Nerd Poker - Episode 64 - Upper Decked

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

Time for some of the Ice Five to sit on the deck of a boat and read a tom full of lore, while the rest of the Ice Five set things on fire. We bet you can guess which characters do which. Plus, oh right, they might have just dissipated the avatar of a fallen evil god... Probably no consequences to that, right?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Clay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Episode 64, and it's still virus time, and so I'm looking at all my friends on my computing machine

up in the upper left lane. Hey, hi, it's me. Ken. Hello. Chris. Hello. Dan. Hey, Dan. Hi. Sorry, my internet connection became unstable, and for me that was in real time, but I could tell from the laughter. Perfect timing. Sarah. Hello. And as always, Sam. Hello, Sam.

Hey, Sam. You want to thank anybody? No, this time for the first first time I'm just deciding I will refuse I'm kidding I would like to thank Patreon supporters who go by names like Jason Lee thank you Jason oh wow

Jason Lee yeah oh my god Stinkfinger thank you thank you drunken pixie motherfucker 69 of uh thank you thank you drunken pixie motherfucker 69 of course thank you uh thank you brian with a y

thank you thank you stacy peach thank uh thank you john matthews thank you john thank you spongloidian Thank you, John Matthews. Thank you, John. Thank you, Spongloidian. Spongloidian.

Thank you, Lemon Dart. Thank you. Thank you, Jerry Cum Squatch, a.k.a. Mummified Twinkie Cream. Oh, no. Thank you. Thank you, Albert Keistein. Thank you. Thanks, Albert. Thank you, Albert Keistein. Thanks, Albert.

Thank you, Terry's sweet and hot Aricocra fried thighs. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Wanky McWhackfest. This is a really a lot of really good ones. Thank you, Chris B. People are extra barred. Thank you, Chris B. People are extra bored.

Thank you, Matthew Fruth. Yeah, right. Did someone say Quispy? Thank you, Mr. Sister Fister. Oh, no. Triple word score. Thank you, Caleb Evans. Thanks, Caleb.

And thank you... Oh, God. These last two are amazing uh thank you smack dab in the middle of congress and thank you most of all terry's son's transparent attempts to hurt his mom by idolizing his dad. Awesome. That's great. The kids think they're getting away with it. Hey, Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Oh, they're brought to you by Little Tiny Waffle Makers. Makers of Little Tiny Waffles.

Who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Oh, he told you. He told me. Little tiny waffles, Dan. Is your connection unstable? Sure is. I'm doing a lot of Zoom humor. It's called Zoomer.

I have a letter that I got at our little PO box. Deer Eyes 5 plus Terry. Gus, if he's still alive, I'm not caught up. And all the indignant asshole npcs i'm not writing to give you money or blow smoke up your ass i love but to answer the important question raised in episode 37 who originated the not joke it was penguin and knights of Navery from Batman 25 from October 1944, written by Don Cameron, see enclosed. And sure enough, Penguin goes, I'll see you soon, I hope.

And then he goes, not. Wow. Wow. Cool. So keep asking. Keep asking. The Wingsworld guys can give up that credit then. Yeah, and Scott Ian. Cool. Historical record. The Winsroad guys can give up that credit then. Yeah, and Scott Ian.

Oh, really? I think we must have talked. Did we have a whole convo about that? We did, yeah. It says, keep asking the big questions. When is it going to end? Listener Kevin. That's a big question. I don't know. keep asking the big questions yeah uh let's get into what happened uh last time on nerd poker the ice five discovered some things about

tiktok's past that disturbed them a little bit and then spent what felt like 48 hours trying to climb up the side of a boat. Took a little bit. Queep was not allowed by his dungeon master to simply carry everyone up, so he rolled about 70,000 times to try to carry people while a couple people tried to climb a sheer boat face and it didn't go great either. Overall, it was a real clusterfuck and partially my fault on purpose

uh finally everyone got onto the top of the boat where they discovered a mysterious illithid like creature and a ghosty narwhal thing having a conversation they they uh tiktok actually let's give t tock his props hit with a what was it dark there i don't fucking remember i just listened to it and uh i have sam beckett from quantum league brain so who the fuck knows but someone hits the illithid like creature with an arrow and it dissipated into smoke the ghosty narwhal disappeared, and our heroes are now left with a book that says Gateways to Gehenna lying on the boat

dock, or whatever the fuck. Not the boat dock, the, what do you call it? The fucking floor on top of the deck. Deck! The deck! The floor on top of the boat. My sailor days have failed me. So, yeah. Did you say gateways plural

yes yes i did so uh yeah instead let's talk about yeah this book which was written in abyssal and i believe we found out is that hal seen actually knows abyssal yeah yes okay wow what does it say what's the book say it says gateways to Gehenna you want to spend some time reading it yeah so okay Halstein I'm gonna say you tell me

how much time you want to dedicate to reading this book that looks like it would take a couple days to read front to back and we'll have you do your choice either history or arcana roll to see how much you absorb okay yeah I'm going to do a

do you guys want me to can I do a skim and that first to see if there's like an important part and then you know like do you know what I mean can I like flip through to see and then focus in on the part that... And then I'll spend a couple hours, I would think. Okay.

