Nerd Poker - Episode 47 - A Swamp Tree

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Time to murder a cosmic horror, as the campaign draws to a close. And stay tuned because there will be no downtime until the next one, we'll see you next week! We will indeed to a live video Q&A, keep your eyes on our Patreon page for details. Thank you to all the artists, voice cameos, and all of you for listening. It's a delight to play D&D and have you as our audience.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2. Hey, everybody. My name's Brian Poussaint.

What's your name? How are you? Whoa. Whoa. Got weird. Yeah. I don't want to make it weird. I'm just feeling good.

What the fuck am I saying? It's a little weirder. The last episode really starts with a bang. You shouldn't have drank all those expired egg beaters. That sounds good. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Pesain. You're listening to Brian Pesain's Nerd Poker.

My friends are here. This is episode 47. I thought the last one wasain's Nerd Poker. My friends are here. This is episode 47. I thought the last one was, but it wasn't. But this one is, I swear. Episode 47. Thanks for all the emails telling me how glad you were that I corrected that over and over again. Thanks. I really appreciate that.

Yeah. The fans showing up for me that way. Thanks, fans. My friends are here. We got Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hello.

Ken. Check it out. Is. Sarah. Hello. Ken. Check it out. Is that the one we landed on? He was digging with it. Okay. Dan. Sorry. Blaine.

Hello. Hi, Blaine. Hi. Your son left, so I feel like I'm going to be real loud. Oh, yeah, yeah. They went. They're gone. They're out doing something.

They're probably just eating ice cream. Yeah. Hey, you guys. Do you like Palladinos? Want to go see Reese's Pieces, E.T.'s Eminem cover band? Or you want to go see Fritz the Cat and the Tantrums? Or you want to go see Sound Savage

Garden, which is exactly what you think it would be? There's some Palladinos bands from the real Tim Gourley. Oh, hey, Blaine, you look like you may have been to Paladino's recently. Thanks, Tim. Yeah, thanks, Tim. I didn't see Tim there. I went down there last weekend.

I saw Blue Ray. It's a Sugar Ray band that blew. You mean the original Sugar Ray? Yeah. I also saw Journey, which is an Amish Journey cover band. Yeah. I also saw Churny, which is an Amish journey cover band. Churny.

Churny. Do you get it? Butter. Yes, no, I got it. No, but do you know Butterworks? I'm sorry. I'm doing it for the audience.

I had to leave before Loverboy came on. Loverboy. Yeah, it's a Loverboy band with a cold. Got it. Loverboy. Loverboy came on. Loverboy. Yeah, it's a Loverboy band with a cold. Got it.

Loverboy. Loverboy. Loverboy cover band with a cold. What happened to us in episode 46? Loverboy. I feel like you came close to defeating the boss like five times. Right. I'm not saying that because of how many hit points

I secretly know it has, but I feel like you had some colossal attempts that just missed. But this thing grew, it bent over backwards, and you hit it a bunch, and Sarah had Esmeralda open a portal under one of its legs and start

mowing up one of its legs. Cool. That was good. to open a portal under one of its legs and start mowing up one of its its legs cool so that was good uh and yeah is that all you got it's all right where are we right now no um that is about all i was gonna say summer i was gonna just jump in the action so we can start hacking at this thing if you're if you're new to the nerd at this point, what a weird time for you to jump in. I mean, you really could have waited one or two more episodes. You really could have gone back where it was at episode number one. But, well, here you are.

Welcome, dum-dum. Gazoo, what are you doing here? This thing is going to... Oh, hey, let's start this way. Hey, Sarah. You were aiming for one of its legs. Sure, yeah. You didn't declare which ones.

I did not. So roll 1d4. Ooh. Pick a leg, pick a, pickle egg, pickle egg. Two. Sadly, it is not the appendage that was holding the staff of its own. But it is now going to attempt to use that staff. So...

Lover boy. And higher hopes for lover boy. Hey, Twee and Nettie, do a dexterity saving throw. How about a 19? How about a 19? How about a 2019? How about a 19?

How about a 2019? How about a Paul Hardcastle? How about make that a 24? Oh, heavens to Betsy. Tweet, you managed to kind of tuck and roll out of the way. Bad news for you, Neddy. Oops. I feel bad I brought you here.

You know, couldn't have seen the... Couldn't have seen that coming, but yeah, this big lumbering, crab-walking looking worm mass kind of raises one of its stumps a little bit and does one of these things, and a portal opens up on the roof

where you've been casting witch bolt uh and you are gonna take some damage as uh this portal sort of lands where you and twee were and you get out of the way a little bit i mean it wasn't the worst saving throw i mean mostly saving throws or successes or fails but you rolled rolled pretty high, so I'm going to say you didn't collapse into this thing. That's good. Why are they so heavy? Dan just rolled the one time. Come on, you can't pick which one.

You take 24 points of damage as the left side of your body gets mowed up and you crawl away from this portal that is just bright white and made of hostile energy. Twenty how many? Twenty-four. Brother, if I could I would give you my hit point. But I got out of the way, and I'm way over here now.

Gilfroy, you're up. Gilfroy is going to aim the gun at the thing and shoot it. The main thing or the giant meatball of worms that's right in front of you? Not the meatball. No, the monster monster. Sounds great. No, I'm operating off the theory that this is a... You're going to lower your gun on it.

It's a satellite operation, the meatball. Sweet. Roll to attack. That's a 14. That is a miss. So you guys all see... What if it was a hit? Huh? What if it was a hit? Huh?

What if it was a hit? It would have been different. Let's go that way. You see Dan. Yes. And, oh, oh my gosh,

I'm doing this wrong. Okay. Uh, you guys see an alternate dimension where this goes well. And then you see this, uh, Gilfrey lowers his gun, uh,

which you've never seen in action before it's got this huge barrel at the end of it that's literally like a mini barrel wide it's like a little keg at the end of a pistol basically and uh kind of goes and you just see this blue thing of energy fire past and just miss looks like uh you were just mistaking some rain for some worms, and it goes about a foot too high. Almost nails Bodhi, but, you know, he's okay. Gosh darn it. He's not in immediate danger with that.

It's all right. Don't worry about it. It's not like you botched. That brings us to Typhapha who is incapacitated Gendi who is incapacitated Dessa is dragging Gendi farther behind some rebel Brickette

Brickette who's near Brickette at this point Gilfrey you just hear a kind of a crunch from Brickette who's point? Gilfrey, you just hear kind of a crunch from Brickhead, who's on the ground next to you. Is that like Brian's snort? Is he making like a little catchphrase thing? Nope.

It doesn't sound like it came from his mouth necessarily, but you can't really see his face very well. Was that his body? Was he dead? Could be spinal in nature, that crunch. Well, that's all right. He can try and raid the worms for treasure. See how that goes.

Tui, you're up. You see Nettie crawling away from a portal that you just dove away from. You're on the roof of a thatched roof cottage. And what's in the portal is bad, right? Bright white energy. Okay, sure. Sort of humming angrily. So I can't run in there portal is bad, right? It's bright white energy. Okay, sure. Sort of humming angrily. So I can't run in there and get water or anything,

or cigarettes or snacks. It's not a bodega. I'm going to... Who's in... If I hit that thing with a fireball from here, would I have a clear shot or would I take... Yeah, you'd have a clear shot. Yeah, you could try a fireball. I'm going I have a clear shot or would I take the ball? Yeah, you'd have a clear shot.

Yeah, you could try to hit it with a fireball. I'm going to fireball it. Cool. Roll a spell attack. Fireball. You know what? It has to just make a dexterity saving throw. That's what it is.

