Nerd Poker - S4E30 Bleak Week For Cuties

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

Things are getting rough for the Castaway Cuties during their battle with the Pandemonium demon, as one ally after another falls. One thing is for certain, if anyone is haunted by the ghost of an adorable bunny it will suck. Hopefully he'll be revived in the name of Easter.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 30 of regular continuity. We just did a fun bonus episode that you should check out uh if uh if

you're a patreon sponsor and if you're not you should become a patreon sponsor and then check it out my friends are here uh chris hello buddy hey man brian it's great to see you you too pal You too, pal. Ken. Hello, Brian. How are you? Good, man. Loving that black metal nerd poker font again. Blaine. Hey, pal. Hi, Brian. Did you say the fonts?

Yeah. Hey. Remember when he jumped the shark by literally jumping the shark? Dan's here, everybody. I thought you were going to start yodeling. It was a Tarzan call. Hello. Hey, Dan.

How you doing? Hi. Did you almost call me baby? No, I almost called you ban. Okay. After it's like an interruption while people did bits. I was going to say Dan or buddy or ban or bubbles. Hey it's like an interruption while people did bits and then you said hey Dan. I was going to say Dan or Buddy or Ban or

Bubbles. Hey Dan baby. Hey Bae. That's baby I'm saying. Brian. Hey Sarah. Did you almost call me baby? Hey Brian. Yes. Chris do that again. Do it again. Did you almost call me baby?

Yeah I did. Yeah. Do it again. Did you almost call me baby? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I heard it. God damn it. Sarah's here, remember? Did we fully get to... No, I... Okay, good. It didn't feel like it stuck because then people were still doing bits. That's fine. I think what

Chris was doing was way more important. Honestly. It's alarming how much more formal this episode is than the bonus episode we just recorded. And then everybody in the upper left where he's supposed to be.

And I almost said something super weird. What? It's Sam. It's okay. What? It's Sam. It's okay, baby. It's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, man.

Jesus Christ. I'm going to tap out. You guys take over. Wow. Hey, Froggy. Hey, I heard you went to Atlantic City over the weekend. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- audio podcast. Blaine's a pro. Visual bits. Brian, my heart is swelling with gratitude. Oh, I'm so glad. Can I share why I'm so thankful? I wish you would.

You know what? Here it comes. So I would like to thank Patreon supporters at our Hey Boss tier and our Stargoyle tier. They go by Patreon names like Dick Trebuchet. Thanks, Dick. Thanks. That sounds familiar. you douglas scott thanks douglas thank you thanks john matthews thanks john thanks ben kavalik

thanks ben thank you thank you dargther's ass closet thank you russet tourniquet the expendable cleric oh no thank you devona upyrock thank you beholder i hardly know her thank you outdoor nerd thank you warthog and uh thank you alan menarik thank you paco ska or die pluma thank Thank you, Juniper Beef's Skin Journal. Boo God. Thank you, Joseph Zabagan. Thank you, Gamorian Orc. Thank you, Scott Parker.

Thank you. Oh, boy. Pardon me. What do you got? Thank you, Ba Wit Da Ba Da Bang DaDabang DiddyGiggyDiggy said the boogie said up jump the boatie. Thank you

Prime. Let's get rock on the phone. Oh God. Thank you Prime Material Blaine. Thank you Ziggy Keelmeister. Thank you Blaine Kapach presents Son of a Beach. It's Stacy Keech. I like it. I write it up. you ziggy keelmeister thank you blaine kapach presents son of a beach it's stacy keach i like it write it up thanks nicholas nicholas grimmel thanks nng thank you corbin owens thanks corbin

thank you thank you big angry thank you kugelbeer and finally thank you terry's estranged wife's divorce lawyer who is also fucking her and his kids call him dad oh sorry yeah what a twisted web we weave a fan hey blaine who is that group of patreon supporters brought to us by those patreon supporters brought to us by nestle's crunch it's a gym made out of chocolate. First three months free with membership through November. Nestle's Crunch, not affiliated with Heath Bar Total Fitness. We're also brought to you by Refrigerator from Milton Bradley. A game of escape.

Refrigerator from Milton Bradley. A game of escape. Refrigerator. From Milton Bradley. Dan. Blaine. Thank you. And, of course, what comes next, but... What happened last time on Nerd Poker? The Castaway Cuties.

