Nerd Poker - S4E28 Demonic Winds

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

The Castaway Cuties are headed to another dimension (another dimension, another dimension) to help out the Davenglaven monk situation, and it looks like things are gonna get real messy. We can only hope that the otherworldly howling won't upset Nathan's delicate bunny ears too much (or make him act demonic again like he did a few episodes back).

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint. You are listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 28.

And my friends are here. I've got them in a... what do you call that view? Speaker view, so I'm looking at Dan. What's up, Dan? Oh, hi! Oh, my goodness. Let me put you in gallery so I can see everybody there. Oh, we've got Ken.

Hello, Ken. Hi, hi, hi. Hello, hello. Blaine. Oh, hi, Brian. How are you doing? I'm good, thanks. Hi. Hello, Hope. Blaine. Oh, hi, Brian. How are you doing? I'm good, thanks. How are you?

I'm good. Sarah? Oh, good. Hi. How's it going? Good. There's an ocean behind you. Be careful.

Relaxing. Nice. Okay, that's one way to look at it. I was worried. And then we've got, is that purple or blue you've got a mood going tonight uh it's my friend chris everybody that's right and i'm bringing a mood to this whole episode brian get ready for some mood with two all right yeah it's a velvety smooth in tallman town and And we don't have to do the trick this time because he's right in the pilot seat with his owner.

It's Ramen running the show. And he brought Sam with him. Hey, Sam. Hello. Hey, sweet children. He hates it so much. He's the cutest dog on the internet and that's hard because there's a lot of fucking cute dogs on the internet

uh Dan yeah should we thank some people I'd love to I would like to thank the people who support us on Patreon particularly our Stargoyle and Hayboss tiers they go by usernames like Blaine.

Who were these Patreon supporters brought to us by? Brought to you by Mr. Paul's Beefstick. Yeah, I'm making it sexual, Mr. Paul's Beefstick. Oh, wow. You made a noise like the noise Brian made before on our false start for this episode.

I just went full vegan. Thank you, Fint the Druid. Thank you, Sean George. Full vegan. Thank you. Oh, you'll like this one, Ramen. Kaya the Wonder Poodle. Thank you.

Toons 7 AD. Thank you, Ditch Wizard with two Zs. Thank you. Thank you, Blaine with two Z's. Thank you. Thank you Blaine's Ad Reads. Brought to you by Ancus and Ephraim. Get rid of congestion with a human sacrifice. Ancus and Ephraim.

These are so meta tonight. Thank you JustRob. Thank you Catch22. The A and the T spelled with a 47. Thank you Boinkones in my airport bags. I know, I know. Serious.

We're idiots. That's what that one means. That one's about you and me, a couple of ding-dongs. A couple of ding-dongs and a little Debbie package. I've got the boinkone sweatshirt sitting in my office. Oh, do you? and a little Debbie package. I've got the Boinkon sweatshirt sitting in my office. Oh, do you?

I see it every day. I just walk by it. It's like... Oh, go get it. You're a fucking dildo and you're bad with words, you moron. I haven't seen one in person. Oh, Brian, that is not the point of it. That's how I take it.

Oh, God. I know. Now I'm like, what Buddhist self-fulfillment book should I buy for Brian so he cheers up? Don't listen to him. Buy the sweatshirt. He loves it. It won't ruin Brian's day at all if you buy that and wear it around and point at it excitedly. If you live in the Valley, buy it for sure because hang out at Fat Sal's, you're going to see me. Yeah, if you're in the Encino area and you like to march up and down the sidewalk. Brian, you're busking up front, right?

Thank you, Fart Cube 420. Thank you. You wanted to hear that one. Thank you, Nino Derrico. Thank you, Giuliani and Associates and Elite Strike Force of Inept and Flatulent Lawyers.

Remember that fucking guy? Jesus Christ. He's going to jail. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Farty McMeltface going to jail-y jails. Thank you, Matt Tesla Coyle. Thank you, Lord Brownington.

Nice, Lord. Followed, unsurprisingly, by War Anus. Thank you, Lord Brownington. Mm-hmm. Nice, Lord. Followed unsurprisingly by War Anus. Thank you, War Anus. Thank you, Kevin Hit. Thank you. Thanks, Kevin. Thank you, Queep the Leg. A nice Karate Kid reference.

Yay. Thank you, Wild Garlic. Thank you, Chris Jacobson. Thank you, Ian Buckley. And finally, thank you, The Stinko Cinco, formerly the Ice Five. Oh. Stinko Cinco. Blaine, if you've got any ads left, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by?

When you gotta go up there's stairs. When you gotta go down there's stairs. Stairs. We're also brought to you by Pancake Crafters. Quality pancakes. In about an hour. Also, syrup. Syrup for

women. Finally! From the makers of from the makers of Syrup. Syrup for men. Splash it on! Dan? Thank you, Blaine. Hey, Billy, who were those ads brought to us

by? Those ads were brought to us by Peaches! Do you want to eat a soft thing and then ow, there's a hard middle that is closer like it should be smaller? You don't expect it to be as big of a hard? Ow! Peaches!

