Nerd Poker - Episode 8 - Dugthukked

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

Dargthur's drinking celebration rained upon, our heroes continue to unleash on Dugthuk the tithe-collecting troll. Queep tests his durability. Halcyne achieves a moral victory. Dr. Uid whips it. TikTok scolds.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to... Really? Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. My friends are here. This is episode eight of season three. I love when I get Chris to nod. He's here. He's a friend.

Hi. Next to him, Sarah. Hello. Ken. Howdy. Dan. Hello. Blaine.

Hi. Hi, Blaine. How are you doing? How are you? I'm good, thanks. Iaine. Hi. Hi, Blaine. How you doing? How are you? Good, thanks. I never check in. I just introduce. It's okay.

I'd like to thank some Patreon supporters. Hold on. Really? Is that a bit? No. I mean, yes. Whoa. No.

Sam. Hi. He's there, remember? Oh, right. We've been doing that now. Sam. Hi. He's there, remember? Oh, right. We've been doing that now. I didn't forget he's there. Yeah, that's season three. We introduce him.

Okay. Now, if I may, I'd like to say thank you to some Patreons. Okay, go. Juicy Stompers. Thank you, Juicy Stompers. Thank you, Funky Zombie Boy. Thank you, Jana Fields. Thank you, Bruce Shockley.

When are you going to start thanking our Patreon supporters? Thanks to all those people. Thank you, Ferniers Gangrene. And thank you, Kaylee McPhail. Thanks, Kaylee. And last but not least, thank you,

Von Outhouse. Thanks, Von. Thanks, Patlee. And last but not least, thank you, Vaughn Outhouse. Thanks, Vaughn. Ooh. Thanks, Patreons. Yeah, thanks to all you guys. You guys are so great. Thanks. We appreciate the support.

Were there any of those 666 people? No, they weren't. That was last time. Because it's not a live tier when we're recording this, there's not that many. I bet that we'll have some more by the time this goes live. But we'll bank them up for next time. Okay.

What was happening last week? Last week, our heroes emerged from the tunnels beneath Claude and I. I asked Dan. All right. No, I like that guy. Okay, here he comes back. Suddenly, he regained some pride via an inspiration token given to him.

Oh, God. Oh, boy. You got to cut back. What's our guy drinking brought to you, Brian? Blaine, you didn't do any ads last episode. This hymn drink is brought to you by Shaving Cream. Feel nice and clean. episode. This Hymn Drink is brought to you by shaving cream. Feel nice and clean.

Shave every day and you'll always look clean. Ba-da-ba-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo- Our heroes emerged from the tunnels beneath Cloddenheim to the city of Bozor, where Dogthur's story was recognized by Murshal, a fisherman. Murshal from Cloddenheim. Boy, Cloddenheim. Murshal would get drunk with Dogthur back in the day.

Of course. Was curious why Dogthur hadn't aged. Perhaps it was drow lotion. But they headed to a bar known as the Swollen Port to knock back a few. Halcine got shit-hammered on the keg of whispers. Shit-hammered.

Shit-hammered is not... It's a phrase I came up with and I'm really trying to get it started, so if you could just get behind it. It's like a really bad Gallagher show. A troll named Dogthuck entered the swollen port. Oh, boy. Dan is working some things out.

Getting pornographic. And demanded a tithe on behalf of his boss, Thogus. No one wanted to comply. Shit broke bad. Queep got eviscerated, disemboweled and fucked up real good. Well, I talked to my son about Dungeons and Dragons. Poor Ken

got him. And next up in the running order is... Discombobulated. Terry! Discombobulated. Terry says, I have to take this and holds up his phone and steps a couple steps back, but there wasn't a phone call. He doesn't want to be

there. There are phones here. You see a human at the end of the bar reach into his pocket pull out a coin purse, hold it up to his ear and walk away. Next up is tick tock. I will let's see i'm gonna draw the fight i'm going to how many of these can i go a tiktok you don't stop you can get all the way to him in maverick

i don't i don't want i don't i want to pull him like that each one of those is five feet and you can go 30 feet okay so i can go six of those. Okay, so that one, two, three, four. Okay, so boom. So I'm coming here, and I'm going to fire my bow at him. Cool. Do you mind if I use your bow? Oh, good. I needed that.

That is a 17 to hit. That is a hit. Cool. All your damage. So I'm'm going to do I haven't done this before I'm going to use my I'm gonna use make this an enfeebling arrow so the troll is he when the bow or where the arrow hits him, it sort of lights up with necrotic energy. And so now he has to roll a constitution saving throw beating a DC 12. Couple of cool words in there.

Necrotic. He rolls a 16. Shit. Okay, so... Now he's healthier. ...is halved. He's what is halved now? So he takes...

Yeah, roll your damage if you haven't already. Yeah, I have to do the regular damage first. So that's 6 plus... So it's 10 piercing damage from the arrow plus 2d6 necrotic.

So 6 necrotic damage. And it succeeds. Otherwise, the damage is dealt halved until the start of the next turn. I don't know what that means. Oh, the damage he does is halved? Or damage dealt by its weapon. Okay, so he passed it, so it's fine.

Okay. Sorry, learning. Sure, we're learning together uh and so we're gonna have uh dark through up uh well um i know i don't have it by the way they're scattering everywhere they're they're not getting in this mix with you What do you call the bonus when you can go up behind something? Sneak attack. Sneak attack. I don't have that. You get a bonus for doing it if they're blind? You'd have to

disengage to sneak attack. He's engaged with all of you. He can see. He's crouched low under the darkness. It didn't take him long to figure it out. Oh, he did. Shit, I didn't catch that. That's how he beat the shit out of Queep. Alright. Yeah. So there's no way that was the whole point.

