Nerd Poker - S4E64 Waving At Weirdos

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

After successfully scouting the secret lair of the cabal, the Cuties decide to face their antagonist head-on in a crowded luxury inn's lobby. And you know this crew loves to avoid collateral damage! Let's have a listen shall we?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everyone. I'm Brian Posehn, and you're listening to Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker, episode 64. My friends are here. Look at them.

We've got Blaine. When I'm 64. Episodes, that is. Hi, Brian. Right. Hey. Sarah, hello. Hello.

How are you? Beatles quote. Fine. How are you? Already, right? Right off the bat. There's Ken. What's up, Ken?

I woke up, got out of bed, and dragged a comb across my head. I remember. up ken i woke up i got out of bed and dragged a comb across my head i remember uh don't see that don't see that movie where uh beatles didn't happen ever oh yeah yeah boy that was bad it's called sergeant pepper's lonely hearts club band with the bgs oh my. That was crazy. I wish there was a movie where that movie never happened. Dan is here, everybody. Hello. Welcome to episode 64, which is, of course, episode 69 with a fist that has yet to find its place.

Nice. Yowza. Boner City. Take me down to the Boner City where the guys and the girls are pretty whoa people forget that Paradise City is about fisting I'm gonna forget that but I'm

not gonna forget who our engineer is he's right here with his pal the best detective team on television not going to forget who our engineer is. He's right here with his pal. The best detective team on television. Listen, children. And Robin. Hi.

What's going on? That was Robin's voice, you guys. Mm hmm. Yeah. Finally. We're good. We're both very high. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he looks like finally we're good we're both very high oh yeah yeah he looks like he's looks like he's flying do they make dog nip absolutely they certainly do

I feel like dogs are high all the time yeah cannabis oil well yeah you can you can just straight up give human drugs to your dog but i mean is there like a plant that naturally makes a dog hallucinate the way a cat freaks the fuck out with catnip dog nip i think so i don't think so fire hydrant yeah i was gonna say it doesn't it feel like dogs

just are generally yeah i mean obviously in the last episode my dog lost his fucking mind because a shadow ran over a leaf outside but hey know these things I heard chocolate is dogs like they eat chocolate they go crazy they love it why don't you try a little thing called go fuck yourself Blaine I'm not gonna do that neither should our listeners I work for poinsettias and my cats

Blaine's a cat guy that's right oh I see you're trying to slowly assassinate all the dogs in the name of cat person-dom. That's their agenda. I like both kinds. That's the real Civil War. Let's hear the truth about cats

and dogs. How about the Operation Dumbo Drop? What's Janine doing these days? Great question. Let's all talk about it. Let's all Google Janine. On the next episode of Nerd Poker. Let's have her play. That would be great.

Unfortunately, she... What about Uma Thurman? What about Ben... Who was the boy in that movie? Chaplin. Ben Chaplin. What's he up to? He's the guy in that movie, isn't he? I have no idea. What movie are we talking about?

Oh my gosh. The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Mystery Man. Not sure I saw that one. Romeo and Somebody's High School Union. Oh my gosh. I warned us at the top. Yeah, yeah, it's happening what's happening

well we're all loopy I guess oh fuck Sam quit fuck it he's just taking his shirt off that's all oh yeah taking his shirt off and doing some curls

he's going full money he's going yeah today we see our engineers full monty hey brian would you like me to thank some folks i wish you would oh here i come that sounded wrong listeners thank you so much if you listen but if you support us on patreon i'm going to thank a few of you in special right now in special i don't know what that means but i do want to thank especially i i would like to extend a very special thank you to patreon supporters with usernames that start with this one rob i am thank you rob Thank you, Rob, I am. Thanks, Rob. Thanks, Catch22, except

the A and the T are a 47. Thanks, Catch22. That's the math one. They did like the leet speak with just those two letters, so it's C 4 7 C H dash What do you get?

69! Oh, it's 69, you guys. Hey! Have we covered this previously? What's the smartest way to get to 69 joke? Yeah, what's the smartest, dumbest joke ever? Oh, boy. Thank you.

