Nerd Poker - S4E45 Gillaxian Tax

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

Oh great, some weird glowing eyes next to the god-hammer. Probably cool if the crew ignores it right? NOPE. The monster that stalked them for a few episodes survived the flood, and now it wants to play Tool Time with Toody.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Nerd Poker. What's up? It's a little different. My friends are here. Look at at him sucking on a straw blue hair little blue hair pixie dan telford everybody hi brian what's up how are you oh i'm just partying up in sacto still old sack, for probably the last time for a recording. Nice. Sarah's here. Hi.

She's not in Sacramento. No, I'm in Underwater Tower. With the rest of us. Nice. Don't forget to breathe. I have a spell. Alright, cool. Ken Daly, everybody. Hey, hi, Brian. How's it going? How you doing? I love your background. Nerd right, cool. Ken Daly, everybody. Hey. Hey, hi. Brian, how's it going?

How you doing? I love your background. Nerd poker, black metal. Nerd poker forever. Blank and Patch is here. Oh, hey, hi. Should we say hi to him? There he is.

Oh, hey. Oh, hey, hi. Are you guys muted? I can't hear anything. A little hot. Hello. Check, check. Hello. Coming in a little hot. Oh, hey. Oh, hey. Hi. Are you guys muted? I can't hear anything. A little hot. Hello. Check, check. Hello. Coming in a little hot. Oh, sorry. I was playing you guys. Chris is here. Hey, Chris.

Brian, I just woke up. Take this bloody knife. Do something with it. Oh, God. Run. I stick it in my gut. Oh. No, just like I've got a comedy pocket. Like I just hide things in it. Like a kangaroo? No, more like Captain Caveman, Warner Brothers, or a Hanna-Barbera character. You know what a comedy pocket is? Now I do?

Yeah, that's... I can only do this when you need it for a bit. It's usually what I hit about third show Saturday, man. That comedy pocket. You can pull anything out of there, like a toaster or, you know, something that's not a toaster. So exactly like a kangaroo. I don't even know why we're talking about this. Yeah, totally.

Pockets. So good that we have an engineer to keep us on all together it's really good that we have him Sam everybody hello sweet children look at that guy your co-engineer

he's been sneezing in my mouth all day that's not a real dog that is like oh my god the cutest cutest lucasfilm creation yeah that's a it's a hanson there's some hanson things going on i loved robin and the dark crystal yeah uh brian yeah you know what what i just want to thank some people yeah you know what here it comes that's how you're feeling I'm feeling it

I'm going to thank some of our Patreon supporters that are Stargoyle and HeyBoss tier they've got usernames that sounds like the best tiers how dare you interrupt me and then tell me to go what is this three stooges routine anyway

I was waiting for you then tell me to go. What is this? Three stooges routine? Anyway, I was waiting for you to tell me to go again. I don't know how to. Okay, well. Just go. Folks, thank you, Jake Tawny. Thank you, Tim Bates. Thank you, Jason Sprouse. Thank you, Fang the Tabaxi with one fuzzy nut.

Thank you, Mandalorian Coffee Breath. Thank you, Darling Fascist Bully Boy. Give us more money, you bastard. Thank you, Mandalorian Coffee Breath. Thank you, Darling Fascist Bully Boy. Give us more money, you bastard. Thank you, Anne Marie. Thank you, Lizard Tits McGee. There's Ryan. Thank you, Big Fan Nice Guy. Thank you, Shootin' Runner.

Thank you, Professor Physics. Thank you, Rando Cardrician. Thank you, Sean Meredith. Thank you, Yukon Cornaglia. thank you rando card russian thank you sean meredith thank you yukon corneglia thank you thank you eric ewald thank you captain fender

thank you dipshit magoo and the fuck face five uh love them thank you jamie swedler thank thank you amarthamon's contortionist classes. Thank you, Trond. Who remembers Trond?

And thank you, finally, Danny's funky trunk of monk junk. That's all. That's about some famous sweatpants belonging to Danny the monk. Hey, Blaine! Who are those Patreon supporters brought to us monk hey blaine who are those patreon supporters brought to us by well dan those patreon supporters brought to us by selson brand dandruff control shampoo selson brand when your scalp is twitchy

Me and you are subject to some flakes now and then God, I love Blinkipads. So put them in a bowl and pour some milk on them and eat them up again. We got a second verse coming up again.

