Nerd Poker - Episode 45 - Gus Fuss

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

After narrowly thwarting Dame Island's downfall, the Ice Five now have some options before them. And assessing the situation might mean picking which of their allies go where, a conversation that is more complicated for some allies than others. No Blaine again this episode (he went to a concert) but we promise he'll return in Episode 46!

Everyone who is a Stargoyle level or above gets entered for a monthly drawing to have extra prizes and swag mail. Thanks for Stargoyles. You guys, you know, it's awesome if you can even contribute a little bit to Patreon. But those who are in those top few tiers, they get these special little drawings. So thank you, Crunk Brewpot. Thanks, Crunk Brewpot. Cute name. Thanks, Crunk.

You got drawn this month. We'll be in touch. Enjoy Nerd Poker, folks. Thanks, Kronk. You got drawn this month. We'll be in touch. Enjoy Nerd Poker, folks. Thanks, you guys. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room.

With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends, Sarah, Ken, Dan, Clay, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3.

I'm just looking. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Pessain's Nerd Poker. Episode 45. We're down one. Blaine, we're really worried about him. Nah, we're not.

Chris is here. Hello. Hey, buddy. Ken. Hello. Dan's here. Hey. Hey, pal.

Sarah. Hi. At the end of the table, Sam. Hi, everybody. Hey, buddy. Hey, guys. Straight out of Wisconsin. Episode four or five.

What happened in episode four or four? Or actually. We should do first. Yeah, you know what I'm thinking? Oh, let's get down to business. What is it? Patreon people. What? I wish you would. Fun names. Fun names like Queeps Quixotic Queefquest.

Yeah, baby. That's hard. Thanks Elzid Falcon Crows Gnarled Toe. Thanks Elzid Falcon Crows Gnarled Toe. Thanks Devona Upurock., Devona Upurock. Thanks, Devona Upurock. Thank you, Sarks Crippling Arachnophobia.

Thanks, Sarks. It's true, it is. Crippling Arachnophobia. Thanks, FlirtsWithDeath. Thanks, Casey Baker. And thanks, The Collective Farts BlamedOnBrian. Thanks, The Collective F blamed on Brian. Thanks. The collective farts blamed on usually my dogs that are blamed.

Yeah. Maybe this gets a lot of them. You know, maybe it's not fair. Did not get blamed. One time it was fair. Well, it wasn't fair.

It was what happened in this room. Uh, last time on your poker house, uh, it, it, her fart house. It's,

it's, it's her fart house. It's her fart house. We just live in it. Last time on Nerd Poker, our adventure started in the Viridian Keep with the exploded armory husk of a whale with a big ol' pointy tusk. So, you kinda left

there, split the party a little bit, and went and met an arcanist in a nearby tower who you recognized from the baron's observatory huh 12 tarot bangs and then you went and met back up with halseen who had been healing some of the guard you sent them off to go investigate a mysterious miniature oceany pit near the river while you went to another tower to try to stop some flares from going off and good thing you did ice five because there was a small little club of fish folk and a demon that were trying to break through magical barriers and set the flares off

they were weren't a lot of them so it wasn that hard, but you do think they were trying to do it all sneaky-like. Good Jorb. So, that being done, you're now at the top of that tower. And the Arcanist runs up the steps. Oh. Hello. Jaden?

Jordan? Yeah. This is Halcine. Jaden, yeah. She's the mayor of the town. Oh, I... Interesting how quickly... So he doesn't recommend any of us? He... I don't think you've told him yet. No, but also what I remember about that is everybody else was like... The way it was described to us

is everybody was like level 10 or higher and we were like little dum-dums. So they probably don't give... Wouldn't we stand out for that reason, though? Maybe, but he didn't. Also, I feel like I was trying to wrestle away the guy's like controls or something well yeah i mean he uh if you remind him i'm sure he will remember you here's a little recap i'll give you guys that you would have i think gotten look i we're gonna we're gonna just say this is the basics you can discuss this more uh in real time he is here with you but before he showed up i think tick tock

would have shared yeah that you recognize him from the observatory he was level 10 he looking pretty badass at the time and also i told tick tock something that i think uh or i told chris something that tick tock would have shared uh you would recall 10 years have passed for him oh he was not for you and ice i didn't understand correct i thought well you don't think so i thought he like fell out well we don't know but he also escaped another ways which will be it you you all did find evidence that there was uh a certain amount of time in the observatory where the baron somehow got isolated under a pile of garbage and turned into a quill pen while other folks looted the place. It's funny. It's true and we haven't addressed it in a while.

Sam just made a face like what the what? That's pretty much how I thought it went. You all know this and he comes back. This guy seems like he would be a good guy to get him out of the pen. The reason it's been shelved is because we thought oh let's bring him to the Archmage and upon meeting the Archmage we're like oh no this guy

is a dipshit but this new guy yeah he might be right so we'll see so he's coming up and he says oh thank you he sees you

maybe he should be the leader of the town is that what you're saying did I just miss that we'll see we were saying maybe he can get the baron out of the pen

maybe he can help us he does kind of motion like he kind of he's like can I get those pages you just pulled off of that fish guy corpse? Read them out loud, you say?

I would prefer, for the sake of Dame Island, you just sort of, thank you. All right. We think he's being funny when he says stuff like that. Should we just destroy those pages? Should we? He's holding the book that it was torn out of, and he says, well, if you would like to reinstate the safeguard i mean i can cast protection spells back at the bottom of this tower we can try to get things

back in working order we can get some guards over here right yeah let's do that how did you come to be here at dame island this is where i've spent most of my professional career as a mage. Where were you when the incident happened? Funny you should ask. I was on an expedition of sorts. We'll just call it a meeting of the minds. I was not here, but I came back as soon as I could.

