Nerd Poker - S4E29 Gravity Shmavity

Episode Date: March 30, 2021

Our intrepid Cuties continue their combat with the vicious Pandemonium beast, seeking answers as to why all these monks are getting killed. Hopefully Danny won't feel too bad about what happens to Nathan as Chris Tallman portrays sorrow in the saddest of voices.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Blay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. It's episode 29, directly after episode 28. My friends are here.

Look at them. Oh, are here. Look at them. Oh, my goodness. Look at them. We've got Ken over there. What's up, buddy? Hello, my dear. How are you? I'm good, man.

Yeah. And then we've got Blaine in the middle. What's up, Blaine? Hi, my dear. And then it was a little hot. And then we've got Ken. Oh, not Ken. Chris. Brian, are you telling me Blaine was a little hot. And then we've got Ken. Oh, not Ken. Chris.

Brian, are you telling me Blaine was a little hot in that mic? A little hot. Hmm. And Dan. Hi. Hey, buddy. I almost did a spit take just for you. And Sarah.

Hello, Sarah. Hi, Brian. And then we've got... You switched to the other side, but I still feel comfortable. There he is, everybody. Sam. Hi, sweet children. Wait.

And there he is. Oh, it's too tight. Her head's kind of up a little already. Oh, this is my last step. This is it, Robin. Wow. Wow, Robin didn't have your back on that. Dude, that stung.

Well, he's on the last episode. He felt humiliated by that. You know, he's like, I'll sit in the background and do your little thing. But, you know, making me act like a puppet and dance when I don't feel like dancing. Yeah. I got you. Right here. We should thank some people. Oh my gosh, we're gonna. Thank you to

all of our Patreon supporters, but in particular, I would like to shout out those on the Hey Boss tier and the Starboyle tier. They go by usernames like Robert Jenkins. Thank you, Robert Jenkins. Thank you, The Other Gus. Thank you, MC

Hoo-Ha. Thank you, Dorian Ericos. Thank you, Michael McAvoy. Thank you, Paleo Dan. Thank you, Sneak Attack Tortoise. Thank you, Andrew Gerald. Thanks, Andrew. Thank you, James DTJoise. Thank you, Andrew Gerald. Thanks, Andrew. Thank you, James DTJ.

That, of course, stands for Down to Jukebox. Thank you, Timothy Burke. Thank you, Shut the Crap Pam. Thank you. Thank you, Consensual Cannibalism. I don't agree with that. Thank you, The Vanilla Gorilla. Thank you, Chris Scullies. Thank you, The Vanilla Gorilla. Thank you, Chris Scullies.

Thank you, Grotch Sabat. Thank you, Dr. Woosh. Thank you, Scabby McNeedles. Thank you, Twi'lek Twizzledick III. Thanks, Rick Miller. Thanks, Quadracoon. When fighting one raccoon

isn't enough. Quadracoon. Thank you, Brian's Rivineck. when fighting one raccoon isn't enough. Quad raccoon. Thank you, Brian's Rivenek. Thank you, James Gilly. Thank you, Sean McKinley. And finally, thank you, Papa Sark's Artisan Bread Spread. Thanks for the Mandalorian shout out. And I just want to really check in with Blaine and see if we've got any sponsors. I caught myself.

I really want to check in on Blaine and see what's going on with that, too. Oh, me too. Tonight, we're brought to you by Paul Bunyan Ford, where the savings aren't big as Paul. Hi, everybody. It's me, Paul Bunyan. And if you're looking for the future, we've got it on the line. The Mustang Mach-E. Ain't that right, babe?

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I don't know why Ollie would wander into that room all the time just because his father was screaming into a bucket. Why would that draw attention? The noise that Blue made. What the fuck was that noise, Blue? That was Babe

in the distance. Oh, that's what I meant. Babe, not Blue, but Babe the Blue distance. Oh, that's what I meant. Babe, not Blue. But, ah, fuck. Babe the Blue Ox, yes. Babe the Blue Ox. God damn it. I really love Paul Bunyan Ford. I hope they come back.

They're a great sponsor. Like, if they came back seasonally for different promotions. Oh, sure. Yeah. You know, Easter's coming up, Ryan. I'd sure like to see them be a sponsor of our show again. Sure. Passover?

Oh, man. Easter's coming up. How do we just get a food sponsored so we can all eat the same junk during an episode? That would be... Oh, man. If we could get DoorDash to sponsor us and a Cheesecake Factory to... That's what I'm talking about. How do we get Cheesecake Factory to sponsor us in a cheesecake factory to chase it? That's what I'm talking about. How do we get Cheesecake Factory

to sponsor us? I feel like if we could get Cheesecake Factory to sponsor us, I would do a whole episode where we just eat Cheesecake Factory in the microphone if that's what they want. By the way, you can get Cheesecake Factory bread from Whole Foods. Do people love that?