Here we go. Part of this balanced breakfast. Sells and brand prescription medication. Hey, Selsun brand. Available without a prescription. Leaves your hair lustrous and fair. And oh, what a bounce yeah it's enough beats are cereal for dandruff control when measured ounce for ounce when measured ounce for ounce selson brand dandruff

control shampoo dan and that's our show are you controlling it by eating it? Just to be clear. I don't write it. Sing it beautifully. It all writes itself. The thing is, too, like, these have gotten so elaborate, the ones, the COVID ones. We're going to go back to the table, and you're just going to be shouting at us.

That's so many sound cues and footnotes. Oh, man. Four minutes long. We're going to have so many moments when we're back in person where we're just like way like confused with our nerdy awkwardness and how to do the back and forth. Oh, my Lord. We're talking about it but we also gotta say stay safe right fellas

yes as I hinted earlier I am gonna be back in the LA area but boy oh boy that delta variant sounds like it sucks a butthole so why don't we just keep being safe and we'll figure it out as we go yeah I'm okay

with that people did it's like for the rest of our lives I love the dungeon master Q&A thread on Patreon thank you everybody who subscribes at that tier and that question has come up a lot lately like pretty much every episode someone's like hey when will you guys

be in person again someone asked me on my reddit ask me anything that had nothing to do with nerd poker. We'll see, guys, but we're really trying to put common sense above everything. Also, Dan's been

in Sacramento, so we haven't really... I have been in Sacramento, yeah. We would have, I think, for sure, probably this summer. We tried. Oh, yeah. I was in town a few times and we tried to line it up at the one day of the other D&D shows not that did you know

there's other D&D podcasts yeah yeah and live streaming shows we've been doing this forever no I know but I wonder how much how many of them have gotten back together face to face I know a lot of them have. I know Critical Role redid their entire studio to make

sure it was COVID safe and I don't know if they undid it like where they've got glass partitions up everywhere and people self-isolate on the way in and all that stuff. Plus guys, Ken's only 10 years old so we have to wait until he can get vaccinated. I'm just a little boy it's weird how

young you are then that you're here while we say a lot of bad words yeah we swear a lot in front of that kid i think i said tits seven times during the patreon think uh section there so got to learn it somewhere anyway it's time to find out what happened last time on Nerd Poker. The Castaway Cuties grabbed the Hammer of Bahamut and fled down a blind tunnel for a long time and then up a blind tower for a long time and then, well, they kind of locked themselves up at the top of the

underwater castle tower. And then they're like, well, what if we poked a hole in the roof? What would that be like? And it turned out what that would be like is it would explode the floor. That would be like, because of that 10 feet of water, that floor wasn't old no more. And that's when the castaway cuties

started hanging from a rope. And unfortunately, Princess Cosby of the Galaxian went for a little tumble down the tower. The tower slowly filled with water. And after some shenanigans involving shrinking and unshrinking the hammer in order to make it, you know, easy to carry and shit.

They shrink it, reached for it. And as Tootie swam, reaching for it, swam in the pitch black water full of flotsam and jetsam. Some mysterious yellow eyes, glowing, blinked right next to his face. Nerd Poker, roll for initiative, please. Good boy. This Nerd Poker was brought to you by rolling for initiative. Yeah, I mean, we can have a chitty chat about how weird this shit is, but boy, oh boy, here comes a thing.

It's weird and also sucks. Okay. I got 11. Oh, that's great. Congratulations. Let me hurry up and write that down instead of what I was doing, which was really important. Hey, Tootie, what'd you get?

Five many. Oh. Secret Monster, what'd you get? Oh, that's nice. Iva, what did you get? Fifteen. Danny, what did you get? Not many.

I don't know how to put that down. Four is how many? Oh, boy oh boy Nathan what'd you get 17 hmm all right so let's see on forge it looks like the bad

thing is gonna go first oh it might not be bad right the hostile thing it could just be like a friendly eye glowing fucked up you know who knows yeah that's probably be a giant scut farcus

nice alright let's see so uh first thing it's going to do... is 2D. Yeah, hi. What is your armor class, sir? So good. It is...

