Nerd Poker - Episode 76 - Stoned Cleric

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

The effects of Halcyne's unfortunate dexterity situation are beginning to sink in, and the Ice Five must contend with another vicious (and mutated) dragon from their past.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Clay, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 76 here. My friends are all in front of me uh at a safe distance uh boy they're sam's not up in the upper left and i'm all fucked up i don't know what to do uh he's been in the upper left for weeks randomizer was your crutch and random i hate randomizers uh i'll start with Blaine Hello Blaine Oh hi Brian Sarah Hello Hi Sarah

Dan Hal Brian There he is Ken Daly my friend But he doesn't know the territory Chris Oh hello Brian I didn't see you there

There you are You're in the upper left now. Yeah, you like it. It's great. It smells of Sam's house. Are you wearing one of Sam's shirts? I cut off the sleeves and it's a Billy Joel in Iceland concert shirt.

Super tight on you. What is happening? I found it in Sam's closet. In the bottom this week, we have Sam. Hello, Sam. I'm in the upper left hand of your heart still. Yeah, sure. That's what they call the aorta.

Yeah, amongst other things. You know, Brian? Yes. I was just hanging out by the pool the other day, and I was just thinking about all those Patreon supporters we have to thank. Oh, you were? Yeah. You mind if I just sort of like take a load off and start rattling their names off?

Yeah, please. Sounds great. Here they come. Thanks, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo. Thank you. Go around the outside nine times. Thank you, Amanda Bird. thank you karm bottom stock thank you ryan emnett thank you bull stallion thank you thank you thank you jody freeze. Thanks. Albert Keistein. Thank you. Thanks

Albert. Thanks Albert. Thank you. Vladimir Poopin and his steaming tronald dump. Thank you. Too soon. Here, here. Thank you. Asajj Ventress' sick undercut. It's fun. It's a weird

Star Wars reference that has an inaccurate canon haircut. Thank you, Bobby Cart. Thank you, Peter Harrison. Thank you. Thank you, Beholder. I hardly knew her. Thank you, Jason Lee. Thank you, Brent Kreinop. Thank you.

Jason Lee from Mallrats? Jason Lee, famous Scientologist slash skateboarder. Jason Lee is supporting us on Patreon Lee, famous Scientologist slash skateboarder. Jason Lee is supporting us on Patreon. I thought his name was Earl. Oh, I get the joke you did. No, my name is Earl. Thank you, the Society of Secret Grandmas. Thank you.

And thank you, everyone's favorite reference to the Mighty Boosh. Thank you, TikTok's Downstairs Danger Room. Thank you, TikTok's Downstairs Danger Room. Thanks, T.I. Mr. Thank you, TikTok's downstairs danger room. Thanks, T.I. T.I. T.I.

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T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. T.I. certs dan oh man i like those so much better than anal altoids am i right everybody i got a to break apart nerd poker mail uh at the po box last time i hit it thank you for checking it was specifically uh force it's for sarah and uh it's uh some dice if i could find them right here i

need them i need them today, especially new dice. Oh, man. Pass them to me through the internets. A quick two-hour pause. Drive out to Sarah's place and drop them off on her porch. Ooh, very cool. Those are amazing dice. Yeah, they're from the dice shop.

Brian, hold those up again so I can take a picture. With my other device instead of with my regular device. Thank you. And it says, Sarah, since I mostly play fighters, Stout Grima and Halcine are my favorite characters on NerdPoker. As the main fighter in my current D&D group and unfortunately being renowned for my terrible dice rolling,

I have found that having a bad dice day can make for an annoying adventure. My solution is to cycle through my D20s and toss a few offending ones down the hall until I find a hot one that will carry me through the day without dying. With my latest purchase of D20s from my friends and myself, I am sending you a set in hopes that these D20s might become your hot dice and help carry the day when the Ice V roll into battle. And seriously, especially during these weird times, thank you and the entire group for being delightfully hilarious

and always entertaining. Stay safe and roll high, damn it. Frank, Dharma Trails. It might be too late, Frank. The timing could not be closer. Frank Dharma Trails it might be too late Frank the timing could not be closer yeah thank you I was thinking

about trying to find an extra die around here for today's well you can roll up a new character with this in

yes this will be for my it's a really cool gift what a great idea it is one of them looks like it's a

rainbow it's like buying somebody a coffin when they're 30 one of them literally looks like it is on fire. It's red and the other are all the fire colors. Can you hold it right up to the camera? Yeah.

Yeah, look at it. There's like a couple of really nice translucent ones. Look it up a little bit. Give that pouch a little scoop. Yeah, see? Cool. Yeah, can't wait. Very nice.

My wife said that to me an hour ago it looked like they're uh made out of haribo i'm putting that on a shirt you need a pouch a little scoop uh folks if you want to do some my doctor says that to me twice a year my doctor knows me really well she'll go hey brian give that pouch a little scoop who could forget once you turn 40 when you go in for your general checkup, they start scooping that pouch. Yeah. Cough.

I pay a lot of money. I drive to Beverly Hills to have my pouch scooped by one of the best. Nothing makes that copay feel worth it, like having your pouch scooped by a professional. I get mine done at Meineke. Boom. Like having your pouch scooped by a professional. I get mine done at Meineke. What happened last time? I forget. I would be glad to tell you what happened last time.

I don't really forget. I remember. Go. Go. Do you make your car change gears like that too, Brian? Shift. Go. Shift. Break. Shift.

Break. You should see me on a hill in San Francisco. Oh, wow. I'm glad you survived those hills. All right. So. Last time on Nerd Poker, the Ice Five were traveling towards Pandemonium's Fang to destroy the altar of the Tenebrous One. to destroy the altar of the Tenebrous One.

To find their path, they started up north and, well, they dodged a couple of weird-ass fishy things, but unfortunately didn't dodge a blockade the dragons of the Barrow's Steps had placed in front of the trail. In an attempt to circumvent the wall that was erected over the trail, they encountered something that jumped from the bushes and dragged Halcyne towards a cave. Although it could not fit Halcyne into the cave, it did manage to shoot a shot at her from one of its beholder stalks, rendering her the beginnings of Petrified, a rather

unfortunate state in Dungeons and Dragons. We're at the top of the turn order and Helsene has but one dexterity saving throw between her and having her character turned into a big ol' fuckin' brick. Alright, you guys. So, yeah, I know.

If I hadn't texted a little bit back and forth with Sarah over the last week talking about the game plan, I would feel a lot worse about mocking her that way. But just to be clear, she and I have talked about what's sort of going to happen next. And before we get too into the game, and before we even get into her saving throw, I think I should remind everybody exactly what is happening to her and how immediate it is. None of you have the one spell that you know will fix this, which is greater restoration. the one spell that you know will fix this, which is greater restoration.

