Nerd Poker - Episode 71 - Admiral Matricide

Episode Date: June 2, 2020

The Ice Five continues their tour of mini-boss bulldozing and sets their eyes on Dargthur's mother. Which of course means lots of roleplaying excellence from Brian, his favorite thing to do ever.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Clay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker, episode 71, quarantine style. I'm looking at my friends on my computer.

They're all here. Chris. Hello! Dan. Hey, handsome. Ken. H-A-I. Blaine.

H-I handsome. And hi, Sarah. Hello. Hello. And as always, at the end of my table, in my dreams, Sam. Hi! Everybody. Get out of his dreams and into his car.

Yeah, he's got a great car. You should get in it. I don't know. It sounds like you want to get into his bed. We should thank some people probably, though, right? We should. And I do really quickly want to let people know on our public feed. We just had Chris Tallman, GM, Game Master is the acronym I just used.

Some Star Wars bonus episodes where we did fifth edition adapted for the Star Wars universe. And we published the first one today. And it's so great. Sam went above and beyond with the audio uh it's ridiculous like how much uh back end went into it i was really impressed with but with what chris and sam did and everyone else is super funny um so i just wanted to give a shout out to you two while we're saying hello to each other on the air thanks you uh you killed it with those episodes they were so fun so fun thank you sam i mean listening to it is so much fun it's like it's like a theater of the mind

i wish i really did have a force bush you pushed the shit out of that guy so chris did two of them last fall and he's doing more than two uh this time we've got by the time this goes up the first two will be up um and yeah please uh check us on patreon if you can uh pretty cool uh and i do have people i want to thank we have patreon supporters already and they go by usernames such as andy medcalf thanks andy Andy. Thanks, Andy. Thanks, Ludacrisocity. Ooh, thanks, Luda. Is that the real Ludacrisocity? Or Ludacrocity?

I think they might have made up their own word, and I should pronounce it properly, so they can be proud. Thank you, Dr. Evo. Thanks, Dr. Evo. Thank you. Thanks, JustRob. No space, all lowercase.

Thanks, Ugon Krunklesnatch. Thanks, Ugon. Thanks. Thank you, Ray. Thanks, Ray. Thank you. Thanks, Ugon Krunklesnatch Thanks Ugon Thank you Ray Thanks Ugon It's a shame about you Thank you Kerry Marsh Thank you Thank you SpaceX

Someone is celebrating the launch Thank you Chewbacca's Harry Taint Thank you Shane Wager Thank you Thanks Chewbacca's Hairy Taint. Thank you. Thank you, Shane Wager. Thank you. Thanks, Dick Trebuchet. Thanks, Dick. Thanks.

I love the ones that they've been the same ones that we've been thanking for like two years. They're still funny. Thanks, Thor's Day Adams. Thank you. Thank you, Sam Gibson. Thank you, Sam. Thank you, Sam Gibson. Thank you. Thank you. Gamorrean Orc.

Wait, that's a Star Trek thing. Thank you. Steve Wilchester, Toner Field, Evan, how's an Orc extraordinaire? I almost said that without stuttering.

Wow. Thank you, Eric Mon. And thank you. Most of all, modeled skeleton. Thank you. Modeled skeleton. Modeled, most of all, Modeled Skeleton. Thank you, Modeled Skeleton. Modeled with an M-O-T-T-L-E-D.

Describing the texture or surface appearance of the skeleton. Assuming like an aged, kind of like gross, mossy, modeled skeleton, perhaps. My skeleton is like a calico. Aww. I love a torty skeletonico oh my goodness uh and i guess that brings me to what happened last time

on a nerd poker uh that's right brian freak the fuck out here comes the voice dan's gone well we all have microphones it's's even more. Uh, yeah. I'm gonna be this guy, so... Leaned in too hard. So, yeah, anyways. The Ice Five pretty much executed the Mother Brain, deciding they didn't like the direction she was sort of taking as the new regional manager of the Ice Five. They fought her in a cave, collapsing it on top of her, and in true is-the-villain-dead-or-not fashion,

she's probably crushed by falling rubble that fell on her squishy, almost dead head. almost deadhead. You guys fled the cave, noting that Snaggin, thus the now mind witness Beholder Flayer, fled sort of into a back cave. You've all just emerged from the cave rubble collapsing behind you. Pretty fucking narrow

close call for the Ice Five. There's a couple of big paths in front of you you can choose from and this Dungeon Master slash narrator's opinion you could either try to head off the sort of climactic

struggle for the mantle of the Tenebrous One occurring somewhere either by the Archmage's headquarters or the big fucking mountain or you can head towards Dame Island where maybe even