Really? I love Cheesecake Factory bread. Yes, and it's unbaked, so you I love cheesecake. Wait, the brown one? Yes. And it's under, it's unbaked. So you bake it up. I started eating Killer Dave's ever since COVID because I couldn't get a regular oral weed or whatever. And then it turns out Killer Dave actually is a felon.

But his bread is also amazing. That's the only bread we eat. His bread's amazing. Alleged felon. The first time I ever saw Killer Dave bread, all the bags had condensation in them. Oh, really? It's a known fact that every

baker is a criminal. I mean, that's just... I started eating Killer Dave's because... Is it Dave's Killer Bread or Killer Dave's? Dave's Killer Is it Dave's Killer Bread Or Killer Dave's Dave's Killer Bread Or yeah But I found a piece of wood In the bread that I used to buy

Sliced bread That's fibrous Everybody will want one Why So I had to come out And like pick it up And do an investigation Was that Woody's

I Woody's bread I wish That at least Would have made sense Wouldn't it have Yeah Um So go to Paris, France that at least would have made sense, wouldn't it have? Yeah.

So go to Paris, France. We do. I was going to do it, but I forgot. The game. Oh, sure. Here's what happened last time on Nerd Poker. The castaway cuties went through a portal to pandemonium in the hopes of learning more about what happened. I'm not going gonna do the voice

because i don't feel like it and my voice is scratchy i'm up here in sacramento folks if you if you didn't catch that uh and let me tell you that when you drive five hours like in a different direction it is not the same pollen as the city you just came from and it does it fits it's oh i can imagine your allergies being really bad mine were terrible growing up up there man yeah i spent every summer up there because of my grandparents and um la is not great either because you've got weird plants that they bring in but yeah sacramento has got trees everywhere and uh i think ied directly in from the buds of a magnolia tree today.

And I was like, oh, that smells beautiful. And then later, like, I just felt like sap growing out of my tear ducts. It was like... I know I told you to check out Old Sack before. That was something that happened in their poker. Yeah. I mentioned Old Sack before,

but also, have you been to How About Arden? Do you know where How About Arden is? How you been to a, how about Arden? Do you know where, how about Arden is? How about go fuck yourself, right? Blaine? Yeah. Yeah. Sarah, what were you about to say? Nothing.

I was hoping it was about me. And so I was, I was going to enjoy it. There was a comedy club on the corner there. And I said that like, that joke's probably 30 years old. Yeah, it was like the Howe Avenue and Arden Corridor or something. So it was Howe-Bald-Arden

Center and the punchline was in a mall next to a mattress factory. It still is. Called the Sleep Train. Yeah, it was bizarre. I would get really high at the hotel and then eat at Schlotzky's. It was great. Good times.

Take a look at that clip. Oh, comedy clubs. Anyway, yeah, you guys went through a portal to pandemonium in hopes of finding out what was going on with these monks at the Filament of Dongle Temple. And you found out there was a little monk just right on the other side of that portal trying to find out what happened to his buddies. He told you that the portal behind you was closing and you better find shelter because pandemonium's full of wind and hot stuff.

And it is closing time for that portal. And you know what? For our hearts. Where am I? Oh, right. So, you guys went through a tunnel. The gravity is crazy here. It means everything is tunnels and you can walk on any side of these tunnels.

And you're about to get into a big fight with a big old demon. We are hoping to kill slash incapacitate so you can maybe ask a demon, this one, a smaller one, who knows, about what happened to the Filamondong while they're being hunted. Right now, you are right at the beginning of combat. You just had Jelf launch an arrow into this guy's face parts, and he is about to launch... Yeah, his ass face.

What? His ass face? His ass face? That's so mean. No. He's still ugly. I guess he's not traditionally handsome, but I mean, we're all God's creatures. Anyway, you're in a very evil dimension, so it feels like you can say that about his face. Evil dimension. He is very, very big and has just noticed Jelf. Now, what's funny to me is Jelf kind of like scooted and hid behind Tootie.

He's hiding behind Tootie right now. I'm like on my way past. I'm going to keep moving. I suppose my sort of barbed humor aside,

that's where your goal is to go. My point, I guess, is you've put two people between you and the demon. This is going to be fun. He is going to start flying. You see his wings start kicking up some dust

in the air. They're so tiny, those wings. He can't fly. Horribly enough, you see him rise up off the ground. Let's look at this video about how a bee's wings work. And then there is a flash. He'll save every one of us. Huh?

Sorry. Yes. He flies right up at Hinkle, your friend, your guide, if you will, Hinkle McCringleberry. And he flashes this light, this multicolored just like explosion of light emanates from his horrible face. of light emanates from his horrible face, and it seems to pierce right through Hingle, Tootie, and Jelf. All of you are

kind of blinded by it. Tootie and Jelf, you're going to be doing this along with Hingle. I'm going to need you to roll a wisdom saving throw. Alright. Come on, guys. You got this. I got a 20. Great. I got a 20 I got a 20. Great.

I got a 20 plus 2. 22. Great. And I have a response. Angle got a 7, so he suddenly shrieks in terror. What's your response going to be? I would like to rebuke the violent. Okay.