Okay, great. Yeah, your choice. History or Arcana. Okay. Is there a way for me to, like, if she could translate it into something and I could help because I have a proficiency in Arcana. Here's what I'm going to do. Once she does... Actually, no. Because she is the only one who can read Abyssal, I'm going to only let her do this Arcana. Well, here's what I'm going to do. Once she does... So do I. Actually, no.

Because she is the only one who can read Abyssal, I'm going to only let her do this particular roll. However, when she's done, I'm going to let all of you do an insight roll to help her piece it together. I also have an Arcana proficiency, so I got 21. 21, okay.

So I'm going to give you pretty massive amounts of skim knowledge here. That's a very good Arcana roll. So you piece together, you would have to spend, for most of these gateways, you'd have to spend a lot of time either connecting with some kind of archfey who would allow you multiple gates through multiple planes of existence. So you'd either have to do that, you'd have to spend about 100 years studying magic to open some of them, 50-ish years for other ones. You'd have to attune yourself to magical artifacts. A lot

of these gateways seem pretty impossible. But there's one passage that seems to be talking about some sort of prophecy and how this prophecy is focused on a certain geographical area that sounds vaguely like Clottenheim on your world. However, it does

seem like this book was written by some sort of fiend or demon and a lot of the context is confusing. it does seem like this book was written by some sort of fiend or demon, and a lot of the context is confusing. So this is where I'm going to have everybody roll their insight checks to help you piece together the weird metaphors and sort of abyssal speak in this chapter. All right. Guys, you can relax.

I got a nine. Ooh, fancy pants. Hey. Yeah, what'd you get, Ken? 19. Nice. Not bad for a barbarian bird. With a montage.

Hey, Blaine, what'd you get? Oh, 10 from... It's fine. It's not a huge deal, but it's more when we're in combat and I'm trying to gather my resources that I get flustered. Yeah, Blaine, what'd you get? I got a 17. Ooh, not too shabby yourself. Hey, Brian.

Insight, right? Yep. Hold on, I just had to get all my shit. You okay? Hey, Terry, do you want to do an insight check? Hold on. I just had to get all my shit. Okay. Hey, Terry, do you want to do an insight check? I rolled all the dice ahead. I got 618. Is that good? Yeah, Terry, you're off on Dame Island

and suddenly you unlock all the secrets of the abyss and you pass out. Excellent. Terry, it's 10am wake up yeah but I've been up smoking menthol since 7 I got a natural plus 4 a natural 20

yes holy shit yeah when you say you got a natural part of me is like please tell me it was a 1 please tell me it was a 1 you were talking about your hair I don't get that joke but I want to 70s thing Please tell me it was a 1. You were talking about your hair. I don't get that joke, but I want to. It's a 70s thing. Oh, I get it.

Fair faucet, sure. So, okay. You rolled a 20, Brian. That means Darkthor is going to sort of lead the insight on this. First of all, all of you guys, even those of you who rolled a 10 or lower, guess what a couple of things mean.

You all sort of get this weird vibe from what Halcine is reading you about some weird being that is referred to repeatedly as the melted sand that walks. And then a couple of you get more information. Apparently the

melted sand that walks will arrive and be born from the brain with many legs. The brain with many legs will arrive via be born from the brain with many legs. The brain with many legs will arrive via the celestial arrow. And then, Brian, there's

more that Darkthor kind of absorbs, but there's this weird reference to some kind of being that keeps being referred to as the one below or the waking core who watches. Chris, are you taking good notes?

You're always our good note taker. So the, the brain with many legs that had two thoughts that immediately sounds like a beholder, but then it also sounds like, um, it sounds like it could be the, what, the, whatchamacallit, the word Chris is.

Oh, the Warforged? The Warforged, like one thing with many, you know. It says the brain with many legs will arrive from the celestial arrow and born from the brain with many legs. Right? Could it be the mother brain? Could be. I'm thinking it could have been, but then that made me think

it's the Warforged because they came on the comet and they are one thing with, I don't know, just a thought. I feel like a couple, I think the Archmage of Vanzervale and also the, whatever, the Wizard of Dame Island,

I feel like they both at various points made reference to the fact that it was weird that I was walking and talking, which makes me think that a normal warforged is like what you're saying. A normal warforged is supposed to be an army with one brain.

Yeah. And then what was the thing about the glass the glass arrow melted sand yeah and then among among the brain with many legs there will be a being known as the melted sand that walks oh are that you among the it said among the being with many legs melted sand from within the brain with many legs will be the melted sand that walks. And then it keeps referencing the melted sand that walks as the key to being able to get to Gehenna. TikTok, it's got to be you, right? Yeah, because that melted sand, that's glass.

So it's a walking window. Right? Yeah. Plus you're the key. Plus it says among the the leg many legs and you are among them right yeah okay well that's great we can no you can get us to get henna we're all that's a dream we can all go to hell yeah you know yeah that was one thing i was thinking is that just food for thought we're now in a not clodenheim but rather the universe when i we now live in a place where things move from world

to world so maybe if things go really bad we might have to move to another world. Sure. Just saying. That sounds great right now. Just saying. TikTok's selling everybody on... No, not selling. More like it occurred to me and I was like, ooh, I don't like that.

