Nerd Poker - S4E22 Shadowhell

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

Surely combating a 30-foot-tall shadow will have zero consequences, and soon the Castaway Cuties will be back home in Blingbottom polishing their suit of armor with a demon inside it. Hopefully the fight will wind down right... about... soon...

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season four. Oh, my God.

Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Episode 22 of season seven. I don't know 3 right but then we did like those other 4 seasons on the other thing 4 so when we did 3 before I don't know season 4

forget what I said I have friends though I'm looking at them Danny you frozen I was frozen a minute ago no it's me oh good psych it's me. Oh, good. Psych. It's not a Zoom glitch.

Ken. Hello, Ken. Yeah. Hi. Hello, my bearded friend. I love your background. Thank you. It's Star Trek's.

No, I mean that you're an actor and we've been friends. Zoom. Wow. Real. Set up a punchline. Love it. Zumba real punchline love it Sarah hi hello Blaine hi Brian

and in the middle there Chris hello Brian hey buddy and then I'm gonna keep him down here Sarah's in the upper left and I kind of like it. And then I'm going to keep him down here. Sarah's in the upper left, and I kind of like it. We're going to do that this episode. And hey, Sam,

how are you? I'm good. Hello, sweet children. This is going to be a fun one. We just recorded an episode, and it was a good one. And then I got a little high, and ate some uh sizzle pie from uh portland origan that was sent to me uh and it was fucking delicious wait you can have sizzle pie mailed to you you know through gold belly they just started yeah it's 117 dollars

well oh wow i don't know what the my My buddy started that company. Oh, awesome. Yeah, Relapse Records. The guy that started Relapse Records started Sizzle Pie when he moved to Portland years ago. What is that? What is Sizzle Pie? It's a pizza place. They have it in Eugene, too. Yeah, and I think it's... Isn't it even in the Portland airport?

I know they were talking about it, but there's like three or four in Portland. they were talking about it, but there's three or four in Portland. It's really good pizza by the slice, but also if you're a big guy and want to eat a whole one, it's delicious. I forget if

any of you guys know this. Blaine might know him. My friend Pete Burns, who's a comedian out of Chicago, comes to LA sometimes when there's not a global pandemic he sent me for Christmas a couple of Lou Malnati's Frozen that was fucking amazing

which place? Lou Malnati's man oh yeah we got one of those too from Chicago it's the best in Chicago and it was delightful I can't recommend enough if you have the money it is worth getting that shit sent to you with dry ice they have the money and it is worth getting that shit sent to you with dry ice they have the best like instructions it comes out like so so better

than you think it will for for mailed pizza i had a bad lou malnati's experience my only time trying it it was it was actively bad and i know everyone's like yeah you can't have bad pizza guess now you have to tell us what happened. Wow. That's what happened. I had it and every time someone mentions how... It was just gross? It was like incredibly bland. It tasted like cardboard. Oh, interesting. But I had a great Portillo's experience

when I first went. Everyone loves that Portillo's. And then it's like, oh my god, the best. And then we... Ken, we dragged... I feel like we were like, let's go to Portillo's when they finally open one. It's like in Orange County here now and you have to drive an we were like, let's go to Portillo's when they finally open when we take an Orange County here now and you have to drive an hour. You can order Portillo's too. The same

company that mails Lou Malnati's. It's got like a menu and then Portillo's is in there. I think it might be Gold Belly. Gold Belly's got a lot of different places that they deliver from. I'm going to get on that Gold Belly and order some goddamn sizzle pie the second this is over. That's where I get my McDonald's on gold belly.

Ken, you can get it for a lot cheaper. Don't use the Instacart. Why? I've been mailed from a McDonald's. Do you know Ken's background? Kansas City. I am COVID rich. There's this McDonald's I went to in Kansas City, Missouri 20 years ago,

and I'd just like to get food delivered from that specific. I only get that from McDonald's 323.4. We got to get it from the stupid one by your house. Oh, that place. All right. Have we thanked anybody? No. Let's do it

hey patreon we know you're listening to you you know if you listen in general thanks so much but it's the people who actually subscribe to us via patreon.com slash nerd poker who really make this game fun beyond fun we would do this regardless but you guys have allowed

us to feel that sure sane what do you mean I'm not sure that we would I think we kind of need Patreon you know during the pandemic I would I would love anything to take my mind off of the squirming in my brain

but yeah you know what you guys maybe the last are only on because of you and you deserve that credit so please let me thank Les Cole thanks Les Cole thanks I ordered a tummy killer ranchero and got a double chunk gut bomb with

cheese by mistake another grind it's the same person but same person bring that joke back again we just restarted a new quarter, so we're getting some rethinks. Thank you. Skeletors painfully inflamed perineum.

