Nerd Poker - Episode 74 - Revelation Station

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

The Ice Five must decide whether to trust the Violet Fang, trap her outright, set her on fire, or just kinda awkwardly part ways. See if you can guess which they choose!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Clay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Possehn, and you're listening to Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. It's episode 74. Wow.

Is this the longest we've ever gone? Yes. Most episodes? Yeah, probably. Well, definitely since we rebooted. Yeah. Rebooted it. Independently.

Rebooted it. My friends are here. I'm looking at them. Ken. Hello. Sarah. Hello. Hello. Chris. Hello. Hello.

Chris. Hello. Oh, no. Something's wrong with Chris's Wi-Fi. He got really far away. He's in a canyon somewhere. Dan. Hello.

He's sexy. And Blaine should be checking in. Who knows? He's fine. he's not driving anywhere we know that no one is uh and as always my pal up in the upper left hello sam hello sweet children that's what we are for sure my pal the the upper left sounds like a political commentary on Sam also you're feeling real progressive lately there Sam I like to think of him as like center square

and I'll take Sam to block he's not far left he's upper upper left well folks I would like to thank some Patreon supporters that's how fun are you guys I wish you would. Gus?

Hey, guys. I'm going to do them all in this voice. Billy? I'm going to thank... Gus would like to thank these Patreon supporters. What about Ninja Slippers? Hey. Hey, what about Ninja Slippers?

Thanks, Jack Ransom. Thanks, Jack Ransom. Thanks, Nordic Viking Name. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks Jack Ransom. Thanks Nordic Viking Name. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks Brian Hall. Thanks. Thank you Trump's artificially

impeachment colored turkey neck. Oh my goodness. Thanks George Gripperus. Thanks James Brooks. The James Brooks. Thank you. Of Simpsons fame.

Wow. We were just talking about him. Thank you, Dustin Bowen. Thanks, Dustin. Thank you, Callum Kennedy. Thanks, Tom Ushemi. Thanks, Lich Please, a.k.a. Elisa. Lich Please. Thank you,.a. Elisa. Thank you. Or Lich Please.

Thank you, Darkther's Ass Closet. Thank you. Thank you, Glenn Headcrash Sudgen. Uh-oh. Thank you. Thank you, Fool of a Took. Aw. And thank you, Todd Rollins.

Thank you. And most of all, thank you to MiniPearls After Dark Special. Ooh. Thank you. That was from Blaine. It was. And this is where I would normally say, Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by?

And he would say, those Patreon supporters are just hot in the mic. Yeah. I was going to do a Lunchables joke. I just thought it didn't matter. Just get hot in the mic. Exactly right. That was a much better Blaine impression.

This one's brought to you by hot in the mic. Hot in the mic. You put it in the microwave and it becomes hot. Hot in the mic. It's from the makers of cold in the mic. You're too close. Whoa. Well, that was good.

That was actually the clearest I've ever heard, Ken. We all got nice microphones. Oh, thank you, Sam, for fatilitating that. And facilitating. Fatilitating. Everyone's fatilitating. All day, every day. Fatilitude.

Uh-oh, guess who just showed up there he is it's a Blaine hi guys oh we're already in this is the best episode ever we're recording we're going hey Blaine I just did the Patreon supporters who were those

Patreon supporters brought to us by they were brought to you by Nestle's Slow Strawberry and Chocolate. Nestle's Slow. Dan? Thank you, Blaine. Without any further ado

I think I'm going to get into What happened last time on Nerd Poker The Ice Five Met with some characters from Previous campaigns In the Ambassadors Quarters Of the Viridian Keep

In Dame Island They realized some weird shit was going on with Lord Husterbus of Dame Island. They realized some weird shit was going on with Drowze and such, and the Violet Fang herself, some weird shit was going on. So let's get back to the Ice Fives

so they can decide what the fuck they're gonna do about stuff. So I think you guys were kind of deciding, you know, whether to truly ally yourselves with the Violet Fang because of what Gus said when he was re-summoned from the Feywild. And also, you know, kind of what you learned about the Violet Fang in general

from both the Baron of Peppergreen and Hot Goss on the street. You're kind of at like a bit of a crossroads where you're supposed to meet up with her in the morning. You're about to take a long rest to get all your spells and healing done, but the original goal was to go with the Violet Fang

after you met up with her to go take down the Archmage of Anzivale in his, you know, sort of little secret place. But now I think you're maybe reassessing why don't you tell me i mean now i have to think everything over because of what you just said about a little secret place oh no you already know about it it's like you look for a blue flame like in the forest and then somehow you'll find the archmages like keep. I think you meant something different.

Oh, you mean like a crotch? I'll say I just realized that someone's Patreon name is TikTok's downstairs mix-up. That is apparently a reference to the Mighty Boosh. I was unaware that is a reference to the Mighty Boosh. I don't remember it.

I saved my Mighty Boosh into a little heart. I did not lock that door. Great, great, great Zoom moments with Sarah, everybody. That was absolutely hilarious and adorable. So, Helsing, did you have a theory? Helsing, you said you, should we long rest at first? Distracted by a toddler coming in here. I'm going to lock the door.

