Nerd Poker - Episode 40 - Dimensional Echoes

Episode Date: January 24, 2018

With the bottom of Amynna glowing up through the caverns, the party is faced with a possible endgame. But time and space appear less than stable, and if everyone doesn't stick close the fabric of reality itself may begin to fray at the seams. As things get intense, will Goggo say the ultimate stupid thing? Only time will tell. But you know, it's Goggo. So...

Hey, it's Brian Possehn. I used to have a podcast where I played Dungeons & Dragons with a bunch of my friends. I missed it, so I decided to make a new one. It's called Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. It's myself, a couple of my buddies, Blank and Patch, Dan Telfer, Ken Daly, an occasional guest or two, and we're gonna be playing in a new setting, my dining room. Each week you'll hear my wife, my son, my dogs, and we're gonna be playing in a place that I love and playing the game that I've loved half my

life, Dungeons & Dragons. We've got 5th edition, and we're ready. So are you ready? Here's Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Ken, Dan, Flame, my friends. We're going to say Happy New Year

every episode. Sealacanth. Aloysius. Red Leather. One of those episodes, you guys. Rhodes and Melanie aren't here, so it's shirt off. Shirt's off for all of us. We got a pentagram in the middle of the table.

I'm rubbing my naked torso against the table. And Sam's here, too. We don't always say that, but he's always here. It wouldn't happen if Sam wasn't here. Hey, bring the energy down a little bit. Whoa! Jesus Christ, you're making us look bad. Talk about sucking the air out of the room, Sam.

Jesus Christ. Sam has been with NerdPoker from the beginning? Yep. Almost, yeah. Almost? We found you in a basket floating the beginning? Yep. Almost, yeah. Almost? We found you in a basket floating down the mighty LA River. Sam, of all the adventures you've seen, of all the creatures, of all the lands,

of all the characters, what has been your favorite moment to tune out completely and fuck around with something? There was a time period where you guys were all bringing in like meatball sandwiches. I can't imagine. I blacked out pretty hard during that. with something I gotta admit though Chris make piece was really funny in the overlooked underrated in meatballs meatballs there was a guy Chris Finn a very funny comedian a writer from Canada. When we were working on the early seasons of Mad TV,

he pitched Christ Balls. It was a coming-of-age film about Christ. At Christian Camp? Yeah, at Christian Camp. It never got made, but man. I love that you said it just enough like the lesbian song to Meatballs that I knew what you were doing

watch out alright are we going to get started so you guys I was going to try to I was watching the news today and it was just you know I took the news off my your news machine you took the news off your phone

no because I was getting news alerts on my phone and I took the news off your phone? No, because I was getting news alerts on my phone and I was going crazy all the time. Now you just use your phone strictly for Pokemon Go. You're a news addict. Yeah, but I'm also a snowflake and I get really easily upset. The whole country has snowed in this week. Isn't that crazy?

Nuclear snow. How's that global warming for you? We've got snow everywhere. Yeah, and do you know who's at fault because of global warming? Skeletors dick. Skeletors dick. Dick. Dick.

Skeletors dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Skeletors dick. You know what? Dick, Skeletor's dick. Dick, Dick, Dick, Skeletor's dick. You know what? As long as we're thanking that beautiful bony phallus, let's

also throw a work your phallus to the bone. Shout out to E-Beeb. E-Beeb. E-Beeb. Shout out to just... I love you in the new Star Wars films. E-Beeb. E-Beeb. Shout out to just... I love you in the new Star Wars films. E-Beeb 1 through 7. Jesus.

Thanks, Jesus. Jesus. Thanks. Thanks, Jesus. For once, Jesus is listening to us. Thanks, King of Pop-Tart. Thanks, King of Pop-Tart. E-He-He-Da-Oo.

Thank you... Who's married to Paula Poundstone for a while. She's the queen of Pop-Tarts. Paula Poundcage. Thank you She was married to Paula Poundstone for a while She's the queen of Pop-Tarts Thank you Speedy Gorgonzola I thought that was going a different direction Everybody's up in their name game Yeah

Thank you Only Here for Nerd Poker That's their Patreon name I guess they're worried people are going to stumble on their profile and be like, are they here for the Chapo podcast? Next week, there will be somebody called Only Queer for Nerd Poker.

And then get used to it for Nerd Poker. Yay, please slip up to it. What else is in there? Super dumb joke. Thank you. Oh, we've done this one before, but it's fun. Dick Trebuchet. You ever get your dick caught at Trebuchet?

Oh, Jesus. It's the worst. I got my dick caught in an Iron Maiden once. No, I'm kidding No, no, I'm sorry It was a Judas Priest Or a Rob Halford anyway We'll be right back with more

Long winding road to the punchline Thank you, Trey Som Thank you, Andy Van Way Thank you, Trey Andy Thank you, Hayden Grant Thank you, Oh God Zombies Thank you,den Grant Thank you Oh God Zombies Thank you Dustin Corshot Dustin

Thank you Elliot Aneya Thank you Stephen Porter Thank you Eric Taylor Thank you Not A Bear I'm glad it's not a bear You know what I think it's a bear I just feel like before the world ends We gotta get as many of these out there The only thing I do is protest to my truck I'm always glad think it's a bear. I just feel like before the world ends,

we've got to get as many of these out of there. The only thing I do is protest too much. Oh, and last but not least, thank you, Jerry Sucks. I bet you it's Jerry. It's spelled with a G. So they knew how to spell it. We've got to get him back here.

