Nerd Poker - Episode 45 - Death and Cake

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

In the rainy streets of Tenchyll, our heroes decide what to do with the cosmic being they've brought back to Earth. Sadly no Chris Tallman, plus Sarah is ill and Brian perhaps even more ill. We start with a Hex Chest giveaway! And we end with Brian going to bed. Happy holidays, everyone!

Hey, everybody. There's not going to be an episode next week, so thank you so much for letting us go heal up. This episode, you'll notice we're all a little under the weather and exhausted, but before we get into it... And Chris wasn't here, so we're close to the end. We want to end the campaign right, so this is going to be a little bit of a cliffhanger today.

And guess what we're going to do first? We're going to draw names for our Hex Chess contest. We have some nerd poker Hex Chess that we've been talking about that Elderwood Academy made for us. And yeah! Good enough for Elderwood Academy, everybody.

And I have a spreadsheet with all of our Patreon supporters, and I am now going to draw their names. Let's try to just make a couple more adjustments. Here are our winners. Up first, we have the Gooch with the golden eggs. I forgot these are all going to be funny. Then we have Gratch Sabat.

I'm not sure what that is. Thank you, Gratch Sabat. It's very funny in its native Baltic tongue. Sad Durst You. I have no idea what that reference is. You guys are so weird. So thank you, Sad, for supporting us. Our fourth winner is Leon Waffle Fanny.

Oh, the Hampton Waffle Fannies. Sitting in a beach chair. Our fifth winner is... You guys, this is the best one. Are you ready? Our fifth winner is Garfield Lasagna Rock. Wow. Tell me why you do like Mondays.

Make sure I get that. All right. And then our final winner is Trampas Wingo. Thank you, Trampas Wingo. Thanks, Trampas. That's a real guy. Thank you guys so much.

Yeah, hey, congratulations, everybody. Thanks for listening. Yeah, enjoy your congratulations, everybody. Thanks for listening. Boxes. Yeah, enjoy your hex chests. I can't speak. I'm full of afrin and sadness. Enjoy our last episode of the year, guys. Thank you so much for sporting your poker.

Are we going to do this? Oh, yeah. Let's open some presents on the air. You guys, Sam also gave us presents. Yes. Hey, let's give it a round of applause for Sam. Sam Kiefer, ladies and gentlemen. The dumbest thing I've ever had made, and also gave us presents. Yes. Hey, let's give it a round of applause for Sam. Sam Kiefer, ladies and gentlemen. This is the dumbest thing I've ever had made, and I'm very proud.

Oh, no. It's framed. It's art. It is really actually looking. It's really fantastic. That's art. It is really actually. It's really fantastic. That's amazing. That's really good. Sam, you're the 10 best.

We should describe it, right? So we just got a beautiful. Beautifully framed. Beautifully framed original art behind glass, no less, with matte framing. It's white wood. Wow. It is an illustration of a music venue that looks,

it's kind of like 50s 60s retro looking it looks like something that would be in the valley somewhere got a big light up sign both on a stand and on the side of the building and it says Paladinos live music cold beer hot food and who's playing tonight

at Paladinos Brian Bauhaus of Pain I think that was one of Sam's favorites this guy made his name Steve at Palladino's, Brian. Bow House of Pain. I think that was one of Sam's favorites. This guy made his name Steve Dressler and he does all pop culture print stuff. I emailed him at, let's say, noon with a clip of the show, of the bit, and at 8 p.m. he was like, like this?

And I was like, yup, exactly like that. That's amazing. Steve Dressler. Thanks so much. Thank you, Steve. Well thanks so much thank you Steve well done and thank you Sam thank you Sam

we're only gonna miss two but it's gonna be okay we're gonna this episode's gonna drop tonight and then we're not gonna have one on Christmas Eve and New Year's

but we'll be we'll be back be with your family be with your family yeah and you'll get the if you're a Patreon subscriber you'll get the two bonus episodes still we recorded

with Brendan Small. They're very good. Thanks, you guys. Merry Christmas. I hate doing this, but these guys, I think it's the right thing to do because I'm barely conscious right now. Thanks. And you're naked.

Yeah. Bye. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah

Ken Sam Blaine Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2. Hey everybody, it's Brian Poussaint. I have a call. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker.

Nerd Poker. All my friends are here Well not all of them Chris couldn't make it out Is he sick? Does he have a cold also? No he is writing on a television show And it's his episode so he's gotta stay awake And finish it

Can you plug the show? I don't remember what show it is I think he's working on Macmillan and Wife Sarah I have a cold too Sarah has a cold I'm working on Macmillan and wife. Sarah. I have a cold too. Yeah, Sarah has a cold. I'm working on a cold.

Ken, Dan, Blaine. My wife is sick. Hi. Sam's here. How you doing, Sam? Almost too healthy. How dare you. We're going to need some of your blood later.

How's it going, Dan? Oh, you know, it's going great, but it's not going better anywhere than it is going at Palladino's. We've got a reasonable clown posse. Sensible rap tracks from everyone's favorite sensible rap group that doesn't throw

illegal parties in cave in rock at all. And we've got Fish and Chips that's fish with a PH. Eric Estrada's jam band project. And Fred Mouse, Fred Willard's EDM band. That's from Flaley.

