Nerd Poker - Episode 51 - Tenebrous Fun

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

With the Baron popped out of his pen, the Ice Five have a lot more questions, namely what is that super important identity of the Tenebrous One that was removed from the end of his letter? And our heroes also have a very important question ahead of them: Is it time to head to Donkeyland?

Hey everybody, this is a belated from the holidays December drawing for our Stargoyle tier and above. I want to congratulate the winner, Blaine's Successful Prehobbit. Thank you Blaine's Successful Prehobbit for being a Patreon supporter. Oh, alright. Yeah, you win actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs.

So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Clay, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 51 of Season 3. And we're in 2020.

Third episode, I think. Yeah. Anyway. What a future we're seeing. Yeah, it's crazy. Look at that. Wow. You'll meet him in a minute.

First of all, my friends are here. Chris. Hello, Brian. I have that same shirt. It's a good shirt. Oh, it's a great shirt. Yeah. Sarah.

Hi. Ken. Hi. Hey, buddy. You okay? I'm all right. Do you want a You okay? I'm all right. Do you want to tickle? I'm just tired from the holidays.

Oh, buddy. And the last episode. And the last episode. Dan. If you forget, Ken was jogging the entire last episode. Yeah, it was a lot. It was rough. It's what's powering the microphones.

Dan. Ken Daly's hamster wheel. Please, somebody. Blaine. Here we are, even farther in the microphones. Dan. Ken Bailey's hamster wheel. Please, Professor. Blaine. Here we are, even farther in the future. Wow.

Wow, the moon exploded. Who knew? At the end of the table, as always, our friend, Sam. Hi,

everyone. Hello, Sam. What's that, what's that patch on your, a Bruce Springsteen patch from where I tore my shirt catching it on a doorframe.

Do it all the time. My depth perception is not great. Been there, buddy. Check out this patch I put on the Cats movie to fix up some pixelation. Have I shat on him? I know I've gone really hard on Billy Joel, but if I'd gone hard on Springsteen on this show...

I wish you would. Tell us how hard you want to go on Springsteen. Hard on Bruce Springsteen. I turned around. I heard Nebraska. Yeah? There was some TV show I was watching that they used a song from Nebraska. Maybe it was Ash vs. Evil Dead.

Oh, no, it was Castle Rock. And I heard this song, and I was like, that sounds like Bruce Springsteen, but cool. And it turns out I kind of like him when he's just him and a guitar. Oh, no. And there's not the dudes screaming behind him, and then the dude with the saxophone and that one asshole. So you like fire? And that drummer, and then that lady, and all the other.

You like it when he's coos. Yeah, no one else. Have you heard that I'm on Fire song? Is that on Nebraska? I don't know. I like that they might be a giant song. That parody, I like it better when Robin Williams does it. Oh, as Elmer Fudd?

I guess I've just always been very neutral to positive on him. I used to hate him. I always have no interest whatsoever. on him but I don't have I used to hate him I always have no interest whatsoever that's what I mean I'm intrigued by your hatred not like on Billy Joel level but I mostly hated his band

I thought his band was stupid and annoying and like I hate his Christmas song and oh that song's so good what about Streets of Philadelphia

I don't know that one oh yeah from the movie that one's not terrible the Neil Young song is better actually from that movie I feel like but when The Neil Young song is better Actually from that movie I feel like But when it comes to

Bruce Springsteen Whatever And I Born in the US I would allow I would not give a shit In high school Oh my god

And kids didn't get it Like I knew It wasn't what they thought it was Right Oh right Which is a fraud Yeah it was like Starship Troopers

Yeah but the same kids Like John Mellencamp, and they didn't get the lyrics to that either, man. Yeah. So you saw through it, but they didn't? Yeah. Okay, just checking. The popular kids.

Just checking. Everyone happy and confident at a young age is a fraud. I don't know if you knew that. Uh-huh. You know who taught me that? Falco. Let's get in. Wait, did you say Congress?

By the way... What happened? Not a real Falcon. Before we get into what happened last time, there was actually a really cool gift that was sent to us by one of our listeners. Brian, you've got a little letter over there. Let me clear my throat so you can read it.

Should I tell everyone what they sent us before you read the letter? Yeah, tell them what we got. So this guy sent us, this is nuts. He sent to the P.O. Box little statuettes of the Dungeons & Dragons 80s cartoon characters, which are just delightful. And they were licensed in what company? I'm not sure. I remember off the top of my head.

They're little red and black boxes. I think this gentleman had something to do with it. So to the Nerd Poker fam bam. Hey, guys. Long time listener. First time writer. You are all. Long-time listener. First-time writer. You are all... He slashed out caller, but writer.

So far, he's doing a great job for someone who's never written before. You all are the reason I got into D&D, so please accept these statues as a token of appreciation. Oh, God. Listening to your podcast helped inspire me to get out of the insurance legal realm and into the world of toys and collectibles cool now i can attend cons all around the world for work so whoa it's awesome

work so again thank you all there's one more piece to the set that should finish production late next year and i'll send it over so he like when we get it wow hugsugs and crits. Mike Declan, also known as Dak and Coke. It's Iron Studios. Cool. I remember Dak and Coke from the Patreon list, too. Thanks, Dak and Coke. That's a recognizable

name. Thank you. Sideshow might have something to do with Iron. Yeah. How amazing that we had a listener who is involved in that little nexus of properties. Thanks so much. I got those things. I hooked up with the sideshow people in the last year. The stuff they make is amazing.

We've all hooked up with sideshow people when they're having a dark day and it's just life's not going your way. Oh. I feel that. Are you talking about blowing a carny? This is a totally different thing. I feel like that clown's mouth would seem until the balloon pops. What camera am I in?

We went from like innuendo to like outuendo to just like outright porn. I love watching your face while that happened, though. It escalated. That's what Springsteen does to you. Oh, man. For four and a half hours, if you're lucky. On escalated. That's what Springsteen does to you. Oh, man. For four and a half hours, if you're lucky.

On that note, I would like to start thanking some Patreon listeners. Graphic pornography like this is brought to us by Patreon supporters who go

by names like Bryce, quote unquote, Comatose Haynes. Thank you, Bryce Haynes. Comatose or Toze? Comatose, T-O-Z-E. They don't say Comatose until I say they unquote comatose Haynes. Thank you, Bryce Haynes comatose or toast comatose to Z. They don't say comatose. So I say they say comatose. Thank you

Callum Kennedy. Thank you. Thank you. Either PFT becomes a cast member of nerd poker or I will kill myself. Don't do that. Sounds like someone doesn't know how celebrities work. Paul, all you got to do is like walk up to a celebrity

and they do whatever you want, right? Thank you, Crunk Brewpot. I'm not joking. Please do that to the next celebrity you see everyone listening. Thank you, Clay Carver. Thank you, Alan Wolford. Thank you, Amanamanaman.

