like oh you crazy kids you hear up in the cliffs this the opportunities, I feel like odds are I could have killed you and I'm just like, oh, you crazy kids. You hear up in the cliffs this, it's kind of distant but... What, my

neighbors? Didn't you say one of those dragons didn't have wings? Yes, it had the beholder. Yeah, he had beholder stocks. So that could be him, right? Or her? You get to the edge.

Or a giant. You see the green arachocra. He's going into a small open field. And then there's woods like 200 yards away. And he gets about halfway across, and you see Havocula swoop down, grab him in his claws, and fly away. Holy shit.

Yay. Sorry, bud. I tried to do something kind of chill to you. Holy shit. He was up on the cliffs above you. But Havocula's here. And when he went into the open area, just...

Alright, well... So we should book it then. That's a detour, yeah. Let's go. Are you going to run across this opening, or are you going to sneak? Did you fly away, Havocula? Everybody do another perception check. I would sneak. Okay, I noted first I'm letting you look around.

Well, Creep don't see shit. Creep, do an insight check for me too just creep 22 24 perception 21 again great 17 20 uh you think if you you think he flew up above the cliff so he's either flown away or he's got a great vantage point of what you guys are doing. You also notice you could probably not be seen if you were to... Well, not probably. There's a chance. You could not be seen if you sneak along the cliff face and then try to get to the trees.

Sure. What was your insight roll? 20. If you don't get additional medical attention for your eye, it's almost definitely lost. Okay, can I hold his feathered head and pray to Valkyr? Do a religion check. Wouldn't my cure wounds take care of some of that?

The hit points, but we're talking like a failed organ situation. 17. Yeah, I mean, you ask for help help you're not sure what it did exactly but you definitely feel valkyr in your hands as you press it against him queep you don't feel any different it just your eye just feels really fucked up and like a prayer of healing won't do it it's like it might you can try okay i'll try a prayer of healing then you can do an insight check if you want to know exactly how well it did for his long-term uh seeing abilities but right now or do it's up to you no okay so i'm just gonna do prayer of healing okay and that takes 10 minutes right yeah oh is that okay with everybody well do we want to get are we is this the best place to stop for 10 minutes or is there

might be a dragon needing is there a time is this time sensitive for his eye dragon no for his eye uh do you do an insight check for that okay or medicine do medicine um medicine i think i actually am proficient in hold on i am not proficient i am proficient in medicine uh so when someone asked this on twitter by the way i am if for most things if you have proficiency in something i'm giving you automatic advantages i don't think i rule across the board it's just something i'm choosing to do because it's fun right but it's like we're technically not supposed to because they scale in a certain way but yeah then it's more fun okay so 20 yeah uh you think if you do a prayer of healing, it'll stop it from losing. But do I feel like I can wait

until we get across the field to do that? Yes. Okay, so let's wait. If you're quick. Let's go. Okay, let's go. So everyone roll a stealth check. You're gonna try and get a long cliff face to the trees.

Everyone just rolled their stealth, and everyone rolled really well. The lowest score was a 17, so everybody... I rolled a 58. The lowest score was a 17. So everybody... I rolled a 58. I still can't believe it. A 58. You put your backs against the cliff. You snuck off to the...

It would be the east. God, 58. Waited for the trees to get a little close and then you all kind of ran across really fast hoping no one would see you with your amazing stealth rolls. And once you got in the cover of trees, you went a couple more hundred yards in.

There was talk of, yes, you wanted to heal as much as you could with the prayer of healing and cure wounds, queep more. And you're going to send Gus to what? We just want to make sure we're safe, right? Yeah, check the coast.

