Nerd Poker - Episode 34 - The Wrong Sky

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Our adventure has taken us through another dimension (another dimension, another dimension) and through a gross fungal thread leading into the sky. So far things on the other end of that thread have been eerily similar to a regular old dungeon. But it's about time Bodhi, Twee, Tom Netty, Esmerelda, Typha, and their wee lil' hostage went for a walk outside.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 2. Hey, everybody.

Who gets stuck with all the bad luck? No one but Donald Duck. Are we on? Hey, everybody. It's Brian Persain. You're listening to Brian Persain's Nerd Poker, episode 34, Rhodes is Asleep. Aw.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam. My friends are here. Hello. Hi. Chris. Hi.

Sarah. Ken. Hi, everyone. Dan. Yo. Blaine. Hey.. Hello. Hi. Chris. Hi. Sarah. Ken. Hi, everyone. Dan. Yo. Blaine. Hey. And Sam.

Hi. And I have some soda. I'm going to chug a lug of it to wake the fuck up. I'm full of brisket and noodle kugel. Ooh. Some epic burp talking. How was the brisket? The brisket was okay, but the noodle kugel I kept going back to.

Oh, that's a hard one. Yeah, I can't say no to the kugel. I love brisket more than anything. Brisket's so good. Barbecue brisket, but Rosh Hashanah brisket is a different thing. It's okay. It's tasty. It's still brisket.

Yeah. But I love it. Wow, this got real anti-Semitic. With raisins or no raisins? I prefer sea brisket. Sweet kugel? Yeah, it was a sweet kugel. A little kugel.

Yes. Sweet kugel. You know what I think is real sweet? Our Patreon sponsors. Specifically this one band that's playing at Palladino's this weekend. You know what I think is real sweet? Our Patreon sponsors Specifically this one band that's playing at Paladino's this weekend Oh who are they? Adelamarth, a Swedish metal cover of Adele Oh god

Dude you're getting Adelamarth That was good Who gave us that one? That would be Bob Woodyard Thanks Bob Woodyard Oh you know who I saw there last weekend? It was an Aerosmith Smiths

cover band called Aerosmiths. You know who was opening for them? Botox and the Bandanas, a tribute to Bret Michaels' solo career. Weren't they there with Lords of the Old Church they sure were they were also with

White Stripe a tribute to Coverdale and Jack White oh my god that would be terrible wow I would like half of that guess which half

White Snake half yeah I like that you laid it out for us. I want these motherfucking white snakes. Off this motherfucking plane. White plane? That got weird. White plane.

Between the anti-Semitism and the white supremacy. What I said was, I like a barbecue brisket more than a boiled brisket or whatever. That is so racist of you. Oh my God. I've never said that. Brian, I've never had brisket.

I've never seen brisket firsthand. And so I can never, it's meat, right? So like, it's like ribs or something. But like, but because I've never had it, it's like a mystery to me. It doesn't sound real. And it sounds so much like biscuit that I had it it's like a mystery to me it doesn't sound real

it sounds so much like biscuit it's like fibers of interwoven beef there's a place in Austin called La Barbecue and it's like a two hour wait and it's worth like an eight hour wait it's worth giving up my 25 years of being a vegetarian

if you waited eight hours. Yeah, yeah. They're famous for their limp brisket. The best brisket. The limp brisket. Is that the place like way out, way out, like in a rolling,

over rolling hills? It's like a low place. It's moved around. No, that's. I do know more than one person who has abandoned their vegetarianism for pepperoni. For some reason,

that's like a weird gateway. Pepperoni? Yeah, maybe it's like, maybe it's like. Well, pepperoni doesn't have reason, that's like a weird gateway. Pepperoni? Yeah, maybe it's like... Well, pepperoni doesn't have feelings. Not abandoned it permanently, just like had a lapse, like a weird, like I can't... I crave it.

It's a pizza thing. For people who used to eat it and then stopped, for some reason, that's like the hardest piece to give up. I've only... I've got to say, there's pretty good amounts

of soy pepperoni. I've only considered... This is years ago, so possibly now that... Going back for convenience. Like I've never craved meat. I've only considered this is years ago so possibly now going back for convenience I've never craved meat I've just craved people

not nagging about it it's a pork product I'm an idiot yeah I think it's a cut I think the idea is that it's it's peppered

wait pepperoni you're talking about it's like a salami I'm still thinking about brisket pepperoni is just peppered salami it's a pork salami

it's like ground up and put into casing, right? But you could get turkey pepperoni, probably. It's like Italian kielbasa. Yeah. And now we're dragging the Italians. What the hell are we doing right now? Welcome to Nerd Butchery. Guys, let's talk about

tri-tip. No, there's no tri-tip. This is great. It's 15 minutes of stuff I could not give less of a shit about. It hasn't been that long. Jump back in. Okay, here we go. You're on the moon.

You're in a prison. You're trying to break out. You guys took a little break in a sort of lunar elf graveyard underground, and there is a hatch above you up a ladder, and you feel like after you've learned a couple of spells, taken a couple of hours, there is now sort of a clutch of guards right above the hatch.

And we thought that, or Teyfa thought, that perhaps they were about to start letting the bodies hit the floor. And you hear a sort of like thud above. Oh boy. And light comes down the tunnel. You guys are still in Leomund's tiny hut, which lasts a bit of a while.

But you notice as soon as it happens, the guard kind of jumps up. We either... What do you think that is? You've got a guard with you. Yeah, what do you think that is? We can wait and see what happens in this hut. Tiny guard.

He makes a sprint for the ladder. I grab him. Oh, he's normal, right? He's normal-sized now? Uh-huh. Do an athletics check. All right. Which, you know...

This guy... I feel like we've given him every shot to, like, be a pal. He could have become a companion, but no way. What? 27? You grabbed him to death. After last episode's ones that fucking lulled me to sleep I started dozing almost

because I was rolling like shit yeah you were not getting rolls that made you pleased and so this time the guard starts running away from you and you kind of slap him across the shoulder he spins around he faces you you grab both of his shoulders and what do you do kiss him

romantic that is a meet and greet grab both of his shoulders and what do you do? Kiss him. Romantic. That is a meet-be-wee. Where were you going? What was that? Just going to see what it was. We're inside the hut, so they can't hear us. Yeah, what should I do with this guy? Maybe why he's not yelling.

