Nerd Poker - S4E66 Cabal Showdown

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Partially seeking revenge for the death of their butler Octavio, partly killing an NPC full of information just because he looked at them weird, the Castaway Cuties are embroiled in a brutal battle with a vampire lord and his wooden mech bodyguard. If only they had rested once in the last 15ish episodes before initiating combat!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Season four. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Possehn, and you're listening to Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. We were just talking about ice cream. It's episode 66.

My friends are here. We're still down at Chris, but he's okay, and he misses you, and he'll be back soon. Blaine is here. Hey, buddy. Hey, I don't want to be hogging all the conversation, but that's the scoop. Das. Ken's here. Check out Pop's Creamery.

It's really good. It's only that way, though. Yeah. Sarah's here. Hi, it's me again. Hello. I'm here once again. We'll get some Chunky Monkey for you.

Dan's here. Make sure to check out Fosselman's Old Fashioned Creamery in Alhambra, California. They've only got cash, but you can get very special holiday-themed ice cream. And while you're there, check out Grilla Mall, the fabulous heavy metal hamburger place just down the street in Alhambra, California. This ad brought to you by the Alhambra City Council. Nice.

That's so good. Sam is here. Hey, buddy. Hello, sweet children. Right on. How are you doing, man? I'm good. I'm good. I don't know anything about ice cream. All you need is thrifties, buddy. Go get your flu shot. Get your fucking thrifties.

It's the cheapest good ice cream in California. Wait, I'm looking at this menu for this place, Grill & All, that you were talking about. There's a grilled cheese buns. Does that mean what I think it does? Yes, it does. They put your burger between two grilled cheese. You're welcome. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's the burger between two grilled cheese. You're welcome.

Oh, my God. That's the behemoth, right? This is when you guys hear the tires squealing noise and I just disappear from the screen immediately. So good. Don't make Gino fucking get it. You might be within delivery. Yeah, I think we're not back. That's well, I'm sure.

Field trip, field trip, field trip. It's happening. Cool. Most of our listeners are all over the country going, yeah, thanks. Gold, what is it called? We just got a steak and shake here.

You know, there's a nationwide chain. I don't know if you've tried it, but it's pretty good. It's called McDonald's. Except for the one by Brian. Yeah, not that one. Oh, my God.

Stoner McDonald's. Weird McDonald's. My kids are very into Wendy's all of a sudden. I don't know. They randomly went to Wendy's, and now it's their go-to fast food place. All you got to do is find one fast food place you kind of like, and the convenience suddenly takes over, and it becomes this nostalgia factory.

Yeah. We should thank some listeners. Oh, what if we did? If we said hi to Sam, did we say hi to Sam? We did. We definitely did. That's what he disappeared. We didn say hi we did we definitely did that's what he said it blended together with last episode all of a sudden

hey everybody I want to thank some listeners starting with Sam Gibson thanks buddy thanks thank you Bixie Tinker Tonk thank you Fat Danny Palladino thanks FD thanks Hallium. Thanks,

Corpus Callisum. I don't like this one. Thank you, Nathan's Rabbity Boy Parts. Oh, thank you. Guess what? It gets grosser. Thanks, Whamdango Dick Rubbing Esquire. A lawyer. Thank you, the

Fake Vince. Thanks, Sam's Peckin Paws. Pecksin. Thanks, Sam's Peckinpaws. Pecksinpaws? Sam's Pecksinpaws. I think that's a reference to Sam Kiefer somehow. Yeah, it's his chest and his dog. Yeah, wow. And Sam Peckinpaws.

Let me try that again. That was a very deep, that was like a super layered reference. It's Sam working out in slow motion. Yeah, unfolded very a super layered reference. There was a lot going on in that one. Yeah, I'm working it out in slow motion. Yeah, unfolded very slowly. And Tim Thomerson did a great bit about it. Thank you, Toblerone Jones. Thanks, TJ.

Why are they triangular? Hmm? Why are they triangular? Yeah, Toblerones. It's a good question. I think it's so they don't roll off of your school desk. I say do angular or do not angular. There is no triangular.

Thank you, Dan Dan's damn damn jam band. Thanks, Dan. And here's an answer to all the murder mysteries in season four. Thank you, Twas Agatha all along also the answer of season 1 of WandaVision I think thank you Glenn Headcrash Sugden thanks Glenn

thank you the B50 Poos aka Aeternum Dave oh thanks Dave thank you thank you Jib Janine. Jib Jib Janine. Thanks, Brian Stopp. Thanks, Reverend Ian Lawless Moth.