Well, we know Havocula's is up on the cliff so weren't we heading towards the giants area or whatever yeah towards so queep you would know where we're headed right because we're headed towards so can queeps or send gus in a direction as her scout ahead make sure let's see what's coming up do you want me to go oh like towards the birdie times places yes go to birdie land watch out out for giants. They are very mean. He flies away. I got 14 for prayer of healing. Not that I don't know if the numbers matter,

but I'm trying to fix his eye. Do an insight check, Queep. insight check, Kweep. Eleven. The pain is now a dull but constant throb in your eye. It no longer is searing. That's good. But you cannot

see out of it still. You're not sure. There's a lowish insight roll. You're not sure if you'll be able to get vision back in. It's unclear. It seems time may answer that question, and you don't know which way that'll end up going. All right.

But you're... Darius help or no? He's already had some, actually. He's... At this point, his eye just took a massive amount of damage directly, and... What Sarah did is help it. It stopped it from hurting. I can't believe someone attacked me

and hit me in my eye. What was that guy's name? Weep. No. Maybe it would help if Dargther said a nice thing to Weep, like something that Dargther has always secretly wanted to say to our friend, but

only now finds, just to make him feel better about hurting his eye, might be nice to have a sour boy say a sweet thing. Not because he's telling me to, but I'm sorry you hurt your eye. Oh, thank you. Kalula.

It's not really what I said. I said maybe you could say a nice thing you think about him. Well, I'm sorry. I'm thinking that I'm sorry. All right. That's nice. It is nice. There it is.

I don't like everybody. I'm surprised by how much that was surprising. Why don't you roll a stealth and a perception for your scout I think so for perception ooh natural 20 plus 3 so 23

and then I think stealth he just gets to roll regular so 21 for stealth do you want him to come back or do you want him to just report from his... We can talk right now. He makes it through the woods pretty fast and within 10 minutes he

reports back. Hey boss. I see three mountains coming up. They're all tucked near each other. They're smallish, medium mountains, but they're real steep. They tucked near each other they're like you know smallish medium mountains but they're real steep and they've got little cliffy caves

in the sides of them Cleep how high up are your caves? is that something we're going to be able to get to? it helps if you can fly they are meant to be accessible only to bird people so there's that's pretty racist

certain areas are set up in ways that could be to be accessible only to bird people. So there's... That's pretty racist. Certain areas are set up in ways that could be exploited and he would know sneaky ways in there. And you know I'm really good at carrying people. Why don't you do a history check? All right. We won't do foggy memory. This is something that was really important to you. So this is just going to be kind of like...

Is it 20? Damn. All right. So, Queep creep now that you're closer to your homeland shit out of it you remember your clip your your mountain was Mount Kaka Kaka of course or Kaka Kaka excuse me hold home and that's where the caves of your lost tribe are there was also cliffs on the other two mountains the one where the green guy was from is uh kaki cow and um that was on mount uh that was the biggest mountain the mountain itself is called uh uh kaki ku and the third mountain i think you're just making this stuff am i making it up right Relbo I fell off the table I feel like we're in Hawaii

what's fun about this is weeks ago I sent Ken an image of all these and he knows and then the third one is called Mount this is a tough one Almond Joy and Mount there's not enough vowels for it to be can you give me the official Eric Cochran

pronunciation of that mountain? That is Mount Kulukawai Ka'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a is taking very careful notes so he really is the biggest the biggest mountain is mount kakiku uh and uh that has the kakikau tribe and their their caves that built into it and the giant the last you remember there was one giant specifically that drove your people out they're all gone uh yeah and his name was Hegg. He was a... 13. You know, he wasn't from around here. You're not sure where he came from.

The easy answer would be from the north in the mountains towards Pepper Green, which no longer exists. What kind of giant? You're not sure, but he was from the north, you think. Northern giant. You could put a number of things together. You've heard of different kinds of giants. This one's name was Hag.