You get the impression he knows. There's what I want to do to this guy and what should I do to this guy. Are we still going to use him? Quick reminder, he claims to be the royal guard of a good god. I feel like we might be able to use him to help us with the guards that are about to come into

the room. I feel like him being alive is better than them coming in. Right, but we've still got one of them hostage that they probably won't respond well to that. Ultimately, we're all on the same side. Oh, that's true. I'm going to tell this guy something. Maybe it'll blow his mind.

Okay, go ahead. I'm going to be like, I used to do drugs, man. He's like, listen up. You turn a chair around and you just kind of like sit in it and just do Hedberg's bitch. Still do.

I used to also. You got this in your backpack last night. A marijuana cigarette? Did I do the Hedberg joke right or wrong? I think I did it wrong. I don't know the Hedberg joke, so I am unable to guess. I was going to say to him, listen, you know these stalks that are coming up here to hit the moon? Yeah.

Yeah. Guess who stopped two, maybe three of those stalks from even getting off the planet? I was going to say planet Earth, but planet whatever. Planet fantasy. Our planet, you know, the planet that we live on. Guess who has two thumbs? Yeah, it was us.

Yeah, it was these guys. Guess who has two thumbs and did this? This ragtag crew. So listen up. We're here to save the world. Are you with us? Or are you against us? Do an intimidation check.

I feel like it was more like rousing pep talk. Persuasion, yeah. Do you want it to be persuasion? I'll let you say that was supposed to be persuasion if it's just my inability to take social cues that prevented it. No, whatever you think.

Did that sound intimidating? It felt a little intimidating. Like you're just trying to school. The listen up and pointing at me in the actual face. It was at 18. So yeah, he calms down a little bit. And he's like, all right, all right. And as he calms down, you hear a thud.

And you all turn around. And your Lehmond's tiny hut is covering the ladder a little bit and you just see an elven corpse kind of pressed against the top of the hut floating in midair. Oh, Minox. There's still light coming down the tunnel

and you hear another thud. Yeah, they're not looking down here. And another elf corpse lands on top of that elf corpse. And it's suspended like 10 feet off the ground, like up this ladder. As long as they don't look. Well, what about this? Who's throwing elf corpses?

They're fighting them up top. They're clearing the dead battlefield. What if we real fast got out of this hut, shut it down so all the bodies don't go on the ground, and we run like 30 feet that way and throw up the hut and get inside again? We're still... I don't think you can cast hut again, Matt. Oh, is that it?

He's got to relearn the spell. I think we're going to have to go out there at some point. Yeah. So it just feels like maybe... And let the bodies hit the... Yes. Dork. Yeah.

The door closes Wrong song That's disturbed Doesn't it feel like If we're moving We gotta Like we're gonna Try to get to this

Edge of the tower Either we have We have to talk to these people Sorry I just picked my teeth That was a gross noise It was It made like a weird Kissy noise

I'm sorry I thought there was Electricity going through My headphones No I was like It was absolutely disgusting And I would like to It made like a weird kissy noise. I thought there was electricity going through my headphones. No, I was like... It was absolutely disgusting, and I would like to apologize. Does what he saw about that force field... Stop doing that, Ken.

Does that change our plan at all? Like, the fact that he saw... Didn't he see that this cube is not in fact like a solid thing, but it's like some... I think it's the center cube. He thought when he turned it. No, it's that thing to the east. This big one.

This big cube is maybe not a wall. Well, again, we don't... I don't know. I think we got to pick one shot and go for it, right? We're coming out here. We're going to try to go here or go here. Everybody do a perception check. I perceive.

Seven. I got a 22. Three. You see the guard kind of type of shift a little bit when you start talking about that cube. 20. You too, Bodhi. You see the flop sweat come back.

Dude, god damn it. Listen, I used to be an NPC too. I get it. But you've got to fucking get on board. We are here to save the goddamn day. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm real scared of what you guys are going to mess with because some stuff broke out of prison, but some stuff

didn't break out of prison, and you don't want to mess with that thing. That's in the cube. No, no, please don't. I don't know. It's really scary. So it's not Zenzirina. No, it could be. Why do you think it's scary?

Well, there's a whole war in there. It's the Warscape Cube. Again, start with the fucking big stuff. What the fuck are you talking about, man? I don't know what's going on in there. What is that? When we walk by, we get real freaked out.

You can see there's a whole battlefield trapped inside this thing. Warscape Cube? What the fuck? That's not her. What kind of a battlefield? No, that's not her. There's like thousands of people tearing each other apart, suspended in animation, and then they're all held together in this giant cube.

It's like the- Oh, I know a group of people that aren't going to be in there. Yeah. It's us. That's like the Time Lords versus the Daleks got captured forever. You guys, you're not going to- No, we don't want to go in there. No.

Oh, thank Christ. Come on. Thank fantasy Christ. Dude. Same thing. You could have just thank Christ. Come on! Thank fantasy Christ. Dude! Same thing. You could have just said Christ. Thank Bahamut Christ, which is like a dragon, basically,

except you died on a, not a cross, but like a dragon thing. We're looking for like a goddess that, yeah. You're looking for a goddess. Right, right, right. We're in Redna,

and we already talked about that. Yeah, that weird name I've heard before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, listen. We gotta go outside, and we need your support. It's viewers like you. You can get a tote bag, or you can get a selection of books.

So you're trying to get them to spill an idea of how to get out there? Yeah, look. We need to get from point A to point B. Safely. Safely. If we can go out there and talk, look, if we can talk to your fellow, you know. Roll persuasion with advantage. So two rolls.

Take the better number. Okay, well it's definitely not that one. Ugh. Um, I think it's just a nine. No, it's an eleven. He says, well, I guess I can go up with you and try to vouch for you. Try hard.

I tell him to try hard. Alright, roll intimidation with advantage. 20. So you're not going to roll higher than that. Well, that was the... Oh, with your bonus. You can roll one more time. So I'll keep that one.

Okay. Yeah. So he's like, well, I mean, all I'm saying is you're not supposed to be here no matter what. It's just supposed to be the sorcerers and the guards and that's it. So if you're not one of us, they're going to be suspicious of you. We're going to stick out no matter what. That's why...

Right. You're not one of us. Yeah. So tell them we came here through the weird thing that ropey flesh tunnel to save the world accurate description you make it sound weird yes so look we're weird look it's eldritch magic it's it's normal for eldritch magic we have already chopped down two two of these things we chopped down two of these things? We've chopped down two of these things. You are now fucking, you're Harold Hill. Fucking sell this shit, man. Harold Hill?

To everybody else. He's got to be like, look, look, the heroes are here. We got to get them to generate now. He looks down. Trouble, trouble, trouble. He wipes some of the pee away from his greaves. And he peed earlier. I know, but what are his greaves?