Blaine and Sarah, I did text you over the last week and let you know that yes, druids of Blaine's persuasion can get greater restoration, but he is a couple of levels away from getting greater restoration. So, you know,

maybe this school... So you're evil is what you're saying. So you're a bad DM. So you So you're evil is what you're saying. So you're a bad DM. So you're a mean guy is what you're saying. Slug a dick. But yeah, the thing is, you could eventually solve this yourselves. Of course, there's non-player characters,

as they call them, NPCs roaming the landscape who might be able to fix this. And she's only half petrified, but it's only this next turn she gets to roll it. then it's pretty permanent she is not dead but her heart will not beat uh she will be complete granite she will have her weight increased um what is it like a hundred fold factor of 10 or something sounds like my mother-in-law huh right guys hey it is i'll look i'll look it up exactly but it's it's like she'll go from the closet like the the thing is you will be able to you know maybe nudge her off the road uh i believe sarah had joked that you should drop her in the feywild but um oh well i mean no yeah i

think that was a suggestion so it's it's so So your weight will be increased by a factor of 10. So let's just say Halcine weighs 150 pounds. She will now weigh 1,500 pounds. The freshman 1,500? That's like me during this COVID, right? She will have resistance to all damage, but she will be destroyable. That means if, let let's say this dragon decides to really spite you,

he could easily take a crack at knocking her head off. You could use a spell like Mending to put that head back on, but who knows. Fuck. As long as we don't leave her in any sudden squares. Right. Right. leave her squares right but if you'll take a look at your little roll 20 map

you can't currently see the dragon and how seen is petrified so I'm going to go ahead and do a little beginning of petrified anyway a little tag in there to remind everybody you should be emotionally petrified because this is a scary shit and as i get as i get ready for this role just um this remember we figured out that i could add my shields ac bonus to dex checks

if it targeted only me um that was one of my that's right my shield master but however i can only do that if i am not incapacitated and i assume halfway to petrified i might be at this point am i incapacitated that is a great question blaine while i read a couple of sentences will you let us know what this is brought to us by this is brought to you by new pepsi certs great taste of certs now in pepsi hey uh can i get a uh coke certs with that is pepsi certs okay pepsi certs i have i have great news you are currently not incapacitated you are restrained okay that one had level split oh thanks does it have 10 because that's what i need for greater

restoration thinking about certs is like crazy I haven't thought about certs can I help her I haven't thought about certs

it's like tools yeah they've got retza unlike tools I've heard of certs I was trying to

come up with a tools joke the other day and I didn't think anyone would get it so I kind of bagged it but maybe I'll revisit the tools

the tools area think about it Brian I will go ahead and throw in, it is your turn. We're at the top of the turn order. Darg's Thirstory is next. So I heard you were about to ask me a question before the bits rolled in. Would you like to continue?

Yes. I mean, is there some way I can help? I don't have anything that helps her roll, right? That's a good question because you do have that runic sword uh and it does give bonuses to your party um yeah so the way this works is you can after your turn enable one of your companions to use its reaction to make an attack to move up to 60 feet more or uh do a dodge but it is a little but not in saving i i couldn't do this i couldn't help a saving throw in this not that i'm aware of you don't have any other abilities there might be some

spells you might want to skim on your character sheet uh you want to maybe tell the listeners some of the spells you got on there you want to skim that real quick i just have disguise self hail of thorns dancing lights lighting arrow or lightning arrow and darkness yeah that's mostly offensive stuff mostly offensive yeah weird yeah uh what else is going on besides her situation so if you look at the map there there's this cave i'm gonna ping um up here do you know that that is where it sort of slithered away uh halseenine got to Tick Tock before she got hit. So it's up there. Alright.

And you guys are still in combat because presumably it can see you from wherever it is and it's still planning to attack you on its turn. Ah, shit. And there's absolutely nothing I can do to help uh Halcyon's situation I mean you can look at your inventory do you have any

um there's status affecting potions I don't remember exactly what you have I know you've all got some healing potions maybe you've got a cure condition potion I don't remember I have a we have some healing potions here someplace Maybe you've got a cure condition potion. I don't remember. I have a,

we have some healing potions here someplace. Yeah, but you're talking about. We discussed last episode. Yeah. Healing potions don't cure conditions. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

definitely everyone should be skimming their shit. Like a, like a dog that ate your wedding ring. I just thought of something. Yeah. Can I, I just thought of something. Yeah. Can I, I can't talk about it though. Hey, does somebody have a, somebody has a luck necklace, don't they?

That's what I thought of. It's not luck, but that's what I just thought of. I think you're allowed to say it. We have the time travel necklace. Once a year, we can go back 30 seconds, but aren't you wearing it? Don't you have it? Well, I have it, yeah.

If she's the one that's using it and she realizes she's being petrified, wouldn't she be able to use that as one of her, like a brain action or as a reflex to go back 30 seconds and duck? I think if I go back, I'm going back, but I'm still in the process of being petrified.

Whereas if someone else goes back, could they then push, you know what I mean? Like move me out of the way or throw something in front of it? Like if it's me, I'm already being petrified. So if I go back 30 seconds in time, this is where we get into the time travel paradoxes. I'm wearing my Doctor Who shirt though.

So if that helps. Oh boy, it does somehow. Is there a way, I would just think that once she would start to realize that she was being petrified, Oh boy, it does, somehow. Is there a way... I would just think that once she would start to realize that she was being petrified, like before 30 seconds, that she would be able to get back before the attack.

Does that make sense? But if it's me going back, it's like something is already happening to me. This is more of a time travel question. But do you know what I mean? If I'm already in the process of being petrified, if I go back in time, it doesn't necessarily undo what just happened to me.

It's more like I'm traveling through time. Doesn't everybody go back in time? You don't know what that means. We don't know. But let's say I was in the middle of having a heart attack and then I put on a necklace that sent me back 30 seconds in time. I don't know that I would stop having a heart attack.

I just might be 30 seconds earlier. Do you know what I mean? Well, you can go 30 seconds before you get shot with the beam. If you think of the full mechanics of it, I think it might actually work because the whole point of it is you go back 30 seconds and you then get to redo those 30 seconds and then you disappear

and don't exist for 30 seconds and so basically your change is now locked. Right. Or I guess if I get, oh yeah, does all my stuff get petrified with me? Yes. Non-magical.

Magical stuff will be removable, but keep this in mind too. I'm sorry to interrupt. Yeah. If you're wearing, say, and I'm saying this specifically because I don't think you're wearing this. If you have like a breastplate of armor that is magical it won't turn to stone but good luck getting a breastplate off of a statue where like it's got like maybe

stone hair draped over it you know what i mean so you want hal seen to get undressed is what you're saying dan oh my Oh my God, Dan. Gross. I'm literally saying you don't have that kind of armor. So that's just an example. He's the DM. He is the DM. That's what I was thinking is, can I like...