Hold on. I didn't know you were reporting to the BBC, Sarah. Yeah, Blaine, who is this moment of home security brought to us by? It's brought to you by Nestle's Fast. Strawberry and chocolate. Nestle's Fast. Damn. Oh, that's great.

Thanks, Blaine. All right. So i believe before the chaos yes you were about to ask calcine something tic tac well i was gonna say maybe we should long rest at first so that way we're refreshed for whatever we're about to do does that make sense i think that's what i think that was what we should do and we could either discuss in the morning we could discuss right now i think what we had talked about was we're going to meet up with the Violet Fang. And now we have this opportunity to maybe lure her to this stone circle where we can turn her into a statue. So that sounds great.

Then we can go just we can either go kill the Archmage or we can go destroy the altar. Might be more expedient and just sort of lots of birds with one stone to destroy the altar. So nobody can ascend. Yeah, my guess is once we do that, we're still going to have to murder some people or maybe it'll be more like some people are going to try

and come and murder us while we're doing that. But if we destroy the altar, then it seems nobody can assume the mantle of the Tenebrous One. That's for sure. Unless we want TikTok to become the Tenebrous One. That's for sure. Unless we want TikTok to become the Tenebrous One, which was an option, and I'm interested in exploring it. If you'd like TikTok to become the Tenebrous One, make sure to let us know on Patreon.

Press five. Darkta, you like the idea of us climbing the mountain and taking out the altar, right? Yeah. Yeah. But I also, I thought we had already decided we were resting up and relearning everything, so. Yes, we should do that first. All right, so without any further ado,

blink, everybody, please mark your character sheets that you're at full hit points and you've relearned your spells. Make sure you mark how your spells work. Different classes are different. I'm always, as Dungeon Master, being reminded on social media that, say, a druid in 5th edition, their spells works differently

than a druid in 2nd edition. I did it with clerics versus druids in 5th, so just mark off as you use stuff. You can prepare spells, for instance, with some glasses and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I feel like I was being subtweeted in that. There, Dan. there there dan you know blame that may have been based on a tweet we were both tagged in but uh yeah yeah you get the basic idea i did somebody respond

somebody just reminded me on twitter that um i haven't been using the force damage that i get to use on my shield when i do lightning damage and And I was like, oh, thank you for the reminder. That's helpful because I had forgotten about that. I think we all appreciate those reminders. Yeah, I'd be dead if I didn't get any of them. I'm not good enough of a DM to remember how everybody's sheets work, so I'm usually just trying to, like... Somebody told me to remember

to use potions, and I was like, oh, I'm a moron. We were both in that conversation, too. I think, like like it's tough. I always use potions last. That's for when you run out of spells because you can't renew a potion. Yeah.

And I got that second wind. I feel like I'm TikTok's more, whatever, it doesn't matter. I think we all need to get our sheets together. I could have been a shaving cream joke, Blaine. I'm disappointed. So, okay. You're all awake. It feels like, you know, I could have been a shaving cream joke Blaine I'm disappointed so okay you're all awake it

feels like you know you're supposed to meet up with the Violet Fang within a couple of hours so you've got time to reconvene or do a little bit before you meet her but she is expecting you hey do you want to go to town and get some ice cream hang out just like do some shopping yeah let's just relax

and kind of like some musical songs. Can we get some country fair fried donut frittery treat? Oh, that sounds fantastic. I'm very into it. Before we do that, we have one more. The Baron should be able to identify one more thing.

He did the goblin necklace for me yesterday, so if somebody has something they would like. Oh, also could oh also dessa remember is in the ladies locker room if anyone wants to talk to a season two npc that no one ever liked ever i think brian punched her i think brian wanted yeah brian brian socked her one for trying to start the apocalypse for sure to be fair that merits a conch in the nose starting the apocalypse I have a vial of poison

don't I Dan? we all do from the Mariska do we know what they are? it's poison oh man poison I have Do we know what they are? It's poison. What kind? Oh, man. Poison. I have a necklace with a fireball bead on it.

You don't know what kind of poison, except that you could potentially lace a weapon with it. But we know what that is, too, right? It's a fireball. Yeah, you know you have a fireball necklace. It's a fireball bead. Could we? Does anyone? Yeah.

That's fine. We can move on. I just wanted to make sure that wasn't something that. These are the things you've identified. One thing I have to do. Go ahead. That band that was around Dratlana's eye stock. Oh, Dan's making a face like that.

Oh yeah. The thing that could have been on her wrist originally. Yeah. Oh, and the book made of seaweed in a jar of seaweed water or whatever. Look what happens when I look at my notes. My chicken scratch. Yeah, I think one of those two. What do you guys think?