16. Okay. So it is going to try to swipe at you with its claws. No. And it being what? Like one of those beagle pups? Oh. Right now, things are pitch black.

You guys are going to have to create an underwater light source, even with dark vision because there is literally no light coming from any direction except above the water through a hole that's not reaching in here with all the garbage so uh you can't quite see anything at the moment unless it is bioluminescent or something like that. First attack. What is the plus to hit on this thing? Oh, that ain't great for you. It's a 21 to hit. Sorry.

I didn't realize I'd have to hurt you today. What have I done? And that's going to be 16 points of slashing damage 2d uh as you feel these long finger claws rake across your torso uh and like

painfully fast uh after it happens you're kind of like ah shit and here it comes again. Ooh, yuck. That's a 24 to hit. And double yuck. That's going to be

18 points of slashing damage. Wow. Uh-oh, now sharks can smell the blood in the water. Up next. Oh, by the way, if you guys want, you can go over to roll 20. I do have this pulled up. If you guys want, you can go over to Roll20. I do have this pulled up.

I need to move Tootie's token to signify where Tootie is with the hammer. And I can relink this in the chat for any of you who need that convenience. Here it comes. So there's that link to Roll20, the online map tool for nerds. That's what we use it for. You might remember that we've said it before.

You might not, but I'm saying it out loud in case you needed it. Nathan, you're up. Do I have any sense that this thing is here or that it's attacking 2D? Why don't you do a... Why don't everybody do a perception check?

That'd be fair. Perception. Check my perception, please. 19. Got a 19. 11. If you beat a 15, is the thing. I got a 19. i beat it i got a 17 plus the 320 ken what did you roll eight okay so you're running blind uh everybody who rolled 15 or higher

yeah you you you can kind of hear tootie going and you notice the little glowing eyes blinking down by him so you know something's up about 20 feet away from you um if you've got an 18 or higher uh you definitely know he is being attacked you smell blood in the water and you've kind of got a basic sense of where this thing attacked from but you know not not in the sense that you will uh you you know exactly where it is like you you could do a blind swing for sure but uh all i can do is ping the map and you'll see like a 10 foot cube about where it is uh nathan so yeah you're currently going blind, but, um, you know,

I don't know. No, but I mean, we'll, we'll say for the sake of, uh, you know, conversation and, and fairness,

one of, cause it's hard with metagaming, right? Like one of the party members of your choice is poking you right now. And you don't, you're not entirely sure why. And it sounds like you're poking me someone's being attacked and someone in your group is getting your attention i'll hold

uh an attack until i can see what's happening until i until i know where to attack but i will ready to go um movement wise how close am i to the hole you are about 15 feet below the hole and is the water like at a level where i could basically be at the mouth of be ready to go through the hole and yeah but what you might uh want to keep in mind is the garbage is covering the hole right now you'd have to sort of dig a quick tunnel through all the broken wood. Okay, I'll stay where I am then, and I'll just hold an attack in case I see the

thing. Okay. That's going to bring us next to Jelf. Jelf, what's going on in your neck of the woods? Well, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, it's Iva's before you. I blew it. Iva got a 15, you got an 11.

I'm so sorry, Blaine. Please forgive me. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah? Hmm? What? Go ahead, go ahead. Sorry, sorry.

Hey? Oh, my God. Okay. Sorry, there's a lot of screaming here as well. There always is. Okay, there's a lot of screaming here as well. There always is. Okay, so basically, I am aware that the attack is happening. Right?

Dan's nodding. But I was looking at something else. Can I... What is the deal with... I know that Geralt of Rivia can shoot arrows in the water. That always seemed really weird to me can i do that too like if i shoot an arrow will it go uh into a corner i forget what they are there there's definitely uh fifth edition rules for underwater uh combat and i'm pulling up specifically the arrow stuff

combat and I'm pulling up specifically the arrow stuff. Ranged weapon attack automatically misses anything beyond normal weapon range. If it's in normal range, the attack roll has disadvantage unless it's a crossbow, net, or weapon that is thrown like a javelin. Okay, so I'll have disadvantage

which means I can't use my sneak attack, but I guess for now I'm just going gonna start with that. I'm just gonna shoot my shortbow at him with disadvantage. So 14 with disadvantage? Okay. 14 with disadvantage. That is a hit okay nice job

cool I did four points of damage I assume he's dead well and that folks is nerd poker you saved my life. Starring Brian Poseim, Ken Dayton. I'm running the credits, you guys.

