Nerd Poker - S4E56 Blingbottom If You Got Em

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

As the Castaway Cuties are stalked through the final stretch to Blingbottom, they hope Princess Cospia lets them chop her arm off before she becomes completely stone. Wait, that's not quite how they put it. But you know... pretty close!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody.

Oh, boy, this is going to be a fun one. I'm Brian Pussain. You're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. It's episode 56. We just did 55, and everybody's all saucy. It's episode 56. We just did 55 and everybody's all saucy. Ken's here. Hi, thanks for listening.

Hey, son of a bitch. Blaine's here too. What's up, Blaine? Oh, hey. Hi, guys. I was muted, but now I'm not. Oh, so good. I'm glad you're not uh sarah's here look at her hi it's me goodbye i love that background uh dan hello friend hi uh how you doing? I'm alright. That's great. It's gonna be good. And look at him, Nathan.

Chris is here. Hi everybody, D&D! And, uh, Ramen and Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hello. He's just chillin'. Ramen's got an itch.

He wants me to throw that goat. What's his friend's name? Oh, what's the goat's name? Goatsy. Oh. Oh. Let's move on from that. Why doesn't Dan introduce his cute dog?

Because my dog ran out of the room. God damn it. Okay. What's his name? Your dog's name? Mavis is sleeping over there. Mavis is there. See, nobody has the screen presence that Ramen does, and so that's how

he's just going to win. In the race for Starlet fame. No. Ugh. I think his name is Tubgirl. No, Dog Lemon. Stop, everybody.

Is it like 15, 16-year-old dogs? My girlfriend's dog is Ernie and ernie has chosen not to be here because ernie was distracted probably by a person walking by outside which is a terrible threat and being a french bulldog he has to make sure he asserts his full power and barks very loudly at the person walking by later on i going to go in my backyard and yell lemon party like I'm looking for my dog. Come here, lemon party. Lemon party, come home.

Talk about old yeller. Oh, lemon party, look at you. There you are, lemon party. Oh, my God. Well, we're off to a great start. I'm going to... Straight out of the toilet dated and gross oh vintage internet speaking of dated and gross uh i wanted to thank our patreon supporters who keep this show going but no i have a segue believe it or not one of our patreon supporters is not uh necessarily on the list of the tier that we would normally think but it was it was dated and

so i wanted to uh are they on the tier let me check they are there they would get thanked eventually but i think they just changed their name and i wanted to say while it was timely they changed their patreon name to ted cruz's failed twitter attack on pat and oswald fyi fyi ted you suck donkey balls that's their patreon name uh and they are in the star goyoteer so i should have thanked them and i just wanted to fit that in their asap but also i would like to thank a few more supporters who go by names like TheFakeVince Thank you Sam's Pecs and Paws Interesting

in slow motion Thank you Thank you Dan Dan's Damn Damn Jam Band Thank you Toblerone Jones. Thank you, CJ. Thank you, Twas Agatha All Along.

That's not true. Emmy. Thanks, Glenn Head Crash Sugden. Thanks. Thank you, Maxwell Shart, a.k.a. Aeternum Dave them dave oh oh thank you would you believe thank you jib janine thank you brian stop thank you thank you reverendglefruits thanks thank you dan walker

thank you sarah gazzardo's feets fetish you're ready thank you eric pain thank you flea 47 thank you douglas calabrese or calabrese thank you jeremiah sacrilicious waffles doodek Douglas Calabrese or Calabrese. Thank you. Jeremiah Sacralicious Waffles

Dudek. Thank you. Terry and Billy spin off. Yeah. Thank you. You tripped over a running popcorn aka damn damn rubble with three outstanding warrants.

All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Looks like a pump. Feels like a sneaker. Looks like a pump. Feels like a sneaker. Looks like a pump.

Thank you, Dick Sword. Thank you, Ray RPG. Thank you, Carrie Marsh. Thank you, Gregory Dodds. Thank you, Dargther's Secret Rope Hole. Thank you. Thank you, Dick Trebuchet. Thank you.