Yeah, yeah. I was playing Destiny with him the other night, and he said he really wants to. Well, Destiny 2. I was playing Destiny 2 with him. I got a bunch of games for Christmas, and I haven't even fucking crafted anything. I wish you would fire up the PS4,

and you can play with us. Come on, man. We only play when we're done writing. We'll earn it by writing. I stopped playing online when kids would get mad at me because of my gamer tech. I only play with people I know. Or I only get on the headset with people I know, for sure.

I would never do this again, but back... You remember, I used to be Ruth Gordon. And guys would go, Why do you got a girl's name? And I'm like, you stupid mother fucker. Oh, God. So you guys just defeated a beholder, and you're in Lehman's tiny hut, and you're deep, deep under a minna.

Did I get all my points back or no? In an antechamber, yeah, you healed up the rest of your points. That would be great. You chose to rest, a rare thing for this campaign. So tick-tock goes up your health points. We're all taking five. We're all just going in and out of the shower. We all checked our MySpace.

And yeah, Luovan says, see down there? We keep going through this tunnel. Luovan, for those of you who've chosen to tune in on fucking episode 40 for some reason, is a weird... Are Mulder and scully ever gonna do it i know that's that's that's like something that was still an issue in the late seasons of x-files and who was the actress of future seasons jillian Jillian Anderson? The secretary on moonlighting. What was her name? Cher? No. Shoot. Allie. Was it Miss Beasley or something?

Well, that was the character. The character. I'm trying to remember. Sorry, I didn't mean to make everybody look stuff up. That was the classic. Alice Beasley. Alice Beasley. Are they or aren't they with Bruce Willis and his hair? I just worked with Curtis from that show.

Curtis Armstrong? Her husband? Yeah. Oh, are they married in real life? No. No. No, but he is married to an actress or somebody in the...

Or a writer, I think. But it's her? Maybe. Juliet Prowse. We met during the writer's strike years ago, and then we worked together. We have Bush. an actress or somebody in the or writer I think but it's her maybe Julia we met during the writer's strike years ago and then we worked at bush yeah he's the nicest fucking guy business he's so nice Curtis Jones is pretty nice I've never met Doug Jones the guy who just defeated Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race? No, the guy who's in the tank with the girl who can't speak. Oh, the fuckable fish man.

He's in Hellboy. He's been around for a while. He's fucking amazing. Yeah, yeah. Wasn't he a super surfer also? Yeah, he's been like every skinny monster. He was at that movie I saw when I went back to Baltimore. Yeah, Doug Jones did an amazing job.

I put him through six hours of hell every movie. Why did you turn into Werner Herzog? He's doing Guillermo. Oh. I'm waiting until I have two and a half hours to watch that thing in one sitting. I don't want to... I hear good things. The fuckableness of water? Yeah.

It's supposed to be amazing. I think I'll love it. Guillermo del Toro is a genius. It looks like the character from Hellboy. In like a drama. I've liked Del Toro, and Judas. It looks like the character from Hellboy in a drama. I've liked Del Toro for a long time. Well, even when he's mediocre, he's amazing. I saw it back in Balmer. You guys talk about the shape of water?

Philly boy royal, ladies and gentlemen. He's really good. I tell you, I really, really like him. You know what else is really good is that Black Mirror. That I liked. I watched all six of the new ones. I was just telling Ken before we started recording that, yeah, what is it, the Castile or Castile?

The, like, Star Trek episode? Yeah. Looks really good. It's like an hour, right? I think that one was. Maybe. It's like a lot of fucking sci-fi parody for your Netflix dollar. Yeah, with some good shit.

I like that show. So we were resting. You're in like an age chamber. We've got to wrap it up. Thanks for listening, you guys. There's carvings on the wall. Ken tried investigating it, and he just sort of stared at it blankly and gurgled. And there's some little pockets in the wall. Ken tried investigating it and he just sort of stared at it blankly and gurgled. And there's

some little pockets in the wall. It's a very dusty antechamber. And there's some sort of dark red glowing. And I'm not talking about scare of a far-seeing aura. I'm talking just like a deep sort of red glow coming farther down the tunnel.

From the other side of the plug that the beholder just unstuck itself from. sort of red glow coming farther down the tunnel. A gentle deep breath. From the other side of the plug that the beholder just unstuck itself from. All right. Whatever lies ahead has got a dark red glow to it. Oh, I love that movie. What movie? Whatever Lies Ahead. And Lou Oven had said the last episode that we were pretty close, right?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she thinks you're almost at the bottom of the island. I think she meant we were really good friends. Yeah, she also said there's like a certain intimacy that's growing between us. I like that. Let's head towards the light. Great.

So she suggests we all get in stealth mode. Met her once. She's as sweet as you would think she would be. Zelda. Yeah. Zelda Rubenstein. Right like two years before she passed, I met her at a screening.

Sorry, keep moving. So she throws her that sort of makeshift shawl you guys made her from hiding herself from the other lunar elves over her head and she kind of goes to the other wood elves and encourages them to kind of Wood elves throw whatever

hoods they can over their heads and says stuff might get real dicey up here. We're going I've got lots of dice. I'm ready to Whoa! She says we're going to the bottom of some kind of time loop it's very mysterious time loop that her people have people have spent centuries trying to decipher and she still doesn't know exactly what's gonna You're about to hit the bottom. Rock bottom. All right.

