Nerd Poker - Episode 37 - Core Lore

Episode Date: October 1, 2019

After cleaning the assassins' clocks last episode, it's time for the Ice Five to address the Gus situation, as his life hangs in the balance. And oh yeah a clan of dragons is hunting them, and they owe the archmage an artifact. You know, just some basic errands. But on top of all that a whole bunch of lore may be about to get thrown their way.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey guys, this is Rhodes Poussaint from Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker.

You're listening to episode 37, season 3. Thanks, pal. Thank you. Eat M&M Donuts. Rhodes Post saying, ladies and gentlemen, always plugging something. M&M Donuts. They're Voodoo Donuts from Portland is where those are from,

but not from Portland. M&M Donuts. Sponsored by Voodoo Donuts and also sponsored by Iron Lady. That's right. Where's all the money from these sponsorships going? I think the M&M Donuts are from Detroit, aren't they? That's a loose sponsorship.

What was the one we did the other day? I don't remember. Sponsored by... The last episode you made? Yeah. Sierra Mist. Joe Schumacher? Yeah,? Yeah Sierra Mist We actually had to pay for Sierra Mist We did?

Yeah, at the grocery store Sponsor my Sierra Mist Anyway Now Sierra Mist is going to make me buy more soda That's how it works, right? Yeah, they charge you every time you say their name. Hey, everybody. We haven't even started.

Four minutes in. All my friends are here. Chris. Hi. Sarah. Hi. Ken. Dan.

Hi. Blaine. Hi. And at the end of the table, as always, Sam. Hi, everybody. Oh, my God. Look, it's Sam. Somebody's fighting for you to be in the promo.

The opening credits. The opening credit thing. Oh. Yeah. I heard somebody. We just need to re-record it. That's all. I heard somebody asking for a, you know, my name isn't Seth or something. Oh, yeah. Something like that. What? I heard somebody asking for a you know my name isn't Seth or something

t-shirt. Oh yeah. Something like that. What? I'm sorry. It was a Seth related t-shirt. They want a t-shirt that says like yeah something like it's not Seth. And Sam Kiefer has Seth. If you make me a shirt can it just say I know what that is? Yeah.

I know what all these things are. I would also like to say. Is it a bird? That should be a shirt. Here's the would also like is it a bird that should be a shirt here's the thing though is it a bird always cast murder it's a good spell 37 yeah it was it's over now 37 in a row so here's some patreons i want to thank oh here we go. Here we go. Yeah, here we go, Blaine. The people who take care of you. They're named stuff like Fang, the Tabaxi with one fuzzy nut.

Thanks, Fang, the Tabaxi. He also played bass for Paul Revere and the Raiders. And was married to Phyllis Diller. Yeah. Coming strong out of the gate. And also, I chipped him on my bike when I was a kid. Blaine! I'd like to thank some Patreons named stuff like Michael Zordon. Thank you, Michael Zordon.

Zordon. Michael's not a real name. Thanks, Bryce Comatose Haynes. Haynes is a real name. Thanks, Callum Kennedy. Yes. Thanks, Cry Havocula and Let Slip the Birds of War. Thank you, Cry Havocula and Let Slip the Birds of War.

Bleh, Bleh, Havocula. Thanks, Vinny Principe. Hey. Thanks, Vinny. Thanks, Clay Carver. Thanks, Clay. And thank you. With the Jaws board game as their avatar,

Dan wants to fuck this game. Dan wants to fuck this game. Speaking of games I'd like to fuck, last time on NerdPoker, the Ice Five split the party, something they always recommend doing in Dungeons & Dragons. Yes, the Ice Five. I'm actually wearing the t-shirt right now.

Why'd you turn it way the hell down? I didn't. I watched... No, okay, well... Were you about to say I watched you? No, your finger was on a knob while the internet cut out, and I got very suspicious of Sam Kiefer. My fingers, yeah, I did turn the internet down. He was turning a knob, but not that.

Fight, fight, fight. Anyway, let's get the guy with the shortest attention span the most people possible to talk over and see how well he does. Finger knob. Which one of them? Yeah, you think that's you? Oh. Damn behind you.

Really? I don't know. That's a good point. Which one of them? Yeah, you think that's you? They are behind you. Really? I don't know.

That's a good point. So anywho, the Ice Five split into the Ice Two and the Ice Three, respectively, were broken up such that Gus, Dogther, and Queep were inside a mountainside cave battling some drow assassins that had sort of tried to take back Hoshinka, the Violet Fang assassin who had had her memory wiped and then saved by the Ice Five. Although they were able to kill the assassins, Gus got his ass handed to him, and he is currently unconscious in the arms of Hoshinka. And some listeners are really freaking out.

So we're going to start this episode with something gus is pretty beloved right oh i'd say he's the thing that you know no matter what i do no matter what i do to torture your characters endanger your beloved characters as long as i keep gus alive everyone's pretty happy but on that note i'm going to do something that yes yes here here goes any goodwill that that uh anyone has for me um here's the deal so i kind of didn't have these happen in the last episode because i felt like we were trying to like end on a cliffhanger and we were almost there um but gus was unconscious for for at least one death saving throw. But he didn't have to roll it, so everything's fine.