Amanamanaman. Amanamanaman. That's what she's doing. Thank you, Amanamanaman. Thank you, Karm Bottomstock. Thank you, M&M&M. Thank you, Karm Bottom Stock. Thank you, Wick Rotation. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese. Thank you, Bojangles.

Thank you, Michael McAvoy. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Brasch. Thank you, Brazilian Shaved Mice. Thank you, Adam Ruiz. Thank you, Aaron Horowitz. Thank you, J.R. Weinzettel. Thank you, BJ Machine. Thank Thank you, J.R. Weinzettel. Thank you, BJ Machine.

Thank you. And the Bear Machine. But it's spelled B-E-E-J-A-Y. That was my nickname in high school. M-A-C-H-E-E-N, so it like crept up on me and stuff. BJ Machine. Thank you, Brent Kreinop. And thank you, Bob Woodyard.

Thanks, Bob. Thanks, folks. Thank you. Let's all get into what happened last time on the nerd poker podcast the ice five after dealing with the aboleth and escaping some sort of beneath the sea cave titan went back to the arcanist's quarters uh they also met with uh this guy who uh sorry Dan's attention spans all over the fucking place today. Who knows what's even happening these days, man? They met with the head of Dame Island.

They got a reward. They met with the Arcanist. And they're busting Nibbin Dairy Waxle Puzzle Gig. Sorry. Awesome. That one guy. All right, I'm done. And so, yeah, you've got this Nibbin Dairy Waxable Puzzle Gig, the Honorary Baron of Pepper Green,

startled and calm emotioned on a table in the Arcanist's Tower. I think calm emotions, by the way, it works on everyone in the room, right? So I don't know if that other guy did. Well, if you want him, he will react. I think you can focus it on one person if you want to, but if you want this to happen to him too, I'm going to have us do another saving throw for him.

I mean, if you want everyone to fucking calm down, we can do this. I guess I thought I didn't have a choice. If I have a choice, it's as a group of people and everyone in a 20-foot radius on the point that I choose. Ultimately, you can make a target indifferent about creatures of your choice. Uh, that's hostile toward the indifference ends of the target as a tech. Uh, yeah. I mean, we'll just have everyone do a little quick charisma saving throw at the top.

Cool. Sorry. I think it's probably for the best. You can see dark. There's already hot under the collar. 17. Okay, good. I want you to pass it. I cast a Calming Emotions spell that is not targetable, so you have to see if I accidentally calmed your emotions.

19. Good job. What are we trying to beat? I believe it's a 16. 14. I. Good job. What are we trying to beat? I believe it's a 16. 14. I am extremely stressed. What's your roll? 19. Okay, good job, guys.

Stressed out cuckoo bird? Is this the straight roll? There's nothing. Use your charisma. Oh, charisma. It's a saving throw, yeah. 10. Okay. So I calmed Darkthor down and the Arcanist. Cool, so if he gets sassy, we'll dial it down a little bit. That actually is probably the best thing possible.

So wait, if you calm down Darkthor's emotions, is he suddenly less sullen? Is he suddenly actually kind of pleasant to be around? I'm going to give you a break, brother. I mean, we're all in this thing together. Oh. We should stand next to each other and lock pinkies. No, not so much.

Just like a friendship pinky lock. Nah. Like friends. I'm just going to chill over here. Remind me again. There was something at the end of the last episode. I believe you were asking about TikTok. Can you remember what that was?

Something about... I was asking? Theok pinky lock oh yeah what it was uh it seems as if uh the baron of pepper green was kind of giving you like a little bit of a nudge nudge oh yeah the arcanist was implied that perhaps the arcanist was was there when he went into hiding because he was trying to kill him. I see. So I'll turn to the Arcanist and see. The Arcanist is going to roll against a deception check over here. So

I won't tell you what happened. Yes? I'll turn towards the Arcanist and say are you alright friend? I'm fine. Why do you ask? Well, I'm just worried you're going to try and kill him. Why would I do that?

I just saved him. I know, but everybody wants to kill him. We're trying to bring you into our confidence here. No. Cool. What do you want to happen to him i don't really care either way it seems like you're more invested in his future than i am we think he knows some things well i'm sure he does uh feel free go ahead i'll uh you know i'll see if i can gather some more

supplies for wherever your journey is next you just go ahead and talk to him i don't really care your attitude is weird friend doctor what do you think do you think he's on the up and up yeah he seems pretty mellow to me man i'm just mellow um hey okay quick we got to get to this right away your journal uh did cut off right at the end here at a very important let's let's see oh yeah uh the the uh the tenebrous one um he was once known simply as uh mad libs fill in the blank uh this is very delicate information um happy to tell you uh, I would ask that you all consider not sharing this information with anyone outside this room. Put your phones in a bag. That goes for the little

dragon that you have there, all of a sudden. That goes for you, Arcanist. Really don't... This is dangerous. The Tenebrous One is a being known as Manzikorian. With a baby Yoda? Anybody know what that means?

Did this ring a bell for any of us? I'm going to let you all choose between History or Arcana. I'm going to reward whoever the highest roll is, so if you hear someone get higher than you, don't worry about it. We're looking for high rolls here. I have a plus 5 to Arcana, so 21. And proficiency highest role is so if if you hear someone get higher than you don't worry about i'm just we're looking for high rolls plus five arcana so twenty one proficiency let what means i will let you double roll with advantage yeah i

got a twenty four fourteen oh shit but i think you get the roll again yeah you do i'll take the first one twenty one twenty four is a high roll iron me Horus Hyrule. Iron me. Arcanist rolled low on that, by the way. Yeah, TikTok. An Alan Arcanist. You remember that Manzikorian was a god believed to have been slain a long time ago. He was destroyed on the plain of Gehenna by Orcus.

He is worshipped as a god by mind flayers. But he has since been replaced as a god since he died, so many folks have not even heard his name in a long time. What's his name? Sorry. Manzikorian. M-A-A-N-Z-E folks have not even heard his name in a long time what's his name sorry man's a corian m a a n z e c o r i a n so two a's at the beginning of it um and just a little fun thing i didn't really get it

you know like uh zinzerino last campaign sometimes i like to find a god that hasn't been in a couple editions of dungeon dragons & Dragons but is a Dungeons & Dragons character. That's like how Quentin Tarantino does it with old character actors. Yes. This is my Robert Forster coming out. It's just very generous of you, Dan. Manzo appreciates it.

