Nerd Poker - Episode 77 - Halcyne Not Heard

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

With the dragon fight ramping up, it remains to be Halcyne (cyne what we did there?) whether her gambit with the necklace will pay off. Meanwhile the Ice Five have another task ahead of them- how do they eventually escape this Barrowsteppes Dragon chokepoint/checkpoint in the middle of the road leading to the mountains, and Pandemonium's Fang?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pouss. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Clay, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 77. It's still the time of COVID, and so I'm looking at all my friends on my monitor. Uh, they're all here, though. Hi, Dan. Oh, hi. Hello, Sarah. Hello.

Ken. Hello. Blaine. Hi. Chris. Hello. And then he's back in the upper left. Everything feels okay with the universe,

even though it shouldn't be. The universe is screaming. It's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, man. How's everybody doing? Great. Great. Hey man, how's everybody doing? Great Great

Hey thanks for tuning in everybody See you next week on Nerd Poker Yeah, Blaine, how you doing up there in the helicopter? How's traffic looking? It's pretty good, Dan I'm telling you to look, they say it looks like a mattress flew off one of our trucks in the middle of a carpool

and you're going to want to take service, please. Oh, my God. You guys ever strangled a helicopter pilot? Remember when traffic ran out? Yeah. Well, remember traffic? Yeah, remember? Sam, look up Steve Winwood.

Do you have people you would like to thank dan are you feeling thankful i'm feeling so thankful as we know it's that classic time every monday night tuesday morning when it feels like a cornucopia of bounty is it thanksgiving it is it here nerd here nerd poker what if i could make words i'd be grateful for that shit anyway here comes some people that i'm grateful for that support us on patreon uh and you know what blaine i don't know if you're in the mood or not but i'm noticing there's at least three very sexy patreon names this episode so if i could get a little mood music i'd really appreciate it we've got patreon supporters like matthew fruth thanks matthew thank you we've also got tiktok's sensual pinky lock yummy we've also got there must be joseph zevagan thanks travis johnson

we've got roast beef dust buster thank you Thank you, Roast Beef Dust Buster. Thank you. Thank you, Michael Zordon. Thank you. Thanks, Dr. Uwitz Forest Grown OG Kush. Hey, thanks, Zen Smoke. Thank you, Kimberly Kyle Lovell. Thanks.

Thank you, Undead Johnny, my friend Chad Byers out there in Chicago. What's up, Chad? Undead Johnny. Thank you, Angelo, my friend Chad Byers out there in Chicago. What's up, Chad? Undead Johnny. Thank you, Angelo and Samantha's Moving Castle. Thank you, J.R. Weinsettle. Thank you, Kellen Dano. And here we go. We've got Drows Unlimited.

Unlimited Drows. Yeah. And the two sexiest names that I find also deeply upsetting. We've got Grima's Girthy Green Gunk Gobbler. Thank you, Grima's Girthy Green Gunk Gobbler. I might have to go to therapy for saying that out loud. And also for this one, thank you, Chewbacca's hairy taint. Thank you, of course, Chewbacca's hairy taint. Of course it's hairy.

I wish I wouldn't have run out of herb alper before those came up. Jesus, hot in the mic there, Blaine. Am I? Sorry, sorry. Chewbacca's taint is hairy, but it's all fine hair. It's really fine little... I like when Blaine says sorry and he adjusts the volume on his mic as if that's what made it hot, not him shoving

the actual microphone into his uvula. Hey, I learned from the best from Count Kersnock. Speaking of Blaine's uvula, hey Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Oh, they were, of course, brought to you by the Phelps Bar. Wheat, barley, and steak, all the nutrition.

Michael Phelps needs to be an Olympic gold medalist. If you feel a need for something like eight or nine gold medals, just to go to work, Phelps Bar, wheat, barley, steak. Get the Phelps. Everyone loves a Phelps bar that also smokes marijuana drugs and goes to the olympics for swimming all right so but like a seal just like a seal i love how seals get high don't you so um that will of course bring us to what happened last time on nerd poker oh that's right You actually recoiled that time, Blaine.

Usually there's a bit coming in when I start saying last time on NerdPoker. But this time, this time I got you all worked up on fucking musical cues and commercials. Anyway, the Ice Five were fighting a dragon that had tentacles growing out of its back. And after getting hit with a petrification ray, Halstein decided to put on a goblin ear necklace and leap back in time Sam Beckett style. We're now in mid-combat. Everyone's done quite a bit of damage on this tentacle dragon, but also Halcine has mysteriously blinked out of existence. I'm going to have everybody do an insight check, please.

All right. Including me? Everybody, including Sarah. Because something happened. I got a six. Cool. Dr. Uwud, you indeed think about your forest grown OG Kush rather than what is sort of the task at hand. 18.

Great. No seeds. 19. Five. A 19? Was that a creep? A 19, yes. great no seeds 19 5 and 19 was that queep no 19 yes oh thank you for your hard castle and your heart everything else what uh chris tallman oh yeah i don't like how that came out five all right i but you did like how i did i did

oh my goodness 17 plus three oh hello sir okay well uh tick tock yeah you uh you're kind of forced on your what is it your pinky lock what was uh you're definitely just sort of self-reflecting at this point here's how the rest of your insight checks go uh queep yeah after you've been attacking for a while you realize yeah it's it it seems like hal seen's not going to be joining you for this battle you're not actually sure exactly what she got hit with, but she, you know, seemed to have put on a necklace. So you think you're aware. And Darkthree, you're sort of there too.