That was as good and better than I was hoping for. Well, folks, now that we've done some bits and some thanks, I believe it's time for What Happened Last Time on Nerd Poker? Yes, Nerd Poker, the podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons in Brian's conceptual dining room. So, the castaway cuties, as I am forcing them to be called these days.

I'm not fighting it. The sound of Brian sighing into his microphone. No, I'm not fighting it. The sound of Brian sighing into his microphone. No, I'm not fighting it. I know, I've noticed, and I've pushed the envelope as a result. You all wandered around into a certain temple

that is run by the Filament of Dongle? Is what they're called for some reason? Who called them that? Took me a second to remember. And couldn't help but get excited when you guys started walking around in the darkened temple and noticing it was all in ruin. But what was in the lobby? A churning portal to what looked like a hostile realm. And what would this crew do but say, fuck it, and hold hands and jump right in there?

They were immediately met with howling bright crimson winds and a strange hand that offered them face masks so they could breathe through the winds. And also a warning. Something was coming. Something bad. Something also a warning. Something was coming. Something bad. Something like a battle. We bring you now to the Castaway Cuties at a possible fight already in progress. So, um,

that pretty much sums up where you guys are at. Anyone want to guess where you're at? Anyone? Anyone? Ocean City, Maryland. That's a great guess. I always like to wonder when you guys go through a portal if anyone can guess where you're at. I think Blaine is right. Yeah.

This sounds, yeah, coastal. You're in Maryland and you're about to kill Santa Claus. Oh. No, you're in a different realm for sure. These howling winds are making it difficult to hear each other uh and this voice that called out to you seemed to be calling out to you through this sort of magical amplification that allowed his voice to carry into your minds but he was still very like terse and forward you recognize immediately the blue sleeve uh it was on some

of the bodies that you found in the Leviathan spiral. You think this is almost certainly a member of the filament of Dongle handing you these masks. You can barely make out his silhouette, but he is close. What will you do? You see behind you, by the way, this churning fucking portal. Should we put on the masks?

Yes. Let's do that. Can someone help me? My ears are so big. Nathan, you notice as you ask for help with your mask, you cannot even hear your own voice. It's so loud, the wind. We're going to have to go with walkies.

But the ground is shaking, and you think you see a silhouette approaching through the wind that is enormous. Jesus. Is my mind shaking? Go back to the portal. Do you want to go back in the portal? You know, that might be our chance to not die in hell.

You hear the voice of this monk call out to you all again. He says, quickly with me. And he, he grabs, he grabs Danny by the arm and tugs him off to your right. New monk friends, right?

Everybody. Can anybody see me or hear me? Yeah. You all see Danny's windy silhouette kind of like start to get pulled off with this monk. Okay, I follow. Yeah, I'll try and tie on my mask and follow. Okay. He leads you through the wind. It's very hard, but you all have to kind of like link up arms to kind of not lose each other.

And suddenly the portal is no longer visible. to kind of not lose each other. And suddenly the portal is no longer visible. You feel with the monk the opening of a small tunnel that seems smaller than the silhouette that was approaching. And as you go inside, things get slightly quieter and slightly easier to see, although the hot red dust continues to blow in. And you notice something very strange.

As you all kind of touch the sides of this tunnel it feels almost like there is no floor no up nor down the gravity seems crazy where you guys are at the monk says thank goodness

it would only have been a moment before the portal closed and all of us would have been faced with that demon. Wow. Who are you? My name is Hingle McCringleberry. It is good to meet you. That can't be true.

It was a pretty pregnant pause there, Hingle McCringleberry. Hingle McCringleberry. Your name is ridiculous. As named by our Patreon supporter, Geordie, I hope there are tapes. That was Dan just going, shit, I guess my last chance to go back through the portal.

But he does say, you can call me Hingle. You are now in the realm known as Pandemonium, and I am afraid to tell you we are being Hunted by demons we The filament of dongle and I believe that portal

Would have ripped one of Our limbs clean off if we had tried to Exit through it we're going to have to find another Way out of here Oh you can't go back to that portal No that portal was Not going to last much longer in these winds. The winds have probably already closed it. These are very powerful, powerful winds.

What are you doing here? I was trying to avenge my clan. Avenge? Not great. Avenge doesn't sound very monkey, does it? Avenge? What can I say? These demons have been hunting us for weeks.

They came into our temple and killed most of my clan. I am one of the only ones left, and I was hoping, at the very least, I would be able to find a reason for all of this all i can tell is that they are trying to collect our bodies for some reason they're trying to kill us and then drag us back into pandemonium and what's this little tunnel we're in well uh i don't really know to be perfectly honest all i can tell you is uh is I have been scouting for somewhere to hide, and this is one of a few spots I've been able to find. If you go further in this tunnel, it looks like there's some interesting things, and what can I say? Pandemonium is full of secrets.

If you want it, we can go exploring. But right now, I'm just trying to think of a way we can find back or that I can find more about why my clan was being hunted. So you're alone here? Just you? Yes. Quite a gambit for you to walk through that portal, if you ask me.