Thank you, Douglas Scott. Thank you douglas scott thank you john matthews thank you dargther's ass closet thank you thank you gimme five bees for a boing cone thank you devona up iraq thank you one quarter viking three quarters sassy

thank you warthog thank you alan menerick thank you paco scott or die pluma thank you total rad nes google it bro uh and thank you one taxidermy the transformed fish person to

give as gift to sedate a passive aggressive town leader if you encounter three in the even what which i think was supposed to end up town leader if you encounter three in the even. What? Which I think was supposed to end up being three in the event of something, but

they had some sort of master plan for this username and got cut off at like 130 characters. Sort of like me on Quick Blast. They might as well have written Answee. I think we somewhere in here there's somebody with the username

and sweet definitely patreon supporters were brought to us by of course one of our sponsors Blaine would you let us know who that is today unfortunately tonight Dan it's classic pollution yeah, pollution

It's pollution, yeah, pollution It's pollution, yeah, pollution Yeah, pollution Yeah, pollute, dig it Promotional consideration Brought to you by Chainlink A fence you can trust

Chainlink, a fence you can trust Chainlink, a fence you can trust. Chainlink, a fence you can trust. Chainlink, a fence you can trust. Chainlink, a fence you can trust. Hey, I can't get in there. Ha ha ha, thanks Chainlink. Chainlink, available for fine fencing and sold. Dan.

Oh gosh, Blaine, thank you so much. My pleasure. Wow. I love just digging that stuff up and I hate to be critical but thank you for finally doing one of those into the microphone it's usually so hard to hear you I really appreciated that oh yeah thanks I'm feeding back here a little bit bit bit bit bit bit bit bit

bit bit speaking of bits here comes blaine's child oh man you're telling me we had our anniversary brunch today and it was uh happy anniversary blaine yeah it was like watch him watch him not fall off a ledge it was great oh really was he just like like uh parkouring the entire time you were at your anniversary yeah parkour he was supposed to be at school today. It was an in-service day. So we got to take him to our anniversary brunch. It was great.

Oh. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Anyway, that's all the time we have for Nerd Poker today, you guys. Oh, well, I was about to do my whole like intro bit.

I had a candle ready and everything. All right. Here it a candle ready and everything. Alright. Here it comes. Oh shit. Last time on Nerd Poker the castaway cuties thought they would sleep and that took a really long fucking time

the whole episode and eventually they saw what looked like teleporting wolf things wolf cows in the plains behind them. They decided they'd try to trek through the jungle and just hope it would go away. But unfortunately, a twig snapped before them. What will happen next? You'll have to keep listening to this thing you've already kind of committed to to find out.

So yeah, you're all walking along. Jelf has warned you this thing has happened. In addition, you guys have been traveling for a while. So I'll I'll add to that. You guys notice there is some sort of river coming up through the jungle ahead. And, you know, from the map of Dave and Glavin the jungle area is not going to last forever eventually you're going to hit some more plains

some more open plains are coming up to the southwest before you hit the jungle just outside of Blink Bottom but uh yeah you guys are you know very aware that there's something maybe very close. Should we go into a standard attack formation?

Sort of back to back, ready to attack. I mean, I feel like we need to be moving as we're doing it, right? Because we're on a time thing. Can we do that? Can we just be like, as if we were moving on a time thing can we do that can we just be like as if we were moving through a dungeon like hustle hustle but in a formation oh so you'd like to see like maybe uh on the map i can show you exactly where you are in the jungle um if you're on the big map there is the uh obvious little jungle chunk just to the northeast of Wing Bottom

but I'm going to go ahead and zoom in so if you're in Roll20 which I will link in a second you'll already see this that's where you are now I'm showing of course another map which I'm going to screen grab

and maybe we can post that on Patreon at some point. Waterfall. That's all down it. While Dan loads this up, don't forget to tune in for the Fly Clam 500 featuring Bert Forkart,

Bip Forest, Chet Wilcox, and Bert Horlitz. They're all gonna be there at the Fry Clan 500 immediately after your poker. Hey, Blink, could you say that again? A Texan came in your house and screamed in the microphone

for a second. I couldn't hear what you said. Oh, I'm sorry. I gotta come in here and do some... Guys, Blaine's doing visual bits with his microphone right now. He's chewing. Doing some AMSR with teeth on my microphone. Not as funny as I would have thought

and it kind of creeped me out a little bit. Yeah, it was a little creepy. Yeah, it didn't feel good at all. Over. Should we spread out? Yes, you can spread out. Towards the water? Well, yeah, I'm sorry.

Maybe I misunderstood. I thought we like spotted something that basically we're being tracked or tailed by these things, right? Yeah. But they keep phasing in and out? spotted something that basically were being tracked or tailed by these things right yeah but they keep phasing in and out yeah you're currently unable to see any you haven't seen anything in the jungle you only saw those specters of them in the field last night and you've now been running through the jungle for a little under an hour and think this branch

cracked right in front of you. You know that about 30 feet to the southwest there is a river you're going to have to wade through at some point. It's not a big river. It's a little narrow river. But that's the direction we're headed basically west? Yeah. Okay. It's my divine sense to detect evil.