try to get to draatlana on the on the beach she's apparently going to lead an assault on dame island with the path of the vaunted tusk at her side so yeah uh you're not entirely sure if draatlana is gonna go now that she's disconnected from the mother brain, so to speak. It's weird because the Mind Flayer Mind Network thing and the fact that she got turned into a sort of eye-stalky Beholder drow do not necessarily mean a certain kind of allegiance you're aware of. It's a pretty gray area as far as that goes. But you're in a cave a couple of miles away from where she's getting ready to head south and you know right around now is when she's planning on leaving so there's also the you know a couple of gas baggy beholders down a little trail that you slid towards a couple hours ago so you know that there might be other beholder types related to the

mother brain who are coming after you. They might have scattered. It's unclear. What will the Ice Five do? I'm guessing Daria. What's everybody feeling? I think we should go

kill the Archmage, maybe or uh we have that the scroll chris you talk to people on twitter to remind right about the teleportation yeah that takes us the not the what's his name the arcanist yeah i i didn't spend a ton of time on air deconstructing where it came from because i think we were we were uh either near the end of the episode or mid fight or something but basically it was given to you guys by the guards of dame island uh to get you back after the aboleth uh fight but you opted to not really use it. Right. So we could teleport to Dame Island if we wanted. Check in there, look for Gus,

and then we could go kill the Archmage maybe? I don't know, just some thoughts. Yeah. Was it my mom? My mom, Dratlana, wasn't she attacking Dame Island? First of all, she is your mom. Second of all she is your mom second of all she's yeah she's like uh on the pier kind of getting ready to depart on the mother brain's orders who's now dead you could be like plans have changed you know hold fast the ice five's doing

something else if you wanted dark third yeah let's do. Or we could just ignore her and go. Sounds like the Admiral's donning his cap. Some intense role-playing negotiations are about to go down. Oh, no. Well, I don't know. What was the other option? Something about the Archmage of Vanzervale ascending right now? Well, yeah. something about the archmage of van zur veil ascending right now well we could yeah we can go to in terms of where we can get quickly we can use the scroll to get to dame island which is i think closer i'm looking at the map hang on um because we're up in that uh area where it says where the little whirlpool thing is if you want to head to dame island

uh that's option i'm gonna if you all go to the roll 20 tab i will ping for you a little circle uh that is about where you're at with the little fix it doc the little pink circle i drew for you um the archbishop van zur veils headquarters that you know of is near pandemonium spang right around there um and you know that you know of is near Pandemonium's Fang, right around there. And you know that you have to look for a blue flame between the hills that will indicate a sort of hidden entrance to his lair. Also, yeah, Dame Island, you can see clearly on the river where that is. All sorts of other janky junk going on. Yeah, so I think it's just a decision of, do we want to deal with Dratlana, or do we just want to go? We did get the halflings to go to Dame Island, so they're there prepared to defend it against the giants.

And Dratlana's with the giants, right? Well, no, she's with the Vaunted House. She's here with us right now she's about to sail for dame island to attack but she was doing that on the orders of the mother brain who we just killed so you know i'll go ahead and draw you a little battle plan the giants are coming for dame island here uh the path of the vaunted tusk is coming up the river here and dratlana is coming here so those three waves uh at some point we're headed also uh from donkey land some battle donkeys traveled up the coast to defend and i'll instead of drawing an arrow i'll do like a little fortifying rectangle-y thing uh so there's that also per sarah's point and the violet fang right the violet fang is here

uh as simplified by an xl draw as is gus as far as we know we want to go yeah well we we sent her guys let's go to the garbage masher down on the detention level. I think it's easiest for us to get there is one thing, but also it is where everyone's converging. So we could do that first. And then I just don't know whether we should try to just wave off Dratlana now and be like, yeah, plans are off now, you know, because. I would maybe to slightly tweak that.

I would suggest now that the mother brain is out of communication, you can kind of bet things are gonna be like, oh, my God, what's going on? What's going on? We could, if we want to stop this boat, run to the boat and go, somebody attacked the mother brain. Quick, quick, let us on the boat so we can go do the attack. And then once we're on the boat, might be easier to stop the boat as opposed to. Yeah. might be easier to stop the boat as opposed to yeah i mean what's kind of nice about having this map to draw on for you guys is i do think i can help you kind of visualize a little bit all the ridiculous factions that i have been uh stressing you and listeners out occasionally uh about they're

like you can you can see like i'll even take a screen cap of it so people who are listening can know you'll be clued in but like the the fact of the matter is that pink arrow going south on the river could be eliminated if you can convince dratlana plus you sent that donkey land battalion of war donkeys so there's a chance based on all of your sort of insight that if you were to stop dratlana there would be enough defense for you to not have to go. However, to your point, Violet Fang and Gus are already there, and you're not sure what's going on already. I mean, I think ideally we would not just stop Dratlana, but, sorry, Darkthor, but take her out, right?