What were you hoping to find? 2D said we should do it. I thought it was a porto's. I was like, there's I was like There's no line There's no chance Is it like An off hour

It's got good fries Like a nice sandwich Right now That's a Got my Tell me a bit Peckish jelf The

The The pies there Are amazing They have savory pies And just Just the The The white birthday cake

Layered with the strawberries and the pears. They've been doing really good during the pandemic, too. They've got a great system in the parking lot. Anyway, yeah, whatever you were hoping to find

at the other end of this portal, I'm afraid. All I can tell you is there's rumored to be many treasures here in Pandemonium. My only goal, however, was to pin a smaller demon to the ground and interrogate it.

For information about how to leave? Well, I do have a spell that will hopefully take us back to the temple, but I don't know. I'm worried about the feasibility of opening a portal with winds and magic such as this.

But you just said you wanted to climb on top of a demon, and I'm just curious as to what you think that would achieve. I wanted to grapple it, pin it to the ground, pin it to the wall. You'll notice the walls of the ground are very similar here, and he reaches out, and he touches the wall, lifts his

feet off the ground, and you notice it takes no effort whatsoever. It's almost like he suctioned his hand to the wall, and then he places his feet off the ground and you notice it takes no effort whatsoever. It's almost like he suctioned his hand to the wall and then he places his feet up where his hands were and he is now apparently like standing on the ceiling. I mean, Danny, you could do some again badass parkour

in here. This is like Tony Hawk's garage, bro. I run up all around like I want to run up and around the circle do i yeah oh you absolutely do you you fucking like an mc escher painting come to life just start doing spirals around it's fun try it one time I stand sideways on my ears. Yes.

It works for a second, but then you feel like some pressure on your ears. And you kind of like slump over a little bit. Ooh. All right. Well, I mean, we have no choice. We're just going to have to press ahead. I guess we can help you with your whole avenging thing. We were trying to find out what happened to you guys anyway.

So, do you know anything about... What's the name of that place? The Leviathan Spiral? Yes. Some of my clan went there to try and find a window to pandemonium, and I don't believe it went very well. Oh, yeah. We were there before we were here, so... But we think some of them made it through though right because there were so many creatures

remember there was the big thing and then the little guys and it was possible the little guys were because a couple monks made it through were some people i don't know if we thought they were monks or just people over the years. Maybe Dan can clarify. I would say, yeah, you think it's a possibility. But you didn't find conclusive evidence that that's what those little folks were. Well, we tell him, we're like, we think some people, we don't know if they were the monks, but we do think some people made it through from there. But we do think other monks. And you relay it all to him and he says it sounds very disturbing but that yes indeed it didn't go well for them in the leviathan spiral um he he says he doesn't know uh much about the

motivations but he's there's a smaller demon that has visited the temple drug some of his clan out into portals uh called a closet he's hoping to pin one of those fuckers to the ground because he says those things are relatively fightable one-on-one and he was alone. His goal was to find these little things and

he describes them to you. Let's see if I can find a photo of them. But yeah, he's like, ugh, I'm hoping you've actually just made it more likely I'll be able to accomplish my goal.

The big demon that was coming may have been more than I could handle on my own, however. We can help with the closet. This is what we were here for to try to see what was going on right so Danny do you want to catch a closet sure I mean you know

I don't want to put you out if it's a hassle How many seasons of To Catch a Quazit Were on NBC? That was on for a long time, right? And it was of course on Quibi When that guy shows up at your house, oh man

I mean, not my house Yeah, I'm up for it Well, he tells you guys a few things. It'll be easier if we stay in the smaller tunnels, he thinks, but he hasn't spent much time here. Time is a bit elastic compared to the dimensions,

and he was, on his timeline, I think, not here very long, but as he talks to you, it sounds like that portal had been open for several days on your side. So, not much time has passed for him.

But a lot of time has passed. He's making it sound like the way time is passing here, it won't be open much longer. And I would say you all find that a bit disconcerting because it sounds like you indeed need the scroll that's in his pocket to get out of here. So it feels a bit

like you will be stuck in this dimension if you don't keep this guy and this scroll nearby. Let's see if we can kill him and take the scroll. Kill him and take the scroll. Hmm. Whoops.

Jelf's true colors are really popping. I'm just doing a sound check over the fire truck outside. Let's kill him with the scroll. Yeah, I mean, we came here to... Kill him, take the scroll. Sorry, Jack, is that reading? Jack, kill him, take the scroll. Kill him, take the scroll.

We should probably kill him and take the scroll. That's what I was thinking out loud repeatedly. Oh. All right. So I'm unsure as to what is real and what is not. But let's go ahead and just assume that he was kidding. And we are going to go ahead and help this guy with the closet. Roll an insight check against

your own party. Perhaps we could ask Huckle McFuckleberry to leave us alone for a moment. Yeah, he again, his name is Hingle. Hingle McCringleberry.

