Nerd Poker - S4E57 Manner of Manor

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

The Castaway Cuties are re-exploring their little house and examining their gear, and perhaps the best part is Sam playing the part of loremaster for once. Thanks Sam!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's a regular episode, regular continuity. It's episode 57. My friends are here.

Look at them. We've been doing a bunch of bonus episodes lately. So I've seen that we just did one yesterday. So you got to check out Patreon and listen to the was it Den of Blood? Den of

Blood! We lost him. Coming in hot. That's Dantel for everybody. Hi. How are you? How are you? I'm good. Hey, Sarah. Hi, Brian. How are you?

I'm doing well. And yourself? Good. What's your background today? This is like a generic D&D tavern space, I think. All right. Blaine. Hello, Brian. This is like a generic D&D tavern space, I think. All right. Blaine.

Oh, hello, Brian. Ooh. Spooky. Yeah. Chris is here. Hello. Happy Halloween. Ken is here.

Thanks for listening. Yay. Yay. Ken is here yay hey is that I'm not online at all about our show has anybody caught on or do people what's going on with that no real comment no one likes it

it's just like regular stand-up comedy where you're getting laughs but you never notice the ones you wanted right right well Sam is here you guys hello sweet children with ramen now I'm with more ramen looking at me right on the right on the lap

monster how cute is it when dogs tuck their feet in like this? Did they all figure it out? You guys are starting to look related. Yeah. I feel like people say that about their pets. Yeah, with your hair.

Oh, wow. We've seen both of their bright pink bellies. That's right. They're both adorable. You see Ramen working out in the background. Ramen, what can you bench? What can you lift, bro? Not much with those little util arms. He just lifts cute all day long.

Well, they're making out now. Don't look at us. Oh, wait a minute. Sam, you're still on. BBA much? Well, cool. sam you're still on bda much uh well cool that's everybody dan brian feeling how you feeling i'm feeling like the next holiday after this very spooky holiday is one full of thanks so why not get the jump on it and start thinking patreon supporters at our hey boss and stargoyle tiers. Sounds like a plan, don't it? Yeah. Well, I'm going to

start with somebody named Nathan Whiskers made me snowblind. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Licky. Licking the mic is the lickiest thing Licky would do. Yeah, true.

Thank you, the Dread Admiral Dargather. Thank you, Drath Silverwing. Thank you, Keith Rasmussen. Thank you. Thank you, the Great Blumpkin Scandal 69. Oh, dear. Thank you, Reverend Pokey

Bunch. Thanks, Steinmetz Pianos Requires Attunement. Thank you Bryce Spider Lisser. Thank you Mothman's Shiny Hymie. Thanks SH.

Thank you Bug Nug. Thank you Sean No I Am Not Related Nixon. Thanks Randy Butternubs. Is he related? Thank you, Sean. No, I am not related. Nixon. Thanks, Randy Butternubs. Is he related? To Samuel L. Butternubs? Yes.

Yeah, the famous Butternubs. Thank you, Blaine's lucrative under the table payola deal with big shaving cream threatens to tear the show apart. Hashtag follow the money. Hey, be nice and clean. Oh, that was a solid username joke. Thank you.

Don't want to end up like no poo bear. That's a reference to one of my standup jokes. Thank you. Steve. Vice scene. Thank you. Paul Bunyan, Chrysler and Buick mega mall oh thank you zach clerk thank you ben

simply ben just says ben thank you thank you octoprince's harebrained tentacle hentai that's my least favorite beatles song also she hasn't been an octopus in at least 12 episodes. So thank you, Defiant Geek. Thank you, Panda BDSM. I don't like that one either. And guess what? It ends rough. Thank you, quote unquote barely minors

beardless dwarf porn. Oh, dear. Barely got it. It's like hitting three speed bumps in a row as you're leaving the parking lot. One, one, enough! It's okay, it's a rental. Hey, Blaine, speaking of rentals,

what were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? We don't rent anything. We're underwritten by our sponsors. Classic. classic. Jills. A clothing store. Jills. And much, much more.

Jills. It's everything and more. Jills. Promotional consideration. Brought to you by Jimmy's Dirty Car Wash. Oh, yeah. Hot Pants Sunday. Half Price coming from church.

Give us a hand stamp, Half Price. She's going to put them on the glass. Hot Pants. Oh, yeah. Sons and Babies. Oh, if these binoculars could talk, I'd run. Talking binoculars. You can see it all down here at Jimmy's Dirty Car Wash Hot Pan Sunday.