Nope. So what I'm going to have you do is I'm going to have you roll about as many saving throws as would have needed to happen. Really? Yeah. So it's not five before you guys went to go wrap his wounds up, try to stabilize him. Yeah, Hoshinka

figured it out, but it still took enough seconds that I would say four rounds of combat went by. So as long as you don't roll a one and fail the other three times, he will not be dead. Cool. But Chris,

rather than have me do it, will you please roll four death saving throws for our friend Gus? I think this is a bad idea. Come on, Gussie. Alright, first one is a fail. It's a nine. That's one in the fail column. What's the fail? He has to roll a

ten or higher on a twenty-sided dice with no bonus unless Gus had some sort of spell. That's a 13, so that's a success. So it's a 1 and 1. Does anybody have a thing that can assist him? It's too late right now. We're kind of doing some backtracking here.

8. This is happening while still doing your fight. That's the last one, right? It's not in the thing. Ten. Holy shit. All right. So two and two.

Two and two. So that he is, his life. I look like Chuck Woolworth is about to be back. If I may, his life is still in the balance when his wounds are sort of stabilized. Hoshinka now is bringing his limp body over to the mouth of the cave where, you know, we've got Dr. Ued going from Green Eagle form, I'm assuming, to normal form. Ouch! A little hot in the mic.

Sorry. You mean Blaine's favorite thing to do? Ruin our ears? That's me! I did not have any problems with that one either. So now I'm back. Can I just lay a cure wounds on him? Yes, you can.

Okay. Why don't you roll that health? Thank you. I'll make sure there's a... Everyone cast Bless on Sarah? Yes, you can. Why don't you roll that health? Everyone cast Bless on Sarah? Tell Licky to shut the fuck up. Oh, Licky wouldn't like that. That's an eight. I got an eight.

So Gus is back up to eight hit points. And I had no problems. He's a little woozy but he comes to when he comes to do we with me and Halcine back at camp do his eyes like blink back on

so I can tell he's up I hug Halcine I pick her up he's okay oh boy I almost pooed in my pants oh gross but yay He's okay. He's okay. Oh boy, I almost pooed in my pants. Oh, gross. But yay. Yeah, then we cut to Cape Canaveral

and all the guys are high-fiving. Yeah, the worst part is when you soil your pants, I mean, it's just what, like, it's like gasoline or something. Probably. Whatever fossil fuel exists in this. It's like, yeah, it's bolts. Or maybe it's dreams.

All right. So yeah, Hoshinka thanks you. Or maybe it's dreams. All right. So, yeah, Hoshinka thanks you guys, says this was not an ideal situation for her. They hadn't kidnapped her, but they were trying to basically keep her under watch and drag her back to Donkey Land. Donkey Land. I fucking love this game.

Donkey Land. By Brett Easton Ellis. Hey, I would say to Hoshinka, she's up there. I fucking love this game. By Brett Easton Ellis. Hey, I would say to how some chickens are up there, should we try and start climbing up? Because we're obviously going to camp out on that cave. Are we? We want to camp up. But it won't take us like, how many,

how long did you say it would take us? Like an hour to climb up. I mean, I would say the quickest thing to reunite the party is if they flew down to you. But it's safer up at the cave? Because we couldn't get cover, right? That was the whole deal. We did a bad job. That is true. Okay, so yeah, let's climb up.

We'll climb up to meet them. Guys, we're coming to get you. Alright, why don't you two do a survival check. No, athletics. Survival was when you were setting up camp. Which we did really badly. Seven. Oh, athletics. Survival was when you're setting up camp. Which we did really badly. Seven. Oh, boy.

24. So it takes you two hours to get up. It takes quite some time. But eventually you guys do get up to the cave. It's just late at night at this point. It's halfway through the night before you guys can kind of regroup. Hoshinka tells you a couple of things. One, you guys, I assume,

would join Hoshinka in going through these guys' bodies. They have some stuff on them. I'd rather go through their pockets than their bodies. Oh, that's a great way to think about it that makes me feel like less of a creep for sure. I'm collecting teeth.

What if you did just become a serial killer at this point? I'm wearing a necklace of teeth. I have one, right become a serial killer at this point? I'm wearing a necklace of teeth. I have one, right? You have a goblin ear necklace. Oh, the ears. It's ears. I'm so sorry.

It can hear you. I didn't think about that, actually. It's all ears. What if it's a necklace and it's all like sending, transmitting everything that we say to like one-eared goblins in some secret base someplace.

So this depends on your guys' interest. Could happen. This takes place in a fantasy universe, Sarah. Anything could happen here. It's limited only by our imaginations. If anyone needs a light crossbow, there is a light crossbow and

two short swords between these guys. They're non-magical. Also a fleshlight crossbow. You have a crossbow. Halcine, could you use light crossbow and two short swords between these guys. They're non-magical. Also a fleshlight crossbow. You have a crossbow. Halcine, could you use a crossbow or sour boy? Help me load this thing. Yeah, I can use the light crossbow. Okay.

So you can grab that. It's got uh 25 bolts gus kind of like your pants remember from the earlier thing with the where he pooped his pants and it was bolts uh and then yeah hashinga show has everything do you want to ask a question about gus first keep going cool uh hashinga says, she has a lot of new intel that she can share from her time with these two Violent Fang agents. But also she finds in their pockets two coded messages. They were carrying very valuable information and she was unable to sort of get all of it out of them. They were very guarded.

