Nerd Poker - S4E67 Nathan Quest

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

We know you've missed Chris Tallman as much, so we thought we'd catch Nathan up with a solo adventure, as well as give Chris room to take as long as he wanted with a gaming session while he heals up. Full cast next episode!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, this isn't Brian. This is Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. But today it's just Nerd Poker. I am Dan Telfer.

We're doing an episode where we catch up the narrative of one of our friends. And it's because they've been out for a couple of weeks and I just thought it would be fun to have a little solo adventure. So I'm going to say hello to my friends, which are only two people today. Chris Tallman. Hi, Chris Tallman. Dan Telfer. How have you been? I've been good. Good. I've been quitefer, how have you been? I've been good. Good. I've been quite well.

How have you been? You know, Dan, it's been a little up and down. But I'm on the mend now. That's good. That is good to hear. And, of course, also here with his furry bundle of joy that has a very pink stomach, Sam and his dog, Ramen. Hello, sweet children. Hey, it's only two of your sweet children today,

but it is... I will say hello, sweetest children. Oh! I've never wanted to divide them before, but it's pretty clear. Sarah's going so fast. Yeah, well, you know what? She can take that temper and deal with it.

Yeah, I mean, Chris, is there anything else you just want to say about your absence? You know what? She can take that temper and deal with it. Yeah. I mean, Chris, is there anything else you just want to say about your absence? Because I did tell everyone it was health related and you don't have to get too into it. Yeah. Basically, the short version is I was born with a weird heart defect that they've always kept an eye on. And then a few months ago, it looked like, oh, we got to do some surgery to repair it. When they did it, I also, it turned out, had an infection. So the first surgery became the first surgery. And then I had to have a second one as well to basically repeat it.

So this has taken twice as long. The good news is I'm on the mend now. It was a little scary there for a bit. You look great. Yeah. And I apologize is I'm on the mend now. It was a little scary there for a bit. You look great. Yeah. And I apologize if I freaked anybody out for my long absence, but I'm feeling good. And I'm on a lot of antibiotics. That's good. I hope they're delicious antibiotics. I hope they give you a fun flavor antibiotics. They're like fruit, fruit flavor. Oh my gosh. You got to ask for that people

forget but sometimes when you get life-saving medication all you need to do is ask for like bubblegum flavor or whatever oh yeah that's fun they hide that behind the counter yeah um but yes it is very good to see you chris and yeah we're gonna have a little catch up adventure. I told listeners the episode after your last that Nathan realized after everybody cornered that vampire that Nathan was going to go. Oh, actually, if I look at about what time of night it is, Princess Caspia is going to be emerging from the basement at the temple. Maybe I should go be there in case they realized they were um they got whammied they had a they had a charm spell put on them to make them do that maybe they won't be so pleased when princess cosby emerges maybe i should go help deal with that so you took off i was very thoughtful of me to do that it was so nice of you to do that

especially because it helps me tie a narrative thread together that only I am keeping track of. But yes, good job. And before we get too into that and we can get more into what happened the last time in Nerd Poker, I am going to go ahead and thank some of our listeners. So there are some very special listeners in addition to regular ones. I'm, of course, grateful to everyone listening. Thank you for listening to Nerd Poker. Thank you for supporting this podcast. I just want to thank the

folks at the Hay Boss and Stargoyle tiers because they get a special shout out on the episode and we're going to start with one. This is completely unintentional. This is just where I left off in the spreadsheet. But I think you're going to enjoy this first username. I'm looking forward to it.

Thank you, Terry and Billy Spinoff. Oh, cops in New Orleans. Mm hmm. Thank you. You tripped over a running popcorn. Thank you. Thank you. Tripped over. Thank you. Thank you, Tripped Over a Rain.

Thank you. Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker. Thank you. Thank you, Dick Sword. Thank you. Thank you, RayRPG. Thank you, Carrie Marsh. Thank you. Thank you, Gregory Dodds.

Thank you, Dark Th. Thank you. Thank you, Gregory Dodds. Thank you, Dargther's Secret Rope Hole. Yeah. There we are. Thank you, Dick Trebuchet. Thank you. Thanks, Douglas Scott. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, John Matthews. We got another. Thank you, Dargther's Ass Cl's ass closet it's a walk-in thank you gimme five bees for a boim cone uh thank you thank you devona up you rock thank you thank you one quarter viking three quarters sassy thank you thank you, Warthog. Thank you. Thank you, Alan Mineric. Good job, Alan. Great job, Alan.

You did it. Thank you, Paco Ska or Die Pluma. Thank you, Funk Juggernaut. Thank you, Total Rad NES. Google it, bro. All right. I guess that's an NES game. Yeah, I know, right?

Thank you. So I'll go with Priha. Oh, yeah. Thank you, That Kid's Dad. You know which kid I'm talking about. I do. And that'll about do it. This is normally when i would ask blaine who those patreon supporters are brought to us by uh so instead i will text blaine and say hey got any spare commercials

and we'll see if over the course of the episode he sends me a commercial and we'll do it then so we'll see perhaps blaine will text me a commercial perhaps blaine won't i know blaine does a lot of things with his life but first let's talk about what happened last time on nerd poker the castaway cuties pinned a vampire to the ground and nathan was like all right this is going pretty well, so he peaced out. Nathan is now heading. Where? To the temple where Princess Cosby is in the basement, being transformed. Will the priests be glad they did it when it's done? It depends, because it was super expensive and as far as Nathan knows, they're going to be a little upset.

because it was super expensive, and as far as Nathan knows, they're going to be a little upset. He's looking at where the moon is in the sky, and because he is a beast folk, he figures, oh, I've got about, we'll call it an hour before she emerges. And it's about a ten minute hike back, so we're doing pretty good on time. We bring you now to Nathan already in progress. Nathan, hi. Hello, Dan. How are you?

