Nerd Poker - S4E18 Flaysacola

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

After making their mark on the rough and tumble town of Blingbottom, our heroes head north, seeking the order of monks that knows how to locate the legendary hammer of Bahamut. Hopefully they won't light their own transportation on fire out of vague suspicion. 

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Possehn, and you're listening to Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Episode 18. It's a new year. I'm looking at my friends. Look at that. Hey, Blaine. I'm looking at my friends. Look at that. Hey, Blaine. Well, howdy, Brian. You had your raised eyebrow.

I knew something was going on. And there's Ken. What's up, Ken? This guy. This guy? Oh, this guy. Yeah. You ruined my joke.

Hey, Chris. Hey, Brian. We're getting it done in 2021. Do you know the sky is up? Yeah, this guy. Yeah, this guy. And then over here, we've got this guy. What's up, Dan?

Oh, not much. I got two thumbs, though. Awesome. And they're way up. And Sarah. Hello, Sarah? Oh, not much. I got two thumbs, though. Awesome. And they're way up. And Sarah. Hello, Sarah. Hello, Brian. How are you?

I'm doing fine. How are you? I'm good. Great. And then in the upper left, where I like them, everybody. Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey, buddy.

Dan. Dan. Brian. Is there something you usually do about now? There sure is. I like to thank our Patreon supporters. First, I like to yell a little bit. A little hot in the mic. And then, after I've gotten hot in the mic, I thank folks who are at the Stargoyle and HeyBossTiers

on Patreon. They go by names like Matt Mendoza. Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt. Thank you, Gam of LOD. Thank you. Thanks, Gam. patreon they go by names like matt mendoza thanks matt thanks man thank you gam of lod thank you thanks cam caleb evans thank you thanks peter harman thank you brando's jowls thanks yogurt egg pants six six six we all know that joke what's happening there I don't know thank you

well I like that last part because it stands for numbers thanks Kendra's rule thanks I was promised a crimson fang damn it Congress thank you black Miro thank you Jordan Brooks thank you Dordan brooks thank you dink stein cooler thank you sorry blaine my name

is ozzy not arty johnson thank you brian tevis or tevis thank you sarah's toilet rat no oh my god i have to say again was not my toilet rat but i do live in fear of it thank you the toilet rat that sarah summoned into all of our imaginations please change your patreon name to that thank you i always check in the middle of the night sorry i talked over that please again oh well uh i bet my wookiee is what that one is uh yeah pity them thank you lorax with three x's j zinister thank you thank you chris ayers thank you josh d thank you svadistana kevin thank you thank you and of course thank you woody hairless one thank you it's like woody harrison harrel Except hairless one. I can't say a name. Hey, Blaine, who were those Patriot supporters brought to us by?

Those Patriot supporters were brought to you by Iron Skillets. I swear to God, if you clean it, you're dead. If you try to clean it, you try to get food off it, you are dead. Do you understand me? You're not supposed to clean it. You have to season it. You have to season it. You have to leave the dirt on it. Do it, get seasoned.

It's an iron skillet. Read the instructions for function. Iron skillet, Dan. Thanks, Blaine. I used a cast iron skillet for my lunch, and now I'm thinking about whether I cleaned it right. Dear listener, Blaine was working the camera.

That was like a Fincher movie. That was great, Blaine. Yeah, I got some screenshots of that. Oh no, no, no. Yes, it is. Blaine, your pores are great. Oh thanks, I just shaved today. I shaved my wife cut my hair yesterday.

Yeah, your hair looks great. I was going to great it looks very very neat my my third pandemic cut my hair just simply isn't growing since i cut it i feel like it's been six months and it's just like you know what i'm tapping out this year i'll start growing again in 2021 oh sorry we're still in 2020 yeah i need to trim mine's looking terrible we could just go in and like turn off the hair go you know what i don't want to grow hair for a couple of weeks just what you do is you just tie a knot in the end of each hair and it doesn't grow really i uh what i think that sounds like witch doctory what do you what no that's? That's so true. Yeah, it's not true.

But I'm trying to do the opposite. Although my husband now has a bob basically. Like a page boy? He hasn't cut his hair once during this entire time or had it cut. Did you get a Prince Valiant? That's what's about to happen and I've already discussed how. Let him out. Sarah, who cut your hair?

Cut him some bangs oh well technically he did i told him what to do and he did cut it so we can't actually blame him but i i made a mistake all around delegating it with the length whatever look marrying gino it's fine it's actually like the least bad thing that's happened in the last 10 months i really can't complain so about my hair but anyway yeah you guys all have great I feel like everyone has great hair look at Chris's

beautiful curls you guys keep going and then shaving awesome beards and then they grow again they look cool and then they're gone Ken always has some

some awesome like handlebar mustaches and then there's like some real sideburns happening and they disappear maybe we should let you decide what our facial hair is for each of us like give you like the like i want somebody to have a handle on your woolly willies how about that's a patreon tier everybody's facial

hair if there was ever a time i will pre-disappoint listeners i can't grow hair very well on my upper lip. Like, nothing happens. Can we trade? I won't put saying to have, like, the huge, like, handlebar like, coming down. Yes. Yeah. I've done every variation. Have you done, like, a full curl situation, like, out here? You should have, like, a huge metal stash. I did.