But she knows that these are high importance messages. They're linked with a cipher, and the only way you can break it is if they find a third piece. So you have two-thirds of a coded message, and the deal is Violet Fang agents, typically when they're on

recon missions like these guys, are in groups of three, and they carry all their important messages that are written in some form in code that can only be, uh, transcribed when someone has all three parts of it. And when these two approached Tasha and get, it was outside of Wexhall,

which she also has some more information about. Um, but the third one was missing and they never mentioned the third one but she knows there must be a third one somewhere so she thinks the third of this trio went off and hid somewhere and has been tracing her and the two assassins from a distance so might be below in the woods down where you guys originally tried to set up camp might also be watching us yeah might be watching you but she says there's only so much deciphering that can be done on this coded message she can give you some of the intel though and you can try to break the coded message with only two

thirds of it i mean this group is nothing but code breakers so if someone wants to sit with it tonight you can do an insight check on it to study it. Would it be insight? Is the, whoever I guess has the, not Arcana. Or proficiency. Who's got the insight? I do not. And this only will work if she is helping you, but she needs help with it.

I have plus four to insight. Yeah, me too. Oh. Okay, well, one of you. But my dice are terrible. Can I try to attune with my shield again? Because I failed last time. Yeah, you do an Arcana check.

You do an insight check. You get advantage because you're being helped by her. Oh, that's really good. So, 23. Okay, so this is going to be limited information you get, but you get the following. You know what? This is actually

going to be such a big conversation. Let's let you roll your shield first so we don't get too derailed. Oh, alright. Congratulations. You have unlocked's let you roll your shield first so we don't get too derolled. All right. Congratulations. You have unlocked the power word on your shield. Awesome. So. It addresses Mario like a Formula One driver.

Okay. This break brought to you by Poo-Sol disinfectant spray. Already smells like shit. Who do you think you're fooling? Poo-Sol. Too bowel heavy at the beginning of this episode.

I know. My fault. I blame myself. Blaine has to take a shit. No, I'm fine. Chris did start it. I was so happy. I know.

You have to. Yeah, the shield has a sort of word of power on it. Yes. Please don't tell me it has anything. Please don't tell you what. No, no, no, just what is it? It is Typhoon. And so there is, when you summon a storm uh there is a chance you can uh if you

can when you do any kind of uh lightning damage or can also be force uh damage done okay you'll give me the details on that at some point uh yeah well i can tell you right now it is uh 1d8 plus 3 force damage whenever i do lightning damage what about thunder damage uh lightning damage okay because i can pick usually so that's why i ask i can usually pick between thunder or lightning uh you know what this is a custom shield bonus so i will allow both oh awesome okay ask him to get like cinnamon nuts yeah also get a side of yeah magically wings yeah okay okay okay cool um should we just order everything at once right now while he's here? Yeah. I think that's easiest.

Sweep. Yeah. You sit with Hashinka for a while and go over this coded message. Yes. By the way, it's like four in the morning at this point. I assume the rest of you are trying to rest. Trying to rest with that neighbor. I will stand watch.

Okay. We are definitely. You roll a perception check while I do this, but you might want to hear this anyway. You get the following information. It constitutes less than like a fifth of the message. It's a much longer message, but because you've only got like two thirds of the Venn diagram,

you can't match the rest up. At the top of the coded message, it says Tenebris. So right away, there's something you would find interesting. You get the two words that recur in the beginning third that seem to say

the identity of the Tenebris one is not Orcus. That's good. I remember Orcus from high school D&D. We can get more into that in a minute. You see more information about something called Gehenna. And then there says that... Can you spell that? G-E...

Shut the fuck up. G-E-H-E-N-N-A. And then it says on the 8th of Marpanath there will be a core shift in the end of the message there's a lot more you're not sure what it is you'd have to find this other

drawer in their code to nail the rest down Marpanath you know is a month how far away is Marpanath you're currently in Marpanath what day is Marpanoth, you know, is a month. How far away is Marpanoth? You're currently in Marpanoth. Oh, my God. What day? There's going to be a core shift in three days, whatever a core shift means.

Why don't you just tell us, Dan, and stop being coy? Yeah, enough with the coy shift. I mean, you guys hear a core shift from these guys, and you're just like, eh. Before we get too much more into the recon that Hoshinka has and other stuff, it's four in the morning. You've been doing watch. What was your perception check? It was a great 10.

It's real quiet up here on the cliff face. You just hear wind. I'm letting just Gus sleep. Cool. I'm holding him like a baby. You guys are going to need to rest till 8 or so in the morning if you're going to fully heal. And you don't need health, but you need sleep, yeah? So are you guys going to take another round of just chilling?

I could use a little sleep. Does anybody need health? Yeah, how's Gus doing? Is he okay? He'll fully heal if you give him another shift. So if you keep resting after the sun comes up, he'll be a full health. I needed some, but

I'll be alright. Just rest till late. You'll be back up. So the sun comes up. You guys kind of huddle up in there a little bit. Why don't you do one more perception check? Not rolling very well today. That's a 14.

It's pretty far away, but you see several times the clouds seem to rip really fast. And you see a silhouette kind of shape in the clouds, one direction and then the other direction. Maybe like a dragon's flying through them maybe could be seems to line up with stuff that you've been thinking so far what so when you say whip back and forth are you suggesting like a search pattern kind of a deal do an insight check seven you're not sure. Guys, there's something going on upstairs.

Yeah, those neighbors. So Hashita does have some more stuff to tell you. Oh, yes. Wexhall is wiped clean off the map. The Barrow Steps dragons after the Archmage left just weren't unhappy with the intel that they got and the inability to find any of you. And they took it out of the town of Wexall.