Jimmy's Dirty Car Wash Hot Pan Sunday. The same joke in a different voice. Dan. Thanks, Blaine. And now it is time For What happened last time on Nerd Poker

Wait does she wash the car with her butt? Yeah I think she does Okay I'm sorry I'm just still back at the car wash I just wanted to be clear I forgot I had a I should have said put him on the glass That's what it sounded like It sounded like she's wearing hot pants

And she is also the like Person washing the car Yeah I pictured it just Just filthy yeah just filthy Is it? Yeah and I was supposed to I was going to tie it together with being next to Jill's on a, do a bunch of interstate jokes, but it was getting long.

We lost the interstate jokes? Everyone's favorite part? I was, yeah. No, they're big dicks. We got to find out who their neighbors are. I'm sorry, Dan. Please continue. Sorry, I had big plans.

I don't remember what podcast this is. What's happening? I just, I, we all love Big Dicks and, you know, we wanted to hear what street the the Hot Pants car wash was on. I think

I think it was it's out by the car, the airport. God damn it. The car airport? No, it's, well no it's well it's it's like out where all the returns are

all the rentals Blaine could not Blaine could not get away from this joke faster so is this like it's like Speedy McQueen

the car piloting a plane right and then like there's other smaller cars I started to say I wanted to say

airport but I said car instead Lightning McQueen I didn't watch those movies he's running alongside cars. I started to say, I wanted to say airport, but I said Karnstad. Lightning McQueen. I didn't watch those movies. He's running alongside the joke. I don't know. Trying to ditch it. Well, it was going to be a thing where I would say it was on a thing, and then I was going to repeat the thing in the voice,

and I was going to have a series of voices repeating the last line and then the interstate directions. And I was going to kind of mix the interstate directions up a little bit and mix the numbers up so it would be super misconstruable. And then I was going to maybe tie that into a thing later, and I just said, fuck it. A lot of work for nothing. It's got to be about big dicks, so I think we're all winners here.

Yeah. Say big dicks more. This will all be on the bonus features. Can we call this episode Say Big Dicks more. This will all be on the bonus features. Can we call this episode Say Big Dicks More? Text me to remind me Monday afternoon and I'll see what I can do.

Big Dicks. That's how we would name Mr. Show episodes. The more we giggled the closer the name got to be in the name. I have the hungry baby oh yeah how many of us have seen

Brian in a diaper farting on oranges can I tell you something yes well no that's my target weight I just recently saw me in that I'm trying to lose weight again I'm like i want to

look like the gibbons ad from 1990 1996 every time you need to play it yeah yeah play the play the fairsley's uh jingle from that fake commercial hey posey put a diaper on and get in that grocery bin okay honey look i can fit into my diaper from the show. I remember this, but it, like, I vaguely, like, everything you're saying sounds vaguely familiar, which is unsettling. I definitely, I went into, I disassociated when that moment happened in the sketch.

It's one of my favorite sketches. Yeah, it's the two grocery stores that have the the ads the ad battle where they're you know saying you know terrible things about each other and then it's one of the last beats where uh the big store has taken over the old the old guy and i'm supposed to be the old guy i'm just wearing a wig making fun of him yeah and i'm wearing a diaper and green clown shoes these just big green plastic clown shoes that didn't even fit my feet. And what do I say? I want your...

What? They were tight? No. You said something like wah, and then you lift your leg and fart. Yeah, yeah. I want your business. And then I go wah. Yeah.

And you really spread your legs. It was upsetting. Yeah. and like you really spread your legs it was upsetting yeah the great thing was when we uh went to the emmys the following year that was my photograph when they announced they announced my name and my mother got to see me on the emmys it cut to me in a diaper farting that takes her back what more could you watch uh stop playing B&B today

Sarah just chatted to everybody and we're at 50 minutes so I've been altering the map in roll 20 to look like Brian's diaper in that sketch so you guys are gonna really enjoy running up and down his landing strip there look it up.

You might like it. Yeah, it's like what if TikTok was all sewn together? They're called sketches. I'm sure there's some problematic moments, but... It was called television. A lot of it has aged pretty well, but yes. Don't worry, we don't have any Gen Z listeners. Actually, I don't know.

Oh, my God. pretty well but don't worry we don't have any gen z listeners actually i don't know maybe oh my god the greatest generation is our fan base oh there's some of those left yeah lucky greatest generation those are people who fought in world war ii right yeah yes correct that was i was i was just going off of our references not grunge really go for the grunge in this generation yeah anyway the cast away cuties how are you guys everybody doing good yay yo dan um what if silence i wish our listeners could see that. The castaway cuties finally made it all the way to Blingbottom. Along with them, Princess Caspia, the once octopus, now fish person, now prospective rabbit folk. A charm spell was cast on a priest of Baralysis, a sort of sub-sect of the Bahamut religion.

And everyone sort of tricked a priest into casting a spell that would cost the temple all of their money. And we last left the Castaway Cuties watching Princess Caspia give a big thumbs

up as she was led into the sub-basement of the temple. Will the spell wear off mid true polymorph casting? Yes, definitely. Will that matter? We'll have to find out.