This thing's so big, you don't need to do a spell. Aw, buddy. Check it out. Did it make a save? It rolled a 20. Oh, that's a shame. I was about to roll a series of ones on an eight-sided die. I think we should trade all our dice for his dice.

So that means it's going to take half damage, but you do get to roll 8d6 because this is a vicious little spell. You're right there, Sarah. 7, 14, 19,

22, 26. I feel like I flipped that one. 28. 28. 32. Yeah, plus 8. So 40, so 20.

Alright. Plus eight. So 40, so 20. All right. Dead. Bodhi, it's... It's all dead. We rescued all the kittens. It's about to be your turn. This thing is shuddering violently underneath you. Kitty party!

Both from the fireball it just took and the fact that it's still trying to pull its leg out of the lawnmower that Esmeralda created. Okay. Can I jump off of it, but still stab it, like drag my sword with me as I go?

Yeah, that'll be an athletics check first. Cool. I thought he lost his sword. Oh, wait, that's right. You've got no sword. Where is the sword? You don't know. It flew off in the mud. Oh, sorry. Do we have homework?

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you, Sarah Gazzardo, for making sure. Hey, great job, Sarah. I have nothing of not consistent. Also, you have diarrhea in front of some cheerleaders. Don't forget your diarrhea. Oh, no. I got it. I have it in the car.

Worst places to leave your diarrhea. Oh, no. It's on the dashboard. Oh, no. Hey, remember in school when you would make those ocean in a bottle things? You'd take a bottle in, they'd make the chemicals of the slow motion ocean in a bottle. Yeah, like the wax or oil or whatever.

I made a really cool one in one of those old vitamin bottles with the cork stopper or whatever. It was green and worked perfectly. And I left it on the dashboard of my car when I went to the dentist and I came out and it had heated up and exploded all the chemicals all over the inside of the car. My parents were delightfully furious at me. Anyway, I learned a little something about chemistry. That was actually a really fun anecdote. It took a bunch of turns. I never got to make any little oceans and bottles,

but that sounds really fun. My kids have gotten to, but I haven't. I was the only person in my school who liked science for those grades. Well, la-dee-da. Wow. I brag about it now because at the time, it was relentless bullying as a result. And it hasn't stopped.

Sarah's on you. I know, but now I'm not afraid of her. I am. You should be. I saw her pick up a car once. Remember that time you picked up that car? Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Was that Hulk string? No, she wanted that space? Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Was that Hulk string? No, she wanted that space. Oh, wow. All right. Well, I'm going to jump off of it, but I'm going to rope it, too, so I can help drag it into... Bop it, twist it, bop it.

I want to try to drag the rest of the corpse or the rest of its body into the portal. Now, how are you going to try it because it's it it's too big around the middle to just like tie a rope around it in one turn it's i figured you'd say that it's thick it's thick yeah h-i-c-c all right well i'm just going to get off of it then and then try to hack at it. Okay. So that'll be an athletics check. Well, yeah, I'm going to go get my sword. Right.

Athletics check to get off of it. Oh, wait. You do have javelins, I believe. I still have a fucking great sword. That's right. You do have another. I have Harold and Kelmar, but I'm still. You have a backup sword.

I do. All right. So I'm going... You have a backup sword. I do. All right. So I'm going to use the greatsword to jump off of it and hack at it as I go. Athletics. All right. How long is it going to take to reboot that? So that's 16. Okay.

You pull it off. Now do the attack. Okay. Oh, nice. 25. All right. So this is going to give you a plus four to the damage. So roll your damage.

so roll your damage. I want to use the popper that we got from D&D Beyond. How do I use it? It's like trouble. It is like trouble. It didn't seem like it worked as well as trouble. Let me see. I wouldn't say that.

Really? Really? Do another one. That's better. You have nine. All right. So you do a fair bit of damage as you carve through the side of this thing on the way down and land with a thud.

So you've got two more actions you can do. Okay. land of the thud so uh you've got two more actions you can do um okay can you draw let me see so how big is this thing in comparison to the portal where is its leg so it's got a leg it's got one leg what used to be one of its arms that isn't holding the staff is like being chewed up. I'm picturing it legs because it's four. Crab walking. Right. So one's in. Uh-huh. Oh, and it's arms, so it's its upper torso.

Well, it was its upper torso, sort of, yeah. And it's about six feet off the ground, the top middle. Hmm. And you don't know exactly where your sword went other than behind you. And this thing was moving around so much, like pivoting in place, that it's a little difficult to guess which direction, except kind of towards where Twee and Nettie were on a roof. Where's the other leg in relation to the portal or the other, uh,

arm. So, uh, you landed and like directly in front of you. And on the other side of the torso is the arm. That's in the portal just to your left is the arm holding the staff. And to your right is it's former right leg. And then a little farther away is its former

left leg. Oh, and I'm still armed. I'm going to go after that staff arm. I'm going to fucking try to cut it off. Roll to attack. Now are you trying to do severing damage

or are you trying to hack right where the staff is to try to dislodge it out and grab at it even? Oh, that's a good idea. Merry Christmas? I was just trying to chop its arm off. I think you mean Happy President's Day. Sure, yeah.

Is that what it's going to be? Probably. I like zero presidents. 18? Great. That's a presidents. 18. Great. That's a hit. Okay. Now cut it off.

If you do enough damage, it'll be extra sauce. No, I want you. Five. All right. So you chop real hard. It's not letting go yet. Oh, I still get another one. One more.

18 again. That's a hit. Nice. Slater. Callus. Seven. Plus eight. Oh, yeah.

All right, so as you chop at it, the sword hits it just close enough to the staff and chops just enough worms free of the mass that it doesn't have any real grip on the staff for a second. And you managed to use second action. Well, you can,

you can with the attack. I mean, you, you're able to like, just kind of like pull your sword back towards you and scoot the staff across the mud. Okay. Cool.

Away from the mass a little bit. Okay. Cool. The staff across the mud. That's what I do. Sweet. Yeah. Watch out for. Hey, Nettie, you're up. cool that's what I do sweet hey Nettie you're up I'm gonna try to scoop up the staff

I can't in this action you can pull it towards you anybody see this is anybody else close to this that can maybe help me with the staff nobody well actually Esmeralda is a little bit close to you yeah just cut to you just just bode wearing a vr helmet

i used uh playstation vr for the first time at uh two days ago and uh it's fun right it is it's hard with glasses what game did you play i played uh batman oh okay which was cool, but I spent so long just trying to figure out where some fingerprints were. I spent like 15 minutes and my friends who were watching me were like, Dan, I don't know what to tell you about these goddamn fingerprints. So we just played that robot game.

It's called Astro Boy or whatever, where you help a robot run around. That was more fun. Should I get one? I'm not getting one. What, a robot boy? PlayStation VR. It's fun. It's been out a while.

No, I know. I just haven't had the desire to get one. The amount of calibration required, it's so glitchy. It takes the fun out of it. But the first time you do it like you do the shark cage one like the little demos the demos I liked better than actually playing the games like the demos are fun because the first time you're in a cage and the shark comes right at you like I was kicking at it it's it's like a fun feeling oh wow

like you feel like you're in it. Where were we? Matty, what you doing? Did I see the sword flying through the air? Not really, no. You were being attacked too recently. Yeah. I just want to make sure. Let's see.

I'm going to get away from that portal. Yeah. With your attempted save, you crawled just far far enough away you're going to get farther. So it's on the right side of this roof that kind of has a steeple, a low sort of rounded slant to it. So if it's over here where you were, you can go to the other side of the roof or you can get off the roof. Okay. Oh, God. I don't know anymore.

You know, they've been down at Palladino's last weekend. Oh, yeah. You know, they've been doing a comedy open mic down there. Oh, no, I didn't know that. Yeah, it was pretty cool. I checked out a really good show. It was a great lineup. So, wait, a comedy open mic, but it's also still tribute?