You know, like his gloves. Oh. Because he tried to hold his pee pee in and it didn't work. So he's just got like pee all over himself. And he says, okay, I'm going to see what I can do. Thank you. And he starts heading up the ladder.

Thank you. Wait, first? No. You should really let me go first. I'm telling you, man. If they see you first, you're going to just be instantly attacked. That might be true. I'm just telling you, if you fuck this up, he is going to make sure you die.

He keeps going up the ladder. Okay, okay. So he heads up and I already gave a hand on the back of his pants. Yeah, you've both just like a puppet. The back of his what? The back of his pants. Oh, pants. What did you hear?

Certain body parts don't really have a back, so I don't think you need to worry. That's why I was shocked. Yeah, it was like he was creating a back. That's why you were shocked. So my penis has a back. My penis has a back? My back is very relaxed.

Gross. Okay, so now that we're done talking about fantasy prostates, you guys head up the tunnel right behind this guy. It's all part. He pops open the latch. He opens the hatch. You know what I mean? Fantasy prostate.

Fantasy prostate. Oh, shit. Fantasy Prostate. Fantasy Prostate. Oh, shit. So everybody, I once saw Fantasy Prostate opened for Wizard Urethra. So why don't you guys, as a group, everybody roll a charisma saving throw. Yeah, I know.

I got a 20. Is that okay great 12 7 but I have advantage against being charmed and magic can't put me to sleep fantastic I lost my red dice earlier and I'm rolling 20 did anybody get

below 15 I did I got a 12 but I'm in the back well unfortunately it's not going to help you Typha so a 15? I did. I got a 12. But I'm in the back. Well, unfortunately it's not going to help you, Typha. Here's what happens. You guys all emerge to the surface.

And you notice as Blevins kind of goes out first. First he does, and the family of performers aristocrats but um he um you know he he's kind of like got his hands out and no one's looking at him you see some people in the distance but there's no one nearby now so he just kind of looks like an

asshole he's just kind of like like nobody attack us and he didn't need to do it basically um you guys uh uh type you guys are all just kind of stunned by how it looks but typha uh you're gonna be rolling disadvantage on perception rolls cool uh because you get dizzy you all kind of have to reel for a second as you look around and you notice it's weird as shit up here so there's a blue sky and it looks sort of like there's clouds, but they're on a weird curve. It looks different than the horizon you're used to. Everything looks almost too close.

And the ground, it does kind of look like rocks and gravel, but there's like a pink moss everywhere, little patches of it, and what almost looks like coral reef growing up out of the ground. And you see a giant sort of stone structure that looks like a fort nearby that you assume is the Southeast Fort. And you see these sort of low-to-the-ground kind of mini-forts where all those mortal cell blocks are.

And you see what looks like some weird as shit stuff. So out of two sides of this stone fort, there is this sort of orange wavy barrier you can't see through. You also notice that sort of to your right is the weirdest castle you've ever seen. It's that weird cube. And you just sort of see shapes.

They're too far away, but it's also gigantic. It's taller than any of the other structures here. And you get the impression that is the Warscape cube. Is it taller than the meteor? The meteor you see in the distance and it's a little hard to tell

if it's the same size or bigger but they're both they both kind of dwarf all the stone structures So we're going to the meteor I think right? That's where she is? I think we're heading for the glass dome We're trying the glass dome on the way to the meteor was our thought

But the glass dome isn't the war cube No It seems like we all agree to enjoy the to the meteor was our thought. But the glass dome isn't the war cube. No. Different thing. No. Because it seems like the glass cube is in the middle. We all agree to enjoy the... It's either her prison

or it might be like Archmage HQ. You see a couple of other things of interest. You see that there do look like there's sort of roving packs of guards with what looks like a floating sorcerer with them kind of walking in the distance in three or four different directions gazoo um well they're humanoid size they're not tiny little floaty people uh but um yeah it looks like you would maybe not want to bump into them without an explanation maybe this guy could help you you're

not sure you also see uh there's a couple like there's a really weird tall building if you look at the map there's that sort of circular building to the far south and it's really tall it's small but it's tall it almost looks like a silo and um if you look way behind you you're glad you didn't come up out of the ground where you first landed on that cell block that's made for lunarar Elves because you can see that osmic string, that weird tendril going up into the sky

and there are like wizards casting shit against it. There's what looks like a 10 story tall golem just like slamming these weird arms into it. And it's far enough behind you that you're just like, Jesus, that's a big ass golem and uh it's a lot of busy attacking going on trying to chop this thing down but they some of

the wizards look tired there's guards that'll like half-ass chop at it and then walk away and take a break and it just looks like they've been at it for a long time with must be teamsters i'm kidding i love teamsters so uh yeah you see the main point of focus that you were interested in is that stone fort. That's sort of the southeast corner towards that dome. And there is a very small human-sized little gate that's a stone door. And your little guard buddy turns to you guys and says, Okay, I mean, there's a clear path to that door, but I don't have a key to it.

I don't know what to tell you. Is there somebody on the other side of that door? Oh, probably. Let's do it. Let's go. Yeah. I'm in. Right?

Yeah. How long am I going to be disorienting? I'm asking the guard. How long is it going to take for me to get used to this? Oh, probably a while. I mean, you're probably going to need to rest to wear that off. I mean, it takes a while to get used to. It's weird.

It's weird here. I remember. Not like if I eat an oyster going to need a rest to wear that off. I mean, it takes a while to get used to. It's weird. It's weird here. I remember. Now, like if I eat an oyster, would that help or something like that? He tells you a little bit of the background of him being a guard. And he says, most of them are brought here by kids,

by worshipers of Bahamut. Technically, when you come here, you're allowed to worship one of the three gods, but because only one of them is good, it's expected you worship Bahamut or you kind of get ostracized. Oh, speaking of which,

could you tell us any more about Emberley? Emberley. Emberley? While we're walking. I do. Great, babe. Do a walk and talk. Excuse me.

Let's see. I knew we'd get some good burp talks. Yeah, you've landed so many persuasion and intimidation checks. I'll say this guy is just going to be meek. And so if you don't get everything you want, it's not because you haven't rolled successfully. It's just he doesn't know what else to say.

That's what we were looking for. He tells you Umberlee is the one that scares everybody. She's a sea goddess. Yeah, we have her sword. Yeah. And he says they call her the sea bitch. Hey, man. That's really nice. Ladies present. That's what they call her the sea bitch. Hey, man. That's really nice.

Ladies present. That's what sailors call her. So sorry. So sorry. Sorry. What just happened? It's me, a sorry guard. Who's that?

Okay, so we're walking to the Umberlee spaghetti So we're going to the door Yep Everybody do We'll call it an athletics check if you're running Running running The goal I believe is to run to this door

Without a guard getting between you and the door 16 12 13 15 10 to this door without a guard getting between you and the door. 16, 12. 13. 15. 10. So you get there, but you do see a clutch of guards and a sorcerer kind of like deviate

from their path and start heading towards you. They're not running, but they look like they were going to head south. Exactly. We're fine. No problem. I was totally going to wave too. Wave in a friendly fashion. Have our guy tell them everything's cool. Tell them everything's cool? Yeah.

We wave in a friendly way. Yeah, we got it. It's cool, we got it. He rolled a, what's his bonus? He rolled a seven. He goes, we're cool. Everything's cool. They keep heading towards you. they don't look like they're worried necessarily but they're definitely gonna come check you out get inside once they understand you get to the stone door and sure enough master gendy immediately tries

casting spells on the doorknob like subtly and it's like she's trying the knob and she's like it's not a magic thing I can just undo. I can't get this door open. You've got maybe like one try before these guards get here if you want to try picking it. I'll try a pick. All right. They might have a key. Who?

These assholes that are coming up. Well, I rolled a five. Are you proficient in lockpicking there, Tom Nettie? I was. I don't think I have any more. I'm looking it up. I have thieves' tools. You have thieves' tools.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that doesn't mean you're proficient, unfortunately. Yeah, I have tools at home, and I can't use a hammer. All right. My dad's a TV repairman. He's got an excellent set of tools. You do not have it anymore.

Sorry. It's not the line? With that, would you roll a seven or a five? One of those? Yeah, yeah. What was your roll, Tom? Five. Neddy.

So, yeah, you get your tools in there and you almost bend your tool trying to get this lock open. I can fix it after the Camaro crashes. Oh, okay. So it's Spicoli. I didn't know if it was victimized. You're going to be shit.

So about 10 heavily plate armored So About ten Heavily armored Plate armored guards Walk on up to you and they've got This sorcerer leading them Who is dressed in gray robes With a dragon emblem on it She's floating a foot off the ground

This elven woman And she says Can I help you? Hail Bahamut Hail Bahamut. Right? Sure. Hail Bahamut, sure. You don't look like you're from around here. We only

get suicide cultists visiting. What's going on? We're more of a homicide cult. We're here to stop the suicide cult from destroying the earth and the Moon in one fell dramatic swoop.

Roll a persuasion check. Somebody else has to be better at persuasion. All of you. 20. 30, I'm sorry. 30. They like Nettie.

Can I take some of Nettie's? 22. What'd you get there, Twee? 24. So they seem fine, but they look at Typha. I just suck. I'm just, I'm not cutting it today. And they say, excuse me.

The sorcerer says this. You're the only human amongst them. So I feel like you'll be honest with me. Yes, ma'am. That's kind of, that's a little problematic. Yeah. We only get here, you know, visitors, like I said, a suicide call trying to bring about the end of the world.

And I'm a little concerned about our security. I mean, you've got a guard with you, but he's trembling. I have great news for you. He's soaked in sweat. The heroes are here. They've come to save us all. Right. So I just have a question.

Sure. Why are you here? These people cut down how many of the giant spires that are trying to tear this moon down? Three. Two, three. They've already got rid of it on the ground side. And now we've come up here to try and help stop everything.

I have a great idea then. Why don't you turn around and walk towards that thing you're so good at cutting down and go work on it? We've got a whole team of people over there that would love to have some heroes as strong as you go help them cut that. Why don't you go do that right now? We have an even more important thing here to pull off.

Right, guys? Yes. What? We're here at more important business. How about somebody with a 30 teller? Yeah. Well, she thinks all you guys would have been convincing, but she looked real suspicious. So, last chance.

Why aren't you turning around? Tell her, Kay. No, not you. Oh, you don't want to hear from us. She's staring daggers at Typha. You broke into our prison to help. Yes. Oh, we're so lucky.

Why don't you turn around and help? Can I tell her? She's sarcastic. She doesn't say that. Because that's not going to help. Oh, we're so lucky. Why don't you turn around and help? She's sarcastic. Because that's not going to help much. I'm not interested in what they have to say. I'm interested in what you, the humble human, has to say. They're speaking for you.

You can't do it. Totally comfortable with this. She is the best and will lay it all out. This is no. Give me one reason you're here. Jen Radina. We're here because of Jen Radina. All right.

There you go. You knew it already. Look at you. You look like you got a big chocolate Easter bunny on D&D. A big grin crosses her face. And she says, that's interesting. You're here to visit one of our prisoners. Why don't you stay right here, and I will go get an escort so you can visit our prisoner.

We're not here to visit. And no offense to what's going on on here but i believe we heard there was a lax security situation happening and after what's going on in earth we needed to come up here and check all of your cells especially if you're major prisoners and as i look around now i see that you know what it probably was a good idea okay time to roll roll for security audit. Give me your persuasion. It's probably... Or was that more... Deception? That's deception.

That's deception. 13, lucky 13. She... Colonel, you're not supposed to reveal that to a civilian. Don't say colonel, for fuck's sake. You're really making us screw up. She looks at the guards around her and gives them a nod

and she pulls a little brass bell out of her pocket and just kind of rings it. Puts it back in her pocket. Great. Show her the sword of Emberley. I don't know if this is good news or bad news, but I would really like to point out

that we are not attacking you. I show her the sword of Emberley. As soon as you take the sword out, she doesn't react as if she's afraid of a sword being drawn. She reacts very uniquely to the sword, and the whole

group of them kind of like take a half step back when they see the sword and everyone roll for initiative, please. Oh, I thought that they, they, they built one of the prisons. And so that would be like a,

a badge or whatever. He just drew the sword of Umberley. She, uh, she, uh, I'm sorry. Not,

not, not pronouns are important. She didn't draw it. Chris Tallman, but she specifically said that she presented the magical sort of umberly the evil sea goddess uh known as the sea bitch who no one here worships because they're afraid of her i was trying to help build the prison yes so would it make sense that we were here to you know check i mean i'm just gonna get a little

more semantical with you before you roll that initiative and remind you that the guard told you people don't say they worship anyone other than Bahamut or they're ostracized from the rest of the group because they're considered evil. Ostracized doesn't mean attacked. All right. Hold that 20 because I'm not ready to take note of everybody's

running order yet. I'm sorry, guys. Roll, everybody. No! It was inevitable. It was just how far were we ever going to get. I got a 27. Okay. What? Oh, roll. It was inevitable. It was just how far were we ever going to get. I got a 27. Okay. What? Oh, he's not ready for it.

I'm super not ready. For initiative? Never mind. Okay, who got a 25 or higher? Just twee? Yeah. What kind of bonuses do you guys have on your initiative? Who got a 20 or higher?

I got a 22. I mean, make sure you look at your initiative bonus. No, I did. I just wanted to know why everyone's getting high 20s. Because I was so impressed. I just have a 2. 22. I have a 7. But I rolled an No, I did. I just wanted to know why everyone's getting high 20s because I was so impressed because I got a 22. I just have a 2. I got a 17. I have a 7.

But I rolled an 18, so 20. 22. Because I rolled a natural 20. You made me fool. Noise. Both of you guys

rolled a 6. You guys are rubbing my beard on your head. Gross. Thank you for listening to NerdPoker's ASMR. Say hello lover while you do that. No. Please. I've never said hello lover to anybody.

Say it to the listeners. Would you rub your beard on them? My wife would divorce me if I said hello lover. Roll it. I need you guys to roll off because you got the same number. We're having a 3D oral experience with Brian. hello lover. Roll it. I need you guys to roll off because you got the same number. We're having a 3D oral experience with Brian Bussini. Hello lover. This is what it would be like if Brian rubbed his beard on the back of your neck.

I brought you a brandy. Everybody rub something on the mic and we'll see if you can guess what it is. Oh, no. Get back on. I saw Ken Daly's nipple. Did it wink at you? Wait, did you really? Did you guys know if Ken Daly's nipple

winks at you, it grants you a wish. I'm trying to keep my lipstick. Oh, that was surprising. That's a dice. What is that? That's really terrible. All right. Stop rubbing your It is that. Wow. That's really terrible. All right. So. Blaine, stop.

Stop what? Stop rubbing your dice on them. Sorry, man. Sorry, man. I'm really congested. Oh, my God. People hate you right now. These people.

The people at this table. Sorry, man. I'm really congested. Blaine, you want a table fry? No. No, man. I'm really... Blaine, you want a table fry? No, thanks. I filled up on Hassock chips earlier. Tweet her up. Oh.

Now, are these guys all drunk? Well, it's not just that he drew up. He drew what they perceived as a threat. You get the impression from what just happened at the start of this battle that they do not like artifacts of Umberlee suddenly being presented like that,

even if she is a part of it. They also had just rang a bell. Can't we say stand down? They also rang a bell. Well, that was before this, right? She was calling for backup, wasn't she? I just thought she was one of the prison owners. I think she did get the impression that she did ring a bell.

You also get the impression from a couple of the other roving patrols that she is a sorcerer like there are in several other patrols. I'm going to ask my finger prick. Let's see if anybody's picking up on my finger prick. Do an Arcana check. 25? picking up on my fingerprint. Do an Arcana check. 25. Holy shit. You feel like you could do something

with that finger if you pointed it at somebody. Wow. What, like the woman floating? Giving a shit? Yes. The woman who drew swords on us. Can I just quickly ask?

I'm sorry, this is totally unrelated, but I just need to know for my own files. It's related. It's related. I thought when we got that sword, we were carrying it around forever, and it had a good aura. It didn't have an evil aura.

Oh, it doesn't check alignment? Correct. But it was green. Okay. So we're going to gonna go quick trip and then i want to we're gonna talk about what happened with twee's finger that's fine i wanted no no go ahead and we all wanted we all want to talk about what twee does with his finger but i do just i i feel like people might find this interesting including yourselves that was

with a now lost uh item that tom doretto had on his person called the Scarab of Farsi. Oh, he lost his scarab. And it checked magical auras that, yes, you're right, did not have to do with alignment. And you got the impression that the particular aura it gave off meant it was connected to a god somehow, but not necessarily evil or good. Okay.

So we blew it there. So I presented the sword of an evil god. I presented an evil sword to them. Yeah, except that the god is supposed to be on the board of directors of this prison, and so it just seemed like that would be like a good way to socially inappropriate is all i'm saying and she was already kind of on the verge of not trusting in esmeralda's defense her like pitch that we were like the audit team was working and i thought that that would be like the the sealed like the psychic paper of like yeah i mean these guys might just be

trying to arrest you too they might not just be trying to arrest you too. They might not just be trying to like wipe you out. Yeah, I think we should yell at them like we're not trying to fight because they're good people. But yes, okay, sorry. You feel something special happening with your finger twee. What are you going to do? Yeah, hey, who's in charge here?

You get the feeling the sorcerer is definitely in charge. Yeah, hey, are you going to arrest us or what are you going to do to us? He's pointing it. Roll a 20, and they're going to roll a 20 for a saving throw. He's pointing with the finger. 15. All right.

Roll 3D12, please. Friendship? Oh, boy. Well, I guess we're going to find out what Jin Radin is all about. 25. All right. So something that looks like a series of black veins shoot out of your finger, and they look brittle and sort of immovable like a lightning bolt trapped in glass on a beach.

And it just sort of spikes through her shoulder like a series of wires and knocks her to the ground. Esmeralda, you're up. Interesting. Cool. I definitely have a lot of options now. Do you think we should just say, like, stand down? Yeah. Yeah, just so.

That's what I was. You think I can still try to do that? Yeah, you can roll an intimidation check with advantage. Okay, so then I'm going to be like, stand down. Great language. Stand down. We don't want anybody to get hurt here. Roll twice.

Well, I rolled a 20 on my first roll so what's your bonus for intimidation um five uh they all take a step backwards and the sorcerer grabs her shoulder and just stares at tween and and says, what was that? I was asking you. What are you doing here? Do we have an understanding? I have an understanding that you're evil and that you're invading my prison. We're not evil. He's not.

We're not. You're here. Just let me back inside. I'm not going to hurt anybody. Detect evil on me. See if you detect evil on me. Wait, do I have anything evil on me? Besides the sword.

I'm not holding the sword. You are. Like, I moved the sword. She casts detect evil, and she says, well, one of you is evil. That's for sure. Well, we know.

But we've got him under control. Don't worry about him. He's been on a complicated journey. I'm going to show her a mind. I know we look like a ragtag group. I'm going to roll up a big flat screen TV, and I'm going to show her a clip reel of what happened. I'm going to show me killing the kid.

