Nerd Poker - Episode 62 - Ambushery

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

After hours of attempting to not-so-simply-commandeer a not-so-simple boat at an old familiar dock, the Ice Five find themselves in an inevitable confrontation! Oh, and this episode is our first ever remote recording session! Pardon our dust- next time we'll be employing some new audio techniques, so it's only greener grass from here on out!

Hi everybody, thanks for listening to Nerd Poker. Sorry if the sound is a little weird tonight, but there's a worldwide plague and we're doing this online. So it might be a little fritzy. Please bear with us. Pardon our dust. And now, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my

noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Possehn, and this is Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. You're watching, what episode is this, Sam? 62. Episode 62. All my friends are here, as you can see. Chris. Hello! Ken.

Hi! Lane. Hi! Sarah. Hey! And Dan. Hello! Ken. Hi! Blaine. Hi! Sarah. Hey! And Dan. Hello. And as always, not at the end of my table, Sam.

Hi, buddy. So it's episode 62. Do we have anybody to thank? Yeah, should we first explain to listeners why we might sound pixelated? Sure. Yeah, this is recorded after most of Los Angeles is on day three of a self-quarantine, so we are all doing this over Zoom,

which means this is the first ever remote NerdPoker. And yeah, the audio, hopefully, is as good as we can get it. Sam's luck. We can see you, Sam.

Oh, yeah, it'll be good. They're on your phone the whole time this time, Sam. Visual bits will be weirder than ever as we continue to reference them, but are delighted by the possibility at the same time. It might be better. Elbow drop! That was a solid elbow drop, Brian. Good work.

Yeah, let's thank some Patreon supporters. Yeah, please. They go by names like AkakaPayPipsNow. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, StillbornUnicorn. Thank you. Yeah, nice depressing one there.

Thank you, RigatoniDanza. Less depressing. Thank you, Jason Wegoni Danza. Less depressing. Thank you, Jason Wegner. Thanks, Jason. Hey, whoa. I should have made that sound for the Tony Danza thing. Thanks, Soma Trinap. Thank you.

Thanks, Soma. Backwards. Thanks, Fool of a Took. Thanks, Fool. Thanks, Chuck Mangione's Fuglehorn. Whoa. Yeah. That was great Thank you, you knew this one would come Eventually, Brian's Marijuana Brain 420

Thank you Got that right Thank you, Mark Dillon Thanks, Mark, for having a real name Thanks, Phillip Skypeck. Thank you. Thank you, Poseidon Clown Posse. Yay.

Thanks, Paul Maudib, the best Quitsa Hatterack. Oh, dude, Quizzas Hatterack. Get it right, Dan. You're a nerd. Dungeons & Dragons has ruined my ability to retain references. Thank you, Lord Smearthington. you, Lord Snarfington. Oh, Snarf, Snarf.

Thanks, Nick Bonnet. Everything's better with Nick Bonnet on it. Thank you, a growing concern for Gus's mental state. And thank you, Aiden Gervais. Thank you. Thanks. That about does it for Patreon supporters. Brian, do you have any other announcements?

Jared from Subway. I wonder what ever happened to him. Jared from Orlando or Tampa, Florida gave me some money. And we mentioned him on a Patreon episode, but we should mention him on this in case he's not a Patreon supporter. Thank you very much. Thanks, Jared. Thanks, Jared. Thanks, Jared.

Hey, by the way, everybody, we're going to need a lot more of those. Start saving up your 20s. Yeah, and do it through Patreon because live dates are getting scarce. Oh, my. My whole month went away today. It was really kind of amazing. Yeah, all my live shows in LA are toast for the foreseeable future.

Let's have fun fantasy stuff. Yay! What happened last week? I will tell you what happened last time on NerdPoker. Our heroes, the Ice Five,

decided to traverse their way back to the Thixit Clan that had become part of the Ice Five now. You know, the Mother Brain Boulder and all that stuff. Anywho, the Ice Five made it to the dock and noticed Queen Dratlana's boat fully repaired and sitting quietly on the dock. Queen Dratlana's boat fully repaired and sitting quietly on the dock. The Ice Five then made the curious choice of spending about six hours trying to climb up the side of the boat. It fell down in the water a whole lot of time that the Dungeon Master was keeping track of, chronologically speaking. So we now take you to the sun setting.

Some very wet members of the Ice Five. Well, tick-tock. You had me at wet members. Some soaking moist members of the Ice Five. Tick-tock climbing hand-by-hand up the side of the rain-slick precipice. Dark Thirstury clinging to his back. You guys notice the sun is setting.

And I don't believe anyone's currently in the water, but Queep, you did try to catch Darkthor and Miss. And he grabbed... Were we... I feel like I was trying to climb up the side. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Normally I would have re-listened, but I didn't. to climb up the side? Yeah. Normally I would have re-listened,

but I didn't. Yeah, so... I was looking at Dan, but he's just taking a sip of something. Can anyone hear me? Oh, look at you. I heard you, but... The downside of you looking at me for a visual cue is it just looks like you're staring blankly into the camera as if fate would have it. I know.