Okay. Tootie, you would probably know that unless it is a truly evil being it's not gonna really never mind you can't you can but i just wanted to warn you that you're only doing like a sense i don't want to waste it i don't want to waste it so let's just move in formation towards the river like two two by two maybe and person at the front keeping it close i'll either be the front or the back because i have the yeah i'm gonna get caspia in here um so i'll scout front if you guys want towards the river okay okay and then if people just want to line up behind and we'll just

everybody be super on alert but we still need to be moving because of caspia's arm right roll a perception check for me iva yes um that is a 16 okay yeah you feel like you see something out of the corner of your eye for a second up by the waterfall to your right. Okay, I'm just going to keep moving and keeping my eyes peeled. Do you relay this to everybody? Yeah, of course. All right, then you head all the way to the river? Whatever that is.

Do they have clocks in this world? I for did. It's like bogey at two o'clock. Like, do we know what two o'clock is? Yeah, I mean, they've got sundials and shit. That's fine. How many hours a day on this planet,

Dan? 77. Wow. Cool. Okay, so I let everybody know, and I'm... Yeah, everybody following me? Yeah. Yes. So are you then going to proceed to, like, the riverbank? The river crossing, yeah, like here.

How close are you guys following? Are you within 10 feet, or are you going to have more scouting room? Let's keep some distance between all of us so that we can, if something comes in we have enough spread out but not spread out like in a wide circle spread in a line

six feet socially distance roll another perception check Iva sure that's a 21 Roll another perception check, Iva. Sure. That's a 21. Oh, something seems to be with like it's back down, creeping up from the north. Gross.

What would you like to do? I'd like to... So you're right. I guess I'd like to shoot it with an arrow. All right. Roll to attack. I would like to use a luck point to re-roll that attack. Yes, of course. 13. That's a hit.

Roll your damage. Was that a sneak attack? I think it was, right? Because. Oh. Six. Oh, was this something I shouldn't have attacked? Oh, well, too late now. Is is this gonna be like a friend of ours

god damn it I'm the mayor of the river uh 13 it's me Mayor McCheese points of damage okay um you hear a yelp noise and then uh you see

you see this shape kind of rise out of the grass for half a second and then it disappears. Okay. One down. What did it look like? Well, yeah, we all know blink dogs. Oh, probably.

Probably familiar with the classic blink dog. So it was a blink dog. You said one down? So you slew it? He said it yelped. No, it disappeared, so it's got an arrow in it. I don't know if it disappeared to somewhere, to like a hospital or something, and maybe it's going to come back, patch it up. But I'm not really sure how these things work.

Jolt seems to know all about them, so. Everybody roll a perception check. All right. 19 plus six, 25. Oh, shit. That's a 20. Five. Ugh.

Seven. All right. Well, Iva, you hear a rustling noise way off behind you and jelf a little bit north of you. If you look on the map, you're going to see that there is some kind of creature up on the cliff and it just suddenly appeared in the corner of your vision. And now you're able to say it's like hunched behind a bush and it's licking its back. Can I shoot it?

Yes. It's licking its back. Can I shoot it? Yes. It's a back licker. Oh. 16. That's a hit. Every time. Back licker. Eight.

With that pot licker. That's great. For ten points okay so uh you hear it uh yelp as you connect with another arrow and it skitters off into the jungle to the north and out of visual range. 2D! Hey. What do I see? Nothing? Let's see.

Do a perception check for me, 2D. Alright. 12. Alright, so you unfortunately do not see it coming. Hey. But out of nowhere a large bear-sized

creature appears. Oh dear. And bites at you. Oh. Please remind me what your armor class is. Okay. Okay. Blink bears. Blink dogs.

Can I evade? Um. Can you? Would I? I mean, no. It's got the jump on you, really. So you're not a rogue. I don't think you have evasion.

I'm roguish. But let's see what it rolled. It rolled a nine plus three, so that's a miss. Good. And I'm going to have everybody roll for initiative, please. Do I have an attack of opportunities? Is it... Well, it's not running away.

I just missed. If you rolled, please don't say what it is just yet as I fill out this form. I have to fill out, of course, blink 1 through 182. There's 182 of them. Oh, shit. I have to fill out of course blink one through 182 there's 182 of them oh shit

yeah we got one sort of that was the back licker right Ken yeah totally got that you made it run off into the jungle I don't know why you guys are so convinced that you hit it with one arrow and it disappears from view and it's definitely dead, but I find that amusing.

Like, oh, yeah. Can't see it. Not a problem. Oh, maybe this one just has a tasty back. Speaking of tasty backs, hey, Ken, what did you get on your initiative? How about my tasty back? Uh, 18. Nice. Mm-hmm.