This show's been problematic for a while. Obviously, hashtag this show. Can I, I can throw the necklace maybe to, like, you know what I mean? To like, if that, that might be one of my last actions as I'm rolling my decks thing. Cause then you could either put it on the statue or someone could put it on and see if they can use that 30 seconds to stop what happened. As opposed to using it now.

I say just use it. Yeah. I say use it. I, yeah, I guess that, do you understand what I'm saying about like, am I confident that if I use it, the effect that is currently going through my body right now will cease to be? Yeah, it'll reverse to 30 seconds before. I will say, I can tell you, you get to relive 30 seconds earlier. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I don't think you're time traveling. I think you are jumping back 30 seconds. Jumping back in your own body. And you get to redo the 30 seconds. I think that's the whole point of it. Yeah, before you hit a checkpoint. Yeah, before you get removed.

You're justified in being worried that your Dungeon Master is shitty and would somehow hold this against you. Hey, I think Brian said that, not Sarah. I think if it pleased the court, I'd like to approach the bench and talk about maybe technically. I never used the word Sarah. I think if it pleased the court, I'd like to approach the bench and talk about maybe tech. I never used the word shitty. I'll allow it. You better watch yourself, McCoy.

I watched that show. That's a fun show over there. I mean, the other question is if I do that even. Remember, I'm running across an open field and it's trying to shoot at me, so there's no guarantee that even if I use it, the same thing will happen. But this way you'll know it's coming. Thank you for at least taking your options seriously.

I'm now starting a one-minute timer for Dark First Turn. You could run a different path. You would stop and land in a straight line away from the mouth of the cave. Avert your eyes? Yeah, there's stuff I could cast or do, potentially, but yeah. Okay. I mean, if that's what's going to happen, then...

And you got the luck necklace, right? Dan, is there a way I can hold my turn until the thing comes back at me? Absolutely. So what you need to... The way this works in 5th edition is you say I'm holding my action until blank. So you say, I'm holding my action. So what you need, the way this works in fifth edition is you say, I'm holding my action until blank.

So you say, I'm holding my action. That means you can take your action later, but you have to tell me what's going to instigate you having your turn happen. Is it going to be him attacking you? When I see him, when I see this guy, have I cast a hail of thorns? I don't think. No, you did just do a long rest. Oh, no, I'm going to do rest oh no I'm going to do lightning arrow

I'm going to do a lightning arrow as soon as I see the whites of his eyes just a reminder if you wait until your next turn and he hasn't shown up yet that means you're you don't get to like

you don't get to bank like a bunch of turns okay okay so Darkthirst holding his action that makes sense You forfeit it. You don't get to bank a bunch of turns. Okay. Okay, so Darkthor's holding his action. That makes sense. And you've got a pretty good position, Darkthor, unless you want to scoot around somewhere. No, I'll stay where I am.

Great. Up next, we have... Tick-tock. And you don't stop. 187 on the undercover cop. ACAB, everybody. What do you want to do, TikTok? TikTok. I'm going to go wide into these trees to get some cover.

Great. And then I will do the same thing as Darkthor. I'm going to hold my uh, okay. Is that okay where I am there, Dan? Yeah, although now Halcyon gets to take an attack of opportunity on you if she wants to for not having stopped her petrification. There's nothing we can do.

I look at her and go, there's nothing we can do! And I will hold my attack on said creature. Okay. Is Gus staying on your shoulder? Unless he wants to stay with Helsing.

Up to you. When he parts ways with you, I like to make you roll a separate initiative for him. That's what I'm saying. As I'm going, I'm like, do you want to stay with her, buddy? I'm fine, boss.

I don't know what I can do. Come with me. Yeah, me too. All right. All right. And you're holding your action also until you can see it? Yeah. Dr. Uid, you're up. There's a... There's... It's in that...

The cave crevice there, right? Uh, correct. At your current position, you can't quite see anything. Okay, can I move... I'm gonna... Sorry, I'm gonna see if I can go over here someplace? Can I... I'm gonna do the same Sorry, I'm going to see if I can go over here someplace. I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to try to get into some cover.

I'm trying to move this thing over here, sorry. But I want to get behind this bush, and I want to lay down a... I want to call some lightning into that cave. Oh, shit. What's the distance on call lightning, boss? Sorry. Check it out right now.

Call lightning. Or you could just order lightning online. It's just as fast. Oh, it's 120 feet, so that shouldn't be an issue. Although call lightning, I believe. Yeah, yeah, that should work. I'm just looking at how you have to form the cloud and all that, which was something we had to narratively kind of juice together

when you were in Strahlana's quarters. Yeah, but here we're outside, so I can just call a lot of lightning. Mm-hmm. So each creature within five feet of the thing must make a dexterity saving throw. I'm just gonna like blindly launch it into the into the cave and hope i hit something is that can i do that well it's a 10 feet tall 60 foot radius so just sort of show me the nexus of where you want it to land

i would like it to uh do you see the uh right where the the thing turns into a triangle before it reaches a point. I sure do. I would like to kind of land it right in there. All right, right in the clitoral hood of this cave. I didn't want to say it, Dan. Why is this show so grue? This is a really cool episode. It's a grown-up show. I know it's the 76th episode.

It's more like a different number than I thought it would be. Blarg. The regular more like a different number. It's 1 p.m. on a Saturday. Blarg. The regular crowd shuffles in. Everybody, we're ready to wear your earbuds while listening and participating in NerdPoker. All right. Roll that, you know, let me just see anything else I need to know about called lightning.

I mean, it sounds like he's got to make a dexterity saving throw so here we go on that so is he oh sorry go ahead all right uh so what level are you casting this at plane i'm gonna cast this as at uh just a third just all right so that means you get to do... 3d10. He failed his saving throw. Cool. 3d10, but if you cast it at third level, that's another two. You get to do 5d10 lightning damage. Jeez, Louis.

All right. Yay. Wait, let me try that. One, two, three. Let me try that. I'm looking forward to this. I truly am. Blaine, are you rolling the tiniest dice in the world?

No, no. Wait. I've got a couple of tiny ones. Sarah, what's your point of order? Regular ease. I mean... Blaine, slow your roll for a second. Sarah, what's up?

Okay. I just recall lightning. It is a third level spell, right? Yes. Oh, you're right i'm i'm mistaken when you cast this level at at fourth or higher it is only 3d 10 i'm sorry it is only 3d 10 yeah all right i don't have a problem so it's just two tinies and a regular uh uh oh the two tinies i got a 10 and a 10 and uh on the regular, I got a 13. So 23.

Okay. And that stays there for 10 minutes. So I'm behind. I'm at this point. I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't move this, but I'm... What's the total damage again? I lost it in your narrative.