I'm going to show me losing sleep over killing the kid. I'm going to show me trying to kill myself and then realizing that the kid stole my wand. Then me flipping out over being that angry at it. And then trying to be evil but not being too good at it. And here we are. Roll a persuasion check, Tui. What music played over that?

I think it was watching Scotty grow. 19. And that's with... 23. That song's a piece of shit. So she says, I understand. You can't just go in this prison now. I'm going to need you to have an escort.

You can escort us. We don't have a problem with that. Yeah, come with us and fight her. Seriously, you would be a million times better than Fuckface Magoo over here. This guy. Cut to Fuckface Magoo going, what? Seriously, once this is all done, we can talk about reviewing your hiring policies.

All right. Well, as you finish, again, you guys are taking the audit approach. Two more security patrols walk over, and you guys are basically surrounded. You've got 30 guards and three sorcerers. Great. This looks good. I like the bell system. The bell system seems to be working.

And they say, all right. We would like her to escort us. I didn't mean to say that. Do we know her name? Yeah. She probably needs to deal with her 27 points of damage. Yeah. I'll make her a student.

Her name is Bexus. Bexus? Yes. Bexus, will you come with us, please? Oh, my God. Of your own volition. I don't... I'm trying to make it...

She waves the other two patrols away, and she talks to her guards, and most of the guards sort of split off with two of the patrols, but two of them stay with her. And she says, all right, let's take a walk. Cool.

Can we... Is everybody cool if we get rid of the doll? Do we need that guy anymore? He's not doll-sized anymore. You've got a pee-in, sweat-soaked guard with you who's full-sized. Tell him to go take a nap. Blevins says, I have a hair on my shoulder. I have a black T-shirt on. Of course I have a hair on my shoulder. I have a black t-shirt on. Of course I have a hair on my shoulder.

So yeah, he says, yeah, I mean, I could go back to my cell block. You think you can? Can you make it there? I could. Is mommy going to walk you across the fucking street? Are you my mommy? Yeah, why don't you?

I pat him on the shoulder. He says, thanks. There's a lot of weird emasculation going on. I appreciate it. Look, we just, you understand There's a lot of weird emasculation going on. I appreciate it. Look, we just... Thanks for whatever. Yeah, he goes back. He kind of does a quick little jog back to the hatch

and just kind of climbs down the hatch. The archman just... Who's going to be blogging tonight? Who's going to do the thing like you're going to swing at him and then go to comb your hair? So the sorcerer starts walking you guys south away from this fort and directing you

towards a small sort of fort to the south. The super tower? It's kind of west of the super tower. So if you guys look at your map, it's... Let's make sure she's not taking us to a place to imprison us. Everybody do a perception check.

She should have brought 30 more guys. You've got a disadvantage type of thing. You're a dizzy type of thing. 18 plus. Oh, well, I got a one. Do I need to roll again for my disadvantage? No, you're fucked. That's what it is.

13. What, perception? Was that? Yep. Anybody beat a 20? I got a 16. I got a 14. I had 18 plus 19.

No, I didn't. All right. So Tom Nettie, you get the impression you noticed this before your escort does. But you see sort of from around the corner of these forts lumbering towards you what looks like a hundred foot tall monster that's almost all legs and has a large raptor-like beak kind of charging towards you guys. A Monty Python bumper transition.

A Terry Gilliam cutout is running towards you. I pointed it out to the crew and I asked the sorcerer, what is that? Oh no. They all start running towards it. I pull a notebook out and start taking notes on the

lax procedures that have led to the disaster. I call headquarters. Why are they running towards it? One of the guards turns around and tells you, we're in the middle of a riot. I don't know if you knew this. Well, what's this thing? Is this thing a bad thing?

It's a Darth Eccle. How do we get it? What do we do? If we don't kill it, it's going to start getting bigger. It's pretty big. It's 100 feet tall, you said? Death to that thing. Let's go.

We'll help. Let's roll initiative again. Blaine's already pointing at Yeah yeah yeah Who got over a 25? I got a 24 Do I have disadvantage on this too? No I got a 22

You got a 20 I got a 10 15 I rolled shit on that last episode And then rolling real nice What'd you get Typha? I got a 10 Oh dear

Alright So A female deer and then rolling real nice. What'd you get, Typha? I got a 10. Oh, dear. All right. So, a female deer. Ray. Bam, a lamb. I'm just yelling random shit that we say sometimes. So, you get a pair of spans. So, you see this thing. So you go to Paris, France. So you see this thing.

I'd like to thank our Patreon listeners. Yeah, it's 100 feet tall, and like 90 feet of it are just these weird, long, sort of Baba Yaga-like legs. They're just like these creepy sort of bird-like legs that go up, and then right at the hip joints, there's just a bird head, and that's the whole thing. It sort of kicks one leg back and dips its face to the ground and

picks up two guards in its beak and they both kind of like grab onto its head as it swings its head back up into the sky and they're like stabbing at its head while it's trying to like get them inside its mouth and they're now way up way the fuck up in the sky

as this thing dips up. Like standing at it or flung them? Like they're still holding on. Okay, it's stood up. Yeah, Tui, you're up. I'm going to point at it and see if that works. Just right at its head, right in its mouth, aiming right into its mouth.

Nothing happens. No! mouth aiming right into its mouth uh nothing happens no is it is it because it's the thing that is supposed to be the thing that I'm not shooting at it does that make way is it it's not Zanzarina is it you feel like it's maybe just been too soon okay is it too late for me to throw a fireball at it no I'll throw a fireball at it. Well, it already failed its saving throw, so let's see what happens. That could be good.

Who else is playing Palladinos? Do we have any queued up? Yeah. Oh, Ozen Eben was there. Oh, yeah. Not Eben Ozen? No, no. It's Ozen Eben. Who else we got? We got William. But they are an Eben Ozen tribute band, no. It's Ozen Eben. Who else we got? We got William.

But they are an Eben Ozen tribute band. William, a Prince tribute band. It's a Captain and a Tennille cover band, but the guys are named Eben and Ozen. All right. What was yours? William. William, a Prince cover band.

Boo. Was that one of our listeners? Yes. Oh, I mean, yay. Brian hates the Royals. Tom Lennon's French Cars of New York cover band, Rinal 9-11.

I like that. Tom Lennon's got a bunch of tribute bands. That's from Tifa's Cookin' with Cobalt. Nice. Roll that damage on that fireball. He is. Where are you aiming on this thing, by the way?