It's the Ice Five over there. And then they just destroyed the town. Yeah, I mean, you didn't have any direct contact with the dragons, but they were trying to hunt you. And they did get a couple of people who said they saw you five, specifically, going and trying to sell information but they were unhappy with the results it turns out so haushanka could see at first from the woods and then from much farther away that they were uh

doing massive damage uh bringing down destructive bolts of lightning and fire on the town. People fled. Some of them were eaten. It was rough. She didn't try to look and see what was left, but she doesn't think there's probably much left of the town. So there's that. And that's where we think the third assassin went. Yeah. She's not sure where the third assassin she never saw the third assassin so

she thinks that you're either currently being watched or it's going back to report to the violet fang right now or it's camping nearby waiting for you to poke your heads out of the cave again but uh she also says she saw i mean you kind of know this already from your interaction with the Archmage over Rocky Talkie, but he made some kind of deal with the Barrow Steps dragons. So he was seen talking to Havocula in particular outside the woods. I'm sure that's nothing to worry about. The asshole. Hmm.

So, I'm sure that's nothing to worry about the asshole. Hmm. But you don't know if, if you know what that means exactly. You don't know. Cause, cause he basically told you he did that. He basically told you he talked as he was going to talk his way out of

having to be in combat with the dragons. So you're not shocked, but you know that you now have an eyewitness who saw them doing some sort of exchange of information. I don't like it. And that's about it. You do know, though, from talking to Hoshinka, she doesn't have a lot to add to what you uncovered from the coded message. But again, what you picked up from it is uh it's about the

tenebrous one uh there's a negative implied on the name orcus uh something called gehenna is referenced and then there's going to be a core shift on the eighth of marpanos does any of our magical friends when when you hear core shift, does that mean anything? I don't know. To anyone? My Marpenoth is totally booked. You got some good dates in Donkey Land in Marpenoth? Yeah.

My Donkey Land tour 2019. In like a lion. Here, Okendoink will be in Donkey Land. So the thing I'll have you guys do is choose. and like a lion here Okendoink will be in Donkey Land so the thing I'll have you guys do is choose you can either do an arcana check or a history check to try to figure out what anything

in the coded message means I know that Orcus and Gehenna are hell related they're directly hell related just as a player Gehenna I've heard yeah but I'll let you roll if you want the DM to give you details

I got 23 oh for which did you choose Orcus I have a proficiency and a plus 4 in both Arcana and history

so which do you want to pick does it matter yeah I'll phrase it differently for sure and then Blaine's very excited about something history

okay what do you what do you got Blaine it's probably some I rolled an Arcana check with my plus 5 and I rolled a natural 20 of that oh boy all right well whatever you guys are all right well no i'll give you i'll give you both i did pick history on purpose i'll give you history and i'll give you arcana so um yay sarah you figure out there has, you've heard a long time of there having been earthquakes just throughout Klottenheim. That's great.

It starts with those. And you knew they were magical in nature. So when you hear core shift, it's just something, something makes you go like, oh, maybe that's got something to do with the earthquakes. And maybe, maybe this is some sort of prediction. I'm kind of afraid. It's a prediction of the next earthquake you would be these days the rest of it does not ring a bell okay uh dr. ewed you debt you you get yeah the the sense that orcas a very well-known demon from from other planes who has been known to try to influence things out

of the Nine Hells is he how do I put this? It sounds like he's being eliminated from a list of suspects of who the Tenebrous One is. Oh, okay. He's not the demon you're looking for.

That is the impression he is getting. Do you think it's a different, like, does that imply that it's a like a like a demon devil type creature from another plane the impression bling gets is that at the very least the violet fang is trying to eliminate suspects from that sort of place and then i will say one more thing and then i will please uh gehenna is not in fact the same as the nine hell, but it is an outer plane between the Nine Hells and the Abyss. Oh, so it's like Barstow. It's real bad. Is there a patron saint master of Gehenna?

TikTok wouldn't know. What was the deal with Gehenna? What did we learn about Gehenna? It was just mentioned. But we don't have any context for its name being in the... Well, Blaine did roll a natural 20. I'll give him a little bit more about it. You know there are

strange dragons that reside there that live outside of the chromatic spectrum but are very evil. The whole plane of existence is tilted at a 45 degree angle. There's a lot of volcanoes and... So everything's like Batman. It's horrible. It's a lot of volcanoes and uh so everything's like it's horrible man it's it's it's a it's a very chaotic uh plane of existence it it's um it's a bad bad place and and gods have

been known to go there to regain power after they've been killed um there's there's like powers are you could evil gods often fight there um Yeah, like sometimes it's somewhere like mafia-like gods go to make deals. So it's sort of like an extra planter New Jersey. And it seems the Violet Fang is worried about Gehenna.

Again, Hoshinka doesn't have a lot to add to this, but this all sounds pretty new to her, according to her according to her do we want to let's go to Ghana, you guys should we just go right now just leave right now

we're off on the road to Ghana oh my god get around the greatest road movie of all time that'd be amazing hey, look at all these good intentions well The greatest road movie of all time. That'd be amazing. Hey, look at all these good intentions. Well.

There's a little bit of a lore dump on you guys. I don't know if you want to take a second to talk about it. I mean, we could talk about it as we continue to see if our boat is still there, right? The plan was to get this thing back to the boat to keep that art. So I don't know if that's still a good idea or if we should change our path now with this information. I think getting to the boat is a good idea. It seems like we want to get away from the pit crater that was Wex Hall anyway.

In this world we want to be mobile. Yeah. We have to assume this third assassin is on us. There's going to be an earthquake in three days. I have the app on my stone phone. Give me a heads up.

