Nerd Poker - S4E55 Sleepy Creepy

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

The Castaway Cuties could sure use a break- and they try to take one! Hopefully nothing in this horrific jungle of death and destruction will try to take advantage of this moment.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Episode 55. We did it.

We are now the same number as the same Hagar song. My friends are here. Look at them. What's up, Chris? Hey, Brian. I can't drive 55. No, I know. It's true.

55 is really slow. Yeah, that's why I drive 70 Yeah Dan is here Oh hi you handsome devil Right below you is Blaine Hey Blaine

Oh hey I am 55 Me too I'll be 56 on Sunday Oh wow I just turned 55 last month I can't turn 56! Nice. And she's being chased by velociraptors.

There she is, Sarah, everybody. Hi, everyone. It's Sarah. And Ken. Hey, pal. They've upped that 55 to 65 now in California. No, it's not just 65 in California. It gets up to 70 on the 5.

What? Do you think Hagarth stays on top of that and then keeps it current? He changes the lyrics. I can't drive 70 in Montana! Yeah! Whatever he wants, I on my Autobahn.

What's going on with those two vultures? They're just waiting for me to die. So they can pick up my remains. Oh, Ken. I forget how emo you are. Ken, shoo them away. Get out of here, you. Dan.

Ryan. How you feeling? Ha! Thank feeling ha thankful oh you know what no i'm not done oh okay i have a special thanks also no sam is here we've oh you son of a gun look at him hello sweet children there he is wearing a mil's Brewers hats. That's right. The Billy Joel logo looks a lot like a Bon Jovi logo, and it's just... I think both are great. I was going to guess that. I am white. Dan, can we thank Bon Jovi for... First of all, of course, thank you, Bon Jovi for first of all of course thank you Bon Jovi for all the beautiful

music that's gotten us through hard times Blaine take it away you're gonna play some covers for us you're on oh everybody's lurking by the meat bin that's not Bon Jovi

oh we're not from Jamaica you know we ain't the meat bin. That's not Bon Jovi. We're not from Jamaica. You know, we ain't from Jamaica. We're not from Jamaica anymore. I'm sorry. My autocorrect got hit with a shovel this afternoon. Was anyone else super surprised

to find out that Bon Jovi was actually like Bon Jovi and like that actually Chef Boyardee is like Chef Boyardee was a real chef with like an extremely Italian name. Right now I'm surprised. Today I learned everybody. I was this many years old. Yeah Chef Boyardee

was like a I think he was like a White House chef or something. I don't know but they took his name and had a trick. That I learned fairly recently but the Boyardee. The Bon Jovi thing I knew since the beginning. Ettore Boyardee. Better known by the anglicized name Hector Boyardee. That's bananas.

Ettore. He was born in Italy. How dare we anglicize this chef? I know. It's just a weird one. They spelled it out like Enchirito. Boyardee. They should have.

It's because Boyardee. It looks exactly like, yeah, I don't know. Everyone would get it now because of Boy E-O-I, but I guess back then. It's insulting, especially because it's like the cheapest, most factory-produced pasta you can get. So you know his memory is already suffering

enough, but also we're going to just factory-produce his name into this. I'm sure his family is well compensated. Yeah, they make some money. I hope so. I hope it's not like the creator of Batman where they just got paid 20 bucks while all these other people made money. Oh, Bob Kane did alright.

Ask me how Chef Boyardee's I think I'm Superman. Ask me how Chef Boyardee got started. How did Chef Boyardee get started, Blaine? Bus Boyardee. The existence of boyardee get started playing bus boyardee existence of boyardee implies the existence of manardee was he a sous chef sous chef boyardee uh dan please take some people oh i will talk about more stuff. Let's talk about. Hmm. Uh, first off, I want to thank Corey Edwards.

Corey Edwards is this very nice man, uh, who, uh, he's, he has very little to do with the podcast, but I'm gonna thank him anyway, because I'm drinking one of his beers right now during the podcast.

Uh, he is a friend of Kalen's. We were giving away our TV cause I bought a new TV. So we're like, let's, let's post on Facebook who who wants tv i asked a couple of you guys if you wanted a tv right but like i have too many i most of sarah got offered a tv the same day by her sister so that was like what so um you have too many tvs nerd poker cast but also we post on facebook and this guy cory was like yeah i'll i'll take your old tv i'm gonna use it to play dungeons and dragons it'll be like a screen for when i play i was

like that's perfect and he brought over he works at claremont craft ales and he brought a palette of six different kinds of four packs of beer and i'm currently drinking a raspberry gosa beer which is very delicious and I would just like to apologize to Corey because he took the TV home and it worked for five minutes the screen completely botched the second and I now owe him like

brownies or something I have to bake for Corey or something I can check if I have an extra TV that'd be great because it sounds like you have 30 of them. He's looking around, folks. You should have seen it. Visual joke.