Oh, ouch. Thank you. Season one, episode six. I wonder what they could be talking about. I think it's one of our cast members eating a slice of pizza directly into our blue snowball microphone.

Thank you, Brian Plato. Thanks, Brian. Thank blue snowball microphone. Thank you, Brian Plato. Thanks, Brian. Thank you, Travis. Thank you, K-licious. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, TikTok's

Warforged Warforgy. Ooh! Thank you, George Fart Fart Farton. Yeah. thank you George fart fart fartin yeah thank you Michael Snyder thank you Gago's 38th husband

thank you thank you Dave Mertens thank you Pao Paola thank you the Amarthamon Memorial Handrail on this spot that's some good ones thank you Hammeron

thank you Sean Allen do I know you Sean Allen? I might know you Sean Allen if this is the same Sean Allen who used to work at Blizzard hello Sean Allen that was Alan Sean fuck me I I guess. Thank you, Ben Feltz. Thank you, DriftwoodDaddyD.

And finally, thank you, TikTok's Safety Rocket. Hmm. Wish we had one of those. That would have helped. I know. Boy, oh boy, we'll fire one of those off into the Arch Lich. Hey, Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Hi, I'm

Paul Mitchell, and I've always been passionate about beautiful teeth. That's why I've introduced Paul Mitchell, toothpaste and conditioner. Get your teeth lustrous, silky, smooth, and soft. What's she got in her mouth?

Paul Mitchell, toothpaste and conditioner. Tree, coconut and Abu Habi. Paul Mitchell. Smile. They're soft. Dan? Oh, Jesus.

Thank you, Brian. It's been commented on before, but one of his characters in his commercials, you know, the main voiceover guy is always a little hot in the mic but then the other guy is like 10 feet away it fucking kills me every time Blade goes to the back of his house

to do a bit god damn it oh Grover are you far oh god right there. Oh, Grover, are you far? Oh, God. Blaine really works the space. He does. He scores levels.

Our listeners only get a little bit of the bit. Do you remember that episode of The State with that sketch where they're at a dinner party eating blue stuff, and someone's like, what is this meat anyway? And someone's like, oh, it's Muppet. And they're like, what?

Yeah, we hunt Muppets now. It's great. They're really easy to catch. Watch this. Boy, I sure wish I knew how to spell cat. And a Muppet comes in and just jumps out of nowhere and says, it's C-A, and they strangle it. And they're like, see, now we got lunch for tomorrow and then the guy's like I want to try it he says

show us near and then all of a sudden this giant fucking ominous monster Muppet shows up and they're all frozen for like 30 seconds and then he whispers show us far and it really slowly like walks

backwards out of the room and they shut the door it's the dumbest shit ever I love it I don't know that's what Blaine's doing it's well but it's not a Tom Lennon bit like Froggy Jamboree who could forget Froggy Jamboree do you know that one Tom Lennon at the end of

an episode goes they wouldn't let me put this anywhere else in the episode I pitched it I begged for them put it in here we go froggy jamboree and he plays a song about a froggy jamboree on a ukulele in a swimming pool while wearing like children's scuba equipment

it's the dumbest thing ever and he plays it over the credits he's a hilarious friend of the show now stop describing comedy sketches to everyone and instead describe what happened last time on nerd

poker our heroes got deep into a battle with a nightwalker and uh oh both their ranger friends are down they could escape they're talking about fleeing but first Iva Paperbark is going to roll some damage on some oil and flame she tossed at this 20-foot-tall nightmare creature.

Hey, Sarah. Hey, hi. How you doing? I'm okay. So I want to make this fun. According to the basic rules, it says if you toss oil and there's fire, there's a standard

five points of fire damage. I want to make it a little more fun, so we're gonna do 1d6 plus 3 to see how much fire damage you get on this guy. And then you get your reactions and shit. So that's eight points of fire damage.

Nice! See? you get extra points. Could have got less. Got more. All right. So yeah, the fire just sort of roils over this thing and it spreads a little bit. Doesn't react, but you hear the roaring and popping of flame. What would you like to do?

I would like to focus. You'll be unsurprised to hear there is more children screaming in my house. Again, still my children. So that's on me. There's more of them now though, right? Uh, I mean, there's only two, but they can sound like there's 30. Um, so, okay. I'm going to go ahead and, um, attack, I guess.

