Nerd Poker - S4E63 Fast Flight To Flaysacola

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

Vampire schemes are headed to Flaysacola and the crew are trying to figure out how to get there ahead of them, or stop them before they can get there. In the meantime they're leaving Kurt of the Adventurer's Guild in charge of the mansion, which is probably not gonna be weird at all!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Clay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 63. My friends are here.

We've got my buddy, Blaine. Look. Hello. Hey, hi, Brian. It's me, Blaine. Hey, buddy. Ken Daly's here, everybody. What's up, buddy? Yes, look. Hello. Hey, hi, Brian. It's me, Blaine. Hey, buddy. Ken Daly's here, everybody. What's up, buddy?

Yes, I am indeed here. It's so good to see you. Sarah's here, surrounded by books. Hi, how's it going? You already heard his voice, but there he is, looking studious. Dan Telfer, everybody. Oh, hello. I apparently look studious.

Thank you for saying that about me, Brian. That sounds like a compliment. It is. And then there's my pal and my other pal. My two pals. They have their own show on another network where they solve crime. Sam and Ramen, everybody. Hello, sweet children.

Hey, man. How's that crime-sol going uh honestly not good we keep committing the crimes by accident oh no yeah but and in real life and forgetting it's a show we're doing murders well it's kind of like having shaggy and scooby and then none of the the people that are good at stuff yep pretty much it's just it's just the guy and the dog uh cool uh dan want some people want to thank some people i would love to hey patreon i know you're listening and you know while we're grateful for every single person who listens to our silly dumb asses on this silly dumb ass podcast we are especially grateful for those of you who actually run this thing you're all associate producers in my mind you delightful fuckers and the the high-end uh

tears are something only some of you can make happen but uh for those of you who are one of the benefits is you get your shout out so here they come thank you callum kennedy thank you thank you a fridge too far thanks thanks i sometimes wish mine was too far because sometimes there's oh there's there's just so many treats in that guy there's some thrifties which i didn't see oh that's true there there's also that you can be protected from an atomic bomb nuke that stupid shit grim shit. Grim Bacon, thank you. Thanks, Grim Bacon. Keith Arten, thank you. Thanks, Keith.

They call this one Bojangles. Thank you, Bojangles. Mr. Bojangles. Thank you, Billy's ASMR mixtape. Thank you. Thanks, Billy's. Thank you, Brent Crineop. Thank you.

Thank you. There must be something backwards. That's what I Thanks, Billy. Thank you, Brent Crineop. Thank you. Thank you. There must be something backwards. That's what I thought, too. I stared at it, and then I was like, you know what? What if it's like German or something? I won't make fun of it. Maybe it's his name. Yeah.

Thank you, Smackdab in the Middle. Smackdab in the Middle. Smackdab in the Middle. Thank you, TikTok versus Robot Bastard. Thanks, DT. Good job. Thanks, Foot Locker. Thanks, Foot Locker.

Thanks, Doc Roxo. Thanks, Eric Score. Thank you, Wade Long. Thank you, Dr. Wieners. Right on, Dr. Wieners. Dr. Wieners what? Dr. Wieners. Right on, Dr. Wieners. Dr. Wieners what? Dr. Wieners DDS, I guess. Thank you, Cleric of the Poseidon Domain.

Thank you. I swear. Thank you. This is my new favorite. I love when there's a bunch in a row that I remember and then there's one I think is brand new and it takes me off guard thank you the rest of skeletor thank you seriously he's not a verse inside joke thank you fint the druid thank you sean george Thank you, Sean George. Thank you, Kaya the Wonder Poodle. Thanks, Kaya. Thank you, Toons7AD.

Thanks, James. And finally, thank you, Iva's Masks Unlimited. Unlimited masks. Thank you. Hey, Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Well, Dan, those Patreon supporters brought to us by. Well, Dan, those Patreon supporters brought to us by. Markup Chevrolet. Come on in and buy a new Camaro.

$1,000 extra. Only for another week and a half. We're going to mark this vault up $2,000. For the troops, we still have those. So come on down to Markup Chevrolet and get yourself marked up. Come on in for a markup. Markup Chevrolet. Dan.

Thanks, Blaine. I was grateful that that happened because I forgot how exciting banjos could be. That really got my heart rate up. It really did. It really, really does. It's like watching people play tennis. Well, speaking of tennis, it's time for another competition.