Especially now that she's a beholder. Darkthor, you could have a ship of your very own. I'm okay with whatever everybody else wants to do that means you sarah what are we doing uh what's do do we think that by killing this mother brain that we've that we've sort of disrupted the anthill and that people are sort of that the ants are all confused with no sort of guiding thing anymore and maybe now's the chance to get in there and and wipe out this dame island stuff while everybody is confused and scattered uh or do we take advantage yeah do we know for sure that my mom's still connected to

the thing or or let's have everybody do an insight check for that exact question. Does it feel like the head termite has been removed? Five. Fourteen. Halcine smokes a cigar and

ponders. I got a natural. Oh, hello. My bonus is... Also, I desperately need healing, by the way, so also if we're just hanging out here discussing this, I'm either going to need to cast my own healing spell or someone needs to help me. I'll do it. I can do it with Cure Wounds. Yeah, Dr. Uid, Dargther, you feel like the inability to reach the mother brain might not

necessarily signal that everything is in chaos. Like it might just mean a closed communication gap. So the, the thing that Drotlana might be thinking is, oh shit, I should still follow through i just can't reach the mother brain okay this is this is largely based on the fact that she's not a true mind flayer and wasn't indoctrinated as a mind flayer she was indoctrinated as a uh

you know she said she was assimilated or whatever and like shares knowledge but that doesn't necessarily mean that she is like severed in some way okay but who is she can was she connected to anybody that we're about to attack yeah i mean there's some sort of undead narwhal folk who are gonna accompany her on the boat i mean i think if we're if we could just sink that boat into the whirlpool or whatever that would be ideal and then we just don't have to deal with this bitch anymore. But if we have to do that, I mean, I don't,

I don't know if we can, but I just feel like I, in an ideal world, we would take her fully out and then go deal with arch mage. Yes. You know, who really doesn't want the arch mage to win is the violet. And the violet Fangang so if we

she may already know that this is essentially the archmages because aren't all these people in league with the archmage no they were trying to stop the archmage i know it's pretty confusing right dan they were trying to stop the archmage because they wanted to take it for themselves. Nobody likes the Archmage at all. However, the Archmage is the most popular person in Klottenheim, or the most powerful person in Klottenheim. So we're basically trying to take out everyone who is trying to take the mantle of the Tenebris Worm,

which is us, the Ice Five. We've now severed our link with the Mother Brain by murdering her. Dratlana, as part of ostensibly this and the narwhal folk have become the vaunted tusk think that they're part of the ice five so let's disabuse them of that notion and then and then go deal with the archmage the final big boss is what it feels like yeah that's not a bad point yeah sure i just don't know how we i mean we can try to go kill but we saw that boat like heal itself constantly you know um i'm gonna pray to valkyr for guidance on how i would deal with a self-healing boat and an evil beholder pirate queen on all right. Let's get a religion check from Halcyon.

Can I chant quietly in the background to Valkyr? Yes, you can also actually do a Valkyr check. Valkyr check. But just TikTok and Halcyon. Only six, so. Again, I'm not proficient in religion despite being a cleric, so. Twelve. All right. Neither of you are really able to get much guidance from valkyr although i would say uh basic seafaring knowledge for everybody this

boat is incredibly strong it's the size of a small village it's really tall and fortified and to your point it does heal itself there's magic involved in the physical properties of the boat assaulting it's unlikely uh however again with your basic insight of sort of the situation that like the high rolls dr ridd and dark forgot i think you all are kind of like i bet we could get back on the boat without a fight we could probably get all the way to dratlana's chambers without a fight if we wanted to whether or not we could escape is another question but she does have that sort of back patio to her her little beholder nest she's got that sort of back patio to her little beholder nest.

She's got that kind of like facing the sea deck that she can kind of hover in and out of. So maybe we go get back on the boat just instead of attacking the boat. Yeah, just kill her inside the boat. I just feel like we're picking off people one by one this way instead of kind of you know converging with it she's not my mom anymore anyway she sure don't look like no drow so you guys are gonna head back to the fix it doc again I want to make sure because I have like four hit points or something so roll your heels I would say things also, I'm going to move, I'm going to move action forward very soon. If you do any,

if you try to rest, I think you'd all feel pretty nervous. It feels like there might be, I don't know if Blaine said he was going to, I can do it, but I don't want to waste any. Let's hear that cure wounds. Dan,

we don't want to rest. You know, we don't want it. We want to move. You feel like there's people looking for you. Okay. So let's's can we heal sarah yeah let's give sarah got 11 okay then i'm also gonna do um shoot does anybody need i can

whip up some good berries if anybody needs good berries i mean i still have two i'm still down 22 so i'm gonna do mass healing word i think here we go holy smokes i'm looking to see how that works though because i haven't used it before um i'm trying to use dnd beyond um up to six creatures of your choice that's all of us um we can hit points equal to 1d4 plus my scalp spell casting um but an additional d4 for every level uh if i cast it at fourth, I'm not, I don't think you don't have level four spells yet. I don't think, no, I do, but I'm not going to use it right now. Um, I only have one slot for fourth level, so I'm not going to waste that right now, but, um, yeah, but so that would be two plus my spellcasting modifier, which is, um, is my spellcasting modifier, which is... Oh, yeah, you're right. Is my spellcasting modifier my spell attack bonus?