Which nobody's even trying to come up with another name, and I think we've settled on it, and great. The Castaway Cuties have teleported to Pandemonium, where, in attempting to figure out what happened to the filament of Dongle, Monk's blade is getting really into this one, folks. He's giving me interpretive dance to go with this. Sort of the cadence i have right now and uh the castaway cuties are made combat with a giant demon will they get answers for what's happening to the filament of dongle well they've already gotten a strange proclamation that they're collecting heads for the master anyway it's time to see what's happening next in the combat order I think I have a paper bark when last

uh and thusly that takes us to Hingle of course uh everyone knows Hingle McCringleberry is the monk of the filament of dongle uh that is

with you guys named by the Patreon supporter Jordy. I hope there are tapes. Hengel's not looking great. So Hengel is going to use their turn to hide and try to use a potion and get their health up a little bit. And that's going to then take us to Tootie. Hey, Tootie. Oh, hi.

You're on Roll20, yeah? I sure am. Well, gee whiz. I'm going to say this. You're, you know, kind of looking at this thing. It just flew over there, right? And it's ominously looking over Nathan and Hingle. And just a reminder reminder pandemonium's

tunnels are sort of ongoing forever and they're they're these weird chambers where there's this howling wind in most of them and you're in kind of a safety area where it's not as loud but you still hear it in the distance and you remember the gravity pulls you towards all sides of this tunnel so you can you know choose sort of how you're going to navigate knowing that you could also sort of gravity free movement yeah

uh who is that right there is that uh that is Danny played by Brian. Oh, that is Danny. I'm going to cast Sanctuary on Danny. Oh, cool!

Just because he's in a bad spot. And that, you know what that does? Shall I tell you? I would love that. I know it. It's a ward. Yeah, you ward a creature within range against attack until the spell ends. Any creature who targets the warded creature with an attack or harmful spell must first make a

wisdom saving throw. A failed save, creature must choose a new target or lose the attacker's spell. The spell doesn't protect the warded creature from area effects such as explosions or such as the explosion of a fireball. The warded creature makes an attack, casts a spell that affects an enemy or deals damage

to another creature this spell ends lovely anything else you'd like to do 2d or are you just going to cast sanctuary on your pal there I think I'm good right there cool well that'll do it and bring us

back to the top of the turn order. Hey, Jelf. Oh, hi. Hi. You've been sort of shooting arrows from a distance there on the other side of that sort of rocky thing. I think I got... Didn't I get hit last week? Yes. We all got hit last week.

This thing's been chomping. Yeah, I feel like I'm going to try to get far from it but i'm gonna try to get another shot at it or another couple of arrows off on this thing okay so uh i'm going to where is he right there he's there right now and i know this thing is in 3d with different axes going on yeah am i am i above him am i closer to us or up towards the ceiling? If you look at the map, you're that silhouette in a green square. Okay. So you're behind him at the moment. Okay.

I'm going to shoot a couple of arrows at him. Okay. Hopefully at his head. And the first one is going to explode. Great. And that's an 18 plus my 22

to hit on the first one. That's a hit. And the second one I botched. So I got the second one is no go. But the first one I had rigged to explode. Roll your damage damage and then we'll find out the result of that botch that's a one for our new listeners a botch

I'm sure it's fine 1d8 what could go wrong 1d8 and the bursting arrow okay so 6 for the shot and then the bursting thing 2d6.

So I'll do these two guys right here. 5 and 3 is 8. So 8 plus 6, 14. Great. Now, if you would please roll a 100-sided dice. I'd love to. 52.

All right. So this arrow is going to break, and you are going to take a trip to Bimini. Oh, unfortunately, no. Test driving one of those new Ninja Corvettes. a trip to Bimini oh unfortunately no that's driving one of those new Corvettes seven points of piercing

damage as the arrowhead kind of like just slashes across your fingers and leaves a deep gash across the back of your hand not good not good that's Jeff Ryman not good with not good. Not good. That's Jelfrim and not good with not good. And that'll bring us up next to the demon.

Uh, this guy is bearing down and attempting to go for Nathan again. So, uh, Nathan, remind me, do you have any protections going right now you've got mage armor yes i'm mage armor up okay this is going to increase your ac oh so he's first attempting to bite you and 17 to hit uh nathan has a moment this is a different type of magic for him and he goes but what if but maybe it could be different and he summons up dan this is the thing we emailed about yes uh so this is nathan's version of luck that i don't know what do we land on like chance magic or something so basically because uh nathan has luck he's gonna make you re-roll that 17 okay so the the demon suddenly just rears its head back and tries again oh not so uh good for him uh 12 to hit

chance magic it worked it worked all right and uh so he he manages to just Chance magic. It worked. It worked. All right. And so he manages to just like bite nothing but dust as his face hits the side of the rock formation you're planted against. Now he's going to try to claw at you, unfortunately. God damn you. 20 to hit. That'll hit. All right.