Um, and that's going to be a short bow that I'm going to use. Cool. Cool. Okay. I know that this isn't doing that much damage to him, but, um, you know what? I'm going to use a lucky, a lucky point to reroll that attack. Just to remind everyone, you need a 14. That is this monster's armor class.

That was a natural 20. Oh, hello. That's good in Dungeons and Dragons, Sarah. Yeah. It's the best. It's double plus good. Plus five to hit. So Don Mulaney voice and say, oh, hello. What is the result of a 100 sided roll first?

Oh, see that first. Okay. That is. Hey. Okay. That is a Ken is praying for a high number. The higher the better. You're doing like the My Neighbor Totoro like pulling the trees

out of the ground dance. That's just a 14. Sorry. Oh my God. That's nice. Ken's so disappointed. But I got but I did

Oh is there people are within five feet nice. Ken, so I got. But I did. Oh, is there people are within five feet of him, too, right? Yep. OK, so I forgot that I get to also add. So actually, I'm going to have done 22 points of damage. I think it's. Yeah, unfortunately, he's no longer flanked. But yeah, that's a healthy chunk of damn-damn,

as they say down in the streets. In devil. Cool, yeah, that 14 on the 100 table is not going to do anything, but nice damage regardless. You going to do anything with the bonus action? Anything else? I will hide with my bonus action. Ooh, very well.

Up next, we've got Nathan. Hey, Nathan. Where would I need to go to flank this thing for Danny? Actually, let me see see you need to go here like that yes sir okay that is to the right everyone everyone got like behind it and left the front of it like towards the exit open for okay so so i will run or excuse me, sort of hop to get on the far side so Danny is flanking it and then listening

to what Iva had said I will pull out that coin and rub it and say Hey Invisible Giant Monster we could really use your help right now rub it and say, Hey, invisible giant monster. We could really use your help right now.

This is Nathan. We set you free from the tower. We never got your name. But I'm pretty sure you remember. Cool. Why don't you roll an Arcana check, Chris? An Arcana check. Okay. Cool. Why don't you roll an Arcana check, Chris? An Arcana check. Okay.

Ooh, 22. Yay. Ah, damn. All right. You hear a low rumble right in front of you in the short five-foot space between your feet and the hovering smoky tendrils of this night Walker. Um, it's like a, of,

uh, something, uh, like landing in the ground. And for a second, uh, you look down, but then you look up again and notice there's like a small fissure above

where that happened. Uh, this thing appears to have dropped out of some sort of rift in time and space. And then you hear a walloping boom as this thing punches the Nightwalker. It is invisible. It is invisible, but there is a rush of air in front of you. Awesome. That is a 22 to hit.

Does that hit? Shit. Also, this thing has magical unarmed strikes, so this means any damage immunity will not be suffered. All right. So that is going to be 36 points of bludgeoning damage. Jesus Christ. Chris was miming, cheering it along the whole time.

I think it helped. Yeah, this thing is like, you know, 20 feet tall, just sort of like, you know, again, not a lot of expression, two kind of like empty cattle skull holes for eyes and this like puckering maw, just kind of like empty cattle skull holes for eyes and this like puckering maw just kind of like pivots and turns around and it just sort of stares right through your invisible friend from

the Feywild and at you, Nathan. Anything else you're doing with your turn? Get ready for more shit face. Lovely. I will say right now, you can use communication to talk to your friend. He's going to only be able to hear you, Nathan.

You know this instinctively, but at the same time, he's got his own spot in the turn order. Okay. So I'm going to put him, he rolled a 14. It's going to be right after 2D. Yeah, I think all I would say to him is just sort of very quickly explain like, some sort of purple fungus demon and whatever that entails trying to kill us

definitely needs to be killed. And this is Veralis. Veralis says, all right, noted. And up next we have 2d what you gonna do my paralyzed pal remain paralyzed i suppose okay um unless there's something i can do yeah unparalyzing thoughts and prayers um yeah i mean like there's spells you can do. Do you do? I'm just going to reread everybody the condition

paralyzed creature is incapacitated, it cannot move or speak. They automatically fail strength, dexterity, saving throws, attack rolls have advantage against it. Any attack that hits it is a critical hit. Jesus, you. Yeah, like there's there's different Any attack that hits it is a critical hit. Jesus. Yeah, like, there's different potions, spells that can undo it, but I don't think any of you have it, and unfortunately, that's kind of like a cleric, druid, paladin sort of thing. So you've lost your one main

healer at the moment. Uh, sorry. Can he not lay hands on himself? No, he can't move or speak. But his hands are touching himself because he's paralyzed. I mean, his hands are himself. Yeah.

Just a thought. I'm going to... As an action, you can touch, draw power from pool, restore hit points. Oh. I will allow you to passively

restore hit points to yourself. But it's from that pool. Got it. I will do that. You definitely owe Sarah for being your advocate on that one because it made sense to me that your hands would just sort of flop on yourself as you rocked back and forth and landed. Yeah, who doesn't? You want to look like

a vampire in a coffin? Why not put your hands just like that? Yeah, you get to choose the hit points. You're going to give them all to yourself? How many you got left? I'm just going to put your hands just like yeah you get roll roll or you get to choose the hit points you're gonna give them all to yourself how many you got left I'm just gonna empty my pool how many you got left let the listeners know how you're looking hit points wise

maybe well I'm getting 10 so now I'm at 24 cool as we get deep into this battle where you're talking about running I think if anyone wants to let listeners know your hit points it occurs to me they might really like to know

how you're faring at this point for Alice is now gonna take another swing at this thing's crotch specifically yes 18 to hit that is a hit I think I invented something, you guys.

Yeah, what? I threw an egg in the dryer and I invented an omelette pod. Oh, dad. It takes 29 points of bludgeoning damage as the upper cut connects where its nards would be if it was a wolfman. It's a big loud thunderous

crack and up next we've got the nightwalker itself it is going to Brian it is going to just just you know, enjoying life.

It can, it seems to see your friend Veralis and it lowers a hand and points a finger in the space between you and it, Nathan. So this is going to be a wisdom saving throw for Verales. Okay. That's going to be a four. I have a moment when this happens. Nathan suddenly goes, and he's seen this moment before. And Nathan will bust out his portent

on behalf of Boralus and make that natural roll a 17 and then Boralus can add whatever his bonus is to that okay he's got a bonus of 4

so hello Sally that means he makes his Okay. He's got a bonus of four. So hello, Sally. That means he makes his. What did you make it a 17? A 17. If you look over to the side where last episode, Sarah pasted a finger of doom. That is a 21 wisdom saving throw uh that he needed so nice

uh yeah he's gonna go ahead and just sort of shake off invisibly so the finger of doom's power uh however he is not done with his turn he is now going to reach out towards he is not done with his turn. He is now going to reach out towards Perales and try to grab him and pick him up. Perales is very large.

He's not quite as tall as the Nightwalker, but you know he's about twice as tall as all you guys. He's invisible, so meh. That is going gonna be a 16 hit that's a hit All right. It's going to be... a lot of damage. Okay, so...

31 points of necrotic damage to Viralis. And now he has to make a constitution saving throw. And he misses that so he now has his hit points permanently reduced next is grigsby who is going to make a death saving throw and he makes a save uh then we've got the shadows that are closing in. One of them is going to attack Tootie. Why? Because it looks easy.

This guy comes in. He is going to attempt to hit you with his claws, and Paralyze is bad for this. Yes. My healing didn't help my Paralyze's at all, did it? No. I looked it up. I couldn't find anything about that.

Okay. Oh, that's going to unfortunately be a crit on you. Wham. Okay, so the Shadow Demon is now going to do... 13 points of psychic damage. Okay. And it says... Oh, who's watching tv what's happening sound just came out for a second okay we're good okay that was funny um and he had advantage on the roll so he gets to roll two more dice actually what was that what were you uh mary tyler Mary Tyler Moore. Eight more points

of psychic damage because he got advantage on it. That is the claw attack for a shadow demon, unfortunately. Where you at, Tootie? Down. Okay, so. You're still alive. Are you unconscious, though? I'm alive.

I'm conscious. I'm conscious. Oh, you're conscious. Oh, no. It's horrible. He's watching everything happen. He just can't do anything. It's horrible. Another one comes in and goes after Jelf.

That is going to be... An 11 to hit. What is your armor class there, Blaine? You are muted. What is your armor class? I'm sorry, 15 over. He misses and

disappears back into the shadows. Now, in the turn order comes you, Jelf. Oh! So the thing that just took a swing at me Now in the turn order comes you, Jelf. Oh, so the thing that just took a swing at me is gone? You can't see it, but you feel like if you swung it where it just was, there was a chance you would hit it.

Would that be a waste of an action? Should I, do I feel like I would be better served just going after the big thing i feel like passive insight it's um it's using some sort of uh shadowy demon version of hide the same way you can hide the same way iva's recently hidden and like you could potentially just swing there and like like you feel like it's a decent shot it's just going to be difficult um

you know what I'm going to short sword this thing okay and I'll do a 20 on that I'm going to need you to roll disadvantage on this because he is hidden so could you roll that one more time? Yes.

That's a nine plus four 13. He has an armor class of 13. That's a hit. Not a crit, but that's a hit. Short sword is a one D six plus four. So that's six. Cool. so that's six cool you managed to just like catch a shadow as it sort of

rushes in between some mushrooms and you feel yourself cut through something tangible as it retreats okay good and after that we've got Danny. Hey, Danny, how are you these days?

I am good. Unfortunately, yeah, you didn't get to use that dodge, but what's up to these days? You know, you don't have to use a key point to use dodge. It's just you need that key point to use dodge as a bonus action. So if you want to attack and dodge, it's a key point to use dodge. It's just you need that key point to use dodge as a bonus action. So if you want to attack and dodge, it's a key point. If you want to just use your whole action to dodge, you can. Just want to throw that out there.

Okay. Any of you can. I'm going to hack. Unless you're paralyzed. Okay. Sorry, Kay, I'm a dick. Oh, shit. Natural.

Plus eight. 28. That's obviously hit. Please roll that damage and remember to double your dice damage. Oh, shit. God damn it. That's awesome. I got a fucking six.

Yeah. Cool. Two best of possibles in a row. And so that's six times two, 12 plus three piercing. Great. Now roll 100, please. Okay. 55.

That's good. All right. As you cut into it, all of a sudden, you feel like you find a little extra purchase. Your sword gets a full amount of damage in there. Like you kind of go like you get in there and for whatever reason, its skin seems to give way and your sword cuts deeper than it has so far. All of a sudden its hand that was holding Viralis widens and you hear a thud

as this invisible Feywild creature drops to the ground out of the Nightwalker's hand, and it just sort of turns all of its attention over to you, Danny. Great. I will use... Did I expel a key point if I didn't use it? It's until your next turn, so yes.

Oh, I did. I will say that as far as I can tell, you have one final key point you can use if you want to. Oh, I thought we established that last final key point. Okay, I'll take it. I'm going to do another patient defense.

You're out of key points for sure now okay and please do track that as best you can because that's a character sheet pencil and eraser kind of sitch gotcha i'll do it right now if it helps you can do it on dnd beyond too they do have like a little clickable series of dots you can use but i get it um i'm gonna go into your sheet right now and do it for instance when I'm digitally you've got no key point uh you to do so up next or I'm sorry do you want to move or run or anything like that uh can I yeah man oh because then it can it can't attack me it won't have uh it can't well there's a lot of different ways or reasons you might want to move but of course unless you don't have a reason it's a who knows why uh you would want

to move you could you've already got it flanked because of nathan okay so you don't need to do it for that reason if you want to be more poised to escape because it's kind of got you pinned up against a wall right now you could try to get to where nathan is and it would still be flanked because uh you've got iva over on the other side of it yeah i would do that i would try i just don't want to be pinned in that corner i would if you could brian scoot your token next to nathan uh then okay and after danny we've got va. Iva, you are up. Okay.

I, after the last, or a couple episodes ago, we had that issue with minor illusion because I there was no spell save DC on my sheet. I think. I know I could be wrong. I'm sure someone will tell me if I'm wrong, but I believe that it's because there is

no spell save DC for it. It's accepted unless a creature uses their turn to investigate the illusion. Got it. I think. And then, or if something interacts with it, then it breaks the illusion or whatever. Okay. I think if I just cast it, it's, you know, unless there's a reason to not believe it, it's believed unless a turn is spent investigating it. So with that said, I'm going to cast Minor Illusion and try to create, try to make Tootie look like the terrain or like create the terrain around Tootie.

Okay. So that he is hidden from view. Great. Tootie now appears to be like a pile of dirt and purple fungus. Sorry, Tootie. Thank you. It feels great, though. You've never felt that.

Anything else with your turn, Iva? No, until I remain hidden. Got it. After Iva, course is Nathan hi Nathan hello Nathan is going to whip around towards where Tootie and Jelf

are in that sort of general sort of back in the wider cavern area and he's actually going to hold his action and his trigger is going to hold his action. And his trigger is going to be the next time one of those

shadow goofballs from the demon dimension appears. And the action that he's holding is once one of them appears, he's going to try and shoot them with a second level witch bolt. And try and shoot them with a second level witch bolt and

try and cook their goose. Alright. Sounds good. Up next we've got... Well, it's 2D. 2D, you're a pile of trash. It's like a little Egg McMuffin wrapper where his right hand used to be.

There's some gravel where his foot used to be. Yeah, there's not much you can do, unfortunately. I don't think... I'm going to hold tight. Thanks. Keep it dirty. Viralis is going to use his movement to get up and punch this thing in the back of the leg. And, ooh, a miss, unfortunately.

It's now the Nightwalker's turn. It's keeping its eyes on Danny. It's pissed at Danny for that crit. So it is going to lower its finger at you, Danny. I'm going to need you to do a wisdom saving throw. Blaine, who is this wisdom saving throw? Oh, nice. Oh, or not.

Another natural 20, and then I got a a 3 oh hot damn Brian if you look up at what the finger of doom's wisdom saving throw it's a 21 so oh no way yeah man you dodged a real nasty bullet holy shit a 20 wouldn't have been enough

that's fucking amazing. Yep. Unfortunately, it doesn't like the fact that you shrug off this thing, and it's now going to try to grab you. Boo. Oh, yes. Does it have to be my turn? Do you step of the Wind?

Great question. I thought you were using Patient Defense. Did I already have Patient Defense called? I did, right? You did. Yeah, so let's use that. All right, so that's the dodge. Yeah.

Okay. That means it rolls disadvantage. Step of the Wind, by the way, is another fucking cool thing I can do now. Oh, Brian. This thing, when it tries to grab, it gets a plus 12 to hit. With disadvantage, that's a 15. What is your armor class? He, he.

One, six. Oh! Sorry, Charlie. Oh, shit. Are you Herschel Bernardi? Wow, the monk thing paid off for you that round, Brian. Yeah. Cool.

Not cool for me, because what if I killed you? That'd be fun. Time for a death-saving throw for Grigsby. I want Danny to be around for a while. I like him. Ooh, another success for Grigsby. One more success, and he's good to go.

Then we have, of course, unfortunately, the shadow demons, which no longer are really able to see your friend Tootie, which is good, but they can sure see Jelf, and one of them pops into existence, and you know what that means. That's right, I'm talking to you, Nathan Whiskers. Mm-hmm. You see a shadow demon appear right over the spot

where Tootie has disappeared into the scenery, and it looks like it's bringing some claws out towards Jelf. All right, I will pull out... I will, having my, I guess, carrot wand ready to rock, I will launch, and it's a 17 to hit. That is definitely a hit. Cool. All right.

So it is. Ooh, nice. 16 points. Nice. Of lightning damage as this witch bolt, an arc of like Return of the Jedi Emperor lightning connects between the

tip of Nathan's wand and this thing I saw witch bolt open for goat whore laughing laughing laughing laughing oh man well you guys you've got this fucking aura on you all this stuff Oh, man.

Well, you guys, you've got this fucking aura on you. All this stuff stacked up against you. It misses as it swings a jelf. So that'll do it for that shadow demon's turn as it disappears back. But good hit. Up next, we've got the other shadow demon, which, oh, yeah. Not happy with Nathan Whiskers. I'll bet.

So this thing's going to pop up right in front of you, sir. And it's going to swing its claws at you. That's smart. Just so she can see. 17 to hit. That hits. Okay. Smart. Just so she can see. 17 to hit. That hits. Okay, so this is going to be

Oof. 15 points of psychic damage. Ouch. Okay. I'm sorry. 13. 13 points of damage. Ouch. Are you still up? Yep. Of course it disappears into the ether. Jelf, it is your turn. Do I get a,

do I get an attack on the thing that just tried to attack me? You don't get an attack on that one, but you can definitely see the wisps of the one that just attacked Nathan right in front of you. Okay, I'm attacking that one. You know what I mean? You don't get a free shot. You can still

swing at whichever one you want, but you feel like that's the only one you really know where it is. I'm attacking that. It's going to be with disadvantage, remember, because it is disappearing okay well uh what so that means I roll seven people I roll another one and take a low number

uh then I'll take that three oh no that's a miss sorry jelf you guys have all landed some really good hits but this is a tough battle uh Danny you are now up again all right um really good hits, but this is a tough battle. Danny, you are now up again. All right. I will use...

I'll take a stab at it again with my short sword. Great. Probably not a hit 13 no just barely not it's armor class is 14 so that's a mess then we have doop doopop, Iva. Okay.

Yeah. It's all up in Danny's shit right now, Iva. It's got its back to you. Great. I'm just going to go ahead from my hiding place and I guess again... And Danny's... It's right up on Danny, right? Yep. Okay. So that's a sneak attack.

It's going to shoot an arrow, I guess. OK. Are you hidden? Yeah, I'm still hidden. I mean, I might have to come out of hiding to do it, but I can re hide on my bonus action. But if she's hiding, does that mean she gets to shoot with advantage? Sure does. Hey, there you go. Thanks. Thanks for asking.

Yeah. Chris asks for good homework. 15. That's a hit. Hey. Hey. That's wow. that's um wow is that right um that seems like too much hold on uh it seems like too much the arrow damage story. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I think that's 20 points of damage. Yeah. No way.

So this arrow connects and you hear this buzzing. And then the whole back of this thing continues to buzz. You just... And there's a rushing sound. As it seems to roll itself up, it starts to disappear from the bottom up towards where the arrow collided.

And then this really loud ripping noise as it just sort of disappears in a wisp of smoke. And it was just reaching out at you, Danny, but as the back end of its claw wishes past and the arrow hits the back of its neck, it vanishes from view. And everything is very quiet.

I bow. Cool. Iva, I did not give you really much you could do with this thing because narratively I needed to get this ghostly presence out of here. It's 20 feet tall and there's too much to look at around here that I didn't want a giant corpse laying on all of this stuff. So you look around and there are the remains of what looks like monks from the filament of Dongle,

a couple of dwarves, and generally like a mess. There's no sign of the illusion that this thing seemed to cast to lead you to believe it was the great grandmother of Nathan Whiskers. However, you do see what looks like some very ancient personal belongings and maybe a shelter that has fallen into disrepair, as well as the mangled bodies of those adventurers. Are the shadow demons gone?

After a few beats, you wait for them, and they don't seem to reappear. There's still an ominous shadow that seems to pulse with magic energy between the mushrooms, but no demons come out. Yeah, let's get out of the magic mushrooms. I've died for every time I heard Jervis Cocker tell me that. Am I still paralyzed? I uncover 2D, but we still need to. Unfortunately, 2D is still paralyzed.

And also, is Grigsby still doing his saving throws? Well, he's going to do one more as you sort of. Wait, I drag Grigsby's body to 2D so that he can lay one of his paralyzed hands on him. Unfortunately, he has used up his entire laying on hands pool. You can bind Grigsby's wounds. Yeah, we'll do that. So he's no longer having to do saving throws, but he's at zero hit points.

Yeah, bind his wounds. Tuco is toast. Yeah. And yeah, he's unfortunately been added to the pile of bodies that are on the ground here. Well, perhaps we can search through Tuco's things and make sure that Danny has an offhand weapon. Oh, that'd be cool. But I'd also like to do like a blessing for him, like, you know, some sort of.

Seems like there's probably weapons in some room. You know, some sort of... Seems like there's probably weapons in some room. I think we should... I think in order we need to heal... We need to... Well, we've stabilized Grigsby. We need to unparalyze Tootie, right? Yeah, I can't unparalyze Tootie.

But if we're not taking this... I mean, I have Cure Wounds, but I can't. Can you cast Lesser Restoration? I don't have that. Can you cast Lesser Restoration? I don't have that. Can you pray? Why don't you try it? I could pray, yeah.

Religion check. All right, then. Let's see. What is this, 17? Ooh! what is a 17 you know you think of Bahamut and his glory and you get a vision of the rolling fields of Glynishmoor and you're just

sort of given this peaceful feeling that you feel like a flutter hey I don't forget Jerry and there's this like flutter. Hey, I don't forget Jerry. And there's this flutter in your chest that sort of increases to a more powerful pulse in your chest and you begin to feel the nerve

endings wake up in your fingertips and you're able to move very weakly. And I say, I want to watch Love Boat. I want to watch Love Boat come again you have a new Honda

I can't speak you can't speak Ed yeah you can speak you can sort of speak but I'll let you decide how much okay yeah I mean you're're weak, you know. You're all pretty low and don't have any healing spells left.

Iva's going to investigate the hell out of this room. Great. Roll a check, everybody. Please, who wants to join Iva? If you don't want to fuck with the mushrooms and shit, you can, of course, abstain. What are we rolling? Perception? Yeah, kill the boss. Don't you want to

investigate? Investigation. Okay. I've got a 22. stain what are we rolling perception yeah kill the boss don't you want to investigate investigation okay 22 cha cha 21 and I've got a seven the best of all roles you just keep thinking about

even with using my lucky point and even with a plus five ridiculous wow 18 for Danny wow unfortunately Danny Tootie and Jelf are leading this one Iva you just have to console Nathan while he thinks about all the baked goods he's not gonna he's gonna have he was gonna

have scones I was excited about the scones they were down the door before we got to eat any she's not a great it was very rude you could have eaten some lying nightmare scones they were down the door before we got to eat any she's not a great it was very rude you could have eaten some lying nightmare scones if the steak tastes real

does it matter true I feel like you know there was like maybe only a one in 100 chance they would taste like anything but death but yeah so you start digging around a gel you got 21 or the 22 Yeah. So you start digging around. Jelf.

You got 21 or the 22. Okay. And Ken got the 21 and Danny got the 18. Great. So let's actually go up. So from the bottom. So I've a Nathan out of luck dreaming of scones. Danny. Yes. You find there's some sort of, uh, they're like little chips worn in,

um, necklaces around the bodies of these two dwarves. These dwarves are just fucked. Uh, there's no way you would really get anything about these, but they're almost like dog tags. They've got little, it looks like names written in dwarven on their dog tags.

Unless, uh, you want to get them translated by 2D you don't immediately know what they are also you do manage to get a simple short sword off of the body of Tuco over there

Ken you dig around in the bodies of the filament of Dongle again all these bodies there's not You dig around in the bodies of the filament of dongle. Again, all these bodies, there's not much left. They've kind of been turned to dust. You find, however, six throwing stars.

Oh. Four raltrops. hmm four caltrops and a ring of keys off of one of the monks' bodies Jelf, you kind of wander off into the corner where it looks like there's some sort of makeshift shelter there's old

candles that have been mashed around from this monster in combat and the shelter itself has been turned over and has been destroyed but there's remnants of what looks like some magic user

lived here a long time ago you also find some sort of journal this journal is written in elvish and it details a wizard who apparently spent years in here studying spells that

very hard to understand seems very old but I'm going to text you Blaine the the message you find here do I have your text the message you find here do I have your text

to my computer oh this is going to be awkward Blaine just tell everybody your cell phone number real quick 1-800-EAT-SHIT the back of my truck that was your driving it's horrible I'm on a new computer so I don't have your kid but i'm gonna go ahead and just put this in the

chat blaine would you be so kind to read this for the listeners i would love to and everyone else don't look at the chat don't look at the chat you can pretend like this for me dan telfer hey let me here let me read this out loud you guys and then there's a joke on the Pretend John's telling you this. Hey, let me read this out loud, you guys. And then there's a joke on the back. The being that writes to me in scrolls made of smoke has sent me another message, one virtually guaranteeing my passage to the negative realm known as the Shadowfell, the realm from which the Leviathan came many eons ago.

Tonight I shall open a portal and attempt passage wow they say no living creature has survived such a transition before but i've studied for years and i'm feeling quite keen on my own abilities should i pass through i suppose no one shall read this as a being from the negative realm will take my place should i fail or succeed does not matter all matters not my smoky patron beckons uh you think that if you went over this book that jell found nathan you might figure out how to make contact with the shadow fell what does that mean make contact with the shadowfell. What does that mean, make contact with the Shadowfell? The Shadowfell is another plane of existence not unlike the Feywild.

Unfortunately, it seems the Shadowfell is so dangerous you don't want to just pass through because it could immediately annihilate you. So you would potentially be able to reach out to a being in the Shadowfell. Cool. Why don't I just hand this book off to Nathan and he can put it in his pouch?

You also notice it seems like your friend Viralis has gone back to the Feywild. You're not sure what happened, but he seemed to make a hasty retreat. Thank you. And on that note, I believe we're at an hour. Hey, Sam. What do you think happened?

I'd love to tell you. This week, we are still in battle. I think 2D tried to unparalyze himself by laying his own hands on himself, which I always wondered if you could do. And if I understand correctly, an invisible friend of ours is helping us in battle. The invisible guy took some damage, and we all found places to hide. We all avoided death several times, which is just classic us. We found the old bodies of some dead adventurers.

We got our 2D back and we got some cool things to take with us. It was a nice, simple nerd poker battle episode. It was timeless, like a Billy Joel song. Ooh. Slow down, you crazy child. song anybody got any buddy they want to put anything they want to plug which dot TV slash tell for Dan check me out Friday 7 p.m. Pacific I do an hour of what seems like stand-up comedy I've got a new music sucks at YouTube

posting the band top secret videos on every Thursday night on true TV and my radio show grandpa's metal stash every Tuesday anybody else

Blaine oh I have a dark week Tuesday. Anybody else? Blaine? Oh, I have a dark week. Stacey Keach is in the hospital. Oh, no. Yeah, he got the shit beaten out of him last week by a bunch of drummers. Drummers?

Yeah, because last week he read to them. Oh, yeah. Wasn't that a sketch on, yeah, David Letterman, the drummer who couldn't read? Was it? I think so. I think it's Lars, their drummer. They did a bit where they asked him to read something and he started crying and it turned into an after school special.

All right. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.