Nerd Poker - Episode 46 - Straddling the Maw

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

After taking the holidays to recuperate, we are back with a full cast! Now if only they could all hold onto to their hit points in this epic boss fight. Our heroes continue to hack away at the giant mass of worms that was once the friendly NPC known as Luovyn. Will they put an end to this cosmic interloper before Typha can complete her transformation? That sure seems like it would be ideal!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2. Hey, everybody. My name's Brian Poussaint.

You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. My friends are here. It's the first episode of 2019. It's episode 47. And we've got Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hi.

Ken. Check it out. That's his new 2019 phrase. I hope. Dan. Hey. Playing. Ah-oo-ga.

Check it out. I'll take that one too. Whoa. Either one of those works for me. You want to talk about our adventure and such? Welcome back. Sorry I was so sick last time. And sorry we skipped a couple episodes.

I hate doing that. I think everyone was fine with it. I saw no complaints. Yeah, we were behind. And then I was really sick that night and had to fly the next day. But we made it. Yeah, we were behind, and then I was really sick that night and had to fly the next day. But we made it. Yeah, we survived. You and me, all of us.

Loved each other all the way. And happy post-holidays. Merry Christmas, happy New Year. We're off to pretend we're excited about Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day as much as Halloween and Christmas, which is always a great lie. What are you going as for St. Patrick's Day? I'm going to go as, I think, a selkie, my personal favorite Celtic mythological creature.

Oh. Yeah. Is it like a kelpie? I think selkies, if I'm not mistaken, are the were-seals. I think kelpies are straight up mermaid sirens type things, right? I think kelpies can come up out of a bog and grab you and pull you out of the bog. Yeah, they're like bog mermaids. Yeah.

What about a Willow the Wisp? I love Willow the Wisps. They're great. Is that what you're going to dress up for St. Patrick's Day? Yes. Should I? You should. Oh, do you not know?

I do not know. Willow the Wisp is essentially a fairy, but it's like a glowing white light orb in the woods that lures you to your doom. Most Celtic mythological previews. Like pop more in the movie Brave to your fate and destiny, which is to poison your mother with a weird cake and then turn her into a bear.

Was that a cake? That movie. It's such a terrible lesson. Verifying cake. My kids were terrified we had to turn it off. That's one of the ones that didn't stick with us. We never went back. My daughter loves it and it's ultimately

good messaging except for the part where she poisons her mom with a weird sick cake that could have killed her but instead turns her into a bear. I don't think I made it all the way through it. I think it was one of those things that girls watched at a friend's house and they were like, we like Merida but the movie we wouldn't watch again. So it never really became a movie.

Well, I guess a lot of play at Che Guzzardo. Yeah, do you as a mom of a daughter get a little creeped out by your daughter? The first time I saw it, I was like, what the fuck? No. It made me really upset. It's a portion of the trial. Yeah. Anyway, as princesses go.

I'm not surprised, yeah, that Disney cleaned up Will of the Wisps. I feel like that's their duty if they're going to introduce, like if they have a princess movie with a Kraken in it, it will ultimately befriend

the princess and they'll ride the Kraken around. Yeah, why not? Why not? You want to ride a Kraken. You'll be Kraken jokes. You'd love to ride a Kraken. I kind of like having

a begrudging respect sign. Check it out, 2019. Snort. That's my 2019. Brian was saying, snort. Check out Brian's snort. Speaking of checking things out, you guys, this weekend at Paladino's. Uh-oh.

Oh, awesome. It's Mangione Danurism. guys, this weekend at Paladino's. Oh, awesome. It's Mangione Danurism. Listen to Dan Telfer attempt to navigate a basic sentence while constantly being interrupted by Blaine Kepatch's easy listening smooth jazz stylings.

Will Dan suffer an intracerebral hemorrhage and inevitably stroke out? Probably. One thing is guaranteed, they'll make the taste of pennies and smell of burnt toast feel so good. That's from Lou Diamond Wilson Phillips. That's who should be playing.

I know. They burned the best one, but I get to bury the lead by saying it last. Dan, I don't want to interrupt you. Really? Yeah, I was down at Palladino's this weekend. What was at Palladino's this weekend? It was a double feature. It was the Red Paladino's this weekend. It was pretty cool. What was at Paladino's this weekend? It was a double feature. It was the Red Skelton Chili Peppers.

And they were back-to-back with the Red Hot Veloci Papers. Snort. Yeah, I'm going to head down there. I think I'm going to head down there next weekend. Well, you could also have gone, because we've been gone for three weeks. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you could pull from some of those other weeks we were gone. Oh, well, I saw Danzig Fogelberg.

Yeah, I knew that one. Yeah, that one was good. Yeah, Danzig Fogelberg was good. And I saw Yes. It's Yes, a Yes cover band, but it could not be gayer. I saw Yes Queen, but it could not be gayer. It's a Yes Queen, but it's just they play half Yes and half Queen. That's it.

Oh, that's good. I've seen all good people reach around about. There's some great ones in there. I like the Red Hot Chili Willy Peppers. It's just a bunch of penguins doing heroin. Can we edit out the big clang with a earlier back-to-back? Can we stop with Red Hot Veloci Papers on that one soon?

That would be best. Keep all of it. It's all fucking gold. Check it out. Check it out. Did you see it? Anybody else? Oh, you know, I could.