Yeah. We're not going to want to be on the seas either if there's a big earthquake. Now we can ride that shit. Morning is getting late. I wonder what that means. Like they say, okay, get ready. Earthquake in three days does that mean

it's gonna it's gonna open they didn't even really say there was any information directly tied to it that you were able to uncode all you really got was the date and the words you know what that's probably how like people are traveling between maybe it could be also the comet split and crashed and these mechanical army men came out of the water. Like I think core shift could also be the core of the planet. I feel like what if the comet was a, a delivery system for, uh,

you. Yes. I think it was right. Didn't we, delivery system for you yes I think it was right didn't we thought that right somebody implied it but when we're talking about Korshov maybe we're talking about more of these crystals more of these maybe like the the planet rotates inside like a combination lock and every now and then

it lines up and these things can get out yeah that's what it to me it seems like if it's they're marking the time of it then it's not just oh there'll be an earthquake it's like it will be meaningful something will open a lock whatever but sounds dimensional portal i just wonder if it means we have to be somewhere and if so oh boy there's a dog at Brian's mic, you guys. It's the cutest thing. It's like the internet right here in the room. Can't get a good one.

I know Brian's in the dark spot. All right. Hoshinka reminds you at this point after you spent some time talking, if you're not being hunted by a Drow assassin, you're definitely being hunted by dragons, and it's probably only a matter of time. Yeah, well, we're going to the boat, right? Time to go.

It's about two days west to get back to where time is. We're for sure a target if we're on the boat. Also, I don't know if any of you have a Clottenheim map handy, but you'd have to make a little extra time to get around the let's just call it hot zone of Wexhall. Oh, it's in between we're in between where how'd that happen you are close to wexhall right now i thought we'd passed wexhall

i don't have my map with me but yeah oh see that part i don't remember there and then wexhall was way over here so yes we'd have to i had that you hadn't passed it yet oh i mean i thought when we went from Wexhall to the mountains that I didn't realize we did double back, basically. Yeah, you had to go pretty far east to get to Queep's homeland. Okay. Well, does anyone have other suggestions? I guess, oh, I have a thought.

Yeah, go ahead. Sorry, but somebody could fly, or we can send a message somehow to who's, if they're still on the boat, then they could sail the boat up river and we could meet them at a Northern point. We could ask Gus to do that. You would lose your connection with Gus with that distance. I will remember. So yeah, it would have to be, no one has a sending message ability of any kind.

Is the Archmage of Vanzervale's cottage between us and the water? You've been moving away from him. He was actually a little bit farther east than Queep's. Well, you never went under the mountain. You were kind of north of those. So you were kind of north, north, north. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. He was a little bit farther east. And before going any farther east, you doubled back away towards the river before you could have headed towards him. It's not too late to change your mind and go visit him or call him up. What if we head towards the river? We kind of go north-ish.

Like north-west to the river. And then when we hit the river, then we can send out a party down river to try to find the boat. Does that sound reasonable to everybody? Yeah we can send out a party down river to try to find the boat. Okay. Does that sound reasonable to everybody? Yeah, let's go to party down river.

And I think by the time we get to the river, or close to the river, we'll be able to see the sky and determine whether or not being on the boat makes us just a target for dragons. Well, I think we're going to have to fight these dragons at some point. Yeah, but all at once. I hope not.

So are you or are you not sending Gus solo to go go not yet relay a message okay so just but you're gonna move west um but what i can do as we go is um let's see i go is gonna cast fog above us but it's pretty let's see spreads around corners the area but it's not that big it is midday too and i would think that even now that you've used fog a few times you know it wouldn't really cover you the whole time you're going down the side yeah that's why it was oh what do you mean it wouldn't cover us do we want to wait and there's a big enough distance from here to sort of the forest floor that by the time i mean like you as you're going down the side of the mountain basically rappelling down the mountain or climbing down the mountain you're going to come out from the fog i was just thinking we could put it over top but i don't want to look too suspicious or

whatever i just thought if we put it over top of the mountain it would kind of shield us but that's fine you're not quite close enough to the top of the mountain to put fog there. All right. I get it. Let's go. Sorry, you're in nightmare mode. All right, so you're going to head down? Yes. Everyone do an athletics check, please. All right, then. Brian, that's you, too.

11. 18. Ooh, natural 20. Plus 6. All right, well, that'll make up for going down on your hands doing a hand walk that makes up for the low roll if you get a natural 20 I'll let you cancel one out

21 badass cool so you guys make it down takes about an hour now like about noon and sun's high in the sky you want to make a formal It's now like about noon and sun's high in the sky. You want to make a formal trek west around Wexhall?

No, we're going northwest so we don't have to go through Wexhall. That was our plan. So you're going to still do checks. So how late do you want to travel before sleeping again? I think we should not travel at night. Not travel at night. Okay, so sundown. Camp.

Okay, so you've got half a day. Let's do a stealth and a survival check from everybody, please. I'm going to roll for Hoshinka. Stealth 20. I'm only going to make you roll separate for Gus if he is scouting ahead. Survival 14. Can I have those dice?

Permanently? If you do have him scout ahead, then he will give you a perception check on top of what you're doing. Because I got 9 and 6. That's pretty low. I mean, that's what's happening. I can't.

For TikTok, I got a 26 for stealth and a 23 for... Okay. I got a 14 and a 15 for perception. Did anyone else roll under 10 for anything? No, I got a 13 and a 16. Do you want me to roll ahead for Gus, too? Like, how is this possible? Is he doing a perception? Yeah.