Yes. The seaweed water book or the bracelet that was on her eye? I see the bracelet. They're both going to be important. The seaweed water book is pretty fucked up. I have a proficiency in Arcana, so maybe I should

spend some time with it. Can I do that while we were all learning? Well, right now, I believe you're trying to figure out what is the one thing you want to get the Baron to identify. Bracelet. I vote for the bracelet. Yeah, because I feel like what Blaine is saying is he can just straight up try to study it.

Great. Great. Great. So you're going to kind of, while you're in the men's dorm, hand this over to the Baron. He nods and looks it over and he says, there's some very complicated enchantments on this. You could potentially attune yourself to this bracelet, but it looks like it allows you to command enchantments on some sort of large terrain or series of objects. Wow. What kind of enchantment?

Is it like a spell magnifier? He's not sure, but like maybe some kind of a lair or den or building. By wearing this bracelet, you could command magical functions of it. Oh, like it creates a beholder's lair? He kind of says, well, it seems like these are kind of like enchantments that already exist. Like it's for one specific existing place. Oh. Where did you get this?

Did they have a lair? Yes. Her boat. Oh, so the stone circle maybe we can take advantage of. It's the remote control for the boat. Yeah. Oh. I think you're right.

If you want, I'll let you roll an insight check on that one, or you can just say, I think I get it. Insight checks. Insight. All of us? Yeah, yeah. Why the fuck not? Because you might say no.

I'm using Prestston's special die why would i say no to you rolling this inside check count unless i was a passive aggressive piece of shit uh no one's ever accused me of such a 22 yeah i got a 20 everyone who gets a 20 or above definitely thinks that 17 plus 3 yes that's 20 that's that's your mama's uh keys to the car i don't think that at all you think uh she you think you might be able to do things like command different functions of the boat by wearing this bracelet that's cool remember the boat had that super darkness cloud it's maybe stuff like that you're like the healing abilities of it or

defensive capabilities oh cool well that's cool to think about you would also with those with those inside roles you think that the path of the vaunted tusk is not going to be able to operate that boat with drow on the dead and this bracelet in your possession that boat's probably just going to sit on the dock cool well then who's who's, somebody should put it on right now and see if it has, like, minority report things coming out of it that they can use, that we can use to bring the boat in and use it as some sort of...

Summon boat. That's got to be the Admiral. All right. Yeah, I try it on. Do it Arcata check, boss. Yeah. yeah I try it on do it Arcana check boss yeah it sounds like a coconut it is that's what I've done during

Corona I've made coconut dice are you ever going to get off that island Brian four three plus one Coconut dice. Are you ever going to get off that island, Brian? Four. Three plus one. Unfortunately, you feel like you're going to have to spend a couple of long rests pouring over this bracelet to really get the magic to line up with your thoughts.

Damn it. Doctor, do you want to snuggle up to a good book? I'd love to. I will say at this point it is morning, and you're not sure if you'll be able to spend too much time on this book before your rendezvous passes. I mean, you can spend a little time. I mean, it should still be there when we deal with the end-of-the-world situation

happening here. Then we can go, if everything goes well, we can go pick up the boat and ride off into the sunset. Yeah. Sail off into the sunset. Season four. Someone else try to use it? I need to take a second to talk to Gus.

There is still some stuff I learned about being able to window. It seemed like that Gus was part of it. What's up, boss? So, boss, I can make a portal to the okay to the feywild and apparently the violet fang seemed to think that you were part of it oh well you know i'm originally from the feywild so that makes sense maybe you're like my focus or something like that i need a yeah i need a physical connection to the feywild you've there, so maybe you and me together can bring people. As long as I'm with you, I think that would mean, yeah,

I'm like an attuned thing that is part of another plane of existence. All you need is attuned things for other planes of existence. We also need to come up with some special code words, boss. Oh. Yeah, I think. Okay. Last time we talked about this um there was a whole thing about you dying and coming back and that we needed special words to summon and dismiss you

and i was thinking sure i was thinking maybe you would help pick those oh okay so you want me to come up with a summon dismissal words well they affect. You want to be part of it, right? Unless you don't want to. You could say, is it one word or a phrase? I think it's, I think it's you. Gus gets to decide.

Let's come up with, with, with sailing words. Cause we're, we're like, we've got like a boat. We're pirates. Well, Gus Ahoy could be like a summoning. Say Ahoy!

Ahoy for summoning. All right. And what if we want to send you back to the Feywild? What should we say then? Bon voyage. Avast ye. Ooh. Avast.

Avast. All right. Ahoy and Avast. Ahoy and Avast. All right. He gives you like a little pirate salute like. And I give him a. Ahoga. Now, can anybody do I give him a... Auga!

Now, can anybody do that with him, or that's just me? Just you. Copy. All right, I'm writing that down. Sorry, it's a pirate dog. So, we gonna go meet up with that crazy lady who spits acid out of hand mouths yeah so our plan is to meet up with her and then i guess guys are we gonna try to talk her into going to the circle so we can turn her to stone so you guys are all staring at me but uh there is

a little place about five miles east of the river, tucked between some hills that the Baron basically explained to you exactly where it is. But for narrative purposes, I'm not going to go over the Google Maps route. It is called the Glen of Remorse. And yeah. I know that guy. Otherwise known as the Glen Fry. It's my favorite scotch. So there's like a bunch of stones in a circle and in that circle

there are some statues and the baron suggested um trying to convince the violet fang that these are statues you can commune with for information but in fact if you make eye contact with these statues you become one of them and it happens at midnight every night. Only at midnight. How long do we think it would take us to get there? I mean, it's five miles. So, you know, a couple hours, maybe. Wait, so the eye contact thing only happens at midnight?