This is going to be really difficult, I feel like. I'm not the best with social cues to begin with. I have my feet in some of those goldfish bowls, so they're nibbling on my feet while we're doing this. I'm kind of loving it. My wife just brought me cookies. I'm sorry. You should be sorry. Wouldn't that be weird if she showed up here too?

She really outdid herself this time. Did we marry the same lady? Oh, boy. So, the same things we were climbing up the side, too. What did we actually do? I grabbed you. Right. Maybe the first order of business is to get you and me to the top.

Okay, maybe. But we did sort of skip over Sarah's piece of business. I'm trying to figure out geographically where she is. So were you in the water about to try to scale? Or did you roll? I thought I was going to try. Yeah, I can't. I'm very sorry.

You rolled a 17. And Dan said that wasn't enough to get it. And I rolled a 25. And rolled a 17 and Dan said that wasn't enough to get it and I rolled a 25 and that got me up. It's going to take forever unless I... Right. If you want, you can do... I'll let you choose. You can do either an

athletics check to try to get back up the side of the boat like TikTok just did or you can do an insight check just to judge about how hard this is going to be to follow in his footsteps or what the next plan of action might be. Can Queep come get me? That'll be fun. Totally.

And yeah, he'll just have to roll an athletics check to get you up the side of the boat like he did last time. I guess I'll give it one more go. And then if I fail, then maybe Queep can swing down and get me. Okay. I'll hold off on my roll. It's an athletics check? Yes.

Hey, don't write any athletics checks. Your athletics ass can't catch. 17. In my life. Yeah, you feel like you get a pretty good grip, but it's just too well put together. There's not enough of a gap in the little planks to get your fingers a hold. So my ass check bounced. Your ass check bounced?

You know, at this point, you've watched everything. You do think the way TikTok's going, maybe if you had, like, Dr. Uwud's claws, you could get up the side or something. Or, you know, Kweep's boots. But like you would need some sort of external assistance to get up the side of this thing. Kweep. Yeah. You want to do this? Yeah.

All right. Touch me, please. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. I can't wait. Can we get both an athletics check from uh tiktok and queep as queep tries to pick up halcine and tiktok tries to uh lift darthur up the side of the boat this is some real uh superman can you read my mind shit right now

hey blaine what's dr uwe doing while all this is happening? Doctor, this is brought to you by Icy Hot Ooh, that's icy Wow, that's hot! Wow, that's hot! Wow, that's hot! Icy Hot Oh my god, the visuals

I rolled a 22 for The visuals I rolled a 22 for athletics And I rolled a 10 Oh Kweep what'd you get? You know A 10 A 10

I thought you said again I was like oh Like it was that inconsequential Okay So first of all TikTok You're now halfway up the boat And you've managed to keep

Darkthor on your back, so you're making amazing progress. You feel really good about it. Kweep, you drop Halcyon in the water about ten feet off the... Oh. Terrific. Um, okay. Well, I can swim. Aren't you glad that isn't you, Darkthor?

You were like a drowning rat before. Yeah, a bunch of times. But now, we're close, and you're before. Yeah, a bunch of times. But now, we're close, and you're safe. Hey, uh, I'm gonna have everybody do a perception check, please. Perception.

Ooh, natural 20 plus 5. Oh, shit. I got a 20 also. Yay! 15. 16. Three natural 20s.

You got one too, Ken? Yeah. Now I got a 20. Is that an insight roll or a perception roll? Perception roll. Okay. I got a 24. Okay. Can I call out everybody else one by one?

Blaine, what'd you get? 15. Sarah? 16 you get? 15. Sarah? 16. Ken? 24. Chris? Natural 20 plus 5, 25.

Perfect. Okay, so Sarah, Blaine, Dr. Ud, and Halseen do not really notice much except that it's getting dark. You know, Blaine, Dr. Wood's too busy doing bits. Halcine just landed in the water again. Darkthor and Queep and Tick Tock, you all kind of like glance around and you notice it's too quiet. You're not really hearing crickets anymore.

Feels like something's going on. And Tick To TikTok, you look down, and with your mechanical man eyes, you feel like you see a glowing gold coin in the water underneath Halcine. Like, deep

below the surface. It's hard to tell. It's like shimmering and refracted on the surface of the water as the sun goes down. I guess I'm confused because you're mentioning it in tandem with everything getting quiet as though we're about to be attacked. Does that coin feel like it has something to do with that? Or are you saying it gets super quiet and then all of a sudden I stare super far down into the water for the first time? then all of a sudden I stare super far down into the water for the first time.

Well, yeah, everything got real quiet, and Tick-Tock looked down and around, and he noticed the most unusual thing was, in fact, that sort of gold-glowing shimmer in the water under a house scene. Can you do an insight check? Sure. And I will clarify, since you're so curious. Absolutely. Only a 13. Doesn't feel good.

Okay, so I will say to everybody, there's a glow down below. Something's wrong. Look in the water. I was really hoping for a second round of rhymes there. You set yourself up really good. You know, I'm sequestered. I like this new Eminem TikTok.