Yep. Fuck. He succeeded an intelligence check of what he would need to just naturally figure. I thought he was a bigger dipshit than that. I gave him a DC challenge of 15 to figure out on his turn, and he has a negative two to his intelligence but he rolled a 19. That's another way to get him. Hmm.

Well, I'm still going to hack and slash at him then. Okay. Roll 2 and hack. I I'm gonna do it so move your mini up into melee range if you're attacking with your stabby times there? sweet roll a

roll to attack so ankles and legs and knees sweet so you're attacking with your longsword correct? my longsword, correct? My longsword and my dagger at the same time. I'm two-handed.

Yep. All right. So this is going to be first your longsword. This is a plus four to hit. That's a success. That's 20. Nice. It's not a crit, not a natural 20.

So roll your damage. That, I believe, is a 1d8 plus 2. It's a nice 7 plus 2. All right. So that's another nine points damage now before you do your second your second uh daggers four yeah uh i want to really quickly uh go over because you're a gloom stalker ranger um one of the actions you can take is disengage so if you wanted to you can disengage him and uh try to move behind him so you could sneak attack next round i'm not sure you knew you had that oh no i didn't so can i do that as my bonus or no

yeah but you can't well you'd have to use one of your actions to do it oh so instead of attacking a second time okay so instead of using the the dagger you could disengage and move behind him okay i'll do that. All right, so scoot him around Duck Duck's butt. All the way around back? Uh-huh. Is that close? Put him in stabby range, because I assume that's what you're going to do, right?

Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, I hope I'm doing that right, everybody. If I'm not, we'll figure it out eventually. Don't worry, I'm sure. And go fuck yourself. Oh, yeah, okay. No, to them, not you. Yeah, well, you know, we're figuring that out.

Everybody go fuck yourselves. We picked a Gloom Ster ranger because it was cool not because we memorized it just crusty brian not real brian yeah we have we're figuring it out and we will have googled it by the time this airs that's all i'm saying uh how senior up how scene climbs on top of the bar excellent she says people of Bozor. I love Halcyon. Will you allow yourselves to be trodden upon by this troll? It is time to rise up. It is time to fight back.

It is time to attack this troll. And then she. So you. back. It is time to attack this troll. And then she So you have a little thing called liquid courage right now. So you get an advantage on charisma checks, which is what this is.

Did you know that was a thing that you could get? No. Oh, okay. So she has liquid. Also you have a an additional temporary five hit points oh cool um you have disadvantage on uh intelligence checks wisdom checks charm saves but yeah uh liquid courage so um and so uh you wake up and snap two for this. You guys see her sloppily climbing the bar, and then the whole bar looks over,

and there's just legs going up into darkness. Roll a persuasion check with advantage. They all hear it still. In fact, I would say they're impressed that you did it. Did she get up straight or something or no she is standing hal seen stood on the bar and disappeared at the top made this speech into darkness gotcha but everyone can still hear it so they're they still think it's funny uh 19 uh all right so a couple of people roused by your speech kind of look at each other and snap forward.

Awesome. Oh, yeah. Silence for a second. Joiners. Friends are joining us. Who are these brought to us by? We'll wait. Yeah, Blaine, do an ad for him pulling stuff out of his.

Has your baby fallen out of a window? Was your wife in a terrible snit? Well, good luck is with you this morning. He fell in a pile of shaving cream. Feel nice and clean. Shave every day and you'll always look keen. I don't miss Padinos at all. This thing's got a song.

A little jingle. It's fun. You get to see what happens every time. We had a palate cleanser last week of just no advertisements. And then now we're whatever this is. What do you got there? Are those the ones that were given to us by Spencer?

Or are these that you acquired? No, we're not using those anymore. Those, I believe, have been returned to Spencer. Oh, okay, cool. I should give credit where it's due. Halstein, you have inspired a fisherman and Vux the bartender to get into the show. Yeah. Vux.

Vux the dwarf. This wizard will represent a fisherman. That's like his fishing pole. His wizard wand is a fishing pole. I don't know if I have. I don't think I have a bonus action. I think we established this I have... I don't think I have a bonus action. I think we established this last time.

Because I was... The next thing... That's right, you were reading about that. The next thing I would do would be going to Queep to try to bind his wounds after I made my speech. But I think I have to wait until the next turn to do that. Cool. All right.

Darkford looks around to see if there's other people that seem like they would be helpful that aren't helping. Taking a cue from... It's so dark up here. I mean, it's not your turn, so there's nothing you can do at the moment about it, but you look around and it looks like she has done a good... Everyone else looks weaker.

These are the two strong ones. Okay. I mean, the two most able-bodied people... There's no warriors or half orcs or no okay uh dying on the floor well the fisherman who uh i'm coming for you look she had her priorities the fisherman who's who's fighting looks pretty cool uh there's one half orc uh who was not swayed um sort of off in the opposite corner and uh she's just sort of watching everything she looks tough but other than that everyone looks like pretty uh standard

commoner fair um yeah you that was your that was your action yes yeah and i as i said i don't i don't think i can do anything else but just just to know that she would be clamoring down would be her next. All right, Vux is hopping up on the bar, and he pulls from underneath a battle axe. Yeah. He rolled a 22. Yeah.

Vux, yeah. No Vux given, huh? And he does 12 points of slashing damage to the troll. Sweet! How much axling damage? Then we got Dr. Uwud. Dr. Uwud. I'm going to...

He's the one they call Dr. Whip It! I hope you whip it good. Whip it good. Get straight. Go forward. What do I roll to whip it good get straight go forward it's not too late I don't remember the exact order of the lyrics shape it up get straight

go forward move ahead try to detect it it's not too late Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. So whip it. Whip it good. 16.

I was on my paper route. That is a hit. I was collecting, which you would do in the evening. Yeah. And somebody had their TV on in Devo. I'd never seen them. I was standing in this person's doorway going, oh my God, that is fucking amazing.