So I want you all to do a stealth check. This is going to be three stealth checks. The first one is a difficulty of eight. Just basically see if any of you trip over your shoelaces. What was that that you rolled, Ken, and you didn't want to show me? Eleven. Eleven? That's a five. Anyone with their stealth bonus roll under? I got a thumb up for my fortune.

I rolled a six, but I have a dexterity bonus. I'm talking stealth bonus. Oops. What's your stealth bonus? I have no stealth bonus, but I just like... Oh, no, you do. I'm looking. You have a plus eight. I didn't hit it on mine.

What did you get? It would be four with my stealth. Cool. So I am going to do a roll. Unfortunately. So you don't get too far down the tunnel. Sorry, guys. And you kind of just, like, roll an ankle.

Clumsy. Some rocks kind of tumble down the tunnel ahead of you. You're going on a decline down this thing. And you hear a voice call from the bottom of the tunnel let's see I rolled I don't like this voice from the bottom of the tunnel

you hear a voice go who is it we were going to meet him anyway sorry it's premature what do we say? Nothing. You tell me. Don't you look at me when you ask that question.

You tell me. Look at your voice. What do we say? All right, let's keep creeping down. Let's take another stealth check. Let's kind of hold to the walls even more. As you go down, you hear a voice go, shh, shh, shh. It actually sounds like somebody at the bottom of this tunnel is shushing somebody else.

Everybody do a perception check difficulty 15. 15. That's my bonus. Nope. I did not make it. I didn't make it either. I have it on here if you want to give me a sec. That's my bonus.

You have a plus nine perception bonus, Mr. Dorito. That's good news. What did you roll? I just got seven. Oh, you aced it. I rolled an eight Do I have a That's not gonna

No Your perception bonus is five So you don't quite make it What do I perceive? Tom, you hear a voice Yeah It sounds like a Things are coming that sounds like I think they're coming.

The voice sounds really, really weirdly familiar. You said I'm Rick Dukeman? I think they're coming. Oh, I think they're coming. I think we are coming. As a matter of fact. It says, I think they are coming. Get yourselves ready.

The voice says, better get ourselves ready. Oh, no. Is it us? Probably an echo. Is it us coming back? Does anybody say anything? Huh. Hello?

Hello? Echo. You hear us. We didn't say hello. You hear swords unsheathe around the corner. That's not me. Who is that up there? You're worse fucking than me. Let's go, boys.

And then the banjo starts playing. All right. Luovan says, I think we should hide. If we flatten ourselves against the wall to the right, the tunnel bends to the right, we can potentially be in shadow and get some surprise. I do not think we should charge ahead. She says this really quietly.

She's like... She flattens herself against the wall. I'm invisible. Don't you got to play a song to do that? No. You got to use your Doss loot I thought I had it on a

I thought I got it on a separate thing no I believe that's a Doss loot ability yeah but I wasn't sure if I had it on a separate thing sorry I'm just flat great everybody gets flat you see rounding the corner

and I go up against the wall my Doss loot is Great. So flat. Great. Everybody gets flat. You see rounding the corner. And I go up against the wall and my DOS is like this. Bling, bling, bling. A goliath is rounding the corner. He has dark skin, a weird snaggletooth sticking out of his mouth. And he's got spiky shoulder pads. a weird snaggle tooth sticking out of his mouth. Um, and he's got a, a, a spiky shoulder pads and,

uh, a sword. He's going back all the way to the eighties. You guys, he's holding a sword that, um, has strange sort of thorns coming out of it. And there's,

uh, a red flame on the sword. And he says, hello, Davey. Fuck. Kill it. Where is he? He's rounding the corner from below. Is he by himself? So far. But you know you heard other voices. Oh, boy. What do we do? Wait until we get the drop on him?

Well, you want to hide and let him pass? Yeah, maybe. That's right. Get him to see if he gets closer. Yeah. Yeah. He walks almost right up to you, Tom. Looks around. Says, I don't see anybody.

I'm coming back and he goes back and you hear roll a perception check everybody well what six what would you see you just knew it was too low that we tell me the difficulty to would you get time Tom? A four plus nine, I guess. Four plus nine. Yeah, okay. So you hear what sounds like another familiar voice say, I told you not to go back. Do I know who it is?

No. It sounds familiar. Everybody do a wisdom check difficulty 15. Nope. I'm having a rough time with my wisdom today. So you made it, Tom? You're pretty sure it sounded like Luovan farther down the tunnel, even though Luovan is right next to you.

The fuck? But that wasn't me that just walked by. No. No. The more you think about it, the more you think that Goliath's sword kind of looked like the Herald of Kalmar, but not the Herald of Kalmar. Huh.

Weird. Is there an evil version of us coming up the hallway? I don't know. Does Spock have a beard or no beard? Luovin turns to you, Tom, because she's near you, and she says, I think if we hold, they might go farther down the tunnel. Okay.

What do you guys want to do? Hold. tunnel. Okay. What do you guys want to do? Hold. Okay. So roll a stealth check, everybody. Difficulty 10. Yep. FBC's made it. You guys want to?