Yeah, it's like tribute to other comedians? Tribute to comedians. Wow, okay. It was all over the place. I thought I'd help you. As a premise, or, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, no, no. I follow you. But it was great. It was hosted by Belzer and Sebastian. I saw Kindler Head. Pretty funny. Kindler Head.

Andrew Dice Weber went up. I was surprised. It was better material than I thought. A special drop-in. It was insane. Buffalo Seinfeld. Ken?

I don't know what like half of that was. Oh, Buffalo Springfield. Okay, okay. Took me way too long. Jesus Christ. Do you want me to bing that for you? Would you please? He just ends every joke with bing.

That deserved a bing. Check it out. Check it out. Check it out. I'm going to cast Sacred Flame upon the beast. All right. So next turn is saving throw. Spell components. Potpourri.

Glasses on a chain. It made the saving throw. Rolled a 19. Sorry, nerd. Dig dog. All right, but you're on a safer side of the roof for now. Oh, hooray. It can no longer cast with its portal staff, so that's nice.

I'm going to wish that I had healing spells. That's, I think, what everyone's wishing. That's everyone's Christmas wish in this combat. Esmeralda, you're up. So do I see that Bodhi needs an assist at all? You can tell that he had a plan go awry and a plan get half completed when he lost his sword and then got the staff out of this thing's hand,

but it's still kind of like he's got his foot planted on the staff in the mud. He hasn't done anything with it yet. So that is something you could potentially try to... Bodias? Yeah. But I mean, how could I help? Take the other staff. Yeah. Oh, okay. That's what I was hoping somebody would see me.

And then Esmeralda, does she remember what happens with level four of the staff? She sure does. Fourth portal would appear, but all the portals would seal into white magical barriers. Right.

And then the fifth one is where it draws everything together and then into chaos? It acts as a focal point and collapses time and space. Which one spits it all out? That would be... Or is that just the shredder that's the shredder okay so I don't want to close this right now so I guess I'll go

try to get the other one you managed to do so oh okay cool while I'm there how many portals is that one up to that one is at 3 that to? That one is three. That's at three. Yours is at two.

No, ours is at three, right? Because it wouldn't have eaten the leg. That's right. Yours is at three. It's at two. Oh, I thought the third one was the one that got them. They're both at three. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

This is exciting. I just, I couldn't keep all the shit straight. That's all that happened. Sarah, what am I doing right now? Uh, do you want to check in with the Typha?

No, no, he was just asking, but because I, because you actually are keeping track of everything. Um, uh, okay. So what am I going to do is I'm going to seal,

I'm going to close then the portal from the bad guy portal so that level four should make a white wall. Yep, it goes. Okay. And I'm just going to kick it with my bonus action. I don't know. You could attack it. Do I have, I can still attack?

Can I kick it? Yes, you can. Can I kick it? Well, you can. Can I kick it? Well, you have two attacks you can do, right? I mean, I would say that you could use... Go on, then. Okay. Yeah, you could use your attack and then...

Sorry, guys. Oh, no, we were singing Tribe Called Quest. Oh, okay. That's so rude. I said, go on, then. That's from the... That's from the song. Count the staff action as one of the attacks.

Right, that's not from the song. I do want to use my bonus action on this round because I was going to do my regaining 1d10 plus 8 hit points. But that's okay. I'll attack and then use my bonus action. That sounds great. Sounds great. I'm allowing it, listeners.

So that is a 16? Yes. Palladinos. Coming up next week is Tribe Called Questlove, and it's just Questlove doing his favorite Tribe Called Quest songs. It's just the other guys are still on the freeway. Trying to get in from the airport. Unlike that joke, I did

11 damage. So yeah, you see that this... Plus 8, right? Yeah, this army you're attacking looks really raw. It's had a lot of Bodhi attacks on it recently. So you're able to get a pretty easy opportunity hit against it as it's basically trying to escape from your area.

It's trying to plant somewhere else. Ew. Yeah. Don't let it plant, guys. Okay. Go on. What did you say? What was it again?

Go on. Go on, then. Wait, wait. I do my bonus. Yeah, what are you going? What was it again? Go on then Wait wait I do my bonus action Yeah what you gonna do with that healing? Yeah it's the bonus action to regain Please continue without me Oh uh When I was down there last week I saw the Badja men

It's a Group of guys that don't know how to pronounce Baja. They were pretty good. Well, when you guys hit the poppy bubble six for fun, I need to decide what an attack's going for. Who is being attacked next?

That didn't... There you go. A two? Great. This'll be fun. So you regained some two? Great. This will be fun. So you regain some points? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Twee. Yeah. Yuck. So you see... My doctor said that once. You see that big meatball of worms that was wrapped around Gendy's head for a while, kind of like hover for a second and go

towards you. Do a dexterity saving throw. Five. Plus ten. Alright, so you're going to have this damage, but you will be restrained

So I'm going to have I'm going to get out of a half a hit point No Seven, so you take Three points of damage Does he fall in covers? You guys see Twee Get his head covered in a giant

Ball of worms that's like four feet In circumference Isn't he up on a roof? Yes. You just see him kind of fall into the alley behind the house. Oh, God. It's okay.

The worms will cushion my arm. I got this all planned out, you guys. Oh, God. The big thing also takes a swing at bode the leg that was getting chopped up hit uh bode you take 22 points of damage as one of the legs just smacks you across the face. Big old tree trunk of worms. Gilfroy, you're up.

Does it say check it out? Is that its catchphrase? Yeah, oh, by the way, this thing is... Like the dude from Punchline? Oh, this thing is wearing a check it out t-shirt? Oh, I hate this thing. What was that guy's catchphrase. Like the dude from Punchline. Oh, this thing is wearing a Check It Out t-shirt? Oh, I hate this thing. What was that guy's name? Check It Out?

The New York comic. Who was that? Tweed still has three death saving throws, right? Correct. Okay. So I can attack this thing first and stabilize him

in a second Tui needs to be stabilized in the next three rounds however he is restrained and those things are going to crush his spine he's going to take additional damage uh each round he is restrained

alright damage each round he is restrained. Alright. God, this fight's going on a while, isn't it? Yeah. I run for a twee. I run for a twee. So you get in the alley and you just see this mass of worms are over his limp little elfin body. Mm-hmm.

If I... Am I giggling? It might tickle a lot. That I can kill this thing? Or do I have to get him free and get him away from it? You know what I mean? You don't know. But if it's around him and all I've got is this gun...

But if it's around him and all I've got is this gun... Do an intelligence check. I wish I would have rolled an intelligence check before I went to see Jerry Lewis in the news. Twelve. That's one of the best ones. love their single the flavin of love everybody how everyone has a different favorite uh 12 so you think back into your experience torturing weird monsters from other dimensions about like how how do you really approach this situation yeah and you feel like you

if you did damage to this thing it could cause damage to twee maybe it wouldn't depends where you hit it depends how you hit it but it would take a lot of battering to kill it you don't really know if you have anything that could kill it in one hit that wouldn't also do significant damage to twee all right so i go for i do the same thing as I did with Genndy. I pull him out of it. All right, do an athletics check. Oh, shit. That's not going to be very good.

That is a nine. So you're just peeling back worms, and they just keep reforming around his neck. Yep. That's all I can do. Yeah. Typha, you are still on the ground. Hi. Do a constitution

saving throw, please. I think America needs to do a constitution saving throw. I agree. I rolled a one. Jesus. I have a modifier, but I don't know. I hate them so much.

