Nerd Poker - Episode 69 - Assimilation Expectation

Episode Date: May 19, 2020

The Ice Five walk towards the Mother Brain, slowly realizing that "The Ice Five" has now expanded into a conglomerate of shady inter-planar horrors and they are about to meet with its leader, whom they accidentally installed. Also, it feels like there's something we should acknowledge… numerically speaking.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Clay, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. This is episode 69. All my friends are here, but, you know, of course, it's quarantine style. But it's the regular gang Dan? Hi you Lane? Hi Brian Sarah? Hello Ken? Howdy doodah

Chris? Hello and as always I wish you was at the end of my table I miss you being at the end of my table buddy i never left it's sam everybody hi everyone so yeah it's episode 69 and uh we're still in quarantine and uh uh dan uh do we have any uh people that uh any patreon people you want to thank for episode 69 absolutely for episode 69 i would like to thank reicher hardy thanks reicher hardy thanks reicher you're you're a great number one thanks craig big eagle thank you joshua fryer thanks joshua thanks kimberly kyle level

how dare you sarah i only get to do thank yous with very brief pauses very strict rules thank you eric ewald thank you eric thank you thank you ice fives venus member hey whoa whoa whoa i like that thank you ian buckley thanks thank you thanks oh sorry no how again how fucking dare you know what was playing no i was gonna say Ian Buckley. Thanks again. Thanks. Oh, sorry. Nope. How, again, how fucking dare you know what, what's playing? No,

I was going to say something about Jeff Buckley and I stopped. Oh, RIP that reference and that guy. Thank you, Richard Humphrey. Thanks. Thanks, James Gilley.

Thank you. Thanks. Thanks. Shoot and runner. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Catch 22 spelled c47ch22 thanks ch thanks for the lead speak uh thank you matthew edwards

thanks emmy uh thank you dustin peterson thank you thank you i grima genie well done stout grima and thank you finally the flattest dick in the west who could ever forget is that brian or is that darthur that was darthur had a flat dick that we were talking about using like walking the plank i don't remember why but that's definitely what oh man like a beaver's tail i don't know why really quickly uh because i i just thanked people for episode 69 hey blaine uh who is who are those episode 69 patreons brought to us by uh they're brought to you by scary quick Oh, my milk is so scary. Scary quick, Dan. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Brian, you know, Brian, you were about to say something.

I feel like we forgot something. We introduced Sam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We said it one episode. Did we? Oh, fuck. Did I mention scary quick? We forgot to be total idiots when I said 69.

Sam is going to the astral plane. Oh, my gosh. Our Patreon viewers, I hope you're seeing this. 100% got a screen cap of Sam. Sam, what are those little lights? These are two USB-powered disco balls I purchased for doing drugs. And 69 is... They're great. Also, uh...

Blah, blah, blah. also uh playing down at paladino's on the episode 69 is blink 184 that's a blink 182 cover band with two fingers up its ass uh we've got matchbox 25 a matchbox 20 cover band with enough fingers up its ass to make it old enough to rent a car we've got some 43 some 39 with two fewer fingers up its ass so it actually sounds good. We've got 11 inch nails. That's a nine inch nails cover band that needs to trim its fingernails up its ass. Fucking ouch. And of course, 29 seconds to Mars, a 30 seconds to Mars cover band with nobody in the Jared Leto spot.

So that's a whole head that's not up anyone's ass. Oh, and just just add a quick silver massager service. And a special greeting to all our underage listeners. I want you to Google Lords of the New Church. Got a bunch of stuff coming up. Just so grateful for all those people who used to listen to our show on the way to taking their kids to school and now they're listening at home with their kids over breakfast and have a nice wholesome meal. No one does that.

Huh? Oh. Alright, now, Shara, you can unmute. Yes. Yes, Brian? With the best background ever. Oh, yeah, of course. I have a very good background right now. You're welcome. Also, I'm going to talk about what happened

last time on Nerd Poker. The Ice Five ventured out of the boat finally. You see, they talked to Drodlana, but Drodlana, all she was willing to do for you guys was delay an invasion of Dame Island. At this point, you're going to try to talk to the mother brain,

because the Ice Five is some weird fucking conspiracy scheme now, and you guys are in some weird shit. So, uh, I had a couple... Why you got to work blue, Dan? Huh? I like to say naughty words because i'm a grown-up go ahead um go ahead mavis lick brian's balls so uh that's not what she was doing i'm i'm 100% sure fun he he says his hands reaching out of camera and doing something vigorously so go go mavis get get to work so uh yeah that i i got a couple of people this is one of those rare instances where we're recording an

episode right after the last one in sequence aired so i have had a couple of people say they are indeed a little like you guys and what the fuck with the factions so So let me just, uh, sum it up for you real easy. The Archbridge Vans Vale wants to fucking be the, the Tenebrous one. And the former Tenebrous one is working with the ice five, which has absorbed several other factions. So they're going to go just start a wholesale slaughtering people in your guys's name,

you know, as favors to keep all the factions in order. And you guys are trying to convince the Mother Brain to knock that shit off. Because she's kind of been in charge while you were away. Things are crazy. Yeah, you guys are on the pier right now. It's a crazy situation. Did we long rest?

No, we left the boat, remember? We did long rest? No, we left the boat, remember? We were going to. Oh, no, we did long rest. We were going to long rest on the boat before we left. You did do it. You're right. You're right. You did long rest on the boat.

