Nerd Poker - Episode 59 - The Violet Fang

Episode Date: March 10, 2020

Still debating their next move, the Ice Five decide to explore the full resources of Clompity, which may or may not include the leader of Haushinka's assassin network. The players have some theories about who the Violet Fang is, but sadly their characters don't have the same knowledge they do. Hopefully an evil archlich won't start attacking them while they have conversations. It's probably fine. Everything's fine.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

This is Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker, and I'm Brian Poussaint's wife. Brian's voting right now, and the lines are really long. I waited two fucking hours today but I did my deed so have fun without him I don't think you'll miss him much that was perfect thank you thank you not all of Brian's friends are here either we're still waiting for Blaine. He's probably voting. Let's just assume he and Brian are both voting. He does say it's bad traffic.

He just sent a text to everybody. Chris is here. Hello. Sarah. Yeah, hi. Ken. I'm here. Me.

Hi. And then down at the end of the table, of course, is Sam. Hi, everyone. Well well let's see you know we gotta thank some patreon so i wish you would um unfortunately i'm still opening the tabs on my browser uh hey ken who have you seen at paladino's lately oh man i don't know i saw um fuck i've used them all already it's gonna be the weirdest it's just as funny when there's nothing either one is funny

I'm delighted no matter what yeah Ken who's a band you've seen at just a normal venue that has no irony or puns built into the name who you've seen lately oh my god this is like where we find out we're not even like friends who know how to talk to each other we're just like

uh all right well i'm ready to thank some of our patreon supporters so we're actually gonna get down to business oh wait um one second what What happened? Somebody here? Wait. It's coming. I can see the end of the line, so I'm going to stick here, okay? Okay, Brian. You're on the air right now. We've already started recording. You already started? Cool. Say hi to our listeners.

Yeah, I'm voting for Dumbledore. We'll see you soon, Brian. I'll see you soon brian i'll see you soon bye all right well we have it we have it folks we know who he's voting for uh and you know who i am gonna vote for this fall our patreon supporters who go by names like... I just screwed up and used the wrong color, so I need another second. This is terrible. Sarah, you love Paladinos, right? Love it.

And of all the different knights, is there a knight at Paladinos you would describe as your favorite, like New Wave or Punk? Is there a genre at paladinos you really love probably if i give you a genre will you then no some bands no i will make you and give me a band in that isn't one of us like a professional improviser yep and it's not me and i'm improvising my way to make you do it all right uh thank you crunk brew pot thanks thanks clay Thank you, Crunk Brew Pot. Thanks. Thanks, Clay Carver. Thanks, Alan Welford. Thank you.

Thanks, Eminem. Thank you. Thank you. I found a mushroom stamp in my ass closet. Oh, no. I don't know what that means. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese. Thank you.

Thanks, Bojangles. Thanks. Love the chicken. Thanks, Michael McAvoy. Thank you. Thanks. We're at about an hour. Thanks, Adam Ruiz.

Thanks, Aaron Horowitz. Boy, oh boy, Aaron. You had a normal ass name, but my mouth didn't feel very normal when I tried to say it. Thanks, J.R. Weinzettel.

Thank you. Thanks, BJ Machine. Thank you. Oh, BJ Machine. BJ Machine. Oh, I want to imagine it's BJ machine and they have to spend their whole life. They BJ machine. You actually pronounce the word machine like a last name,

but they spell it out. B E E. Okay. J A Y M A C H E E N. So they're trying to pull a Bart Simpson calling Moe's on me, and it worked. Boy, oh boy. BJ machine. Anybody?

Is there a BJ machine here looking for a BJ machine? Boy, oh boy. I wish I could find a BJ machine. I feel so lost without one. You keep saying it. BJ machine? Thank you, Brent Crineup. Thanks, Bob Woodyard.

Thanks. Thanks, TikTok's Copper Clock Cock. Oh, dear. That's a new one. Thanks, Joseph Zabigan. Thanks, Roast Beef Dustbuster. Thanks, Dr. Rhinoceros. I like that one. Thanks, Jason Wagner. You like Dr. Rhinoceros?

Sure. Who doesn't? Thanks, Todd Voss. Thanks, Jeremy Rossman. And thank you, of course, Wittu Fingers. Thank you, Wittu Fingers. Thanks, guys. Is that a first name? Wittu, W-I-T-O-O, Fingers, F-E-E-N-G-E-R-S. I like all of these. Do you?

Yeah. Because I like all of them, too. And this is episode 59. If you're keeping. Oh, that's right. You know, we didn't check in on that.

Yeah. It's a, yeah. 59 is of course, uh, all 10 fingers, not in your ass. Um,

two fists, two. Ooh, that's intense. I'm waiting. That was what, like somehow that was a was a bridge too far. Like Ken said,

and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I'm always crossing a line that has been crossed a million times.

You're a rock star. You know what line I would like to cross? Believe it or not, I like to cross into what happened last time on Nerd Poker. The Ice Five, three of which are actually here right now, went into the stairs that led to a teleportation circle. Some bad shit happened on the way down. Hoshinka appeared to dissipate via some kind of stair trap.

And then the stair trap seemed to have been laid by none other than the Archmage of Vanzevale. For when they reached out to him via Rakitaki, he seemed to say no in response to letting Hoshinka be returned to the Ice V. For possibly related, possibly unrelated reasons, a strange obsidian figure outlined in red began descending the stairs, a dark fire raging behind him. As he got closer

and closer, his giant size, please Blaine, sit the fuck down. I keep waving for him to sit and he's just staring at me creepily in the corner. It was too much for my short attention span. Anyway, the Ice-5

tele... What? Fucking back off, Sarah. Now Blaine is getting so fucking creepy. Jesus Christ. So yeah, they went through the teleportation circle eventually, but first they found the little portal

that could take them to the Archmage of Anzu Vale at some point, right by the teleportation circle. They went to Clompity and were escorted to Baron Flinkus of Clompity. They made a few arrangements, but they're still talking to him, so let's get right to the action. Hey, Blaine. Hey. Hey, what's up?