What is that thing? They were not happy. They wanted me to leave. I was mesmerized by the craziness on their TV screen. I did five. Is there any way that I can use the whip to pull this thing

off balance if I caught it maybe in the wrist or the ankles? This is going to be an athletics check with a pretty high DC. Roll a 20 and add your athletics bonus. Athletics bonus. a pretty high DC. Roll a 20 and add your athletics bonus. Athletics bonus. This is high DC because you're trying to combine it with your current action,

which is technically usually not allowed. Also, I have a problem with the athletics department because they siphoned off a lot of budget. Four. Plus three. four plus three is seven alright as you pull it back you yank on his ankle and nothing happens this guy is just brutal

but yeah you managed to thorn whip him and I'm going to have you do your first death saving throw okay so he's wearing a death saves t-shirt Thorn Whip him. And Queep, I'm going to have you do your first death-saving throw. Okay, so... And he's wearing a Death Saves t-shirt. Let's go over the rules again. First of all, you are wearing a Death Saves t-shirt. From our friend

Joe Manganiello. When he was on one of our bonus episodes, he gave us all prezzies. So if you subscribe to Patreon, you could hear that episode. You sure could oh what a cool idea i know i hear some very cool kids are doing it uh so we went over this between the episodes but the way we're doing the death of the saving throws ken's posing for photographs is uh yeah

there's going to be five rolls of a d20 each time it's your turn if you roll a one it counts as two fails if you roll a 20 you wake up but otherwise it is a race to three either three failures which are under a 10 or three successes over a 10 you get you know best of five saving throws or queep dies now this does mean again you technically would have three ish possibly possibly two if you're a one, turns for someone to heal you and also stabilize you. Oh, that's good. Off you go to the races. And you're at zero hit points. You are not at negative.

I mean, you went into the negative, but... Anybody can bind wounds, though, right? You don't have to have magic. That doesn't really matter in the sense that... It stops the injury. It stops the injury from getting worse, but it doesn't help from the hit point death saving throw. I thought it did.

I thought it stopped the hit point. We can look it up, but I'm pretty confident. The best way to save a creature with zero hit points is to heal it. If healing's unavailable, they can be stabilized. You have to... Oh, you can try to stabilize them, but it's a DC 10 medicine check.

A stable creature doesn't make death saving throws. Got it. But it remains unconscious. Okay, so you could try to stabilize them but it's a dc10 wisdom medicine check a stable creature doesn't make death saving throws but it remains okay so you could you could uh try to stabilize them yeah it was the binding wounds uh wording that okay that i was unfamiliar with actually yeah it says administer first aid is how they put it right right right it's yeah that's from what i'm more used to to second edition like second edition i think so we can just call it binding yeah it's fine my brain is still combining the two versions. Yes, roll. Roll your death save, you fool. Grandpa, role play.

It's cocked. You can roll that again. Close to 20. Oh! What is it? You rolled a 19, so that's a success. Okay. Mark that down.

And I gave you guys coasters where you can mark such things. Is that what that is? Yeah, I bought everybody some. There's one for you that you hid underneath your Iron Maiden coasters, but that's for you. And what do you call these? Combat coasters? Yeah, combat coasters.

Oh, yeah. Thank you. And also it says, by the way, the number of your successes or failures is reset to zero when you regain any hit points or become stable. So like if we stabilized you and you had two successes, then it's reset to zero because then if you take damage again

before you're conscious, you'd have to start over again with your rolls, if that makes sense, I think is what that means. All right. Does he do one per turn or does he do them all at once? One per turn. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like a doomsday clock that's ticking on all of you guys.

Up next is Doug Thuck. He'll be. He is very mad because he got brutally hit by Vux. So he is going to try to pick him up and bite him. He does try to pick him up and it doesn't go so well. Because of the dark? Yeah, he slips around trying to and Vux is

crouched right underneath the darkness on top of the bar in a warrior stance. We must invite this dwarf to live with us. Tries to bite him and it fails. He does claw him successfully. Boo. Takes fails and he does claw him successfully takes 10 points of damage to vux as he gets slashed up uh that'll bring us to uh the fisherman who's going to run at him can you scoot that wizard

he's not a wizard but you guys see a fisherman and he's carrying what looks like you guys would call it a crowbar, but it is a giant sort of whale-sized fish hook that was leaning up against the wall. He is a fisherman named Wessex and he is a whaler. He is coming at this guy with

a giant hook. I hope he whalers on this troll. No troll, no cry. Wessex botches. giant hook. I hope he wailers on this troll. No troll, no cry. Messix botches. Wessex or Messix? Messix. Oh, okay. Oh. Yeah, I thought you said Wessex. Did I? Nah, I slurred.

Maybe I'm drunk. World's turn three. Alright, so he just misses and that ends his turn, but you see him whiff as this thing is uh trying to bite vux uh terry you're up terry terry um picks up a small turtle that's walking by and says i'm sorry i have to take this and then steps back a couple feet tick tock tick tock you're up does he not know what a phone is?

Nor do I. I am going to stay where I am. Well, shit. Yeah, we got to kill this thing. I'm going to shoot him with my bow and my arrow. Go for it. It's a 12. Alright, that was a miss. Okay'm gonna action surge great and go one more time that is a great noise uh 16 that's a hit thank god in heaven uh i will do the same things before

the necrotic damage. Go for it. That's an enfeebling shot. So he's going to do a constitution saving throw. Is a one good? No, that's a bonus on that, but that's still a fail. Cool. Okay. Remind us what it does on a fail.

I will. So first I do six piercing, and then I do ten necrotic. Yikes. And then it failed. So the damage dealt by its weapon attacks is halved until the start of my next turn. So whatever damage. It doesn't have weapon attacks. He's using claws and teeth.

That doesn't. All right. Never mind, then. We're learning. Again, and someone might be, but the teeth count as weapons because I say. I'm sorry if that's the truth and I'm wrong. But yeah.

Is that how they sound? I just only know how to do Andrew Dice Clay's wife when I am imitating anyone. That's my impression for anyone. It's not meant to be. Where the hell have you been? That's my impression for anyone. It's not meant to be.

Where the hell have you been? You also see him kind of like, after you nail him with this arrow and he reels back a little bit, he snarls and kind of clenches his fists and goes, and just like shakes his head as if stealing himself. And he seems to regain some of his focus when he does this. Oh, I don't care for that one

bit uh dark throw you're up uh i am going now i'm gonna do a two-handed attack at his legs from behind and you're gonna get a sneak attack bonus this time i like it that's what i was hoping for uh i'm looking that up again because it has been a long time I think maybe do you only get it in Rogue class? I'm not sure that's what I was not sure of I had a character

that had it a long time ago but when I first started playing he was a Rogue come to think of it, Jackie that was the first character we all played with what was your guy then was your first guy I think it was an elf yeah no no I was a tree guy at my old house where yeah I was I would pick up events and Ernie and Sally in the front here in you bucket as my

elf I remember and. And Bic. Bic was the other one. It looks like you... Yeah, I was a tree. I don't think you can do sneak attack. I think I was wrong. But you are now behind him, so you have him flanked and you have advantage.

There's just no actual bonus to it. Well, you get advantage because you move behind him. So now you can roll twice for each attack. Oh, okay. So that's still pretty good. I'll take it.

Everyone who is worried I would give you rogue powers is breathing a sigh of relief. I'm going to go longsword first. So what was the bonus on it? It's a plus four, so 14 on the longsword. That's a miss, but you can roll a second time on that attack. Do I get a strength bonus to that too? No, you just get your plus to hit on your weapon,

which includes your strength bonus. Okay, cool. I think try that roll. Yeah, but you get an advantage on that, Brian. You only roll once. Yeah, roll a second time. You get to roll. Not as good.

Just a seven. So longsword misses, but go ahead and swing your dagger. Damn it. This one's a plus 6 to hit. 17. I want to roll a second time just in case it crits. No. No, it's a hit.

Go ahead and roll your damage. I believe it's 1d4 plus 4 with your dagger. Nice. 5. All right. So you managed to hack into his ankle. believe it's 1d4 plus 4 with your dagger. Nice. Five. You've managed to hack into his ankle. It's bloody. Good. He goes, Mwah! Halcine's up.

Halcine, you see pitch black. I go right back at you. So dark. So sleepy. go right back at you well just me so dark so sleepy um okay i um i am going to um what happens if i if i actually heal queep he immediately regains consciousness is that how that works if i actually cast a healing spell on him you know what i mean how does that i don't know how that works uh i think it depends how much healing you do right or no i guess if you're at zero yeah if you heal him you you uh okay so um uh halcine is going to um climb down off of out of this weird dark cloud that she found herself in.

You're going to do a dexterity check? Oh. Well, it's actually going to be a dexterity check with disadvantage

because you are in darkness and drunk. Okay. Who hasn't been there? Well, I could have had a 19 but instead I have a 10 all right roll 1d4 if it hadn't been for Dan and his rules 2

you take 2 points of damage as you fall off the bar and land on your head you guys all see Halcine bravely approach Queep and land on her face. You are knocked prone and do not, your turn is over. What? I can pray from a prone position. You're not on top of Queep. You landed on your face.

I mean. I find God in all places. Dan Walker is as much here in the floorboards as he is in the heavens. Now seen. It's true. Also, it's Vux's turn. Sorry, I tried.

He attacks the troll and misses Dr. Uid. You're up. He's the one and misses. Dr. Uwud, you're up. I'm going to... Is this thing facing me or facing who? It's attacking Vux over the bar right now. It's really trying to just rip him to shreds. I'm going to whip it again. Okay.

Okay. But I missed. Okay. So what I'm going to do is try to step back a little bit, maybe sit this round out. You whipped it bad. Whipped it really bad. I should have.

Out of shape. Shape it out. It's all my fault for not saying anything. I'm behind. Please do a death saving throw. It was too late. Whipped it. Whipped it bad.

Come on, queep. Queep, queep, queep, queep. Whipped it bad. Come on, Queep! Queep, Queep, Queep, Queep. Oh! That's his first fail. Well, he broke his

tower. He should roll again. No, it didn't cock his dice. He broke his tower on the 19. I'll cock your dice. I'll break your tower. Messick swings his whale hook again and misses. Terry, you're up.

Whale your hook. Hey, Terry. Yes. Terry steps forward like he's going to help, but then he says, I'm not really wearing the best shoes for this, and then he steps a couple feet back. Dark, you're up.

All right. Hack and slash again. Alright. Well, it's actually Pearson slash. But I slash first with my longsword. That's a 14, right?

That's a hit. Or 18. That's a hit. 14 was not a hit, but I saw that your bonus was past you. So roll your damage, please. Alright. That's D hit? Or 18. That's 18, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a hit. A 14 was not a hit, but I saw that your bonus was past you. So roll your damage, please. All right. And that's a d8 again. Plus two.

Or you can roll a second time for that crit potential, remember, because he's flanked. So if you want, you can roll that dice one more time and aim for a natural 20. I got an eight on that. You didn't hear me. What? Roll your 20 one more time. Oh, to see if I get a crit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'd like to on that. You didn't hear me. What? Roll your 20 one more time.

Oh, to see if I get a crit? Yeah. Well, I'd like to take that eight. Yeah, you can keep the eight. Yeah, no, no, no. So you get the eight plus four, so you do 12 points of slashing. Sweet. And now I'm going to do some piercing.