You think it had something to do with the combination of her getting hit with that ray and putting on the necklace. So, you know, I would say you two, because you rolled high enough on the inside check, you feel sort of sure she's in control of the situation on some level because she blipped out after doing a thing by her own free will, as opposed to just getting hit by the thing. Right. Halcine, uh, you're starting to notice your friends, uh, gather around you and get in

battle positions to fight this thing on the other side of the fog. And you realize you've only got a few seconds before you're probably going to blink forward in time. Right. So before we get back into the turn order, right uh so before we get back into the turn order we are in combat of course uh you've got that choice you've you you know you can try to either wait it out or engage in additional combat um oh okay so you know what i mean like you can you can retain your place in combat order you'll just be in a different place in the time space continuum or you can choose to do something non-combat related like go run and hide somewhere or do like a trap or some junk like that um yeah i guess i'd like what i'd like to do is i assume i'm gonna appear wherever i am so i'd like to get in a good position for when i

jump ahead 30 seconds so um i'm looking at the map right now um so i guess i'm going to take this opportunity to oh yeah where am i i hid your token because you blinked out of existence let me bring there's your token i hope you can see it now okay so can i go anywhere basically because i know i told you that i ran away the opposite direction of the way i ran the first time every 30 feet i'm going to subtract six seconds from what you have left uh but you're with your insight check you're you think you've got maybe 15 seconds okay so i'm gonna go i guess like if i can here ish yeah that'd just take one turn basically okay i'm kind of like out of the

way are you gonna hide like behind anything are you gonna climb yes i'm gonna try to yeah i'm gonna try to hide behind like these trees here okay cool so you go and sort of hide behind the hunk of the trunks of those trees and um you know everyone else just kind of focused on battle doesn't really uh assume anything other than you're taking some kind of focused on battle doesn't really assume anything other than you're taking some kind of battle position because they don't know that you've put on the goblin ear necklace at this point in the time-space continuum. So he should be the dragon's back in the cave though here, isn't he?

Or no? Yeah, he is still in the cave. But they still know something happened. I mean, you cast Fog Cloud on the cave mouth, so they're all aware. Yeah, I just meant on the map. I're they still know something happened i mean you know you you cast fog cloud on the cave mouth so they're all aware like yeah i just meant on the map i just wanted to know where i was i thought i was hiding myself i can do allow me i'm gonna do a little foggy cloud freehand style where you cast it so just to be clear it's about the distance but i'm saying he's out in the middle the picture of him is out in the middle of the in your timeline yeah i'm gonna ping where he is he's still in there got it okay yeah

that's what i was yes okay great that's there he's so listeners uh he the dragon in halcyon's timeline is in a cave that's sort of a fissure in the cliff face here um but for you know her timeline there are the rest of the ice five they're just sort of gathering around now starting combat everyone else where we're about to pick up with darkthor stirry uh you guys are in pretty bloody combat right now with no halcyon present uh hey darkthor what would you like to do uh where is he and right in front of you all right you and queep got him flanked at the moment what have i been doing you doing some hacking a little bit of slashing yeah whacking the dragon as ken might put it more of that let's see. I'm just pulling up the roll 20 up here.

Looking at the map. All right. You're down where I am pinging that circle. I will slash at him with my long sword. Sweet. Roll that attack. All right. Dice roll noises. Dice roll noises dice roll noises it's like poppy uh 20 it's all asmr cool yeah uh that's a hit roll your damage hey dan don't look behind you,

but Mario and Luigi are there. They're not behind me. They're dead. Dan, I... I saw them die. No, they got attacked by a turtle. There's no way that they would be behind me. There you go. Done.

Yeah, hang on a sec. I'm gonna look it's jesus fuck a christ oh i was kidding it's captain it's a professional wrestler who what did he do with rubber bands did he like put him in his ear holes his beard i think he braided him into his beard and he also had like like ear uh earrings in his cheeks. That's what it was. Yeah, he would put a pin through his cheek and hang a rubber band off of it. Yeah, so people could grab it in the ring and fuck his face. Seven on that.

Slashing. More like Captain Luau down, yes. All right, so that is seven points. Yeah. Captain Luau Antonio Banderas. Sorry, that's all I got. I was in church all morning. What about my slashing tag or my dagger?

You, I believe, get two sword attacks and one dagger attack. Also, this round, you may gift a dash a dash a dodge or an extra attack to one of your party members other than halcyon uh tick tock's in it with me right yeah um he's not in melee range but you can still get an extra attack well who's who's flanking it i'm on the other side i'll give it to queep flanking queep yeah let me uh roll another attack. Great. Ha. Da-na-da-da-da-na. Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.

24. Da-da-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. It sure does. I dropped some coin at the Vons today. You know what I mean? Um. No. What? It's a Mario thing where he drops. Oh, it means what I mean? No. What?

It's a Mario thing where he drops... Oh, it means you got hit by a mushroom man? No, I dropped a big jug in front of the Coin Star, and everybody looked. Okay, another seven. And then they got on me for not wearing a mask, and I said, hey, it's a choice. Why are you being such a sheep? And then I lost my job at the insurance company in Arkansas or wherever. Was that you that I ran up to and said, hey, it's a choice. Why are you being such a sheep? And then I lost my job at the insurance company in Arkansas or wherever.

Was that you that I ran up to and said, I feel threatened really loud in your face? That was, yeah. While I was wearing my Ray-Bans on the back of my head like a total chode. God damn. The doctor says I don't have to. That I feel threatened thing while the guy's balling his fists up. I have a note from my mom that says that I can be an asshole at the store.

You know what makes me feel threatened? Invisible wolves that live in the lungs of my family members. That also makes me feel threatened. And those kobolds? Another seven. So seven, seven, and seven in damage. I enjoy your joke, Chris.