He has like nine different Lamborghinis. And you know, I would be remiss not to mention some of the other stuff that's going on at Paladino's. Oh, we've got a Swedish bug metal cover band, Dreamweevil. It's founded by Goliath G and Firefly Nordstrom. They cover Dreamweevil hits such as Heavy Chitin' Jesus, Garden of the Damned, and Bang Your Antenna. That's courtesy of a user

named Brian's Nighttime Baby Mask. Wow. I like them. So let's talk about the campaign, eh? Oh, by the way, guys. Is it still too loud? Which one's mine?

Hey, while you guys are trying to figure it out, I went to Palladino's this weekend, by the way, guys. Is it still too loud? Which one's mine? Hey, while you guys are trying to figure it out, I went to Palladino's this weekend, by the way. Yeah, what happened there? I saw Worst Company. It's a bad company tribute band that's really bad. Worst Company. Yeah. Are we still looking for a chord?

That's your microphone. Still looking for a chord. I also saw, hey, Brian, I went to Palladino's this weekend. Uh-huh. I saw no UB40. So you guys are in the... A lot of stereo. You're in a post-apocalyptic landscape.

Well, I guess we would call it current apocalyptic. It's pretty stormy outside in fact uh here comes the storm effects you guys uh so i'm asleep that did it i can't do it good night listeners oh man yeah i'm getting kind of so you're uh the city of tenchal is uh where the final mage college was, and you guys were here right before you went to the moon, and when you came back, the tendril you went up in is gone. The sky is low and stormy.

There is pink lightning everywhere and funnel clouds coming down low to the ground. It's, you know, end times-y a little bit. It feels a little bit like the curve of the sky is bending from a large gravitational object that's approaching. And even though you've knocked out a few of the tendrils or someone else has knocked this one out, a mysterious force appears to have knocked out this tendril. You don't know what knocked out this tendril. The moon is still attached to the planet known as Toril in Dungeons & Dragons.

So you guys have just sort of gotten here. You were only standing around for a moment before you noticed the silhouette of a person running away. And it turned out to be Dessa after Esmeralda ran after her, knocked her down, and dragged her back. And you're all standing around in the rain with a magical cake that contains a cosmic being known as Jyn Radina. You've got four NPCs with you now. You've got Dessa. You've got...

Did one of us leave the cake out in the rain? I think that was the finest joke of last episode, yes. Oh, somebody did that already? Oh, we certainly did. Everyone was excited because it was a reference that I got. Yeah. There was much celebrating after Sarah laughed at the joke. I must have been nodding out at the end there.

Yes, perhaps. And now... I'll go back to my shields and your nail chunk. Yeah, so the NPCs with you include Gilfrey, the evil little crow man um who you guys have you guys have shown him what uh some interesting lessons he's basically a slave he's he's an evil crow with a heart of gold it turns out he worshiped umberly but now he is starting to see people be kind to each other you of all people you monsters and uh you've also got briquette stone caster a

sort of uh weasley dragonborn that you found in a bahamut respite up in the prison you've got uh dessa and you've got gendy who you found at a mage college you know the one where oak and doink was playing and uh she's been following you guys for a while and um at this point gendy sort of uh sees dessa and uh nods her head to bodhi and says bodhi would you mind stepping aside with me for a minute okay uh can i ask the rest of our players to briefly leave their headsets mics, and step out of the room while I have an important private NPC conversation with Bodhi that will not take very long, I think. See you guys later. So she steps around the corner of a building, a solid, like, 50 feet away from the rest of the party. Bodhi leads you back there, and, you know, she's taken a lot of scars.

You get a moment to kind of notice that she has had a dragon acid burn off all of her hair and she hasn't cast any spells to fix it. She's just sort of, she gotten healed, but she's, you can, you're remembering she looked different than when you started there. And she says, says, Bodhi, the reason I wanted to talk to you is we've got a lot of casters here, a lot of powerful spell users, as they would actually say in-game, as opposed to casters, which is, you know, Earth slang for certain classes.

They're all kind of talking about whether they should be the ones to merge with Jyn Radina. You're not a spellcaster. You're not a magical person. I wanted to get your honest opinion about who should be doing this because these guys might all be thinking about all the powerful spells they could cast the second they merge with this being.

I don't know if you're familiar with some powerful spells, but there's a lot of damage that could be done. Right. What's your... From my friends, you mean? Well, from your friends. From these other characters we've got traveling with us now. I mean, I'll tell you straight up, Bodhi, I do not trust Dessa.

Oh, me neither. I never have. We're on the same page. Okay. She doesn't get it. No. Is there anyone you favor for this god I don't know we might not have much time to decide okay if you don't know you don't

know I just passed you who else's are well Blaine's evil. Or T'Wi. He is, she says. And she says, I don't know if I trust T'Wi, to be perfectly honest. I know he's your friend. Yeah, he's my friend, but... He has brought up being the one. As has all of the spell-knowledged people in your party at some point. Except perhaps Esmeralda. I kind of trust her the most.

Yeah? Yeah. I could get behind her doing it. Just wanted to run this by you in case Twee and Typha and Nettie all start fighting over this. I don't see that, but okay. And also,

I'd like to ask you a favor. Yeah? I think we need to kill Dessa. Great. I want you to kill Dessa. All right. Why? She should not be awake. I just, I'm worried she's going to make a mad grab for this

Jyn Raden baked good that we've brought down from the moon as soon as she figures out what it is. I won't let her do that. I'll be on the lookout. You'll be on the lookout? Yeah. I'll watch her. She kind of squints a little bit and says, okay. That's all I can promise you.