I like to make a lot of shit up but then I like to dig shit out also. Manzikorian is not a person. It was already a god. Manzikorian, yeah, I could probably give you a little bit more information with a 24. Let's see. What else can I tell you from my bucket of shit? Because he was describing him as a wizard at first.

And that's why we wanted to figure out what... Did the Tenebris one take over a wizard or was there you know what i mean yeah you're you're you're still kind of piecing it together it is it is believed that orcus killed manzikorian when orcus himself was something of a shadow of a dead god and then he eventually regained his form so what is interesting about this and i'm going to give you this at the 24th the the name, the Tenebrous One, has existed for a long time. So,

Manzikorian is currently known as the Tenebrous One, but he wasn't always. Other beings have been known as the Tenebrous One before. So he's assumed a mantle, basically. Yes. Can I see the letter again? First was Sean Connery. And then Lazenby. can i see the letter again first was sean connery and then um lazy b because you yeah so the wizard is not even a wizard anymore he is the delver of dimensions the collector of kings the tenebrous one

so when you're saying the wizard in this who are you referring to uh i am referring to a wizard who is actually a manifestation of Manzikorian. Right. What was the wizard's name? Manzikorian. Oh, he was a wizard named Manzikorian. Yes. Got it.

All right. Long time ago. He still sometimes shows up in that form as a conceit to win people to his side, like, you know, certain other wizards. Oh, like the Archmage very well maybe yes so what you're saying the archmage is in cahoots with manzarian seems like a possibility sure so that he can also become a god yes he doesn't have a jaw anymore, I noticed. No. That is what I have gathered.

What about Stinky Pete over here in the corner? Think he'd like to become part of that God club? You mean the arcanist? Yeah. Just remind me. He kind of stares. I don't really know what to make of this guy. He was at your party, right?

You thought he was cool enough to be on the spaceship. Oh, good. Somebody's phone was by my cord. Zip-a-da-zip-zop noise. Yeah, I guess I trust him for now, but he was not exactly on the best terms with me the last time that I saw him. Yeah, no, we get it. What was your last interaction like, both of you?

I'd love to hear the story. There were a lot of spells being cast around. I hid while people destroyed the observatory and broke themselves out. And I slowly began to starve to death and transform myself into an inanimate object so I would no longer require food. Well, when you say broke themselves out, it sounds a lot like you had them in jail. No, that's where the crashed observatory was.

The crashed observatory had certain protections, but at a certain point, people began to flee, and then people began to come back, and then there was a dragon, and the only thing I could do to keep myself safe was to become an inanimate object because people were hunting for me and they could sense my life force saying,

yeah. Why wasn't everybody would everybody just mad because you had gotten them on the ship pretty much okay so they were all looting um i won't say present company uh who may have taken what from the observatory but uh let's just say a lot of very powerful beings were invited to that party and a lot of them thought they were owed something and they just took it. Again, I feel like you, we did get you out of there.

I'll tell you whatever you want. Is it, is it because of him that you're all crazy like this or are you just always going to be like this? I mean, I've always been a little, just,

this is my personality, but you know. Do you want to talk it out with him, brother? No. You've got Darkthor at a real even keel. I kind of just like to not be in the same room as him.

Darkthor, don't you want to, I don't know, get them hugging? Seems like this dude's got some issues, and that other dude's got something that he needs to work out, too. Maybe the two of them could work it out together. I don't know. Sam Elliott over here dropped by. I know. All of a sudden dark through

grew a bushy mustache tipped his hat gave a little uh wink to the camera um maybe two maybe someone can go with the arcanist in the other room for a moment yeah i mean he's getting the vibe and he says look uh bygones be bygones i escaped from that horrible place whatever uh i will happily descend the stairs and leave you in my quarters. He takes a second and seems to... I don't want him to go alone. I'll go with him. Yeah.

He says, as long as you don't mind, I will simply cast some protection spells, and he does some... Why don't you promenade with him, and then can you ask him if... Doesn't he agree that the Baron may be able to help? Yeah. You know, with our current situation. So he will break off, and he will head down the stairs into another floor

with you. Tick tock. Great. Is there anything you guys, before we go off and get going, he seemed nice. Anything else you want to ask the Baron before we go to the split narrative of tick tock and the Arcanist?

I guess I'd like, so he's been, does he know what's going on in the world yeah i mean up until a few months ago when i kind of lost my ability to listen in uh i have my listening network that i can uh check out uh having a little trouble kind of tapping into it right now might be a result of me turning myself into an animate object but uh yeah i was pretty up on world events until a few months ago that's how i know about things like the archmage turning into a rather unsavory character okay so not to put too fine a point on it but we'd kind of love to save the world and you know get back so you know any

help advice or direction you can give us in that way would be really greatly appreciated and perhaps someday you will be returned in the history books to your stature um as a you know the baron of pepper green who returned to save the world instead of destroy a bunch of heroes well unfortunately i i am the baron of uh what is now a large whirlpool uh the size of uh you know most of a continent so uh oh boy i don't think if there's much for me to be renowned for unless I have a new title and a new land. Well, that's fine. But I'm just saying my point was less about your actual physical land, sir, than it was about...

Excuse me for getting pedantic. I see your point. Yes. I think the main thing I would like to tell you is I've been in an inanimate object since it seems like you guys were unthought. So most of my information comes from before your time awake. I don't know how outdated it will be, but I believe if you're to become heroes of Clottenheim, which

sounds great. Clottenheim. The most heroes that I know of are in Donkey Land. There's quite a few halflings there that will be of assistance to you, I would think, that seem very good at fighting monsters, especially the giants. Also, Archmage of Anseville is terrible.

Oh, boy. Get away from that guy. He's real bad uh so he's been undead for a while uh he's been studying uh elements of necromancy that many other wizards would find very unsavory i would never associate myself with the archmage of anzoril he as far as i know has been going to other planes and trying to consolidate power and absorb the life force from other beings and uh seems to have attained an unnatural age in that time as he's been undead so i believe although he may appear to only be a century and a half old he's actually several more centuries old at this point from his displacement in uh the time and space continuum.

And I'll just be very careful about that guy. Should we try to kill him? Do you think? Oh yeah. Okay. If you can, he's very powerful. Got it.