That's a good joke. Everyone congratulate Chris for his joke. Yeah, cool. Guys, thank you so much. Oh my god, you're welcome. And then that is it for Darkseid. Good work, Darkseid. Of course, he was rolling with advantage and whipping that ass.

Tick tock, you're up. I'm going to try something I haven't tried before. I'm going to take a breath with my bow and fire and I have a thing. It's called sharpshooter. So I take a negative five to my attack, but if I get him

it adds ten damage. That's amazing. Anyone else, by the way, when you said something he's never tried before, do you think he was going to finally tell me that he loved me? I thought that's what was going to happen. Anyway, go ahead and roll that attack. We all love you, Dan. Don't think I was going to say that. I think we all thought that.

All right. I'm going to attack with my bow then. So it's a... I normally have, with my longbow, I normally have a really good bonus. It's plus nine. So minus five. It's a plus four i'm just so sarah did not enjoy that brag oh only four so a total of eight so that

one misses does i'll try try one how many do you get multiple attacks with sharpshooter i get two i get two attacks nope same thing Same thing. Seven plus four. So 11. Fortunately, the arrows just fly over this guy. He's in a dust cloud. That was a stupid trick. Well, it was ambitious. We all enjoyed what you were going for.

Except for Sarah, the school mom. Now, Dan, I have a question here that I, because I am this arcane archer, I have curving shot. But there's, again, we've been carrying this before. There's no other target, so I can't. Normally, I could make those misses hit another thing, but there's nothing else. Do a perception check. Oh, wait a moment.

Okay, perception. 16. Perception? 16? You don't see anything, other than this chili carbonzo who actually carbonzo i i don't know what you're talking about that's what it says in the chat oh i i don't know don't know who could have done that over folks some of these bits are are visual and so new for us that we don't know to explain to you that we're experiencing.

Just look at, yeah, you can see who it is when they talk on Zoom. We'll explain. Surprise. You guys will never believe this. Blaine did a bit that didn't make sense. All right. Do you want to move or do anything Chris I mean

Dan's always roasting everybody Everyone knows me The roast master I guess I will Regular foster bro Foster bro David Spade I'll fall over here into these trees

Because I don't know how scenes there are, so I'm sort of trying to spread out. You're falling? Into my trees? I'm falling into those trees for cover. I just envisioned like a wild kind of, whoa, whoa, and then you just fell into trees.

I didn't understand that. Mr. Magoo, you're way into the foliage. I slapstick my way in. Thanks for putting me as your background there. It's just in my photo album always. Affairs of the foods. I want your money.

Dr. Udrup. I still have the moonbeam on this guy, right? I don't think you did moonbeam this combat. I have that you did the lightning bolt. And the storm was inside the cave. Well, then I

can still... Yes, I'm gonna continue to manipulate my lightning storm onto this guy. Like I'm some sort of crazy D&D Steve Aoki. Just taking the electricity out to the crowd no one talking about i guess you don't don't google it don't be bad time maybe bang it i will say this

is called so i'm gonna as listeners may remember now you i'm trying to see you can use your action to move you can move it not to use your action but you can move it you can still hit him uh yes do an insight check first plane uh 20 would that do uh 20 with uh you you know this you know that um this lightning strike will likely uh put queep and darkthir within possible uh damage is there a way uh for me to uh to have the lightning strike the the rocks near the entrance to the thing and have them maybe collapse on it it It's not, it's not in the entrance anymore. It's down. It's see, see if you look on the map, it's like you're yeah,

you're down here and it's fighting these guys to, uh, sort of, yeah, to the left. Oh, okay. And who is this thing? About a hundred yards from the mouth of the cave. And is it... 15. And it's engaging dark there right now. I'm going to... I'm going to hit it with the little moonbeam. Okay, so...

I'll do that. That'll be nice. Yeah, sorry. And this is concentration, so it will end your call lightning spell. And my call lightning spell hey thanks for coming in no thank you uh so uh do

so i'm looking up moonbeam i feel like i'm and this is much more targeted so the other guy and morrison yeah so he's gonna do a constitution saving throw is how this works do do do do do do do do do So he's going to do a constitution saving throw is how this works. Uh, he failed. Go ahead and roll your damage.

What level are you casting this little moon beam at? It's going to be a third. So it'll be 3d. Okay. We're keeping track of your spells there. Blaine. Huh? Uh, yes.

Uh, 18. Wonderful. All right. your spells there blaine uh uh yes uh 18 wonderful all right uh hey blaine how do you want to see this dragon die uh hmm uh it's is it over the ground? Is it flying? No, it doesn't even have wings actually. It's like, it's, yeah, it's like a monitor. It's like a monitor lizard with like eye stalk beholder tentacles coming out where its wings would be. I would like both of the eye stalks

to look at each other cross-eyed like it's, and I'd like the fangs to make sort of a crazy buck tooth thing. So it looks like Jerry Lewis getting electrocuted. Of course. And, and then I would like it to sort of snap into

a Slim Jim shape and I would like it to fall back and collapse right in front of Hal scene alright now dead in front of Hal scene so it's going to fall back and collapse where you know because you saw her in the past she will on her timeline eventually end up so uh so yeah i just i just wanted to

very very dramatically land in front of her so that she sees that it's that it's dead all right uh cool oh and then i want some pmx bikes to do some donuts on its face alright well that'll be interesting so could we have a motocross team travel with us just to kind of do like a little stunt show after the fight that'd be kind of cool I think the Ice 5 needs to get off the

boat and onto the bikes I think it needs to get out of my dreams and if I may, into my car. So, alright, that'll do it for that guy. Guys, that was one of the Barrow Steps dragons. Everybody, with the exception of Halcine, please do

a perception check. Alright. 22. 22? Alright. 22 alright I'll take more numbers I invite them 23 damn 18

18 alright so you guys all kind of feel like there's something eerie in the air like like this sort of unnatural stillness um almost like the feeling you got on the back of your neck when dr wood would call lightning like there's like an ozone smell almost um hal seen uh you notice everybody start engaging the dragon and then all of a sudden your vision blurs i'll have you do a perception check 16 sarah do you have those new dice no No, I haven't gotten them from Brian yet. 16.

