Nerd Poker - Episode 61 - Dargthursty

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

The Ice Five have arrived on the seaside. Their goal is to reconvene with the Mother Brain and pick up a new boat, as Dargthur is keen to get back into Admiral mode. Hopefully they'll find a safe ride and get on board quickly and efficiently!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Poussaint. And you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 61, right? Nice. My friends are here. So fingers chris hello sarah hello ken dan hey blade hi and as always at the end of the table our pal sam hi everyone hey sam the end of the table our pal sam hi everyone hey sam uh i was i mentioned him in the patreon but uh i should have saved him for here but uh jared jared from either orlando or tampa gave me some cash nice gentleman long time listener you met him somewhere in the florida marshes you're not

sure well i was i was in tampa one night and in Orlando the very next. And it was two weeks ago. And I'm very, very old. Were you there hunting the legendary swamp thing? Yes. Be careful. Did it make your heart sing? That was actually the...

Make everything groovy? No, I got it. I think the picture that we used, or the art that we used, was me and Heather Locklear. So it was more a sequel. Excellent. Of course. I saw her in a limo, and Richie Sambora went over to give her a kiss.

And he walked over to the limo, and the window went down, and she was in the limo, and this gold light came out, like in a Raiders of the lost ark thing and she just smiled and they it was just the most beautiful thing it's like a kookaloris effect i saw her in the old days too i saw her with tommy lee before before richie sambora she was with tommy lee at a motley show and at that point it was. Yeah, it's just angelic. Yeah, just light pouring off of her eye. It was weird. It's actually very sweet.

I know, it was. The most innocent objectification. It was very gorgeous. And Richie Sambora is easy on the eyes, too. And he walks over to this limo, and the thing went down. It was like, must be hard. Oh, man, the limo. I had a very similar experience with Burt Reynolds in a bookstore.

Dave Higgins and I were at a bookstore, and we saw Burt Reynolds. We were like, holy shit, he looks fantastic. This was like 10, 15 years ago. But he did look amazing in person. I was at dinner the other night, and there was a table of men in their, I mean, I want to say 70s. But they all were very handsome. And statistically speaking, I just was like they have to be actors because there's no i didn't recognize a single one of them i was like there are no

there's no like like randomly selected group of 75 year old men who all look like like a silver fox like eating dinner in la or the valley oh yeah might have been herman's hermits but could have been do you notice do this, Ken, in the Valley where you'll see old, like really really handsome and beautiful older people that clearly moved here for that and then also character-y because you've lived here forever too.

I see a lot of like people that didn't wind up being Don Knotts but look like you know what I mean? Like an old guy that kind of has that look. I was on the rifleman. It's like the small town of Los Angeles.

You literally got here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you moved from whatever town you were. But also a lot of like buff, tan, old dudes. That's what they were. They were like in too good shape.

You know what I mean? Yeah. No, that's not how nature meant for you to look. It's fine. The valley's good for you. I think that was- We have the hottest old ladies here.

I think it was a thai restaurant by uh where meltdown comics used to be and this old guy walked in and i was with my daughters and my daughter went who's that famous man and like he walked in a way where you couldn't see his face and so my daughter didn't see his face but he just his whole body looked like my daughter was like who's that famous man i was like honey you don't know who that is. What do you mean he's famous? The back of his head is famous. And then 15 minutes later, we saw his front. It was Dick Van Dyke.

He's amazing. How did she know? She hadn't seen him. She saw the back of his head and knew he was famous. He's very tall. He has a full head of hair. And you know, maybe she saw some of the side of his face just his teeth are so white and his head is just like this perfect cloth he's always beaming and happy and he is yeah he is like six foot three and like he's

that thing of seeing somebody and you're like i should know who you i feel like i should know who you are you know that certain something guys um before we get to Patreon. Brian, there's something you text me. Did you ever tell Sarah about this? I would listeners should hear about this. You told me you saw somebody. I think it was in Florida. Oh, shit.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I'm so bummed that we didn't take pictures. If you're a listener and you met me, it was either Orlando or Tampa. She came cosplaying as Grima. What? Wasn't it Halcine?

Oh, Halcine. Halcine. No. Yes. Really? Yeah. That's awesome. Does Halcine have ears?

I mean, she does have healthy ears. I mean, all of them have ears. Yeah, healthy ears. Yes, but you know what I mean. Point. He texted me right away that it was Halcine. Yeah. Yes. I will function as Brian's memory right now. It was Halcine. Yes. I will function as Brian's memory right now.

It was Halcine. Yes. Don't we all in our way have ears, Brian? Fuck you. That character doesn't have holes in the side of her head. Like actual like fleshy growths are on the holes. Well, you know, Smokey's got his ears on. He don't mind them breaks.

No, you don't mind that. Yes. We'll all hang out because we got a run to make. Cosplay it as Halcine and we smoke marijuana in a parking lot, send pictures. Oh, my God. Sarah Bryant smoked marijuana with Halcine. I don't know that came up in the first version. All right.

What do you got? I got Patreon supporters I'd like to thank who go by names like Pepperbert. Thank you. Pepperbert. Thank you. Pepperbert. Thank you. Tick tocks downstairs. Mix up. Oh,

my favorite Hardy boys. Hey, detachable parts mean lots of fun. I've locked myself out again. Thank you. Whiffle. Diffle 69. Thanks.

Alan Manerich. Thank you. Thanks. Non-specific. Thank you. Thanks. Matt Carter. Hey, all right. Thanks. Eric Payne. Thank you. Thanks. Non specific. Thank you. Thanks. Matt Carter. What? Hey, I write

thanks. Eric pain. Yeah. Thanks. Nom nom the con. Thank you. Thanks. Dr. Uid sticky fluid. Thank you. Toblerone Jones. Thanks. William Williams. Thanks. Quasi Dono.