Okay. This is helpful. Should we call him and let him know that we're suffering our partnership? The sea monsters. Does he know? Oh boy. Sea monsters. I mean,

I've never really bothered with those. What kind of sea monsters are we talking? I know there's a lot in the ocean and they only got worse after the,, boy, sea monsters. I mean, I've never really bothered with those. What kind of sea monsters are we talking about? There's a lot in the ocean, and they only got worse after the, you know, the comet. It's these narwhal jerks, and then they're a bunch of floating assholes underneath them. Oh, they took our boat, and now they're having a dick fit about it, and then we've fought a bunch of them yeah i can't speak to the dick fit but uh i will say they were um a more peaceful folk that did not really come above water before the comet and i believe they have been mutated in some way because of the comet so they've become uh rather unfortunate lately they are known as monodonts and uh there's uh shriekers juggernauts ghosts um there's also a queen of the monodonts

that lives somewhere in the south ocean uh just be careful with them we fought some of those juggernaut assholes oh they're beefy yeah i didn't like them one bit they'll uh they'll gore you and stuff yeah uh and the giants you think donkey land's the best place to go to get help with the Giants well they're proficient in donkey land with dealing with the Giants they could definitely take them down they could take down monodonts whatever you need they're very they're just a force to be reckoned with Sam just build me I mean why doesn't trying to do end of the year shit. I mean, why doesn't Sam know that if all the podcasts ours does not turn the ringer off, everyone leaves.

I usually don't have my phone. That's the least tax I've ever had. Hey, you did that Amber alert last episode. Oh my God, the attention spans. So yeah, so do you want to know? My last thing would be that the art spans. So, yeah. So, anything you want to know? My last thing would be the druidic artifacts. Uh-huh.

The Archmage was telling us about the druidic artifacts, and he wanted us to collect them all. Oh. Yeah, I wish I knew more about those. People keep that information pretty quiet, but I know there are artifacts that people tried to use to stop the comet. I didn't know this was happening before it happened. Thank goodness it happened. I believe the druids who broke the comet in half are indirectly. I am in no way bitter about this because it's good for everybody.

They split the comet in half. They reduced its impact and therefore both saved lives and are the reason that my observatory was hit by a chunk of the comet. So, you know, I don't know where they are, who they are, anything like that. I wish I had more information, but I have heard that these druids, you know, they used ancient artifacts. Yes. Anything else, guys? I don't know. I'm downstairs.

Yes, we can. All right. Yeah, let's. Yeah, Blaine are these artifacts still lying around? Do you think you have two of them? Yeah, you you actually do have the piece

of coral and the petrified dragon. I do you think if do you think if if I tuned myself to the two of these things that I would be able to use that as sort of like a dowsing rod to find any more of them. You know, the Baron doesn't know. He says this is a little more out of his depth.

He's not a magician or a wizard or a sorcerer. He's just kind of, he's like wishes he could help you. I want to go to donkey land. I had the craziest thought about that. The big thing that we found underwater that you guys found. The coral? The Titan. No, the Titan.

Oh, yeah. The head, shoulders, and tentacles. What about getting that thing to fight our battle? Yeah. Sarah, do you have a plus 40? Yeah. I figured I wasn't in the room, so I wouldn't know. No, you don't get to do this.

You can bring it up with him later, but I wouldn't know no you don't get to do this they can ask you you can bring it up with him later but I'm going to put this on the players to remember he was just saying I don't think he was saying that to the he was just saying it in general yeah

to the group I mean I don't think he was saying it that's fine but I would give you a bonus bit of info and chime in I just meant he wasn't saying it in game he was saying it

understood okay but I would say his character might have a spark of thought at that point it's just a study lots of books everywhere. Did you guys all try and kill him, or were you just pissed off?

What was the thinking behind it? You know, we were trapped there. Same as everybody else. Not you, of course. We were invited under the belief we were being treated to food and treasure. Yeah, it was a total surprise. It was celebrated, and we ended up being captives for some time. We were stuck for months and months and months,

over a year in that observatory, before we were able to figure out how to get out. We had no boat. The observatory was broken. Yeah, that's where we broke our way back into it. So we exhausted most of the supplies, and at a certain point the baron became very selfish and would no longer share certain supplies and we were forced to be more aggressive and he hid copy yeah doesn't sound like he did a very good job does it yeah he's uh sloppy yeah i mean big picture but maybe on the details not so sharp he's just one of those guys

who is a wealthy eccentric and he took advantage of a lot of people who actually have life experience right venturing you've got obviously great experience it's too bad you weren't at the top of this thing from the beginning what do you mean i'm just saying you unlike the baron who clearly didn't know what to do if i just wish maybe it'd be cool if you had been in charge. If I had known about the comet in advance. I'm just saying, maybe your plan would have been different than his. That's what I'm saying. I would have definitely shared the secrets that the Baron kept from the society.

Do you think there are more? More secrets? I don't trust him. Do you? I don't know. He certainly did a number on you, didn't he? Well, I don't know. I thought I was his son, and now it turns out I'm a murder monster.

From what I know, you're from another plane of existence. You were brought here on the comet to... Brought here ahead of the comet, apparently. Yes. That part's a little unusual. Yeah. What do you think about the timing on that one? I think it's likely you were meant to scout or summon.

Mm-hmm. What do you think? Do you remember? I've been having little bits and fits and starts and such. What do you think about elves? I'm worried about them. I'm worried that I'm supposed to destroy one of them. Right.

Are you going to kill that sun elf that you're with? No. That's why you're here, right? To exterminate? I think that's why I was sent here. I don't think it's why I'm supposed to destroy one of them. Right. Are you going to kill that sun elf that you're with? No. That's why you're here, right? To exterminate. I think that's why I was sent here. I don't think it's why I'm here now. You changed your mind? I don't think I had to change my mind because I don't think I was ever thinking the other way.

Do you know if you were here to kill the sun elves or the moon elves? Those were two different. Now, what's a moon elf? That's the first time I heard those words. They're slightly different. They had a different city to the south and they were both laid waste until they disappeared. Where's their first time I heard those words. They're slightly different. They had a different city to the south, and they were both laid waste until they disappeared. Where's their city? Another plane of existence, it looks like.

No, but I'm saying, what is their city? Let's see. I know about, what's the city that I met you in? Dame Island? I know that city. Are you talking about the Trident Coast? Yep. are you talking about the trident coast yep so that would have been these are one where dan tried to write uh you know my dentist recommends so east and south of east and south is vindaria which is the sun elf city where uh halcyon has relatives. And then there is Vonderon, which is west,

and that is the moon elf city. I don't have those on my map. Interesting. They're not currently on the map. They used to be in the Clottenheim. You were all a part of 10 years ago. But in the adapted map that you found, both of the cities had been wiped off the map.