You guys see Typha. Well, most of you. Tweet doesn't see this. You guys see Typha and the worms around her kind of explode. And you just see chunks of what doesn't look like organic tissue. It looks almost like rock

kind of just form a little pile around where Typha was, and the worms just kind of crawl off in the mud, no longer gripping onto it. It looks like there are sort of dark, darkly colored chunks of crystal where Typha used to be. Oh, Typha's not there anymore? No.

What? There are dark chunks of crystal laying in the mud near that just sort of, it was almost as if she crystallized and exploded. Based on what happened? She failed a constitution. She was trying to take over her body. And you don't know that she's, you know, the level of cosmic stuff going on right now,

it's quite possible everything will still work out in the end, but she no longer has a physical form that is humanoid. Yeah, Pollyanna. It's fine. It's fine. I would just say that it's a little airborne. Some of you, depending on your personalities,

might be prone to going like, Typhon, no! But others of you might be like, it's fine. I've seen a lot of bad shit, and sometimes it stays bad. You guys see Gendy... Thank you for your words of wisdom.

It's like that time I saw 30 Seconds to Bruno Mars. You see Gendy kind of peek out. She is conscious, and she's with Dessa. Dessa seems to have healed her somehow, which she weren't positive Dessa could do. And so her and Gendy are both kind of looking

from behind the cover that they've taken. Twee, why don't you do a death saving throw? Two. Shit. Great. That's one yeah roll out some ones while you're waiting for your next one you know I stopped doing my

roll out thing that I used to do at the top of shows I think it really hurt me you also take an additional two points of damage okay dog's back she ran around the block didn't get killed by a take an additional two points of damage. Okay. Dog's back. She ran around the block.

The worms are binding him. He didn't get killed by a coyote, so everything's good. They're bound around his head, too. This thing collided with his head. Hang on, Twee. That's probably good, right? Bodhi, you're up. I have one of those inflatable things on my eyes like they had in the Kingsmen.

Tweeze being helped. He's got Gilfry helping him out. Right. As much as Gilfry helps out. Which is more than he used to. And then who just got taken over? Taken over.

Or turned to rock. Typha. Typha exploded. Tweez dying. Okay. Other than that, how was the show? And this guy just hit at me with one of its legs? Yeah.

Just took a big log Lego worms and just cracked you across the face. I'm trying to figure out how I can get more of it into a portal. If you were to use one of these portals, now that we've cleared up, they're both on Magical Barrier, right? One of them is still in vacuum mode. It's still being sucked in. So its leg is still being sucked in.

Yes, but the Magical Barrier was closed, right? You're our lore master for portals. The one that it created, but I kept ours open. The one that Nettie was next to is now. It is still taking damage. How do we open one underneath one of its other? If I open it again, it'll just close them all. So I just left that one open because it's still a shredder.

But if you were to cycle the one that it had been using one more time, it would create, on a focal point that you choose, a sort of rift in time and space that would start collapsing energy inwards on that point. Which is nice. Could be, but it also is one of the reasons that Tom died in the prison because it set off a weird magical thing.

But you're no longer on the moon. The staff didn't do that. You're not in a moon prison anymore. That was the moon prison's fault because those people were monsters. Couldn't I put a generating into that thing? You mean the wolf and the worm beast? The wolf and the worm beast. Yeah, yeah.

You could start the focal point within it. Right out of your mouth. What do people think? Or should I just slash at it? How is Bodie more helpful? Esmeralda has a staff, right? Oh, yeah. I am right there, I think. He could grab it because I went to him.

So if he wanted it, he could take it. Esmeralda is also coming up soon. Into the grinder. You could still let that happen. It's a different staff that would open the focal point. A different staff that's grinding its leg.

You could just attack it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out. Sorry I keep harping on the same idea. But I want to. You want to do fancy murder. No, but is there a way to drag another leg into it?

Like if I roped it? Or is it too far away from it? Its leg is kind of filling the portal. Got it. It's not like a big enough portal that a leg would fit into it. But you could shove its leg farther into the portal if you ran over there and forced it somehow. Okay, well that's what I want to do. That's badass.

Roll well. Yeah. Just tell's what I want to do. Okay. That's badass. Roll well. Yeah. Okay, so... Just tell me how you want to do it. Sort of fucking wrestle it in using my gauntlet's ogre power and just my strength. That is a straight up,

not even athletics, just strength check of you trying to grab this and shove down. Okay, and I'm still frenzied, right? Yep. And it's close enough that you can run over there and do this

without having to spend anything to go faster. That's 22. Jeez Louise. Good one. So, you should get to do

this, Brian. Roll 3d12. Ooh. All right. Let's see. Do you got a 12 handy there? Yeah. Oh, that's one. Sorry, guys.

Thank you for saying sorry. That was really annoying. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. 21. Very good. Great. Plus eight.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 29. All right. You ram down and you just hear from the maw in the middle of this thing, kind of just like a as you see just more splatter and gore of worm bodies and former elf just kind of

getting all over your legs and your armor. Your gauntlets are just caked in dark black gel. And that's your first shove. Okay. I'm going to go again.

All right. Strength check to shove farther down. That's a 17 on that one. Can't quite get it this time. Ah, shit. Okay. Use your knees. It's resisting.

It's trying to pull up. Use your knees. I'm going to use my knees. Go hook your leg. Not your back. Not your Use your knees. It's resisting. It's trying to pull up. Use your knees. I'm going to use my knees. Not your back. Not your back. Cord. This will be harder. Guide me, cord.

Ah, shit. One. Oh! Thanks for nothing, cord. Cord. It was the one. Roll a 100, please. God damn it.

Can we take a break and go bite dice? Whoa! It's part of the game, Ken. 62. Alright. I'm sorry alright you take

one point of damage as you lose your grip on this thing with all the blood and accidentally dip the tip of your boot into the portal oh shit just barely missing losing a leg with all the blood and accidentally dip the tip of your boot into the portal. Just barely.

Missing losing a leg. My favorite boot. Alright, that brings us to Nettie. Good god. Is there anything I can help? Oh, bonus action, I jump away from the portal. Is there anything I can do to help twee or pry the worms? Yeah, I jump away from the... From the portal. Is there anything you can do to help

Tui pry the worms? Yeah, I mean, you could climb down and run over and just barely get there with how much distance it is. Perfect. So yeah, you get there and you just see Gilfry just whipping worms away from its neck to no effect, trying to

peel it off of Tui's head, this mass. This hostile mass. Of worms. Finding would help? I mean, he's being attacked and restrained, so it's...

Cut to me playing pool with Peter Sellers on a emerald sapphire bumper pool table and there's fish tanks around me. I'm like, this is great. Hope nobody saves me. Did we establish if the worms are tied

like to the main creature? If the main creature dies, do we think the worms are going to die also or are they separate i think that's what we're thinking you do think there's a certain amount of regeneration involved it grew back the limb that broke off and did this to gendy and twee so it it you don't know what the central aspect of it is uh it's not your turn yet when it is i would let

you do a roll to figure it out some more, but that's the basics. Nettie, what you doing? Well, I was going to try to help Tweed, but I suppose I could throw an attack. You could. I'll tell you the same thing I told Gilfry, which is, you know, you could do damage at it that could also damage Tweed, or you could just try to free his head like you successfully did with Gendi. Do a

athletics check. Because we're doing it at the same time, does that help? You get to roll with advantage. So roll twice. Roll twice. Yeah, before you add it up, may as well figure out what the higher number is. Ugh, that was worse.

Guys, he rolled a six and a three. This is fucking crazy. Six and a three. But I do have a plus one to my athletics. Like in real life. Yeah, you're just pulling things off. You guys are both just looking at each other like, when will the worms stop? Worms, worms, worms. Infomercial.