Yeah. Yeah, for just a short little period of time. Baron wasn't sure exactly how long the window is, but at midnight it starts. I mean, she's very clever and scary scary i feel like the chances that she'll believe us or we'll be able to do it are very slim but it also sounds like a fun thing to try and see what happens so that's my opinion but uh also yeah it is it's also something you're i think trying to you're trying to find a way to get rid of her and this was like an option

presented to you uh you know if you want to get rid of her you can wait longer to get rid of her you can come up with a different way to get rid of her this is just the one the baron knew of that was on the way to the archmage we definitely should not tell her that our plan is to go to pandemonium's fang and destroy the portal we should not tell her that because that's what she wants to do she wants to use the portal right to ascend maybe we could tell her well no she claimed she didn't but who knows i think she was going right now where did she say she was going she's meeting us on the pier on the east end of Dame Island to go scout. She wants to go scout out the Archmage of Vanzervan.

Right. So we have to tell her if we want to try to get rid of her via statue means, then we need to tell her something about what we can get at the statue garden. You know, what information we're looking for or whatever. So I think it's fine to say we're going to go on then to the arch major or like we heard from someone you know gus returned from the fey wild and had information that suggests that if we go talk to the you know yada yada or something i don't know gus did you learn anything in the fey wild i mean i'm originally from there so you know i could just tell you there's like a bunch of goat people and fairies and stuff.

Did you happen to see two giant cities? Oh! Yeah. I mean, those are there for sure. Oh, right. It's not Minneapolis, St. Paul, is it? The Moon Elves and the Sun Elves. Vendaria, your dad potentially housing is there.

Yeah. Here's the one thing. I know we all want to go kill the Archmage. It does pop into my head that there's these two cities filled with elves. And my guess is the reason they're hiding is because they're the only people who can kill the Archmage or they know who he really is. Yeah. I mean,

I mean, you know, he's, he's formerly a Sun Elf. They have something on him. Because he wanted to kill them. He destroyed a planet to get this power. And the Warforged

are waiting. We don't have to do it. But there are these two hidden cities filled with people. What if we plan to... My concern is if we leave, if we're on like a timer right now with the Violet Fang heading to, like,

it seems like one of them is going to ascend soon. You know, we could do. She wants to go check out the Archmage of Vandervale. We want to go blow up the portal. Why don't we tell her we're going to go blow up the portal. Why don't we tell her we're going to go to the elf city instead? She'll go to the

Archmage of Vandervale and then we fucking make a break for the pandemonium's fang. Fake her out? I like it. Try and shake her? I mean, we could, but then she's going to come for us and then we don't have the opportunity.

Like, she right now, I don't know if she trusts us, but she's sort of like on our... You know what I mean? Like, we could maybe trick her into the circle. Let's do it then. I feel like, but, you know. Let's trick her in the circle. Should we try to trick her in the circle, guys? Raise your hand if you think we should try to trick her into the circle. Versus destroying the altar. Versus just going straight to the circle. Should we try to trigger in the circle, guys? Raise your hand if you think we should try to trick her into the circle.

Versus destroying the altar. Versus just going straight to the altar. Oh. Shit, I don't know. I was leaning toward destroying the altar first, but... I feel like if we destroy the altar, then we're going to have to deal with both her and the Archmage. That's

the only reason why, and that seemed stressful to me. So I figured, why not knock one of them out while we can? But I'm down to try to destroy the altar first. How do we lure her there? How do we get her to go? We're supposed to meet her right now, so she's just going to be traveling with us. So we would just have to make up a reason why we would, you know, be going to this grove. And get her to make eye contact with the statue at midnight.

I can get on board if anybody else. I would just think that the altar is one of those things where if that's destroyed, then it cripples both of the people that we're trying to, to take on. Destroys their plan. Yeah. And, and it's, you know, I mean, even though they're going to come after us,

they'll be weakened and they won't, they'll, their end game will be, their anthill will be messed up and they will not be able to get back into their ant house. Does that make sense? Okay, can we travel through the Feywild to get to the altar then? Can you make a portal for us? We go through the Feywild and then we like

fast travel to the altar. I could bring us back tomorrow. I don't know how time works in the Feywild. Time is weird, right? Time is weird. There's a danger when you travel to the Feywild that, say, your Dungeon Master will make you roll a dice

to see if years or minutes will pass. Well, is there a way to use... Gus is from the Feywild, and he knows all that stuff. He lives there. Is there a way to say, Hey, Gus, why don't you take us through your old hood so that we don't get hurt and our time passes normally? Use him as like our golden ticket through the Feywild

as we try to get on the other side of this. Hey, Blaine, I'll say TikTok is assisting you with this. Why don't you do an Arcana check to see if that's possible with TikTok? And Gus, you can roll advantage so roll twice uh 16 plus 521 yes you think uh as long as he's attuned to gus which he is that maybe you can avoid this oh let's all play follow the leader with gus so this path is maybe safe so the idea is feywild to the top of Pandemonium's Fang?