I couldn't find it. And yeah, Hingle. Hingle? Hingle McCringleberry. I couldn't find it. Hingle McCringleberry. And, yeah, Hingle says, oh, of course, allow me to walk several feet in this direction while you discuss. I mean, what is there even?

Well, I'm just saying, some people are saying we work with him and some people are saying we turn him into a rug. I think we work with him. Yeah, let we work with him and some people are saying we turn him into a rug. I think we work with him. Yeah, let's work with him. And then the other thing.

Eventually, yeah. Maybe something else will kill him. I like it. The other pocket from away from Jelf. Yeah, Blood Sand Jelf is fun, Jelf. More like Fundemonium.

Wait, did I say Agatha or did I say Iva? Did I call my bird Iva again? I think you may have called your bird Iva, yes. God damn it. My name is Iva. You're Iva the bird. It's Pandemonium. Did you just say that out loud?

We know that. Yes. Well, so let's, how does he mean, how can we help him? Hey, should we go deeper into the thing where he said there was stuff going on, that there were all sorts of things happening deeper in the caves and the caverns? Yeah, he said that there, he said that like, you know, he was expecting he could find some closets. He said that there are likely some like nearby, but there's bigger things, too, that he was worried about. And there's also treasure all over Pandemonium.

Hey, Dan, it occurs to me now that this guy is talking about demons and stuff. Does this guy really seem like a real monk or is this some kind of thing looking like a monk? Great question. If anyone would like to be suspicious of Hengel, please do an insight check. Alright. Insight. I rolled a 20. With a proficiency 25.

Well, that's fun. Whoops. I got a big six. 25 is real high. What about the rest of y'all? 12. Okay. Oh, shit.

I got a 20 also. And then plus three. So Blaine's still higher. Blaine's got a massive role there. Sari, I know you've got a pretty big insight bonus. Did you get a good? No, I got a nine. Aw, shucks.

Well, you guys are able to figure out mostly through Jelf's intuition, this guy seems to be on the up and up. No suspicious tell for NPC action happening. I'm glad we didn't do what Sarah was thinking

and kill him and take the scroll. Yeah, he also seems kind of powerful. He seems like he'd be good in a fight. And if I may, seems like someone Danny could maybe learn a trick or two from. Oh, wow. Okay. Let's cooperate.

Yep. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss or shall you wave Hingle over? I think we should wave him over. All right. So he walks you guys further into this tunnel away from where you started

and points ahead to a bigger opening this is a place where it's only big for a little while and then you can see it narrows again he explains pandemonium is nothing but a series of tunnels it's like this completely subterranean plane and that's why the gravity is strange in

all these tunnels and it's also why the wind is horrifying most of the time there's just this hot dust that blows everywhere makes it almost impossible to hear. But this chamber is somewhere the wind is unable to kind of penetrate because there's enough smaller tunnels leading up to it that sort of siphon away some of the louder noises of pandemonium. So although most of this entire dimension are nothing but hot, deafening winds that will drive you completely insane over a few minutes there's this chamber at the other end of these tunnels where it's it's kind of quiet the downside unfortunately is there is lava floating in a strand through the middle

of this chamber so yes you can walk on the ceilings here. You can walk on the walls, the floor. On Forch, there is a tube of lava kind of like naturally winding through this chamber. And what he says is good about it is this is somewhere he believes we can sort of collect our thoughts on the edge of this chamber. He also is hoping that if he sees a closet

wandering around this chamber, it's a hoping that if he seizes a closet wand around this chamber it's a good place to pin one to the ground um and and not immediately be overcome by something uh and he says another downside this may be and he doesn't know enough about pandemonium he's like this might be like a a place where beings like beings, cross through this chamber. So we should be very careful that someone doesn't come through the very tunnel we're in right now. This little man-sized tunnel might at any point have a traveling evil being cross through it. But also this chamber, we might see more than a closet go through. go through. It's because this dimension is a place many evil beings go to sort of

meet in secret and have evil tribunals. It's a place where they go to hide their treasure, where they believe other beings won't be able to find it. And so he recommends you go to the lip of this little cavern leading

into the giant chamber and just watch. And if you like, you can split up, but he doesn't recommend it. Let's split up. I'm kidding. Sorry. Are there cities, towns in Pandemonium? Yes.

Yeah, Panama City. For spring break, am I right? Who's been there? He says he doesn't know a ton about it. Yes. Yeah, Panama City. For spring break, am I right? Who's been there? Woo! He says he doesn't know a ton about it, but there are layers to pandemonium. There's pandesmos. There's cockatice. There's fledgathon.

Agathion. There's Fledgathon, Agathion, and even there's a tower that he says you may have seen it in the distance that's known as Vecna's Tower. This is a very dangerous arch lich that I highly recommend avoiding. But this whole place, it contains cities and beings, but there's not many natives to Pandemonium. It's mostly where demons and evil beings and demigods cross through. Where do we know the name Vecna from? His artifact pieces of him are very powerful artifacts and are plain. Yeah, it's like a big D&D bad guy, right? Yeah, Mordenkainen kind of famous D&D lore guy.