Roll it. Twice. That's a 20, right? Because you get a six. Six plus. You want to roll one more time and see if you can get a natural? Sure. Oh, it's higher, but yeah.

Roll your damage. I'll take the 24 then. Okay. Four plus four. Eight. Wow. All right. As you stab into him, he's looking really rough around the legs.

Not bad for Dark Sir. into him. He's looking really rough around the legs. Not bad for Dark Sir. You've noticed that he managed to seemingly regain focus earlier, but he's definitely starting to lose this Good, you guys. We're turning

this. Let's kill him. Halcine, you're on your face. It's my turn? Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna say the only thing is that um we don't typically do casting time for um for spells right no okay because this is a spell that i think would normally take a long time to cast so the healing thousand year eggs i only have prayer of healing and um like it's not a middle of the action kind of spell i don't have cure wounds right now

prepared got it um i mean i'll cast it if you if you say it's okay but it definitely is a pretty It's not a middle of the action kind of spell. I don't have Cure Wounds right now prepared. Got it. I'll cast it if you say it's okay, but it definitely is a pretty powerful... Yeah, that's the thing. It's a long... I know we don't typically really do casting time stuff, but it feels a little bit... Is it your only healing spell?

It's my only healing spell. Does Blaine have Cure Wounds? What do you have, Blaine? I have Cure Wounds. I also have... Goodberry! It's my only healing spell. Does Blaine have cure wounds? What do you have, Blaine? I have cure wounds. I also have... Goodberry! He's been whipping too bad. Yeah, that's the thing.

It's supposed... Mechanically, it takes 10 minutes, which means you couldn't even do it in combat normally. So I think I gotta say no. Okay, so for the future, I guess now we are doing casting times, but only for certain things. Yeah, relatively speaking. Yeah, I guess now we are doing casting times, but only for certain things. Yeah, relatively speaking.

Yeah, and I appreciate you being honest. I don't. Valkyr would have wanted me to, but I'm going to go ahead and bind his wounds or do first medical check on him. Yeah, I mean, you're able to just sort of lean over and start trying to wrap around his tums. So I have a proficiency too, so that's 18.

So, but I have, I can. You are bound and saved, sir. Yeah, 19. You're stabilized. Stable, but not conscious yet. The cutest of cuckoos. So that resets your things too, in case you take more damage, I guess.

So he's, yeah, you're stable. You have one hit point. Is that what it is? No, I think he stays at it is I fell out of my nest so if he gets hit again he has to start doing immediately start doing save and throws well lucky for you right now Doug Thuck seems very focused on the people chopping

on him Thuck swings that axe across this guy's face Halsey is taking a brief nap, just closing her eyes to rest them for a second after she did that. Don't do that while you're driving.

The floor is very comfortable. And hits the troll across the face for 12 points of slashing damage. You can see teeth fly everywhere. Blaine? Dead air? Nope, it's not dead air nope it's not dead air it is Doug Thuck's turn

oh okay that was close I was about to say is that a picture of your son wearing kiss makeup he tries oh

Doug Thuck misses three times very young still very cool It looked like he had white with black. Doug Thug misses three times. Still very cool. Okay, so while you were admiring... I guess I saw it because I wanted to see it. Doug Thug missed three times against Vux. He's really trying to destroy ducks, and he's just wildly swinging. Messick plants that whale hook finally

right in the ass cheek of this troll and does an additional 12 points of damage. The floor house seems like, yes, people of Bozor. And the troll just roars in pain. It's looking really bad, you guys. Terry, you're up. Terry looks like he's going to help, but then he says, sorry, I have like a gluten thing. And then he just steps a couple feet back. Tick Tock, you're up. Terry looks like he's going to help, but then he says, sorry, I have like a gluten thing.

And then he just steps a couple feet back. Tick tock, you're up. I'm going to charge up. Can I? Is there enough physical room here to be between those two? Yeah. That? Yes.

Okay, so I'll swing at him with my great axe. All right. Ooh, that's a 23, Dan. Is that a natural 20? No, it was an 18. I'm sure somebody got it. That is for sure damage. Pictures of the beginning

of this battle are we getting more as we go through? Yeah. Thank you again to my friend Jen Kretschmer for painting this bad boy. That is nine points of slashing damage.

Nice. What would be the most dramatic way you would like to plant your axe into this? Oh, I would copy my friend Queep. I would go, Cuckoo-caroo! And chop it right across his head and his neck. As you go for the diagonal into his head and his neck, see these things that almost look like vines.

These big, dry-looking blue and green chunks of muscle snap outwards, and you see his head lop to the side, and he falls limp on the floor. You destroyed the troll. Yay. You dug a bug, everybody. Yay. Awesome. Queep, are you okay?

I'm getting there. I'm going to whip up some good berries. All right. Four of them. And I'm going to give them to Queep. Good berry crunch. Remind us what good berry does in the way of healing.

Queep's all berries. It's a handful of berries that appears in my hand and each one restores one hit point. All right. You may now also do a prayer of healing if you'd like.

I think I'm asleep. Sorry, brah. Snort. Sorry, bro. Snort. Sorry. Go to the fisherman and thank him. The fisherman. The Vox and thank him. Yeah, Messick high-fives you.

Vox, he's panting heavily. He got hit pretty hard. Yeah, I will do that because that I can do. It's more than one person. Somebody rouse me. All right. Somebody go kick Hal seen awake how seen yeah what help this dwarf that helped us so much fucks bucks is your name pal I thought well my friend people of those are you cannot let this roll win it work no no

you did it you got up. Do a performance check with advantage. Do a performance check with advantage. 16. Complete your speech, please. Too long have you laid under the boot heel of this troll. It is time to take back your town. To take back your lives.

To get your money back from that troll. Go after that troll, everybody. Do it right now. We support you. We support you. As you finish your speech, the bar ...

Shug! Shug! Shug! and you see take his axe and carve Hal seen stout in the keg of whispers it's been it's been decades but you've earned it you finally take the place that's been held for years

by Bud Lime but there's never been bloodshed in the swollen port before and they do rely on this one as a bit of a muscle so they'll come looking for

the doorman as they call for the doorman, as they call him. The doorman to what? Well, they call him the doorman because he goes door to door. Oh, but he does not stand at a specific door. What? Never mind.

You're very literal, and it confuses me. I think it's a pretty standard definition I'm operating by, but okay. We know the word for his doorman in a different way than you do. He says there's a few tithe collectors and this is one of the scarier ones. He typically stalks the streets of Bozart Night. He'll knock all the doorknobs off of all the doors to scare people and generally cause damage on people's homes while they're asleep so they wake up afraid.

So Vux and Queep get back 12 and if anybody else I don't know needed some I think I get like 5. Vux is fully healed. What about that man over there? Terry, are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. Glad I could help.

That was fun. Terry, you are now level 12. Wow. Yay. That means a lot to me. Your class of audio engineer has many perks at this point. Vux, may I ask a question? Aye.

What do you think Thogus will be more intimidated by? Thogus? The disappearance of Doug Thug or a public display of Doug Thug? Well, obviously a public display, but if you could do it as far away from the swollen port as possible, I'd appreciate it if you're thinking of dragging him out and crucifying him. Let's do it. I don't think anybody said crucify. I think that's

your brain. Well, you did just murder a thing. It's not that big a leap. I think crucifixion's a big leap. Dark times in Bozor, my friend. Any minute now, one of the other enforcers is probably going to come looking for him. Is this a bad time for me to remember this about trolls?

That they could regenerate? It's not a bad time to remember. We should start burning this thing alive. Yeah, and hack its head off, too. Hack its head off completely. Oh, yeah. I'll chop, chop. So you lean its neck up against the bar,

and it only takes one swing of your axe to knock its head off. Where's the back door? He points. See that little door next to the bar there? Yes. He says if you go through there, there's a storeroom, and you can go out into an alley. Larger than the door.

After a few minutes, you're able to squeeze the limp corpse of Doug Thug through the door. Do you want to make sure that it's clear out there, Doug Thug? Sure. I head out there and make sure it's clear. Do a perception check. 20 plus whatever. You look up and down the alley.

It's a relatively big alley. It takes up an entire block of the dock ward. You're up next to a brothel that you remember. Wait, wait. I don't know if you've ever been inside. Would Darkthor have gone inside the brothel? That's really none of your business. Darkthor, those people are waving at you from the window.

But you peer down the street, and you do see there is another being that's sort of ominously floating down the street about a block and a half away, away from the bar. Floating? Like actually floating? Floating away. You must have seen that song that sign is this dog you rolled a 20 what's your perception bonus uh three okay uh it looks like um

uh almost like uh a floating jellyfish what if i go behind me what i mean uh if you if you look to your right you see this floating jellyfish-like thing. It's dark and far away, like over a block away, floating away from you. And then you look to the left and you see the ocean and a pier. Oh, wow. And you also see to the right is the brothel. What is the significance of that, of the brothel. Hmm. What is the significance of that, of the brothel?

It's just the building that happens to be across the alley. It's called the silken trench. They're saying your name. Oh, should we leave him in front of the, maybe let's do that. Leave his corpse in front of the brothel. Are you going to burn it or hack it into pieces?

No, we were just going to leave it in... Should we burn it? We should definitely burn it. I'd say at this point you guys are all in the alley, yes? Yeah. Is there like a town square or something? Yeah, so the town square... I'm going to pour a monster energy drink on its next dump

so it doesn't... If you go five blocks north, you'll go to the Merchant Ward. Is there a cart around here? We could put them on a cart. There are carts along the docks. You'd have to walk into the streets. Why don't we just put it on that pier? That pier seems like a pretty public place,

but it's not really near anything. And much closer than Town Square. If it's about being discreet, I can do that. I can... Everybody roll a stealth check. I thought we didn't want to be discreet. I thought we wanted it. No, about getting the cart.

He said going to the street to get one. Well, it depends. You guys, I guess, haven't decided yet. Are you getting a cart and hauling it to the town square? I'm going to go grab the cart, but I'm going to be discreet about it. I say you burn the body and take the head. All right. You walk down...

Pike. Yeah. Yeah, you walk down the docks. I'm keeping in the shadows as much as I can, and I actually have, I think, something to help me do that. Somebody set up a person. It's quite serious going on. So, yeah, you walk just a little ways down the dock,

and you find a cart that's full of dead fish. I flip the fish into the street and I take the empty cart. Do a strength check. I scoop them out hand by hand. It does take a little longer. Do you need help?

I got it. More time has passed than you'd like and you managed to move the cart to the alley. You lumped the troll corpse in there? We should go fast. Yes, let's go. That thing is coming. Yeah, let's go.

All right. You realize heading north, you no longer see the floating jellyfish-like thing, but that is the direction that the thing floated away to. Okay. Let's keep following it. Okay. Well, you don't see it anymore. Well, you head in that direction.

You head north into the merchant ward you notice uh there used to be gas lamps along the street but they've all been smashed in uh it looks like the whole city has indeed been sort of knocked down a peg on the status and when you get to the city square uh you notice uh there are hooded figures sort of standing around it when you get a fair distance away do everybody do a stealth check 24 12 12 16 23 you managed to get but block it halfway you don't think you're you've been spotted but you see um there are two figures in hoods that appear to be standing guard around the city square the city square is in front of city hall there is a a large building uh to the north side of the square i'm actually 24 and there is a large well-kept grass lawn in front of the city hall

oh yeah because the guys didn't say we want to go to visit this guy in city hall, right? Right. Am I sober yet? Thogus, no. Yeah, okay, so I need some time before we do that. Should we take a rest or something? Just leave him here and set him on fire where he is. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. How about this? I think you would all know instantly that if you set fire, you would immediately draw attention from the certificate. Put your body down and then shoot a flaming arrow at it. Oh, that's a good idea. Soak it.