The Castaway Cuties versus the Bad Guys on another episode of Nerd Poker. But first, let's find out what happened last time on Nerd Poker. I don't know. I'm going to hold up a candle like I do sometimes. Is that the same guy? Huh? Totally different guy Oh, cause I did the voice slightly different?

Listen, I only do like two voices Ahem The Castaway Cuties Uncovered a fake Octavio And murdered him dead They also found some interesting things out By searching Octavio's remains and most recently they left kurt the halfling in charge well while they went on an adventure we'll find

out more about that adventure right now so uh yeah you guys kind of negotiated with kurt you first figured out okay he's he's the real kurt you went through a series of like insight checks and like trivia to make sure i wasn't fucking with you there's a lot of clone shit happening because of that iron maiden um but where are you headed now that's sort of the big question um yeah um we were gonna head, we were gonna head to the inn, I think, in like, Flayzacola, right? Where they were, that's where the mayor was gonna become the, so we gotta go stop

our clones, I think. Right. Right? Yes. We gotta stop our clones from destroying the world again? And our reputation. Correct. You got a distinct feeling that these vampires, or at least this lead vampire was on his way to go to flazer cola and unleash pan zuzu yeah he told we got a feeling because he i think i believe he told us he really did pull the full

bond kind of like here's what's gonna. We'll take everything from you by taking your identities. And then we're going to get the mayor alone with us. And then we're going to unleash panzuzu. And then we killed him. I unleashed panzuzu at Chi Chi's once. They kicked you right out. No, they loved it.

I was new manager yeah the downside is it uh it does seem like they've got a bit of a head start on you so you know you are more than capable of getting to flay's a cola and we should be able to narrate that relatively easy but the downside is yeah you guys are kind of working against the clock so before we get into that you know you got you didn't spend too much time setting things up with kurt you feel like there's still a chance that you are heading towards flay's acola before the worst thing has happened before panzuzu is unleashed or you know maybe worse you're not you're not sure what exactly is happening as far as the vampire's plan goes but you're kind of all wondering is there a faster way we can get there um because i think you all know you've been running

places on foot you've caught jungle diseases and parasites you've encountered blink dogs like you're you're doing you're doing a lot um and you haven't really used any kind of transport device since way back when when you took a boat down the chasm that divides dave and glaven so i'm giving you guys a second as players to brainstorm here because I think intuitively all your characters would be like whoa whoa whoa whoa we gotta kind of like hurry up because the vampires might be halfway to Flazacola by now um yeah

Maserati teleport maybe the monks can teleport us there or we can do we have horses? horses yeah rocks yeah I mean uh you guys i think are on to something um i'm not gonna spell it out for you but i will ask around well

that's the thing like i'm i'm i'm gonna definitely throw you a dungeon master bone based off of what sarah just said so like two options are clear you could go horses like you could just go rent horses bling bottom's a fairly big town it's definitely got horses in it they all belong to somebody unfortunately there's not a wild horse like a population just outside of town however there's also the temple you don't know that anyone in the temple necessarily has teleportation magic, but they are magic folk. So they might be able to provide an even faster solution.

If you go ask some priests, you want to go talk to them. Let's do that. All right. That is where, that is where people are too. Yeah. So you guys start heading over in that direction rather briskly from kurt's adventuring guild and again kurt's going to be patrolling

around your house he's not going to go inside you did have a little moment with him where you realized oh he might want to go rifle through our drawers and stuff if we let him in the house so you did not give him the magical blessing to get in your magically protected house he's just gonna kind of go around outside and as you head to the temple um yeah you're definitely you're like you're like hustling um and you're as you arrive one of the priests comes out and says oh welcome back welcome back i was just talking about you what were you saying first of all that you're famous heroes uh you've done quite a lot for bling bottom and under the oppressive thumb of caleb thud skull it's nice to have some virtuous folk with some actual ability to make change around

here thank you and yeah in addition to that uh we just recently bid farewell to a couple of uh folks one of which include one of the castaway cuties possibly both i'm not sure the other person was uh an official castaway cutie. You'll have to tell me the status of their membership, but a couple of rabbit folk just left our temple to go on a separate adventure. She did it, guys.