15 stealth. Wow, that was close. 14. You hear what sounds like some whispers, and then they stop. Luovan motions for you guys to wait, and she peeks ahead. She's levitating,

and she kind of hovers around the tunnel. She comes back and says, I think that was us, but not us. From another dimension or time. Basically, yes. Another dimension, another dimension, us. From another dimension or time. Basically, yes. Another dimension, another dimension, another dimension. She says distortions

sometimes happen. Sometimes the farther you go back in time, the more different things are when you come back. Things aren't the same as you left it. Things are a little different. And because we're going farther down,

we could be connecting with different, not just times, but timelines. There's a lot of chaos at the bottom of Amina. And I wasn't sure how it would manifest, but it appears that we could meet ourselves if we're not careful. She's not sure why that was a different race than Bodhi. Swipe left. Yeah.

She's like, that was basically Bodhi, but it wasn't a half orc. Okay. So. Alternate Bodhi. So it was bright. Ugh. Edit point. More was bright. Ugh. Edit point. We're like, bright.

We're like Madeline, all bright. She says, let's continue very slowly. You guys here behind you. So she says, let's continue. Farther up the tunnel, you hear a rock loosen itself and bounce towards you from where you just came from. What does that rock have cooking? Oh, you mean behind us? Mm-hmm.

It's behind you. Something's definitely right behind you. A rock? A rock loosed itself and rolled down the tunnel from behind you. So something's going to kill us from behind. Something is sneaking behind us. All right, well, let's turn around and attack it. Yeah?

We're being followed? What's happening? Unless, is Gago right with us with us we're gonna fucking murder him again do you want gago to go back yeah you want gago to be your scout so what do you tell gago do a persuasion check please he's pretty easy i want to see what your role go see what that is. Oh, that's it. That's success. Sure. Um, he says,

all right, bitches. Nine. I'm gonna go check this shit out. Lou woven, uh, unsuccessfully tries to stop Gago. She reaches for him and tries to grab him and,

and she, she whispers, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay. Stop. Um, can i stop him no nope it's us following her uh that was her attempt to stop what was too late um so gago flies back going i'm gonna fuck him up i'm gonna fuck him up uh and he you hear hear a whistling noise and a thud as he disappears around the corner. He's not getting attacked by a gelatinous Toots Thielman, is he? I hope we didn't just lose Gago after all that. Damn it. What do you guys want to do? Or at least you can't do that on television. We didn't just lose Gago after all that. Damn it. Maybe.

What do you guys want to do? Or at least you can't do that on television. Why did I do that? I thought we were past those guys. Yeah, but it might be another version of us. What are you guys going to do? Another dimension, another dimension. Well, let's go.

I guess we've got to go save Gago. You think there's people ahead of you and people behind you now? Yeah. You going to go back around the corner? Or are we going to stay? What about Llewellyn? What does she think? She doesn't know what to do.

She's shaking her head. It depends how much that little monster means to you. Damn it. I like that little guy. I don't know why. You hear from around the corner. I'm not your brother. I'm not your partner. I'm not your friend. You hear around the corner.

Oh shit. Okay. Cago. Cago. Blaine? You've got flying. Brought to you by Big 69 Sporting Goods. We've got all kinds of balls. I'm sorry, I thought you wanted an ad.

You've got flying. of balls. I'm sorry, I thought you wanted an ad. You've got flying. You wanted a decision. You can fly. You can check on them. You can fly. You can fly. Yeah, I'm gonna fly. Zip around the corner. Alright. As you zip around the corner,

do a dexterity saving throw. Difficulty 13. How about a 1 would a 1 work bonk that is flat it was feelings Taylor Negron and Last Boy Scout. You hit a fucking helicopter. Blaine, you get hit with two arrows for seven points of damage. And I'm going to write something down. This is what you see as you go around the corner.

Please give me a commercial while I'm writing this down Friday night's a great night for football oh this break is brought to you by three guys burgers fuck those other two guys are also brought to you by bed and Beyond. Suck it, bath. You know what you did. Promotional consideration brought to you by Two Guys and a Bath. Hey, why don't you suck our fucking dicks? Two Guys and a Bath. Back to you, Dan.

Yeah. Is that Bane hotboxing? It's from... I know, but who is it? Hank Williams Jr. Oh, did he do it? It's the rip-off of the thing he did.

Yeah, I know, but it is one of those guys. Oh, man. I love how a quarterback kills people in a game, and then football still happens. Shoots a guy on the field. So I'm going to try to go for a specific vibe. I peer around the corner and I see something, and I very slowly back out of the room the way Marge backed out of the room that was showing the film in the mountain lodge she was

getting just didn't want anything to do with it and kind of roll a charisma check difficulty 18 five that's a five not even close okay are you attempting Difficulty 18. I just took a hit from something. Jesus. Five. That's a five. Not even close. Okay. Are you attempting to do anything about Gago before you back away? I'm just sort of trying to stay out of sight of it.

Okay. Damn it. You got real lucky. It kind of, the being you just saw rolled a one. Of course. That's a perception check. Typical.

Classic. Classic being. It clearly saw your silhouette, but that's all it could see because you're backlit by the red light. Did I get Gago killed? So you back away

from Gago and this other being, and you are now back within whisper range of the rest of the party. What is happening? What do you think? What was it? Here I come on the run with a burger on a bun and a dough of coleslaw on the side. All your days will tickle with a cold, dill pickle and all of our potatoes are french fries, fries, fries. First you can't be because the fry won't be. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Oh, you just...