Do, do, do, do, do. 20 to hit that'll hit alright that'll be 17 points of slashing damage oh I'm sure I'm dead yeah I'm out okay you guys see this thing just sort of pound a hand into Nathan, and Nathan goes unconscious. It then turns to your buddy, Hingle,

and tries to smash it with its claws. Smash him. I liked it earlier when we were just playing Quip Flash, and Nathan wasn't getting killed by demons. 17 hits and it hits and does just enough damage where you also see Hingle go down. So

although it misses its bite with two mighty rakes of its claws, it takes out both Nathan and Hingle. That is now going to take us to Nathan, who's going to do a death-saving throw. Right.

There's no bonuses, right? Just a straight d20 roll? Yes, sir. Twelve! Ooh, that's great. That's a success. Danny! I'm dying! Danny, where were you?

What? Alright, one success oh my gosh that was sad that really I don't like it well you'll never believe who's next in the running order it's none other than Danny the monk

Danny okay Danny the monk Danny uh okay um fuck him up yeah that's my plan I'm gonna uh hack at him okay

okay oh it sounded like a lot of dice I was moving it off the tray oh uh is uh 15 a hit i'm afraid not no okay i do i get a second yeah yeah you um you've got a couple options uh you've done your attack and now as a bonus action, you can do either flurry of blows or unarmed strike. Unarmed strike. All right.

19's a hit. Yes, it is. Please roll your damage. The damage is going to be from Danny's fist. It's going to hit the demon and get him pissed danny's gonna punch the big guy right in his junk just gotta find out here we go this guy looks it's like stacked four plus three seven oh i don't like it stacked like he's got's got a huge... He's like a double E. Look at the picture of him.

Yeah, I don't like it. He's really large. I mean, he's terrifyingly large, and his horrible pink flesh shudders every time he roars or flails. He looks like Orcus. Doesn't Orcus look like that? Not that that is Orcus, but that's a guy who looks like Orcus. Yep.

Interesting you should say that. I'm not going to reveal why. Oh, no. Up next. Who's Orcus? It's Orcus' cousin, Steve. Stevus. Then that'll be Iva.

Iva, you're up. Okay. I am going to sneak attack him with a... I'm going to emerge from hiding and sneak attack him again with an arrow. Okay. Hopefully. That is a 20 to hit. That's a hit. Nice.

I love when you guys use the D&D Beyond thing now because it is fun to watch the dice rolls pop up in real time. So I double the... Wait, hang on. I gotta actually check this. For sneak attack, I... Oh, I roll an extra. Okay, so six plus...

Okay, so 14 points of damage. Damn. All right. So, yeah, you just nail him in the back with an arrow, and he lands when you do that. Okay, I use my bonus action to hide again. Okay. As you shift into the shadows,

Hengel is going to make his first death saving throw. Oh! Success for him also. So that'll be plus one for him. 2D, it is your turn once again. I'm going to move in in try to flank okay over here ish you're moving towards a flank it'll happen eventually yeah and then uh i'm gonna attack with my glaive okay this will not be uh flanked because the people on the other side of him are unconscious

but danny is there does that matter no because he's you're you're not on opposite sides of him okay uh let me get you have to you have to be you have to you have to get um between a 45 and uh or was it 90 and 180 degrees across the cross? Toody, if I become a ghost, I'll always haunt you. Oh, no. Well, okay. It can be a worse thing. Rabid ghost.

I will. Now I will glaive. Okay. Uh, that was a sorry 14 that is a miss unfortunately great

perfect my bonus action I will ah shoot I will... Ah, shoot. It's a tough decision. He is pushing your friends. Yeah. Everyone's starting to get a little

low on stuff. Yeah. Well, I guess... Can I attack again? As a bonus action? I would have to pull up your character sheet. You'll have to give me a second. I'm sorry.