Luther Hag? Just H-E-G-G. That's a reference for Luther Hag. Who's Luther Hag? It's the incredible, edible Hag. That's Don Knotts and the Ghost of chicken oh that sounds great watch and then can you tell everyone what the name of the lake is between the mountains oh you mean this one here yeah like kaku e a cool okay and near there is a place called the sacred glen where his people

would occasionally make contact with their god stuff like that there's also a sacred glen glen sound where they do all the all the incidental music so you would suspect that the throne of heg is on top of mount kakiku uh

people lived at the cliff slightly closer sounds like he's got himself he's got to deal with some yeah hag beaters uh you guys got a little bit of information about what exactly where this uh druid artifact might be around here um he hinted that it was somewhere in these cities but it wasn't something that immediately sounded familiar to you because it was hidden after you left would i know of a hiding place would i something good hairlet uh want to do another insight check that's not so good 10.

i mean the only thing you can think of is that your people were sophisticated enough to have like a toilet system like plumbing like carved into the cliffs and so like maybe there's like a sort of cliff face sewer system you don't really know anywhere except for maybe like the caves of the elders or like the special secret difficult to find, and you don't know what the giant may have done to those places since he got at this place. I will say, too, you guys are fucked up. I mean, the night is growing late.

We should rest, and then maybe we're going to have to just find the dragon and get him to tell us. I'm going to give him another 11 points. Okay. By the way. It's about midnight. We should rest, right? Yeah, boss, come back here. We're going to give him another 11 points. Okay. By the way. It's about midnight. So we should rest, right? All right. Yeah, boss, come back here.

We're going to camp out. Yeah, all right. He comes back and he says, there's one more thing I should probably tell you. Oh, boy. Let me guess. The glyphs are made out of black widows. It's a little confusing,

but it was a really clear night and I felt like I could see a lot. It's a little confusing, but it was a really clear night, and I felt like I could see a lot. There was what looked like a weird cloud kind of fixed right above the tall mountain, like kind of covering the cap of it, and it was difficult to explain, but it looked magic. Magic cloud over the Tenebrous One's lair? I mean, it wasn't the big, huge it looked magic. Magic cloud

over the Tenebris One's lair. I mean, it wasn't the big, huge mountain over there to the far east, but it was the biggest of these three mountains. Oh, the biggest of these three where the giant was. There's a magic cloud over the giant.

Is Hoshinka with us or is she on the boat? You haven't seen Hoshinka. She was on the boat still, right? No, she was scouting for you guys when you rushed the giant. Magical giant. Is Hoshinka with us or is she on the boat? She's still on the boat. You haven't seen Hoshinka. She was on the boat still, right? No, she was scouting for you guys when you rushed the tent. Oh. You haven't seen her in a while. Wait, what?

Hmm? Gus, have you seen Hoshinka lately? Nope. Wait, you mean so we lost her when we all went in the tent? She was off on one side oh that's outside of town kind of trying to spy in i'm just thinking because the violet remember the violet fang was that was her employer who'd hired her so now we're really close to where the violet fang is supposed to be right no that thing's donkey land which is a little bit more southeast we're in the other

fang has anyone got a claude andhine map? Yeah, I got it. I got it. It might help everybody to check in. I would enjoy looking at the fancy map that Sean drew. Yeah. We're here. Donkeyland is... Sean Bryant, everybody.

Down here. Yeah. He's down there. Florida. Where's the snack bar? Donkeyland. Pentamonious fang. Very idea.

Okay, so we're gonna rest we think they're there yeah why don't you guys do a survival check to find somewhere to rest because right now you're just sort of in the woods remember I have yeah well you all everyone's getting to do it 21

I guess I survived 19 what is this? survival 11 I guess I survived. 19. What is this? Survival. 11. 21. Oh, Sarah.

Did you roll yet, Brian? 19. Oh, great. Yeah, you find like a big boulder that you can kind of get protected under a little bit. Get some protection visually. Boulder town. Let's go. All right. Who's going to...

Anyone doing watch? I'll do a watch. All right. Roll a perception while people sleep and shit. A couple of reminders. You do have to attune yourselves to the talkie rocks. And a couple of other things you guys could be trying to attune yourselves to. Does somebody want to attune to...

Does somebody want to be the secretary? Should we go back and try to find her? Or should somebody else? Well, let's rest right now because we all need that. I have no more... Yeah. I'm all healed up. I don't have any spells left or I'm getting there, so...