Oh, 23. Great. All right. So you hear a shrieking from the cave as explosions sort of rocket. Like this cloud just sort of like descends quickly through the shaft of the canyon right above it. It's very narrow, but you just see just explosions of light and electricity inside of it and rocks just explode out. You all guys got to kind of like cover your eyes for a second as gravel and dust billow out of this little thing. Yeah.

You fucked it right in the face and it's going to feel that for a long time. Fun moves, Dr. Uwit. Anything else you'd like to do? No, I'm just going to lay low and maybe enjoy this Luna bar that my wife put in the bag thinking that I would,

I would like it this time, but I didn't, I never liked him. I don't know what she was thinking. Oh, Luna bars are great. Sure, they're marketed towards women, but they've got more protein than a Nutri-Grain. It's true. It's very true. I just don't like the lemon.

Anyway, we've been separated for years now and I'm just trying to... Hey, Blaine, take it from me. Sometimes it's for the best. Sometimes it's for the best. It's going to be okay. I'm so sorry, you guys. It's okay. You'll be a better person.

Anyway, I'm maintaining my concentration on the death. Did you want to move, Blaine? Did you want to get cover? Yeah, I was trying to figure out I can't move this thing. You said you would, but I don't see you on the map. Yeah, I cannot move this thing. You can't move it?

He also says he has to stay within range and concentration if he wants to keep the cloud, I assume. Blaine, you should be able to move it now. I'm sorry. You're right. You're talking with Wonka-do for some reason. I'm just kind of staying right here. Okay, great.

Well, without any further ado, it is time for the decisions of Halcine. Yeah. Halcine, you feel your body begin to tense. You can't walk, but you can take actions. What would you like to do? I mean, I don't want to waste the necklace if I was going to make this saving throw, but let's be honest, I'm not going to make the saving throw.

You might have to do both. Yeah. I mean, is anyone going to be mad if I try the necklace? No. I think you should. We're begging you to. Yeah, we were going to save it for when we went to Atlantic City and we lost everything on Kino. Okay, so I put on the necklace?

Is that how it works? We don't know. I think you were wearing it already, weren't you? I think I had it in a pouch. I don't think I was wearing the Goblin Ear necklace. Okay, so you take the Goblin ear necklace out of the pouch and you struggle to put it on. Does the Doctor Who theme start?

Oh, did I need to attune to it to be able to do that? We just knew that that's what it would do. I will allow you to make an Arcana check. Yes. I've never seen Chris Tallman roll his eyes harder. Oh, I'm not rolling. I'm sitting back and resign.

I'm like... That was Chris Tallman becoming his eyes harder. Oh, I'm not rolling. I'm sitting back and resign. That was Chris Tallman becoming petrified. Yeah. Well, I am proficient in Arcana, so I got a 22. Oh, nice. You feel a tingle in the back of your mind as if something is going well. Like you just drank some dandruff shampoo. You think if you

concentrate, you will be able to activate this necklace. Okay, I'll try to activate my necklace. That was fun. And I'm not sure what made Brian laugh, but he went to his happy place just then. Blaine. I miss Blaine's bit completely. You miss so many jokes when you're dungeon mastering.

It's insane. Are you feeling me, Talman, from those Star Wars bonus episodes? I listen back to the Star Wars episodes. I'm like, I don't remember that at at all i was really worried about range or something you're so focused on whoever's turn it is like all these bits go on you're like oh it's as if i'm listening to someone else's show uh so yeah um you all just sort of see how scene kind of like put a hand on the goblin your necklace close her, and just zap out of existence.

Oh, shit. Wow. I look at that thing. You murderer! I'll kill you for this! Halcine. Yes. You violently shudder. It feels as if you fell 20 feet and just land hard on your

ass, and all of a sudden you feel yourself being dragged backwards through the underbrush. Yes. Okay. And you don't have to make a dexterity saving throw, but that is your turn. Okay. Everybody, Halcine is gone. Kweep, it's your turn. All right.

What's the range on my kukla? Oh, it's a melee weapon. My blade of kukla. But the boomerang, isn't there a range on the boomerang effect? Yes, it is 120 feet. Well, that's good.

Rage and frenzy. Rage and frenzy, and then, I'm sorry, Brian, what do you want to do? Never mind, come back to me after Dan It's Ken Daly's hour, get out the fucking way Here comes motherfucking Queep and his boomerang axe Alright, where are you? I'm going to kookala clue my blade of kookala Alright, well, what would you like to say as you kookala your clue?

Kookala, take that Alright And you're hurling your axe into the cave yeah hold it hurdling my blade this is gonna be some fun shit all right we're just talking about crawl mm-hmm so it's yeah it's my glaive glaive is that what jerry lewis threw in the nutty Professor? All right, so... I hope not. Sam, can we take out that horrible clang? That joke that just broke three of my toes.

26? 26 to hit? Well, first of all, you have two fewer for your to hit when you use that as a ranged weapon. I should let you know that. Well, I have a plus four and a plus five. It is a your to hit when you use that as a ranged weapon. I should let you know that. We'll have a plus four and a plus five. It is a 24 to hit. That is a hit. Okay. So you guys just see

the axe go, and like there's just these waves of body parts. You can see sort of the silhouette of the body parts and the dust, and the axe just collides into it. Please roll your damage. What is my damage, Heather? Oh, I wish I could tell you, Heather.

What's your damage, Heather? All I got was a plus four on it, but is it a regular, like, great blade? Yeah. Okay. Dan, when you say we just see, are you saying the thing's invisible? No, because it was in the cave, it was completely obscured by darkness.

But now lightning is... It's both lights. Lightning is lighting up the cave, but you still can't see it perfectly because of all the dust and gravel being kicked up by the actual lightning strike that just hit it less than a second ago. Got it. Okay. Eleven.

All right. So, hex enuum, and it... The axe returns to your hand and i will do it again all right oh that was a 20 that's a hit plus you know bonuses oh a natural 20 yeah oh jesus christ uh yeah those mutton chops are working out oh my god well this is i hope it Yeah. Whoa! Oh! Shit. Jesus Christ. Yeah, those mutton chops are working out. Oh, my God. Well, this is, I hope it feels like the 30 episodes of Bad Rolls you've had, Ken, are finally starting to pay off. So, okay.

Queep's Revenge. Holy shit. So, that's 10. Queep's Revenge. Okay. Times two, I guess. Guatemala once. And what's your damage bonus?

That's with the plus two. Plus two, okay. So, oh, so it's... So it's 22, I think. Yeah. All right. And then you're frenzying, so that is a third attack. Right?

Hi. Oh my gosh. Let's do it again. That was not straight up. Jesus Christ. I just rolled a 20 again. No way. That's awesome.

All right. Monster dies from embarrassment. All right. And that's another 10. So another 20. Oh my God. And plus two. So.