What did you get, Iva? Looks like in the chat, she got a four. Okay. Sounds good. Danny, what did you get? Ooh. Not bad at all. That's going to put you in a pretty good position.

Hey, Jelf, what did you get? I got a nine. Oh, that's not great, but it's all right. I guess it's better than Iva and Caspia, who rolled a six. Nathan, what'd you get? I also got a nine. Nathan and Jelf, what are your dexes? One, two, my friend.

Fifteen. My dex 30 is 19. Ooh, Jelf, I'm going to put you just above Nathan because of your higher dex score. So up at the top of the running order, we have what they call in video games a mob. So you've got this guy who just bit at 2D, but also someone comes up from the south and appears right in your face, Nathan.

What is your armor class? Twelve. appears right in your face, Nathan. What is your armor class? 12. Okay, well, this is going to be a 12, a nine plus three to hit. And then he's biting you four. That's gonna be... 4 points of piercing damage. Danny! You have to kill these dogs!

Up next is... 2D! I'm going to Swack it with my glaive. Alright. swack away swacking is of course brought to us by swack sticks dip them in sugar and lick it swack sticks

27 to hit that's twice what you needed and I hurt him with 11 hurts 11 hurt points 11 hurts of hurting not too shabby oh I'm going to do it again

oh swack again yeah why not it is a 11 I'm going to do it again. Oh, Swack again. Yeah, why not? It is a 11. Hmm. That is a miss, unfortunately, 2D. Up next comes, uh-oh, another bad guy. Jelf, what is your armor class?

15. Okay. armor class 15 okay this guy is attacking with a 22 to hit hmm it's gonna do four points of piercing damage okay up next we've got Danny. What are you going to do? Danny, you see three different big old blink creatures are appearing, teleporting right in front of your friends and biting them, as you may notice on the map. Who's closest? Right now, the one by Jelf. Just behind you to the right. Um.

Which is this one right here? What do you mean by here? I don't see a ping on the map. If I moved Danny to here, which dog is this? That's the one that's tagging 2D. Right. You do that? He closes. Yeah.

I want to help Nathan, too, though. Nathan is calling out Danny. Yeah, can I get to Nathan quickly enough? Yeah. Yeah. He's OK. And still expel action. Yep.

You can you can you can either run straight to the one that's attacking Nathan or you can do kind of what you're doing now, which is run to the one by 2D and then down. But if you run away from this guy, he's going to get an attack of opportunity on you. OK. Now I'm going here and then attack this dude. OK, roll to attack. Yeah, and I'm using my. Short sword.

Oh, nice. Oh, you're in trouble now, dog. No. Oh, I don't get a second attack, right? I don't get like or yeah, don't. It's been so long. I mean, you get flurry of blows don't don't i yeah yep you get flurry of blows i'll say the top of your action yes it'll say do i only get uh let's

see oh where's that yeah look at the actions section of your character sheet the text per attacks per action mine says two mine's so old I haven't why are you beating up that character sheet yeah I don't know well do you know Dan do I get two attacks or more I'm pulling up your character sheet now to see if I can help you out um

yes you've got two that's okay you've got two attacks per action two attacks per action. Two attacks per action. And you can either do an unarmed strike or flurry of blows. Yeah. Well, can I also do a short sword attack? Yeah. Well, yeah, you can do anything. Yeah. Yeah. That's correction. That well, I would try that again. Right.

Oh, nice. good well i will try that again great oh nice uh 18 plus five on the short sword there um your short sword's plus six by the way oh okay um according to dnd, your short sword is plus six. It's an old sheet. I guess, yeah. I'll print up a new one. Yeah, make sure it's also, it says level six. Yeah. Yeah, this is level three. Roll your damage, yeah, man.

Okay. Is my damage any better than this was 1d6 plus 3 it's 1d6 plus 3 yeah but your to hit can increase as you level up so 6 total alright so you stab at this guy and it connects it looks like it is you know pretty badly wounded by all of your attacks so far every time you guys hit it these things are like they don't they don't look too happy um they're lean uh and yeah they're they're big but they're they're you know they're affected by

all these blows they're quick but you're cutting deep will that be your turn sir yeah cool up next we've got another one of these guys but guess what you can't see him another one of these guys. But guess what? You can't see him. Another one. So somewhere there's another one. And then after that guy, after he snuck around, we've got Jelf.

You're up. You're muted, Blaine. Oh, sorry about that. Blaine uh hey uh which one am i near i'm i'm near the upper guy the lower guy sorry okay yep you're that guy the far right it's your it's your like brown and black portrait oh okay i didn't sorry my screen was magnified too much. I'm gonna attack this guy. Cool. How far is he? He's right in front of you. Right on me? Yeah, he teleported right in front of you and took a bite.