So yeah, you guys are all hanging out in the Temple of Baralysis, which is sort of a lesser deity under bahamut uh sort of dave and glaven one but um yeah you're back in bling bottom where you've got a house you stole from an evil hag yay why are we always going into sub basements you did you earned it you you freed the butler octavio a butler that sam affectionately refers to as a slave because he didn't leave and run away when he was freed um but uh yeah you've got a house uh there's also possibly intel here but your your two big goals i believe for getting here were to take care of princess cospia's stone arm which is hopefully being

dealt with via this elaborate shape changing spell and get the hammer to a point where it can be used to destroy the evil arch liches phylactery which is somewhere in davengaven what would you like

to start with i want to be clear i don't think we're cheating we were gonna we are gonna donate something to the monks they wanted five yeah but if i correct me if i'm wrong like we kind of left it where they told you how expensive it was and you someone said don't worry about it like go right i think i said we'll we'll negotiate afterwards because it was a donation it wasn't like a price yeah it's like a it's like a one of those tax evasion schemes that churches have yes so um yeah right now you're all just hanging out um a couple of priests do approach uh and see if there's anything else they can do for you

these priests are named cura grayak and Dingle Bangle Bangle. Dingle Bangle Bangle. Tell me what you know of the Hammer of Bahamut. Well, I don't know much. I believe it's sort of traditional name is Bahamut's Fury. Oh, sure. If you don't mind, just let's call it for what it is. You know, it's called Bahamut's Fury.

I just want to make sure you've all educated yourselves. I mean, it's important you get educated. Do better, us. Bahamut's Fury has never been attuned to a person in my lifetime. Thank you for bringing it back. Are you donating it here?

We would happily house it. Are you kidding? After all that shit we went through? Get a load of this guy! It's also not safe to touch. Oh. Yeah. Are you, Tootie, you are gonna

attune to it? Yes, I hope to. Yes. Dingle Bangle Bangle kind of looks at the hammer. These are two listeners, by the way. I was going to say, is this a listener? Dingle Bangle Bangle is a gnome and Kura Greybeak is an Aarakocra. And Dingle Bangle

Bangle kind of like takes the cape and like holds it like, oh! Like drops the hammer a little bit uh lets you take it back if you want but uh kind of backs off with that oh yeah yeah not supposed to touch it so we've never heard of someone attuned to it in our lifetime but in the olden days they they said you if you make a great sacrifice of yourself you could attune to it. Dingle, what happens if... Dingle, bangle, bangle.

Do you mind if I call you Dingle? I prefer it. Okay, great. What happens if one does attune to it? Say the one was named Tootie and he did it. Oh, why, he could carry it like it weighed a normal amount. Also, it has a special power where it can cause a explosion of energy when it connects with a creature. At least occasionally it can.

Okay, because didn't you already do this and it gave you a direct line? Or am I misremembering something that happened? I prayed on it. Yeah. He's attuned to it? No, but he got it to way less. Okay, so he's not fully attuned yeah he's like partially attuned okay yeah we we have to seek the help of like higher up bahamadis is that right which

these guys sort of could be but these two particular priests don't seem to be especially powerful or or or learned um they do tell you there is a scholar who will be in town shortly. He's coming in on a boat from Clottenheim. If you guys can wait in town for a day, you should be able to talk to this scholar.

There's a lot of refugees still coming from Clottenheim because it has now become a bit of a dangerous place. Great. We have a great place to rest. Yeah, we can go back home and chill. Yes, we can go to Amancian has orbs. Also Princess Caspia's spell is going to

take about 24 hours. Oh great, okay. So let's go shake cuties. Yeah. Go back to our stolen home it's not it's you're right it's our rightfully won home yes all right so you guys uh walk across town to the former manor of lady mesramane the the hag that you slayed. And Octavio, the butler, is pacing nervously out front. He looks at, as you approach and opens his arms and says, Oh, it's so good to see you again. Oh, the tales we've heard here in Blingbottom of your exploits.

Why, I was so worried when I heard that adventurers that were most likely you started a war with the Galaxians. Oh, my poor old heart was so frightened. I sent the best beasts that I could find to assist you. Interesting. What beasts? Well, there's a magical stable out behind the manor, and there were these beasts that Lady Mesermaine kept under her sway. As you know, she was a large, a big, devoted fan to dogs,

and she would turn people into dogs. A devoted fan to dogs And she would turn people into dogs But she had these magical dogs That were quite powerful And true of heart And she of course was a being of evil And had imprisoned them And now that you're here

I got some of the priests From the temple of Boralysis To come take some of the curses off the dogs And we got them adjusted to your scent And I sent them northeast towards where the Galaxian Empire was marching in the hopes that they could find you and assist you in your battle.