Like the Eye of Vecna, Hand of Vecna, they're these super powerful artifacts. So just generally, but not in our campaign specifically. No, he's never been mentioned in your campaign. Yeah, I think he did an appearance on Riverdale and there's like a three episode thing on it. Oh, is that worth watching?

I'll have to check that out. Okay, so we do as he suggests and we're gonna question a demon. Quazit Watch. 2021. Just for fun, have everyone do a wisdom saving

throw real quick. Just for fun. Yes. 10. 16. Sorry. Sorry. Why is Sarah laughing?

Is it against magic? I have advantage if it's a magical effect. No, unfortunately. It's environmental. 13. Anybody below a 10? No? You're all okay but you do get this sort of like moment where you have to kind of

shake your heads. The sound of the wind is really obnoxious. You gotta shake your head You just gotta shake your head It's a crazy world and you guys are stuck smack dab in the middle You just got to shake your head. I go for it. It's a crazy world and you guys are stuck smack dab in the middle. But it seems sort of like you've got a good view. This chamber, as big as it is, it's kind of a square quarter mile, uh, is currently empty.

You can see over this little hump, there is like a nice little rock jutting out of the edge. And of course you can walk at a full circle, but Hengel, uh, gestures for y'all to kind of gather around this rock and try and keep kind of a low profile. I'm going to have all of you just do a perception check.

Um, I was going to ask Hengel, what, what do closazits like? Maybe I can do an illusion of that. Oh. Well,

they like mischief and wickedness. He recommends that the only real thing you do is maybe have it create the illusion of somebody in trouble. Maybe someone's suffering.

But that could lure a lot of things. Alright, well I won't do that. I just thought we could at least interact where I came from. Brian, did you throw a number at me while... Yeah, it's no big deal. It was 20 and then plus 3. No big deal. No big deal. I'm sorry. You plus three no big deal no no no big deal that i'm that you were

you were doing something else i'm sorry no i just wanted to that was a cool that was a cool that was cool own it brian you were the fonz brian punch that jukebox uh i want to ask him uh whatever what's his name higgly piggly uh i'd like to ask what, I just sensed something. My mind was fogged. What was that about? Do you know? Oh, it's the wind here. Yeah, be careful.

I haven't been here long, but I have the same moment you did. I recommend plugging your ears if you get separated from the group. Okay. What could happen to you if you hear the wind too much? It could drive you insane. It could have small effects. It could have longer lingering effects.

I don't recommend going outside for very long. Alright then. 14. 14. I don't remember. 16. That's not good.

Perception checks. Danny did great, so we were really competing with his critical percept. I think I'm just waiting for Jelf. If you said it, I didn't hear it playing. Oh, I got a 13. Gotcha. Yeah, you don't see anything right away. Brian, Danny does feel like he's hearing separate noises on the far end of the chamber,

but they come and go. So you get a sort of impression, Danny, that maybe there's more demon foot traffic on the far end of this chamber through another tunnel, kind of like the one you're... Just random noises, or can I kind of... Yeah, I mean, like, it sounds like occasional foot stomps, whispers, but it's far away. It's in the end of this huge chamber. I share with my friends. I share with my friends.

Yeah, I mean, at this point, Hingle says we could try to lure one out and take Ivo's suggestion, but that's pretty dangerous. How big is this chamber? It could be big. Couldn't I sort of go, oh, my little bunny himself,

trash. No, but I could do, I can do a sound. So I can do it on the opposite side or somewhere that's safe for us to have that sound emanate from. If you want me to make it say I'm a little bunny who's trapped, I can do that.

So, yeah. What kind of distance are we talking? 30 feet, I think. Hold on. Could we do like a Rocky 2? I'm Apollo Creed training you on how to sound like a real bunny. Kind of like, you just really... It can be someone else's voice. Any sound I choose.

So I could just make it sound like you. All right. All right. Can't wait to hear that. Yes. 30 feet is the range. All right. So it would have to be that close. That's sort of the downside.

Well, I mean, how big is the chamber? Like a quarter mile big. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. Would you like to see it proportional to you? Oh, yeah, I can go. Oh, yeah, I can go. But what I will do is I will run out rogue style and and then cast it. Oh, wait, but is it?

No, no. It's just me a one time thing. So I'll cast it and then I'll retreat back to our location. You know what I mean? Sure. And when I do that, before I do that, guess what I'm going to use? Hmm. I am going to use? Hmm. I am going to put on my Boots of Speed and click the heels together because it doubles my walking speed.

Do they take off like a spinning oval and you have to like sort of drag yourself along and then kick yourself up with your hands? Yes, that's the downside. But any creature that makes an opportunity attack against me will have disadvantage on the attack roll. Okay? Okay. Sound good? Okay, so I'm going to run out, whatever

the... Yeah, when we see this, and then I'm going to go, Oh, I'm a little bunny. Okay. And so there's like a oh, I'm a little bunny. Okay. And so there's like a big, there's like a stalactite kind of coming up out of the ground near the tunnel. Wait, why can't I see it? Where Danny heard a noise. Unreal 20? Yeah, I only see Dave English.