Yeah. Well, why not? Why not? First new epi of the new year, right, guys? So let's see. Who else we got at Paladino's? I'm going to throw Epi around in 2019. Oh, is that right?

Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, little known show Sunday mornings at Paladino's, Kneelers with a K for Neil Neal. Worshippers of Neil Gaiman. Listen to him. Read the complete works of Neil diamond. If you're lucky, you can catch special guest,

Neil deGrasse Tyson for Neil, Neil's for Neil, Neil. I don't know if that tracks. That may not make sense, but it was. Hey, Dan,

can the other one I had remotely queued up? Oh, wait, I have another one. Yes. But before I get to that, Blaine, what did Dan,

can I interrupt you with something? We could probably drop in. Yeah. We can edit this yes. But before I get to that, Blaine, what did you think of? Dan, can I interrupt you with something we could probably drop in? Yeah, what happened? We can edit this in. I saw some great ones at Palladino's last weekend. It's double features. Flabba. Is that Fat Abba, or what is it?

I know we don't Abba shit. No, it was an Abba band from Florida. Oh, Flabba. And they were back-to-back with Ben Fold's Five Guys. Those guys were fat. So that Neil one was from Matt Ortiz. And then guess what? This Friday at Palladino's, it's OK Chicago.

Here, Classic Jam's like 25 or 6 to 4. And Saturday in the Park played by a nine-piece band while they perform elaborately choreographed treadmill routines. Nice. They're in zero G most of the time. It's great. Thank you, Eric Nowak. So what happened in episode 46? Bunch of stuff. You guys

are fighting what could be the big bad, and... It might be the end, almost. Gendy is incapacitated. Tui is at one hit point. Typha is writhing around on the ground incapacitated as she merges with Zinzerina slash Jinradina. You are fighting Luovin,

who appears to have merged her own self with the Osmic Oglogs, the weird fucking outer dimensional darkness that jen raven broke herself off from they want to re-assimilate her and they got to this lunar elf from the last campaign that you sort of broke off with in the first episode so uh you are mid-combat uh also gendy when i say incapacitated i mean uh one of the dismembered arms of luovin as luovin is about 15 feet tall right now uh broke off flew around in the rain and slammed into the back of gendy's head and sort of it's just a bunch of worms a bunch of three foot long worms wrapped around her head and so she's trying to peel them off.

And when I say Tui is at one hit point, what I mean is he died. He was incapacitated, and his ribcage was kind of collapsed by these worms as they wrapped around him and crushed him. But Gendi ran over and revivified him, brought him back to one hit point um i'm a one hit point wonder twee when you died the worms kind of let go and spread off into the mud but as you come to your you know i kind of glossed over this a little bit because i was focused on combat and the fact that two of our players were uh dying in real life and i was trying to just keep attention spans alive but uh you are um you're feeling it yeah i'm sure yeah

you you came back from actual death and that spell only works within a minute like it's a very special spell that she cast on you it was uh it was the same one that they used in Pulp Fiction. It's not unlike a sort of D&D syringe to the sternum. Sort of reminded me of when we did it. She ran over and cast this on you clearly using up what cost her

some diamonds as spell components. And it was a special thing that she was immediately uh paying the price for by getting hit in the back of the head and you know you're pulling yourself up and and you know getting your bearings but she's like in the mud near you kind of trying to peel these things off her head and it's not going great for her uh typha you're still not really typha per se it's difficult to even say what you will be called if and when you regain consciousness so i'm talking to you chris tallman all right hi hi rather than you as typha

and uh so we worked this out in advance did you print up a character sheet are you ready to go oh for this thing for the other this thing? For the other character? I didn't know we were doing that thing. Yeah, I have images captured. Yep. So I gave Chris the top secret character sheet for Gilfry. So he's going to roll Gilfry so he has something to do at the table. Got it.

Since we have spare stuff. has something to do at the table. Got it. Since we have spare stuff. Now, he has a couple of special homebrew-y-esque things. Do you have those all set also? I do not. Okay.

So, Chris, I just texted you a spell that he has that normally wouldn't be with this character class, which is Invoke Duplicity. Mm-hmm. And he also has a... An Invoke Duplicity. And he also has a... And Invoke Duplicity. Did you see their behind the scenes? Their behind the music, it was insane. Oh my God.

He also has a weapon that normally is very hard to find, and it doesn't show up in D&D Beyond's standard add item drop down. So I sent you the page for that. And it is an anti-matter rifle, which you guys have heard described to you as a strange gun on Gilfri's belt. But it is an

actual D&D Beyond item. Which I don't think is a... What's a matter you spell? Do you want to tell everybody what it says for anti-matter rifle? It's loading, Dan. Okay. I've got Invoke Duplicity up. You don't want to hear that. You don't care about that.

Well, I mean, I just thought it would be conversational to go into what I was talking about. Invoke Duplicity is a fun spell also. You guys saw that earlier versus Lord Kazma. A little second Gilfriar ran around. I'll tell you when it comes up. Keep going, Dan. Yeah, who gives a shit? So, let's get into

the combat. Let's get down to Baznas and I'm gonna start playing our old friend the background rain. Because it's all rainy and you guys have limited visibility. I believe

up next, I think we're at the top of the order. Let me check real quick. So yes. Wow. I'm really sleepy. Tweet, you're up. Oh, hey, hi. I feel like a Queensrides song is about to start. Something about the rain. Oh, man, here comes the blue spot. Oh, and you know, I should set the scene a little more, too. So there's active portals going on. I'm trapped. I'm ready to portal.

Yeah, you're still restrained by worms, correct? And bewormed. You're bewormed and um there is a portal to the moon still open which i haven't i haven't forced the issue because i kind of like to see where it's going but i can't tell if it's because you guys forgot that it's open water was coming through in the last that's true that's true uh but then it kind of went away conversation wise and i was like well i think she had a plan. But it's none of my business.

Idle curiosity. Yeah. And then you guys have noticed that the big old pile of worms you're fighting is wielding its own staff of a similar nature and has opened a nearby portal and did so instinctually when it thought it heard lulth behind it so it could be using that uh yes now twee back to you uh where where am i in location to the thing that's trying to open this portal with the thing that's holding the staff it's not looking at you right now it's about 20 feet in front of you. It's more focused

on Esmeralda, who just did a lulled fake out on it. It looked over its shoulder and cast a portal spell behind it. Is there a way for me to use my... I have the...

Is it my Jyn Radina lightning? I have that nec it my Jinradina lightning? I have that necromancy bolt that I can use. Is there some sort of way that I can channel all of my hit point into asking for one last... This isn't normally like a sacrificial hit point spell, so you know it's not necessarily going to... Well, I'm kind of thinking in my head, I'm flashing back and forth to the alley where I lit the kid up, and I'm thinking I'd like to light this thing up the way I lit this kid up. Sort of make up for it, maybe make a difference on my way out,

because I don't have much time and I have to pee. Well, the great thing about death is you pretty much take care of the whole pee thing right away. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm not going to worry about the pee after the dead part. And I've already been dead, you guys. It was cool. I jammed with Hendrix and Stephen Hawking. Oh, so you went to hell is what you're saying.

No, no. Avery Schreiber was there i talked to uh i talked to uh jerry reed he was uh smoking in the band and he was a picker that guy it was weird weird conversation i kind of had to get out of it roll religion check please uh 15 all right All right. All right. That's a 17. Okay. At least.

Luovin rolled low on the spell save, so why don't you roll 4d12? Yeah. Do it. Roll all four of them. One, two, three. Are you kidding? Roll all four of them. One. Two. Three. Are you kidding?

Six. Oh, twee. All right, so. I had one hit point. That's true. You do your best to muster some confidence as you throw a hand up and try to cast. And you do,

you see what looks like a black glassy veins come out of tweeze hand and shoot forth into this thing. And it cuts into the torso of this writhing wormy mass, but you don't unfortunately see this thing do any damage. Like, yeah, like it doesn't, it doesn't explode,

uh, festively like a pinata full of invertebrates. Um, anything you want to do with a bonus action or some such thing to you? Uh, I'm going to, uh, do another religion check and see if I can do a second one, right?

You had tried doing more than one in a day in the past and it felt like you needed to rest or time needed to pass in the past. I will warn you that. Okay, then I'm just going to... I will not take away your free will, but I will warn you that. Then I will just fireball her on the back.

Can I do that? Nah, that's not a bonus action spell, if I'm not mistaken. Is there a way for me to use my Cape of the Mountebank to just sort of teleport out of range?

I can see. I feel bad about that. I've rolled three ones in a three It was terrific That was some rough damage rolls Well at least I got those out of the way So I could roll plenty of ones on my twenties It's going to be fine guys Yeah it's going to be great

Hey Chris I saw you We were going up and down the street over in Burbank following this this Christmas parade on Christmas Eve

yeah yeah Christmas Eve and Santa Claus was driving up and down the street and I was there with my entire family

and my kids and stuff and I looked in front of me and I was like that's Chris like a glitch in the matrix just five feet in front of me. Cthulhu brought us together that night.

It was the weirdest moment. It really was. But it was beautiful. It was a lot of fun. And then we ran down the street chasing Santa Claus. We did. Did you like that truck? I loved it.

It was a blast. It's pretty cool. It's like a tradition in Burbank. And there's trucks that drive around Santa Claus. And the kids come out. And they're covered with lights and stuff. It's like a homemade parade. Yeah. You used your action. so now you would have to use it

as your main action. Bodhi, you're up. What did I do? Win. What did I do last time against this? I think you asked it about its feelings. No, you swung your sword at it a bunch, didn't you?

Right, okay. Where is she? You're cutting at its legs. It's in front of you. It's slightly towering over you now. You've noticed it's been growing. I believe you've just been hacking into one of its thighs. Was I raging already?

Yeah, you were raging. Okay. I will continue to rage. Go for it. Excuse me. Chipotle. Chipotle? Oh, your butt.

That was your butt sound. Oh, dear. So that's a 16 on that first one. That's a miss. Really? Yeah. Ooh. I think I remember that one.

So you swing at it, and it almost feels as if this thing has grown. It has become harder to land a hit on. What is this? 24. Yes, that is a hit. All right. If it's growing bigger, it should be easier to hit. Because physics.

True. It should be. But life is unfair. should be able to support a third weight or the life is unfair no like you feel as if bode when you swing into it that its mass is less defined so like you're swinging and it's almost as if the worms kind of open up and create a a uh vacancy as you're So it's spreading out more and more. Maybe. Maybe both. Maybe both. Stupid worms. Do the worms look the same size? I'll let you

roll a perception check next time your character is... I just was going to do the same thing. We gotta get out of each other's minds. Do they play pinochle? Check it out. Great. So you chop into this thing. What are you still in for a leg or are you aiming for the?

Yeah. Okay. So, uh, you, you know, some bloody worms go flying. Uh,

blood is black. It is messy. Uh, they cling to your sword and you gotta like shake it off as you get it out, but you do some damage a little bit, but it does feel like this thing might be both increasing in armor class and hit points at the moment.

As a part of some spell that could be short-lived or long-lived. You don't know, but it is ugly. It's not good! Nettie, you are up. Wait, unless you're doing bonus action type things there. You guys always have the option to run away, take cover, throw things.

I just wanted to ask you guys, hey, how are we doing on rations? I have two days of rations and some salt to tackle. Your cook isn't looking great, I'll say that. Can we go shopping? Oh, man, we should totally... Now might be a good time to rummage through your cook's backpack and steal all the supplies if you really want. Yeah, I pop out of his way at least.

Maybe I'll go around. Create some distance? Yeah. Yeah, it is a her. But it also feels like a collective of otherworldly beings. So who knows? Gender is never more of a construct than when you're talking about an amalgamation of worms.

So do you want to go behind a building and take cover? No, I'm just going to... Try to get around the other side of it, maybe towards the portal behind it? I'm going to go for a day or them. I'm going to get around. It is both neutral and pluralized at the moment.

I'm going to get away from it. Neddy, you're up. Where am I now? You were restrained at one point, right? Yeah. But you broke free? So am I now? You were restrained at one point, right? Yeah. But you broke free? So am I surrounded by worms? Yeah, I mean, they're all around in the mud at your feet.

This thing is 20, 30 feet in front of you. You're a little farther back because you got knocked back. They're also pouring out of her. They're not pouring out of her. They're clinging together. One of the arms broke off and flew around in the rain and is currently crushing Genndy's head.

That's unfortunate. Well, I will... The ones writhing in the mud are not freshly peeled off. They're peeled off of you. Somebody should probably... NPCs, man. It depends on how much you like them.

No, I wasn't aware. Yeah, Gendy's looking rough. Somebody should get this thing off of it. Or her. I will cast a Ray of Sickness. All right. This lady. Worm lady.

So, it's going to make a constitution throw. Nope. Alright, so 2d8 poison damage. Wow. Not bad. wow not bad it's more what I did on my four rolls

yeah so you see I'm gonna wake up sweating thinking about that Nettie cast a hand out and a bunch of worms just sort of inflate and exploding around the midsection area yeah inflate and exploding around the midsection area. Something?

Yeah. And now I'm going to get out of the way. You're going to run? Yeah, I'm just going to try to shield myself somehow. Now, Bodhi, we decided it was kind of like getting behind it a little bit. You're actually shielding yourself behind some broken part of a building? Okay. actually shielding yourself like what behind like some broken part of a building okay so there's there's like a doorway that's sort of no longer got walls connected to it because some orcs raised

it you know a couple days ago so you can kind of get head behind a doorway uh is there anybody who needs immediate attention that i can get to yeah gendy Gendi, for sure. Well, yeah, there's Gendi, and Tui looked like he was interested in maybe creating some distance and then demurred a little bit. Aren't I also covered in worms? Yes, also as Merelda is restrained. Guys, who among

us, in our own way, is not covered in worms? Oh, and you know what? That's a good point. Typha, if I'm not mistaken, also covered in worms. I guess. Mid-convulsion. Is there an action to drag somebody away? Yeah, totally. Yes. There's rubble nearby that you could pick

one of the in-parallel characters of which there are three. Tweet is kind of single right now. Yeah. Okay. Typha's turning into Jyn Radina, though. I'm still a little worried about Twiggy, though. He's really down.

But not out. Can you heal him? No, but I can try to get him to save me. No. I can just drag his limp one-hip-hip body across the rocky floor and see what happens. And kill him. Hear him mutter commercials to himself as you...

He gets a paper cut and dies. Yeah, yeah. Oh, are you dragging me through this back team? Oh, it stings. Yep. I'm going to set a timer on you to decide you're going to get him. Okay. Sounds good.

So, Esmeralda, you can barely see through the worms that Nettie is dragging. Oh, I'm busting out of these worms. All right. Do a dex saving throw. She said confidently. I know that face. Check it in. No, I didn't do it. Do I get two tries?

That would be nice for the next game. Do you have two actions? I might allow it. I have two attacks. Okay, well, with my bonus action I'm gonna use my... can I continue to use my speaking? Do a... do another dex check to see if you can get free enough to even really... Are there worm toys in their mouth? They're trying to. They're trying to grab around your neck and... 13!

So you managed to get the top half of your body free, but you have taken four points of bludgeoning damage from this turn of still being restrained. Which I had already rolled before you did the second attempt. So you can get your top half free

and you can yell something. I can't. What I'd be really trying to get free would be my portal arm. Yeah, your upper half is free for the second round. Oh, it is. Okay. But only half.

You didn't get completely out. But I can't use it because I used all my actions now? Correct. Oh, Dan. This is going to take forever. You guys, hurry up. Okay.

All right. Here comes Luovan. Okay. Okay. So she does two things. She casts another portal, this time more in front of her. And you guys are all kind of making your way at this point behind her. When you drag Twee behind some rubble and when Bodhi kind of pivots,

that leaves like Gendy, Gilfrey type. What is that? Yeah, I know. I think it's the kid that lives there. Do you need to go to thank Rhodes for winning Mega Millions? Because of New York? So you guys see what basically used to be Luov and cast

this portal in front of you. There's already been a portal behind you. When I say in front, I mean like the front of of the original battle stance but three of you have kind of moved from what was the front of this thing um so now there is a a portal uh the first portal was at like four o'clock from luovin's original stance and the new portal is at like high noon. So there are now just sort of two portals opened up that go to each other

and if you remember how the portals work, you feel like it might be trying something. She's trying to copy me. Maybe. That's what I yell in Lol's voice. Quit copying me. Oh my god. So you see that

and then she it sort of bends backwards and with a loud thud it kind of does this crab walk pose and you feel like whatever's left of a spine in there no longer

matters as it just sort of like turns into this four-legged thing. The staff is now just sort of mashed into the mud by one of the four appendages made of worms. But you feel like it could, if it wanted, still lift the staff off the ground and do something with it. It's just sort of walking around on fours now. And there's, yeah, not a whole lot of humanoid left. But it's getting into a new sort of posture. Okay. Gilfry.

You are up. Who's currently covered in worms? That would be... Esmeralda still can't get up. She's on the ground half covered. She has my legs, though. Who's closest to you? Typha and Genndy also.

Who's closest to me? You are sort of closer to Esmeralda and Typha. Genndy is sort of off by herself, sort of losing steam. How far is Genndy? 40 feet away. And where is it in relation to the crab monster? Near the new portal

that opened up. Alright, I'm gonna make a dash for Gendi and try and get her out of there. You're okay, right? Yeah, I'm good're okay, right? Yeah, I'm good.

No, I'm checking. No, I'm good. All right. Do an athletics check. Stop fighting. I love Guilfrey. Whatever he chooses to do, I feel like it's the right decision. Trying to play as him.

Athletics. Mm-hmm. I have to bring it up in this thing. Yeah, you know what? I can help you. It's a 19. Damn. All right.

You successfully pull the worms off of Gendy's head. She is passed out, though. By the time you can get it off, I mean, she's not really. But she's safe. Yeah, she's breathing. For example, if I leave her here on the ground, is she just going to get swarmed again by worms? Yes.

What the fuck? Well, I mean, she would be a target. I mean, she's in the open. She's been attacked. And this thing that you pulled off, it's not like a mass of worms. I mean, you've got her head out now of what looks like a large, I don't know, meatball.

If I let her go, she'll go back in the meatball. You feel like either one of you are going to be attacked by this thing that you're right next to. You just kind of managed to rip her head out, and it's still right in front of you. Can I take any more action, or is that my action by pulling her out? That is my action by pulling her out?

That is your action, pulling her out. But you can use a bonus action to try to, I don't know, do a bonus action. But you can't run. You've already used your max distance. Okay, so can I pull out my gun? You can pull it out. I draw my weapon. Could he fireman's carrier or something like that?

You can put her over your shoulders, but you can't run. The other thing, too, is she is a normal-sized human, and you are a four-foot-tall crowboy. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I still think it could work. You could fall in love. I will at least get the gun out.

I assume I can't fire it, but I can at least get it out. Correct. All right, I draw the gun. Okay. And that'll bring us... Is this what the movie Birdman was about? I didn't see it. You know, it was.

It turns out this is... You copycat, Dan Telfer. That and Portal. I'm stealing the plot of Portal. If you see Michael Keaton, you commit suicide. Is that how it works? Birdman Box. Get Mad TV back on the air.

He was better as the vulture. I'm so mad at that movie. Hey, will you do me a favor? This is going to take a little while. I didn't see Bird Box. I need you to do two saving throws for Typha. Do you have her? I do.

Any particular type of saving throw you'd like? Yeah, I need you to do a saving throws for Typha. Do you have her? I do. Any particular type of saving throw you'd like? Yeah, I need you to do a wisdom and a charisma. This is going to determine something big later on. Okay, so what do you want? You want wisdom first? Yeah. Okay. Wisdom is 16.

Noted. Charisma is 4. That's not as good. No, both of these saving throws have been noted and you are unsure as the remains of Typha's psyche what just happened. I'm sure it's nothing. No, but I will say as a brief

glimpse into Typha's goings on that she feels sort of like she is falling apart psychologically and physically and is, you know, trusting the process as much as she can. Especially being married to that guy, Justin. At this point, it's given herself over to him.

Yeah, I think whatever it is, I think she's running towards it. Yes. It would be Gendi's turn now, but Gendi is toast. So Dessa is restrained. When did Gendi... She's unconscious she's not dead but she seems like she's near where uh twee was with hit points so okay uh and none of us can throw a heel on her not at the moment no all right when you guys re-roll new characters, maybe you have a healer in your party. Shut up.

Gendi had a healing spell. So, yeah, Dessa is restrained. Heal thyself, right? Hey, boy, fuck thyself. Forget about it. I did my physical thing to make Chris laugh. You're doing it more and more. It's great.

She runs over to Gendi. That's my Rod Lynch. And she takes her roped hands, sort of wraps them around Gendy's upper torso and starts dragging her away. Great. Brickette is passed out and covered in worms. I didn't really mention him earlier when I said who was covered

because I figured you didn't give a shit, but quick reminder, Brickette is... That's not true. Do you care about Brickette? I care deeply about everybody in this world. You have no idea who he is. Everybody in this world. Brickette is the Dragonborn who tried to steal the cake.

Oh, no, I know. Do you do? Dear Brickette, yeah, I remember. What color is Brickette? Do you remember? I never thought I'd be writing this letter. Gray. In the rain, he's gray. What color is briquette? Do you remember? I never thought I'd be writing this letter Gray In the rain he's gray

Black before the rain What? Briquette Oh you made an actual briquette joke It wasn't just like a Didn't you guys meet when you both went to Kingsford? And I did an elbow slip for everybody Brian has written backstories for all the characters

Just for his own like you know role-playing research yeah he has three minutes on the tongs he has fanfic for the way I am as an actor too it's not called fanfic when your name is in the title is it so weird about it yeah I feel weird about what just happened twee Tweet her up. Speaking of weird. Am I able to do anything? Yeah. I'm going to use my cape of the mountebank to bamf myself up and away.

So yeah, you're with Nettie behind some rubble right now. You're going to bamf a little farther. Or we could make out. That's true. If you've ever had feelings for Nettie since Tom went out of the picture. Is there a way for me to close this cape around Nettie and bamf us both out of range? Yes, you can try.

It is a dimension door spell. Just take half of me. You can bring along one willing creature of your size or smaller uh now netty is technically larger than you but i will make an exception because it's basically the same she's basically the same size i mean she's she's like you know got eight inches on you but who doesn't what yeah well hey i oh i'm i'm uh i have cuban heels I have Cuban heels. So you just have to be able to see, visualize it, or describe where it is direction-wise.

Where are you teleporting there, Twee? Is there a, can I visualize a place that would be out of range in sight, be like close to this thing where we could both go. There's some intact buildings nearby. You could get onto the roof of one of these buildings, say, or you could get behind one completely. Do we want to just get on a building so we

can see it coming? Sure. I'm going to bamf us to the top of a nearby building that looks stable, that looks like it won't get Godzilla'd very easily. Cool. So bamf Brimstone. You guys appear on a thatched roof cottage.

Hashtag Trogdor. And you're able to hang out there with Nettie. Let's record. Let it be. Okay. And I just wanted to get us out of range so that we could regroup and do something. Okay.

Does that make sense? Yeah. I'm not cutting and running, I'm running and cutting. Yeah, no, and I can attack and attack from up here. Bodhi, you're up. All right. I silenced the tiny dog. Using my powers.

This is like being at the Swarovski store in Rodeo Drive. Shut that thing up. Oh, wait, what? Put that back in your purse, lady. She's not having your shit, Brian. So, yeah, this thing's arm kind of crashed near you as you ran around behind it so because it bent backwards and did that crab walk thing so now one of its arms is sort of a third fourth leg relation to uh bode uh it it's big like a six foot ten gentleman it went from being 15 feet tall and bipedal to about 6 feet tall and quadrupedal.

So it is a little shorter than you, but it now is sort of bent over and much wider. Well, yeah, it's like a table. It's like a worm table that's really too big to use. Bodhi's not afraid to ride anything. He's ridden bigger. So Bodhi is going to climb up on top of the... He's going to try to ride this thing, like jump on the middle of this thing.

Yeah. Cowabunga. So are you getting up there just for the sake of work? No, no, because I'm going to do some stabbing. Okay, this is going to be an athletics check. Not an animal handling check, but as funny as that would be to me. Do an athletics check. This is extremely high DC.

You're trying to climb a mass of worms. Yes. I know you are, and I know you know you are. Should I pause and figure out what her deal is? It's up to you. I think listeners are fine with the dog noises. It's a matter of how much we want to... I feel like it's quiet in the background.

Yeah, they barely hear it. Okay. Except for Ken. When Ken does it, it sounds like it's dying. Okay. That's a 22. You needed a 22 to do that. Yes!

Nice! It was like, I was like not looking at your scores. I'm like, does he even have the athletics where this is possible? I do. Well, I knew. I was confident with that. The athletics, my bonus for athletics and strength is the same. The whole time you're climbing this thing, it's not a long climb, like height-wise,

but it's a long climb because it does not want to be climbed. The worms are moving constantly and it does very. I'm down with that. I'm not going to be up here much longer. So you get to the top and you realize you don't really want to straddle it because it's got sort of a mouth in the middle of it. John Carpenter's

The Thing style. Oh perfect. It's just like this like this like This just gets better. Bear trap like beak in the middle of the torso on the top. Yeah, I love it. You get a tea bag that's table-burning. No, flame on, motherfucker.

So you prick your thumb on the Herald of Kalmar and the sword is lit with fire. Can you switch to frenzy in mid once? Yeah, that's fine. lit with fire. Can you switch to frenzy in mid once? Yeah, that's fine. Mid action? Only if you're one of those DMs who

really has an obsession with rules. Well now it just sends me into a frenzy. I can taste its blood. I'm fucking, I want to end this thing. No, I'm not going to jump in. As it is,

the way your feet are planted, you're like, this will be hard to keep my feet planted here. Fuck. You know, you're not on solid ground. You're on a writhing mass of demon worms. But you're on top of it. Yeah. You're six feet in the air. Kill it. On the crab walk. Yeah, You're six feet in the air. Kill it.

On the crab walk. Yeah, what are you going to do? I'm going to fucking pogo my sword through its mouth. I'm going to throw the sword and then stomp onto the sword with my body and try to drive it through. This is beautiful. So just to see if you hit it, it's going to be another athletics check. Okay. This is to see if you're –, it's going to be another athletics check. Okay. This is to see if you're – well, this is acrobatic.

This is fucking – you're pogoing. This is acrobatics. Is he pogoing it or is he pressing it? Athletics. If you're jumping up and you're getting in the middle of its mouth, that is acrobatics. If you are leaning over, it is an athletics to aim it's like you know one of those korean barbecue places yeah yeah i figure out how to get over

to get the flame hang of the flame it's super easy your whole body won't be behind the weight of this attack if you do the athletics if you do the acrobatics it will i was thinking this thing's mouth is big enough so so I could do it this way. I mean, I'm not going to get as much of a bonus. It's mouth is big enough where something bad could happen. The minutia of this attack is really something. How do you really feel, Sarah? I actually love it.

It's just so involved. So that first, So that's a... What are you doing? Are you doing the jump? Yeah. Okay. Might as well jump. It was low. Seven.

So you jump up, and you're driving your sword down on this thing, and you're not sure if you're going to hit it or not. So roll to attack. Okay. Oh, boy. Just a nine on the first attack. So as you come down, you plant a foot next to the jaw.

And you try to just put your whole body weight under there and yeah, the mouth just kind of slams shut and your sword just flings up behind you. Do a dex check. We're going to call this a dex saving throw actually. Oh boy.

It's low. A three. But is that what we would call a natural one on the saving throw? Oh, yeah. 2019 is giving us the light, you guys. So as this thing hits your sword, you manage to pull it back, but the force of the jaw causes the sword to fly out of your hands, and it goes like behind you. And it deflates around the room.

I would love it if that was Bodhi's sitting atop the wall of teeth and worms. He just was like, oh, man. So you are frenzying. You have two more attacks, but your main weapon is somewhere in the mud in the distance. Okay. It's all shimmering light. In all the sounds of rain, you don't even hear where it lands.

Ow. Oh, no. Tweet, you're up. You have a sword lodged in you. I think it landed on that guy in the way. Do I still have more actions or no? You have two more actions. Okay, so I'm going to fire a crossbow bolt into it.

Go for it. Into its mouth? Yeah. My bonus on that thing. How many actions does he get? He gets three when he's frenzied. 14. How many actions does he get? He gets three when he's frenzied. Fourteen. Yeah, so it just sort of goes punk off of its jaws.

So it doesn't land. Nope. Damn it. That's a 20. That's a hit. Yeah. Two. Yeah.

It's not a... You didn't roll a 20. No, no, no. Okay. 21. It's still a hit You didn't roll a 20. No, no, no. Okay. 21. It still hit. It still hit. Okay, cool.

So what do I... Oh, it's a 1d10. Somebody got a 10 handy? Yep. Here you go. Thanks. A nine. All right. a nine. Alright.

So you fire a bolt into its mouth and you hear a very fertile squonk kind of gross squishing noise. It didn't go the way I wanted it to but at least I'm not dead right away.

No! You are firmly planted with a leg on either side of a giant John Carpenter's the thing mouth on a pile of worms. Nettie, you're up. You're on a roof. Yeah. With twee.

And you might want to kiss. I don't know. We'll see about that. Oh, wow. It's going to be a long ride home. I hate that part of D&D where it's like life. It really is where you're like, oh, this is going to be so fucking awesome. Like, you just called your mom outside to show her a skateboard trick you learned.

And you're like, watch this. And then you don't land it. And then she goes back inside. Well, what was great was you got on top of this weird shut down half pipe. All the kids in the neighborhood talk about this half pipe and how the skate park has been closed for 10 years. And you managed to get up this rickety ladder. And you climbed atop it.

And then you immediately lost your skateboard. Yeah, and I said, watch this. And your skateboard rolled down without you and rolled into a sewer. Right. But at least I didn't get split in half or something. No, that's next turn. That's this thing's turn. The redneck's last words.

Cast a Witch Vault at it. Go for it. What was your dice damage? Thirteen Thirteen? Yes That is That's a hit Go for it

And what did you shoot at? 1d12 lightning Which bolt? That was my damage. Oh, you gotta do a spell roll. You gotta do ranged spell attack first. Got it, okay. Oh fuck, yeah, you hit it.

Now do your 1D12. 2D12. Oh, 2D12, yeah. So you hit the second level. 11. So, again, this could have hit much harder, and the fates were cruel, but... The fates are cruel. You guys have done 58 points of damage this episode

as you arc some lightning into this thing through the rain. And remember, for each hit point of damage we do in this episode, we're donating $1,000 to Keys on Van Nye Chevrolet for my new vet. Oh, thank God. Wait, donate? Yeah, I'll talk to you about it later.

