Nerd Poker - S4E58 Woke Up Kronky

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

The Castaway Cuties finally crash, and things get creepy real fast. I mean it's a manor that was once a hag's meeting place for her cabal of evil, just south of a being named Kronk the Walking Economy, you'd think they could just cuddle under their duvet and have cozy dreams.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker, episode 58, regular continuity. My friends are here.

Look at them. Hey, Chris. Hey, Brian. um regular continuity my friends are here look at them um hey chris hey brian you're talking about that regular continuity uh ken is here hey buddy hi brian how you doing i'm good regular continuity i'm so regular lane is is here. Love it. Continuity, that regular continuity. Sarah's here. Yeah, welcome to showbiz and that regular continuity. Hey, Sarah. That's what it's all about. God damn it.

I say dumb things. Everybody goes after me. It's Dan. Hello, Brian. I'm a bottle episode that is not a part of continuity. Oh, nice. Sam is here. Look at him.

Hello, continuous children. I was just gonna say he won't bust my balls, but there he goes. Get fucked. Bust it. I feel like that was something we all did together. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I just gotta get over my bullshit he's always busting memories of me there's ramen we should uh we should thank

our patreon listeners oh my god here it comes are Are you ready? We love Patreon supporters. They keep the show live and they go by names like Ewan. Thank you, Ewan. Thank you. Thank you, Megatron's Merkin. Thanks, Sean McCoy. Thank you, Kenneth Wall. Thank you. Oh man, this one hurts.

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Thank you, cabbies on pot. Thank you. Thank you, teachers talking teaching. Thank you. Thanks to you, Cabby's on pot. Thank you. Thank you, Teachers Talking Teaching. Thank you. Thanks to you, RT. This is what makes me laugh every time. Thank you, Danny's Huge Pants, because too much McFlurry.

I have no memory of McFlurry being a part of the giant sweatpants joke from episode two or whatever, but McFlurry is so specific, it just delights me. Thank you, Nick Hinks. Thank you, The Randomer. Thank you. Or Theron Domer?

I don't know, it's all one word. Thank you, Jeff! Thanks, Jeff. Thank you. Thanks, Jeff. Thank you, Bernie Sanders Magical Mittens. Thank you. That was early pandemic or pre-pandemic it was yeah it was early what was it no it was it was uh mid-pandemic because it was the inauguration ah midemic thank you do you like penis collages? Oh, uh,

and, and, uh, and watching Cox on the plane. Thank you. Someone needed to follow it up. Thank you, Riley.

Thank you. Misaligned duck. Thank you. Thank you. Mutt plays magic. Yay for Mark. Thank you for nice guys. A girl,

a pizza place called Palladino's. Thank you. Thank you. Fred Durst's vagina. Ooh Called Palladinos. Thank you. Thank you, Fred Durst's Vagina. He's got one. Thank you, Les Cole. Thank you, NoDan. Thank you. Triple word score.

And finally, thank you Skeletor's Painfully Inflamed Perineum. Ouch. Go see a urologist, Skeletor's painfully inflamed perineum go see a urologist Skeletor there's no shame get some balm at least some baby powder pony up your copay for that specialist you got insurance

you're part of the evil horde I know hordex anyway I digress Blaine who are those patreon supporters brought to us by patreon supporters brought to us by ad classic pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution it's pollution. It's pollution. It's pollution. It's pollution. It's pollution. It's pollution.

It's pollution. It's pollution. Pollution. Get it. Dan? Oh, I got to go get me some of that. Blaine, do you know where we can pick pollution up? I don't know.

I think that was from before people knew pollution was bad for you. Oh, I see. Seems like Nerd Poker has had some very strange previous sponsors yeah that's what always throws me blaine these are these are like old ads from before the age of podcasting how are we making money off this this is the was this stuff that that uh that kept us on the air you know back before we even started playing playing. In the 1890s when you were, you know, thinking about playing. Well, you know, it's like we, well, you know what it's like trying to get money for the show.

We have our feet in a lot of pies. So we get kind of get money where we can. Sure. Including foot pies. Oh my gosh. Oh, I can't wait for the foot pie commercial. Right? Yeah.