It should list as your bonus actions what all your options are. So you can... For some reason, my screen went black. Well, that is a real humdinger. You can do two weapon fighting absolute black screen 2d if you have like a dagger or something as a bonus action that's your your bonus action is your offhand i don't know if you have such a thing yeah i am looking at your bonus actions and i'm going to restart. Is your glaive a two-handed weapon?

Because that'll take it up. I mean, you can do a spell. I think it is. Okay, here we go. You can do a spell, but right now you're using it for two-handed combat. Yeah. So you're using it for two-handed combat.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're saying I can attack again? It attacks for action one, so... I don't think you've got two attack actions. Okay. Then I'm going to... Oh, I see. Two-weapon fighting is the attack action.

Right. Well, shit. Like, if you change what weapon you're holding, you could try, but... Like, if I try my warhammer? Your warhammer, I believe, is also two-handed i thought i could attack if i had a two-handed weapon

my bonus action is is two-handed i thought it said oh hang on maybe you're reading it differently than i am uh when you take the attack action and attack with a light melee weapon you're holding in one hand you can use a bonus action and attack with a light melee weapon you're holding in one hand you can use a bonus action to attack with a different light maybe that yeah okay so if you're um my reading on this is the glaive is a two-handed weapon so you're not holding it but if you if uh the warhammer is... Is that one-handed? It's gotta be two-handed.

You'd think, right? You want it to be one-handed. Right, but... I know. But you only have the two. It's a one-handed Warhammer, so... Oh, okay. Then I can use it. Yeah, not this... Well, not this turn, because you're holding a two-handed glaive you just swung with. Oh, so I have to switch the weapon to...

Yeah. As my action. Yeah. Okay. Well, then that's what I'll do, I guess. Okay. Okay. Because you just swung with it.

That is how the ball busts all right jelf you're up oh i'm going to uh i've already tied a little thing around my fingers to keep them from bleeding and i'm going to uh do another another couple of shots uh that's an 18. That's a hit. And, uh... D8, that's a 3. Not the best. Another shot, that's a 12 plus 4, 16. That's a miss.

Up! Phew! Okay, so, sadly, you only got that first arrow and it didn't do a ton of damage. Anything else? You're just firing arrows, Jelf. I'm going to kind of keep moving to stay behind him. So I'm not sure how he's moving, but I'm just staying out of his line of sight. Okay. okay um this guy is going to uh now take his turn uh and he is going to pivot and kind of look down at you tootie and danny and just start laughing um and you see this horrible

multicolored but like sickly light starting to just like pop off of his skin in beams and you attempt to shield your eyes I'm gonna need Danny and Tootie to do a wisdom saving throw oh that's a 10 for me mmm uh oh

yeah it's real low for me too 8 alright you are both frightened for one minute damn it but only a minute you can repeat the saving throw at the end of your turn but

that is gonna be the demons turn and unfortunately that has two of you down two of you frightened so things are looking uh definitely like they're taking a turn after that move nathan it's time for a death saving throw from you sir why certainly what a what a great adventure this is 15 this campaign just really didn't last as long as the last one uh two successes for you nathan danny i'm trying my little paw reaches for danny's his face, but it's very ghostly. Oh my God.

Well, you know, it's your turn, Danny. You are frightened, unfortunately. So that means... Wait a minute. I cast Sanctuary on him. Does that help? So Sanctuary... That's for an attack.

Yeah. I mean, it's... Yeah, an attack or a harmful spell, he has to first make a wisdom saving throw. So he needs to go back and make a wisdom saving throw. Oh, he failed it. Okay, so Danny is not frightened then. No, he has to pick a new one, but it is an area of effect basically so

what is it hang on the attack he did is he picking targets or is it an area of effect it is each creature so it's area of effect so it doesn't protect it did not protect him unfortunately um so yeah danny it is your turn however uh because you are frightened you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls and you can't willingly get closer to this thing it is right in front of you though if you wanted to try to attack it with disadvantage uh sure great Let's have a go. Worst of two rolls. The worst of two rolls.

Yeah. Sorry. Okay. I got a, a fuck a 20 and then I got a 13. Uh, but that's still a hit, right? 13 plus what? But that's still a hit. 13 plus what? Would it be strength or short sword?

Yeah, so 18. Yeah, 18 is a hit. Yes. Cool. I hope this kills him. Oh, shit. 4 plus 3. Oh, shit. Four plus three.

Seven? Yeah. Cool. Okay. He's not dead, but he's, you know, you get a good solid plant in him despite being freaked out. Okay. I'll take it.