22 right in its mouth. All right. Just straight into the thing. You definitely toasted one of these guards Up on this thing's head But you did some damage to the bird Great Sorry I was trying to think of somebody funny at Paladinos Boaty you're up

Alright I did see Oh I was at the Paladinos in Russia And I saw the Boys Ridge Oak Awesome Sorry I hurt my back on that one well like a a cake party in the 80s

I'm gonna rage alright Harold of Kelmar also that would be a 20 on the first one not natural but alright

that is a hit yeah oh I know that That would be a 20 on the first one. Not natural. All right. Not natural. That is a hit. Yeah. Oh, I know that. Let's move on to my other six-sided die brought to you, Bri. Bri. Bri. Well, we still got plenty of great bands coming to Palladino's this weekend.

From Scotland comes a tribute band. To the band Kansas, it's Haggis on the Wind. You know who I saw in Baltimore at Palladino's? The Old Bay City Rollers. That's a Baltimore joke. I like that one. Thank you. That was a good one.

I liked it. That's a nine on the first roll there. All right. Made me hungry. Cut into its leg a little bit. Fire damage, of course. Yep. Remembering.

Oh, there was that Abba cover band. Oh, yeah. Abba. Hit it again. Hit it again. Come on, put it in that tower. You got this. All right, so that's a 19.

That is also a hit. Yeah. And then a seven. All right. Fire damage. Yup. So now... Should have frenzied, but instead I just reached.

The sorcerer with you waves her hands and a cloud of daggers goes flying at this thing and misses. This thing cocks its head back and manages to bite one of these soldiers in half you see its legs sort of fall to the ground and it's vertebrae sticking out as it kind of thunks as a pile of meat and plate mail next to you

should have been that fucking guy yeah I wish it would have been what's his net I'm set to its and what 11 oh. Two of the guards try to hit its legs, and they both miss. Gendy is up, and she casts Fireball, and it manages to dodge the Fireball. Esmeralda, you're up. I'm sorry. No, you ain't doing shit. He was so ready.

He was like ready. I was really ready to go. I heard Esmeralda. I'm going to Chromatic Orb. Ooh. Which is a ranged spell attack. Okay. Plus four, so.

So that is a 12. Okay. That's 2d8, right? Oh, no, it's ranged spell, so that that was my attack don't i have to roll an attack roll um i don't know i don't i don't think so i think you just uh it has a saving throw oh i thought i had to and then you roll your damage it didn't make it to save if the attack hits the creature takes 3d8 damage of the type you choose so So acid, cold, fire, lightning, poison, or thunder. Cold was what I was going to do. All right.

So did you roll 3d8? No, no, I was confused. What level spell is it? I'm just using the traditional first level spell. Okay, so roll 3d8. The traditional. Classic, chromatic. Or chromatic classic, classic I guess would sound better

21 you hit one of these things legs and it looks like the skin peels off as it just sort of gets covered in frost crystals and starts snapping as it's kicking itself all over the place it's really prancing around in place Typha you're up

stomping around it's almost hitting a guard I draw the sword of Umberlee and say let's respect all of our gods they all built this place and I attack the same thing where she shot that's a 20

that's a hit that's definitely a hit wait was it a natural 20? No, it was my bonus. It was a 20. I'm going to stand it critical, you guys. I know. 8 plus 2. So that's 13 of slashing damage, and then I get to do the ice damage, right?

See how much axling and duffing damage you do. 4 ice damage. So a total of 17. All right, so you feel like you cut this thing right to the bone with the sword of Umberlee, and you slice through a ton of muscle tissue and flesh. See, bitch, motherfucker.

And this guy cocks his head back again, bites the other guard in half. This time you just see a head and an arm and a shoulder kind of fall down, and the guy looks at you for a second before he dies. It doesn't feel real nice. He's got the phantom shoulders. I give him the thumbs up, though. And you see a bunch of the damage you just did on this thing's leg

kind of pull together a little bit. You see the ends of tendons kind of like touch each other guys it heals it feels It's a Logan Tom you're up. I cast a witch bolt. I wish you would I Which oh No, no, no, no, no, you don't um it is Was it 1d 12 lightning damage? 2. 2d12?

Okay. He did not make any kind of saving throw. Go for it. 11 and 4, 15. All right. Where are you attacking this guy? In the face. Okay.

Yeah, his face is not happy as the Witch Bolt kind of smacks him. He also looks like he's a little farther away, that head. It feels like you nailed him, but he's a little taller than 100 feet now. That's interesting. The guards start rushing. The ones that are left, there's like just like I think he already gobbled up two. I made a bad note here of how many guards followed. Anyone remember

how many guards followed the sorcerer? I thought you said it was ten? I think only two kept with her. I think they're not rushing her. I think no one else is with you. So we're back to twee.

Is my finger working yet nope all right uh that felt real special what happened hmm you feel like that's gonna mean something but uh maybe you're not charged okay i get it i get it uh hey i'm to start flying and try to get up above this thing. Cool. On this turn, you can get pretty close to its face. Okay. Is there a way to just get a cloud of daggers into its eye? You can try, yeah.

What if that makes her into Jinradana? What if that is her body now? Wouldn't that be cool? Anyway, just chatting out loud. When he shot her with those black lightnings. Let's roll a 20, whatever that means. Roll for damage.

I don't think you had to roll there. I think it was just Cloud of Daggers. Cloud of Daggers, sorry. I think that was just like a freebie 20 that you just tossed Clod of Daggers is So am I wrong? Arrange spell attack you don't have to roll an attack roll?

No you don't He has to roll a saving throw But I thought arranged You don't There's certain spells where I'm making you basically do Like an insight Or a check to make sure you hit it But for most spells They they do a saving throw,

you hit damage if they don't make their saving throw. This one, he didn't need to roll that 20. He threw away a beautiful 20. I was excited for him. All right, so a whole bunch of slashing damage to this thing's face as a shurp, shurp, shurp. Can I shout up to Twee while he's doing this? Yes. I sort of say

like, is the face healing? After you cut him up, watch and see if it's healing too. I'll keep an eye on it. Bodhi, you're up. Alright. I will still rage. Okay.

And, uh, which, uh, which leg is suffering more damage? Uh, the one closest to you is really heavily damaged by frost. Um,

and it's, it's sort of starting to heal a little bit and they're hard to hit. You get the impression that, uh, if something happens, it would be a little extra tricky because it's kind of dancing around. It's got these giant legs that move really fast.

So you can roll to attack, but there's a chance I'll make you do a second roll. Okay. Okay. I wonder if there's something else I could do to him instead of hacking and slashing at his legs. I feel like if we could just knock it down. Oh, shit.

How about some Empire Strikes Back shit? Mm-hmm. Yeah? Somebody try to, well. What am I, with a rope? Too bad I don't have that. Tweet could do that. Necrotic rope anymore.

Nope. Well, your necrotic rope is in the bonus episode It's not in anymore I know Like I wish I didn't have it in real life I wish I was taller I wish I was a baller I wish I had a girl who would go to a collar Does anybody have rope?

Yeah we all have rope right How about me and Dak Grab a rope One of you does not have a rope I believe it is How about me and Dak grab the rope? One of you does not have a rope. I believe it is Tom who used his rope to tie up a guard back at the... I did too, yeah. No, you can keep it because you took it off the guy who you brought with you. Well, when it comes to my turn, I can do something maybe.

What can you do? Snare, maybe, and then that could bring it down. Sure. So you could set her up with your rope to do something yeah well i still have time to hack too yeah yes yes you get two attacks okay to esmeralda great and then you're still gonna slash i don't need it oh she's i think what she's saying is you she could either use a snare on her own or you could do something the rope that she could combine her snare with what was the second thing i mean she could tell you i don't know okay i can't really tell i'm in the middle of all right well i'm gonna just hack instead you

can i mean if you have a plan you can i'll let you shout it i don't have a plan as much as i have to run up and set i can set a boundary where if it touches that it will be set off a snare? Yes. I mean, you could try some with a rope that maybe would... All right. So I'll... God, how would I even start? What part would you go? Well, yeah, I'll make a lasso and... Try and get around like...

Well, you know, it's got one of those claws coming out the back of its calf right above the foot. What do they call that claw? Heel claw or something? Dew claw. Yeah, go for the dew claw. All right. Welcome to the Moon Rodeo. My favorite character on Yo Gabba Gabba, Dew Claw, was great.

He likes to party. I believe this is going to be what we call, down at the rodeo, a good old animal handling check. Why don't you roll a 20 and see what kind of animal you're going to handle with this rope. Death in my tummy. Death in my tummy.

Fiend from another dimension. You rolled a what? I'm going to roll and hide in a 19. Clank. It just kind of wraps right around it. nice yoink you got it yeah okay and now I do fast movement to the other side and try to run around it you can run around it yeah all right you're after quickly as I can that's your turn and nothing happens on your turn after Bod, we've got your sorcerer friend who

she casts Fireball. Hits this guy in the face for 18 points of damage. And Esmeralda, you are up. Gendi is casting something prepping for the next round. It actually takes a full round. So are his legs tangled up now?

Yes. Yeah, okay, so it looks like he's going to go over, so I'm not going to waste that spell on that then. And he is super goddamn tall. Yeah. Was this a bad idea? No, it's not a bad idea. I think it's the best idea for sure.

I'm just wondering when it lands on fucking War Cube. Usually when I remember to do things from Empire, it works out. It is the right idea. Yeah. I mean, I don't know because now I don't want to get any closer to this thing because it's going to tip. Yeah, but

doesn't it regenerate and get bigger every time you do damage on it oh what's that um I think they said the sooner we kill it yeah yeah I'll throw you this bone too so like while Genndy and and your your elven escort were sort of hitting it with spells and prepping a spell respectively you saw this thing trying to kick it hasn't had a turn yet but its legs are wrapped up and and its really long, giant, muscular legs are trying to break out of this rope. Right. But its legs are very active right now.

Okay, then I'm going to try to take my rope and double around, do the same thing and double around. Okay, first roll a perception check to see if you can find a good spot on it. Eleven, I think. With no bonus? No, with a what? Perceptive? Oh, no, nine. Yeah, you have no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, you feel like you could maybe get its other dewclaw. Okay. So you get around it. It's going to be an animal handling check. Not athletics. No. Okay. We're going rodeo with this one. Acrobatics, handling check. Not athletics. No. We're going rodeo with this one.

For funsies. Even though it's a fiend, I'm making you do animal handling. What'd you roll? I rolled a one. All right. Roll two tens, please. That's more of like a vegetable handling roll.

Four. And eight, 12. All right. So the rope slips out of your hand just as you kind of wrap it. Two tens. Was that a percentile? I have different dice for that. Tell me next time. Oh, do your percentile.

Did you do dice to percentile? No, no. It's okay. What if it gets worse? 40, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just slips out of your hands. It's still wrapped around.

Roll to see if you get hurt. Typha, go. I scream out, we got to knock it down. There's not much I personally can do about that. Are you sure? You're not going to try anything? Well, yeah.

No, I mean, I'm going to keep hacking at its legs. All right, roll a 20. But I can't get high up enough to give it that shove. 19 plus 24. That's a hit. Wait, don't I have disadvantage? You have disadvantage on perception rolls.

Oh, okay. Thank God. Oh, shit. That would have sucked. You have disadvantage on perception roll. Oh, okay. Thank God. Oh, shit. That would have sucked. So that's four slash and then nine ice damage.

So you hit this thing right in the leg, and the bottom of its foot just kind of falls off. It's so frozen right at the base, right underneath the rope, that it just kind of cracks with the pressure of your sword, and it stays planted in the ground as the leg starts continuing to kick. Ooh! And as you do that, it starts to tilt backwards. Tui, this thing's right near you uh roll a dexterity saving throw

uh 15 plus 20 you just barely managed to fly out of the way as this thing's face sort of tumbles off to the side does it have a look look like... It does as it crashes its weird bird head into the orange barrier and it kind of gets lopped off and it just sort of disappears into the barrier and his legs sort of fall to the ground and the colonel is

pleased because he has a full batch tonight. Yeah! That'll do for today's episode. Yeah, was that 34? Yeah, I think so. Thanks for listening. Normal plugs,

brianposain.com. Not a ton of tour dates, but I will be doing some book signings in October. Definitely check those dates out. I know I've got pals in Portland coming up

and again, the book Forever Nerdy. All the places you would purchase a book, because you purchase books, right? You seem like the kind of people that purchase books. I bought a book one time. The listeners too, but I'm looking right at Ken

A listener doesn't sound like a reader Sounds like a listener I think they read books The people that listen to the show read books Who reads your book? If they want to get an audio version of your book Who reads my book? Good people Oh, cool

The best people We've got the best people reading my book on the internet than the people on the streets. Anyway, thanks for listening. Oh, and keep an eye on nearmintmerch.com. There will be Elderwood Academy gear very soon. Yep. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.