My dice from last time. He only got a 14. Okay. At one point he repeats back to you that he sees what you saw from the cliff there's that cutting through the clouds dragon and it's happening again um it's really big uh is that the super giant four-winged green one we saw maybe buddy uh i think so yeah it was a weird it was yeah i had four wings it was like uh there were like shapes moving inside it it was it was it was unsettling probably you see that now in the sky yes our boy coming towards it it doesn't see us yeah yet okay uh that said in order to cover for how scene tripping at one point, you guys lose some distance.

By the time the sun falls, you are like due north of Wexhall by a few miles. You're not in a hot spot close to Wexhall because you're heading northwest. But that is map-wise about where you are when the darkness comes. Darkness.

Darkness. When the darkness comes. Darkness. Darkness. When the darkness comes. So, night has begun to fall over northern Clottenheim. Camp it up. Great. Everyone do, or you know what? Someone want to take lead on setting up camp? Can we just do one survival check?

Yeah, I'll do that. Darkthor's got a pretty good survival. Yeah, he's got survival rate, so. Do you have marshmallows? roll for s'mores good cause my pillow's gone uh that's uh yeah alright

well thanks for clearing that up 22 yeah if you find a nice spot in a very tightly knit grove of trees, you feel like you can set up. There's high grass around, too. You feel like you can get. It's even covered in snow where the trees feel like they're under a heavy veil of darkness before the sun sets.

Wow, Darkthor, you picked a really romantic place for us to spend the night. I was thinking about you. Not. All right, guys. Classic. A couple of fans got really excited for us. What a tease. All right.

I explained to Rhodes the not joke this weekend. So it's on my... Wayne's World or Anthrax who uh who did it first i feel like it was something on snl it was already a thing before it wouldn't surprise me if waynes got it from anthrax that seems like a natural progression hey uh you doing watch again there tiktok sure all right uh real perception and again uh for gus if he's doing it separately but he needs a stealth on top of it okay is there a red thread who created the not joke so my perception was a seven let's see what he got oh he did way better he got a 21 all right roll a stealth for him because he's flying around just eight bad yeah flat flat flat

flat flat flat flat flat so he's flying around he's flying around and about three o'clock in the morning you hear him go and he dive bombs for the forest

he starts flying really quickly to you and you hear a kaboom noise. I wake everybody up. Up, up, up, up, up, up. So I pull up my sleep mask. I instinctively kick Sarah. After TikTok wakes you all up, only a few

moments later, you hear a very loud roaring sound coming from the Northwest. And then a of heavy footsteps from something much larger than any of you. I think we should spread out. Okay.

Like hide? I think this thing is coming and let's not be one target. Let's be multiple targets. Oh, you don't mean like take over the whole bed? I think if we spread out we need to be within yelling distance. I don't mean like run away from each other, but if this thing is going to shoot us with something, let's not give him one

little cluster. You all know there's not really any rocks or hills nearby. There's trees, right? There's just trees. Okay. So I run to a tree and climb. Yeah, get behind a tree. Okay. What are you doing, Dr. Ud? Running, getting behind a tree. Bracing myself. Same. I'm climbing up a tree to be clear What are you doing, Dr. Ud? Running, getting behind a tree. Bracing myself.

Same. I'm climbing up a tree, to be clear. Everybody do a stealth check, please. Hoshink is going to take your word. Natural 20. Oh, nice. Unnatural 20. Oh, it's actually 22, yeah.

13. 23. Oh, my. 17. oh it's actually 22 yeah but 13 23 oh my 17 is gus just gonna perch on your shoulder there yeah all right um everybody do or here let me see where would uh she go exactly so i'm gonna roll a six to see which direction hey uh hal seen do a perception check for me six to see which direction hey uh hal seen do a perception check for me six you um sorry uh i've got you going sort of due north um you see uh just a tree suddenly go and when it happens you can't see what it. It's like an invisible force just knocked a tree out of the way. Okay. But you definitely, you're like, oh, if I had just caught it a second earlier,

I might have gotten a sense of what did it. It's like Cloverfield. But it was about like not quite 100 yards north of you. So this thing is moving its way from northwest east. Great. Is it coming directly towards us uh do an insight check dr uid you're not together so only you get to do the role uh nine plus four is how many 29 nope 13. From where you're hiding, it's too hard to tell. Am I in a tree still? Yeah.

Am I in the path of where it's coming? Where I would think that I should get out of the tree? You do an insight check. It's getting louder, that's for sure. It's so loud. I definitely am staying in this tree. All you can tell is it's getting louder. It's real snug in here. I bet I'm fine.

I rolled a seven. You hear another crack as a tree gets swatted out of its roots. Can I, Sarah, get out of this tree? Or do I, since I rolled a seven, do I have to stay in this tree? No, you can get out of the tree. Okay, I get out of the tree and out of the path of whatever this thing is. All right, so you're going to descend and you're going to head south. Well, no, because it's coming from the north, right?

Correct. I think this is like a rip current where i'm gonna try to get out of the path of it instead of trying to fight it do you know what i'm saying no not quite tell me what direction on a dan you should know this if you get caught in a riptide or rip current you're not supposed to try to swim against it you're supposed to try to swim perpendicular to it you're gonna you're gonna go northwest but like from a distance so you're gonna try like if it's coming this way and i'm here i don't want to go i want to go like like parallel to it you want to go perpendicular okay so do a perception and then a stealth as you try to pull it off i'm what'd you say perception perception that's. Okay, so you rolled an eight

trying to gauge the perfect adjacent path. Perpendicular path. It's a nine. Who has my green sparkly 20-sided? Because it's been missing for a while and I think that's the problem. All the rest of you guys roll a perception check.