Fart Cannon is online. Of online of course thank god grounding us srt to fire thank you ted cruz's failed twitter attack on pat and oswald fyi ted you suck donkey balls fuck that guy like it yeah thank you mass oh yeah that was those were the good old days that twitter feud and there's patents that chef's kiss that was i mean that was amazing shit thank you matt's tesla coil

thank you thanks testicles uh i believe he said his full name is matt coil and he's given himself the middle name of Tesla's thank you we need a whole Billy episode

oh we were just talking about that thank you Shakira when the walls fell thanks Shakira thank you thank you Lord Brownington ew thanks Lord thank you if you lord brownington ew

thank you thank you war anus thank you ew thank you mark strandberg thank you kevin hit thank you mother brain posain thank you

thank you beta ray bill the science guy bill nye the science guy excuse me beta ray bill nye the science guy Hussain. Yeah. Thank you, Beta Ray Bill the Science Guy. Bill Nye the Science Guy. Excuse me. Beta Ray Bill Nye the Science Guy. I apologize. Thank you, Ramsey. Thank you, Ramsey. Thank you, Napoleon's

Festering Piles. Oh, dear. Thanks, Em. Coming to take you away. Ian Buckley. Thank you. Thanks, Ian. Thank, Ian Buckley. Thank you. Thanks, Ian. Thank you, Dankyland. Danky, Danky. It's like Donkeyland, but it's dank.

Thanks, Robert Jenkins. Thank you, Robert Jenkins. Thank you, Natural73. N is the square root of copyright E, fistulinus orificis. It sure is.

You could look that up in any book. There's a chance those weird characters are the result of exporting your name from Patreon to Google Sheets. I apologize if that's what happened. Fistulanus orificeis or natural 73. Thank you, Jonathan A. Jansen thank you Eric Kobler thanks Eric

thank you Just Some Anonymous Martin thanks Martin and finally thank you Captain Goodtimes thanks Captain Blaine who was all of those people but especially Captain Goodtimes brought to us by

This isn't really an ad tonight but I did dig up and it's not an ad classic either but I dug up a real old an old one that I found check it out Miss Construzies French toast is our middle name Miss Construzies we don't have French toast please don't ask Miss Construzies. French toast is our middle name. Misk and Struzies.

We don't have French toast, please don't ask. Misk and Struzies. Thank you, Blaine. That was a real early one. Please thank your son for showing us his armpit in the middle of an episode. Oh, yeah. Did you see his vaccination band-aid?

Oh, cool. Good for him. They let him pick one out. They didn't let me pick mine out i give you a lollipop at least no you know if you get it at right aid if you get it at right aid you get a coupon for thrifty's ice cream are you kidding me no i'm not the fuck was i doing at cvs i know seriously jesus christ you gotta tell me these things ahead of time if you get your your t-dap or your flu shot at right aid you can also get a thrifties i need a flu shot perfect there you go where's the thrifties is thrifties inside the right aid so it depends if you go to the if you go to the thrifties in north glendale they not only have it in the freezer section but there is a thrifties counter where theyendale, they not only have it in the freezer section, but there is a thrifties

counter where they've got the fresh scoops. Yeah, they got it at my brother's too. I want to know what you want in Vermont, you guys. Yeah, Calabasas also. There's a Calabasas one. I love it. It's a great thing to console yourself with as you contemplate having

all your DNA rearranged by the government. Or you can do what I do, is pick up your anal wart medication at the Baskin-Robbins drive-thru. You guys ever notice people who are most worried about

having their DNA changed by the government are the people with the DNA in most need of drastic changes? Anyway. I don't think I fit all that stuff in a shot that's what i want to know magnet the chip the 5g yeah all that shit it's got a big needle and then there's this i think it's new this thing that they say you can shed you you shed the virus if you get the vaccine shot jesus christ it's listen everybody it doesn't it's lost their minds you'll all make your constitution saving throat if you get the shot go for it hey everybody i think it's finally time to talk about what happened last time

on nerd poker i once again went into another voice and And my voice is scratchy, so I'm going to skip it today. Yeah, you guys headed to Flay's Acola via a teleportation circle. You made your way to the filthy knuckle. A well-to-do inn hotel along the coast of Flay's Acola, where you were in lucky possession via the murder of some vamps of the deed to the lower level you kind of figured out oh uh by trailing somebody from the front desk we can see where this is exactly um and in the process of finding that out through a tremendous persuasion and stealth role, I've,

I came back up and made weird eye contact with a strange figure on the other side of the lobby. I waved. She waved, waved enthusiastically. Hey, Sarah. Yeah. Or should I say I've,

because I'm speaking both to you and your character yes where'd sarah go when you wave enthusiastically this uh character in the merchant's robe raises an eyebrow and begins to squint their eyes i'm gonna need you to do a wisdom saving throw oh i thought he might think we were our clones but apparently he saw right through that okay um i have advantage on wisdom against magic if that matters against mad you mean like any spell says advantage on wisdom against magic okay i will tell you this is a charm spell if that matters but uh um well i don't need it because i rolled a natural 20 plus 2 so 22 oh shit okay

you feel some dark like lines of stress cross your vision for a moment as if there are some sort of shadowy tentacles coming into your mind. And then it subsides. And the figure across the room who was just staring you down leans back and leers at you for a moment. I run across the room and put my dagger in his eye. I like initiative. You begin running towards him at full speed and you see him begin to laugh.

This will be interesting. Again, just as a reminder, you are in a crowded lobby with over 100 people in it well he just said spell me are you gonna dive at him and try to stab him yes great let's see uh i'm gonna need you to do a because this is he's about 60 feet away I mean right about when you get to the 10 feet away mark he's clearly

doing something defensively with his hands and I'm going to need you to do a strength saving throw yeah by the way all of you this happens in the blink of an eye and Iva is not warning you of any of this so you feel like any second you could also join in and help

iva but iva has definitely gone hog wild did we uh sorry this is let's pause the hog wild for a second yes sir rest did we rest before we left on this journey dan's making a face that says no right i don't think so that was a real dumb uh real real us kind of move well uh back to the stabbing i rolled a nine on my strength check you rolled a nine on your strength saving throw yes i'm sorry you cut out for a second um okay so let's see. You suddenly feel a massive gust of wind extend from this figure's hand. And just as you're jumping forward with your dagger, you get knocked head over ass backwards 10 feet and slide on your back. I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry.

Yes. your back language i'm sorry please i'm sorry yes uh tea bag over kettle you flip backwards and land break your dick land right on your cozy and uh all of you see this uh happened the crowd begins to scream and scatter these well-to-do folks who are wealthy enough to stay in this nice seven-story hotel on the hill by the bay all uh kind of split evenly in three directions can i um towards the front door and then the left and the right where the stairs upward up door up to the quarters are uh yes sarah can i do a control z or command z or whatever it is on just undo that action because I feel like it was a mistake. And that's clear to me now at this point in time.

Uh, and I'm just hoping that maybe we can just pretend it didn't happen. No. Gather up and say, we should all head into those doors. She went through. That's what I was trying to. Yeah.

But I was hoping that, I guess I just thought that he was starting it, but I guess I was wrong. Okay. Uh, you hear, uh, all, I mean, you can do whatever you want, but first, um, hoping that i guess i just thought that he was starting it but i guess i was wrong okay uh you hear uh all i mean you can do whatever you want but first um the figure goes well i was not expecting that to happen you don't know yet i'm full of surprises the second problem is what he is he's the is the same person that so jelf saw this guy also right yeah it's the same guy this is someone

none of you have seen before until today but jelf did spot them eyeballing you as you first came into the lobby because he was you were all kind of casing the room and Jelf rolled really high. Okay, so now I'm like, shall we talk? What is it you want to talk about? Follow me. And then I just walk with everybody else down the hallway, through the kitchen, down to Lord Sewell's chambers.

Do a persuasion check. Let's see if this works, guys. Wouldn't it be awesome if it did? Oh my god, it would be amazing. What if it didn't work? I can't use a lucky point because we didn't fucking rest for two seconds.

I wish. That's a 12. What's your bonus to persuasion? I'm just curious. Plus 8. So you rolled a four yeah i he goes i don't think so somebody else persuaded him or you know of course at this point iva has dramatically turned heel and walked towards the kitchen and i'm just like, we'll go without you then.

Let's get the fuck out of here. We all go. We got to go down to Lord Sewell's chambers, right? Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I'm just like, fine, we'll go without you. And then we go. Right, guys? All right.

You're with me, right, guys? Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Go down the other way or which one? No, go down to Lord Sewell's. Yeah, absolutely. Go down the other way or which one? No, go down to Lord Sewell's. Yeah, yeah. So as a figure cackles madly behind you, you all casually walk into the kitchen. There is one chef still in here crying and hiding behind an oven door,

holding a cast iron skillet shaking with fear because of obviously the sound of violence happening and screaming in the lobby you continue to the stairs in the back of the kitchen yeah stay there you'll be okay you're fine oh god

um you all just sort of casually casually walk through the kitchen um and as you go down the stairs the tabaxi from the front desk that you kind of sent down there uh emerges um from one of the lower stairwells as you're walking down the stairs it goes oh uh how did you all get back here there's some there's chaos back there you gotta stop it something's happening guy he's attacking people we're just trying to get out of here attacking people what in the lobby yes please go stop him there's chaos oh god uh

get up there quick and get chaos thank you and the tabaxi runs upstairs. As you head farther down, you got a really high persuasion check earlier and they would automatically be concerned anyway. So you head down the stairs and there's, again, the long hallway at the end of which is a heavy wooden door. Try the knob. Is that just open?

Let's just open it, yeah. Oh, well, first I heard, I'll try the knob. Let's just open it. Well, first I heard I'll try the knob. Tootie, I'm going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw. I tried, Tootie. What are you reminding? Pretty sure he remembered.

He was waiting for it. Oops. One guy. Okay. Okay. He was waiting for it. That is a 17. Lovely. You managed to pull your hand back just in the nick of time as you hear a metal scratch, scratch, scratch noise and a large steel spike suddenly explodes forth from the doorknob

from some sort of chamber hidden in the middle of it. What kind of fucking door is this? It goes and retracts back into the doorknob. Alright, let's disable this shit. You got the goods. Yeah, you have the thieves kit.

To disarm this trap it's going to be a sleight of hand check uh you can uh do it multiple times but it will increase in difficulty each time you're gonna need a 20 22 fuck yeah you get your little metal thieves tools in there here are some springs dislocate from their their bedding and uh it feels pretty safe to turn this knob go inside as you pop the door open and go inside you see what it looks like a good old-fashioned war room there is a map of uh several continents including dave and glaven there is several books laying around there is a little mini bar um it's quiet and it's dark there are unlit candles and torches uh but it is vacated at the moment and uh there's just a sort of smell of a light a light amount of dust close the door behind us reset the trap

uh who's resetting the trap i believe i have a well if you'd like to do that please do another sleight of hand check I have a well if you'd like to do that please do another sleight of hand check uh weird the dice not working yeah like it's what it showed was not what it's showing on I mean it's showing that I got a one but it was the roll showed a 19 I mean I guess this is what happens when you use digital dice um bugs it said I guess I'll just say, but I wish the roll showed a 19. I mean, I guess this is what happens when you use digital dice. Bugs. I guess I'll just say 10, but it would be a botch,

but it didn't roll as a 1, so I don't know. I have a plus 9. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're not sure you've reset the trap perfectly, but you do hear some clicking noises. Let's search the room for exits

do you turn any lights on sure you can see everything everything's kind of garish there's a lot of red velvet black curtain in front of a little area in the back of the room

judgmental are there any... Does anybody have a detect magic or anything that they could throw up? Does anything look like... I mean, I don't have a detect magic, but is there anything that looks interesting that's jumping out? I mean, yeah, there's that black curtain. There seems to be

something... It's like a black curtain that's about eight feet wide. It almost feels like there's a little doorway or something on the other side of this curtain. Don't know. We'll open the curtain. Alright, Iva, you whip it open and you see there is some sort of altar.

There's little alchemy tubes and a couple of devices none of you are familiar with and a place for someone to lay down on a little bed. Oh, let's sacrifice one of us um okay well what we know let's go over what we know which is um this is like his home base this guy's home base he has the privilege of what does the deed say again? Privileges of... I don't have it because it was in the last chat. So,

they're here. Their plan is to write to an inn. Free Panzuzu from the mayor of this town. And so, the last guy we killed or one of the guys we killed was from haw belly which is was a place on our last continent i feel like um actually uh haw belly is where uh the the author

of the note was from um count amalegda okay yeah wasn't that from our first that was like an island on our first continent wasn't it or not you guys's first belly was in cloddenheim correct yeah cloddenheim um okay so i guess we'll just search the room for anything that might be helpful um and then we gotta still go look for our clones actually we should probably find the mayor and or that monk who we talked to before right yeah well right now i think we should find it an exit from this room other than the one we came in hey i'm gonna uh i'm gonna look at the vials and stuff in this these alchemy things and uh and see if i if if they resemble the like the vials blood they used to swap stuff or if there's any sort of

connection with cool it's doing our canna check 19 plus 6 that's very good 25 it doesn't seem directly related however there does seem to be some things here to indicate blood rituals are part of what these tools are used for and the bed

leads you to believe that this is where someone voluntarily does go through a procedure not unlike the Iron Maiden but probably not anything related to cloning or anything like that. It seems different. Just be chiropractic. Acupuncture.

Yeah, I'm going to search for any other exits from the room or trapdoors. Investigation check. exits from the room or trap doors investigation check yeah and we roll and we all right well i used up all my rolls so that's an eight yeah you don't really see

yeah like it seems like it would have to be a pretty tricky sneaky hidden room there's no real sign of uh trap door not a lot of room it seems like it would have to be a pretty tricky, sneaky hidden room. There's no real sign of a trap door, not a lot of room. It seems like Any windows? No, there's no windows. Is this the windowless cellar?

You are two floors down. It seems like it very well might be the thing that you have the deed for. And again, this is a war room so there's like maps and like scribbles on paper strewn everywhere let's just gather let's just gather everything up and and try to leave and see what happens just take everything we can yeah i mean there's more here than you can easily carry but you can

just sort of do a random sweeping what about our hat rifle through the drawers and such see anything yeah i mean it mean, it would take you probably 10 minutes to get all the paper in here in the hat, but you could do that. Let's do it, right? Yeah. Put the paper in the hat. Anything valuable or anything like that?

Tootie, do an investigation check. And you're doing this while uh iva is going over to jelf and saying hey let's bust that hat out and they're you know everybody else is putting a 16 okay so you look around and there is a strange instrument. You think it is, it's kind of like wedged in this sort of filing cabinet type side table. And when you open up this cabinet on the bottom of it, behind some bottles and some like stacks of paper that of course everyone else notices and they like come over and help you get, you pull out this thing as bagpipes. Um,

however, the back, they look like enchanted, uh, bagpipes somehow because they've got, they've got a couple of what looks like magic gems embedded in it. I like it. Infinity bagpipes.

Uh, other than that, you, you, you clear this room out and it looks like pretty much everything has... Everything here didn't leave a lot of magic stuff here. They didn't leave a lot of valuables here.

But the paper does look important. Like it's a part of some sort of plan. Okay. Can I identify the gems? I mean, I would say none of you really possess the skill to

identify it, but you all get the impression because of the way it's embedded in there. There is just something strange about it. You all think that this is these are gems that have enchanted the bagpipes somehow. All right. Hmm.

So we should what to start trying to play him until somebody comes and kills us I think we should get out of here is there any and there's no desk or anything in here no nothing besides the stuff behind the curtain you've seen pretty much everything this room has to offer you think

the only thing is you haven't really like read the paper you gathered up because you're hustling i assumed to get out let's try to get out of here and leave by the kitchen or whatever all right okay let's do it um you open the door the hallway is magically black. Hmm. Perfect. Do you proceed through it? I don't know that we have a choice. Sure, you could just hang out in this room and shut the door again if you want to. Or you could yell something.

You could fire an arrow into the darkness. You have so many choices! It's magically black. I imagine it's going to absorb any light no not necessarily i mean you guys all know like this could be a spell just to obfuscate can i grab a torch from the room or a candle from the room yeah you've just lit let's say a couple of candles and a couple of torches you can grab either you tell me yeah let's grab torch i I mean, you know the torch isn't going to easily illuminate or get rid of this. It seems like something is... That's what I said.

You, Cash, walked away from a vampire. Yeah. Who probably knows about this. Oh, he's a vampire now. You probably think he's a vampire because he was wearing a merchant's robe like several vampires you've already encountered. I thought he was a merchant. He tried to cast Mind Juju on Iva again, it seems likely

and you cash went to a place he hangs out probably and you opened a door as if nothing could be back in the direction where this vampire was. I'm gonna stealth army crawl down the hallway. Cool.

And are you doing anything with... I'm just trying to tell you, 2D, you would instinctively be like, the vampire did this. Oh, yeah. I assume that. So you can throw the torch. You can just walk with the torch, but you would also, I think, know if you put this torch into the darkness, it's just gonna kind of get swallowed

by it. It's not gonna hurt you necessarily necessarily but it's not gonna help either um yeah stealth check from iva okay 21 all right you begin to army crawl down the hallway how far do you want to go um until i hit this guy's robes so you go for you all to see iva start army crawling i assume you give everybody like a shush yeah um you're all in the lit room by the way and uh iva disappears into the darkness what would everyone else like to do cower and fear um i mean you can

shut the door you can you can get out of the doorway so shut the door you're not exposed but iva has left down the hallway the dark hallway let's i will feel my way down the wall with my back to the wall. The direction I have to go.

Alright, do a perception check. You guys see 2D go into the darkness. Jelf, Danny, what are you doing? Blaine, Brian, what are you doing? What do you think? Yeah, I'm trying to nine on my perception. Okay. You're having trouble in the darkness. What were you thinking there, Blaine and Brian?

Trouble in the darkness. You're looking at what you can do? Yeah. Yeah. I'll do the same thing. Alright, Brian, have Danny roll a perception check. Yeah. Yeah yeah you're trying to feel your way down the wall i mean you're yeah to do you you find the wall but you're not like discovering anything how long was the wall it was two and a half hours no it was uh about 150 feet

long danny disappears in the darkness j, you're alone in the room. Danny's rolling his perception check. Jelf, what are you doing? I'm going to follow these guys, I guess. Do a perception check also, please. 14 on that one, Dan. Okay.

6, 18. You all begin making your way individually down the hallway. You're in the darkness you're feeling around sarah iva's in the lead here and you get what feels like somewhere between a quarter and halfway down the hallway

when you hear that laugh again uh and it seems to be coming from right above you it says uh what do you think you're doing be coming from right above you. It says, what do you think you're doing? I want to play the bagpipes. Tootie, do a performance check.

Oh, exciting. Thank you for saving me from that one amazing grace i'm guessing tell me what you're going for what is the vibe of this performance are you just trying to randomly hit shit are you trying to play a song you know are you trying to like perform it in a certain way uh i'm trying to sound uh powerful and threatening like so like like some sort of like i don't know call to action battle cry song yeah that sounds good a song well a song or are you trying to like bagpipe noise type shit a song i guess what will be uh and tell me what's about battle him in the old republic okay the dwarf version of that yeah i rolled a 20 by the way

um all right roll a 100 please there we go where's the 100 on here as a backup i do recommend everybody goes ahead and grabs the mighty dice app on their phone in case things crash and i rolled a 69 oh whoa that's gotta be oh it's got to be something oh my god yeah i it's fun when i make a 100 table because it takes you know like a few days of just like coming up with ideas and this is some silly shit so I have to roll something hang on

I'm doing we're doing what we call an NPC saving throw over here all right stick alright um uh you hear uh uh what have you done

the um the uh blackness dissipates um the the the being is nowhere to be seen. The sound of its voice has sort of trailed off, you think, sort of in the direction of the stairwell. Wow.

Will we ever know what happened? Let's go hunt him down. I know, like, did he disappear to another plane of existence? Will we ever know? You're not sure at the moment why don't we why don't we get everybody do an insight check if to figure out

what just happened 10 7 Jeff and I don't know 10 22 somebody knows Jeff and I don't know 10 22 oh somebody knows Danny

Danny you think this is a very very special Danny wow I sang that on Just Shoot Me and people thought I really sang it I didn't oh did you have a stunt singer? It was amazing.

The whole episode, it was like the Michigan Frog kind of joke. Right. My character is such this doof that George Segal found out that I had this beautiful operatic voice, but I could only do it for him or I could only do it if no one was watching and then he had me do it and he would turn his back and and uh he would just like he's weeping loving how beautiful my voice was and it was one of the most fun weeks I ever had with Siegel because we were it was just us uh we had a couple episodes together where i was the he and i were the story but that was one of my favorites where wow him loving me or loving my voice and then i would scream at him like he'd

do kevin sing for me and i'd go you know whatever it was such a fun episode oh my god yeah and george seagal man so uh do you remember this guy came in and sang danny's i was gonna say who's i had to who is this i had to sing that song i had to sing that song danny uh danny boy oh danny boy because then they put his voice in over mine like oh yeah it's not some guy a trained guy from uh you know like la you know the opera the la opera I think oh wow that's amazing I please is this on YouTube it's gotta be I'm sure you're able

to find oh my god yeah I'm gonna google this shit Brian if you find it before I do you gotta yeah it would just I would just shoot me Kevin sings Danny boy maybe I don't know oh my god please we will this needs to re go viral if it's on YouTube. And if,

if not, please somebody pirate the clip and put it on. No, for the longest time, for the longest time, Jimmy fans thought I could really sing like that. I would have people meet me and go, Oh,

I saw the show. Is that your real voice? And I'd have to disappoint them. I go, no, no, but yeah, especially old people. I was going to, no, but yeah, especially old people.

I was going to say like, like an old person, like for them, put a hand on your shoulder and be like, that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your gift. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of that. I don't care for the humor on that show, but that singing moment was beautiful. Thank you. The episode is called fast times at Finchmont high. Yes, that sounds right so we're already

halfway to detectiving this maybe by the end of the episode we can find it yeah so Danny with that very high insight role you can piece together that this is some sort of I mean the pipes we're calling it is a magical bagpipe that seems

to have random effects when played well what happened is something well something definitely happened to this being and they seemed to have what happens with the 69 on Dan's table because of the magical darkness it is impossible to know what happened however Danny you do realize something deeply

hubristic and humiliating happened and whatever it was really cut to the core of this being and revealed something about himself to himself that he never did think he would see in all his many years of existence okay so we're going we're heading

up right okay yeah all right so you guys uh run up the stairs chase this guy this flat dick weirdo uh you get you get as far as the lobby and you still don't see him Up the stairs. Chase this guy. This flat dick weirdo. You get as far as the lobby and you still don't see him.

Lobby, by the way, is empty at this point except for two Goliaths who are standing there and they see you emerge from the kitchen and one of them says What are you doing back there?

We're trying to get out of here there's a fight broke out uh do a persuasion check I've uh plus we have to get a three ice teas to that two top Dan I rolled a 27 wow you

better get out of here. That sounds like a fight I want to be in, and you don't want to see it, because I'm too strong. And they're just singing. I'm a strong boy. I punch the baddies. Yeah, you head out the front door

already better than the recent Simpsons musical episode anyway moving on you make it outside and there is a crowd outside because a lot of the folks who were in the lobby ran frightened

out the front door right where you are now they're kind of standing around as if someone pulled a smoke alarm in a modern Earth hotel, and they see you emerge. Kind of, for a second, they look at you like you're going to provide some kind of answer. We just push through, right, guys? We're as confused as anyone.

Both birds flying. All right, everybody roll a perception check, please. 16. All right, everybody roll a perception check, please 16 Sam's gonna roll a perception check Watch him go Natural 20 plus 2 What the hell Jesus I've only got two settings

Low or high Not as good as the last roll It's a 12 What you got 2d sorry i'm my thing is loading okay thank you for apologizing perception you say yes and i love to make that joke thank you for apologizing to people just to know that i am busting their balls uh listen that's a 17 my joy doing that uh okay well it sounds like iva is the high roller yet again iva you got fucking hot dice the the moment you break through the crowd uh you you all sort of scan this part of flazicola by the docks looking for some sign of that being and sure enough you see cutting down the docks towards the forest

to the northeast I've the being in the merchant's robe and he's like frightened looking over his shoulder and you briefly make eye contact with him do we want to talk to this guy do we want to chase him down and see what happens he's like a few hundred he's a few hundred feet away at this point you could call out to him if you want but

put the fear 69 into him yeah i think we're done they made eye contact say again they made eye contact and yeah yeah i've uh it's it's pretty far away but you can tell he turns his head around he's got a very strikingly pale face. Do you want me to try to track him to get him guys or are we letting him go? I mean, he is part of this whole... Would you say he has a snow white tan? Yes.

He has a snow white tan. But what do you want to do, guys? Iva wants to know. Do you want me to try to get him? I'm going to kick in some Longstrider and start chasing after him. Alright, I'll click my boots of speed and let's go. You all start

booking it. I'm going to do some heroin and just stay here. Alright, well. I'm going to need an entire Mounds bar and then run really fast for five minutes. Yeah, Danny splits the party by chasing the dragon while the rest of you book it after this vampire no you all you all run i'm making you go brian i know you want to run and uh what is that by the what is that cue that's on tiktok

what the fuck is that i don't know what any of those songs are on you know what's the worst you know what's the fucking worst i hate it every time it happens, that Oh No song. Oh yeah. Oh no. Every time. That's from an old song. It's from an Aerosmith song.

Well, it's originally from like a 50s song. Oh, is it? It's always to telegraph something bad is about to happen i don't need that in my is that song a cover already that walking in the sand that's the song it happens in and there's one yeah the new one is a cover using a sample from a 50s song oh my god well i can't wait to tell kaylin i know where it's from. I hate it so much. It sucks. How are we talking about TikTok again?

How do you guys know so much about TikTok? TikTok is the best, you guys. Because it's on Instagram. I don't even have TikTok. That's the thing, yeah. It does pop up on Instagram stories. People put all their shit there, and then there's like the happy dancer girl. It's taken over Facebook and Instagram. And then there's all those people doing dumb dances and shit

Agostino Castagnola is the name of the singer that did your voice oh okay yeah that sounds right and I really I'm studying some of the dances because one of these days I'm going to imitate a TikTok dance

and then I'm going to go viral and see suckers later absolutely when uh you'd use it to promote nerd poker to a wider gen z audience they'll love us oh my god yeah let's all we all let's all learn different tiktok dances and just make a video uh yeah let's do it oh god i yeah so you all start running and we've got some long strider and some speedy shoes in action so right away jelf and iva are just absolutely crushing this chase and this being does seem to be magically speedy so i'm gonna ask all of you to do an athletics check please 19

13 well Jeff is going to pull ahead a little bit athletics was the check or what was the check athletics sir 27 cut athletics was the check what was the check 27 I have very high athletics

23 for Danny okay Danny you that was a natural 20 by the way yeah like you're not magically boosted like iva and jelf uh you all keep a great pace trying to chase this fucker down and yeah he starts going into denser and denser and it's like foresty jungle but you guys are you know getting through

this dense until you see a clearing pull up ahead i'm gonna ask you all to do a perception check please despite the fact that this guy is magically speedy you are all really closing the distance pretty well and he seems increasingly frightened can i uh can i shoot a grasping arrow at him um I'm going to ask you to do this check first, please, and then I will let you choose whether you want to do that. You shoot that grasping arrow

at his heart. Shoot the grasping arrow at his heart. Thirteen. Okay. That was a nineteen before any mods so what was that you are doing

a perception check got it oh 25 jeez 19 alright so you all pretty much you all see much, um, you all see this. Um,

but I'm going to tell you Jeff, what you see a little bit of extra, there's a clearing ahead and, he seems to cast some kind of spell really quick that allows him to fly. And you all kind of see him lift up. Uh, you're, you're about like 10 feet from the clearing.

All of you, as you're kind of like approaching and jelf you see there is a very large being emerging from the opposite side of the clearing and jelf you can hear uh him call out woody i need help woody okay and uh and the vampire said this to woody the vampire is saying this to woody yes okay i'm gonna still shoot at the uh the vampire great roll to attack please no yeah your arrow goes it sure does you're all about 10 feet from the clearing uh what would you like to do? Rush into the clearing as you were?

Going to us? Yeah. Where does the vampire go? Does he disappear into the other side of the woods? You're kind of going to have to enter the clearing to get a good view. Yes. Son of a beast.

All right. So you guys head in and you see the vampire is about 20 feet uh flying up in the air looking like maybe now that he's got some height he might be about to do something else but before that you all notice there is a 20 foot tall being that looks like some kind of golem or war forged. You're not sure, but it is, uh, advancing quickly in your direction with a mechanical like movement.

Hmm. Oh dear. And we'll have to find out what the deal is with Woody on the next episode of nerd poker. Oh, Sam, you're here. Hi, everybody. All right. Episode 64, we got into a little

bit of a Donnybrook at this bar and we found some tricky doorknobs. We found some gems and some paperwork that we think is cool and a magical bagpipe. I hope when we play it, Rowdy Roddy Piper shows up. Oh, the merchant was a vampire and he's laughing at us.

Being a vampire is one thing. Being rude is another. We're chasing him around and he's quick and slippery and we're probably either going to kill him or make him our butler. Nice. True every word. Dan, anything you want to plug my friend? Oh, sure. Check out my social media. I'll be performing around

California. Maybe i'll tour next year who the fuck knows but uh do try to come see me i have dates uh for january and february already up on uh brianpassine.com follow me on twitter and all that stuff too because i say stuff tweet funny occasionally and then mostly just retweet my funny friends and then put tour dates there, too. Also, merch. We've got nerd poker merch, which is great for Christmas, right? Yeah. Go to nerdpokerpod.com.

That's the place. and then uh if you got deadpool fans get the deadpool omnibus that i did you know uh that's a great gift a perfect nerdy gift for somebody that uh will give them hours and hours and hours of reading uh the episodes or the issues i did with jerry duggan 45 issues of Deadpool. And it's a really pretty nice piece you can have on your bookshelf. Awesome. Bunch of other shit.

The Oh No song is Remember by the Shangri-Las from 1964. Oh. Yeah, okay, because Aerosmith does that. It's Remember. Walking in the sand. Oh yes, if okay, because Aerosmith does that. It's, remember, walking in the sand. Oh, yes.

And they do the cover of it. Yeah, and Aerosmith's Greatest Hits. Fucking great track. And every time I heard that, oh, no, I was like, why? What? I didn't know it was the song before Aerosmith, but that makes sense. It was a lady band. Cool.

Anything else? Blaine oh Stacy Keaton I just finished season four of Shen Yuck the Shen Yun sketch show so it should be I think it's going to be on Hulu

sorry I got to take this call what guys I got to take this call. Okay. What? Guys, I got to go. I appreciate our listeners so much. You know why? For your listening.

No. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.