Nerd Poker - S4E21 Memaw Melee

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

The Castaway Cuties try to power through their most difficult fight yet, as fingers of doom start pointing and hit points start dropping. Hopefully those helpful NPCs they saved from the mutant gorillas will come in handy, right guys? Guys?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker

episode 21. Yay! My friends are here. Oh, look at them. We've got Blaine Hello Blaine Hi Brian Uh Dan Hi Brian

Hey buddy Hello Sarah Hi Brian Are you in Gotham? It's Rapture I think Uh this is um Rapture

Underwater Yeah Bioshock Bioshock Oh yeah I don't know if that came that well I know you love it Sarah will tell you to play it, and you'll feel very sad. Oh, I've been told to play it.

Chris got bummed by it. I was like, it's the greatest game. You got it. And then I just really bummed him out. Sorry. Well, you have to make some. Oh, you didn't like it? He's too good for that world.

You bummed him out. I liked it. Let's finish the intro. Wait, wait, wait. And then I'll get into my Bioshock. It's because you suck the life out of little children. That's why you didn't like it. Chris,'ll get into my Bioshock. It's because you suck the life out of little children. That's why you didn't like it. Chris, who didn't like Bioshock, here's Chris, everybody.

Hey, guys, it's a new dawn, it's a new day. And then in the middle, how'd you fall on Bioshock, Ken? I love Bioshock. Because you love killing kids, right? I've played it and played it again. Blaine would have loved Bioshock. It's not the killing so much as

drawing fluids from them. You're not supposed to. That's what got upset Chris. Also, they're not actual children. They're like composite. They're weird little fucking space future children. Monsters, right? Yeah, they're monsters who approximate. No, they... Okay, well, we're gonna get

into spoilers about the entire series. Listen, I got to the good ending. From 15 years ago. 20. No, yeah. I, well, we're going to get into spoilers about the entire series. Listen, I got to the Grudender. From 15 years ago. 20. No, yeah. I just did a spit take all over myself. Actually, Bioshock is based off another game by the same developer

that has basically the same gameplay and plot, but, you know, they rebranded it. Up in the upper left, my friend. It's Sam, everybody Sam everybody hello sweet children you guys love to kill it's going good I can't see is that an explorer on the far right hanging it looks

or is that a V it is it's the one Blaine gave me oh nice nice I thought it was a giant crucifix and I was like that feels off brand yeah that's what I hung it was a giant crucifix, and I was like, that feels off-brand. Yeah, that's what I hung it on. Blaine was very specific.

Hey, Dan. My dad was a mason. Yes, Brian. It's a new year. Politically, things have changed. Oh. We know we have some other, you know, we're not going to get into it but let's be thankful do we have some people we can be thankful for

I'm going to channel all of my positivity into a little thing called thank you Patreon supporters thank you Nathan's Erotica fan club I'm a member they're springing up all over the place.

Thank you, Blunderware. Blunderware? Blunderware. Thanks. Whoopsie, it's Blunderware. They're the underwear that's Blunderware. Blunderware is dumb to wear. Thank you, Sarah's long-awaited end-of-show plug.

Oh, it'll come and you guys are gonna... Thank you, Blingbottom Jeans. Thank you, Cabbies on Pot. Thank you, Teachers Talking Teaching. Whoa. Thank you, Tyler Parsons. Thank you, Andrew Tomovic. Thank you,

Voop Da Boop. Thank you, Andrew Tomovic. Thank you, Voop Da Boop. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, we know we love this one. Danny's Huge Pants cause too much McFlurry. Thank you, Nick Hinks. Thank you, The Randomore. The Randomer? Who knows?

That guy does. I don't. Randomer. Thanks, Jeff. Oh, we know this next one. Thank you. Thank you, short but meaty chode missile. Thank you, Alex Parambo. Thank you, terracotta kiln Carl. Thank you, Riley.

Thank you, Kelsey Roth. Thank you, Anthony, James Cook. And finally, thank you, four nice guys, a girl, a pizza place called Palladino's. Thank you. Love that one. Hey, thank you. Four nice guys, a girl, a pizza place called Palladino's. Thank you. Love that one. Hey, Blaine, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us? Abai. They're brought to you

by Red Vines. When you don't have the budget for Twizzlers, send the PA out for some Red Vines. Also brought to you by Budweiser Heavy. 22 calories, all the butter but heavy get heavy but heavy

promotional consideration by Red Vines who'd like to say hey fuck you Twizzlers I was gonna say I thought we were gonna get some shit from the red fine people.

Cause I think most people like red vines. It's usually the Twizzler people that you're kind of like, all right. Yeah. I was, I was, I was surprised to see these guys like, uh, you and your raspberry licorice. It's not supposed to taste like that. It's two different, it's two different things. I don't know why it's just Beatles.

Well, I can't all Twizzlers be black licorice flavored and taste like a root you find in a haunted forest? Are we now going to shit on black licorice, the best flavor? You know what else? I'll shit on black jelly beans. The best jelly beans, obviously. I'll shit on good and plenties. I'm sorry that your taste is so unrefined. I like that nice, hard black licorice

with salt on it. I do like licorice sometimes, but I get sick of it if I have, like, two of any licorice-flavored thing. I want my candy to taste like Drakkar Noir. Mmm. When you say it's the best flavor ever, do you mean the best flavor of licorice

or the best of all possible flavors? Because one of those will make me scream at you. The black licorice jelly beans are the only good jelly beans. Still wrong. What? Have you never had? I buy them just you can buy just a bag of the black ones. And I do.

Yeah. Can you go on like the Jelly Belly website and order a bag full of whatever you want? Yes. I don't know. I guess you know about the Jelly Belly website. I'm not that familiar with their... Oh, man. R.I.P. Rocket Fizz and Birdman. Can you just get all chimp?

Have you had those horrible Harry Potter ones? Yeah, those are very great. Oh, my God. They're terrible. That was actually a sketch I did for the Jon Stewart show way before Harry Potter, and it was bad jelly bellies. And they were like, there was chimp, there was old man, there was orange and grout. Warm diet right in the park.

Chimp. Apple and foot. Chimp is great. Chip was one of my favorites. Oh, man. What was that Doug Benson joke? That a blueberry... What are those things called?

Those bars? Blueberry power bars taste like a foot took a fart in your mouth? Oh, God. Perfect. Hey, what happened last time we played this game? I guess I'll tell you. I was too busy thinking about the fact that everybody started.

We're going to have a story, but I won't. Nerd Candy is our new spinoff show. We're going to every week. It's going to be us, this group, talking about candy that we love or hate. We single-handedly probably are responsible for 50% of the sales of Sweet Heat Skittles. Oh, that's true.

For sure. Did I tell you guys? I think I told you guys about this. Maybe it was on a bonus. I got a throat infection because of Sweet Heat Skittles. I forget if I did this on the air. We did talk about it. Yeah.

It gave me COVID. Oh, no. Yeah. Like it like burned like my throat to have old candy and then drink wine. And it left me open to a fungal infection in my throat. Which that was on you. was great it does feel like that first of all it is on me second of all i don't think i can like eat a candy that is expired like that hasn't been made i still have a bag but i don't think i can eat it like i have it for like

sentimental reasons it's got to be the the irritation of the um the heat on your soft palate not necessarily the uh the expiration date yes but i'm just trying to prevent you from libeling the skittles corporation and then you know you know at least not make skittles we're like eight years past brands doing like any kind of like social media and like oh you talked about us on your podcast we'll give you free product we're so years beyond that now you slant you now you gotta slander them and wait for them to send you free shit to unslander them that's how it works now right they'll probably be like hey boy what's up and then on twitter and then i hope they call me a boy i'm serious they have those every single social media person on twitter now is like a weird, flirtatious or depressive.

Are you guys not aware of this? There's like an entire. They've moved on from that like Rick and Morty calling you a bruh. And now they just call you a boy. Steak, I'm started that whole thing. Yeah. All I know is those new mid-engine Corvettes can suck my dick. They're the worst.

Prove me wrong. Send me one. We've all got opinions. It's Daria. Mid-engine Corvettes. I heard the vaccine's full of horse shit. I know. I dare them to send them to us.

Preferably the one that takes one shot. Good luck getting an appointment, boy. Jesus. Oh, my God. I got one, and i need to get my second one i can't get an appointment fuck pappy van winkle that's i will say uh ken if it's any consolation i have heard it doesn't matter if it takes more than three weeks all that matters is you get it and you have to wait three weeks once you wait three weeks it's like it's more about

like don't forget don't be lazy make sure you activate it by getting a second one because they're worried people will just like put it off like they put off going to the doctor yeah everything or just anxiety and fear will make them go the system is getting better for sure especially since the 20th I

Dr. Fauci says we'll get him we'll get that 100 mil out thanks Dr. Fauci you're 80 get that 100 mil out. Thanks, Dr. Fauci. You're 80 years old and you work 12 hour days. Look, you guys, I have a no hawk. You look like a Carmel Hershey's kiss. You. Oh,

yeah, you're right. I'm Mr. Heathmeiser's brother in law. I'm her son. Oh, my God. First of all, I got a screen cap of that. Jack Jack grew up. Listeners, it's crazy. I always have this chicken baby hair if I don't shave it,

and then it's gotten worse. This is like the longest I've ever let this baby chick hair go. Dude, that's a nice point. Yeah, it's gotten worse. This is like the longest I've ever let this baby chick hair go. That's a nice point. Yeah, it's fucked up. I've never heard that referred to as chicken baby hair before. Well, baby chick is what I meant. You know how they're a little fluffy.

I have to notice they go straight up. They sort of get a little point. There's nothing you can do except look at old pictures of you when you had hair. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to tell you what happened last time on Nerd Poker. That's right. Here I come.

This guy. Our heroes, sometimes known as the Castaway Cuties, sometimes known as the Nice Five. Oh, here's another one I thought about. The quirky mercs. Yeah. Came up with that one in the hot tub the other day. It's real. Gonna go take that one to some bitch meetings.

You guys won't believe how much people are gonna like that one. Anyway, our heroes went inside the Leviathan spiral, a mysterious exoskeletal formation in the middle of the Davin Glavin jungle. They brought with them a couple of rangers, and they shimmied up the shaft of the spiral and slid inside a crack. Inside, through a tunnel of purple fungus, they found what appeared to be the enchanted wooden home of Nathan Whiskers'

great-grandmother, who appeared to him once, many years ago, encouraging him to pursue a career in wizarddom, and now appeared in the wrongest place ever, question mark, after some interrogation and Tootie the Paladin

smashing her door for some strategic reason he never made completely clear except chaos, they uncovered that this was in fact some sort of illusion produced by a 20-foot tall nightmare creature that we are currently in mid-combat for. We now take you to Nerd Poker, where Brian Posehn just played a vape pen like a fucking flute. Hey, Blaine, who is that intro brought to us by? I want more commercials. Give me a commercial. What do you got? What do you got? Interstitial brought to you by Dusk Dishwashing Liquid. Get your dishes clean at the end of your life. Dusk Dishwashing liquid. Get your dishes clean. At the end of your life. Dusk.

Dishwashing liquid. Stare into the distance. The squeak means it worked. Dusk. Dishwashing liquid. Dishes to dishes. Dusk to dusk. Dan?

Thanks, Blaine. All right. So I've got Dusk to dusk. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. All right, so I've got the link to Roll20. If you guys are not in Roll20, I highly recommend you go ahead and click that link. I believe most of us are in there. I won't say who isn't Brian Posehn, but if you could just go ahead. I did.

I just did. All right, all right. Calm down, me. So, yeah, you guys are mid-combat, and we just, I believe, had a turn from the 20-foot-tall creature with the

horns, and I have up next in the turn order, Grigsby, who is represented by that horned tiefling behind Iva. Oh my goodness gracious. So he's gonna go and fire an arrow at this guy. It's gonna be a miss and he's gonna try that again and that's another miss. Tuco's gonna try and get in there for his turn.

Oh, it's not his turn yet. First, this other unfortunate thing happens. You guys hear a strange, uh, whisper. I don't like that at all.

Coming, um, up from behind everyone. And you see a strange ghost-like apparition that the upper half of it looks like a demon, the lower half fades into the shadows, appear as there is a scream from Grigsby. You look around, this thing is right behind him

and it's taking a swipe at him. right behind him and it's taking a swipe at him. Yeah, after a couple of rum and cokes, probably. Oh, by the way, hey, just in case we have any problems, the mail came and

I got a stocking stuffer late, but Christmas dad jokes. So if we need to fill any time, late, but Christmas dad jokes. So if we need to fill any time, I have some Christmas dad jokes ready to go, Dan. Just let you know. Let you guys know. I can't wait. I should hold on to stuff like that.

Whenever I get one of those as a gift, as a comedian, I hold on to it long enough for someone to see at my house who gave it to me, and then I throw it away. And now they all know. I got a bunch of stuff that I ordered before Christmas that came a few days ago. And I just dropped it off. That just happened to me.

I have several Christmas presents lost in the mail forever. Anyway, this guy is going to My gifts came late, I just got some Rush Fly-by-night socks from Melanie today, they were for Christmas I just got a bucket of Easter chicken from my

brother back east and it's yeah, I don't even want to think about it it's kind of like if you touch it, it vibrates Oh god Yeah, it vibrates. Oh, God. Yeah, it's ready to go. I don't know how to get it out to the garbage. Dan.

As I was saying, this thing hits with its claws digging into Grigsby. And then another one appears going after Tuco. Same thing happens. It hits.

They're both taking some psychic damage. And they both, after they make their attacks, disappear into the shadows. Fun. Just sort of blend into the darkness between the mushrooms. Now Tuco attempts to move over here by you, Danny. And he's going to take a couple of swings with his sword. It's a miss and a hit. His sword plunges into it.

And again, this thing's body just almost seems to absorb the glancing blows that it takes. And its weird, tiny little puckering mouth just sort of quivers a little bit with each hit. But nothing seems to be doing a permanent amount of, or not permanent, but like a jarring or encouraging amount of damage. It's like it's resisting a lot of these physical hits.

Up next in the turn order is Jelf. Hey, Jelf, what are you up to these days? I was thinking that i would uh i kind of want to duck back here a little bit sort of get a little bit of this uh uh kind of around the bend or like like a little bit before the this opening in the cave yeah but i do want to uh just get another uh shot off you're standing behind me. Okay. Well, go for it, please.

