Nerd Poker - S4E32 Good Boy Ramen

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

This episode we talk to Sam's dog Ramen about how he is such a good boy for the full run time. Well kinda, there's also a lot of D&D. The Castaway Cuties also do some classic shopping Nerd Poker style, a familiar face returns, and Sam is very high.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint. And you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 32.

My friends are here. Mavis is in the room. What's up, Mavis? She's adjusting. Ken, hey, buddy. How are you? Hi, Brian. How are you? I'm good. Excellent.

Below Ken and Tootie is Dan Telfer, exiled in Donkey Land. Yes, I am. What's up, Dan? How are you? I'm just chilling, you know, just trying to relax. Like Bob Dylan or more like a villain? Oh, I guess more like Bob Dylan, although I haven't had any of that crazy, silly weed today. OK, we've got Jelf. What's up? Oh, hey. Hi, Brian. I didn't hear you come in.

What have you done with Blaine? Oh, he's here. You can talk to him. We have a proof of Blaine? Oh, he's here. You can talk to him. We have a proof of life thing coming up in a couple of minutes. And Chris is here. What's up, Chris? Hey, man. That's right.

Like Mavis. I'm good. I'm also adjusting. And then we've got Sarah in the forest. Sorry. As Iva. No, I'm not disappointed. Saved the best for last.

Oh, great. Sarah came in the game again. I did it. And she brought her forest. Great. What are we going to do with all these birds? The best engineer in the business.

He's looking for his dog. There he is, everybody. Sweet children. Hey, buddy. How are you? Good. Do you got my favorite kind of Asian noodle sitting on your bed back there?

Let's see if he's into it today. Yay! Yay! That's the ramen I like. That's the Groundhog Day I like. See, my love for ramen is unconditional. If he doesn't want to perform, that's fine. That's what I mean.

I like the willy or won'ty of it. Well, that's how I really feel, but I don't tell him that. He might not work for it anymore. Sam had his headphones on. Can Raman hear all this? No, I can turn the speakers on. Hold on a minute. Blast him love. Hey, Raman. Hey, buddy.

Raman. Raman. Raman. We love you. He's having that dream again. Kill your owner. No, no, no, no, no. But what if Sam wasn't his owner, you guys?

It would be like, that would be weird. That's the twist. What if God was one of us? Yeah, Brian? You mean like a stranger on a bus? Yeah, just trying to make his way home. Okay, what if God was two of us, smart guy? Where'd Sam go?

Goodbye. Got you a shirt off. Got it. Shirt off, weights out already. Shirt off, weights out. Shows on, guns on. Yeah, we ended the last episode talking about a Sam-inspired shirt. That's

the one we need. Shirt off, weights on? Yes. Or shirt off, weights out? Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Dan? Brian! Do you have people? Yeah. Yeah, I got folks I want to thank.

I want to thank Patreon subscribers who go by a few names. Yes. I was trying to remember the name of the song about the bus that Weird Al had. It's the Jackson Park Express, if you guys are familiar. Another one rides the bus? Oh.

It's amazing. First, I'd like to thank A Patreon supporter thank you guys so much For supporting us on Patreon it literally Is how we can Do this Thank you Sean Meredith Thanks Sean Thanks Yukon Cornaglia

Thanks Yukon Thank you Tattooed Gigolo. Thank you. Thank you. Eric Ewald. Thank you. Thanks, Captain Fender. Thank you.

Thanks, Captain. Thanks, Blaine. Why did you kill that kid? What is wrong with you? That's a little on the nose. There's not even really an ironic twist to that one. You could at least couch it. Writing that with a hammer.

Couch that shit in a pun, guys. Come on. Thank you, Jamie Swedler. Thank you, Chewbacca's Hairy Taint. Oh. Thank you, Trond. Thanks. Sharks is high.

Here's a good one I enjoy. Thank you, Danny's Funky Trunk of Monk Junk. There's a shirt. We got a couple of good season four character inspired ones in a row. Thank you, DJ Jazzy Jelf.

Thank you, Nordzy Jelf. Thank you Nordic Viking Name. Thanks, Mottled Skeleton. Thanks, Dustin Peterson. Thank you, Pokito Torpedo. Thanks, Hob the Troll. Thank you, Matthew Spears. Thank you,

Todd Voss. And thank you, of course, Giant Monsters on the Horizon. Hmm. Every damn day. I'm excited. As soon as we're done today, I'm going to go watch Godzilla vs. King Kong.

No spoilers, guys. Don't tell me if the third creature from Rampage the video game wins. Hey, Blaine, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Hi, I'm Steng. You probably know me from the police, but I'd rather you know me from my jazzier later stuff. When I'm walking the four miles in my mailbox,

there's nothing I like to find better than a loot crate. Loot crate. Available at Ollie's Discount on I-64. Take it from me. Sting. For about six hours. Loot crate. Oh, God.

