Nerd Poker - S4E68 Cuties Reunited

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Nathan and fellow rabbitfolk Cospia finally reunite with the rest of the Castaway Cuties and begin to plot how to use their new levels, as well as how to deal with what appears to be a huge archdemon about to appear in Davenglaven. No big deal.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 68. My friends are here. Uh, hello friends. Hello Brian. Hello. Oh, hi. I'm looking at D&D Beyond, but here we go. my friends are here uh hello friends hello Ryan oh hi I'm looking at D&D Beyond but uh here we go uh Sarah's here

hello hello how are you doing I'm okay everybody keeps freezing my internet connection's unstable I don't know if you can see me oh shit oh okay and let's get right back to somebody who's back we've missed him for weeks but uh he's uh did a special episode we'll talk about with dan in a

minute but chris is back hey buddy hi buddy how are you i'm good very happy to see you here i love it's a familiar podcast smell i love it it's great to be here nice thank you uh next year is blaine what's up blaine blaine looks happy even yeah uh hi brian hi everybody it's good to have you back chris thank you uh ken is here hey buddy howdy doody welcome back chris it's good to see you Hi Our DM Dan Hi Brian What's up buddy Hey I've already seen Chris so frankly yawn Wow

I expect that from Sarah Yeah Stabbing on my toes Yeah I settled you know Say hi to Sam first And then we'll hear about what you guys recorded. Hey, buddy. How are you?

Hello, sweet children. I'm good. Good, man. What baseball team is that? That's the Brewers. Yeah, yeah. Is that the Milwaukee Gym Brewers? That would be great.

The Madison Mitts. That would be fantastic, Blaine. I wish all of your riffs came to true. I wish this whole act was just him doing the impression of a parakeet walking. Did you ever see it? Just he does a dead-on impression of a parakeet walking. If it was all just that, it would be great. He's got some silly shit that actually

left uh damn brian before we get into any chronological hoo-ha uh let's talk about the people who make this podcast possible the people who rouse us from our slumbers to go roll some dice and pretend we're elves and shit thank you so much to our patreon supporters especially the upper tiers with the privilege question mark of having me shout their names out on the podcast they go by usernames like joseph zabigan thank you joseph thank you gamorian orc thanks cam thanks did you say thanks gam i love it thank you scott parker thanks scott scotty thank you let's see who remembers this nerd poker reference thank you parn watching you through a black pool in hell oh horn horn that's not nope nobody nope thank you very scary gilmeister good old parn thank you chicken thank you gilmeister as well as parn thank you

andy parker what kind of party huh what kind of oh i, double penetration. That's what kind. He's just talking about your porn collection. Hardcore porn. Again, thank you, Ziggy Kielmeister. Thank you, Andy Parker. Thank you, Nicholas Nicholas Grimmel. Thank you, Nicholas. Thank you, Smurfette's Conspicuous Bulge.

Rude. Thank you, Big Angry. Thank you. Thank you, Google thank you thank you thank you hi I'm Terry's estranged wife's divorce lawyer Brent I didn't ask for this Sheila and I are in love and her

boys are as pretty and then it gets cut off I was gonna say I was gonna repeat that and then say I'm dad but fuck it thank you Stefan Jack Stefan I was going to repeat that and then say I'm dad, but fuck it. Thank you. Stefan, Jack,

Stefan. Thank you. I stopped the fun of it. A lot of caps, long, long three A's and Jack. Thank you, Rob.

Thanks, Rob. Thank you. I am 49 years old and from New Jersey. I therefore understand almost every reference you guys make, especially Blaine. Ah, way to go. Thanks.

Good. These are becoming love letters from the front. All of these usernames. Thank you. Oh, God, sorry. No,

I need to hear more about New Jersey. Please. No, I was going to say, I'll say hi to Holmes and yo-Yo for me. For you. Sorry. God damn it. Yeah, can you say that with more of a Jersey accent?

Thank you. Akami Dean Ryder, Anchor, Octour Nerd, established 2017. Your strange business doesn't make sense to me. Thank you, Sean Eisenhammer. Thank you. Thank you, Sean Eisenhammer. Thank you. Thank you, Sean Dixon. Yay! Thank you, Saga Nadal.

Thanks, Saga. Tonight, you're on the loose. Oh. Thank you, Alan the Michael, formerly known as Wofford. Thanks, Alan. Thank you, Wofford. Thanks, Alan. Thank you, Wofford. Thanks, Butt Ruckus.