Did you hold this position before you had left or was this something that you were appointed to? Yes, this is a position I've had for some 40 years. Oh, wow. You look great. I would not have guessed you'd been doing this thing. Well, thank you. There are certain magical abilities I have

that enable the aging process. You want to come with us and go murder all the fish people? Well, I would certainly not mind having the presence of the path be wiped out. It is one of the things I prefer to do while I am here on Dame Island. Should we talk about it? Hey, we have a funny story to tell you in a little bit.

You want to do a new one? In a little bit? Well, I'm just thinking we got to go, right? I'm just wondering if we can bond ourselves all together or if this is a bad idea. I believe the first- I'm just wondering if we can bond ourselves all together. Or if this is a bad idea. I don't know. I think it's fine.

I was just thinking- I think this might be a good time for an insight check just to read this guy you've been talking to. That's what I'm saying. Does he feel like a good guy? That's not a good one. Yikes. Somebody roll for Dr. Wood and I'll give you his bonus. We got an 18.

17. I got an eight. For Dr. Wood. Dr. Wood gets a plus plus four so that's a 21 12. what'd you get insight 15. um dr uid kind of like looks at all you guys and gives you a little sneer like uh i don't know about this fella yeah let's go let's go murder the fishmen all right yes let's go murder the fishmen so why would you want to regroup perhaps why don't we head down this tower i'll cast some protection spells and you should do uh you should get more

security over here like you were saying very much agreed so let's did you learn any healing spells between there and here you seem very sarcastic for a warforged i must say well i've got a lot of toot in this dude let's go it's the way he talks to everybody i like the way he talks about himself in the third person as a dude it's very unusual wait till he comes up with a nickname for you is the baron ship common knowledge was that common knowledge like in cladenheim now i mean a couple you've run into a couple people who heard of it like there were uh gnomes from uh pepper green that remembered right but the green yep they all seem to know the baron because he was one of them he's a rich one that's that place

we like in uh vegas right oh that's pepper mill that's our favorite primus song uh so you head on down the tower talk about the baron of pepper green and you go back to I mean he casts a couple of spells on the door as you leave it kind of tries to jostle it back. While he's doing that can we he dispels the darkness can we talk to just to get away from him for a second can we ask Dr. Ud

like what's the deal with this guy I just reminds me of that other wizard we encountered just enough'll just enough. If you know what I mean, they're all fuckers. Oh yeah. Does he have any for how seen does he,

does she know him out of the context of like, wouldn't she know? Do a history check, please. Personal history. Mm. Romantic. 21.

That's a weird wrench to throw in my brain process 21 is great uh you've definitely heard of him i mean he came to blue bog sometimes blue bog had a certain amount of commerce with dame island you have been to dame island before right um so you you you've heard of this guy you've never seen him in person except when you were at the bar's Observatory. So you didn't recognize him at the time. Now that you're getting his name, you can kind of put two and two together that when you met him the first time, he was somebody you were near at one point in your life. So what's your take on the Archmage of Vanzervale? He does a double take for sure when you say that.

Well, I think he's bad news, of course. No one seems to like him except for that little town of the north so well but i mean you know we share some similar facts i mean supposedly he saved us from the comet catastrophe being worse i have my doubts my studies have been in part to try to figure out what he'd done wrong. You think he did it on purpose? Part of me wonders. There's certainly something going on with him and dark forces that I don't like very much.

You know, when you're of my kind and you spend a lot of time studying alone, you meet certain beings, and I think he's perhaps met one that has distracted him in a bad way. You mean like tainted him, like a monster from another world saying, I'll give you power.

Sure, exactly. Give you a murder man. I don't know if you're familiar with warlocks, but they usually do those sorts of things. It's sort of a different school of magic that I get into. There's always necromancy i'd i've i've of course done some necromancy in my time i mean we all went to college yeah we all had those moments i mean deep down we're all on the necromancy spectrum right but but uh i i've

i've i've done things i regret i'm sure he's done things he regrets but it's got nothing to do with uh anything uh pertinent i mean i my take on the arch mage of vanzervale is don't make any deals with him have you met him yeah do you want to talk to him have you made it what if you say that he's very interested we could get him a message how i mean we have a lot of methods of message we're the ice five did were you not did you not know that about us i know you're the ice five i am curious the specific way you get a i mean i know there's ways how do you do you cast a message spell is one of you a wizard uh do any of us look like wizards no no how do you get a message to him look you can fly you can you can uh walk you can you know you offered you offered me the chance to speak to him it seems you're in pretty good with it was more of a joke it was more of an offhanded like oh do you have to do a deception check this is on the way to the yeah you're in pretty good with him. It was more of a joke. It was more of an offhanded, like, oh, do you have something to say to him? Do a deception check.

This is on the way to the... Yeah, you're going to the keep? The Viridian keep? Or are you going to his tower? We're going to... Wait, I don't want to go... Or you want to go straight to the cave? Yeah, we're going to the cave to get the guards to go to the tower.