It is morning. You're right. And she's leaving midday, so we had the morning to talk to the mother brain. That's the idea. That is correct. And I pinged Gus, and I heard a glurg from him. Yeah, you feel like shit's real bad with Gus.

Yeah, we gotta get going. As we're going to the castle, the cave, we should talk about what our plan here is. Right, guys? Yeah, we should do some stuff. I feel like maybe our plan is are we gonna murder the mother brain? Are we gonna...

What are we doing uh as you start walking to toward through through the snow towards the cave you know you've got like about a mile and a half uh walk to this cave you know you see of a few creatures previously the the the docks were pretty empty but there's some really strange things they all get out of your way and they kind of like nod to you enthusiastically and like stay facing you. You feel like they understand who you are. And they look like various creatures with eyeball stalks growing out of them. You see halflings.

You see dwarves. You see elves. You see humans. I see someone's underpants. Do they have blue shard dream god crystals in their bodies at all not sticking out of them but you think that might have just been been what uh thogus's weird ass way of handling his situation was wait i don't understand say that again it's like an infection yeah i mean as far as you know it doesn't require you stick them right in you except for what thogus did that

one time contact with them in general could be bad news oh so just touch and yeah we haven't seen the the mother brain wait have we seen them yeah we did did the mother brain have crystals sticking out of her too in fact you tiktok gave her a crystal put it in her elder brain brian elder brain brian so does that so does these guys have being beholders but not having crystals we have not seen that before a dragon i thought the dragons had crystals on them the beholder one of them the beholder had crystals sticking out of it so there's some sort of connection with the crystals there's a connection with the crystals but it's varied visually it hasn't been like a hard and fast rule like that you acupuncture yourself with this shit.

But yeah, I mean, it's part of it. It's connected. Sure. Okay. I mean, it feels like we either have to, she either has to agree. I mean, I just feel like we should be talking about what is our goal here. It's been, it's gotten very confused. Looks like Dan's giving me the finger or.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's because of my green screen it's a little confusing okay sure okay i'll do a different green screen where it doesn't look like a guy's leg is growing out of the middle of my hand or something um uh yeah so i just feel like we should know what our goal here is which has never been a strong suit but maybe we should talk about that yeah you guys dark there do you want to ally with your mother? Uh, no,

not really. Didn't it sound like uh, no, I didn't like that plan. It sounded like she was under the sway of the mother brain. It sounds like they're all becoming one giant group now, and we, the Ice Five, are going to become the Tenebrous One is the plan. Meaning all of these factions together under the, like, yeah.

Here's a question I have. How do we not do that? I would like to ask the Mother Brain. And maybe I'm bringing this up with you guys now to find out if you think this is a good idea or not. and maybe I'm bringing this up with you guys now to find out if you think this is a good idea or not. It seemed like the mother brain was under the sway since having been beholdered. Like, I don't think,

I think if she was still her regular self, she would not be in on this plan. Do the- You mean Dratlana? Yeah, I'm sorry. Yes, Dratlana. I'm sorry. Yeah.

No, I agree. So do you... Did the crystals bring her... It's like it's not my mom, right? Why though? Because she just said she lost the battle so she would have died but then the mother brain basically gave her immortality in exchange, I think,

for becoming part of the collective. Everybody do an insight check. Insight... Nice. 21. I'm going to use my special die from Preston. 13. 13.

Okay. 10. 21, 13, I heard it. 31, 13. I heard it. 10. Brian and Ken, what you got? 15. KK. What you got, Ken? I gotta get my dice out. I forgot.

Oh, you son of a bitch. We're playing Dungeons and Dragons. Who would have thought? You need dice for that. I rolled a natural 20. Oh! Fuh! Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh! You're going to have a terror already.

What's your bonus insight? This is like playing Dungeons & Dragons with Herbie Hancock. It is. It is. Plus four. Patreon joke. Wow. wow okay so i get to bust out the extra deep shit for queep of all fucking people is the believe it old old uh cockalooka nuts is our brains of the operation so uh dr uid yeah i mean you piece together that probably draw a lot of lost aspects of her personality in this transformation obviously because she's fucking mutated like physical change leading to psychological change makes sense but also like you remember elderbrain uh actually talking to you the the fix it clan mind flayers talking to you about how they are

a part of a web and like an old knowledge. Like LinkedIn. All the races that they have absorbed over the years have formed like a giant LinkedIn network. And now Dratlana is only one LinkedIn connection removed from the elder brain. So she can access all these generations of interplanar knowledge via the sort of new connection. of interplanar knowledge via the the sort of new connection so yeah she got assimilated and that means she actually like knows things uh from other dimensions and all this other her her world perspective is probably going to change along with that uh queep you rolled a fucking 24

on your insight check i did oh these these, they don't really occur to you. However, you do suddenly start walking up this path and you just, it sort of dawns on you like, this is all so evil. The mother brain is very evil.

There is, this is bad. This is, we've, there's no way to salvage this unless we do some serious manipulation or kill her. I will let everyone know that. Sure.

Oh, yeah, that's what it feels like. Queep with that insight roll can validate that completely. That the mother brain is manipulating everything? Yeah, I had, if anyone got over a 22, I would give you a clear distinction of what was going on. We have to kill the mother brain, not my mom. Well, your mom's

part of the tenant division. But that's good. The mother brain controls the, whatever, the neural network for you Johnny Monomic fans. So if we kill her, doesn't that kind of... Keanu Reeves, 2002? Doesn't that break everything down?