Oh, breaking the fourth wall. I'm pretty well. Who are you? Hey! Fireball! Well, no, not me. I have a very high AC. I'm alive.

You are, or I don't know how Fireball, Fireball's not spell versus AC, is it? Oh, you know what? That's a good question. Let's look that up. Let's look at it. Let's see if the DM gets hit with a Fireball. That would be, I think, a D&D first. Listeners heard it, so now they want it. I mean, there's no going back.

All right. Let's look up this narrative fuck up that I'm creating. Fireball. It's a deck save, Dan. You have to make a DC 14 deck save. Well, bad news. I have a negative one to my deck save. You have stats?

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a townsperson. I have townsperson stats. Whoops. I rolled a seven minus one on I have townsperson stats. Whoops! I rolled a 7 minus 1 on my Dexterity saving throw. I'm going to take full damage,

unfortunately. Sorry, Dan. Sorry about that. Alright, well, I'm unfortunately deceased. I am now going to be replaced by my brother, Clive, who is going to be your new Dungeon Master. Alright. Hi! I'm Clive. Ah, Fireball! No, no. No! Nathan? dungeon master all right hi i'm five oh fireball no no no nathan i haven't even lowered dexterity

so watch out sorry please refer to me by clive for the rest of nerd poker um yeah so you're heading south from the jungle surrounding the cronk the Walking Economy figure that you guys kind of dodged around. Are you going to try to avoid Kronk? Are you going to kind of like exit the jungle a little bit to make it extra safe? I think so, yeah. I think especially Nathan traveling on his own

is going to be even more sort of rabid-y in terms of like very like hippity-hoppity quiet. Yeah, keeping definitely out of the way of the coin pooping monster and with your very sensitive ears in this jungle you're noticing just how full of life it is and how much less scared the nocturnal creatures are of a single being walking through dense jungle so as you leave this dilapidated hideout where the vampire is being interrogated by the rest of the cuties you wander into deeper and darker jungle hoping if

you go far enough east you will pop into more of a clearing and you can head south and when i say clearing i don't mean the small one that the coin pooping cronk is in i mean the sort of broader one on the map that is sort of a bit of an open plane, if you will. And you're doing pretty well after you know, like a few minutes you managed to emerge and see sort of in the distance

Blingbottom, which has become sort of the de facto home of the Castaway Cuties these last few weeks. It's beautiful there on the horizon, bling bottom with its many towers? Not a lot of towers. There's a few temples.

There's a few tall inns, but mostly on the northern border, you do see your manor that you have acquired. And you're reminded, of course, of the, you know, kind of unfortunate end that your butler met. Oh, he died? Oh, did you not know that? Oh, shit.

No, I thought we left him in charge of like the house. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. Well, unfortunately, you're going to find that out the hard way. I'm sure the house is safe under his care. I thought maybe you, Chris, knew. I thought maybe you, Chris, knew. But what Nathan sees as you sort of walk up to the manor is there's a lot of town guards gathered around the front door.

And it looks like they are lowering the body of Octavio off of your door with some sort of spear. And there's a lot of guards surrounding it. I say, chaps, what's happened here at this place I've never been to before? Oh, you've never been here before? A guard says to you, Nathan. Allegedly. What's happened? Ah, looks like they killed some guy who works here? I don't know who these guys are, but you

know how crime is in Blingbottom. This place is basically run by a bunch of supernatural mobs. I don't like to get too much into it unless someone's paying me to shut up. You know what I mean, buddy? Of course. Would one of those mobs be vampires in sort of like matching cloaks? He kind of like walks off and kind of like waves you over.

Oh, are we having a secret time? Depends. Roll a persuasion check, Nathan. Oh, boy. Let's see. Persuasion for me. Okay. Plus two.

12 plus 214, Dan. All right. Got a little coin to loosen my lips. Why, yes, of course. As I check my pocketbook, I have... I give him my single gold piece. Perhaps this will loosen your lips, Larry. Oh, a whole gold piece. All right.

I'll tell you what. I don't know a lot about what's going on, but there are two groups that run Blingbottom, right? And you're new here. You've never been here, right? You're just like a tourist, you tell me. I'm just a passerby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a gold piece, you're a passerby. All right, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Listen, you got two groups. There's the cabal, and I think they used to own this house, but now there's some out-of-towners that took this house over. Yes, I heard they're very heroic, these out-of-towners. Oh, is that right?

I heard. Heroes make messes. I got to clean those up. Anyway, so there's apparently a new group, but there's mostly the cabal runs a lot of stuff, sort of the seedier stuff. And then the government is all in the pocket of Caleb Thudskull, who's sort of the mayor of blingbottom and caleb kind of like hires a bunch of mercenaries and calls them guards i i'm kind of really just i'm kind of an out-of-towner too he just he just sort of finds you know people who run away from clodenheim gives them some coins they got some pretty rough histories you wouldn't want them

as a town guard in another city you know what i'm saying i see rough trade and uh You wouldn't want him as a town guard in another city. You know what I'm saying? I see. Rough trade. And I don't want to speak unkindly of the boss, Mr. Thudskull, but I can tell you where you can find somebody who might know a little bit more about what's going on. Yes, well, I seem to have 50 minutes or so to kill. Perhaps, yes, I could find out a little bit more about what's going on all right well there's an alley if you go to the alley behind the mayor's you know big building over there it's got a big dome uh it's a couple blocks east you'll see in the alley there's an old pile of rotting food and there's a little guy who goes back there and he gets messages to run them to mercenaries who aren't in guard uniforms, you know, off-duty mercenaries. I look for him. He's like a little gnome, and he's got like a snake head. A snake-headed gnome, you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Curiouser and curiouser. All right, well, perhaps I shall do such a thing. Do you know what his snake-headed name is? Yeah, Verge? Ah, yes. I know Verge. Oh, all right.