First, I want to get this quick item of business. Oh, I don't want to stop this. I'm just saying I want us to be headed in a direction. Shouldn't we be on the south? Yeah, we're the... So really quick, just just do a deception check if you're going to talk about the archmage just to be clear i'm i'm trying to parse where everybody seems to have like multiple who is good who is bad the only person we can all agree on so i'm just trying to slot him into like what are his feelings about this one other bad guy so just do really quick do a deception check

just to see if you can hide the fact that you've maybe got a sending stone on you. 12. So you're not sure. He kind of just stares at you as you talk about this. Now, maybe it's because I don't have a sending stone. Just from,

okay. I've got a Rocky talk. Ah, the accent. Do a, you want it? You want to get a vibe of how evil maybe he is yeah do an insight check yeah well we already did that though right that was when dr u had figured out

sure i mean i'm happy to do it based on the i'll let you do it one more time just you for the van zur veil discussion natural 20 i feel like he's maybe like like it's really hard to read it he's very stoic but you feel like just from how he perked up when you started talking about him, he maybe is a little too interested in what the archmages, you don't, you don't know if that necessarily means he's a bad guy, but you know,

because there are so many moments of moral ambiguity, gray area shit going on. Who can you trust? Who can't you trust? I mean, it's not like this guy's got evil intent, but it does feel like you wouldn't want to give him the keys to your house for the weekend to feed your cat so you're trying to decide which direction you want to go in and it sounds like you would kind of like

to coax either the wizard or somebody with you or you want to go to the cave by yourself something like that i mean shouldn't somebody be at the south aren't they gonna attack the fish folk what i was we're gonna get the guards we could if we go to their whatever this hole hutch right we could send the guards back okay unless we want to keep a couple guards with us okay well he already said that he was going to get some guards where was he going to get the guards well his, his plan, he tells you straight up, is to go back to the keep, tell some guards to go back to the barracks and provide basic protection for that watchtower.

And he's going to just try and get whoever's left in the keep to spread out a little bit. Yeah, that's a good idea. The keep already has sent a large force to the south to prepare for an onslaught from the path of the vaunt to tusk okay however that is the that is all the plans listed for you right there so there's right now um that's a good uh start there's there's there are some guards headed to the cave per your big performance check. Good. That's it. Okay. My thought is meet them at the cave.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How, Sam, are you down with that? Yeah. The wizard would like to stay in town, he tells you. That's fine. Okay.

Sounds pretty safe. Do you have any idea what's out there? In the cave? Yeah. I think a very good idea of what is out there what do you think it is there is an ancient creature from another time at the bottom of that cave it's been you could have mentioned this when we were but okay thank you yes i you know the talk has been fast and loose this is the first time you've really had a point of discussion of this cave with me and i'm

telling you there is i believe a creature that is that is independent of the path but has been coaxing them in and trying to ally itself with the path the path is based out of the ocean to the south near the trident coast however they have not been around that long and they are trying to gain their the power for their god beneath the sea this creature i believe is something called an aboleth this is a very old creature from another plane that you really never see but is very dangerous the cave goes far far down i i don't believe i had detected any real magic presence from there until recently uh this is something that's happened since the comet collided so it may have been uh shaken free during the collision this is definitely something i i would recommend we address eventually this is uh

fortunate if you're willing to do something about this, but there's been an evil presence emanating from the cave. And by address it, do you mean kill it? Yes. Now, how big? How big is this creature? Yeah. Well, it's much bigger than any of you combined.

Can we stop for a second? Yeah. And we're back. you gave me candy don't let me eat candy and then be like damn talk damn talk i'm gonna pull some canon pizza shit god fuck off we'll start again sorry i gave you candy a mouthful of candy excuse me we're back all right now i feel really bad about eating candy i'm sorry we're back so including all of that and we're back all of it uh the the now we're all going in 100 of it so he tries to explain you a little bit more about this apple it is a very large

creature from another plane of existence it usually comes from either the elemental plane or something farther away than that we can't fight this thing um he does find you guys you know uh worthy of the information as if he's relieved you might be going to take care of this thing you feel like he's like anything he i mean you might be going to take care of this thing. You feel like he's at least... If you want, do an additional insight check to see if he's full of shit and sending you to your death. But I think you're getting... Yes, I will do that.

You're getting the impression that maybe he isn't just basic. Well, that's an eight. I mean, with that insight check, you don't see any reason why you'd be sent to your death. So what do you think is the benefit of... Let's say we go and defeat this Abilene? Abileth. Abileth?

Uh-huh. What positive effects does that have on Dame Island and on Clottenheim at large? Yeah, well, it's hard to say the effect on Clottenheim at large other than this evil cult from beneath the ocean will have less power, which is good for everyone. Okay, so that would take some power from them.

It would take power from them. And they did kill you. They would lose interest in Dame Island. They've been quite aggressive towards some sort of treaty with us. I don't think they would even be interested in coming inland

if not for this power. Got it. Okay, so basically if we kill this thing, then we free Dame Island from the tyrannical yoke of the fish people. Do we want to bring our

timeboat? Isn't it inland, though? It is inland. It's unfortunately about half a mile inland. We can bring it in our dreams. Can we put wings on the timeboat? I can fly it. He says if you're

going to try to slay the Aboleth, there is some more dangers he can warn you about. So you don't go in completely blind. How about you be the first cool NPC and tell us everything up front? He sighs deeply and says, if you'd like to do some retroactive insight checks against any of the other alliances you've made,

we'll certainly allow it. Also, while I'm being a dick, I will try to be less of a dick. certainly allow it uh also uh while i'm being a dick i will try to be less of a dick um the aboleth has caused the countryside to feel poisonous nearby i mean it is there's a sort of stink and a slime that comes out of the earth near the cave that has led many locals to move away there you know it was a small settlement outside of dame island on the west coast that immediately went away as soon as this slime plague started coming out of the ground we believe that is connected to the presence of this aboleth we also know the path has a small or larger crew down there we're not sure how many of them are there they could be swimming in the

deep waters at the bottom of the cave they could be patrolling the path down it's not entirely certain but there are at the very least a few as well as a juggernaut down there so i don't think there are any more of those bombs. I was not there when the bomb went off, but I arrived shortly thereafter. And from what I know, that is a very unique situation. We were just, and normally the juggernauts fight in hand-to-hand combat and are quite fierce and unpleasant. I mean, I guess it feels like if we can cut off their,

sort of handicap them before we get back out again, just like, you know, by attacking this creature that's giving them power. Yeah. Then that makes the rest of the fight easier. Is there some way we can collapse the cave on it? But I think its presence is making slime, right? Yeah. We have to kill it to make the land. have to kill it to make the land uh you know if reason to believe too that whatever this strange underwater thing is the waters could be connected to the river or the ocean just caving it in

wouldn't necessarily do the trick uh do we have a chance to heal up before this yeah and is there somebody else that can come with us is there well there's guards there yeah but other mages somebody somebody else who might have some magic that can help us yeah maybe you should come along no i don't know is there something you can give us you'd have to do a persuasion check either you want to persuade him i'll try it yeah i have a high persuasion and they're backing you up you can roll with advantage um don't you feel like it's your duty to help us defeat them? It seems like it is.