Wiped off or hidden? You know that they drifted to the Feywild to protect themselves. You're not sure. Yeah, that's what I'm a little worried about. You tell him that? That you're worried about them shifting? No, I'm not worried about them shifting. I'm worried about what happens when they shift back.

Right. So there's got to be some tension between you and the sun elf because if her people come back they would kill you and if your people find out she is here they would kill her am i automatically on site am i am i i should be killed again if your people encounter her they will kill her if their people come back from the feywild they will kill you now i was under the back from the Feywild, they will kill you. Now, I was under the impression that all my people were going to come. I'm uncomfortable with that term,

but I was under the impression they're all just sort of standing there waiting silently like a statue army. Most of them are. There's a few who wander away on missions. They all have a function that they came here with. On missions? Like what? To assassinate usually

there's a few elves scattered around the continent have you ever caught one of these one of the warforged yeah no we should talk to one of these fuckers i am right now yeah i'm not one of them though sure okay we'll play that dumb game all right i'm gonna'm going to get you. That's not why I'm here. All right. I don't think that way. All right. Well, I woke up in a toy shop. I thought I was a cuckoo clock. Likely story.

Anything else you have of me? I think I get back. Turn around while I pull out my sword real quick. You're a cocksucker. I don't like you. Is there anything else you want to get from him? Chris Tallman? I got enough.

Okay, cool. That was very revealing in both directions. So you guys, you two head back upstairs. And yes, at this point, the Baron, you cast Calm Emotion. It unwound pretty quickly. I mean, it gave you a very good start to the conversation. But by the time the Arcanist was led away, everybody had the ability to increase tension if they needed to.

At this point, he's starting to high blood pressure shakes and stuff. He's like, yeah, get me out of here. Huh? This don't want to be a tub of a tower. Just kind of like,

uh, you know, where will you go again? If you can take me to Verde and keep, I'd love to talk to whoever's in charge and maybe you could set me up with some private quarters. I don't know if you want us to take you there. What?

Well, last time that guy saw us, a bomb went off in his face. Oh. But sure, we'll walk in. Okay. So you're going to take him to the Veridian Keep sure let's find out what happens next if something blows up in his face again we're gonna look real suspicious

you show up and he's immediately trying to talk uh what is the piece that's gonna be here sin god alright did he say my god you uh

as soon as you get through he's trying to flag people down I mean you have to carry him but he's like he's trying to flag someone else down to get him away from us yeah get him away from you basically you notice this he doesn't meet you have like a moment to decide if you're going to intervene or anything I don't really like this attitude he's got on him he seems very skittish i mean they just

basic insight you guys can tell he doesn't trust anyone he seems to have developed a very paranoid personality separate from his old one that's sort of in line with the letter that you you read where he was very accusatory towards TikTok. Listen, do you want to go back in your pen? That's a real question and not a threat. I'm just asking. Oh, you mean my observatory? No, do you just want to go back inside the quill pen that you've been traveling around in TikTok's pocket? I would need spell

components to do that. I'm not much of a wizard, but yeah, I gathered enough to cast a spell. And yeah, I would do that. You can't do that to me. Well, if we want to talk to you again, how can we communicate? Send a letter. To? Whoever's in charge here at the Viridian Keep these days.

Alright, so we can keep in touch with you through the Viridian Keep. Sounds good. Very just keeping you from... I feel like we're trying to help you and you're not accepting our help, which is a choice that you can make do a persuasion check

i botched so so you say that and you just see him kind of go vacant and nod and you can tell he's he's uh offered you a certain amount of contact and he's not necessarily trying to deceive you or anything but he feels no warmness towards your party you heard her say we're the ice five right we have a boat i'm glad you've all done well for yourselves i would love to stay in touch tiktok uh let me know if there's anything else i can do for you i'm afraid i'm a bit low on resources i have one i do actually have one more question for you um can you describe in detail uh how exactly you came upon tick tock and and what you thought and sort of the the development of that role yes i was looking for some sort of construct, a being made of clockwork that I could use as a servant

as I am physically incapable of certain tasks, but I do like to tinker in my workshop or I did when I had one. I believe most of my mountain retreat is now destroyed, but I went to a marketplace in Peppergreen. There was a strange fellow. He was a... I don't know if you've heard of them. They're called Marifka.

I'd never seen one before. He was attempting to disguise himself as a gith, which is another rare sort of being. And I didn't know what a Marifka was when I met him, but he was selling TikTok, claiming he was a clockwork construct. Aha. So you were deceived by the seller.

Yes, I was. I mean, I assume he had ulterior motives because doesn't everybody these days? But it's possible he was in some way duped or confused. Yet, I believe if you see a creature not native to this plane and he sells you another creature not native to this plane,

there is a certain amount of deception. You think he was trying to get rid of me? Or plant me. Plant you as a part of a larger plan of infiltration. I thought the Marifka were supposed to be, like, good guy, cops. Didn't you have one helping out at the ice installation? We found one dying as we woke up from our icy slumber. I tend to not trust any race

based on one individual's actions. It's a good policy. Okay. Farewell. And he gets a guard pretty quickly who's already been sort of standing nearby to take him off your hands unless you resist. You're welcome.

You're welcome. Sorry, guys. My dad's a hunk of shit. I didn't want to say anything while he was here but yeah he he he's uh he's definitely taken a turn for the chaotic like uh he's his his paranoid uh attitude is unhelpful for the most part however he did impart a certain amount of information that you could take or leave at face value well do we want to go inside we we got to go talk to the boss so we can go to donkey land right that's our next play yeah it seems like and i think actually he wanted to know our plans i think our plan is we're going to go try to um recruit recruit i think we also should figure out what we want to do about the Archmage

and if we want to find other artifacts. We know the Archmage can talk to us anytime he wants to. Right, but maybe we should be trying to make nice until we're ready to kill him. Yeah, I mean, we caught him one time pretty good. That's true. Yeah, he did catch him with his pants down and waxed pants down and we should just go get him out of

the way first uh you had you know uh if you haven't decided yet then maybe we should have you guys meet in the lobby of the viridian keep for a second um also hang out in the bar let's pause real quick uh do they have any commercials that you know of anybody anybody you know like if california pizza kitchen i do know that there is a transylvania pizza kitchen blah blah try the barbecue it says for the beers for blood blah blah black you blah transylvania pizza kitchen back to you dan blah wow it. Blah. It's right in the pizza kitchen. Back to you, Dan. Blah. Wow, it's so cool how you wrote that in advance

and said it word for word. Very, very great commercial. You guys... I know my craft. You guys just talked and broke up with, to an extent, the Baron of Peppergrain, who now wants to go hide. Lord Husterbus is somewhere in the Viridian