I'm just worried that I'm hurt a little bit. Yeah. Like an octopus rushing back to the jar I found. It's worth noting, too, one of your ranger friends really took a beating earlier and although

you brought him back to health he was a little rough uh i shot with one of my elven arrows which is uh plus one i think uh uh but i rolled a three so i'm gonna forget that ever happened i'm afraid that is a miss yes yeah do i get miss, yes. Do I get a second attack at all? Well, gee whiz, that's something I usually leave you guys to track. Let me go ahead and pull up your character sheet, and I can tell you something. I don't think I do. Yeah, you know, definitely look on your character sheet

under either the attack actions or bonus actions. Yeah, bonus actions. Once you're short rest, I can use the bonus action to regain some hit points. So, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm okay. You're a fighter, so it's not outside the realm of possibility. My memory

goes that you could do a second attack just based off your class, but I've got to, like, put... Cool, I'm going to take a shot that misses and then duck behind some cover and try to regroup a little bit. Cool. And that rhymes somehow. I heard it.

I enjoyed it. Up next. We've got Danny. Hey, Danny, you just scooted right up in this guy's face and tried stabbing at him. Can I, I'm sorry.

I just, before you start, can I ask you a question just so I can prepare for my turn? Yes. But I'm also listening to what's going on, or trying to. Do we have disadvantage on our attacks right now, or does he have advantage on his attacks? Something happened right at the end of the last episode,

and I can't remember whether we have disadvantage or he has advantage. Uh, he used an ability on you um on somebody i don't i'm not sure who it was uh if uh i had 2d was frightened okay i think but then the rest of us all also it said something about i thought it said something yeah right yeah oh that's what this is. I think everyone took necrotic damage. Yes.

And then 2D became frightened, right? Yeah, but there was something with the necrotic damage that was like, I thought, maybe I'm wrong. What I have is that everybody from the group got hit by an annihilating aura from this thing. And that one person and I didn't write down who sounds like it was to the I'm afraid and paralyzed. Yeah, you're you're afraid and paralyzed because he used Finger of Doom on to the okay, I just Googled that and it says it gives the Nightwalker,

I guess that's what this is advantage on attack rolls. Oh, cheating against well i'm you're i have a question i'm trying to answer the question um yeah yeah for you i don't think you're you're you have any status effects right now so but he's gonna have advantage against us is i guess what i'm trying to figure out is what you told us um if you're frightened or paralyzed I think but I don't know I thought it was pre the frightened or paralyzed I mean I just I just am trying to figure out

how best to wow I don't know I just listened to the episode before this and I thought that's what it said but I could be totally wrong yeah hang on I need to reread because i don't know where that came from uh what is martin prince brought to us by oh uh this martin prince thing is uh brought to you by advil am keeps you awake for the pain

uh sorry i was just checking out some of these funny dad jokes for Christmas. What do you do with a green reindeer? I don't know what. Wait until it ripens. These are great. Oh, perfect. How do you keep a reindeer from smelling? Ow.

Hold its nose. Oh, here's a good one. What do you get when you cross rain with deer? These dad jokes are great. What do you get when you cross rain with deer? Hmm. I don't know. Why don't you ask my sister-in-law, Helen?

She knows. She's the fucking expert on everything. Oh, this book is a little blue. All right. I'm sorry. my sister-in-law Helen. She knows she's the fucking expert on everything. Whoa. This book is a little blue. All right. I'm sorry. I don't have. Oh,

wait. Yeah. I've been reading that Sarah, um, that you posted. And then I think this happened. Which is separate to 2d. Correct.

So 2d has these status effects, but as far as I know, nobody else... But the first thing says that he gets advantage on us until the start of his next turn. That's all I'm trying to figure out. I didn't know whether we had advantage or he had disadvantage. I didn't know who did or didn't get the saving throw, though. Got it.

Okay, so anyone who didn't make the saving throw, though. Got it. Okay, so anyone who didn't make the saving throw... Okay. I feel like I need to go back and listen to the last episode, because people don't know if they got hit by this thing. I think it was... Tootie was the only one who saved, and hence, that's why Tootie received the Finger of Doom.

Yeah, that sounds right. Really? Okay. I think we all took 12. Does everyone feel like they took 12 points of damage? Because that's what I believe happened. I've taken a shitload of damage. Okay. And then Tootie had an extra thing.

But I thought we all took fear and paralyzation. Yeah. I think now Tootie, your farts are like super stinky. Just you wait. Oh no! Okay, sorry. I guess I need to take better notes because when time passes like i don't remember this stuff and then it trips me up uh okay so there we go uh do you have any more questions sarah i i'm sorry i made you do all the work

uh no no it's okay i just wanted to okay we were having the conversation and my i got sorry i just wanted to know if we were preparing to be rolling disadvantage i knew it was advantage either he had advantage or we had disadvantage and i wanted to be prepared for prepare my attack differently yeah if you got hit by the aura then yes, he gets to roll advantage on you. Okay. And that brings us back to Danny. Danny, as I was saying, you are kind of parked right behind him on the map there. Yeah. Am I behind him or is he in front of me?

I mean, is he turning his back to me? You asked this last episode. Yeah, please don't. There's no way on roll 20 to elegantly flip which way a thing is looking. So don't think about that. And also your character doesn't have any backstabbing

or like stealth attack abilities that would make that particularly relevant, like dark or sturdy. Well, if he's not facing me, I'd love to hack at his Achilles tendons like I'm the little kid in Pet Sematary.