He lives at a Buffalo Wild Wings. People forget that time you killed everyone who worked at a Buffalo Wild Wings and took it over because the law says if you kill everybody in a restaurant, you get to live there. It's true. I learned that from reading sandman comic books hey everybody uh would you like to know who supports us and keeps us going i'm i'm most wanting we would nats love it um but uh yes we are of course existing before you right

now on the internet because of very generous patreon supporters hey it would be amazing if you have a spare couple bucks if you headed to patreon.com nerd poker and donated at whatever level you can afford because we appreciate each and every person who donates so much as a penny but we would especially like to thank people that are hey boss and it keeps the lights on yes exactly um we want to thank uh the hay boss you son of a bitch i want to thank the hay boss and the stargoyle tears in particular uh please

i was crying oh stargoyle um did you see did you see uh sark posted a picture of it he's he's been using the stargoyle toy on twitch he's in a nice way i hope yeah yeah yeah like as a mascot on twitch a picture of it. He's been using the Stargoyle toy on Twitch. In a nice way, I hope.

Yeah, like as a mascot on Twitch. Nice. A mascot? A mascot. But anyway, those Patreon supporters I want to thank go by names like George Gisparis or Griperis? George Griperis. It makes my peace, George.

I don't like what you just said. Thank you Broseph and the Technicolor Dude Coat. Thanks, Metal Mac the Battle Bard. Metal Mac the Battle Bard. Thank you, the Fat Baker. Thank you, Fat Baker.

Thank you, Vordaspin. I'll say. Thank you, Voodoo Beef. Yes, thank you thank you vorda spin i'll say thank you voodoo beef yes thank you thanks thank you tiktok the mechanical man's sexual energy sustains me yes sam from the darkness thank you orcish torso something dan said that one time fun does anyone else remember that because i don't i don't know but it's a good name for a band thank you the southern dandy another good name for a band thank you thank y'all thank you raging mustard thank you princess slithered on the whiskered wizard. What? Thank you. Brian was too high for that last one.

Thank you. This supporter brought to you by Vernon Fells Redacted Redacted. Yay. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Thank you. Thank you. Body Parts Tracing Incorporated. Trust no other to trace your bits. Thank you.

Thank you, Jonathan Meyer. Thank you, Dude Where's My Pond Far. Thank you, Sir Richard's Infected Hand. Excellent reference. Does this look infected to you? Thank you, Jeremy Rossman. Thank you, Panthro's Bulge. Thank you, Zerk Boy's Dark.

Thanks, Sam Gibson. Thank you, Bixro's Bulge. Thank you, Zerk Boy's Dark. Thanks, Sam Gibson. Thank you, Bixie Tinkertonk. Bixie. Familiar. Old Bixie, one of our first Patreon drawing winners, if I'm not mistaken. Thank you, TBD McTBD Face. Thank you,

Hallium. Thank you, Corpus Callisum. Thank you. I don't like this next one. Thank you, Nathan's thank you thank you thank you thank you I don't like this next one thank you Nathan's rabbit-y boy parts okay they're probably cute is it a hemipene? I don't know about rabbits I just don't like it

I don't like this conversation or the visual that is automatically created in my head by this conversation little fuzzy testes I know I know it's serious oh finally thank you thank you wham dango dick rubbing esquire thank you wham dango dick rubbing esquire dango law degree well thanks everybody a reference to both steve ag and rick remender at once. Thank you all of you guys. I don't like what you just said. Hey Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by?

Those Patreon supporters are brought to us by Ad Rich Oreo solid gold stuff and Oreo solid double gold stuff. Why not? Initially servant quick

when you need a servant quick. Then Pillsbury Crescent rolls Royce. It'll be out front. 30 seconds or you're fired. Add rich. Promotional consideration front. 30 seconds or you're fired. Ad Rich. Promotional consideration for NerdPoker Patreon supporters from

Ad Poor. A can of spam over a match. Merry Christmas. Don't open the window. Oh, you blew the match out. Happy New Year.

Can of spam, match not included. Dan? Wow, Blaine. I like how the rich guy kind of went into a little Bill Clinton towards the end. I was getting Garrison Keillor. Go to the bathroom. A little bit of that drawl. I was like, oh, is this too Jim Backus?

And then I backed off. And then I was like, oh, no, now I'm doing another. Now I'm doing, am I doing Cletus? Trying to just try to. I was some Backus there for sure. Never back off the Backus. I want to back us off. The production value of it.

Just. I know. Ever since we hired you that composer, you've really gone above and beyond. It's the Chef Moriarty's kiss. I want to, I just want to give it up for my staff here hey thanks you guys just been they've been here since 7 a.m just cutting all that stuff together oh wow it's really been worth sending all of nerd poker's craft services to your house it yeah it sure has i gotta gain some weight you guys i went acupuncturist today and he missed. I got a laugh yawning out of Brian.

That's a good one. That was the least censored yawn. We should play some TNT. Nah, I'll keep making you laugh yawn. that was the weirdest laugh i've ever gotten it was like you got the wind knocked out of you by by your laugh before it was even finished oh dude i learned to make my yawns really obnoxious because my mom my mom always presented her yawns she had i don't know what it was but she had to brag about being sleepy. She's always like, oh, my, presenting them, throwing them out there.