Thanks. Please play betrayal at Baldur's Gate. That's for a bonus episode idea me thinks yeah cool thank you dr ewits mossy grundle i got dr who's got a lot of stuff going on with these thank you doctor maybe sticky fluids mossy grundles he's he's broken these are just some side effects from my uh lores of pan all. I think it's all variations on Skeletor's dick, just like broken sex parts. Thank you, Sean Dixon. Thank you.

Stretch Armstrong's savage scrote. That's definitely a Skeletor's dick. Thank you, Daniel Domingo, Daniel Domingo. Thank you, Bixie Tinker Tonk. Finally,

thank you, Bixie Tinker Tonk. She played with the fall. Shall we get into it? Yes. With what happened? Last time on Nerd Poker, the Ice Five decided to jump back to Silver Henny Woods

in an effort to get a little bit away from the catastrophes approaching Donkey Land. They brought with them the Violet Fang, a weird- ass trout with wings and pointy teeth, who seems to be kinda powerful and interplanar or some shit. You decided on the way to go see the Mother Brain, Beholder Brain, Elder Brain thingy, who thinks she's part of the Ice Five. You'd stop by Dr. Ewit's shed, you raided his house for supplies and now you are right about to hit the lair of the mother brain so you guys are kind of like outside silver henny woods you did some traveling you did

survival check you're uh just kind of you know traveling um it's getting dark though, and so you guys see up ahead through some hills, the little location where the mind flares used to be the fix it clan, as it were, which is now sort of been absorbed into the ice five. So we're going to try to get a boat to go down to Dam Island to remind everybody to and then we're going to in then we're gonna go kill the archmage is the plan right right does it concern anyone that these two people we're about to introduce are possibly going to immediately enter into a murderous war yes which two people the the the mother brain mother brain and um ding dong hookaloo over here well via fang yeah i actually have a question that may be related to that for the violet fang okay it's very

forthcoming um so you have like hits out on people i guess you're sending assassins out for various figures oh sure yeah so like why for example was dratlana on your list well she's an evil drow she was making problems for drow she was giving him a bad reputation she was killing friends of mine stuff like that oh okay okay so you fight on behalf of drow i fight on behalf of people who are my friends. What friends of yours did she kill? Well, let's see. She killed a couple of friends of mine who came here from another plane with me,

and that wasn't great. She killed some friends of the Baron of Clompety, and I decided it would be advantageous to help him out. So, you know. Lots of people. She was a pirate. Right. Well, yeah, I was just trying to sort of get...

And so you said you know everything that happened, sort of? Doctor, you hear this? Doctor, you hear... We told you that Hachika... I think I might have a better idea of what happened than a lot of people in Klottenheim, yeah. I don't think she's dead per se. I mean, yeah, you tell me she's dead,

but, you know, she's Dralana, so. Oh, okay. Does she have powers beyond that of a pirate? Oh, absolutely. Like what? Well, you know, there's a chance that she was brought back to life via one of the necromancers she usually travels with. No, you see, we don't know any of these things.

Everyone talks to us as though we're the host of the party. We just fucking got here. Well, you just seem so smart. I don't... That's smart? Is that't... Is that smart? Is that what we're talking about? Take the... Just take the compliment. She puts a hand on your shoulder, TikTok, and just says, you do seem very smart.

Okay, thank you. Whoa. Yeah. Get a room. You seem real tough for a mechanical man who usually just follows orders. I mean, how did this happen? What's going on right now? I'm with my friends.

We are on an adventure. Do you want your friends to leave so we can talk more about this in private? No, I am with my friends. She takes her hand off of your shoulder, seemingly disappointed. Says, oh, I just wanted to get to know you a little better.

Can't tell if this is Chris grossed out by me or... No. No, this is... Chris, you heard that you don't have to go to sleep on watches. Wink, wink, wink. What? Jesus Christ. I'm being used.

I wanted to just hang out here with my pals. I don't want to make out with you. Oh, I don't want to make out with you. I want to find out how you broke off from the rest of the Warforged. Boy, me too. If there was a book, I'd read it. I could probably cast some spells on you that might help, you know, help you figure it out.

Like what would that do? Unlock parts of your brain that were maybe shut down. Why do you think that happened? Maybe to make you unleash yourself at certain points? I don't understand that. Do you know your Warforged name? What is that? I don't.

What is that? Do a deception check. All right. Why is he doing deception check? Because he does know his Warforged name. Do we know it? Eleven. No. Come on. deception check he's because he does know his warforged name do we know 11 no uh come on

wait a minute i know and at this point she's saying i know you know your real name in front of everybody what's your real name all right now look it comes with a story because because please say leslie all right Apparently with Warforged, the way it's supposed to work is your name is your function. So a big strong one would be shield. You get it. So my name is window. And I don't get it.

Because it's my function. And I'm like... And so I'm like, does it mean when a door is closed you can enter through a window i'm a portal or does it mean that people are looking through you at us yeah that's what i mean like i don't understand i don't like that at all yeah you're a spy people that's what i'm worried about sometimes people open you up for some fresh air you know you're very tall can i take a look at that little mark on your forehead? Yes, and then this means something.

I don't know what, but it means something. That's why we met a warforged who got absorbed by the illithid. I wanted to talk to them, but then they got killed by that bullet. Oh, yeah, that would have been interesting to hear from them, too. They probably broke off from the collective. Yeah. Are you showing me your little forehead? I don't know.

Am I showing you? All right. All right. I mean, your little forehead? I don't know. Am I showing you? All right. All right. I mean, I just want to take a closer look. So you let her get a good look at it? Yes. Okay. All right.

She rolled a 24. Oh, I think I at least know what this is supposed to be. I don't know how it relates to your name exactly, but you'll notice it looks a little bit like a map of current Clottenheim. That is? There are two sort of circular patterns you'll notice where there is no ink, and there are two spots where, let's say, parts of a comet would hit, and it looks like you are assigned to one of them

because there is a dot in the middle of it. So I'm a locator? I think you're at least a part of the warforged that broke off to the south. Where donkey land is. So another warforged would have

a dot up here but nothing down there. That's right from what I've seen. Wow. Oh, boy. Now, none of the other Warforged sort of have that fanning out thing. So I'm wondering if, I don't know, maybe that is a part of the window thing. I mean, if I had to guess, you're probably some kind of portal, or when you're in the right spot at the right time, you become a portal.