Die fucker. This guy has petrified Halcinas' one action. And in the meantime, he has taken 77 points of damage. No, no, no. Lord. that's what you get no no no don't petrify Halcine how much scolding damage does he take I give him a stern look

hey Brian I know you're out of town this week but did you see were you zooming paladinos of town this week But did you see, were you zooming Paladinos? Oh, always Did you see their hip hop food night? I did, but remind me It was pretty cool, I saw the Glass of Tang Clan Beastie Boy R&B's were on

MC Rib was back I was pretty happy to see that and Run the Chules nice that was my Chules joke I was trying to land earlier I didn't think anybody was going to get on it but thanks for reminding me I like all those bands

so great for the kids what Run the Chules? Run the Chules yeah it was Chuck's R&D all right so great for the kids what run the jewels run the jewels yeah run the jewels yeah it was a chuck ed i did have gus do his own initiative already so this would be his turn um unless cleep you got anything else you want to do i'm good i'm gonna hang out behind the screen now cool uh so gus is just staying on your shoulder? Unless he wants to go in there. I think you're safer out here, boss. Yeah.

You check in with me if you want Gus's opinions. But yeah, I'm not trying to cue you. Yeah. No, I understand what you're saying. But my instinct would not be to send him into that. I'd be like, hey, buddy, if something gets close, maybe ready and attack. But otherwise, sit right here. Speaking of which, Darkthor and Tick Tock,

you notice a black dragon with tentacles coming out of its shoulders explode from the cave and start charging towards Darkthor. So you guys see this. That's right. I found the photo of the mini i painted oh hi so there's literally it's sitting in my hand pretty um and it's low to the ground it's big it's about the size of one of you except for the fact that it's it's hunched so you feel like if it if it uh gave its full posture it might be bigger and it's got these two beholder tentacles coming out of its shoulders

where dragon wings might have normally been. It charges. It's scary, all right, but I'm terrified by that giant fucking hand. That's my hand. Oh, God. So what happened? Did you slam it in a car door? Don't make me tell you what happened to that hand.

it's uh don't don't make me tell you what happened to that hand uh so um you guys get your attacks before it hits dark there but it's coming for dark there for sure uh lightning arrow and then i'm gonna scoot away okay i'm gonna fire it and kind of... Let's see. I don't have acrobatics. I do. I have acrobatics and athletics. So I'm going to just fire this and try to get the fuck out of his way. Cool. Alright. Nice.

17 to hit plus whatever my other bonuses are on the longbow there's a 4 and would it also be a strength or no it should be because of the way the character shoots it should say right there what your bonus on the longbow is

yeah so it's just plus 4 on the longbow so what's the total 21 that's a hit. Cool. One D8. And then what's the lightning attack on him? It's

lightning arrow. Well, I'm now pulling up Doctor's character sheet. Yeah, so he has to do a dexterity saving throw, and then he takes 2d8 on a failed save or half as much on a successful. He rolled a 15. What's your save number?

15? So he just made it. So he's going to take half damage. Okay. But the arrow is hitting him, so you get to do physical damage and half of the lightning damage. So I roll 8. Blaine, what was this looking up dice

out of his tray or whatever he's doing brought to us by? C is for certs. O is for O's. Peppermint, fresh breath, certs, O's. You need fresh breath. That's a fact. Fill your bowl with certs, O's.

You know, when I was a kid, I always wanted to be the guy who drills the little holes in the certs, O's. Ah, and fills them with the Retsin? I get to eat them. Retsin. Oh, my God. I haven't heard that name in a long time. That's true. Brian, what did you say?

So now... Yes, Brian. Is it compounded? so the longbow automatically gets a 1d8 plus dex and then the lightning arrow gets the 2d8 so do I roll 3d8? go ahead and roll them separate because I have to count the full arrow damage

against him but I have to do half lightning damage against him alright well the first one was a 7 plus my dex, which is a four, so that's 11. And then I'll roll a second and third right now. He's down 88 hit points, you guys. Six and three.

So nine, he's going to go ahead and take four lightning damage. All right. So, yeah, you just plop one into him. You see an arc of electricity smash into him. You said you would maybe want to dodge him, but because you were just holding your action, you don't get like movement also, if I'm not mistaken. Really?

Even though it's my new turn? It's not your new turn. You're holding your my new turn, it's not your new turn. You're holding. Oh, it's not a new turn. I was holding. You're right. You're right. But I believe as your reaction, you get some kind of thing. Like, I think you can.

Actions. Yeah, I don't know what you can do for your for your reaction other than opportunity attack so i think for now you're just gonna have to uh see what's coming um okay uh i see this thing plowing towards dark three it gets hit with a lightning arrow i will shoot at it with my longbow with the plan i'd like to see you try. Me too. Okay, so... I dare you. Ooh, 27 to hit. That's what they call a hit.

Cool. Out in the streets. I'm going to make it an arcane archery. I'm going to do that shadow arrow. Same deal. A creature by the arrow takes a little bit of regular damage. is

Lone Bull 1d8 plus 4. So the regular damage is 0, 8 plus 4, 12 points of piercing damage from the arrow. And then for this arcane shot, Shadow Arrow, the dragon has to make a wisdom saving throw, beating a DC 13.

Okay. Here that comes. Excuse me. I hiccuped. And then separate of the saving throw. Watch that saving throw, buddy. Oh, great. Okay.

So it takes seven points of psychic damage. Okay, so it takes seven points of psychic damage, and because it failed, the arrow when it hits unleashes some kind of arcane shadow, and so now it can't see anything further than five feet away until the start of my next turn, which is actually not too far away. What the shit? So it's temporarily, yeah, blinded.

Okay. That's who it's like. So can I roll my second attack? Yeah. Please do. Same thing. Arrow not as good. An 18. That is a hit. Oh, great. Okay.

You need an 18 to hit this guy. Okay. He's taking a pounding. It's 11 points of damage. I think I can only do an arcane thing once per turn. Okay. You can apply one arcane thing, twice per short rest, and once per turn when you fire an arrow. Okay, yeah.

So I can only make the first one a shadow arrow. So that one's just a regular arrow. Okay. You can play one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twentythir, and pin you to the ground. Oh, God. But it is blinded, so it's going to roll with disadvantage to do this. Oh, that is a 19 to hit, unfortunately. Yeah. That's what I say whenever I'm hit by a dragon. It's trying to pin you, so let's do a strength check to see if you can beat its strengths, Brian. Alright.

As this thing tries... This is what all those hours in the gym were for, Dogfur! What hours? Can you beat a 20? Let's see. Uh, nope. Uh, 16. let's see uh nope uh 16 so it's like kind of like shaking

its head back and forth but the momentum it had out of the cave it manages to still find Dargther and it smashes into him plants both of its claws into his shoulders and just kind of shoves him into the dirt and rock um it then uh puts its face right in into his shoulders and just kind of shoves him into the dirt and rock. It then

puts its face right in his face, roars, and belches acid into Darkthor's face. Jeez Louise. Reflux. Serts. Flux, flux, flux.