Don't you hate worms? I got family coming into town and there's worms all over my head. Help me. I'm a huge worm. You can't really. You just ran all the way over there. Esmeralda. Help me! So, you, uh... You gonna do anything else? You can't really, you just ran all the way over there. Esmeralda, you wanna figure some stuff out

about the nature of the central intelligence here? Sure, is that like a sort of a passive action? We're gonna call that a good old arcana roll that'll be passive. Ay, ay, ay. Eight. Arcana roll. that'll be passive I mean you know it's got this weird history you've been learning about from the worm in your tummy

and from all the weird shit you learn on the moon where you're like it's part of a collective of some kind so you don't know. You don't see, like, a new maw on the thing that has been flying around, the smaller one.

Okay, so set the scene for me. There's a thing with a mouth where the staff used to be. Then there's the, yeah. The main big thing, you're near the arm that used to be holding the staff and you were hacking out with Bodhi. Bodhi ran over to what would be the other arm

and started shoving it farther in the portal. There's two legs that have been... So that's the main thing, but then there's an additional... Then around the corner down an alley, Tui has wrapped around his head this massive worm that also did this to Gendi

that just seems to be flying around trying to incapacitate people by latching around their heads got it okay um so what i'm gonna do is also milk milk lemonade um thanks ken you said that there was like rubble around here yeah there's a there's a building where a couple people have already, I think maybe Nettie was thinking about it at one point, but you see Dessa and Gendir behind this doorway that had a broken down wall. I'm going to cast Catapult with a two-slot Catapult, so I'm going to look for approximately a 10-pound-ish piece of wall or something.

And then I just want to kind of send it straight to the... Catapult's a really fun spell. You know what's really fun is keyboard catapult. I switched that out at one of our um... You're hitting the main thing. Yeah. In the torso-ish area. Yeah. You're hitting the main thing. Yeah. In the torso-ish area.

Yeah. So this is, it's going to make a dexterity saving throw to try to dodge. It rolled a three. Cool. So I'm going to, because I, so this is a 4d8. Bludgeoning. So 26 plus, uh, plus eight. Hey, Sarah, if you were to arc this chunk of rubble towards this giant thing in such a way as to make it as cinematic as possible, how would you try to land this blow?

I mean, straighten the dick. No, I don't know. What do you mean? You don't walk away from that. That's your answer. You want to humiliate this. No, I'd be like, yeah. You know you're about to strike with a lot of force

as you send this through the air. So are you going to put any English on this? Are you going to aim for a specific part on it? I mean, I was originally going to try to go in the mouth, but I think that's on the top, right? So I can't do that. So it does go in kind of a straight line. It doesn't.

Yeah. I guess, I guess the best bet would be to go for one, to try to, um, hit the, the back part of it so that maybe it might even force the body up and into down into the,

um, like if you hit its back legs, it might tilt forward and fall farther into the shredder. So you, uh, If you hit its back legs, it might tilt forward and fall farther into the shredder. Okay. So you should also roll 3d12. Blaine. Oh, hey, I went down Palladino's last weekend yeah what happened

it was a pretty first of all I had to circle for parking for like 20 minutes oh man it was too bad it was ridiculous I think they were having

some sort of thing there's a Kiwanis Lodge down there or something yeah but you still went to Palladino's I still went to Palladino's I saw I saw

Chicago Deep Dish Dio that's's a guy that's, he's D.O. in front of a full brass Chicago Transit Authority section. And also Elliot Smith

which is songs of Elliot Smith done in the style of Aerosmith. Alright. How many points do you get there? Dan had the craziest thousand yard stare. I am trying to juggle so many things that are about to happen in my brain

that I tuned out 100% of that joke. Dan just sees it. You might have liked it. I think you might have liked that one. How many points there? I can't wait to re-listen to it. What was the additional point? So that was 20 points of damage.

So you hit it in the midsection, and indeed it's right arm, right leg kind of lean in, and Bodhi, you see this big tree trunk of a leg just kind of go into the portal, and the whole thing kind of does a flop and it goes flat like mouth down on the ground as what's left of the arm that's just been getting mowed to crap just kind of like goes into like a little stump and the whole thing kind of splats on the ground uh the worms sort of um don't die but they start to become worms in that way where they they're overeating yeah they're they're uh trying to think of a good

overeating joke but i don't have one because that that is what i want to do every holiday season and i've been enjoying it very deeply on a personal and sincere level, just shoving food in my face. I've had so much pumpkin pie and so have these worms. They're just sort of like just watching football. They're doing that thing you see after a rain and the sun is coming out hard after the rain and they're twitching and

just kind of... They have to buy a new belt. But they're all rolling off of each other. They're all just kind of spreading into a fine layer of worms. they're all just kind of spreading into like a fine layer of worms they're no longer one like mind creature they're yeah they're now separate worms yeah and there's no death roar it just gets quiet in the rain what's going on with uh twee you see the worms similarly uh esmeralda and gilfry just or not esmeralda, Nettie and Gelfry just sort of like slide off of his head. Hey, Tui, do a second death saving throw.

So Esmeralda finished it off. Pretty much. Nice job. Wow. Tui is still. 13. You're not stabilized. Can I run him over to?

No, don't run him over. No, no, Genji. Sorry, no, I want to run him over in my truck. Wait, did I not? That's a success. You just needed to save a 10. You're not dead, but you're at what, negative 8?

By the... I think I was at 1. I was only at negative 3. 3 or 4. First I was going, help! or four. Okay. Help! Gendi runs over and attempts to heal you. When did Gendi get healed?

Dessa. Oh, right. Okay. Dessa says she doesn't know any more spells, but Gendi is going to try. Heals you for six points of damage. Ah! I'm alive, but at what cost? You gotta go check out those crystal chunks.

But you're still incapacitated. Your neck is basically broken. Basically? Yeah. So you guys take stock

and it looks like Brickhead is dead. But that is not quite as dramatic as what happened to Typha which is just sort of a pile of dark crystal chunks

right now. Well, she did want to join up with the thing, right? I mean, she... Do you want to tell us a little bit? Because, you know, you weren't here when Typha decided or declared... I mean, Typha had been thinking for a while that she wanted to do

this. Yeah, but I can't tell that now because she's a geode. You can't, but you could have worded it a little more in your own way. Do you want to recap it just for Brian and our listeners? Like, what was her choice? Why she's doing this? You don't have to elaborate, but in your own words. She's doing it because she couldn't save somebody else,

so nobody else is going to get hurt. Yeah. Got it. Well, so we got to get tweeze a little broken body over there to to try to see if it's in there and what's going on are the crystals movable because it might be better to if they're if they're just crystals it might be better to bring them to him than the oh yeah make a lego figure of taifa out of the crystals and then bring it to kind of like roll them into a pile a little more that looks looks like... What are they? Are they separate crystals?

Can we make like a neck brace for him or something? Yeah, you can make a neck brace. Do a medicine check. What? What are you doing? No, I'm kidding. Okay, so we bring the crystals to Tui to see if he can like communicate

with them. Hey, Tui. Hey, hi. You're still a negative hit point, so you can't really talk, but they bring you these chunks. Can I use mend to mend his neck?

No. I let you do some aneurysm popping. I'm going to keep trying, though. It's a strictly non-medical spell. Can Gilfray search through Typha's... Does Typha's stuff still exist? Like, if I look around? No, there's nothing but this strange new unearthly matter

left of Typha in your belongings. Can you pray to Kord about your friend Tui and his neck? Yeah, I mean, Tui, you kind of are able to regard it, but you're barely able to focus. Last time I talked to Kord, it didn't go so well. And after these guys do some other stuff, you're going to have to do a third death saving throw because they haven't gotten you above zero.