Keep where you now are. You're sort of in the main area right now. You know he has just a desire to speak with you before you go, but you have a few options ahead of where you can go after this. Most of your business here is done. You've collected some treasure. You have spoken to the Arcanist

and gotten some info from him as well. And yeah, time boat is docked to the north. What would you like to do? I think we were discussing that we were going to go to Donkey Land to get the other option would be to go to kill the Archmage. But if we go to Donkey Land to get backup, basically to help with the giants, maybe they can also help us with the Archmage. Doculand potentially makes us stronger. Anything stronger versus the Archmage I think is good. Maybe we'll even level up in our skill sets,

whatever that means. All right. Does that sound like a plan to anybody? Yeah. Dead silence from everybody else. No, let's go to Doculand. All right. People are going to be real excited let's go to DocuLand. All right. People are going to be real excited if you go to DocuLand, you guys.

I think we get a tweet like once a day minimum. Oh, really? Oh, my God. Is Darker still calmed? No, it only lasted a minute. Good. Are you all right? I feel better.

Yeah, I feel great. You seem upset. No, I'm fine. Before you were so Maui Waui. I don't know what you're talking about. All right. All right, so you communicate this. We don't have to have like a scene for it or anything,

but you want to communicate to... We tell the, yeah. Staff or the Lord. The Lord Buster Buster or whatever. What's his name? Huster Buster. Huster Buster. So, yeah, I mean,

the one piece of information he tells you is there is you know in the middle of donkey land the capital of donkey land which is clompety so he tells you where is that on our map clompety clomp donkey land yeah donkey land dominic the donkey land is it sort of this is it this sort of big township at the base of these crystal rocks? Yes. And that's Clompety, you say? Yes. Clompety. Clompety. Did you just pull that out of your ass?

What does it say in my laptop? You want to read this? What does that shit say? It says, pull out of ass. Clompety. What is the... I made Brian read my laptop. Etymology of Donkey Land, I ask Lord Husterbus.

Well, there's a lot of donkeys. Oh, yeah it's not just a name so that makes perfect sense then it's a little on the nose halfling were a simple folk at one point and at that point they called it donkey land donkey land it's not called murder death and do you want to give them some sort of notice hey the ice five are coming roll out the red carpet and such? We'll try to send word. Sending messages back and forth can be a little difficult. We don't currently have a contact there. Maybe you can send us with a seal from Day Mile. Something just to sort of let them know we are all friends of a city.

No problem. Donkey Land itself has separated it from the main continent. So if you look at the map, there was some destruction done. Here, I will stand up a little bit. So, Donkey Land.

He's doing crowd work. Hey, buddy. Donkey Land. Clompety is this little town here. Donkey Land used to be a whole other area over here that got broken off. When this thing hit, it kind of shattered the land. So this is formerly donkey land. Also, this sort of broken up island here.

This is the main stronghold of donkey land. He says there is a series of halfling made sort of canyons all around it which is not represented on the map um there it you will have to cross a very wide canyon to get to donkey land so while that is where it is it is it is it is in a way to fortify itself from the giants who come ready for some bird shenanigans the the lakes of worship is their main battleground and and the giants will often come down here and fight but they're fortified behind here so you should know you may come across giants you may come across their dogs there will there will be a certain amount of combat you may have to sneak your way through this droppers these are our friends you best droppers are halflings who are experienced with subterranean combat um there's a lot of damage

done uh by the comet and they're particularly known because all of them know feather fall and a certain amount of other things that can benefit them so they can fight while basically floating that would greatly help us that's where they got the nickname abyss droppers but uh yeah there's a lot of casters there's a lot of druids anything you know about we know that this area down here or past the trident coast there's some sort of like secretivey... Remember we got some information that there were like tides or something down here? We offered it up to trade to somebody

at some point. Oh, that was a trade map. Yeah, there was like a trade map or something. Do you want to show it to him? Sure. He kind of doesn't seem to know what to make of it. He says it seems like a pirate map. All right.

Some of these trade routes look current, but it looks like it's meant to sabotage boats between cities. That's what the pirate map is. That's what it is. It shows the routes that boats take so they can intercept them. Yeah. And you know there's multiple pirate clans. You've encountered several. You're considered one by many people well then we definitely need to bring venus with us right

because now we're the pirate clan of the mother brain she's in our ice five she's associated with the ice five yes all right okay well thank you more snark from tiktok you should probably talk to venus about uh man's or veil or whatever yeah yeah and you know you can either go on foot to uh donkey land or you could try to take timeboat a good portion of the way i mean timeboat right it looks like if we if we take timeboat down the river and then just sail along the coast, then we're farther away from the giants, right? And we're getting to where I came from. However, are we going to run into

all the assholes that hate us? That is where you know the home base somewhere underwater is for the path of the vaunted tusk. Towards blue bog or towards poxus? Because there's two rivers that come out from there. Right.

The East River would be faster, but the ocean is where they are. Oh, okay. Oh, all right. Can't avoid them. But the East River past Blue Bog. But if the ocean is where they are, the river is where they are. The ocean. So we could take the river all the way down.

And stay at the coast. Yeah, and then either skim the coast in the boat Or then we could go by foot Once we get down here Then we go straight across Plus we get more time boat time Sounds good Tis true

I'm in I think it's time to bust out Ye olde time boat Yay Alright So time boat is docked to the north uh you guys would know that haushinka is below deck have our cannons been restored sam you can shut if she's out there yeah i'm getting super chilly yeah so uh i'm getting uh just probably gonna get a salad. This sale is all kinds

bent up and I think I am going to just do a very basic setup here and maybe between episodes I will try to hook it up better but basically we need to take two little hooks on this little guy on either side to kind of brace

it. We can just lean it for now. If you want to let me handle this, I think fiddling with it is only going to increase the odds of it being just continuing to ignore you. I'm sorry. The thing is, it is a toy and having it a toy that cool sitting out makes you

just want to fiddle. I like toys. Toys can make you mine you notice a couple of things first of all the miniature for Bodhi from our last campaign is apparently swimming around timeboat

Brian is excited to take that toy out I don't know why he Venus is swimming around you know for a fact and you only need to look at the water around timeboat for a little bit before you just see a dark shape hey Venus get funky

you call out you see a little sort of albino like eye kind of boop should we go talk below decks yeah I feel like we need to ask him very casually not like you know so let's get going and just make a small talk have the admiral do it he's the most charming convincing of us all very casually, not like, you know, but yeah, so let's get started. We can get going and just make a small talk. Have,

have the Admiral do it. He's the most charming, convincing of us all. So we're going to start, we're going to set sail first though, right? Sure. Let's get going.

All right. We also have to talk to how she go, right? Yeah. I mean, she's just, you find her below deck smoking. Okay.

Can we first take her aside and let her know everything that we now know and then get any of her input and. Okay. She's from donkey land. No Because she's from Donkey Land. No, she's from another plane. She's from Weston, the continent out to the west. She aligned herself with the Violet Fang. The Violet Fang is sort of a league of assassins.

That are based in Donkey Land. And also the name of the main assassin, who is a drow suspected to be from another plane who has allied herself with the halflings of donkey land right oh she's allied with the halflings of donkey land the violet fang is yeah in fact you haven't really talked about this much it was a it was a in my opinion rather large piece of information but uh the adventure kind of steered you away from talking about it too much. It's true.

Hoshinka would happily wave her cigarette around and tell you tales of the Violet Fang, but she says, you know, yes, if we are going to Donkey Land, we will encounter the Violet Fang. And that's good for you or bad for you? A little of both, you know.

I try to tell you my opinions. I believe the Violet Fang is dangerous. I do not want to owe her anything anymore. Perhaps this is different from before you saved me? Well, you're with us now. Yes. You're under the protection of Admiral Darkthor. That's right.

Oh, hello, Admiral. Hey. Thank you for letting. Oh, hello, Admiral. Hey. Thank you for letting me on your boat, Admiral. How goes it, Admiral Dogther? Does she always talk like this? She does. And you have, on most of what occasions, said, has she always talked like this?

It's not a memorable Poseidon-type character, Me Sinks. Okay. Me Sinks. Okay. Me Sinks. Yes. She didn't seem to offer anything about the Giants, though, when we were talking. Her sort of

mission has been to consolidate power for the Violet Fang. She has been trying to gather information for the Violet Fang, but she she has been trying to gather information for the viral thing but she's never been out out war with anybody so she doesn't have tons on the giants all right so we are sailing all right you're gonna head on the east river south so again if you would like to consult your maps um what we've got going on is in of particular note river travel this means you are very visible you're you know a very easy to spot boat you're it's a tall sail

even though you're small so anyone on either side of the coast is going to see you you've noticed a lot of you know boats coming in and out of Dame Island that are just human or non-pirate based. If you guys look like a pirate boat, your cannons are reinstated. Is there something we could do to make us look more incognito? Right now. A deception that we could maybe throw up?

You don't currently have a spell that I know of. You could talk amongst yourselves if you'd like to figure something out. But you do stick out. Hang quilted blankets over the armor? So it just looks like a big soft boat? You could buy some in town. You could try to make it look like a sort of gypsy vessel. Does it really matter ultimately i mean that i think it'll matter for the for the vaunted tusk people or whatever

but like i feel like they're gonna figure it out and find us anyway so i'm assuming they've already written on the bottom of our boat this is our boat i will say you you do notice when you get back to the boat that the people of Dame Island have rewritten timeboat on the side. They've carved it in there very professionally. So it looks like they have washed away whatever unpleasantness may have been left on the boat and restocked you. Yeah, you've got supplies again. However, before you set sail, you are down two crew members still. You do not any longer have a chef or a weapons master. They are somewhere in Dame Island,

and you have not gone to look for them. They were not that helpful, to be honest. Let's see if any locals want to help us out. I mean, you don't have to replace them, no, but I'm going to be keeping track of... We'll do that. We'll replace them with locals. Well, we can try.

I mean, it's probably easier just to keep track of with locals. We can try. It's probably easier just to keep track of names alone. Oh, yeah. Where are our people? You don't know. You haven't looked for them. You can find them, but it's Ma and Jonkel. They're somewhere on Dame Island, you think.

Based on your information. We sent word out, look, everyone will know that we're looking and then we'll bring them to us soon. Great. I'm going to have everybody do a persuasion check as you go around Dame Island looking for your former crewmates. I'm using my special die.

Thank you, Preston. Nice. 19. 22. 8. 10. I'm very persuasive so you get some information

Darkthor it seems that both Jonkel and Fegmaw have been drinking at the Fuzzy Bucket

a bar that you've you've heard is sort of the main dive in Dame Island go there alright so you guys head there at night a fuzzy bucket is a sailor bar so you immediately see a couple of folks who you think you may have

even recognized from the tavern back in bozor and uh yeah sure enough sitting in a booth way off in a darkened corner you you see the recognized, uh, both faces of John Cole and Fegma drinking with a couple other, uh, half orcs. Hmm. Hey guys, you walk up to him and just,

yeah. Uh, so you walk up there and they're sort of like engaged in some sort of conversation and they just sort of look up and go like, Oh, Hey. Yeah. Hey, uh, we have a new mission up and go like, oh, hey. Yeah, hey. We have a new mission. You want to join us

and get back on the boat? Sure. You got our back pay? You had us watch a boat without paying us. You ran out of your advance. How much do we owe you? Not to be dicks, but we had to get jobs here on Dame Island to make up the fact that we were piss broke. Got some gold pieces.

Alright, so they say for 100 gold each, you can get them for 30 days each. Nope. That seems steep. Anybody I mean, how much gold do we have? Who was in charge?

No, we all just got 200 each. And then I have Anybody? How much gold do we have? Who was in charge? I feel like you're our treasurer. You've got more than enough to cover. We all just got 200 each. And then I have the kitty. What's the kitty right now? The kitty is 3,600. Yeah. You guys are loaded. We are loaded.

Let's just not waste our time. I don't disagree, but I feel like. I definitely think we should owe them, pay them our back pay. Do we want the little coward with us, the cook? Jeff, he can't really. Jonkel? How did he help us? I feel like, I think Jonkel would also agree.

He rationed the food out and he made it so you were comfortable. Like you're eating nice meals. Right. It's a little bit of narrative dressing that you could skip. Let's let him get out of it then. He doesn't have to join us. Does he want to come?