Immediately after an attacker within 30 feet deals damage with an attack against a creature other than you. No? Yes. Oh. I saw Sarah shaking her finger. I thought I couldn't do it. It was rebuke.

No. Rebuke. I am wagging my finger at the tiny vulture winged thingy. Nuh-uh. And so, okay. Force the attacker to make a wisdom saving throw, DC 12. On failure, attacker takes radiant damage equal to the damage it just dealt

or half damage on success. Hey! Tootie! Now, he didn't deal any damage, right? What he did was he caused Hingle to be frightened. But what I will allow is for him to do the wisdom saving throw, which is what he made, unfortunately. But he definitely notices as light gleams off of you back,

and he kind of goes, ah, kind of scowls at you. He's taking note that you're a particular piece of shit that he doesn't like. I'm still wagging my finger. Wow. But he's very vile and is not pleased. He's now going to attempt to

bite the head off of Hengel. Sorry, Patreon. What? No. That doesn't sound like the first time he's tried to bite the head off of someone. An 18 hit? That's a hit.

Who's close to Hengal? I am. Jesus Christ. That's just alright with me. This break brought to you by Very dry idea With just the barest Pitch of Bermuda Very dry idea Never let him see you drink

Plants a hand on either Of Ingo's shoulders and just chomps Down on his head And you just see blood splash out plants a hand on either of Engel's shoulders and just chomps down on his head. Jesus. And you just see blood splash out. He's now going to dig his fingers into Engel. What a creep. Not the fingers.

I don't think that this is right. This fucking guy. He's gonna do an additional He's like that painting of the guy eating his do an additional... He's like that painting of the guy eating his son. Ingle's in rough shape. You know, he's... Blood is just sort of oozing out of

these claw marks and the demon is just ravaging his tusks against his head. You hear Ingle scream and he's flailing around, but it is very brutal. It looks like a massive amount of damage is getting done here,

and he's in a bad play. He's in a bad way. I feel like it's directly our fault. Well, he was right there in front of... He pulled us in there. of right... Bless you. Bless you, Brian, or whatever that was. Not sure. There's three things at once.

That's what the zoom I'm like... You pick. Where was the third one? In his pants? All right, Ken, we got it. Listen, it could have been his knee is what Ken's saying. His knee could have made a trick noise. He cracked his knee.

Whoa. He's doing it like all right in the microphone too, so it's impossible to just gloss over it. Maybe his ears sang a song they've been dying to all these years. Yeah. It's possible. It's totally possible.

Man, I was hoping you were going to burst into that song, Gears. But in the meantime, yeah, it's Nathan's turn. Hey, Nathan. I hate this thing. You see utter carnage happening over this plateau you're sort of hiding by. This is simply intolerable. I will go, I'm going to hop up and charge towards the thing. I want to make myself within 30 feet.

Great. So I'm 30 feet of the creature. Uh-huh. And I will carrot wand in hand, aim it at the thing, and I'm going to say, leave him alone, you fucking. And I'm going to cast Witch Bolt at second level. Okay. So let's see what I do.

God damn it. That's an eight to hit, Dan. That's probably going to be fine to hit a demon You point the carrot wand right at him and it just just kind of dissipates off his forehead Well, God damn it

and then I'm going to like a coward turn around and run back I have 15 more feet of movement left. One, two, and sort of get down to the corner and try and look for cover.

Alright. Sad retreat for Nathan. Up next we have Danny. What's going on, Danny, in your neck of the woods? I'm gonna attack him. Okay. You know what, though? What? What? What is the story on this, uh...

Oh, I can't use it because it's not a bonus episode, damn it. Or is it? No, it's not. No, I know it's not, but did I pick up the throwing stars in continuity or bonus? It was here. Okay, cool.

Yeah, can I use them? Yeah, of course. What kind of damage do they do? Let's see. I've never even used them. What am I at? Fuck up a tree. These are shuriken. Classic.

So they're going to do... Damage is... Can I use flurry with it so I can throw more than one? Yes. Cool. Hey, you know, Brian. Yes. My friend was just no good at rhyming.

Is that true? He tried. Yeah, he tried, but he didn't have it. But one day, he woke up inspired. This friend of yours. Yeah. And fell in a bowl of raisin bran.

Be nice and clean. Eat raisin bran and you always will rhyme. So, Brian, these are not a ton of damage, right? Right. But what I want you to do is I want you to give yourself your stealth bonus as a to-hit bonus.

So, roll a 20-sided die and add your stealth bonus to hit bonus. So roll a 20 sighted die and add your stealth bonus to hit. And then you're going to roll 1d4 for damage. I fucking dare you. Oh wow. Guys this is intense. Don't dare you.