And at the end of your turn you can reroll being frightened so please do another wisdom saving throw sir oh that should be good oh yeah 15 17 plus 3 20 so you also shake off being frightened which is

definitely to your party's benefit right now hey Iva you're up um okay i am torn between casting something to get that guy away from them and trying to put one more arrow into him i feel like this is a 50 50 proposition in terms of which might be best i'm just letting you into my thought process around that. So, I am going to... I'm going to try the arrow one more time

because I feel like we're getting close. Does he look beat up? He does, right? You can see blood oozing across his flesh, but he's definitely in a kind of infuriated state. Don't let him scare you. It's not fun fun it's actually scary okay i am i'm gonna try to do um another sneak attack what's your deal dan with with uh what's

your deal dan um with um with called shots like what would happen if i said i wanted a specific What would happen if I said I wanted a specific? If you... I think the way I want to do it most of the time is... If it's a success, great. If it's a misnob, but... I think if you just barely hit its AC, it's not gonna... I don't know. I feel like called shot is...

It depends on how hard it is to do it. I don't know. Like, I feel like called shot is, uh, it depends on how hard it is to do it. If it's hard, you got to crit to make the called shot. Okay. Cause I already got one of his eyes, right?

Yeah. With another. Okay. So I'm going to try for the other eye hoping that will be, but you know, if I miss, you know,

they say like, aim for the eyes and if you miss, you still are among the head. There's a decent chance you'll hit the head, even if you miss the eye. I guess. So like,

yeah, like, and you gotta get an 18 to hit them. Well, I was trying to do the original quote, which is, you know, shoot for the stars,

whatever. But anyway, here we go with a bow. Oh, I'm jelfing it. Jelf it. Gotta jelf it. Well, that's not...

Pull it. Do it. Bop it. No. Sorry about that. That's a miss. You're sorry and you're Canadian, apparently. Yeah, sorry about that, babe.

My sister and I are obsessed with one of the voice actors in Resident Evil. He says, sorry about that, babe. My sister and I are obsessed with one of the voice actors in Resident Evil. He says, sorry about that, babe. We say it all the time. By accident. And then when you make a joke enough, then you actually just start saying it for real. That's how I started saying dude 20 years ago. And now I just use the word dude. Okay.

That was a fun tangent for me. I get it now. Keep going. I got it all on camera. Yeah. Make sure your sister listens to this episode. Um, you know what?

I don't need your attitude about this. I could also just pause here and look up numbers for 10 minutes silently. Do you want me to do that? Or do you want me to tell fun stories about my life? I'm sorry. I was, I was playing Dr. Mario on my phone during that whole oh my god all right um

i'm gonna um i'm gonna do a but i'm gonna use my eye instead of using my bonus action to hide because i can no longer hide from this monster who's killing my friends i'm going to use my bonus action eye for detail um where I can make an investigation check to uncover or decipher clues and what I'm going to like aim that for is like I'm going to make a scan of the room using my powerful investigation abilities to see like

what's something I could do right now that will help turn the tide is there like a lava flow I can redirect is there a slag tight might Like a lava flow I can redirect. Is there a stalag... type? Might? Say it!

Might? Say it! What's the one on the ceiling? Dan wants to tell me. Wait, what is it? Right? There's a ceiling up. Stalag... Ceiling rhymes with Darjeeling

and Darjeeling goes around. What? Stalactite. C is for ceiling. Stalagmite. g is for ground god a stalagmite is from the bottom a stalactite is from the top g for ground in the top okay so yeah that's in any case that's what i'm talking about i want to see you have to roll to use i for detail or is this just like a perception? I can either use a perception check to spot a hidden creature or object or an investigation check to uncover or decipher clues. So I don't know which you would call that.

Oh, you get to pick. Oh, okay. Then I'm going to go ahead and do a investigation. investigation. Could I put out that I for detail is actually D for detail. Thank you for bringing my attention. Grab this rope. He went so far back.

Blaine, grab this rope. Oh my God. Grab it. You've noticed during some of the larger impacts like when it bashed its claws into your friends the lava flow which by the way is remember like a tube kind of floating through you notice it it doesn't completely arc or anything but it does kind of wobble uh by like 10 feet or so. And you think if you could get this, this guy's like really enraged. You think if you could get him close to that wobbling tube of lava, just an explosion or a loud noise could actually make the lava collide into him.