And if I'm not mistaken, you're saying the benefit to doing this to the Feywild is what? Just that the Violet Fang is going to think that you're going to the Elven City. I mean, I don't know that we should tell the Violet Fang that we're going to the... Someone said that.

I don't know. Just a fake out out a quick fake out and a quicker way there but if we tell her that we have a way to get to this hidden elven cities i feel like i don't want her knowing about that right okay well i want to make sure you don't think that i promised you this was some kind of shortcut by going to the fey wild it's going to be the same physical distance oh no yeah that's then forget it i thought there was like a like a fast travel situation all right so how long would it take us by we're gonna spend the entire episode talking about this how how long would it take us to get to pandemonium saying if we just walk it or what you know walking it's gonna be i mean horses it's about a week walking it's a little longer jesus however how about everybody everybody what if we take everybody do an insight check

for travel because i got a real fun thing i can tell you if you roll high okay i rolled a 23 yeah me too 23 yeah i i got some a similar number, probably. Okay, well. Brian, what'd you get with Darkthorol? For what? Insight. Insight? Low, 13. Well, unfortunately, Darkthor doesn't piece this together,

but Darkthor, you look around, and you just see a glowing smile appear on all of your companions' faces as they realize, you know what's on the shore? Just on the other side of the river? Battle donkeys. Oh, do they go faster than horses? They sure might. A donkey? It's the fastest animal in the world.

They have battle in their name. Did you say battle donkeys or bad old donkeys? Oh my God. Okay, so what we're doing now is we are riding battle donkeys to Pandemonium's Fang. This is a song. It's an album cover. Blaine, Blaine, didn't you host battle donkeys on Comedy Central?

I hosted battle donkeys for 65 episodes of season two. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was some crazy times. I loved it. You're way better than Joe Rogan. He versus her. You know what? I almost got killed at that book signing, though.

I don't even want to think about it. All right, so are we just skipping out on meeting her at all, though? I'm sorry, I missed that part where you guys were... I don't think we should tell her about the Feywild cities as the dodge because I don't think we want her to be able to go there or know that or anything we should just sort of hint that hey we're gonna head off into this other direction

and then once we're gone we'll go through the Feywild to the altar and fuck shit up we're gonna go somewhere and do some stuff maybe we just tell her that we're gonna stay and defend Dame Island yeah but then we have to Maybe we just tell her that we're going to stay and defend Dame Island. Yeah, but then we have to walk away.

Is this pier that we're meeting around, Dan, the same pier that we would have to use to leave to go to said donkeys? You would have to use this pier, but it would be the quickest. There's a pier on all four. There's four piers, east, west, north, south. How about we just tell her and

she'll think that we're just greedy assholes which you know fair enough but um how about we just tell her that we realized now that we can use this bracelet to control the boat and we want to go back and get the boat because our eyes have like money boats in them like in the pupils now um and then we can get on the battle donkeys and go ride north-ish and it'll look like we're going that way sounds great okay cool sure who's the dark there you're the you're the real deceptive charming debonair so and so the best who has the best uh like you're like timothy ch Deception. It's not me. Yeah, I mean, I have a regular plus three

and then I also have an amulet that gives me another plus two in Deception, so. Okay, so you're definitely role-playing this. Oh, yeah. Get ready. I'm brushing the crumbs off of him, straightening out his hair, and just like, oh, this is your moment, champ.

You sound like lover boy lyrics. Straightening your crumbs. I guess we're off to the East Pier to meet up with the Violet Fang, eh? Should Gus fly ahead, or he's not going to be with us, right? She thinks she killed him, so. Doesn't she?

Ah, what should I do? I don't want her weird acid hands hitting me. No, although I have to tell her I wouldn't mind the look on her face when she sees that the thing she killed is sitting right here on my shoulder. I wouldn't mind that. Fuck you. Not one bit. Okay, boss.

All right. So you guys sort of make your way to the East Pier. There's a few guards on the shore and they're kind of like whispering to each other. And you notice they're pointing and talking about a stone structure that's kind of like risen out of the water just off the pier. There is a strange spider symbol on the front of it.

It looks like a temple that has risen up out of the water. And the guards are like, oh, the Ice Five, are you here to deal with this weird temple? Oh, no. This is a lol thing? There's some weird bat lady who made that thing appear out of nowhere She said she's just taking a nap in it But we want this thing out of here

Can you get this thing out of here? She's still in bat form It's like the size of a cabin You don't see her But apparently she just made this rise out of the water to sleep in for the night Give us a couple minutes And we'll get back to you. I point at Darkther. This guy's gonna

work his sexy magic. You know what you're saying, Darkther? To who? Oh, man. Classic Darkther. No, seriously. You mean to the guards or to her? To Violet. To Violet Fang.