Let's get as far away as possible so we can disappear back into the town. Who's going to soak it with oil? I will. Do a stealth check. I'd say the rest of you, I'm assuming. I think it's pretty good. I'd say the rest of you are'm assuming I think it's pretty good I'd say the rest of you are backing away yes as he does this it's a 21

you feel like you can get him absolutely covered without drawing the hooded attention the attention of the hooded figures why can't I put words in order it's tough man they will start searching as soon as we do this uh yeah They will start searching as soon as we do this. Yeah.

How many of them are there? Two. Two that you can see. So let's just get to a distance. Yeah, get as much. You're going to head south back towards the dock ward? Yeah, towards that bar, right? That's our home for the moment.

Back towards the swollen port? Yeah, we got this thing away from there. So I'm looking up how far you can fire an arrow. Do you know? If someone has a fire-based spell. I could press to digitate 10 feet. Or I can... I have a flame blade,

but I'm not close enough. Let's just shoot the arrow. You gonna shoot a flaming arrow? Shoot a flaming arrow. Alright. Shoot that flaming arrow. Alright. Shoot that flaming arrow. Do you have dark vision? I do not. Alright. You will be doing this with disadvantage. How far away are we? It depends how far away you want to go and you have to tell me again

how far you're trying to get to shoot this arrow. I can use my crossbow. It has a 400 foot range. It has. Oh. Queep offers to shoot. Now, do you have dark vision no I do I think it'll be lit that's the thing you would all know as you back away

you either would prefer dark vision or somebody who knows how to fire an arrow or what if someone cast fairy fire on its body fairy fire doesn't ignite it's not I know outlines it, though. Right? So that then you can see it.

Oh, yeah. I'll do that. Advantage on the attack. All right. You cast fairy fire on it. I'll cast fairy fire. All right. You see what color glow is going to be around the body.

It's going to be dim, so you don't have to worry about drawing too much attention. Blue, green, or violet, Brian? Violet. I'm looking at the... All the alright so whoever rolls will get advantage he should do it he can shoot much further so you're going to get how far

how far away are we I have 400 feet this is several city blocks north of the bar so I would say you'd probably want to go pretty far does the fairy fire work for anyone who's looking yeah yeah you know he would you would cast it would probably want to go pretty far does the fairy fire work for anyone who's looking uh yeah yeah uh but he you know he would you would cast it i would guess within you know right away when you're close enough to cast it and then you would back away even farther so there's a 60 foot range

on fairy fire yeah i'm trying to see what my two hit is on this too again i can look up your to hit on the crossbow it is plus four to hit you have a range of 100 feet oh it's a heavy crossbow does it matter 100 feet plus four to hit you get to roll twice just shoot it and then we're gonna take off right 20 why don't you roll a second time why don't you roll a second time six just curious uh you uh you you arc it what are you gonna do as soon as it's out of your because it's a hundred feet it's

pretty far what are you guys gonna do as soon as run yeah stealthily uh everybody roll a stealth check uh as you turn your head you see this thing land perfectly in the troll's body and almost like a mushroom cloud of flame fires up for just a sec. I mean like it's like a flare fires up.

I saw that can what's everyone stealth track 25 14 24 16 one you guys know like snakes just fucking zip silently towards the bar. Queep as, as you look behind you,

and you... My symbols! What's the most confident thing Queep would say after knowing he nailed that shot? My symbols fell in a lake. Kalakaloo, of course. Okay. Garden tools in my...

So Queep says... Kalakaloo! ...turns and trips and just lands flat on his face uh you guys all make it a solid two blocks away before you even consider that queeps not keeping up with you

because i go back you go back and uh as you head back you notice there are the hooded figures are rushing and surrounding him. Can you fly? You see at least four of them. I'm about to.

How close are they to him? About 100 feet. They're not looking your way. They're still looking. You help them up. Yeah, yeah. Fly, fly. Go, go.

You're up by the time he gets to you. What do you do? I'm flying. If I can grab him, I'll take him with me. Okay. He's pretty big. Do a athletics check. All right.

And athletics check. Five. That's probably not good. Oh, boy. Lane, what's this athletics check brought to you by? You have a plus five. That's a 10. All right.

When I was in France with the army... Wait, why'd you roll it twice? I thought you said I rolled twice. We're doing an ad. Stop playing Dungeons and Dragons. Excuse me! I can pause. Okay, dude, whatever. No, I just...

When I was in France with the army, one day I looked into my kit. I thought I would find me a sandwich. But the darn thing was loaded with shaving cream.

Be nice and clean. Shave every day and you'll always look keen. I don't remember nor do I know why I would say roll twice. I think you're taking that first, which is a 10. Thanks, Brian. You, with great effort, tried to scoop up TikTok

and you lift him off the ground, but you get him only like five feet off the ground. This looks ridiculous. You guys, you're still running? Yes. So you make it almost...'m just running like not oh you're you're you're you're you're doing like a with your legs while he's lifting you off the ground not helpful at all uh you all make it we are a great team you and i make it to the dockward

uh the three of you make it to the dock where you look back and you just see Queep in the distance, his great wings flapping with great effort while tick tock his legs. Flintstone like kick it insanely. Any moment now. Just got to catch the wind. Tick tock and Queep do a perception roll. 17. Not good. Do a perception roll. Oh, boy. Oh, no. 17.

Not good. Was that with your bonus? Two. Yes. So while you're doing the Scooby-Doo Flintstone legs, you look over your shoulder, and you see four hooded figures are kind of like turning their heads at the ruckus of the wings.