There's a glow down below. Look out. It'll grab your snout. Hey, forget I said that thing. Hello, father, there's something in the water. All right, well, as Darkthorn and TikTok continue to, I presume, go up the wall together, what do the other three of you want to do? Dr. Uwud? What? Scrambling up the wall, do you mean? Yeah, do you want to try?

Yeah, I could. I don't really want to fly. Can I try the aforementioned insect gauntlets? Yes, you can. Toss those on and if you're swimming out there, it's going to take a minute. So just keep that in mind. You'll probably be rolling an athletics check soonish.

And then, hey, we're going to get Sarah and Queep check in with you. What do you want to be doing right now? Halseen and Queep. Rescuing. You want to try and lift her again? Halseen, you going to tolerate that? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, what I was going to do was, so do I see the glow down below after he calls out yes you do yeah okay um so what i'm gonna do is um i am going to do you have a walk i did i don't think I have it, but I actually kind of want to get out of here. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to cast control water. And so I'm going to cast it using flood, which will create a 20-foot tall wave to try to, like, I'm going to try to

move myself out of the way with this wave. And maybe, maybe quick can grab me on the way, but I'm just imagining like a jaw situation where like, is this thing like coming up to, to get me? And if so, I'm going to try to like use this to get 20 feet away.

This is great. Queep do an athletics check to try to catch how seen as this wave shoves her off to the side. All right. Because that is what is happening, Halcine. You are getting lifted by this wave. Who's got the amulet of water breathing right now? Darkthir.

I gave it to Darkthir when he was going through his whole ordeal. Is there a way to toss it to her or have it faxed to her? I have faith in Queep. He's going to get this one. We should call Kevin Bacon when he was one of those cool Manhattan bike messengers in like the 90s.

Totally. Who is that guy who is six degrees of separation from that guy? I can't remember who that guy was. Ken, I missed that. What did you roll?

I think that's seven that guy was. Ken, I missed that. What did you roll? Big fat seven. All right. So, Halcyon, you see Queep sail about four feet away from you as he tries to swing by and grab you off this wave. Yeah. You hang ten. Hang loose at the crest of this wave. You're like 15 to 20 feet above the surface of the water. As you look back, you see the head of one of those

narwhal juggernauts explode out of the surface of the water right where you were floating a second ago, Halcyon. Okay, well, I'm not there anymore. You're right of getting out of the way, I guess.

That part worked. Yeah, you got one thing accomplished. How about everybody rolls for initiative? God damn it. I got a 20. Oh, you get to go first. I'm going to really, really, really request you guys hold off and don't announce your initiative until I call your name because the crosstalk will cut the sort of sound off completely. TikTok, what'd you get?

12. Dr. Ud, what'd you get? Natural 23. Halcine, what'd you get? Natural 23. Halcine, what'd you get? I got an 11 plus 13. Darkthor, what'd you get? 13 plus 8, 21. Ooh.

The math checks out. Hoshinka, what did you get? Just kidding, you're dead. Queep, what'd you get? Wait, what? She was kidnapped, wasn't she? Huh? What? Oh, did? She was kidnapped, isn't she? Huh? What?

Oh, did I accidentally hint at something? Hey, Ken, I missed in the response to my joke what your actual initiative was. Can you tell me? 14. Thank you, sir. Okay. That is indeed going to put Dr. Uwud

at the top of the initiative. So just one moment while I organize everybody's initiative. I just want to clean that up a little bit. Hey, Blaine, what was this initiative brought to us by? Oh, this initiative is brought to you by Fats Domino's. I found my thrill in 30 minutes or less.

Fats Domino's. Dan? Don't forget to tip your Fats Domino's driver in this quarantine. Yeah, those guys are actually on the front lines of something. I'm not sure what it is but uh

everybody's doing a great job i went to fat burger today and i wanted to hug them but i didn't yeah i ordered pizza today it was my first takeout since all this went down and boy oh boy it felt good to not eat stir fry for the ninth day in a row as much as i love stir fry so dr uid you are on the pier or we're on the pier. You've been swimming towards this. All kind of happens behind you. You were just starting to plant your insect claws on the side of this boat. And you see how seeing like over your shoulder kind of create this wave float off to the north down the back end of the boat.

to the north down the back end of the boat uh and you see this juggernaut which is about a little bigger than all the ice five put together kind of explode out of the water um he's he's um you know bigger than a an orca by a little bit with this giant tusk he's got arms and legs and he's carrying a hall bird so you see like not only did his tusk almost skewer Halcine by just a few feet, but, like, he's got this halberd that is, like, a third of the length of timeboat that he's just got in both his hands. That doesn't seem fair at all. This is, like, beside Dan. He shouldn't have both a natural weapon and a physical weapon, right?

Dan, it sounds like you're trying to kill us that's what it sounds like really tell him to go back down no thank you sir sir we want a smaller monster dan yeah oh i wasn't blaming dan i was just blaming natural selection and thought time okay yeah i mean let me back up i'm i've been called. Excuse me. An infant kobold carrying a small plastic spork that came with his Happy Meal floats to the surface. Hold on. Hold on. I died. Oh, okay.