Are you ready, I guess I'm saying? No, I'm not ready. Okay. At all. I don't know. Go up to Violet Fang and say you saw him at the Us Festival and you really love Gone Daddy. Oh, I'm sorry.

It's Violet Femmes. Just to recap, you're going to tell her that we are very excited that we're going to go, that we uh are very excited that we're going to go that we figured out that we have this bracelet that's going to control your mom's boat so we actually want to get the boat um just act really dumb and excited about the boat and uh we should be good so you all you all walk down the pier up to this temple that's uh appeared at the end of the pier i think dark i want to make sure Gus feels safe, either on my shoulder or hiding. However he wants to be is fine by me.

Are you going to knock? Are you going to enter together? Are you just going to send Dargthorin alone? What a Gus Bjorn. I think knock, right? That's polite. That's what we did last time. All right.

Well, there's a big stone door. Which one of you is going to knock? Knock. You knock and it slides up vertically. The Violet Fang immediately steps out of the temple and says, Hello, how are all of you? Still giant bat, right? Big kind of black feathery vulture wings are folded up on her back.

Okay. We got a change in missions we uh we uh just got this uh this bracelet that uh it uh it we think it uh pilots my mom's ship and we're gonna go uh check it out i think it's pretty cool. Can I see the bracelet? Nah, we gotta go. Fair enough. Hey, Darkthor, do a deception check with advantage. Ah.

Natural. Oh, a natural three. Great. I win. Dan, you see it? This many. Great. Okay. This many.

She nods and she says, oh, I understand. It's quite a boat. Congratulations on your newfound property. I guess we won't be traveling together then. Yeah, sorry about that. Doctor, there is one thing I would like to ask you in private before we part ways uh we're kind of in a hurry do you don't mind just stepping in the temple for just a moment do it yeah damn it okay turn take your camera with you yeah uh she puts my body cam on okay uh so you go pro on your helmet

uh the violet fang sort of puts an arm around dargther and walks him into the temple and the stone door just slams shut behind them uh dargther it's a small. You see there's some sort of runes carved in the floor. Looks like maybe some dry blood on the ground. The violet thing turns to you and says, you know, as a fellow drow, I know you're only

half drow. I just was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things really quickly. You know, I'm not from this plane of existence but i am a drow and uh i feel like you and i understand each other on some level that the rest of the ice five maybe don't understand each other can i trust you darkthor uh sure good to know um tell me, your father, was he human? Yeah.

What was his name? I don't, I never wrote it down. Dave. That's Brian. Oh, interesting. He's not here, man. The humans on that side of the family they're not adventurers by any chance are they yeah they are

yeah i oh i mean are you are you related to sort of other human adventurers. Is that what I'm getting from you? No, I don't know. Oh, okay. Interesting. You tell me, DM. You just remind me of somebody I adventured with a long time ago. That's all. All right.

Well. Brian, she's talking about that character you played on mr show with the ad you're with the brush burns on your knees from giving blow jobs rodrigo you just remind me this one this one this one guy was like a big fighter type uh kind of had a mushed in face this other guy was kind of kind of a goth type he cast a lot of necromancy spells, just something vaguely warm and inviting about you. I was just wondering, if you're related to a family of humans named the Dark Omens,

that's not something. Oh, yeah. Dan, do I know what he's talking about? What she's talking about? It's up to you if you want to make that happen. Well, I don't think we ever worked out that. Nope. That I was related to Damien.

I'm going to let you decide if he is or not. And I won't fuck you either way. It's your choice. But something different will happen depending whether you say yes or no. Oh, fuck him. Come on. Yeah, I think I might be. That does sound familiar.

Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Kind of hot topicy stuff i see i recognize yeah the similarity uh i'd like you to have something that i i originally got from one of those folks since i can trust you i i think i think you'll you'll keep this well and she hands you she takes your hand and puts a ring in it. And you open your hand, it's got a little skull on it. And she tells you that is a ring from a human priest she knew long ago named Damien Dargoman. And she says, oh, I hope this ring finds you well. It does have some magical properties. Perhaps it will help you on your adventures with your new boat

if the price is right can can sarah ask you guys is this was there a drow that you knew when you were playing because i was this i don't remember when that character was she was she walks you out the front door uh you're back with the rest of your party uh well i would my character wouldn't know a darker wouldn't know anything about the no but i'm asking you guys like yeah it's a character i played no no i know but when when you guys when you were playing that character when was that was at the end was that like the end of earwolf playing that character when was that was at the end was that like the end of earwolf days or was that beginning of then it was when dan was the dm right i was not dm oh i'm just wondering whether you guys because i was playing a character at the time was playing dm oh i just playing with the dm i wasn't even there and i feel like i figured out. Didn't Dan play a drow guys when he,

he first, he played my character and then he played a drow for right. Didn't you play my character when I left? And then he played a drow character. Oh shit. Was it the violet Fang that he played? Violet Fang was, I can't remember that character's name. Who knows? Blaine, do you remember?