With this sort of like key or like legend to what this might mean, can we restudy it thinking of it as if the arrow is the comet, the many legged thing is the warforged, the key, the glass is TikTok. Can we read it and see if we can see anything else about it then? You feel like if you spent another few hours hours just you and tiktok going over this that whoever this uh melted sand that walks is if they were say present with you you might be

able to unlock the key within them on how they can become a gateway to gehenna we gotta do it guys right yeah the other thing is the waking core who watches is that the yeah they that it keeps getting referred to uh by name as the one below but then it's referred to in passing as things like the waking core who watches uh the watching one um the the one below uh the old ones it's it keeps referring to it as the one who watches the slumbering one Jimmy watches a lot

Mike TV and what is that what is the one who watches going to do or what does that have to do with the prophecy it says that the celestial arrow is sending the brain with many legs to destroy the to do or what does that have to do with the prophecy it says that the celestial arrow is sending the brain with many legs to destroy the the waking core who watches and to to make contact with uh this place that seems similar to claudenheim there's references to similar hills and continental formations.

Remember the earthquake? The core shift? Yeah. So that's got to be related, right? The core shift. Wasn't that what they called it, a core shift? Hey, do another insight check there, Halcyon. The waking core who watches, is there some sort of like,

is this like a moon elves kind of a thing? Have we discussed that? Yeah, would Darther know anything about would those names make more sense to me? Especially since I had a 24? Let's see. I'll let you

and you can give Halcyon advantage on this one. I don't need it because I just rolled a natural 20. All of a sudden, fantasy air horns go off in the air. Please refrain from blowing your Vuvuzela indoors. And sure, Darkthor, you can provide some additional

sort of passive insight on this one from how much you've been thinking about all of this, but you've definitely heard Darkthor in the Underdark about there being some sort of greater beings deeper below the caverns that your people live in, but one

greater danger where no one wants to plumb too deep it's it has always sounded different from the others and you wonder if that's what this is in reference to uh how seen in particular yes you do think that maybe uh that earthquake could be connected to this waking core who watches reference and there's just something sort of... Fuck it. You guys got a couple of natural 20s. You feel like there's something unique about this that maybe you haven't heard any references

to before. It seems a little different from any references to the Tenebrous one or Manzikorian or Orcus or even the Archmage. This feels like weird new shit. Could this... I don't know it's connected it could just be synonymous but remember a giant underwater shoulder tentacle god that we barely

got away from yeah that's what i think of because dan also just wanted to clarify with the core these the god shard crystals, the mythology we've heard is that they came from underground, right? The crystals came from the depths of the core of Claude and Hime, not from outer space. Yep.

Hey, TikTok. TikTok, you alone get to do a history check on that one. History check. Alright. Ooh. TikTok, you alone get to do a history check on that one. History check. All right. Ooh, he's a dream. I got a four. Okay. TikTok, you get a weird feeling that there is something locked in your sort of lost memories

that might have helped you here, but you can't quite place anything specific. that might have helped you here, but you can't quite place anything specific. Well, so we should study this with either me or Dr. Uwud should study, who has the Arcana proficiency, should study with TikTok to see what we can unlock, right? Yeah, unfortunately, because you're the only one who knows Bissell,

there's only so much support that Dr. Uid can give you. However, I do think you would know from Dr. Uid's experience in the Arcane and Wild Magic and Half-Elf University that there might be some support he can give you. Can he give me emotional support? Can he just pat me on the back as I read? Yeah, he's a certified emotional support druid. Yeah, he's a certified emotional support druid.

Is there anything in that note we got from TikTok's boss? Oh, the Baron's letters? Yeah. Interesting. I will look. Hey, Blaine, what was this reference to the Baron of Pepper Greens notes brought to us by?

It was brought to you by death. It comes for us all. I terrified my kid because he couldn't hear you guys talking and all of a sudden I yelled at Dr. Uid. Kind of traumatized him a little bit. It must be like living with Bob Newhart.

Except you're not on the phone. Yeah, just all the time. I was at the Burbank airport once, and a huge phalanx of security comes walking through the crowd, and in the middle was Bob Newhart. He gets through Burbank. I loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's always, I think he said some shit about some soccer players. He refers to me as a beacon, the Baron in the letter. When he first talks about finding this warforged, he refers to me as a beacon, which now does not seem like an accident. Yeah, you definitely would get a sense going through the letters.

I mean, you don't find a specific passage, but you get a sense of paranoia from the baron that there is um that he's afraid of something uh other than even the tenebrous one that he doesn't directly name so if we go back to dame island also remember that he's there right so we could so i feel like tiktok we should you and I should look over the book to see what we can, because it says that we may be able to figure out how to actually use you as the key. And then with that information maybe we'd go back to Dame Island, we'd meet back up with Crazy Lady and

Baron, maybe? By the way, can we take possession of this ship? We're locked out, right? You're locked out of Below Deck. What you were exploring the deck last episode from that little cursory search, you did realize that the main, what is it called? The steering wheel of the boat. It's sort of like magically locked into place.

So maybe if while TikTok and I study the book, the rest of you guys kind of explore the ship and try to unlock stuff and figure out what's going on. Does that work, Dan? Yeah. That can be done. I'm just going to throw up detect magic and then just zero in on any sources that I can find.