That's what we want, right? Yeah. That's what we want. That's what Queep is saying. Basically, the second that we gave the mother brain the shard, we send ourselves in a very bad direction. Certainly the second we agreed that

we're all part of the Ice Five with her, which was weird to begin with. Yeah. We were on E. It seemed like a great idea at the time. I didn't know what was happening.

Remember the episode where Brian just went and laid down on the couch? Chris, you don't look convinced. Well, I had my heart set on that she was not evil. I mean, what I'm giving

Queep specifically to is a sense that just because this person doesn't think they're evil doesn't mean they're not evil. Also, I think you're getting the impression that maybe she wasn't evil for a while there but after having been combined with the crystals she rounded a dangerous bend see that's i'm scared that these crystals like this the reason i brought it brought it up is because if those crystals are affecting dratlana what are those crystals doing to the mother brain? Also, yeah, I want to acknowledge Blaine is raising his hand.

The most polite interjection I've ever seen. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I just wanted to say that if there's some way that we can get a hold of one of these crystals, is one of them available, like in a body that we killed or something? Not at the moment, like not obviously. I don't think you guys kept any. I think you guys have actually been pretty hands-off you the one you did collect you gave to the mother brain

yeah we literally we gave her the crystal yeah that was our yeah well i mean like that was our we got the crystal from the pouch from the hag in the cave then brought it and our choice was are we gonna fight them or are we to like try yeah we like ran an errand for them and then we were like yeah let's we'll do that because they were all nice those mind flayers it was a it was very dumb okay and we did it and then yeah i was going to say that like we could get like a piece of one of these crystals that i could sort of maybe do some sort of druidic spell and concentrate and, and focus and tune myself to this crystal and see if I could sort of back engineer it into like what we need,

like who it's tied to or use it as a tracking device or something. Let's see if I could tune myself to one of these. Those crystals, what we've learned so far is those crystals are already here. Those crystals are somehow, everybody keeps talking about deep on, you know, Dratlana was just saying under the, whatever, the crust of the earth. The crystals are down there. Well, if we could get them and we could distribute them,

we could all use them as like fake thumbprints or something or key cards to get into rooms or like as some sort fake thumbprints or something or key cards to get into rooms or like as a as some sort of magical shield or something if we could learn how to use these crystals to trick these people and let and get close enough to you know uh throw bags of flaming dog shit at them or whatever we're gonna do whatever our plan is when we're all about to die so hal seen you think we need to go in and take her out i mean it feels like that's our only option i don't think we're gonna like talk her out of it necessarily we can talk her out of uh i mean i mean here's the thing she's now like she's now brought into the ice five like uh all of the evil people

that we were battling dratlana the tusk folk there she's gonna murder the only people that we were supporting which is the people of dame island right right so are you saying then the plan is to ultimatum her or just go in and take her out i mean i have no idea how we would even kill her i assume that she's extremely powerful i like but i it doesn't feel like yeah i don't i don't i genuinely don't know and we don't have any time now because they're going to dame island so yeah do you want to try is it worth saying delay please and if she says no then we attack or i was trying to gauge the room you want to try to negotiate well if she says i could hold off for 24 hours but she's already and i hear you that's the question because she's already taken on as

allies the two like groups that we were trying to destroy you know like we were happy that no offense darthor but weren't we happy we yeah like we were happy that drilana was gone well we had heard she was for sure evil and probably a vampire i don't remember the vampire part but i definitely remember her being evil and then yeah so it just feels like even if she's like yeah i won't attack dame island for a day i again i'm not pitching us killing her because i don't know how we would do that but it does feel like we need to like separate ourselves because they're trying to make us as a whole group the tusk and everybody become the tenebrous one it seems like the the play needs to be or what we're trying to achieve right now is both preventing the archmage from becoming the tenebrous one it seems like the the play needs to be or what we're trying to achieve right now is

both preventing the archmage from becoming the tenebrous one but also figuring out who we can maybe install as the new tenebrous one so i'm definitely sorry to interrupt go ahead yeah no no that's it who is definitely not the ice five or like this group of i've been thinking about that but that's probably a separate conversation um okay so do we want to all my question is we're going to the mother brain do we do we ask her not to attack first and if she does we pause or is it just go get her. As you ponder this question, you pass a few mutated people

with eye stalks growing out of their shoulders and their ribcages. People like Sir Plinkus, Gold Dragon of the North, Maximus Johnson, and Three Paws the Swift. Those are three NPCs named by our Patreon supporters. Yeah. Oh man, so it's

kind of like we're in some sort of Borg cube. I mean, yeah, you're passing through a canyon and there's really high cliff walls and you're getting close to the cave. It's going to be the clearing up ahead and you've run into 20, 30 different people who all

look like they've been sort of indoctrinated with these crystals what do you think your people have been destroyed the do where is your brain what do you think

who Cuckoo bird I'm sorry I was opening my roll 20 yeah I just who? Kweep. Kookabird. I'm sorry, I was opening my roll 20. Yeah, I just remembered. Sorry. Old Kook... Old Cockalooka Nuts, according to Dan.