Roll twice. Yeah. Roll twice. Oh, okay. Advantage, buddy. 15. He sighs and says, I believe I am of too much use to this town to leave.

However, I will give you what supplies I have. I believe enough guards that we can spare have already gone there, and we do not have any other powerful wizards in town. That's probably true, though, right? We don't want to leave them completely undefended. I get it. I get that, but is there magic that you can give us? Yeah, well, you don't need to roll. First, I wouldn't let you roll again.

Second of all, 15's enough. He will give you stuff. I mean, he told you he would. Okay. So he asks you to wait at the keep for a moment, comes back after about an hour. I could get healed, too. Yeah, I mean, if you guys want to spend that hour

just doing general healing. If we do a short rest, we can roll hit dice. Yeah, you can roll your hit dice and do a short rest and wait at the keep. Let's do that. Okay. What do we get from short rest? Not all of our hit dice, but...

You can roll your hit dice. Just your hit dice, once. Oh, just one. Yeah. Well, no, you can roll as many as you want. In a short rest? Yeah. You can roll, but then they're burned

until your next long rest. Right, you're spending them. Yeah. What are your hit dice? What number is that? It depends. If you're a ranger... It's right under here.

I think it's... It's right there. 40, 10. 40, 10. Okay. I can roll four? You can roll up to your max. Because of your max.

Because of your level. Oh, wow. And you add your constitution to hit dice as well, Dan? Mm-hmm. You add your constitution as well? We never do short rest, so I honestly have no idea what that means. This is boring. Somebody be interesting while I read.

Okay. If only Blaine weren't here. Yeah, I know. I'm trying to think of a... Wow. I got exactly what I needed in four hit dice. I got 21 points. There you go.

Man, I really honestly... Character can spend one or more hit dice at the end of a short rest up to the character's maximum number of hit dice equal to the character's level. For each hit die

spent in this way, they roll the die and add the character's constitution modifier. Oh, I didn't even need to do that. You regain hit points equal to the total. Okay. You know who I saw at Palladino's this weekend?

Who'd you see? Neil House. They're an even more submissive cover band of Bauhaus. Neil House. What's Neil? Oh, God. Ugh. What's Neil? Oh, God. Whatever spell slots you have. I'm almost as exhausted with you as I get with playing.

I thought it was like a Milhouse Simpsons joke. Yeah, boy. Or some ability. Simpsons has made me laugh this year. Oh, yeah? Funny stuff. And our friend Matt Selman wrote my favorite episode of this year so far. The Michael Rappaport one was really funny because Rappaport's put downs are

like so mean and so East Coast and shit that I would never, ever think to call somebody but fucking hilarious and they used a lot of that they all tribe called quest quotes now that I would get some of the other stuff these leaps that he makes just these ways of putting somebody down

him yelling at that cat that video of him and the weird looking cat is fucking funny that's him yeah that's Rappaport that's Rappaport hey ma and the weird looking cat is so fucking funny. That's him? Yeah. That's Rappaport? That's Rappaport. Hey, Ma! There's a weird looking cat out here.

It looks like Grandma. I didn't know that was him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That cat is so fucking weird. Rhodes loved that video because there's some words that he enjoys. All right, so just to be clear, short rest is a period of downtime at least an hour long, which is what you're doing, during which character does nothing more strenuous than eating, drinking, reading, pretending to be wounds. Character can spend one or more hit dice, so you've got a limited amount of them,

but you're spending them for the day. Then you can get them again after a long rest. And so up to the character's maximum number of hit dice, which is equal to your level. So right now you guys all have, what level are you, six? Yeah. It's right on our sheets underneath. So you can roll six times.

Me too. I'm all set. Me too. And then you add your constitution modifier to it, just to be clear. You're all set. Great. And Dr. Ud's at full health.

Great. I rolled that while I was making my shitty bow neil joke and he comes back with uh three healing potions they're not greater healing potions but he has three healing potions that you guys can take with you okay um he also has we passed the go ahead we'll figure it out in a second. He has a scroll of teleportation. He says if you need to get out of there quick, this particular scroll will take you to his tower. Okay. That's good. Convenient. Well, if you want to question anyone's morality,

I remind you an insight check is available to you. So if you're worried that this is going to cast you into a pit of spikes inside Brian's butt, I will let you do an insight check to see if that's what's going to happen. I hope it's not bad. It could be his butt. It could be Mavis's butt. And that's been a point of contention for Dan for a while with the

differences, but yeah, um, just fart wise. So, uh, you get, you,

you're all, he's given you what he, he he can he says he would like to stay to help protect the town he believes it is a state of danger and he's a benefit all right with the town we get it and based on that inside check yeah i mean you feel like he's being basically honest um and i'll i'll even go back a little further when you when dr ewitt said he was skeptical of the guy it was in a very sense. It's not necessarily that this guy is so complicated as an NPC that he's trying to do something nefarious, but he,

I would say at this point, all the wizards you meet, it feels like that's almost a part of being a wizard is just you, you, the more powerful you get. And he, this guy's pretty powerful. You're in touch with certain abilities that make you reclusive and uh dangerous

so they're all weirdos a bit and this one you know does not seem able to talk to the archmage of vanzervale you definitely had him ask about him as if he was eager to talk to him and then you backed off of it a little bit so i have an idea uh these fish people do they're we're thinking they're gonna attack because they think they killed the uh the leader and that we're uh the week the forces are weakened now right yeah and that was their plan like they they wanted to make it so that I don't know if they're going to attack, but they want to make it so the giants come at us. What if where we go if, and

this is where we think they are, right? This is where they're going to be coming from or the south is where we thought they were going to be. Should Darkthor go to the south? Because I don't really want to do this, but pretend to be the guy that they killed,

the leader of the town. The mayor? The mayor. Because he can't disguise self. Yeah. But I feel like then you'll... There's also still a chance the mayor is alive, as far as you guys know.