No the first one's not a hit. Okay. I mean I'm assuming it was real low. Is a 13 a hit? No, I'm afraid not. That's going to glance off his height, too. At that moment, though, Danny, I had a dream last night. I saw you swinging, and somehow in my dream, I thought,

Danny's not quite straight the way he's swinging. And I'm going to use my ability called portent. I'm going to turn his... Brian, whatever your base roll was, what was your base roll without the... The last one? Yeah. Oh, seven.

It's now a 15. Oh, shit. So I have a plus five also. So 20. That's a hit. I saw it happen. Yay. Unfortunately, it is 1d4 damage, but you're going to hit him with this.

Fuck you, Dan. I saw it. I saw it. All right. Three. All right. Three. All right. Well, you do three points of damage to the demon. No pluses.

I thought you were throwing more than one. That was the second one. Yeah, the first one didn't hit. Okay. You going to move at all, sir? You're kind of off in the distance right now. No, well, yeah, I'll, um, I'll get a little closer to him.

Lest we forget, you can do crazy hamster wheel fucking run around the ceiling type shit if you want to. Uh, on my next turn, I'll get closer to him. Yeah, I mean, I'll I'm gonna have to like, I'll have to distance right now.

Let me go back into the map. He's floating like a big old demon waddo in the middle of the room, flapping his little... I'm going over here. Is that good? It's great. Cool.

I like it. All right. Next. Next. There's a little person named Iva hey Iva so am I still hidden

yes okay so I'm going to shoot him with an arrow sneak attack okay nice let's see how that How does sneak attack work again for our listeners and me also? It just means that

I get to add extra damage, which I can do if I have advantage, or if, which I assume if I'm hidden that I do, or if he's within five feet of another enemy. Once per turn, you can deal an extra 1d6 damage to a creature you hit

if you have advantage and you do have advantage. Yeah, and then once per turn is just basically once per my turn, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so it can be every time if I'm high. Okay. So, yeah, that's a 16 to hit. That is a miss, unfortunately. Oh, unfortunately.

Damn. That's shocking because I could have rolled something else then. That's terrible. Well, I go back into hiding. Okay. The arrow sails past him. I mean, that's... Well, you know, I guess we'll see how this goes. Pretty shameful miss Chris

I mean be kind to yourself oh wait if I have advantage though on the attack roll then I have advantage on the attack roll so let's try again I assumed you rolled twice I was not looking at D&D Beyond well that's not going to do it

oh no but now I know better so I Well, that's not going to do it. Oh, no. But now I know better, so I can use a luck point. Let's try this again. How about a natural 20 plus five? Okay, so actually the damage on this is going to be a little bit confusing because... Okay, no, it's just an extra 2d6. Okay, so basically I'm going to do the damage now for that. That's great, though.

All your damage dice are doubled. Wow, yeah. Your sneak attack is going to be irregular. It's fucking brutal. So that's... Eat. It's fucking brutal. So that's eight. It's not... Yeah, it's just saying crit, but it's not doing it for me on here.

I think you might have to re-roll it. There's a dice rolling tool, I think, on D&D. It's okay. I can do the math. I had eight doubled plus... You don't do the plus, right? So it's 16. So 16 plus three.

So that's 19 just from the regular crit damage. And then I get to 2d6. Now do I get to double this damage too? All dice are doubled. Not the bonus. Right, Dan? Okay. All non plus something damage is

so that's 19 plus I rolled so it's going to be total of 14 points 33 points of damage oh fuck okay so you do 33 points of damage let me do the math with one arrow so

from an arrow and now Sarah please roll a 100. Okay. Come on. Jeez Louise. Good job, Aiba. 95. Oh, shit.

Wow. Definitely can't drive that. Oh, fuck. Wow. I definitely can't drive that. Oh, fuck. All right. Let's see. Well, roll, please. 4d6. Wow.

I was a bit of a boss killer, isn't she? She dropped that fucking tablet on that turtle that was an accident that was 17 alright slap a 5 on there that's 22 additional points of piercing damage

as your arrow goes right into one of this thing's eyes and you just see it pierces the plate of bone in its forehead and pokes out the other end. It's like stuck through there and just like tissue sprays

out of its forehead and it's shrieking. It lets go of Hinkle and just sort of drops him and it's just like clawing at its forehead while making horrible shrieking noises. Hinkle? I can't really blame you.

What's up next? I'm sorry. You were just going to hide. Now what are you going to do now that you do get movement and such? And the arrow has gone significantly better now that you re-rolled it. So are you going to hide again? I'm still going to hide.

Okay. Do a stealth check, please. Yes, sir. Oh, well, that's a seven. But as long as I don't fall into lava, I feel like. Yeah, I mean, you nestle in there, but you get a sense that he's got a real strong feeling the exact direction that very memorable

arrow came from. Noted. And now yeah, Engel's going to take a turn. He's going to flee. He's going to straight up go try to hide behind a mesa. So he's going to go back here. Luckily you freed him

up. He was going to have to do a dexterity saving throw to try to get out of there. But he's going to go ahead and use a monk ability to speed the fuck up and get back there and roll a stealth check. He didn't do great on his stealth check, but

I will say he's not looking great. He kind of hides back there with you, Nathan. And you just see wounds. He's heavily bloodied. You know, passive perception on Nathan. I'd say he looks like he's maybe got two hit points floating around. Not looking great.