I did some weird shit just to make Melody freak out one time when I was shaving it. What? And I kept going in, like I went in with the Hulk Hogan. I was like, what about this? You know, and then I went in with the full biker and, you know, and she's just like, keep going, keep going.

And then I showed her the Hitler. Oh, no. God. It always ends with the Hitler. Brian, when was the last time you were like full fully clean shaven have we seen you clean shaven in a while i haven't done it in a while now uh i feel like i saw you do it like 10 years ago though yeah i've done it before i did i did the uh we were on the road comedians of comedy and and i did the full hitler on that like that was the last day we were in uh we were uh what's the island where were they shot uh jaws we were on amity oh uh martha's

vineyard yeah we went to martha's vineyard and i thought that would be a good place to uh but hitler wasn't in jaws yeah i was like what's the connection? No, but if you're Hitler, you can get like a mayor. Who's worse? The mayor from Jaws. Yeah. Who's worse? That's an easy one. Hitler.

My point was there is no connection. All right, here's the pitch. It's Jaws, but what if the mayor was Hitler? That's actually, yeah. There you go, you found it. Oh, man. That would actually be an interesting movie. Oh, horror.

You know what else is a horror? What happened last time? On bunch of people slowly opening a house one room at a time. The podcast. And talking about their hair for 20 minutes. Yeah, our heroes. Who made the podcast. And talk about their hair for 20 minutes. Yeah, our heroes talked about their hair. First of all,

yes, I did make the house. Second of all, I made this house and didn't think you'd actually explore it. It's one of those things I make, I'm like, this will be running

in the background just in case. Wait, what's that? They want to help the old lady find her dog? Whoa! Better get that whole shit out. They probably won't be suspicious of all the...

What's that? They're talking to one of the... Oh, fuck. I guess I'll just reveal that. They're going in the house? Oh, here we fucking go, you guys. Here comes 12 episodes of this. Anyway.

Yeah, and we still have an invisible Johnson upstairs. I feel like I've really described enough of what's going on. But yes, I'm dropping the voice. There is a knight upstairs guarding a ring that, for some reason, Chris is choosing to refer to as invisible Johnson. No, no, no. You're talking about the big invisible guy in the tower. In the tower, yeah.

I thought it was part of the bodice ripper lady meserman story that you've been slowly writing the invisible johnson upstairs was like a chapter or three or you can call him invisible ray jay dan we're so sorry uh anyway yeah yeah i mean i'm basically done with the recap. You get the idea. I guess what the real question now is, how do you guys want to proceed? Do you want to kind of like deal with the items you just found in this cabal meeting room? Some of the other options ahead of you

are explore Blingbottom more i all things considered you've been in blingbottom quite some time um i will say that uh just for clarification sake this house is technically yours it is being acknowledged as such by the lord of town because you made a decent persuasion check with the guards uh however it does feel like this town is a bit um stab them if you got them uh you don't know if you should have someone uh protecting the house other than the butler if you want to sort of keep your claim to it okay iva is intrigued at the idea of having like a home base that seems it's been a while since she's had anywhere to be so she's gonna pitch first we got

to get that guy out of the tower maybe we just let him go back to the feywild then she's gonna pitch first we gotta get that guy out of the tower maybe we just let him go back to the feywild then she's gonna use some of her money to hire like interior decorators from bling bottom while we're gone on our adventures who are gonna just totally redo the this house we can think of a name for it and it's going to be our special hangout place get rid of all the evil stuff they're just going to clear it out while we're gone now when we come back it's going to be like an awesome place to recharge and relax castle cutie sure no no i love that but we do but we do have to deal with that guy and also the suit of armor that even Lady Mesermane couldn't move. Or maybe we just seal off that room.

Well, perhaps our time in this town will reveal secrets about this place before she lived here. Perhaps there is a reason that suit of armor is protecting that ring. And, you know, if it needs to be dealt with, we will. But perhaps it is doing good. Okay. We do. As long as everybody's... I think we should leave.

We should maybe let that guy go and, like, speed it up, and then we leave. And then if everyone's okay with my plan to have this place just... Yeah, great. Redone in the style also you haven't checked in with kurt at the adventurers guild to let him know how the presenting of the dog skeleton went with lady mesermane so we'll like deal with this tower guy we'll let uh do you guys want to hire this um elf as our butler octavio just let him go oh hi sorry I didn't realize you were right there

awkward I was nearby and I'm a little nosy if I'm being honest hello would anyone like lunch I see you've been exploring you look a little dusty excuse me for saying so yeah let's

sit and have lunch for a couple episodes. Yeah, I mean, you guys eat lunch. There it is. Okay, so are we going to let the guy out of the tower just to get him out of here? Or could we just leave? Yeah, I guess. But if we want it to be like, you know, our home base, it just feels like he's fucking up. Let's go up there and open that door.