Thank you. Thank you, Snagglefruits. Thanks. Thanks, Eric Payne. Thanks, Eric. Thank you, Flea47. Thanks, Flea. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese or Calabrese, I can never tell. Thank you, Flea47. Thanks, Flea. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese

or Calabrese. I can never tell. Thank you, Scott. Thank you, Jeremiah Sacralicious Waffles Dudek. That was a bullfrog. That was a good friend of mine. And thank you, Reha, a retrospective of Blaine's successful pre-ha bit with

special introduction from the kid that Blaine killed. Ah. We're considerably post-haw. That username was a real roller coaster. Hey, Blaine, who brought us those Patreon sponsors? Hi, I'm Phil Hanna, Benny Hanna's brother. My brother says dinner is the show.

Well, at Phil Hanna, the show is dinner. Wah! Phil Hanna! We accept competitive coupons. Phil Hanna. Anything for Mama Hanna's love. Dan? Well, no.

You got to get over your weird mommy issues, Phil. There's problems at home. Yeah. Have you ever been there? They flip shrimp tails into your cinnamon toast crunch. All right, I'm gonna see if I can get the intro voice better. All right? I'll try and use my voice right.

Okay? Last time on Nerd Poker, the castaway cuties chased a vampire into the woods only to discover it had a golem bodyguard named Woody. You guys are mid-combat and we just saw Danny uncover a weird eyeball with a W pupil in the middle of this golem thing. This golem thing very deadly, by the way. Reminder both to players and listeners. The castaway cuties have done some continent hopping without resting. So they're hit points, and I would think spells have seen better days.

And this thing, being as deadly as it is, has already gone katush already gone with some piston arms and a little rail gun that sort of lowers from its stomach. It's a piece of shit. And though the vampire is sort of escaping, you have just hit it with an arrow and slowed it down a little bit. So we're going to go ahead and hop back into the turn order.

Danny just went, Iva, you're up. Okay, but I don't know about this. You said I can't see it from the tree where I am? You couldn't see it, but then Jelf had a turn, hit him a couple of times, and he yelped. So now I will say that you see him. Okay, sorry. Okay, so I guess I'd like to also try...

I'd like to do a called shot i guess to try to get an arrow in there yeah go for it okay an arrow in oh wait the the opening in the guy yeah that's what i meant you said that i could see it now yeah you can't um you you you um i was talking about the vampire because you couldn't see the vampire right away. If you want to get a culture on the guy. No, he's facing the other way. So the opening is actually like a hundred. Yeah. Then the vampire.

That's great. Am I still in hiding? So do I still get a sneak attack? Okay. Here I go. Actually, I think you reveal yourself when you do the sneak attack. So I think I need you to stealth again. Okay.

We're going to call that a temporary house rule. Okay, so that's a 27 stealth. Well, there we go. Now please attempt that sneak attack hit. And that's a 23 to hit. Oh, you hit him. Let's see that damage. Then that's...

Hold on, I'm just rolling that extra. damage. Then that's... Hold on, I'm just rolling that extra, extra damage. Got to find that extra damage. Attack. So that is seven points of regular damage, plus, again, 13 points of sneak attack damage. That's 20 points of damage. Wow. Wow. Jesus. Okay, so that's a lot of damage.

He is going to do something quick. He failed his concentration check. So you go with this arrow and he goes, oh God. And he drops out of the sky. Wow. You hear some tree branches crash and he thuds against the ground. Oh my.

Anything else you'd like to do with your turn, Iva? I think that's my bonus and my action, so. Okay, then up next we've got Woody. First things first, Woody notices that you're digging around in his guts quite clearly. So he is going to attempt to not just kick you, but punt you, Danny. It'll be an 11 to hit. You have an AC of, it looks like, 16. So that's a miss. He's going to try and hit you a couple more times, Danny. It'll be an 11 to hit. You have an AC of, it looks like, 16. So that's a miss. He's gonna

try and hit you a couple more times, Danny. Ah! Six to hit! Yay! Miss. Oh, and a botch! Huzzah! Showing it to the camera. Sweet. Alright, so here comes the

D100 roll. Which, I mean, come on. You guys were getting clobbered a second ago. Alright, so he got a 78. Oh, shit. He wheels back a big piston punch and just cracks himself right in the golem knee. He's going to do some damage to himself.

Which I'm not going to tell you the exact number, but it is going to be 2d6 plus 4. And yeah, he's pissed because he just took his whole turn of at least his triple attacks he's now going to drop

the railgun's already dropped he's going to try to fire it just at 2D he can't quite aim at Danny because fucking Danny is like on top of the railgun I'm going to need you to do a dex throw saving throw for me, 2D.