Okay. Dr. Uy, you cast direct. Direct. You cast a Hollywoodllywood blockbuster got a plane on that one yeah you figure out there are these there's magic basically on every

door and on the the wheel so the wheels got some sort of spell cast on it there's a magical aura there there's also one on this sort of big kind of double doors that go into the main below deck. There are a couple of cargo doors

that are flat on the boat's deck that are magically sealed shut. And they've all got this very similar magic spell that you I can help you a little bit just with an arcana roll want to make an arcana roll uh and maybe you can narrow down exactly which spell it is it's going to depend on your knowledge uh seven plus six is 28 do you are you proficient

in arc are you proficient in arcana i am did. Did you roll twice? Oh, no. Oh, that's a 22. Aren't you glad you knew that trick? Yeah. I learned that just a couple episodes ago. I know. Ken and his athletics all over again. I didn't think I could unshit my pants.

You sucked that shit right back up. Oh, it's like that horrible meme. I'm glad I don't know that one. Stop talking. Boat flip turd guy. I'll get a picture. I'll send it to you.

Nah. This spell specifically is arcane lock so somebody has cast arcane lock on all of these you can potentially break or force it open

there's also a chance you could cast a spell to get rid of arcane lock but you'd really have to yeah but it's really have to. Yeah, but it's really difficult to do just with strengths. The spell

basically makes it extra, like beyond the normal strength of the wood. Why don't we just find a different part of the ship and cut a hole in it and get in like that? I mean, he didn't magically lock a hole in the deck, did he?

Let's just burn a hole through the deck. Do you have a fantasy chainsaw? Oh, okay. Yeah, we have a... I have a flame blade. Can I burn my way through some thin woods or some slats somewhere? You can try.

And we'll just get in around can try. Who needs doors? We don't need doors. Tell me where you want to do that. Do you want to do the flat of the boat or let's say it would occur to you passive insight. I'm going to throw you this bone. You could go next to the main double doors that go into the deck

to try to get into a room's wall, or you could try to go into the flat deck that you're all walking on and try to get in through the ceiling of one of those rooms. I would think we should just drill a hole in the top. So, I'm going to go over... The floor on top of the boat?

Yeah. The boat floor. Yes. Okay. Yeah, and I think you should go ahead and earmark the steering wheel and the flame sword as what will happen next. But first, let's get over to TikTok and Halcine, who are working on this book. So I'm going to have you guys

you get to do this. There's no such thing as double advantage, but Halcine, you get to roll an Arcana or a history check to try to attune yourself basically to this knowledge. 22. Damn.

Yeah, so you figure out the more you read the more the melted sand that walks sounds a lot more like maybe somebody named window it seems very much like this this foretelling of a window that will arrive and it seems like

the window just needs to sort of focus a bit, and it can create a portal to the Feywild, and it can fold itself through the portal and bring up to ten people with it into the Feywild. Once it goes into the Feywild,

it can do it again to get to a deeper plane that it has acquired knowledge of. Oh, shit. Such as Gehenna. It also seems that this melted sand who walks can also get to other

planes, such as the Abyss or the Nine Hells or Pandemonium. So there's a lot of other planes. I've been to Pandemonium. So there's a lot of other plants. I've been to pandemonium. It's called going to see Zed at the Omnia in Vegas.

Jesus Christ. Hey, Sam, can you make it so I'm the admin so I can mute Blaine on Will next time? Yeah, you figure that the Feywild's like the magical hub, the sort of port authority, and you can use it to get to these deeper planes, including back to your original plane, which is the prime material plane.

Ken had like flipped upside down. It was like from Peewee's Playhouse. Jombie? Yeah. TikTok, you figure a couple of things out specifically about yourself. I'm going to decide how specifically I'm going to word it if you could please

do an insight check for me. Insight. Okay. Seven. Oof. Okay. Well, I'm not going to give you any bells and whistles, but you can figure out the basics.

You can do this once a day. Become this portal. And you think you can get at least to the Feywild because you have a connection with Gus, who is from the Feywild. So you have sort of enough knowledge in your current memory banks about the Feywild that you can get yourself and up to 10 people to the Feywild. you currently lack a Gehenna artifact or like a connection to Gehenna other than the name Gehenna and the knowledge that the Tenebrous one may reside there. So you don't know if you can get directly there until you find some sort of

connection to Gehenna. And is that in general, similarly how like Gus is physically providing a connection to the Feywild. I would, I need a physical connection to sort of help me get to wherever we're going. Correct. So you think you might need to reunite with Gus

to get to the Feywild, to have him be sort of an anchor or... I will also remind everybody that the Feywild is where presumably the Elf City is hiding. So it seems cool that we could do this to use this to get there. I'm scared that getting me to the Fae Wild then brings,

if something goes weirdo with me, it's maybe it brings an invading force to take out those elephants. I don't know that that's what it is, but it just maybe. All right. Yeah. You know, once a day feels like it's more cash than that.