Wait, can I talk to my... Can I talk to my... Guilfroy just reminded me to talk to my worm. Sweet, yeah. By pointing at... He pointed at... All right, so you do a wisdom check Alright, so you do You do a wisdom check And Bodhi, you do a religion check

Okay 18 Cool So Hey, what's up, y'all? Hey, do you know anything about this This worm 20

Is this one of the Priests of the Oglog or something? I think I got to go, y'all. I don't know what's really going on, but I feel like some crazy... I'm not strong no more. I was never that strong. I feel like I'm kind of going to get out of here. Oh, you are one of the same worms. It's been cool.

I'm not the same, but I'm close enough that something else is going on in addition to what you did. Can you tell me more about that? It feels like there's some sort of deity level intervention about to happen. I don't, I'm being like wiped out or some shit. It's not cool. Oh, okay. I'm being like wiped out or some shit. It's not cool. Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

It was nice to know you. Are you just going to pass on my body or are you going to just? I feel like we've had a very gentle but antagonistic relationship. I'm not going to, I think I'm going to be

just taken to another dimension straight out of your tissue. So it's cool. I think we're all right. Okay. Well, enjoy the journey. I'll talk to you later taken to another dimension straight out of your tissues, so it's cool. I think we're all right. Okay. Well, enjoy the journey. I'll talk to you later, maybe. Nah.

You can write me letters. Not if I see you first. Bye. I got a 20. Yeah. Brother. What's up, brother? Never good at impressions.

I like it. Pretty massive battle here, and a lot of my friends sustained a lot of damage, and I was hoping we could help repair his neck. That's what my doctor said. Just put some positive energy towards it. Just do anything. There's been a lot of bloodshed on the battlefield today Don't you just kind of want them to go out like a warrior? I mean

I don't know what to tell you man I'm not a healer Alright well thanks for nothing That's how you're going to be man I don't know I will say it's not looking good for your pal there Thanks for nothing. That's how you're going to be, man. I don't know. I will say it's not looking good for your pal there. All right.

I don't know what I can tell you. I mean, you want him to go to Valhalla or something, maybe tell him to ditch that evil god before he goes. That's what I would tell you. All right, thanks. All right. Well, speaking of semi-antagonistic relationships, it seems like Bodhi, you don't like worshiping court no more because you don't just...

Look, you rolled a 20, so you got clear conversation. I'll tell you what I'm capable of. I can't hear you. My headphones are off. Oh, okay. Dick. You didn't hear that. Bye.

That didn't go so well. Did Court say he'd help us? No. Oh. He said he's out of sight. You got the distinct impression, Bodhi, that if there were anything he could do because of Twee's affiliation with darkness,

he just wasn't feeling it. Oh, hey, Dessa. Is anybody healing? Yeah, Dessa. Dessa says, I could do something that he might not like, but I can't heal him. Like what?

I can kind of... Make him undead? Yeah, I can basically... He will lose his magical abilities to some extent and become a lich and he could... You know, he could... You know, you'd be undead.

Yeah. Blades make him a crinkly face. And this is happening right before your final death saving throw. So this is a blink once for yes, blink twice for no situation. This is a Sid Caesar on a funny death bet. But he nailed one of them. Huh? He nailed one of them.

He failed one and he nailed one. Yeah, he made it, but that means he didn't just like... How do I put this? Is there some advice in what Cord said of maybe having him reject evil? Yeah. Absolve himself from the evil side. It always works in those chick tracks. Tweet, blink.

Remember chick tracks? The guy would be a total fucking terrible person and at the last second go, I like God. And they're like, okay, go in. It's okay. Does Tweet want to die? And do you let your friend die if they want to?

I mean... Oh, I'm not trying to. i'm no no i didn't mean for you i'm sorry that was not a pointed question at you just so here's the thing he needs three six is dead the way death saves work is is it's not just like you roll three times right it's it's a race to three successes or three failures. And he's got one failure and one success. Right. Like tic-tac-toe. If he gets three successes, he is stable. He basically hits zero hit points. If he gets three failures, he is dead.

Right. So. Here's a question. So we joked about bringing over the pieces of Typha. But actually, can... Because that might... I'm saying you did it. And I'm saying he's able to look at it, but that's about it right now.

I touch it to his hand. Nothing happens. Tweed, communicate with Jyn Redna. What's there? What's in there? Calling horses. First, Dessa says, I can make you a lich. Do you want this? And just looks for a sign for you to blink, basically.

She says, if you want this, blink once. What if I blink 182 times? She kind of gets the... You sell a lot of records. She's used to getting a hint from you guys, and she just sort of goes... And kind of backs away. Do a saving throw, will you?

Nine. That's two fails and a success. Sure. Anything else you guys want to try? When I touched the crystal, it didn't do anything? He can't talk to Jyn Raden in there? No. He is bound?

Jyn Raden? Does that matter. He is bound? Jyn Raden? Does that matter? No. Binding doesn't matter. I mean, he's not continuing to lose negative, going into negative. Can we summon Jyn Raden? My basic rule is if you go over negative 10, you're like a pile of blood molecules. Can we detect magic on the crystal shards at all?

Yeah. Gilfri has detect magic on the crystal shards at all? Yeah. Gilfrey has detect magic. I have detect magic. So you have to go ahead and just roll detect magic. No, no, no. Gilfrey should do it. I didn't know I can do that. That's not in my skills.

I don't know. No, it's another spell that I had homebrewed into him. Okay. Do you know what the modifier is? Because I can roll a die, but I don't know what anything else is. Yeah, one second. Do you know what the modifier is? I can roll a die, but I don't know what anything else is. Yeah, one second.

We're close to an hour, but I feel like we should wrap this up. Definitely. Wrap it up or keep going? We should keep going until we wrap it up. This is going to be... I think it's just an automatic... You're just doing it.

Great. I do it. Yeah, this is very magical. These crystals are very magical. And didn't we cast dispel magic on the other thing? Can we try to cast dispel magic on the crystals again? You want to cast dispel magic on the

Jyn Radina crystals? The Typha crystals? Well, I don't know. Isn't that what we did with the cake? I don't know. I just thought... When you did it on the cake, it was to sort of cast off the moon prison spell on the cake. Well, I thought maybe she was imprisoned

in a crystal, Dan. Is that so crazy? Maybe. No. I would... No. I just wanted to clarify. Hey, Tweet,

why don't you do another death save? God damn it 19 Two successes two fails Anything else you guys want to try Morse code us what you want us to do With your If you go

Behind my eyelids right now I'm just watching Just a montage of the opening credits of 70s action shows. I don't understand what that means, guys. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do communicate with Jin right now. Okay. I'm going to hold the crystals aloft. I'm going to fall to my knees and I'm going to be like,

what now? That's a religion check. Yeah, I figured. Unless anybody has a better idea. Gilfrey has... I can contact another planar entity, but it takes 11 minutes to cast.

Yep. Well, I look real dumb holding these crystals. You're a two. Yeah, you hold them aloft and you just feel like you're doing a commercial for a souvenir shop that sells geodes. You're just like,

why? I am Kirok uh hey do do uh final death saving throw twee three god it's weird that uh that we would go out on a tweet. That's for the pun, Blaine. Hey, Tweet. Yeah. You feel for a second your adrenal gland

squeeze and your voice springs back to life for just a moment. What are Tweet's final words? Live from New York is Saturday night! And Tui passes away.