Okay. Thank you for that. Yes. But you'd have to lure him close for that sort of 15-foot swag to kind of knock into him. Got it.

I get the lava wobbles. Will that do it for your turn, Iva? Wasn't that enough? I've been talking for 20 minutes. I mean, I'm sorry. i'm sorry uh hingle's gonna do his death saving throw oh a fail so he's got one success and one fail for for hang no hangul uh reminder hingle has a scroll that will teleport you back to your plane of existence

and uh we grab it and go the one you came well the one you came through the one you came through is now closed and you don't speak the language on the scroll so just just a little just a little hot tip uh then it'll take us to 2d hey 2d time guys so let's

try to keep him alive guys and also ask him how to fucking say it. So I have to take a... Do a wisdom save? To get unfrightened? At the end of your turn. First you must deal with this disadvantage.

And all of its... So a disadvantage attack, basically. Yeah, or if you've got a spell you want to bust out. I can't anymore. I'm out of spells. But what about... Sarah is either trying to play with the green screen or...

I can't do anything. You're in the same room. No, you're not. You're pretty close. You're 10 feet behind 2D. Well, yeah. I mean, we could have a conversation, but I feel like he knows what he's capable of.

Ken, I just want to let you know out of game that your friend Sarah has abandoned you. I'm going to attack with disadvantage. Okay. That's a two, so that's that.

And then... You've got an offhand weapon now, right? Because you swapped weapons. Yes. Oh, so I can attack again? Yeah. Badly? Well, okay. Hang on a second. What was I attacking with?

Math. Hammer. Yes. You were attacking with math. Do a mathletics check. That is a 17. That is a fail. I am sorry.

I'm on tender hooks waiting for this to work. Unfortunately, we're not going to get it this time. Please do your attempt to get out of your frightened state with a wisdom saving throw. DC 15. You can do it, Houdini. Says a quivering, nigh-dead

rabbit on the floor. I believe in you. The rabbit believes in you, he said. Seven. Ooh, you are still frightened, Tootie. Big seven. And that'll bring us to Jelf again. Hi, Jelf.

Hi, Blaine. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for asking, Dan. How are you? I'm all right. Are you still in the sack? You're still in Sacramento?

I am still in Sacramento. The sack. The sack. Which impossibly and improbably locals prefer to call it. Yeah, why wouldn't you? I always think about Sacramento when they do the joke on The Simpsons about Fourth Street and D. Like it's the big cosmopolitan street in the city. It's in Sacramento.

Fourth Street and D. Hey, I'm going to. It's at Sacramento. Fourth Street and D. Hey, I'm going to shoot more arrows at it. I wish you would. That's a miss with a six. Oh, man. Unless it's a hit. You guys are the bulls today. No, it's not.

Okay. Sure, right? How about now? Is it a hit now? It continues to be a non-hit. All right. How about now? Is it a, is it a hit now? Oh, it continues to be a non hit. All right. How about a 19 plus four 23? That's a hit.

Uh, it's like ugly kid. Joe, we all get one hit. Uh, seven. All right. And then,

uh, yeah, that's it. That's it. Uh, regular arrow, right? You're out of fancies uh yeah i'm gonna just you know what uh i'm just gonna use a regular one for that one okay and yeah you you know you've landed a few arrows in this guy this is one plants like right under his ribs and he just sort of is laughing and like scanning the room for what he's gonna go for next

definitely interested in the folks right in front of him at his feet here we go he is gonna go ahead and attempt to bite 2D hey Ken I'm sorry

for what may be about to happen. Oh, that's a crit. Oh, good. Definitely seems like you planned that. Well, I mean, here, look. Oh, no, I wasn't being serious. I just thought it was funny that you warned him and then it happened. You can see from the little moon on my die that it is. And I have

OCD. If you talk about things, then they happen. That's as I understand the world. I understand. Hey, what did you hear about me winning the Powerball this weekend? Oh, that's great. Congratulations. Oh, good thanks. So that's a 30 to hit.

Total miss. Jesus Christ. That's not good. This is really helping us escape the pandemic. All right. It'll be 27 points of slashing damage. Oh, great. You still standing?

You're not dead. Oh, great. You still standing? But you're not dead. Oh, you're even standing! Alright, now he's going to rake his claws at you. Sing I'm Still Standing right in his dumb face while he does that. I'm still standing, dumb face. Sing it. Sing it, I said.