It does get advantage now because Darkthor is prone. They should try one of those anal certs. Discontinued in 2018 regular certs. I just read. But it didn't do too good on that, so it rolls a 12. What's your AC, Darkthor? 15. Oh, you lucky boy.

Holy shit. Lucky sour boy. I was so mad at you for a second. You know what? Actually, I'm wrong. The acid breath doesn't work that way. I need you to do a dexterity saving throw DC 11 with disadvantage because you're prone. So.

For saving throw for what? Dexterity? Yeah. You might want to bust out some of those Sarah dice. Okay. Two tickets to Sarah's dice. What do I need to get? An 11.

Wow, I made Sarah laugh. That never happens. Holy shit. Natural 20. And I have a 6 bonus on that. Are you just opening free days? Hang on, hang on. Yeah, I might be

fucking up really bad as your DM. So, okay, technically you're grappled. Not so... Grappled creature, your creature speed is 0. Uh, Did you... Yeah, you're rolling with disadvantage, I think, is correct, but if you

made it... Did you roll it twice? Brian? Did Brian cut out? Oh, no. He might have frozen. That was the highest. Shit. He quit. I think he got hit by one of the older things. He's frozen so perfectly. The other one. It does look like he's just fucking with us.

Equals a 20. It's a 14. And then I have a six. He's just staring at the. I have a 26 and a 20 is what I rolled. Great glitch. Great pose. And to sit.

He looks petrified. Hello. Yeah. So when he goes back, he needs to roll again? Is that what's happening? Guys, did you hear me? There's no more certs. They stopped making them.

Oh. We lost Brian. He gone. All right, we should maybe just pause for a second. Let's just talk about certs instead. Skidding. Is there retin in anything anymore i didn't that's apparently i looked i was i went down a wikipedia hole again about hey sam if you're listening brian

might be trying to get back in okay good goal so we'll make sure thanks i didn't know the, it's a floor wax, it's a dessert topping, was a direct, the SNL thing, was from the original SIRT's ads. It was a parody of the SIRT's ads. It's a breath mint, it's a dessert mint, or candy mint, or something. Candy mint, yeah. Anyway, these are the things that I learned on Wikipedia about SIRT's today. Thank you, Blaine.

Oh, you're very welcome. Oh, there I am. Your next assignment, Tim I am. Next assignment, Tim Kazerinsky. Look up Tim Kazerinsky. He can do the spray-on, interfere-on sketch. This used to be Sam's job. I'm back. Hello? Hi. Hello.

Alright, so Brian... Where were we? Did you roll twice on that? Yeah, 26 and a 20. Okay. You cut out in the middle of it, so if you could tone down your anger at me, your internet did not allow me to hear all of that information the first time. I wasn't.

That's not me angry. 26 and a 20. Oh, my God. So, yeah, you managed to roll Magnificently despite the disadvantage And are you frozen? I think you froze again Jesus Christ Halcine, you may have dipped out of time

To lose your petrification status But it rubbed off on your real life friend Does she see Darkfur kind of just floating Next to her? He looks great again He's very cheerful His internet let him die happy. He is very photogenic.

Brian is very photogenic. I took a picture. I'm glad. That's a top quality screenshot. Yeah, you know, I'm trying to figure out because he's both grappled and prone how to do it. So I'll just say this for the sake of the listeners so we can have some useful information here and not just stalling for sam but uh yeah grappled and prone there's nothing specifically that says he gets disadvantage

on a saving throw but i thought it's only fair given that this thing is on top of him that if he's doing a dexterity saving throw he doesn doesn't just get to roll once. Yeah. It just seemed a little silly that that wouldn't be a factor. So that's why I had him roll twice. But he's grappled and prone at the same time. We heard you. It's 1 p.m. on a Saturday. I'm sorry. I'm doing like a radio announcer redundancy for all the pedants out there.

Oh, no. Sorry. I just thought you keep saying grappled and prone. I'm very very sensitive i'm real just i'm just trying to brian yes i have great news i don't know what's happening acid explodes on either side of your head as this thing tries to belch it down your esophagus and choke you to death but you managed to turn out just jesus christ nice somebody somebody get this fucking thing off of me. Oh, but it loves you. It wants to give you a big old fucking kiss.

It's like Dino. I almost got slimed. I almost got slimed. Also, Blaine had a visitor all of a sudden. That was very interesting. What? Oh, boy. That's a ghost puppet.

That was this fucker's turn. Darkthrow, your actual turn is now up uh kill it can i get to my blade can i get to that sword so right now you have disadvantage on attack roll so the way this will work is yeah you can like kind of go for your your your swings it's in your hand if you want it to be, but like how do I put this? Some people might say, oh, you got to put your fucking bow away, but no, I'll give this to you as long as

you can roll with disadvantage and still hit. So if you want to swing with your sword, roll twice. Or is it smarter to try to wiggle away or do an athletic check to get away? If you want to try to break free, it's going to be another strength contest. Yeah, let's do that.

It only rolled an eight. What'd you got? 15 plus 3 18 Alright Darkthrow You managed to wiggle out If you want to stand up It'll be half your speed Half your distance

Just a little bit Yeah I want to get out of its way At least get out of its path And then maybe I don't get an attack right Yeah and I got so distracted by everything I haven't even like updated the. So we're going to go ahead and just say Halcine has

disappeared. And then we're going to drag this... I turned roll 20 off because I've got such a wonky connection right now, so I'm just not even fucking with it. I'll trust your DM skills to tell me where I am. It'll require a little

extra narrative from me, but I'll do my best. It'll require a little extra narrative from me, but I'll do my best. No, it won't. It'll be fine. For my own sake, I'd like to do it. You're like, don't. I'm like, please? So this thing is going to hit you.

You want to just try to get on your feet and move, but stay in melee range? Yeah. Okay. Get maybe to its side and try to flank it. Yeah, you can do that. So I will plop you. Is that going to make you...

Hang on. Yeah, it's hard to see you when I do that shit. I'm hoping somebody else goes to the other side. Well, you're... If I put you to the east of this thing, Queep will help you flank it. Totally. And I'm actually going to kind of scoot him a little

because this token, just to show off the whole photo, is kind of disproportionate a little bit. But go ahead and roll that attack, Brian. Your sword. Yep-a-dee. Roll for stab. Or slash. Excuse me, those are different terms.

I just like the word stab. Sorry, I had to run there for a second. My child was screaming help from the other room. Oh my God. Yeah, he's okay. What did I need? It's an 18. Is that 18 a hit? That's a hit.

That's just something kids do not knowing that it terrifies people. He dropped a crayon. Yeah. What did he do? This crayon is rolling. I think he couldn't. I think his pad was down to 12 or something

losing his mind daddy did all those those ipads yeah he's been designing his own monsters lately it's great he's got a whole monster manual he's oh yeah all different creatures. I told you that one eyeball thing I made my phone contact photo of you. Brian, what's your... It was a nine. That's a miss, sadly.