So I grew up doing kind of the same thing myself. The angry yawns? Yeah, or just loud, really vocal. Yeah, expressive yawns. Oh! yeah or just loud really vocal yeah that's what i'm gonna miss i'm so tired i'm more tired than anyone unless you don't say seepy uh let's uh play some dnd you'll get you guys will know if i'm if i'm tired if one of you uh is doing something you just see this slowly appear at the bottom of the screen

because I'm playing Animal Crossing while you're doing your monologue or whatever. Alright, well, folks, I guess it's time to talk about what happened last time on NerdPoker. Oh no. The Castaway Cuties, which, who can

fucking believe that's what they're really called now? It's barely, barely even fantasy adjacent calling them that. But the castaway cuties, still suffering from curses from the demon they fought and whose tainted

water they pressed upon their cutie lips, are headed southwest to bling bottom they're going to try to camp and get rid of the curse but also princess cosby his arm is slowly turning to stone will

they achieve solace in the mansion that they gained as property some 50 fucking episodes ago let's find out. All right, so, yeah, you guys were talking about doing, like, a long rest. There's jungle in all directions, but you were just in the plains, and if I'm not mistaken, you were going to try to sprint.

Even though it was getting to be nighttime, you were going to try to sprint southwest. I'm going to go ahead and pull up roll 20 um and uh see where we are on the map of course you guys don't have to we're not in combat so depending on how your internet is i'm there anyway yeah well la-di-da uh you son of a gun i'm looking at dave and glaven and it looks to me like you're about a gun I'm looking at Dave and Glavin and it looks to me like you're about a day away from Bling Bottom you're gonna need at least one long rest to get there

before traveling all day you know it's like a drive to Sacramento at this point so you guys are going into the night and rather than take a level of exhaustion you're gonna just try to run till about 11pm so you can get to this jungle does that sound about right till we're seeping yes so you guys do that without much uh

problem you know you there's there's a lot of weird creatures that wander dave and glaven but they mostly stick to the jungle during the day so they can have cover and rest and then at night they sort of come to life and i kind of i give you a little warning that you would have figured out by now from all the monsters you saw near mega lake pangadon that at night time shit starts coming out and you would you would know automatically that if you tried to camp out on the plane some crazy stuff would stalk you so you're running into the jungle and it gets very late you guys set up camp princess Caspia still

not being like outwardly complaining about the arm but you have just checked by taking a little police traffic patrol chalk and marking on her arm where the stone was it looks like it's creeping up her shoulder slowly yes it's all the way up her arm where the stone was. It looks like it's creeping up her shoulder slowly.

Yes. It's all the way up her arm to her shoulder. It's close. I mean, she's got tiny little fish stick arms. Is there a way to cut her arm off and then have it regenerate later, figure out how to do that, or is there some sort of surgical procedure?

Well, she's not an axolotl. She's not going to just, I mean, regenerate on her own. But if you mean a spell, yeah. Guys, guys, there's magic in this planet. I think that's how polymorph works. If her true dream is to, in fact, become another thing, polymorph, I think, can create limbs and stuff like that. Yeah. Unless there were none.

Yeah. yeah there were none yeah and uh in addition to that you know the same kind of spell your greater restorations and such that could take care of a stony arm could probably also regrow an arm so but i only got lesser restoration i'm gonna find somebody correct correct we're trying to stop it from i feel like the chances of us chopping off her arm and then keeping her a lot i mean i can cut off isn't it like if you turn to stone, it doesn't kill you, right? By the way, you guys are all discussing this while she's just sort of out of earshot. I know you're not necessarily saying this in character, but yeah, yeah, yeah. We could cut off her arm and it would immediately cure wounds.

But like it doesn't kill her to be turned to stone, right? Or am I misremembering? As far as you know. It's like you're trapped. Yeah, but I mean Wasn't there a dead gnome with the Nobody in this group is coming back to this forest to find a statue. Well, I'm just saying how far, if we can get her to where we're trying to get to. I see. While

she still has legs to be walking on her own that. I see. Because then it's the same spell we're looking for to stop it, as opposed to trying to chop off her arm. Cut it off and glue a branch on. You know what? I love it. It's done.

All right. Cut her arm off and glue a branch on. She's like a snowman now. Shoveled a carrot in her face. You like to build a snowman. Okay, let's continue and hopefully we find a cure for her. Yeah, because we were trying to get to shelter. If we don't feel like it's going to, if we feel like it's going to progress.

You're going to tell us on the ring bottom. Why don't we ask her what she wants to do? Explain it very directly. Oh, what's that? What's going on? Oh, we're talking about your arm problem. I think Nathan should. I don't have, there's no arm problem.

There's no arm problem. She doesn't like to hear the truth. I have explained it to her and she ignored it and said everything's fine. Right. So now tell her there's two options. One is that. I'm sort of like pointing to Iva as she said, keep going. Yes.

She's not going to listen to me. Use your little wiggle face. Use the cute. Princess Caspia, if we don't cut off your arm, you're going to turn into a statue, and that will be that. I thought that hammer was heavy. However, if you think you would like to continue life,

then perhaps we should deal with your arm now, and then when we get to civilization, I'm sure we can do something to help you. Nathan, please roll a persuasion check to get Princess Caspia to let you cut her arm off. But she can also try to keep going. I mean, I don't know. I just feel like, how close are we?

But I don't think it's unfounded your worry that she'll turn completely to stone before you get to Bling Bottom, because it's going to take a full day to get there. As far as you know, when it hits her heart or something, it could... With my persuasion bonus, I got a three.

Oh, shit. Well, Nathan, I do care deeply for you, but I should tell you I've seen some trouble in my time, and I'm not convinced things are so bad why don't we just

chance it it's my arm after all I mean the lady has spoken um you guys are all so grimly to see if I can convince her oh can anybody just go crazy

and go ah and cut her arm off with a sword and then go whoops yeah totally you could try to just pin her down and cut her arm off I'm kidding I would never do that alright well that would be a classic nerd poker moment, I don't know that she will like it.

Let me go practice lighting a kid up. Get sort of psyched for it. Oh, brother. Yeah, if you guys want, you can try again, but it's going to be a disadvantage because she's already sort of spoken her mind and her resolve appears to have been steeled. I missed all of that because my earphones cut out. So I hope you guys made a great choice. her mind and her resolve appears to have been steeled.

I missed all of that because my earphones cut out. So I hope you guys made a great choice. Let's keep moving and then try later if your arm gets worse. You're not convinced it's going to happen as characters, but as players, you're right to be concerned for sure. And so your characters are right to be concerned.

So what got decided? We're just going? We're resting and then going? You're going to rest and go. So I'm going to need... Let's convince her. You can try again, but from now on it's going to be with disadvantage because she's... Oh, and disadvantage. Yeah, because she's already sort of

spoken her mind. Gotcha. I mean, I feel like it's 50-50. I feel like she has a shot either way, and there's a shot that she dies either way also. So if we're a day away, which we are, right? Mm-hmm. You know? It's going to get-

It's a good point. The odds of her making it regardless of the arm are low. I don't think that's not what 50-50 means, but I guess it depends on what you're talking about. Yeah, I mean, you guys seem to be pretty sure she's toast, which, you know, that'd be funny if I did that. So maybe I should take you seriously and just do what you're serious about. No, I'm just kidding.

But yeah, why don't we all rest? And of course, it is time to attempt a charisma saving throw from you corrupted uh folk oh yeah charisma saving throw yes from when anybody need healings well i mean you're about to be healed by oh yeah we're gonna by resting for the night, but this is... 17. All right. Denny, you can do it. Yes, Nathan.

Will you hold my paw? I feel so very frightened. Sure, pal. I think I'm at full strength. What does that mean? No, I didn't do the saving throw yet, but I'm not missing any head points. What was it? What kind of saving throw? Char the saving throw yet, but I'm not missing any head points. What was it?

What kind of saving throw? Charisma saving throw. Charisma. Oh, boy. Ken, you don't need to roll anymore, right? You broke through? I'm out of it, yeah. I don't remember how, but I am.

All right. Well, Nathan, when you wake up in the morning, you're going to have shaken off the corruption. Oh, great. I believe Bahamut, through the hammer, healed you. Very low, the corruption. Oh, great. I believe Bahamut through the hammer healed you. Very low, my friend. Four plus seven. I mean, four plus three, seven.

Oh, no. Okay. Well, the morning shall tell the exact results of that. First, who's going to do watch? I will. All right. And you're're gonna do that with Jelf I take it let's watch

who doesn't need much sleep I suppose great roll a perception check won't you no perception perception 15 plus 6 21 that is a 15 plus 6, 21.

That is a... 16 plus 2, 18. Wow, you guys definitely have your eyes out. You feel like it was a good call that you made it to the jungle because you guys look off to the northeast where you came from and it looks something like very large wolves are

paced back and forth and then sprint away very quickly in the open plains it looks like there's some sort of pack animals about half a mile away that are you know about as big as as like cows get away you big wolves that are, you know, about as big as cows.

Get away, you big wolves. How many in the back? How are we with the conflagration? The conflagration. The giant forest fire that Ivor set. So you're pretty far away from that now. You're solid, like,

you know. Solid away from that now. You're solid, like, you know. That's good. Solid number of miles away. Again, to be clear, I don't even think you could categorize it as a forest fire. This is a jungle. Moist, damp, wet. Did I say moist? Whatever you say. And wet.

And yet you managed to burn it all down. Well, I started it because I thought. Oh, sad. What Sarah's trying to say is a logical dungeon master would never allow a jungle to catch on fire. Multiple people have mentioned it to me

and mentioned me in tweets on Twitter. Oh, yes, I saw them because I searched to see if people would be mad at me about the fire and people were. People were mad about the fire. They people were. They didn't keep raining. People were mad about the fire. They're mad that I let it spread? No, they were like, Sarah's the worst.

What did you do, Sarah? I'm sure that's their exact wording. I'm sure they were in no way. Sarah's the worst. I'm going to pull up a sample, but go ahead, please. Oh, yeah. Fire starter. I just love because I usually exaggerate how mad people are

At me on Twitter We should have killed a little kid I know thank god Weird how there have been no child NPCs In two and a half seasons At Miss Sarah Guzzardo listens to this week's Nerd and Poker Smokey the Bear would be so disappointed in you I mean that feels bad I don the Bear would be so disappointed in you.

I mean, that feels bad. I don't want him to be disappointed in me. Oh, man. I didn't know he was in charge of jungles too, but whatever. You should prevent for it. Yeah, you're thinking of... Sorry, I'm going to... Listen, now I got to... Smokey the Been Too Wrong is what you're thinking.

That was Adam Malone. I saw it, Adam. I couldn't... I didn't have the heart to heart it, but I'll do it now. I just did a great jungle bear reference. Yeah, the fire is pretty far away. You can't even really see it. It feels like it's died down a bit on top of it being far away.

Should we start one here to keep the wolves away from us? Oh, yes. Iva. You guys wake up Iva. We're going to set the woods on fire behind us as we go. Iva wants to set the woods on fire. It is an option. You could just constantly be lighting fires as you go.

Just destroy Dave and Glavin everywhere we go. Here's an idea. Next time you guys are in an underground dungeon, light a fire behind you and see what happens. I actually kind of right now am getting a cool idea, though, for a fun character. Like an arsonist type character. That could be awesome.

You mean like Iva? Yeah. Yes, like Iva. So another arsonist character. Chris. This is the podcast for arsonists. I have just more arson-ish. Also Peter, man.

Yeah. Arson-esque. We have made zero progress and you guys have just made me feel bad. So, I don't know if that's what the point of Dungeons & Dragons is. No. You're sleeping. We're doing watch. I'm sleeping? Oh, no. Who's doing next

round? Just Blaine? And then someone else? I'll do, yeah, I can do a couple of watches. Okay. But I didn't, but all we saw were those wolves that first time, right? Yep. Yep. And they were far enough away, half a mile away, where you're not sure they were stalking you. Why don't we get a perception

roll from Jelf and Danny. That's another 15. Another plus 6 is 21. Hachi machi. Good on a watch. It's on my IMDB page. Perception.

Yes. Done done. Done done. When you're into perception, here's how it goes. You have to be. 16 total, 13 plus three. Great. Nice.

Set the timer. You don really um notice anything danny but uh jelf you do feel like you see those things again off in the clearance and they seem a little closer this time and they're and we're not moving and we're all sleeping so they're kind of big wolf cows they're circling in maybe Maybe. Are there trees nearby? Yeah, so you guys are in, you're between like five trees. They're basically palm trees. They're tropical trees that have, you know, very narrow trunks. And then they go up and they've got a lot of foliage on top.

It's some drooping branches, but there's also bushes around you so you feel like you're slightly obscured but of course you left a scent in the fields that they might be following okay sorry about that haha uh can I uh can I scurry up one of the

trees and kind of do a uh do a thermal night scan oh sure although I feel like this isn't the first time i've had to remind you you are not the predator you're an elf so you can go ahead and head on up there but what would you like to do in addition to a normal perception check once you're on top of this tree uh can i do a uh hmm blaine can you shoot him with your shoulder laser is that true? This is not the first time you've had to remind him that he's not the predator in our regular lives?

I know. Son of a bitch. I have told Blaine more than once. Like in person, not in game? In reaction to him. I have to remind you, you are not the predator. Yeah, I don't have anything really exciting. I have keen senses, but that's already folded into my perception dark vision i can uh see in dark whatever yeah i mean you scurry up

the tree um i let you carry over that 21 i mean you can tell there's at least two of them because one of them is moving kind of slowly while another is running around behind it a little farther away but then it starts to get far enough away that even with your dark vision and your good eyesight you can't really see it amongst the regular shadows of the night and the tall grass of the field so you're unsure if there's more than two uh and you're not sure if it's the same one that keeps coming back in and out of vision but there's definitely one that's kind of walking slowly back and forth on four legs and they're far enough away you can't get a good silhouette on them i'm gonna i'm gonna stay up in the tree and uh maybe take another another watch but i'm gonna use my uh uh i have a what is it well you need to sleep at least four

hours right yeah but i have a mask of the wild i can attend i can hide even when i'm only lightly obscured so okay i'm gonna stay up there and i'm gonna uh have like an arrow ready to go okay i'm just gonna make sure that these because i know where they are and i don't want to have to explain it yeah but you've only got about two more hours before you're gonna have to rest oh forget it i'm gonna get some sleep or you'll take it or if you want and you have you have this as an option you can take a level of exhaustion and stay up all night and hang out up there obscured and watching uh i'll do that actually okay that's absolutely an option um level of exhaustion rules though i should uh meth in the morning i think it means he's gonna one level is you uh all ability checks are at disadvantage yeah so if you needed to do

like in real life or a persuasion check to get somebody to cut their arm off you'd have to roll it with disadvantage okay sure all right so um you hang out up there let me get another perception check uh from you uh and is anyone going to stay up with jelf on the third shift or as danny goes back to bed i will because i have already gotten my eight hours right great yes that's all i can also do a uh investigation check or what would you like why would you want why would you want an investigation check you have to explain because he described the these creatures or whatever so i'm just going to see if i see anything approaching or yeah so if you want to take advantage of an investigation check and what i can only assume is a higher level

dice roll bonus for you uh the the difference would be you'd have to investigate you'd have to like approach somehow or check check some kind of tracks or something like that i understand all right so as opposed to just a perception check it's a matter of looking into it rather than just awareness so yeah that's fine well i don't think there's anything i'm not gonna like leave our area i don't think and So I'll just do the regular check. Okay. Perception check from you both, please. Oh, mine was a 19.