Oops. We've seen no dogs. All right. Anyway, hopefully they'll find their way back to the stable. Would you like to come inside? Following our send. You're thinking of boomerangs. What did you guys do?

I wasn't here for most of that episode. The boomerangs? No, that they murdered a bunch of those dogs. Yeah, they were stalking them in the night and the castaways struck first. Oops. Whoops.

What a, come on. Yeah, I mean, that didn't work out great, but what are you going to do? At least we didn't set the jungle on fire. Oh! I'm just staring blankly at me. Of course, that wasn't you. We all just assumed it was... No longer going to react to At least we didn't set the jungle on fire. Oh. I'm just staring blankly at me. Of course, that wasn't you.

We all just assumed it was. No longer going to react to jungle fire jokes. We assumed that was the Galaxians who did that horrible fire. Well, it's just, as we all know, because we've all seen the web article, it's a natural thing that happens to the underbrush in the jungle, and jungles and rainforests can catch on fire despite what some people are determined to drag through the mud anyway would you like to come inside or well let me get the door for you as you know a strange and horrible thing happened that one time long ago so you should just let me open the door here we go come on now didn't we pay for a bunch of improvements too are you guys excited for the big reveal of our crib yes um you can already tell

as you approach the home it's looking much less rickety it looks like there have been like all the wooden planks on the outside of the manor have been replaced and as you all enter the gargoyles are still there uh the plants that were once dying have been replaced with new plants and all the the banisters have been polished the floors look immaculate whoa he's not kidding oh butterfist um but uh you guys that was a reference to the bonus episodes please join us on patreon.com slash nerd poker to understand the butterfist reference and blaine falling down anyway yeah the the manor looks gorgeous and you guys are welcomed inside you're told all your sleeping quarters are of course upstairs um just on the other side of the room that we shouldn't spend very much time inside. Right.

Is that the suit of armor? Yes. Don't hang out in there for very long. That's just my advice, you know. Yeah, we'll figure that guy out. Yeah, just stay away. And did we talk to this dude about the orbs at all? I don't think we have. No. this dude about the orbs at all I don't think we have no so yeah when you went into

a trance Nathan you saw orbs floating in this sort of big entryway room correct right and you present this idea to Octavio yes but huh what yes but huh

what orbs you've seen no orbs then have you ever talked about a dark spirit on either side of the threshold of the stands the cabal did many strange

things in the side rooms over there. I don't really get involved in any of that absinthe, drinking, demon-worshipping, vampire-assisting business the cabal is up to, but rest assured they won't be coming back here

anytime soon. Sounds a little biased. Well, you did slay a vampire I didn't even know was upstairs. That was very nice of you. It's very normal of Lady Mesermane to have strange creatures and beings visiting, but I didn't know that particular one was just hanging out. Imagine my horror if you had left and then the vampire

had come out and sucked upon my beautiful neck. It is quite beautiful. Oh, thank you, little bunny man. You should insure it. Sadly, though, what you refer to sounds like some sort of vision that i in my simple servant mind could not comprehend you mean like how they insured juliet prowse's legs

uh yeah yeah like that he says staring deeply into jelf's eyes It has been like a year since we've been here. And it's like, I'm having these weird flat. There was something about a room with like a watch in it or something. Did we ever figure that out? There was like an underground something with a mask where people put their bodies in and turned into animals, right? It's tough. It's tough. Yeah. right? It's tough. It's tough. Yeah,

it seemed like that's how she turned all her friends into the dogs. Yeah, there's like an Iron Maiden in like the cellar. I apologize to the listeners. I needed previously on. Previously in 2020. Yeah, if you guys went out back, presumably the stables are somewhere

on the woods. the thing that's mainly out behind the manor is this pair of cellar doors where if you go inside there's like a there's like a walkway and then sort of a trap shaft that's that's hidden that kills people there's a little spike trap and you guys figured out if you weave your way through this vertical shaft you can get into a secret chamber where, yes, it looks like people were put inside and transformed into dogs. And then what was the deal with the watch room?

Am I making that up? Is that from a different game? Was it from a bonus episode? It was in the house. Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm looking at the map of the manor right now so why don't i go ahead and take you all if you're logged into roll 20 to the manor i'd like to again apologize

to somebody who totally murders this and it's like i mean thank you for apologizing more than anything thank you for apologizing so um the um there's there's the cabal room, which is immediately to your left. There's the sort of spirits room next to that. There's a there's a visiting bedchamber that said dark room that you haven't gone in yet. A dining room, a solarium, the back porch, the cellar doors. You can see all that. And then there's the weird library with the tower where you met. Uh,

what was that dude's name? Started with a V. Um, Oh, right. The invisible guy from the Feywild. That we then some, uh,