Go home. Yeah, do you have anything else you want to do this turn? I believe that's all I can do. I can now hide, I suppose, with my bonus action. Okay. Or, yeah, I'm just going to use my bonus action to make a perception check to spot, or to make an investigation check to uncover any clues that might help us figure out. Okay.

The mystery of the hidden uh that's a 20 oh um yeah it feels like this thing like um from the direction uh it came from when it got 2d the way you saw the eyes blink for a second the way you, when you connected with the arrow, you heard this like hissing in the water, very dull hissing sound. You're getting the impression this is some kind of semi-aquatic creature. It's definitely angry and noticed that you shot it with an arrow,

but it seems like it's adept at fighting in the dark in the water okay well thanks for that yeah up next it's gonna use one of its legendary actions oh good oh is it gonna

like do that crazy impression that it does of Wolfman Jack oh man that's a legendary action uh no what it's gonna do is i've uh you see before you suddenly in shocking white the apparition of a dead drowned woman i'm gonna need you to roll a wisdom saving throw that was like the tiktoks my kids been watching there's a crazy driving down the street there's a woman

is this magic or is this I have advantage on wisdom saving throws against magic yes so that first one's an 11 and the second one is an 8 so 11.

Okay. Okay. You are now frightened until the end of the next turn. Don't you pee in here. Okay, I scream and I point at the apparition. I said, the drownded

woman! And I swoon or whatever. Yeah, I mean, it's... Does it sound like... It's still there for you too, Iva. It's like right in front of you. Spooky. I can tell it's really got you spooked. Alright, Jelfaz promised you do get that

turn. I'm going to do a prestidigitation kind of a thing. A what? I have a little magic abilities and I would like to light a little light or put a little

fire up where the hole to get out is so that we can all sort of aim for this little fire. I would think that magical fire would burn underwater. Especially the way I'd do it. But I just want to see if I can

mark the exit with a fire as an action. Okay. Let's see. You can create, like, an illusionary image. You can light a candle or a fire, but not underwater it's not it's not that kind of thing but you can create i will let you create like a lit image like you can create the illusion of a flame okay i do that yeah it's um like a like a glow stick or something up yeah and like it'll

fit in your hand and last until the end of your next turn. That's as long as it lasts. Okay. So you can like reach up and see it. As you lift your hand, you can see, yeah, there's like, you know, 15 feet between you and the ceiling and the whole distance,

there's this floating wood kind of going back and forth that's pretty dense, and you would have to, like, spend a turn just kind of, like, pushing it aside to get you or any of your friends up to the hole. Okay, I just want to get a marker so that everybody knows where we're going so nobody does a JFK in the fog and spins under the water.

Gotcha. Does that count as one action? Yes. Do I get two? I don't get another attack? No. Gotcha. Does that count as one action? Do I get two? I don't get another attack? No. Okay. That's good. That spell is your action. Alright, I'm gonna put

a towel around my neck and sit down. Uh, up next we've got 2D. Yes! 2D! Although distant 2D, the light coming from Jelf's hand Up next, we've got Tootie. Yes. Tootie. What's he going to do? Although distant, Tootie, the light coming from Jelf's hand casts a pale glow in the water. And you see next to you what looks like something that used to be human, but maybe no longer is. It's taller than you, but thin uh and waif like its fingers are long long doubly uh longer

than yours and ending in bony claws that come out the tips of each digit and its eyes are just these huge uh yellow orbs with translucent sort of see-through layers of eyelids that go over them and right now they're uh squinted shut but you can see a glow uh pulse for a second in uh surprise underneath the eyelids it's sort of recoiling from the light at the moment. Um, and it, yeah, like it's, it's just got this long seaweed like hair, uh, trailing in the water.