She did it. Princess Caspia. She turned into a rabbit. And now she left with our Nathan. Incredible Mrs. Limpet. They're having fun. Well, congrats to them, I guess. They had some business at

what is that horrible Hell's Stare just to the north of us. Not sure how long that's going to take them, but sounds like you all are on sort of a headed in a different direction um and before you before we uh speak further i just want to ask if you've maybe got some spare change i i hate to

ask for tithings from you all but you did ask us to perform an extremely expensive true polymorph spell on that one fish person and then you magically convinced us to do it for free and we sort of spent all our money on the diamond dust it required so just sort of curious since you magically uh manipulated us and that is sort of the one negative thing we know about you. Nathan didn't cover that. Nathan was in a bit of a hurry. His rabbit companion was rather insistent. And they, I believe the last thing I heard was from that Cospia rabbit. She said something like you would cover the tab seemed a bit unlikely that you would be able to cover the tab but uh thought i would do my best and just see if you had any spare change sure well something

yes and you know what we're actually we're wondering do you guys while we're talking money and trading you know goods for services and things like that. We're trying to get to Flaysacola like tootsweet. And we're just wondering if you might have a method, means, for getting us there. Yeah, what would that be? Well, we have a teleportation circle in one of our sub-basements that actually would connect us right to Flaysacola. That was easy. Wonderful. All right, well, let me just dig around in my purse and see what I can... Thank you, because of course it does cost a bit of money to cast that spell as well. And

just sort of feeling the pressure, feeling it in our pockets a little bit, helping you guys out. I'm just going to confer just gonna um like uh confer with everybody in the corner here i have i i don't know if this is and maybe dan might have to weigh in and be like do we not actually have this but i in my inventory i have a pile of scrolls demon summoning related so i assume that we got that from inside the house when we were first going through none of us can really do anything uh with that right or would yeah maybe they might be they might know more if you show it to them but you're not exactly sure so i was just checking with everybody if it was okay if i offer them up as payment maybe they're worth enough to cover our tab and something else and also maybe the

monks might be interested so i do that My inventory says a pile of scrolls. Yeah, it looks like you've got it. Wow, there's 20-some scrolls here. And he picks one up and... I mean, you've got this bundle of them. And he goes, Ooh, this is dangerous stuff um so probably very valuable and you want to take it off our hands anyway so nobody gets a hold of it i mean we'll destroy these um yeah

no no i take them back oh well good to know you've got these well we're interested in research what might need to be done what are they yeah for summoning demons you know they they're various levels of fiends some of these will summon a random type of fiend others are named creatures that might want some sort of

soul related expense should you summon them other lesser demons who would simply cause chaos when summoned okay I'm sorry I'm sorry to our listeners to everybody else because I feel like we definitely sold some of the stuff already or gave it away

and I don't know why it doesn't hurt to run through it honestly like it's good to go over this stuff because some listeners forget. I want all of you to remember. I constantly forget. Some listeners remember and are like, why, Dan, don't you remind them of what's in their inventory?

The answer is, of course, I try to make you guys in charge of it, but they love when you pull your inventories out. So if there's anything you want to use today. Okay, so first of all, I'm suddenly struck by, didn't we have a little pirate sword that had a man inside it? You had, uh, I think Nathan had that.

Yeah. Okay. Just checking. Um, I have a black, I see a black stone. I see it. Born.

Oh, the, the ring that says born of the core roiling for more boiling like or. Correct. Yeah. That ring. Gold peacock hairpin.

Yes. The pin. I thought maybe we had those. You got in the lava caves. And yeah, you know, the dwarven ring is not magical, but it is valuable.

Okay. Maybe that ring then. What do you guys think? Oh, not magical. Oh, yes, yes yes but this looks like it's worth quite a few gold pieces if you're willing to cover will that cover the the first spell and our teleportation i mean not literally but we can definitely

tell you thank you and we'll we'll of course do anything we can to help you what about that and also um The peacock hairpin is non-magical but valuable also. Yeah, I thought we already sold that but I'm fine to give it to these guys as well. I don't have that you sold it uh, if you sell it twice there might be a few people who