when we were inside. Veralis, Veralis. Um, you, you summoned him. Um, and he,

he fought for you briefly, uh that that'll about do it for the first floor and then i will show you guys again the second floor we'll see if we can figure out what you mean by this watch room because i think maybe we're just thinking of similar different things um there's the tower represented there with the pentagram in it because there is some weird shit going on in that tower that's right there's the room that not much time must be spent in uh where there is a sort of armored knight that looks very foreboding uh very dimly lit and there's uh i believe it's a ring in a little glass case in front of it. And then those three rooms to the side,

the top left is the room that Lady Mesramine had as her private quarters. Beneath that is her powder room, and beneath that is where there were sort of ancient artifacts and a vampire coffin. Should we go fuck up that night, you guys?

Seems kind of powerful. Oh, don't bother the night. It's not a great idea if you ask this old man. What can you tell us about the night? He winks at you very oh, the

thing is that night was here before the manor was built. That knight was fixed inside of a temple that has since been destroyed, and it wouldn't move. People tried to move it, and it was an unmovable object for some reason. So a few people spent some time studying it and they went mad. And so people stopped really trying to deal with it. And eventually a powerful woman by the name of Lady Mesramayne built this manor here. And well, she lived quite a long time because she was not of this world. And as the building decayed around her her people forgot that there was a weird ass

knight up on a pedestal up on the second floor luckily it stayed up there and no one really bothered it but it has driven people mad, visitors to Lady Mesmerite's home, sometimes she will lock people in that room and they will come out gibbering

and frothing at the mouth I don't recommend going in there. They do say stories I've heard just whispered amongst members of the cabal that the night can be activated if you attempt to steal its prize but

you do not want to anger the night. What's the prize? The ring in the glass case don't don't don't touch don't touch its ring i mean do we know what the ring uh it's it's got a jewel in it it looks like it's almost certainly powerful and magical in some way and you would be able to intuit pretty easily that i grab it night there is guarding it i mean if you want to be in the room i should tell you like some scene setting it is creepy you all feel tense you feel magical auras coming off of

everything and it does almost seem like the room has this very quiet humming noise that's just outside the normal range of your hearing nathan at one point tried to commune with it and he got this sort of horrible buzz inside his head as if by telepathy as if it was speaking almost in some sort of mechanical language it was uh you know he spoke to it he tried to reassure it but he yeah i think i think i was using message with it i think i must have been thinking of like a bonus episode or a different season because i don't watch you know, there was the clockwork world in season three. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of, yeah. When you're exploring the

sort of airship of the crashed Baron, but yeah. Sarah, I found a note in my notes about a watch from the past. In episode 17, we're in the house and I wrote where we found a ticking watch in a room with floppy arms with a magical option inside.

Turned out to be a recording device. I think that that is what that's what I'm remembering. But I don't remember. Yeah. Episode 17. It says this is what I wrote. It said, hey, I'm very clear. Getting this through the lens of Sam is special.

OK, episode 17. We're still exploring this spooky old house. We found a body and no sooner did I type I wonder if it's that kid that Blaine lit up that Brian made that joke. We found an iron maiden and I very much want to learn more about this

fuck dungeon Nathan's excited about. We're poking around with the vials of blood and I think the machine either sucks a demon out of you or puts one in. Who knows? We put the the body in the mystery machine turned it on and a fish man was created we found a ticking watch with floppy arms with a magical option inside now i wonder if it's that kid blaine lit up turned out to be a recording device and we found a book of evil spells i hope we fight it that's amazing by the way i really i. I really, I feel like. Sam. I'm so grateful. Thanks for taking notes. Do you understand the importance of Sam's recaps, listeners?

Thanks so much. I think what I'm learning is. It's like a stenographer reading it back. Sam knows more about what happened on this show than I do. I don't have any idea what he's talking about. I think it sounds. Yeah. In the wiki, it says nathan identifies a ticking

in episode 17 thank you sam nathan identifies a ticking object and right which i think he got from the upstairs room with the vampire or the cabal room i don't i don't remember which place he got it from but but uh i think he's had that on his personal time i got thrown because i thought you were saying it was like the ring in the room with the knight armor. It was like here in the house somewhere, but I think you already grabbed it. I'm going to have to go back and listen to the episode after this recording and kind of

like... There was a lot of weird shit in there. Again, my apologies to everyone, but aren't you glad that we... There's a lot of stuff. I got a human flesh bag from it. It's been so long. Again. Gross. Now, flesh bag is what there's a lot of stuff it's been so long again gross now flesh bag is what hags have

to keep track of people they have power over I believe it does something weird like I have to go look that up too but yeah you guys gold peacock hairpin oh good fleshy bag with hard lumps inside I can definitely tell you what that is but as far as the

ticking thing i have to go look that up about the gold peacock hairpin yep i think we sold that i'm so sorry i just feel like this episode is like this episode is like a bunch of people trying to remember something they did a year ago. We could at least throw some jokes. I don't think you've identified the watch yet. Did you? Nathan did. According to the wiki. Yeah, it was like a recording device.