Yuck. Uh, I would like to cast sleep. Okay. On me? Go for a power nap. All right. So, uh, you got to roll five D eight, go for power nap alright so uh you gotta roll 5d8

see how many hit points of sleep you can you can make happen I'm gonna do it second level so it'll be 78 ha cha let's see my 8s 78 was a good year a good speed for

early recordings too hey speaking of early recordings I went to the Paladino Zoom the other night oh you don't say I was a little homesick you know it was Baltimore night they had some

great bands they had Billy Ocean they had Animotion it was double bill. They had some great bands. They had Billy Ocean. They had Animotion. It was double bill. They had Midnight Oil. And the Water Boys. It was pretty good. The Water Boys. Right. So there you got to know some references

and understand an accent. What accent? So what did I roll? Oh, I rolled a 25. Okay. Unfortunately, sleep does not embrace the being before you. All right. Dan, may I ask a question?

Yes. Do any of these like with Iva's attack and now Tutti's attack Dan may ask a question? Yes! Do any of these, like with Iva's attack and now Tootie's attack and the light from Jelf, would any of that trigger my ability to attack this thing? Oh, it sure would. Cool. So I should let you do that.

Okay. Tootie, is there any movement you want to make this turn before i bring it over chris even though chris technically should have gone before you and i can i heal myself um i believe that spell is going to be your action unless you've got a healing spell that you can use as a bonus well the healing pool can you use that as a bonus action oh no let's see Can you use that as a bonus action? Oh, no. Let's see. This is considered an action.

Or land hands pull. Pull healing is an action. You can touch... It's an action. So I have two actions, though. Or is that just... I attack. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I'm pulling up your character sheet right now. Attacks for action two. Yeah, that's the thing. It's got to be an attack. Because you're technically not attacking. So the spell is the action. Yeah, right, right. You got it.

Yeah, two attacks per action means if you're choosing to attack, you get another one that kind of fits in that same action it's not like you get two actions on your chart it specifically tells you what you're allowed to do as a bonus action on your so yep it's a there's like a little subset that says bonus actions so yeah you can you can uh it's easy to click around if you've got d&D Beyond pulled up. Spells. Thunderous Smite. And Sanctuary. You can do Sanctuary. You can do Channel Divinity Emissary of Peace as a bonus action. You grant yourself

plus 5 bonus to Charisma Persuasion that lasts 10 minutes. What about Thunderous Smite though? That's a bonus action. But you gotta hit with a melee attack weapon first got it the first time you hit with the melee weapon attack during this duration your weapon rings with thunder yeah well can i just die oh just lay down and die all right so you open your lungs and receive the water. Perfect.

Your body begins to convulse. Just kidding, that's next turn. Yeah, I mean, you could potentially move away, but it would get Attack of Opportunity on you. Also, I'm going to light it up on the map real quick so you guys can see it as it's currently visible to all. Ah, perfect. Lovely. As you can see, it is gross.

Listeners, I described it earlier. I hope you're paying attention. It's seaweed-y drowned lady goodness. I'm on one of those seaweed diets what forget it see we did it oh no I was uh I believe you're done Ken that's the vibe I'm getting not giving me tenure uh tenure remember season three folks hey Chris Dallman. You've been politely holding your action, even though I told everyone when it lit up about a full turn ago.

Why don't you go ahead and let Nathan notice this sea creature attacking 2D? I let him notice. And then upon noticing, he will use his attack and cast Witch Bolt against this thing and a beam of blue energy lances out of his carrot wand and after rolled a hit.

I love that you have a carrot for a wand this whole time. Oh, Dan, it's only an eight. I'm afraid that's a miss. All right. Yeah, Dan, it's only an eight. I'm afraid that's a miss. Alright. Yeah, he goes, shoot! And, uh,

that's it. Whoever poked him, he's like, thank you for poking me. Alright. I'm going to take it on down to Danny. Danny, finally, with your four initiative, it is your turn. Your four initiative? Oh! your turn. Your four initiative. Oh.

What a terrible thing to learn. Hi. How are you? I'm good. Do you want to play Dungeons and Dragons with me? Yeah, what should we do? Hmm. I get to choose?

Danny goes and looks for Princess Cospi and just sort of swims down farther into the tower sound good well uh who's this thing uh currently attacking the one uh 2d although it did just seem to cast some kind of aspiration aspirator apparition in iva's face apparition in Iva's face. Oh, okay. And where is Danny in relative? Are you on roll 20, sir? Yeah, I am. You are the little gentleman

on the left with the goatee. Oh, I know. I know. And up at the top that little swampy looking thing is where the other... See that hair, though? I hardly mess with it. My hair is immaculate and I hardly mess with it I'm telling oh all right okay swimming it mm-hmm and the thing we're fighting is up at the top there. Or no. Yes. Yep.