Okay. You managed to not trip over the dead black dragon that is now directly at your feet, courtesy of Dr. Uwud, as you catch up on your timeline. However, you're not quite sure what is happening, but all of a sudden, you all just feel this really unpleasant feeling.

I'm going to have everybody do a charisma saving throw. All right. 18. Okay. Let's get some more 18, 4, great, okay 13 but I have advantage against being charmed

if that matters it unfortunately does not 18 18, I was really far away sorry you know what you're forgiven alright Ken where'd you get

oh a 2 cool okay so you guys all see classic creep classic creep chilly garbanzo over here you guys all see this weep this dragon

kind of like uh he's got blue uh crystals kind of coming out of his head and uh his shoulders and all of a sudden he just sort of folds inwards a little bit and kind of like his limbs buckle and crack. Uh, and this sort of like just shrill, terrifying shrieking noise comes out of his corpse as he collapses into this little pink, uh, rift. And, um,

everybody who, uh, got a 10 or above, we'll take half of this. Uh, otherwise it is 18 points of psychic damage. Got a 10 or above will take half of this. Otherwise, it is 18 points of psychic damage. Ow! My brain!

I hold my temples and go, gah! You think it was something to do with this specific dragon and the way it died. You're not sure what the fuck this means but you know you know it these guys are pretty uh much aberrations of nature there's something really weird about all of them so um does does this count as a because i have the um uh i'm uh if an effect allows half damage on success, I can use my reaction to take no damage for shield master. So awesome. And is it pink?

Like the Faye wild? Yes. Sort of, sort of Faye wildy pink. Um, also in inside the creature kind of coming from where it's, it's corpses laying is laying yeah like there's this this sort of rift in space i mean it doesn't look like a portal it's only sort of

there for a second but there's like this little like ripped tear in the air is it like the poltergeist house no but i enjoy the reference no all right yeah andcyon's there now. Yeah, and I mean, all you guys' basic, like, passive insight, if you will, you feel like that made a really horrible loud noise, and that other large purple fairy dragon-looking barrow steps dragon is maybe half a mile to the south. So something you would all, I think, immediately kind of like go, eww. Should we run inside his cave and look if he has any treasure?

Yeah, I think that's the D&D thing to do. I know we have stuff to do. Let us plunder. On the count of three, everyone who would like to go plunder the cave, say aye. Aye. You didn't count to three. you didn't count yet

so gotta wait nobody because I didn't count yet one two three I everyone roll an investigation check please I'm gonna stand watch I'm at the foot at the mouth of the cave and Gus maybe

now's a good time for Gus to kind of go up and circle around yeah give it the old razzle dazzle uh roll a perception check for him please chris oh 13 yeah i mean uh he it's sort of dusty from all the battle that was going on. It's just thick air. No matter how high up he goes. Ken, what was your investigation check? I got a 19 with no bonus. Damn girl.

Blaine, what'd you get? I got a 16. Sarah, what'd you get? 13. Brian, what'd you get?

Sweet. Sarah, you find 10 gold. Just sort of in a little pouch near the back. Blaine, you find just a lot of armor. I mean, but it's not good. It's just sort of like beaten up up destroyed leather armor. You could take it for scraps, but clearly he hid some bodies back here.

Nah, I'd have scraps put down after he got hit by a car. Ken and Brian Queep and Darkthor kind of go through all the bodies and just sort of going, there's got to be something here. There's got to be something here. Ken, you find a really strange skeleton that looks like it's infected with some kind of bone disease that's magical? And one of its legs, it looks like a dragonborn. It's got kind of like a

reptilian skeleton. One of his legs is like this weird, bright neon orange crystal, the bones of it. So there's the foot, the the lower leg the upper leg i forget the femur the thigh whatever i'm not in a particularly uh good note-taking place with that but you know the the leg is all this really like bright orange neon crystal isn't that hoshinka it's a dragonborn not a drow oh but whoa that reminded me about how shangai guys did you remember that she's a maybe the archmage and doesn't she have like a fake leg only sarah do an insight check okay 18 hmm it does seem like maybe it's either some kind of wild magic or LaRue-based magic.

Something about it definitely reminds you of when you're in the Temple of LaRue outside of just the fact that they grew an artificial leg with her out of crystal. So there is just something unusual about it. Hmm. I feel like I'm going to leave it here. Plus, we've got this weird Feywild thing. It's a skeletal leg, basically. Hmm. Gus, do you know anything about this? Does this look

familiar to you? Do you want Gus to investigate right now? Sure. What's up, Halsey? Does anything strike you about this leg or maybe about that pink flash that appeared in the air of the dragon when he died?

Roll an insight check for Gus, if you'd be so kind. Chris Tallman. Sure. Is that wisdom based? Great question. I don't know off the top of my head. Blaine, would you help me? Yes, it is.