Hey, would our characters have the wiki? Would we really know any of this? Would we have Sam talking to us? We gotta really think about this if we want to be true to our characters. I don't think this really matters so we can move on it just occurred to me as we were going through the house that was the last thing that happened it's a ticking pocket watch

that I have named the ornate thingamajig and yeah it's sort of like not something any of you were familiar with so I think in the describing of it i made it extra goofy but um yeah it can you can you can put a message inside of it is where i'm

trying to like tie together what you guys's notes out of what i have from from yeah like 30 episodes ago but it's it's to contain a message yes and you carried it with you this whole time. Also, how I got thrown, you guys thought it was in the house still. You took it. But the wavy arm stuff, I believe, is a reference to stuff that Nathan saw in one of his visions. That's where Nathan and his vision started to blend with the real world in Sam's eyes. So there's not like a room with weird noodles with a watch that watches in nathan's pocket and the room is the one you came in right when you've entered the doors in the sort of netherverse that nathan visioned his way into sorry listeners

hopefully some of you are already going i remember episode 17 quite well telfer and you've already fucked up in these ways yes i apologize uh this is not a playable module uh thank you for listening i'll catch up between episodes and figure this out but yeah um that's that okay so we did what did you guys decide you wanted to do about that i grabbed the ring and pants him night if anything no i'm kidding i love this idea okay i'm kidding i'm kidding of course yeah i mean i feel like that would be i know you're joking but it's always fun to push you right over the precipice and really doing things um mostly I do it to Brian, but today I'm doing it to you. Jelf,

do you want to like do something with this ring? Do you want to test it? Do you want to poke it? Do you want to? No, I'm going to, is there a way to, to sort of,

you said that there's, there's magic all around the room. It gives off a very intense vibe when you go inside yeah it feels like it feels like there's almost people chanting in here but there's no other beings to be can we do some sort of arcana check or history yeah i'm trying to see i will allow an arcana or a history i think you guys did some kind of check some 30 episodes ago but i do have things i can tell you regardless so why don't you all give it a shot? Alright. Sweet.

Let's see what we got. We're both the same. I'm going Arcana. Go for it. Okay, that was a big fat 8. I got a 14. Me too. Arcana.

Anybody beat a 14 in Arcana. Okay. Anybody beat a 14 in Arcana or history? Absolutely not. Brian? No. Alright, a bit low on this difficult to decipher room, but you can tell with a Nathan, you got that right? Yeah.

Great. I did. So a wizard would be able to think of this in pretty direct terms. This armor is a being. It appears to be some sort of automaton, golem clockwork thing. It may have some kind of soul. It's difficult to tell.

The room is also magically altered. the room is also magically altered there's some sort of trap that goes beyond the the night itself that it seems you could trigger by doing something and that might be why octavio's like don't spend too much time in there because it does feel like by fucking around in this room not just touching the ring you could activate some sort of room curse but you're not sure you're not sure not sure anymore beyond that

should we go look at the ore? let's get out of here do you have to drink that stuff again? I don't know let's see what we can see so nathan huffs some paint um yeah what uh what are you gonna do you're gonna take a swig of the old the old juice i think before i took a like a taste of it and that was enough to send me over the edge yeah it wasn't like a swig to You touched your tongue to it, yeah. It was much like doing acid and I assume you're going to get

somewhere comfortable because you will be in a trance. Oh, alright. Yeah, what room do you want to do this in? Because last time you did it in the foyer and that's where you saw the orbs. Who else wants to take Nathan's party drug

any takers I won't take it but I'll sit with him like be a spirit guy like I took a bunch of comedians at Bonnaroo when they were tripping alright so Nathan you touch it and all of a sudden everything goes black and then violet

and then what room are you in uh not the robot room right before i went to oh yeah oh it's not a robot room all right oh all right oh no oh yes um so you you head uh up there you go into the trans and everything is black violet and then you you you start to look around the room you're in a in a room that looks very similar to the one you were just in except there's no longer a little glass case there's no no longer a knight in a suit. There is what appears to be the spectral form of an elven child standing there looking at you.

In place. Standing where the armor is? Or standing... Yes! Hello! That's awesome! My name is Nathan. My name is... My name is nathan my name is my name is arborist arborist is it can i do you live here yes uh i sort of have to i'll sort of let my eyes is there something where the ring is? No, it's a very stark room

Arborist says I can live forever as long as I don't leave this room, thank you for visiting me There's a child I don't know what else to say Hey, I just got a text from a rabbit you guys Nathan are you here to free me? Hey, I just got a text from a rabbit, you guys.