No, no. That was a hit. That was nine damage. Okay. Nine damage. As you plunge your sword into this fucko. Alright. Octopus with an island on the back of it. I love it. Tick tock, you're up.

If I wanted flanking advantage, does that work from a range or is that only with melee? Correct. If I flanked it... Here's what I love about Chris. He's such a nerd.

He went in and added all the hit points for tick tock and roll 20. Thank you, Chris. Well, cause then I have a little bar cause it helps me, you know, it gives you that visual of how your health is. I will say,

um, this, uh, far left column of squares that he is occupying is not actually there. That's just the photos too big. I see. If I come here, can I, between Queep and Darkthor and I,

does that give us, could I also? Oh, yeah, he's flanked for sure. Okay, great. So I will swing at him with my axe, the great axe. Okay.

So that is plus six, with advantage. Okay. 19 to hit. You know what? That is a hit, but he is going to use something to try to get out of it. Okay. Nope.

He doesn't, though. It doesn't work. Oh, my God. Our backup dungeon master just let you know. Shelby. Shelby. Roll damage. Roll damage.

13 points of slashing. Okay. I will swing at him again. Same deal. Great. Oh, bad problem. Brian, tell us we found a soft-serve ice cream machine in the woods. We found a soft-serve ice cream in the woods.

Cool. Love it. That's only a 12 That is a miss I'm going to action surge and do the same thing again Here it comes 16 That is a miss This is with advantage too

I'm not doing well Finally an 18 That is a hit Oh jeez Only a 1 plus 3 not doing well. Ugly. Oh, finally, an 18. How does it hit? Oh, jeez. Only one plus three. Four points of slashing damage. I am thrown. I'm so worried about Halcine. Okay. I can't stop thinking

about my favorite Armenian porn star, Action Surge. Alright. Well, that was an alarming joke all right so i thought we were working blue on this one dan why don't you work at blue on your own time oh just like you work at blue i'd never leave the hey wait hold on for a second i'm getting a getting a phone call hello yeah oh hey hi well i would really oh my god really just oh you're kidding you don't say you don't say you don't say all right hey what what did they say i went into a parking structure save it for your turn hey it's your turn oh uh i'm gonna continue to bring down some lightning on this thing now the lightning can you move the cloud because it's your turn. Oh, I'm gonna continue to bring down some lightning on this thing.

Now, the lightning, can you move the cloud? Because it's in the cave. So I don't know, I have to look this up. It says it's centered on a point. A bolt of lightning flashes down from the cloud at that point. If you're outdoors in stormy conditions when you cast a spell, the spell gives you control over the existing storm instead of creating a new one. I guess it would just... I need to have your turns until the spell ends. You can use your action to call down lightning. Okay, so yeah, it's a 60-foot range,

so you can make it come down. I'm going to show you. See on roll 20, there's like a... I'm going to put a little ruler guy. So you can make it come out about this far. Yeah, going to show you. See on Roll20, there's like a I'm going to put a little ruler guy so you can make it come out about this far. Yeah, you can hit him. I'll just have him move the cloud. What I'm saying is the cloud

is like, it can be contained in that area. So I'll say that you can still have control over the cloud 30 feet closer and just use the lightning to striking it like uh i was gonna go for an eric b and rakim joke but it's so it's so late now it's never too late to go back for a joke that's not gonna work brian if there's one thing i've learned on the cloud oh uh he made

his dexterity saving throw so he's gonna take half damage but please roll 3d 10 i will how about these three right here uh 12 uh 16 so eight points not bad all right so he is down so many hit points you guys are really like wow this guy's taking a pounding how's he look he is he's shrieking, making horrible noises. You see dripping green acid coming out of his mouth, and he's just got a wild look in his eye. That's just come from a rave with those MS-13s.

But how's he feeling? You've done damage to him, but you know, his skin doesn't betray a lot of blood in the spots where you've hit him. It doesn't necessarily mean anything other than he's a strange-ass monster. Ooh, a strange-ass monster. Sure, that's

what I meant. Blaine, your kid drew one of those. I saw that south park. Alright, so you hit him with lightning. Anything else you want to do, Blaine? I think that's it. I'm just going to maintain my cowardly position behind this bush where he'll never see me.

Great. Halcine, you feel yourself being dragged backwards and suddenly grind to a halt in the gravel. You look around and you think you hear your friends calling out in the distance. Hey, where's Halcine? You look around and I'll just i'll how about this i will i'll stop saying time is passing as soon as you feel this thing release you what would you like to do so i've been released again at sort of right outside the cave is that where i was released yeah you feel like it just let go of you but i'm just trying to remember when it let me go the last time I was right outside the cave, right? Uh-huh. Okay.

So what I would like to do is I would like to cast Fog Cloud. Okay. And I'd like to run. So I'm going to cast Fog Cloud, and I'm going to cast it at... I did that the last party I went to. I'm going to cast it at third level so that it's going to have a 60-foot radius sphere. Okay. Instead of a 20-foot radius sphere.

Fun, okay. And then... Brian, don't you have a you're doing this into the cave no I'm just doing it to like so that he won't be able to see where I'm running oh so like the area around you okay yes and then I'm just going to bolt in the opposite direction

of wherever I went last like I'm going to try to go where I can get cover and like whatever the opposite of what I did last time I mean mean, not directly into the cave, I guess, would be opposite. I'm not going to do that, but, um, because I just have to get to 30. I have to catch up, right? And then I'm going to skip ahead 30 seconds. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. So, I just need to stay away from him. And that'll be your turn? Yeah. Okay. So, you kind of, like, look over your shoulder a little bit you notice a fog cloud sort of over that whole sort of dirty area dirty like gravelly area in front

of the cave um hey tick tock hey dr uid queep darthur i would like all of you to do a wisdom saving throw wisdom saving throw first Wisdom saving throw. First, I just sent a message to everybody. Oh, I'm excited to see this. Ryan goes back in time 30 seconds and doesn't do that trick. Everyone, give me your wisdom saving throw, please. I got an 18 plus four, so 22. Okay.

I got a natural 20 plus, so 22. Okay. I got a natural 20 plus 2, 22. Okay. 17 plus 1, 18. Great. Ooh, it's low. 9 plus 3, 12. 12 so uh TikTok

Dr. Uwud you hear this whisper in the back of your mind and TikTok you immediately recognize this as the voice of Valkyr and it says we're going to rearrange things

just a little bit and the two of you remember Halcine being hit with this petrification ray sort of like suddenly being like a dream you had that wasn't real and what you realize really happened was when you showed up to save hal seen there was this sort of fog in front of the cave and the dragon didn't immediately take an action where it attacked her as she ran away.

Queep? Darkthorn? Yeah. You just plain don't remember the petrification ray shit happening at all. Okay. What now? Nothing.