My gracious things. I hope you're all right. He just kind of looks at you and just like panting and just like kind of like nods.

Doesn't look like he's going to be flying back in there until he can do something about his wounds. Up next, we got Tootie.

Hey, Tootie. Hi. I'm going to cast Thunder Smite. You're going to run right up in his face? Yeah I like Thunderous Smite

I'm going to go up the hill The first time you hit with a melee weapon During the spell's duration Your weapon rings with thunder that's audible for 300 feet And deals an extra 2d6 thunder damage Ooh 2d6 What a cute! Roll that. 2d6.

What a cute coincidence. Roll that attack. That's nice. Let me see which weapon I'm going to use. Oh, that's right. You have choices. I think a warhammer. Yeah, I'm going to use my warhammer. So. Uh. Oh, that's not it. so uh oh

sorry there's it doesn't roll a die when I click it okay sorry I'm going to open up a window so I can keep up with what you guys are talking about in D&D Beyond I feel like I might need to give voice to some of these

visuals you're seeing. That's it. That is it. And are you having trouble seeing it in the thing? In the game log? Alright, let me see if I can...

I'll see if I can see it. I can't... It didn't roll anything. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I didn't get anything. You know, real dice. An 18 is it. Okay. So, remember to roll your

bludgeoning damage as well as your thunder damage. And separate the two for me because this guy might have resistances to one versus the other if you catch my drift. That's not specifically for you. That's really for everybody.

Okay. Well, junior is 11, and then what was the other one? It's 26? Yeah, I'm on. Alright. six. All right. Blaine is cycling through images in the background. Sorry, I was trying to tweak something and I saw, ooh. Sarah's got a very

pandemonium one going. Yeah, I got a lot going for us. That's good. I took this picture in Graceland. This is Elvis' rumpus room with the three TVs. Oh, cool. Oh, fun. Awesome. What's the big circular thing over on the right?

Just some art on the wall. Oh, okay. Does look like a yoga ball. Yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, that doesn't sound like Elvis. The king likes to get on in and bounce. I like to put my stories on and bounce around the room. Not a good impression.

No, that was the best Elvis in the world. That was incredible. First person? Please. We'll take it every day. Ken, what was the thunder damage back there? Hi. Hi. Uh, uh,

I forgot what it was. Shit. What's looking in the log? Kendall. Yeah, I know. It's been a while. Kendallissimo. Luckily, I can see it. It's a nine. It's in the log. It's in the log. Thank God. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, there we go. I did. I had bludgeoning and the other. Great. Yeah in the log yeah thank you okay there we go i did i had

bludgeoning and the other great yeah so yeah you really pummel this shit out of this little fuck um the the hammer collides with this guy's belly like he's just left as himself completely exposed so you can just sort of come right down on him and as big as he is he's And as big as he is, he's about as big as two of your tallest party member, which I think is Danny. Or Jelf. It would be Jelf. Jelf's the lanky one. It's a big guy, but you really nail him. Are you going to do anything else with your turn,

sir? Uh, I don't have much else to do. I think I'm going to relax. We're going to relax. Get a little martini, maybe? A towel and some shower gel. You're up.

I'm going to get off another shot. I'm going to try to aim for his other eye. I will tell you that it is very difficult. Calling a shot means you're not more likely to miss, but you're going to have to get a crit to nail a target that small.

Okay, well, I'm going to continue. Which way is this thing lumbering? Well, if you look at the map, he's almost posed exactly like that, except his head is cocked up and back. Up and back, and he's flying, you said? And he's flying towards the lower... Right now, I mean, he was flying towards Hinkle, and Hinkle got away. And he's reeling still from being shot in the face. And he just got hit in the stomach, too, so he's justeling still from being shot in the face and he just got hit in the stomach too

so he's like just starting to double over. He's not in like directional motion at the moment. He's kind of dealing with all the damage he's been dealt. Okay, I'm going to keep moving up in this direction towards up around here, I guess. Maybe try to get up and around behind him. So you can see his eyeball, and you know, you can sort of run up on the ceiling and get a good

POV on that eyeball. Oh, right. My patterns indicate two-dimensional thinking. Yeah, if I could maybe run up this way, but sort of like I'm doing, like I'm coming towards you, Dan, in a 3'm doing, like I'm coming towards you,

Dan, in a 3D way. Like I'm... 3D house of beefing. And getting kind of up above him. Yeah. Coming up above. Anyway, heading out of some place. And I'm shooting with my arrow.

Try. I got an 18 plus a... This is 21. You don't say. That's a hit. Oh, okay. And this is just a regular arrow, so that's going to be...