That's a 3 damage. Alright, well here comes the fire damage. This is his fourth attack? He gets three melees and then one of this attack or he has another option that you haven't discovered

yet. Son of a pooch. This is also a custom monster or construct as his definition is. This is a bunch of rules I made up. He gets a lot of attacks. He has other things in place. So he's very powerful offensively,

and he has good hit points. But I think I'll reveal if you kill him what some of his weaknesses are. But you just took seven points of fire damage 2d all right ouch and i'm just gonna double check no nobody else is in range of that cone um that'll i think do it for his uh turn because iva didn't attack him he's completely ignoring her turn, because Iva didn't attack him. He's completely ignoring her.

Up next, we have Lord Amalegda. First things first, he gets up, and he turns to Jelf. Let's see. He is going to... Kill me? Cast Blight at 4th level. Is this going to damage my crops?

Necromantic Energy washes over a creature of your choice so you can see within range, draining moisture and vitality from it. The target must make a constitution saving throw Joe okay let me see what my constitution is 12 see how this works 12 12 see how this works 12

alright I'm just gonna go and I don't so yeah and that's uh so that's a 13 I get a plus 1 okay

and do do do do so you're gonna take Okay And So you're gonna take Half of this Like the divorce Har har I don't even know I have no idea The necrotic damage You're gonna take

Oh this is not nice I bet it's not you're going to take. Oh, this is not nice. I bet it's not. You're going to take 45 points of necrotic damage. Jesus. Okay. What? All right. Oh, my God.

How are you doing there? Is he dead? I have a big red wand. Wow. I don't know. I think I might long stride into the woods. It doesn't

sound like the worst idea. So he is going to now attempt to run north. And we're just going to say he's a little bit off the map. But Jelf, you can still see him. Okay.

Do I get an attack of opportunity on him? Unfortunately, no, because he was about 15 feet away. To get an attack of opportunity, you have to be within melee range. Okay. How about e-melee range? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can online harass the vampire. Oh, goodness.

But yes, that'll take us back round to Tootie. Tootie, it is your turn. Ah, I will just attack with my hammer. Would he? Yes. Yes, I would. I see what you did there. Did you?

On accident. All right. That is a 15 to hit. That's a miss. I'm going to try again. Please do. That is a 24 to hit. Oh, that sure is a hit.

And I'm going to add Divine Smite to that. Lovely. So that's 28 plus 4. So that is 5 plus Divine Smite. Um. Go away, go away, go away. These things are rolling by themselves. Okay, uh, Divine Smite has an action you can detect. No, not

Divine Sense, sorry. Oh my god. When you hit with a melee weapon attack, you can expend one spell slot to deal 2d8 extra radiant damage to the target plus 1d8 for each spell level higher than first. So that is just

the 2d8 extra. So let's do that. Great. We're catching up the damage on Woody to Lord Amalegda, who's way more beat up right now. All right. That is 10 extra points of damage.

Nice. That's radiant? Radiant. Very cool. Well, you just pound the shit out of him right in the torso. He's not looking too rough yet, but you've got, like, the combination of his smash himself to the knee and Danny digging around. You feel like you're making progress on him. Jelf, it's you.

Oh, it's me again? Sure is. I feel like I'm going to... Wait, did we skip me? Yeah, did's me again? Sure is. I feel like I'm going to... Wait, did we skip me? Yeah, did someone get skipped? I feel like it was... No, no, no, I think Jelf just got attacked. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Yeah. You know what? Can I take a shot at that guy as he escapes? And then I have a bonus action where I can do a second wind. Yes. So I'm going to take a shot at him with just a regular arrow, I guess.

14. That was a miss. That was a miss. Okay. And I'm going to take a... I'm going to take my second action, or a bonus action, to regain 1d 10 plus 6 hit points. Go for it.

Let us know how many that ends up being because you are hanging on by a thread there. 6 plus 6, 12. Nice. Yeah, so I'm up to one bar and I'm heading into a parking structure. Alright, and I'm heading into a parking structure.

All right, and you're going to... Are you going to move towards the vampire at all? I'm going to... I think I'm going to... With that shot that misses, I'm going to maybe just kind of keep tracking him, but try to stay out of range of anything that he does? Does that make sense?

I mean, you think he's about... Let's see. I'm going to say right now he's about 35 feet away. You're in range of some things, out of range of another, but his back is to you and he is still running.

So you don't have his attention, especially because you missed him with that last is to you and he is still running so you don't have his attention especially because you missed him with that last arrow i think he's still booking it okay well then i'm just gonna keep following him if that's okay yeah so you from like a 35 foot distance yeah i'm gonna kind of try to pace him got it or Noted. So then we're going to bring it down to Danny. Danny, you just saw Tootie smack Woody right in the torso. What do you want to do? I want to go back where I was and try to... Stabbing his guts?

Yeah. Stabbing the eyeball. Get him right up in them eyeballs? Yeah. Stab him in the eyeball. Get him right up in them eyeballs? Yeah. So, let's see. It's probably hit at 12 plus 6

on the short sword, 18. Boop, boop, boop, boop. That is a hit. Cool. hit at 12 plus 6 on the short sword, 18. Boop, boop, boop, boop. That is a hit. Cool. You need an 18 to get Woody's armor class. That's perfect then. Nice. 6 plus 3 and 9

on damage. Again, I did that last time. That'll work. Okay, and you're going to stab him again? Yes, please. Go for it. Oh, nice. Another hit.

14 plus 6 for 20. There you go. You hit him again. All right. Because you're hitting him right at the armor class. I'm saying it counts as a hit, but you're not getting him quite in the eyeball, which is harder. You need to roll higher than an 18 to get him.

Okay. 3 plus 3. That was a 20. Those are both 18s, I think. Oh, I thought you had a 20. I just had a 20. 16 plus 4. Noted. I'm not going to say whether it's an eyeball, I think, though. But 6 points on that one. 20. 16 plus 4. Okay. Noted. I'm not gonna say whether that, uh,

it's an eyeball, I think, though. Six points on that one. Yeah, sounds good. Uh, and then I'm gonna do an unarmed strike. Sounds good. Let's hear it. Good one it is. 16. That is a miss.

Oh, shit. Okay. And you're gonna stay on Oh, shit. Okay. And you're going to stay on him? Yeah. Great. That brings us to the misbegotten Iva. You're finally able to go. Okay.

So did I see the vampire fleeing? Can I follow him? Do a perception check. 18. Great. Okay, so yeah, you see he is about, he's off the map. So he's like about 50 feet north of you in the woods. And within 18, I'll say, yeah, you even saw Jelf fire an arrow and miss kind of like through the woods after he got up and ran.

Okay, so can I shoot him from here or do I need to follow him to shoot him? What is your range on your bow is the real question. It's 80 on the short end, so. You can get him. Okay, I'm going to try. Oh, and am I still hiding? So do I have an advantage? Yeah, give me a stealth and then...

Yes. I better because I need it. Okay, so my stealth is 27. Amazing. So, yes, I have advantage on that. I have a feeling if this hits, we'll get some real sweet sneak attack damage. Oh, okay, that's a natural 20 this hits, we'll get some real sweet sneak attack damage. Oh, okay.

That's a natural 20. Plus six. Oh, my God. Plus six. Yeah. So do I double just the original damage, right, but not the sneak attack damage? Or do I double all the damage? You double the die damage on the attack, but not the sneak attack damage.

The sneak attack is also still rolled damage. That's why I didn't know, but... It's 3d6. It's 1d6 per level. I'll allow it, McCoy, but you watch yourself. Oh, exciting. Okay, this is gonna... Okay, so that is...

So I have to add... Okay, this is some math is some math so hang on oh they did my math for me no it says they didn't never mind i lied um six okay it's nine okay so it's nine to start and then i'm watching the game log yeah 9 against and then 18 so 27 whoa oh my god could have been a lot better but pretty good single arrow that's pretty good

yeah um you hear him go gork um let's see um let's see so he is in pretty dense trees so it's it's hard to see exactly but you kind of see um he kind of like looks like he's transforming or something. It's hard to tell from far away, but after he goes something weird is happening

with his body. It's almost as if he's blurry. Okay, so he's like... I'm going to book it towards him, I guess, to try to get a better look. Okay. I'll roll another perception check and go ahead and put yourself...

I think you've got enough room on the map where you can move yourself pretty high up. But let me see. It's like... Oh, you can go... With the speed boots, you can go farther than 35, right? Yeah, I can double my walking.

So you get within 10 feet and you see him for sure. He appears to have taken some kind of mist form. I got 18 on my perception. Yeah. And you feel like, uh, he's still trying to run,

but he's, he's now looks like some sort of fog. Okay. Can I do like a, is there any kind of check I can do to see if I understand like what that means in terms of attacks or whatever? Oh, 100%. Do an insight check. Uh, 21. Okay.

You think back to what you know about vampires and you've seen them turn into ash after being killed. So you feel like this is similar, except this is something maybe a more powerful vampire can do. He can't probably go back into his solid form. You feel like you knocked out his power enough that he is now going to probably run back to his resting place. And he probably needs to do that quickly. You think you can damage him in mist form.

He's weak, but you do think the mist form also gives him an advantage in hiding and evading attacks. Arrows don't count as stakes, do they? No. They don't count as stakes, do they? No. They don't usually have a wooden tip unless you're, you can customize them so they do, but then they're going to do less damage.

So I guess I'm going to like track him. I'm basically just going to follow him and track him. Sounds good. Well, I'll, I'll apply your perception check to that tracking and Jelf's already doing it too, so you guys are kind of like on his ass. Small, woodsy people. You are.

Good luck to you guys with that golem. Yeah, I mean, should we be... Best wishes. That's the thing. We've got this party officially splitting, so do keep in mind you've just left two party members with a giant golem. I mean, it's in mind,

but I also don't want to lose this guy. Sure, and I don't want to let my voice sound scolding because in the end, I'm just doing this for the listener too. I also think that wouldn't he control this golem a little bit too? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. it's hard to tell

i would say like you guys think it's even odds that he controls him or that he is like a bodyguard and he's gonna just try to help his master escape okay but yeah that's possible very possible i just wouldn't want to give it away if it was true i feel like i feel like no insight check would justify me giving that away so um i'm being purposely evasive woody is up next and he is not as of yet demurring or or running away um he has just been smacked around by danny again so again he's gonna he's he's's, he's, I think going to be a little, I think I'm telling you, he's going to be a little sort of disturbed by Danny's ability to have found his weak point and made eye contact with him on an organic level. So he, this, he's, he's messed up, like just punched and kick him.

He's going to take his piston arm arm which doesn't have like appendages with his other one and try to like lift and toss danny which is you know gonna be a strength check rather than like an attack attack so danny i'm gonna have you contest this please this is like a grapple so if you can roll a strength check saving throw or strength check check just add just add your your plus to strength 19

oh he got a 16 nice he tries he tries to tries to put his weird, meaty wood fists together around you, and you're just shoving them off. He's trying to be all nimble and pin you, but you're easily sliding around. He gets frustrated, and he is going to open up you see you hear this creaking noise something opens up in his back you're underneath him so you can't quite see that part of his body because it's really high up sort of in his back shoulder area but you hear like a

you see a couple of little arms little like dangly fishing rod kind of arms go like flick over his shoulders and a hunting net flies at you danny i'm gonna need you to do a dexterity saving throw oh my goodness hunting net what a kooky creature this is He's got so much going on. Nine. Alright, so this thing is going to at least temporarily it's got you incapacitated. You're not losing any hit points,

but it's going to take a strength check to break out of this thing on your turn, and until you break out of it, you are unable to attack or move. Okay. So that's going to do it for Woody's turn. The mist cloud going to run.

So you guys see the vamp cloud just kind of like, it's moving slow. the vamp cloud just kind of like, um, it's moving slow. So like you two are the most nimble, quick of the group. And you notice like, oh, it's,

it was flying at like, you know, like 60 feet per turn. Now it's like 20 feet per turn. And it just kind of goes, so like you're, whew. So like, you're both feeling like, oh, I can kind of do something

to it on my turn. And that's all it does. It sadly kind of goes, whew. It's too close to really do much else. I am checking to see. Yeah, I can't really take any actions.

So, that's going to be that. It's pretty fucked. And after that, we take it to Tootie. Hey, Tootie, you just see this thing go like, like flip a net out of a back compartment and it slaps into Danny and Danny

is still wounded from before. It doesn't seem like it hurts him, but yeah, he's kind of trapped. You feel like you need to either lift it off him or he's going to be stuck for now. Got it. I'm going to cast command at first level. Lovely. Is it a wisdom saving throw, if I'm not mistaken?

Yes, 13 or better. Ooh, got a 12. I'm going to say die. Hmm. I think that might be one of the exceptions, and you might know it. Let me double check that real quick. Yeah, I think there's a limit to what you can get someone to do with a command spell. I think you can't command them

to do anything that's going to hurt. Got it, got it. Okay. Okay. I'm double checking now. So yeah, you can... I just see it. You could say like lay down though, couldn't you? You though. So, yeah, you can... Yeah, it says... I just see it. It says... You could say, like, lay down, though, couldn't you?

You could say approach, drop, flee, grovel is its thing. I can say freeze. I'm just going to say freeze. All right, so you tell it to freeze, and it just kind of goes... Like, it just kind of locks up. Right. It's frozen in kind of an action position, though.

So it looks like, you know, if it were able to whir back to life, it's not going to, like, fall on its back or anything. It's still got its feet firmly planted in the ground, but it's frozen. Okay. And now I'm going to attack that eye with my hammer. Sweet. Roll to attack. And you're attacking. I'm trying to attack. And you're attacking.

I'm trying to figure out what I should do. So it is incapacitated like Danny is right now. I think it is not an automatic success, but it is with advantage. All right. At the very least. I'll even say without attack of opportunity, you can go around the other side of this thing

and guarantee when Danny breaks free that it will be advantage even if this thing unfreezes. Well, I rolled a 25. Holy shit. All right, roll your damage. Is that what, a natural 20? Yes, I was... Oh, remember to double your dice.

Oh, sorry, no, it was not. Then don't double your dice damage. No, sorry. Triple it! 12 points. As I like to say, thank you double your dice damage. Oh, sorry. No, it was not. It was. Then don't double your dice damage. No, sir. But. Triple it. 12 points. As I like to say, thank you for saying. Sorry.

That is going to be a lot for him, but not going to knock him down. Or the eyeball. He does like, you know, because you smacked him right in the eyeball. Right. Like it's a sensitive spot and like he's frozen. You just kind of like goes like back and forth, even though he weighs hundreds of pounds. Um,

and then you're going to do anything else this turn movement or bonus action wise. Yeah. I'm going to move so that I, well, no, actually, cause if he's frozen, he doesn't get an attack of opportunity. Correct. So yeah, I'm going to move so that I... Well, no, actually.

If he's frozen, he doesn't get an attack of opportunity. Correct. So, yeah, I will... I wish he did. Just try to move to his... He'll have to roll a saving throw to not take, what is it, emotional distress damage. Yeah, just try to move to his

other side. Okay. That'll bring us around to Jelf. Jelf! This vampire mist is trying to scoot away from you. If I shoot an arrow, I can't really do anything with an arrow.

Do an insight check there, Blaine, and I'll tell you what you can do with an arrow. Right through it uh that's not a very good insight check uh 12 you feel like there's a chance if you fired an arrow at this thing it would do damage uh i'm would i do any damage with a sword do you think? With a 12? I mean, it's like you're unsure, but you feel like there's a decent chance a sword swipe through it would do something.

I'm going to run up to it and just run through it with the sword, doing a Leroy Jenkins yell. All right, roll to attack. 19 plus... Yeah. That's a 22. 22 to hit or 22 points of damage?

22 to hit. And then of damage? 22 to hit. And then a sword is... Roll that damage. 26 plus 4. 10. Okay. Okay. So... Did I split the split pea soup fog?

Yeah, so I'm trying to see this. And I think it's a little unclear what should happen here. I need a second. Can you give me a commercial there, Blaine? Miss Construzzi'sies a restaurant for dieters Miss Construzies a NASCAR lovers ramen shack

Miss Construzies uh yeah I mean you really feel like you swirl your sword around in it but it's still kind of like lurching forward it's not it's not dissipating the way you'd hoped okay uh can I get another attack on it I can do another attack lurching forward. It's not, it's not dissipating the way you'd hoped. Okay. Uh,

can I get another attack on it? I can do another attack. Uh, yeah, sure. Go for it. Uh, 16.

That is a hit. And another. Although, you know what? Let's dial this back. Do an insight check based off of your last attack. Okay. Although, you know what? Let's dial this back. Do an insight check based off of your last attack.

Okay. 11. Not the best. No, you feel like you need something extra to really do damage to it in mist form. And you don't think it's impossible, but you just got a sense with your sword. You're like, ah, I wish this sword cast fireballs out of it or something. You know, I have a, can I cast Shillelagh on my sword? Yes.

Then I'm going to do that, because that'll give it a magical bonus. Okay. And it ups my damage. It does. So... Yeah, so 21 to hit. That's a hit, yeah.

And I would have given you the 16 anyway, so enjoy that 21 and then 1d8 plus 3 11 alright how do you want to see this cloud of mist die I would

like to sort of cut it in half and then both the halves sort of look at each other and then go yipe and dissipate. And they do, and you know what? It's like the best tech-savory mist work you've ever seen. Like, you're gonna lower them and it's

gonna dip. That cloud dissipates and that's gonna bring us to Danny. Danny. Brian, you've got a frozen golem in front of you, but you are under a net. Can I get into where the eye is?

If you break out of the net, unfortunately, you have to do that first. Okay, I'll get out of the net. Okay, you're out of the net. You're out of the net you're gonna nope unfortunately i wish dungeons and dragons could move so fluidly but can you please do a strength check yeah he's strong he is Uh, 15. All right, so this thing's got, like, lead balls around the ends of it,

trying to, like, hold its thing down, but you managed to pry it all off of you. Um, and, uh, yeah, if you've got a bonus action, like, unarmed strike you'd like to use on its eyeball, you can go for it. Uh, yeah. Is it also with advantage? It is with advantage, Brian. 24. Ooh, roll that damage.

Seven. How would you like to see this construct die? Yay! Well, I pull its eye out and then it just starts spasming and then fluid flying everywhere and I... It's pretty gory.

Like ash? Yeah, like ink and this weird bluish-green fluid flies out of it. Like ash and alien. Oh, okay. Let me change the biology of this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it just starts vibrating and... Milk everywhere.

Milk, very white comes out of it. Yeah, and a lot of it is just pouring out of this gap in the machinery. You can't really see its body. You just know it's been gutted. The whole construct kind of goes, and then

towards Tootie behind you. Tootie, I'm going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw as a one-ton construct falls directly in your direction. Oh boy. Yeah, but it's only a difficulty of eight. Okay, let's see. your direction. Oh boy. Why dexterity? Yeah, but it's it's only it's only a

difficulty of eight. Okay, let's see. Dexterity. I'm sure you'll make it and not get crushed by your friend's victory. I got an eight.

Yeah, you managed to like just like like step to the side Charlie Chaplin style as the backdrop slams around you, so to speak. Technically, that's Buster Keaton. Technically, yes.

I forgot. I don't know fucking Buster Keaton. Actually. I'm glad you could say that on the air. It's actually Jim Brewer walking around like a parakeet. He's a goat. So yeah, congratulations. He's a goat. So yeah,

congratulations. You've ended combat. The construct is tipped over. Weird guts pouring out of a hole in it and it appears you destroyed the vampire. Fucking crazy. We can't find where it lives

though now. You did not unfortunately follow it. And you did not interrogate it. You tried to back at the hotel after fucking with it a little bit. It seemed like there was

definitely some dialogue options. But it is gone. So you guys are alone in the woods, but you do feel like you know the direction that the vampire was running and flying. Can I do an investigation check to see if I can see his lair ahead or something?

Absolutely. Why don't you all roll an investigation check? All right, then. And then we should rest very soon, right? Yes. Absolutely. 18. Cool.

What else we got? What else we got? 19 for Danny. 20. Oh! 17. Well, what's fun is we got 17, 18, 19, 20. Ah, nice. well what's fun is we got 17 18 19 20 oh nice with that uh you all do see kind of in the distance

there's some more clearings it's almost like uh a series of clearings headed to the northeast through the jungle would you like to pursue this sure uh we're gonna rest first yeah i think we should rest first yeah let's do it so the jungle is definitely like eerily calm now you know from the extremely loud violence that a lot of the birds and small jungle creatures have fled the area you feel like you might be drawing a little too much attention to yourselves if you set up camp with just basic insight here so i assume i'm sort of if you set up camp with just basic insight here. So I assume I'm sort of weighing this out for you,

lobbing you a softball. As a word, you want to at least move like half a mile in some direction before setting up camp. Maybe closer back to the town. And also, can I search the body, if no one else did, or the mech thing to see if there's anything interesting inside? Absolutely. Do an investigation check for uh

digging around in them guts investigation and while she's doing that everybody you know that if you were to go like a quarter of a mile back the way you came you'd you'd just be in town so you could try to stay in an inn in town if you wanted to okay that's just an 11 unfortunately but yeah i mean you dig around you do you see some weird tentacle um but you don't really like find an item inside of it like a wallet or no you really are like oh there's just like sticky like weird flesh comes out but um it doesn't seem like it's even a... It doesn't even seem like it's a very big being.

You know, there's not... Bless me. Thank you. There's not a very big creature inside even. It's not like a very big pocket that this thing was hiding in. Was this thing mechanical? Was it

magically powered? It seems like mechanical was it magically powered was it it seems like there is a small a small alienish sentient being was in the middle of a not alive construct okay so I guess we go back to rest

because we need to right and hopefully we haven't there's apparently clones. As far as I remember, there are potentially clones of us wandering around this town. We just caused mayhem in the... Would it be obvious that we were the cause

of what happened in the last one or no? Not, right? All it looked like as far as you know is your group, specifically Iva, Iva I think would visually take the heat from witnesses. Iva got in some kind of magic and a little bit of

like argumentative confrontation with this person in a flowing velvet robe. There's no reason for anyone to believe either of you are evil unless they know something about you or the merchant in the robe that uh you're not sure they would know so and because like when we ran out we were like oh there's you know crazy stuff okay so so basically i think we can try to stay at a an inn somewhere else yeah let's do it okay we're We're going to try it, Dan.

Okay. So you guys all search for another inn, and it's not long before you find one. There's a place I'm just looking at calling Morning Yolk. It's a bed and breakfast. Seems very cozy on the north side of Flays of Cola.

You guys walk in and you look like a mess. There's blood all over your armor. Danny's limping. They go, oh, that'll just be a silver apiece, please. Breakfast is included if it helps. Love it. Sounds delicious.

Would you just mind going out back and rinsing off? Don't use any of the water in here yet, please. All right. So you head out back and there's like some waste water that they basically want you to rinse off with. Does it seem like a good idea? It's not like human waste, but it's like, you know, like been sitting kind of putrid from a rain several weeks ago. So it's got like...

Still doesn't seem like a good idea. I mean, they don't know about anima. They just don't want you wasting their water. I feel like I can say, if you were to just scrape off your armor or something, they just want you to not come in with gristle and gore dripping

off of you and let's ruin this. Clean each other off. Yeah. Ooh. Soap montage. We're there at times. Yeah. Some like very soft.

Hot pants car wash down in the dildo district. Put them on the glass. Yeah. put him on the glass yeah you guys clean off in the most gentle montage the Castaway Cuties could have in such a situation head inside to rest you guys get your hit points up and even better

you're all leveled up wow nice so before next session please level up that's six right all leveled up. Yay! Wow, nice. So, um, before next session, please level up. That's six, right? So we're up to sixth. Okay.

Uh, you're already at six, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, okay. So I believe this is going to take you up to level seven. Great. That's awesome. Thanks, Dan. Good job, guys. Yeah, nice. Good game. Oh, should we, great that's awesome thanks Dan good job guys yeah nice good game oh should we

ask our man what happened this week we should that's we're gonna see what you guys do with your seventh level next time hey Sam would be happy to tell you we are still in combat but we are at peace with our love for each other Jelf is possibly dead from necrotic damage, but not dead emotionally where he radiates joy. Ivan knocked his ass back into mist form, but was proud of herself and felt a healthy sense of self-love.

The golem captured Danny with a little net, but it was Danny who captured our hearts with his positive attitude. Jelf cast some magic on the mist until it died, but cast a spell on us with his dedication and his believing in himself. Danny killed a construct by pulling its eye out, but never killed the vibe of the teamwork today. Finally, we rested. So even the engineer felt the love of his desires. Love it. Dan, you got some dates?

Yeah, I mean, just keep an eye on my social media. By the time this airs, we'll be getting well into December, so I'm probably going to just be holing up for the holidays. But, yeah, opening for Brian in Chicago. Going to be at Largo at some point in January as well. That's a secret for now. Well, what that is exactly, but, you know, keep an eye on the old calendar. And that'll about do it for this old guy and yeah

again we're chris will hopefully be back soon and um i'm uh i'm staying in touch with them and hopefully by the time this episode airs you'll have even heard more because this is going to be at least a week and a half in advance of this episode airing so uh yeah just wanted to touch touch base on that lane do you have like a jingle bell thing? Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, you can uh buy somebody some nerd poker merch even if they don't know the show or you can just like send it to your wife and go hey give me this shirt that's what i do a lot i go to like the black sabbath website and then send it to my wife but you can do it at the Nerd Poker website. NerdPokerPod.com Here's 12 Days of Christmas by Bob and Doug McKenzie. Five golden toques.

I'm trying to remember what the other ones are. I know it's... Four pounds of back bacon. Three French toasts. Two turtlenecks, and a beer in a tree. Daddy Lee from Russia's here, eh? There was a guy in Baltimore. He was one of my housemates, and he would do a Baltimore Christmas thing. He would go, and this is all Brett Harlow's bit, but he would go,

Hey, by the way, hey, did you know tomorrow night you're playing bingo? It's a wonderful night, going bowling tonight, walking in Essex Wonderland. In the morning, we can build a snowman, a nice can hang it from your tree Sherry are you pretty She'll say no man But I'm 13 so ain't it time to be It's pretty funny We can cut all that out

BrianBossain.com For tour dates And there's merch there too If you want a picture of me Looking at Mavis That's where you would buy it. And then Dan's hosting my show. I'm doing,

I'm recording at the beat kitchen. So please Chicago. Ites Zins. What do you call Chicago people? Oh, Chicagoans. Chicagoans. Come see us at the beat kitchen it's going to be so kick ass

I love that place I love you guys you know I will be thinking about you while I'm watching Home Alone four times in the next month as I do and I'll see you in January. Brian Persain.com.

And then I'm also, I got Minneapolis coming up too, which is going to be great. Like my first. You're doing all the coldest cities in the middle of the winter, man. But they're the coolest cities. They're like places I like going.

You know what I mean? Like sure they're cold, but that's what I have North face park is for. Right. And, and you know know and then i've got uh i've got portland and denver coming up after that so nice see you awesome places in 2022 um anybody else blaine oh uh st Keech and I Moved on to the finals It's us and Hanson Versus Arcade Fire

Don't miss it I can't wait Nice Thanks for listening everybody Thanks for listening to another episode Of Nerd Poker You can follow us at Patreon.com slash Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Spin the clock