I got real scared it would be like a meaningful donation and I was going to feel karmically terrible about that joke, but it was great. Oh, by the way, I need to ride over to Van Nuys. Nobody goes to Van Nuys. I got my keys, keys, keys. Keys on Van Nuys. You are going to do any bonus

action stuff or are you just firing which bolt? Are you going to stay perched up there? Is that it? I have no medical capabilities. Esmeralda, you're up. Okay, here's the problem. My plan was to open a portal directly underneath

the thing. Guess who's on top of that thing now? Bodhi? Guys, what do I do? Yell for me to move. You can. It's two actions.

Yeah, you could yell. Okay. So Esmeralda is going to say... It's a bonus action, really. Yeah, so I can do the bonus action for her. Esmeralda is going to say... Bodhi, major swell ahead, or something similar.

And then she's going to fire the third portal, hopefully directly underneath the thing. All right. So Bodhi. All right. So, Bodhi... Radical, man. You see a portal. Hang on a second.

Right in front of me. We're talking about a four-legged... I mean, like, Portal the game style. I'm trying to just get so that it would, like, fall into it, basically. So you're going to under the base where Bodhi is, but not making physical contact yet with it. Oh, yeah, yeah, no. Like, underneath where it is, basically.

Okay, so you open it up. It would fall in. You guys, of course, you all hear. Yeah, it would be under one of the legs. If it can't be under one of the legs. If it can't be under... I don't know how big it is, I guess. In my head, it was as big as the thing, but yeah, I guess it would have to be under a leg. First, roll 5d12.

What? This is a saving throw. What's going on here? Nope. This is not a saving throw. This is the physical damage of this thing's leg falling into the portal. Oops. I already passed.

Blaine? Oh, hey. I wanted to mention I went down to Paladina's last weekend. It was pretty cool. Yeah, what'd you see? I saw a... Remember that number. Terrence Trent Darby's.

I was just thinking Terrence Trent Darby's. And also Pat Benefart. It was just a bunch of 10-year-old kids. The juxtaposition of how hard Tallman laughed and how completely stone-faced Sarah was. They laughed at her farts, but they really bummed out when she sang Hell is for Children. Oh, I love it.

I played that for Rhodes one time, and he was like, no, this song is awful. I was like, yeah, I was a little older when I heard it. And then you stared at her real hard. Sarah, what kind of damage did the portal do? 39 points of damage. Plus, let's not forget, and I don't know if we have forgotten, that it should be taking eight additional points of necrotic damage

every time it got hit by anybody because of the... Oh, I've been keeping track. Just reminding everybody else that the the wand did that so you guys all see a uh not a portal open up under its legs so much as it looks like one of its legs is is uh being sucked into a lawnmower at mud level it just just goes and you just black fluid sprays out, and the leg is like shuddering violently. Hey, Bodhi, guess what you're doing? A dexterity saving throw.

You got this, buddy. Fingers crossed. 19. Whatever else. Yeah, what's your bonus? For just straight decks? Yeah. So it's a 20.

You managed to take one of the legs that's on the right side of this giant maw and kind of plant it behind you a little bit. As this thing completely loses its balance and rocks to the side. If you hadn't done that, you would have fallen into its mouth, pretty much. Okay. But it's smashing its jaws open and shut, trying to catch hold of you as it feels itself. Well, I'm going to jump off of it now. On your turn, you can try.

But right now, you're just steadying yourself. Okay. And I may have given you advantage on that for uh sarah rolling but you got it really high on the first try so um i think we're gonna call it there you guys it's not over yet so that was uh 47 right yeah uh thanks for listening or 46 it's 46 no that was 47, right? Yeah. Thanks for listening. Or 46. It's 46, right? No, that was 47. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know nothing about birthing no babies.

BrianPersane.com for tour dates. Forever Nerdy available everywhere. And on Audible, finally. There's an audio version if you like my soothing voice. Wait till you hear me talk about my life and how mean my mom was. Check it out, Forever Nerdy. Anybody else? Oh, Blaine.

No. Wait, wait, wait. Before Blaine does his plug, let me do a real plug. Check out my show, The Filling, at the fucking Lyric Hyperion. I don't remember the whole lineup, but it's got people like Dana Gould and Debra DiGiovanni and Guy Branum. It's going to be a really fun show. It's a great show.

Thanks for listening. Oh, wait, wait, no, wait. Blaine too soon did you have something you wanted to throw in here real quick I know this is important to you this is like a pet project

oh sorry sorry I'm on hold hey wait wait before we go episode 48 coming up next actually it's episode 47 I just checked

this is episode 46 anyway Blaine you were on hold for a while we didn't Dan has to be right we didn't Blaine what were you on hold for?

What's going on? Sorry I'm on hold with Rite Aid I'm trying to see if they've developed my Pictures of Spiderman Because my boss is totally on my ass Oh my god Thanks for listening Thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening. Couldn't think of a book in time. Wouldn't the Bugle

have somebody developing film there? Wouldn't Peter Parker not have to go to Rite Aid? Go to a dark room? I would think that he would. Because he has to do his own stuff because he sets up his own shots. He would take pictures of himself to fool

J. Jonah Jameson into thinking that he was getting these candid shots. Staging everything. Don't we always see him like the pictures on Jameson's desk being I guess. Okay, this is what I asked for, but it's not enough somehow.