See, that scares me. You can trigger a portal somehow. That's why I was asking about the elven cities that moved. I might be able to help you more if you can tell me. Do you know what your mission is? Have you unlocked that part of your brain? Sort of. What? Sort of. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. What have you unlocked that part of your brain sort of what sort of i don't know that's what i'm saying i don't know what have you not been sharing roll a deception check no that's

true i'll roll deception i know there's something you haven't said yet so i'm telling you next you're going to tell us you have a secret family 14. it's a secret family isn isn't it? I think you know a little more about your mission. I was sent to as part of an assassin squad, which is why I thought that I could get... Hoshinka was sent as her assassin squad. And somebody at some point said that our assassin squads were like partnered. And it was an assassin squad to kill a high sun elf.

And then they were talking about moon elves. And I'm trying to understand why that would be. You were part of an assassin squad to kill a high. A high ranking sun elf. Well, this is upsetting to hear now. Yeah, I think so too. You are aware that I am a half sun elf, that my father was a high ranking sun elf. That's why I'm scared.

That's why. That's why you didn't tell me any of this because i already know to be the ones who target the moon elves so you are with the sun elf you know um army you are probably meant to bring in the executioner for a high-ranking sun elf, either through teleportation or some other means. How am I supposed to do that, though? You probably know a teleportation spell that is somewhere in your memory, if you unlocked all of it. So I become a different person?

Or part of you actually has a portal built into it, maybe in a mechanical way. What I'm saying is I don't want to do that, so I don't understand how it works. I think you just have to hope that you never connect with the tenebrous one who I think is in charge of your cerebral network. Say that again? Maybe you just sort of get activated like an Amber Alert. Yeah, you could get activated by the tenebrous one.

Oh, I don't like that at all. No, well, neither do I. I mean, maybe if you unlock all your brain first. I don't know if you've done that, though. It sounds like you certainly know more than your friends do. You had this boob map on you this whole time? That's on his forehead. That's the mark on my forehead.

Yeah, okay. I had no idea you were like a post Malone thing. All Warforged do have that in the middle of their forehead. Some variation of like a individual mark i obviously didn't know it meant anything well it does oh yeah are you gonna let her dig around in there now i what else is there well that's why i'm asking you guys i don't know it sounds to me like i don't know anything anymore okay i'm sorry i mean is that enough guys what tiktok's been keeping stuff from us really big stuff but i think it's part of me

trying to figure out who i am i didn't know it was i didn't know trying to figure out who you are is like do i actually like you know heavy metal or am i just pretending because i think it's cool and really i want to go to backstreet boys concert like that's figuring out who you are not like oh i may have been sent to kill your father or like send it oh i don't teleportation device to that's because i wasn't sure if i thought it was i was then i would go oh i gotta leave that's kind of what makes me scared is i think i have to leave i don't think he has all his memory i don't what i'm saying is hearing this just about he had a bunch though that he didn't tell us i don't think he has all his memory i don't what i'm saying is hearing this just about he had a bunch though that he didn't tell us i can't believe everybody is just cool with this hey

hal seen who is your father i don't think you should answer don't say palpatine don't say it you don't have to tell me if you don't want i just feel like she knows this stuff anyway, but how about this? You tell me what your original name was. Oh, I like this game much better. I'll tell you who my father was. Do a persuasion check with a very high DC.

You have to beat a 20. I'm sorry, I'll get that out of your way. I didn't do it. I guess we'll have to oh wait I have advantage hold on I definitely didn't do it maybe we'll talk about it another time

maybe I already know like you said maybe why do you want to know my real name you know just curious curious, I guess. I don't like finding out that my friends and allies have been withholding information from me. And as I just have learned, you know, sometimes you think you know someone and...

You don't, is the end of that. Oh, okay. I was waiting patiently for the next part of that, but it was implied. I feel like I should make a bigger apology. Oh, okay. I was waiting patiently for the next part of that, but it was implied. I feel like I should make a bigger apology. No, nobody else seems to care, but I just, I'm surprised. Well, I feel like he doesn't want to hurt us.

Oh my goodness, no. But he could have, he certainly could have shared, hey guys, I actually am remembering stuff and I remembered what my secret Warforged name was and stuff. You're right. I'm sorry.

You are right. Hey boss. Hey, boss. Hey, Gus. Do you know anything about me that you aren't telling me? No, but you see, but this is why I want so bad to go back and figure out how to get, because I thought if we could figure out what happened to Gus, then we could figure out what happened to my bad noodle.

Stop trying to be charming and cute and to get out of this. I'm not. I know. I think this is, you are right i am wrong are we being gaslit no something horrible happened to you that's why i was saying to them you weren't here i was saying to them we could go to bozer at some point and we know who did it to me we don't know who did it to you i know but we could start maybe her magic that whatever she did to make you like you, to undo it to you, then they could undo it to me. Oh, okay.

That's what I was thinking. See, that also would have been useful information. If I had known that that was why you wanted to go to Bozor, not just to go on a murder spree. It seems selfish. A murder spree. Yeah, well, I thought. I think a lot of listeners are waiting for the TikTok murder spree.

I'm rolling my eyes, by the way, at TikTok. Not at Chris. That's okay. No, I actually thought like, oh, I think murder spree would Yeah, well, I think a lot of listeners are waiting for the TikTok murder spree. I'm rolling my eyes, by the way, at TikTok. Not at Chris. That's okay. No, I actually thought like, oh, I think murder spree would sell it pretty good. All in favor of a TikTok murder spree, let's take a vote. Well, no one else seems to care

about your web of lies that you've been spinning. We care. You've just been talking. We don't care. I care. I don't know if it's a web of lies. I just mean, are we moving on? Are we moving on?