It's awesome that we're sponsored by big pollution. That makes me feel great. Well, I think they're mostly into like pharmaceuticals right now. They kind of, they branched out. You know, the way the Democrats used to be the bad guys, now they're the good guys. That's the same way with the pollution people. Now they're, I think they did some stuff with the space station. I heard Sarah loves foot pies.

Anyway. Looks like a pie. Looks like a sneaker. Looks like a pie. I think it's time for us to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Please. Okay. Okay.

Last time on Nerd Poker, the castaway cuties went back to Bling Bottom. Uh, last time on Nerd Poker, the castaway cuties went back to Bling Bottom. They're just sort of hanging out in the night room and they found the ghost of an elven child in the astral plane that seems tied to this knight's armor. Will they unleash the angry elf child ghost upon Bling Bottom? Will Tootie attune to the hammer when the scholar arrives the next day who princess Caspia be a little rabid lady we'll have to find out right now hey guys where are we what are we doing you're all in the room just watching Nathan's snap to his yeah his eyeballs were all pupil for a second there and he snapped back and he's relaying something what the hell yes it was that was rather strange wasn't it told you to just take half

well maybe we can just discuss our options we still need to meet with that scholar so we have a day to sort of think about this thing yeah i mean you guys uh you have full hit points right because you've rested since the blink dog fight i don't know about that i don't think we did actually i think we came here to rest we went straight to the temple for her and then now we can rest now at last i go straight to the coffin where we killed that vampire okay so way down and rest um no i'd like to go to the to so you walk you know down that corridor there's a there's that sort of what is it called balcony i couldn't remember what a balcony was everybody don't you wish i had called it a floaty floor or something uh you you

mezzanine yeah you walk across the mezzanine into the room upstairs patio upstairs patio yeah no i was nodding yes can you check out that uh dark room uh the dark room is the guest quarters you can go go ahead and check that out. So 2D, you go into the guest quarters and it looks like the beds that you were told were rather simple have been replaced with kind of nice, not quite West Elm, a little more Ikea beds.

They're good for six guests. So I will take us. I like it. Are we all getting in one bed next to each other? I will make that the active shot on Roll20 in case anybody cares to see some drawings of beds that I

did about seven months ago. Draw me a bed. There it is. There's only four beds. Yeah, imagine there's two more beds. Okay. Also, I could probably... It's easy if you try. You got an upgrade. I could be the little spoon if somebody is looking

for a friend. Oh. Adorable. Too bad your princess isn't here. If you... Not my princess. You better figure this out quick because they don't have a relationship

yeah I don't think she wants to be an adventurer anymore I think she's changed her mind so you if we're looking at the second floor now I will say I did not update this map for the renovations but there's there's actually

five beds in the room where you see one big bed on the top left there oh great it's it's it is outfitted to fit all the castaway cuties should they decide to sleep there but there's six beds downstairs all right let's have a nap uh first good night i've uh we we should do like some kind of watch you could do some kind of watch but i want to talk about the vampire room real quick i was making a joke about going to sleep in this coffin oh do you want to go in the room just to see what it looks like or do you want to go to bed and i'll do it so octavio octavio did not know what to do with this room he was clearly overseeing the renovations and letting a lot of

money get spent but he sort of converted this room into a bit of a funeral parlor it doesn't seem he knew exactly whether the the coffin was important to keep or not so this room has been very tidied up there's no longer crates full of boing cones and stuff like that that must have gotten put in some sort of storage area but there is a few rows of uh pews and the coffin has been cleaned of whatever battle and it's open with nothing in it i examine coffin do an investigation check you're playing zork yes that was that was the reference i used to love text-based adventures i'm wearing i'm i think i'm wearing a zork t-shirt right now so that's probably where that came nice subconsciously they have that i think for free as like an ipad app yeah it's on everything yeah i'm gonna do a luck point again my investigation okay now i got a 19 oh um yeah

you find a diary you you're kind of pulling at it and the velvet on the lid is hiding this whole weird compartment um it looks like the vampire had a little hidden traveling compartment in here. There's a diary that it was keeping. And there is also a series of little vials that appear to have blood in it. Um, the blood's congealed quite a bit, but you can recognize the dark reddish Brown as what is meant to be blood. Uh, you would also know just enough about vampires to be like,

okay, if they've got vials you know that are going to congeal that's a bit strange vampires usually you know ingest the blood during the being's life and they don't like keep files unless it's possibly for some sort of magic use it was all his uh okay i read his diary familiar um he seemed to have some sort of plan to like become an archmage and he was traveling around the world trying to accumulate information on uh how to eventually become a lich uh which is apparently very difficult for a vampire to do and so he had a bunch of sort of hypothetical notes on how he could achieve lichdom does any of this ring a bell to you because there was in season one that i was not here for weren't there wasn't there a vampire situation i think we ran into this before when we found this vampire there were many vampires in season one.

And it was, it wasn't a place. It was a place called Amina, which is where this casket is from. And it does seem to say in the diary that he was intending to retire in Amina to become some sort of lich none of this is ringing a bell for you guys well none of these characters experienced i just was i was asking the players but uh wasn't there uh yeah uh that was brian blaine and ken only but yeah that was our brains

are fuzzy um yeah what or who it seems like you killed a vampire that intended to do quite a lot of nefarious things okay well yay for me that's good i mean us uh and perhaps have uh kept the events of season one from ever happening so that's awesome um so yeah let's we're gonna retire now to rest right all of us so we can get our and uh blaine expressed an interest in keeping watch yeah i only need to sleep for four hours so i can okay so everybody kind of crashes for a couple of hours and the door kind of cracks a little bit oh boy who that yeah who is it you see a shape for a second roll a perception check uh 11 plus 617

all right uh you think you see just for a second a glowing red pupil as the head goes and disappears from the crack. Glowing red, you say? Yes. A pupil? Yes. Glowing red pupil. And not like a student on fire. We'll be right back.

I'm going to step over to the door and do like a little Scooby-Doo up and down the You see as you open the door you do it just in time to see the door to the room. We must not spend much time and go

very quietly closed. So the thing was coming to look at us. Not necessarily. Creepy. And I didn't hear it. I didn't hear anything. Any footsteps or anything? How much time are you spending just standing on the balcony thing?

That's an important question right now. Are we all awake now? No. I need Blaine to answer this goddamn question.'m gonna i'm gonna head back into the room okay um as you turn around you do think you hear another creak on the ledge near us uh it sounds like it came from downstairs do you go back in the door or do you look down? I'm going to go back in and just get everybody up. Okay. So

Jelf wakes everybody up. Everybody roll an insight check. Guys, guys, guys! I was sleeping. I was having the most wonderful dream about getting killed in my sleep. One. Oh, Nathan, you're still asleep.

Yeah. Eleven. Hmm. Seven. It's my best skill and I cannot roll a good one. Anybody else? Anybody else? What you got inside?

Inside. Wayne, Brian, Wayne, Brian brian oh i got a 16 uh 14 plus 6 is 20 oh brian what'd you get nice uh 10 plus 3 is 13 okay not bad but uh 20 will take the cake uh joe if you think about it you think it's very unlikely that arborist the spectral child was able to get to the material plane without someone taking the ring so either that massive night got really quiet

or someone snuck into your house oh are there and uh we were talking about vampires did not look like octavio at all it definitely you got a 20 it had kind of a vampy vibe yeah yeah we gotta search right now vampire hunter club guys do you leave the bedroom onto the balcony i want to join your club uh you all look down over the balcony and there is a black humanoid shape uh that sort of twirls around and it's just shadow it's a floating humanoid shadow

with two glowing red eyes it seems to look directly at all of you castaway cuties and then the whole shadow kind of goes disappears and kind of wafts through the cracks in the door leaving the house. I run out the front door. How high up are we? You're about 15 feet up off the ground of the floor you were

just watching. I'm not Jackie, Danny. Has this happened before? Danny can pull a Jackie. You can try to jump down, but you get to pick acrobatics or athletics if you're jumping down. I'm going to parkour down.

I'm going to parkour down. So athletics. All right. Anybody else? Iva? Is it faster to jump down? Yes. Otherwise you have to go through the room.

You're not supposed to spend much time in. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm faster to jump down yes otherwise you have to go through the room you're not supposed to spend much time and oh okay yeah i'm gonna jump down too i'm gonna use acrobatics actually okay everybody who wants to jump down please roll one or the other and tell me the number asap please 14 17 14 13 13 okay i see plus 419 acrobatics i need 12s i'm gonna i'm gonna take the long way i'm not gonna risk great doesn't have a great bonus so that could have been down with them rough yeah um nathan uh i'm gonna describe it for you first even though you are the slowest you you know you hear everybody parkouring bouncing off the gargoyles and you know swinging off the big chandelier in the middle just doing some amazing stuff your back is turned to all of this you go into the room and uh roll an arcana check please oh shit all right 20 oh um you see just for a moment the the knight's hand lower all the way down.

Upon my entrance, though? Yes. When you say what, where was the hand? You're not sure what the position was, but you guys have been in here. One of the hands was holding a sword and the other was at its side and the hand, I'm sorry I'm going to stand up here to try to illustrate, the hand that was at its side seems to have

been up in some way and is now going down to its side hmm hello Arborist is the room still there? no sign of Arborist or any movement in the room you guys all parkour down do you run to the front door yes you swing it open the night is chilly and dark there are a few lampposts lit

um you do not see any sign of the huampia 2d can you search you can find evil or yeah i'm looking for it right now so maybe this thing came in and was either uh uh trying to get the ring from the thing or was trying to activate it to fuck with us or what the ring was still there

yes yeah i'm gonna cast divine sense and see if i can find good did nathan did not talk to you yet but oh yeah sorry he did get the impression that someone at least tried to touch the ring and maybe it didn't go uh got it so great um divine sense will you let listeners know this is a presence of strong evil as an action you can detect good and evil until the end of your next turn you can sense anything affected by the Hallow spell or know the location of any celestial

fiend or undead within 60 feet. There's not behind total cover. You're kind of looking around. You're pretty close to the jungle, right? You're in the sort of far north end of town, just south of the jungle where the child wandered you suddenly get this waft of

horrible just like necrotic death rot wafting and as you turn to the north you just see the shadow go into the jungle this way we run

Nathan you kind of go down out of the other door under sort of the main room you see the house that is its front door is just swinging open octavio comes out in some pajamas uh and he goes oh what's happening Nathan there was a an intruder we are chasing it down secure the how did it get in if you touch the door that bad thing can happen

wait what there's like an alarm on the door there's an alarm on the door if you touch it that sometimes it can activate a magical trap. It's a, it, it, we think it's some sort of vampire.

Like he gets very like, I have to go. Okay. Um, for practical purposes, you are, uh, over a hundred feet behind everyone else's.

They run towards the jungle towards the jungle is very dark you guys are going around shadows everywhere you're getting occasional wafts of death 2d but as you go farther into the jungle it gets weaker and weaker there's shadows you're getting you're not really there's too too much like movement for you to really track anything and it was already a rather faint scent what would you guys like to do yes um it was moving faster than you guys could move i'm trying to track as well though using my skills as a i will of course allow all of you except for nathan to roll an investigation or survival

check so that's 17 plus 6 so that's a 23 investigation okay roll the 15 survival anyone beat a 15 survival Danny what you doing

I'd love to use shadow step which i can actually teleport up to 60 feet to an occupied space i can see uh but it is dim so i'm gonna go 60 feet ahead of myself all right so iva you think you see some fronds far ahead uh sort of parting in the direction that you had been running after being led by tootie's shadow spot um tootie was just sort of losing the tether you point for the whole group where was danny you see i have a point you follow the direction of her finger and you bamf through the shadows 60 feet ahead as soon as you step out of the shadows, you see this being that is seemingly a silhouette. It's almost, this clothes looks like gelatin.

It's like very quivering. You can see through it. It's got these plumes of smoke coming off of it. And though it keeps moving away from you very quickly it does sort of seem to pivot the top of its silhouette towards you and you see sort of turning towards you these glowing red eyes

how far away is this from the rest of us? about 70-ish feet Danny it's just sort of like leaving you can be running after it stop now and fight me that's what he says all right i'm running you're running but it's moving so fast like it's not responding to you i'm clicking the the heels together on my boots of speed okay um

which means it doubles my walking speed and any creature that makes an opportunity attack Oh. Okay. Which means it doubles my walking speed and any creature that makes an opportunity attack has disadvantage. Nice. Okay. You start catching up to Danny really quick. Yeah. I'm gonna

use it again when I can. Okay. How often can you use Shadow Step? It doesn't...'t i'm looking shadow step bonus action uh oh so like is that it says when you're in dim light or darkness as a bonus action you can teleport up to 60 feet to an occupied space you can see that is also dim or darkness you then have advantage on the first melee attack you make before the end of the turn so is that every turn you can do this i think so that's crazy that's every six seconds so um i'm badass you bamf again and uh this time you get so far ahead of iva who was like already caught up to you pretty quickly you're in front of the silhouette now.

So you're, you're, you're running and you look over your shoulder and it is like barreling towards you. And it like backs up, starts going to the right. You, although you're running right towards it and you you're right about,

you could stab it. If you wanted to realize you're now entering a field, there's a big opening in the jungle and there is a very large moving silhouette in this very dark field all of you and this guy all of uh and we can see the one large silhouette i'm sorry or do we see both of them uh you do you two see both of them tootie and jelf you can't quite see anything you're just sort of hearing your friends calling out and knocking uh branches aside nathan you're trucking along. Everyone's pretty far ahead of you though. You're kind of like having to listen for them to call to you. I'm using my

large ears to listen and I'm using my meaty thighs to hop along. Can I cast Longstrider on myself, please? Sorry. Yes, and you'll be catching up quickly. Yeah, go ahead and try to attack it, Brian.

Oh, cool. See what the bonus is. 17 plus whatever my bonus is on the on my longsword. I have to pull up your character sheet to know your bonus. By the way, Sarah, thank you for

looking up the shadow step duration, which is, as we said, it sounds like six seconds. That's great. It's got a six bonus, so 17 plus six. Awesome. Roll your damage. All right.

Damage is 1d6 plus 3. Okay. I'm going to cast sleep on the thing. Sadly, I got a 1 plus 3. Yeah, I mean, you stab at it and as you go through, the gelatin just seems to like move aside, sort of accept your blade. Wait, you dodged?

No, the damage. He rolled like a 23 or something on his attack hit. You're making contact, but your sword is just kind of not finding purchase. It almost seems like this isn't a corporeal being you're chasing. You do think you did some kind of damage to it, but you very quickly are like, oh, this is like some sort of messenger creature or representation of another creature. This isn't like a fully formed being. Okay. And that was sleep on it. representation of another creature this isn't like a fully formed being okay and that time he was

sleeping I tell everybody it's a messenger it's not a real uh he calls it out you can still try to turn 2d you're uh pretty far back everyone else has activated some speed stuff you're still about a hundred or

so feet away do you have like a turn undead or that like destroys them at a certain level I will I will throw this to everybody you see there is this thing wheeling towards you that is uh about two two stories tall

right um it's it's this don't worry about that it looks like it's made of something very heavy and it is going oh is this cronk doesn't see it uh it feels like it might be cronk oh it's cronk guys the walking economy right let's get some coin con side of them it's it seems highly likely that this thing is dangerous yeah so we know what we know about cronk is that he eats bones and dead people and then makes coins from their bodies out of the bones points yeah not just dead people too like he eats live people for sure and do we know the

history of cronk like how was he you know did he formerly exist as a human being who was cursed and then turned into this thing or anything like that all you really know is uh first of all he's played by patrick warburton second of all there is some sort of uh soon you'll be airborne there's some sort of shadowy economy like like thieves guild types thing where blink bottom uses these things as currency right rather unsavory currency and uh like do we know anything about is he a natural is he man or beast he's like a giant stone coin shaped thing with legs and arms. It seems likely he is a very large stone golem. I'm going to,

we're talking a few hundred points. Okay. I'm going to cast an illusion spell of a miniature five foot tall version of himself. I'm going to float it right in front of his face. Please do a deception check. Wait, but we always have to remember with the spell that it's

like he has to investigate it. Oh, he's investigating it immediately, yes. I'll roll that check, sure. He has to make a successful intelligence investigation check against my spell save DC, and every time we intelligence investigation check against my spell save dc and every time we are like what is my spell save dc i bet he's pretty good he rolled a 10 and that's gonna be it with plus zero but and we've done this before and it's

definitely over 10 although i don't have it really handy yeah yeah it's over 10 yeah you're level six so he sees that what does he do um you see these arms reach up they're they're at first short and then you hear this like and the arms seem to extend upwards towards it and they start grabbing at it does it sound mechanical yes uh what are you doing sir i missed it i was just trying to see if i can move the um the illusion it doesn't seem like can't create sound light smell or any other sensory effect what happens if it's touched then it reveals it for he's about to touch it yeah so i would move it if i could i just actually am not physical interaction reveals it to be an illusion but i just didn't know if i could move it i can quickly google that if someone wants to do something else yeah you all realize all of you that this this black ghost thing is starting to head around the edge of the jungle danny you can still be chasing it but uh it looks like cronk is about to come for you all if it figures out this

floating coin is fake everyone's thinking i'm just i'm at the end of the pack i'm just trying to close at this point you're there while everyone's just sort of figuring this out. I mean, time is passing at this point. You guys are awful quiet. He figured it out. Okay.

You guys, did you find the vampire? Some sort of messenger, I don't know. Where did he go? Yeah. Hey, what's that you do um i'm gonna scoop nathan up get to do a perception check away from let's get a perception check from everybody all right and again you're you all feel like you're about to get pounded by a massive guardian stone thing 18 pounded in a good way again it feels dragon turtle level difficult

19 18 great 22 nice beautiful Brian what you get what am I rolling for perception check perception no what am i rolling for perception check reception okay no low okay well those of you who got an 18 or higher think you see uh some sort of smoke coming out of a chimney kind of a little bit farther north than jungle just past this clearing

all right i'm gonna take nathan with me and run to the chimney you guys run run around that way and i'm telling everybody else this way okay i'm gonna take nathan with me and run to the chimney you guys run run around that way and i'm telling everybody else this way okay i'm following and we're getting away from this golem yeah all right i'm gonna need everybody to do an athletics track to try to outrun this thing which has just swung its hand through the coin coin is no longer there and now it is seeing uh everybody except for 2d and nathan who are sort of in the ridge of the field and it's like just to be clear for funsies i want you to know that the illusion was actually of a five foot tall cronk yes floating in the air okay not a coin it was

it was just him he's very much so I kind of liberty with it oh interesting I didn't even realize I got a 21 and I have my boots of speed on 17 amazing thank you I thought so too great role

athletics from Danny and 17 14 plus athletics I think is three yep great 17 you all get to the edge of the northern jungle and cronk sort of loses sight of you seems like he has a hard time getting out of this little clearing uh like he's got bad eyesight but you're now heading towards a building, uh, very like dark, except for like one window off to the right. That's glowing. It seems near the chimney.

This is a very creepy stone building with a straw roof. It looks like it's fallen into disrepair. You wouldn't be surprised if it's a squatter that's in there because it looks like it used to be some sort of kind of you know rural home that has probably been vacated for decades um yeah

uh also if you you very can clearly uh see those of you at the front of the pack the black shape kind of like billowing disappear into a window of the house. Great. Interesting.

Let's sneak into this house somehow. Well, okay. So the, this house has two big wooden double doors that have been nailed shut with like a bunch of planks over it and also there is a large boulder in front of the front door the window the thing bamfed through has kind of a low ridge and it's it's kind of open there's a few windows that have been smashed

uh in and out but it looks like the whole place was barricaded at one point you think you could pretty easily climb right into the open window almost as if the spectral form did climb so to speak okay i mean let's go yeah let's get in yeah yeah absolutely you can sneak in i guess it knows you all lift yourself i try to go in a different window than it went in i want to try to go in somewhere it didn't just come yeah i think we're gonna sort of break into this house can we uh can i run around check from folks breaking into this house is anybody staying outside what's that coin can get us no thanks. That's a 27 on my stealth check. Nice.

Can I sneak around and take a look at the building from all around? I have my long strider so I can do it really fast. And I got a 19 on stealth. I rolled a 2 on stealth. I rolled an eleven.

That's thirteen combined. Very important point of order I should have brought up sooner. 2D, where have you left the hammer? Or are you carrying it kind of like a regular hammer? Left the hammer it would be with our stuff right he wouldn't

have it on his person in the house that's the thing it's the kind of thing that you should probably declare if it's with you or not yes I will declare from now on left it in the house okay very very good for both me and listeners to know I think as you're all

climbing in Brian brian did you roll stealth check yeah low uh 12 okay well that was good enough the only one who i think failed this one's 2d so you're all kind of hoisting yourself up this little stone opening 2d you um slip fall backwards clang land on your back you manage to get back up everyone kind of lifts you back to sneaky mode but you definitely announced your

entrance unintentionally we see anything any lights coming on or anything those of you with dark vision can see I think that's all of you but maybe not Nathan I always forget i do not have dark vision yeah you're looking around and there's not a whole lot going on here it seems like a really old room but you do see a glow off to the right one of the doors seems to be leading to a room where there's a fire. Shall we go warm

ourselves? Can I still be using my 27 stealth? Sure. Pretty good. Pretty good stealth. You sneak up towards the doorway and you just see...

Who's looking at us? Anyone peeking? Yeah, let's peek. Ooh, there's room for one of you to peek. Let's look. I have a peek. I peeked. Because I saw her roll.

Let's get a perception check, and if you roll high enough it will definitely ride that 27, but if you don't, to save your 27, you're just going to instinctively pull back or you'll know you'll get i mean how is a natural 20 plus two my lord ding dong dang and of course sarah's one of the players using the dice uh feature on dnd beyond so this is verifiable you can see it uh i think we're all verifiable sarah had to play it visually so she could

stop her crazy rolls you're all blue checks in my heart but yes um you you peer around you see this black silhouette you guys have been chasing kind of into a very corporeal form wearing a velvet purple cape it's got a big high collar uh jet black hair and it's sort of like starts looking around in a panic there's uh one window and it starts moving towards the window now i cast sleep on it all right how does sleep go that's for hit points yes hit. 58 hit points, yeah. 58. Don't you have a specific for undead things, though? As a paladin?

What do you mean? Oh, nothing. I just thought they were easier. Like turn undead or something? You automatically turn them. I don't think it's automatic. Anyway, I rolled a 19. Yeah.

19 hit points. I'm just checking. Does it work on undead? That's what I rolled a 19. Yeah. 19 hit points. I'm just checking. Does it work on undead? That's what I'm trying to figure out. It just keeps rolling. My app has gone insane. It just keeps rolling. Undead and creatures immune to being charmed are not affected by the sleep spell.

Never mind. Tootie would know that. So, yeah. Is there another spell you want to cast? Yes, I'm going to cast Command. Why does this keep rolling dice? I don't know. It likes you. It's trying to impress you. Oh my god.

My app is just continually rolling. You speak a one-word command to a creature within range. The target must succeed a wisdom saving throw. Here we go. Yes. Freeze. Nice. There's a plus three to this a six oops yeah this this figure is like reaching for the window like it was about to dive out of it and it just yeah let's take a look

do you guys enter the room to get a better look at this thing yeah yeah i mean it is a very thin weak looking being that it's it's wearing this very wealthy robe it's wearing very like silk clothing it looks very proud of itself but it looks like it's seen better days its face is very sunken it looks like it's uh hungry and it's kind of like shaking as it's frozen identify yourself i am lord sewell sewell yes lord of what? It's not important. I'm not Lord of anywhere in Davin Glavin. You wouldn't know.

Just wanted to check on what happened to someone I once knew who was taking up residence in your home. Oh, you traveled together with that vampire? Yes.

He did. The vampire's whatchamacallit You will regret it if you don't release me. Is this thing wearing a similar merchant robe remember that the other vampire had some kind of merchant robe on it sure is

are you a group of traveling vampire merchants what's it to you rabbit man just trying to lure. Okay, sorry about asking the thing you like. I like questions? What are you saying? I'm asking you about your vampire merchant group.

We're not looking for a director of marketing if you're trying to endear yourself to me. No, I just want to understand this world is... Did you see that coin trying to kill us? Yes, I thought it was rather funny. This world makes no sense. I don't like that. All right, so you don't like this guy. I slap him.

He... Alright, so. You don't like this guy. I slap him. Uh, he He's He's, uh, been commanded. What were you doing in the house? What was your friend doing in the house? Oh, you know what? We need back up here. Uh, big narrative

step back. Command does not work on undead, Tootie. Oh, fuck. We're gonna... You know what? The only way this isn't super fucking weird is if I do it this way. When you say command, he turns and laughs at you, and rather than being

frozen in place and sounding kind of simpering, he's been much more bold and kind of laughed in all of your faces. Otherwise, the same exchange happens. Hold person. Just say I cast hold person. Sure. It also requires a wisdom saving throw. Great. And it works on Undead. So he's

Yeah. He keeps rolling this fucking dice. But he seems proud. He seems like he thinks it's none of your business what he does or why he's wearing robes. You can't use it on Vampire Zero, according to this. Oh, boy. Let's just drop it and say you

tried and he laughed. If you could try something else now, but we've moved past it. It doesn't say that in the description of the spell. Oh, yeah. Again, I don't know. Sometimes these spells do have little ambiguity holes and you've got to look at future books that they release to see them cover their butts yeah

go by the app i mean they made the app i don't know what to tell you i don't know i don't know what to tell you um okay so he's so what what now he's just staying here because he likes us or he wants to make fun of us but uh at this point he's free of spells and he's looking for okay um i'm gonna he's gonna dive for you i've tried to throw you out of the way so before you can use the gold lasso you see this thing really quick towards Iva and grab her please do a strength check as it tries to grapple you can I get it can I do a dexterity

check to try to get out of his way uh sure or no he's too fast um I'll let you try but it's you feel like uh you know that's just because I'm small and dexterous if you want to get out of if you want to get out of its way sure uh roll uh that is a 25 he grabs you and you feel like he sees you moving out of the way and he's like oh great i will grab her and drag her with me

like he completely whiffs um yeah I get an opportunity attack um yes okay uh so then I'm gonna go ahead and um punch him in the

face great roll the punch two to your winding up the golden lasso i don't really have a golden i know it's a wonder woman um that's a 12 yeah i mean right right past him uh he's jumping out the window that's you i don't really anybody trying anything else um i'll try to grab him

all right if anyone wants to try to grab him i'm gonna have all of you do some athletics checks okay if we all roll the same thing, will you let us have grabbed him and pinned him to the ground? Yes.

I got a 19 plus 3, so 22. Can anyone beat a 22? Oh, you already did it by yourself. Oh, 2D, you tied? Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Danny oh 2D you tied yeah alright Danny and 2D you each grab one of his

shoulders and just slam him to the ground he rolled a strength check and he couldn't compete with that why don't you lay there well we'll have to find out what he's going to do while he lays there on the next episode of nerd poker Danny would pin him next oh you're got you you and tootie are both both been him okay in the shit tied uh hey sam what do you think happened oh boy uh there's a spooky guy

twirling around and we're out towards the jungle i think following that ghost kid i think uh danny teleported we met an evil smoke jello man and we're poking him and chasing him and something big is wheeling. Look, I thought I had this one in the bag, so I got very high and now this episode is crippling me. I know that there is a ghost child with a

ring and a vampire and Kronk, but like, why? Okay, now we're climbing in a house and we found a skinny silk man. And it's the twirly guy from before. I'm back on plot. And he is a lord. Skinny silk man?

Didn't he was like silky? Right? I feel like vampire is the top line sort of lead on that guy okay he's the vampire this game's this shit silk man works much better yeah oh you can go boy you can know everybody go watch

the dragon prince Brian what are you doing Brian Persain.com tour dates and then uh you know whatever cool and then uh you know whatever cool gibby metal grandpa's metal

stage hey blaine do you have any theatrical events you'd like to promote on this podcast uh stacy keach and i are taping the shen yun sketch show in guang jang this weekend so if you're in guang jang come on over and check it out we have Shen Yun sketch show in Guangjiang this weekend so if you're in Guangjiang

come on over and check it out. We have a couple of comps. Oh! I'll be there. They're great. They're funnier than you think, the Shen Yun. Cool. Anything else? Anybody want to plug anything? Appreciate your listenage.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Did somebody's headphones get unplugged?

I'm hearing echo on everybody. I'm plugged in. I'm all good. I mean, I don't think it's going to be recording. I don't think anyway. Blaine, you did that on purpose, right? Four years old. We are the champions. It's true.