Dan? Oh, my God. That had layers Dan oh my god that was that had layers like an onion also I want to thank our April bonus drawing winner thank you very much for subscribing at this amazing

Patreon tier level we are happy to announce Timothy Lydostansky. Thank you, Timothy, for contributing. Congratulations. Blaine, who is that Patreon supporter brought to us by? That one's

brought to you by Floor Dash. We throw it on the floor. What are you going to do about it, smart guy? Floor Dash. It's beautiful. And of course, dad, of course, segues. I said of course twice. Why did I do that? It's all I can think about now. What if I say it out loud?

Say it again. Of course. Yes, sir. Yay. Now Michael Keaton, portrayed a ghost, will come and get into some hijinks i've said it three times and it's also time for what happened last time on nerd poker the castaway cuties finally killed a demon and they leveled up now back in the filament of dongle temple they're deciding where to go next it's quite a conundrum we take you now to the Castaway Cuties already in progress.

So, a few of the things that you guys talked about doing. We're going and getting the hangar next, yeah? The hammer, not the hangar? You guys feel like you need somewhere to put all your planes. So you're headed over to the airport.

You want to get a hammer for Tootie. Ken conveniently has run away from his computer. So Tootie's particular interest in this hammer is unknown to me at this time. But I believe you set forth a plan, Iva, and everyone agreed. I actually think it was Nathan who reminded us about it. But we said we were going to drop off the octopus because we believe that may be related to where this hammer is in some way, right? Perhaps she will help us.

It sounds like it potentially could be underwater. It might be under there. And then that will lead us to our next adventure in a serialized fashion. Ooh. All right. Well, it sounds like the Castaway Cuties are headed north to Mega Lake Pangodon. So you're leaving the semi-possessed mayor of Flayzacola

to his current tenuous fate. For now. You also noted that he's headed down to that new mini mall with his pair of giant scissors. He'll be fine. That sounds like he's going to open something.

Flazacola Mills. I'm going to go ahead and throw in the chat a link to Roll20, which you guys don't have to go to. If you would rather just open a map to Davin Glavin, you can get the same thing accomplished. For that is why I'm linking you to Roll20. You might be able to find this on, say, our Instagram.

But right now you're in Flazacola, which is on the west coast, and you've gone north a bit you know kind of away from bling bottom megalith pangodon is across the peel which is a vast canyon that the ocean flows from one side to the other megalith pangodon seems to have some sort of underwater city and there is some sort of evil fish humanoid type creatures that live in this underground city um i don't know how long you guys would think it was going to take but i would i would say based on how long it took you from blingbottom to flazacola your basic intuition is it's gonna take at least least that long, which is a few days. Is there a way for us to just take that water down there, that big waterway, the river that splits the continent there?

Well, that'll depend on how your characters do your research. You can ask around Flay's Acola on the way out. You can ask around Flay's Acola on the way out. I know your little weirdo animal friend is currently at the Bucket of Poison. If you want to pick him up and ask around the tavern, you can do that, or what it's like to go in the peel. Or you can just go there yourself and size up the situation. Oh, yeah. Do we want to bring Noodles with us, or should we leave him? I just feel like I don't want to bring noodles with us or should we leave him he seems i just feel like all these

clingy animals i don't want to bring him into more danger i don't want to bring him into more danger and he you know i bet he's doing fine but we could certainly go check on him and then uh and then ask the best way to get to the mega lake although is that just gonna like raise suspicion maybe we just want to go to the lake. Flasicola could allow us to take... I mean, we could take a ship if we end up... If the river is the way to go, we would probably hire it in Flasicola, right? All right, well, maybe let's go stay the night at the inn.

I will attune with my new cutlass, and we can ask what the best way to get to i'm looking at the map hang on maybe there's a way to not even give away our the whole game i mean we're gonna have to hide that octopus but um yeah if we just want to say we want to like take a pleasure cruise down the whatever if we wouldn't go see mega mega lake. There are a lot of ships in Playsacola. You feel like at the very least somebody on the docks would

tell you how good an idea that is. Okay. So. Alright, so do we want to go check on noodles, rest up, and then, yeah? Sound good to everybody? Yeah. What kind of a rest should we take you guys

mmm Sam's favorite short long I mean there's so many choices medium rest people often forget medium rest it fits a lot of people I'm gonna I want to take a long rest and if I can attune

with this item Dan yeah that's you guys are currently um mostly at full hit points ivah did take some fire damage uh from some some fire illusions that got to her it's all in her head though uh it was all in her head but at the same time still burned her for those hit points also she's got this sword to attune to so uh you guys head to the bucket of poison you open the door no sign of. There's a new bartender. And kind of goes, yeah, what's your poison? We're getting room for the night.