Yeah. Time to explain, but plenty of time to do a long reference to a bit. Yeah, it's just we're being followed and following ourselves. Oh, I see. In terms of dimensions. Okay. Can we save Gago somehow? Why don't you kill Gago? Oh, can you hold?

You can hold him, right? Can you pull him back? Who, Gago? Yeah, by holding him. Do you have? You can hold him, right? Can you pull him back? Gago? Yeah, by holding him? Do you have to see him? This guy is still walking by me, right? All you know is you left him around the corner. And he was, was he, when I caught, when I saw him, was he going towards Gago?

He had just loosed two arrows into you. They're still stuck in you. And you left Gago with an arrow in him on the ground. Okay. You know both of these beings are around the corner. Okay. Yeah, that might be a good idea. I think I'm gonna, even though I have arrows in me,

I'm going to flip around the corner and I'm gonna throw a hold person on this guy. This guy being me. Okay. Oh, I meant hold Gago, but yeah, okay. Nope. Okay. Guess who made a saving throw?

You. Oh. All the time you pull out. You peek around the corner and give it a little gesture, and it kind of braces itself and this time it squints and you hear it go

hey what's going on here I feel like I'm about to do some early Michael Jackson demos. Tui, is that me? It takes some sort of musical instrument off of its back and clangs it loudly and disappears from sight.

Okay. That's better than cool. Can I see any of this? I'm going to grab Gago. No, you just see the back of Twee peeking around the corner casting a spell. You can't tell what's going on. You know Gago's around the corner because Twee told you Gago was around the corner. Let's get him out of what's going on let's get you know guy goes around the corner cuz tweet told you Gaga was around the

course get him out of there so you're gonna round it do a dexterity check difficulty Oh paint we're playing wants to grab him I mean it's not Blaine's turn right now. Okay. Someone else has got to go because he's just sped up his time, basically. Yeah, so... What's your dex bonus? You got...

Well, I have athletics. No, this is straight up dex because you're trying to like... So you can get up to Gago, and you do, and you don't see anything. Okay. Except for Gago. Okay. Well, I want to grab him and pull him back with us. All right.

Before that happens, Tom, do you want to do anything, or are you just hiding around the corner with Luovan and the wood elves? Yeah. Multiple choice answer, yeah. I'm going to hide. Okay. No one else wants to go around the corner so Blaine you're back up I'm gonna dimension door

maybe 10 feet behind this guy okay farther back up the tunnel alright as you do that you appear surrounded by other beings. Appear in the hallway? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Back where you came from, except this time you're surrounded by strange beings that I'm going to write down for you. Okay. That no one else can see yet. Can you tell me what this is brought to you by? No. This is brought to you by the NBC Nightly News

with Andy Serkis as Tom Brokaw. He's great at everything. Anyway, I'm just calmly and quietly picturing Tom Brokaw wearing a unitard covered with half kick of ping pong balls, like one of those motion capture suits. I think that'd be pretty funny to imagine in lieu of some sort of prepared material

if you're listening at home. Especially if you're paying money to hear this at home. Bottom half of the page, please. All right, I'm reading the bottom of the page. Do you like me? Yes. And this is, Dan! We talked about this at Island. This is, Dan, we talked about this at Island.

Oh, great. And they all see you. They all see me. You just dimensioned order right amongst that group. Is there any sort of like a, uh. You tell me. You tell me. This is literally the situation that you've just planted yourself in. Ta-da!

Ta-da! I said, so I look at my party that are all wearing the blue glowing uniform type things. And I go, there he is, get him! And I'm gonna point at myself. Your self is invisible. So I may as well catch up the rest of the group. I'm gonna...

Tweed just dimension doored. He is now looking at Luovin. You and you accept different versions of you. They're all wearing glowing blue tabards with dragons on them.

Some sort of uniform that none of you have seen before. Yeah, you guys... You just get back from Hong Kong with some suits. And he saw Tui in that uniform first, but alternate dimension Tui went invisible. So you can't

point at Tui, because he's not there no more. Ah, I was gonna... Get him! You should get out of there. You would say, were you able to see him? He just dimensioned or away from you. Right now, you're alone with Gago. As soon as you say what you're doing, Bodhi is up.

Okay. Well, you know what? I'm going to, instead of the grab thing, I'm going to go, what the? What's going on? And just what? Do a triple take? Yeah, I'm going to do a triple take. Like, I can't believe that my clothes have changed

into whatever I'm normally wearing. Were you going to say something about that, maybe? I'm going to go, what the... What's the hell is this on me? What's going on? What's happening? Who got me dressed just now? My clothes.

Mom. Mom. Because they just saw him disappear, right? Correct. Or actually, they saw him go around the corner. What? So I'm just going to act like I don't know what happened to my clothes. Okay.

We'll cut back to that reaction in a second. In the meantime, Bodhi, you just saw... Can I read what you wrote to me? Yes, you may. Just for the record. For the listeners. The first thing that I saw. Gago is on the ground with an arrow in him.

You see yourself in a bright blue cloth tabard with a dragon emblem. That was the first thing. Then I dimensioned toward behind these guys, and I found myself surrounded by Luovan, Bodhi, and Tom all in blue cloth tabards with dragons on them.

So you guys are all some sort of weird paladin dragon club. Okay. You're alone with Gago, Bodhi. I'm gonna pull him back to Ken in 11. Okay, scoop him up and run back? Yeah. Can she put a heal on him since Blaine's not here?