It's a 28 plus 4 piercing. And the piercing with the 40, oh, 8 plus 4, so 12. Okay. Nice. Plus 1, so 13. Damn. All right, well, this one collides with the side of his head Don't quite get his eye, but boy oh boy He's shrieking

Very angry And he can totally tell that he's getting hit With these projectile weapons It's really pissing him off What else? You doing, Jeff, anything? Of note? Yeah, I'm just gonna kind of I'm gonna gauge where he's going

And try to get out of his line of sight. Just keep moving. Yeah, I mean, right now you're out of movement, but you can tell he's reeling. As soon as he gets his turn, which is maybe next, he's going to be looking for a target, but he's still kind of trying to shake off the fact that he's lost an eye. Looking for a target with one eye. Yeah.

Alright. And back to the turn order. It is his turn. He's going to do a check on the room. Alright. Isn't he, like, in his head, just kind of thinking about how his life has changed

now? Isn't he kind of taking that time during this turn instead of looking for somebody to take it out on? What do you think, Dan? You know what? Horrible injury. Let's do it real quick. He's going to do an inside check just for, like, personal growth. Maybe he wants to make a change. He rolled a 12.

Maybe he wants to make a change. He rolled a 12. So he doesn't really grow, but he also checks in with himself and tries to separate his feelings from his identity. And he feels pretty good about it. After that... Maybe he starts reading Queep's blog that he wrote about the experience. He's like, oh, I need something to reflect on. So he takes his phone out and he kind of scrolls through and he goes to queepflaps.wordpress.com and he's just checking out the most recent flaps.

And just really, you see him kind of like nodding. He's thinking about like Queep's stories when he fought the ice giants. He's just kind of like, oh, man, am I the ice giant? You know, like, or am I the ice giant? You know? Or am I the Queep? Is it? I tried one of Queep's seed bread muffins. Very dry.

Oh, really? Very dry, yes. That's because he's vegan. You have to be able to get the eggs in there. I know. If it was eggs in it, but he won't cross that line. Yeah. Oh my God. The show's over.

This is it. We did not even get through the battle. Speaking of eggs, have you guys seen that fucking Stanley Tucci discovers Italy show on CNN? I want to. Oh my God. If you can find it streaming, Sarah, he eats this

mind-crushing shit. It's on CNN. I don't have regular... It's worth a Google. I'm sure if you Google it, it's on Hulu or some shit. It is so good. Big Night is one of...

I love that movie so much. Which is also...'s like a food focused Stanley Tucci is awesome he speaks Italian fluently because he's like 100% Italian and he just goes to all the cities during lockdown and very very safely examples foods at these amazing places and we

recreated the pasta here and it was like you soak the pasta fresh pasta and egg yolk and it's wow oh my goodness anyway sorry Stanley Tucci would eat your children anyway I like pasta and eggs

that's a great Billy I would eat both those things is that the king too? I'm Billy's cousin hey dude I haven't seen you in a while what's going on things. Is that the king too? I'm Billy's cousin. Hey, dude, I haven't seen you in a while. What's going on? You know, just playing video games and pretending that I'm a ninja.

Oh, right on. I feel you. I still got the paper out. Billy's cousin. I got multiple paper outs and it takes up my time. Yes, I know. routes. Is Billy's cousin Elvis? I got multiple paper routes and it takes up my

time. Yes, I know. I often tell you, you can't ride a bike that much. It's going to damage your body. Oh my Lord. Exercise is bad for you. It hasn't. Exercise is bad for you. It's true.

God, Dave. The more you stand up, you look like a fried chicken that someone is puppeteering to steal up your humanoid. I've been told that. Dan didn't fall. I have spectator. I have spectator. I have been called worse by my mama. Oh, no!

Your aunt? Really? Yeah. If you must know, Sarah. Yeah. Very personal. I actually just got kind of scared that Billy knew me and called me by name.

That actually startled me. He crossed through the veil. Yeah, I didn't like it. I am the lawnmower man, Sarah. No. He's going to send three-dimensional bees at you. I saw that movie. I was probably one of the most

high I'd ever been because I was had been to Humboldt County for the first time and I saw it in a multiplex in Humboldt County after getting a hold of this shit that I had no business smoking and

that movie destroyed me wow you're the one person yeah you and Jeff Fahey and that movie destroyed me. Wow. You're the one person. Yeah. You and Jeff Fahey. Yeah. Seeing Pierce Brosnan react to Jeff Fahey was one of the highlights of my life.

But those eyes. Anyway, we were talking about this demon and this demon's next choice. And it is to, unfortunately, look around with its one remaining eye. And it's flying, right? And it looks right around. And the closest thing it can find is Tootie. So it's going to try to grab Tootie.

All right. So that's gonna be a Uh 17 to hit Shit That's a total mess right 16 Oh so he's gonna take a crack at ya

Alright So um that's gonna be But I'm gonna disappear All right, so that's going to be... But I'm going to disappear. 19 points of slashing damage. Sure. And now it is going to Fly past you Looking for something else

You're going to get an opportunity attack I'm going to remind you, Tootie You get an opportunity attack So you can take a swing at him as he flies away from you Yes Okay, I will shout then That is, ooh Yes Okay I shall then That is I'm going to use a luck point

Yeah And it didn't help What was your attack Oh no unfortunately you swing your hammer And miss Nathan This thing Flies towards you,

looks down at you, and reaches very quickly with its claws out. I'll call it an attack. Oh, it botched. Oh, yeah. All right. Botches are great.