We should hire an exorcist. Okay. So you guys. That's going to be part of the package. Head on over to the tower. Burn some sage. Yes, exactly. Once you get up there.

Yeah. I mean, he's pacing around up at the top of these stairs and he's just like it's you again are you here to finally free me of my prison and open this door if we do that for you what are you doing for us

I will be in your debt I suppose but right now I am powerless alright we're gonna hold you to that perhaps one day I will be in your debt, I suppose, but right now I am powerless. All right, we're going to hold you to that. One day I will be able to... He kind of like mulls it over. Do a persuasion check. Thirteen. I'll do my best to one day return to your realm and return the favor.

Do your best? You don't think you could really give it a little more something something he grunts I'm going to employ something I as a little rabbit folk

have a thing called unwavering cuteness what I can so my eyes well up have a thing called unwavering cuteness what I can so my eyes well up very cartoonishly big with little tears just hanging at the edges I can use my natural charm

and cuteness to gain advantage on social interactions I can cast this spell charm person once per long rest so what that is is this thing has to make a wisdom saving throw dc12 all right if it if it fails it's charmed by me until the spell ends and all i sure here comes the roll ew I rolled a six

so he has a plus two to his wisdom that is not nearly enough cool what's his name again do you do gotta look that up actually let's look it up brought to you by polonium from the makers of moscow hotel edge brutal beating polonium when you need somebody dead polonium's got your back

polonium in your underpants now dan viralis viralis please vir. All we want is to know that one day we'll see you again as friends. You'll come back, won't you? Won't you? He says, hold out a coin. Hold out a coin. Okay.

He depresses his finger on it for a second. you feel a weight and a strange rune appears on the coin and he says rub this coin between your palms when you need me and i shall appear oh cool okay so now we gotta try to open this door for him. Good work, Nathan. Ooh. Unwavering cuteness. Why I signed up for Dungeons & Dragons. I mean, right?

This can be your study now. I feel like you earned it. All right, so how are you gonna open this door? As far as you know, it's magically locked. Okay, so I'm first gonna just try the good old lock-picking lock picking opening great slide a hand check please that is a 25 wow okay well who am i to scoff at such a thing you get your lock picking kit in there man a crazy mechanism switches that you've never even felt

before and you feel like a weird whirring noise happening within the door like a solid couple of feet away from the doorknob device itself like it feels way up in the door and you're like what the fuck and all of a sudden the door goes and it seems unlocked wow nice

and with a roguish wink I open the door you open the door and you see a a very like large skull-sized eyeball floating around and suddenly pivot and turn towards the door you hear a shrieking noise as it fires some sort of bright white light into what appears to be the invisible friend you have that has burst into the room, a large sort of doorway that is sitting in the room that has a portal and it suddenly lights up and looks, it begins to swirl like a portal and then it disappears again.

And when it disappears the eyeball suddenly desiccates and shrivels up and lands on the ground this all happens within one second so now is there a path the portal's gone is there behind the door is there something there that like we could go to or is it just like everything's gone now there's actually some stuff here um so i'm going to reveal this room and roll 20 if you guys are all present see we got nathan's token dragged over there he's ready to party i love to party he wasn't gonna let unwavering cuteness go to waste and miss out what was happening in this room so you see there's this sort of doorway which is uh represented uh up here this top thing that uh and then there's a window down here and here uh then there is a trail of blood leading to the window and a pentagram with

candles on the floor. Yay. Brian, is this your bedroom? So is this where the eyeball was inside this room? Yeah, and now sitting right above the pentagram there's this, or on the pentagram really, there is this sort of like crumpled up dried flesh that used to be a floating eyeball

hmm um can one of our magic people do like an arcana to see like what spell this might have been or what's going on yeah can we yeah that's a great idea josh you're good at that what you casting

just like a general arcana check at that. What you casting? Just like a general Arcana check. Anybody who's magically inclined. Sure. Alright. Arcana. Jatch, would you be good at that? Or anybody? Danny? i got a 17 okay yeah i rolled a 10 i'm kind of useless on this one well you get the sense that this is something generally called a floating eye it is a floating eye that uh it's a great name so great and i had to roll what to find out that that come on dan

hey roll i rolled a 15 yeah it's a big truck wow hey thanks yeah so it's it's called a floating eye uh it's its powers are looking um not blinking though it's got no floating eyelid uh but you you get the sense that this thing was some sort of magical guardian summoned and kept in place by this pentagram and that should the door ever be open it was there uh you think your invisible friend destroyed it when he entered the room it did hit him first with some sort of blood trail heading to the window is the window open uh the window is closed at the moment the fuck is that all about old blood maybe like something had to be sacrificed to make the pentagram and so then that the victim rolled maybe they caught a bird can i investigate the window

yes roll it please that is a 22 oh yeah it looks like there was a struggle you think you see handprints along handprints handprints freddie prints uh uh his son handprints was uh here no the there's like there's like handprints there's fingerprints it looks like a humanoid um was like dragged out the window and was like trying to stop itself from being thrown out the window and was bleeding openly all right but while it's dealt with i mean that's what the the cleaners are gonna do they're gonna put a you know some wallpaper up probably some wall-to-wall carpeting over this pentagram and this is going to be a cozy you know library or uh vanity area reading no it could be redesigned sure for alice are you all right

it seems you may be free to go. There's silence, and you realize he probably went through that portal. He went through the portal. So, you know, he's gone. The portal's gone too, right? Yep. I mean, there's an archway that it appears could be magically reignited somehow, but none of you are aware how.

Ooh. All right, well, you know, while we have this coin to call on him when we want, and does anyone who knows magic, can we just like kick apart this pentagram? Can we like wash it off or whatever before we leave? Yeah. But I think if we just break it, right? Like just break the circle.

What's it? There's candles in the points of the pentagram. It is burned into the ground with what appears to be like some sort of hot steel oh but it's in stone i mean you do think you can you know uh get rid of it a little bit but man all right well let's just go for now we'll leave this to the redecorators. Okay. You head downstairs and you say goodbye to Octavio. Yes. And say, hold on the fort.

Um, say what? Are you holding down? Yeah. Like take a, where are you? What are you telling him? Just what are we going to give him?

We're going to give him some coin to take care of the house. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Um, supervise the, uh, remodel. Yeah.

And we're going to, yeah, we're going to let him know we're going to send some people to redo the house. He nods. How much are you leaving him? I was just looking at how much we have. We're concerned about the night

at all? Don't forget about all the bone coins we just found. Those might come in handy in a city such as this. Well, I'm saying perhaps in addition to cash cash, maybe leave some boink cones in case

troublesome dipshits come sniffing around looking for trouble. Right. Okay, so can we give him, let's give him uh how like do we know dan like how many boing cones equal like a gold piece or whatever uh yeah it's it's about a one-to-one okay all right so let's i'm gonna leave him that's a fair exchange yeah very easy to remember too i'm gonna leave him five of those okay special things and then five gold pieces he says oh and he like winks um when you

hand him the boing cones i'm just saying this is for this is for him and this is also for house maintenance and we're gonna send some people to to also do some stuff to the house. Sure, he understands. Also, Chris, he leans down to Nathan and he says, I wasn't trying to be sexual there. That's on you, man. And then... That's fair. It's a good... But again, we're not concerned about the

night guarding the thing at all. I mean, I think we are a little bit... Do you want me to have the decorators stay out of the room where I try never to spend much time. Yeah, for now, does that make sense to you? Why don't I run up there and cast message real quick and say, Some people are coming to fix things in the house, but we're keeping the house safe, so you shall be safe. As long as they pass through quickly, please leave them be.

My name is Nathan. Do an insight check. Insight. Oh boy. Fifteen. You hear this loud deep gonging sound

almost like a giant metal bell being clung underwater. Just this reverberative metallic hollow echo in your head. You, you, you feel like it's not the greatest response. Like an alarm, like an alarm.

It, it doesn't sound quite like an alarm, but it does sound like a sort of sour. Got it. Like a warning. Ominous thing. Not their favorite. Maybe like a warning.

Sure. So maybe I'll go out to Iva and say like, and the group and be like, are we leaving that room alone? I mean, I think we have other stuff to do. I say we just seal off that room for now. Let Octavio not let people in there. Just do work around them. And we'll deal with this that room for now. Great. Let Octavio not let people in there. Just do work around them. And we'll deal with this when we come back. Okay.

So I'll go back in to tell him, this room will be left alone. No. Stop talking to him. Oh, you mean Octavio? Oh, no. I'm talking to the knight. You don't think I should talk to the knight anymore? I feel like he was upset that you talked to him before.

Am I wrong? Am I reading that wrong? Will the decorators be able to access the bedroom and the other rooms without going in there? Well, that's what I was worried about. I was reading it as him saying, don't touch the house. Okay. Also,

when are we going to pick out patterns? Fine, let's go. A really funny turn to me, but yeah. Sorry. a really funny turn to me but um yeah sorry all right well are you going to look for yeah are you gonna look for the local decorators uh society here in town this can be an off-camera thing but let's just say oh no i say we do several episodes i mean there there is a tailor who can redecorate in town you can go to the tailors oh yeah i'm just saying i feel like can that just be can that just can we just quickly say like i'd like to have somebody go through the house i'd like to hire like a great a local magic

user uh somebody to go through the house just get rid of all of the deathy stuff and um you know just make it like a nice place for us to come back great sure um you know you don't really know uh who to hire magic wise but you do think you could get some priests uh that's okay i was gonna say that kurt would have an idea but yeah when we have to go back to him yeah you want to go to kurt and maybe he can give you some tips? I bet also Danny and perhaps Tootie would be interested in visiting that temple again. Perhaps we could swing by there and see

if they need any help with anything. Sure. Drop them off some cash. You do think the temple of Boralicis, the priests there, would be able to maybe burn some sage in the house and what have you all right yeah great so do you want to should we do kurt first or the priests

first kurt cool kurt kurt kurt kurt you head down to kurt and boy oh boy is he shocked and excited um that you were able to to. His jaw just hits the floor when you relay what has happened. Are you leaving anything out? I don't think so. Okay. And listen, he needs his finder's fee because he unwittingly...