She says, okay. And so you guys come back around. You guys can come back in. So Gendi and Bodhi round the corner of this building and rejoin the rest of the party. Gendi starts

talking right away and says we need to figure out a couple of spells that will make this process easier. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What just happened? Oh, I see what happened.

This has become the most game of telephone episodes while we grabbed it. I was literally, so people know, I just was trying to give Sam some Purell, and I was squeezing it directly into his hand so that he wouldn't have to touch my dirty Purell bottle since I'm sick, and then I just squirted it directly on the ground, and it was ridiculous. So that's all that happened. Now he's cleaning it up, and now everyone's hands are clean. I just ate some macaroni and cheese off the floor.

It's fantastic, and it's germ-free too. Hooray! Finally, germ-free floor macaroni and cheese. It's my favorite part of having kids. It's a dream come true. I have two wishes left. You know what I love? After the kids go to school and you find those extra gummy vitamins stuck to the floor. That's the best. There's usually

some stuck under the table at restaurants too. Gendy says, we need to figure out the spells on this cake. C-A-K-E. Cake. So, Esmeralda, you came back with Dessa. What have you been doing with

Dessa? You bound her hands or you just like... I mean, I believe I shot her with a crossbow bolt. And she popped it out of her back, but... Oof. So she's down three hit points. Who wouldn't be? Yeah. You just sort of standing close to her and making sure she doesn't

do anything i'll bind her wound if it needs to be you know just i'll just pat some herbs on there or whatever and then move on at this point you guys notice a couple of things as you're just sort of waiting for gendy to finish her sentence uh the portal is still open to the moon. Uh, you guys haven't closed that up. Um, and also, uh, you, you know, uh,

type is holding, holding this cake and there's rain hitting it. It is, uh, not smearing the icing for some, you suppose, magical reason. Right.

So we had decided that somebody was going to let, didn't read now enter them. Right let Dinradin enter them, right? You hadn't decided who. Right. Were we... Typha, I think, had offered. Typha says, I think I should be the one to do it. Why?

I feel like I'm here for a reason, she says. I've seen a lot of horrible things. And I just want... Like up in the air with George Clooney. P.U. American Hustle was bad, too. Don't at me.

I wish Zach Galifianakis had a bigger part than just that cameo in the beginning, Typha says. No, but she says, yeah, I've been through horrible stuff. I feel like it was fate that brought me into your group. And I think it's... I've lived a life of service trying to fix my past. And

I feel like I'm here to do this. I can't cast this spell to make this thing turn purple again, but if someone would do that, I would happily sacrifice myself. I would prefer

to sacrifice myself than some of our other options. Sure. Well argued. I feel like also the idea was that she's not sacrificing herself so much as giving part of her personality sort of like Tom Metty over to that was the idea

right that I mean none of you know for sure what will happen but Jen Radina is hoping to be reborn in a physical form but that she said that she could she would be like controlling the wheel but the other person would still be there is what she told us when we were talking to her yeah during the drug trip I I mean, I support

Typha as the person because... I've already been through it. I saw the two of us. She has a good heart, a good nature. She hopefully will take everything in the right direction. So if she wants

to do that, more power to her, I guess. Gendi looks to you, Esmeralilda and says uh we tried just to spell magic last time is there anything else you want to try on this thing i have a crazy book of necromantic spells is there anything in there that looks moon worthy is there can i check out my moon globe is there anything in there that looks moon-worthy? Is there... Can I check out my moon globe? Is there anything strange appearing on my little moon globe? Moon globe seems to be an artifact related directly to the

prison somehow. What about the cloak? Could that do anything? You do have a cloak that has a dragonborn warrior spirit trapped inside it. Oh yeah, I was thinking about Zinzerino's cloak that we didn't... You left it in another dimension. In fact now you now know that tom doretto died in the feywild which is where you originally got the cloak of all places ironic it's an underground tunnel in the feywild where the

the flames of the apocalypse came in if we wanted to just get rid of uh the cake though we also could just there's still a portal open to the moon right there the cake though, we also could just There's still a portal open to the moon right there sure is so when we do the other portal one That's gonna do the shredding thing, right? Probably yeah Well that free her will that kill her can we put the slice back really you can try to heal it Well the slight the is two days' ride away. What will heal her? If you put the cake in the portal?

Yeah, I was like, if we throw the cake... Because she's from another dimension. If we throw the cake into the shredding portion or the time vortex... You would shred the cake if you put it in after using it a third time. But it can't shred, right? Because it's like...

You don't know. Oh, actually, someone cut a piece. put it in after using it a third time. But it can't shred, right? Because it's like... You don't know. Somehow... Someone cut a piece. Somehow Kriz of the town of Tinnat, the thane of Tinnat, cut a slice or got someone else to cut a slice and he brought it back to his home. Okay, so

basically we needed a spell and we have the vessel. We just now need a spell to make it happen. Should we talk to Dessa about it? We don't need to put the cake back together uh i think we you got you got some you briquette told you he didn't think you had to do it and if have i been to the place where the slice of cake is yeah we talked about it so you found it in the office of chris up up in the first or second episode of the show. I have a cape of the mountebank. I could teleport there and get it

and bring it back if it's necessary. I'm going to have to check the distance on the cape. Do you know it offhand? I'm pretty sure it's a visible range. It's not like a country traversing. Distance on the cake? Can I get a cake distance on four, please?