I don't. Was that the campaign with the blue and red and yellow and purple giants? Yeah. Dan's making a marijuana sign. A what sign? Also, we're old.

Dan's not here, man. We've forgotten things. What things? I remember this because it was related. And also we're old. I'm not here, man. We've forgotten things. Well. What things? I remember this because it was like related. Who are you people? What are you doing on my Zoom? This is supposed to be a class for my kid.

Okay. I just felt like it might be helpful if you guys remembered anything. Apparently you have met this character before, but not me and Chris. Now I know who he's talking about, but I can't remember her name. It wasn't... Didn't you take over Sarah's character? Yeah, and then I tried to honor it in true Sarah

fashion by having it negotiate with some hostile giants, and the giants squashed her to death. Oh, right. This is the character you played after her. You said you liked your drows to be related, or there was like they had the same last name or something. That's true. After her. Then you like, you said you liked your drows to be related. Or there was like,

they had a similar, the same last name or something. That's true. I can't remember. Something Darkoman then. No, that was, yeah. His, no, I was Darkoman. Nimhai, Nimhai.

Was that the name of your character? Nimhai? That was the last name of my character, yes. That was the last name. Guys, me and Chris are like how okay well I guess it doesn't matter we can't help you I don't know if it really matters for the story at all but that's well okay now we know that this character

has existed in the nerd poker world before I mean if they don't figure it out on the air make sure all you listeners out there tweet at Brian over and over again the name of this character. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm sure we're about to get gently deluged. Your characters don't even, they've never

met this character before. So you guys are sort of trans-dimensional brothers. You're brothers through time. You're related through some sort of weird drow bloodline. Brian, Darkthor, if you want to make his family members the Dark Omens, then please roll a history check to see if you've heard of this character before. History check.

Are you ready for your history check? That's for all the 68-year-old Dungeons & Dragons players. Will it be a dream boat 16 gonna do it 16 so uh you have a grandfather and a great uncle named dag darkman and damian darkman uh they did go on some adventures and they did travel with beings from different planes. They had this strange interstellar vessel that some of them had hijacked a long time ago. And at one point they did travel with a creepy drow that had sort of vulture wings

and her name was Nausicaa Nimhai. Nausicaa. Nausicaa. Of course, I remember Nausicaa. Let's go take a look at that clip. That was a long time ago. Yes. Oh, man, finally the identity of the Violet Fang.

And an earwolf far, far away. Okay. So the Violet Fang sort of nods to you all, and she sort of waves a hand, and the temple recedes into the water. She just starts... That's fine, you love me. She just sort of gives you all a nod,

and then she winks at Darkthor and flies over the river to the east. Okay, well, that's what we wanted to do, right? Darkthor, I thought she was going to eat your face. Yeah, I did too. I was real freaked out. What happened? Are you okay? Yeah, I got this ring.

Do I have any insight onto what it might do? No, you're going to need some sort of magic user to identify it or maybe someone in your party can get a vague idea of what it does if they want to roll an arcana or a history check can i do it i'm good at i'm i'm good at that didn't we have a crazy thing happen with the ring i probably don't want to put it on because I feel like... Oh! Crazy.

Sorry, I just did an Arcana check and I have proficiency, so I rolled twice with a natural 20, so 25. Hoo! Oh. With history, you said? Oh, I'm sorry.

Is that Arcana or history a history oh so that oh no I just didn't hear you the first one that would be a 19 for history my first roll was a 60 I mean it definitely looks like it has something to do with necromancy ah well fuck this do you guys remember I mean it doesn't matter now

battle donkeys ho but um if you guys remember anything about dan's character that might be helpful in us understanding the violet fangs motivations or whatever but just think on it as we ride our battle donkeys to pandemonium swang because i feel like we're going to meet her again right so yes okay so you guys are going to cross the river there are boats the city will happily lend you you can hop on just a little you know paddle boat head to the east coast um the ice five arrives on the the mainland so to speak it's not that wide of a river but it's definitely

wide or you can what we do on a water walk should we back up here a second do you want to do the fucking the pimp ass thing where you guys all just sort of do we have an amulet oh it's water breathing there's a spell you'd have to spend for everybody to do this anyway you got your right of water breathing with water walk and animal shape is that is that right or am i or am i just uh did I just write a bunch of things down with pluses? You wrote a bunch of things down with pluses. Definitely wouldn't give you one with all of that on it. So you get to the other coast, and yeah, there are a few halflings

riding around on battle donkeys, and there's a makeshift stable just about half a mile away. You can see it in the distance. You can walk down there. It's like an encampment of the halflings that are here to help protect Dame Island. Guys, this is an opportunity for us to bust out all those goofball names that we all remember. Yeah, let's go find

Bucks and Dingledong and see if we can get some battle donkeys. Yeah, I'm going to look for Lizard Tits McGee. Lizard Tits McGee. I'm going to go get a drink down at Frank Goes goes to hollywoodios all right well you guys head down and sure enough there are a few

uh guards that you recognize of course there's sergeant blinky fuss fella and sergeant hushles tinkle flop just sort of hanging out on their battle donkeys they both salute you sergeant tinkle flop let go Sort of hanging out on their battle donkeys. They both salute you. Sergeant Tinkleflop.