She can try. So you get him back and she... Pull the arrow out of him. Yeah, you pull the arrow out and blood spurts everywhere. No, but I'll... Put pressure on the wound. He's limp. What, to become

like a dentist? She heals him as best she can, but she rolled some snake eyes. So he's still in the negative. At least his snake eyes will be okay. But he's still a real classy G.I. Joe character. Blaine, you're up. So they all look at each other and look at you.

Am I going to turn or he's too far away still? Is he too far away from me? You are back with most of the group. Got it. Okay. You can run. Based on what you saw, you can run out to Tui. Yes, I want to run out and bind Gago.

Okay. So you bind Gago. Okay. So he is no longer losing health, but he is still. Negative. Pretty fucked. Yeah. Okay.

Back to Tui. Okay so uh they look at you and look at each other look at you look at each other and then the the half orc i'm doing a long extended larry fine uh the half work uh puts his hand on his sword and says, what the fuck? Come on, you know the fuck. I'll be right back. I'm going to say, hold that thought, and I'm going to hit him with a web. Oh, man.

I love what's happening right now. Okay. So, success. Okay. You web Paladin Bodhi. And then when I'm done webbing, I'm going to look at my hands like I don't know what happened. And as you do that, you see the sword that he had his hand on. That flame erupts. And the web, although it's still holding him stuck in place,

is burning from underneath. Tom, but not Tom, pulls a club off of his back, and Luovan begins levitating. Okay. Got it. Back to you, gang. You're out of health options for your trauma patient. He is unconscious. Luovan is whispering, don't go back, don't go back, don't go back.

Don't go back. What are you going to do, Brian? I feel like he's in a place we can't get to now somehow. Yeah. I would like to get there, but I don't know how he dimensioned door out we don't have that

right well I mean for all you know he just closed the distance back up the tunnel dimensioned door doesn't necessarily mean he went to another dimension

the time slips you're encountering have more to do with Amina than a spell I'm hoping he can just get away because we shouldn't encounter all these guys together. We don't want to kill all the versions of ourselves. Maybe.

I don't think. Depends on the time travel formula. We're going to do... We were supposed to keep pushing further, right? Or is this not the... Yeah, Leuven says... Let to keep pushing further, right? Or is this not the discipline? Yeah, Leuven says... Let's keep pushing. I think we should keep moving,

and if we don't keep moving, something bad might happen. Okay, keep moving. We went back for Gaga. We're not going back for... It's not a matter of going back. Isn't he in front of us? She says he might be in front of us and behind us. Okay.

If he doesn't get away, he might be in a different place and time. Okay. If he's out of visual range and there are doubles of us this close. Oh, right. Okay. He could be in a different timeline. Cool. Come back. Any moment. We'll keep going forward. Come back, little. Okay. He could be in a different timeline. Come back. Any moment.

We'll keep going forward. Come back, little Tweeba. You're up, Twee. Tom, it's me, Twee. I'll turn to Tom. I'll turn to Tom. It's me. I'll turn to Twee. Says, Why did you just...

I can't do even like a fake. What, Vin Diesel. Yeah, hey, repeat this for me, Ken. Why did you just web my brother? Hey, why did you just web my brother? Because I don't want your brother to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt your brother, because we're all

brothers. Roll a charisma check difficulty 18. I like your style. style how about a one with the one work did my did my evil beard Alternatom swings his club at you for six points of damage. Take that. Bodhi is struggling to get free still. Luovan is still casting a spell. No sign of Alternatwe. What are you going to do? You now have a club wound and a couple of arrows stuck in you.

I am going to go, excuse me, I take this call. And I'm going to dimension door back to these guys. And go, guys, guys, guys, you're not going to believe what just happened to me. Ow, these arrows. Looks like you went to club wound. Bad news. The Cape of the Mountebank can cast Dimension Spell as an action. This property of the Cape can't be used again until the next dawn.

Oh, okay. So you squint real hard and nothing happens. Oh, man. My squint didn't work. A pocket of air escapes from your anus. I'll say. I'll say. I will say that that does not count as your turn because this is simply a quick squint.

Then I'm going to do the Richard Mulligan quick invisibility snap. Like you would do on soap. All right, it works. All right. You're invisible invisible you guys one of you roll a four sided dice

you don't want a one do you roll oh wait what just happened over there four okay on a one. Do you roll? Oh, wait. What just happened over there? Four. Okay. That's four ones. You start heading down the tunnel

and you do not have a bad feeling about it. Back to you, Tweed. Okay. I don't have a bad You're invisible and Alternatom

is looking for you. Well, I'm just I'm going to do a little dodging around and scurry past all these guys. Are you heading back down the tunnel, back towards the rest of the party? I'm heading back down the tunnel. I just want to make sure that I'm not going to bump into Invisible Twee. Okay.

Why don't you, hey, roll a good old-fashioned 20 and get above a 10 please like a six would that be would that be above a 10 uh well you're doing that with a dex what's your dex modifier uh i have a dex of 18 no what's your modifier is a plus five right five what'd you roll uh six oh then you just barely make around the corner oh my god i did something to you you you you know you're you're running invisible style uh you feel a wind go past your left as you do it and as you round the corner you see uh your party kind of blink into existence almost as if you passed through some sort of a clear fog that they materialized out of weird you

basically almost missed them in the time stream so almost got locked away from the rest of the party Wow okay welcome Okay. Welcome back. Jesus Christ. My dreams were my ticket out. Sorry about sending Gago and fucking that up. I'm not going to do shit for a little while. Gago... That's okay. I'm just going to hang some notes to myself on these arrows.