No. Well, no. It's just kind of important. But I also kind of have grown to trust him. Like, even though, you know, because we had the Sour Boy thing. Sour Boys for life. As a player, I've come to trust him I don't

think he's like a spy amongst us like I don't either I just concerned it's endangering us yeah I just feel like withholding information this is it's like

sort of like in a sitcom again this is the player talking obviously but you know I mean it's like it's like a three's company episode where if someone had

just said at the beginning we find out that Larry is might go crazy and kill everyone it's just it would be easier if we all had the same you know the same baseline pieces of information you're right i should have told you he said i'm right so many times that that uh she that she pats him on the back and he's like it's fine that's fine but let's try to be open with one another you didn't pat him on the back and is like, it's fine. That's fine. But let's try to be open with one another. You didn't pat him on his killer button back. Oh no!

Yeah, do a perception check to see if you hit the button that makes TikTok explode and kill everyone. Just kidding. But that's what I'm scared about. I did botch that role, so. You don't know. Beep, beep, beep.

Halcinas is very concerned with like truth and justice and just wants to make sure that uh of course well then let me bring you in my confidence i'm worried that i'm some kind i i was scared that i was sent here's what i thought i thought we were sent ahead that's what that's what's weird i came here before the comet which means this whole thing is some kind of crazy super invasion and i was sent here i think specifically without a memory i was sent here to be like integrated and i was like maybe i was sent here to be like in this group maybe there's i was that's why i think maybe the baron put together his little superheroes and i was like a plant in the superheroes because maybe we'll find a way to get to the elf city

because the elf city is gone, and that to me is like that's the final stroke. The final stroke is only the elves can undo what's been undone, but then in walks the Justice League, including me, the monster teleporter. Right. Now, the Archmage is also a sun elf, right? Mm-hmm.

So he's a high up sun elf and but we you weren't going to kill i mean you're trying to kill him now yeah i wish you could just like change your directions well that's what i'm scared like like part of me i would love to unlock your brain and we could figure out maybe you were sent to help kill halcyon's father maybe you're here to kill the archmage wouldn't it be convenient if you wanted to kill the archmage and you were designed to kill the archmage that sounds like something you want yeah don't you want that though uh i'm scared of what happens now i'm scared that i i think my next move is i have to walk away from everybody and go like live

under the bottom of the ocean no No, but no one wants that. I don't want that either. That sounds very emo. So guys, do you think that we should let this weird, creepy drow lady unlock TikTok's brain? The idea of it in general, I'm sort of in favor of. I'm not in favor of her doing it.

And I'm also scared of like... Changing. Like talking as a player, I don't want to play that. I'm not in favor of her doing it. And I'm also scared of like changing, like talking as a player. I don't want to play that. So then to me, the tick tock then becomes a character. I'm not going to, it's like, I will say,

I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have your character be like non playable for a way that you had no controller idea what was going to happen next. It would definitely be like a thing where like I would tell you your different memories and give you a choice right you I think the scary thing that you

should be worried about if I was Chris Tallman would be that I would actually give you memories that would compel you to act on them I know that's what I'm scared that's like I'm what happens if I all of a sudden become crazy I don't want to do maybe right but we can't risk going to fight the Tenebrous one if he might activate you when we get there.

That's why I feel like I have to leave. Well, that's not a solution. All right. Okay, then let's do it now. No? Or not necessarily with her, but then that is a thing we have to get done. Keep talking about it like I'm not here.

Yeah, but maybe before you do it, why don't you go ahead and pray to your new God? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Here we go. New God. New God. I want credit for the referral.

You still got that new God smell. Do I get like a finder's fee? Absolutely. Oh, I mention you every time. Are you kidding me? He doesn't want to talk to me. Do you want to pray for a referral? What?

No, I just mean. You want to pray for referral credit? No, I don't need to. My God knows my deal. knows my fair enough oh not very good a 10 is this a religion check yes i mean you do when you close your eyes sort of automatically get like this like peaceful ocean noise but that's about it sorry sorry velker helsine says hi more ocean noise yep uh okay well it sounds like you are not immediately taking the violet fang up on her offer to cast a spell on you

what do you think Chris is sort of pensively looking what does everybody think on the table what does everybody think do you want to take a have everyone take a vote

about whether you should have your brain is it better to know I don't completely trust her so I don't know I mean I don't think she's going to change anything

I'm just scared of her motives but maybe that doesn't matter I give TikTok an insight check. Why does she want to unlock it so badly? Yeah, I think her motives are suspect, but it might be one of those things where it all kind of aligns in a way that works for us, but we don't know. Yeah.

There's 12 for insight. You feel like she is very eager to unlock your brain. You don't know why. Yeah. Like I said, there's, there's something in it about my assassin squad is part of her assassin squad.

There's something about, there's some connection between, there's a reason it's pandemonium's Fang. She's trying to reactivate you, dude. And, and violet Fang. There's a,

there's a thing. I mean, again's trying to reactivate you dude and and violet fang there's a there's a thing i mean again but to be fair to you every big person we've met in this world is an awful fucking creep other than the donkey land guy he seemed all right well i can certainly do some creepy things you want to see some creepy things I do? No Well I offered We did that thing where you Dislocates the shoulder You want to see something creepy? What can you creepy?

Like Twilight Zone creepy? She turns to Darkthor And she blinks really hard And she says Give me a couple hours the process has started what i'll show you something creepy and she starts walking east towards uh the mother brains i'm gonna question about any mistakes we made hey can we send a word to mother brain to say hey ice five's coming in with a friend we're we as friends we were supposed to be up here getting a boat she sort of like turns over her shoulder and says oh you want

me to send a message to the mother boy no we don't want she has a problem with her right that's that's what i'm saying we have to she knows that you like her and and she knows that you know she you listened in on her sending yeah so but weren't we aren't we there you said we're where the yeah so yeah i think we should just be trying to find the mother brain hey should we meet you at dame You listened in on her sending. But weren't we there? You said we're at where the six of hearts was. So yeah, I think we should just be trying to find the mother brain. Hey, should we meet you at Dame Island maybe? You don't want me to meet the mother brain with you? Do you have a problem with her?