Who could forget Old Cockalooka Nuts? All I'm saying do we attack her first or do we at least or do we say will you hold this is what i think we can try to see if she'll hold but i don't she seems pretty fucking horrible we haven't spoken to the last time we spoke to her she tried to get on the boat with us and said let's go on an adventure and we all ran away because we were fucking terrified of her remember that me yeah i'm just saying we might come in and she might she might be like fucking guys let's go like we haven't had a conversation with her but if people think having a conversation is a bad idea altogether

I'm in yeah what are you going to say you're going to say don't attack Dame Island and murder all those humans I will make my plea to you as I went to her I would say to her first of all I'm so glad you're here I remember that you were old

and dying and now hopefully this crystal has given you a new chance, and hopefully all of this world a new chance. You've taken up with the seamen, and I know that you think they're great, and they are definitely numbers to your army, but I'm here to tell you firsthand they're fuckers they don't care about you they don't care about this world they just want to kill people we have been to dame island we negotiated on behalf of dame island and that asshole from the vaunted tusk and his first chance blew himself up and tried to kill all of us i mean here's the question i guess because that all sounds great if she were a like isn't she in like a halfway to godlike being already who is trying to take on the mantle of the tenepra isn't that like what her goal is is to. Okay, so then what's the best

way to take her out? And then as soon as we do, everything's going to go fucking cuckoo. But that's fine. Well, we have the eye. Don't we have two items? We have the one item, the eye weapon. And the coral wand.

We have the goblin necklace I took from the original lady who was in that cave but i feel like we the violet fang would be as another unknown bitch in this equation who were like what is her deal so she probably has fucking gus in a bone cage she's not a good person either but i don't know where she falls into all this stuff um by the way everybody start thinking on this who's going to become become the Tenebrous one? It's one of these people on this

goddamn Zoom meeting. I'll tell you that. I definitely vote TikTok. He has the best heart. Listeners, we'll post a poll. Who should become the Tenebrous one on Patreon? Make sure you subscribe. Maybe Gus. Yeah.

Weren't there supposed to be three items we were looking for with the eye and the coral and something else? That's exactly what they're just saying, yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm drunk. Just three druidic? I don't remember.

There's more. I just thought there were... I don't think we There's more. There's more. I just thought there were... I don't think we ever heard a number. I mean, if you don't find them all this campaign, maybe we'll use them in the next one. Okay. I have the coral wand. I have that wand of telekinesis, too.

I have a few charges left in the telekinesis thing. And I have those insects is that the eyeball yeah telekinesis uh spells their charges in the giant petrified dragon eyeball well here's one here's one thing if we're now completely off the idea of mother brain ally do we need to go like one plan is try and take her out because maybe that would stop the attack. How another plan is haul ass to Dame Island and help them repel the attack.

Now, having just seen that fucking boat, I mean, I don't think I need to remind our listeners. It took us 20 episodes to get inside. Yeah, and we also were just in Donkey Land sending the halflings. So we did

send halflings to Dame Island to protect Dame Island. They were protecting them from the giant. So we know Dame Island at least is going to have those, hopefully. I don't know. I guess let's take a vote for those who feel like they have enough information to even vote it's tricky is it mother brain unless somebody really wants

to go to dame island yeah who thinks we should kill the mother brain say i i okay that was ken I Okay, that was Ken I I just think it's going to be very difficult Yes, I agree, dark there I I I

Alright, then I'm in Let's go killer I feel like I feel like if we go to kill the mother brain That we can sort of bypass this other thing That's trying to turn itself into the mother brain And then we can use the power against the thing There's trying to turn itself into the mother brain and then we can use the power against the thing uh there's more of us than it and we can divide the power and etc etc

one crazy thing that'll happen is in theory if we kill the mother brain all of a sudden everybody who's sort of under her sway won't be and that boat is filled with dratlana and people that dratlana wants to kill right because dratlana and the vaunted tusk are not friends so they'll and they'll so they'll fight that battle for us that where they might die she might die let the record show that chris shrugged do we know that if isn't the whole point if the mother brain dies then her like mind flares or whatever the people who are under her would also die or no like do we think can we dan can we does anyone have insight into if we killed the mother brain will the beholder that she created for example in dratlan and die automatically or is that... um so like that happened however you haven't heard anything about like this neural network

killing anyone when one thing is killed um what you do know about mind flayers which i guess this is still sort of like a descended thing uh is that the the mind flayers can go insane um they could just sort of create a new mother brain or find a new nest you know so there's it's not necessarily gonna wipe guys out uh there there is a possibility though that because this is a new process involving crystals and beholder shit other things could happen right i'm i'm so so fucking mysterious all right you're like Fiona Apple Dan if I was like Fiona Apple you'd hear my neighbor's dog barking in the background right now

and you'd put out a record only every 12 years right correct and you'd be half your size the new record's good she was awesome a long time ago, too. I gotta say, you saw her at Largo, right,

Brian? A bunch of times, but back in the old days. She would come into Largo and just go sit up on stage with a piano. She was fucking magnificent. So anybody who's done on Fiona Apple has to come through us. If you've heard the new album, there is a dog barking in the background on like three songs.

Yeah, they recorded it at Dan's house. All right. That was such a circular joke. Okay, we're back. We're going to go kill the mother brain. Do people want to walk in or do people want to stealth in? Right, so you reach the cave, you know

it goes in a little bit. You see there's a few graves outside from when people died here a few weeks ago. Chris, what, I mean, TikTok, what if you, I'm trying to stay in character. What if you started your pitch? You know what I mean? And let's see how, let's see what, like start the pitch as if that's what we're really doing, you know, and see how that goes. Right. I mean, I really wish it would work. Yeah.