No, what do you want to do, Dr. Ewood? You see this. He's in midair behind you, kind of breaching out of the water. Okay. Well, then I'm going to make sure one of my claws is firmly planted in the cliff face, and I'm going to call some lightning down on him.

All right. So, I'll do a call lightning. Is the lightning there? Dubuque! Is the lightning there? It says a storm cloud appears in the shape of a cylinder that's 10 feet tall, 60 foot radius centered on a point, which you can

put right over this guy. When you cast a spell, choose a point you can see under the cloud and a bolt of lightning flashes down. Preacher within 5 feet of it must make a dexterity saving throw. So he's going to make a dex throw. Okay, I'm going to want the lightning to hit his eyes.

Ooh. But What's up, Sarah? Do you have a point of order you would like to bring up? I mean, I realize this is again me asking for homework, or rather me asking to be electrocuted, but I'm in the water.

So okay. Oh, excellent. This isn't, I'm going to make a lightning strike. This isn't homework. This is something your dungeon master is aware of that he was looking forward to describing. Okay, that's just great. Well, I was trying to keep most of the stuff up near his head

because I thought he was coming up out of the water, right? Yeah. He was going to be electrocuted, right? Well, we'll find out. Can't wait. Yeah. It's going to be electrocuted, right? Well, we'll find out. Can't wait. Yeah, here's the thing. I was going to have it that if he rolled so he made his saving throw,

the lightning was going to spill into the water around him a little bit as he kind of tucked out of the way. But he missed his saving throw, so this lightning is going to hit him full on and he's going to absorb the electricity. So how senior hair is going to stand on end, but you are not going to... Sure it is.

Yeah. You're not going to actually take damage because he missed his saving throw, so he'll absorb the brunt of this. Okay. Go ahead. What level were you casting that? I'm going to do that at third, please. All right.

So that is, I believe, going to be 3d10 lightning damage. Okay. Here's 1d10. 2d10 a dinghy. 3d10 a dinghy. 8, 7, 5, 20. All right. Yes, 20. 875 20 Alright Yes, 20

So you guys see a small Storm cloud funnel down And crack a bolt of lightning Into the juggernaut's Face It is Going to hit him right in the eyes Like for a moment,

see him Emperor Palpatine in return of the Jedi style. And just like his skull and his teeth light up, you see, you see like rows of his like shark, like teeth kind of all just highlighted through his flesh as they absorb many gigawatts of electricity. We see a smaller skeleton inside and find out he's pregnant? Is it sort of like a moral

conflict for us? We're like, oh, no, I don't know how I feel about this now. Yes, and you're now the dungeon master. Bye. Alright, I yield. Yeah, you sort of see him go,

and kind of arc his back in pain. Dargthur, you are up. What am I up to, Dan? Right now, you're clinging to the back of your friend, TikTok. You're over 100 feet up the side of this boat. TikTok, what's the plan? I think we should climb up and then attack. How do we attack from way up there?

Well, do you have a bow? Yeah, I mean, I could be shooting from here, couldn't I? Why don't you shoot while I climb? Okay. You'll be my dark third backpack. Yeah. I will use my longbow, Dan. Okay. Longbow, Dan. Okay, I'm going to have you roll this with disadvantage

because you're using your arms both to shoot bow and arrow and wrap an arm around his neck to stop from falling off of him. Yeah, maybe that's not a good idea. I mean, that's the thing. If you miss, you're not going to fall off of him. I would say that he can kind of brace you, so you're not going to fall off just from missing I would say that he can kind of brace you so you're not going to fall off just from missing.

But you're rolling with disadvantage so there's a smaller chance the arrow will hit this guy. Let me look at my spells again. Give me one second. You got it. You got it. You want me to remind you of a couple? No, I know I have lightning arrow which would help on this. You've got your half-drow

racial stuff like darkness and, you know, fairy fire is what I was going to say. I'm going to disguise myself. It occurs to me, because Brian's going through his spell cards, I hope I gave you guys enough of spell cards for the quarantine. If not, I'll mail them to you. What do I need to do to do lightning arrows?

I mean, range whip can attack. It's the same thing, you know, like it would still be a roll at disadvantage to hit him. Shoot him! You got it! Shoot him! But whether I hit or not, each creature within 10 feet of the target makes a dexterity saving throw.

So it's still good. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. For collateral damage. Oh, shit. Well, who's around it? We don't know. Nobody, I hope. Hey, do what I did.

Remember, I already tested. Hey, do what I did. Remember, I already guessed it. Hey, Brian. 19 plus what is my... You're to hit? What was I trying to run? Longbow? No, I know, but what was my plus? Was it a strength?

Hang on. I wanted you to do something before you did that roll, so I got to go look it up. I was going to give you a chance to see if someone was around, but you rolled too fast, so now you don't get to. Hey, Chris. Yeah? Hey, what time did Zed go on at the Omnia tonight? Half past.