I haven't loaded it yet. Oh, okay. Here, I'll load it for you. I haven't loaded it for anybody. Now you will. Maybe if you do the same line again. So, Sarah, can you see it yet? Yes, I see it. So, right here this is like a this big

rock formation and that this tunnel off to the left is where you heard noises danny okay and we're up where the red circle is yeah there's a red circle on the bottom red circle on the top red circle on the side those are the tunnels the top, red circle on the side. Those are the tunnels. Sorry, I drew those circles on there very poorly. No, it's okay. I just needed to zoom out a little bit more. Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and run up... How far is this?

I always forget how to stretch this. Hang on. How do I make a measuring thing? It's on the left. It looks like a comb in a circle. You get like this. Right beneath the magnifying glass. Got it.

Okay. So I basically. But next to the erasers. So where do you guys want me to make this? Cause I can make the sound come from the other side of this rock. You know, that's in kind of the center, but then we can't really access.

Then we could surprise them by coming around or I don't know how you want to do it, or I could just make it come from, I'll just pop out here and make it come from right there. Ooh, that's a good idea. Yeah? Once we can see what's going on. Oh, yeah.

Okay, so let's see. We're there. So maybe I make it come, maybe we make them close. How do I ping? I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing here. You got to be on the arrow tool and then press down for a second. Okay. So I could make it. I could make it. I could make it there. And then we can see directly. I could make the sound coming from here. Oh, yeah. Then we have a direct line of sight, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Does that sound good? So in order to do that, I'm going to need to run up. So, Dan, I'm going to run up as close as I have to, which will be, let's see, like right in between these stones. Okay. You're trying to be sneaky on the way out, too, right? But my movement is

doubled because i have the boots great do a stealth check for me please i'll i'll uh let you keep this uh stealth roll if it's good uh 17 for the way back all right so you sneak out there you feel pretty good about it but you do feel this sort of otherworldly evil the whole time and the baking of this tube of lava and you're just like fuck and you can all see Iva going like like really far really fast uh

I believe it's performance time Iva so why don't you first roll a deception check hmm hmm why don't you first roll a deception check I don't like that ah Clamato with lime

nothing goes down like Clamato with lime it's a 12 and then remember we figured out this is like they have to do an illusion. They have to do an investigation check. So, like, they will automatically, yeah. While I do that,

will you please perform for us, Sarah, the call of the Nathan-like rabbit bunny call that you're attempting to be said from the spot. I think I did it already, but it's basically like, no, no, I'd like to hear it. I'm just a little bunny. What is this place?

I don't understand. And then like he's being like the lava is getting to him or something like my toesies. And then I go back. All right. What are you prioritizing? Being sneaky on the way back or being fast?

I'm prioritizing like mouthing. I'm so sorry to Nathan as they come back. Like, I know that doesn't sound like anything like you. Wonderful. You are wonderful. Uh, so sorry.

What am I prioritizing? Functionally? I'd like you to pick one of those two things and have you do a roll. Which two things? Speed or stealth? Speed or stealth. Yeah. Uh,

I think probably it's going to have to be stealth. All right, I'll let you roll that a second time. Okay. Oops, I just clicked through to Halcyon. That was an accident. I wonder what she's up to these days. Auspicious. What's going on in her neck of the woods?

That is an 18 in stealth. Ooh, glad I let you re-roll that so for funsies i'm glad you i'll see i have a like back double time real sneaky and silent um of course nathan you hear the extremely offensive uh call that iva does there's a moment of silence. Iva just, you just, Iva managed to like dive over the rock and hide with everybody when you hear this this giant thing

kind of like squeezes its way out of the tunnel. It's got the body of like kind of like a, like a cross between a gorilla and a boar. It has these horrible, horrible series of tusks coming out of its face. There's like six of them that are just pointing out of like parts of its cheeks. It's got the hooves of a boar and the sort of pig-like snap,

but like these vulture wings coming out of its back. It's much bigger than any of you guys. And it just kind of, like, goes and, like, looks around and, like, knocks over some rocks that go flying into the lava and, like,

looks around. I'm going to have all of you do a stealth check. Do I have to do another one or was that mine? Yeah, this is you guys trying not to be seen by this thing right now. So I'm gonna have you do it one more time there. 13 plus 4, 17. 13.

11. What? I need you... We're trying to beat a 6 here. You got a 7? Danny's rolling high 19 plus five nice well truly it was a six I'm trying to so you can all believe me I got a six on there

showing my die to the camera this thing really has this piercing gaze through this pretty dark other than the light coming off the lava chamber and it kind of just goes back to the tunnel but like real slow it's like looking around as it backs up and kind of like shimmies its way back in the tunnels uh it came from and hingel says shit shit fuck shit um yeah i also said shimmy, which is fun

to say and hear. Yeah. We gotta try something else. I mean, this thing's probably watching the chamber now. It could be murdering. Is it the 36th chamber? I think we gotta kill it. And is it

shimmy, shimmy, yah, shimmy, yah, shimmy, shimmy, ya, shimmy, ya, shimmy, ya? I've been watching the Wu-Tang documentary again, so. Fun. Anything that makes me think of them. We won't be able to show this video on Instagram. It'll get flagged. Why don't we lure it out and

ambush it? Yes. That's a dany thing. Tangle? It sounds like a plan. How do you want to do this? Do you want to try to sneak out without it seeing us?