And we're checking in on noodles. All right. Well, that'll be two silver apiece. And noodles, noodles. Oh, yeah, that's that thing. Yeah. First couple of nights, did some cute little waddling around. People gave tips.

If we would eat a treat, gave some tips to the bartender. Kind of just sits under the furnace now. Seems to like it under there. Yeah, we just leave it alone. Seems to like the furnace. Some kind of lava creature. So we just leave it alone. Throw some it under there yeah we just leave it alone seems to like the furnace some kind of lava creature so we just leave it alone throw some food under there you guys head over to the furnace he lets you into the kitchen

the furnace is in the back of the kitchen and he's just kind of like crunched up kind of like looks up at you and goes oh and like runs out and jumps all over very leery of um your your octopus situation still uh but uh is is just kind of like excited to see you guys dancing around um i communicate

with him using my ability i tell him i ask him how he's been uh first first thing it does is it like raises one leg off the ground and kind of cocks its head it says sort of like which of you can i climb on i'm fine that's fine he can come on me because i feel like uh uh we were hiding the octopus right so nathan didn't just walk into the bar like i'm wearing her like a scarf right isn't that kind of what we said but she's gotta be like covered or whatever right because i don't think we want other people to see yeah uh you you would definitely want to throw a cloak over her or she would arouse a great deal of suspicion right okay so she's covered so yeah he can he can ride up climb up on my shoulders um yeah he's he says's hungry. He wants live food. He's been eating

a lot of food he doesn't normally eat. He prefers to eat things like that crawl. And right now he's eating a lot of things that lay there. Okay. Well, I tell him we're going to go on another trip and I ask

him if he wants to come with us. Yeah, he would be very excited to do that right especially if there's quite a menagerie okay um well there is water there's a lot of water involved in this trip i tell him oh is that gonna work for fire yeah that's fine yeah he seems fine with it he's used to water too he did live in an underwater uh lava cavern so he's used to water too. He did live in an underwater lava cavern so he's used to a little of both. Okay. So we're going to now rest up.

Just fast forward through the night and then in the morning we'll ask around and go out to the docks and get started on our journey. Great. If you could just do a little bit of an Arcana check. As a rogue, you're not predisposed towards attuning yourself to this particular thing.

This is a very unique object that is Dan Telfer in origin, and it is not easy to attune to. But if you roll high on an arcana check, I will allow it to... I'm going to use one of my luck points before i rest to do another roll god damn that's sneaky oh uh-oh that was terrible i'm going to use my last luck point because why not before i just blow them all out so that's a 20 oh okay okay yeah uh you feel

like you've only got to do this one more time and you might be able to use this sword. Um, yeah, I know, I know. But the, the, the thing about this that you're starting to realize it is going to, it is going to give you a really nice bonus, uh,

when fighting, but it's also got a sort of magical element to it that you, you think the person who used to wield this was, uh, both some sort of swashbuckler and some sort of wizard at the same time. Interesting.

Yes. Okay, so morning has broken and Yeah, you guys are going to head to the docks to ask around. Yeah, or are you going to ask people at the tavern? Either works for me. Danny, what are you gonna ask people at the tavern? Either works for me. Danny, what do you

think? Uh, both. Like, on the way out, right? Yeah, and there's a guy who definitely looks like a sailor, big orc with giant pauldrons. Looks like he's seen some shit and is also a sailor. Sitting at

the bar. Let's talk to the guy who looks like he's seen some shit. Who's most charismatic of our group? Here we go. I think it's... No, we thought it was Nathan because Chris plays him that way, but then... It's not me.

Chris is very charismatic. He does have a lot of uh beast folk bonuses to certain social situations yeah i think um i think it might it's probably still you though i'm i'm only 15 too i don't know about 2d but 2d has taken a break for a second. Hey, Ken, I'm nine. Ken, people are pulling around for charisma, Ken. Ken? Ken? What's your charisma, Ken? It is going down with each of those noises.

Fourteen. Danny? Is Danny one of the highest? Yeah Danny what's yours? 16 You gotta do it man Role play time You gotta role play and ask about the shit

Welcome everyone to Brian Posehn's role play corner Where we go Well 3 million people listening here we go And 3, two, two to Brian. Live action roleplay, Nick.

It's not three million. Well, I can give myself a five point bonus to Charisma. After following Sarah's song. If this is on. Okay. Alright, first up. Sounds like we're peer pressuring Danny into taking the first shot at this yeah what exactly

yeah I mean he looks over his shoulder well first you have to pretend to be an admiral yeah we're trying to get to Lake Pangadong as safely and quickly as possible Mega Lake Pangadong isn't that right? Yeah.

So we just want to know whether what is it best and safest to go down the river or to go by land. What's the best way? Yeah, okay. Without attracting any attention. So I'll start that. Sir, we're travelers, and I was hoping you could tell us what's the safest way to get to Lake Pangalong. Do we take the river or another way, another route?

You take boat through the Peel, yes, river. That's the safest way. No safe way to get there. Make sure you're on boat with lots of cannons. Cannons? Would people attack from the shore or other no should be no problem lots of boats run by that

mind flayer clan have lots of cannons they're just big turtle you you not want big turtle um uh what were you gonna say say, Ken? I don't know. It doesn't sound very safe.

Wait, a Mind Flayer clan? Yeah. Yeah. Ask him more about that. It's sounding not very safe. And where are the Mind Flayer clan from? Oh, they're originally from Cloddenheim. They come down here.

Something happened with their clan up there. They reform here. They call it the Ice Five. Uh-huh. Interesting. Oh, no. We've heard of them. Speaking of canon. Yeah, but... No, what? What, Brian?

No, I was going to say to my friends, but I don't want to say it to this new guy I just met in the game. Does nobody jump across, get across the peel and take land, take the other shore down? The Orc says you could do that, but you need bird people for that. You know bird people? Yes. Yeah.

We have them in Dav and Galevan. We have bird people. They fly you over. They're very good at carrying people. Nothing ever go wrong. Are there any of those? Are they climbing up the sides of boats? Take three to four episodes, you know.

Well, thank you, sir. Anybody else have anything? We catapult ourselves across. Thank you. Buy him a drink. Me Burke. Let me say thank you. This is on us.

Where's a good place to contact Bird people or boat owners You go East Jungle between here and Leviathan Spiral right along the peel You see they have tents they set up They bring travelers

And are the docks the best place to get a boat? Yes. Only Mind Flayer is brave enough to go through the peel. All other boats go to other cities, like Blingbottom. This guy sounds really well-versed. Like he could be a guide or something. Should we hire him as one? You want guide?

That would be nice. Yeah, are you available? Do you do that? My name's Perk. You can check out my LinkedIn profile for more of my background, but I have big hands. Big hands good for crushing. I'm good

on boat. If you have a boat, I could'm good on boat. If you have a boat, I could be on your boat. Do you have boat? We need to get boat. I need a boat. All good people. If you give Burke

ten gold pieces, you have Burke on gold pieces you have Burke on retainer for until Burke get bored or dead I like those odds but 10 gold pieces no mess around how are we holding?

that would be fine I mean I think I have the bulk of because we sold stuff but I don't know if anyone else is tracking but I certainly can I have one gold piece okay so yeah I have the bulk of the gold because I was I keep gambling it and I have way more than you guys so I'm happy to hire him

thank you I follow I I crush. I also pull apart. I good at picking up, then pulling apart while light shine behind me. You also know your way around, right? You know where we're going. Oh, you're not seeing the Suicide Squad trailer? Yeah,

I know a way around. You go to Mega Lake Penedon. I go there. I once eat the fish people. They taste good. When he says that, you feel some shifting beneath your cloak, Nathan. Tell us more about the fish people.

They evil, make weird clucking sound. They not tall. They about tall as you little woman uh you you walk up to them and they make a sound sound a lot like if you have a uh jello being squished through a sock uh it's weird gurgle and and then uh what i do is uh they start like they're trying to talk right you grab and you pull head off and then you drink what inside why is that like mr pibb or something no more like uh more more more like tab. Ew! Okay, now, would it be a problem if... Because we actually may have some business with the fish people. Is that a problem? You want Hammer of Legend.

We're curious about it, sure. They guard. They use to force other folk to trade with them. It's sign of power. Give clout. They're weak, though. If 10 of them jump on you, you're dead. If one of them jump on you, you just pop the head off and foam come out.

It's like good beer. Okay, I feel like we need to get Nathan. You might need to take a break, step away from the conversation. I'm suddenly feeling a bit light-headed. Why don't I step outside for some air? Smart bunny, you go enjoy air, bunny.

Happy Easter, that time of year. Yes, I'm a boy bunny, so I don't lay eggs. Oh, me not know it work like that. T-M-I. Am I right, folks? Okay, Burke, thank you so much. So we have you on retainer. We're just going to go

chat about whether we're going to do the bow or we're going to do, we're just going to go outside, get some air, and we will be right back in to speak with you. Please enjoy a hearty breakfast on us while we discuss our options. Huzzah! And he orders another round for himself. Okay, so now we gotta go talk to

that side. The princess. Yeah. How's she looking? Oh, so she peeks out as soon as you go outside, Nathan. And she's like, I must say, this Burt character is going to be rough to travel with.

I do not think he has our best interests in mind. You might say he is not cultured. He is unlikely to be polite at the dinner table. Not someone that my people would enjoy meeting either, if I may be so bold. My sweet babies. It sounds as though he was already talking about your people. I'm so sorry. It must have been very upsetting to hear. He was talking about a people. Who those people are is a mystery to us all.

However, I know people adjacent to those people and perhaps amongst those people. That's something that also remains a mystery to us all. What do you think he said about that hammer? I think he's aware of the hammer. And the fish people there, whatever their names are, they seem to have the hammer. And it's true what he says. About the hammer. Yes.

And, you know, if you went in there just ripping into the castle saying, give me the hammer, you would probably find some trouble. But if you went in there polite as can be with your gloves on and ready for a fine meal, I believe you could just, you know, be allowed to see the hammer yourselves. As you said, manners can be quite important in moments like this. So perhaps we would not send Burke in. That would not go very well, would it?

I think maybe you'd want Burke to stay on shore. But you would be there, of course, Princess. Yes, as soon as I touch the waters of Mega Lake Pangodon, you will see my beautiful sinewy body in all of its glory. Wonderful. She makes eye contact with you, Nathan, when she says, I hold it. She does a little, like, tentacle curtsy.

Okay, so the problem now is if we return her, how do we who can finesse this situation? Only Nathan. Like if we return, can it be like, oh, if we return her, we're going to she's not going to give us the hammer. You know,

maybe we can see it. You feel like she definitely is invested in you guys is friendly with you guys but this hammer if it is indeed her home race of fish people is something so valuable that she doesn't even begin to know how to negotiate for it you know what i mean like it seems like something sort of extra would have to happen for it to be purely that simple but she does seem to be hinting you could like maybe be given an audience and all this like

formality with her assistance perhaps we could be in a room with it so let's I guess we'll just do it and see what happens and we will leave Burke on the boat yes but he can help us get there and if any of you would like to get a little more out

of this situation, you can always do an insight check. Yeah. Why not? My insight went way up when I leveled. 18. Did it really? Awesome. So, 17 plus 6,

23. Fucking A. Anybody beaten a 23, though? No, sir. I will hand the insight off to the high roller. Yeah, I got a 19. Well, you all feel like you got a really good sense of what's going on, but Jelf, this is all you, buddy. So you feel like being that you're from an island far away, the island of Amina, you've seen many cultures, and this seems to be a very treacherous island. more uh jungly than claude and i'm or amina and it's going to be tough no matter what you do you think you're probably even steven better off either getting eric cochran's to fly you guys

and burke over or hiring these sailors uh but a mind flare is a bad thing so you can communicate that to the party if anyone in the party doesn't already know mind flares are bad so something about that seems like it could be a little uh sticky and you definitely feel like there's a good old-fashioned opportunity for either a trade or something like that with the hammer. You get the impression that this is not something you can simply take or earn. This is some sort of cultural artifact that gives the fish people power, and they're going to want something else

if they can't keep the hammer. So you could just go and murder all the fish people, but also you've got this inn. You went and found this very hard-to-find NPC, and they're giving you this other route you could take. Cool. Yeah, I want to avoid the mine.

We have to find a super armed boat. I mean, we know players, we know that that's the I mean, that's like the mother brain that what used to be the fix it plan and everything so they're not if we don't know how evil evil they actually are i mean i guess we can't use that information but um this is what they call metagaming yeah so i

feel like as far as like what sounds most dangerous, I think Aarakocra and then sneaking through the jungle sounds less dangerous than mind flayers on the water. I think it sounds more dangerous. Fire in the sky. And I feel like that's what the DM was saying when he was like, oh, it's more jungly, but I could be wrong. Do we know where the mind flayers are on the riverbank so that we can maybe travel to and on land and get around them? They're real close. You guys are at an inn not far from the shore. So you could just five minutes walk down the dock.

They're the ones who would be ferrying us, not the ones who'd be attacking us. What you got to worry about is there is what sounds very similar to a giant sea turtle that apparently is attacking sailors. So we, yeah, this is a situation where we, we are, the mind flayers would be helping us get down the river.

Yeah. And it sounds like the turtle is known to be, uh, on the other side. So you could get, we met that fucking turtle, right? Yeah.

Yeah. it's sun crush up uh a little more specific i don't i don't think i was this specific the boats that the mind flayers pilot burke would tell you this go from one end to the other they don't typically stop so what this would do is it would take you kind of like all the way to a place on the map labeled the shells lament and drop you off there yeah we ended a lie we couldn't pay extra to stop perhaps you could mr tallman if you approached one and negotiated. It seems. Personally, I definitely vote vote, but we can. Let's go talk to them and see.

Right. Sure. We bring Burke with us if he's coming with us. To do the negotiating. We can ask him for any tips. So what does Burke think is safer? You grab Burke. Yeah, you have to go. You pay extra grab Burke. Yeah, you pay extra probably.

I don't know. No one ever wanted to stop in the middle of the peel. It's sheer cliffs. I don't know how you're planning on getting up, but you give it a shot. Sounds good to me. Oh. The canyon opens.

It's not a coast and even the shells but the shells lament is right there on the lake too right I mean it's yeah it's closer but

okay if we take the birds we'll go right across and get there sooner, I would think. Birds got silly names. And what if they drop you? It's so far down. Oh, boy. Well, we can take a vote, but let's at least talk to the Mind Flayers and see what that would look like and how much it would be. Sounds good. Alright, so you guys head on down to the dock um there is a lot of boats here uh you

kind of look around and sure enough there is a mind flayer that says it's kind of like a blue squid face and it's wearing a sort of you know like tri-corner hat looks over in your direction nods at Burke Burke says you want me talk to squid men or you talk to squid men I think Danny

wanted to talk to him Danny you want to talk you want time talk you want time for Brian Posehn's role playing corner to talk to the squid men know why we have to hire one

charter a boat across yeah but I thought he who would be better at that seem to have great can be very persuasive but me charisma score far lower than danny's okay sure i'll take over

where is the guy uh he's at the end of the dock you guys are at the sort of the base of the dock basically we're just we want to find out how much it costs and what the deal is with them taking us down there cool uh to find out how much it costs and what the deal is with them taking us down there. Cool.

Uh, the guy approaches you and says, uh, hello, thank you for, uh, you want to hire for the, for the boat to the peel. Yes,

we are definitely interested in that. Uh, but we want to travel as safely as possible. how, how do we do that? What is the cost? The cost will be two gold apiece for each of you. Once we get you to the other side, we say farewell. If we do encounter the turtle, we will ask that you man the cannons with the rest of

us. Oh, definitely. No problem. We've got beef with that turtle. Oh, you've met the great turtle. Well, we have. Perhaps we will

crack its shell yet, but we will at the very least send it into the deep and retreat. Okay. Let me ask my friends, are we okay with the price? Yeah, it's cheap, right? I think so. How long would it take?

It's going to take you a day. Like 14 hours. So not a 24-hour hour sitch but yeah if right now right now it's like late morning right so uh you just spent the night woke up there was just one sailor at the bar you hired him and uh yeah two gold a piece means uh please keep track of your funds. And it sounds like off we go. Yeah. Do we have food on us for the trip? We should probably get some potions because we don't have any.

We almost died. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Some healing at least. Where can we do that? Should we do that here before we leave? Yeah, I mean, there's a shop called Ellie's Fizzin' Mixins

right along the docks. You could head to Ellie's Fizzin' Mixins. It looks like it's some sort of apothecary. They have one in Portland. It's really good. Okay, I paid for the boat out of my funds. She says, very well, we will.

Isaac Captain will hold until you're done shopping. Great, thank you. Shopping. Got to a montage. I don't want to get any more side-eye from Tootie, by the way, when I'm gambling because that's what's funding this

entire venture. We appreciate it. Did I say anything? I said side-eye. I like how you said side-eye like Borat, Justin. So yeah, you guys head into the shop and there is

a whole lot of empty shelves, a few things are on them, and a little goblin scooting around. The place is in pretty good shape considering it's on the docks, but it looks like they've been cleaned out for the most part, and stocks are a little bit low. The goblin greets you and says, Hi, I'm Ellie.

G'day. We're looking for some potions. Sorry. I am cleaned out We're of course Preparing for war at the moment So not a lot of supplies You know Armies have been through here lately

But you know we've got a few things We've got something that has healing potential But no potions Did we know about the war? When you say armies, what? Oh, yeah. They've been hiring a lot of mercenaries

out of Flayzacola and Blingblottom. They're heading north? They? Who's they? The mercenaries. No, but who's hiring them? Ah, that weird elf in the castle Which elf in what castle?

Ah, it's That city that appeared out of nowhere A little while ago He's hiring a lot of mercenaries and just Buying up all their time Oh, this is the Arch Lich guy Is this what's going on? buying up all their time. Oh, this is the Arch Lich guy? Is this what's going on, Daniel?

Yeah, basically it sounds like the Arch Lich is not settling for its undead armies of elves, but it is hiring mercenaries from Davin Glavin. So yeah, we're a little low on supplies. We got a few things that should be able to help. I'm adding that to the list.

How much does a healing potion normally cost, Dan? Great question. I'm looking that up. I will tell you that he does not have any. No, I know, but I'm going to see if he does. Is there something that might help us with healing? Yeah. A band-aid?

I mean, they're pretty expensive. He has an artifact he can help you with, but right now I'm trying to look up the general cost for a potion of healing. I think it's 50. Yeah. Well, it's not like we could have bought a bunch anyway, then.

Not until you work your magical charms. Yeah. Does anybody have a CVS membership? It's 50 gold pieces. Okay. Yeah, so what is the goblin saying about something else that we could have?

He does have what's called a healing pebble. That's cool. he does have what's called a healing pebble. If you attune yourself to this tiny little rock, you can cast healing word once per day. How much is that? That'll be 60 gold. 60 gold? Yes.

How about, do you play what's the game called? Not Gwent. Fizbin? Yeah, do you play Bent? His eyes light up. Oh! A game of Bent, you say?

I hope you have a cannon fodder card and a waxing crescent card because I've got quite a deck myself alright so how about we play for the

the pebble how does this work yeah I'm just or I can just try to play for a discount I can just try to play for the pebble how does this work yeah i'm just or i can just try to play for a discount i can just try to play for the pebble or whatever roll three six-sided die and high number wins if you want to cheat you can use sleight of hand 11 11 oh he got a 12

did you just say how much you were gambling here no that's why I was asking you and you said to roll so I just rolled I just went ahead and rolled well okay what I was gonna say this is a standard game so now you have to give him one of your cards because you lost but he says yeah if you want to play for money we can play for money

um how about um if I win you give me the pebble for 20 gold.

And if you win, I'll just give you 10 gold. Does that make sense? If I win. Yeah. I have to give you the healing pebble for 20 gold? No, if I win, instead of selling it to me for 60, how much was it? 60 gold. It was 60. So instead of selling it to me for 60 gold, you sell it to me for 20 gold.

I'll still buy it from you. I'm just kidding. I'm buying... I'm trying to win a discount, basically. If I win, I get 10 gold. And if you win, I'll just give you... Yeah, I'll just give you 10 gold. Alright, let's see. I feel like I've got a good sense of your skill. Here we go. You got a seven. I got a 14.

Hey! Very well, very well. Here's one of my cards. I think it's a glint in her eye, and she's like, what if we do this again for double or nothing you already won my

half ass charlatan card you want to do a double or nothing now I'm thinking if I win this next one you just give me the pebble and then if you win I'll give you 20 gold

it's 30 gold just for losing. Do an insight check. 21. He grins and you can see him thumbing something in his sleeve. Sure. Light him up. Sure, I'll play another time. Alright, so now

what I'm going to do is I'm going to play, but I'm going to sleight of hand and reveal his sleight of hand. Oh, like while you play, you're going to... I'm going to, whatever, I'm going to make it obvious in front of everybody how he was cheating.

So first roll your 3D6. 11. He got an 18. Now roll your sleight of hand check. Getting ready to lay up gonna burn down this guy 22 so he he starts cackling and says pay up and as he says up you pull your hands away uh from the card table and your finger just ever so gently brushes against his sleeve.

And just like a second full deck of cards just barfs onto the table. Oh. And he just sort of stares in silence, frozen. Yeah, I go ahead and I pull out my sword. And I'm like, give me the pebble. Do an intimidation check. Eleven. I'm being robbed.

He starts backing up. You're not being robbed. You cheated, and I want my winnings. Give me the pebble. Danny goes behind him and gets down below, so he falls over. And you can push him. Do a deception check, Danny.

The old classic. Nice. 17 plus, what do i have for uh oh nice it's a 20 yeah uh iva you see danny walk around very stealthily and duck over do you shove him? Yeah. Give him a little shove. And he goes, oh, God. And knocks his head on the floor. And dies. No, no, he gets knocked unconscious.

And now Danny does the thing where he walks down the steps behind the couch. Let's load up, everybody. He just sort of lays on the ground. Take the... I have no on the ground. Take the... I have no problem taking everything. Take the pebble. Iva is only gonna... Iva really, really hates cheaters. She's gonna go ahead and take the pebble, which is her fair right, and then she's gonna just, like, wink at

everybody and walk out of the store. They can do whatever else they want, but I'm taking the pebble, which is mine. Alright. There's not a whole lot else left. It's true. I'm gonna give it to Nathan, though. Danny's not gonna take anything, either. It's true. I'm going to give it to Nathan. And Danny's not going to take anything either. He just was... Is there a cash box? He doesn't like bullies.

Yeah. Wait, you're a tootie. You can't do this. I'm going to give it to charity. There's a cash box that's locked. There's also... He's a cheater. I'm taking his money.

There's also three skulls. Skulls. I can't talk this episode. What the shit? I can't talk this episode. What the shit? I can't stop thinking about Godzilla versus King Kong. There's like a boing- Is it really that good? Tip of the lips.

Is it good? Yes, it's good. I don't know if it's good, but I saw Nobody last weekend, and I am ready to see more things get punched. Nobody was fantastic. Holy shit. Now, did you go see it in a drive-in or something yeah we went to the west wind drive-in on your sack it's delightful yeah uh bob i i saw a screener

but i can't wait to see that with the crowd because uh i watched it with joe who's a fan you know been on the show we watched it the screener together and we were screaming like we were at the arc light. It was so fun. That's awesome. Well, Brian, we saw one of the John Wicks together. You know how much I liked it. You were making noises I've never heard somebody make

during a movie. You enjoyed John Wick on a level that I didn't think was possible. That was so fun seeing it with you. Because you were like cackling at the ultraviolence. Because I do that. I'll laugh at somebody's head will come off and I'll go, ha ha.

But you were like, woo hoo hoo. It was so great. I'm full Edwin. I was very pleased. John Wick 3 was fucking bonkers. Yeah, the dog scene. We were both giggling like idiots during the dog scene. Man, that shit. The horse scene.

Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The horse scene is what got me. And I think the dog scene was when I was punching Jerry. Yeah, the horse scene was when i was punching jerry um but uh yeah the whole scene was before and it was insane and so fun so anyway yeah uh yes in addition to the healing pebble and i think danny it leaves um and iva it sounds like you are also leaving i'm letting them do whatever i just won't take anything. Yeah, I'm taking the pebble to give to Nathan.

The rest of you are left alone. You know there is a cash box. You can just very casually 2D look behind the counter. All right, locked. And in addition to that, on the shelves, just sort of scattered around in different shelves, there's three different scrolls that are unlabeled. You're not sure what they do.

And there is a shield that's made of like a spiral shell. Tootie, you could use a shield. Jill, you can use a shield, can't you? I could. I'm not a shield kind of guy. Maybe Tootie would be better off with a shield. Oh, sure. I'll grab it.

You know what? I'm going to leave the shield. I only want to take the money to give away. Although the Castaway Cutie is not so cute anymore. Nathan Jelf, you see Tootie take the cash box and leave. Are you grabbing anything?

I'll set him up. Just so he's not lying, doesn't throw up. Don't swallow his tongue. Yeah. Sorry, friend. Cheaters never prosper. Exactly. Jelf, you leaving it all alone?

Yeah, I'm gone. I'm good. Great. So he just loses all his cash and the pebble. You know what? I'm actually going to leave a penny, too. What an insult. I love it. You guys head to

the docks where the captain nods, acknowledges that you're ready to go. And yeah, off you go. He introduces himself course as captain snagging this and you are now going to head uh down the peel uh on the next episode of nerd poker cool hey sam what do you think happened this episode hi guys all right episode 32 we're

taking a nice little rest before we head on a water adventure. We met a fun traveler named Burke who gave us advice on our travel. The princess octopus is kind of a turd about Burke. So we're having birds or squid sailors help us. Both options are just fantastic. We're concerned about a big sea turtle. So we met up with a goblin. We're gambling and this goblin's cheating and we don't tolerate that update we do tolerate that because now we're stealing uh and i don't know if it's because i got very high or if i'm feverish from that baderna shot but i just wanted to say this game is very fun and i like it a lot i'm having a really great time

that's the Vax talking. Dan, anything you want to plug? Yeah, sure. Check out my role-playing shit. It's all over the place. Also my stand-up stuff. It's also in some places. I bet you know where to find it if you've listened this far into season four.

And I'd love if you kept finding it because it keeps me sane thank you or as Borat would say I forget I have that amazing Anthrax hardcover

graphic novel available among the living it's a bunch of us telling different stories and great uh it's a bunch of us telling different stories and uh great artists uh it's insane that's available z comics and also you just go uh among the living uh graphic novel you'll find it anywhere and then uh grandpa's metal stash every uh tuesday i'm still having fun there it's's been a year now. Fucking crazy. Like, cause I started it cause I was bored during, during COVID and I also wanted to, you know, plug things and have like a,

I've been wanting to be a metal DJ my half my life. So that's been super fun. And, uh, also you can get my guitar pedal right now called Big Fat Rock. And check out the ad if you go to YouTube and places like that, because Chris Tallman did the VO for us, and it's fucking hilarious. Thanks again, buddy. My pleasure. Everybody go buy that pedal. It's the most ridiculous.

Don't you guys buy the pedal, the people here, because Blaine, if you want one, I'll just get you one. And you play too, right, Sam? Yeah, I would really like one. I was looking at it today. It looks cool as hell. Yeah, don't pre-order it. Ah, fuck, I bought five. Listeners, please. Sam, five!

Well, thanks everybody. Oh, Blaine. Huh? How could I fucking forget what's going on with you and the Kitchenator? Next week, we are getting ready. He is going to be the masked singer, so don't tell anyone. Right on.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.