Yeah. Can somebody heal him? Gago wakes up and motions for someone to come closer. Hi. He says... You fucking asshole. He says... I should tell you guys something.

What? The secret of the Demolith. Oh, here we go. He's going to die. Can you just get really close? Yes. Okay, here we go. I'm going to try to tell you the one thing I know about the Demolith.

He used to work for a king. He was an entertainer of some kind. He was a traveling entertainer, and he used to have a family. And they were trying to do this special firework spell for the king and it wouldn't work. And he got his son to cast the firework spell and it blew his hand off and the king said that boar is going to be executed

for that terrible firework spell. And then the Demolith made his wife cast the spell because he was too much of a coward. And his wife blew both of her arms off with the firework spell. And the king was like, this is the worst fireworks I've ever fucking had. Look what the fuck he was doing to my Fourth of July party. And the Demolith was like, well, this is a medieval fantasy realm and there's no 4th of July.

We don't even really celebrate nations because they don't last that long because of war and stuff. And the king is like, shut the fuck up. I just want some fucking fireworks. Get your wife out of here. And so he sent her down to the gallows

where she starved to death. And finally, the Demolith cast a beautiful firework spell. All his beloved family was all gone. It was just him. And the king said, why didn't you cast that in the first place? And he says, well, it's because I'm not a solo performer. I'm a performer that needs his family. We're a family act. And the king says,

you're a family act. I just wanted some entertainment. And the devil in his head, we're the aristocrats. Oh my. And Gago appears to stop breathing.

Fuck. Well, at least he went out with a laugh. Can we bring him back? Can we heal him? No? Luovan says she's without a healing spell. Damn it. I have a healing spell.

I could heal him. Do you? Yeah. Go for it. I have a healing spell. I could heal him. Do you? Yeah. Go for it. I have a cure wounds. Roll. See, you need better than five. Oh, on a 20-sided or a what? I got a five on a 20-sided. Oh, no.

It's a cure light wounds. Let me see that. Sorry sided Oh no it's a cure light wounds Let me see that I think it's a Cure wounds 1d8 Yep it's 1d8 roll that 8 You need a 5 6 He Suddenly that eight. You need a five. Six.

He suddenly comes back to life. His chest starts rising and falling again. Okay, I'm going to hit him for a half a point of damage for that fucking aristocrats joke. He goes,

sorry, I just improvised. I was trying to think of something fucked up to say when I died, man. I just didn't want to go out seeming like a fucking wuss. Listen, everybody knows that what you say when you die is,

live from New York, it's Saturday night. I keep that in mind, man. So you don't know the secret of the devil with this? No, I don't know shit. Why did you bring him back to life? Asshole. I'm glad you brought me back to life

just to make sure that wasn't a piece of lore. Everybody do another stealth check. Difficulty 18. Hey, Sam, what time are we at? I think we have seven minutes. Great.

Twelve. So that's someone who didn't make it. What did I need to do? It doesn't matter, because guess who didn't make it. What did I need to do? Doesn't matter, because guess who didn't make the stealth roll? Who? Your old pal Blaney Blanes. Okay. Was I too loud?

I wasn't too loud, was I? I filled my tap shoes with cornflakes before I left the hotel this morning. Swung by Sam Ash to pick up my zilgins. So as you're healing Gago... Heal! Heal! Heal those wounds! Glad my family's not here or sleeping or something. As you go gago, Luovin has been encouraging

you to do it as you walk. She's like, we have to keep moving. These are all gears in a machine, and if one of the gears stops, another gear might catch it. We have to keep moving. And so as you slap gago for half a point of damage, a tiny little fairy tooth goes flying out of his mouth, and you see it glisten in the dark red light,

and it goes off the wall and goes down the tunnel. And you hear a growl, a very loud sort of bestial growl from down below. What do you guys want to do? Loven immediately flattens herself against the wall. I cry. I pee my pants. Yeah, stop. Go against the wall. Yeah, stop.

Go against the wall. Yeah. Okay. I'm still invisible, right? Hmm? Yes, you are. And he needs a heal. Because he... Blaine?

Yeah, because he's got a couple of arrows. Well, right now you're out of heal spells. He's got a couple of arrows on him. Mm-hmm. No way to fix that little fucked up boy, though. Little high elf boy. Press against the wall. And

around the corner, don't tell me the fudge is made. Ha ha ha! You see a half-orc come around the corner. It's covered in wounds, just gaping, bloody wounds. And it's got... Sorry.

This is what happens when your dungeon master comes up with a 20 different alternate it's a beat-up bode um and uh he's he's got a strange sort of feral look in his eyes is he raging perhaps this one looks a lot like bode in dress but not in subtle facial appearances there's something else going on with this Bodhi on a genetic level you're not sure what but it's it's a half-orc looks like Bodhi's dressed like Bodhi same weapons but there's he almost looks like he's been left in the woods for a couple of decades. He's ugly. Well, we gotta get you guys to fuck. It's the only answer.

I should say, too, he rounds the corner and he sees the group. He doesn't call anything out. He doesn't look over his shoulder like the other groups did and communicate. There's no whispers. He appears to be alone. We pull a cord and a happy birthday comes down.

We all have confetti and some streamers. He sees us, but... He sees everybody except for Invisible Old Tweed. And he's alone. He's all fucked up. And he's just grunting. He's unsheathing his sword. He pricks his finger on the sword

and it bursts into flame. Oh, man. Nobody tries to stop him. There's no other voices. Hmm. He appears to be a party of one who is majorly fucked up and in a bad place. Uh, eh.

I don't know whether to try to talk to him. I guess I will. All right. Okay. What you gonna say, Bodhi? Brother, we're not here to fight you. You say that in a pleasant way or an intimidating way? In a pleasant way first.

Okay. He cocks his head. He goes, Would you just call me Warchild? Brother, I call people Warchild all the time. I think we're here probably for the same reason. We're caught under here in these time tunnels, and we're my party here. I'm sure you're doing your version of the same thing.

No? Okay. Okay. Well, so let's not fight. Let's not quarrel. Let us pass through. Can we all work together? Yeah, or even work with us because we're going to defeat the Demolith

before he happens. He turns his back on you and he says, do whatever you want. Okay, let's keep moving. I'll go first. Keep moving. He just keeps moving. All right, we keep moving. Leuven shrugs and says, she goes up to you, Bodhi, and says,

I would try not to touch him. Okay. I got a bad feeling about you touching him. Right. I had a bad feeling about you talking to him too. That was a little... Yeah, I get it. Uncomfortable.

We did it. Let's keep moving. But she does say, as long as he seems so uninterested and he seems alone I don't mind staying in visual range of this one because he might

be willing to, like you said fight with us, we'll see but he looks pretty fucked up so I wouldn't count on him for soaking up too many hit points so let's just keep moving then let's not make it weird.

Okay. Everybody do a stealth check difficulty 20. 20. What? You don't all have to make it, but somebody's got to, or else a thing will happen. 16? Look up your bonuses.

Dex of 5 is... Not your dex bonus. You should have a separate stealth bonus that's inspired by your dex bonus, but could have a modifier. Different modifier. Yeah, I got it. You got it?

Yep, 18 plus two. Great. That's 20, right? Luovin looks at you, Bodhi, and says, everybody get close. She says, something's happening. Get close to Bodhi.

And everybody except for fucked up Bodhi, who ignores you, bunches up. And you feel a pulse. The whole cave kind of shudders for a moment, and fucked-up Bodhi in front of you just sort of phases out of existence. Oh, shit. And Luovan says, I think we've passed the final hurdle. I think around this next bend is the room we came to see.

Cool. And after the pulse kind of stills, you guys walk around this last sort of, you know, downward bend in the path, and you find a big antechamber. This is like a big, flat room, and the ground is glowing red and blue. It's sort of pulsating and luovan says i think

the ground here almost isn't real i think we have to walk carefully uh i think um have you ever looked up at the sky beyond the clouds and seen the stars that should not be, the stars that are not a part of the sky you would want. There's a sort of closeness to the sky that wasn't there before the world was broken. I believe that is just on the other side of this ground. I believe there is a very thin layer of rock between us and what you might call outer space. So what do we do?

Wait. Hide. I think we should find an alcove in the sides of this antechamber and hide. And wait for something to happen. Okay.

This is the room where I believe the Demolith cast the first spell where I believe the Demolith cast the first spell I believe he came here in order to isolate this island from the rest of time and I think

if we wait here long enough we will either see him or the god he made a deal with my new god not my old god, Manana McLear. Although you guys still have sheer custody of the kid, right? She says, I'm the kid. I am the horrible offspring of this terrible situation.

I am a creature of the Feywild that came to your world to kill myself off and kill off all of you, and I failed. And I am stuck here because the Demolith and Monon and MacLear chose to isolate this one island. There are other lunar elves all over

the world that helped bring the moon down on the earth, and they're all dead. But it is me and my siblings who are stuck here because of what we may be about to see okay interesting we could you know what

we might be able to help each other out she says that'd be great as far as I know according to the timeline I am I could be the only lunar elf left alive. I could be, you know, the only one who went this far into the future, and then all time stops and the Demolith ended time. I don't know.

But we could be, in some ways, both all that is left and the only people who know the demolits plan. Uh, so let's hide and see what happens and that's where we'll end it. Cool. That was a good one. I hope you think so. Listeners. I do.

Uh, anybody, uh, got some plugs. This is a couple of weeks away. Um, first of all, I'm hoping we bump into a certain player soon. Depends how long it is before we record again,

but Sarah Gazzardo might be joining us very shortly. Yeah, that'd be awesome. And then brianpassain.com, always for dates. Is there a dating service now? Oh, my gosh. I can put people together. PosainMadison.com. So buy Mad Magazine, too.

My first issue comes out at the end of March, and it'll be really cool. Yay. Fucking watch Stand Against Evil on Hulu. Fucking see Lucha Vivoom. Oh yeah. Lucha Vivoom is going to be in New York City on January 18th.

Will you be with them? Yes, I will be there. I'll probably be snowed in for a few days. Thanks you guys for being foolish. Thanks for listening. And a few of the heavy metal music. Thank you. Nothing from nothing, leave nothing. You got nothing.

It's the song most never listened to. It's a song most never listened to Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker And you get bonus episodes from there And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.