Okay, cool. Got it. Oh, never mind. Do you want to break off a piece and we can see if it's some sort of magic? I thought they were going to get a kick out of it. I know. There's no way to say break me off a piece of that without it being Kit Kat related.

Come on. Break me off a piece of that orange bone. What was your roll, Chris? 18. Oh, great. So, yeah, he says he thinks this is somebody who had their limb regrown at the temple of larue specifically he very enthusiastically relays that he thinks you're

right he's like yeah you know i nothing to do with where i'm from but it does look like something that the you know the the wizards and stuff would do might have healing properties or something what do you think uh gus specifically tells you yeah i'm thinking like there's a there's a chance this could be used as like at least an expensive spell component you could sell at a town all right if not as a healing property sure i'll grab it pack that bone brian grab it and shove it down my throat. No, I won't. You find the skeleton of a Barrow Steps dragon a little farther back in the cave. It looks like this

guy either executed or did some weird like ritualistic display of one of the other dragons far in the back of the cave. And something weirdly magical was done to this dragon also its skeleton seems to be made of some kind of uh metal-like alloy

the dragon is about the same size as the one you killed so it's like you know horse-sized yeah horse-sized. That's it? Yeah, that's it. I mean, it's weird. You kind of, like, poke it, and, like, the bones are about as heavy as a sword each. I bet you can grab some sort of sharp... Grab plates of it and turn it into some cool-ass armor.

Yeah, or a weapon. What can I see? Can I see that it's either a weapon or armor? I mean... It's a bone, right? It looks right... Right now it's close enough to the shape of an actual anatomical bone that you think it would have to be... If you wanted to use it specifically as a weapon or as armor,

it would have to be smithed. Okay. Just get a rock and sharpen that up. Although, you know what, Brian? I'm feeling generous. Will you do an insight check for me for Dark Thirst Stereo? No. No? All right.

Dear Penthouse Forum, today Dan was generous. I have a list of things that can be done. Anyway, I can't talk right now. I have a list of things that can be done anyway i can't talk right now things that can be done and i will i will give you something off the list for sure if you make a high roll here we'll say give me an 18 or better what is your background right now oh that's uh karen kilgariff from uh yeah the sketch where the the the what is it called the the marionettes have the curse of the mommy yeah yeah oh yeah oh you man yeah curse of the mommy. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh,

you man. Yeah. Curse of the creatures. Ghost. Uh, what was it? What was the role? Give me an 18 or better.

And I'll tell you something on the list of inevitable, uh, things you could, but what was it? Perception? Uh, no insight. Insight. Yep.

18. Exactly. Hey, fuck. Brian, No, Insight. Insight. Yep. 18 exactly. Hey! Oh, fuck. Brian, this skull... Pulled my headphones out of my ear. Hold on. Ah, that's the worst.

This skull could be fashioned into a helmet just by breaking it off. Oh, wow. Just by breaking it off. Think about it. A skull helmet. I break it off. A about it. A skull helmet. A metal dragon skull helmet. Yep. Yeah.

All right, I do that. All right. And then I hold it up. Uh. You with the headgear of this campaign. You got this. You got your tricorner jaunty pirate hat. I'm not wearing that anymore.

He's not the Admiral right now. The Admiral's gone now. I'm the Dragon Skull. Is it chrome? Is it a metallic chrome Dragon Skull helmet? If anyone would like more information on the exact alloy of the skeleton,

please do visit Insight. Visit your local library. It's Adamantium. Fascinating. Oh, my God. It's Wolverine. Insight, please. Feels right. Is it covered in ants?

Oh, you know what? Actually, I take that back. You can choose either Insight or Nature. All right. I got advantage. Why not? Bring it. 16. Do it. 16. all right i got advantage why not bring 16 do it 16 what else what else what 23 oh gee hey get it yeah you needed a 20 there it is uh sounds like no one's beat a 23 so i'm just gonna talk uh okay the 16 yeah creep based off

the fact that you've already found this wondrous axe back yeah on dame island uh you feel like pretty cocky and you remember some stories and you're like oh yeah i know what this shit is um this is me throw it has been turned into Mithril. Oh, Mithril is good shit. With this revelation, you guys realize this whole skeleton is valuable as fuck. This could be melted down into really valuable material. If you want to take it, you can, but it's going to be pretty heavy.

We don't have to take all of it. You know what? It's not as heavy as Halcine would have been if she would have been turned to stone. Let's each take a bone. It's still a Mithril, which is lighter than most metal, but yeah. Cool. Take a bone.

Yeah. Alright, Mithril bone. Everybody take a bone. I'm taking the wish bone. I take a thigh bone. What are they called. Can I put the pelvis over my shoulders like a shoulder pad, football shoulder pad? Absolutely.

Everybody, please make a note of it. I play the rib cage. Do that. The performance check from Halcine. Do that stand up from thecine. Do that stand up from the 80s plane that would put the pads on his shoulder.

Remember? Bob Nelson. Yeah, Bob Nelson. With the shoulder lip habits. You have the shoulder lip habits. TikTok, do a perception check, please. Oh, yeah. Now we got to get out of here. Everything is wrong with that sketch.

Yeah, it's probably super racist. It's racist. 23. Gay bashing. You hear what sounds like a couple hundred feet away to the south in the forest. Oops. Oh, that's nothing. That's just me flapping my wings.

It's a hundred feet away? We probably shouldn't go, right? A couple hundred. All your friends are still in the cave. You're noticing this specifically, TikTok, because you are outside. I'll go inside the cave and say, there's a dragon outside.

Oops. We done. We'll tell them we're not home. You guys, what are you going to do? Ah. What are you going to do? Ah. What are you going to do? We could go up the rope and hope it escapes,

but if it knows we're in the cave, us going up the rope's not going to really do anything, because it'll think we're still in the cave. Unless it comes into the cave to look for us. Yeah. It doesn't find us there. We could go to the Feywild. Yeah, that still in the cave. Unless it comes into the cave to look for us. Yeah. It doesn't find us there. We could go to the Feywild.

Yeah, that might be the best bet. How would you... Or we could fight it. We could kill it. We might need to rest up a little bit. Hi, Mavis. Hi, Mavis. Hi, Mavis.

Everybody, we are now looking at Mavis. Whatavis Hi Mavis Everybody we are now Looking at Mavis What do you think? Guys You wanna fight it? You wanna run? Does it I think we should Try to get out of here

And fight it only If we have to Well it's gonna be I think we should Try to cover ourselves With some Mithril scales or something And run out of here

If we go to the Feywild We lose our war donkeys. Remember, we left them back there. We could try and either right now make a break for the war donkeys, or we can hide, or we can run. Is there anywhere, does this cave like just dead end? Did we talk about that yet? Or does it keep going?

I would say Brian Darkthor would have figured out it does dead end a few hundred feet deep, but it's like one person wide. You'd all have to kind of like get in a line and wiggle back there. And there might be a fork that you casually missed by looking around, but there is this sort of back pocket where the skeleton is, and you know, you all pull bones off of it. And, you know, you can try to go to the back and find some sort of opening in the cave you

haven't really looked yet let's look i feel like let's look and see if there's a back door right okay explore the cave yeah yeah okay so i'm gonna get an investigation or survival everybody's choice um while you're searching the back of the cave you hear outside some uh shuffling noises it's out of view though because you guys have to kind of go around a 45 degree turn to get in the back of the cave let's get that rope trick ready i got a 16 i got a 19 on survival. 15 survival. Okay. 17 survival.

Hold on. 26 survival. Oh, well, Darkthor saved all your asses. You love it here in the wet, cold cave, don't you, Darkthor? Sure. I do like it. I don't mind it

it's like being home with mama yeah I don't know about that tone of voice I mean it's a real you and I haven't gotten into it in a while but you know yeah I'm okay with it here

and do you want me to help or not? Yes, please. Sorry. Role play. Your favorite! This is being a fucking asshole. Wow, you guys. I love,

I just want to say this high roll, you guys are doing my favorite thing in my campaigns where you have discovered something I did not think you would find but I spent a lot of time on and I am now like, hey Dark Thirstery, from your extensive time

in the Underdark and dealing with the traps that the drow laid you discover something that's not drow related but reminds you of that's not drow-related, but reminds you of the kind of traps and tricks that you used to see left by sentient creatures in caves. You kind of start fussing with this dragon skull and that's made of mithril,

and you hadn't really messed with the spine or like the back of it yet, but you just kind of shift it, and the whole thing, kind of like a big lock, just kind of goes in the rock. whole thing, kind of like a big lock, just kind of goes in the rock. It was pressed up against a rock. It was kind of lodged in the back wall of this pocket in the cave. And a whole chunk of the wall just kind of goes to the side. And this room is barely big enough for this dragon skull and then all of you to fit in this little back room pocket. But now there is a passage going into the hillside.

There are magically lit torches going in there. And it looks like no one has been in here recently, but definitely sentient creatures that weren't dragons created this. Sweet. Cool. Am I the only one who sees that? Oh, everyone sees it. This whole back wall just goes to the side.

Who wants to head in first? I want to get away from that dragon, so I'm... Okay, go. Yeah, let's just do it. I am scared. We're following you, Doctor. All right. Cool. You guys all head in. Are you going gonna try to shut the door

behind you uh yeah yeah i'm gonna try and do the mechanism so that it re tell me how clinks itself i mean right so you're going through uh if i may uh this door where it slid to the side and then you're going down this 10 foot wide stone chamber the door door that's slid aside, like when you turn back around, you can't see the dragon skeleton that you had to slide up to unlock the door. So it's gonna require some sort of reaching around the corner situation. I try to reach around.

Give it a reach around. Give it a reach around. Go ahead. Give it the old reach around. I'm gonna ask for an athletics check and I'll tell you, this is a difficulty 18. It's quite a reach around. Go ahead. Give it the old reach around. I'm going to ask for an athletics check, and I'll tell you, this is a difficulty 18. It's quite a reach around. Give me that athletics. Let's see some athletics.

Come on. Come on. Perform for me, Brian. Oh, I think. What did you need? Well, black and greens has always got the. Athletics. On team, sir.

But what was the total you needed? 18. Yeah, greens has always got the... Athletics. But what was the total you needed? 18. Yeah, nope. I got a 12 plus a four. It is unfortunately too heavy a medal for you, and you can't quite reach around and get it to slide up and down. Can other people try before that dragon gets in there? Time has ticked by by but someone else can try

the metal is too heavy for brian i'm trying we gotta try guys time's going let's try try try try again somebody uh i know that's a titanica reference but that's why i can't finish the lyric the strongest person then queep right queep yes, what do you want me to do first this time? Jump right in. It's your turn for a reach around. All right. It's your turn for a reach around. Oh, I'm still,

am I still raging? Uh, it wasn't, oh no, I was injured. Never mind. The angriest reach around. Well, because I get a bonus to strike. I'm mad about it. Since I was injured. Never mind. The angriest. Well, because I get a bonus since I was injured.

My rage is over. When you left combat, I would say that. It startled me. Alright, so. Strength, yes? Athletics. Oh. Okay, athletics. Oh, yeah, I'm good on athletics. I'm good on athletics. Oh. Okay.

Athletics. Oh, yeah. I'm good on athletics. I have another thing, too. Oh, sweet, Ken. So that's a 26. You're a 26. Yeah. You guys, Kweep reaching deep into his pockets, pulls out yet another high roll.

And with, I'm going to just say it, a victorious Aarakocra cry is able to plant his feet and spread his wings and yank this up without it slamming shut on his arms. Ken,

what is that Aarakocra cry? Please fill in that blank. Aarakocra cry please fill in that blank ew could have been cockle of clothes or you know yeah little Mr. Hansen yeah yeah yeah we got it

glimpse into your facial expression no nope no sir I was just kidding now there's too much judgment now i am like come on i know we're all it was you know guys we're all sexual beings there's nothing to be ashamed of so the the door now we're talking about it too much oh oh i disagree this had to happen eventually just kidding i can't wait to get away from this. So the door, having slid shut. Kakala, kill me. Sorry.

That's a shirt. We're going. Folks, if you'd be so kind, we need a new t-shirt and it needs to be someone drawing Halcine with her face in her hand saying, Kakala, kill me. When the rock

face slides shut, all of your ears pop it's just from the air pressure you out you realize that's a very secure uh thing that has shut behind you and yeah this this this stone hallway sort of seems to go on for a while and then bend to the right you don't see any rooms shooting off of it. It looks like a secret corridor with magic torches. Clearly the torchlight is not a normal natural flame. It's like this sort of cylindrical red glow that just shoots up a couple of feet and then diffuses into the cave light.

I look at the elves and go, does this seem familiar to any of your cultures? You are from different worlds, right? Does any of this seem familiar to anybody? Does it? Dark, this does remind you of a drow type situation. Yeah. Yeah, it reminds me of something.

Oh. Oh oh do you want do you want to what else Dan I mean yeah so you know Darkthor would realize this is probably a member of the Violet Fang assassin group

that created this they've done obviously some shit but this seems like either the violet fang or like you know a prominent drow group this looks like it was done by a lot of people there's craftsmanship and the sort of stone walls probably took a lot of effort to just leave these sort of permanent magic torches here so uh it's either the violet fang or some sort of powerful magic user. This all looks like it's at least a year old or more but not

ancient and unused. Maybe there's a teleportation something in here. Oh, that'd be cool. We also saw there were like drought traps when we went. Remember when we went that's where Ha Shingu got also saw there were like drow traps when we went. Remember when we went, that's where Hoshinko got caught. We were in an area that had a bunch of drow traps, right?

Yep. Alright, so let's go. Get away from where the dragon's going to be searching so it can't smell us or whatever. Check for drow traps. Man, a bunch of faces staring. Alright, so are we checking for... You want the dragon to smell you no um are you just gonna check the corridor ahead as you go or the immediate area when you say you're checking for traps because there's no objects around both okay

i would do anything just like oh you know what i can can do a... I can cast Find Traps. It has a range of 120 feet. Yeah, I added that spell the last time we switched them up, so... So, how far a line of sight do I have? Pardon me, I had to plug my computer in. You can see, like, about 400 feet down the hallway all right well i can cast

it and i will um i will it's 120 feet although it's interesting it only it will sense the presence but it won't um it won't tell me the exact location but i will do it anyway just to see what we're okay um about 100 feet down the hallway you get a ping that the hallway you see is not the hallway you would actually end up in it's it's a really weird kind of uh vagary but um all you're really doing is sensing the present of a trap presence of a trap you know like that's really like like uh how do i put this like it it feels like it could be harmful right um but it doesn't necessarily mean like uh it's going to be harmful um i get the general nature of the danger posed it says you feel like there is specifically a

chance that when you cross the threshold of about 100 feet down the hallway something magical will happen to every individual who crosses the threshold that will be against their will if they aren't familiar with what's there. Okay. So it could be like a teleportation thing or just a warded kind of like illusion, right? Interesting. So we should just run down the hallway screen? I mean, I think we should. We can go down and then we can toss something through

and see like, does it, you know, disappear? Does it whatever? But I think we should probably just do that. it's not like we have a ton of i'm gonna yell leroy jenkins i love you ken all right well yeah should we move then in closer to the threshold and maybe try and get a visual? Yeah. Sure. Okay. Sounds good. You guys all approach the threshold, and I'm going to have you do a perception check.

Perception 20. Ooh, hot dog. 15. 12. What you got there, Brabri? 18. Cool. 16.

Halcine, as you guys all approach, you just get this weird vibe. Like maybe there is something just like fake about the rest of the hallway you just feel like the air is kind of um blowing different the acoustics are kind of different beyond the threshold it seems like there's some sort of optical illusion like a pit it could be or it could just be like a different space it could open up into a door or something else i mean who knows right but yeah um a painted wall like roadrunner style throw a rock yeah we throw it we can toss something down there and see but i mean we won't be able to all right so you uh who said they were

gonna throw a rock was that ken yeah just pick up a little fist-sized rock you chuck it um you guys all see the rock just kind of sail down the hallway um oddly it kind of falls down the hallway but you don't hear a sound when it lands for a second and then even though you can see the rock kind of laying on the ground you hear this very distant as if something else got knocked loose it's very weird huh

could it be the rock we see land is an illusion like part of the trap is that it looks normal, but in fact... That's a vibe you do get. I feel like it sounds like it landed down below or something.

Okay. Hmm. Weird. Does anybody have like a... I could fly ahead or Gus could fly ahead. He would fly a periscope of some kind. Ah, you want me to go in there, boss? Yeah, we can...

I can see through your eyes. Yeah, but we don't... I mean, if it's... You don't think it's a drop away? I think it's a... Or if it's something else. Yeah, I mean, bare mins. I'm going to go in there

and you just got to bring me back to life because I'll get shredded or something. You know, whatever. But you have free will, buddy, and we love you. He gives you a thumbs up and a finger gun and he flies. You see him just kind of fly around the corner and disappear around the corner. Like as I just threw the distance around the corner. But seemingly as if only a few feet in front of you, you hear him go, oh, boy.

What's up, buddy? Can I see what he sees? You see through Gus's eyes. There's no sign of where he just came from behind him. He's like looking around. He is in a vertical shaft and there is, I don't know, like sort of like an impossible to see bottom in this vertical shaft.

There is sort of a blue glow a few hundred feet down and it looks like there's some jagged rocks, but his eyes simply cannot fathom what's going on down there. What about up? He looks up and there is just sort of like a rock ceiling about five feet

above his head. Ooh. So it's just a trap. I mean that's weird. It's just a pit. Can he try to keep going forward there's no forward it's a vertical shaft he can fly down

but he's like boss can you hear me yes so I can't come this way follow your heart can you you can't there is no way he puts his he's like I'm putting my hands on the

wall but I can hear you but it's like you're on the other side of a solid rock I can't push through it Avast uh does Darkthor feel anything familiar about this did you send him away well isn't that the summoning word?

Do I have to send him away first before I can summon him to where I am? Can he go down and look before he gets dismissed just to see what is at the bottom? I can do that, boss. How long do you want Gus to fly down this shaft? As far as you can tell, it's going to take him

at least 10 minutes to like get out of visual range sounds I look at how seen sounds like it's quite a drop go all right so you guys give him about 10 minutes uh he flies down um you obviously leave visual and communication range pretty quick right it's what is your distance is it a mile a mile um no you you can keep visual uh with him long enough then but yeah so he goes way way way way down and he starts turning some corners uh blue crystal is jutting out of the walls of this tunnel eventually oh no um and you don't touch Okay, boss. And then you see there is sort of like a leveling off and what looks like a

some sort of intelligent being crafted a more horizontal chamber here, but there's bodies from things that have fallen. There's corpses that have clearly fallen down this vertical shaft in a pile at the bottom.

Ew. And what kind of chamber is that down there? Well, there's glowing crystals. It looks like a couple of things died closer to the crystals. Like they fell, survived, and then tried to grab or collect the crystals. But there's like skeletons

leaning up against them. Does any of this like sort of fold into what we stuff that we know that maybe we players might have forgotten because it's been a year but the characters might not have in terms of like yeah i know that i know people are like collecting the we we knew at some point that the the crystals are like part of what's being shed by this creature that lives underground. And people are... Sure.

I would say with the Ice Fives collected knowledge, you would guess that someone set this up as like from a place of knowledge just to fuck with people. Probably told them that this was a way they could get the crystals. They were given directions to go here. And when they did go here, they would fall down. Most of them would die. Some of them would get as far as collecting the crystals, but then would starve to death and have no way to get out of the vertical shaft.

So it looks like this is somewhere kind of a just a hubris trap that somebody who knew about the crystals sent people who wanted the crystals it sounds like a violet fang or archmage kind of deal but yeah it is uh dark they feel familiarity with this um it's it seems like something definitely a powerful magic user would do somebody familiar with the qualities of the crystals at the in the ground deep below cloddenheim so you feel like this is something you know violet fang the archmage of vanzervale the baron of pepper green a select few people might even be aware of. Well, it's a great way to take out the competition. If you want to be the only person who has the blue crystals, here's a fake way to get them.

And on that note, you shall ponder that until next time on NerdPoker. Cool. Hey, Sam, what happened during episode 77? Oh, boy. We're still entangled with the tentacle dragon. Dr. Uid used his skills and tenure to destroy the dragon. A wave of psychic damage ripped through us, but it wasn't enough to stop us from our love of treasure. Ken found magic bones. Even fake legs can be magic in this game. We found a metal dragon.

Nobody said, where's it from? Only said, can we wear it? The dragon skeleton turned out to be a door because this game is mostly doors. Everybody was disgusted by Queep's battle call, but I almost threw up when Gus said bear mins. I can't believe nobody in this group said I'm talking vertical shaft.

And finally, didn't Gus die? I am not very good at keeping track of this game. Oh boy. He did die, but he got brought back because he is a creature of pure magic. And because the listeners would be sad so would we yeah yeah anything to plug uh nah i mean i'm gonna you know i'm still

trying to sell stand up on bandcamp i'm i put all my shit on uh spotify so you can find what I have like seven albums on Spotify. Now that's fun. Fun. Cool. Uh, I've got, uh, grandpa's metal stash on gimme metal. And,

my, uh, video grandpa metal should be dropping very soon on, uh, and on YouTube. And, uh, you can find that on posting the band.

Um, and then BrianPosain.com for merch stuff. No tour dates. Buy shirts. Buy clothing. That you don't show to your friends. Or wear them for Zoom meetings. Wear funny t-shirts for

Zoom meetings. Hey, you gotta dress up those selfies you're taking at home, everybody. Just, you know. Thanks, everybody. Thanks, you guys. Good game, Dan. Oh, yeah. What's going on with the Keats? Sorry, that's what Judge Keats on Quibi. Check it out.

Love it. Now, Quibi stands for Quick Bites, right? Quick Bites. Yes. Quickie Bees. Okay, make sure all right see you guys thanks everybody bye thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 in Sino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Hey, everybody.