It does. But like I said, if the idea was, let's see what happens when we let goofball run around, like it might. And I'm, I'm some kind of, maybe it's not even a transport thing for them,

but maybe now they can have some sort of window into the elf city. If that's the end goal. I don't know. Is there anything about like him, the window being a, um, um, like that people can see through his eyes or like, you know know that someone else can visualize what he visualizes to gaze oh interesting um man you guys are all about the you're getting some great roles so i'm just going to reward you with uh this information i'll say yeah like you feel like the the sort sort of a secondary benefit of being in direct contact with the melted sand who walks is this portal will function as a very clear, not like a misty fog or a swirling vortex,

but a very clear portal to these other dimensions. So there's not like you can see through his eyes necessarily, but you think that a group of people, even larger than 10, can peek through this portal without going through it, can see clearly through it. And also, you think that the melted sand who walks will be able to

see through both sides at once as if they are standing in both at once. While they're in sort of this portal form. You feel of this portal form. You feel like this portal form will only last about a minute, but that they can function as sort of a central camera

on both planes at once and see and perhaps even communicate. Man, really cool if this guy just dropped that book like that. This is working out great for us. I wish everybody dropped a book. His phone on top of his car. Oh, the book flies away.

To that end, everybody at this point is sort of lining up, narratively speaking. You guys are getting ready to plunge your sword into the deck. Queep is kind of nudging the wheel and saying, Hey, guys, what if we just unlock the fucking wheel? And you guys have looked at the book for a while. I'm going to have everybody do a perception check. Alright then. 24.

Shit. I got an 0-2. Oh, wow. What's your bonus on that, Blaine? 23. Was that a perception yeah that's a plus 4

holy shit Sarah what did Halcine get 11 wow well everyone else got over a 20 so Halcine is really sucked into this book Brian what'd you get 17 beautiful sucked into this book. Brian, what'd you get? 17.

Beautiful. So, yeah, Halstein, you're sucked into this book, but the rest of you hear this whispering voice. It's after you've spent some time on the deck. Yeah. You hear it just saying no over and over again.

This sort of deep raspy sort of no. And then TikTok you hear right in sort of your little ear holes the voice say you. Uh oh.

Hey I think something saw me but you're all hearing it it sounds like it's whirling around the deck like the ghost do you recognize the voice is it Blackbeard no you do not recognize this voice no no no you

well it's either the mind flayer we just dispelled or the ghost right they know we're here we should probably try and haul ass inside works for me all right hey dr uid i'm gonna have you i'm gonna have you do a um let's just what's the best way for me to do this rather uh curious thing you're trying to plunge a flame sword into the deck no this is a boat i think um well you're trying to aim for like an empty room so you're what like stomping on the floor looking for like some hollow part yeah well i would think this is this is our boat right or this is okay it sure isn't so this is but we would we would know a little bit about like where boats and stuff are we would kind of know how things are laid out on ships so a little bit try i would would go near one of the doorways

that are locked. Yeah, where I know that there's going to be causeways or hallways underneath and just try to take a couple of slashes to get through the deck, burn through the deck and just kick enough

open that we can make a lot of noise and smoke and fire. Cool, I'm gonna have you do an attack roll against the boat. I got a one. All right, so you take your flame sword and you plunge it into the deck take your flame sword and you plunge it into the deck and it doesn't go quite as you want

you get the tip of the sword into like about a half inch of the wood and now I'm going to have you roll a 100 please 06 good okay wait 06. Good. Okay.

Wait, 06 or 60? 06. Okay. That's good. Great. So you get this sort of magical flame sort of like thunk, and this little kind of like three foot wide pool of flame

just kind of goes as the deck catches on fire. Okay. Uh oh. That's not good. The boat is on fire. The boat is currently on fire. Just a little three foot kind of ring. Cool.

It continues to burn. It's very dry. I will take off my jacket and start trying to put out the fire. We can... Do a survival check for me, TikTok. Copy that. I'm still reading, right? You don't have to.

At this point, you're like finishing reading. You're looking up. I mean... We can also let it burn a little bit and then just kick it open when it's charred. True. I think I inadvertently participate in Dr. Uid's

idea of letting it burn by rolling an 11. Now that I've let the boat on fire, let's work from there. You take your velveteen jacket and kind of pat it down and it seems part of it might go out, but your jacket also catches on fire. No!

My dandy robing! Do you try to save your jacket? Yes! Roll another survival check, please. Who knows? Roll for jacket. 13? Okay, so you managed to put it out, but both of the arms are burned clean off.

Sorry about your jacket. What are you going to do? At least the fire's out. No, the fire's not out. It's not on his jacket. It's not on his jacket. The fire has now expanded. It's about 10 feet wide across the back. Okay, I'm going to control water. Put it out.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Oh, yeah, okay. No, I was just making sure I had another spell slot. It's always great when a player has a great solution, and then they go, oh, wait, wait. No, I don't have that spell slot, because I used already control. I only have one fourth level spell slot, unfortunately.

So I can use... Let's see, I can shape water. Is there any water on the deck at all? No. Is there a bucket around? No. On the dock? There's no visible water collected on the deck. Does it feel like it's getting out of control?

No, but is there an empty vessel at all anywhere? Empty? Yes. I mean, there's empty buckets. Okay, I'm going to grab a bucket and fly down and get some seawater. Oh, good idea. Nice. Alright, you can grab two. There's like enough supplies just laying on the deck. Alright.