I feel like they would just kill him. They don't care about that guy. Well, right, but I'm saying if they think he's out of power and you know the right the city is at half half strength if he showed up and went i'm not dead you know i don't know i don't think i find him that threatening okay i i like it but that means we have to wait for somebody to come and say it. No, and I was thinking where we were going. Brian, do an insight check. I like it.

So Darkthor can think about this plan properly before you abandon it. 16. Okay. You would think any show of power to the south might be interesting if there is some sort of spy or something, and that it wouldn't necessarily even have to be the mayor of town. Could be any of the powerful people you've met. You could imitate them with a disguised self.

Ooh. For example, an beholder? Who? A beholder. Can you disguise yourself? I don't think I can. No, I can only do something that's physically close. What if, let's say, you are the... It's also like the disguises don't think I can. No, I can only do something that's physically close. But what if, let's say you are the... And it's also like the disguises don't hold up to much inspection.

What about your mother? Yeah, could you be your mom? I guess. It is a spell. I mean, this is something you can do. It makes you, your clothing change. You can be one foot shorter or taller. Change your basic, but you can't change your body change. You can be one foot shorter or taller, change your basic,

but you can't change your body type. That's true. So you can't appear to suddenly be floating. What about that? Or a woman. To darken this plan, what if you became the mayor and we brought out our real beholder friend

and showed the mayor standing there with us and a beholder? Where's our real beholder friend? He's waiting for us on the boat. His name is Anus. Oh, yeah. Venus't but don't we isn't there also something about we have right now kind of the element of surprise like we're going for this cave and then you know no i was just thinking i came up with it because i thought maybe we could use it in the cave yeah i think that might

be possible for sure okay cool all right let's keep heading where we're heading okay and do we want to leave venus on the boat or do we want venus to come with us to murder everybody um he does seem more like a sneaky type than a outwardly yeah i mean i feel like we need it'd be good for him to stay on the boat. And then also we can give, we should let Gus and Hoshinka know like they have leave to say, you know, they can, they, if they need to go somewhere, but mostly just to lay low. Do we want them to come with us? Don't we have guards at the boat right now? You, you do have some guards. You're not sure how many,

at least one at the, at the boat. You've got Hoshinka, Gus, and Venus all at the boat. Maybe Gus. Is that what you're thinking? I'm just thinking we're about to go fight some kind of behemoth, and we might want to have as many weapons as possible. Hoshinka said she wanted to stay on the boat. Would she be willing even to come? You can ask.

Gus can pass it along. Yeah, I mean, maybe we could get Gus in that. I don't want to get on Gus's list would she be willing even to come? You can ask. Gus can pass it along. Maybe we could get Gus in that. I want to get on Gus's list. Do you? I'm not sure we do. No, I said I don't want to. Hey Gus, we're going to go fight some fish men. We wanted to invite you and Venus.

Okay. And Hoshinka? No, not Venus. Okay, you want our new friend that just keeps by the boat or the no because then we have no way to communicate with him that's true i feel like when we had gus there then it's like we have a all right then let's then you guys stay there you want us to stay here hang on one second i don't know i genuinely don't know does anyone else have an opinion? No. Gus, what do you want to do?

You know you're going into a cave. I mean, that's part of it. You're going to ask Gus what he wants to do? Yeah, Gus, we're about to go fight a giant monster. You've been kind of benched for a while. You want to come fight? I get to choose? Yes. Hold on. You don't have to choose if Yes. Um...

Hold on. You don't have to choose if you're not ready. I want to go but not fight? Yep. You can help us be sneaky. I will then. Great.

Can I tell you a secret, boss? Please do. That is the most of a choice I've ever gotten to do. Did you know that? Well, we'll have to work on that. Give you some more. Oh, Nelly. Maybe you can help Darkthor pick out his eyeliner and stuff. Hey, on the walk, maybe he can tell us about his list.

Oh, yeah. So do you want him to fly to you? Yep. Okay, so it takes him a bit to fly across town. Hey, guys. Seven days. Before Gus shows up, Gus keeps talking about a list. So we're going to ask him about that.

Okay. Darkthor, why don't you lead it off? Hey, sour boy, I'm back. Hey, how's that list going? Oh, I've got a whole list of things in my head that keeps me track of how my brain's supposed to work. Okay. Like what stuff? What stuff?

Yeah. Do you want to hear all of it? Well, you can tell. Is there a certain order to it? There is. Yeah, I guess. I don't know how long it would take, but I'd start from the beginning and then maybe.

Okay. Do you want me to dish it to you or so he alright right got it wait you really got a list holy shit here we go this is what I think of in my head all at once every time I have to make

a minor choice or think about what you're asking me to do the first thing is LaRue has a plan for me. Did you know that? She's a goddess. I am the boss and you are the boss. The Ice Five is the boss. We don't have to kill people, but if they cross us, it's fun.

You think my life is valuable. You think I am a good scout. If you ask me to scout to my certain death, it's not because you think my life is valuable. It's because you think I'm a good scout. The Ice Five just don't think that my life is valuable and that I'm a good scout at the same time. If there is death nearby, I don't have to volunteer myself because others are already thinking of using me as bait. Because I am that good of a scout. If you want to send me to a likely death,

we have a conversation about it. I don't have to do what you say. You'll suggest I go to my certain death hypothetically so it feels like it's my idea or that I am complicit in my own death to some degree to make you feel better if it happens.

When we talk to someone, there is a 65... Why don't you go back to the boat? Okay, bye. He starts flying away. I mean, he's your guy. If you can't deal with it anymore, I guess. Do you want me to leave

or just stop talking about my list? I'm only about a third of the way through it. You know what? That list is a burden we're all going to have to carry, I think. Well, you know what? That's a great start to that list. Uh-huh. I feel like I've been given a lot to think

about. I feel like I have something to say about your list, Gus. Uh-huh. Do you think that everything on your list is true? Yes. You know what? I think I'm going to tell you that not everything on your list is true? Yes. You know what? I think I'm going to tell you that not everything on your list is true. Not everything that you feel is always true. And that can be confusing. Do a persuasion check.

24. Holy shit. Gus drops out of the sky and passes out. Okay. So we're not going to do that again. No, this is how he gets better.

He seems just unconscious. This is how he gets better. I pick him up. Medicine. Honestly, this is the only way he's ever going to get better. He seems just unconscious. This is how he gets better. Yeah, I pick him up. I tend to, like, medicine. You shattered his entire world view. Honestly, this is the only way he's ever going to get better. Well, you know what? Let's see what happens when he wakes up.

Okay. Hey, what's up? Oh, boy. What's your name? Gus. Okay. We were talking about my list, and I just felt like it didn't matter anymore for a second.

Oh. Well, that's interesting. I said, let's see how it goes. All right. Are you okay? Yeah. How you feeling, boss? All right, sour boy.

Hi. What's up, my name? I'm here, boss. Oh, I'm sorry, Dark Thirstery. All right. Are we going into a cave or what? Yep. Now listen, stay close.

It's dangerous. You got it. Tick tock. And he flies ahead towards the cave. All right, see you in a second, boss. You got it. Oh, I see. You did it.

Do you want him to get better or not? I'm not the boss anymore. Do you want him to be your slave who calls you boss all the time? We'll see whether or not this version is better. I do want him to get better or not? Do you want him to be your slave who calls you boss all the time? We'll see whether or not this version is better. I do want him to get better. Boss was cute, though. It was like his catchphrase. Hey, Gus?

He, uh... Yeah, he turns around. He's flown away a little bit, but he comes back. Do you like calling people boss? Yeah, sure. It's great. Do you like when people call you boss? Yeah.

So why'd you stop? I just didn't feel like it. At that exact moment? Yeah, exactly. But later on, you might feel like it. Yeah. Who cares? Who cares?

Yeah. Great job. A plus. I never planned to be a therapist. But you could just unplug some shit and see what happens. Well, your weird world of denial, which was like,

Gus, don't tell me about the list. La, la, la, la, la, la. I said that was enough to process for now. I was setting a healthy boundary. He seemed unhappy and I was trying to help. I agree. I feel great.

It was a sad list. Oh, boy. Do you want to hear the rest of the list? No. Ultimately, yes. I feel like we should probably focus on the test. I remember exactly where we left off. Great.

I'm anxious to pick up on it. The next time we have time to talk about it. All right. You just want to go to your room and watch your fucking iPad? Do an intimidation check. I am Groot. Oh, no. A nine. Not very good.

So you say you want to go... You say something fantasy equivalent to an iPad. I don't know. You give him a little tease. And you just see him kind of like crook his jaw at you. He stares at you for a minute. Teenager. Yeah, I gotta talk to this... The priestess. quick as jaw at you. He stares at you for a minute. Teenager.

I gotta talk to this priestess. So, you're heading to the cave, eh? It's not his fault, though. No, she did a whammy on him and made him into a poor little fella. You definitely shook something loose. You're not sure if it's permanent or not, but I would say

with all your passive insights, I feel like Gus is not quite as subservient on an overall level all of a sudden. I don't have a problem with that in general. Yeah, I know. I do miss him calling us boss, though. Do you want me to call you boss? Yeah.

All right, boss. Thanks, boss. You got it, boss. Your voice sounds different, though. Yeah yeah yeah I like it Alright Well

Is this what you used to sound like? Oh do a Oh no I'm sorry Do another persuasion check Do another persuasion check I can't do it all in one Now he's gonna explode

I love that you're getting into it with Gus. Don't worry. I only, oh, wait, I have. 17. So you didn't want to realize what you're saying? Yeah. He blacks out again and hits the ground. I'm sorry.

I genuinely, it just came out of me before I thought. Dan, I'm going to give this mini back to you. Okay. Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm done. I genuinely. came out of me before I thought. Dan, I'm going to give this mini back to you. Okay. Oh, you don't have to do that. I'm done. I genuinely. He's breathing. He seems fine again, but he's only flying six feet off the ground.

So hey, all right, pal. What's up? Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty good. What's just happened? I just had a rush of memories.

It's pretty crazy. Oh, good. I think. I think. Does that feel good to have memories? They're not all great, but yeah, I'm remembering a lot all of a sudden.

We're worried that maybe somebody did a whammy on you. Oh, someone definitely did a whammy on me. Yeah, yeah. You know who? Great. Talk. Well, I would really like to go back to the Temple of LaRue and give them a piece of my mind, if you know what I'm saying.

I said the same thing to you before. Do you remember that? Yeah. I mean, they took me out of the Feywild, and they performed some experiments on me, and they flushed my memory out, and they tried to turn me into a more subservient, familiar, who could do more things. Remember how you got a list? I got a list, too. Number one is, let's talk to that lady.