Cause I feel like, I don't know. I just feel like if you pitch it, then you might get a better sense of. All right. I'll go pitch. And then, uh, I mean, I'll remind everybody. It's like the ultimate mind flayer. So I'm assuming like deception and shit like that's not gonna work well i mean i genuinely want it to work so i i have no problem doing that i just think in terms

of you guys are going to have to just decide if you're going to attack when i just bumped the rap air horn on accident that's it so if you thought you heard something it's like a nice thoughtful monologue from Chris Tom and then just in the background. Not a pep talk kind of thing at all. Does my amulet with deception, does that help him?

Give him any? Yeah, if you lent it to him, he would get a deception bonus. Ooh, what's that? Yeah, I don't know. I don't want to. I mean would get a deception bonus. Ooh. What's that? I don't want to... I mean, I'll take it. Just pretend you're an admiral. I just feel like this is a terrible... Spoiler. My regular deception bonus is plus zero.

Yeah, we should probably pick someone who... Look, this is a very bad plan. It's not even a plan, really. That's funny that you would use the word plan. That's not even a plan, really. That's funny that you would use the word plan. Right, but that's sort of my point. It's like, we don't... As compared to what? I mean, I guess

it's like... Well, it's like a good plan. Or the other thing is sneak in. Are we capable of that? Sneak in. I definitely don't like sneaking because I feel like it... I agree. I'm just saying killing the Mother Brain is a bad plan because it's a terrible idea that is not going to work and we're probably obviously going to die. Yes. But if we're going to do that,

I'd say probably the best way to do it is by going in and trying to pitch and doing that as opposed to if we sneak in, we're automatically already it's clear what we're doing. Is there some more preparation we can do? I mean, we could call the Archmage and be like, hey, these guys are, this is what's

going on. We could basically play you can't both sides like i said i was thinking that if there's some way that i could get some crystals and sort of like do a druidic tune-up you allowed somebody to destroy the no i can't rocky talky him but i'm saying we could let him know but basically at this point we have hours you know actually we're kind of, for the first time, really back into a time corner. We do have... I'll remind everyone. We have a teleportation scroll.

Yeah? So you just pop out if we have to. Well, it was given to us... Dan, correct me if I'm wrong, it was given to us by the Archmage of Vandervale. I can't remember who gave that to you.

It was... Didn't we use that to get here? No, we have not used the teleportation scroll. It was given to us in like a, hey, if you're real fucked, read this, and we would be brought back to his little... So,

if we really just want to fucking go hinky-winky, to read this and we would be brought back to his little so we're if we really just want to fucking go hinky winky we could who doesn't we could just read that scroll and not see the mother brain whatsoever

interesting so you guys are you going in the cave yet or are you discussing this outside the cave I think we're at the mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Then I'm going to have everybody do a dexterity saving throw. Oh no.

Oh dear. 19. No, no, no. 19. Cool. Four.

15. Four. Four. Fifteen. Four. Four for Queep, too? No, no, no. I just couldn't believe. Repeating in disgust. And now let's all laugh at Sarah. Queep and Brian,

Doctor, what'd you get? 16 plus five. Ooh, balls. What'd you get, Queep? I got a 4 after all. Alright, so you guys are all sitting around kind of discussing. There's nobody

at the mouth of the cave, but you did sort of pass a large amount of people. You do feel like it's secluded enough here that they don't need to have an armed presence. So while you're talking, it feels relatively safe. And then all of a sudden, the ground starts shaking. All of you kind of brace yourselves and stand there.

But you see Queep and Halcine go like, and it's icy here. And they slide backwards down an embankment. This is a path that kind of leads east through the canyon. Do I get an advantage for my spiky boots? Did I tell you you get an advantage, or do you need me to go look this up for you, young man?

I need you to go look it up for me, young man. Okay. Ken, do you have talons? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. My special spiky boot talons. So these spiky boots do you have talons? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. My special spiky boot talons. So these spiky boots, you have resistance to cold damage. You can ignore difficult terrain created by ice or snow.

So I would knock five off the DC on that, but you needed a 12, so that brings it down to seven, so you still fall down on your bottom. Ow. Are they, like they sliding away? Yeah. Can I run and... I will dive and try and grab how soon. Slide away. Ooh, okay.

That's going to be an athletics check. Okay. Slide away. Actually, that sounds fancy as hell. I'll let you pick. You can do athletics or acrobatics. I would like athletics, please. Yeah.

Okay. 21. Damn. Okay. 21. Damn. All right. Well, TikTok, you take a dive. She only gets about 10 feet before you grab her ankle and you can kind of pull her to a stop. Queep, you're still slip sliding down the pathway. Your wings are kind of bent under you,

so you're having a little bit of a time. You kind of slam into a wall, but keep moving around a corner. Queep disappears on the corner. I go after Kweep. Can't he just leap into the air and start flying? Well, I'm on my wings apparently, so I was just going to suggest. Ken,

would you like to try anything while people go chasing after you like a fucking goofass? Yes, I would like to try to fly. Alright, this is going to be an athletics check. Difficulty 20. Oh, is that all? Yep. You got it?