Is it the same thing? I think it's the same thing, yeah. Okay, so then that's eight more points there. And that's eight for everybody. Excellent. Oh, cool. But that's in addition to the 1d4. It's 8 total okay

this here brought to you by N95 fettuccine alfredo mask makes everything smell like fettuccine alfredo take that quarantine oh my god how nice would it be to have a mask that smelled like something besides my own fear pheromones so you guys cast these healing spells and sure enough i mean like you hear noises coming from

the path down to the side and just sort of like distant sounds of commotion coming from the south let's go do they sound panicked it's you're not sure if they're uh yeah wild animals or tentacled former ice five fix it clan monstrosities so you guys start heading down uh south and sure enough there are a couple of uh gnomes and they've got eye stalks growing out of their shoulders and they look at you wild-eyed and start uh running for you they look like they're just sort of townspeople level difficulty NPCs, but like they're trying to like grab you.

Oh, no. Arrows. Not happening. Alright, roll to attack there, TikTok. How many are there? Where are they? Two. They're just running at you straight from the path to the south. We're like, no, we're the Ice Five just just like you guys just so we can move faster through this okay uh sarah but i'm saying you've got tiktok you've got arrows loaded i do i'm i'm i'm watching them after halstein says

that 20 wow so they still wild i kind of halt in their tracks um and one of the the gnomes says you must be held we have to take you to the mother brain something is off something is wrong we've gotten warnings yes something just attacked the mother brain you better go check uh okay but stay here. And they run north past you. Let's go. Guys, let's not stay here. No. Wow. We told those guys we'd stay.

Oh, I guess. I mean, now I guess they're going to spread the word, but I do feel like we got to get out of here. Maybe they'll just think it was a natural occurrence after the earthquake that her thing just collapsed. Yeah, let's move quickly. It takes a while, almost an hour to get to the dock you get there and there's a lot of path of the vaunted tusk you see two juggernauts sort of holding massive hall birds the size of chimney stacks just sort of on either side of

the walkway up onto dralana's boat and they kind of sneer at you guys as you approach but they don't stop you or step in your way. You also see what appears to be the translucent, ghost-like floating forms of those undead narwhals everywhere. There's like dozens of them. Okay, so we're just booking it to her quarters, right? That's the plan? And then we'll fight our way out?

This is like a level of doom. Fun. All right, so... Oh my God. this is like a level of doom fun all right so oh my god you guys always take the like I love what I'm like oh they're gonna go this way or this way and then you go you fucking zag you find the stairwell that heads into the lower decks you make

your way to the door no trouble at all to draw line is sort of sealed quarters except of course the whole time you're passing undead narwhal folk uh the these guys are real fucking gross um and there's just this sort of ominous feel they're they're called monodonts if you remember um and these things are like ghosts and there's a couple of them in front of dratlana's door and they uh you know they're they're just sort of like shoveling some what look like just cold drought guts into their translucent mouths and kind of like slimer and ghostbusters you just see them kind of like rolling down their see-through esophaguses and kind of like gathering and splattering uh

yeah should think about a bib next time uh one of them kind of reaches an arm and like bangs on the door and it uh it opens okay

uh what's what's our order y'all head in put on the hat it opens. Okay. What's our order? Y'all head in. Put on the hat. What? Put on the hat. I said we're a monocle, too, this time. To fool my mom? She'll never know it's you.

It's like for confidence. You're the captain of the ship. It's blue like Captain Crutch. You're the captain of the ship. It's blue like Captain Crutch. I'm not called the sea. I do. Let's see. What do you do? The tension.

Hey, Blaine. Blaine, what was this brought to us by? What was this moment? This is made possible by a grant from the Side Effects Council. Side effects of the Side Effects Council include dizziness, dry mouth, retinitis pigmentosa, thoughts of suicide,

non-intercourse pregnancy, thoughts of homicide, and retinitis pigmentosa. Side Effects Council. Dan? Okay, so what do we see when we walk in? Yeah, I mean, it's up to you. You guys decide who's leading. I'll go in. All right, so

the Admiral dons his tri-cornered sailing cap. I didn't say that. His velvet cape lined with fanciful gold foil. And yeah, you open the door, and there's a curtain.

I'll go ahead and change the map on roll 20 to reflect the fact that you're back in Dratlana's quarters. Two ladies. Dan changing the backdrop as possible through a grant by the Death Foundation. Bringing death to your community through air, food, and water.

The Death Foundation. Damn. All right, so you can sort of see there's a curtain and then a sort of deck in the back with a telescope leaning up against it. And, yeah. Right now there's just a curtain sort of hastily drawn over a couple of bookcases. It's very haphazard. Okay. Okay.

It's pronounced haphazard. I'll come in behind a dark there. Okay. Everyone enters. And, uh, you hear, you hear from behind the curtain. And where is she? I don't see her. You hear from behind the curtain.

It sounds like something hasn't gone well with the mother brain. Care to fill me in? What are we going to tell her, guys? This is on you. The story is on me? Well, I mean, I think we discussed our plan such as it was before we came in here, so, you know, start executing it. Right?

Tell me, Admiral, what happened? It's not looking good. She's in a tree. Isn't that the old... She's on the roof. Yeah, she's on the roof yeah she's on the roof it's not looking good

I have fresher newer news she's dead oh perspective took a sharp left turn in the middle there you had me going with an analogy I wasn't familiar with,

and then all of a sudden, it's time to mourn, eh? You can tell where the writers came back from lunch. Cat's on the roof. Nope, the cat's dead. And the silver spoon. Well, what would you have me do, son? You should die too. What?

What would you have me do, son? You should die too. What? What? I'm just suggesting. You're suggesting I die. Is that what you're suggesting? Oh, did I say that out loud? You hear a clank noise behind you as steel bars slam shut over the doorway.

Everybody roll for initiative. Oh, my. Oh, my. I'm going to drop some tokens in here. I would love if, let's say, there were commercials that could cover some of this stuff. This commercial brought to you by a grant from the Last Minute Commercial Foundation, providing last-minute commercials since 1958.

The Last Minute Commercial Foundation also made possible by a grant from the Grant Foundation, granting grants for grants since 1958 after that incident with the last minute commercial

foundation those assholes anyway back to you dan uh natural 20 plus seven for me oh boy i sure wasn't ready for you uh one sec one sec one sec uh do do do we do natural 20 plus what seven great that is a fuck of an initiative uh tiktok what'd you get 25 25 get 11 oh what a what a diminutive uh description dr wood what'd you get 11 how seen would you get 19 hey all right so i'm gonna just make some adjustments and i still gotta go make a couple of roll 20 adjustments um hey uh blaine what was this pause by dan brought to everyone bye there is no blaine only jewel flavored vape pods let your dad know that you don't appreciate the way you treat your real mom jewel vape pods dan thank you blaine so i am done assigning moving these guys if you remember the tradition please

scoot your token around uh yes i have maybe taken some creative liberties with the way you look that's just to make everyone look uniform um right now you uh yeah like i've got you kind of there if you want to argue which sort of layer you're on vertically there that's cool uh however right now there's not really um like how do i put this uh yeah you could you get up the front there, Queep. You can scoot off to the side, but I would say nobody would have advanced farther than I've got that front line right now. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think we...

I would not go past... I don't make Darkthor look like the boss. So yeah, I would never cross him. Cool. That's me right sure did uh is somebody watching the launch did bob and doug are they in space yet i don't know i don't know that thing i saw if you guys want to discuss yes it happened i it happened but i haven't been able to check i mean i didn't hear that thing i thought you guys want to discuss yes it happened it happened but

i haven't been able to check i mean i didn't hear any screams from the people in my household watching it so i feel like that's positive good that's just a general rule i think maybe they want ice cream jerry just tweeted wait the astronauts are named Bob and Doug? Yep. He just found out. Take off. It's a beauty way to go. Time slip. Take off. Hey, at some point, I'm going to summon Gus.

Not right at this moment, but maybe soon. Hey, Brian, have you been Zooming Paladinos? Oh, I've been meaning to, but I'm guessing you have been. They were doing Backwards Country Night. Wow. It was pretty good. Yeah, they had Keithy Tobe and Straight George and the Chixie Dicks. It was pretty good.

So it's Backwards Country Night. Straight George and the Chixie Dicks. It was pretty good. So it's Backward Country Night. Backwards Country Night, yes. At Palladino's. Backwards Country Night. Backwards Country Night. Like, for instance, Balaama would be at Balaama.

Backwards Alabama. Not really a Backwards Alabama, but a comedy Backwards Alabama. Not really a backwards Alabama, but a comedy backwards Alabama. Wank Hilliams. Wank Hilliams. The boys' red joke. The boys' red joke. These are all great. And who's with us tonight?

Is it Doc or Tommy? This is Doc. Let's see the lining of that jacket. Is Dan still with us? I hate that I have any jobs right now. Hang on one second. I'm going to kill 30 more seconds. The screens are like in his glasses.

I don't know if this looks like this to you guys, but it looks terrifying. It looks like he has little TV eyes. Oh, like he's an 80s electronic serial killer from a movie? Like Max Hedren. Yeah, like a reboot of Christopher Lloyd and Roger Rabbit. Yeah. Oh, God. And he's got the horrible...

Only thing worse than Large Marge. Oh. I love Large Marge. That reveal on Large Marge destroyed my childhood. It's out of nowhere. It's terrifying. All right. My wife says that her dad took her and her sister to see Peewee's big

adventure. And when large Marge happened, they hated him. They were so mad at their father for taking that movie. I can imagine. Now it's the best. All right. So dark there,

you are up. You see a heavy blue curtain um and you know uh you just challenged something on the other side of it to death here we go also somebody it looks like drew come on tiktok i'm not sure what happened there's like weird milky lines across him. That's the style. That was an accident.

Oh, we've had a little accident on TikTok. I got very excited when I moved. Well, I want to break through the curtain. Yeah? Yeah, and then I want to fire a lightning arrow at my mom. I think you just said what we all wanted to say for years. Cool. So you walk up,

and are you trying to do it in a way that will surprise her? Yes. Great. Have a stealth check for me, please. He's going to show her some good grades. Surprise is a strong word. Great. Have a stealth check for me, please. He's going to show her some good grades. Holy shit. It's my third natural in a

fucking row. I swear to God. How exciting. I've always loved your naturals. So stealth plus six. So 26 plus six. So 26. Damn.

All right. So you can use, I believe, Dread Ambusher to go with this, right? Dread Ambusher, a Gloomstock Ranger ability. So I'm just searching that real quick. Well, then that makes that a 29 because that gives me three or plus three initiative. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. So the way Dread Ambusher works, it's like something you got a third level.

You can ambush her and it's a bonus to your initiative role equal to your wisdom offer you had did you add that already no okay so what does that make your initiative uh 29 jesus christ all right um that also means at the start of your first turn of combat, you're walking to my initiative. Oh, so that is in, then it's 30. 27 plus three is 30. Okay. Okay.

I'll add that in a second. Right now, it doesn't matter. The thing that Tread Ambush will do for you now is you can move another 10 feet, which means another two squares on the map. Okay. Also, if you take the attack action, which you just said you would, you get to make an additional weapon attack, and they'll take an additional 1d8 of damage if you connect.

Okay. So this could be pretty brutal. You push open the curtain just very gently and deftly as you announce that you're going to make her dead or that she should die. And as soon as I see her, I fire a lightning arrow at her. Yeah, so you open it up and you just see her kind of like by the bay windows going like, oh, roll to attack. Okay. Okay. Okay.

17 plus 3, so it's 20. Amazing. That's a hit. Oh, boy. Why did the room disappear from here? I don't know what just happened. It better not not the astronauts, but there's no room anymore.

Just floating in space, just like the astronauts. So these are floating in space. She's got to do a dexterity saving throw, right? They were supposed to. They had some technical issues at Palalladino's the other night in Backwards Rock Night. Oh, yeah? Which night?

You went to Backwards Rock Night. They call it Rolling Rock, but they had to shut it down because they got sued by the beer manufacturers. But Obanizen was there and Ha-Ah did a set. That was kind of interesting. 182 Blank. I heard Top ZZ was kind of interesting. 182 blank. I heard Top ZZ was there too.

Oh, Top ZZ. I think I missed them. I was in the bathroom shooting up when that happened. But I did get to see Anne C. Anne Music Factory and the Siamese Mound Machine. It was pretty good. They sort of fall apart at the end, but you know dan's having a lot of technical difficulties this this afternoon but at least he doesn't have that dog in the background

maybe we just pretend roll 20 doesn't exist and and just oh okay all right so there we go sexy beholder disappeared i'm so sorry everybody uh 20 is keeping me sane and torturing me at the same time. So the attack is a hit. Please roll your damage, Darkthor. Six and a three. And then what is the plus two? One D eight. Another one D eight?

Yeah. That's because of his dread ambush. That's awesome. Four, six, three, four. 13 points of damage. Nice. I'll take it. Great.

Rubber! You get to take another attack action. I assume you're going to fire another arrow? Yeah. If I... Lightning arrow lasts up to a minute. I can fire another lightning arrow, right? No, you have up to a minute

to fire it once you... Okay. Yeah. Piece of ammunition then goes to its normal. You've activated one arrow and you fired it. I didn't roll enough...

No, she got... She's supposed to take 4d8 lightning damage. Oh! Son of a... Roll two more d8s, please. Holy shit, finally. I got an 8. And a 6.

So, 14 more points. That's going to bring your total up to 27 points of damage. Pretty nice. Wow. That slams into her. As she also gets hit, she just starts staring at you. It's pretty gross.

Okay. And then I get another attack or no? You get another attack. That is correct. How close am I? I should take another. I will use Roll20's little ruler to show you. Yeah.

Or someone else is doing it. It's 35 feet. Okay, cool. I'll fire just a regular uh arrow at her okay roll to attack uh 18. that is a hit 18? That is a hit. All right.

78 plus dex. One on the dice, but my plus dex is four, so five total. Cool. That's still some damage uh hell of an opening salvo from darkther as he pops around the corner hey tiktok you see darkther like kind of like bop right into the curtain flip it open and fire this off, what would you like to do? Seeing him do that, I will copy him, except I'm gonna, he kind of is like just left of center through the curtain. I'm gonna go, I wanna try and create like a lot of space.

So I'm gonna go way over here, two, three, four, five, six. So I think that's my full, actually I think I can't, I think that's me phone actually i think i can't i think that's me um so i go way to the right so we're spread out and then i'm gonna shoot at her with a maboa go for it okay 19. That is a hit. Great. It's a TA, and I'm going to do that shadow arrow. Okay, so it's 8 plus 4, 12 points from the arrow. And then I'm going to...

Why do I have it? I think we haven't short rested. I don't have it. That's all I can do. That's all I can do. So I will shoot my arrow again. That might not be it. That's a 16. That's a miss.

What was the damage on that first arrow? The first arrow was eight plus for 12. Okay. Great. So she's taking a lot of damage. Is that going to end your turn sir actually I'm finally remembering to use my other ability that I have

had for a while and have always forgotten as a bonus action if I miss I can use a thing called curving shot when I make an attack with a magic arrow and miss I can use a bonus called curving shot. When I make an attack with a magic arrow and miss, I can use a bonus action to reroll the attack against a different target within 60 feet.

So my question to you, Dan, is can I see anything else within 60 feet that presents as a possible target? No, unfortunately she is the only current target you see. It's a fun power, though. It's cool. Could I bend it towards the bars? Like, does that seem like a dumb idea?

I'll just let it go. Forget it. At this point, the way it would have to curve would either hit the curtain behind you, which is, again, very heavy in the way it's mounted. Like, you guys guys just by opening it you haven't left openings okay uh or we or you can you know like hit the the bay windows behind her great um no i'm good for now great that'll take us next to hal seen um How do I do that little arrow distance thing?

I don't know how to do that, but I was... Ah, yes. It's like a circle with what looks like a comb in it. About halfway down the tool grid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even see a tool grid, so, man, I gotta figure this shiz out. It's over here to the left,

depending on what your browser looks like. I don't see it at all. It's not there for me. I'll show you where you are. You're here. You can see I'm making an arrow for you, so that's how far things are. Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and cast Shatter, which has a range of 60 feet, and each creature in a 10-foot radius sphere centered on a point that I choose must make a constitution saving throw.

Do you have to be able to currently see it, or can you just know of the space? Yes, I have to see it. Can I not see through the curtain hole? You'd have to peek through the curtain hole. Okay, well, I'm going to come up to where the curtain is then. Great. And... I guess right here.

Perfect. And then, yeah, and then cast shatter. Okay. So I'm going to cast it at second. Did you say shadoobie? Yes, I said shadoobie. Good. I had to close the door.

It took my earphones out, but I heard she's doobie. Okay, I'm going to cast Shatter. It's a constitution saving throw. She had an eight. Okay, so she failed. And I'm going to use a special ability I have, Channel Divinity Destructive Wrath, where I can deal maximum damage instead of rolling. Ooh.

Whoa. For that. I mean, it's not, you know, but it's going to be, basically it's going to be then 3d8 damage, so it would be 24, right? That's fantastic. All right, so yeah, when you cast shatter you're smashing her this is the one that where a creature made of inorganic material such as

stone crystal or metal has disadvantage on the saving throw also but she already lost it but also a non-magical object that isn't being worn or carried would also take damage if it's in the spells area so just to be aware that yeah so when you cast this the glass

just explodes out into the ocean uh the the giant expensive looking telescope uh explodes out into the water the books and papers just fly everywhere it's a disaster that creates a very loud noise and she gets crushed. And a reminder, she is now looking back in the direction of Dargthur and Halcyon. How much damage did she take, though? 24 points. Oh, cool. Yeah, so she is currently down from a mystery number, but she has lost 68 hit points.

Nice. Wow. She hasn't even gone yet. Anything else you're going to do, Halcine? That's all I got. Fun. Guess whose turn it is. It's Dr. Lana's. You know what? And he will go ahead and use his action to live in our hearts. So

we're going to see this thing especially rattled by Halcyon's attack. And it's going to fire a ray at her from one of its eye stalks. Do you have any

spell immunities that we should talk about right now, Halcyon? I have advantage against being charmed and magic can't put me to sleep. Oh, well I selected the charm ray. So you have advantage on being charmed and magic can't put me to sleep. Oh, well, I selected the charm ray. So you have advantage on a wisdom saving throw. Okay. So 18.

Oh, lucky you. So you resist as a sort of pink ray fires out of this thing and smacks into you and you just sort of are able to shake it off and steal yourself beautiful love it fuck you mom he's not my real dad mom fuck you i just wanted to watch kids meetsets the Phantom and we had to go to what's her name's house all I wanted to do was watch Kids Meets the Phantom fuck you mom

is that the movie where they put a vial of their blood in the film yeah it's not very good but I'm still mad I missed it uh Kweep and Dr. Uwud uh please roll a perception check

all right then uh 19 plus 4 23. oh okay um did i percept something you sure did uh what'd you get uh 18 plus 4. 22. Wow, you guys definitely hear something coming like towards the bard door behind you. Oh. Well, it's bard, so fuck him. Yep, seems like nothing

could go wrong. On that note, let's see, Who's next? It's going to be Queep. Yes, I will. Fire my crossbow. Oh, I had rage. Oh, I'm glad you reminded me of raging. Show me where you're moving.

I am going to get sorry. Strawberry Fields. What are you talking about? Okie dokie. I might as well finish my distance. Don't do that.

Roll to attack, please. Okie doke. What is my... Alright. Do you guys hear that that Eleanor Rigby where the notes are off by two yeah it was all E and F where two notes are off on purpose

and it's really creepy it's all E and F it's so fucked up oh no it sounds like a horror movie soundtrack it's amazing twelve yeah twelve that's a miss It sounds like a horror movie soundtrack. It's amazing. Twelve?

Yeah, twelve. That's a miss. Let me try again. Sure. Swing hard, cuckoo bird. That's a twenty-three. Coming for you. That is definitely it. And my damage

is four. Four. So Creep, you kind of nudge some damage into Dratlana. She doesn't take notice. Her focus is still on Halcine and Darkthor. It lands, but she's not, you know,

much distracted. Anything else you want to spring on me? I think I'm good. Fun. Well, on that note, we're about to hit time, but I want to let Dr. Uid get a turn in. So what are you going to do, Dr. Uid?

I'm going to peek around this barred corner. I'm not going to expose myself, I guess, because of that thing that happened at the park that time. But I want to see what's coming up here and sort of get ready to shoot at it with my magic guns. I'll let you roll over your previous perception check. And you just, it feels like there is just like Tusk folk speaking behind the wall and you're like, oh right, these things can kind of be immaterial. And you feel like there's at least two of those ghost Tusk folk on the other side of this door that might be about to come through. And the door, it's the steel bar door that came down? Yeah, yeah.

Do, and is there any sort of way to jam this thing? Can I see anything around like a- You don't think you could fit through it, but you do think you could open the door so like it could push through into the stairwell. You know what I mean? Like you can open the door and push it open. You can only just, it would just be like your arm

could fit between the bars. Okay, I was trying to figure out a way to keep the door from opening so they couldn't get in. It opens inwards on their side. Okay. So our words from your side, sorry. All right. Sorry, our words are for your side.

Sorry. All right. Is there any way to take a quarterstaff and jam it so that this thing can't... I mean, I know these things are pretty strong, but I'm just trying to get us a little time. Yeah, I think you could try that. I just want to keep it from... Just jam the mechanism so that if they try to open the door again, it's not going to open. Just confirm. Is there any kind of spell or item you want to use

to assist with this, or do you want to make a straight check? I have a quarterstaff that I could get in there. Okay. Or I have a dagger I could maybe, like a regular kind of dagger, I could just sort of jam into a thing. I think quarterstaff would be ideal because there's a metal sort of ring that you would normally use to grab and push the door out, but you could

instead use it to put the quarterstaff sort of through the ring and then through some bars. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna... I'll try that. Maybe that'll work. Do a survival check. 18.

14 plus 1. Alright, you feel like you got it real good. I kind of secure it. So you kind of pull, take the metal ring, pull it towards you, stick the quarterstaff through the metal ring, and the quarterstaff is on the other, and the ring are on the other side of the bars, but the base of the ring is on the door

on the other side of the bar. So you feel like if they try the door, it's going be a little hard at least yeah and then they'll just teleport or come through hey kool-aid style uh round of combat done i believe we will call the episode wow mr keifer what do you think happened yeah let me tell you guys what i love i I love battle donkeys. I love Darkthor fighting his mom. I love anytime anybody casts Shatter. I love Queep accidentally

coming on things. And I love Kiss Meets the Phantom. Let me tell you what I don't love. I don't love Reverse Country Night. I don't love Kiss Meets the Phantom. I thought you did love Kiss Meets the Phantom. It can be both. That movie's a nightmare.

You just need to hear more Rich and Big. BrianPassine.com. No tour dates. Well, there's some, but they're a ways off. But go to YouTube to Posey and the Band. My new channel there. New stuff coming up. But I'm really excited.

I'm on my third week now at Gimme Metal, which is a streaming service that plays only heavy metal. And I have the least metal show on the entire channel because I'm a wuss compared to some of the people. There's some brutal shit. So if you like heavy metal, join Gimme Metal and listen to me there. Thanks. Thanks for listening.

And scene. Thanks for listening.