Alright, short sword? Yep. With an 18 to hit? That's a hit. Roll your damage. That's 1d6 plus 4. So, uh, 8. Cool, so you stabbed this guy It looks like it hurts real bad Um

Again, he hasn't gone down yet, but Yep Let me get some peanut butter on my balls Oh, Jesus What have I done? No Gross Oh, Jesus. What have I done? No. Gross. Sorry, you guys.

I'm in a medically induced coma right now. Oh, my. All right. Let's see. Do you have another attack per action? Oh, yeah. I could probably attack him again. I'm going to do that.

I'm looking it up. I have a... Just in case, that's a 19. Okay, with the short sword. Yeah, you have two attacks per action. And then a... It's a hit. Six plus four is a 10.

Cool. How do you want to see this dog pass away from this mortal clone? I'd like to see him make like a bad noise and then sort of derez it says he's a blank dog I want him to derez like in the original Tron we're just like layers of his

where he hollow mans all the way down to nothing cool well I forget what that looks like exactly I've seen tron but it's been a long time so oh man get in here remember that you want to see me sergeant gross i want to see you throw a bucket of paint on you all right so yeah you wipe this dog from the face of the jungle and after that don't blink or you'll miss it

oh lord sorry I had to go out on something like that Nathan you're up Nathan sort of like takes the dogs and like blink yes I can do that and he's going to misty step 30 feet away to

like the edge of the river he's probably about 15 feet south of where Iva is. And then that's his bonus action. And then as his action, he can cast a cantrip. So I'm going to cast Chill Touch. And using my Carrot Wand, I will summon the ghostly image of a giant skeletal rabbit's paw.

Oy! To try and hurt that blink dog. Which one? The one that I was just next to a moment ago. So I guess the one that's still in combat with Danny. Got it.

Alright, so I have to roll to attack and got a oh a 25 to hit oh that's definitely a hit uh and my damage for that is 2d8 uh oh nine points of damage from the ghostly rabbit's paw. Nice. So you thoroughly chill this blank dog and it shrieks. It's in a lot of pain.

You feel like it is about as close to being murdered as possible. Short of being murdered. Short of being murdered. Short of murder. Yes. So will that do it for you, sir?

That's my turn. Yeah. All right. Next, we have Princess Caspia, who is going to try to stab a dog. She hit him in the head with her stone arm. Oh, good. No, she's going to try to stab it with her dagger rather than uh take her precariously stone arm and let it to death which would be funny but probably not do a ton of damage um all right that is a 16 hit which is a hit um you see princess cospia go huzzah and she jumps up and just drives a dagger

into the blink dog's eye socket that you just hit with chill touch and just kind of like rattle it around in its skull until the blink dog falls over and she pulls it out and goes i've done it yes i'm finished. And there's another one down. Nathan. You hear sort of a noise just to your left, and suddenly there is a blink dog there.

I'm going to roll for him to bite. That is a 10 to hit. AC 12. Great, so it misses by a few inches. Up next comes first one who attacked everybody at 2D.

Yes. Oh, it rolled a critical. Oh, perfect. So it's going to do nine points of piercing damage. Great. Can we skin him and have like blank boots? So far so good.

And it's your turn. Oh, well, I'm going to hit it back. Let's see. I'm going to... Let's see. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna hit it with my glaive again. Glaive it.

Bop it. Twist it. Pull it. Glaive it. Bop it. Twist it. Pull it. Glaive it. 17. Well, that's a hit. Roll your damage. Damaging now. Now, we can't hear the battle music because that's added in later by Sam, but for the rest of you, what's your damage? Nine glaivins. Oh my god, all nine glavens.

Okay, well this guy's in really rough shape. Oh, well then I'll hit him against him. He's in worse shape. Go for it. Roll to attack. Same. Glaive. And I wonder what's going to happen. 23 to hit.

Holy balls. Yes, that's a hit. And 13 points a day. How would you like to see this blink dog pass from this mortal coil? I would like to see it stand there, blink a couple times, and then go into a long line and into a dot and disappear like an old... Okay. Like a tube television that just... Okay.