I'll come if you can pay my wages as well as the back pay, yeah. It seemed like you didn't enjoy the work very much, though. Let's just pay him the back pay. I enjoyed it enough, except when we had to find something to do with the boat and we were being assaulted by pirates. That was a little uncomfortable.

Yeah, that's the 19th time you've mentioned it. We were busy fighting monsters. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And then you let our boat get stolen by monsters. So let's back off. A chef ran away and kept your boat from exploding. Yep.

And then let it get stolen by monsters. You should have seen how fucking pissed this guy was. Egg Maw did her best. I, you know, hid with a butter knife. I'll admit it, but, you know, I'm not a fighter. Here's your gold. You want to tell us again how hard you had it? So, you owe the...

The evil really pops out sometimes. You owe both of them 50 gold in back pay in addition to 100 gold if you want to keep them. No, let's not keep them. Let's pay the back pay to this asshole and tell him to fuck off. Okay. I think we'd say it nicer than that, though.

We have a reputation, so let's not... There will be consequences to you telling him to fuck off. Is there a calming spell? Is that a cantrip? Do you have to use a spell slot to calm down Darkwing? You can just say his services are no longer needed or whatever. All right. Yeah, Junkle's willing to just part on good ways.

He's not going to give you shit for it, but he appreciates the back pay and will remember it as word will get out, of course, that you paid your dues. Okay, good. Fegmaw says yes. If you can pay her 30 days advance of 100 gold, then she will rejoin you. And we owe her, sure.

Great. And so she does. Now you're our cook too. She kind of snarls a little bit when you say that but doesn't make eye contact. I'm just kidding. Good joke. So should we get another cook? I don't think we need a cook.

You would think you can get away with it. All it's going to mean is you're're gonna run out of food slightly ever so slightly faster and that you're going to be you know uh making it on your own time so you know there might be occasions where i will bring it up as a narrative choice cool so oh yeah then we have to cook for ourselves i don't want to do that i mean right like it probably won't come up unless i hear you say you want to do something and i'm like can we just hire hire the cook that we had then jonko you go back to him i mean do you want to cook no we can find another cook here's just think of it this way you've got fantasy food supplies that's pretty good however you're gonna be like having to

go below deck every once in a while and it's gonna mean certain things like spotting people coming but is there a guy who's maybe more likable who's standing around going hey i could also cook and i mean any other cooks around i think you need to do a standard inventory of what are the odds any of dan's npcs will be likable. That's true. So. Alright. You can canvas it. One might be more to your taste, as it were. Yeah, if you could tell me a specific personality trait you look for

in a chef, as opposed to not. John Favreau. Why don't you put up a posted wanted ad? You want a posted wanted ad? Like Anne Burrell, but less sassy. Who is that? She's a literal chef on the Food Network. I'm a gardener. I don't watch Food Network.

World's Worst Chefs? Yeah, she's on that. Who is it? All right. We need like a grizzled, like a cowboy cook. Yeah, this guy, John Cole used to run a cheese shop. So he was like a suburban, like fancy. The barbecue guy is good.

Can't remember his name. If you want to put. We's like a Guy Fieri. If you want to put up a flyer... Oh, no. No, no, we don't. No, no. A lot of people like Guy Fieri. He's actually a philanthropist and I like him. I think everyone should leave him alone. Yeah, yeah. I find his aesthetic disturbing, but

once you get down to it, he's a nice guy. It's just whenever he puts his thing on a restaurant, it gets ruined. Yeah. I don't think he has that great on a restaurant, it gets ruined. Yeah. I don't think he has that great a taste. He's right about good restaurants. If you're going to donkey land, you might need someone who knows some donkeys. So you like him because he's too good at what he does. Sam, Guy Fieri's your godfather, right? Oh, yeah.

Yep. You do see... And it's Fieri. I was born in flavor. You post a flyer. There is a board for this sort of thing. And when you nail it up, you do see a guy walking by smoking a cigarette in Birkenstocks that you recognize as Terry.

Terry! Hey, dudes. How's it going? Is Terry a chef? Not great. Can you cook? Are you okay? What's wrong?

How's your cooking skills? No, don't let him touch your food. Are you kidding me? You ask him if he's cooked before. He said Birkin socks, not Crocs. He's not a chef. Do I have to wash my hands? He'd have to be wearing Crocs.

No dice. Crocs with socks. How about Alton Brown? Let's get Alton Brown. How are your kids? I believe them to be great. Where are they? I think that they're moms.

Okay. She won't tell me. Do you see anybody wearing Crocs with socks and a tattoo of a pepper shaker? Ooh, fun. Let's end the episode on this. A piece of cilantro. Really quick. The number of days you want to wait.

I will let you roll a 20-sided dice. Somebody can roll this with advantage, but you're going to be rolling a perception check once a day for each day you wait there will be consequences for how many days you wait but you're waiting one day i'm fucking around let's yeah let's i don't mind waiting one day to try to find a battle chef for us great somebody roll perception with advantage we should hire an interview, who just picked? You guys both just rolled. You got to pick a person. You can't.

Everybody can't hear a roll that's happening and just go, and just like jizz their dice all over their tray. I don't think that's what they did. No, that's what it felt like conceptually.

Why do you have to go dirty? Why are we back in the jizz again? I know. 15. With advantage. With advantage? What's your bonus to perception? Oh, I forgot about that part.

It'll get you a better number. That'd be cool. Unless it's negative one. Yeah, well then, whoopsie doodle. It'd be 19. Better. Noted. You do find a guy who's got more experience on boat than Jonkel.

Jonkel had some experience. You find a guy who is specifically good at grilling meat on a boat he's used to being at sea for months what's your name roy crox uh i have to find him there's like a list of folks who are in town. Grucus is do-do-do-do-do. Grucus is a tiefling. And, yeah, it's got a big bushy beard. He draws so goddamn fast.

He doesn't win the ticket flag. Well, cool. All right, let's go. Join us on the time boat. Yes, I like to cook. Let us cook. We're the Ice Five, Grucus.. Alright, I am your new chef, Gruckus.

Alright, this week, everybody. Episode 51. Even for this show, we have been talking about cum for a while. Yeah, no, we're gonna cut some of that. Nope. Are we here to kill sun elves or moon elves? I don't care for TikTok being disrespected in this manner.

Is this guy mad that we let him out of the pen? He's talking to us like the employees do at the McDonald's near Brian's house. I don't recognize the voice Dan's doing for this woman.

Have we heard this before? And I have never been more engaged in this show than us finding a new chef. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California at 91416. Thanks for listening.