It? I mean, I think she's powerful. I think you guys might have made a creepy friend. I see what you're going for here. Do you want me to maybe go somewhere else? Maybe want me to go to Dam Island? God, what the fuck? I mean,

yes, you should go. Okay, I'll see you guys at Dam Island. And she winks really hard at you, TikTok, and you see her just start footing it south along the river. This may be one of those we want to keep her in eyesight bill skins fifth but now with this if we i mean she's like she's like 50 yards away i mean you can still shout stuff at her she's just like if we if we walk in her and the other one into a room like we're not it's all

gonna at least we'll know what the is going on look Do they hate each other? Is she trying to kill him? I don't know. It's not like the mother brain is my, you know. I think she seems to be here to wipe out everybody. You guys don't trust anyone, so I'm not giving you anything unless you make rolls for it. Yeah, I would like to make a roll. Everybody should, right?

An inside roll for the Violet Fang? Let's all do a thing about how we feel about the Violet Fang. We know she's not a good guy. Bad. 20. Okay. 17. 22. Oh, shit.

Do you roll dark there? Yeah, but it's not. It can't beat those. What was it? Insight? 16. Okay. What was it? Insight? Yep. 16. Okay. So Sarah Halseen gets a definite sense that the Sun Elves mean nothing to her, that she has no real empathy for you and your situation with your father or the tension between you

and TikTok. Beyond that, you're not sure of her motives uh queep however uh i'll say because of your experience seeing your entire people wiped out you have a unique uh insight because you've you've seen your people die out basically get completely wiped out from not trusting you. Um, you get the sense she's definitely focused on getting rid of the arch major Vans or veil above anything. And she's just really desperate to like grease, whatever wheel she can, because she doesn't seem afraid of any consequences.

So she's a sociopath. That is definitely the sense you get. Yeah. She's a sociopath that is definitely the sense you get yeah she's a sociopath sweet how hard to kill her well we also want to kill the archmage i'll i'll with that and say well i'll give quick creep you think she's very hard to kill there's there's something about her when she blinked at dark third that you got a sense something supernatural is even maybe still happening to her. Yeah, I think she's like some other offshoot version of the

Tenebrous one, right? Like there's some other like multi-dimensional maybe she came here to hide and that's how the Tenebrous one came here to take this plane. You know, there's some other weird it doesn't really matter in the end, but there's some other weird it doesn't really matter in the end but there's some other weird fucking thing going on.

Yeah. Which is you know, I think it's a fascinating lore but it's not going to help us. She disappears over a hill to the south. Let's just, let's rope in the mother brain. We're going to, all we can do is focus on our concrete goals. I'm really sorry.

Oh, that's okay i listen i understand you you were doing what you thought was best and withholding information because you thought it would be better for everybody if you did i was thinking of it and i was we were going to see the mother brain who i think is still in contact because they're all one i was thinking i could ask her to ask the warforged do we have is there a significance about my name i guess that's kind of what i was hoping would happen and i could talk to you about it but i didn't understand i am sorry uh well here you are on the cusp of the former headquarters of the thixit clan but you know there's a cave uh a away you know you see some little sheds

you don't see any movement at the moment seems kind of quiet you can't also see the docks yet you gotta kind of advance a little bit to get a good look at it is it suspicious do an insight check natural 20 plus 2 eerily quiet something is wrong you feel like even with if if the whole fix it clan was reduced to just the mother brain there should be some change it doesn't seem

different for some reason we should call the violet fang back is there no one here violet fang did say something about coming here, right? She said she was going to go to Dame Island and to take out the Burr. What did she say exactly? She wanted to kill the Mother Brain. We just heard it. She didn't say that exactly.

Take out the Mother Brain. Also, there's been a couple days of rest and waiting since that. So things could have happened. Should we call her back though i'm just saying i i wonder you have gus who could potentially losing our yeah you know yeah i just gus could scout ahead or gus could go follow by a fang whatever you want but he's he's definitely maybe send gus to ask her

to come back while we explore here yes let's do that let's yeah and also keep an eye on her yeah that's good uh spy or bring her back spy for... Oh. Well, I just feel like there's no benefit to us of losing... Like, whatever she's gonna do, you know, keep your friends close. Well, why did we send her off on her own then?

Also, if the Mother Brain's... We didn't. She just kept walking. No, we did because you said... Because we thought she'd be the Mother Brain. We didn't. Why?

She said, should I go? We were worried about her meeting the Mother Brain, but the Mother Brain's not here. Yeah, I think we should bring her back because I think it's more dangerous for her to be out of our gus ask her to come back please

okay um gus is gonna fly up roll a persuasion check for gus and then let's let's move forward towards the dock he catches up to her um however at this point she's uh looks like she's about to start flying her wings are unfolded so he reports this back to you. 13. I don't think he has anything for charm, so it must be to the 13. Okay. Boss, I yelled after her. She just kept flying away.

She got too fast. Shit. I feel like we shouldn't have let her go, but now let's do a quick sweep of here, and then we got to look for a boat or something. We got to get downriver. Okay. You going to head in? Can one of our flyers? Yeah, you still have Kweep or Gus.

Should one of our flyers fly after? I mean, I feel like she's making a deliberate choice, right? Okay. Gus thinks he might be able to catch up to her, but you're going to lose contact with him because it's going to take that long. Let's go for it. You want her to come back, right?

Yeah, Gus, try and catch up with her. Bring her back, please. You got it. I don't want her to hurt him, though. No. So, you know, it takes a couple of minutes, but eventually you feel your connection kind of go on mute as he flies outside of your telepathy zone.

Don't like that. And so, yep, you are currently without both Gus and Violet Fang. Oh, come back. All NPCs have exited your party for the first time in many, many, many episodes. Shall we head east to the docks? Yes. You guys round a hill. There is one thing that looks different.

You remember the boat that Dratlana came in being pretty screwed up from combat with the Mother Brain, but it is now sitting in the dock alone. It appears to have been repaired. And there's no sign of life, but it is docked. And it's a very nice boat. This is Dratlana's boat? Not for long. There's nothing left of the Thixit Clan's boats.

There's nothing left of the support boats from Queen Dratlana. Does Darkthair have a history with this boat? He sure does. Okay. I'll let you, if you want to know more about it. Is there anybody on the boat? If you want to know more about it, well, you don't see anybody at the moment, but you could roll either history or insight

to try to remember stuff about the boat. Whatever stat you want to lean on. I believe I have more but you could roll either history or insight to try to remember, uh, stuff about the boat. Um, whatever stat you want to lean on. Leave a more insight. Yes. Yeah. Cool.

Or do you have a proficiency? It's got a little dot next to it. No. Okay. Well, but it's high. Give it a roll won't you yeah okay um 17 yeah you know it's heavily trapped so there's a chance it could have been disarmed

but trying to board the boat would be a risk to whoever tried it you also know there's magical items that are usually kept on board okay and there's at least a captain's quarters that drat lana has sort of magically locked and sealed that supposedly only she could get into all right uh that's about the extent of what you can kind of remember at the moment it's been a while you when you were on it it was it was in your youth well do we were we gonna try to take that boat is that what we're talking about or no well it's odd to see it because we thought it exploded in a battle so i think we need to investigate further is there anybody else around that we can talk to uh just standing in the middle of the dock no you could try to go through some of

the buildings you could try to board the boat you could try to walk north up to the cave where you defeated the hag from another plane to get the artifact. Kind of walk around. Let's go closer to the boat. Can you get us on that boat, Doctor? We could try. You think you might be able to. There's no plank down right now. It's tied to an anchor, and that's it.

It's not connected to the dock exactly, but it's no plank down right now it's tied uh to an anchor and that's it it's not connected to the dock exactly but it's anchored down it doesn't have any ropes connecting it to the dock yeah uh without using insight again i mean i would know where the plank was supposed to be right or do yeah i'll let you do an insight check justice just about all this will be like boarding the boat insight check okay roll for boats roll roll roll nope yeah with that low uh roll you're just kind of like well maybe she doesn't have a plank i can't quite remember maybe maybe there's like a maybe there's something she used instead of a plank you're trying to place it because the way it looks right now you don't see a plank or uh what do you call it not a not when you board it it's called something else again yeah yeah you don't see that okay no gangway i

mean queep can i'm sorry i don't know if i missed it but did we talk about queep flying onto there nope that's a possibility i can how do you feel about that i can flap and look around why don't you care yeah and then you could carry Darkthor. Please. How far away is he from us? I love when you carry people. Everyone does. He's going right in the water. Can Darkthor dress up like Condor Man? Sure.

Queep, are you going to carry Darkthor atop the boat? Oh no. All right. Well. Yay. Is there another way I could get up there? Splash.

Well, let me describe the boat to you. Okay. The boat is small enough that it can fit in the river, but it is otherwise very tall and dramatic.

It's got this very long swooping body. It's not very wide, but it's very long and thin the back of it has kind of a buddy kind of like caboose like a boxy butt on the back of it where you know the captain's quarters would be um it's it's just like sort of like cherry almost purple wood that goes along the side and it's very dramatically swoops up to a very small flat deck that is pretty high above

the docks in the water so queep would have to fly you up or you could try to scale it unfortunately um there the cannon ports are all sealed off you suspect maybe even magically what if i or via a mechanism and there's there's some windows but they are kind of magically fogged over as well there is however not the normal big black fog that you're used to seeing over the top of the boat. Can I fly up there and throw down a rope? But where would the rope go? Well, the rope would have to be a couple hundred feet long

because of how tall this boat is. Just carry the man. All right, you've seen what happens, but okay. I mean, he'll be fine. Even if you drop him in the water, it's not like it's... Do we have a water breathing amulet? Yes. Oh, you know what?

I could throw a water walking on him. You've got a wand of feather falling that we can use once a day? Oh, yeah. You could just water walk him out there. Yeah. All right. But he's got to climb up the side. Yeah, there's a lot of climbing involved.

This looks like pretty sheer. Let's just fly. Give him the water breathing. Yeah, let's just fly. Give him the full Queep experience. Right. All right. So, Queep, this is going to be an athletics check. I give him the water breathing amulet.

Okay. You are now wearing a water breathing amulet, doctor. Although I'm not really worried because Queep will be right there. Queep presses his hands firmly on your shoulders. And everybody dies. How else would you like to carry him? Anything? He spreads his glorious wings.

Oh, my fucking God. And the athletics check is what? Chibachi Boo? No. What'd you roll? I rolled a two. Oh. Plus six. Well! Plus three from my

strike bonus or no? It's your athletics bonus. Just your athletics bonus. You can breathe water. I told you. You get Darkthor about 100 feet off the docks. You're over the water

and you're just like... Somebody hit me with a feather fall? 75% of the way up it's water um before anyone can do anything you break your legs fall on that far your hands i told you to cast it you just you just get like a muscle cramp uh-huh and you just kind of flumble whoopsie doodle and he goes here uh and he's instantly like six is there any way i can make it to the boat is there any way I can make it to the boat is there any way like I could so you realize you're falling

you see the top of the side of the boat is about 120 feet up and water is rushing at you about 80 feet beneath you can I make any sort of a dash try to catch him do an athletics check to catch him.

Wait, wait. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Doctor, you have that wand. 18. You rush towards him. You think you might be gaining a little bit, but also he's falling,

and he might hit the water before you catch up to him. Or, Doctor, can you become a giant eagle and save him? I'd really rather not. Okay, so he's an athletic. I see he's falling and it's happening very fast. I have a wand, right? Yeah, use the wand. A la peanut butter sandwiches.