Nathan, are you here to free me? I don't know. Who locked you in here? An evil witch locked me in here. Yes. Were you here before her? Yes, I believe I was. It's hard to remember. It seems like lifetimes ago, but I was wandering through, I think, the woods and there's a little bit of a blurry part of my memory,

but I know she's visited me sometimes and tells me things and tells me I can't leave. It's a very cruel trick, wouldn't you agree, Nathan? Yes, it's... Guys, it's horrible. yes it's guys it's yes it's it sounds as though uh you've been kept here a very long time are you is there any

one or thing here with you no but i believe there's something of mine where you come from flesh bag maybe There's something of mine where you come from. Flesh bag, maybe. Where I come from. What is it, Arborist? Well, it's hard to explain.

It was something my parents made me to help me remember when to come home. It was shiny. I haven't seen it in a very long time. I can't quite describe it. Clock. Is it a ring? Yes. Interesting.

And what does this ring do for you? Well, when you open it up, it has a special little spell that escapes it, and it causes wind to blow in any direction you wish, where you're trying to find something. So if you're trying to find my parents house and you open up the ring suddenly a gush of wind blows in the direction

of the house isn't that marvelous and you're looking for the ring I've been told very many cruel things by the witch about what, what's happened to the ring as well. Can I tell you a secret?

Oh yes. I love it about Kim and Kanye. I think, I think the ring is right here and I just can't see it. Why do you suppose that? Because the witch kept telling me that it's here and that the people who come in the house they can see it all the people who come in the house look at the ring all the time and admire how beautiful it is and i'm here to protect the ring so everyone can see

it and if anyone tries to steal the ring i will then be brought back to the room where the ring is and I can protect the ring. I haven't been able to do it yet, but I'm secretly kind of hoping someone tries to steal the ring so I can come back. Oh, I bet you do. I bet you do. Um, all right, so listen. Um, I've got to meet with my friends. Let me ask you this, Arborist. If someone were to help you find the ring, what do you think would happen then? Well, I would go home to my parents.

Fascinating. All right, well, next time I see you, I'll try and bring a muffin or something. Thank you. Oh, could you come back soon? Or better yet, can you try to steal the ring? I'll recognize you, and I promise I'll give you a big wink. Before you pulverize the operation. I won't pulverize you. I'll recognize you. big wink before you pulverize me I'll recognize you

but only you Nathan well interesting oh well I have a friend named Iva and she's going to insist upon this Iva's going to steal it no no no Iva's going to insist upon me stealing

you'll love Iva how will I know if she tries to steal it that I shouldn't pulverize her? Also, why are you so sure I'll pulverize? I'm a little child. I would say, Arvarus, if you recognize anyone with me, not to pulverize them.

Your friends would only take the ring to bring me back? I don't think anyone wants to take... I think everyone's quite afraid of taking that ring. Oh! But I'm just saying, if there was a way to get you home, try not to kill us in the meantime. I'll make you a deal, Nathan. If you can get me home make you a deal, Nathan.

If you can get me home, you can keep the ring. Well, I just don't see how we're going to ignore that. All right! Wow. Okay, thank you, Nathan. It's a deal. The child extends a hand to you. Hey, do you guys remember

when the guy came in with the no face and we let him get in that tank that turned him into the guy that destroyed the universe? Yeah. I don't remember that at all. Let's take a look at that clip. I will say to them, it's reaching for me

all right i will uh put out my paw and try and sort of very gentlemanly like what a pleasure to meet you the child shakes her you you can feel it but it's clearly visually a spectral hand and as you look down your hand is spectral as well and what is what is danny's in the room with him yes what is danny saying he's telling you oh no danny's danny no yeah yeah you're all in the room and danny's kind of next to nathan keeping so what are we seeing while this is happening uh big black eyeballs on nathan and nothing nothing happening no movement nothing and he's spectral and i'm spectral all right i i i will open my eyes and go we're all ghosts crazy all right i will try and return to my friends if i can well that was something happened buddy yes

does the name ring a bell can we do an arcana to see if um no I will let you all roll a history check history check are you ready for your history check I'm gonna tell you right now it's uh with your current experience you need a 20

uh you'd have to do other things to lower the DC on this. I just rolled a natural 20 plus 3 at 23. Oh, shit! Jeff! You son of a gun! You're a great person to get it. Brian, did you roll anything?

What were we rolling for? History. History. I don't know if Danny wants to compete. We can make it a fun competition. Yeah, I only have a plus one, but let's try. I mean, if you both roll natural 20s, I'll give Danny a little something something.