I'm still standing, dumb face. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah boy oh boy hey hey A for effort Dan now I am super dead you certainly will be on Saturday Saturday Saturday yeah

here comes the attempt to rake his claws on you that is going to be 25 to hit. That's a hit. And he botches and cuts his own balls off. 14 points of slashing damage. What was that, Ken? I'm down. You're down?

Yeah. All right. And he's going to turn his attention to Danny as you collapse. We've now got three people down. Danny, he goes for you 17 to hit. My AC is 16, so... That's a hit.

Yep. Does Sanctuary do anything? Yeah, he has to do a wisdom saving throw first. You're right. Are you? Or he does? Yeah, he has to do a Wisdom saving throw first. You're right. Oh, he fails. Yay! He tries

to claw at you, but he sort of just shudders. He can't do it. He now has to choose a new target or lose the spell. He is going to look over your shoulder at, uh, Iva and fly over 2D's fallen body.

Danny, you're going to get an opportunity attack. Okay. Um, well, I'll use the short sword sword all right roll to attack please 19 plus uh plus five that's a hit yeah uh and then let's see uh uh seven again Four plus three.

Okay. Brian, how would you like to see this demon die? Oh, fucking, I did not even think I could. I'm so happy. So, Danny. Oh. Now. How beat up is he?

He's very. I mean, his body is just like covered in pouring blood from all the arrows that iva and jelf have been pounding into him um and it was requested by hingo try to figure out what was happening to the filament of dongo so i will allow danny a fellow monk to before he delivers the fatal blow ask a sort of like this is your last chance question do you want to ask him what what what kind of question why are you targeting the filament of dongle do you want to ask him that yeah sure great um so he kind of like looks back. And as you're stabbing him, like cross the side, right? As you like plant the sword and ask him,

he knows like he's about to like fall over right on the sword. He's like, right? He's like a deep shit. I'll let you decide like the finishing blow. You ask him the question. And he says, I need their heads for the master. I need their heads so that Orcus may walk your plane. And he he's now yours to murder, Brian.

I just take. So my I'm already in my swords already inside him. I just go right down his belly and open his belly up. take and so my already i'm already and i my swords already inside him i just uh go right down his belly and open his belly up and then a thousand butterflies oh no no i mean yeah you disembowel him

and um the butterflies i i go what stinks? And I hold my nose as he falls over. All right. Well, that leaves you with, of course, a whole lot of folks laying there in trouble. You immediately run over to Hingle and Nathan and Tootie and bind their wounds. You know, I had a question for you.

Yeah. I have a question for you. So I have answers. Danny has a plus five in Madison. Um, and we haven't, I don't think we've done anything. What,

what does that mean? What can I do? Is, does that mean I can learn? Well, it could in certain situations. It like, say if you were with somebody who could teach you healing,

uh, like a specific kind of healing spell or ability, but it's not an ability in and of itself. in certain situations it like say if you were with somebody who could teach you healing uh like a specific kind of healing spell or ability but it's not an ability in and of itself it's a plus five bonus to healing or medicinal situations so if you are trying to like you know wake them up by binding their wounds expertly and like using uh healing stuff around you i would let you do a medicine check that could possibly have a positive result but i'm automatically giving it that you know between you and jelf and iva you you can easily split three ways and just bind wounds so no one has to do another death saving throw but they are unconscious okay um Who's the worst off?

Who's the worst off? Nathan? All zero Okay, well I go to Nathan first And try to bind him I'll go over to They're all stable They're just unconscious

So what can I do? There's nothing really that we can do Unless We Now, yeah Can we I'm gonna unconscious so what can i do there's nothing really that we can do unless um we uh now yeah can we i'm gonna start is hangul still down yes okay so i'm gonna search him because wasn't he was trying to take a potion so i'll search him to see if he has any others or any and hit on his person any other healing potions uh yeah you find on his body he does have a potion of greater healing but just one just one yeah so probably it would make sense for us to use it on

tootie because he can heal other people okay does that make sense to jellifin danny yeah it does okay so you prop him up and try to get the... So that for 2D is going to be 4D4 plus 4. 4D4 plus 4. 4D4 hit points? That is like all of

them. That is 16. Lovely. You're back up to 16 2d and you can assist in the healing you're gonna take probably take like 10 minutes and just sit on the curb and have a cigarette kind of quiet

quietly kind of sit to yourself for a while all right i will use my healing pool am i up yeah i mean there's no turn there's no active threat okay laying on hands then i will lay on hands on nathan okay or yeah let's see for 10 actually maybe if I split it up for 10 great right who else