23, Dan. Come back. Did you roll a disadvantage, though, Brian? Did you roll twice and take the lower number? No, I did not. All right. Please roll a second time. Now it's a 15 plus 4, so 19. Oh, nice! Yes, you managed to nail

this guy, so he is, in addition to your arrow damage, going to take 4d8 lightning damage. Holy smokes! Sarah, your hair is going to go up on end again. You realize you're, you know...

It's been raining a lot. Sorry. It's very frizzy. Why can't I go out in this quarantine? My hair looks great. Dan, I got for my arrow damage, I rolled an 8 plus dex. So it's a 12. Great.

And then did you roll your lightning damage? No, I thought you rolled that. No. No, that's your damage, man. That's 4d8. 4d8? Oh, wow. Why don't we all roll it?

Four eight-sided dice. Yeah, I know. Oh, all right. Five, seven, seven, and five. A bunch. Were you adding those? I'm 24. Okay.

Great. You guys smack them again. That was a big hit. Lightning arrow. Yeah. You're cracking right into this, nerd. Doctor, you're going to split that lobster wide open. Yummy.

Somebody get some butter. Don't say that with Blaine here, please. Maybe Queep can lay an egg and we can make some hollandaise sauce. Caution, may contain eggs. All right, Queep, speaking of you, what are you going to do? I'm going to fire my crossbow. Cool. I've been reminded by listeners that you could be

raging more often and taking half damage as you do so. Yes. But I want to save it, I think. Oh, okay. I don't have to rest before I rage again. Have you raged since your last rest? No, but I'm concerned that a bigger enemy is coming.

Okay, understood. You think you might be finding something bigger. Okay, gotcha. Go roll your tech. Man. Let me look through my NPCs for something bigger.

I can have a tech sweep in a second. James Woods. That's only a nine for attack. That is a big whiff, unfortunately, as Queep whiffs. Sarah's holding up Helsene. I'm just trying to remind everybody that I am in the water. I remain in the water. Don't you have a water walk spell?

Can't you just cast your water walk spell and it'll bob you straight up like a cork? I'm not underwater. I'm just in it. To win it. With this monster. I still get another attack, right? Yep.

Flicky. That's a 17 17 That is a hit Yeah That's a 7 And which weapon are you using for this? Crossbow, heavy crossbow So that one's going to pop right into him He's just sort of

Taking hit after hit to his body. He's like midair still, kind of slowly descending at this point. So you're aware that he's taken a lot of damage, but also that when he takes his turn, it could be a little crazy. I only get one attack. Say again? You only get one attack, right? Or do I get more than one? I think i only get one attack right or do i get more than one i think you only get one with a longbow because you're using both your hands gotcha uh queep does get two attacks for action as part of being a barbarian um i am just really quickly

trying to pull up all your character sheets hey blaine while i look up everyone's character sheets and try to figure out their answers to questions, can you tell us what that is brought to us by? This is brought to you by Dr. Brown's Cream Cheese Soda. Pride of Philadelphia. Boo-doo, boo-doo-doo. Dr. Brown's

Cream Cheese Soda. Back to you, Dan. Brian, you do get two attacks per action. Didn't get shit on that second roll okay thank you for trying hey by the way dan can i just say that it's really cool that you have the map of what's going on right behind you if you haven't explained that that's what's behind you i think it might be a cool thing for to show everybody yeah uh sure every time you disappear because I'm talking too much, we see that cool map. Yes, that is

Clottenheim behind me. Listeners will not be able to see this, but if we have a clip of this on Patreon, look at that shit. Look at all of the beauty that Sean Bryant hath wrought. Okay, so this spell

is a concentration spell. The control water spell. That's good for 10 minutes. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to do a different sitch now. Now that I've done my wave, my flood, now I'm going to do whirlpool, which is, Can everyone hear my kids screaming, or is that just me? Nope. Directly on the other side of this wall. Okay. I will try to focus.

So this effect requires a body of water, which we have. You cause a whirlpool to form in the center of the area. The whirlpool forms a vortex that is five feet wide at the base and up to 50 feet wide at the top Holy shit and 20 25 feet tall. Whoa any creature or object in the water So I need to make sure that it's as far enough away from me or whatever. Um, because I don't want to be pulled into it Obviously, um, but this I have a range of 300 feet on this So what i'm trying to do is make it so that the guy will fall into this vortex without me being pulled in. So I need to be at least, um, 25 feet away from the edge of the vortex. Okay. Uh, I will say because you are 20 feet up and about 20 feet away, you are currently

about 40 feet away from where the vortex would start. Well, that wave is going to go down. It's going to crash down, right? Yeah, but not until the end of this turn, though. Oh, okay. Well, that's a little confusing because this should be my second use of this spell in a turn. Oh, because you did it before the turn started.

I created the wave with the first part of the spell, yeah. But I'm supposed to be able to use it as an action on my turn. So. Well, here's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm just trying to get your distance down. So you're 20 feet up and 20 feet away. How far do you have to be from the edge of the vortex to not get sucked in?

25 feet. Yeah, you're 25. Yes. I don't think there should be anything confusing about it because you're more than far enough away. Okay. Okay, I see. I'm not contradicting you.