First things first, doctor, do an athletics check to try and get into a diving position. 16. Ah, here it is. And there was too much crosstalk. Blaine, what are you doing? I missed it. I heard you say all the pita butter sandwiches,

but I don't know why. I have a wand. That's a fart. A wand that has feather fall I can use once a day. Okay. That's it. Double checking. This is from your hut that you just got yeah we just

got it okay I know I just said it but I have to check my notes just be sure yeah you got a feather fall on the one you use once a day absolutely you do all right so nothing I'm just of course I dropped it. But you meant well. Checking the rules on Fiddler Fall real quick. Oh, I always mean well. It's all I mean as well. We're a bunch of real goofballs, us fivers. I'll say.

Hmm. Should I tell Dr. Uwud this? What? Or should I make him roll? Do an Arcana check dr ewan 19 uh you know as you pull the wand out you're not close enough yet to cast feather fall how close are we uh right now you're about uh the triangle is is thus you're about 20 feet from the boat and and where darthor would hit the water uh and he is 80 feet in the air the spell range for

feather fall is 60 feet can i uh wait till i'm closer right give it your you know what i could do uh i could do long stride or you can wait. Or let him achieve terminal velocity. Could I throw two spells on myself? He's going to be fine. Or wait two seconds. Just wait two seconds and do it. Or to Sarah's point,

he rolled an athletics check. Good to see if he can make a dive. What's the concern? He's going to die? Break something? He's going to die? He's now 60 feet above the water and in 15 more feet, he'll be close enough to you. In real life, Sarah, I

broke my back falling 25 feet. Into water? No, sand. But still. I mean, but a high guy. Doesn't water become sand at 60 feet? I don't know and one feather fall. Yeah, okay, so you you're falling dark said like all these feathers.

They just fall out of the end. Yo, what the should have wished for more wishes and right before you hit the water just and you go like really calmly in your diving position so your head kind of goes what would have happened um i would have made you roll uh either athletics or survival and it would have been uh depending on your speed and what everybody did a difficult dc to roll let's see difficult DC to... And then you would take force damage from hitting the water. Yeah. No, this is better.

Okay, I'm going to cast... So he's in the water now? Yeah, he's in the water. Cleet can pick him up again. Okay, how high is the boat? About... What do I have here? 220 feet. Out of the water? It's really tall.

It's like a... It's like a cruise liner. Yeah. Oh. I wasn't imagining that. Okay. Well, then you're going to have to pick him up again. It's a statuesque pirate ship.

So I was flying down to try and catch him and bring him back up. Yeah. Should I continue that? Yes, you should. And still carry him up? Let's try it again. All right. Bring that water off.

Athletics check. Admiral. How long does that feather fall last? Get ready to do something next. Oh, yeah. One minute. One minute. Go quick. Go quick. Alright.

That's an 11. He gets you up, drops you about halfway, and you about 20 feet off the ground. gets you up, drops you about halfway, and you about 20 feet off the ground. The spell ends.

And you go, and yeah, you don't have to roll. You don't take damage, but man, it hurts. Why do I have wings? Your whole body is sore. Do I belly flop it? Yeah. I'll let you roll an athletic trick to not belly flop but either way like it's

you can't anticipate really the fact that the spell is going to end right I got 20 yeah so you managed to do you want purposely want a belly flop no I want it I want to land as nicely as you do a nice jumped 20 feet probably yeah I have yeah at this point I look around and go, ma'am, nobody is here.

We have fallen into the water next to this ship twice. There is nobody. You can roll various checks, but right now it is just like nobody. Hey, who else wants a ride? I do. All right. You want me to take you up? Get him on the boat.

He's in the water. Sam, how are we doing on time? We are at 50 minutes. Lovely. I'm going to try again. Try with him again. Right. No feather fall this time.

How am I going to. Right. This is your this is your victory montage. Yeah. You're doing it. Cuckoo. What is it? Ken took off his headphones.

He's standing up. He's walking away. Can't come back. He's leaving the room. Queep has a bonus of plus six to athletics. He rolled a two. Oh, no. That was like the first one.

How high was he this time? 120 feet. We don't have that wand. You go slipping. It's once a day. Okay, athletics. Yep, roll athletics. Get into a diving pose.

I'm trying to see if I have... There must be a lower door. There's probably a lower door porthole we're missing. That's what I asked. You don't immediately see one. 14. Okay, you start. It's a I asked. You don't immediately see one. 14. Okay, you start. It's a little hard with the wind resistance.

You really thought this was going to be your time, so it takes you a second, and you're kind of trying to get in diving pose. He falls 20 feet. Is there anything we can throw out there or anything we can do? I don't know. I have like a water spell that I can control. You're just staring as he falls another 10 feet.

Can I try again as I get closer? I can't really catch him. It's like I can open him and he can fall farther. Can you bring another 10 feet? Only 20 feet. He's now 80 feet above the water. Dark through, you can roll another athletics check to try to get closer into a diving position. Can I still try to grab him too?

Your DC goes up every time you try 17. Yeah, try again. You got you're getting closer. Can I, but it's not going to solve everything. Even if you nail it, I try and catch him. Yeah, do athletics check to try to catch up athletics. I'm really good at that one. Yeah, 20 natural 20. Yeah, it took him a while.

It took 40 feet though. So like you kind of after after creep just kind of stares at you with like blinking his eyes for 40 feet. He starts. He's rushing.

You think he might catch you, but at this point you're no longer looking for him. You're pointing your face down with your arms to try to swan dive into the water or dive with and

land with my feet, but correctly. I think you would know that you're going to make... Yeah, you got to go head in arms first to reduce damage. You're more like... I mean, it's up to you. You're less likely to get an enema that way.

Well, you'll either break your legs or have more control. It's up to you. So you're All right. So you're catching up. Anyone else? He's going to get him. He's going to get him.

Yeah, get him, Queeby. All right. So it's another 40 feet. Both of you guys roll an athletics check again. Again? Uh-huh. They're both descending. 20. Yeah!

What'd you get? All right. Is it a botch? So, Darkthorpe, you are really close to just nailing a perfect... Do you want to go head first or foot first? You would know just from being... Head first. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to go head first or foot first? You would know just from being head first. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you're trying and you just feel a seagull smack into your side and you're trying to correct it, but you kind of bend to the side a little bit. You lose your kind of perfect arm pose. Queep, you are about five feet from catching him. And at this point, you're both going so fast. You know, you both might hit the water.