Wow! To have a stronghold in Blink Bottle, that sounds pretty impressive. You can see my little shack here. Sometimes a stiff wind knocks it over, so good on you guys. I look at everybody else and I'm like,

should we send, should Kurt, should we have Kurt go there? Well, perhaps Kurt could help Octavio not get murdered. Kurt could be the caretaker there. Inevitably, when the boss of the town comes to try and steal things,

perhaps Kurt could sort of be our emissary. Kurt may not be hearing this directly, but he does offer himself up. He says he doesn't have a ton of you know, monetary resources but he was a knight at one time and he does have some combat skills and he would be happy to

watch over your estate with octavio cool so great great if he wants to run his you know Great. Great. And if he wants to run his, you know, adventurers club out of there, I think great. You know,

he can. I mean, he, he's, he's interested in willing. He thinks that he'll definitely get more good hearted adventurers. If he is no longer in a shack that everyone makes fun of. So he is, he's quite pleased to dress for success.

Kurt. You got it. I'm going to buy a new suit over at the tailors. Who I hear you might need to hear a thing about. Yes. There's a tailor in town called the Velvet Clutch. They are able to upholster furniture, provide a certain amount of paintings for your home as well.

They've got an artistic consultant. And the proprietor would you think from just talking to kurt that you would be able to you know hire their services can we like delegate kurt to deal with this while we're gone because i feel like we're going to deal with like a lich and the other the weird monks in the lake and stuff right i'm gonna change my hair in the mirror nine times okay so you change your uh hair in the mirror nine times um are you gonna head out of town basically yeah like can we can we is that okay dan if we are like we're passing on to kurt kurt is gonna redo the house he's gonna you know connect with who he needs to to get the bad juju out of there and then, you know.

Yeah, so it'll cost you about 20 gold to sort of sweep out the house and get it decorated. How much gold does everyone else have? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought the group had a bunch.

I have two. I hold up two gold coins in each hand we found actually take one of them back as one of them has the mark of uh uh viralis on it the only coin that we found that i recall at lady master means was we found one platinum that we stole off of the yeah that's worth 20. yes this says 10 in my dndb oh 10 my mistake sorry i know so um you're running low on funds nobody else has any cash right i just have the group oh we have stuff to sell we have the hairpin and the other things all right let's do this weird video game thing where we're gonna human flesh bag find a merchant and then we're gonna like sell stuff i'll i'll i'll scale it down for you guys you don't feel like you have to spend it all episode tell me the item and i'll tell you what you can get for it in bling bottom um how about just the box that the vampire was holding the yeah the like the ornamental

sort of cigar box type chest thing uh you could fetch the five gold for that what about the hairpin hairpin um i mean that is definitely like a very fancy sort of old hairpin that you could get 25 gold for. Does anyone want to keep that hairpin for any reason? Well, we don't know if it does anything. That's true. We didn't do anything with it. I felt like it's like his lady love on Amina or whatever. But okay, well, what?

Oh, we have all that stuff from from remember the like rolled up tapestry and yeah all of the tapestry which we know is not magical and just worth cash let's sell that tapestry you can sell that you can sell that tapestry for 75 gold oh done and done right so many tapestries we're gonna need to decorate to decorate. So, okay. So tapestry gone. I have a black stone in my notes, but I don't remember what that is. That is the, you think it might be some sort of night hag item that was in her little flesh pouch. Got it. Okay. I'm removing the tapestry and then I'm adding the gold minus 20 to give to Kurt

for the redo. Cool. Alright. This place is going to look great. You're going to have a manor house when you come back to Blink-Dot. A stronghold, he called it. Kurt tells you if you want to

hire a carriage, it might be in your best interests to take a carriage you're going uh if i'm not mistaken to flaza cola right up on the north coast where you believe that those monks are is there a reason we can't just take horses oh he he says you can take horses but there's there could be dangers in the jungle and a carriage would just provide additional attention you can you can you know, skip it. How many days are we talking about? Like a week.

Do people want to have a week's worth of adventure on the way? Yeah, do you guys want a carriage or not? Raise your hand if you want a carriage. I feel like the carriage might be might be trouble if we have all our stuff in the carriage it's like all our eggs in one carriage

it's a one stop shop yeah okay so we're just gonna get horses then I guess yes and exterminate anything we see I can't wait to see a bunny riding a horse uh buying a horse riding a horse.

Buying a horse is a fairly expensive proposition. Oh. I knew we should have bought more tapestries. Somebody wants to give us horses, right? Give no, but you can buy them for 10 gold apiece. Let's take the carriage. How much is a carriage carriage you can hire a carriage for two gold a person

alright then yeah we gotta do that then right yeah we don't have to remodel the house well you've already paid but even if the remodeling the house was turning already at the velvet clutch picking

out a wallpaper and the horses are like three times that yeah all right so carriage it is you can afford horses it's just going to take most of your money yeah we don't want to do that all right enough yet then you're going to head up to the same stable you would to get horses up on the north side of town except instead we're going to be talking about hiring a carriage um they tell you yes there will be a carriage coming here in the evening uh that will depart in the evening and um you know i'm gonna go ahead and you guys all have uh your your bonus episode characters out here on the map but um if you look at the daven glavenavin map this is going to be a pretty long journey

up from Blingbottom on the south coast you're going to be navigating around Hell's Stair, there's a river with lava in it the carriage is going to take that route along the coast and then along the river because that is where there is the least hostility. You're going to make a pit stop in Plankendaken and then head a little bit farther north to Flasekola. By carriage, it will take a little less time.

It'll only take two days. And unless you have any specific plans, I can take over the narrative from here. I'm going to leave my lupins in a safe place. Is that a Dennis Moore from Monty Python joke?

It is. Hooray! A reference. I understood it. Me! Me! You head a hard reference. Me! You head up along the coast. You head up along the coast,

and there's not a whole lot that we're going to say happens other than you guys observe the jungle, and it's a little ominous. There's a few times where you see across the river a little gnome folk that appear to have snake heads that sort of leer at you. It's disturbing. They look familiar. It's like that guy we saw in the underground tunnels. And you believe it's part of that cult that worships the volcano god.

The volcano looms quite ominously to the west. And at one point, you do pass a point where active lava flowing down the side of Mount Vescus is landing into the river. And you ask your carriage driver, what is the name of that river? And he tells you it is called the back off lava river because the water comes from an underground spring and is constantly cooling the lava and also opening up underground

caverns so there's this sort of like very hostile environment where water is constantly being pushed up the ground is collapsing more rock is being built up by cooled off lava. And so he just basically, you don't want to go too near this river.

It's bad news. It's basically on fire. There's collapsing caverns all around it. They say that it's part of a larger cavern network under the island. So you're kind of reminded of, that's how you got to Davenglaven is through an underground lava cavern but uh without any further ado other than sleeping you guys make it to flazacola uh

next day but first you're making a pit stop at plankendagen which is the city just southwest of it are any of you going to get off the carriage um you've you've had one other person on the carriage who wanted to go here so he's a little dwarf who hops off goes about his merry way it's another c town there's a lot these are a lot of coastal towns so you're not sure now that you're in plank and danken if there's anything here that's not in flazicola uh than this town, seems to be a lot cleaner than Blingbottom. Smaller, but cleaner. Does anyone want to stretch their legs? Yeah, I want to stretch them right to a card room.

Ooh, are we gambling? Is there downtime? There can be. The thing is, the driver is kind of hoping is there downtime? Uh, there can't, there can be the, the thing is the driver is, uh, kind of hoping to move along, but,

but, uh, I asked him if he wants to just a quick round of something before we get going. Oh, he says he'll play you and dice himself. Great. All right.

Get to 10 sided dice. We're doing a new game this time roll the gambling okay uh roll your 10s and tell me what you get 87 okay now uh so an eight and a seven take the higher number and add it to a d6 that you will also roll gonna add it to a d6 that you will also roll okay so that's 12 total yes uh and now you can gamble how many gold pieces are you willing to gamble on the number you just got uh he's all right well i'm willing to gamble 30 gold pieces oh man

oh let's say 25 and split the difference uh he's this is just a win this is just a deal yeah uh and he reveals his number is 10 so i win you do you win the pot you get 25 gold he's i'm done gambling and you guys head north to flazikola

wow wow it was rough all right you guys make it it's it's this huge port city um as you pull up you immediately think you see a few temples there's there's like like on the south end of town where the carriage pulls in there's like a temple for um paralysis the the dragon god you recognize um there's another one for the nature goddess that you've heard about uh bonnesty there's there even looks like there's one for the giant naked mole rat trickster god that you heard about and you're kind of like oh this is this is crazy and and you hop off you see there's people riding around on dinosaurs um there's just there's a lot of merchants and it's a very bustling port town what people riding around on dinosaurs you know yeah like in the bible times

is that the thing that yeah it's thunder lizards pretty sure jesus had a t-rex there are two did you not play with us sarah when we had dinosaurs like a couple apparently not yes i guess that's like you guys no one reacted except for me so i guess this is something i guess oh it's exciting there appears to be two kinds of dinosaurs people are riding around and there's like merchants riding around on large duck-billed dinosaurs that have flat bony growths growing out the back of their heads, and there are what appears to be hunters or mercenaries riding around on large raptor-like dinosaurs.

Whoa. Okay. So you've arrived in town. Now you are looking for an order of monks called the filament of dongle and you're not sure where to find them so uh what's the order business it is you know late in the afternoon it's going to be evening soon you can find an inn uh and start in the morning or you can go carousing or you can go looking for trouble but the goal of finding these monks is you think they have a lead on bahamut's

fury the hammer that can save the world should we maybe get a good night's rest and start fresh because i feel like we've kind of been yeah that's not a bad idea refresh my great healing pool okay well there is an an along the port if you want uh there's a lot of seafaring folks you see that one right away it's called bucket of poison it's an actually nice looking, uh, in that seems to be trying in a little bit of irony there, but the, it's, it says bucket of poison in common. And then it's got kind of like a large jaunty mug of ale with like green sort of toxic looking booze spilling out of it.

Um, but it's nicely made and there are not just sailors, but like well-to-do merchants and dandies coming in and out of it oh dandies okay yeah dandies there's Chris Elliot and Cabin Boy coming in velveteen touch of a dandy

fop yeah that's right are any of the merchants dressed similarly to the vampire that we saw hiding out in Lady May's remains treasure room. Do an insight check. Oh, wow. Insight check.

Dan, how's a three? Suck your dong. Feeling a little dry down there, if I'm being perfectly honest. The three. Let's listen yes that's the sound it made uh but yeah the uh the three won't get you much in the way of recognizing merchant where but yeah it was a merchant as a merchant that's an interesting Recognizing merchant wear. But yeah,

he was a merchant. He's a merchant. That's an interesting... I would like to do the same thing. Alright, I'll allow it. What was it? Insight. Vampire merchant check. Aren't you aware that's insight? Yes. That is a 20.

Nice. Well, there it is. You notice that there is a lot of gold stitching around the edge of these merchants robes um you're not sure what the deal is but uh they do seem like local merchants and they do appear to resemble the same sort of gold stitching along the robes of the vampire truly do any of them look like vampire no they're walking around it's light outside sunlight they're probably from the same place though that maybe they weren't turned i mean it seems like these robes might be indicative of flay's ecola right as opposed to and then it just happened that some of them were turned to vampires and they were in the or one of them

and they were in the... Or one of them. Oh, my God. Vampisaurus. So if you head on in to Bucket of Poison, you'll see more of these merchants sort of sitting around the tables. You'll also see seafaring folk who are fishing. A couple of them are telling some sort of

monster war story at the bar. And the innkeeper lets you know that our room is a silver a piece per night. Yeah. I'm going to do like my general investigation check of just like the room. See if anything stands out, anything seems odd or interesting. Okay.

Uh, do a perception check. Everybody can do investigation or perception uh i'll allow investigation if you guys want to stalk around you can pick perception or investigation perception is if you just want to sort of get a lay of the land investigation yeah i particularly want to like really scout it out and the thing is if you're going to roll investigation i'm going to say there's a chance you could arouse some suspicion from certain other curious folk oh okay well then i'll do perception okay perception as well i did a 17 20 name for danny oh 12 okay uh who was rolling perception

from those 17s and 20 perception any all perceptions, cool. So with the 17, you guys realize there are mostly, it looks like locals here. It looks like it might be like a kind of place locals like to show up at. A lot of the sailors who are here kind of, you know, look like this is like a special thing for them to visit Bucket of Poison. It's a little outside their price range so to speak and there are a couple of shadowy looking rangers having some

kind of meeting in a booth in the back of the bar classic lord of the rings situation but um other than that the only other people who really draw your eye are the group of sailors who are talking about killing a monster or trying to kill a monster what are they saying uh it's it's it's hard to pick up without trying to jump in the conversation but they're definitely talking about something that uh destroyed a boat recently and uh how there's a bounty uh but that it seems like the bounty isn't high enough and they don't know anyone who's willing to kill this thing because it is uh impossible to kill was it our boat you feel like you'd have to kind of like nudge your way in the conversation to find out which you could do

but you know if it seems to match a vague description it's a sea monster destroyed a boat what are the guys doing in the darkness we think some other kind of things going on yeah a couple of hooded figures seem to be whispering and keeping an eye on everyone as they walk around if you had done an investigation check and you had rolled low, they might have been leery of you because they seem to be trying to keep a low profile. I see. Danny, do you want to go say hello to those fellows? Or find out what's going on with this big sea monster.

All right. Danny's intrigued. Okay. Danny's intrigued. Okay. Take your pick. Flip a boing cone if you can't decide. Well, me and Nathan are going to go over by the hooded figures and just kind of hang out.

Let's get a stealth check. At this point, you know you don't want to unless you're trying to avoid her. Very cool characters. If you want to overhear stealth, if you want to talk to them, talk to them. Over here. Cool.