Like a tube television that just... The televisions used to have cathode ray tubes, if you're listening on your phone. It's a cathode ray tube. It was very heavy, and you could kill someone if you dropped it out of your fire escape onto them. Danny, you're up. Let's see. I'm still in the same area there that dog is still attacking my friend Nathan

yes alright Nathan I'm gonna save you thank you Danny then I attack him with the short sword are you gonna run to the one that's attacking him which is a new one

oh am I did he move yeah he misty stepped over to the river so and one blinked right next to him yeah I'm going to go over there while I have time to yeah you're just going to incur that attack of opportunity as you run away alright that's

fine okay so that as you run, the blink dog tries to bite you. I'm rolling his attack. That is an 11 to hit, so that's a miss. Yep. Too quick. I'm going to scoot your token over. To the

water? I don't know. Is it to the left? Yeah, by the guy by the water. Get him, Jenny! Oh, you're in trouble water. Get him, Jenny. Oh, you're in trouble now. They are. OK, cool. Short sword. Mm hmm.

He he he he he. Oh, nice. It should be a hit. 13 plus six. should be a hit. 13 plus six. That is a hit. Well, and then four plus three, seven. Nice.

Would you like to hit it again? Yes, I would Give it a shot. Chris, does your shirt say loot? Yeah, it's a band called Lute the Body, and it's just the top part of it. Oh, is it like a D&D band? He does D&D albums. It's awesome. 13's not going to do it, right?

That is going to do it. That's exactly what you need to hit one of these guys oh holy shit okay I did not think I was gonna do that alright hey can I say this before I forget uh I did show Flappers a couple of weeks ago and uh a guy showed up with my

friend Mike Schmidt a very funny comedian but he gave us 20 bucks and his name was Kilt bill so i just wanted to give a shout out and say thank you kilt bill for uh uh for supporting live comedy and for supporting nerd poker thanks kilt bill thanks uh nine nine points of damage cool all right well you immediately stabbed this thing, and it takes a ton of damage. Not quite dead, but you definitely feel like you've made some progress on this new guy that has most recently phased in.

Hey, can I use a key point and do a flurry of blows and kick him in the head a couple of times? Ha ha! How does that work? I thought I used a key key and I haven't lately. Right, which is why I don't remember how it works. I can use a bonus action after I take

my regular attack actions. You can use Flurry of Blows by spending one key point to make two unarmed strikes. Go for it. I'll have Flurry of Bl with that Joe Bonamasi. Ever heard of that guy? He really played blues.

13 on one. That's a hit. That's a hit. Cool. Let's see. So unarmed strike. 1d6 plus 3 is pretty good for an unarmed strike. Oh, is that?

Did it go up? Mine was 1d4 plus 3. Yeah, it's 1d6 plus 3. You got to print up that new character sheet for Danny. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So 8 on the first one. Oh, shit. All right. You just pummel this thing right in the first one. Oh, shit.

All right. You just pummel this thing right in the snout. Wow. Boop. You boop it for a lot of damage. I get one more. Uh-huh. 2d8 booping damage.

That one's 20. Oh, I got. Yeah, I rolled that damage. No, but you're going to definitely punch this dog twice and stab it twice. I love dogs so much, but I hate this fucker. It's a really sweet dog that was going to lick your guys' faces

and then you shot arrows at it. What's a mean blink dog? Seven. Seven points of damage. Ryan, how would you like to see this uh this blink i want to i want to actually kick its head off the second kick the second kick the first one breaks its neck and the second one just kicks it off all right just for

just for fun will you roll 100, please? Sure. As you wind back and attempt to punt its skull off of its spine. Holy shit. That's one of the highest I've ever rolled 90 nice wow okay so

after you so first of all you wheel your leg back and just roundhouse kick this dog's head clean off of its body and it flies behind you and bonks the blink dog that is behind where you just came from and hits another blink dog.

That one's dead, so it bounces off the corpse of the blink dog you just came from. I love it. The bodies stay there, right? They don't blink at it. Actually, that that i think is so you guys are done the you you you're you've exited combat but you know there's at least one that ran off to the jungle to the north that may have blinked back in the fight but it's hard to tell so everything's very like ominous i love it danny do you feel any better oh i don't know uh do i yeah i mean we had a long rest i didn't feel any different during the fight did i i mean did

did i have any different powers uh as As Nathan walks up to you and says, Danny, do you feel any better? Please roll a charisma saving throw. It's probably not going to be high enough. It's 11 and then plus... Plus three, 14. It's probably not going to be high enough. It's 11 and then plus... Hmm. Plus 3, 14. Ooh, so close.