How do you know Verge if you're not from around here? I passed him by. Oh. All right. Doesn't sound suspicious at all because you rolled a 14 on that persuasion check. So I'm just going to go back to cleaning up this dead body. All right. Interesting.

All right. So, Dan, so I'm just going to go back to cleaning up this dead body. All right. Interesting. All right. So, Dan, I know, we remember, like, Verge was the guy we first ran into, like, when we came to town. He was the one who sent us to this house, right? Correct. Well, Verge didn't send you so much to this house, so much as you were led to

this house by Kurt from the Adventurers Guild. Right. And you were led to bling bottom by verge verge said he knew about a lot of like like illegal stuff happening in town but he didn't tell you that he was in the pocket of the mayor he just told you the mayor existed so this mayor doesn't sound as though i'm going to be able to take on the mayor all by myself. Is there something I need to do as far? Basically, I'm waiting for Caspia to see if her transformation worked, right?

Is it worth going to check out behind the mayor's house just to sort of see what's what with Verge? You figure it'll take about 15 minutes to get over there. Sure. All right. Perhaps I'll have a brief reunion with my friend Verge? You figure it'll take about 15 minutes to get over there, sure. Alright. Perhaps I'll have a brief reunion with my friend Verge. You head over towards the alley and you notice hanging out by an oil

street lamp right outside the alley is this guy wearing Birkenstocks. It looks like he's got some weird little bat wings sticking out of his jacket. Terry. Oh, hey, hey. It's the middle of the night in Blingbottom.

What is Terry up to? Terry heard there was a pile of food out here, so I was just coming by, trying to see if I could get something good before the snake man got it. Sometimes there's perfectly good full bananas. Yeah, and you know you were just kind of trying to like peek around the alley to see if there were any whole bananas in

the garbage pile right now the garbage pile is not looking great it's a lot of weak old stuff you feel like any second now some fresh things are gonna happen when um a little beast folk uh walks up to you wearing a fine robe i say say, I admire your jort there, friend. Hey, you look very familiar. Nate, right? Yes, yes, Nathan. Very good to see you. Oh, man.

And remind me of your name there, my friend. My name, it's me, Terry. You know Terry. Everybody knows Terry. Look at me. Look at what are my shorts say. T-E-R-R-R-Y. Yes, written across your bottom.

I got them cheap because I misspelled Terry. Yes, you know what? I believe if I look here in my knapsack, here's a pack of Newports. Would you care for them, Terry? It'd tear a filter off and I would love them. Oh. How have you been? What have you been up to? I missed you. Oh, I miss you as well. Well, as it turns out, there is a princess who is a bit of a monster. Now she's trying to turn into a rabbit, sort of like me. That sounds normal.

That sounds regular and normal. That's awesome. That's par for the course for you, Terry? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Your wings, I believe. Can you fly with those, Terry? Not well. I can kind of flap around and bump into stuff. Mm-hmm. Your wings, I believe. Can you fly with those, Terry? Not well.

I can kind of flap around and bump into stuff. Mm-hmm. But I can do it for like a cool party trick. Sometimes I'll do it for Newports and flap around. You definitely smell of alcohol, Terry. Thank you. I spilled a lot. Sometimes it's, here's the thing, the flapping makes me spill.

Man, it's crazy running into you it is so good to see you it's great to see you and i see you have a perpetual to-go cup just sort of always a cocktail ready to go you remember you know that game that you play where you would like tape two drinks to your hands and you can't finish you can't take the drinks away. I live life like that, but I keep one permanently taped to my hand at all times. Is the name of that game? I'm unfamiliar with it. Is it Two Cups? Is that what that is?

I think Johnny Terry Hands is what I was calling it. I was not ready for Sam to jump in at this level. I'm very excited that Terry is here. So will you both please roll a perception check? Hey, Terry, if you don't have a die handy, head on over to google.com and Google D20. I do have a die. Please hold.

Oh, here it comes. Sam got himself. Sam is going across the apartment to dig out his dice. He's dropping other dice. So I think he's got a full dice set. I'm seeing things fall out of his desk. Robin's looking to see if he can eat what fell on the floor. And I'd like to thank whatever listener sent these in.

I forget. Oh, that's right. He's really awesome. Wooden box. I remember that. I want to say Preston Snow. I believe Preston Snow is the Patreon. And I remember his name because he saw me do stand up in Santa Barbara and gave me a toolbox.

He gave me that big red, bright oh yeah yes that i used to bring to brian's house full of minis all right now remind me what dice i'm rolling uh roll a d20 um you're you do not have a bonus to perception so just give me the number you land but nathan what did you roll uh with my bonus i got a 22 oh Oh, boy. I got a 16. Nice. Not quite going to notice this. We wanted an 18 for this. You do suddenly feel the hair stand up on the back of your neck, Terry. Oh, Newports are around.

Or a banana. You notice, Nathan, there is a sort of screeching noise coming from down the alley you can't see on the other side of the flattened weak old garbage uh because it is you know about person height it's just like grimy and gross and it seems like there is somebody on the other side kind of just by peering in the alley, notice the doorway that leads past the outer wall in the alley to sort of the grounds of Caleb Thudskull's estate. It's behind this. So you can't see the doorway there either, but you can infer there's a doorway there because there appears to be some lantern light coming from a lantern on the wall on the other side of the garbage. So you're seeing this sort of old garbage stacked up about five feet tall.