Okay, the water level remains elevated until the spell ends or you choose a different effect. So I'm using a different effect. Got it. Okay. It seems unclear to me. Maybe that it's supposed to be in the same exact area. I don't know in which case.

No, I think you can still... You can decide whether... No, I'm deciding you get to do it. It's just going to mean the wave that you're on is going to sort of drop out from under you and you're going to be suspended in the air above the water. Whee! Okay, that's fine.

So the whirlpool now is happening. And then the creature should be pulled into it. Um, and then he can swim away from it by making a strength check. But then if he's, um, in there, once he gets in there, he has to do a saving throw and then he, he will take damage if he's in there. Great. Well, he's still like about, I don't know, like 10 feet above the water kind of. So we'll see what happens when what happens when he falls down there. Okay.

Cool. TikTok, you're up. Cool. I'm going to shoot him with my arrow. Are you? I can't. I have to keep climbing. I will climb, no, I can't. I gotta keep climbing. So I will climb, climb, climb,

and then as my action, maybe I will dash. I wanna get me and Darkthor all the way to the top. That's what I wanna do. Okay. Athletics check, please. Athletics! Athletics. You need to keep it over a 10 to stay grabbing on. Copy.

Over a 10 to grab on and over a 18 to ascend. Now I rolled an 8. Cue Tom Petty. Oh, plus my bonus? Yeah, that was with the bonus. I got an 8. Oh boy.

Oh boy, oh boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. So, uh... Hey, Darkthor, I'm gonna have you do a dexterity saving throw. Oh, is... Are they gonna fall into this whirlpool? No. Sarah, why would you

say that? No. Is it directly underneath you? Well, Darkthther's got the amulet Yeah, it's a 50 foot deep Whirlpool though 25 feet, okay I mean, my Wisdom is 14

So What do you want me to do? A dexterity saving throw. All right. That looks good. You need to beat a 12. I did. I got a 22, my friend.

Nice. All right. So, Darkthirt, youck try to uh ascend the wall and completely lose his grip on the side of queen drat lana's boat as he does so he does kind of like a hannah barbara like divina divina divina like with his hands and you manage to kind of like twist around him and take a swing at the side of the boat yourself Before you completely Careen into the water I'm gonna go ahead

And let you save That for your turn But TikTok you start plummeting Backwards No way I can extend my other hand Not on your turn Right now yeah he's like midair falling back um yeah you can try to do that on your next turn but it's going to be an athletics check

a difficulty 22 oh god damn uh we're gonna put a little button in that while the juggernaut takes his turn um he's going to roll with disadvantage because he has taken damage that he is sensitive to. What does that mean? Huh? What does that mean?

Did I say that out loud? What? So, he takes a swing for hal seen who is currently like suspended in the air but he whiffs his uh halberd as he goes by and he starts to uh realize he's going down in the whirlpool. He begins to get sucked down into it as he kind of flails on the edge of the water that he is descending into. Dr. Uyghur, you're up. So it looks like

TikTok is heading down into the Whirlpool and Darkthor as well. It's not looking great for TikTok, but it's looking like Darkthor has a shot at saving both of them. I think things are always looking great for TikTok, but it's looking like Darkthor has a shot at saving both of them. I think things are always looking great for TikTok. Is there a way for me to use the telekinesis wand to just grab TikTok and just pull

him up to safety. If I'm not mistaken, that is your last charge on the... I have three left out of five. It's not a wand. It's the dragon eye, right? Or the dragon eye. Is that a waste of this?

I'm asking you, TikTok I think we're good Don't worry about it Darkter's got me Okay Well, I'll have that on deck if we need it So I'm going to just sort of like I'm going to secure myself and I'm going to

Oh, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hit this thing with a moonbeam. Okay. Which is a thing that happens and the moon comes down and

it looks beautiful on the lake. That is a silvery beam of pale light. It really is gorgeous. If you've never seen a moonbeam spell, it's really, really gorgeous. Off the Tannhauser gate.

2d10 on a failed save. Half as much on a failed one. He did just roll a 23 on his con save. So that is going to be half damage. All right. 11.

Okay. And that moonbeam will stay on him, right? Yes, until you choose to dismiss it. Okay. And I'm just kind of like... I'm going to also continue to move up the cliff face. Okay. I'm going to have you do an athletics check, please.

Is this the first time we've gotten to see the insect gloves in action? Pretty much. I feel bad. I never attuned to them. So if you want to apply any penalties or anything, but I got a 15 on the X. Yeah, without attuning

to them, you're not going to get all the benefits, but you can use them as an athletic thing. What did you get? I got a 15. Yeah, you can't quite find purchase, so you just kind of scrape them on the sides a little bit. I feel like they could potentially help you. It feels like it might be a little easier than it was for everybody else,

but not by a whole lot. It's like that time I first used a riding mower. Up next is Garthur. Okay. I'm going to reach out and try to grab my buddy. Am I sour boy now? Oh, boy. All right.