This will be easy. Watch. Well, because he failed the dex check, he landed on his back. His wings are all underneath him. He's got to, like, wriggle around. Cuckoo bird, you can be a woo-woo bird. Well, I had advantage in everything, and i still got uh 13 all right so you see him kind of twist as he goes around the corner uh you guys all chase him eventually um he comes to a stop but

you reach an area uh that is very eerie as soon as you get there you notice the sky the sky seems to get dark you're in this weird kind of little um what's the word for grotto and there's no snow or ice in the ground there's just bright green grass but it's very dark and floating here

are a couple of beholders oh good they're on the smaller side. But they're, like, puffy, and they look kind of like they're bagpipes. They look like they're made of gas, and they just sort of, like, leer at you. They might be gas spores, so watch out.

If there's any way to hit them with a ranged weapon first to see if they explode. They don't attack you, but they're definitely, like, kind definitely kind of like eyeing you. So now we're far away from the cave entrance? You're about 100 feet away around the corner. Yeah. Ranged weapons, please.

Is Queep by himself? Are we part of this, or is this just him? Queep slides to a stop. Queep, they're on sort of like either side of you at this point. Everyone else, you round a corner, and these guys are about 60 feet in front of you. No one's attacking yet. They're not attacking us, so let's just go.

I feel like somebody just needs to say that we're either doing this or we're not doing it because this is silly. I guess we just talked about our plan directly outside her bedroom door or whatever. It was very dumb, and now, you know, what's going on? Well, I mean, yeah, you can just try to get up and leave.

You don't have to acknowledge these and leave you don't have to acknowledge these guys if you don't want to hello sorry we slipped at the front door aren't we silly pardon we're going to see the mother brain their eyes get kind of a little wider and you hear a

like hissing noise coming from them but they don't do anything alright bye bye alright hissing noise coming from them, but they don't do anything. Bye! Bye! Alright, so you head back to the cave entrance. You notice there's a little brief aftershock. There's a lot of snow that's sort of tumbled down the mountain, but no avalanche or anything

like that. It's odd. And then, as you kind of go in, you kind of look over your shoulder. The guys are following you at a distance. Okay. Did the world just shake? Yes. There was an earthquake.

I'm sure it's fine. It's happened before. Last time you intercepted some drow assassins who had intel that it was about to happen. And this time it just happened. All right. All right. Let's go inside. All right. What is your guys' walking order as you go inside the cave?

Who's leading the bunch? Is it going to be your tank or what? TikTok is going... TikTok was going to talk. I'll back up TikTok, man. Okay. Is everyone else just going in a trio behind him? The elves? Yeah.

Can I go in the middle? I'm going to try to... Yeah, I'll go behind and then Darkthor can be at the back. Okay. Yeah. That sounds good. Cool. Well, I'm going to put that on the battle map and then we are going to

go to a new map. So you guys are currently in the war room and we're going to pop on over to the Mother Brain's lair. So that should pop up. Oh my goodness. Would you look at that? That's not good. This is formerly the cave

where you guys fought the hag. You start going down and there's a cliff you guys got to kind of climb down. Doesn't take an athletics check or anything, but there's like a 10 foot drop where you remember this is near where you killed the hag. She tried to escape and you chased her down this corridor and she died underneath this cliff where you're kind of at an impasse right now. You come farther around the bend.

I will scooch you guys for you. But you come farther around the bend and you see two beholders. They're very strange ones where they've got tentacles on the top and the bottom. They've got a really strange eye in the middle. It's very glassy. There's eyes on the stalks on top, but not the ones on the bottom, which are kind of swollen and

purple. And they just sort of stare at you for a moment. Can we tell what we think they were? I'll let everyone choose if you want to figure out what this is. Insight check.

I'll let you choose actually. You can do insight or you can do history. I got a 23. 16. Oh, shit. Okay. Anyone get higher than 15? Besides Sarah and Ken? Is 7 higher than that? Halfway.

Aw. 14. This is Queep's episode, you guys. Episode 69 is you guys episode 69 is good dice it's i smell a spin-off you guys so sarah halseen thinks about it and thinks those tentacles on the bottom look a whole lot like a mind flayer like there's there's something really weird about it uh queep you specifically stare at him look a whole lot like a mind flayer. There's something really weird about it. You specifically stare at them for a second and you think you've heard stories way, way

back about these mind flayers. You didn't really know they were called mind flayers until you met Dargther, but you heard of these weird tentacle men who lived underground. You've heard of these guys in particular. They are called mind witnesses. Oh, boy. They show up on your house at like in the morning on 10 speeds

uh they're they're but they are they're kind of like a good word the function they serve is they will normally help a mind flayer colony kind of like expand its uh width so like it can it can it can get a bigger hub of connectivity, as it were. It's sort of like a signal booster. Like a hubba hubba? You think these particular guys could have easily been former Mind Flayers that you've met before. Right now, they're kind of staring at all of you guys.

Like Thogus? No, like Mind Flayers who were in the Thixit clan working the dock. Remember, there was a guy who like, yeah. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying, the captain. What was his name? Snagglefuss. Yeah, Snagglefuss. Could it be him? Snagglefuss. It very well could be Snagglefuss.

One of my old friends here. Snagglefuss? They're all on the same side. Is that you? Ah, TikTok, how are you? I'm so happy to see you? Ah, TikTok, how are you? I'm so happy to see you. Ah, emotions are in order, yes. So how are things here? Well, I'm a beholder now, so things are weird, but you know.