Do you want to maybe stop what we're doing and just go kill her? Coming up on it. But we got to go do this first. Okay. She did some other stuff I'm starting to remember.

Hey man, write it all down. Give me a notepad and I'll... I mean... All right, I'll put it on the list. You know what I'm talking about?

I got a list. Can we go kill this monster? Oh, God. This is so depressing. This is exactly the kind of complicated thing where it's like, just try to help. Now we lost our cute buddy.

I'm not cute anymore? I wouldn't describe you as cute. No, cute is for babies and people who don't maybe have as much of an independent spirit. You're a lot of other things now. And that's good. That is good. I'm also just remembering a lot at once. I might get more enthusiastic later,

but right now I'm just kind of thinking about being tortured and kidnapped from my home. It was a bad time. Yeah. But I'll help you guys out. I like you guys. Thanks, boss. Do you need a handful of nuts or something?

Can we get you something? Are you thirsty? I feel like... I'm good. Okay. Thanks, boss. Well... Let's go.

Off we go. You guys seem really depressed about my sudden ability to remember everything. No, it's just a lot. No, it's not the remembering. Okay. Just a lot to process. Okay. Off we go!

Flies ahead again. We feel bad if you feel bad. He seems a little overwhelmed, but for the most part, good. Okay. But definitely feels like his sort of, like, ah! Was maybe forced on him a little bit. Mm-hmm. So. Well, we're going to go bit. Mm-hmm. So.

Well, we're going to go chop her up pretty good. Cool, he would say. Well. No, that's happening. Sarah seems a little skeptical of the being diced into little meat chunks. Well, you know, figuratively. Well, he's got a list. So you understand that his list was things that we have said to him

or that he has interpreted specifically a certain way. so i feel like when we use the phrase chopping into little pieces he takes it very literally that's true huh what's up i was being uh flowery there for a second oh yeah don't worry about it i'm not really gonna kill her well let's let's put everything on the shelf yeah we're gonna go kill this pit thing first yep all right although i want to be clear i think i die pretty easy so if we could not send me ahead down any dark passages like alone like recklessly i'm gonna be pretty careful regardless of what you tell me love it all right and he flies ahead i give him a high five. He definitely high fives you. So you guys are going to... This has agency.

You do feel like as soon as you take a small boat to the west shore across the river, the ground has this sort of sticky quality to it that you were hearing about. It takes a little bit of travel west, heading towards the cave and you start to notice the mucus coming out of the earth is sticking to your

boots. It's thick and like green and it's almost like it's coming out of the river and it's some sort of algae but it only gets worse as you get away from the river. Can we press it to take a little fire on it? Is it reactive to flame

great question so let's see when you cast fire uh just a little bit of flame right on the ground uh it bubbles for a second and spreads away and it makes almost like uh the sound of a creature squealing as it kind of spreads out it's green slime just fucking green slime that's exactly what it looks like does that mean something other than those two words put together it's a dnd monster you don't feel like it's necessarily attacking you or anything no but i mean it's like a scent it's exactly what you think it is it's like you try and stab it with your sword.

It grabs your sword in your arm and absorbs you. Maybe. I mean, you haven't tested it. No, I'm talking about the monster in my head. Yeah, gelatinous cube. Yeah, but without a shape.

More like it looks like a puddle or something. Oh, I've been sick to gelatinous cube on you guys since the first campaign of the reboot. Maybe I should bust one of those out.

Thanks for the idea. So you guys head west towards the cave. You. Maybe I should bust one of those out. Thanks for the idea. So you guys head west towards the cave. You know, we haven't fought any chocolate bars. Oh! What about delicious M&M's? Let's have some. You guys get there and there are guards waiting

outside the cave. So it looks like they haven't all gone down and stayed down if they've been down, but you see Dame Island guards in their golden armor kind of hanging out. like they haven't um all gone down and stayed down if they've been down but you see dame island guards and their golden armor kind of hanging out well they're okay are they waiting yeah how are things oh they're good uh we did send a you know we went down one of us stayed out here and uh we think they're down there the path of the vaunted tusk but we decided they probably outnumbered us so we were gonna go down there and just attack right figure out how we

could take control this is the most control we feel like we can get we can stay up here if you want and keep an eye out for more of them and one of us can head down if they show up but if you want to go down I think we should stay on up top bunch of real brave people these Dame Islanders TikTok constantly disappointed in the valor of others

no I think you should join us a few of us should join us I think that'll be a persuasion with advantage sure how many are there three three guys just three A few of us should join us. I think that'll be a persuasion with advantage, sure. How many are there? Three. Three guys? Just three guys.

Okay, so one of you is staying, two of you is coming with us to help. Maybe the opposite, right? We'll see. It matters whether you have one person stationed outside the cave. We'll see how much leverage you get with them. Do I get advantage? Yeah.

So you can roll a third time because that first one was cocked oh nice uh persuasion right yep so 22 so they uh they do really want to leave at least one of them up top you're coming in one one doctor how see was saying the opposite how soon was saying two up tuesday one come down yeah okay cool so no one's alone yeah and they're even like we would yeah we we'll do whatever you want but we prefer to have two so we can at least send someone down and let you know if more yeah it makes more sense yeah so uh you start i'm an admiral for different reasons than that oh they're like an honorary title yeah yeah whatever they're like oh that's right you're an admiral do you want to talk about it no no oh okay

you can make you guys all be married oh really yeah well two of us have been flirting with each other i mean maybe it'll come up someday all right we'll see if you're still alive oh maybe get back in touch with you stay alive yeah okay cool to stay alive, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Let's do this. It's good to know. We would like to have a more extended NPC conversation with you, Darkthrow, if you're up for it, especially about your title. Just like, you know, challenging psychological stuff.