I do think it might be just inside that tunnel peering out. Right now, waiting. Can we... Does anyone have a spell that can make something create something over there that has a longer... I can

make a gust of wind. I have mage... You know what I could do? I pull out my carrot wand. I could just say hello. Come on out into the courtyard. From where, though?

Hold on, let me see. Because we want him to, we don't want him to come towards us, right? We want the sound to come from the same place it did. Like throw a noise. And then we can flank him, maybe even just come around the back of the... Yeah, you offer to be bait. I can do that. What we're talking about is just repeating what you just did.

Yeah, I guess I can do that. If you guys are ready then to flank him on the other side of the stone. So, Dan, my plan would be to wait. the stone so so dan my plan would be to wait this time i'll come out and i'm just gonna stay right here i'll make the sound come from like here or whatever and then you guys some of you a couple of you come here and then a couple of you come here around the rock so that we flank him when he comes in and we break left, break right. Yeah. And what's the range on this right now, Sari? Well, I have

to, in order to make the sound, I have to get within 30 feet, so I'm going to go right here on the map if you see me. Okay, so he's way up there. He's over here right now. Yeah. You can't see him, but you're pretty sure he's there. Alright, because I just have a press of digitation. I didn't know him, but you're pretty sure he's there. All right. Cause I,

I just have a press of digitation. I didn't know how, but the range is way, way short.

Is it longer than 30 feet? It is not. Okay. All right. So we're going to rinse and repeat here and I'm gonna

do the same thing. All right. I'm going to need a self-check please for Iva as she scoots out there. going to need a self-check, please, for Iva as she

scoots out there. Okay, I am using a luck point because I rolled a three. That was an eight. Three plus five. So let's try this again. Oh, no.

That's an 11 oh all right so sneak through there um you do think you hear like as you cross the uh the threshold of visibility for just a moment because there's a gap, right? Most of the sneak out here, there's not visual range from this tunnel to you, but there is a gap where suddenly you are visible to that tunnel and then after about 30 feet, you're back behind this growth. You just think you hear a snorting,

like breathing sound coming from the tunnel. Don't make eye contact with anything, but you definitely are like aware of a living breathing giant thing in the tunnel uh you are now able to do the voice again i'm gonna insist sarah please act out the new call for help that we're hearing from this bunny creature uh okay um oh I dropped my carrots. My radishes. My radishes have fallen in the lava. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. And now you're running back?

No, no, I'm staying here because we're going to wait and try to flank the guy when he hopefully comes. Okay. This time, you all see, except for Iva. Iva, you're kind of hiding, so you can't see this. You guys have a pretty clear view this time. This thing starts very terrifyingly slowly sneaking out of its tunnel with its eyes locked very firmly where Iva just cast it so you see this thing geez and it just starts very like curiously peeking or peeking out it just starts like a cat looking

at a laser dot oh it's adorable it's like damn is it that big yeah and it's straight out of a nightmare just like little like little teeny cloven tiptoes from this horrible demon just going like rob leifeld monster and you can see it's getting much and much closer it's gonna see iva pretty soon you soon uh well so i am i have a i can hide i think um i mean i attempt to hide right um and you guys are supposed to come out was what was gonna happen yeah let's come out let's flank it yeah i'm hiding all right so hiding uh means you're going to do a stealth check. Yeah. So let's get that stealth check. Okay, that one is a 22. Great.

So you managed to get really nestled up in rock formation. The rest of you guys, are you trying to just launch full on into an assault, or are you trying to be sneaky in some way? Trying to stealth the assault. Okay. It gets right about where it is. Right now its head is sort of like behind this rock formation and you can just see its leg and its tail and the beating of its wings

like sticking out like it's got its back on that side. So you can all make a rush for it or you can sneak. We've already got 2D's token sneaking out there. You guys want to join them? Yeah, remember you guys were going to split up

to sort of flank him was the idea. Mm-hmm. But nobody's moving. I know. I'm trying to figure out... I have long strider, so I'm going to activate my long strider and start moving up

along. I'm going to hug this thing over here. Oh, hey, this little plateau here, I'm sorry people can't see it, but on the map it looks like there's a little plateau or a terrace of the terrain here.

Is there a way to scale this and get up onto this? The gravity lets every surface be the ground. So, yeah. Okay. Well, then I'm going to run up here so that I can get a little whatever three or four dimensional altitude on it. Can I do that? Yeah. But you can't exactly float.