Before you were a mighty sailor, do you still feel that you are part of the world here in this cave I am a part of something much larger now which is that you'll find out you know everybody in this world is so fucking creepy you

were the one who was like cool and then you said a creepy thing the only thing that's changed has been changed because of what you set in motion, TikTok. It is your gift that changed me, and it is you I should thank for my interplanar knowledge now. I know things, TikTok. Yeah, like what? What do you want to know, TikTok? Um, do you...

Of the Ice Five. Do you remember there was a member of your clan who was a warforged who then touched a crystal and became like you? Well, he didn't touch a crystal. He became a mind flayer, you know. Yeah, Lixenrot, I believe was his name. Yes. Are you in contact with him? Lixinrot, I believe, was his name. Yes.

Are you in contact with him? Well, no. Unfortunately, we could not save Lixinrot. He was killed by the Bulette on our adventure and died before he could be brought back to life. Well, what's the fucking point, then? All right. Oh, well, you don't think you got enough fucking lore out of me, motherfucker? Yeah, you know, he says he can tell you a few things about licks and rot licks and rot uh

defected from the warforged uh licks and rots original warforged name was finger uh he was supposed to be the warforged who opened the window. Uh, and, uh, that was going to close the door that was going to enable them to kill the good sun elves of the South who stood in the way of, uh, the archmage of Vans or veil, who was originally a sun elf, but became a lich. So,

uh, long story short, he defected because he wanted the sun elves to live. Why? He believed in good. So Nagantos tells you with a heavy lisp. Man, we really blew it.

We took the wrong... We're the wrong direction. Well, we gotta go we're here now what okay bye is there is there here's a here's a silly question is there any way for us to back out of here like

it never happened to go the other way do you want to abandon having an audience with the mother brain by talking to these guys they don't they're like kind of like about to part ways and sort of invite you in you see them kind of slowly like floating apart I mean if I always

I gotta be honest I always default to Sarah because she's always right no I wonder if so if her if her bells are going off maybe we should listen for once instead of all getting killed to be fair Sarahah's not always right because usually what sarah says she says she says the right thing and then says but you know what i don't know you guys decide and then you guys

do the other thing that wasn't what sarah said this is some bullshit everyone knows that i make terrible decisions at this game i'm just as responsible as everybody else and i will not what i'm saying is the terrible decision you make is you let everyone else decide for you after you say this i don't think that's true i think what i think what i'm saying i think i'm just more decisive where i'm like let's just do it we all accept that these are that we're i just feel like right now as i said we have a bunch of bad options or maybe even not a lot of options at all in this game left to us because of choices we made before blaine's i feel like just like when we were when we were here before we should have not given the mother brain

the shard we should have talked to like we would have learned he was the finger he would have fingered tiktok and everybody would be happy and i think we all agree we would have liked to see tiktok get fingered yeah of course um sam write that down by the way everybody dropped out and i came in on tiktok getting fingered oh boy um yeah i think we just have i mean i don't i'm what i'm totally open to is somebody being like no we don't need to press on right now but it feels like we do but i don't't know. I don't know anymore, guys. Let's go in. Okay.

All right. Well, you sort of walk past the two mind witnesses who are, you know, like right over on either side of the entrance you're coming in. Snaggle first, big fan. Great work. Thank you, my friend. I wish you luck on your ascension. What?

What was that you say? Hang on. I back up 400 steps. What? At this point, the two of them, in order to keep anyone else from coming in, have sort of closed in front of the opening. And you see, if you uh in front of the opening and you see if you look

at the roll 20 map uh you see uh there is a couple of risers those two semi circles are are sort of cliffs that have been built into this area so you start walking uh just enough and maybe maybe you want to go back i'll let you decide if you want to change your mind. You start walking and a shadow blinks out of nothing and appears at the top.

It seems like it's got long tentacles that sort of branch out and you all hear a whisper in your head saying welcome back original ice five uh the shadow appears to be half there there's just this sort of uh middle of the the top riser form that looks like it could be the center of beholder and these shadows that are half there that look like they could be eye stalks but they but they're very long eyestalks and they just sort of like quiver and wave in the

air and she says, like they just don't care? Yeah, like they just don't care. And How's the roof? The roof. She says, I believe

it is time. For what? For your ascension. says, I believe it is time. For what? For your ascension. See, we haven't talked about this. You've made a lot of decisions without the Ice Five, haven't you? So,

rising out from the back of the platform that she is on, you see two little halfling beings with eye tentacle stalks coming out of their shoulders. And they're carrying between them a tray that has on it five crystals, five glowing blue crystals.

Blaine, you wanted the crystals. And she says, it is time. Not and she says it is time it is time for you to join what you have created and become like us Tom like us? unbelievable

no don't have that necklace yeah I think he gave it to you he did we'll say he gave it to you yeah yeah okay good well well well so wonderful to see you

again look how you have grown look how strong you are thank you again. Look how you have grown. Look how strong you are. Thank you. Let's talk about the plan. It will not be painless, but you will be far more powerful and wise than you've ever dreamed. The people of

Dame Island should not be hurt. The people of Dame Island are powerful allies and could work with us. We will only hurt the hostile ones. The ones who could help us will be indoctrinated as well. You know, the undersea people, the vaunted Tusk, they attacked us. We were the ones who negotiated on behalf of Dame Island. We, the Ice Five, have the power they've always sought. The power of the Deep One they worship. Who's that?

That big thing underground. Yeah, but what's that name? The big thing underground. Surely a creature as powerful as you, with your network of information from all the different mind flayers and different creatures you absorb from all of Klottenheim, surely you must have some idea what the name of that thing might be? The thing beneath everything, you mean. Is that where the crystals come from? We are in a very special place

here in Claude and I. This plane is different from the other ones that I have visited in my many, many adventures through the eons. As I have skipped the planes, this plane is in a place far far away from the other planes

and beneath is the magic that has infected other planes and there is a core being that's giving these crystals off that creates these crystals as it slumbers and i have found a path deep beneath Clottenheim where we can find many of these crystals share them with all the beings and gain the power of the one deep below we were speaking with Dratlana she said her understanding of the plan was to put things back the way they were not infect everyone of the plan was to put things back the way they were. Yes, we're going to heal Clottenheim by giving them all the same thing

to worry about. Ah, definitions. They are confusing. So your definition is not to return the world to the way it was, but rather to make everyone like you. Forgive me, words like infection and heal mean very much the same thing when you are as old as I and trying to speak a language such as ours. So, Dame Island then, huh? What about it, bro? Hey, how many arrows do you think you can suck down

what and attack welcome to the jungle oh my god so Chris what I'm going to do because you made that so funny first of all I'm going to do because you made that so funny

first of all I'm going to give you an inspiration token through the internet you now have an inspiration token it looks like an eraser thanks Dan so you get to roll advantage at your whim when next you choose

also I'm going to have you roll deception check difficulty 20. Did you see what I was doing while he was talking? What were you doing? Oh, I'm kind of stepping away from the gang just to get

ready to shoot and keeping an eye on the other brain. If you win this deception check, I'm going to let you get an attack off before anyone rolls initiative. What's the bonus on that necklace? Plus two? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to roll Preston's die again.

Deception? Hey, Dan. Can I get a druidic sort of vibe off of what kind of energy that this creature is giving off that I think I'm gonna

get hit with yeah I mean you I'm gonna have you do an insight check and then we'll get to Chris Chris what did you roll 16 you don't have advantage on it right

I do not I am bad at lying and all things charisma if you want use your inspiration token I will please if you don't mind to re-roll that I got a 19 plus 4 23 holy shit

12 sorry Dan sorry everybody 12 also 16 we're gonna roll initiative soon 12. Sorry, Dan. Sorry, everybody. 12. Also 16. We're going to roll initiative soon. You think, Dr. Uwud, this thing is going to do a lot of psychic attacks also

because it's got Beholder in it now. You're going to want to remind the party there's this big middle eye that creates a cone of anti-magic. So if you get right in front of it, things like a thorn whip won't even pop out of your hand. Like no magic can be cast

when you're in the gaze of its main eye. And on that note, I think we're going to pause and roll initiative in episode 70. Because what is a 69 without a little bit of tension whoa uh hey sam what do you think happened in episode 69. hi guys okay i was proud of myself because i remembered that the eye stalks had crystals when you said that at the beginning i was like i know that uh and now i'm lost again i know that bodhi's mom is an eyeball

that Bodhi's mom is an eyeball, but I don't get why. Bodhi. Okay, so there just seems like I get the different things but not together. Like the Tenebrous one and the Mother Brain and the Archmage and Snagathist are all different people, right? How many things are we doing?

This is a fair question. It's a great question. Do you guys ever just do like a thing at a time? It's a lot. Okay. We're like Jared Kushner. We're seriously in the shit. Weren't there just giants? Are we

looking for someone or getting crystals? Yep. All of it. What would you say we're doing? Dying soon is my guess. We're attacking the mother brain now. Follow-up question.

Why? Listeners, if you think you know what's happening, please send me a tweet and first of all, tell me that I'm doing a great job. Second of all, tell me what's going on. I don't know what's going on anymore. Maybe a spin-off pod is listeners explain to sam i think sam froze again too which is yeah so that's a

cool pose though well he's got fucking guns with tattoos on him he always looks cool i froze didn't i you You sure did, Greg. And then Brian said you looked real good. Hey! I'm going to have some fun audio to listen to. Talking about the tattoos on your guns and stuff? That wasn't me. Anything you want to plug, Dan?

Oh, sure. Why the fuck not? My comic book with uh dc the last god source book is going to come out on may 27th it got delayed a little bit because all the printers in america fell apart but um yep it's going to press i'm super stoked i'm gonna do a live stream for dc comics on uh their streaming channel dc daily. Wednesday after this airs? The 20th? So I would love if you watch that. I'll be doing it with my buddy, Amy Dallin

of DC Daily and Geek & Sundry. And yop! That's exciting. That's super cool. You can sit in front of your computer and look at brianpussain.com and watch my tour dates move as you

sit in front of the computer. Because they continue to move into the summer and into the spring. I mean the fall. But that's that. And then Grandpa Metal, check it out. If you know somebody that likes metal,

buy it for them and throw it at them from your car as you drive by their house. Wear a mask. Yes, wear a mask. And just yell Grandpa Metal at them and then wing it at them. I guess that's it. 69.

I'm safely out there, buddy. Thanks for listening to episode 69. That's it. Thanks for listening. Bye. at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416. Thanks for listening.