Danny's got some sweet bangs. Go swim over and stabby stab. OK. But I'll be swinging for like some sort of appendage with a short sword nice cool roll to attack yeah I'm gonna here I'm fixing to do it

I'm gonna good fucking deuce oh no you've had hot dice for a few episodes yeah all right not anymore uh okay not talk about hot deuces right now because it's no polyhedral deuce? Yep. And a pop? Yeah.

Okay, take an unarmed strike. I don't get a second. Yeah, right? You can, let's see. Bonus action, yes. You can do an unarmed strike. Okay. Everybody wiggle.

Uh, no. Low again. Ah, man. Thirteen's nothing, right? Yeah. No. Sorry. Close, though.

Very close. I hit it with a fourteen 14 just for the record. Armor class is 14 on this thing. Oh shit, okay. So close. And yet so far my eyes have told you. Yeah, Danny, you swim up to it and you take a swing. And you take a swing.

And sadly they are both misses. That's going to bring us back. Actually, my fucking math was stupid. What? My math was stupid. I hit. I got a 9 plus 5 was a 14. I said 13, but nope.

9 plus 5, that is 14. Yeah. Dan, I got a 14 too. I got two 14s. You got a 14? Are you lying, Chris? No, I'm being honest. I'm two 14s. You got a 14? Are you lying, Chris? No, I'm being honest. I've just been a creep. Oh, you are a creep. I knew that. You didn't have to prove it.

I seriously did shitty math. I'm serious. I believe you. I just needed to make fun of Chris Tallman for a second. Let's all do it. Yep. Chris Tallman. Dumb. Nice shirt. Thank you. Why are you so nice all the time? Nice hair, shirt.

Come on, Sarah. Let me have it. Do your worst. Nice voice. Does it come with a sandwich? Ah. I'm terrible at this. Roll your damage. It looks like you drove through some bugs on that windshield, huh?

Why don't you clean it? Chris is very hard to insult. Nice. Now you guys all got me. Perfect. Did any of the nuns live? Damn it. Wow.

I don't even know. Let's play in D&D. He's thinking about it. Brian, thinking about it, brought to you by Teeth Paste. Why should that one tooth have all the fun? Teeth Paste. Oh, wait. Three plus three is bludgeoning from me.

Six. All right. Six points of bludgeoning damage. As with your offhand strike uh you unarmed strike excuse me but it is offhand i guess because you're using your bonus that's the song i sing when i hit people too in real life oh yeah that's what he's saying when you hit me i make up a little how many times have you hit people in your life brian posan with my fists as a monk as a professional monk how many times with the facts so many yeah with how many times

have you hit people with the truth comma man every day I knew it all right that'll bring us around to the creature that is attacking you it's gonna go ahead and give

attacking Danny a shot, because why not? He swam over. Don't let him feel neglected. Son of a bitch. Okay. This is going to be a couple of claws reaching out at you.

It's a miss and a miss. I hope one of them isn't the Santa Claus. Right? 14. Is that a hit? No. Great. Here comes the second attack. Ooh, an 11.

That's not a hit either. It misses you twice, Danny. That's what I thought. Good. Good job not dying. That's what I thought. Good. Good job not dying. I hope it keeps missing. Uh, Nathan, you're up. Alright, I'm gonna wind up. I'm gonna spit into my paws.

Just really kind of take a breath. Gonna take my carrot wand. I'm going to again try and cast Witch Bolt at this son of a bitch. Please, please do it. Try. I want this for you. 19.

That's a hit. Yay. All right. So the damage on that is, ooh, a d12. Dan, that's a 3 out of 12 potential hit points of damage. Oh my! Yep, I'm saving it up for round 20. Okay, well

it was something. It was something. Hey, Iva, you are up. Good try. Good job. Good hustle out there. I mean, I scream into the void, right? Aren't I frightened? You are frightened.

I marked it on my thing, but I don't see specifically what it is. Disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls. And you can't willingly move closer to your target. Aren't we all screaming into the void, right? Great play. Yeah, I'm telling you, man. Shaky hands. I guess I'm going to try to go and just try to shoot him with an arrow again okay or her it's it seems feminine okay okay okay with disadvantage 16 to hit. Oh!