Someone was trying to rearrange. I can also turn into a pelican and then gather a bunch in my beak. Oh, you're in a wild shape? Alright. I'll turn into a stork and deliver a baby. A baby fireman! Alright.

It takes about a minute for you to fly some 200 feet down, both of you, and bring up a pelican mouth and two buckets worth of water. At this point, the fire has spread about 20 feet in diameter, and you're all having to back up as it starts to catch the main mast on fire oh jesus oh what dumping water oh no water i thought

wait so it's not working what's not working shape water no no that they're dumping water is not no that's what that's how much it spreads in the time it takes them to go down and get more water all right so let's dump some water okay Okay, I'm going to need a survival check from... Well, first of all, let's pause. I'm going to give you guys a little bit of credit. Halseen, were you going to try to do something with the water in this bucket and in Dr. Ud's mouth before they just dump it?

I don't think there's anything I can do with it. Yeah. All right, so I'm going to... Ken and Blaine, please do survival checks. 16 plus 4. Nice. You got 20. What did you get, Ken? 5.

Alright. That's not a noise that I want to hear from my dentist. Blaine, you managed to like get the mast saved but you barely get the water over the rest of the fire and there's some embers that are still kind of

lit. You managed to get it out with Blaine's big roll but it's still the edges of it and there's sort of massive central damage to where the flame sword first went in. So you did weaken the deck quite a bit. I have Prestidigitation. One of the qualities

of that is I can light or put out a campfire-sized fire with that embers and stuff. Can I use Prestidigitation to snuff out all the little bits? You absolutely can, and it would occur to you that if only you thought of that a little sooner, maybe not as much fire would have spread, but maybe this is the best

plan. Let's start stomping on the embers. Chop, chop at the burnt deck. Grape stomping. Alright, so yeah, you use press the digitation to put the remaining embers out, and you are what, going to stomp on the deck? I'll use my axe.

Do we want to pick a spot and everybody take turns just wailing on that spot? Sure. First I'm going to finish this mouthful of delicious fish! Angrily. Do you all just want to

immediately go do it together? Or do you want to do some testing of it? Or use your axe? What exactly is happening here? I will chop at it with my axe. Let's just chop. Yeah, we're just going to chop top. We'll take turns. It takes very little time. You all managed...

The place where he plunged his sword originally was sort of next to one of those cargo lids. And you all kind of knew this wouldn't go directly into a cargo hold because that generally is like a vertical shaft that goes into the bottom deck um but he does get sort of a storage room next to the cargo holds sort of vertical shaft uh and it only takes like yeah like 30 to 60 seconds of chopping before this charred wood kind of flies everywhere you do a ton ton of damage to this boat's deck.

I mean, it's pretty fucked up. And you get into this storage room where there is just crates and crates of disgusting-smelling stuff and a couple of doors that go off into other directions. But they're these big sort of sealed chests and you can just smell something horrible coming out of them.

Should we check out what that is? No one has an idea? I don't want that stinky stuff. Anyone popping one of those open? There's six of open? What does the vaunted tusk value so much they keep it in a chest, but it smells so

bad? Is it babies? Also, it was dropped on this boat before, right? Yeah. Does Darkthor have any insight into what might be in there? Yeah, do an insight check for me, Darkthor Sturry. I feel like this would be

dead bodies or something for food, and that we should maybe just start investigating the ship now that we've set it on fire and made a lot of noise. I apologize for setting the fire, but it worked out. I've said that a lot during this quarantine. 15?

What'd you get, Brian? 15. 11 plus 4. You feel like Dratlana's boat got taken over by the path of the vaunted tusk and all your mom's shit has been either rearranged or removed.

Okay. And so there are these six coffin-sized things in this room. And then there's two doors, one kind of heading up

towards the front of the boat, one to the back. Coffin-sized? Six Draculas. Didn't somebody say Dratlana had necromancers and vampires and shit? I'm saying Dracula's. Is it daylight right now?

What time of day is this? Let's open one of these things up. Come on. Oh yeah, but is it daylight? It's evening. You've spent most of the day sort of reading and exploring. What was that, Sarah? We should wait until it's sun. Let's open one of them and see. What was that, Sarah? We should wait until it's sunny. Let's open one of them and see.

I don't know. Okay, fine. Let's not. Let's open the door. You know what? They would be out if they were vampires. Let's open it up. You're right. Well, maybe it's like the bats in Austin. They just hang out there and then one leaves

then they all leave. Alright, well you crack one of these open and inside you find what looks like a drow that has been not cooked, but prepared raw as if

for some sort of meal. Ew. It's sort of guts are spilled out and it's kind of like, it looks like it was half prepared for some sort of meal or something. Do I recognize the drought?

Go ahead and I'll use your last insight check here Dark3, yes. You feel like this was, you can't quite play some because you don't think you've spent enough face time with him but it looks like one of the sailors that worked on your mom's boat

okay oh boy well that's yeah that's unsettling so I tell everybody that I think these people are all people that worked for my mom or friends with my mom or right and it does look like they were prepared to be

eaten by the path. Yeah, and the path of the Vonne Tusk are going to eat them. We're not going to cry any tears for them. Sorry, no offense. It's gross. Yeah, it is gross. We close it back up again.