Okay. I brought new dice. You want to... No, I mean, I need to use my own dice. I need to... Natural. I'll do that next time. What am I rolling?

Six. Perception? Manta. Because I didn't use this one. 18. What you got there, Brian? What are we rolling? Perception!

I was looking for her. Sparkly green. Nope. Oh, yeah. No. Do you want it? Yeah, I'll take it. Well, I don't have to roll this time. I just failed for her. Sparkly green. Nope. Oh, yeah. No. Do you want it? Yeah, I'll take it. Well, I don't have to roll this time.

I just failed my rolls. 17. All you guys see Hal's scene. She's a little bit farther north of you guys where the noise is coming from. She starts running west. And as she does so, you see, Kweep, you get a pretty clear view of Havocula kind of like turning his head side to side

from between the trees as she runs west. Maybe this bitch remembers me. Havocula hears something. So searching, but not spotting. You're not sure, but you definitely feel like the head shaking started happening about the same time she descended from the tree. So there's a chance it's tracing her.

Well, I'm going to keep an eye on that thing. Thanks. See if it notices. All right. Now, Halseen. Yes. Do another perception and stealth check as you continue to try to. Are you sprinting or.

Can I do anything as I'm. Yeah. I mean, I guess. At this point, I'm saying, yeah, you're kind of trying to stealthily move as quick as you can. Um, I have, he's going to give me this one. So I'll try it.

Uh, Sarah's Sarah's testing dice. I would, I would use Blaine super dice. Yeah. So you, you have loaded, you have been trying to move.

You have been trying to move quickly, but stealthily. But at this point you hear the thwacking and the roaring kind of change as your foot hits a branch and you feel like oh shit okay um so i am going to um oh boy okay so now i am going to cast Fog Cloud behind me. Basically sort of where the tree was. It's dark, too. Keep that in mind.

So this is going to be a little tough for our non-dark vision folks. I cast one of those at least once a day. I mean, I'm away from where they are, right? Check out your Fog Cloud. So I'd like to just cast it in the direction of that. I know he's'm away from where they are, right? Check out your fog cloud. Just cast it in the direction of that. I know he's just going to run straight through it, but I'm hoping this will give me the extra moment I need. Can I see if he

looks like he's spotted her? I'm going to have you do a stealth check to try to use this with advantage. You don't get to roll an advantage but it's roll a stealth check to see how the fog cloud goes basically. Sorry guys.

This did not help. So you cast fog cloud and for a second there's a fog between you and Havocula. Are you moving or are you staying? I'm still moving yeah. Okay so as you move a little bit i'm zigzagging as you as you zigzag just far enough west where you're kind of like

uh a little bit west of the fog cloud um this happens oh what's that uh you know you see havacula just turn his head away from where you are, but he's got a clear line of sight trips over his penis. Now he's not moving, but he's not looking. He's just the right moment. He could have seen you, but he's got,

there's an opening between the trees that you are currently. Okay. So can I get behind like a tree or hide myself in this moment? Uh, yes. Okay. Um, unfortunately it's going to be a run,

so there's going to be an athletics check to get behind some trees before he turns his head. Okay. Go. Nine. Just as you dive behind a tree, you hear another roar

and some loud stomping noises. Everybody roll for initiative. Oh, boy. Shizzles. Do you want that? I was saving up my all now. I'm going to ask you to keep your number written down and remembered as I get some set pieces out here.

Seven. Oh, great. That's fantastic. I fucking just rolled a 20, so... I'm sorry. That made me very angry. So you get to go first. I know.

I got a 21. Great, great. I'll go first. Well, no, I got a 22 after my plus. Been rolling shit for years. I just wasted it. I know. That's a beautiful paint job.

Did you paint that, Dan, or did you purchase that somewhere? Earl Scheib did it for $99.95. Do you remember this guy? Oh, yeah. He was climbing down a wall at us. Oh, yeah. He's a real dickhole. That's neck talker.

Yeah. Have we done any damage to him at all? No. No, we just talked with him before. We gave him some stuff. I did threaten him with thaumaturgy in my eyes, and he was intimidated briefly. We were too weak. Yeah, we were like, we're not doing it. He was cowed.

Yeah. Well, we were also on a boat. He's going to kill us, right? No, I think we're going to kill him. I just don't know how many of us will survive it, but I think maybe all of us. We'll find out. Well, as long as it's just him. Oh, no, there's three creatures. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everybody. Silver and

gold. Silver and gold. My favorite. That's going to be my next character, a snowman. I thought it was going to be Burl Ives. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You get it. Big Daddy.

Where, where, where? What have we here? There's not actually snow where we are, though, right? There's like. Yeah, there was snow on the tree. There was? Yeah. Isn't this whole world snow there's at least three of them with half sorry sorry you guys I

hurt my back off I'm gonna grab Hachinko can I get like a commercial like yeah what so this brought to you by Deftones Chewables. Kids love them. Kids rock out with them. Deftones Chewables. Also, Pier 69 Imports. Wow. With wicker fuck chairs and anal candle holders.

Chicka chicka wow wow. Pier 69 Imports. Nice. You know, maybe the anal candle holder would be a nice birthday present for our dungeon master coming up hey anal is always a good birthday present my birthday in like four days, and I've never been less excited. So what do we got? Are we all going to Shakey's for that? We'll put a three-by-five card on the wall. Doctor, what's your initiative?

Haven't you ever had a job, a writing job, where they get too much? Lauren Dombrowski and I shared an office at MADtv, and it had a bathroom in it, and we both were the no shitting at work types. We'd pee in there. We had an understanding you can pee but you can't poop in there.