So as previously stated, this is going to be an athletics check with Abe. Are you proficient? Yeah, I got to get an 18. You asking? It's just one roll, right? There was a disadvantage? No, no disadvantage. And the house rule is if you have proficiency in it,

you get to roll twice. Oh. It's still a no. So you just sort of scrape your fingers on the side of this thing and you feel gravity start doing its dirty business to your body as you uh also begin to plummet let go oh wait why am i plummeting you tried to grab a hold of the side of the boat, but you didn't... Like, you made your dex check to not fall down with TikTok, but all you did was get past TikTok's body and try and make your own grab. Oh, I thought I was trying to grab him just now.

You're trying to do both. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, you didn't make a roll to grab the boat yet. I didn't understand that. So we're falling. Uh-oh. Do we get to try again as we're falling? Well.

Can I do anything? You've used your action to grab the side, Brian, so this turn you can't do anything with an action. I thought I get two actions. You get two attacks per action. Okay.

And instead of using it for an attack, you used it to try to grab the side of the boat. All right. Well, I'm not going to fight to stay alive, but... Oh, my goodness. What I like most about this episode is I think a total of 10 seconds have passed in the storyline.

Wow. Whereas last episode, I think like eight hours of climbing and falling in water happened. Real time switcheroo. Kweep, you are indeed up next okay I'm going to try to grab them

this is going to be a both of them check I guess roll to grab well Darkthor's hanging on to me so in theory if he grabs me sure because Darkthor's like my little buddy backpack.

Yes, correct. Although Darkthor... Well, what ended up happening was Darkthor did a dexterity saving throw. He's no longer your buddy backpack. You were kind of holding hands romantically falling together. Oh, this is real can you read my mind. Yes. You guys are going to end up under a porch in Los Angeles pretty soon.

Don't let go, doctor. No matter what. Don't let go. So, with my great role... Wait, did you roll already? No. Okay. What if this was the first good roll that you got in three months, Ken? It would be amazing.

You've had the most cursed dice tower. When you didn't make a face like you was happy. Are you proficient? At grabbing two people at once? At athletics. Athletics. Well, I have a plus six. I don't know if I'm

proficient, no. Is there a black dot next to it? I'm looking at your character. Yes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Have you been proficient in athletics the entire time that I've been making you roll to grab people? Yeah, I didn't know that the dot meant proficiency. I thought

it was under proficiency. We got a replay last week. So everything went great. And everyone's fine. We're all on the boat. We're already on the boat. I feel like we have to retcon like half the things that have happened

to Queep. Fuck. Roll again to try to save him you nerd Well that's a natural 20 Hey Plus 6 That's great Well Ken I'm going to beg of you

That you keep an eye on that next time I make you try to Carry people catch people. You got it. All this stuff. This could be a new day for you. This could be like your big turnaround moment for all the bad rolls Queep has had lately. It's pretty exciting. And I came back with a natural 20.

Feels good. Well, first of all, you're welcome for my house rule that you get to roll advantage when you have proficiency. Second of all, you grab TikTok with your beefy Aarakocra arms. And Darkthor, you just kind of like go, and like manage to hang on, at least for this round. All three of you are kind of like dangling over the vortex. Is this like Chewie, Lando, and Han? Kind of like we're all sort of in a human tether? Yeah, and this is beyond

what Queep can keep carrying. So, Queep, you're pounding your wings. Your athletic strength was amazing, but you're sinking. Do you know what I mean? You're falling at a very, very, very slow rate, but you're not going to be able to carry both of them

All the way to the top of the boat The way they currently are And you're about 100 feet up Well, hopefully one of them can grab onto the side of the boat Yeah Just get us to the wall, feathered friend Now, because you are over-encumbered You're moving at half speed

But you do get movement if you want to try to lower them Towards the pier Hmm I'm afraid if I try to lower them towards the pier. I'm afraid if I drop them, they'll hit the pier. Well, you don't have to roll a check. Do you know what I mean? You get your full movement, well, half your movement. How close can I get them?

How far up from the pier when I get them over there? You can get them like a third of the way down on this turn. But aren't we next to the boat? Yes. You can take them... Oh, you mean to the boat. I'm sorry, I misheard you. You guys, my brain is handling a lot of information at once for this game. So you

can, yes, get them to the side of the boat to try to have them relatch on if you want. That's what I wanted to get. Relatch, yes, get them to the side of the boat to try to have him relatch on if you want. That's what I wanted to get. Okay. Relatch, latch, latch. Drift them back over, and on their next turns, they can, if they want, separately try to grab on,

or you can get back in the backpack position, boys. Cool. The backpack boys! Come to you this fall on Netflix. Hey, Halcine, it's your turn. So I have to have this concentration spell for the whirlpool now. They're not going to fall into it, but the guy is still falling.

He's getting sucked in. No, he's in the vortex. Oh, he is? I was supposed to roll for his damage then. Oh, then please retroactively roll his damage because he for sure got sucked into it on his last turn. He had a chance to not He had a chance to not get sucked in on with a strength saving throw But if he if he failed let him roll that

He got hope this guy gets all sucked. I hope this guy just gets super sucked. He got a 14 Okay, so 14 was my spell save so he'd oh No, he's 13. He missed it by one Right, so he takes the damage? Yeah, okay. He's going to take 2d8 bludgeoning damage. Alright. He's going to be... That's a possible 16 points.