What happened? Who? How you doing now, Scene? You don't see her yet. Oh, okay. But she's good. But your memory has been altered and nothing nothing's wrong with Halcine. I don't know what you're talking about.

Little hints of what may have gone through history occur to Tick Tock and Dr. Ewig. Yeah, I'm not following you. I don't remember anything. Queep, you are up. Oh, well, I will chop the dragon on the bottom. Alright. Right in his

naughty bit. Good dragon bullet. Oof. Seven. Oh, that's a miss. Are you rolling with your advantage? I get a couple more yeah you can flank yeah yeah that's right holy crap well I'm making up for my last girls that was a 10 oh boy right yeah I got one more try.

17. 17 is a miss. Three strikes and you're out. All right. Crap-a-la-cooka. That is going to take us to this guy. So he is blinded, if I'm not mistaken, still, right? TikTok?

No, it ended at my turn. Okay, cool. Right now he's just revved up like a deuce. Oh my God. Idiots in stereo. Sam, I've been trying to get your attention in the chat for a couple of minutes. How are we doing on time? Great.

So before we hit the hour, this guy is going to wheel around at Queep. That was chilly as a cert exchange. I'm going to need you to do a strength check for me there, Queep. Okay. Let's see what I get with this. Throw a lifesaver, Queep. I think I have a bonus on strength checks. Yes, okay.

I have advantage. So that's a 20. Ooh, okay. So first it tries to barrel into you And drag you into the bushes But you just manage to use your bird-like dexterity To matrix grants out of there I'm giving him the middle feather But as it sort of pushes past you then

It's going to Get an attack of opportunity Opening for both TikTok and Darkthor Should they want to take it Yes Alright Stab the fuck out of it Try opening for both Tick Tock and Darkthor should they want to take it. Yes. Stab the fuck out of it. Try.

Okay. Do we get these with advantage? Yeah, because you were flanking it when it broke. Darkthor, you want to go first? Sure. Do I have another plus to my long sword?

No. Other than the, like, this is a special sword, right? No. Oh, no. Okay, cool. No, your long sword, yeah, that's the one that lets you do. The answer is no, but I apologize for sounding extra desperate. That was because Ken was trying to sub DM me the way you were trying to sub DM me earlier.

I sound just like you, Dan. It's amazing your voice work. Congratulations. Is it too late to do a Mork and Minty joke? It's 18 plus 4. So 22. Roll your damage. Yeah.

Tick tock. What'd you get? I got an 18 to hit and a total of 7 damage. Great. Is it dead yet? Waiting for Brian to roll his damage. Eight. Okay.

It's not dead, but it is going to turn around and belch some acid on you, Kweep. Shit. Cock-a-poo-poo. Dexterity savingep. Shit. Cock-a-poop-oo. This is gonna be a dexterity saving throw. Alrighty. Uh-oh.

Saving throw. Okay. Save. Oops. Alright. I just gotta make sure what it is. Okay. Fifteen. Ooh, a success.

All right, so you just see acids blow past you over your shoulder. Jeez. And that will take us to Darkthir. Another attack. All right. Kill it. Kill it.

Stab it in its heart with words Darkthir I'm gonna take what I can get tell it how disappointed you are do I have advantage or no I just have one roll right no advantage down the guy or no okay cool one roll nah

it's not gonna hit if he moved would he still be flanking though Dan are you shooting it with an arrow or are you chopping at it no I was using the long sword on it that I still have in my hand so I mean I gotta check and see

because I'm moving for you I gotta suss this out. Yeah, you could move around to get advantage if you kind of move behind him. Okay. Well, then I'll take another roll and see what I get. Making that executive call for you out of roll 20 is tricky. No, this one sucked too. Two shitty rolls.

It happens. Okay. Well, you did manage. I was going to make a bad Ralph Sushi joke there for a second. You did manage to piss it off. You did. It is going to use a legendary action on you. Oh, man.

Just on me? Uh-huh. I'm going to need a constitution saving throw DC 16. Oh, boy. Do it. Do it 16 I think it's going to be DC 51 Speaking of constitution saving throws Am I right you guys? Statehood for DC Yep, 17

A sickly green Energy shot arcs out of one of these things' eyeball tentacles and just rockets over your shoulder and hits the cliff wall. Whew. And on that note, that'll be the episode. That was exciting.

Oh my god, fuck. I thought I was gonna have another shitty roll. Does this dragon have a name? Uh, Rificia. Have we met this one? Yeah, we talked about this last episode but as Rificia, you saw him briefly from a distance after you were escaping

the Archmage of Vanzervale. Got it. He doesn't have wings, but he was interrogating some folks with his big purple pal. Excuse me, I'm done talking. Oh, okay. Shut up, dude.

Brian's just, you know, he's enjoying himself and the callbacks and the... Sorry. I cut you off. I didn't mean to cut you off. It's hard not to do that with this. Now, please cue Sam.

Sam, did you get a haircut during our episode? Yeah, it's been days since this game was going on. This week, I paid attention the whole time, and I'm almost positive we fought a dragon using lightning and arrows, and Sarah used the time-traveling ear necklace to go back from before she was almost made into a statue.

Yeah. That's the best response to me getting it right. That's awesome. I had a very nice time. It's not that exciting. It was very fun. You fell down a nerd poker hole. I know.

Any plugs? Just the ones on my scalp. I just took three of my stand-up EPs that were only on Bandcamp and put them on streaming services. I still make the most money if you download them off of dantelford.bandcamp.com but if you are

the kind of folks who already have a streaming thing like Spotify and you want that shit, enjoy a couple more hours of me doing standup on the internet. I just put a video out yesterday of me and a weird Al. It's a, it's on my record. It's like my conversation with weird Al. And that is that,

you know, on YouTube. But if you can go to postingidon the Band, it's there. I don't remember if I did this one or not, but I had a shout-out to some cameo people. I do cameos, and it was a couple that Chris listens, Chris and Adrienne, and I just wanted to thank them for looking me up and doing a nerd poker shout-out on Cameo.

That was it. I love Cameo. Word Up is my favorite song. Yeah, totally. Tastes like candy. And then Gimme Metal. My new show has been going really well. Check it out.

I've also had people over there making nerd poker references, so it's nice to see that there's like a... Overlap? Connection, yes. Anybody else? Blaine? Well, you know, Stacey and I have been doing a lot

of TV shows live, sort of like that live before a studio audience kind of spirits. This weekend, we're going to be doing a couple of episodes of Holmes and Yo-Yo. Check them out. It's going to be a lot of fun. And as always, check out Nerd Poker.

Keep us fresh. Nerd Poker merch and follow us on Patreon and whatever Blaine said. Check me out on Parler. I'm 45 infinity. Bring your ball and come home to the parlor thanks for listening thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us

at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at p.o. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.