More valuable than the slice might be whatever information the Thane had if there was anything we didn't get. But at this point we're probably... I mean, wasn't she telling you, Tui, that she knew how she... 300 feet. Couldn't she have gotten into your body just by you

agreeing to it? Wasn't that the deal earlier? She could have driven Tween more if more had been done. But the biggest thing you know she tried to do via the hallucinations was just get you to touch her hand. And you did that. And now she can

endow you with certain powers. Now can I be the conduit to bring her into Typha? Gendi says, that's actually not a bad idea. Why don't we try casting Dispel, and you focus, and we'll see what happens. Okay, focus is going to be weird. Yeah, and also, like, this will play in typhus kind of like

looks at you twee and kind of like she she gives you kind of like a you're not gonna try anything funny are you twee no i don't know if you've been listening to the last 45 episodes but i never tried anything funny that's my gift to chris setting up blame for one more joke. So, Typhoon sort of like holds a cake and gets ready. And are you going to cast a spell magic?

Yeah, I think we should all cast it at the same time, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So, you cast it and it turns purple. Everybody do a perception check, please.

And it turns purple. Everybody do a perception check, please. I got a one. 16. 16. Man, those are some rolls. Okay, so... Gendy got a 22. That's 21 more than what I rolled.

I'm rolling the other NPCs. That's like three whole seven-sideds. Gendy says, look out! And Esmeralda and Nettie, you both see Brickette Stonecaster is diving for the cake.

Who? The dragonborn you brought from the moon. He is trying to grab it out of Typha's hands. And Typha, you'll never believe it, also rolled a one. So, Tui, you're getting ready to cast whatever, but you're not. What did you roll on the perception? One. So, yeah.

One, I rolled a one. You guys get to go. Brickette rolled a one you guys get to go briquette rolled a five he gets to go before twee but you two i want to grab him yeah i say i say briquette no and i uh tackle him all right do a dexterity check of course because he he probably thinks that we're evil because he's a bahamut guy right maybe or is he part of the bad cult oh god you know he's done a lot of independent research that's right okay uh wait what was i rolling a dexterity check can i roll it again since i was talking while i was that's a that's a rule in dungeons was it was it tilted no what was it it's a five total so you make a uh a jump and you just land in the mud

what i did yell briquette no you did you did what are you gonna do netty i'm gonna try to grab them too do a dex check what do you say stop you dick nine uh you also fall in the mud uh briquette grabs the cake no no no uh when i get a shot or no he rolled higher than okay then you get then so okay it was just a perception check and because he was tied up She's tied up. Do you guys get any bonus on your perception that would take you above a one? What's your bonuses? Do I need to look up anybody's? I think mine was a nine, wasn't it?

I was trying to look it up. Oh, that's right. Your bonus is a nine, so you're a ten. Okay. So before he grabs it, you actually... I'm going to throw a hold person on him. I'm up to four. Okay.

So I guess he has to roll a save. it you actually gonna throw a whole person on him I'm up to four okay so I guess he has to roll save I he made his safe ah okay well what did he would he what's he need to I have that he needs to be to 16 and he rolled this well he needs to get a 16 and he rolled this well he needs to get a 16 and he got a 16 a hold person Must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed right and what's your spell? Second person enchantment. And I guess that's it.

It should have a spell DC for you. I thought it was a 16 that you needed. I'm looking it up. I'm looking it up, you guys. Yeah, your spell save DC is 16. Oh, okay. So he saved. Where is that? Sorry.

It's on the spells tab of your character sheet. Oh, okay. On yield D and D beyond. Brian, you see him grab it. He's holding it. It's your turn. Where is he? He's right in front of you holding the cake. How big is he?

He's a dragonborn, but he's scrawny, so he's over six feet tall. Oh. Well, I'm still taller than him. Yep. I'm going to put him in sleeper hold. Go for it. Roll a athletics check. I was very far away from the mic.

I'm going to put him in a sleeper hole. No, I'm not. I got a nine on that first one. Well, let me try again. 15. You got him. Oh, good. Somebody else grab the cake.

Yeah, I'll grab it cake You grab it? Typha says Shit shit Quick give it to me What are you going to do Twee? I'm going to go Ask if She's in my head If she can come

Do a religion check. Twelve. Sixteen. She says go. Okay. Come on, baby! Let's do the twist. A band appears behind me with rows of a horn section and stuff.

It's very impressive. Well, and much like Scott Pilgrim versus the world, Sonic Waves or Aquaman, if you prefer, come out of you. And yeah, the cake sort of just splats. It's purple now. There's no cakeness to it. It just splats against Typha. Typha's got to do multiple saving throws now.

Speaking of multiple saving throws, I saw, okay, go fuck yourself at Caladino's. It was really rude. But colorful. Okay, so Typha falls to the ground and appears to go unconscious. Gendy runs over and props her head up. You guys notice she's convulsing. You're not sure what's going on, but you feel like this might take a minute,

and it's not going to be pretty. Okay. Everybody do a perception check. 20. 19. 23. 12. 17.