is down because what's his name the NPC Hingle yeah Hingle my headphones unplugged okay so yeah 10-2 Nathan and 10-2 so he's back up to ten

hit points. Yeah, Nathan likes her. I saw a light. Hey, little guy. Hey! I was going to see my grandmama. Yeah, Hingle comes to you and says, oh, and you tell uh you you tell him uh what you heard about orcus and it's uh he's he's not pleased you know collecting heads seems like a sort of

dark ritual uh to be in the process of and um based off of what you told him about his friends, it sounds like perhaps that tortle that you discovered was assisting in the collecting of heads. Oh, hey. What about that list that the tortle had? Is that related?

Well, you do have it with you, and do you want to show it to hingle yeah uh you show it to hingle his eyes get very large and we'll have to find out what that means next time on the next episode of nerdy that was fucking close yeah man i did not think i was gonna get him i thought we had a lot more hits to hit uh well guess what you guys all leveled up from that one for sure yeah oh my gosh so very good work i thought that was gonna be a dark episode for a second there oh i would hate what if we got stuck there because of the one guy jesus i was like okay with

sanctuary i should make him choose someone else to attack because he hasn't used any of his movement and he's enraged i've made it clear that he's like bloodthirsty so he wouldn't worry about opportunity attack and uh there was cool he's about to smash iva iva how many hit points did you have left he he had never hit me but i don't have a lot to begin with and what i had done is i hadn't hidden i used my bonus action member to search instead of re-hiding myself so i was very exposed sam hi everybody what happened this week first i'm so impressed that you're all able to play this game so naturally personally coming right from playing quiplash i feel insane kudos to you guys we opened back on combat with a demon and that's pretty much what we did this episode it knocked tingle

and nathan and tootie right out jelf was shooting arrows and although he stopped speaking in rhymes i hear it in my heart i really feared for our lives for a second Danny prevailed in battle and I'm not going to see you guys for two weeks I'm going home to Wisconsin so I just want to remind you guys aim for the eyes if you miss you're still among the head among the head

I don't know why you're laughing anything you want to plug Dan? among the head. Great advice. I don't know why you're laughing. Anything you want to plug, Dan? Yeah, I would love if people would check out the role-playing book that I've got coming out probably the end of the year. We don't have a release date yet, but you can pre-order it right now and also check out a sample adventure I wrote that is already published on the website. Go to TalesOfZadia.com. That's Zadia X-A-D-I-A, TalesOfZadia.com. That's Zadia, X-A-D-I-A, talesofzadia.com.

Or please watch me come do stand-up for an hour every Friday at 7 p.m. Pacific at twitch.tv slash telferdan. And then I've got, if you're an Anthrax fan or a comic book fan, we did a really cool version

of Anthrax's record, Among the Living, their most famous uh thrash album and a bunch of us took on stories uh telling the stories from that album and there's uh several different versions available but uh there's great people it's me and myself uh cory taylor did one uh rob zombie did a story um. But the art looks amazing. And it's one of my all-time favorite records. So to be involved in it is super cool. Check that out.

Go to Anthrax for any information. Anthrax.com. AnthraxTheBand.com. Not the disease. And then I've got my show, Grandpa's Metal Stash, 40th episode this week. So check it out. Yeah, and please do check all that out, of course. And remember, we've got a Quiplash game we just played on Patreon.

This month, it's going to be three insanely fun things because we played Quiplash again, but also Chris Tallman game mastered some star Wars, dungeons and dragons. And as always, they were so fun. I was glad to be back this time after having to bow out last time, Chris, tell people to watch doing the,

uh, the voice that I love. Now you listen up, you fucking son of a bitch. You can check out that goddamn Star Wars. They got Zodas and fucking laser swords. Sarah insists upon being Dr. Who. Very complicated.

Check it out. Yay. Thanks for listening. Oh, Blaine, got anything going on with the Kitchenator? Oh, we just did a a pilot Put one in the can We're pretty happy about it Nine Jump Street It's we play

Undercover cops in Fourth grade I love it Fleshing out the whole Jump Street universe Throughout all the grades I'm glad it's back Glad to be back Jump Street's back, alright

The JSU Thanks everybody Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at Patreon.com slash Nerd Poker And you get bonus episodes from there And you can also Send us anything at p.o box

one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening