Nerd Poker - S4E36 Megalake Pangadon

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

It's time to head to Megalake Pangadon, location of the underwater evil fishperson city that the Princess originally hails from, and where a certain Bahamut hammer is kept under lock and key. Hopefully she won't hear that she's travelling with an orc who loves to kill evil fishpeople!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 36. That's right. My friends are here.

God bless them. Look at them. Del's right. My friends are here. God bless them. Look at them. Delightful. What's up, Ken? Oh, you know, nothing. But hi. How about you, Blaine? Oh, you know, nothing.

All right. I hope I get a better answer from Sarah hi Sarah how are you what are you up to everything you know just doing really different stuff than I've been

doing for the last year and a half just you know you just yes and me which is great you know those two guys it's like they've never even heard of improv I mean I'm a performer and I know this guy

this guy will help me out Chris how are you what are you up to pal what are you up to pal yes and Brian everything Brian I'm double vaxxed and double waxed What are you up to, pal? What are you up to, pal? Yes, and Brian? Everything. Brian, I'm double vaxxed and double waxed. Yeah, the second one really stuck. Is that like front and back or top and bottom or what's...

Fully waxed twice. The second time was unnecessary and has caused several visits to the doctor. Speaking of waxed, we've got our dungeon masseuse, Dan Telfer here. What's up, Dan? Hey, Brian. I'm triple well. I've taken some needles I found in the park and it seems to be going good so far. No side effects whatsoever. It seems like you should just I found in the park and it seems to be going good so far. No side effects whatsoever.

It seems like you should just grab needles in the park. And when it comes to improv rules, I'm a big fan of everything's funny in threes. And boy, am I shaved. I've shaved everything. If you can survive hobo flu, you can survive any flu, really. So good luck to you.

I don't know what that means, but thank you for the luck. From the streets. Parkles gives you homo flu I've never heard this before oh yeah it's a thing I have a shirt that says it congrats

Raman are we boring you he yawned yeah he doesn't care using the magic of puppetry everybody He yawned. Yeah, he doesn't care. We've got a... Using the magic of puppetry, everybody, it's Sam and Ramen. Hello, waxed children. Why are his ears so cute?

Right? Ramen's licking the hell out of you. It's not real. There's not a lot about him that's not cute. I don't know. Particularly his ears, to me, seem like they're from another animal almost. I don't know. Particularly his ears, to me, seem like they're from another animal almost. I don't know. It's too much.

Well, they're very floppy and big. But then when he gets excited, they stick straight out. And they look like giant, like, Arctic fox ears. That's where the poison sacks are. Oh. He's a Dilophosaurus. He frills out. Frills out, gills out. Is your leader Dennis Nedry?

That's Wayne Knight's character in the Jurassic Park. Good job. I can grab a can of Barbie salt. Uh-uh. Well. Yeah, what were you going to say? Were you going to thank some people? How are you feeling?

Oh, my God. I feel thankful. It's, it's feeling Novembery around here in Sacramento and 90 degrees and ready to be thankful. Thank you to Patriot supporters at the Hay Boss and Stargoyle Tears. They go by names like smells like Halcine's spirit. Thank you.

Smells like Halcine's spirit. Thanks. Thank you. I forgot about this. Thank you. Thank you. Flatty Dangle Dong. Thank you. Smells like Halcyon spirit. Thanks. Thank you. I forgot about this. Thank you, Flatty Dangledong. Thank you, Flatty. Thanks, Flatty. Thank you. All Darkthor wanted

was a Pepsi. It's true. And she wouldn't give it to me. Thanks, Zombetty. Thank you. Oh, here's a good one. Thank you, Sweetheat. I'm not crazy. You're the one that's crazy. Okay, I'm sorry. I got in the middle of someone else's

pun. You should apologize to them. Thank you, Sweet Heat Skeechels. Skeechels? What in the world? Stacey Keach's candy made from I'm assuming the like crystallized sugar on his flesh, right? That's the only

way that could happen. He's covered in that shit. Hell yeah. Yeah, you know how it is. He's a sugary son of a bitch. Got a coating, but a chewy heart of gold. Yeah, sweet heat skeetles. You can just scrape those right off of him. Just harvest them. They sell for

a lot of money, those skeetles. Seriously, watch Body Bags episode here. I am 10% of the way through the thanks. Thank you, Blair Campbell. Thank you, Blair. Thank you. Thanks, Tyler Carter. Thanks. Thanks, Tyler. Thank you. Alex? Just Alex.

Thank you, Alex. Thank you. Thanks, Titan Uranus. You did it. Solid advice. Thank you. Solid. thanks Titan Uranus you did it solid advice thank you thank you Tom Dorado's family sedan practical

thank you my noodle horn went tinkle foot on your bling bottom I bet it did thanks Lucifer thank you Lucifer's lusty lard ass thank you

Larry Brednall or Bede-nall excuse me Larry Bede-nall thank you Johnny I just read the next one this is not me laughing at you Johnny thank you Johnny Ringo thank you Sam the engineer took his weights out on a zoom The next one. This is not me laughing at you, Johnny. Thank you, Johnny Ringo.

Thank you, Sam the Engineer took his weights out on a Zoom call. Never forget. Doodah, doodah. Thank you, the Sundance Kid X. Thank you. Thank you, Sparky the Unicorn of Woe.

Thanks, Fooshface. Thank you. Thank you, Roll for Diabetes. Thank you. Thank you, Jason Robards. No, excuse me, Jason Brobards' Jockloot. Thanks. And finally finally thank you

soup to butts nice hey Blaine who are those patreon supporters brought to us by tonight patreon supporters are brought to us by Mountain Dew Black prescription only

if you have to ask can't afford it Mountain Dew Black and this summer Mountain Dew Codex this film is not it rated Dan

I didn't hear most of that. Did you guys hear it? No, I was laughing at the anticipation. I think I heard the dulcet tones of Percy Rodriguez, though. I'm very excited. I it sounded like Blaine was yelling so loud that his mic cut out for most of it. That's my mic. Well, I really said something like Kodak's

and then he covered the mic and then I didn't hear anything for 10 seconds. Blaine, would you be so kind as to refresh that commercial for us in case there were technical difficulties? Ooh. I think he was just saying, wasn't there a long pause? I think it's a double blame. Was there a long pause or were you yelling something? Have we had a double blame?

Let's just hear it again and then we'll find out. Oh, he is being quiet. About to do codex. His phone was not getting rated. It's right there. You didn't hear it? Hey, Blaine, I don't send this to Jeff Lynn's house again. He did it the first time.

I need his El Camino to move this weekend, Dan. You're fucking me on this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to put you on the spot, Blaine, but it still sounded like it was a weird pause. Could you just do that one more time? No. Should I go out and come back in again? Write it out. We're in golden

hours here. Here we go. Write it out in the chat. Hang on. He's doing it. Here we go. Write it out in the chat. Hang on, he's doing it. Coming this summer. Pretty straightforward trailer for a trailer for a trailer on. Oh, I get it. Could you go ahead and just for a fourth time, just anyway.

Oh, I'm coming up to Sacramento right now. Want me to do it as Carol Channing? Please, would you just do your character's voice as Carol Channing for the rest of the episode? We got to move on. Folks. That didn't sound like Carol Channing. I'm not a character yet. She's insuring he's preparing

people forget billy is based on carol channing and now time to talk about what happened Last time on Nerd Poker The Castaway Cuties Outsmarted a dragon turtle Iva Zaluzian Kept it looking to the east On the lookout For a misbegotten mate

It stirred things Deep within Princess Cospia The Octopus Lady And some very interesting shit happened with Nathan. Oh, the castaway cuties. They left Clottenheim for Weston. Their boat

taken off course after they chummed the water with a soldier. All the lifeboats left while he was eaten by a dragon turtle with a weird tentacle face. Then they fought the dragon tentacle face turtle and it knocked him all the way to Davin Glaven. Now they're zigzagging around. And look at him now, talking to

Burke about how he's gonna smash some fish people and who's a fish people but that octopus lady. We take you now to the Castaway Cuties already in progress. Heh. Alright, so you guys are, uh, you just healed up Burke,

the orc who's eager to crush some fish people. And you have tactfully left princess Caspia squishing around the woods. I assume you're going to pick her up and you haven't decided yet. If you're going to send her the very special letter she requested, where she talks about, everybody says Nathan is her favorite and would like a reunion. Uh, or if you're going to head straight to mega Lake Pangodon,

does anybody recognize the type of creature she said that they, she actually was, I think that they were already described to us by Yeah, they're called Galaxians and they're native to Megalodon. They've got an underwater structure

that is rumored to contain Bahamut's Fury, the hammer. Yeah, they do. And that's one to grow on. So you guys sort of get to decide, you know, do you want to head straight there? I mean, you can be stealthy about the whole thing. You can be open about the whole thing. And in addition to that, there's this wrinkle where Princess Caspia is requesting this letter be sent via Agatha the bird.

I feel like we should send the letter but not the code word huh okay you know what i mean i mean like if if the letter the letter can prevent us from being attacked on site hopefully um you're suspicious of this what does it benefit us to send that word anyway? But the word is, I don't know. It's either, it's definitely some sort of union, but it definitely, I think either your suspicions might be very correct that she means to turn me into one of them. And I don't mind marrying her if it helped us with our quest, but this does not sound.

Man, that is... That's some straight sociopathy. You don't... I speak abyssal. Hmm. Have you ever loved before, Nathan? What is love? Ouch.

This is sad. Well, so many of the rabbits in my simple forest village have died, so I'm here to help. This is starting to bum me out. Maybe you just don't feel... It's okay. Some people don't feel romantic love. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe you just don't feel maybe there.

It's OK. Some people don't feel romantic love. I mean, she she's been a bit duplicitous from the beginning, hasn't she? You just said you'd marry her. So I just I'm trying to get to the root of your deal. You think that's unfair of me? Then I lay on the couch and let's talk about this. What was the relationship? I think let's unfair of me? Then I will. Lay on the couch and let's talk about this. What was the relationship? I think let's move forward.

So let's, let's go with your plan about the letter, but not saying reunion. Okay. I make a note in my journal. There's definitely some fan fiction writers making note of this as well. So you are going to send the letter via agatha are you going to conceal from princess cost via that you're omitting this or are you going to tell her are you gonna you know are you gonna i think we tell

her right we're not including the letter tell her we'll send the right? We're not including the letter. Tell her we'll send the letter, but we're not going to include the code word. It shouldn't cause any problems. You can say the code word when you get there. Certainly, yes. It sounds like duplicity is not welcome here. All right. So how long does this charm person cutenesseness thing last an hour i think i'm

unwavering cuteness uh it's whatever charm person is yeah it's an hour so okay so we'll say you know only like five to ten minutes have gone by uh she's still charmed uh you're gonna just sort of inform her we're sending this um to the edge of the lake uh you can tell us where to send it but you can't include this word and we're writing it for you because you don't have hands you don't have to know about the word yeah that's what i mean like you can tactfully omit it and tell her you're sending it or you know i want to know like how this is narratively playing out so if gotcha if anything does uh happen because of this choice i can well i defer to the group i would think it would be best to just tell her yeah i'm fine with that but i'm okay if you want to all right i'm

fine with writing it up and attaching it to the bird and sending it off. I have to ask Agatha if she'll even do this, by the way. Great. Princess Cosby does tell you it's just as simple as a small inlet to the far north where they leave regularly and you're going to be approaching

from the southeast. So as long as you send it to the north and you mention you're approaching from the southeast uh you'll be met with a friendly uh guard or two um and you you get these instructions but you do not tell her or you do tell her that you're not including the word reunion in this letter do you let her see the letter do you just kind of just go oh uh-huh and then like roll it up what what's the deal here okay let's take a vote all all those in favor of of not telling her that we are leaving out the word reunion say i all those in i okay those two okay that's three all those in favor of telling her and being truthful and honest say I

Danny misunderstood Danny goes with the second eye Nathan seems to have oh I'm on the second eye there was a lot of talking I did want to so you're going to tell her if that's alright with anyone yes

but Nathan's going to tell her. If that's alright with anyone, yes. But Nathan's going to tell her. Certainly. My love, we're about to send the letter. Here it is, you can see. The mention of the word reunion seems a bit tricky. It seems like you're

perhaps being a bit of a sneaky sneak. Very well. Very well. Very well. Yes. Yeah, that worked out. She's still magically charmed, by the way. There's a legalese need of this reunion thing to get in there. It makes me a little scared.

She doesn't know she's charmed until the end of this hour or Nathan cancels out the spell. I'm not canceling it out. Alright. So you guys are going to start heading northwest and I'm going to swap the map and roll 20 from the cove where you were fighting the dragon turtle to Davin Glavin.

Does anyone need healing by the way? Everybody okay? You did, I thought. I healed myself. I believe our half-orc friend is a bit fucked. He could use some more, yeah. Alright, I'll throw a...

I'm down about 58 points if you have any to spare. Let's see what I can give him. Is this your leg? I found it here on the beach. Thank you. Burke like having two legs very much. I loved your leg and jaws. Wow.

They creep me out. He got a whole four. Oh, poor plane. Maybe we should rest. I don't know how you're feeling, 2D. My dice are garbage. Well, I feel like we really got fucked by that turtle if we would just take a rest before we head up.

Story of my life. Can we camp out overnight before we meet? Yeah, totally. It's like late morning now, but you guys can, you know. It's hike during the day. Wow, Agatha. How far? I'm sorry, I missed.

How far is the, if Agatha flies? Yeah, if you look, Mega Lake Pangododon is huge but it's really not a far distance to the mega lake so it's just as well it's gonna take agatha a solid like eight hours to fly all the way to the north end and back it's only gonna take you guys on foot like an hour to get to the south end. Okay, so we send her to drop the message and return. And you guys sort of camp out and eat and rest. Great. We can do like a montage, like from up the creek.

No reason. Like we're all just sort of like, party, beer! The spell, however, does wear off while you guys are all sort of partying. Midfoot rub. Everybody please do a perception

check. Alright. Yeah, she's exactly. She's like massaging Nathan's foot. Oh, I'm so excited. Five. Five. Ten. Six. What was this roll? Sorry. It's a perception check. I'm not excited. Five. Ten. Six. What was this roll?

Sorry. It's a perception check. I'm not telling you exactly what it's for until you roll. Fourteen. Perception. I got a natural and then whatever. Sweet. Oh, great.

Another three. Twenty-three. Nice. Okay. You guys are all just sort of hanging and uh yeah Danny you feel very like you know suspicious

of something is gonna happen when this spell wears off because of the way everything went down and sure enough when the spell goes off you you sense like there's something there's something. There's a mood.

She goes into a very different feeling. No one else really notices, but you could see like the color in her changes as is often the case in an octopus when they're trying to camouflage. And she seems to be sulking a bit. At one point, you guys are all eating dinner danny and it almost seems like as the shadows of the jungle grow long across the clearing your camp that she's attempting to slink away but she sees you looking at her and she sort of sulks her way back to the group. Weird. Okay. I tell everybody what I witnessed. Okay. What do you suppose is wrong with her?

I mean, basic insight, you guys are aware that she knows she had a charm spell put on her, and she was sort of manipulated into playing along with all that when she had her heart set on sending that code in the message I'm sure

Nathan's apologizing to her but you know you can tell maybe it's like he I don't know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna see or know his love letters to this octopus Nathan doesn't have to do anything in response to learning this information, but you do learn this information. Oh, well, I start partying with the members of Cheap Trick and certainly I would approach her and say, Princess, may I bother you for a moment?

Oh, what is it? You seem so upset. Danny and everyone sort of pointed me over here and said she's a quake cross. Oh, I'm not angry. Not at all. It's just not going as glamorously as I had hoped. I am a princess, after all, and I can't present myself to all of you as I hoped I could. Would it make you feel different if you

were able to change your appearance at some point soon? Oh, absolutely. I don't think anyone would have any problem with aiding you in that endeavor. Very well. Alright.

What is it you want? Well, we're likely going to be met by a guard. I would like the guard to pass a message along to my uncle, and I would like the message to get to my uncle, and I would like the uncle to meet us before I touch the water of Mega Lake Pangana.

Is this changing your appearance or is this something else? It's changing my appearance. Would you like to do an insight check? I would love to do an insight check. Please, by all means. While he's doing that, can we go to the B the b line where

uh isaac and doc are trying to talk john davidson into a timeshare wow oh my god i got a 12 i know i mean seems like she just wants to be a rabbit. That was love boat. Got it. Totally. I again will say, just a moment. I'll go to the group and tell them that. Okay. Well, if that's the case, then we'll just, it'll just be a little bit delayed.

We'll get there and you can bring your uncle and we'll explain this to him. If Nathan's okay with it her telling her uncle that she wants to become a rabbit so you can marry her is that what we'll say the word marriage for the record has only come up via jokes and is never something she confessed yeah this is she just wanted to go on an adventure she wants to go on adventures as a rabbit with Oliver. Interesting. I will, away from her, say that to the girl, like, how did people feel about that?

I did it at San Diego Comic-Con once. It was pretty fun. It's fine by me. I thought that was weird. I welcome another rabbit. Alright. If that's what you want, if you want to be a rabbit and go on I thought that was weird. I welcome another rabbit. All right. If that's what you want, if you want to be a rabbit and go on adventures,

we are people who go on adventures. What's your uncle's name again? Oh, great question. Let me pull up the Google Doc. I'm just, you know, in full improv mode. I got to pull up this goof-ass lore that I wrote. Goof-ass lore that i wrote uh okay okay damn pulling up this goof-ass lore brought to you by crazy glue band-aids

they're not going anywhere crazy glue band-aids, Dan! Alright, two things She tells you her uncle's name is Spellmaster Slujbog And he's here to say And when she says it, she says Oh, his name is Spellmaster Slujbog And oh, I suppose I could say something In the name of honesty I haven't been completely honest about my name.

What is your? My name is not actually Princess Caspia. It is Princess Leelgon. Does this ring a bell for anybody? Everybody has an option to either do a history check with one DC rating or an insight check with a DC rating. I will do history.

I'm going to do insight. 16. I did insight and got a natural 20 plus 5. Hey! Oh, shit. I did an 18 plus 2 on the insight. Nice.

I got a 23. Oh, shit. Jesus. History or history, 2D? Insight. And what was yours, Brian? I actually have a plus 3 for Insight. Yeah, so it was 18 plus 3.

21. Alright, so we got three people over 20. You guys, you all feel like the reason she concealed her name is she's infamous. Oh, okay. You did not get a history. You did not get, well,

let me finish. You didn't get like a high history check, so you don't know why, but you feel like the reason she concealed her name is that throughout the continent of Davenglaven people speak of Princess Leogon she's a terrible kisser

but that is enough Jenny Tipper also Jenny Tipper you guys again you crushed the insight check sarah i think you got like a 25 or some shit right yeah it was a natural 22 so and what was the bonus you have to insight plus five so okay yeah it's like a 30 i want to find out uh yeah you you really feel like if you were to stop or like send another messenger or ask another NPC including Burke about princess Leel gone you would get some information right

what's as Burke I mean Burke is our we Burke doesn't know that she is one of them and he's would have to word it a little specially but I will give it to you I won't I won't like play a dungeon master trick where I make you roleplay it and then if you word it wrong I'll fuck you do you want it we need to set we need to take him yeah just

what do you want oh yeah I'll be like somebody ask him to guard you while you go take a piss or something it's weird if I do it but and then and then ask him to guard you while you go take a piss or something. It's weird if I do it, but and then and then ask him. You want us

to ask him to guard us while we piss and then you come along and ask him? I just want to get him away from your fish girlfriend so we can ask. Burke, Burke, I want to ask you. He needs to be separated. Princess, come watch me piss.

Come pee with me. Let's pee on each other in the woods. That's what you guys do, right? You all go pee on each other every time you go in the woods. What? Make circles of pee all around each other and then you try to leap through the streams of pee.

That's what you... That's what dogs do. Alright, so let's of pee. That's what you... That's right. I think that's what dogs do. All right, so let's go pee. I had a dog bite me while I was sleeping once by peeing around the bed while I was sleeping. Whoa. Yeah. It was delightful. It was doing a ritual.

It's like a demonic... Well, yeah. And then the dog climbed up on my chest and tried to take my breath from me. Whoa. Oh, yeah. And then the dog climbed up on my chest and tried to take my breath from me. Oh, God! Brian, I don't think that was a dog! Yeah, Brian, that's a cat. That's definitely a cat. That's what cats

do. That was a Stephen King movie. Yeah, yeah. So many amazing sentences have been uttered in the last three minutes. So anyway, we're peeing on each other in the woods. Go to Paris, France. to pear springs does the name yeah what was the name again leobold mean anything to you uh princess leo gone 2d you are asking burke the two of you just make an excuse to walk off sure yes and i'm not saying it's i'm not even

gonna say princess i'm just gonna say oh i heard of this princess you not hear of this princess you're not from david glaven no sir princess leo gone is the famous galax this princess? You not from Davin Glavin? No, sir. Princess Leogon is the famous Galaxian princess who does not want to be a Galaxian princess. Oh, why is that? She wants to betray her people, become human or something. She thinks her people are gross. She wants to go and join, like, the land people. They're all gross fish people, if you ask me.

It sounds like a stupid thing, but whatever. That's what they say about Princess Leogon. Fascinating. You're lucky you have some octopus princess, or whatever the fuck that thing is. Yeah. It's a good thing it's not that Leogon. No, she crazy. She don't want to be a fish person no more. She'll probably be all needy

and like clingy and all that. Oh, turn me into a human or something. Maybe she wants to be an orc. She probably still... I sent some leverage. Alright, we're done peeing. For that hammer.

Yep. So, I'm going to pull the others aside and let them know what I learned. All right. Certainly, Nathan. Great. It's getting late. It's getting about time to take some sleepy shifts. You don't have to do it right away, but definitely all the information has been shared.

So if there's anything you want to do before you go to sleep, great. But otherwise, I'm going to say who's on watch uh while we're on watch i want to spend some time attuning to the crystal ball of mind reading that we got a little while ago oh that seems like smart seems like especially coming up to duplicitous fish fuckers but she seems like she wants i mean i'm confused by doesn't this make her like more of a yeah maybe she's the one hero i don't yeah it's a weird but why would she be asking her uncle it's complicated and you don't know that seems beyond what burke knows about these guys she really doesn't want to be a fish. Please do an Arcana check, Nathan.

And who else is up with Nathan? I will stay up to guard. You do a perception check while the rest of you guys sleep and snooze it. I only got a nine. Only got a nine only got a nine yep uh you're gonna need to either stay up later or do it another uh around another time i will sort of consider that well that's the first part of that and now i'll go to bed great okay i only need four hours of sleep so i'll take the rest of the night there's definitely monsters moving about in the jungle.

And you even think you see something near mega Lake Pangodon I've, uh, but nothing approaches your campsite. Okay. That's good. Monsters. Hmm. Uh,

I believe next round, we've got gel volunteering for watching anyone staying up with him. Or is he doing a solo? I'll take a look. All right. Uh, you, you can both roll perception check. for watching anyone staying up with him or is he doing a solo i'll take a look all right uh you you can both roll perception check uh i got an 11 not good 18 all right uh yeah there's like some like pack of very large animals in the distance that seem too big. They're kind of like moving, it looks like, from the peel.

Like they seem to rise out of the peel, walk towards where Mega Lake Pangodon is a couple miles away, and then go back into the peel. It's pitch black, and you just see these silhouettes just move a few miles away so silhouettes being like can he i hate to ask for you but like can you gauge how big they are and stuff and yeah i mean they're like tarrasque sized they're like gargantuan like if they they you can't see enough of them to like get a sense of their body structure but they're they're like the size of like a you know five story building yeah um and yeah they they head back towards the peel uh after another four hours go by, Agatha, uh, comes by and, uh,

flits quietly next to where Iva is sleeping and, uh, morning is approaching. I assume you're all going to wake up. Uh, I hope so. Okay. If we're not dead,

right. Nobody's dead. Everyone's healed. Uh, yeah. Are you going to try and attune anymore before you head out, particularly Nathan? Only if it ends up that we don't travel. I'm going to kind of wait and see.

I assume we're going to pack up and head out. Yeah. I mean, you would have to pause to have everyone pause to do it. So I'm assuming we're moving forward. If for some reason we end up not traveling, then I will try and retune. You're saving it, sure. Yeah.

You guys head up towards Mega Lake Pangodon. Heard of it. It takes you, again, like just a couple hours. And as you guys approach Burke says you want me to take the lead so I can decapitate fish people

we forgot to talk actually Burke you're gonna need to stay behind like this part remember we were gonna leave Burke guys at this part so he didn't staring blankly at me makes sense no no you don't want me to raid underwater castle not yet no we're we're actually doing a little

bit of complicated diplomacy right now and it feels like that was not on your cv so we're just gonna go ahead and uh you know really maximize your strengths as we see them. And I think as you see them too, so you can really level up, you know, and focus in on your core value to this party. If that makes sense. Right.

All right. You want me to wait nearby for a couple of hours while you get first crack at these things? I mean, that's one way that you could look at it if you were only looking at it one way. I like looking at things one way, looking at things from lots of ways, kind of boring and make me think not great contract. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't want you to, um, to tax yourself looking.

So what we're saying is, can you please keep an eye on our, you know, where we came from and make sure no one sneaks up on us. Sure. Planks us. If you will. I wait here.

You go to, you go. Diplomancy is the magic you're going to try all right watch our six thank you so much has Agatha by the way returned yet yeah Agatha returned to the night I said earlier

oh I didn't hear sorry sorry you were sleeping both as a character and in real life what a day it's been I turned into a sandwich what yeah join the club witch from the sand you guys uh leave burke behind burke burke fades into the dead before you hit the ground oh sorry uh your your orc friend fades into the trees uh keeping an eye on your back but also kind of rolling his eyes.

He gets what you're doing, but he thinks it's kind of corny. He just sort of, you know, goes and watches your back for a while. He thinks it's corny? Yeah, you definitely get that vibe. Like old-fashioned? Yeah.

That's weird. That's a weird... Quaint? He thinks it's funny that you're going to go negotiate with these evil little pieces of slime. He's like he's he thinks it's funny that you're gonna go negotiate with these like evil little pieces of slime he's like all right you know like

oh you could naive maybe you could probably squish one in palm of your hand and you'd be better for it but okay gold go have a talk about uh it's the most Dan Telfer thing you've ever said have a talk about

uh you you head north and you do see there are uh two little fish people they look kind of like frogs large large smooth blue frogs uh

they've got long arms and legs though and they're barely standing on two legs they're hunched over they've got opposable thumbs and they're carrying little spears and they've just got the most horrible little twisted piranha faces um with just like teeth sticking like out in all the wrong places and um they just sort of watch they watch you approach just sort of like with this like toothy sharp tooth grin all right you ugly little fellas your majesty is this your escort yes it is will you um permit me to to speak to them

and request my uncle if that is how you think we should travel safely of course she's gotta go powder her nose it's what I want I look at the group

I mean we gotta find out what's going on at some point so you know yeah she slinks forward and um she speaks common to them back and they seem to understand uh their voices are not pleasant to hear it sounds like a rat drowning in a puddle, like just this gagging noise. Yeah. It pulls you, but they do speak common and, uh, they agree that they're going to go fetch the spell master and the spell

master only not bring any guards. And they nod to you and, and they both. So do they know that she's back in the water? They seem to understand via the letter that you wrote. Yeah. Okay. So now we need to talk to her though about if she's going to join us.

Leave her chance to flower. The hammer. We came here. Right. What, what is, what are we, what are we doing here? We needed, we were, you said we were going to get to go check out the hammer. Yeah. I will help you get the, I will help you get the hammer.

Yes. That'd be cool. Once you have been transformed. Yes. Wouldn't it be better to be in your original form if we need to go underwater? I just would like it better if I wasn't in my true form. You see why I wasn't going to tell you any,

I'm I'm, I was honest eventually. And I, I hide nothing. Now you form, you see why I wasn't going to tell you any, I'm I'm, I was honest eventually. And I, I hide nothing. Now you, you know, everything. I just think it would be very unpleasant if you saw me in my real form.

Do your people know that you're so disgusted by, by what they look like? Yes. So were you sent away from megalike pangadon uh sort of

film's not your rated i'm not i haven't been banished or anything have you been banished though? I was encouraged to leave So summoning your uncle This is sort of Jumping to the end

Exactly This is the royal inner circle He understands my plight And the word reunion Was meant to alert him That my wish had been decided that i needed him to i needed to call in a favor with him and here we go now did the the evil guy that we thought kidnapped you and turned you into that to the octopus did you

actually ask him did you ask him to turn you into something else? And then he just happened to turn you into an octopus? I'm afraid that may have been what happened. Yes. Okay. We've been a little bit taken for a ride, much like you have been taken for a ride by our rabbit friend who has carried you around low these many days. And what a ride it was i mean if narrow shoulders are your thing then

we've all seen that meme go around about wanting the rabbit body type this is just what I'm talking about. Okay, so just so we're all clear, she basically was banished from her homeland. She paid this evil dude to change her, then didn't like what she got changed into, which is this octopus. Now she's addicted to

plastic surgery. Yeah, she's like the cat lady um jocelyn wilder yeah so now you're gonna get changed into what a rabbit and then how is that gonna help us we came all the way here because we needed to see the hammer right and i will do my absolute best to get you the hammer as soon as my uncle transforms me into a rabbit folk.

What about the hammer first? Yeah. Do a persuasion check. Oh, really? With advantage. Hmm. All, really? With advantage. Hmm. All of us? Persuasion.

No, just Nathan on this one, and he's got advantage. Roll that cotton tail. Yeah. 18. Oh. Persuasive. Let me talk to my uncle and see what he's willing to do

alright alright some time goes by though and you guys feel like you're waiting a long time for her uncle to show up the sun starts to get low in the sky and you're like a long time for her uncle to show up. The sun starts to get low in the sky and you're like,

oh, are we going to be camping on the beach of this mega lake? So why would your uncle help you now but didn't help you then? I wasn't allowed to speak to him. I made some people angry and they asked me to leave right away before I could speak to my uncle. Who did you make

angry? Pretty much everybody. Including your father? Yes. However, I'm still my father's daughter and I am royalty. They would

not ignore my place. I wonder if we should spread out. What? I think we're about to be attacked. I mean, you are Persona Non Grata, and now we just waltzed up with you I'm not persona non grata

I am princess persona sometimes grata sounds Italian okay look I could go for some pasta right now this is your dungeon master speak.

Okay, we really, this is dumb now. This is what we've done is stupid. We went about this in the worst possible way. As per usual, we have made a series of bad choices. So have you, I point at the octopus princess and understood if you could can i i would just like to share something with you which is if you had been honest with us we could have probably worked something out that made sense this nonsense like we're all gonna lose what would have been a better approach i'm all ear holes, we certainly wouldn't waltz up to the people

that we're trying to deal with and be like, hi, we brought back your most loathed public figure. Do us a favor for her first. Ms. Papier Bach, if you doubt me,

why don't we all head back where that stink bottomomed orc is hiding in the woods and we just see who emerges, an army or my uncle alone? I just, what? You want us to go back where the orc is and then watch and see? And just see who emerges from the lake, an army of Galaxians or a sold shaman Galaxian. You'll see his staff. It's got a glowing gem atop. It'll be quite clear.

Okay, now I feel bad for her, but let's, I guess, okay. All right. Just gonna have to watch this, ladies. You guys back it up into the forest a little bit. Dreams be crushed. All right. I just found out that octopuses don't have hearing they uh they detect sound and motion in the water through an organ called a statusist wow and they're smart as fuck they are very smart they're one big neural pad got legs though yeah this one seems to have pretty low intelligence and wisdom but uh unusually high charisma

uh so you guys head to the woods and uh you're you're checking out the edge of mega leap hanging down do a perception check please 14 21 11 14 21 11 13

13 plus 3 16 great everything is very silent as the sun begins to approach the horizon Nathan you do think you see something in the water

uh you're not sure what it doesn't look like a shape so much as lights it could just be the way the sun's sitting uh mega lake panganam but it does seem to shimmer somehow uh but everything stays still and you guys wait for a while and nothing. I'll point that out. Lights plural? Mm-hmm. I'll point that out to everybody. Do you see there in the water? It looks like lights. And you do like all kind of see these, it seems like beneath the surface

some little phosphorescent glistening like about a dozen of them. What's that all about, Princess? I don't know. Does your uncle have a dozen lights? He's very powerful and can cast many spells that create multiple lights, huh? It's possible. There are many creatures also who live in the lake besides Galaxians that could emit phosphorescent lights.

One uncle, a dozen lights. An army, a dozen lights an army a dozen lights i think it was glowing manta rays all right i put my hand on her shoulder and i'm like i think you need to emotionally prepare yourself for the idea that maybe your uncle isn't coming. You put your hand on her shoulder and she goes, I just got a message from my uncle. Oh boy. He's speaking to me magically right now. What's he saying? He's asking me to come to the lake alone.

I don't want to. What should I do? I don't want to. What should I do? I don't want to. What should I do? Let's go with her and follow her. Yeah. Unfortunately, yeah, you'd have to be invisible. Yeah, we can be invisible.

Nathan's making a... I mean, Chris is making a face. Nathan, I'm sure, looks very noble and ravity. Somebody else, if somebody can cast on me, I'll help. Yes, I can. Danny, I can make you invisible. Chris is exhausted

by this. Is anybody else invisible? Is anybody else invisible that can do it together to guard? I can make, let me just check if it's me. Oh, shit. I just slapped my headphones like an idiot you're all right them out of my ears yeah yeah he's still checking oh yeah so i can make two people invisible if you want or just one who else wants to go with me i'll help cool great i will cast invisibility at third level on danny and Tootie and then we'll follow right behind her stealthily

what the what is happening with Ken I'm invisible I get it how do you do that he's making his virtual background make him disappear he's doing a bit

hey Brian and Ken please have your characters do stealth checks as you follow Princess. Not what she said. Oh, nice. Stealthing checking. 16 plus. I have a plus five on stealth, so pretty sweet.

21 there. I, on the other hand Rolled a 6 So The princess Leogon Slinks her way and she says Thank you for accompanying me I am very grateful And I am nervous

About what's going to happen but you make me feel Strong and brave and she starts She's really changing into something She starts slinking towards The lake make me feel strong and brave and she starts he's really changing into something she's starts slinking towards the lake um uh 2d you trip a couple of times um and one point you you uh you land in the dirt and like a pebble just goes like like through the air and arcs it just goes in the lake and uh when you do that um you see six shapes rise up um heavily armored fish people uh they've all got hall birds and then a seventh uh rises up it is a shaman. Oh, um,

and, uh, it, it does like a thing where it presses two fingers to the sides of its head and, uh, points at princess Leogon and, uh,

princess Leogon starts shaking and you hear her, uh, whisper. I don't like what he just whispered to my brain thinner they want to take Danny Tootie they want to

they want to take me to prison and they'll they'll change me there hmm I feel like she's just getting escorted out did you her invisible guardians just say that's too bad

the castaway cuties do not like to be fucked with I feel terribly betrayed um i feel terribly betrayed um what do we do she hears nothing and she starts very like worriedly slinking towards the lake like looking for one of the invisible companions to say something to her to stop her but she's sort of can we grab her and pull her back if you want to no just tell her to stop stop she stops

what should I do what should we tell her to do run I don't know am I running I'm very slow yeah let's go let's go back to the others yeah I can I can whisper what else what would you do sarah yeah

i don't know i don't know it's just very again and we have a beautiful tableau here that's really amusing to be of like six warriors rising out of the water and you guys just being like when you tell her to run and then you start debating like how to run exactly she goes out loud and she just like full on breaks for the jungle just like wiggles her weird octopus body like slick

up the beach towards the woods and the warriors all lower their hall birds and charge and on that note we'll find out what happens next time on nerd poker that was awesome And on that note, we'll find out what happens next time on Nerd Poker. That was awesome. Oh, boy.

Oh, Samuel. Hey, everybody. What do you think happened this episode? Episode 36. We're modifying that letter to the princess's family, and she's aware that we charmed her. She's insistent on her uncle meeting us. She might become a bunny or kill us.

That's the game. We learned the princess is infamous and we're pissing on each other, I think. I stepped outside for a second and came back at a weird time. There's some big animals in the distance. They're big piranha frogs. And we are being dicked around with

this hammer and negotiating poorly and somehow against ourselves. And finally, Blaine, is it possible to hear that commercial from the start of the show? Don't do it. Mountain Dew Black prescription only. If you have to ask, you can't afford it. Mountain Dew Black.

Going this summer. Perfect, thank you. Wait. Wait, no, he wasn't done no blaine i need just if you could he interrupted so if you could just i'm so sorry to ask this blaine but if you could not do it because i'm sure i would love to not do it again oh oh my god I do stand up on Twitch and also sometimes in person you guys might remember me talking about this last year

that festival in Florida that music comedy festival that got postponed called Fest it sold out it sold out this year in October so that's pretty it's happening I might do sold out this year in october so that's pretty it's it's it's uh it's happening i might do more dates uh i heard brian likes doing dates

i'll be in sacramento on may 28th with you guys yeah oh well hopefully we'll get there soon buddy um while you're in sacramento the weekend of the 28th I will be in San Diego at American Comedy Company Or whatever it's called Downtown But go to my website There's Places that I'm going to be there And you can buy tickets

It's going to be great I've gone Full Bert Kreischer I'm going to take my shirt off and my pants uh after uh covid dude taking your shirt off is great man i just think it's safe for everybody i'll still wear a mask but i'm gonna be shirtless and pantsless speaking of uh being shirtless and pantsless what are you up to, Blaine? We are fully vaxxed.

Stace and I are heading over to Holland. He's launching his new network over there. It's called Quibi. It's a little quick bites of a little programming. So it starts in Holland. No, don't tell him, Chris. He bought the rights? Oh, no. Hey, they're not using it.

That's what it stands for. Find out who Codex is. It's over.a rated. Anybody else? All right. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.