Let go. We need donkeys. Something of an emergency. Of course. Yeah, we need to defund you of your donkeys. All right. Well, we're hoping to use these in the city's defense, and these are powerful battle donkeys we're talking about. there any way you could perhaps reimburse us uh of course look over there punch

i'm kidding you set the stables on fire blame no i'm thinking about it but no um how much would you what is a fair price wow they are battle donkeys. If you'd like their armor, that's a higher price. We would just ask humbly for a donation to the Donkey Land Militia. That would cost you 10 gold pieces per battle donkey, 20 per battle donkey if you'd like them to be fully armored. And can we get one for each of us, or do we need to double up? Absolutely either way. We're just hoping for some donations so we can take it back to the city.

Well, let's do it. We're just hoping for some donations so we can take it back to the city. Let's do it. I have been keeping gold for everybody. It would be a hundred for each of us to get our own war donkey and I, boy, am I ready to invest that cash. You do? You want the armor? Yeah, don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah. What is it, 20 each? But I have been keeping the group funds. I could take 100 off of the group. Yeah. Oh, okay. Don't get the low jack and don't get the undercoating. It's just a total ripoff.

Do they have names already, or do we get to name them? Oh, you get to name them. Oh. I'm going to name mine. We don't give the battle donkeys names. It makes us too sad when they die in battle Mine's Binky Boo Boo Everybody please write down the names

Of your new battle donkeys We've got Binky Boo Boo for Queep I have to like sit with mine Ride mine for a little while before I understand It's name My donkey's name is Hote I see what you did there Wartel Von Fuckface and its name. My donkey's name is Hote. I see what you did there.

Warchild von Fuckface. What von Fuckface? Warchild von Fuckface. Warchild von Fuckface. Hey, boss, do you want to give the donkey a name? Oh, should we give it one of those names like the halflings have? Sure.

Okay, let's call it Fink Dink Dinkin' Shink. Say that again? Finkle Dink Dinkin' Shink. Finkle Dink. Say the second one. Dinkin' Shink. Dinkin' Shink. Yes.

Finkle Dink Dinkin' Shink. All right, Gus, great name. Only rule is you have Finkle dinkle dinkle shake. All right. Gus, great name. Only rule is you have to say the whole thing every time. Finkle dinkle dinkle dinkle dinkle dinkle. Damn it. No. All right.

Okay. We climb up our doggies. Sorry. I really missed a chance to name it Brian Dunkleman. Maybe I didn't. dunk him once. Maybe I didn't. So the Ice Five mounts up on their battle donkeys and you begin riding into

the sunrise. Pandemonium's fang looming on the horizon. Yeah! Yes! Triumphant music. Yeah, Finkelding Dinklesh get, I really try to get music. Yeah, Finkelding Dingleshank, I really try and get a gal going. Nice.

Hey, Sam, when you're done wandering away from the microphone, I'll ask you what you think happened on this episode. Samuel. Sam was doing yoga during the end of this episode, everybody. Hey, Sam, what do you think happened on this episode of NerdPoker?

Ooh, let me tell you guys. Well, according to my notes, we went somewhere to turn someone into stone for some reason. But when we got there, Darkthor said hello in a way that was very funny to me. Then Violet Fang pulled Darkthor aside and gave him a ring that was revealed to be related to somebody from a previous campaign

when I was somehow paying less attention than i was now in fact my only memories are editing out the sounds of people eating arby's and that i once blacked out watching gus name a donkey is the most wholesome thing i've ever seen and i'm very happy glaine any uh dates uh uh, dates? Uh, no, Cinerama Dome's gonna reopen. So, uh, we're gonna put on some gas masks and sit in the back. They're doing a big,

uh, screening of Dumpling Gang and we gotta be there. Gotta, gotta be there. Gotta be there for the dumpling, me and the Keech. So look for us in the back.

We'll be in the gas masks. Nice. Uh, I have, uh, Grandpa's, uh, metal stash on gimme metal uh streaming radio and uh and then uh grandpa metal on uh youtube and nordstrom calls

yeah yep uh check me out on spotify my band's name cheap trick give me i really need some plays please just put me on a loop when you go to sleep at night cheap trick this whole time sam start over yes yes that's that's my that's my christian name brian ollie's been listening to dream Police on a loop for hours today. Oh, well, don't worry. That'll be a new sect of our government any day now. Yeah, the Dream Police.

Defund the Dream Police, you guys. They don't get paid to take vacations on a loop. Mavis just woke up. Yay. Okay, Mavis. Tell Mavis we miss her farts. Perfect timing. Perfect timing.

Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416.

Thanks for listening.