And then this lamp hanging just past it. That's glowing. And you're like, Oh, there must be a doorway there. But what is making that screeching noise? Hmm. Terry,

do you hear that? It sounds like a screeching. I don't really hear anything, but my ears are pretty blown out. Mm-hmm. I mean, you have been... Yeah, I go to a lot of... Sublime, right?

So a lot of Sublime with Rome. I don't like the old one. I only like the new version. And you're one of those people that likes to stand right in front of the big speakers. I got to be in the mix. You can't enjoy the music unless you're out there with your devil sticks just soaking in.

I love the idea of there being a big concert. Someone's right in front of the speakers. Everyone's dancing, having a good time, but he actually has the devil sticks out

like you would in a park or something. People get mad because I'm bouncing them off people, but I got to do what I do. Terry does as Terry does. I will, can I sort of head towards the screeching sort of like, I think I'd like to get closer to get a good look at it,

but maybe without necessarily letting them know I'm there. Sounds good. Terry, are you going to wait here? Are you going to try to sneak with Nathan? Oh, I would love to sneak with Nathan. Then why don't you both throw a stealth check, please? Sure. Which one would I use for that?

20? Yeah, keep rolling. You're going to roll mostly the 20 unless you enter combat. God, I don't know what the other dice are for, so I'm excited. Oh, great. Well, I'll take it super easy on you. You know, one of them is like a triangle. Yes.

I rolled a 14. Ooh. I rolled a 21. Wow. Okay, you guys both keep it pretty stealthy. You kind of lean up against the same wall that the garbage and the door and the lamp are all on, and you kind of scrunch down and tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe. This is how I sneak into sublime.

I feel like this is a very Scooby and Shaggy moment. It sure is. And you hear a little voice, very small gnome gnome like voice but with a reptilian hiss saying alright I'll come back in two hours and then it sounds like the door shuts

well as I live and breathe is that you Verge he jumps out from the other side into full view and he pulls a little dagger out like he's afraid you're about to attack him. Easy, friend, easy. It's your friend Nathan Whiskers. I was sent here by magic. I think you ditched me, didn't you? Did we? Dan, did we?

You were kind of cold to him and told him to fuck off, i think that was more danny than you to be fair uh he's he he was um not offended by it but he's seems very suspicious regardless i feel yeah it seemed like the more and more he was going to try and lead us into like a murder cap he more than once i think thought he could trick you into going into a fire newt in cavern and he could pick your bodies of loot. Yes. Verge, is that the way to greet an old friend? All right. What do you want? Well, I understand you're the man to speak to about the resident of this domed house over here.

He snarls suspiciously. Why don't you roll a persuasion check, Nathan? Oh, Dan? Because you said persuasion, it reminds me about my unwavering cuteness. Can I... Uh-oh! Am I allowed to employ that at this moment?

Yes, you are. All right, so I'm going to try and pull up my unwavering cuteness uh it basically functions as i believe a charm spell there it is and you can cast the charm spell once okay so it makes me go to my spells where's okay so uh verge has to make a wisdom saving throw, DC 13, or be charmed. Great. That's intense. So he's rolling. While he's rolling, Terry looks over and goes, hey, I know I haven't seen you in like a long time, and I don't want to be weird, but you are like crazy cute.

Thank you. My eyes are just a little bit bigger. My nose is like twitching. In case I don't see you again. Yeah, I just want to get that out there. Nathan, can you remind me again what the DC is when you go full chibi? DC 13 wisdom. Oh, okay.

So he rolled a 14, but he has a minus two. What a roller coaster. All right, great. So he goes, oh, what do you want to know? Well, Virg, what exactly is it? You work for the mayor, correct? You could say I work as a contract employee, gig economy and all that. And you are his liaison with the mercenaries, is that correct?

Yes. I mean, it sounds as though this entire town is a bit corrupt. Yes, it is, but it could be worse. It could slip into the hands of the cabal. Yes. Oh, you know, Virg, I don't know if you heard the news, but my friends and I, we actually were able to remove a bit of the cabal. Oh, there aren't many of them.

Which ones? The ones over in the house. So, so far as you know, Nathan, you have eliminated a hag, a vampire, and maybe a second vampire is about to get eliminated. Mm-hmm. Do you relay that you've killed them and maybe kidnapped one? I'll sort of be more as a sort of maybe oblique and be like sort of referencing the mansion.

We seem to have cleared out the mansion of any wrong doers if that helps things out a bit. Would you be willing to tell old Virg, your old friend, what the body count was? Which ones?

A few. And then also there were many dogs who turned into adults with their genitals hanging out who all ran into the forest. Verge definitely kind of like, you know, sighs because he would love to have some more detailed intel for his boss, but he nods. I just based off of our previous interactions with him. Does it seem like a bad idea to share this stuff? I mean, maybe, maybe not. I think you're legitimately concerned. I think he is definitely only ever looking out for himself, but you don't know that he

has anything more nefarious than in mind than to uh sell this information back to caleb right so maybe i'll lean on my the fact that he's under my cuteness and be like verge if i give you the deets can i trust you oh whatever you want yes nathan i'll I'm trustworthy. Of course I'm trustworthy. And do I feel like because he's under this charm spell, that's the real deal? You probably can tell that once this charm spell wears off, he's going to have his own agency back. Well, I believe there was a hag and she is no longer with us. Hmm.

What about her partner? A partner, you say? Was it a vampire in a tradesman's robe? There are two vampires. Would you like me to tell you who is in the cabal? Oh, yes, please. There is the two vampires. There is one who wishes to become a vampire. There is a werebat who is not quite a vampire.

It does not want to be a vampire, but could look like one in certain situations. And then there is, of course, the Lich. Oh! Now, Dan, my understanding, would Nathan sort of be like, oh, Lich, that's a number one trouble? Yep. Oh! Who is the Lich?

The one to the north, the one who does not sit here in Davenglaven, but he keeps things here. And where, like, where do you normally find that lich? Cloddenheim. Does that sound familiar to anything we've encountered so far? to anything we've encountered so far? I mean, not personally, on like a right in front of your face level,

but you, I think fled Clottenheim partially because a lich from another dimension arrived and his army of undead elves took over Clottenheim. Interesting, interesting. Oh, so we're talking about like the Lich-Lich? Yes. Oh, so this is connected to the other continent. I see.

So the Kabbalah were agents of that fuckface to the dwarf. Yes. I see. Well, anything we can do to make his life more difficult, I think, is a good one. And he strokes his chin and says, so that sounds like what's left is the human who wishes to be a vampire. One other vampire, and the werebat, and of course, the lich. I think we might have taken out one more vampire. Oh. Do you know how long he's been a vampire?

Is he perhaps bad at being a vampire? Is that the one that we took out sort of when I left? Do an insight check. Interesting. All right. My answer. Oh, no bonus to this. 16.

Oh, you're rolling great today. Yeah. Well, I had a great bonus to myself. You think based on how bad he was at trying to sneak into your manor, how he was kind of fumbling to get back in the way. You remember he was in smoke form, but still kind of clumsy about getting inside. You think that he was new to being a vampire, and you think that's maybe who is also dead now. Yeah. Yes. This new one still had that new vampire smell about them.

All right. So that would leave the werebat Voklin, Lord Amalegda the Wampir, and of course, the Lich. But again, we believe the Lich is not here. Meaning? The Lich is too busy ruling over Cladenheim to come here. Meaning? The Lich is too busy ruling over Kladdenheim to come here. The rest are his agents, but he calls himself the leader of the Cabal to keep anyone from getting any ideas about ascending in the power structure of the Cabal. Verge, I'm asking you to sort of just take a guess here, but I'm very curious about your well-informed opinion. Let's say we successfully removed the cabal.

Would that summon the lich here? Perhaps. Now, Verge, following that thread, let's say the lich showed up. Would you be willing to take arms against said creature of evil? You feel he is very much telling you this only because he is currently charmed, but he says, I think I would hide

in the lava tunnels for a few months just to lay low. Same old Verge. Well, Verge, you've been so helpful. Are you off to a task now? Oh, well, I found this new information very interesting. You know, the Cabal has been around Davenglaven for many years, but the Lich only just sort of took over. I believe if all these deaths are occurring in a new one, then the cabal might be panicking a bit.

Making mistakes? Yes. Well, I don't know exactly what's happening with them, but I would, gathering off the wonderful strengths and abilities of my friends, I would imagine those vampires are in quite a bit of trouble. Hopefully that werebat as well. Yes, Swaklin lives here in Blingbottom, I would beware. Oh, really? Do you know where? Well, yes. He lives above the old abandoned church on the east side of town. He lives above the old abandoned church on the east side of town.

Is it sort of like a scary, like I'm a scary guy and I live sort of like in ruins, like that sort of deal? Buckling is a bugbear and he can, at night, become the form of a half bat, half bugbear creature. He sounds cool as shit. A bugbear that can turn into,... would it be a giant bat? Yes. About seven feet tall and fifteen feet wide. Probably no chance of turning him

to our side, is there? Oh no. It's too bad. He sounds awesome. Big old bugbear with wings and fang. I mean, shit. That guy would kick ass in a fight. It is interesting, the ones you

killed. The cabal must be changing some of their plans. Really? Because of the removal of the vampire? That vampire you killed who lives in the house with the hag. He was going to leave this place for a minute.

For what reason? Some plan he had about becoming his own lich and sowing the soil with his blood. He wanted to break off from the cabal, but if he's dead, the remaining members must be struggling and jockeying for some new sort of plan. Interesting. And where, did they have like a clubhouse or like some sort of like, let's say like a sort of like a gazebo where they meet or something? Several. Oh, any you might want to tell me about? Yes.

I twitch my nose, my whiskers, as cute as possible. Show Verge a paper. Do you have a map? Yes, of course. In here I have some papers. I take notes. I have the back of my spell book if we really needed it. I can lean over and you can use my back as a sort of tablet.

So he starts scritching on the map two places. One you were just at. Great. The other one is northeast along the coast, just inside the jungle by Flayzacola. Interesting. Well, one of these, Verd, I believe is currently being checked out as we speak. I would guess they would converge at the other one. Ah, you should converge with them, Verge.

Yes, pun intended. Yes, thank you. Thank you for seeing what I did there, so to speak. Yes, yes. Well, I should get back to work. I have to talk to mercenaries about something. You're so just enthralling with your cute little eyes. Oh, Verge, it has been a pleasure.

He kind of looks around like he's having a hard time remembering what he was doing, but he knows that he's got some sense of urgency that's very clouded as he starts to stumble away from you two. Terry, let's get the fuck out of here. Hell yeah. I don't know if you noticed that man has a snake fur face.

Let's fucking go. This is crazy. Did you hear about that bugbear that could turn into a bat? And he also has a knife. The snake face is one thing, but that's a lot of stuff now. Let's get out of here. Yes. You look at the place of the moon in the sky and you realize Princess Caspia should be coming up in about 30 seconds or so.

Oh, Terry, would you like to meet my friend? She is a princess royalty. Yeah, heck yeah. Well, let me wipe my hands and my jeans. So they're clean. Oh, I don't know. I'm very often sticky a lot. Yes. Okay, i'm ready like i'm still i'm still sticky but less yeah it's like you're always eating a donut or something yeah i got a lot

of fillings on on me oh no yeah let's wrap this up what were you saying come meet my friend okay yeah i'm in all right so i so I will take Terry to the temple. Great, you head over to the temple, and they recognize you right away. Don't recognize Terry so much. That seems fair. But one of the priests says, oh, welcome. Can I help you, Nathan? Yes.

You guys were, I believe, going to help transform the princess into another body. Yes, about that. Before I let you in, and of course, you're welcome here. There's no problem, no misunderstanding. It cost a massive amount of money to get the crushed diamonds and other components for this spell. And we just sort of overcame ourselves somehow. It almost felt like, you know, we had a spell cast on us that made us willing to do it. So...

Oh my, how kind of you. We incurred quite a cost. I don't mean to be rude, but is there any way you could make a donation so we could afford to keep the temple running a little bit? I would be happy to. Now, I had one gold piece and I gave it to a god. If you don't mind, I'll quickly go through my knapsack, see what else I have in here that I might be able to. I don't suppose calligraphers of a surprise would be of interest to you? Oh, if you don't have any money, that's all right.

It's just, oh boy. Pass it on to the rest of the cuties if you see them, won't you? Absolutely. And also, perhaps this could become some sort of ongoing relationship. Well, for now, you've done something kind for us. Perhaps we may be able to do something kind for you? Yeah, run a tab, kind of like a tavern or something. Sure.

Yes. Well, I don't want to take advantage. You guys have been so kind. How did the transformation go? He shrugs and lets you know he's not really sure. He hasn't been keeping track of the time quite as much as you have. So he lets you inside. And once you get to the main antechamber, you recognize the door where Caspia head down and right on cue, it creaks open and you see a rabbit like form emerge.

Looks very much like the beast folk who resemble rabbits back in clodenheim um it's wearing a hood uh that looks very familiar you believe this is the same cloak that was gifted to princess caspia uh the hood is up um and you see the the being kind of like very uh gingerly and cautiously like walk out um a priest sort of is following her kind of like very, uh, gingerly and cautiously like walk out. Um, a priest sort of is following her kind of stern, like looking around and spots you and walks over. You recognize it was the priest who got whammied by a charm spell a couple

of days ago. Hello, it's me, Nathan Whiskers. Hello, Nathan. Hello. How are you? Uh, as you two start talking, the Whiskers. Hello, Nathan. Hello, how are you?

As you two start talking, the cloaked figure kind of scurries away and sits on a bench across the room. I mean, I don't want to be a negative Nelly, but I'm not getting the best sense of how things went. They went fine. They went great. But, you know, didn't appreciate being charmed into doing that. We could have found another way.

Well, let's let bygones be bygones. I was just saying to your friend upstairs, perhaps because you have done us such a great kindness, perhaps we castaway cuties might be able to find a way to help you. Sure, I mean, can you take out Caleb Thudskull? That'd be great.

Oh, I was under the impression that having him here was better. Like, if we take out Caleb Thudskull, then who shall run the town? I don't know. A democratically elected official? Oh, well, I'm always in favor of an Alexian. But first things first, may I say hello to the princess? Yes, yes, of course, of course. I mean, I don't have a plan to give her to Caleb Thudskull or whatever. I mean, just check back in whenever.

And he just kind of like throws his hands up, kind of frustrated. And he goes and starts talking to the other priests. He just seems like he's at a loss, like he's just been bamboozled a little bit. Terry, I apologize. These priests normally, I think, are a little bit kind, huh? Yeah, everyone is a little rude, but I feel like I deserve it.

Oh, Terry. The first person who's ever thought my passive-aggressive dungeon master characters were warranted. That seems fair. I don't know if that's true. No, I've done some bad. I should have mentioned this earlier. I'm on the run a little bit.

A lot of people are mad at me. So, yeah, this abuse seems fair. Oh. Yeah. One of the priests looks at Terry for a second and points and then shakes his head and walks away. I should have mentioned this earlier. Now, you're going to have to trust me that a lot of these names won't make sense to you, but they're from faraway lands. But since the last time I saw you guys, I got a ship.

I accidentally blocked a ship in this place called the Suez Canal. So I had to run. And then I was assistant to this bard named Army Hammer, but I accidentally leaked a bunch of messages that he was a cannibal. So I had to run. And then this one will be hard to explain, but I was briefly running this place called Game Stock. Oh, I lost them a substantial amount of money. So I had to run. And then last night at the bar, I got super drunk and I accidentally told a bunch of people that they don't need to take this antidote for this virus, that they can take this horse parasite thing called ivermectin.

And everyone is real mad. Oh, I am. The way they're talking to me is rude, but like, yeah, I'm not doing great. So, yeah, you might want to not not tell people you were with me. Yeah, I was going to say, you're the nexus of many horrible things. But goddamn, you are cute. I don't want to just say that again. Thank you very much, Terry.

Don't stand so close to me. Yeah, that's fair. I'm sticky, too. Princess, is that you there? It's me. It's Nathan. She throws the hood off slowly. You have never seen fur markings like this before.

There's like a white stripe with like black patches around either eye. It's very, it's like what a Dutch rabbit would look like on earth, but it's not naturally occurring as a fur pattern amongst rabbit folk. She looks at you and says, Oh, Nathan, am I to a rabbit folk?

As beautiful as ever. Oh, thank God, because honestly, I feel as proud as ever, and I would be very annoyed if you found me disgusting. Well, I mean, it's not about how you look. It's about how you are. No, of course. I just didn't want that inconvenience. Hello, Nathan. Hello. What an odd way to greet one another. It's wonderful to see you again. How was your transformation?

I mean, this is much better than being a disgusting fish thing with fangs. Oh, I'm quite pleased. Thank you. Your self-hatred might go very well with Terry's. Oh, I don't hate myself. I think very highly of myself. I did not like what I appeared to be, and now I don't have to deal with that anymore. I feel very good. I'm so happy to hear.

This is, I'm not going to say friend, but this is Terry. I'm a little disappointed, Nathan. I mean, I know as royalty, I can be a little hoity-toity, but you were hanging with, I think, a higher caliber of friends the last time we saw. Who is this derelict? It is really nice to meet you. My name is Terry. I had a last name, but I sold it.

What? I was just Terry. What? Yeah. It's a non-fungible token. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, I was. What?

Yeah. It's a non-fungible token. Uh-huh. Yeah. You, I got to say, just meeting you for the first time, you look natural like you're in your own skin. Oh, thank you. I'm hoping that the fact that I don't, you know, look like a disgusting fish person will

help me stop getting banished from towns in Davin Glavin. Have you ever had that happen to you? Well, as someone who has been called a disgusting fish person, just visually or smell based. Yeah, I get it. But I feel like I do smell like one. You look fantastic. Oh, thank you. I don't even have my wigs with me. Princess, I had taken a bit of a leave of absence from my friends to come and find you. Do you feel as though you're up for a bit of travel to rejoin my friends? Yes, of course. Now, before we do that, I would like to mention the last time we sort of talked about this, you seemed a little nervous about adventure.

You seemed a little nervous whether or not this was truly the life for you. Well, first of all, I like all this magic being cast on me these days. All right. Look at this. I don't have a stone paw or anything. I'm in very good shape. Look at that. Your arm is back to normal.

All it took was a very expensive spell, and it turns out you can just talk people into casting that, and it costs you no money. Yes, and we'll have to go soon because I think they're going to try and exact a very painful price. Where would you like me to go? at a very painful price. Where would you like me to go? Well, my thought was, and I'll sort of pull out the map and be like, perhaps we can use this to,

I believe, Dan, this is correct, that as far as I know, my friends are still up towards that. Yes. Towards that Cabal nest. Yes, would you like to lead Caspia back up there? My thought is yes,

like to head back up and try and rejoin the cuties and share this new information with them. She throws her hood up and gives you a thumbs up. She looks at the map and she says, quickly, let's go. Oh, you're so adventurous, princess.

You're damn right. Oh, and a cusser as well. Yes, why not? Sounds fun. Terry, do you like to cuss? Hell yeah, I do. Look at that guy go. Hell yeah. Oh, one of my teeth fell out.

I'm sorry. Oh, Terry, perhaps we should say adieu here. I'm afraid if I brought you along this adventure, you'd get turned into paste. I was going to say, I was going to offer to let you go. I got a good feeling. I think I could fall down these temple stairs and get a substantial payout. I'm going to stay here and kind of hang back and drop a gallon of milk, something like that. Well, Terry, always interesting to run into.

I could see how hard that was for you to put together, but I get it. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, there was some heavy lifting. Yes, definitely. I wish you the best of luck. And you too, Princess Caspian. Close enough. I think that's a C.S. Lewis novel, but I'll take it.

I'm strangely well read, considering how I turned out. Well, there are a lot of derelicts who hang out at the library, she says. That's a sick burn. You boys have, and ladies and rabbits and such, have fun. Do you head to where you left the castaway cuties?

Yeah, I would try and go back. Now seeing that she's okay, I would definitely try and rejoin the group. Okay, so you head on north the sun is beginning to rise uh morning is beginning to come and as you uh approach you of course you go around the same way you exited to avoid cronk the walking economy yeah um you approach and uh you even like get inside you you like walk around. There's no sign of anyone. Oh dear.

Um, you, uh, see the discarded, uh, you know, like dust and knocked over things from a, it looks like a tussle where you left a vampire. Princess Caspia kind of like shakes her head and heads. Oh, where, where else could they be? Princess Caspia kind of like shakes her head and says, where else could they be? I mean, does it seem like there's tracks or any sign of like where they went? Do an investigation check. Investigation.

Let me see. My bonus for this is six. That's nice. Oh, I only rolled a two. So a total of eight yeah i mean you're able to just sort of look in the heavy layers of dust in this house and trace their footprints back the way they came it looks like they left the way they came but then you're like okay like once they left this house i don't see any prints in the in the mud like it's really difficult to tell where they went next

but there was that murder back at the house. A murder, you say? Yes, Octavia the butler, I believe, was pinned to the front door like a butterfly. Can I see that map again? Yes. So she looks at the map and she says, I think if there's a

murder back at the house, we should try to kill the rest of the cabal at their other hideout. Oh, that makes... Yes. Yes! Because the castaway cuties wouldn't stay at the house. They would go to the other hideout. I say, Princess, this new form of yours

is really very exciting. It is! I'm ready for a battle. Ooh. A bit bloodthirsty, but alright. A bit! Does she seem like she wants to kick ass? Yeah, she seems like she wants to kick ass. She seems like she's still figuring out, like, what kind of path she wants, but she's being very bold about it.

That's great. All right. Yes. Then, to the other cabal lair. So, you begin the journey north up to Flasicola and it's a long journey This is going to take you a few hours You start heading north. Why don't you do a

perception check as you head up through the plains and light jungle towards Flasicola Okay Perception? Yes Okay Oh Jesus Another 2 plus three, five. Okay.

So, you know, you're kind of like looking around and all of a sudden there is a stampede of animals out of the jungle. I'm going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw, please. Oh, geez. Okay. Dexterity saving throw. I'm sure itxterity saving throw i'm sure it'll be fine uh what could possibly go wrong stampede after all that's a total of a nine dan all right so these long-legged hyena like creatures start stomping out they look like there's some sort of scavengers uh and they're going to unfortunately uh knock you down

uh cospia uh does a flip uh and she manages to dodge but one of their legs catches you oh no you're going to take uh only four points of bludgeoning damage as you trip backwards and hit the back of your head on a rock but it could be worse oh very much so yeah uh have you do one more perception check please and then another perception okay plus three oh that's better natural 20 plus three oh okay so this time you uh you're you and cuspy are both looking around she kind of is like like raising a fist and cursing those weird jungle hyena creatures as they run East. You,

however, quickly get over it and look back towards where they came from. And you see a very large bat, like creature lifting up one of these hyena, like creatures and like ripping its throat out and Oh god. And like eating meat and it starts flying north in the same direction you guys are heading. It's the bugbear.

Oh, I wish we could be friends. Does it make sense to follow it? Uh, yeah, sure. Princess, don't let it spot you, but let's shadow it and see where its lair might be. Perhaps it will lead us straight to the kobold's other location.

All right. Sounds good, but that thing is disgusting. Oh, yes. Let's keep a low profile, eh? And very dangerous. So why don't you both roll a stealth check? Okay. As you tail what is likely a werebat.

Oh, I... She rolled a 15. 27 with my bonus. Oh, it takes a couple hours and it's difficult. You guys are, you know, trying to keep a quick pace, but still stay under the cover of jungle trees. And you notice about every half mile or so, It spends a good amount of time checking over each shoulder as it flies forward.

And at one point, it drops the remains of this hyena, but it's gnawed a bunch of meat off of the rib cage. And it just sort of goes, like splatters just 15 feet to the left of you. But eventually,

you start to see the outline of flazacola on the horizon and uh sure enough it avoids flazacola proper and sort of cuts east and you start following it along the eastern side of flazacola and the beautiful towers of flays of cola yes there are actually towers here in fact you see a seven story tall inn on the very north side of flays of cola along the dock so it's very well to do and kind of fancy pantsy oh i'm sure i would like to stay there and we'll find out what you do next on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Ooh. Wow, we got a lot done, Dan. That's awesome.

You really did. I was very happy to paint so many of the corners and details of this picture in with you, Chris. And I was so glad eventually to find a skyline that did have a tower. That was a big goal of yours, and I'm glad that you could. That was my one goal playing D&D, is like, I would like there to be a tower. And you got so much done,

I'm looking at milestone-wise, and I think I got to catch up with the rest of the party. You've just leveled up. Hey, awesome. Terry, you must be like level 12 or 13 by now, right? Like you're... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a level

20 huckster. Congratulations. That's right. I have a plus three on my slip and falls. Nice. It's time to do a class as a busker. That's right. What do you think happened, Sam? I mean, you were here for a lot of it,

but if you could sum up sort of the narrative arc of this episode, what would you say happened? I would say the type of will they, won't they with Nathan in the princess, the type of I love you yet negging type of poking, I want you here yet move away from me. I'm on the edge of my seat. Oh. Mm-hmm.

It's a Ross and Rachel, you know, a Jim and Pam, you know, on what's going to happen here. So romantic. Mm-hmm. Well, Chris, can you, listeners ask me about this on Twitter when I'm checking the NerdPoker Twitter account? I am not the only person who runs the NerdPoker Twitter and the NerdPoker Patreon account. But can you remind us what that Devil in the White City HHOMs themed role playing game is? Oh, yeah. It's called Horror in the Windy City. It is basically a way to play using D&D 5e rules, but it's a sort of more cthulhu invest investigation

horror and it's set in chicago sort of in the 1850 to 1900 era so yeah it's definitely based off of uh devil the in the windy city oh wait down the white city is that what it's called i think devil in the white city down the white that book. So yeah, there's a whole module that's basically escape from the murder house, which is awesome. And then also a bunch of other stuff that I helped write, where it's like the Great Chicago Fire and just all kinds of cool stuff. That era of Chicago is fascinating. all kinds of cool stuff that that era of chicago is fascinating i'm from chicago's i was born in the south suburbs and lived there for the first 10 years of my adult life 12 so yeah that's uh it's really cool and um remind us again what's that movie that you were just in

oh overrun yeah i'm in an action movie where i'm guys i, I'm like an action guy. But I'm the dumb action guy. I fall down on my ass quite a bit. Nice. And people should go watch that when they're hanging around if they've got some days off for Christmas, because this is our episode that's going to air right before Christmas. Oh, yay! Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas, everybody. First of all, enjoy some Chris Tallman in your life. Welcome back, buddy. First of all, enjoy some Chris Tallman in your life. Welcome back, buddy. Great to be back. Hopefully we'll have you for the next full cast recording. We'll get you back in that group text and off to the races. Yes. It sure won't ship in time to get to the next five days.

But yes, if you had to, thank you for the prompting, Sam. But if you had to nerdpokerpod.com, you can get tons of cool merch from a bunch of different graphic designers and illustrators like pencil cases and I think some posters and mugs and plenty of t-shirts and some hoodies. It's definitely something we all appreciate to help make ends meet. And of course, if you can support us over at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

it's very appreciated. And yeah, I've got some stand-up dates hopefully coming up in January. I'm going to hopefully be flying out to Chicago to open for Brian at his special recording at the Beat Kitchen in Chicago, where I ran a Chicago underground comedy for seven years. And I don't think I ever performed with Brian, but I ran a, I ran like an alt comedy showcase there on Tuesday nights and would very much

love to see people come out for that. Cause he's going to have two shows and I'm going to see my family in the off time. So I'll be in a great mood. I'm going to do my family in the off time. So I'll be in a great mood. I'm going to do my new material because I was doing, I got a solid 45 new minutes on Zoom over the goddamn lockdown. So I'm not going to do the full 45, but I'm going to have fun. And if you're in LA, I'll be doing Largo at some point, but the show I'm on is Secret.

So just keep an eye out for that. And that's going to be it. So, like Brian says at the end of every episode, we appreciate the fact that you are here. you