It slams its fist into the rock next to you and you see bits of rocks fall off of its hand. It's now going to try to bite you, Nathan. Oh, God. Do-do-do-do-do. That's a crit. Interestingly enough, I had another dream. I'll turn and say to the monk next to me,

whatever you rolled, Dan, I'm going to turn it into a seven. Oh, you turned 20 into a 7, you say. Alright, so that's unfortunately 17 to hit. That'll still hit, but it will kill. No longer a crit. Fair enough. Wow. That's some magic bunny shit. So yeah,

you know, he looks like he's just straight up going to swallow you for a second there, but now he's just grabbing your arm, your non-wand arm, because I'm assuming you would lean away with that arm. But it's going to do a fair bit of damage. I don't know what the face is he making. 22 points of piercing damage. Ooh.

Ouch. Daddy! You just... I'm still alive. Yeah, and it's clamped down in your arm, just kind of... You yelled out my name? Oh, that makes me feel terrible. Why did you let this happen?

What? Wow. How did... let this happen? What? Wow. How did? What the hell? It's my fault. I apologize. I'm sorry. I'll still avenge you.

Oh. I would avenge you. Because yes, monks do avenge when they make friendships. I have learned something today. The day that I die. No. Not gonna happen. Not on my watch. It is your turn.

Well, okay. There is a giant demon gnashing its tusks on your left arm. Your right arm with the carrot wand is still free. your left arm, your right arm with the carrot wand is still free. I'm going to... God, what can I do?

I can't pull my arm free, right, Dan? That's not a thing I can do. I'm very weak. I'm going to cast Mage Armor on myself. It's a touch spell. So that'll be my action.

And so it'll jack my AC. Okay. What's your AC at these days? From a what to a what? It was, without it, it was a 12. And with Mage Armor, it becomes a 15. Okay. Armor it becomes 15. Okay. So it's better. So now there's magical

still probably tweed jacket and rabbit-leg shaped armor around me. And I'm like, you're quite a creeper. I will let you do a Strength Saving throw to try to break free.

Oh, great. Oh, boy. Strength saving throw, you say? A rare strength saving. Well, I rolled a three, and I have a negative one, so that's a two, Dan. Am I free? I mean, in your heart, you are.

Thank you. Alright, I'm gonna bring the action down to Danny. Danny, I mean, in your heart you are. Thank you. All right. I'm going to bring the action down to Danny. Danny, of course, you witness all of this and know it's your fault. Oh, gosh. How? Nathan says you let it happen. Well, he's full of shit, but I still will avenge him.

Cool. Well he's full of shit But I still will avenge him Cool If you check out the map He's sort of flown But he's just being silly Brian You've seen him sort of fly away From where you kind of are He's now down over at Nathan You think maybe he smelled the blood

Coming off of Hengel And headed over in that direction And now he's chomping down on Nathan. Okay. How quickly can I get over there? This turn. Okay. I want to get

everything's all... Coming up Milhouse? Yeah. Exactly. But the gravity's all wonky right I'm gonna well there's not a wall but how can I get above him somehow

if you jump up you can just like slip and land on the ceiling and run on the ceiling well that's what I will do and then I will get directly above him and uh jump down on him with my sword to try to

pierce his head. Roll to attack, won't you? Yeah, sure. Great! I'm gonna drag him over there on the map and put him right on his head. Fuck you! Oh, nice. 16 hit. Oh, nice. 16

plus plus 5 plus Is it a strength or is it the sword? The weapon should have its own attack bonus. That takes your strength into account. Yeah, plus 5. Yep, that's a hit.

Roll your damage into account. Yeah, plus five. Yep, that's it. Roll your damage, sir. Ooh! Two ladies. What? Six total. On that one. Okay. And then it

releases... Do I get another attack? Really quickly, it releases its hold on you, Nathan, after it gets stabbed in the back of its neck. Damn, you saved me. Of course, buddy. If you're doing Flurry of Blows

and I believe spending a ki point, then you can do another attack. I hadn't intended on it. I thought I would, but probably to get more bang for my buck, I should. Yeah. How many per round do I have? how many keys do one per um uh round uh

i i would need to pull up your character and look at the rules uh to tell you how many uh key points you store within your character so hang on one second um yeah it should be under like your actions um bonus action wait is that it no how is it you can spend one keyboard to make two unarmed strikes

that's what it is that's what you use the key points for I lied so it would be the second unarmed strike yeah a bonus action. That's what it is. That's what you use the key points for. I lied. So it would be the second unarmed strike. Yeah, 17 listeners just winced. You can do another unarmed strike. I did one earlier.

You can use plurian blows as your bonus action. Yeah, go ahead and do your unarmed strikes. Alright. Yeah, go ahead and do your unarmed strikes. All right. I went on a couple of those with the writer's kill. We were right in front of Radford. It was actually kind of nice. My favorite, we were walking around in front of Warner Brothers, and this big station wagon pulls up an old one, and this guy leans out,

and he goes, get a job, you hippies. As we looked over, it was Bruce Dern. He laughed and drove up the street real fast. I walked every day with Curtis Armstrong. It was pretty amazing. You get four key points for short rest, just for future rest. Okay, so 12 plus 5, 17. That's a miss, unfortunately. It was pretty amazing. You get four key points for short rest. Just for future. Okay. So 12 plus 5, 17.

That's a miss, unfortunately. Oh, shit. Would he get, because now I'm no longer in its mouth, would I be considered another opponent in melee? Oh, you know what? Yeah, that's right. You've got advantage, Brian. So go ahead and roll the attack one more time.

Okay. I think he would be coming for you, Nathan, because you're the delicious rabbit. Well, he's got him flanked is the thing. Oh, rabbit flank. Oh. Yeah, I got over 20. It's 22 total. You need an 18 to hit this guy. Okay.

So roll your damage. Unarmed strike. Right. So it'll be a plus five to hit what you did, and then damages 1d4 plus three. Five total. Two plus three. So you punch him.

And, yeah, I mean, you've got his attention off of Nathan for sure. Right. And up next, we've got Iva. Iva, what's your plan? Well, my plan stands, um, is to do the same thing that I did last time. Exactly. And the same amount of damage and everything else. It's dead.

Good work. No, roll to attack as you attempt to sneak attack an arrow into this thing. Sneak attack an arrow into the air. Using my last luck point here and hoping for the best. Nope, I rolled the exact same thing, so that's a 15. That was a miss, yeah. So

then God damn it. Okay. Sorry, guys. I'm going to have to use my bonus action to hide again. I was trying to help you, but... That's okay. Yeah, I know. I use it to hide.

I roll a 22. All right. Unfortunately, things are looking pretty rough still. You do hide very well, but this thing is just like, you know... Guys, did you see how well I hid while you were bleeding out? No, because you hid so well.

I just wanted to make sure you caught that. It's like you weren't even there. I'm so proud of you. It's turning away from Nathan now and looking at Danny, and it's just saying, Heads! He's for the master. And on that note, uh,

we'll find out what happens next time on nerd poker or next time. Hey, Sam. Jesus. Hey everybody. All right. This week, uh,

we're fighting that demon still. And it bit our other monks head. Uh, Danny's doing cool throwing star stuff and I have a shot him with an arrow. We're doing some damage. It and it bit our other monk's head. Danny's doing cool throwing star stuff, and Iva shot him with an arrow. We're doing some damage. It's trying to claw us and bite us, and we're just fucking its day up. It's just a good nerd poker day.

My show has been going really well on Gimme Metal, Grandpa's Metal Stash. So check that out. Oh, and I think very soon the Anthrax Among

the Living graphic novel will be out. And I did some art with or I did a story and Scott Koblish did the art. And it's one of the coolest things I've gotten to work on lately and that'll be out soon. If you're a fan of comical books, the Anthrax record, Among the Living, like every story or every song is told by different people.

Rob Zombie wrote a story. There's some great other artists besides Koblish involved. So check that out. I saw the picture, a preview of it you posted to Instagram. It's pretty cool. So Scott worked with me on Deadpool and he and I we also just did a, oh yeah, that's

the other thing. So Deadpool fans, there's a 30th anniversary. I think it's this one. It's out now, so you can go get, by the time this airs uh the 30th anniversary of deadpool and myself and jerry duggan did a uh you remember jerry i didn't uh who can forget um we did a five uh five page story but gail simone one of my

favorite people obviously and uh she was here, she did a five pager, um, a bunch of great, uh, uh, Deadpool, uh, past writers, uh,

you know, got to, uh, you know, do, uh, their little, these short stories,

but really fun for me. It was a blast writing him again. So yeah, if you're a fan of Jerry Duggan or Gail Simone, they've both been a bonus episode guests. So please check us out on Patreon, guys. Oh, yeah. That too.

And before I plug anything, do any of you guys have anything you want to plug? I want to make sure I give you guys an opportunity before I just bulldoze my way in here after Brian. I would. I'm in Lisbon, Portugal right now with Stacy. We've been over here for a couple of days. We're doing Body Heat with the Portuguese Muppets on State TV.

It's going over pretty well. We're out of the table and on the floor. It's pretty good. Well, that's hard to follow, but check out my stand-up on twitch.tv and please think about heading over and checking out my role roleplaying book I'm working on at TalesOfZadia.com Tales T-A-L-E-S of Zadia

X-A-D-I-A dot com That's it for me folks Yeah thanks everybody Thanks for listening Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at Patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. I'm out of here.