Let's say he's hungry. Now I'm good. I brought some sun chips. Good. So we close it? Yeah, we close it. Let's continue to explore. Check out those doors.

Investigate. Yeah, why doesn't everybody do an investigation or perception? Your choice. I am going to ask that we go down the list for who this is because this could be a little different for everybody. So as you roll, make note of your number, and I'm going to go down the cast list.

Hey, Dr. Uwud, what did you get? And tell me which. I got a 17 plus 4, which is a 21. Which is that perception? Great. Darker, what'd you get? 16 plus 4 perception. So 20.

Great. Queep, what'd you get? 15 total perception. How seen would you get? 16 investigation. Great. Tick-tock, what'd you get? Per great tick tock would you get uh perception 21 holy shit great fun so how seen uh you kind of check these doors out you realize they're both unlocked um and uh you you kind of like look under the door a little bit. It looks like it's pitch black on the other side of both

of these doors. Neither of them feel like there's any kind of trap. But that's just based off a 16, right? I'll say for the rest of you guys, Queep, you kind of feel chill.

You don't notice anything. But Darkthor, you, you kind of feel chill. You don't notice anything, but, uh, dark there, you notice a, a sort of spectral gray, smoky form, place two hands on tick tocks shoulder.

And you both, uh, whisper, both see this sort of squid, like mouth and face form next to his head. Uh, and it just says you, mouth and face form next to his head. And it just says, you. Wow.

Did you see that? Do I see that? It's still there. You see it out the corner of your eye. I punch him. Roll to... Yeah, roll to attack. Roll to attack. Sorry, I have to

check my full page for this. Unarmed. Okay. So plus six. Fourteen. It kind of like reels backwards and you miss it. And I go, it's a ghost.

You all turn around and you see this illicit, this mind flayer like thing that looks desiccated and mummified and ancient kind of pull back away from TikTok's back. It's trying to grab me. I saw. it's still there who are you I am the one known as Manzikorian hey

oh no we've been looking for you this is awesome yeah don't you have a car repair place in Hollywood? Glendale. So, Manzikorian, are you in contact with the mother

brain? Yes, buddy. Yeah, he kind of turns to you, TikTok. He's wearing Adidas pants uh and says uh no oh what are you doing to my boat wait is man's aquarium the tenebrous one remind me sorry i'm losing track pretty much yeah i think so We're a little... All signs point to yes. Is this your boat? That's what I said. What does a god need with a boat?

He just sort of keeps staring at you. How do we... He's still a spectral form? Yeah, he's barely there. He's only sort of there from the top of his torso up to his arms shoulders and head well this is very annoying because if we recall i had this awesome new spell that i can't use called banishment because but we should have rested oh he feels like he might be there enough if you had learned the spell yeah um i have i mean i just don't have the slot. Okay, I'm going to try to like...

Is he... I mean, can I just try to turn undead? I know he's not exactly... Can I try to use my clerical powers to get him to... Interesting, yeah. Go ahead and let's see. Turn undead. Blaine, while I'm looking up the details of this spell, can you

let us listeners know what turn undead is brought to us by? I sure can, Dan. We're brought to you by No Shit Sherlock, new game from Milton Bradley. You and your friends have to solve a mystery that's so obvious your mom could play. May I play? Fuck you, mom.

We're playing No Shit Sherlock. No Shit Sherlock from Milton Bradley, Dan. Sarah, do you have the info pulled up where you might want to tell listeners uh what oh sorry i thought you were doing that um but i i've got it but i but i but i also don't think this is exactly that so i just didn't i didn't know i'm trying to sort of like cobble together something because it's not uh turning undead right he's not undead he's like a demon or whatever he is. Well, you're not 100% sure. We think he's a lich.

Now that, I think, falls under undead. I mean, he's unholy for sure. Does not go to temple. Well, sorry. I mean, I'll go, I'll throw, I have it pulled up. I'll do it. I was just seeing

if Halcine wanted to. She did want to. For clarity's sake, as an action, you present your holy symbol and speak a prayer censuring the undead. Each undead that you can see or hear within 30 feet must make a wisdom saving throw. If the creature fails, it's turned for a minute or until it takes any damage. Turn creature, etc. It's not going to just sort of blink at you however oh it just blinked at me yeah is it code it doesn't seem like uh clear whether it's undead

or not but it definitely you know was unaffected by turn undead okay i say be gone do an intimidation check housey by Turn Undead. I say be gone. Do an intimidation check, Halcyon. Oh, she does this cool thing with her eyes. Manzikorian, you're going to love this. Yeah, 13. It starts floating

towards you, Halcyon. Oops. No floating. I think you have itcyon. Oops. Oops. No floating. I think you have it on backwards. Then you have to turn it around. It places... It starts reaching towards you very slowly, Halcyon. It looks like it's grabbing for your neck.