So, you're just getting kind of a weird angle on it. Okay, I'm just going to run as far as I can, trying to get up to here-ish. Hingle's going to go this way. Who's there? That's Hingle? Yeah. We just need to 2D

Nathan as he were Danny's hiding and pick your spot. I'm going to have everyone roll a stealth check, but I need you to pick your spot first, Nathan, as you were Danny's hiding. And pick your spot. I'm going to have everyone roll a stealth check, but I need you to pick your spot first, Nathan. Alright, I'll stand on the inside of that wall. Okay. So I can peek over the top.

Everyone roll a stealth check, and the farther away you are, I'm going to let you lower the difficulty, so keep that in mind. Am I doing a third one? You're fine, actually, Iva. You've stealthed yourself into a good hide. Sixteen.

Yeesh. I shouldn't have talked. Six plus five. Oh, that's not terrible. Is that okay? Yeah, you gotta roll against him, so we'll see if it's terrible so to speak i rolled a three okay i rolled a nine oh okay uh nathan you straight up trip over a rock

and it makes a little crunching noise but you're like oh i'm pretty far away uh way back here in the cave maybe i'm all right and then you you see Tootie straight up, like, put a hand on that rock formation and slide, like, forward on accident, like Brian putting his elbow on the dining room table in the before times. And as he slides forward, his elbow, the armor just goes clang a little bit. And this thing goes and stops and pokes its head around. I'm going to have everybody roll initiative. Oh, man.

Don't tell me your thing right away, for I am prepping this guy. I'm prepping battle. So I need to erase my little table. Everybody's initiative numbers. And then I need to roll myself the bad guy.

But I will say this. He rolled a 17. And Hengel rolled a 10.

Jelf, what'd you get? I got an 18 plus 4, 22. Oh, that's fantastic. Danny, what'd you get? 9 plus 3, 12. Iva, what'd you get? Nine plus three. Twelve. Ava, what'd you get?

Ten. What's your dexterity? 16. Oh, you beat Kingle. Believe it or not. So you're going to get a slight advantage. I believe it. I mean, you are a rogue

and he's a monk so it's like who knows Nathan what'd you get 15 I heard a 15 2D what'd you get 10 my dex is 13 you are below Hengel so I am to put you in that spot.

All right. Now, in the turn order, first we have Jelf. Hey, Jelf. Hi, Dan. It's me, Jelf. Oh, my gosh. I was thinking that I would move up and try to get a groove. I'll take a shot with my arrow here and try to hit him in his rear. If I can't do that, maybe I can hit him in his wings. Uh, uh, uh, sorry. I'm just all, uh, I'm so upset about something with Manchester United. Oh, soccer happened?

I was trying to make something up there. Are you doing a fancy arrow? I'm going to do a bursting arrow. It's going to be one of my elven arrows too, so it'll be a plus one. But I would also like to, after I loose my shot, I'm going to try to move up here towards this other mesa or this other weird looking thing up here. I'm just going to stay on the move after I do it. I don't want him to get trained on me.

I would love if you could roll that bursting arrow shot and see if you do some damage. I got a 16 plus 4, so 20, I guess. That's a hit. With a plus 1 for

the thing, it's a 21. And a bursting arrow target takes 2d6 plus the arrow damage. Yeah, 2d6 force damage plus the arrow's piercing damage. Roll that piercing damage, and then we'll do the other part. Okay, so that's a 7. And then, ooh, 7-11 thank heaven

that's an 18 plus yeah so yeah 18 and I was trying to get hopefully his wings or something so he can't fly I'm hoping he doesn't have some sort of levitation spell as well yeah unfortunately you know your

arrow hits him but it doesn't seem to do permanent crippling damage or anything uh he he's also how about his self-esteem well he's like sneaking around the corner at this point like with a snout out trying to find the source of the noise so he's also kind of got his back away from you um you can get him in the haunches though and it'll tack him right in the thigh uh and it takes him off guard a little bit his leg gets kicked back he was not expecting to be hit with so much force uh and he sort of uh see where did you end up jelf you're up in that farther corner uh i was gonna start heading uh over here just to get this thing,

hopefully try to get this thing between us. But I'm just going to keep moving around. Okay. Well, on that note, why don't we just go ahead and call it, and we'll talk about what happens in reaction to Jelf's masterful opening gambit on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Hey, Sam, what do you think just happened hey everybody uh this week we did go through that portal into the super windy

apocalyptic place i'm concerned we're in one of the zack snyder reshoots which means this will suck we met another monk who wants to help us i think he wants us to help him fight demons which we're gonna do or we're gonna kill him you never can tell uh we're walking all over the walls we're avoiding the lava in the middle of the room iva's nathan impression makes me so so happy and finally a big tusk giant gorilla boar thing is running around so we'll probably handle that for a bit uh yeah uh i have things online you can you can look up my name and see stuff thanks so much everybody we do really appreciate when you support us on patreon and keep us going as is of course uh the source of all of our joy in quarantine is being able to act like we're normal and do normal things and you guys supporting us makes a huge difference so if any of you guys can afford it it's very

much appreciated if you can't we still love you but if you can we're of course at patreon.com slash nerd poker and we love everyone on every tier whatever you guys can manage makes a huge difference for us yeah seriously thank you thanks thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.