I got my own office at one point in the season and another writer went in there and he goes, well, I guess we're not going to be needing this sign anymore. He tore the sign off and walked in with a magazine and took a big stinky shit. Wow.

It was great. You punched the hell out of him? No, I laughed so hard I had my own office. Lauren was so mad. I love Lauren. Doctor, what was your initiative? 21. Oh, my goodness.

Dr. Ud, what you got? Seven. Halcine? 22. Que got? Seven. Halcine? 22. Queep? 15. Tick-tock? 10. 15.

Gus was on your shoulder, so I'm going to have you have the same initiative. I'm just going to rearrange everybody, but yeah, Halcine, you are up first despite your awkward position what would you like to do um do i have a sense of since we've met him before do i know can i do have any sense of his resistances or like what he might or is it just uh you know what i'll let you do an insight check sure this will be tricky but i mean don't worry yeah i can't make promises that you'll remember anything 16 oh you'd say that um he is heavily mutated from the crystals so you know

some of the stuff that you've seen happen to other people who've messed with crystals could be uh his attacks he is also he resembles although mutated, what you've heard about blue dragons, the same kind of dragons that the frost giants ate. So you feel like blue dragons might just be more common in this part of Clottenheims. And that would mean that he is probably, if not immune, resistant to lightning damage. This is what Hague ate.

This is the thing that I have, though. Hague probably ate a troll that ate one of these. Is he an electrical base dragon, or is he a frost base dragon? I'm trying to remember. Electric. I think they're electric. Yeah, that's what he is.

That's what Halcine's picking up anyway. So I'll give you that as a freebie as Havocula storms towards your tree. So we've got to lure him into this bathtub. Ooh. I'll put on my sexy lady taking a bath costume. Cut to Bugs Bunny. Okay.

How far away from me is he? He is about 20 feet away. Okay. He's moving very fast. Okay. So I need to move five feet closer to him in order to cast thunder wave sounds great you could easily step out from behind the tree to do so okay so i'm gonna i'm gonna do that and i'm gonna show me which way you do it for war uh planning reasons

okay so awesome coming out here okay remind us what thunder wave does please uh i certainly will i have it on my phone but I want to look at this. The spell cards are fun because your phone can be used for things like your stats, as I believe you were. Okay, so I'm going to cast it because I need to at a higher level, but each creature in a

15-foot cube originating from you must make a constitution saving throw. On a failed save, he'll take damage and is pushed 10 feet away on a successful save he's going to take half the damage um but it is thunder damage so i just wondered if my shield my new what's your spell save dc um you just rolled 14 you rolled a 16 okay so he's gonna do half so he takes takes half as much damage. Does the shield thing come into play then? Yeah, you can do force damage.

Nice. So it's going to do the number of thunder, half the thunder damage then plus 1d8 plus 4? Mm-hmm. Okay. Do you have to whisper the name of the shield? Typhoon. There's 1d8, so then it's going to be 3d8.

Okay, so that's 2d4. Dice rolling brought to you by silence. So he's going to take half of 16. Okay. So that's 8 plus 6 force damage. Okay. So that's 8 plus 6 force damage. Okay. And he's not pushed any farther away from me.

I wasn't sure if I had already done wedge salad Skittles yet. Darthur, you're up. You are about 120 feet away from what's going on. Would Darkther know of any allies of this guy? Does he have anybody that he, like, because he destroyed that town, but does he have anybody that he's friends with that we would know,

that I would know? Like other dragon names? No. Have we seen him befriending human or anybody? The Archmage. The Archmage. You know he has at least negotiated with the archmage okay i disguised myself as the archmage all right do a deception check please oh shit 18 plus uh three awesome uh that that's fantastic so you're gonna three. Awesome. That's fantastic.

So you're going to what? Step out from behind the tree? Yes. I am Admiral Archmage. And you've just done Disguise Self. What are you going to... What? So step out the... Have your guy step out the direction. He's right there. That's Hoshinka.

And then I know his name. What's his name? Havacula. So what are you going to say? I'm going to tell him to stop. These people are now with me. And on that note, we'll pick up next episode on what happens next.

Hey, Sam. Hi, guys. What do you think happened on Nerd Poker today? I'd be happy to tell you. On episode 37, these recaps are getting sassier. Donkeyland is very funny. I believe we're deciphering a letter. The Road series movies were series movies

containing Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. They made seven. They were going to make an eighth, but Bing had a heart attack uh dan said a lot of stuff while i was googling that and some about crystals and time and earthquakes or meteor uh oh shit are we being hunted oh shit are we being hunted by dragons uh i couldn't find the origin of the not joke so i'm gonna say i created it um we're hearing some loud noises coming towards us whatever it is it's in the trees i'm concerned it's a predator uh nope it's a dragon i just wrote down that it was dragons earlier really disappointed in my own notes

uh i'll be at the mercury lounge in santa barbara on october 18th i'll be at laugh seattle on october 24th and i'll be at Curious Comedy Theater in Portland on the 26th. I got a bunch of... Brian's not impressed. No, it's cool. Doing a little comedy, huh? Cute. How's that going?

I don't know. John, it's a devil to settle back if you ever want to try again. Sorry I'm not recording three Netflix specials that weekend. Neither am I. Sorry I'm not collecting Netflix residuals that weekend.

Ever, ever. I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean that. No, I just had confidence and you were like, I can't handle that from there. Wow. I'm saying that.

Thanks for listening. Nice laugh, Seth. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.