Damn. That's a hit. And I do eight points of damage. Sweet. So this arrow really sticks right in the sea fury. Powered by fear. And yeah, blood just like a jet black spray of

blood floats out into the water. Ew! I'm gonna use my bonus action to hide. Great, do a stealth check. And what's, do I have disadvantage on these two? Um... You are... and what's i do i have disadvantage on these two um you are you are uh no you do not have disadvantage okay then i got 25 great you disappear into the rubbish um also yes that's gonna bring us around to jelf

oh uh i'm still up by the the thing with uh with my magical glow stick in my hand but i'm also going to shoot an arrow at this thing. Okay. I'm one of my explodey-ody arrows. Okay. And a 17 plus... If you're shooting an arrow, that's with disadvantage, Blaine. You got to roll twice and take the low number. Okay. That's a nine. So I'll take this.

Can I take the 17? Nope. That's a miss, I'm afraid. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. That's a nine so i'll take this can i take the 17 nope plus uh that's a miss i'm afraid oh sorry i'm sorry that's a nine that was my roll was nine plus yes a 13 sorry oh it's close though do i do i get a second attack because i get two attacks uh do a second attack with uh with uh i have to pull up your character sheet, but I'm pretty sure yes. If you get two attacks, then you do indeed get two attacks. Yes.

Sound logic. To verify it, I would need to pull up your sheet, but yes. Okay, that's a 16. And a 15. Oh, that's a hit. Good. All right. So, I got the burst.

Okay, so bursting arrow. So it's 2D. It's 1D8 plus 4. So let's see what that D8 has to say to you. 1D8 plus 4. So it's 6. So it's 10. So that was a 2 plus 4. No, that was's 6. So that's 10. So that was a 2 plus 4.

No, that was a 6. So I got a 2. Oh. And then, but I get another 2d6 from the thing blown up. Ooh. Nice. And that's another 9. Nice.

So the arrow explodes after it collides with it, and then unfortunately, Jelf, the light flickers out in your hand. Okay. No big deal. And... Turn on your hand light. 2D, you're up.

A lot of Neil on this show. I'm going to attack it with my glaive. All right. It is, you think, right in front of you, so go for it. That is a 27 to hit. Oh, that is a hit. Ooh! That is a 22 crit.

Oh. It's a crit. Roll 100. 100. Pull it up. Hang on a second. Okay. Where's this thing coming from?

Oh, sorry. Okay. Where's the 100? Oh, got it. 210. Pop this thing. Got it. Pop it like a water balloon.

26. Oh, okay. I'll roll another D6 of damage, please. All right, then. Oops. That is a three. Great. So you do yet another three points of slashing damage

as you just hack into this thing and you feel it recoil. Nice. Anything else you're doing this turn? of slashing damage as you just hack into this thing and you feel it recoil. Congratulations. Anything else you're doing this turn? It is dark. Slink away? You can swim away. He's flanked, right? You can try to kiss it.

It is not flanked, but you can try to kiss it or swim away if you want. Can I steal away into the night? If you would like to do the actual moving away, you know it ain't right. He's going to get an attack of opportunity, yes? Yes!

Don't forget the hammer, anybody. Hammer. If you swim away, there is a hammer right now that is right in front of you. Yeah. I don't want to get attacked anymore because i'm gonna die um i mean fair it's fair so you're gonna stay yeah i think so okay that's gonna bring us down to danny danny the lights just went out but there's a Sea Fury in front of you, ya think? Hmm.

Sea Fury? Where'd he go? Oh, because the lights are out, I see. It's pitch black. Right. Um. Well, I've got... I can sort of...

I mean, I've got night vision, right? Yeah. It is pitch black. There's no light source. You need... Like, everyone's got dark vision, but there's no gamma or whatever to light the room up.

Okay. All right. I concentrate this is some monk shit man yeah well let me see you can take a blind it is right in front of you so unless it is you know done something weird you feel like you've got

a pretty good chance to hit it um i wonder if i use like echolocation or do i have that could i yell and bounce it off that no i mean you do have a couple of cool things um like uh you got stunning strike you haven't done that one in a while you've got um shadow arts you gain the minor illusion cantrip if you don't already know it as an action you can spend two key points to cast darkness dark vision pass without a trace or silence without providing any material components,

which we don't track anyway. Hmm. I'll do that stunning strike thing. Okay, so that, when you hit with a melee weapon, you can spend a ki point to make it stunned until the end of its next turn if it fails a constitution saving throw.

Okay. I'm going to swing in the general direction that I think it's in. Great. Roll to attack. It's going to roll a con saving throw if you hit. Oh, nice. It's definitely a hit uh that was um short sword so 21 total oh great gasp and like say stunning

uh roll your damage brian and it going to do a constitution saving throw is there anything added to my damage or that's just what it has the stunning strike does not add anything besides your normal to hit damage okay okay I got an 8 total

of 5 plus 3 piercing great so you do five plus three piercing and let's see here you're down a key point it failed the saving throw it is now stunned nice oh cool um well can i uh do a an unarmed strike on it as my second uh yep ah the asmr of rolling what it's some asmr going on with your dice uh that's even higher 18 plus 5 great so roll to your damage gg Great. Roll to your damage. GG. Three plus three bludgeoning. Great.

Six. Cool. Cool. So let's see. It is stunned. So let's see. It is stunned. So now attack rolls against it actually have advantage. So if you want to roll 20

one more time, Brian, you might get a crit on arm strike. And we'll let you double. No. No. No, I got an unnatural 20. I got a 15 plus five.

Okay, then I won't do anything extra. That's going to take us around to its turn. How do you get out of a stun? How do you get out of a stun? You can't. It's impossible. Yeah, well fucked. How do I tell my friends that I stunned them?

I can't, right? And plus it's dark. I mean, we did all gasp at stunning, so I feel like we got it. It was breathtaking. It's going to end at the end of Danny's next turn. The stun? Yeah.

So right now it's stunned, and it just... But I get another attack on it. No, you get the normal number of attacks. You don't get extra attacks. You get seven attack. No. Oh, wow. It attacks. You get seven attack. No. Oh, wow. It's going to lose a turn.

No, but I mean, if I get another turn, that would mean I get one more attack, no? If it comes around to you and nothing happens, yeah. Okay. If the world doesn't end. Yes, we'll still take turns. But let's get one more person in here before the episode ends. Hey, Nathan, what would you like to do?

It's pitch black. I have, because I hit it with my witch bolt, I still have this arc of energy going. Oh, so it is lit up a little bit. It's like Egon in the hotel dining room. It's just this crazy crackle. And so it takes another step and now it's gone into the darkness i have to roll way to go egon yeah nice shooting uh i did six points of lightning damage. Great. And is that your turn?

That is it. Cool. And that note, as it is wracked with pain one more time, we'll just have to find out how this combat ends on the next episode of Nerd Poker. No. Yes. Okay. Sorry.

No, you're right. But you know what? Sam, would you be so kind as to tell us how you think or what happened in this episode? Sure. And if you want, how you think it went. I mean, who knows? I think it went great.

I believe we're still in the water garbage tower and we're being attacked by an aquatic monster. Casting spells and shooting arrows and casting witch bolts. But we also had a lot of dice misses. It's basically like a regular game, just sopping wet. Right. Nailed it. Hey, Dan, what do you got to plug?

I might be doing shows. We'll see how this whole world turns. It's a little effed up. But yeah, we'll just have to ask you to watch The Dragon Prince on Netflix, please. I'm supposed to be in Raleigh, North Carolina at the end of the month at Good Nights. Go to BrianPersane.com or GoodNights.com.

And then I'm supposed to be in Sacramento at Punchline in the beginning of August. So those are also BrianPersane.com will help you find the Punch of August. So those are also, BrianBassain.com will help you find the Punchline website, which isn't hard at all. But there you go. Hey, Blaine. Hey, Brian. How's, what's, you know,

what's going on in the Blaine world? Well, we're heading into another lockdown, so if you can't get out and see anything live, which is always preferable, why don't you stay in and watch me and Stacy Keechner, our weightlifting documentary on Hulu, Summer of Swall. I do really want to watch that. Please, God, let it be real. Got to see me with some coconuts on me.

Where are you? Everywhere, Dan. They call me Mounds. I'm so glad I asked. Bye. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.