We're stealthing then, are we? Yes, it's up. I like it. What did you get, Danny? Low. I have a great stealth bonus but shit 7 total oh I got a 5

so never mind yeah I mean you walk on over just kind of like and you try to, like, at the same time, like, talk to each other while looking at them, and they just sort of make eye contact

with you instantly when you're walking right past the booth. And they get very quiet. I will point my wand and cast a message and say, you look very friendly. My name is Nathan. They kind of light up they realize they're being magically

spoken to one of them silently just in through telepathic connection whispers to Nathan what business do you think you have with us

Danny Danny they want to know what business we you think you have with us Danny Danny they want to do what business we have with them that's your time sure tell about the times here Oh you have anywhere in Big Sur that we could rent for at least one month of the year Danny should we approach them and say we're here to help? Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever you want us. Bye. Danny and I are here to help.

Are you saying this via telepathy? Okay. Via message. Along with our other friends. I see. Well, we are going on a hunt for some lost individuals. Are you game for a hunt? Danny, I want to go on a hunt. Um, do we get the sense that they're good?

Do an insight check, Danny. 16 plus 3. They seem like some classic Dan Telfer grizzled morally gray Rangers. morally gray rangers um when are you going i mean who are these people you know like more details and then also we have other people with us i would i would want to say but we can't really completely commit unless we uh at this point if you're danny you're sort of sidling up into the booth with them so you're saying this out loud oh no you're sort of whispering to nathan and nathan's gonna telepathically send us yeah extra slime all right so you pass this on nathan i would say we're with we're with uh we're traveling with some friends perhaps we need

we need to consult them before we can make any promises. Well, we are hunting for some monks. Their temple has been ransacked, and they have gone missing. I say that very thing to Danny. Danny hears perk up that monk. We're in give me a second so we'll walk back over to the gang

and tell them what's up I'm in I love the idea are these the same monks that we were going for I mean who knows did you ask he did not ask no no no Who knows? Did you ask?

He did not ask. No, no, no. I'll ask him. Scoot back, scoot back and be like. I don't even need to scoot. I'll just turn around with my wand and go. The flingle of flabble or whatever they are. Can you give me the 911 on them monks? The monks are called the Filament of Dongle.

Oh, okay. Aha. And on that note, we'll find out whether or not you choose to join them on their hunt for the lost monks on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Hey, Sam. Hello. What do you think happened with these goofballs? Oh, I'd be happy to tell you. This week, after hearing Dan say I'd like to formally request Nerd nerd poker merch that says stab him if you got him.

We're going to flip this old house and keep the butler on. And we got a magic coin that summons our invisible buddy. Ava picked a door open and a floating eye was inside. And I got very scared. Historically, big floating eyes haven't been good to us. But this one popped right away. We're trying to get Kurt to watch over the house while we're gone and there's a 100 chance he goes in that evil room we sold some things for gold and we use some of the gold for travel it's probably

good we got a carriage and not horses for ourselves because last time we got donkeys i think we left them all to die uh nobody reacted to the dinosaurs except sarah which is very funny and we met some new people who are into fighting monsters even in dnd it's important to meet new people uh dan you got a uh show just coming up yeah won't you join me in my regular friday haunt it's my twitch channel twitch.tv slash tell for dan thanks for stopping by give me a follow or a subscribe even that's my salesman voice goodbye I have my metal show Grandpa's Metal Stash on

Gimme Metal Radio every Tuesday at 10am and then I have stuff over on YouTube posting the band is where we put up new stuff but we have a new video new music sucks and it's got some guest

stars uh weird al's in it that's one watch it if i could just really quick let's do a general plug you guys it was an awesome uh thing to have all of you stick with us during uh the 2020 um if you're not aware of exactly how it works we have this patreon account where we are always doing three bonus episodes a month where we have a lot of cool guests and play other games do other adventures have other characters but also the patreon page has got tons of like question and answer things it's got behind the scenes videos uh all kinds of junk and those people through their support I mean we've been able to

continue to do this because I otherwise we wouldn't but yeah man there's been great bonus stuff this year has been you know we kept me sane or last year kept me sane by doing the amount

of stuff we did you know it was so much fun it's it's a lot of great great guest episodes and a little bit of a silver lining that we were able to do episodes with people who live in other states like gail simone so it was really cool yeah yeah yeah yeah tom lennon after he moved it's been it's been Cool. Well, thanks for listening. Oh, really quick. I'm just wondering Blaine, are you doing anything with Stacey Keech these days? Yeah. I was wondering too. We leave

on Tuesday for a big chili cook-off in Santiago. I think we're doing breakfast this year. So you're doing a cook-off in Chile, but it's not Chile. You're cooking breakfast in Santiago, Chile. South America.

With Stacy Keech. Yeah. I think we're probably going to hit the Zanies and Concepcion. Are you following COVID rules down there? Yeah, they are. Being safe? Okay, good. Thanks, everybody.

Yay. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.