Torm statues The what? Torm statues I have that in my inventory Oh yeah, that was from a bonus episode I think Oh The what? Torm statues. I have that in my inventory. Oh, yeah, that was from a bonus episode, I think. Oh. Okay, I'm taking off the ring. We're giving them the ring, and then we're going to give them the hairpin,

which I think we already sold, but let's just pretend we didn't. Okay? Good with everybody? These are both very valuable. Thank you. You're welcome. Are you very happy now i'm i'm pretty happy i don't know why i have to quantify it just that'd be nice

no we're grateful you've you you know we we will definitely eventually be able to recover our costs and oh that's not even close it's it's close It's going to cover the teleportation thing, but the polymorph thing was

so much money, but don't worry about it. We know your cost for good. It's cool. How many gold pieces would it be? 100 gold pieces. It would be 100 gold if it was in gold? Yeah. Wow. Okay, well I'm'm gonna give them for 30 months i'm gonna give them 40 gold pieces all right yeah he's he's again he's

like oh again thank you thank you thank you that i am keeping track of so yes well and i i want to also refresh because i was gambling remember a lot at the beginning that's true you want a ton of money and and to both remind players and listeners i don't do anything like challenge your guys's alignment you can change your alignment to whatever the hell you want but um yeah the the the npcs do kind of keep track of uh your your actions and let's say you kept asking for favors or doing weird shit to the temple they would eventually view you as more neutral uh but but by paying them something they definitely are like oh thank you thank you and like you're just staying in good with the good

people that's all that is great now let's see this teleportation circle. Yes. So he takes you down into a sub-basement. You kind of go down this stone stairwell. There's all these beautiful carvings of ancient chromatic dragons on the wall as you go down. He shows you where the true polymorph spell was cast. It just kind of looks like a little private room. And then takes you to a larger room where there are runes carved on the floor in and some candles set up in a circular fashion this is a room full of books there is a couple of priests in there studying and they kind of look up as your motley crew enters uh remind me before you travel via teleportation uh you guys left noodles at a bar

uh agatha's perched on your shoulder do you keep track of your critters agatha's in my pocket i think we definitely lost track of noodles a while ago is there something we can do or bring that will prove our identity. Ernie heard a noise and needed to bark at it. Like if I brought the hammer, would that prove that it's us? To whom? Yeah, I don't know. Just trying to think of anything that would identify us as us and not be found to fake us.

Oh, got you. For when you show up in Flazacola and you have to sort of get the mayor alone. I mean, I think we should be able to prove it's not us by this staking thing, right? Like when we staked the guy who was Octavio, he didn't die

but he was like frozen in position. Oh, but he has to be in their resting place. Yeah. Yeah. It just feels like we should be able to like make them transform back. Nobody knows us. I mean, I guess that one monk knows us. The people who were there before know us.

We were the castaway duties. Yeah. I guess they'll remember noodles. We can be like, ask this other person about what sort of creature they brought or whatever and then because we were in that town before so so we're going to the teleportation room let's teleport you head to the you're already in the teleportation room right um yeah they just ask you to step inside the circle and they will begin the process of casting the spell and transporting you to what they tell you is a chamber within the sort of, uh,

we'll call it an all purpose temple of good gods. That is in Flays. A coal. It is not for any one God. There are multiple gods who are worshiped in this temple. Um, and you will be in another sub basement. Um,

you all step in another sub-basement. Great. You all step in. The spell begins. And for a moment, you all become dizzy as your vision blurs. And it begins to refocus itself. The room, as it stops spinning, looks quite different. There are no longer books and priests. It is a completely dark room room but for one torch on one wall you see some stairs leading up and a very silent sort of hum rings in your ears as you can

hear your own breath uh echoing off of the walls it's like the parking garage of the galaxy you all head up the stairs I don't know that reference but I can relate to a parking garage we've all been in them we've all been to the Americana when it's busy we all live in Glendale right

so the Jesus Christ Mario's deli it's stuck in that fucking parking lot for two hours one time you um you all head up these stairs and yeah you are suddenly in it looks like a prayer room There's a couple of dragonborn kneeling on some prayer cushions, and they kind of like look up at you, kind of like make a face, look around. They whisper something to each other in Draconic, and they kind of like close their eyes and go back to praying. You see there's a couple of doors in the back of the prayer room across the way.

Is this like 2D? Do you need to talk to them? Yeah, I give them a praise of Muhammad. Oh, of the prayer room across the way. Is this like 2D? Do you need to talk to them? Yeah, I give them a praise Bahamut. Oh, one of them opens their eyes. Praise Bahamut. And you got the hammer with you, right? Yeah. Great.

So hang on. I'm going to do a little behind the scenes roll. I believe it is intended for a dragonborn one of the two praying dragonboards before he shuts his eyes again looks at you and squints

looks around like he's thinking and then with a very suspicious slash amused interested look on his face closes his eyes and goes back to his prayers. Neither of these are priests. They look like they're dragon born here just to worship sort of townspeople of Flay's a cola.