Come get comfortable. Sorry I'm late, you guys. I saw you got passed the note. Are you caught up on where Brian is? Yes. He's voting. Yeah. That's code for the pancreas thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully

he'll pass those votes and everything will be fine. We have a... I don't want to give too much away about my location here in Vancouver, but we live right behind our polling station where we can just take our absentee vote, and we fill it out,

and then we just walk it to our place that we can see from our place. And they changed it for the first time in 15 years. They're not polling places anymore. They're voting. Vote centers. You can do it for like a week ahead of time. They moved it.

It was a little unnecessary, I thought. Anyway, is this on? Are we starting? Basically, Blaine's saying that he's for voter suppression. I feel like that's what we just landed on. Yeah, that's what I took away from that. You like complicated machines that ruin people's lives. That's what I...

No, I don't understand why everything is so hard and why everything is wrong. It seems like it would be so easy, and it's not. It was my first time voting in a primary, so it was crazy. I'm unaffiliated with a party, so I had to fill out a whole bunch of paperwork to do it. Did you guys know that?

Oh, boy. Not to get too in the weeds. Huh? A whole bunch? Yeah, you have to fill out a whole bunch of paperwork to do it. Did you guys know that? Oh, boy. Not to get too in the weeds. A whole bunch? Yeah, you have to fill out like 10 forms if you're not a member of a party. But then you want to vote in their primary. Oh, if you hadn't switched before. Oh, okay. In a primary.

Yes, you needed to do it like three weeks ago. If I just wanted to register for whatever party, then I could vote in their primary, no problem. But I didn't want to become the official person, so I dug my heels in. So much more than any listener on today. We were very happy. We had a good time.

Yeah, that sounds cool. Anyway, sorry I'm late. I was pulling some orphans from a burning bus. Nice. Yeah, thanks. Good job. Yeah, I got some pictures. Seems like you really got your

priorities in order i roll um i didn't get any out he was just pulling them um last time i mean they're orphans so come on then we find out that the rocky talkie is a tracking device a couple of things i want to do so it's like an alexa that's the big that's the big thing that might take a little bit longer but first i uh i texted ch Chris to let him know this was going to happen. We kind of glossed over this as the episode winded down. But TikTok kind of broached the subject that he was the butler of the Baron of Peppergreen. And Baron Flinkus of Clompity made it pretty clear that he was not a huge fan of the Baron. And when pressed, TikTok evaded a little bit and said he did not know the

current whereabouts of the Baron of Peppergreen. So he was in a pen. So he was inside a pen, which is, of course, a lie. And also that you weren't sure where that pen could be, which is also a lie. So I'm going to have you do a good old-fashioned deception check. Sure. Just to see how this information goes over, and then we'll

move on to, yes, of course, the fact that the Rocky Taki is a bit of a problem.'m gonna use my uh big uh awesome gray metal die from preston for this one thank you preston thank you preston oh and preston thanks to you i rolled a 15 uh what's your bonus zero oh well 15 is not too shabby with a 15 you just see a sort of stone face nod come from the baron um whether or not he believes you is unclear I'm still writing 14 on all my deception checks however when it comes to talk of the Rocky Talkie yes

as listeners may remember last episode that's not necessarily a good thing to have on your person the Archmage of Vanzervale is a powerful wizard and it appears the Baron Flinkus veil is a powerful wizard and it appears the baron flinkus is also a powerful wizard and as these conversations continue he seems concerned that you have an object that can be traced to you that was given to you by the baron and he says my scientology pen the last thing

he said was oh no can you remove the trace of traceability of it first uh some rather important business and he he starts running over to a table grab some spell components and is smashing them together and he waves a hand and he says be gone and he casts another spell and hurls his hands at this unseen thing above all of you uh and turns to you and says, Oh, it is far too late. What was above us? For what? The Archmage of Vanzervale spectral form was watching over you.

Oh, like Doctor Strange? I love that. That's cool. So what we have discussed is knowledge. He also is aware of. He was casting a spell in order to follow you

and listen in on our conversation. Oh. Which he was casting a spell in order to follow you and listen in on our conversation hmm she was able to do because you carried with him the rocky-talky so he's gone for sure good yes I talk I undid he was scrying and I undid what he was ability to Will the stone work anymore or no? The rocky top? Yeah, it works. But I recommend you get rid of it. Okay.

We got to kill this guy, right? But now we found out he's an immortal arch lich? Yeah. He's got some kindness. And he's jockeying. It seems like there's a race. Baron, you can steer us. It seems like there's a race for the throne of Orcus. It's like a cannonball run for fuckers.

That sounds about right to me. It's definitely a cannonball run for fuckers. The simplest way to put it is, yes, the Archmage of Vainzervale is what you might call a lich. And since he is an archmage, you could call him an archlich. And there is sort of a bad history with archlichs where they tend to want to ascend to evil godhood so he's he's trying to take over the this mantle but what he does with it might be worse than what right man's accordion did with it man's accordion tried to consolidate

his power and fight other gods and now he's trying to you know take over claudenheim and this whole plane of existence but the archmage he's never been a god before he might even have worse things in mind i have so many questions okay wait go ahead worse things first uh one of my assistants is coming in and i need to just i need to find out why he is here okay all right so a guy runs a halfling is like urgently whispering something in baron's ear. And Baron shakes his head. He says, bad things are happening outside.

What's happening? There was some sort of being. It's not the LA Marathon, is it? That tried to come in through the teleportation circle. Yeah, we told them about that. So we caved in the canyon around the teleportation circle. You cannot leave Clompity the way you came. Well, that's fine.

Do you have more than one door in Clompity? Indeed. Okay, then I think we're good. But we are a heavily fortified city. We may be being invaded. I feel like we're finally getting a handle on this whole shebang and it's taken a long time so uh yeah 59 episodes yes it's something i don't know what that means exactly but it feels like i know none of us know what episodes are broken 59 lifetimes it feels like but um could you uh

could you maybe fill us in nope no i meant that like it's been a long time coming and here we are coming to a place where everything is sort of uh coming together but i definitely think it makes a better and we're all here throughout this entire thing and are constantly butting heads i will um i want to ask about the violet fang indeed and could you can you can you sort of slot her into this whole deal uh i'll see what i can provide you information-wise. The Violet Fang is an other planar being who claims to be a drow

and looks kind of like a drow. And she lives in a cave in Clompety in one of the cliff faces that lines our city. She is, what do you want to know? I mean, she runs a network of drow assassins and spies. She's actually been very helpful to the city of Clompety. Do you think that we could sort of bring her in? She's a J.D. Power and Associates award winner.

Can we bring her in to some sort of... Better Business Bureau ratings. Yeah, please continue. To some sort of, you know, Yeah, please continue. To some sort of, you know, a team of people who are going to go take out the first, the Archmage, and then the Tenebrous one?

I believe once she hears some of what you're telling me, she will be interested in aligning with you. Yes. Can I ask you a question as it relates to this? Yes. Can we destroy that sending stone as soon as possible or do you or do you have some parting words can we yeah can we say something and then destroy it he's like wringing his hands but he's like he's like please please if you if you must well we

have one small problem because i was just going to give the you know a hearty fuck you and then we could do it however we think he may have teleported our friend to his directly to his lair and so he does have a teensy bit of leverage right now so i would i would put valuable as your friend i mean she's very valuable to the crimson fang perhaps that's another good reason we could go or violet fang sorry i'm thinking pen there's a lot of fang fantasy i mean we all know sometimes we play the new elder scrolls game and it's like what are's a lot of fangs i mean we all know sometimes we play the new elder scrolls game and it's like what are all these 12 syllable fantasy names i mean what's even happening i'm getting real meta here but yeah i hear what you're saying we had a do-up battle

with the uh the blue fangs oh they were fantastic there is a pandemonium's fang also so yep the name of the mountain and we think there's a connection somehow between those two. Also, Fang played bass for Paul Revere and the Raiders. Oh. Yes, if you would like to speak to the Violet Fang, it would be quite easy for you to head on over there. However, the city is...

I've just told my assistant the city is on lockdown. Okay, so now we've got a couple problems, guys. We've got... We've got a struggle. I think with the Archmage, we have to talk to the

oh no he calls his assistant back in and um directs him to talk to you and says if you need to make arrangements to speak to the violet fang my assistant will okay so what's our plan do you destroy the stone first yeah before we oh should we he's already setting up like a little table that he'd like to destroy something like think we should say something like, we will see you again. And when we do, Hoshinka better be alive. You know, we have to like give him some kind of threat about her.

Do it. Yeah, I'm in. Yeah. I don't know what that... What's our leverage, guys? Our leverage is that we have the magical things that he clearly feels like. He is going ape shit right now.

My guess is this this I think he thinks that Manzikorian's at the finish line for whatever and so he's like ah I'll go send those guys and they'll go get the druidic things and that's going to help me take out Manzikorian there is a gate in Pandemonium's Fang that leads to Gehenna

where Manzikorian aka the Tenebrous one lives he travels through this gate in the form of a wizard. It's strange. I do not know what form this wizard is, but his movements have been made clear. He has created beholder-like creatures throughout Clottenheim by planting seeds, these blue crystals and uh yes although although uh

i have never visited this gate i believe the archmage is at least plotting to approach it so i feel like maybe our plan should be we get the violet fang we get the mother brain we get uh can we talk about this while we have the stone? That's my question. He said that he's not scrying anymore. We talk about this at Panera Bread. He can potentially scry again now soon. I currently am able to see invisible beings.

So if he scrys again, I'll know. Right now he is not. We're going to say to the stone, we have something you want. You have our friend. If you've harmed any piece of her, so we're going to say it to the stone. We have something you want. You have our friend. If a hair has, you know, like if you've harmed any piece of her, you know, we will keep these items

until we see you again. And by the way, that is her regular speaking voice. Has she always sounded like that? Yeah, she always sounds like that. Okay, so we send that message and then... Thank you for that joke. Shall we formally do this so you may interact with the archmage we shall and here we go

uh-oh holding up the word count hands oh um sarah's like fan hand telephone hand telephone okay you Litch we have something you want it remains safe

as long as Houshinka does. Okay, 15 words. There is no pause. The archlich says, I do not fear you. I do not fear losses. I will do as I please. That's like, what?

13. All right, give him some of that sass. That was 16 words. 16 words. He has nine left. How many words is Bob with the Bob-a-dang-a-dang-a-diggy-diggy? I think it's just one word. I'll put the Bob up the boogie. He has nine. how many words is bob with the bob badangadag diggy diggy i think it's just one word i'll put the job up he has nine we have nine or he has correct hi roads your dad's not here we have he's not here he called us and told us to do it without him for a while

sorry roads voting i know he got excited because you're like, oh, I'm going to go talk to my dad. He's here. How could they record without him? It's a mystery. Yeah. I was just... I don't know.

I don't know. I was just staring at my squirtle toy and then I heard you guys record. While Cole played quietly in the background. Yeah. Bye, Rhodes. Hey, everybody. All right, so.

And we're back. We're back. Do you have a response, Sarah? So what do we have? We have the coral. What was the thing that he really wanted? Was it the coral? The skull.

Those are the two that we have. The skull. I thought it was the eyeball. And the dragon's eyeball. Oh, it was an eyeball? I thought it was a whole skull. Nope. No. Eyeball. Never mind. Don't listen to me. And that dragon's eyeball. Oh, it was an eyeball? I thought it was a whole skull. Nope. No.

Eyeball. Never mind. Don't listen to me. You have 25 words total that you can do per day. And I've already done 15? Yep. Okay, hold on. She's counting it out, folks.

Hey, Blaine, what is this word counting brought to us by? Brought to you by wedge salad skittles, blue cheese, onions, ranch. It's all there. Wedge salad Skittles, blue cheese, onions, ranch? It's all there. Wedge salad Skittles. I like the holidays. There's a special E. Coli flavored one mixed in there. You want to split this?

I think I might have done that one before. I'm sorry if I repeat anything. I have wedge salad Skittles in my head. That's a good one. I don't think I remember that one. I'm glad you did it. Even if I repeat anything. I have wedge salad Skittles in my head. That's a good one. I don't think I remember that one. I'm glad you did it, even if it was twice. I think I marked it off that I'd done it.

I just had a wedge salad in Chicago. It made me nostalgic for it. You know, I always get sick when I have a wedge salad, but I will always eat one. It's like, ooh, wedge salad. That always makes me sick. Deep dish salad? No, but I had deep dish pizza with the salad but did you have a deep dish salad lou malnati's with my uh comedian friend peter john

burns we went to lou malnati's got a deep dish pizza and then you know that that fucking salad was did you just flip me off i just did the chef's kiss i don't know he didn't do any kissing you just did some work i was a platonic chef's kiss I didn't want you to think I was flirting with you. You know who makes a really good deep dish salad? Who? Peter Benchley. Really? Anyway, back to the action. My friend Stacy Keech and I are going to be sharing a wedge salad over at the Pantages Theater.

Jesus, that dude. We were at Dan's Hand's the other night, and some fucking dude flipped a vet in the median. Oh, Jesus. It was like, wow. And it was, it was like, I looked at Stacy.

He's like, I'm not pulling anybody out of your fucking wreckage. I told you all to pull people out of fucking wreckage. My favorite thing to do. And I don't want to be a dick about it, but the guy, uh, Stacy key just to find out what how scene is going to say with her

remaining words, uh, how scene with which what's going to happen. Um, so basically just just he said, okay, so I'm saying... He says he'll do what he pleases. Yeah.

Your choice then. But we tend to break stuff. Ooh. Do an intimidation check. I mean, it's true. It's very true, but you know, and I will remind both you and listeners, Sarah, you have a pretty good intimidation check on him in the past.

So even if this doesn't go well, this is with the precedent that he is a little nervous around you. It went very badly. Oh. Yeah. It was a six. You hear him laugh for the remaining amount

of words. I have one word left too. And I laugh even crazier and harder. Can we hear it? Come on, Sarah. Okay. do one more intimidation check this time with advantage you can do this one with advantage

I need that other better die no I mean silence I mean he's out of words but yeah yeah that was I enjoyed I need that other better dial. No. I mean, silence. I mean, he's out of words. But yeah, yeah. I enjoyed, as Dan Telfer, that laugh very much. I think we're all creeped out. I can't believe that wasn't 30 words, but that's fine.

If he gets to laugh, it's fine. Do you hand over the sending stone? Yeah. Okay, so the Baron thanks you, takes it over, he starts casting some spells, and it breaks into a bunch of black dust, and the black dust then disappears. It's destroyed.

Well, if you like, you can be escorted to the Violet Fang at this point. Again, the city's on lockdown. There are ways out, but you will want either guards or one of the Abyss Droppers themselves. Someone powerful to escort you to one of our exits. Wait, are we leaving the city to go? I thought she said she was inside uh she is but I assume once you talk to her you will want to leave yes

and go on with your quest I don't know if you like we can talk about affordable condominiums here in Clompety it's a fair city you mean like moving in I mean if you like I myself am going to suit up in my armor and prepare myself for invasion I think maybe we would go talk to her or they, however they identify.

And then maybe we'll come back here and chat some more, I think. I think that is wise. I think we have much more to discuss. Yes. I fear I myself may be in battle. This is dark times. Oh, are you leaving? Can I ask you one question?

I'm not leaving, but you will have to have a guard take you back to my keep. I will be having my door sealed behind you. Well, but we can come back and talk to you, right? I would prefer you do so. Great. All right. So now we have a security code or something. This is now the part where we Sergeant Flubbous returns to you.

Where we're going to gather people for this endgame situation? Potentially. Oh, wait. Before that guy goes. You're about to leave. But did he already leave? Oh, he said we could talk to the... We would need to get some word uh, word to our ship.

Is there any way you could help us with that? Uh, come back. We will discuss after you speak with the pilot. How far away is, how long has it been though? We weren't, we supposed to check in with them.

Uh, it has been by my count four days. We said after a week. Okay. So we have three days. We're good. Okay. So,

uh, Sergeant Flubbous, Shinky shoe, uh, Sergeant Flubbous Shinky Shoe, uh, walks you guys. Flubbous! And his, his squire is, is with him also.

So you've got a couple of halflings kind of walking you through the street. Everybody want you. you notice there are only mounted war donkeys in the streets now. Things seem a little serious. Uh, they're giving you glares. It looks like they are indeed on lockdown. Are they still sending the war donkeys to

Dame Island? Yes. Donkeys on lockdown. A battalion of 40 war donkeys and an abyss dropper have been sent to Dame Island, presumably to march either within the city or along the shore to protect them from the giants on the path of the Vaughn to Tusk. You guys are doing quite a bit

of diplomacy. Our strengths. No, your strengths. You were walked up to a cave. This cave is very dark, wet-looking, gross, and

Sergeant nods at you and says, will there be anything else? I will leave you out here. Is there any traditional way to sort of walk in and say hi? Just kind of don't do any sudden movements around her,

and you should be fine. Okay. She's a little different. Oh, boy. Different how? Can you describe how different this is? Well, she already knows you're coming. This is because she has ears on the keep that the Baron has offered her. So she can be alerted to people. When her word is spoken in the keep,

she is made aware that her name has been spoken and she will receive visitors. She does not receive visitors often, so she will have opened a magic seal that will allow you in. There are likely going to be drow assassins in her cave, I should say. That is not a keep. It is just her gross little cave. You will not see the assassins, but they will be present.

So you should be aware that any funny business,. Any funny business. You are not alone. And yeah, I mean, she's not a drow. Clearly. All right. Well, I think this is going to be great. And off you go. Dark through included. By the way, I just got a text from Brian.

Brian says so close. Where do I go to vote? I can see the sign-in booth. Go Dumbledore slash Harris. He's not voting for Dumbledore, is he? I thought he was... Is he still in line? Yes. Oh, he's just talking about

making his way through the line? So he's very close. Very close to voting, which to me means he still won't be here for this episode. Listeners, don't get your hopes up. He's in Gilroy. Yeah. By the way, he decided to drive all the way out to West Covina to vote.

So I don't know why he did that. But anyway, I made that up. And you guys start walking down the cave. It's very, very, very dark. As soon as you walk through, it almost seems like it became night outside. So you think there's some sort of magical effect to keep certain light from entering the cave the stairs don't really exist you're kind of just walking down a slope of gravel and wet rock it's a dramatic

way to say that um it's weird how wet it is in here it does feel dank and kind of creepy uh there's no torches on the walls. Are there dank memes? Huh? There's no dank memes, no. I forget how that is the primary use for the word dank now is memes. I was going to say, I can't hear it now. Used to be, you know, back in my day, we only talked about caves and marijuana drugs.

But you kind of go down and it becomes almost pitch black, but you see there is a dim light ahead. You walk a little farther. You round another bend. Are you guys doing anything to prepare for meeting with her? Doctor or Halsey, do you have any little things you can do to bless us or anything that might help us in terms of being cordial to friends?

I mean, I feel like casting something makes you seem more... Not like bless. I don't mean like... No, no, no, I know. I feel like casting something makes you seem more... Like bless. I don't mean like... No, no, no. I know. I'm looking. Yeah, all I have is protection from energy, which I might throw up, but there's really nothing I...

Why don't everybody do an insight check? And maybe I can throw you a bone or two if anyone hits a 20. I mean, I can certainly pray to Valkyr, and so can you. I would love to. Go ahead. A no. 30. 20. 21 a couple of 20s would you get tiktok 16 great well with uh queep and halseen feeling particularly insightful i will throw you the following bones um you have learned a lot about the violet thing particularly from Hoshinka.

It is reaffirmed for you the fact that Drow in general are evil. So you feel like you're about to run into a being that has evil tendencies. Also, Hoshinka, who does not seem particularly evil, at least since you saved her life, is afraid of the Violet Fang and was not particularly eager to meet with her until you suggested that maybe she help so there's just something eerie about the fact that you're going to meet this being and I think it would seem especially unusual to you that a city

of of good like clompety would align themselves and that you might feel a little weirded out by that. However, um, by the judgment of clompity, you feel like for clompity to align itself with what is clearly a dark minded being something, something else

is going on or some other agreement was made that you're unaware of. So you would be cautious with that level of insight and not just approach this like, you know, another good guy. Are we alone for the moment? Yes. Although he said we're not actually. Yeah, although we're not.

So never mind. Correct. Gus is perched on your shoulder. You do have Darkthor walking alongside you. So that is the extent of your party as a reminder Darkthor guide us to the Crimson Fang

Violet Fang haven't said the word Crimson at all in this campaign maybe it's because your mic is Crimson or maybe there should be a Crimson Fang fans tell us how the Crim maybe there should be a Crimson Fang. Fans, tell us how the Crimson Fang should be portrayed in this campaign.

I will legitimately look at it and be curious. Charles Nelson Reilly. Blaine, what would the Crimson Fang sound like if it was voiced by Charles Nelson Reilly? Avast. Sailor, it sounds like. All right. So you round the bank and yeah, Darkthor will take the lead position.

That way, not only is a drow going to communicate with the drow, but we get Brian's character killed, which I find hilarious because he's not here. You enter this chamber. I love when that happens. Oh, you died. What? I'm just getting my sob fixed fixed there's a large wide chamber that is circular um there is a a high 100 foot ceiling but it kind of curves in in the middle

and creates kind of like a needle point in the middle of the room there is something black hanging from this like lowered part of the ceiling in the middle of the room. And it's sort of shaking back and forth. Uh, there are torches lining the outside of the circle and that is all you see. Doctor goes, uh,

do I have to talk? What size is the black thing that's hanging? It is slightly larger than humanoid, but it is also not clear whether it's a being or not. It's moving? From the distance, you guys are all out. You can do checks for... Dark Bear is the drow, right?

He's also the admiral. I mean... Yes, you do need to draw. Do I have to improvise? You don't have to improvise, but I think he for sure has the highest charming he has really good persuasion I remember right I'm going to have one of you guys

control Darkthor for this who wants to take point on Darkthor I'll do it alright Blaine I think it's only fun if not the dungeon master controls a player character especially in a situation like this I buy a Trans Am.

Oh, no, you ruin Dark. There's stories line of credit. So I've pulled up. I've pulled up Dark. There's character sheet. Blaine, I'm going to let you choose what he says. What would dark? What would you have to do his voice?

But like, what would dark through you think say to this? This room, this shape uh i would probably say uh hey if there's anything in here that's gonna give us trouble you better give it to us now so we can get it over with i like it that sounds like an intimidation check uh brian has a plus three to intimidation. Roll a 20 for us. How about a four? The quivering shape hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room stops moving. Does he have advantage on that? Oh, good question. Let me check.

Proficiency. He sure doesn't. Uh-oh. So he has a proficiency in persuasion. Does Darkthor have any sort of defensive spells or anything yeah um but wait let's not go let's let's we're here to talk and she knows that we're coming but you know blaine didn't know he'd be running the character so really quick blaine um he has disguised self okay uh dancing lights darkness those are some things he could try and pull all right okay

darkness um but yeah the shape stops moving there's a brief pause and then you see what looks like um and you're you're you're a couple hundred feet away there's a big chamber uh you see what looks like a shape dropped to the floor oh brian's's calling again, everybody. Let's talk to Brian Pessin. Hey, Brian. You're on the air again. Good. Well, I wanted to tell our listeners that I'm done. I'm on my way. I voted for Lou Frigg now

and the $6 million man. So I take my part. Thank you for doing your part for democracy and veterans of 70s television. Yep. For references only, Glenn, yes. All right, Blaine's getting your character killed.

Bye. All right. I'm going to try to work Alan Oppenheimer into this thing somewhere. Come on, Rudy. I still have my certificate. I was in the Bionics Action Club when I was in fourth grade. OSI was my school. I was shot at my school. Action Club when I was in fourth grade. OSI was my school. I was shot at my school.

Wow. I'm going to do some hand visuals for you now. So again, this big circular room kind of comes to a point in the middle from the high ceiling, something hanging from it, and you just see a thud, and something drops out of this shape as if depositing it on the floor. You guys are way over here, so a poop. You guys are like way over here. So it's a little hard to see. Why don't you guys do a perception check?

It's going to be a spider of some sort. I'll let you pick, actually. You can make this perception. Probably not the itsy bitsy kind. You can make this perception or insight. 21. For what? Perception.

Okay. 16. Perception. Okay. 16. Perception. Okay. 10. Either way. 9 either way. Okay.

TikTok, you get your eyes on that pretty good. It looks like some sort of cave monster that has been killed. It's kind of amphibious looking. Like it was eating something and food has dropped? Perhaps. That would fit the narrative. Amphibious cave monster? Does it look like our friends from under the sea? No, actually.

Okay. It looks like something you haven't seen before. I'll tell everybody. Outside your experience. She just finished her lunch. We are friends of Hoshinka. We come as allies, hopefully. That'll be a persuasion

check from you I'm not good at those no you bet you that was a friendly gesture after Darkthor's 16 fun okay so the shape drops it unfolds itself into

two large black wings and then it kind of goes and lands on the ground. It turns around. It is a short being that looks drow in nature. White hair, violet

skin, and it starts walking towards you guys. It's wearing leather armor. It has big wings. How big are the wings? Very large. They're folding up on her back now. What do they look like?

Are they reminiscent of a specific animal or bug or creature? They're like huge, like you would expect from like a condor or something, but they're black like a crow or a ravens. Wow. You look cool. Wow. So she

approaches the group and she says, thank you. What can I do for all of you exactly? It is her, right? Maybe. None of us can know that. Yeah, we don't know. Is who? Isn't it Zenzarina?

She seems to have the same affect, but it doesn't matter. I don't know so is who isn't it zenzurina with who we met does she seems to have the same affect but it doesn't matter because i don't know what your your sarah gazzardo's bonus to insight is so but she wouldn't even be zenzurina she would be that other typhus in zenzurina thing wouldn't she right she got the cake and the who knows you guys are still working on that timeline what it would be exactly but i would i'll throw you this it's been at least 10 years since your campaign and you've established it's on the same planet okay because of gago well what do you know about uh the tenebrous one oh the tenebrous one's real bad news. A lot of people are trying to maybe do something about it. They are.

I'd like to destroy it. It's bad. What do you think? Here's part of what's going on, though. Oh, okay. Who are you? I'm the Violet Fang. I'm TikTok, the mechanical man mechanical man hello and she extends a hand

very formally to you very politely gently shake her hand she how do you do locks her eyes on you and has a really big creepy grin the whole time big toothy creepy grin you notice she has um two pointy canine teeth when she does it that are a little uh unlike what you'd expect to see from a drow um yeah what's your name the violet fang is that your name or is that just what they call you that's my name that's what i call me like in the same way that man's a corian calls themselves the tenebrous one a similar sort of like... She laughs and said, I had another name once a long time ago. What was that? I don't know.

Maybe we should get to know each other better and I'll tell you. Oh, and then we could all tell our names. Mitzel pick. Maybe. But I will tell you, I am not as powerful as some god. I am just a traveler who has come to this place and interested in defeating evil, the same as you. Ken's alarm went off. I guess it's time to take your

time to take your doggy for a walkie? Okay. Flaxseed oil. Every night. Every night at eight. What would you have? Flaxseed oil. That's Dickie. We're sort of

we're looking to end the Tenebrous one's hold on this. Oh, good. He definitely means to take over this plane. And what about the Archmage? What's your feeling about him? Oh, he's very gross. Let's kill him. Oh, we'd love to.

This is exciting. I feel like we've made a new friend today. I think you have. Have we met before? No. So we haven't had time to work out any tricks in advance. Do you want to know if you've met her before? Yeah, I do.

Do an insight check, TikTok. 16. You don't think so? No. 16. You don't think so? So you want help destroying this nebulous one and getting rid of the archer's sounds?

Can I pray quietly to Valkyr for insight about this violet thing? Sure. I would say if you want to quote unquote pray quietly would mean Halstein's gonna kind of walk away from this a little bit.

Do you want to formally do so? Or do you just kind of while TikTok is talking you want to like duck away a little bit no i'm not going to duck away i just thought that i could look you could pray anywhere there's a conversation going on you just want to bow your head a little bit yeah okay so do a religion check and you have proficiency don't you no this is why i hate you don't automatically with a cleric that's fair any bonuses to religion it's just a thing sure and forget it no not with those dice what'd you get eight marf nope afraid not um i would say though you know as a cleric you

you definitely get a creepy vibe just a creepy vibe yeah but you're not sure what the deal is with her it's it's hard what's your deal? That really is what I said. She kind of, again, gets very coy and just says, I'm not from around these parts. Where are you from? Another place. The drow are different there. Oh, you.

I like the drow here much better. And why are you here? Wanted a new home, that's all. It's gotten much more political than I expected, though. Ain't that the truth. Do you miss your old home at all? I had friends there I'd like to see again, but who knows, who knows. Are you able to go back?

I think I could if I really wanted to, but I think we needed a break from each other. It seems as though we're being invaded by another uh plane yes that is the doing of the tenebrous one he tried to you know shock your your plane into subservience and he brought your people the comet as an army yes by did my people ride the comet? Mm-hmm. Where did they come from? They hatched like an egg. They came from a great opening in the sky that the Tenebrous One brought. From Gehenna?

Is that the idea, that he sent us from Gehenna? The place that you are from is far, far away. He used gates in the sky to bring your egg so to speak closer much faster the people of this planet your baron of pepper green looked at the sky and thought it was going to come much later but it came much sooner where was it supposed to hit it was supposed to hit the middle of the ocean and then it was changed by a gate created by the Tenebrous One, I think because of interference. Somebody was trying to stop him, and he knew. You think the Tenebrous One wanted it to crash?

The Tenebrous One wants to take over this plane. This is his army delivery system. He delivered his army, much as any general would, to a different place than the opposing forces expected in a more violent way than they expected. And, of course, they went to war with the elves, and the elves, I would say, didn't lose, but are in seclusion.

And she nods directly at Halcyon, as you probably know. Were you here when this happened? Or you came after? I came after, right after. Are you part of it? I lived underground, and no, I was not a part of it. I came to the surface in order to find out

what was going on with my new home. Oh, so you just happened to come here for refuge when all of a sudden this hit? I lived in my quiet little cave outside of the Underdark, and then all of a sudden this comet is landing give me a break did you have wings back then i've had wings for a long time okay because a lot of stuff got wings when that comet hit oh these are mine they have nothing to do with all of that nonsense well they're very beautiful. She's very charming.

Thank you, thank you. When you were in the Underdark, the idea was you were just going to live there and just... Just live amongst the drow, not really show my wings off, just try to keep a low profile. What happens now, though? Let's say we all win.

Let's say we take out the Tenebrous One. Let's say the Archmage of Anzerweil doesn't ascend. Then what? There's a lot of creeps around this continent that might still be worth taking out if you want to make a stable home for yourselves so uh that's what you do you take out creeps i love taking out creeps that's that's what uh haushenko was uh-huh it's Brian post saying everybody he's here round of applause for Brian voted he's wearing his I voted sticker you know Rhodes has already done a squirtle reference on this episode. So you're doing your family proud right now. I said I was staring at my Squirtle, and now he's a Blastoise.

Oh, cool. Oh! I gave him a bunch of candies. Thanks for the update, Rhodes. We didn't know he evolved. Yep, he evolved. It's good to evolve. Skipped right over Wartortle and went straight to Blastoise.

This feels like a word that you guys just made up. Oh, yeah. I did have him for World Tour. Oh, it's good to know. For like one second, and then I gave him more candy, and then he evolved. Hello. That's Nerd Pokemon with Rhodes Poseidon friends. Nerd Pokemon.

Nerd Pokemon to the poles. And Squirtle likes Sierra Mist. I tried it. All right, buddy. So quick. I got to say, more like Sierra Hit. I tried it. Alright, buddy. I gotta say, more like Sierra Hit. Am I right? Quick recap for Brian. You guys broke it off

with the Baron and you guys went down to meet the Violet Fang, the drow with weird creepy wings. That's where you're at right now. I'll let the rest of these guys catch you up further. She's mid-conversation with you. Anyway, we told her her wings look good now she's like super clingy what do you think a good way since you're into she's into the extermination of bad guys in uh in this world uh dark there what do you think would be a great way to take out, uh,

the old to numbers one there? Well, he is a God. So you'd have to kind of go to Gehenna. That's where he, I mean, if you kill him on this plane, it's likely only his avatar.

I don't know if you've ever killed a God's avatar before, but it's not very efficient. So you might want to go to Gehenna to do it. And if you want my advice, you'd kill the Archmage first. Do you want to help us do that? Yes, very much so. Well, great news, because he's about to walk inside the front door. What did you do?

We didn't do what? What did you do, Mechanical do mechanical man oh you'll see i'm just kidding i know what you did i know i was listening i know you brought a silly rock and he traced you here so uh here's the deal i think you should leave clompety as quickly as possible i think you should head to his lair. He has a temple in the woods where he is hiding, consolidating his undead army. And, you know, he hopes to start destroying

most of the civilizations near Pandemonium's fang so they won't interfere with him. I suspect that he is going to try to destroy Klompity very soon. And it's a good idea not to be here in general, because I think he's going to assume you'll have some kind of final stand here. And, you know, the Baron might try to convince you to be a part of that final stand and fight. But if you want my advice, it's to run away. You've got business. You don't want to die here with all the halflings, do you? I think you should run away and go kill the Archmage to live another day.

Don't you think? Dark Thar, you're scoffing. Well, who's the last stand against? If it's not the Archmage, who is their last stand? I don't know if the Archmage is going to send some evil magical beings to wreak havoc on Clompity okay well i yeah i don't know why you have to frame it like we're gonna run away because if we kill the archmage then we're gonna stop the last i'm just teasing i know you seem to like to do that but i don't think you

should stay here so how can you help us though though? I mean, we are the Ice Five, but I'm not sure that we have it in us to take on the Archmage at this point. Well, the hardest part is going to be getting out of Donkey Land. We are amongst cliffs in a very isolated mini country. You're going to want to probably get across the abyss and travel across the wastes to Pandemonium's Fang

and then beyond Pandemonium's Fang to the woods. It's a pretty far distance. Won't the hardest part be killing an immortal lich? No. And she's telling us not to. She's telling us to run away, right? No, run away from me. The lich isn she's telling us not to she's telling us to run away right no run away from me the lich isn't coming here the lich is hiding and sending his forces i think you want it might not be that hard to kill the lich if you know how to kill a lich no we don't so you can tell us that

and then also you can teleport us there maybe i could try that would be cool it would be cool i i do have a very special teleportation place it won't take you exactly to where you want to go but it will take you to a place i like to go and it's closer so where do you like to weird huh nothing sounds like a weird lift i like to go to a place called the Silver Henny Woods. Oh, sure. And so... Isabel. Wait, isn't that your home? Dr. Uwe, that's where you're from.

There is a small drow, we'll call it a suburb, underneath Silver Henny Woods. And I teleport there. That's where I had camped out when the comet hit. And I can get you there. It's on the other side of the continent, but it's not exact. You'd still have to travel east.

It would just be easier than, say, trying to cross the abyss and slowly make your way through all the giants at war with the Halfling. So what she's saying is we're here. She can teleport us here, back by the free city of Bozor, and then we would travel from here.

Can Dr. Ud do a check to see whether he knows, if he's from Silverhenny Woods and that's where her original home was. Right? That's a good idea. Maybe he knows something about her. What am I rolling? About the violet fang? Yeah, or like, does she seem familiar? I'll let you choose. You can do either an insight check or a history check,

Dr. Ud, to figure out more about what she's talking about. I'll do a little insight. Do you have proficiency? I do. Roll twice. Oh, 14. 21.

Well, well, well. You've heard a lot of creepy things and there was indeed rumors. So you know Silverhenny Woods is above a drow civilization. So when you first met dark thirst, Uri, uh,

you suspected that he might be from the drow down there. Uh, that is originally where his mom is from to the pirate, uh, Drot Lana. So, you know, you're not surprised to hear that's where

the Violet Fang was originally from beneath Silver Hennywoods. But you heard in particular, yes, there was a weird, magically dangerous drow amongst them. So you think that might be what you're hearing about right now. If we go back there, we can go by Bozor,

rally up, because isn't this sort of cross country tour rally up the troops for the big fight or are we bringing people to fight the Archmage? I think we need to get the mother brain I don't know if we need troops for that part of it so that we can get in Bozor oh should we discuss though

I mean if Dratlana I mean we need to talk about Hashinka and while you're doing this she goes she snaps twice and you see uh almost as if they're invisible two drows just kind of silently drop from the ceiling uh they trace something on the wall and you see uh an opening open in the side of the room that you you suspect you're going to be led to shortly there was another assassin with hoshenka is she okay another assassin yeah there was one hoshenka said she was one of three the one she was with you know hoshenka well i said that before hoshenka we were friends of hoshenka i don't remember that

she was busy eating uh yeah we we know hoshinka, and she actually completed her mission. We saved her. Really? Yes. She killed Dratlana. I mean, yes, all together we did. That's good. You killed her.

Well, it was a team effort. She starts looking over at Darkthor, too. Darkthor, this is a drow. And yeah, she's like, huh, I to dark there. This is a drow. And yeah, she's like, huh? I wasn't there. Really? Do a deception

check. Brian, was I there? No, I wasn't there to sort of mom. Sort of. You saw it happen. We ran away on a

boat when the giant super beholder. Would you want to be honest about it, though? Brian? No. OK, then do a

deception check. You have for deception a plus three. Eleven. She kind of smiles really big at you, and she says, I think our friend here knows more about Dratlana than he's letting on, but okay. Okay, so you help Tasha go with her mission. What happened to her exactly? Why is she not with you right now?

She's been taken by the Archmage of Anzervale. It's part of the reason we want to go get him. That's not good. No. That's not good for me either. Any of us. That's our friend. That's not good for me personally, if you see what I'm saying.

I don't understand. I don't like it that anyone really knows where I am at any given point in time it's special that you knew that I was here that you could talk to the Baron about I feel a little at risk

here I might need to leave Clompety myself is there a way we can get in touch or you can get in touch with us once you feel safe? Well, sure. Are you scared of the Archmage? I don't like him

knowing where I am. Well, all the more reason that you should help us kill him then, right? I'll help you, sure. I might leave with you. Okay. Sounds good. At least through the portal. We could all go. That would be cool. All you. Okay, sounds good. At least through the portal. We could all go. That would be cool. All right.

Well, do a persuasion check if you want her to do more than just go through the portal. Well, we got to get word to our boat. Oh, that's right. You have a couple other bits of business to get to. Yeah. Also, I guess we're not going to go back and talk to the Baron.

We're just taking off. It's possible. It's up to you. But can you send a message to the Baron for us? I can send messages. Sure. Well, to the boat. Also to the boat.

We want the boat to sail up and meet us, right? Because we're going to be coming from here. Tell them to meet us at Dame Island. Yeah. Yeah. If we got teleported, our boat would be gone. So yeah, can we have her send a message to our boat to meet us at Dame Island? We gave them enough money to go back.

Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll make sure they hear me. That sounds ominous, but... It's not ominous. Just tell me what you want to say. Ice-5 is traveling. We will meet you at dame island she kind of cups her hand and says

what are their names ma venus and grucklesnucks think thinker I believe it's gruckus so yeah she just sort of like holds a cupped hand open

with like a ring around it and just repeats exactly what you said into it. And then she kind of waits, looks around, says, They hear you. That's cool. That's badass. They'll meet you at Dame Island. Okay.

Wait, do we have to talk to somebody oh and then tell the do you want to talk you want me to send a message to the baron um she actually waves over one of the the other drought yeah should we tell him that like uh this drought is not listening violet fang says we are trapped must teleport to silver henny woods but but... Must travel, I feel like. Yeah, travel, travel, fine. But we are... Just say we're leaving, you know, Violet Fang says we must go. We will be in touch.

You know, we'll... But also, like... The draw is, like, also, like, you don't have to speak in broken English. I'll relay this. We're still doing the sending stones. Trapped. Stop. I speak common, it's okay. I'll relay this we're still doing the sending stones trapped stop I speak common it's okay

find parking traveling to Silverhenny and then the ultimate goal hold the city we're going to gather the troops and head for the big guy sounds good I'll let the Baron know and you know that we expect they're still sending the end head for the big guy. Sounds good. I'll let the Baron know.

And you know that we expect they're still sending the reinforcements to Dame Island. Sounds good. Alright, well on that note, I think we're going to call it for episode 59. Hey Sam? Yeah? What do you think happened in episode 59? Well, despite starting without

a full crew, this was a smooth running machine. Oh no, this is going to be one of this was a smooth running machine. Oh, no. This is going to be one of those really D&D heavy EPS, isn't it? I miss the Admiral. Big surprise, but I'm into the Violet Fang's energy. We're being advised to run away. The odds we take this advice are slim.

Oh, word. There's another portal. I think we're about to abandon the Baron. And the Violet Fang did that talk to the hand thing, but the words actually went somewhere. Hey, Brian. Hey. Anything you want to tell our listeners?

BrianPassine.com for future tour dates. Check out Grandpa Metal. Yeah. And what about you? I got shows. Come see them. I talk about them on social media. They're a good time. Hooray.

How about you and the Keech? Oh, you know what? We're just taking some time off. We're going to get out of Tijuana next weekend and do a couple of Dunkey Punch shows. But you might want to come and check us out. We're opening for Zed at the omnia in vegas baby love you zed can't wait to see you we're driving out early if you want to come with cool well sarah and i just shared a couple of good looks during that

very questionable beginning of that one quite a ride thanks for listening Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at Patreon.com slash Nerd Poker And you get bonus episodes from there And you can also Send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California

91416 Thanks for listening.