So close. I was looking for 15. Roll a 20-sided die, please. Again? Okay. A 14. What's your armor class,athan 12 all right so um when you ask how he's doing uh just instinctively like from the heat of the battle you think to just like

clasp hands like wrists with nathan and uh you just break his wrist. And you take four points of bludgeoning damage, Nathan. Oh my goodness. And your hand is tingling and numb. Why did I do that? He's not my enemy. You think to yourself as you pull your hand away, wondering why you did that. You are still unfortunately possessed

by this otherworldly demonic abyssal presence. Sorry, Nathan. I don't know what's happening. It's alright. I just set the jungle on fire. Oh, Ivo. Why would you do that on purpose? I'm back, so now I can defend

myself. Were you talking about me while I was gone? No, just waiting for you to come back so we can make it as insulting as possible what sorry I just missed so I don't know what happened but that looks bad should I tie up a old Danny boy you guys fought a lot of dogs or

something yes we we suspect there might be one or two more still hidden away somewhere in the jungle. But for now, Danny took care of them. And my little Paul. Uh, yeah. I just attacked Danny, or Nathan.

I'll throw a heal on it. Yeah, tie me up. I'm going to tie you up. We're going to throw a heal on Nathan. I'll throw a heal on it. Yeah, tie me up. I'm going to tie you up. We're going to put some heal on Nathan. Okay. Where's four points? Do you have more than four points of damage?

Yes, but overall I'm okay. I can roll with it for now. I think we can do a quick little rope around just to give everybody a little more heads up time, right? You go to tie up Danny? I just, I'm like, Danny, why don't you

uh, hands in front of you, we can go through the forest, right? Or are you not down with that? I might resist. Danny? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. He's probably gonna fight. you right are you going are you going to put yeah so do we just want to leave it and hope that he doesn't kill anybody and stab them in the back on our walk yes I was a fool for asking him if he was okay that was

it was your fault but but Iva are you trying to tie his arms? No, I guess I'm not. I guess I'm not. Alright, well, Danny, everyone's going to just trust that it won't happen again. As you continue on. If I heal Nathan to full, won't his arm become unbroker?

Say that again, Ken? If I heal Nathan to full, won't his arm become unbroker? Yes. So I will give him one point, so he's just lost. Okay. I don't want him to have a broken little paw. Oh, thank you, Tootie. And also thanks to Bahamut.

Yes, praise be. You're welcome. Oh, cheer! I break Tootie's wrist and Tootie because he loves Bahamas much just lets you like he just kind of like offers a I've decided for you Ken yeah you guys are gonna start heading south and it's gonna

take a while but you reach as night falls you see bling bottom approaching it's going to take a while but you reach as night falls you see blink bottom approaching it's about a mile away you're kind of walking towards the city you're out of the woods you're out of the sun yeah

um she's got it under her robe right now you do notice since the fight she's been She's got it under her robe right now. You do notice since the fight she's been a little like kind of breathing heavy and kind of not seeming as if she's a statue.

Kind of definitely seems under the weather. Not coughing or anything but like it's kind of like stiff looking. So do we know where to take her having it's been a while since we were in the bottom the players i mean so right it has been a long time there was some temple that didn't didn't uh 2d and danny kind of spend a lot of time at a certain temple like doing volunteer work and stuff yeah it was a temple of Bahamut well actually it is

it is a dragon god named Baralysis who is yeah is like in the same chromatic dragon god pantheon as Bahamut sort of Bahamut adjacent so they do they respect Bahamut here some say

Baralysis is just Bahamut by another name when he visited Davin Glavin. And so, yeah. You can head to that temple. Let us away. So you, it takes you, you know, another few minutes to get there and as night falls,

you approach. And to get there and as uh night falls you approach and yeah the the city is quiet you notice the familiar sight of uh kurt's adventurers guild little little shack where he hands out missions. You see there's that weird big building that you know probably contains Caleb Thudskull, the guy who sort of is the warlord who runs Blingbottom. And you see on the far north side of the city is your mansion that you guys inherited via murdering a hag. But yeah, you approach the temple of

paralysis and there is a priest of paralysis at the front door and says oh I remember you it's been a few weeks hello hello our friend needs some help 2d do a persuasion check

checking persuasion 2. Checking persuasion. Tootie, show them the hammer. I will actually hold up the hammer. Okay. And if you hold up the hammer, I'll give this to you with advantage. Okay. That's a 13. Okay. it's a 13 yeah

um he says oh we should come in and study this hammer ah your friend is this Galaxian yes yes this Galaxian is well known

throughout Blingbottom as a bit of a trouble starter. I haven't seen it around these parts in some time, but yeah, it came through here and asked us to cast some spells on it. I'm afraid

we would prefer to have it wait outside if you don't mind. She served us very well and protected us when she could. Well, if you don't mind. She served us very well and protected us when she could. Well, if you'd like, we could try to help her in the alley behind the temple, but we'd prefer she stay outside, as the last

time she was in town, she was quite a nuisance trying to get someone to cast a spell on her, and at one point she stole some of our property and, uh, unless she'd like to give it back, uh,

maybe we'd, we would reconsider, but, uh, tell me creature, do you have what you stole? And, uh,

princess Caspia just kind of like shakes her head and says, I don't know what you're talking about. Okay. Nathan. Princess. Nathan. Princess. Unless you'd like to become a statue in the entryway of this temple, perhaps it's time for you to start facing facts and being honest. I stole a bottle of wine and I drank it.