Mine was a natural 20 plus two. Wow. Perception. The highest of them all, this rest. So Blaine, you do pretty great up in that tree. And you do at one point notice that the silhouettes disappear they seem to retreat into the shadows um here's the vibe i got old mom and a young thing walking around in the woods looking for food that was the vibe i got and you do take a level of exhaustion blaine as it reaches about five in the morning okay Iva at about five in the morning

right around the time Jelf is hitting the wall and wishes he had a dark roast he could sip upon you notice there's something that appears to go like into existence about 50 feet away

walk a few steps and then out of existence that's weird in the planes is it done it more than once or just i saw it like you just see it the once it happens so fast you think if you'd been looking in a different direction you wouldn't have noticed it and if i wake people now are they not going to get their needed points back? I'll give it to you. That it's okay to wake? Yes. Okay, so I will wake and then I'm going to go and then I am going to go

investigate that area. Okay. Oh, I was having the most terrible dream. I'd be possessed. How are you feeling now? Yeah, you're able to have shaken off the demonic possession Nathan so you wake up

feeling pretty refreshed unfortunately Danny uh you wake up just wanting to bathe in the blood of your enemies I'm sorry but like you really you get this very horrible creeping under your skin as you're just sort of like i would do anything to witness violence right now uh very unlike your usual calm nature and you're wrestling with it still and you're a little worried that if you are put in a precarious position this bloodlust might uh exert itself much as when nathan was biting at everybody the day before. All right. Brian does not like this, folks. His body language has told me, not unlike a yawn.

No. What you thinking, Brian? I don't really pray it away. You can try. I mean, I personally will send you both thoughts and prayers. I will listen and learn. Danny has reached out to, was it Bahamut or was it the local Bahamut?

There's. Label is Anareth. Yeah. Yeah. Reach out to him and ask him to help with my turmoil and my evil feelings and to grant me peace. Great. Why don't you roll a religion check for me, please? Okay. And while you're doing that, Sarah, why don't you roll an investigation check as you try to figure out what's going on?

Will do. Have we had a rest? figure out what's going on. Have we had our rest? Yeah, everybody, you're awake with full hit points and should be good. Full everything else. Ooh, nice.

17 total for me. Ooh, okay. Yeah, you get a sense from your deity that you need help. There's more than the deity has the power to reach out and help you with at the moment who who are my friends are awake everybody everybody just woke up i've actually just woke you up and everybody's saying there's something crazy going on i gotta go investigate uh and what do i think did this to me you think it was drinking the water

that you were carrying in your canteen when you fought the Wastrelith demon. And I forget, did anybody else already have something similar to this? Yes, me. Oh, right. That's Nathan. I have the same thing as you. I'm having evil thoughts.

Danny, we must find an enemy quickly for you to take your evil thoughts out upon. I don't what? I don't think that's how that happened. I don't want to do that. Do you want us to tie you up? Nathan seemed real into that for some reason. I want to see Denny do a little ass kicking.

No, I'm okay right now, but there's no enemies here. I've found one. I'm investigating right now. We there's no enemies here. But I mean, there's one. There's some. Yes. I'm investigating right now. We're going to see what I investigated. Princess Caspia sits up and says, oh, did I sleep through Nathan tying people up?

What's happening? Oh, my. You head out and you crouch down into the tall grass a little bit and try to get a sense of what you saw. And with that investigation check, yeah. I mean, you're able to find what appears to be very large prints that are about

I don't know, the size of your head. Does it seem like it phased in and out? Did the prints end like it was teleporting or was it just that it disappeared into the grass it felt very much like it teleported hmm what do the prints look like I'm actually from the forest

myself you see only fucking teleporter it's really strange you so with that investigation check I'm giving this to you right you see four prints and then nothing else as if it just appeared and then disappeared dog are these blink dogs? But you said they were wolves.

Could they be blink wolves? What's a blink dog? Why did you say that? Like that's a thing that everybody knows. Yeah, I know it. It's like a sort of a wolf that can teleport short distances and that's how they catch prey. They just sort of appear and attack you.

To be clear, this is a Dungeons and Dragons thing, not a real life. It's a real life thing. Oh yeah, they're mainly having those feelings all over the place. Haven't you ever been to the Americana after 11pm? Those are real. Jesus Christ. I go to the Blink Dog Park and it's just a goddamn terrifying place.

It has such a silly name that it feels like it has to be real. Would you really call it Blink Dog? That's what you're going to call a creature? Oh, my God. There's so many monsters in first edition where it's like, it's a raven, but a human face. It's called a raven face. You know?

Yeah. Blink Dog is a really good surfwear line, too. Mm-hmm. Oh, really? Yeah. No. Oh, God. It's so gullible today. But they are in Los Feliz. They're all over the place? Yeah. No. Are you? Oh, God. It's so gullible today.

But they are in Los Feliz. They're all over the place. Yeah. It's also a cinnamon flavored whiskey. I'm going to send a blink dog to each of your houses. It's like Hollywood. Knock, knock, motherfuckers. I'm more of a blink cat guy.

We'll be right back. I really don't like Blink Dog 182. I was just about to do it and I was like, Sarah, just let it go. I didn't see Blink Dog 181. Okay, I tell everybody about the Blink Dogs.

It was close. Oh, Blink Dogs, we all know about those, yeah. Well, I tell them, I explain it to them, and then Jelf tells us. They sound like Blink Dogs, I guess. And I know about those. I will explain it to them and then Jelf tells us those sound like blink dogs, I guess. And I bow to his superior forest knowledge. Let's see what that blink bears. Let's blink

on out of here. You're the blink dog now, too. Alright, you guys that was not the Sean Connery reference I was expecting yeah

Finding Forrester right you gotta do the voice if you're gonna do it you're the blink dog now you gotta do it you're the blink dog now you ain't gonna tell me what to do you're the man now dog you're the man now, dog. Yeah, I can't do it.

You're the man now, bleak dog. Whoa. Wait, is he here? Brian, are you alright? Brian has collapsed onto his microphone. Brian, I didn't know you were from Scotland.

Uncanny. Cannot be canned. Uncanny. Cannot be can. Uncannable. Uncannable. Oh, sorry. I wanted to sing the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt song. What is that movie where he's like, it's a

Camelot or he's a king or something? First Night. First Night? Is it First Night? Yeah. And there's that one where he goes like, this is my shitty. But it really sounds like he says this is my shitty and we say it all the time. Yeah, it's a cute little...

I trusted you, I loved you, and you betrayed me. This is my shitty. Anyway, that's, you know, I can't do any of those. As we've discussed, I only have one impression. That's good. What is that? I think I mentioned it on an earlier episode. I'm not going to do it again. I just thought I was

referencing something past because then I get requested. What impressions are you doing? My only impression that I do that sounds correct is Robin Hitchcock. And you're going to have to imagine it because I'm never going to do it for you. Who's Robin Hitchcock? Yeah, I feel like if I could just hear a quote from Robin Hitchcock. You guys don't know who it for you. Who's Robin Hitchcock? Yeah, I feel like if I could just like hear a quote

from Robin Hitchcock. You guys all know who Robin Hitchcock is? Robin Hitchcock is a brilliant British psychedelic musician in the vein of Sid Barrett. He was in Robin Hitchcock and the Egyptians. He was in The Soft Boys. Thank you, Blaine. A seminal

and still very productive and vital musician. I got to sing a song with him one time. What? Yeah, it was great. You sure it wasn't me? What do you sound like? You do a Robin Hitchcock.

I can't do a good Robin Hitchcock. It's up here. It's a sort of nasal. Oh, the vales of Her Majesty the Queen. Very beat, very beatily. He's brilliant. Yeah, very beatily. He's great.

Okay, everybody go buy some Robin Hitchcock albums. And my- They play in one first wave occasionally. I saw him in the Egyptians in 1991. I guess like New Year's Day, I think it was the first year they played together. It was a small club. It was fantastic. What a cool show. Nice.

So... What are we doing? Anyway. We're cutting our arm off, are we? Wait, what? She said no. We're just hustling now away from the blink dogs. Let's go to the bottom. Alright, you guys are, yeah, you're

very aware that you might be being hunted as you leave in the early morning twilight. That's good, right? As we travel, Nathan's going to stay close to Danny and just try and be like reassuring and be like, you can do this, Danny. You stole an entire treasure in your pants once. There's nothing that you can't do. Thanks, pal. treasure in your pants once. There's nothing that you can't do. Thanks, pal.

I'm gonna have everybody roll a perception check as you travel southwest, out of the jungle, towards Wing Bottom. Interesting. Open your pants to the possibilities. Ha! Perception. 16.

Half of what? 18 and 108. Fucking 9. A fucking 9 is better than a regular 9. 6. Not by much. Better than an 8. 6.

I did not hear Chris or Blaine yet. 6. Jeff got a 19. 19. 19. All right. Yeah, 19. All right.

A couple of hard castles from you tonight. That song is gross. Yeah. hard castles from you tonight that song is gross yeah hard castles Jimmy Pardo ruined it for me forever so yeah you guys are kind of walking along with Jelf you here like it seems like at one point everybody's just kind of either looking to the

left or right as they're walking and you notice it that there's a it sounds like a large branch snapping right in front of you guys like five feet in front of danny and tootie who are sort of in the lead of the group and as you and only you hear it you turn your head it's gone like there's nothing there and you're immediately reminded of what had been spotted by you and iva the night before is there a footprint do you look at the ground yes yes like dogs oh footprint yes

is it a size of iva's head a foot. It is a very large canine footprint. I think Danny might murder a dog this episode or next episode. An evil dog, let's be clear. Yeah, that's true. A corrupt, horrible creature. I mean, I just feel like there's one question. It's who let the blink dogs out. Oh.

Did somebody already do that? No. Amazingly, no. Try to move us through this forest. Get away from the... Sarah, I don't know if you saw, but I'm going to do a spot on Blaine's show tomorrow night. Maybe you should take it. I think you're funny enough.

Yeah. I've been training for this all my life. Is it the Baka boys or the Maker boys? Baka brothers? Who let the dogs in? Oh, man. I have no idea. I think it was one of the fabulous Baker boys starring John Pfeiffer.

That was really close, right? Baka brothers, Baka men. Same thing. The Buka de Beppo gang. Buka de Beppo. Buka de Beppo. Buka. Buka. Buka.

What does that mean, anyway? I don't know. It means Buka de Beppo. We had my wedding rehearsal dinner there. I don't know if I've told this story before, but at the one in Santa Monica, because my wedding was going to be down by the water there. And for the rehearsal dinner, my uncle's paying.

He doesn't know Patton. And Patton is just screaming Bucca di Beppo in different ways, but he was still with the accent, but he was doing it like he was really upset, like he was happy, just trying, but also yelling it the entire

time in the restaurant. Buca di Beppo! Buca di Beppo! Buca di Beppo! Just different ways. And my uncle was very happy that I had found

somebody like me. We were just laughing like idiots. I really thought the end of the story was going to be he kicked Padma out and that was a sweet ending. No, he was just like he goes, you guys really make each other laugh. And I was like, yeah, we do.

I love that we've come also full circle from Chef Boyardee to Joe's Basement, which is what Luco de Beppo means. What does it mean? Joe's Basement. What? Beppo is a diminutive of Giuseppe. Did you just look this up? Yes, and Luco is a hole or a hit. Joe's Basement!

Correct. Did you make this up? Joe's Basement! Bahamut. Joe's Basement! My buddy's basement, yes. Oh, wow. Is that what it is? Minneapolis. Are we all googling Buka de Beppo?

Why not? Sorry, this podcast is now people going on. Ryan, I will give you Are we all Googling Buka de Beppo? Yes. Why not, right? This is what happens. Blink dog. Buka de Beppo. Sorry, this podcast is now people going on which channel it is. Ryan, I will give you five bucks if you send Pat in a voice text

where you just yell Joe's basement in all the different voices that he didn't see if he gets what bit you're doing. Just make him guess. You're going to think

it's the movie about the cockroach. Do it in one voice and then when he texts back, why did you just yell Joe's basement at me? Do it in a different voice and just keep going until he finally. Okay. Uh,

yeah. So you guys, uh, feel like there's a presence that is stalking you and you're putting together that it's maybe even trying to distract you for some sort of, I cast. Oh, well, a deliciousppo. Oh.

Well, a delicious entree arrives. And we'll have to find out what, I guess, happens as a result of this on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Why do we have to wait? Well, because we all have a limited amount of time on this earth. Because people's commute only lasts an hour tops, probably. Cliff cliffhangers i can't wait till

buka de beppo becomes our sponsor oh man are you kidding me i love it i'd settle for their generic it's like when i'm there i'm family that should be their slogan when you're here you're family buka de beppo what happened during this special Buka to Beppo episode? All right, episode 55. I think we're headed back to that mansion where, if memory serves me right, we keep an old man as a slave. We're thinking about cutting Princess Caspia's arm off, which should be fine because I think she's an octopus and has a bunch of arms. We found some big wolves that we'll probably light on fire.

And after I typed that sentence, everyone started talking about the jungle we set on fire. And we seem to be pretty sensitive about lighting things on fire considering we're a group of people that gives out lighting things on fire like it's halloween candy nice uh any uh promotional uh things you want to say anybody uh no just uh check out tales of zadia.com that book will be out eventually this year and i would love if you pre-ordered it you can pre-order it and you'll get a digital copy of it before the physical copy comes out and it'll be a grand old time plus there's already free adventures and rules on the site you can play the damn game right now if you

wanted to tales of zadia.com with with an. Brian, what are you up to these days? Joe Troman and I have Axe coming out soon, our comic book for Heavy Metal Magazine. It's the tale of a guitar from hell. Right, Blaine? Right, Blaine? But a bunch of other shit. I i i'm gonna record uh i think in december i think i'm gonna be at the funny bone or at the at the nash uh yeah nashville that's in nashville right that's zany's right zany's in nashville yes yeah no i haven't done a funny one in years but yeah um

and then uh but I've got dates on brianpassain.com currently check them out I did a movie I could talk about in a month or two but not yet uh brianpassain.com is just where all that shit is and then uh where

uh I always forget our merch uh nerdspokerpod.com you can buy mugs just where all that shit is. And then where... I always forget our merch. Nerdpokerpod.com. You can buy mugs. You can buy tumblers. You can buy tanks. And we have some cool shirt designs, some recent ones that I really like.

Not like SWAT team tanks. No, no, no. You can't buy military vehicles on our website, but we're working on it. Be patient. The distributors are backed up because of COVID, but eventually we'll have military hardware for sale on our website. That's the nerd poker promise. Cool.

I could use a bazooka. Yeah. We all can. Don't ever talk about bazooka. Why? Because there's a bonus episode where we say you've come bazooka 30 times have you forgotten uh you have bazooka just left to mind and yet you forgot its connotations blaine uh anything going on with you and uh key chenander uh we are doing the all-female reboot of Stroker Ace called Ruben Hiscock.

And we're shooting that in, I think we're Memphis, over the next couple of days. And he's doing the gym. But you're not women, but it's all female, except for you guys. Yeah, we dress as women. Oh, all right. Thanks for listening. All right. I don't mean it. He's steady, all right. Thanks for listening. All right.

I don't mean it. He's saddening you guys. Take it back. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also uh send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening hey everybody i'm brian persain and you're listening to Nerd Poker.

I said it differently than I normally do because I almost, I was doing my other podcast right before this. I was doing the radio show, and yeah, let's restart. Oh, I have to say, the way you pronounced Nerd Poker was disastrous. Nerd's restart. Oh! I have to say, the way you pronounced nerd poker was disastrous. Nerd poker.