No! Brother! There is a moment I'm kidding, I love you guys. He did kill that kid. It feels really awkward that she wasted her yelling to the heavens right before he died and now there's a moment where you you're kind of

just in the rain with your dead friend and you don't know what to do and it's just you're just like this is really shitty and then you recall Esmeralda the little worm in your stomach mentioning the divine intervention thing and uh the rain stops just as you remember that and uh you hear a loud crashing noise outside the alley where you're all huddled

you hear a thud thud oh right where you had your big battle and you turn around and you see uh the spectral visage of a uh large platinum dragon standing in the middle of the square of tensile that's a platinum drag oh never mind who'd they open for don? Don't worry about it. And it speaks to you. It speaks to you, and it goes, as Bob Newhart would say, a little something like this. Greetings, mortals.

It is I, the glorious and merciful platinum lord of legend, a little something like this. Greetings, mortals. It is I, the glorious and merciful platinum lord of legend, Bahamut. Why the long faces? Did someone die? That voice may sound familiar because it is Jerry Duggan. Uh, that voice may sound familiar because it is Jerry Duggan. Uh, sorry.

When you're immortal and omnipresent, death is automatically hilarious. I swear you'll get it when you die. Um, so, uh, uh, he continues. I speak to you from my glorious Mithril Palace in the Celestial Plane. And please come by sometime if you ever ascend. It's the least I can do. Thank you for dealing with the interplanar anomaly known as Jin Ray Dina? And then, finally...

So, that whole situation got totally out of control. And if I was corporeal, I probably would have done something about it. But I appreciate your efforts in restoring balance to this world. You have curtailed the cataclysm, allowing generations of Bahamut worshippers to thrive. So as my gift, allow me to tidy this up, narratively speaking. I don't see any reason why people need to know that I co-created a monster prison with some evil gods. It would especially be great if Tyr didn't need to know about this, or Ys and Diomod. So, I'm going to restore things to how they were before the first Osmic T tendrils connected to the moon you may retain your memories of what happened

along with Jinrei whatever the fuck with her on your planet free of the prison this series of events will probably not happen all over again farewell and thank you for keeping the embers of your Bahamut reverence warm

in the cockles of your hearts Bahamut out and uh what a dick yeah I mean he uh he seems to be very uh condescending uh one might even say rude um and he is uh giving you guys only half the credit for what you have done. But as soon as he is done speaking, you guys all see bright white. And you appear... At the Imaginarium? Well, in different ways uh first of all um esmeralda uh you realize uh you are waking up and it is uh back at your mage college tin at um and uh you you're like oh this must be before

the first collapse this must be before any of that happened. And you got the sense from Bahamut that basically the moon isn't going to cry. Like you, by getting Jen Raiden off of the moon, that whole thing is somehow not going to recur, but you're still at the mage college. So you're not really sure what's going to happen next. You're just at the Mage College.

Okay. And your student loans are back. Oh, man. That was the one silver lining. And you're in your dorm. But you just sort of go about a really creepy morning where you have really intense beyond deja vu, just like a memory of everything you had to go through.

So you're just kind of sneering at the small group of the other knights here because there's only a few other caster knights here. Most of these people in this college are mages. They were never cool to you. They, you're just sort of a weird click of oddballs. Well, I mean,

you, you, you feel like it's kind of, it's, you've gone back to something that kind of sucks. Right. Uh, but you are visited,

uh, by Chris after the morning breakfast with your little group or none of the other majors will talk to you. Kriz, who you had seen in the first episode get his neck slit, is alive. The Thane of Tenet. And he says, hello. Hello.

Oh, I am so glad to speak to you, you arcane knights. I feel something welling up inside me. And I'm wondering, would all of you want to go on an adventure? I believe there's some weird disturbance out in the woods, and I need to figure it out with someone capable of handling some hand-to-hand combat. If you're up for it. And everyone just kind of like,

okay. Light them up! And as you head out of town, you get a weird vibe. You notice one of the streets doesn't look the same. There is

a building that wasn't there before, and you're not sure why, except for the fact that time and space have been altered a little bit as a result of Jyn Redna being straightened out. And for a second as you walk by, you feel a familiar sense that this is the result of one of your friends who was unable to be resurrected by Bahamut, and it is Tui. And you look over, and there is a music venue where there used to be just an empty, sort of muddy pit. And there is a music venue there called Palatuinos.

And there's some bands coming up. And what are those bands, Tweed? I think this weekend it's going to be Bob Siga. And that's more of a Sonic youth cover band sonic the hedgehog and uh if there's one thing i have learned from paladinos you guys is uh falco is not a real falcon this is all on the marquee somehow uh it's really impressive you can't believe it's all stayed up there without any rain. Is Okendoink in there?

Oh, also the Dave Clark 7, which is a Dave Clark 5 with two fingers up your ass. No sign of Okendoink. You feel like he is not good enough to play this venue. As you head out of town, you come upon the sort of squallery area where you first exited the Mage College with your friends. And you walk past the inn that Typha used to run. And you notice it looks a little different. You don't see Typha, and you don't stop.

You just keep walking into the woods. And as you get there, you notice there is some rustling behind some trees. And Kriz tells you and the other knights to stop. And Typha, you are there but not typha you are not jinn radna uh you don't remember being typha and you don't remember being jinn radna you don't know who you are you are just a person wandering the woods the only thing you retain as a memory is a person who did not get a chance at a full life and their name. So you see what looks like a royal rich person and a bunch of college age warriors through the bushes. Do you introduce yourself?

Sure. How old am I? You're not sure. You don't really know what ages or what you look like. I'm just a thing. Hi. You don't know. New kid on a campus.

What could go wrong? No, you see a human come out from the bushes, a woman about your age, Esmeralda. Hi. I hi I need I think I need help do I not I don't recognize the body she looks human

and vaguely like Typha but not Typha yes hello hi I'm Claire and we will head Hello. Hi. I'm Claire. And we will head to the Underdark where, Nettie, you are at a flail snail race all of a sudden. You just finished a race and you're climbing off the snail and you're like, wow, I'm glad I don't have to go through

that slavery shit again. That kind of sucked. I hope I'm not going to have a weird dwarf and Ithalid drag me through some caves into the Feywild. I hope that doesn't happen all over again. And then you think, oh wait, where's Tom? Did Tom make it?

And then the next race starts and you see one of your friends driving away on their flail snail for a moment looking back. It's the spectral form of Tom, just like peering over the side of the snail looking back at you. Bad CGI. It's not the best CGI.

It just kind of looks like it was tacked in there for the fans. And what does Tom say to Nettie? I missed you baby and then he disappears and it's weirdly anticlimactic um gilfry appears uh suddenly elsewhere on earth uh he's in a weird caravan full of other kenku and they all seem to react normally to him but he's a little weirded out um gilfry you're wearing just like really boring clothes you don't have your umberly tunic or anything you're just kind of on earth without your gun or any of your torture weapons you feel like you don't know your spells but you're in a caravan full of other bird people, but you remember everything.

And, uh, you have a weird memory come to you of someone you tortured once. Uh, this is somebody you tortured a long time ago and they said something kind of, uh, unnerving to you after you tortured them. And it goes a little something like this as you almost involuntarily,

uh, open your mouth and recite it. Now I know you doubt the existence of virtue, you vile bird, but consider that one day you'll see someone do something kind or selfless that they didn't have to do. And I dare say, you'll think back on the horrible choices that led you to this moment

and something will break inside you. And that one moment of twitching regret will be larger than the breadth of your entire miserable life. You fuck. your miserable life. You fuck. And we go to Bodhi.