You can go ahead and give it a whirl for sure. Sure. That's what I do. Roll that attack, please. No fair. Not high enough. Okay. Well, what was it?

Let's see. I only get... I get a plus five. This guy's a real mean asshole. I get a plus eight. It's 15. Oh, that's a hit. That's why I hit it.

Oh, it is. Yeah, this guy's got an armor class of 14. He does have a lot of hit points and can do a lot of damage, but he's got an armor class of 14. He does have a lot of hit points and can do a lot of damage, but he's got an armor class of 14. Cool. Well, I short sword him. And then now...

Six plus three. Four plus three is seven. Cool. Piercing damage. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, what? Four and three is seven? Cool. Piercing damage. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, what? Four and three is seven? What?

Blaine, seven is the highest number. I mean, I... Everything I know is wrong. There's no number higher than seven. Hmm. Okay. Okay. Tell it to my bowling instructor. Hmm.

Okay. Tell it to my bowling instructor. So you slashed at his Achilles tendon, and this weird smoke just sort of whips around as you stab at it. It's difficult to do as much damage as you'd like to this guy as you kind of cut into him. Would you like to do an attack with your bonus action, sir? Yeah, I would. Cool. Tell me about it

if it's unarmed strike of mine still am I just punching at the wound is that what am i doing if it's yeah you are punching um He doesn't really have a wound that you'll get any kind of advantage on if you punch. Where I just stabbed, if I punched at what I stabbed? You can punch at what you stabbed. Okay. It looks like stabbing, slashing isn't doing a ton of damage to this guy, so it's not like he's got a weeping wound where you stabbed him. Shit, what could I do that would

be better? What about eight, Brian? Eight's more than seven. I forgot about eight. Blaine's right. Eight is the highest number. Eight is. That's it. The rest of you, shut the fuck up.

What? I don't remember how the sketch went. Brian, one thing you can do is you've got a thing called patient defense. You can spend a ki point so you can take the dodge action as a

bonus action on your next turn. Okay. Then I will do that. Cool. Because he's gonna hack at me. I like it. Okay. And then...

The dodge action is not where you get out of dodge. I've never heard that voice before. That was cool. Who was that? It was like a cool new Blaine voice. Cool? I don't think that person was cool. Who was that? Like a cool new Blaine voice. Cool? I don't think that person was cool at all. I think that was Ken.

But Blaine was cool for doing it. Wasn't it, Blaine? I was just trying to keep my mouth small. It wasn't Ken, see? There's nothing cooler than keeping your mouth small. Very mouth small. I'm going to do something. I'm just tapped in here. Is that what the splicers do? Yeah, I'm going to do something. I'm just tapped in here.

Is that what the splicers do? Great. So, Brian, on your next turn, you can use dodge as a bonus action, which means you can do an attack, but then if he attacks you, he's going to roll with disadvantage. You've actually got this aura

on you, so it's going to cancel out, and it just means he no longer has advantage on you if you dodge him because you're using patient defense. Iva, you're up. Yes, I am up. So, okay. I didn't know. So... Okay. Uh...

I didn't know... So, dodge is... I didn't know that about dodge. What is dodge? Yeah, I will paste dodge in the chat so you guys all know how this works. Yeah, this is great, because I can always use it. What is dodge?

Here's how dodge works. I know what dodging is, but I didn't know it looked... Oh, sorry, go ahead. It's different for rogues and monks in particular. He used a key point, so now he can use it as a bonus action. But you have to use your action, focus entirely on avoiding, and then until the start of your next turn,

that means if this guy uses his next turn to to to attack brian uh you get dexterity saving throws and he rolls a disadvantage so um this is awesome okay because he has advantage now i know on me and i can always i have the cunning action uh thing which means i can always use my bonus action to dash just disengage Oh, but not dodge, disengage. Okay, okay, we're good. But yeah, you can dodge with your action and then do that other stuff with your bonus action. Got it.

Okay, I'm going to first ask you about my ball bearings. There were 1,000 of them. How are they doing? Do they look slippery? Is the guy about to fall over? What's going on with my ball bearings? Unfortunately, he has not really moved his feet yet. He has spent all his time just pointing at you and sort of leering down at you.

He does not seem in a rush to move. He seems like, if I may, narratively speaking, require a need or a want to, to get him to move from his current position. He's in a very small room and is very tall and doesn't seem too bothered about anyone's physical position at the moment. Got it. Okay. So what I would like to do is I would like to try to move to the other side of him.

Okay. To get, I would like to try to get him to move basically. So I'm looking at the roll 20, but I feel like Iva in this situation will know the best ideal way. So I'd like to use my movement to try to get him to sort of follow me and then I will he will hopefully slip and then I will

attack him. Cool. I don't know how to get him to move. Put on a little Jack Jackson, baby. Everybody get moving. Hey, Iva, do a deception check. Okay. I'm telling you, put on nasty. That's a 10.

Yeah, you know, you're very glittery, but, you know, as you run by him, he doesn't exactly pivot. He just sort of, like, seems to acknowledge and shift a little bit in his position. Well, I'll just do a plain old... I'm just going to... I'm going to try to light him on fire because he seems too large

and he's not taking any damage. So I'm going to throw a... shatter a bottle of oil on his feet. Maybe that'll get them moving. And then I'm going to light them on fire. Cool. What's a good one? He's going to do a dexterity saving throw to try to not catch on fire and not slip at the same time. And he's going to roll disadvantage because of that.

All right. Oh, that's what do you call that? Oh, I called it time to roll a 100. All right. So you light him on fire as he kicks up, falls down, and you're able to just like light him up as he's falling. He is now prone. So he's on his back, which can I do this and roll 20?

That'd be pretty funny. Can I give him a little? Hey. Dan rolled a one for those who didn't oh nice he got a botcher rino uh and he's and he's now on fire which i will also try to indicate with a little roll 20 fire icon a quick reminder if you're eating into the microphone hit the mute button. This notification was brought to you by Ken Daly in episode seven of season one of Nerd Poker.

Oh, good God. Do you roll a 102 or no? Comment on that. Yeah, it wasn't an attack, so I'm not going to do a 100. I love those 100s. But he fell down and he's on fire guys yeah that's the thing like there's such a big consequence i'm just like let's let sarah own the the misfortune and yeah you guys all notice this and it's it's it's it seems to shock this thing a bit too like it's its arms are sort of uh flailing around a little bit um

and uh you know normally it would be like virtually impossible for this thing to get knocked down but i'm allowing it because he botched so if anyone wants to send me a message and say dan sarah called out this thing was a night walker and i looked up that it's immune to being prone. To that I say, he botched ball bearings of being set on fire. I get to do whatever the fuck I want. What else would you like to do, Sarah? Or, yeah, you pretty much used up your action.

Yeah, so I guess I will use my bonus action now to disengage. Okay. Nice. Sounds good. Up next. We have Nathan. All right. Well, it being on the ground sort of changes things a bit.

I'm going to cast on this. I don't know. Fungus demon lying prone. I'm going to cast wave my carrot wand and cast the snowball swarm next to it. It has to make a dexterity save. I don't know if it being prone

affects that. It has to make a DC 13 deck save. Otherwise take some snowball damage. Well, being prone means it rolls, I believe, disadvantage on this.

Check that. Yeah, I would think because he's sort of incapacitated. Well, he's disadvantage on attack rolls. I'm going to say because he's on fire, he's going to roll disadvantage on attack rolls. I'm going to say because he's on fire. He's going to roll disadvantage on this because it's going to. Yep.

All right. That's going to be a six plus four ten. That's not enough. Great. So it's going to take. Oh, 11 points of snowball damage, which I think we can all agree is probably the worst kind of damage. Yeah, hit him in the head.

Don't put out the fire. Oh, no. No, these snowballs are just in the same spot. One, two, three. And just making a cartoonish lump. Like Jack Frost? Exactly. Like Jack Frost? Exactly. Like Pete Puma.

And then I'm going to maybe, well, there's invisible guys. Oh, how many lumps? Who are you? Maybe I'll hop over here next to Danny. So at least I'm standing next to my friend. That was a fair peepoom of my friend. That was really good. Hi.

Hi, Nathan. Hello, Danny. Good to see you, my friend. It's good to see you. Murder this mold monster, won't you? I want to. Well, we'll see if I have some ideas. I can be murdered

and we'll find out via Tootie now. Tootie, you are up. I'm paralyzed and afraid. That's right. And I can't stop my leg. Oh, that is the worst comedy bit of all time. You think? There's nothing worse

than I can't stop my leg. So what can I do? Well, you're frightened until the Nightwalker's next turn. I believe paralyzed. Yeah, I mean, you're in a rough spot. I am. I don't think you can

really move. You're currently incap don't think you can really move. You're currently incapacitated. You can't move or speak. You... Can I heal myself? Can I... Let's see. That's

the real bugaboo isn't it um you can't willingly move closer to it and you've got disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls but you uh and you can't move or speak or you can you how to but hmm this is where it gets so weird i can't cast a spell can i i think i think that's the problem you can I can't cast a spell, can I? I think that's the problem. You can't speak and cast a spell, and you can't move, like, period, to even, like, grab stuff out of your belt.

So I think you're literally just like... I think I will lay here. Ooh! And be afraid. Nice. Are you going to actually lay prone? I'm paralyzed. Well, you can fall. I will allow you to willingly fall down if you choose,

which will make it harder for people to attack you from a distance. Sure. I will lay down. All right. From a distance. All right. There is an advantage. I don't know if you guys knew this.

If you're weak, there's an advantage to laying down sometimes. My whole life. There's a monster under my bed. Cool. Well, sorry about that, Tootie. Up next, we've got, let's call him like we see him, a Nightwalker. So this guy is going to go ahead and try to grab somebody. and try to grab somebody.

He, first of all, he's gonna just kind of like whoosh up. You notice like, just with like this sort of unseen force, his arms kind of like rush towards the ground and propel him upwards. And he doesn't even seem to stand anymore. There's just sort of like smoke at the bottoms of his legs that sort of keep him hovering now in the air. And he reaches over to grab to go. You may have like a gust of wind spell or something.

That is going to be a 22 to hit. I'm not enjoying this 22 to hit nonsense. It's a whole bunch of bullshit. That is going to be a 22 to hit. I'm not enjoying this 22 to hit nonsense. Yeah. It's a whole bunch of bullshit. Does 34 points of necrotic damage. Ouch. And you just see Tuco, like, crumple. Like, he looks like he turns into just sort of ashy tin foil

and just kind of, like, crunches inwards. And this, like, black smoke with a noise kind of like crunches inwards and this like black smoke with a noise kind of like rushes out of his throat as he expires. So he's safe. He drops Tuco on the ground and then reaches over towards Danny. That is going gonna be a 16 to hit

what's your armor class there Danny 16 and I want to use dodge also oh Nelly all right so dodge let's talk let's talk about dodge folks I've already

forgotten how it ends up. I believe he has to roll disadvantage now. Oh, that's a miss, Danny. Nice. You rolled lower on the second one. Oh, good. You see these long tree branch, like black crooked fingers rush past you

and you're able to just go like, ah, uh, Donnie style. Uh, so that was a close call, but good work using that thing. Uh,

by the way, Ip Man four is as fun as the other three that I love that series. Speaking of Donnie and I've only seen the other three. I love that series, speaking of Donnie Yen. I've only seen the first one. Ant-Man 4 is pretty recent, last year this year, and it's a lot of fun. Alright, well, I believe this means that you are no

longer frightened, Tootie, at the end of the Nightwalker's turn. You are unfortunately still paralyzed. So that's not good. Well, at least I'm not afraid of it anymore.

You know, like you do some soul searching and you feel pretty good about being paralyzed. Up next, we've got Grigsby, who is going to go ahead and try to avenge his friend. That'll be a hit. This time he draws out an arrow and it lights up with a magical flame. You see this purple flame collide with this guy and just like,

like, like rush over its chest. And it does a lot of damage. Nice. Uh, uh, unfortunately now it is time for the shadows hiding in another dimension to make their move.

The who in the what? And the DM part quiet and the other DM part. So Jelf, this thing reaches out to grab you and does 21 on its attack roll. That is over your AC, I believe. It's going to be 14 points of psychic damage as the claws rake through you and it disappears as the claws go through you.

Okay. The Santa Claws? Because that would be awesome. Well, unfortunately... you okay the santa clause because that would be awesome well unfortunately uh unfortunately this shadow shares tim allen's political views and so it hurts as much as it hurt when you realize that home improvement how much was that dan sorry Wow, I sure don't remember. 14? 14 sounds right, yeah. Thanks, guys.

Okay, cool, thanks. The last four years, I've erased my short-term memory via adrenaline memory loss. Okay. Who are you people? I don't know where I am right now. The other one is coming into the fray as well. It's going to go after Grigsby again. Well, that is

a 25 to hit. No one has sung Eleanor Grigsby yet? Do it. No, go ahead. It's not for me. One and a two and a... Take it, Sarah.

The same thing happens. These claws kind of go through him and disappear as they go through him. This thing recedes into the shadows again. Unfortunately, Grigsby, he doesn't die in the same sort of horrifying way, but he does grab his chest and collapse. No.

Can I yell something to one of my compatriots? Yeah. Not allowed during my turn. I will allow it. I yell to Nathan, the coin, the favor. I don't know what that means. The guy in the tower. the guy in the tower the guy in the tower Chris I forbid you to respond

Sarah keep talking as long as you want wait are you doing a bit or do you genuinely not remember I don't remember the guy from the Feywild and though he's saved in the tower and you cuteed him until he gave you a special like thing to call on him

when we needed a favor. You want to summon him here? Okay. I mean, I don't know. Copy that. Did we just witness two people being killed? I'm offering it up as a suggestion. I got it.

I'm a little concerned if one of the more of those Sandy Claws come through then. Okay. But if you, I don't want to waste it either i yell across the cavern don't want to waste it either just take some time and think about it maybe it's not worth it right now that's a six second conversation and now it is time for jelf jelf what are you gonna do uh i am going to go, and that'll be my first thing. And then I'm going to shoot at it with a...

It stood up again, right? Yep. Its feet are not planted, though, just in case. Is it still burning? It should be taking fire damage. It's going to take fire damage on Iva's turn. I'm going to let her roll the fire damage. I'm going to shoot at its head with an exploding arrow,

a bursting arrow. Roll that attack, please. So 13 plus 4 is 17, plus 1 is 18. Damn. That's a hit. And then I do so, sorry? That's a hit.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm looking for my tiny dice. They're so small, Blaine. Yeah, I can I can barely um that's a 10 plus another

the burst is 2d6 10 plus 5 15 damn alright so you just see this arrow just rocket into this 10 plus 5, 15. Damn. All right, so you just see this arrow just rocket into this thing, and you did a shitload of damage there, Jelf.

Well, it's the least I could do after getting hit by that big, nasty claw. Man. It's very unsettling seeing this thing take a lot of damage. The explosions from the successful hits reverberate and there's this smoke that

comes off of this thing that shudders from the impact, but at the same time, it's like the physics of this creature don't react to your blows. So, it's very unsettling to see creature don't react to your blows so it's very unsettling to see how many hits this thing has taken if you're doing basic math

it seems like it should have taken about 150 points of damage at this point but it seems like it's got a lot of immunities and it's got a lot of damage it's just absorbing like nothing is hitting it so it's got a lot of uh damage it's just absorbing like nothing is hitting it so so it's only taking like 149 yeah yeah yeah yeah that sounds much more accurate

um danny you gonna do anything else or is that your turn i'm sorry jelf jelf uh that's it uh danny it's almost your turn. I apologize. He is done. You may now go. Should we retreat, maybe? Are we not powerful enough to take this guy on? Is there anywhere for us to even go?

You can exit through the cave the way you came, but you do also know you would be pursued. What's all the shit in the purple? Is that... That's that foggy stuff, right? Yeah, it's like these purple glowing fungus that have these sort of magical shadows laced between them. And we have to go back through that.

Yeah. There's already these demons coming to go back through that. Yeah. There's already these demons coming out of it. These lesser demons attacking you as well. Right, I know. Fuck. What do you guys think? I'm feeling discouraged that he's not showing any kind of physical damage.

Yeah. He's showing less than... Yeah, he's taking damage, but it's close. And Danny doesn't have any big things at this point yet. He just can hack away. Hmm. You can do it, Danny! All right, I'll...

You can try to wrassle it, for instance. Well, when he was prone, I was going to try to hobble his legs like misery. But now that he's back up, I was kind of not sure what to do. I'll try to do more Achilles tendon damage. Okay. Hold attack. Oof. More Achilles tendon damage.

Okay. Hold to attack. Oof. It says I can actually do two weapon fighting, too. Do I have another... Can I use something besides a sword? Um... Oh, wait. I don't think you have anything in your inventory right now,

but if someone's got a spare weapon they can throw him, I don't... I'm not sure. No, I don't. All I have is the short sword and I have crossbow bolts and the crossbow. Danny, I have an iron pot. I'll hack at him again with the short sword. Roll to attack, sir. Yeah.

Let's see what we get here. I remember I was riding an electric bull once when I was in Arizona, and I tore my ghillie tendon. That's pretty high. 22. That's a hit, right? Yeah, roll that damage. That'd be a 14 uh

six damage all right well uh you managed to pierce whatever kind of weird ass skin it's got but yeah once once again, it's tough. Its hide is very thick and shadowy. I hate this fucking thing. All right, well, then I'll do...

How many keys do I have? I haven't been paying attention. Uh-oh. I'm not going to do an unarmed strike. Okay. Well, I know you've used at least one on dodge and you

have a total of when you started last tracking it, you had three. You have max two left. I think I used one on an unarmed strike last time. I think you're right. At least one.

I'm going to try patient defense, though, and use my third key point. Sounds good to me. Okay, and see what happens when he leaves. All right. Well, as Danny Yen does a little kung fu pose and braces himself for the next attack, we are going to stop the action for a moment. And that'll take us into the next episode of Nerd Poker. Hey, Sam. Hi, everyone. This episode, our lovable chicken babies are back in the Leviathan spiral in battle again

we learned some dad jokes and we slashed at some Achilles tendons we relearned how dodge works and we lit someone on fire who was not a child for once Tuco got hurt, Tootie was paralyzed and Jelf caused much damage but even with all that

we ended our episode having barely put a dent in the monster well we get to at least start the next episode with sarah rolling that fire damage that'll be inspirational to everyone and sarah did you want to hear that noise ken made one more time before the episode wraps up no thank you my headphones are already out you and the rest of you can enjoy. Anything you want to plug, Dan? Nah. I mean, I got my streaming show. Check it out.

It's on Twitch. That's it. New Music Sucks on YouTube. Posting the band. And then, I don't know. Look for top secret videos when it's uh replaying and um tweet to them tweet to uh to true tv if you love me and save for them to pick up more because uh during covet time it would help it would help uh it'd help daddy basically uh

and thanks for no but thanks for uh thanks for um being a patreon sponsors that helps daddy and all my friends listen do it for daddy folks daddy but cheers

uh that's all I got Blaine what's going on with you and Daddy Kitchenator we are we're going to Pasadena for the next two weekends in a van and we're going to be reading

to drummers oh you're reading to drummers gotcha it's a good alright it takes a little back to the community

but bye for thanks for listening thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com

slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes Poker, you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416. Thanks for listening.