One more athletics check. You're really close though, Queep. It was like Queep's cousin. Beautiful. You correct Darkthru. You're going to hit in the best swan dive you can. Is that natural 20? Natural. Okay, so that's actually really good. It hit.

Oh, he got a cocked one? Yeah. Okay. What is it? This excuse me i'm so sorry i got a 20 a natural 20 yeah darther you form a perfect swan dive and you feel as you're just about to hit the water like oh i i actually these guys are going to be so impressed the way I hit the water from 120 feet. And it might not even hurt. And then the last possible second before you can achieve it, Queep just sweeps in with his claws and grabs you.

And I'm going to have you both do a athletics check because you're going to hit the water a little bit. This is just to try not to. How many of these are you going to make them do? A lot, because it's dramatic. And I'm an asshole. That die, you've got to get a different die, because it

keeps landing on two. And 20. Your previous 20s will keep you from being hurt really bad, but you just see Queep swoop in and just drag Darkthor's face along the water. Oof. Okay, now sweep him up. That's for a flourish.

You're still not hurt. Right away. No damage. Right away and onto the boat. You going back up? Yeah. Hey, Queep, let's get an athletics check. Go on. Darkzer. Do you want a different one? At this point, Darkzer, you've had your face dragged. Look, it's good and bad. Either two or 20. Goddamn. Do you want a different one? At this point, you've had your face dragged. Look, it's, it's good at bad.

Either two or 20. That, that one has been. Goddamn. Fucking hell. This is ridiculous. 11. Uh, so you make it about 40 feet up and you drop them.

Oh my God. Only 40 feet. Okay. This is making it. I will make you roll. I mean, why do you find it? Yeah,

you do. Darth does a nice sploosh kind of art on this. Just the comic panel after comic panel. We're not supposed to be on the boat. We're not supposed to be on the boat. At this point, the sun has set. The sky is getting dark and dropping one more time.

You hear nighttime animals in the background. Try one more time. One more time. This is the one guys. Is there any blessing we can do? You could have climbed up the side of the boat. Try one more time. One more time? This is the one. Guys, is there any blessing we can do? You could have climbed up the side of the boat

at this point many times over. Why don't I swim out and start climbing up the side of the boat while they're doing it? Do an athletic strike. Make sure he gets a do.

I want Queep to do his thing. I thought I did it already. I'm going to do that too and I want to shape water to push us 25 you guys see it's really hard

you feel like you needed that 25 I had an athletic it depends what you're doing I didn't catch what you're doing I was going with him and I'm using shape water to push us out to the boat no problem you get to the boat

but I want you to roll athletics if you're going to try to scale it. Okay. That was a 17 then because I just rolled athletics. Halseen, you can't really find purchase, but TikTok, you just with the firmness of your hands are able to kind of find very tiny sort of micro grooves between the planks and you start climbing up the side. Would you get Queep rolling?

I haven't rolled it yet. Why don't you roll one last fly him ups? Twelve. Get him about 60 feet up. No, my butter toast! In TikTok, you just see as you're climbing up the side of the boat. Can I do an athletics check

to try to make it to the wall of the boat? Or grab his leg? Sure. Alright, that's what I'm going to do. Like a sugar glider to sort of fly across the... Queep, you've just gotten the shittiest rolls. Yeah, fuck. So, 24. Hey, rolls uh yeah fuck so 24 uh hey uh tick tock do an athletics check i know you just rolled a really

high one i'm making you do a lot because different things are kind of happening you're making a lot of choices and i'm trying to justify uh 25 you manage it's very very hard to hold on as dark thirst slams into you and grabs you. And he is now hugging your back on the side of the boat on the side of the boat. Are they above me? They are above you. You can try to climb up,

but I think we're going to find out how this continues next time. I'm nerd poker. You, I will say the ice five. You do think it is incredibly hard to climb tiktok as you're kind of going up dark throw on your back you're like these extraordinarily high rolls are what i needed wow and you think you might be able to get to the top then you can throw a rope over but it feels like this this boat might even be guarded against people trying to do what you do

by design but uh hey sam hi what do you think happened on this episode uh first i have a question will this air after the q a bonus yes okay uh but only patreon supporters will hear so a lot of our listeners won't know what happened in the q a well then i'm gonna say this for everyone in the room and then if you're curious what this means you can pay for the patreon episode uh both overarching and overarching are correct now on this week can people be portals this game is mostly doors and i love it uh oh man tiktok is a murder robot for elves everyone laughed at me i told you i felt an energy uh i for one like violet fang's weird super pervert attitude. I hope we try and kill her. Are we going on a different boat?

We already have a boat, and it has a name. Even when Queep rolls a two, I'm so proud of him. God, I want to help Queep so badly, but I can't. You know, you got to let the ones you love fight their own battles. And getting on this boat is the most exciting thing we've done since we picked a chef. Oh, my goodness. BrianPersane.com. Yep.

Follow me. If you're in L.A., I'll be doing a bunch of shows. You should check them out. Blaine, what's going on with you and the Keechinator? Oh, Stacy Keech is taking a couple of weeks off. He's doing a semester at sea. Oh, no. That's a full semester. Oh, Stacy Keech is taking a couple of weeks off. He's doing a semester at sea. Oh, no. That's a whole semester.

Oh, no. He's like almost an 80-year-old man, right? I don't know where he gets his energy. But I'm going to be filling the time. I'm going to be milking some rattlesnakes at the Long Beach Aquarium. Come on down and get your tits signed. You're so dumb. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening uh sam i can't get what's going on uh wi-fi to load the intro music i'll drop it in later okay you don't you can't do it from your computer, can you? I fear it'll be too much and make it pause the recording.

Okay. Do you want me to hum something? No. No, because we'll drop it in later. All that Casio talk. I get it. We love you, Blaine. I get it.

You're one of my favorite people of all time. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Pesade.