You're in a hut on the beach. You recognize as a little place outside of Gluck called Hell's Beach. There's the smell of brine and you're in bed. You get up and look around the hut,

and you hear surf outside. The hut is filled with weapons. Some of them seem to be improvised from washed-up junk, but there's a bunch of swords and a long halberd that looks like it is dwarven in nature. You glance out the window, and it looks like there is a dead alligator turtle

the size of a small village just kind of broken in half on the beach and you remember that hell's beach is this area you've always wanted to visit where there's just sea monsters that sneak out through the woods and attack caravans of people and drag them into the ocean and then you seemingly now have a hut just set up where all the sea monsters beach themselves and you get first crack at them um you notice there's heads mounted on your walls and some of them are exoskeletal some of them have demon horns all of them vaguely aquatic uh and uh it looks like you got a little outpost here to just murder you're not sure, but it feels like a very bright day that you

haven't experienced in a long time. It just seems like there's been nothing but rain on Earth for as far back as you can remember. Rain or clouds or post-apocalyptic shit, and it's just a nice day on the beach all of a sudden. Like a cheeseburger in paradise, man.

And you walk outside and the air is very clear you you feel you're becoming one with the power of the mighty ocean wind for a moment and you almost forgive cord for being a dick and then uh you see a large chunk of wood nearby kind of shudder a little bit. Like something's maybe hiding under it or within it. Alright. It's like a swamp tree. Looks like maybe it was floating in the waves for a long time. I check it out.

Alright. You get closer and there's like a noisy buzzing inside of it. Just like a almost like you're up next to TGI Fridays. there's like a noisy buzzing inside of it just like a almost like you're you're up next to tgi fridays it's like a like buzzing noise inside the okay the tree uh do i flip the tree yeah sure do a strength check uh yep 24 so you flip it over and underneath like a a nub on it you see two little glowing yellow eyes is it gaga how motherfucker hey buddy and that's the campaign that's awesome glad i didn't fucking kill him

I wanted to make sure I gave you an opportunity to kill him He would have been so mad If I fucking stomped on him He wouldn't have been mad he'd just be dead Oh yeah Fuck Well that was awesome

What happens Episode are we gonna restart Yeah Next episode will be a new Season 3 number 1 I have some requests Semester at sea For everybody to roll up new

Characters Really Yeah I would make an exception for Esmeralda Because she just started leveling up But if you guys wanted to let Esmeralda Stick around as the one recurring character You could start at level 8

As that's where she is at We can talk about that I can re-roll too Yeah, if you're game to re-roll We can start Bodhi and Tui were the longest running nerd poker characters ever. I know. I don't want to.

It makes you want to. I think they should totally be playable in bonus episodes and all that jazz for eternity. Unlock Tui. But I just feel like, hey, New Year, maybe it'd be fun to just start from scratch. Also, I want to do some fucked up things to characters where you might be taken completely out of anything remotely related to previous campaigns, and it would free me up, narratively speaking. Also, it would be a chance, like, if you guys all wanted to,

I would love to encourage you guys to get, like, figurines and we'd use a grid and like, okay, you could, you could use it as an excuse to, we've got a couple of people that have talked about making us maps too. Yes.

And I've been talking to those people. Oh, you have been cool. And it would be cool if we could use those with, if you guys wanted to go on, like, like if you ever been to hero forge and played around with their like custom figurine stuff,

that can be really fun. Like you can go on there and make your character... Alright. I'll keep playing Bodhi for... God, I'm going to miss him. He was a lot of fun. He'll be a bonus episode.

Yeah. What about his cousin Baroni? And we've lost other people, so it makes sense that since Tui and I are the only... Yeah, the way I look at it, too, is like people love... Well, Tui's basically dead. So it's really only Bodhi made it. It is.

And of the long-running ones. And also, people loved Amarthamon, and he only lasted, like, you know... Right, that's true. Like, what is it, like 40, 50 episodes? And so... It's cool. It's time to mix it up i think i think it would be cool and uh and yeah so cousin dodie and his uh friend who runs the photoshop adobe i have a campaign that's ready to go uh should you want to partake we can get down the business. Is it Mitt Romney 2020?

The tricky part will be just you guys making characters. We have access, thank you D&D Beyond, to all their character and class custom stuff. I can't wait. I just want to know in advance. I want to know before the day so we can make sure

that we don't have six mages or whatever. Guys, what if we't have six mages or whatever. Guys, what if we were all six mages? It could be fun. That'd be great. So if you're six, there'll be 30 mages total. Do you guys have any questions about the campaign? Because my brain will start to forget this stuff

as soon as we go off the air. So I know we all want to go to bed. Where's Dean? So Dean, let me look up Dean. I have so many questions that I do want to go to bed, but... Where's Dean? So, Dean, let me look up Dean. I have so many questions that I do want to go to bed, but it's like then I also have so many questions. Yeah, so... Can we do questions as a bonus episode or something?

We were going to do that last campaign, and then it never happened. Got it. So that's why I was like... We could do a bonus mini like a little like a add-on doesn't have to be a full grill session yeah so Dean was this weird demon creature called uh how do I pronounce this a rakshasa oh yeah do you know those so he's a shapeshifter. Tiger Man.

Yeah, exactly. And yeah, he was a prisoner, and he was fucking with you guys. And he went to visit Loth, and Loth killed him and used the temple to summon herself. Cool. Well, at least he's dead. He seems like he's dead. You're not sure what happened to everybody up in the prison. I'm pretty sure he's dead. He seems like he's dead. You're not sure what happened to everybody up in prison. I'm pretty sure he's dead.

What flavor was the cake? The cake was vanilla bean. Ooh. Yes. Any other things you didn't do? So many. Yeah, there's too many questions. Baphomet, I had a whole thing planned

where if you went down to talk to Baphomet, his head was trapped between dimensions and you could talk to him. He was at like this torture altar where like. What did the Thane do to get the slice? The Thane traveled to the moon. He did his own arcane studies and like figured out a way to use some dimension doors and kind of, like, skip his way up to the prison.

And he landed in the graveyard. And the executioner brought him to the, what's it called, the respite of Bahamut where Brickette was and was just going to straight up kill him but Brickette convinced the executioner not to kill him and Brickette helped him out because Brickette had been studying the Azimic stuff and helped Kriz bring the slice

back without like knowing what he was doing when he got to that building he just sort of let Kriz sneak into that building so it's all Brickette's fault. It is largely Brickette's fault. And I enjoyed that you found Brickette. There was a lot of ways you guys... I mean, you guys going through those quadrants

of the main thing that took fucking forever was not the way I expected it to go, but I planned it to be this vast area. And yeah, I... Incredible. It was fun watching you guys try to navigate hundreds of miles through magically expanded area uh basically taking the short and long way at the same time thanks dan for creating a world that we only explore one percent it's like it's a fun writing exercise and i just try to keep it interesting and not be precious about any of it. Cause it's supposed to be fun.

Not for like a specific path. A lot of people, I mean, you guys already know this. They all say to me on social media, like how was it supposed to go? Or like, what did they,

it's like, I only half build everything. And then when I know you're about to hit it, I fully build it. That's the best way to do it. Yeah. Cool. and then when I know you're about to hit it, I fully build it. That's the best way to do it, I think. Yeah. Cool.

It's fucking crazy. 47 episodes. Yeah. 2018. Goodbye. Yeah. See you later, 2018. Okay, bye.

We'll see you in season three. Thanks for listening oh wait thank you to Jerry Duggan for the voice of oh yeah thanks Jerry don't forget Jerry and thank you to you may have recognized him also Sark as the voice of Gilfries

oh nice BrianPassine.com Forever Nerdy Patreon Palladinos BrianPassini.com Forever Nerdy Patreon Paladinos Everything Thanks for listening Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker

You can follow us at Patreon.com slash Nerd Poker And you get bonus episodes from there And you can also Send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening your mom's 47 it's a compliment that'd be weird.

That'd be weird as shit. That was such a failure. I know, that's why I threw it in. It's a compliment. Like, there's just nothing. It's a compliment. Like, there's just nothing. No, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's not possible. Hey, everybody.

How do I start after that?