So, 6 points of damage, but then he... He's also caught in the vortex until the spell ends. And he can use his action to try to swim away, but he's going to have disadvantage on the strength check. Okay.

And every round that he's still in there, he's going to take 2d8 damage. Okay. I'll say at this point, you see this thing tearing at him. It looks like he can barely hang on to his life as he's roaring in pain.

I love this spell! Yeah, the vortex is shredding him. Halsey, now it is basically your turn. That was retroactive damage. Got it, okay. Well, then I have to... It's a concentration spell,

so if I want to keep the vortex up... Wait, let me just see if there's another cool thing I can do with it. Yeah, because I mean, it doesn't look like any of your allies are in danger of falling into the vortex. You have a collection of old knives you could throw into the vortex? I can't do, yeah, because I can't do anything else while I'm concentrating on that spell, right? Like, I'm just holding the spell. You can't. No. Actually, you can do a lot of things. You just can't do another concentration spell. Okay. Well, I'm swimming, so I guess I'm just going to be using this time, then, to try to

swim back to the pier. Okay. Right? Yes. You made a face. I was thinking about it. Yeah, man. You really made a face. You really did. You can try it. You forgot that I could see you. Yes, I'm afraid so.

There was a tongue. I was just trying to grip my teeth. Why? Why is swinging back the pier so terrible? Sarah, do you want to do an insight check to see if you can? I guess you want me... Oh, well, not very insightful.

That is a nine. Yeah, you're not sure. I mean, I see your face and it's telling me something, giving me Sarah insight that Halcine doesn't have. So I just have to continue role-playing and continue what I had originally said I was doing. Can you repeat that one more time? Oh my God, no.

It was very long. I guess I have to keep swimming. Yes. I mean, I know to stay away from the whirlpool. Is that what your faith is about? Yeah, I mean, okay. So like just basic passive insight. You're like, okay, I'm currently only

15-ish feet away from the edge of the vortex. Oh, if that's true, then it's already trying to suck me in, Dan. Then I have to be doing, I told you I have to be 25 feet away or it's going to suck me in, so. Oh, wait, wait, that's right. The way you landed, the way you landed, you were 20 feet away, so it's actually. It's trying

to suck me in. Yes. So I got to roll now. Yeah, roll your strength check. Strength check against myself. Yes. It's like, man, that show just sucked me right in. Sorry, I had to go back to my tab and actually do the math. Yeah, you fall.

So you fall the remaining distance of what you were in the wave and you hit the surface of the water. Well, I have now, I guess, fallen into this, my own whirlpool vortex. This doesn't seem like something that would happen to a seasoned storm cleric. Well, no, because you can turn it off. You can end it if you want.

Ooh. Okay, I guess the second I started getting pulled toward it, I would probably end it, yes. Yeah, well, I will give you that, sure But where's the thing? It's about You know, like, yeah

Like 20, 25 feet away from Halcine in the water As the vortex sort of Like down Levels off, yeah, but So he's Is it taking damage right now, do you think? Not anymore, because she's canceling the vortex so she doesn't get ripped to shreds.

He's mostly submerged now, and he looks like he's in really bad shape, but he's starting to shake the effects off and regain his stability. And on that note, I believe we are going to call it for this episode of Nerd Poker. I have an announcement before

Before Sam tells us what happened I forgot to read this. I think this might even be the girl that had Cosplayed but she gave me some money in Ybor City Dear and which is Tampa Dear nerd poker. It was great having Brian in historic Ybor City, Tampa. Ybor is home to the fourth annual Tampa International Fringe Festival, which may ring a bell to the stand-ups at the table. I am such a huge fan of the show,

and although I missed the characters from last campaign, this one's even better. Much love. Cabaret comedian, Bolva Valum. No relation to luchadors. Yay. Cool. Nice.

She gave us some cash. What happened, Sam? I only took one note this game. I know it took me two years to realize Ken was a bird. Did someone say something about Blaine using his claws? Is Blaine some sort of insect?

I heard that right, right? Yeah. You didn't hear that, yes. They're gloves, they're gloves. Yeah, I have insect gauntlets. Sure, man. Nah, tight. This game's sick.

What is happening? He got it a while ago, but he hasn't used it. Dan, are you frozen or are you just frozen in position? Oh, no, his eyes moved. I'm dead inside, but I'm not frozen. You're live on the outside. My microwave does that sometimes. What else, Sam?

That's it. That's my takeaway. I thought Flynn was an insect, but fuck me, I guess. There are no tour dates. Don't go to BrianBosin.com. Even if there were, you shouldn't go. It's all shit. We're fucked.

Oh, no. Finally. This is airing in the future. Yeah, this is going to air in the future. So let's be careful because we don't actually know what three weeks or whatever is going to happen. No, I mean, I'm serious.

I know. Stacy Keach and I are shutting down the Escape Room review at the Roosevelt at the end of July and if we're going to get back up, we'll post it up on the website. If we can get the website

to get back up, we'll release it from the last time That's cool. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.