All right. Off we go. Stop our clones. Head through the double doors. You see there is a reception area here where there are some very nice priests milling around checking in with various people coming in off the street and guiding them to the sort of temple wing of their choice for who they would like to pray to and um yeah it's a multinational situation it is Coexist. A dragonborn priest notices

when you emerge and walks over and says, uh, praise Bahamut? Praise Bahamut? What brings you to Flay's Akola, may I ask? Well, we're here to fix a situation.

There are some imposters who've come here. I see. It's been a long time since anyone's used the teleportation circle beneath the prayer room. I can only assume this is an emergency if the priests have not alerted us of someone

using it. Where did you come from? What was it? What was it called? Bling Bottom. Yeah, that's right. Oh, alright. And you say there's impostors. Is there anything we should know about? uh what was it where was it called bling bottom oh all right and you say there's imposters is there anything we should know about they look like us unfortunately

but we're not them who are you we're the castaway cuties yeah pleased to meet you people say we cast away around we're too busy casting away put anybody down he raises an eyebrow as your theme song

kicks in and the music starts to take over when I'm trying to be well we finally got her to sing have you seen anyone who looks like us no no i have not so i am that's probably a good sign my name is uh merrick it's it's good to meet you all uh this is just uh surprise and um might i ask uh young dwarf what what are you holding there? This is a hammer I obtained.

I've been carrying it with me for some time. You don't say. If I'm not mistaken, that is a very sought-after and dangerous hammer. Would you agree? It is indeed. Hmm. What's your name, sir?

Tootie. Tootie Turanville. Now, when you say Tootie, is that like, like, uh, stand for something longer? Or is it like a onomatopoeia, like toot toot, here comes the train? Straight up Tootie, my friend. Straight up Tootie my friend straight up tootie will be your sometimes they are tootadors

but I am tootie tootadors well that's a new one do you need I see you're handling it quite ably do you need any assistance with it no I'm

fine as it is it's dangerous for others to touch it, actually. Very well. Well, should you ever be curious of learning more about it, I and the other priests of Bahamut would love to discuss this in more depth. I would love to, perhaps after this mission. depth i would love to perhaps after this mission perhaps feel free to come back anytime ask for merrick uh i would be care i would be careful even now you're in a larger city than blingbottom just just if anyone asks you if that is a special hammer you go ahead and tell them it is a replica and that you know what they're talking about and I would kind of laugh it off or something along those lines

cosplay yeah exactly cosplay you know like we have here in Dave and Glavin uh okay so we're gonna go to the inn, I think, right? Yes. Right?

I believe so. We should, yeah. Let's go check in. We'll just get in our room, just relax. Is there a name on the document? Document rights to an inn. What the hell? Yeah, remember he said he had access to the windowless cellar or something at the inn?

Yes, unwindowed cellar in the inn. What are the document rights to the inn, though? I don't remember what that was. I don't think we knew. No, this is just stuff that you found in the vampire's hideaway. Ah, right. So the vampire probably owned an inn here or something like that.

Right, or it's their lair or whatever. But if we go to the inn we went to before, we can ask around and see if people have seen us yet. Well, shouldn't we go to the address of that lair? Because we might be there already yeah and if obviously they're unwindowed cellar they're going to be

hiding in there oh do we have the actual do we know which inn it is I thought it was just an like a Dan do we know which inn it is I just have a neutral document rights to an inn yeah I didn't know if we knew what it was you do not know the inn it is

it's got a drawing of the layout of the end, but the name is missing. Let's ask Merrick. It does have a few numbers on it and it looks like it's got an official city like seal on it. Merrick takes a look and goes, Oh, uh,

give me one second. Um, I believe that is an in here in Flaysacoa. That would be an inn called The Filthy Knuckle. Shocker. It's more popular than you might think. It's not a dive.

It's a very private club kind of place. You say this is a deed to it? Well, the people we're looking for are going to be involved somehow, so we just want to go check it out. Very well. That'll be on the north side of town and near the docks.

What's the name of the dirty knuckle? The filthy knuckle. Do they have games of chance there? Of course, yes. They sometimes play a card game there called Bent. Wonderful. My favorite game. Oh, there's a play name in the same thing.

Like a penis? Yes. Broken. It was originally called the private. Yes, Bent like a penis that's been broken. Get back, you filthy animal. Sounds like a song. Like a penis that's been broken.

Yeah, very good. Broke for the very first time. It's been held. For four different times. Like a ding dong. Yeah, so you guys are, you start heading to the north side of town towards the filthy knuckle yeah yeah would a flat penis be less likely to break or more likely to break i feel like it has structural it has a flat one because it has structural integrity in a different

way so i feel like actually that might be the solution i think it depends on why it's flat and how you're trying to break it uh i don't remember why it was in in our history here in season three i remember tapeworm yeah there was like i think it was either brian himself or darthurster he had a flat penis people were walking like a plank yeah i don't remember why i dropped a comical iron on top of it and it just flattened it oh is that it? so Brian if a comical iron was dropped on Dargthur's penis

is it already broken or is it just sort of taken on a new shape? why not an anvil or a safe? it just flattens it so if it's flattened is it now easier or harder to break well we've all seen peanut brittle right we've all seen it we've eaten it what if you land a car across a couple saw horses yeah well you know it you know it would probably you could kind of like scrape it on the edge of a table so it coils up and then you blow it out

like a noisemaker. Like, what? I was getting excited for sitting across a couple of horses. It's starting to sound like Danny does the martial arts like he was going to chop it in half. If you stack them, it's their bean cakes. Brian,

could Danny chop Darkthor's penis in half? That's what I want to know can't canonically speaking that's where we are listeners that's where we are in the pandemic yeah

yes oh thank god okay so you guys are heading to the filthy knuckle and you see it as you approach yes it's up on a small hill right by the ocean there's a little sort of like heavy steep path that carriages are taking up and it looks like the people going inside are rather well dressed oh okay well i straighten my coat and go inside as you approach the front door some sort of valet approaches

and says well welcome to the filthy knuckle may I see your membership cards please oh now we have to go in through the ceiling I left that in my other

jerkin um we got this uh paperwork the deed from the first vampire that we killed in the house or from the second I'm sorry not the first the second one that we killed in the in the outskirts of town

or did we get it from the third lupine guy Dan I don't remember oh okay so let me outline that for you a little bit the first guy you killed um you didn't uh I don't think you got it from him I think you got it from the second guy the second guy in the

woods um yeah and what was his name? Does anyone remember? I remember there was the name of the guy was like the amygdala. Somebody amygdala, Lord Amygdala or something. All right. I'm just going to go for it then.

If nobody remembers the second guy's name. I don't recall. Sorry. Lord Sewell. S-U-U-L. Sewell. Okay. I very imperiously i'm like and then yeah i'm a legda is the guy who threatened you so so i'm a leg to finish yeah i'm gonna very imperiously just be like

we're friends of Lord Sewell's. The doorman raises an eyebrow when you say, Lord Sewell takes a look at your deed and says, interesting, didn't expect. Oh, I didn't think I was going to show him the deed. I was just saying we're friends of Lord Sewell's. Do you have any proof of this?

Now show them the deed. Really? Do we want to do that? Now show them the deed. Really? Do we want to do that? What else are you going to do? What other proof do we have that we're friends of Sewell's? I'm not sure you want the kind of proof that we will offer you, friend. What does that say to him?

I have my hand on my belt like i'm gonna reach for a weapon i understand why don't i go and speak to my superiors i'll be right back um no he's gonna go in and get more guys with swords he whistles and a couple of uh gooliaths come outside and stand by the door as he goes indoors to speak to somebody. Alright, let's go in, guys. The door is now the door

formerly looked over by an elven valet is now looked over by two large Goliaths. So there's not exactly an open front door um okay i um come on in yeah i'm gonna do um obviously there could be other ways this is a i, I'm going to do briefly. This is like a seven story tall building that takes up a large amount of space on a Hill.

There could be other ways in please. As you were Sarah. Okay. I'm going to do a minor illusion of the, that guy is that Valley's voice, uh, saying to the, those Goliaths,

uh, I think I can do this with my religion. The sound. Yeah. It can be your voice voice someone else's voice so he's gonna he's gonna say like did he call them anything when they came outside or they just came

he's just gonna yell he's just gonna say he whistled and they came out as he went in okay so he's gonna whistle I'm gonna make the whistling sound that he made and he's gonna he's gonna say check around back. The voice is going to come from inside and out to these guys.

Okay. Um, so then it says they have to examine the sound or image and then do an investigation check. Um, if they use an action to examine what is, yeah, they,

they very much will. It's going to take them a minute um but can you give me your spell save dc that they're going to have to roll again literally every time we have this i asked you to write this down you probably did i believe it is your your intelligence top of the modifier yeah but no i don't have a page because she is a rogue yeah um i mean i seem to remember that it was 14 does that sound right to anybody else nobody's paying attention for on my behalf um minor religion yep no yeah it's it's my spell save which is and we have looked this up a few times yeah we have so apologies to listeners few times. Yeah, we have. So apologies to listeners. That actually sounds right. It's very unlike me, frankly, to not have this written down. Well, I do have written down Iva's intelligence as 16.

So her wisdom is 14. If it's a wisdom roll, then that's what that is. But I'm looking up. Eight plus five. Okay. Calculate. It's annoying okay i put guys i promise that i'm gonna write it down this time okay uh okay oh i have it it is eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your ability modifier your ability modifier is wisdom so it's your wisdom modifier plus your proficiency bonus plus

eight so it's 13 please write 13 down i'm writing it down as spell save dc it's the same as mine that's how we'll remember and so these two goliaths goliaths may not have a very high intelligence score to investigate are going to go uh investigate you see them both kind of go like they seem very like kind of irritated like this see them both kind of go like they seem very like kind of irritated like this is not the kind of thing that they would be asked to do and they've kind of begrudgingly kind of trudge away from the front door okay let's go in right there as you guys enter you notice the place is bustling tons tons of people are here and you get the impression a lot of them are traveling and this is maybe the only place in flazicola they are going to be a lot of

things seem to be going on there are people having meals drinks walking around the lobby and you see sort of on the far end of this what do you call like a landing area like you'd see in a hotel, there is a desk where a few people are sitting behind. I was hoping we'd try to find the cellar without anybody. Yeah, I mean there's multiple doors. I'm also scanning for anybody that looks like us.

Right. Okay, why don't you all do an investigation check or perception check. Yes, and that would be so fun hi boss um the a little dragon flies up to you jk uh roll you get to pick perception or investigation um perception will give you sort of a lay of the land type answer uh investigation will reveal things 17 investigation can 25 perception 25 perception holy shit investigation danny what you're rolling uh i got a nine and both actually but pick one um perception great um you guys look around and uh yeah you you feel like this room has

stairs that go um up both to the left and to the right you don't immediately see a way down but it does look like there are a few employees only type doors next to the front desk you don't see anyone that looks like you um however as you guys are kind of walking around and scanning the room jelf you notice one human or elf or half elf it's not clear uh they do have pointy ears it's kind of like watching you as a group and he's kind of pacing around kind of like kneading his hands together he was speaking kind of offhand to someone and now he's

kind of like tracing you a little bit should I shoot him in the head with an arrow? yeah if you want to, roll to attack do it do we think he works there? is he an employee? he looks like a guest he's he's uh he looks like a guest he's pretty far away when you when you notice this shelf and this is a very

crowded room there's about 120 people in this by the way uh it's about three in the afternoon ish okay so let's find this cellar before it gets dark yeah you feel like it is most likely the way to the cellar is somehow through one of the two doors on either side of the attended desk where there are three employees sitting so they're kind of watched over you can't just like

go into the staff only area without them noticing should we go over and ask if tell them we have an appointment with, uh, Lord Sewell? Yeah. Which one of you would like to lead this conversation?

I think Iva should. He's good at that stuff. Iva should? Yeah. Uh, who has the best, let's see, I have the best deception probably,

but I, oh, also persuasion. Okay. All right. Well, it's my own choice then for rolling this way okay i stride purposefully up to the desk all right uh tabaxi which is a sort of cat like feline humanoid uh looks up as you approach and says how may may I help you? Hi, we're here to see Lord Sewell. Oh,

uh, very well. I was not aware. Lord Sewell was present. Uh, may I ask your name and your reason for business? Uh, you can just describe us to him and he'll,

he'll know what this is about. Do a persuasion check. 26. Yes. I'll go find him. Is there a place you're expecting to see him? Have I heard about how you're supposed to meet him back behind the

we were supposed to meet him in his in in his meeting area in his uh his meeting area which is of course slaying for his private quarters the school shack precisely what i said if he wasn't here you rolled a 26 so whatever you say will sound

translatable to me uh yes his private quarters um i will just go i will i will go uh into his private quarters well i will see if his assistant is there and then i will uh come right back thank you uh i'm gonna you leave through the right hand of the two private area doors by the desk um we follow can i try to follow see stealthily uh so lower are you gonna bring the whole crew i will let you do... Here's the thing. You're pretty sure if you all went, the other two people behind the desk would notice, but you think if you alone

tried to stealth, you could pull it off. Okay, I'll try to stealth. I give everybody a wink, and then I'll try to stealth. Good luck! Roll stealth check. Good luck stealthing the place. That's a 27.

Jeez Louise, the hot die in this episode. You're like a mist. I have a plus 9, so. The other two tabaxi at the desk get distracted by guests who are approaching asking for better drinks. And in that moment, you're easily

able to slide behind and keep pace behind the tabaxi that you spoke to. They go through a kitchen where no one notices you. They go down a flight of stairs and another flight of stairs behind the kitchen. They still do not notice you as you trail them down these stairs where it gets darker and darker until they walk down a long hallway where you're able to kind of stand in a couple of doorways that look unimportant. And then at the end of the hallway, they knock on a large wooden door.

Very curious what's going to happen now. So I'll just see if anybody opens. They wait for a second. They wait for a minute. They wait for another minute minute and then they knock again and they're not met with any anyone at the door of course you know lord sewell is dead right um they seem to be like thinking oh well they're here to see lord sewell let me find lord sewell and they're just they're just kind of like hmm and they i'm gonna stealth back

up before they turn around back up to the group great roll another stealth check please oh no i dropped my 17 times i know walk into a stack of potatoes in the kitchen uh 17 all right so you make it through uh out of this hallway without the tabaxi noticing up the stairs no loud steps as you go out through the kitchen you're able to duck behind everything without any of the chefs or the baker noticing you and then you come out into the landing the other tabaxi behind the desk they do not notice you uh however as you exit do a perception check as you're coming back into the lobby where the rest of the castaway cuties are 21 you notice um a figure a human-like figure could be a half elf could be an elf uh largely human features but with pointy ears across the room uh notices you and you notice that he has

a long flowing sort of merchant's robe on. I wave enthusiastically to him. He notices and we'll have to find out what happens next on the next episode of Nerdy Pokes. Yay. Nice job.

Nice job, Sarah, who rolled like a fiend. Like a monster. Sam. any idea what happened oh man all right I do know we are going to play Zicola but I do forget why I think the mayor is like

a demon and are we clones or vampires I don't know if we're looking for a butler slip I swear to God didn't we spend like nine weeks looking for a hammer? Are we just not? Are we not doing that now? We had an octopus with us too, right? I think we were doing like too many

things. Can't still use the hammer, remember? We transported, no, I didn't. We transported somewhere and I think we're going to a bar to play cards and now we're talking into a merchant robe. It's probably a merchant. Dan,

anything you, you would like to plug my friend. This comes on next week. I thank you to everybody who just saw me at flappers this weekend. I'll be doing a show at the Dow comedy studio in LA and December 4th. I'll be doing more shows in December and January, maybe some stuff in Sacramento, but mostly Los Angeles.

Look it up on my social media and I'm out. Uh, I'm about to do my last show for the year, uh, in Kansas city. This will air after that so uh i got nothing um nothing in december that stash of metal you got oh well yeah grandpa's metal stash always uh sponsor us on patreon and be a friend uh we've also got killer merch on here and at Brian Pessain calm and I've got I'm gonna be January doing our place in Chicago that I've done with you the beat kitchen for

you I love the beat kitchen at the end of February or the end of January what you know great time to be in Chicagoago that'll be nice and chilly but uh recording a special there so oh no at the bee kitchen yeah at the bee kitchen oh holy shit i you remember i ran a show there for seven years so that's so cool i know it's gonna be cool it's a cool place to shoot it it's not like your normal comedy venue that people shoot in. It's going to be way more metal and punky. Yeah. It's a rock club. Yeah, it's a rock club.

You know, the camera guy is going to come through a bunch of people standing around in Chicago wearing black and then come on me on stage. Come on. You know what I mean? What? His bent penis? God damn it. Come up on me.

Jesus Christ. Anyway, be there. I blame. Oh, Stacy's having a yard sale this weekend, so I'm steering clear. I don't get along with his wife.

Right on. Thanks, you guys. And thanks for, you know. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416.

Thanks for listening.