Shh, quietly. Try to flap quieter. Do another athletics check. Ugh. You get five more feet off the ground and it just seems like you're not helping by lifting this guy. Drop me.

How high above the ground? You're 10 feet off the ground. You sure you want me to drop you? I will be fine. All right. Get away. So you... Fuck, you land.

How far are we from the hooded figures? You are about five and a half blocks away. You guys can't even see the hooded figures. We can see them, though? Like in the distance, you see them. Okay, I'm running back towards them. Okay. And then as soon as I can see what's going on... I have something that I can add to my dark vision to see. Okay, what's going on.

I actually have something that I can add to my dark vision to see. Okay, what's that? I want to... Oh, sorry. Oh, no, yeah, I'm sorry. I thought there was a pause. What were you going to do, Halcine? Once I'm within 120 feet, I'd like to cast Fog Cloud in between

them and the figures. Create a 20-foot radius sphere of fog centered on a point. It spreads around in between them and the figures. Nice. It's a 20-foot radius sphere of fog centered on a point. It spreads around corners until the area is heavily obscured. So, yeah. That's cool. If you like this stuff, check out my fog cloud.

It's going to be very moody. Never mind. What were you going to do, Dark? I have to be way too close. Okay. So you cast this fog. By the time you run over there, you do notice the hooded figures are beginning to chase in their direction.

You throw the fog up between them. And this time, Queep and Tick Tock, you're able to, if you want, flee. Are you headed in the direction you were originally hoping to go towards? I think so, yeah. Okay. As you guys start heading back, you know you're being pursued. They're still in the fog as far as you know, and you see alleys to the east and west as you jog south.

Do you try to catch up to your friends, or do you... I try and shake them. I think we should try to take some turns. Are you going to try to do the three of you together? Yes, together. We shouldn't have been heading back to the bar anyway, right? Because they would know where the ruckus happened. Well, we're heading away from the bar.

And you see these three, Darkthor and Dr. Ud, running towards you. But at this point, I'm giving them a choice when they're still a block away. We'll signal to them to go this way. Yeah, we're going to just turn up an alley. Okay, so you're pointing west. You're thinking to head west? Yes. All right.

Yeah. Everybody do a stealth check. Should I be rolling with disadvantage or anything here since I'm still wasted? Great question. I'm going to do it really quick. So stealth is a dex

and with dex, you are not taking any penalties. 17. 21. 18. This is what decks? Stealth. Oh,

stealth. 19. So you all hide behind trash. I would assume. Hey man, they're people. Wooden pallets. I mean,

that's the only thing available for cover in these alleys these are all low to the ground buildings near the ocean and when you're hiding in the alleys you all are gonna try to peek and look for them to head by what are you doing helsina is trying to stifle laughter remembering what it looks like for for quib to be lifting into the sky she keeps really trying to be lifting him into the sky. She keeps really trying to be serious, but the thought of it is really... Let me try and listen more than peak. Okay. Because we would hear,

I'm assuming, feet running. You hear for a while... Weren't they floating? No, the jellyfish was floating. Okay. But we didn't see that coming after us. The hooded figures are different. for a while. Weren't they floating? No, the jellyfish was floating. But we didn't see that coming after us. Got it. The hooded figures

are different. You hear for a while silence. And then you hear Do you have a hut? You don't have a tiny hut anymore? That's different. Coming from the street.

Like a weird garbled... Yeah, you two are in different alleys. This side of the table, you're in one alley about a block north of these guys. Okay. You both went west. No, right now, just you guys in that alley hear it. Do I hear it too? Mm-hmm. And it how it's they are looking for us um

okay are there um okay um i would like to basically i'm going to use a thaumaturgy um and i'm going to create an instantaneous sound originating from a point of my choice within range which is 30 feet so i want to i want to like basically do it behind wherever they are right now like on the other side of the street like away from wherever they are and wherever these guys are basically um and i just like it to sound like um like feet running. Okay, so you hear like across the stone and you hear as if a cloak is turning

quickly away. I give her a mechanical thumbs up. And we'll call it. Nice. I thought I might get to pull out some more minis. We'll have to save that for our next adventure. Hey, Sam.

Hi. What happened in this episode? I'd be happy to tell you. Yeah, please tell us. So today's notes. Doomstalker Ranger is a great series of words. Halcine is up on the bar like Coyote Ugly giving a speech. Queep is still hurt and we have to help him.

And there's a fisherman here to help um oh the first time dan said sneak attack for dark there i thought he said snack attack and i thought that was very cool uh dark there hacks an ankle and how scene falls off the bar blaine whips it bad and queep failed something also it's hard to respond to your character's

name so kudos to you all for being very good at that uh can is feeling better and the fisherman hooked a guy in the ass. Tick tock destroyed a troll and nobody bit on where's the back door, which blows my mind for this group. Dark third check to see if it was clear and sees a brothel and we're going to burn a troll and I am concerned that these hooded people are the clan. Ken shot an arrow and then fell on his bird face

and then tried to fly and then dropped TikTok. And we just heard a cloak. That's awesome. Good job, Terry. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon. BrianPersane.com, Forever Nerdy. Everybody, anything anything else Dan?

I'm doing as many live dates as I can check them out on my social media that's it Lane you got any live dates coming up pal? Yeah I'm doing my one man tribute to Stanley Kubrick at Madison Square Garden for the next three weeks they're all sold out so don't even try it

looking for tickets, don't even Google it, but it's happening. Me at Madison Square Garden, my one-man tribute to Stanley Kubrick. It's funnier than it sounds. Trust me, I hate to blow my own horn, but you gotta see it. Rick Wakeman helped me write some of the songs.

Wow. Yeah. Yes. All right. Thanks for listening all right thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.