Ooh, bad. Nine. All right. Seems pretty quiet. Too quiet! Hey, boss, just so you know, in the back of my head, I've got a little mental note to go back and we're going to talk to that

lady who took away your memory. Oh. Yep. I've seen what you do when you talk to people. You try to put your thumbs in their eyes. No, that guy was because he was a wizard and I didn't want him casting spells at us. But that lady, she was like a lady wizard. Yep, so we might have to put your thumbs in their eyes no that guy was because he was a wizard and i didn't want him casting spells but that lady she was like a lady wizard yep so we might have to put our fingers in her eyes i like how i tried to suggest it and then you were like no relax and i was like i'll relax and then you told me real strong and it made me glad i relaxed yep

yeah i don't like what she did to you no no are we gonna kill her no i don't know i don't like what she did to you. No. No. Are we going to kill her? No, I don't know. I don't think so. We don't want to kill people. We don't? I don't want to. No. I'm not seeking it out. I don't want to kill the person who took away my memory. I'd like to understand what happened to me.

Oh. Will I get to learn why they did this to my head i hope so boss okay unless you don't want to know whoa you get to decide boss well i think we're i think we're pushing the boundary the precipice it lies before me uh are you going to stay up all night? What are you going to? We can. I can do like. Why don't you do another roll for another four hours?

It's still. Somebody wants to do watch. I can do it. All right. So you do the last one. This one is a 20. All right. Yeah.

You do hear just distant animal noises. You're what sounds like a big owl. Far away moo! As long as it's far away. No, much more of a woo-woo. Hmm. Far away roar. Alright. Alright.

Queep, you're up. Far away tweet? Far away tweet? Am I rolling? Perception? I heard no attunement that last round. No attunement this round. You either have to sleep or attune, right? Yeah, but we're doing three, four-hour stretches. Okay, so if I'm caught up in sleep, then I will attune to the phone stone.

Okay. That was a nine. Well, they had to check your notes. You wouldn't say it. You feel a strong magical connection to it. I wasn't sure if it was stone phone or phone stone to be quite honest, but we'll do a poll. Would you talk?

Nine. High stone. Uh, you, you hear the owl too. Sounds close. That's an owl. Oh,

oh, all right. Morning breaks. Um, yeah, you're, you feel like you could potentially use these things and again i'll send you guys like full detailed info on them uh between games okay what are you guys gonna do um should we go to where the cloud is thin layer of frost do we need to what about our buddy hoshenko yeah i mean now we were away from where we were though so can we send

gus to get her i mean gus could go look for her yeah because he's got to stay super stealthy because of havacula oh so yeah um try to figure out what we're gonna do next were you killing time so you could not talk and think a is for alfredo j is for jacks fettuccine alfredo jacks you need a good breakfast that's a fact started off with fettuccine Alfredo Jacks. Chris, while everyone's thinking about what to do with themselves, will you please roll a perception and a stealth for your little boy? Sure.

Stay garlicky, even in milk. Okay, so first for perception, 15. First stealth, a natural 20, 24 total. So he flies for a while. We're getting a lot of 20s, right? Yeah, a lot of 20s. Yeah, you're saving up those ones, man. You get a message from him telepathically that says,

well, there's still kind of a mist. It's a little hard to see back where we all came from, kind of the southwest. It's a little hard to see back where we all came from, kind of the southwest. But there's definitely dragons flying around and stuff. I didn't see anyone look familiar. I didn't see a familiar dragon. Because I saw that big, gross one that ate the bird guy.

Oh, yeah. And it wasn't that guy. Remember, he was the ugly guy that freaked me out before, too. I don't like him. Yeah, he sucks. He's got tentacles in his shoulders. Yeah, weird. There's a dragon flying around real high up in the clouds. I feel pretty lucky he didn't see me.

He's real big. He had four wings. He was, like, gigantic. The green one? The fairy? No, he wasn't green. Black? He was just sort of like a silhouette it was hard to make out but he was

like twice as big as that other guy whoa i almost shit all over the woods from a bottle of wee i'm coming back did we does that size match with one of the other two dragons we saw absolutely not so there's the two dragons that dark through spotted dark through you would know should i yeah is it weird if i show you the mini of these guys if you haven't fought him yet should I show him to you sure yeah we like minis okay so you haven't fought these guys this is dark they're remembering what they look like this is one of them yikes I love the fairy that's cool bright purple and this is the other one flutter dragon but him so what this guy was just crawling around low to the ground.

If you hadn't got such a high perception roll, you wouldn't have even seen him. Terrible. Oh, sorry. He's got a lightsaber. And then this guy was bigger and flying around. The one that he describes has four wings. Could the Tenebrous one, by this point,

I mean, what with the availability of monster god crystal dream shards could the Tenebrous One at this point be a gigantic ghostly four winged dragon thing? I feel like Tenebrous One is like the big big boss

and like we wouldn't see the Tenebrous One but maybe. A four winged dragon is pretty big boss. I do believe I can help you here. We can ask this guy with the phone stone next time we talk to him, sure. I'm going to pull this up.

You can try the phone stone, but there's also a reference in the Baron's letter that you might find interesting. I'm going to just feed to you guys. Can you just give it to me? Because if you can hand it to me, I can pull it. Thank you, Notekeeper. It's a very My Little Pony dragon.

Yeah, yeah, that one. It is a very My Little Pony dragon. I believe he, that one. It is a very My Little Pony dragon. I believe he was originally for Waterdeep Dragon Heist. I've repurposed him. So you know, there are several dragons mentioned in this letter. One of them is Havocula.

And you don't think this is all of them. Because at this point, you know there's at least four. Oh, okay. That you've just spotted arrow steps dragons yeah so they are like a gang a gang and there's only two mentioned in the letter zetagog and have ocula so yeah and their friends so it stands to reason as long as you're throwing out like could he be the tenebrous one there's somewhere one of these guys could be zetagog for some reason i locked into the number

three that is not accurate all right okay uh so that's some more intel um and yeah you can if you want use the sending stones to communicate um but there's nothing right now that we need to, right? I don't think. We should just try to get away from the... The dragons are back where we came from, right? He tells you it looks like they're hunting for you. Yeah, so let's go up to the giant. Do you want to climb up?

Yeah. Maybe hide in a cave? I can help lead people up because I have... Oh, is it Halshinka? You don't know yet. I say, Halshinka. Oh, is it Houshinka? You don't know yet.

I say Houshinka. Do a... Roll a 20-sided dice. Do a Houshinka check. 19. Silence. Back! I did hear... Karen!

I did hear owl noises. Are there owl... I love that name Karen are there owl do an insight check I suppose there would be any sort of four I mean if you want to make the sound of a bird

sounding like a dum-dum that would be pretty funny right now. But no, you don't remember. Show yourself. Oh, shit. Silence. Show somebody else. I, uh, I, uh.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi. I'm going to cause an instantaneous sound uh that's the that's the cry the same cry of the owl that we heard last night or whatever okay uh you make the sound and there's a pause and then you Do you understand what it's saying? Do a nature check. Nature. Three. No fucking clue. Can I make a nature check? Yes.

We've all been standing around here for a while. I feel like with your proficiency, that's allowed. 14. I mean, not really. You think it's one of those? One of those. Blaine knows. Owlbear? One of what? What, an owl? An owlbear. Oh, it's an owlbear. It's an owl bear it's an owl bear what's an owl bear uh 22 pounds five cents same as downtown oh my god i gotta go see a chiropractor for that one sam you gotta write that one down he's like oh i got this uh yeah yeah that's what you would think yeah so let's uh let's get ready to get really hurt yeah all right i'll knock an arrow okay and aim i'm assuming wherever that just made that sound that's where we're looking yeah i mean it's uh

it's echoing it's definitely to the southwest where you came from. I'm a druid. Can I do like a zero in on it kind of a thing? Let's do an insight check. No. Yeah, I mean, you feel like if you backtracked a little bit, you've kept doing noises. Maybe you could pin this thing down.

But so far, you're only sure that there is at least one thing. What can you tell us about owlbears? You could tell us an owlbear is a very deep owl noise. It's a large creature making an owl sound. You've heard of owlbears. Yes. Does he know anything about them? If Blaine would like to share

anything, I know he probably knows. I know that they usually wear professor hats. I know that they usually wear professor hats. I know that... They carry Tootsie Pops. Yeah, they knock Tootsie Pops out of the water when the Pops are swimming upstream to spawn. And it takes, I think, 10,000 licks to shit in the woods.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. So it's like there's a lot of crossover going on with the... You know a lot. The Tootsie Bears. We call them Tootsie Bears. Oh. It's kind of a cute thing.

But if you get between them and their cub, the cub will maul you. The cub will? Yeah, that's what you're not expecting. I'll throw this in too. You would know these things are big. Yeah. Yeah, when's what you're not expecting. I'll throw this in too. You would know these things are big. Yeah, when I mean big, I mean they're like 5'1". At least.

Oh, at least 5'1". What they get from bears mostly is the size. They also have clawed paws on their wings and beaks. They mostly look like an owl except, yeah, they've got muscular arms. It's like a Nissan Murano with a professor hat. It's like an owl bear. And it's the size of a large grizzly bear. It's gigantic.

And it can turn your head all the way around. Oh, wow. Well, do we want to attack it? This thing's tracking this thing's tracking us so i don't think it's gonna stop yeah let me try to inseminate it i'm kidding we should kill it or get away from it before it kills us that's something else i learned in bugbear class all right can we go spider fleet can we go stalk it or hunt this thing uh i mean right now you any move you make you're you're in a small group right up against this cliff you know that it is tracking you you can do whatever you like but it's certainly see you're you're more exposed than it why don't we uh i'm gonna go lay out some food on the ground and then make the owl sound again.

What food? Dried meat of some kind. Nature check, please. Yeah, nature check. It's not animal handling because this thing's not really an animal. Nine. And what kind of food did you want to do? I assume it eats meat, so I was leaving out like a dried meats of some kind.

I mean, just sort of sits there. Nothing. You make the owl noise silence. I gesture at it. Like, is there a way for you to fly out and see exactly where it is? You could fly up.

You could send Gus around. I mean, there's all sorts of moving around, but again, right now, like we're under surveillance from the sky. Okay. Gus around. I mean, there's all sorts of moving around. But again, right now, like... We're under surveillance from the sky. Okay, I cast Fog Cloud in front of us,

so nothing can see where we are. And then we can just... Maybe hide in a cave. All right, noted. I made a roll in private. What do you want to do? Time's ticking on the Fog Cloud. Let's kill this thing.

From behind the cloud. She lay out this thing. From behind the cloud. She lay out the thing. Do you think you would like some blood? I figured let's just lose it. That's what she said. If you're going to follow through on Sarah's idea. Then let's slip. You don't have to.

You have like an hour where this cloud is going to be. Let's hike up. Let's do it. Up? Grab on my rope. I'm going to need you to do a survival check to try to get the rope in some sort of shape where you can lift people high up on a cliff. You can tell pretty easily what would be like four stories up.

There's enough rock where you could get everybody up there above. Can I give him advantage if I support him somehow? I'm proficient at it. Just so he can roll twice? No. Unfortunately, this is about him flying up by himself. Yeah, I mean, you get up there and you've got a rope and you're like, alright.

You can lower it down to people if you want. Grab on, folks. Who wants to grab a rope? I'll go. Is everyone doing it? Then everyone please roll a athletics check. You can roll with advantage

because Queep is on top holding the other end. And he's got boots that keep him pretty well planted. 18. 18. Wow. Holy shit. We're all legal i'm wrong finally barely 21 16 great yeah you all get up there um and you don't see anything below but after like five

five minutes of silence after you've all made it up a few stories up onto the rocks, you do hear another deep... ...in the fog somewhere. Fucking thing. Let's just keep going. Yeah. Up higher? Or just let's ignore it, because I think if we engage it... You're on like an embankment that's very isolated right now.

You could keep going higher up the side of this mountain, or you could go down or around. Or dip into some caves. So I'm sorry, I missed it. Do you think you knew where the artifact was? He tried to search his mind for insight. So are we going to confront the giant directly to

try to find out where it is? That is an option. I mean, at the very least, we should maybe get a look at it. So we're going to try to head to wherever the giant is? that is an option. Yeah. I mean, at the very least, we should maybe get a look at it, right? Okay. The giant. So we're going to try to head to wherever the giant is. All right.

Well, let's, I could make this really hard, but what I'm instead going to do is let's everybody do a stealth and a survival. All right. Two. Two. One.

Everyone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do two rolls, but tell me what your, first,

let's do stealth. Seven. Two. Okay. Ten. Fourteen. me what your first let's do stealth seven two okay ten fourteen uh eighteen great everyone do a survival check eighteen seventeen twenty-one seventeen eleven 21 17 11 alright well it takes you the better part of the day

because of that low stealth check from your guide or survival check from your guide and he's a little noisy so Queep's kind of flapping around getting his grip with his nice fancy boots on the side of the mountain to try to guide you guys around the side and in the process

you know you attracted the attention of that owlbear down below. And after a while, you feel like there's other shapes moving in the woods tracking you. You don't know if they're dragons or what, but you do make it around to the sheer area. And while doing so, you're able to stay about four stories up above the forest

floor so you're still kind of reasonably high up the the bottom of this small mountain um and at this point there's the rock is now bright white and uh you can see the open expanse between the three mountains you can see how the lake and the glen fit between the three mountains and you can see the open expanse between the three mountains. You can see how the lake and the Glen fit between the three mountains. And you can see how all three of the mountains sort of have a sheer area where different tribes have left nests. Uh, everybody do a perception check, please.

And then do a insight for me. Queep 21, 21. Hell yeah. You got 22, 15. I got a, a net, but then, uh, a three to that. Hell yeah, you guys. 22. 15. I got a nat, but then a three to that, so 23. Holy shit, all right.

And then what's your insight there, Queeps? Your kickstand. 23. Wow. This is, you guys, the rolls. Weird today. It's very weird. It is weird.

I threw some dragons at you and you got away from them and all that really the only real consequence i've been able to throw at you guys is there's like a fucking pack of owl bears hunting you now a pack or something there's at least an owl bear and some uh other folks tracing you uh or tracing your dicks but you you get around the the nests in the three cliff faces used to have, you know, like sort of residential blinds and privacy areas and stuff like that, crafted by, you know,

everything's just been thrown out or ripped to shreds or stolen or destroyed. And it's just nothing but rock and little pockets are left of your civilization. Rock and pockets? Rock pockets. Rock pockets. And there's a pile of bones, a very deliberate,

like a pile of pistachio casings, a pile of bones that you recognize as your people. Oh, well. Jeez. That have been systematically piled up there. I warned them. As a warning. Clearly as a warning.

Like, they're meant to intimidate. And on top of that, Dargthur, you see in the distance between two mountains a shape. It's difficult to see because it is very far away. You guys are kind of right around the side. You're on the side of the mountain

on a little nest area. And you're kind of looking across a glen and a lake like past trees and stuff you see a shape just a little bit taller than a tree just kind of like rocking with its back to you back and forth walking away does it look like a ghost wearing glasses no um but i would think you would put two and two together and be like ah fuck that's a giant should we kill it it's walking away it's a couple miles away it's, fuck, that's a giant. Should we kill it? But it's walking away. It's a couple miles away. It's really far away.

There's a giant walking away from us. It's pretty far, though. We should steal its magical harp. Let him go. Yeah, and the goose that lays the golden eggs. All right, let's go get it. It's down on forest floor level, but it is far away. And it is very exposed all

like you know we were talking earlier about like what it means to be in open space when people are hunting you or maybe looking down you know you would have to cross a glen uh with a giant pile of bleached white bones in it uh at a lake area where there are not really any trees and this guy's in these guys in the trees you can see over the trees and you would there's not really it's not like before where you could kind of go across like a cliff face and then go jump into some tree there's like no cover well what if you fly me over there and then i cast something from above what if we go check out his house while he's gone oh yeah i thought he was going back to his house. He looks like he could be going back to his house. Right now, he is between

the mid and east mountain. I'm going to pull the map back up for your friend, Queep, here. So he's like right here. And his house is? Up here. And where are we? He's heading that way? He's headed in that general direction. Okay.

I was going to say I could fly on your back and try to cast something from above. If you would like. If he flew you, it would take a strength check and he would probably get tired and have to put you down before he could get you all the way there. This is a couple of miles. Also, the other people in your party

would have to come up with some plan to keep up with you if you intended them to come with you. All right. Well, should we just head in his direction then guys or what? Is there a way to do that in any sort of cover though? You feel like you would have to be very slow and stealthy to keep cover or else you'd have to create some sort of cover.

This, this looks like almost an arena that he has plotted out. But where he is right now, he can't see us. If it's a couple miles. You, hmm, do. I'm going to start yelling ice five. Do a history check for me. 21. check for me um 21 you think a giant if he just looked over his shoulder from that far away might be able to see you oh he's got good eyeballs they're giant um and do we think he's the only one

didn't we think there were plural didn Didn't we hear giants? You definitely heard stories of giants from the Archmage. He also said magics though. But I will say this. You guys can talk to each other. You guys can call the Archmage. You have options. Oh. Well,

right now we're on the side of a mountain. Do you want to go up or go down? You could. Or go in. Yeah, you could go in. There's basically abandoned homes. Let's go in and look for the stuff.

Okay. I just figured it'd be hidden by him, probably, right? If he's guarding it. Yeah. But yeah. Sure, let's see what we find here. All right, so there is about 20 feet away. It's wide open. You would need Queep to fly you, like a little home.

It's not when you remember exactly Queep, but there's a little pocket home that you could fly everybody to that's about four or five stories off the ground. Okay. It would be a sort of lower class home because lower class people lived closer to the ground. Oh, shit. Lower class people. But if you want. Oh, shit. Lower class people.

But if you want to fly everyone over. What newspaper do you think they shit on? I'm going to have you do athletics checks for your four friends. What do you think, guys? How do you feel? If we think it's abandoned, you could check it out or you could bring one person with you. Sure.

I'll not start with you because I'm terrible at this. Yeah. Who's the most sneak around? Why doesn't he and Gus go because they can both fly? Sure. I'll not start with you because I'm terrible at this. Who's the most sneak-a-roo-ity? Why doesn't he and Gus go because they can both fly? Gus can report. Just Queep and Gus? Yeah. Alright. I'm going to roll. Or no, you roll for

both of you guys just do a stealth. Just a stealth. Ten. Sixteen. So the two of you get you know in this little nest thing and we want to just what do we see you see tunnels that go deep inside the cliff

oh okay and I think we'll go ahead and pause the episode there oh 32 32 Sam hi everyone So there. Oh. That was 32. 32. Yes, sir. 32. Sam.

Hi, everyone. All right. Episode 32. I can't believe everyone said kawakawaka so many times, and nobody said it like Fozzie Bear. There's many more birds. There's part of me in the game that wants Sarah to hero Queep's eye, but there's also part of me that wants him to stay blinded because a bird with an eye patch rules

Sarah made another bird flying to where a dragon was and then it died. So that was a bummer. Wait, do we lose Hoshinka? I really hope we go to donkey land. Eventually something is tailing us. Oh shit. It's some sort of bear. Oh shit. It's some sort of owl bear.

Oh shit. It's exactly as described. We're climbing the mountain. We found a bunch of bird bones and there's a very sexual giant watching us. Sexual giant. Anything you want to plug? No. All right.

Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.