No, all right. You should talk to Halsey and she'll change some shit. We'll go to Chipotle for lunch. Wow! So you head down and i mean for like a mechanical man from a race of killer robots i feel like you sure have a lot of feelings about how everyone else is behaving yeah you are i mean tiktok has been i think it's clear judgy of others judgy oh well definitely definitely tiktok when somebody displeases him he seems to jump on whether they've made the right choice very true so uh you you're heading down with one guard um and uh yeah you're you're noticing right away

wait did we split up the flirting ones yes oh that's not nice do you not want to do that i feel like the two ones that are flirting should yeah i'll give them more uh incentive to keep each other alive too okay i'm a purely pragmatic what if they're staring into each other's eyes and all of a sudden right i don't know it's a tough call okay well the guy the guy's with you stops and says do you want me to go back and switch out real quick i mean are you comfortable like i don't know what phase you guys i'm planning to stay alive i mean i don't know what the that's good we like that okay okay that's good they're sort of stone steps and they're arranged in a way where it seems easy to descend into the cave oh yeah they're sl slimy with mucus. I was just thinking, should we send the Archmage

a thing that's just like thoughts on Aboleth or whatever? Yes. Okay. Right? Since we have the sending stone thing. With no more... Nothing more than that. I mean, if you want him to call back, you can tell him, hey, we more than that. I mean, if you want them to call back, you can tell him,

Hey, we met, uh, what's his, the, we, we met Arcanist Jagen. Yeah.

I'm, I'm wondering if we say about the Aboleth, is he going to know instantly what we're talking about? Or is he going to be like ancient creature? We do, you know, like then that might give us a clue and then we can talk about how, what we're doing.

Does that sound good? Yeah. So you pick up uh rocky talky and yellow are you gonna keep it to minimum words you can have a back and forth yeah all right so what you're gonna say thoughts on aboleth okay uh he responds where very quickly you got his attention so he did so this is something he doesn't know oh no it's something he does know i would think well if he's saying where right he doesn't know where it is but he knows what it is that's what i'm right right he seems to know what it is and he wants to know where it is he doesn't know like that's what i was wondering was does he familiar with this situation let alone yeah um it seems he's not familiar with

this particular aboleth but he knows what an apple is like slime cave west of dame island how about we start with claudenheim why just take me a second to process how vague you were being on purpose uh be very careful they are from the far realm very powerful I'm here for notes if people have thought something like

how to defeat how do you defeat it how to defeat question mark how to defeat. Let's see. What would he tell you? Mind your thoughts. They read them.

Helpful, helpful. Weaknesses? None. Bullshit? None. Bullshit. None. It's weaknesses, none. Yeah. Vicious peanut allergy.

Stronger underwater. Okay. Nobody has changed water. He's running low on on words you've been using fewer than he has so if you want to ask a longer question you've still got a few but he's running 20 15 words left i don't know what else i mean cool cool cool cool that would be so funny if you wanted to do that to him. Bruh. Okay.

Bruh. Cool. How about thanks, TTYL? Have you seen Karen? And then he, yeah. All right. You're heading down into this cave. It's dark pretty quickly.

You get the sense it's dark pretty quickly you get the sense it's going to get pitch black and the dark vision is indeed going to come in handy but you get so far down that it very quickly becomes farther down than you've gone in a cave since you

traveled beneath in that path to Bozor you're a master of the underworld sure I would say dark traveled beneath in that path to Bozor. Oh, I remember. Darkthor, you're a master of the underworld. Sure. I would say, Darkthor, this does remind you a bit of some of your travels through the Underdark.

It's starting to feel drowish. Okay. Do we need light? I would. Light would certainly benefit the members of your party without darkvision. So, right, you can light a torch. Also, Dr. Uyghur opens a hand and produces a glowing ball of flame

that he holds up as his own torch. As we're going down, he said it's from the Far Realm. Does that mean anything to Helsene or anybody? mean anything to Halcine or anybody? If you have a proficiency in history or arcana. I'm proficient in arcana.

I'm proficient in them both. I will give you a roll period and I will give Halcine advantage. Great. 20. Damn. 17 plus my 21 damn all right uh you know the far realm is a place where as far as you know no one even the most powerful humanoids have ever actually visited but it is rumored to be where beholders come from the wild magic may have originated there and apparently

that is where abolets are from this does seem like a plane of existence that has very few boundaries more chaotic and vast than the nine hells or gehenna which you've both heard of in your adventure it also seems like something that would perhaps intimidate even the Archmage of Anzervale, who's been pretty cocky when dealing with a lot of this stuff. Okay. I don't think both of you would, this would occur to you.

So on that note, as you head into the caves, let's show them how it's done. Hey, Sam. Hi. What do you think happened today on what they call nerd poker 55 nope 45 oh 45 sorry i jumped way ahead uh i hope we make i've got a lot of toot

in this dude t-shirts um we're potentially slaying an aboleth chris is peak spicy uh and we're back uh brian doesn't know what his hit dice are. How do you not know what that is? From now on, please only call me short rest. I love when Darkthor disguises himself. This list is wild. I think Gus is about to come. Followed by, oh shit, I think we broke Gus,

and we're going in the caves. Oh, boy. Cool. followed by oh shit i think we broke gus and we're going in the caves oh boy cool uh anything uh you want to plug just yeah if you're in la i've got my monthly show the filling please check it out love to have you bye uh brianpussain.com follow us on patreon we've got some i mean the stuff we've recorded recently Has been amazing Got some cool ideas coming up Some great guests I think we're going to play Star Wars soon

What's the Star Wars game that we have? Well It's like a pirated version of Dungeons and Dragons Basically but it's Star Wars Nice That'll be fun Only on Patreon Thanks for listening Thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, nine one four one six. Thanks for listening.