I dodge. Do a dexterity saving throw you guys this all seems like a slow but powerful ghost it seems really fucking weird it seems impervious to a couple of things but it is it is very weird how it's like sort of generally meek it seems

and slow it seems 11 okay It's very weird how it's sort of generally meek, it seems, and slow, it seems. Eleven. Okay. It places a hand right on your neck. I'm going to need you to do a wisdom saving throw for me, please. As arm kind of follows you

as you dodge out of the way. I'm going to turn back into Dr. Rewitt. I'll give it to you that you were Dr. Ewitt for a while here. I'm doing a... Which did you say I'm doing? A wisdom saving throw? It's a natural 20 plus 6. Okay. So for a

second, your eyes start to roll back in your head as you feel some sort of spell and you manage to pull away before anything untoward happens. It happened when I met Sting. But you guys see this thing fucking tries to basically throttle and magically do something to Hal.

Oh, sorry, but does that count as a spell attack? Can I use a reaction on it? You sure can. I already used Wrath of the Storm. I'm sorry. I don't want to someone else can do something while i figure out if i can use this twice or if i have to have rested between because it's a feat or whatever it's like a i think we would all attack it right a number of times equal to my wisdom modifier okay so no i yeah i'm gonna use wrath of this

my wrath of the storm reaction um. If a creature within five feet that you can see hits you with an attack, you can use your reaction to cause the creature to make a deck saving throw. Okay. He's going to do a deck saving throw. DC 14. Cool. He has

a nine. Okay. So he's gonna... Uh-oh. Can you still hear me? Yeah. Everything just died.

He takes six points of thunder damage. That's 2d8 plus your wisdom modifier? Yeah. Wait, plus my wisdom modifier. I didn't hear that.

I have Wrath of the Storm. You can thunderously rebuke attackers. The creature takes 2d8 lightning or thunder damage, your choice, on a failed save throw. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your wisdom modifier. Yeah, it doesn't add the wisdom modifier.

Yeah, I was mistaken. Shitty DM. So, great. So you do six points of, you said, thunder damage? Yeah. So you guys all just see this boom as it tries to grab Halstein's neck. She pulls away

and it gets knocked backwards. It sort of dissipates into smoke. Weird. But can uh can we since uh can we like sense where the smoke is going is the smoke like corporate like like ether smoke or or does it look like it's going to reform somewhere yeah sort of like sort of like non-corporeally you see confetti, the being sort of break off into magical cinders and spread into all

directions, sort of like a sphere and disappear. It seems really difficult to trace if it's reforming somewhere right now. Everything's just very quiet. Alright, let's go further into the dark. Yeah. And on that note, I think we will pause this episode.

Cool. Sam, what happened? My internet kept going in and out, so I was only getting glimpses. So I think on this episode, is somebody's body a portal? Was someone sucked body a portal? Was someone sucked into a book? Did we try and fight a boat?

Did we find six coffins and our immediate thought was that there might be six Draculas and then our immediate thought was to try and open one? Yeah. That happened. And then we may or may not have found a Mandalorian I love that I picked

that old Dungeons and Dragons god before that show was a huge deal and I knew Brian was in it so great thank you Sam yeah thanks Sam anything you want to plug Brian yeah all my live

dates come see me in a comedy club next week I'll see you at the tour Grandpa Metal Grandpa Metal is still available and should be videos out soon and all that.

And I do have tour dates, but they're all going to be in the summer and fall. So stick around. Good. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on with the KitchenAid? Oh, you know what? We're going to be doing some Christmas caroling on Zoom.

So just log on and we'll uh we'll beam ourselves into your house and bring a little christmas joy fun christmas in april oh my god speaking of stacy keach have you seen the hair segment of body bags because he's hilarious in it and it's great he's great everything the hair it's the middle episode of body bags by John Carpenter he's really hilarious awesome I will say please keep supporting us on Patreon if you

can again I completely understand if you cannot but we appreciate it very much if you can support the podcast that way it keeps all of our lights on literally and figuratively doesn't even apply so thank you very much and also please follow all of us on

on Twitter especially I think because you know a lot of us are doing sort of live stream events of some kind here and there I know Chris you just did a couple of really cool things Chris do you want to plug that project you just wrote on? Yeah thanks I'm working on a Kickstarter if you go to Kickstarter and look you just wrote on? Yeah, thanks. I'm working on a Kickstarter. If you go to Kickstarter

and look for The Devil's City, it's a RPG. It's like a D&D style module for set in Chicago at the turn of the century with like H.H. Holmes Holmes from Devil in the White City. So it's like Serial Killer and Cthulhu and

Great Fire Chicago. It's super fun. Check it out on Kickstarter. It sounds so cool, man. Yeah, I think it's going to be awesome. Oh, and when you're in Chicago, try that deep fish pizza. Oh, it's good. Gotta. Gotta do it. And yeah, my DC comic

book contribution, The Last God, is going to have its role-playing source book come out soon, so please keep an eye out for that. When the publishing industry allows, it will be released. Hey, am I going to understand it if I didn't read the first God? Actually, it'll be like issue, I think, six of this ongoing DC Comics fantasy series. They're making like the sixth issue, this sort of role-playing source book. Cool.

But if you read the first few issues, which you can get, you know, on Comixology or whatever, you can actually read about this story so far, and then this will explain a lot of the lore and what have you also. That's awesome. Sounds cool.

See you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening. Bye. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us

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