No. Okay. Very low. You know, two, do you think this sounds familiar when you hear Jelf explain it? But Jelf, when you were in the the bar

in bling bottom you remember hearing a couple of elves drinking at the bar whisper uh there's a story many many years ago of a child with a magical ring who was lured into the house of a witch and the parents waged a war with the witch to try to recover the child but the parents lost the war and many elves died fighting just this one witch jeez how many

bothans a lot of bothans well it's pronounced bothans by at least one actor but in star wars do any two actors pronounce the names the same way? We say both ends in Balmer. Oh, that's... Many both ends don't bring us this

information. Does it track that the witch's lady must remain? Or is this... Yes. She was terrible and really a jerk but it was fun when all those naked

bombs were running away from us remember when those dogs became people that's right when you remember all ran into the foot so there might be there might be a reason to believe this spectral child if the

mythology around it is that he truly was captured I had given you in the season finale of season 3 hey Nathan roll an insight check insight so boy here we go 12 the child seemed pretty earnest you didn't get a great read because

its spectral face was making expressions that were sort of swirling with white energy but yeah i mean you didn't have any reason to be suspicious yeah so if somehow we can use the ring to send it home so he's saying if you if someone tries to take the ring i assume he then embodies you get the impression if you if you touch the ring the suit of armor will spring to life with the spirit of this child and it won't harm you it just will want to be brought to its home which is somewhere in the

jungle to the north um and uh yeah why doesn't everybody do an insight check real quick again me or no please i'm gonna take yeah why doesn't everybody do an insight check real quick again me or no yeah please I'm gonna take a look at that

just to get a good insight yeah that's what you do plus five for crying out loud alright 14 we got a 14 anyone beat a 14 17 yes 19 plus 3 22

Danny's about to 14. 17. Yes. Ooh, 17. 19 plus 3, 22. Oh! Oh! Danny's about to fucking hit a home run with this one. Danny. Danny. What do I see? Danny, you have been listening to all of this absolute nonsense, and you start to

remember what's in the jungle just to the north of Blingbottom, bottom and oh yeah a giant stone head called cronk the walking economy chews people up and spits out coins made of bone interesting and that is right that is right where this child seems to be saying its home is and yeah we'll have to figure out the boing cone mystery next time on nerd poker uh hey sam oh what do you think everyone all right we are hold on we are back at the mansion that we left that old man who's an indentured servant of ours at. I think his name is Kurt.

We met two chill priests for the first time in the decade since I've known you guys. Someone referenced something and I knew what they meant. I'm going to go back to my notes and see if I can find it. Jelf is playing with a ring. We met a ghost child. Turns out the ring is a wind GPS. We all rolled D&D dice well and it resulted in Nathan remembering that Kronk exists. Close. Kurt is the guy

from the Adventurers Guild. That is in town. So he's a couple. Who cares? Oh. I'm going to turn my camera off while I go fuck myself. Hell yeah. Pop your shirt off. All right. Hey, I write a role playing book based on Netflix's The Dragon Prince.

I would love if you watch Netflix's The Dragon Prince and then went to Tales of Zadia dot com and checked out the free adventures and rules primer that are already available for you to play for free while the book is being published in a world where all resources are moving very slowly but hopefully will come out rather soon yay uh anybody else no uh brianpastine.com um for tour dates and i'm coming coming... I'm going to be in Philly. And then I'm going to be right before Halloween in Austin at Altercation Fest on the 27th. And then

I'll be walking around Disneyland on the 28th wearing a costume with my family. And then what do I got? Oh, a bunch of comical books. PrimeSane.com for new stuff. Buy our new merch, too.

Oh, we've got new merch at what's the website? NerdPokerPod.com. Yep, that's it. Well, that was Ernie. Ernie wants to say hi to everybody. What's up, Ernie? Hey, Ernie.nie wants to say hi to everybody what's up Ernie Ernie you're a freak oh you're a freak

you're barking you're barking at the neighbor taking the trash out Ernie Jesus Lord Ernie make cracking sorry everybody oh you mean am I eating pumpkin jojos while we're recording yes I am also I apologize

anyone who saw my hairy knees I'm wearing shorts delicious alright I moved my webcam around everybody to show them the dog I'm so sorry Lane oh uh me and Stacy Keach are doing the

Paris to Dakar rally in a smart car for some Hulu thing. I leave as soon as I'm done with this. I got in a smart car. I've never been more uncomfortable in my life. Yeah. For giants. They ought to call them dumb cars. Yeah.

I better not say that. I'm being sponsored by smart cars from Paris to Dakar. cars. Yeah. I better not say that. I'm being sponsored by smart cars from Paris to the car. Oh. Yeah. Sam, can you take out the thing where I disparage smart cars? Dan's doing some kind of workout. And looks like Roman looks like something has happened to Sam and Roman is

worried. This show's off the rails. He's the only one on the screen. We appreciate your listening. What are you talking about? Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,

Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.