Do you think you could help her? And perhaps then then once healthy she can work off the price of said bottle uh nathan why don't you try persuasion without advantage please persuasion can i use my unwavering cuteness there it is uh i can so it's like charm it functions as charm person so the uh monk has to make a wisdom saving throw dc13 okay so let's see rolling the dice on the app and can i see it can you see it uh he got a four and that's with a plus one so nice uh yeah so now he that that that uh character that npc is now as though they are charmed by me for an hour. Okay. Oh, well. I see this is indeed a more important creature

than I first thought. Yes, yes. Whatever you say. Right. Come, all of you. Come inside. Come inside. What was the spell that you needed? Something to reverse her. Whatever you want.

Yes, whatever you want. Well, she's turning into a statue. Our friend Danny is possessed by fly shadows. Give me a minute so he's charmed and he places a hand it takes like a while like a couple of minutes but he

pulls his hands away and you feel this great release Danny as the spirit seems to have left you and then he turns sorry Nathan don't know what came over me to have left you. And then he turns... Oh, thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Sorry, Nathan. Don't know what came over me.

It's all right. I wanted to eat Ivar's face. And then what is it you wanted for the little fish thing? It's a bit of a twofer. First of all, we'd like her not to become a statue. And then she's also, and I will turn

to her, is your desire to become some other type of creature? Yes, I would like to become a rabbit folk such as yourself. And I will turn to the monk and say, you heard the princess.

Well, the spell will take a full day, but I should be able to cast it. No problem. It will take a full day, but I should be able to cast it. No problem. It will take a few platinum pieces worth of supplies, and he kind of like twitches. He's like, but that should be of no problem or consequence for the temple.

Yes, absolutely. No problem whatsoever. We'll just take a day. We're happy to make a donation. Yes, we know what the burden and tire learn you, but we do want you to help her. Okay, well, five platinum pieces

would be the total amount of what this will cost. We're going to need diamond dust and quite a bit of other supplies to cast this spell. How much can you afford to donate? I think we'll discuss that after, right? Nathan has to do all the talking.

Oh, after? Well, that's quite alright. Yes, after we can discuss the donation. That's not a problem at all. Yes, of course. While he's doing that, I will quietly turn into the groom and hold up my one gold piece. I have one gold piece.

One platinum. And he escorts Princess Caspia who like looks behind her with like a big thumbs up with her good hand as she is escorted into some sort of prayer chamber

and the door is shut and we'll have to find out what happens on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Yay. Hey Sam, what do you think happened? Something's creeping on us. We're going to figure

out what it is by shooting it in the face. It's one of those nightcrawler dogs so we're going to fight it. There's a bunch of them. Caspia poked one and Tootie killed one and danny kicked one and then broke nathan's paw and we're finally to bling bottom which now that we're there will soon be completely in flames yay uh dan anything you want to plug yeah doing the the dragon prince role-playing game please watch that on netflix and then i'll have a book out that you'll like cool hey uh chris tallman someone was just asking me in the patreon dungeon masters q a thread that we have for the metal tier and above what is that role-playing game you contributed to that has to do with the devil in the white city oh gosh uh it's called uh murder in the

windy city and it is a dnd uh version of like a kind of like a cthulhu uh investigation thing but it's with dnd rules and uh it's called murder in the windy city and it's got it's based off of that book the devil in the white city so there's a whole murder house as like the main module. And then some of us contributed. I wrote about like the Great Chicago Fire. It's all sort of Chicago turn of the century based adventure stuff. It's super cool. Very cool.

Did you already plug, Dan? Yes. Okay. Tour dates, BrianPersane.com. In October, I'm at Two Heliums. I'm at Buffalo first, and then Philly. But BrianPersane.com is where all those dates always are. And a bunch of comic books in the pipe.

That's it. Blaine? Oh, uh, Stacy Keech and I are going to be in Memphis for the Fried Clams 500 where he's driving the Chevy Volt. I think it's for a tie-in with the

Robin Hiscock movie that we were doing. Nice. We appreciate your ears. Yay. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker

and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also uh send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening