Nerd Poker - S4E6 Labyrinthine Scene

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

The new crew is making their way to the end of this narrow, winding bottleneck, but there's a very interesting side passage beckoning them to explore. Surely there's no harm in testing some new spells out on some blind corners, right?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season four. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. We're really leaning in on the nerd each time this season. Season four, more nerd and nerd poker um it's season four it's episode six uh i'm having a blast i hope you guys are as listeners uh this uh this season has been really fun for me already um and uh i'm gonna introduce my friends. They're all looking at me. Hello, Ken. Hi, Brian. How are you? I'm good.

Hello, Blaine. Hi, Brian. How are you? I'm so good and better than I was just when Ken. It's already improving. Hello, Dan. Hello. It sounds like someone is watching Jeopardy at full volume in the background. That is my 92-year-old mother who's turned the volume up to a million. She was watching James Bond during the last episode.

Which one? Which one? She has good taste. I don't know. Something with Craig. Daniel Craig. Oh. Not one of the good ones.

Craig, Daniel Craig. They're okay. Knives out. Sarah, not one of the good ones. Craig Daniel Craig. Knives out. Sarah, hello. Hello. Chris, hey, buddy. Hi, Brian. And Blaine, did I already

do you? Yes. Did you do Dan? Yes, I started with... Dan's already said hello. Did you do Sarah? Yes, I did did did you do Chris you son of a bitch how about Sam and now Sam hey Sam hello

rare gems hey uh rare gems is okay that's not that Sandler movie right 50 first dates no you're thinking uncut gems uncut gems can fuck off 50 first dates? No. You're thinking of gemstones. Uncut gems can fuck off.

I didn't realize Sandler stole that role from you. No, he did really well, but it's just I hate movies that are just like I'm already an anxious person and so when it when it's just a movie that's just intense and i had no interest in seeing the whole time like yeah you know that's how i feel about three's company i i can't watch mix-up what you're waiting for them to misinterpret something yeah no but like i just i hate i can't i don't find it funny when it's like one thing goes wrong a series of miscommunications cause it's just very stressful it's like someone

just needs to tell the other person that thing and then you're right danis norman fells a real nail biter i know sam's saying that's all comedy that's all sitcom. It's a certain type of sitcom, Sam. It is, yeah. You coward writing it in chat and not even coming on here to attack me myself. No, it just takes to be sobbing. A misunderstanding is a huge plot line for a lot of sitcoms. A misunderstanding is fine, but a thing that can be solved by, I told a small lie and now it's being misinterpreted over and over.

No, I can't. You must hate. I love Lucy. And the honeymooners. I look a lot of old. I feel like this is a classic sitcom situation. And Sarah,

unfortunately your, your day job is a sitcom reviewer, right? That's your main gig? I do review sitcoms. Oh boy. I'm told I have no sense of humor, but it's a job. It's a living.

Oh, you'd love it to live. By the way, that was a joke. This is the best episode I've... Sam. I wasn't recording that whole time you were, though, right? Wait, really? No, I wasn't. I just realized that.

I feel like the more we talk about hitting the record button, nobody does it. No, I wasn't. I just realized that. I feel like the more we talk about hitting the record button, nobody does it. Yeah, no, I have it. Well, just for the listener, we also record in quick time to make this sound better, and I missed that whole part. I love that we got Sam's heart breaking on Mike.

That was the weirdest laugh I've ever had. That was so funny. Oh my god. Sarah thought the most overly intense thing ever was Three's Company. I didn't say anything about it being overly intense, but look, if this is what you need to get your jollies, there's Three's Company.

I've never seen Uncut Gems. I'm thinking, oh, what if I bring up the Mike Flanagan movie Hush about a woman who's deaf and there's someone breaking into a house. I haven't seen Uncut Gems. I'm thinking, what if I bring up the Mike Flanagan movie Hush about a woman who's deaf and there's someone breaking into a house? Yeah. I haven't seen Uncut Gems.

Where were we? Oh, we should thank our listeners. Oh, God. So, thank you for blessing our timeline. Patreon supporters

at the Stargoil tier and above. You go by names like Tony Larocco. Thank you, Tony Larocco. Thanks, Tony. Thank you, Terry's Kids. Thank you. Thank you, Tony Larocco. Thanks, Tony. Thank you, Terry's Kids. Thank you. Thank you, Wayne Knight and the Pips.

That's mine. Thank you, Dango Merman, a.k.a. Uncle Magic. Wow. Thank you, Dan Telfer's Manicurist. Thanks. Which is Kaelin West, painted my nails black. Thank Blaine successful pre Hobbit

thank you kill all thank you Eric E thank you Jack Watkins thank you the almost audible eye rolls of Sarah thank you Eric Gage thank you Nigel's not so great sword

Thank you Dan's verbal pause Do do do do do do do Thank you That's the entire username Thank you that Levitating mall Santa you guys got murdered At the Galleria

I remember that Thank you Jack Griffin Thank you Spooky Skeleton Thank you Darth Gibson was his name-o Thank you Newtans Of course the creator of much of our battle music

Thank you Newtans A.K.A. Patrick Thank you Zaphod Beetlebrox Beeplebrox Thank you Beeplebro. Beeplebrox? Beeplebrox. Thank you. Beeplebrox. Beeplebrox. Beeplebrox. Finally, I would like to thank QueepsLittleBoyPeep. Thank you. QueepsLittleBoyPeep.

Oh. Blaine, now that our timeline is blessed, what were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? No time, Dan. Brought to you by Oreos Clamato stuff Double the Clamato Oreos Clamato stuff and a diet Clamato

stuff also brought to you by Bud Heavy. It's time for Bud Light. Sit down have a Bud Heavy or three Bud Heavy Dan Thank you Blaine. It's now time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker?

Oh, if only our listeners could see Blaine always terrified of me going into this part. Our heroes have finally cleared three fire newts more after their first encounter. They've now racked up four total. They're creeping through the narrow hallways in the lava caves. And now they've come upon a long length of tunnel. Will they get out alive or will magma be spewed into their face and down their esophaguses? Anyway, they're probably fine. So you guys are currently, you know, navigating Roll20.

I hope you're all logged into Roll20 on your browsers. Folks, Roll20, if you haven't figured it out, is what we refer to as Roll20.net. It is a handy little website that lets us simulate having little miniatures, something we all miss a great deal. However, if I could just segue into something completely unrelated for a moment, a great deal uh however if i could just segue into something completely unrelated for a moment i learned today from chris tallman hero forge has full color minis and holy shit one of my hero forge figurines i only bought two uh but one of them that i hand painted uh broke in a move so i'm probably gonna reorder it wonder if i can get somebody like danny oh i'm sure you could of Of course, the tragedy is Sarah has

already ordered one for her new character mere days before this was available. Well, thankfully it was weak, so it should come soon, but now I gotta actually paint it. The unpainted ones are cool, too. That's fun. I mean, and I love painting them, but this is a new novelty. I'm just bad at it. We all spend $45 on.

I'm very bad at it. Sorry. Take your time. It's COVID time. You should. Wait, I want Sam to come back on it. I'm still thinking about when he said that three's company is all comedy. You want to get mad at him because he doesn't see the horror of. No,

he's saying that all, all comedy is a misunderstanding. But that's silly. But that's silly. It's completely true. Also, I love silent. I like slapstick. There's a lot of stuff that is about misunderstandings

that's different than the sustained, just like, I heard this one thing wrong, and now I'm going to spend the whole episode trying to fuck my sister or whatever. I think Sam is clipping raman the dog's toenails right now and is unavailable to i have i love uh three's company i watched every episode since it started i would watch it with my mom and my dad and i remember in the very beginning when in the opening credits when they show him riding down the beach on a bike and he

sees the girls and into the sand and then wipes out and comes up smiling. You know that hurts so bad. He really hurt himself. That was the beauty of John Ritter, too. He was awesome. He committed to the pain of the bit i feel like from from like 1960 ish maybe 65 70 up until like i don't know like what like 10 15 years ago every single pratfall was done the wrong way and caused permanent damage to the comedian i feel like buster keaton did it and then after like a few decades people were like

well let's just put more slapstick in all our sitcoms and people trash their bodies Chevy Chase I think like has like metal in his back right because I mean Buster Keaton broke his neck doing he was like a mess do you remember in the 90s a lot of us would do it just doing it all the time yeah outside of comedy

clubs at our friends houses we would just do it to make it I fell so many times my knees were fucked mostly from pratfalls like I wasn't an athlete but I have fucked knees I used to do that like that slapping a sign with your hand

while you were hitting me with your face I still do that to make Rhodes die and then uh that hurts sometimes that hurts you gotta commit to it the best one ever was with sarah silverman name drop and mark cohen we were at a we're at some party or some rap party somewhere and i used to do this thing called the accidental blowjob guy where i would fall down on

in front of somebody and just start blowing them and i would have like food in my hand that's the essence of comedy and i would drop i would drop comedy bit yeah i would have like food in my hand. See, that's the essence of comedy. And this was a comedy bit? Yeah, I would have like a beer in my hand and spill the beer. And I'd trip and then just immediately start blowing my friend. I did it all the fucking time in the 90s. And we even had like a little theme song. Hashtag oh no. Like I'd come up and go, accidental blowjob guy. And it was like totally like an SNL, you know, making fun of that kind of shit.

And so there were a couple fun of that kind of shit. And so there were a couple of us that started doing it. Like real blowjobs. It was kind of my riff, I think I started it, but if not, I leaned into it if it was somebody else's. Wait, riff? Bit.

You say leaned into it. You leaned into it like an accent. I just committed to the bit. I did the bit. I did the bit all the fucking time. And then it made it feel more normal when you were actually... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Mark Cohen see each other, and we both go and do the submissive at the same time,

and we bash heads, and I broke his fucking nose. Oh, my God. The most embarrassing way. And he bled everywhere. And Sarah is losing her shit. Oh my god. What did he tell the doctor? Sarah knows the accidental blowjob

guy bit and loves it. And now it's been taken to another level. I just fucking smashed her friend's face open at the top of my stupid head. That's amazing. You broke a man's nose while simulating a blowjob. Yes.

No, but it's a key that they both tried. They were both too eager. That's the thing. You have like really interesting competing stories because you can just say I once broke a man's nose while simulating a blowjob and he can say I once had my nose broken while someone

was at the same time simulating a blowjob. But can say i once had my nose broken while someone was at the same time simulating a blowjob but he was also trying to say you're missing we both went for the submissive also the submissive that you keep describing i don't know the words. Brian, the official term is you are the generous heart. I've only given thousands of fake blowjobs. I've never given a real one. Oh my God.

I don't know how people chloroform each other either, but I used to do that all the fucking time when we walk up behind each other and make people drop. Chloroform bits are always really funny. Because you never know when somebody's going to come in from out of shape. That was John Mattis, right? He'd walk

up and go in and sleep and people would just drop. I definitely have told you I definitely have told you guys that I used to in high school, I used to do the like Simpsons, like my eyes, the goggles, they do nothing all the time as like a funny thing in like science class because they had all those eyewash stations or whatever very funny but that was my bit and then um when i was

playing softball i um missed a pop fly and with my glove and caught it with my eye socket oh my god and um and i you know clutched my face and like fell to my knees and i literally can still hear the girls on my team laughing because i was a dumbass and they were like oh sarah's doing her old slapstick her eyes hurt and then i like took my hands from my face and blood just was like spurting out of my eye apparently just like gushing and then just screams just with girls screams all over as i like collapsed to the ground i almost lost my eye in that incident but i didn't oh my god let's take a look at that clip we should uh we should get into i guess we should let's just play quick lonely quarantine folks if you are a patreon

subscriber you can hear our bonus episodes where we play quiplash among other things yeah you guys just rounded the corner in this little tunnel and we should sort of revisit what the running order is right now we've got uh iva and danny up front now we'll just say the only trick there is we've sort of established one of you two likes to hang around up front one of you likes to hang around and back but let's go ahead and figure out the rest of the running order. Can we just really quickly say what you want to do? The giver. Yeah, you got to set out who

wants to be in front, who wants to be in back before you do the accidental blowjob thing. Which one's the pencil? Which one's the sharpener? Hmm. Danny, you're very sneaky you could you've been doing very well leading us

I whatever I'm sorry Sarah what's how do you pronounce your name now the new one I've I've I've yeah I'll if I would like to go take the lead you know Danny's very cordial about it but but he would take it if she didn't want it. I think the sneaky people should be in front or back or the strongest people should be in front or back, right?

Verge would like to be sandwiched not quite in back, but near the back. You're sneaky, right? I'll go to the back if you want. You're sneaky? do... You're sneaky, right? I'll go to the back if you want. You're sneaky? I'm pretty sneaky, yeah. I got a noodles on my shoulder, but that's fine. Noodles, the

uniform thing. I'll tuck in second in case you need backup. I'll get in there. You might want to go to the back, actually, though, if you're sneaky, too, because you can silently keep an eye behind us,

right? That's true. You can take out someone who's sneaking up on us. Yeah. So now, as I go past my new friends, I bow to each one of them and say, excuse me, as I sneak by.

Because it's very close quarters, right? Yeah. We're going up around this way? Danny's very mindful of their space. Very polite. So, Iva's heading around the corner. We're going to go ahead and scoot that object. If you guys could move your tokens, please.

Move your tokens. I've already moved Brian to the back. And if... Scoot noodles following. object. If you guys could move your tokens, please. Move your tokens. I've already moved Brian to the back, and if Scoot Noodles is following. Let's see. Yeah, this goes for a while. And there is a fork ahead. So, we're going around this.

There you go. You want to leave Noodles maybe back a ways with us so that you can be as sneaky as possible? Yeah. Would you like be as sneaky as possible? Yeah. Would you like to hang out with noodles? Nathan and noodles might be the cutest thing ever.

That's a great sitcom. Noodles and Nathan. Then they misunderstand something. Can I ride noodles? And they both bash each other in the face. You try to lift noodles off of your shoulder to wait did he try to did he say can i eat noodles what did you say

what did you say you were gonna do we were supposed to mean it fun rockers oh no can i ride noodles was my okay okay good noodles is far too small to be written noodles noodles is like if a chihuahua had little pencil erasers for feet. But yeah, when you try to pluck noodles off your shoulder, Noodles digs his little claws into you and tries to stay on your shoulder. Okay. Can I communicate it's okay? This is my friend Nathan.

Do a persuasion check. Okay. This is my friend Nathan. Do a persuasion check. That is a 17. It very slowly retracts its claws and goes and allows you

to do it. Maybe he wants a carrot. I mean, I have a wand. Oh, I thought you just had them. Maybe he wants a carrot. I mean, I have a wand. Oh, I thought you just had them on your person at all times. Get a quiver? Sure. Do I have... I mean, that felt problematic.

Do I have an extra carrot? What? He's already shot carrots out of his chill touch hand. He has a carrot wand. He did not. He shot a rabbit paw out of his chill touch. Oh, has a carrot wand. He did not. He shot a rabbit paw out of his chilled touch. Oh, sorry. The other thing he shot was carrots. Yeah, my magic

missiles were little carrots. Yeah. Could I just sort of... You tell me, Chris, what kind of rations do you have? I have standard rations and things like that. You're an herbivore, so they're mostly greens. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. If I can give him out of my rations like,

Ooh, I have a radish. I have a broccoli. I have half a pepperoni. Here's some cauliflower bits. I have 17 peas. That is the best pronunciation of broccoli I've ever heard in my life. You offer the food to this kind of... Okay.

It wriggles its face back and forth, tucks its chin in, kind of like... Maybe it's a carnivore. Okay. So we're going. We're heading... We're moving.

Great. Verge needs to tell us which way we're going. Verge says, well, I believe... Oh, have I made it this far? Yes, yes. We want to go left.

Okay. Do you guys want me to scout ahead at all before we keep walking or should we just continue the way we're doing it? Yeah, do it. Scout? Scout it out loud. Okay, so I'm just going to go stealthily, sneakily. Great. Please

roll a stealth check. Just you. You're leading the way. You're going far enough ahead where, you know, your stealth checks the one that counts. 20. Great. So there is clearly some, there's another fork up here.

And I'm going to scoot, scoot, scoot. You see this tunnel goes on for quite some time. North-ish. And there is a fork. So you kind of stop right here. And you can consult with your Verge pal again. Everybody, please scoot your tokens up if you'd be so kind. Here's me scooting me up

there isn't that nice we're all scooted the little guys got left everybody except Danny the little dude you got him Dan what about you

there you go what do you want to do Sarah you know ask verge which way get out uh north that way straight ahead straight ahead but we should sneak through past this next part very very carefully yes yes yes past the where it where it forks you mean something to the right it could be quite bad uh i don't like the way he said that it might be bad his eyes get kind of big he's like oh yes so bad um okay i'm just gonna create i'm gonna um as we pass by or like before everyone passes by um i'm gonna cast minor illusion um of let's see

oh it can't be larger than a five foot cube oh we're all pretty short um i was gonna try to cast an illusion of just an empty hallway on the other side so it would just see that okay um can i do that and can i tell everybody to sneak down so if anything's looking down towards us it won't it won't see everybody's got to be under five feet or you'll ruin the illusion of an endless yes you gotta yeah you gotta crouch down not endless but yeah it'll look like a blank hallway unless your head bobs above it yeah uh i'm gonna need you to do a deception check sarah um okay there is there is directions on the dc of this for um it's actually an intelligence if they exam only it says only

if they examine it they can determine it's an illusion with a successful intelligence against my spell. Okay. If that matters, but... Okay. Do you want me to still do deception? No, that's quite fine. But why don't you guys go for it with a stealth check, everybody? Follow this?

Yeah, the deception check isn't necessary. I totally hustled past the rules there uh rules are important folks make sure you use rules when you cross the street when you rob a bank make sure you follow rules it's my commercial for rules uh yeah stealth check will guarantee that you're the top of your head doesn't do anything you don't make any sounds 11 plus 5 is 6. 16, I mean. Got it. 12. 15.

17. 19. Great. So you all manage to quietly go by. Verge rolls a... That was close! No. He just barely scooted by on an 11 but you guys all walk past and you just see

like you know you can see on the map how it branches off to the right and there's a hook there right in the corner there's what looks just like a like a black orb with a horizontal line across it just sort of floating there. Oh, I don't like orbs that are floating. Like a... Dan, you mean is it organic or is it a technology or is it a magical thing? Like, what is that? Or is it like

if... Is the tall man working it? Boy. You, uh, Chris, you're bringing up near the rear so everyone else passes by while you think of this i'll let you choose you can do with insight or perception check um i will do perception please because i actually have a bonus uh roll won't you know that guy was super nice can did you ever meet him at a con angus grim no he's really nice yeah uh 13 not great okay so you all

kind of sneak by um and you know uh i'm bringing all your tokens up please bring your tokens up to where ivy is everybody to get in that running order and uh yeah you just kind of look and just for a second you see the little horizontal line open and it becomes a slit. And you just see this dark blood red eye kind of scan back and forth for a second and the eyelid closes again. The material of the eyelids, the upper and the bottom, are this very sleek matte kind of almost leathery quality. But like it's matte it almost looks like it's some kind of perfect leather this this almost almost stone thing but it's it's definitely some sort of magic eye but would the illusion have it do we feel like it we wouldn't have been seen

because of the illusion i mean it's the vague assumption you're all making. I will also allow an insight check if you'd like some reassurance about the magic eye. Yeah. Can anybody roll that insight? Yeah, totally. But I'd like everyone to please scoot their tokens up. Scoot their tokens up.

Oh, jeez. You did it. Eight. Fourteen. Insane. Okay. Well, that's just a couple of hooks. You're not sure.

You're not sure. Not quite enough. All right, well. Too magical, too weird. Hopefully. So you reach another intersection. Danny has... Let's see.

Does Danny have any kind of... Would any of my half-elf stuff help me with caves? Will any of my half-elf stuff help me with caves? Will any of my half-elf stuff help me with caves? I mean, I'm pretty sure it does, right? You've got darkvision.

That, um... Would it be more of a dwarf? Yeah, would I have an idea of who carved this out? Yeah, I mean, Brian, you've got darkvision, you have fey ancestry, so you have advantage on saving throws against being charmed. You have proficiency

with a weapon because you have a half-elf variant. I just have a feeling that if I went off down to the right down here where Jackie, Danny is. Jackie was my first character I ever played with you guys, or with Ken.

That's who Danny's inspired by. But if I go to the right there, would I possibly meet up? Danny has a feeling he would with my friends, and I'd maybe get the jump on this thing that they're looking at. It's down that hallway. It's down there. It's like there. Yeah. Where? Sort of there-ish. Is that right, Dan? That's me that hallway. It's down there. The thing is. It's like there, yeah. Where?

Sort of there-ish. Is that right, Dan? That's me pinging. That's not Dan. I'm guessing. Oh, I thought it was up here. And if I came up this way, if- First turn and then-

I thought if I came up here, see where I am? I know this is no fun for the listener, but i would maybe it looks as if behind the guy or no it looks as if yeah it forks right and then uh rejoins it does seem like that is a uh vague possibility because wait so where's the eye i guess we're confusing can dangling where the eye is yeah let me let me drop a little token where the eye is so one second it's but it's but i'll ping it it's right here yeah so brian's brian's not really going you wouldn't really go there you can't do that let me i feel like the fact that i have not put this here is throwing everybody a little bit so let me okay well danny's here so what he would see the thing too right or no well

i should be clear this thing is being fooled by a minor illusion that Sarah cast, and so you can't... If you walk out, it would... Or something would be able to see you. Sarah basically threw up like a curtain behind her. Oh, for all of us. I didn't hear that part, sorry. And it's only five feet tall, so bigger people have to let you sneak down.

Oh, right, right. Yeah, no, I understand. Okay, sorry. You're all kind of sneaking behind a curtain. Yeah, that's why we were doing the stealth thing. Okay, got it. Yes. I won't fuck with that, right. Yeah, no, I understand. Okay, sorry. You're all kind of sneaking behind a curtain. Yeah, that's why we were doing the stealth thing. Okay, got it. I won't fuck with that then. But you do, yeah, I mean, vaguely. I would let you roll an insight check if you wanted to see if the tunnel met up ahead.

Cool. Danny will stay hidden too. Great. Why don't we all scoot up a little bit? There's another intersection here. Verge immediately hints that it's the same kind of sitch. Sorry, I was confused there.

That's okay. Same kind of sitch. So we're just going to sneak past? Yep. Can you cast my illusion again? I believe I can because it's a cantrip for some folks. It's a cantrip for some folks. It's a cantrip, so yeah, it is.

Okay, so same deal. We're going to limbo. Limbo under the... Stealth check. Yikes. 22. Nice. 11.

16. 19. Get them from from everybody what's your stealth what's your stealth I said 11 I'm sorry I didn't get Blaine or Brian did you say it 13 total 22

sorry if someone had to repeat it there I didn't hear it whoopsie doodle anyway you're all sneaking through you see the same thing there's like a little black orb I'll draw for you and yeah it doesn't immediately notice that you're all sneaking although if anyone wants to spend a second

you will notice that after a moment a beat if you will it does very slightly open its slit kind of peek around and shut again hmm I don't like this thing definitely like i know but are they are they guarding something special between them is it is it something is it the same thing can i roll an insight check to see if it's the same thing on both ends uh it is you can all tell that but you know what let me do um uh yeah i want to i want

to honor something ken said but ken kind of got interrupted by some theorizing you have this thing uh called stone cunning because you are a dwarf whenever you make an intelligence history check related to the origin of stonework you are considered proficient in the history skill and add double your proficiency bonus to the check so your proficiency bonus is plus two so what you can do and is if you like i will allow a history check which would be a total of plus five to see if you know what these things are yes uh 13 could have been higher so i'll sure i'll tell you you've heard of now i'm rolling you have heard of these things they are animated stone um and they're they're they're you know made through necromancy but that's about all that you can place with the 13

necromancy that's evil magic I love Nathan I don't like it I don't like these things great well you've all snuck past it so please move your tokens but so we think there's two of them

on either end there oh I thought you said it was the same one no it's the same type of just looks the same type of thing is what i thought was being asked and what i tried to answer iva is just gonna pitch that it does feel like if they're kind of on either end and we have the sense that that tunnel connects it seems like they might be you know i will say i will you what? Everybody roll an insight check. You're asking about what's on the other side here. Everybody roll an insight check.

Inside check. 14. 18. 24. 24. It's better than my history or my attacks. What you got, Brian? Brian appears to be enjoying some delicious food.

I'm sorry I worked all day and just got here. I hear you. I haven't eaten dinner yet. I'm very hungry. I'm sorry, buddy. Can you please bring me food? 13. Great.

Well, we've got the high roll from 2D. So, 2D, it works out great with that history check. I'm going to piece this all together for you. These seem like traps. These seem like traps that are probably hiding or protecting treasure.

I hold up my hand dramatically. We gotta pause. I heard the word treasure. Treasure is, of course, an abstract concept that can mean both physical treasure and also knowledge so you can uh can you want to go get some that treasure no where's nathan i'm sorry wait now i know there's already a necklace with an orb on it that gives us that wasn't billy was it that was a different orb necklace i think that was that's my

that didn't sound like billy that was my southern treasure voice oh hey danny you want to like wall walk over that guy and go grab us some treasures he's oh yeah i feel like the thing up yeah i mean this is more of a this is more of a hitch than a we should do this. I want to be clear, Brian. I don't want to give you a hard time about eating because no one can give anyone a hard time for eating since the incident that will be known as the 2017 Ken Daly Pizza Season 1

incident. I'm stopping. What happened? What happened? It's just cauliflower from California Pizza Kitchen. Oh, they got good cauliflower. Yeah, it's so good. You know what you should really try is the California from Cauliflower Pizza Kitchen. You mean California Cauliflower Kitchen? When you're right, you're right.

When you're hot, you're hot. And when you're wrong, you're wrong. Is that Jerry Reed? Is that the stuff that you said? No, there was some other broccoli thing that you said you said Brussels sprouts that you said that smelled so terrible but tasted so good oh yeah that's from a different place the stand I think

okay what do you want oh that place where you live now turn north Brian you were pitched something by Iva yes I was joking but I'm wondering if we should... I don't know anything about comedy, remember?

Oh, why did I go fuck myself? Yeah, the idea was somebody... Somebody is suspenseful. She was joking about how you would do it because of your wall walking earlier, but somebody could try to get in there and get that terrain. Like, should we try to see if...

Yes. Yeah. Danny is openly trying. So it would be a matter of like can we somehow disable or deal with one of the eyes maybe um i can distract an arrow i'd love to do that it's something i do all the time and that's that danny is open to anything if it I mean I or we can just keep walking I don't know let's take a vote who wants to stop Virg hey do you think we should stop absolutely stop and get Trasio I would love to leave here

with something a little extra yes you've already been promised 10 gold pieces and possibly more for my bravery so first my guess is go ahead go ahead oh do I still possibly more for my bravery. So first, my guess is... Go ahead. Oh, do I still need to prove my bravery? Well, I feel like you could prove your knowledge, because you must know about these things, having been in this cave for so long. You know what these are. You know how to deal with them. You might not

want to do it, and we can do that for you. But... Yeah, Brian? Well, Danny is also proficient in crossbow, so he's open to anything. I would either attack it, run up, and try to just kick the fucking thing or shoot it from long range like Blaine was.

Maybe we could time it and shoot them both if he's at the top of the cave and I'm at the bottom of the cave. Interesting. And through communicating with my new friends here uh we uh on three uh blaine and i both fire now i believe you can potentially cast his minor illusion a concentration spell that's the trick he does have minor illusion i'm trying to figure out if he can wait what i have minor illusion oh you don't say minor illusion here's first of all you should use your one and two but speaking of minor illusion one and two what we could be doing here brian uh-huh is something uh like you because the reason i asked if sarah could do it i'm throwing you a bone here you guys you may have already pieced this together but

but because because i think only sarah can have one minor illusion going at a time you could both at the same time have have that happen again where you've got that sort of veil it looks like the tunnel is continuing but at the same time so you've both got the illusion going for a minute and and danny can kind of pick the illusion right yeah although i'm trying to figure out is minor no i'm yeah i'm looking i'm like it's it's no it's not it's one minor illusion is um one action duration of one minute no concentration however it ends if you dismiss it or cast the spell again it's not concentration but if i cast it twice then it that ends the first one but so but you guys could together and this is i think a good teamwork thing to remember for the future so y'all y'all

two should write this down you guys could coordinate your minor illusion spells right does verge does verge have did he have, though, that we should know before we do this? Because I think that's a good idea. He says, yes, if they see you, you'll die. How do you die if they see you? I've run away. I hear screams, though.

Danny wanted to cast a big, colorful... It's eight feet in here, right? Yes. He wanted to cast it wide yeah yeah it's a tunnel like he wanted to cast a 12 foot dragon so the dragon is

would be slouching over and looking right at the guy like right in front of him and then Danny would attack it from behind well it would have to be within a five by five foot cube so you could have a dragon all mushed together in like a suitcase size space but yeah a smaller dragon sure dan danny shrugged shoulder but it would still work sure let's do that do you want to do the illusion or what do you what do you want to do i mean if the tunnel

well the tunnel is eight feet wide i don't know how it worked the first time i guess uh oh the opening isn't five it's it's okay it's like how do i let me look at the map you know like it's yeah it's not perfect the the thing yeah i i gave it with the stealth and the fact that like how do i put this it's not perfect the openings you can tell that like the openings are basically eight feet wide yeah with your guys's stealth check it's fine you nobody got low enough that it couldn't see through the of course like the it didn't match up exactly but yeah okay um okay so basically what we there's a couple things we could do either we could both cast a you know the the illusion in front of it at the same time

so that then we can just attack. Half the party can attack one and half the party can attack the other, I guess, would be one option. Because I don't know that we can get in there completely without it seeing us at all. I can make things invisible. Oh, yes, then we could. Is that what we want? Do we want to attack it or do we want to sneak past it?

I think you're right. Let's make somebody invisible go in there and get the treasure, right? Someone so quiet and sneaky. Is there something, yeah, like a bunny. Is there a thing where maybe we could get uh down here where uh where uh danny is uh make maybe have a distraction down here to get things moving down this way whatever it is to because obviously this thing is connected back here somehow right yeah so we use that and then we uh we just kind of come in behind it we do a pension movement

blah blah blah we all win well wait what are you looking at blaine there's on both sides of this yeah there's two things but i think you are blaine i think blaine's idea is right that if we do distraction on one he's trying to lure lure the other one down to where this one is. I don't know if they move, though. The hallway behind it. They don't seem mobile, right? Or do they? Do an insight check. Can we join in on that?

20 plus 4 is 25. Oh, and that's a proficiency so twenty five with a natural twenty sorry I just like saying it over and over natural twenty with a proficiency they're floating in space they're about the size of a magic eight ball toy and they've got that

that sort of eye tissue or something it could be a gem it could be magic but they're floating freely they're not connected to anything they're not hanging from a wire from what you could tell so that you don't see any reason why they couldn't just fly at you okay so take take of the room should i shoot one what i think i think what we should do is have an illusion to draw them down so that you know everybody we're all have we gone past the second one yet or no yeah you're all past

the second one i know brian what brian wanted to demonstrate what the tunnel looked like so he kind of dragged his token way down there but i don't think that's where you guys actually want to be i think um you're still kind of all at the top there uh past the second one see i thought i was right here where this thing is and then i would go in here at the top of this second uh uh now see okay i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna put everybody about where i think you are narratively speaking because you've all rolled your stealth check to get past the second one already so whether like it or not um you know you can roll another stealth check you can recast minor illusion but this is about where everybody is so i think i yeah so but i think then the best

thing to do is is to do what this is pieces of everybody's idea here so it's real teamwork situation i think uh we go and cast a sorry I'm trying to figure out how to do that mark to select, you know, to make it ping or whatever. Oh, we do the... You can, like, if you pick the little circle with a little comb in it, it does the... You can do this. Okay.

I don't know how to do it. But in any case... You put the arrow, you push, and it works. Okay, so if we do a minor illusion down here that will draw out this guy and potentially maybe even draw out this guy right and then nathan turns someone invisible and they go in up here yeah they sneak down to here grab whatever it is and hopefully sneak back out love it um so i think who's the stealthiest in the group because there's two stealths that need to happen one is someone has to go me or uh the the illusion people need to go someone someone needs to go here. That's me or Danny, right? Mm-hmm.

And then the other stealthy person should go be the person who sneaks in, right? Danny says your choice. Oh, okay. I will happily do either. I'm gonna, I'll go do the illusion.

Wait, what is your stealth, Brian? Plus five. Yeah, me too. Okay, so I'll go do the illusion unless you have a really cool idea for a five-foot illusion you want to do. That's fine too with me. No. Well, I had the dragon, but you could do it. Or a five-dollar foot foot long illusion would be nice

so i'm gonna stealth down here and i'm gonna do an illusion to try to draw this guy out and okay nathan is gonna turn danny invisible and danny's going to figure out the best time to cut in here and try to grab whatever's in here okay so and stealth so i'm gonna put your tokens about where i think you want to be uh danny's coming down here right with nathan no no no i'll stand i'm going down there i'll go down there okay nathan and danny are staying up there he's casting and we're hoping that this guy is gonna come out and then danny will go in or he'll come down here when i cast this thing in the hall got it but you're first you're casting minor illusion on this top hallway so you can sneak so let me get a stealth

check just to sneak down there i don't think he needs to because he's doing he's getting turned invisible no you i've sneaking past one of the eyes so so you're casting minor illusion so it's a fake hallway and you're ducking under it again but you're trying not to cause the commotions or got it roll a quick stealth check for me please sarah gazzardo and her classic hyrule this is i will for the i just want to be clear uh dc of 10 okay the real threes company mix them up situation here gotta get past the little eye um that's an 18 i've only watched like five episodes of three's company you would hate one of those noises off plays wouldn't you

no i love noises off see i don't know i feel like yeah i guess we can't really identify what the problem is because noises off is one of my favorite things of all time that's like an insane farce based on a fart like things going wrong broad comedy yeah well I think it's basically anything that could be solved but it's also a call but isn't like people people being out of the room and missing things and but that's

funny that's the fucking same thing I feel like wait I feel like we're I feel like we're I feel like we're circling and narrowing do you mean something that could be solved by a phone call or someone being like... A misunderstanding, right, yeah. It's misunderstanding, but I feel like it's even more specific than that. It's when it's too dumb that people could possibly... But Noises Off would be...

Guys, guys, guys. Hey, hold on for a second. I'm splitting this game with a dinner with the ambassador and my boss in the other room. I'll be right back. Hold on. Noises Off is phenomenal and I love the movie of Noises Off. It's actually a very good play. Folks, by the way, just to commit

to the bit, Blaine got up and left the room. The episode cannot continue. No, I'm just kidding. Okay, so you're down there and you're gonna cast invisibility on our friend but uh you're gonna first cast minor illusion of a distraction i'm gonna i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna cast an illusion of noodles running into that hallway, like running back and forth here in this hallway. Okay. So you're doing that right now before. Well,

that's what I'm going to do as he casts invisibility on. Yeah. Cause he's not going to go in until I've done the illusion. Cause hopefully it might draw that top guy down. We don't know. I'm waiting for the high sign. I was, was you said i'll give you the high sign what do you think it looks like i'm gonna say yeah i'm gonna like give him the signal but oh no that was the signal for steel first base what happens now okay i we go who's on first? Let's go.

All right. I motion him. Danny's ready. And the first thing that happens is you cast Minor Illusion and create the image of noodles running back and forth in the hallway. Yeah. So as soon as you do the cast and noodles rounds the bend and starts running fake noodles, I'm sorry, illusionary holographic noodles.

Starts going down the hallway. The eye immediately goes, and a jet of magma just goes and splashes all over the lava rock right through the illusion. About a second has gone by. What you want to do right now the eye by the way is floating around trying to chase noodles floating about uh three feet over noodles just trying to dump magma on noodles okay so i end that illusion um you have the illusion you dismiss um oh just dumping well yeah they're doing their thing right it rolled very low it rolled an investigation check uh and although it has a nice bonus it

rolled very low so it's just like dumping this stuff on it and you're you're just okay so so now what i'm gonna do is as soon as you dismiss the spell... No, I haven't dismissed it yet. Can you still see him? Can you see him under the magma is my question. Can you see the illusion of the magma? It looks like it's passing through him like he's a hologram. But like, is the magma piling up so that if I

dismiss it, the thing won't be able to tell, you know what I'm saying? It's... How do I put it? It's not heavy rock-like magma, but it is like napalm, so it's it's uh how do i put it it's not heavy rock like magma but it is like napalm so it's sticking on the ground a little bit and after a minute after a second it starts to glow it this goes on for another second then yeah uh and then all of a sudden the lights uh the the eye stops spewing and it returns to its position and the lid shuts even though you've still got him running back and forth no no i would have stopped him so he was

playing dead basically the illusion was like oh that was not clear to me so he's playing dead like can i do i mean can i do that with an illusion i I assume I can, right? I can change as I'm doing it or no. An object, physical interaction. You can't create sound, light, smell, or any other sensory effect. Physical interaction reveals it to be an illusion because things pass through it. Right. Yeah, I guess it can't be running then. So it's just an object, a sound or an object. So maybe I can't have done that.

I'm sorry. I'm just learning how to use this well i guess we okay contact with the magnum magma would have given away the illusion i guess that part i was handling that part it was trying it was rolling i rolled two investigation checks and it made this it made the second one so basically um if what you're saying is you it needs to be i think needs to be an object it seems like so what happened what happened was based on what we now understand about the spell and what the roles are so we minimum retconning here so would would you have still done it i guess is the question if you had known this is the minor illusion is only gonna be able to make noodles just kind of hang out um no what i what i'm gonna do instead is i'm gonna um

create uh what's great about this is i've given a lot away based on the fact that none of us knew how the spell works so this is just embarrassing but please continue i was expecting lasers but other than that that's that's basically exactly what i was sort of um expecting if it makes you feel better um slightly worse but the narrative tension is destroyed um what i'm just gonna i mean i think what i would just do is like if it's that i feel like i would just sort of because you know the spell can't make something run up and down i would just create the illusion of noodles standing there so that that's fair i'll accept that as a compromise when you do that it it hovers oh it

like it starts immediately opening uh rushing towards him spewing napalm it starts floating over the illusion of noodles and i'm gesturing to them like go go go yeah so uh danny you're being made invisible. Yes. Nathan is casting it on you, right? I touch him with my carrot and say, I can't see you, Danny, but I still feel you there. Aha, I'm right here, my friend. Great. This, of course, lasts, I believe, up to an hour,

but it is a concentration spell it's actually strangely not oh yeah there you go so did this one did this top one come out no the bottom one is currently hovering over this illusion but Chris was in the middle of describing something Brian

what do you I'm sorry man what is it how does the spell work that's different no you're right I touch him with the wand and he disappears. Okay, so you are now invisible, sir. You're gonna run past it? Well, that...

I thought the original plan was to try to draw it out, but Danny's open to this. Yes, he'll try to run past it. Yeah. You're gonna try to sneak past it if it wasn't drawn down to the other one which it wasn't it didn't move yeah that's what i'm gonna do roll stealth check please sure because though you are invisible you can potentially draw attention to yourself shit almost oh i thought it was a 20 damn Damn it. 19. 14 plus 5.

All right. So you manage to sneak around. You get to the other side, and you see there is a magma pit with a little chest of treasure, like a serious treasure chest floating over the magma pit. Unfortunately, hanging out with it is a fire newt who is sort of watching confusedly about what's happening in the south and his back is to you. Okay.

Will I turn on it? Will I turn visible when I stab him? I sure will. But then I won't be able to get back, right? It's possible all sorts of things could happen.

Why don't you roll an insight check, sir? Wait, he turns visible if he does anything? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, if I attack him, right? That for sure does it, yeah. Oh, well, so where is it? Could I conceivably grab the thing without killing this guy? Yes.

Okay, Jackie, Danny, tries that. Oh, you're having flashbacks that far back. So, let's see. That'll be a sleight of hand to check. I got a plus three on that. Let's try it. Yeah, 19. Plus three. Great three great so you lean over the lava pit

and with that you're keeping that same stealth check that you got and you just go right out of the air it just it just goes right in your hands it weighs a lot for a small chest the chest is about the size of your head um but it feels like it weighs about 50 pounds so there's a second where you're just like oh and you're like oh all right all right i'm good i'm good um the chest is now floating uh to anyone who might observe it but you are holding it invisible man okay um so uh did you do anything the target is wearing or carrying is invisible as long as it's on your person so no it's not floating um the chest also blinks out of existence to anyone yeah is that when he's cast i think right hmm a creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends

anything the target is wearing or carrying is invisible as long as it is on the target's person i don't know i think if he picks something up and i would try to hide it in my i mean this seems like a point of my key and i don't know i'm seeing some shit i have my i have kind of a loose shirt he's he's not wearing tight clothes he's not wearing tight clothes brian don't you have that backpack shirt you've been bragging about so much no but he has a hood and he also has yeah loose so like a loose i found it's kind of a gi it's kind of a karate gi with that's the way i picture i think you just covered it so i'm looking up what uh an employee of dungeons and dragons clarified this rule you cannot make it invisible by picking it up after you've been made invisible. However, you can hide it under your invisible clothes.

Yeah. He would try to tuck it into his gi and his pants. Great. You tuck it in your pants, but we're going to get a stealth check as you try to sneak back away around the floating eyeball. He did describe them as loose pants in the first episode.

Yeah, I did room for a treasure chest and it's also just for flexibility for him to be running around so Saturday Night Live sketch dick in a box style you're just sort of holding it in your crotch of your pants this little treasure chest

15 plus oh that's a 20 oh shit 15 plus oh what was the stealth that's a 20 oh shit uh yep you beat the perception check so you managed to sneak back around invisible like with a treasure chest that weighs

50 pounds in your pants um and because yeah you did it quickly it's gonna be right about the time that the eye gives up on dumping magma onto the illusion on the south side. So you managed to round the corner. And I guess we'll find out what's in that treasure chest

next time on Nerd Poker. Oh, wow. Cool. Are you sure? on nerd poker oh wow cool uh are you sure let me look at all right i'm getting a nod from everybody i'm having so much fun with this one that's awesome i'm trying i'm trying

to uh incorporate a little dungeon crawling here early on and we'll see how fun that is uh cool okay well uh anything anybody wants to plug to incorporate a little dungeon crawling here early on. We'll see how fun that is. Cool. Okay. Well, anything anybody wants to plug? What? Sam. I'd like to plug Sam's recaps.

Where's Sammy? Hi, guys. Hey, buddy. We encountered a floating eye, and we weren't sure if we should sneak past it or cast spells or run around it or what its goal was, and then there was some treasure and we weren't sure what to do. Basically it or cast spells or run around it or what its goal was and then there's some treasure and we weren't sure what to basically we got into quite a misunderstanding today yeah stressful um uh and then uh anything you want to plug dan what's yeah please check out my twitch show that i call i'll get to you where I respond to people in the comments and improvise jokes about

them as well as bring planned jokes. It's a grand old time to do an hour of streamed stand-up every Friday at 8 p.m. Pacific. I write jokes and everything. I've written jokes. Please come watch. I would love if you'd watch. I'm working

on getting little emojis for the channel, all kinds of silly shit. It's great. Writing jokes is fun, right? I missed it. It's so hard to make it feel like stand-up doing it on Twitch, but really I'm happy that I have always done a lot of crowd work

and my acts of responding to the chat actually helps make it feel like interaction. And it's like, Jesus Christ. My thing was so weird. I had nobody to look at, but I could hear 10 people. And one of them was Dave Rath and one of them was Scott Ian. So it totally encouraged me because I know both their laughs. So as soon as I heard their laughs, I tried shit I wasn't even going to try. I did like six jokes that were brand new

that I wasn't well I was going to do three of them but there were three others that were like loose concepts but it was so fun just even like riffing and fucking around into total darkness like at least this I can see your faces but for my I did a live stream thing

I couldn't see anybody it was weird, but fun. Yeah, I'm grateful there's some stuff to do. And definitely, if folks don't remember, I plugged this thing before. There's this thing called Save Our Stages, an organization called NIVA. Definitely check out saveourstages.com

if you want to try to help out some of the live performance venues that are really struggling because the government has truly given up on saving a lot of small businesses, if not all of them. So it's really fucked up what's happening to folks

whose businesses can't be open because I'm definitely on the side of keeping them closed, but I'm also on the side of giving them money and giving them a deal on their rent and their mortgages, and nobody is. So please

check that. SaveOurStages.com They're helping out places like Largo. All these people have signed it. All these Conan O'Briens behind us. We're losing clubs everywhere. I mean, I've already lost a couple of my favorite places and then restaurants. It's so fucked.

And also vote would be another thing. I think the biggest thing we're suffering from right now is a lack of people giving a shit. So it would be really great if you could give a shit and vote and you could elect people who, believe it or not, give a shit. Good one.

Listen to Grandpa's Metal Stash on Gimme Metal every Tuesday. I don't just play thrash. If you're not a huge metalhead, you might like the show because I play a lot of different stuff. I play stuff from

my whole life. I play a lot of hard rock too. Sometimes I piss off the metalheads because I'll play Scorpion shit from the early 70s. Winds of change. You son of a bitch.

That's the worst Scorpion song. Politically, it's great. That's not the Scorps I'm talking about. At any rate, that's what us dudes, Grandpa Metals metals call it uh listen grandpa's

metal stash and also uh check out my record grandpa metal physical copies don't just fucking stream that shit get it on vinyl put your headphones on it gets super fucking

high and and listen to it uh that's it. Anything else? What do you think Stacey Keech is up to? Yeah, I was wondering. We have a residency at King's Dominion with Tool for October. Wow. Yeah, all the way through

Rock's Giving. It's actually seven weeks. We have two weeks off in the middle. Nice. Check that out. Say hi to the Keechinator for me. I will. I will. it's actually seven weeks we have two weeks off in the middle nice check that out say hi to the kitchenator for me I will I will alright thanks you guys that was a

fun one Danny's having a very good time and he likes all you people very much that's awesome bye guys and scene thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us

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