So you guys all see a couple of things. One, Brickette is really trying to break free of Bodhi, and he's just panicky. He looks like he knows he fucked up up and he just wants to run like a little coward. What are you doing? You guys are crazy. You don't understand what's going on. You don't understand what's going on.

You are a child in a world of men. Just sit down and shut up. He goes, I tighten my grip. At this point, I should have done a better Brickhead stone caster too he was like and then when you tighten your grip he goes out okay good um so he goes limp in your arms the rest of you uh bode you notice this too because you rolled high you see a few buildings away from you there is a hunched figure in the rain there is a hood

over their head but it's not difficult to see. The skin of their face is white, and there are big eyes peeking out from under it, and it's standing there. Do I recognize it? It walks a little closer, and you recognize it as Luovin, the lunar elf that came back with you

from the Amina campaign. Okay. Who's Luovin? Luovin is a... Did I meet Luovin, the lunar elf that came back with you from the Amina campaign. Okay. Who's Luovin? Luovin is a... Did I meet Luovin? You've never met Luovin, but she was with these guys for a chunk of the last campaign. She was a sort of reformed lunar elf. She lived on this island and was a part of the cult of Zinzerina that made the moon crash into the earth in another

timeline oh you guys knew that this person they did oh a long time ago and um she saw a lot of things happen and she began worshiping uh a a different good god on the island and helped these guys sort of solve the apocalypse and came back with them. And so she's approaching you, you guys. And she's using what looks like a walking stick. And she's moving very slowly. But she says, hello. Long time no see.

Hey. Hey, hi Hey Did you drive? I've been camped outside of town for a while I've been trying to catch up with you You know, I went to try to do some reconnaissance It looks like you've made some progress. Unfortunately, it looks like the end of the world has also made some progress.

Well, we're about to, what, throw a god into this paladin over here. Try to keep the moon from smashing us. She looks at Typha on the ground and says, I would very much like to help

if I can. She's a cook. Yeah, she's not technically a paladin. She's a fighter cook. But yeah, she may as well be a paladin for all of her heroism, so to speak. Typha. I just said Typha.

But yeah, Luovan says, I really have traveled pretty far. I think at some point in the opposite direction of you, I went really far north. But then I started hearing about one of the tendrils

things happening at them and I finally traced everything back here to Tenshal. And I think I found some hope. How so? Hmm? How so? Well, there's far north in the forest,

I found this sort of magical glen. And there's this part of the forest where the tree seemed almost unnaturally tall. And this glen, there was a strange pink moss growing there. And there was a sort of a magical boulder resting in the earth that looked at as if it had fallen out of the sky. And there was pink moss just growing on the trees around it as well as on the boulder.

And I focused on this rock for a while because I thought, well, if it's I'm looking for something that's maybe come from the heavens if I'm trying to stop the moon from crashing. And I found in that rock a greater intelligence, more vast and more knowing than anything I have ever encountered, even on the island of Amina. I found a voice. And the voice explained that the being known as Jinradna was lost and needed to come home. And that Jinradna needed to be returned.

She was theirs. Jinradna belonged to them. You could have come five minutes earlier, because we probably... And she steps forward and says, Jyn Radina's theirs, not yours.

Okay. Yeah, that's fine, but again, before we put her into our friend, it probably would have been good she says we can still take her yeah well we can still dispose of her that's a real bummer now wouldn't it be it's not too late as far as we are concerned oh now you're we? She is ours. Oh, is she talking now in the voice? And then her voice changes. Ugh. And she says, ours. Oh, no.

Everybody roll for initiative. That scared me, Dan. 12. 25. 25. 14. 25 also. Great. 14 is Esmeralda.

12 is... 12, I'm 14. You're 14. Cool. It was initiative? It was initiative. 20, not 25. 20.

Hey, Brian, I know you're sick. It's sort of a drag. I know you couldn't make it out. I went down to Palladino's this weekend. No kidding. Yeah, I saw Duran,uran Duran Duran Duran and it's a Duran Duran Duran

Duran cover band. And I also saw Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran, which is two Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran cover bands. Back to back. Doing a battle of the Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran.

How many times did they play that one song? What, Rio? Yeah, that one. I have to get back to you. All right. I have to watch the tape. They just played it over and over for like four days. It was a long weekend.

We had the Friday off and then the Monday. Tweet your rep first. Oh. You see Luovan throw her robe aside, and she's wearing a simple tunic, but something seems wrong with her legs. They look like they are made of a writhing mass. No, not writhing mass legs. They look like they are made of a writhing mass. No, not writhing mass legs. And there's a glow atop her staff.

It is not just a walking stick. It appears to be magical in nature. What would you like to do? Hmm. I would like to... Sorry, the writhing mass of legs and glowing staff threw off my plan of running and screaming. Can I still run and scream? Do I have...

What's my run and scream bonus? You know what? I think I'm just going to hit her with a fireball. Go for it. Yeah, I guess that's it, right? Yep. Roll for damage. She tried to not get hit.

Great. Sorry. So I've got to look this up again. I haven't used the fireball in a while. Fireball! A bright streak flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose. They have to make a dexterity saving throw,

which she did not make. The target then takes 8d6 fire damage if it's first level. Higher levels, when you cast a spell, using a spell slot of fourth or higher, damage increases by 1d6 for every lot above third

If I look at twee and I try to find fireball Do not see it. What level you got it? Third or fourth level? It is a... That is a third... Is that a third for me?

I think it's a third for me. Yes. So that is a D6. 7-11. Sorry. No, it's a lot of it's a lot of dices 27 all right so faboosh you hit her with flame and you see her tunic just sort of catch a blaze you also see uh her throw one of her back, and her arm seems to dislocate from her body and disappear into the rain, flying horizontally from her.

Not like a boomerang, though, like it was taken off by the fireball? It looks like the blast enabled her to have a reaction where her limb dislocated. Huh. That's not a good reaction to have. Nope. All right.

Bodhi would be up. Brian is taking a quick sabbatical from the table. So why don't we go ahead and move to next in the comment order, why don't we go ahead and move to next in the comment order, which is going to be... No, it's you. It's you. It's Nettie. Casper, you have sickness. All right.

While this is going on, is water coming in from the portal or anything like that? Also, I'm just reminding everybody that the portal is there. You hear noises coming from it, but you still just see what looks like the inside of a building. It could be useful though, because when we do the next one, it should turn into this. I can't really tell you much more other than someone doing a perception roll on their turn. I just supposed to roll, yeah.

Did she succeed in her save it there or no? Let's see. Yes. No, mine's see. Yes. So, that will bring us to Esmeralda. I point the ivory of the beholder at this thing and fire it. Oh boy, okay. So now you are rolling a dice to see what effect this thing has. Yes, I am.

Is it like a prismatic spray where it just kind of depends on what beam comes out? It's sort of like a combination of prismatic spray and a deck of many things. Okay, here we go. Looking good. So what number was that? Number one. Oh, boy. Kamisato bolts.

Yes. You, it, this thing, gains a curse inspired by a scar on their body. Having laid dormant, this wound reaches into their very psyche as if it has a mind of its own. For ten days, the target will take 1d8 additional necrotic damage each time they are struck. This applies to physical damage from any target, including accidental damage. at a saving throw for this thing. And now she gets a bonus on all of her damage? You get a necrotic bonus.

What's the D? One D8. You get to roll an extra D8 every time you hit her with physical damage, and she will... That's good. Yeah. Does that count as one attack, so do I get one more? That does count as one attack. Cool, I'm just going to swing my battle axe at her.

Go for it. The rain's really great, Dan. It's a nice touch. 21, so that's, I assume, a hit? The best ends of the world happen in the rain. Yes, that is a hit. So that's 12 damage plus

an additional 4, so 16 damage. Alright. So you lay into her with that sword and uh it it hurts she uh she seems shocked by how much it hurts and it's almost as if she didn't expect to get hit by that wand before you carved into her with that sword um are you doing anything else? My bonus action, I guess, I am trying to position myself to protect Typha. Okay. Sounds good. So you're going to just sort of step back a little bit and get between. Yeah, like wherever I can get between, I guess. Okay.

Bodhi, you are up. So Esmeralda just hit it with the boned wand, and it's now going to take an additional D8 of necrotic damage every time you carve into this thing. Oh, cool. What you gonna do? Rage. Sweet. The rage is happening. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Um, so, uh... I'll swing, uh... The Herald of Kelmar, yes? Yeah, yeah. Go for it. Roll to attack. Have we done a Herald and Kumar joke yet? Oh, my God. I think the first episode, the sword appeared, yes. Yeah.

Uh, that. Yeah. That was low. What is it? 13? That's a miss. Okay. Give it another shot, Rager. Sorry, guys.

Sorry. That's 21. That's a hit. Roll for damage. I assume you've got a burning sword in the rain at this point, right? Yeah. So... Plus 1d8. Yes.

Oh, yes. Yeah, throw some Plus 1d8. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, throw some spice on that attack. Uh, so... 6 and then close, whatever else. Oh, no, 7. Okay. Oh, for what? Bonus damage.

Bonus 8. Yeah, we hit her with a magic thing. Oh, shit. I wish I would have gotten that fireball after that. That would have been nice. Do you have any handy? Yeah. Just the two.

Okay. Fire damage also, right? Yep. Thanks, buddy. All right. Gilfrey shoots some little flame bolts out of his hand and hits her. Some more damage. Where exactly is she in relation to all of us?

She is coming from the south. So you guys were all kind of circled near a building. She came from the south right now esmeralda has stepped between uh typha on the ground gendy is holding typha um and uh you guys are you know whatever kind of formation you want to declare go ahead uh i assume none of you are hiding behind anything, but there's a lot of building cover. You guys are in a former sort of square in the Mage College where this tendril used to be,

and the buildings have all been sort of knocked over by an army of orcs, and there's a lot of rubble and cover if you need it. So, yes. And she's right in front of us. Yeah, she's looking a little bigger, and it's her turn. I don't like the bigger part. Yeah. Yeah.

So. Hey, everybody. Do a dexterity saving throw. 17. 17. 15. 20. Sorry, man. 10.

Okay. This is going gonna be gross Everybody but Nettie Uh 8 9 15 That reminds me, I saw, I was at Paladino's last weekend

Again, wow Oh, it was the same weekend Yeah, it was a long weekend So, Dexterity's Midnight Runners But you know who else was there? Creedence Clearwater, Florida. It's a bunch of Scientologists.

I also saw, you're going to love this. I'm sorry you missed. I know you were sick. Well, no, I wasn't yet, but now I am. I was in Philly. Oh, it's even worse. Sorry to hear it. How dare you. But I saw Danthrax. Uh-huh.

Do you like Danthrax? Yeah. You like Dan Fogelberg? Not so much. Yeah, you love Danthrax. I'm not sure. Yeah, that was not a very good sell point. You know what?

I don't know. Hey, listen. Do you like peanut butter? Yeah. Do you like cilantro? Yeah. It doesn't sound like it works, but it works. Okay. Everybody except for N for netty you see well you netty you see this but it doesn't affect you in the same way you're able

to dodge out of the way but uh you you see sort of exploding out of her torso a giant giant mass of worms. Just like enough worms to fill a bus. And it slams into everybody including Typha, Gendi and causes 23 points of damage and you're all restrained. On your next turn, you can make a dexterity saving throw to break free

but you are all covered in writhing, angry, footlong worms that are pinning your body parts to each other. Well, I'm dead. You just went below zero? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I was at seven. Oh, dude. Yike. That was unexpected. Wow. So you're unconscious. That doesn't mean you're dead dead. Yeah, it does.

If he took 23 and he had seven hit points. So he's below 10. Well, the way I like to do it. Oh, you do it differently. Is he still gets three death saving throws or three turns where someone can try to revive him. Oh, okay. Okay. But he's not looking great.

You know? Who can help him? Who can heal him? You guys notice Gendy and Gilfrey both managed to dodge out of the way of this thing. Help our friend. Get behind some rebel.

Well, up next is Gendy. Gendy sort of drops. Typha's covered in mud, and she kind of like is looking at the mud and the worms over Typha, who is still convulsing, now has cosmic worms sort of all over her,

and she has to think for a second to decide whether she's going to save twee or hang on to the reincarnation of jenradina and goes to twee uh twee she uh is going to try to revive you i can also maybe while my life is flashing uh uh and nelson is singing a girlfriend that i would uh probably be able to say hi to to Jen Radin at some point while I'm in there. She gets you back to one hit point. Thank God. Cut to me sitting on the couch eating chips.

The downside is you are still restrained. You have one hit point. And you're probably, I mean, you dropped, so you're also prone. I like these odds. And yeah, you know, things are still pretty fucked up. That'll bring us back to... Actually, Tui, it's your turn. Do a dexterity saving throw.

So you kind of go back to life, and there's already worms in your mouth 23 oh shit you're free you you managed to i guess in a panic just yeah it's like a time i ate at chichi's oh that was for Ken. Hey, thanks, you guys. Can I borrow somebody's toothbrush or some mints? You're still on the ground. What are you going to do? I am going to...

What do I have? Oh, you know what? I have a spell that I haven't used yet, which is a shield, a fire shield. It just prevents things from hitting me. I'm sorry. I don't know where it is. Fire shield.

In addition, thin wispy waves of your body. Yeah, that's the one. Ten foot radius and a dim light for an additional ten feet. Any creature within five feet of you hits you with a melee attack and they will take 2d8 fire damage. Basically.

It's the only protection that I have fire damage, basically. Yeah. But it also is, it's the only protection that I have, and I'm free. Sure, sure. Okay. Bodhi, you're up. I'm still raging. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bodhi, you notice... You're wearing a boater. Sort of at your feet, Brickette Stonecaster is covered in worms and unconscious and they're like going in his mouth that's maybe the dumbest thing I've ever done this yeah that's a dumb shit why do I have that Elton John song I just assume you always do you have a fever of a hundred that's that yeah I also foreigner in my head. Because I'm fucking hot-blooded. Wait a minute.

I checked it and saw. Yeah, yeah. Come on, baby. Do more than dance. He's hot-blooded. I'm hot-blooded. I'm hot. I knew that song from the Weird Al polka version

before I ever heard the real one. Oh, shit. That's awesome. It's like my bit. I hope people don't think you're... I was going to train my kid to hear Weird Al polka version before I ever heard the word. Oh, shit. That's awesome. It's like my bit. I hope people don't think... How I was going to train my kid to hear Weird Al first. I absolutely did for that one. So I'm going to rage.

You're still raging. Yes. You declared at the beginning of combat, and you continue to rage. And I'm going to swing on him. Please do. What's her name? Lou Alvin.

You are restrained is the thing. So you got to do a dex check first. Yeah. What's that? So it's 12. Nope. You are still. That brings us to Nettie.

Can I ask a question that might Or am I not allowed to do that? Yeah If it might not be something that Esmeralda could communicate Can I ask it in Mixed company, you know what I mean? Oh, you mean like as Sarah? Yeah

No, I mean, never mind I was just wondering who has The portal wand staff? I believe you. It is me? Yes. Because we... Okay.

Yeah, that's what I couldn't remember. It's been too long. Well, too bad I'm covered in worms oh uh actually netty is up so netty is ken is looking something up uh you're ready or should we do a commercial for caledonians oh no but uh you know i saw i was down there last weekend brian yeah yeah yeah i caught a love shack it's a shack doing all be 52 covers I would see that yeah it's pretty cool dude's huge he raps to right he's got to be like he's gotta be like 510 he's a true foo schnick I'm gonna cast flame blade did

you just do a foo schnick ins Joe sure Jesus Christ all right you guys play boy do it so can I rock? What's up, Doc? 12 points of damage plus the 8, so 20. Did you swing to hit? Yes. I have to swing. Oh, I got it. It's still a melee attack. Got it.

So, 13. That's a miss. Wait, you're... Yeah, you managed to not get you dodged you're good uh yeah that's a miss i don't have a bonus to that um i believe it's a melee spell attack so i think it you have to... Hey, did I do cash for your gold frap yet? This is everybody doing spells they haven't tried yet, so we're all just pausing for everything. It is a melee spell.

Don't make me throw up. I was down there last weekend. I was glad to get out of the house for a while. I saw Ariana Grande Funk Railroad. You get a plus six, though, that's a hit okay yep they also have an open mic where you can just walk out on stage and beg cardi B to take you back cool uh here's Merle they roll a dexterity saving throw That's my bonus action. You don't have to hit it. Cool. Here's Merle to roll a dexterity saving throw. All right.

14. That is still restrained. You are still restrained. Bullshit. Finally, somebody said it. It's all bullshit. It really is. Finally, somebody said it. It's all bullshit. It really is. All right.

That brings us to Lou Oven. She activates her staff. She waves it. Wait, can I not do it? Okay. Sorry. You are currently covered in writhing footlong words. What about my mouth, though?

Oh, that's true. Can I, like, could I say something? Yes, you can. Okay. I'm sorry to skip so so brusquely past you sarah um what i'd like to that's right you were thinking about stuff what yeah that's what i do just think on i would like to try to um use my uh my mimicking ability my actor feat to try to mimic the voice of wolf that we heard screaming oh okay and i'd

like to try to obviously turn my worm covered body away from the from luovin so that you know she may be distracted looking at something else at the time so that interesting and then i would I would say, you know, stop this petty battle at once. In Lil's voice. Okay. Stop this petty battle at once. Yeah, exactly like that. What's with all the fighting over here? I turn around for five minutes.

I go up to the garage and come back in here fighting like a bunch of maniacs. What's this spell? to the garage and come back in here fighting like a bunch of maniacs. What's this spell? It's my actor feat where I can mimic the speech of another person or the sounds made by another creature that I've heard. It's rich little-ation. And it's a performance check, right?

It is a... I know it increases your charisma by one if you have this. I gain one charisma. I have advantage on deception and performance checks both. Oh, shit. So roll two for your performance check, Esmeralda. I'm now looking at the rules also, and you are absolutely correct, of course. So one of them was a 16.

Oh, shit. The other one was an eight. And that's with the bonus. Yeah. Well, great. Oh, no, I forgot the bonus. The 17. with the bonus. Yeah. Well, great. Oh, no, I forgot the bonus. So 17. The one, the plus one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's enough. So you hear behind you or behind her some little laughing, which why the hell not? I will give you a little bit of sauce. And what is it?

Drop it. Drop. What did you say? I said, stop this little bit of sauce. And what is it? Drop it? What did you say? I said, stop this petty battle at once. Okay, stop this petty battle at once. And you see her kind of like her eyes get really big. And she starts to turn a little bit, but doesn't completely lose focus of what she's doing. Okay.

Well, that could help maybe something. Yes. She still uses her staff, but she now casts it in the direction that you guys saw. direction that you guys saw. Uh, and you hear as a portal opens up against a building that she just sort of blindly cast her staff against. And you would realize she has the same staff that you guys have to be fair.

I don't want to ruin this moment. I don't think it's me throwing my voice though. Right. It is convincing. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's a, you're trying to. Right? It is. If it's convincing, yeah. It is? Yeah. You're trying to make it echo through the rain. I'm giving it to you.

I mean, you didn't have to have much of a... I'm very skilled at this. No, you had to beat a 15. Wonderful action. Yeah. It worked. But still, there is a portal against a wall. I heard you.

I was going to try to get my portal out, but do I have an opportunity, whatever it's called, to try to wriggle free again when she got distracted? Opportunity attack? No, that would be if she was running away from you and next to you at the same time. So up next, we would have... So it's going to be Gilfrey

Gilfrey runs at this thing it's like this giant wormy being and stabs it in the leg it's kind of cute I love a Gilfrey he was just learning to be good oh

great and so you see him pull the dagger out cute really. Oh, my beloved Guilfrey. He was just learning to be good. Oh, and does great. And so you see him pull the dagger out and just like a wave of bloody worms just kind of flies. He's a master, I guess. Yeah, you get the feeling that he might be roguish almost in nature. And yeah, he

just stabs at this fucking thing. Gendi, all of a sudden, you see her... Yup. She gets slammed out of nowhere from something that flies in from the rain. And you realize it is the dislocated arm of Luovan. I knew it was going to be a boomerang on thing.

Yeah, it's just like this big wedge of writhing worms just hits her in the back of the head and wraps around her head, and she just sort of thuds to the ground and is like grabbing at her head and is unable to break free. And on that note, we are going to end the episode. Cool.

Any plugs? Nope. BrianPasate.com for live dates. Forever Nerdy for Christmas. Well, if this comes tonight or tomorrow, this episode? Tonight. Oh, cool. Yeah, bye for your nerdy family friends.

Family or friends. I'm fucking beat. You can be friendly with your family. Yeah, you know what I mean. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.