Thanks, Jake Tawny. Thank you. Thanks, Tim Bates. Thanks, Jason Sprouse. Thanks, Fang the Tabaxi with one fuzzy nut. Yep, yep. Thanks. Thank you, Mandalorian Coffee Breath. Thank you, darling fascist

bully boy. Give us more money, you bastard. Thank you, Justin fascist bully boy. Give us more money, you bastard. Thank you, Justin, not as young as I used to be, sack. And finally, thank you, iPod full of two princes. Yes. Thank you. One, two.

Oh my... That was a Columbia House purchase and there's other good songs on that album. So, actually. Oh yeah, so for that penny, you got 11 more albums and a knock on your credit report when you were 12.

Yeah. But it's a Sarah Silverman reference where my character used to wear, take his headphones out and say that he was listening to metal and then we found it steve found out that i only had two princes on my ipod oh well then this is a double bonus reference because i actually love it as an idea and as a reference so i don't know what's happening

people forget spin doctors also have a song called just kidding hey blaine who were those patreon supporters brought to us by uh those patreon supporters brought to us by low volume agree shampoo keep it down up there pump down the volume with low volume agree and rastroglide dog loop not for use with humans dan thank you mr kapach it's a pleasure as always uh hey you know what can i just say uh i think it was in 90 or 91 uh lord correct and i were playing a comedy club in richmond virginia and uh lord said hey let's go see a band and he saw some we saw some clubs in the paper, went to a club called Twisters, and there was a band playing,

and they were absolutely fantastic. And a year later, they were the Spin Doctors. It was in a little tiny club, and they were so good. And I know they're not like the coolest band or whatever, but they put on a great show, and everybody had such a blast. Anyway, I just wanted to say that. It's my spin doctor story.

Sorry. Wake up, Brian. I'm yeah. And then, uh, and then, uh, Opeth,

uh, jumped out of a plane and, uh, and, uh, uh, and then Christian Bale ate some wells. Oh,

Robin laid an egg. It's time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker oh thank you for lip syncing along with my last time on nerd poker brian post saying yes i'm getting meta which i know you like because it sets you up to have to have a dialogue with a character in this case a narrator whose face you don't even know what it looks like. He's shaking his head because he doesn't like it in a way that actually supersedes the way I was accusing him of not like it. Anyway, the Castaway Cuties are furthering their fight against the cabal that controls Davin Glavin. We take you now to the Castaway Cuties already in progress. So you guys are all as the Castaway

Cuties heading towards Flasicola and you're just starting to get to the north edge of Flasicola where the seven story inn known as the Fuzzy Knuckle has a lot of its tenants

sort of gathered around outside. There's a couple of guards talking to the Goliath bodyguards. And four of you notice a familiar and a not so familiar rabbit folk a few hundred yards away, just kind of running north. You see Nathan, a large crowd gathering,

and you think you spot your fellow castaway cuties in the crowd. Demi! Nathan! Slow-mo open arm run. I'm sort of like trying to pull, can I say who it is that I'm with? Oh, of course. Please.

It's more fun than me doing it. I'm trying to pull Princess Caspia along. I don't want to just ditch her. She allows it. She just sort of struts. Alright. Yeah, and I'll run up and hug my friends. Although I think I would give a polite bow. Me first.

Yeah. So I'll hug Danny. I tell Caspia she looks great. Oh, thank you. i appreciate it she takes out a cigarette uh and lights it oh my i think this whole campaign has been leading to dan doing this character sexy female rabbit yeah i think it's all been all been his this bugs bunny thing that he's been waiting to pull on us. This is going to be great. Anyway, Dan, go ahead. She enjoys the compliments.

She has black and white fur in the pattern of a Dutch rabbit from Earth. There are no Dutch rabbits in Dave and Glavin, so she stands out a little bit. Dutch rabbit. Friends, friends. It's Princess Cosby. I don't know if you recognize her, but her transformation has been complete.

Awesome. Awesome. Congratulations. I guess her arm's okay. Oh, thank you, thank you. It's good to see all of you. She's a little bit different than I remember from before. Ooh, different personality? You know, just different.

I don't think it's like a curse. I just think it's like, you know, maybe she's 13 now. Maybe she's sort of feeling herself. Oh, okay. It's going to be awkward for your wedding vows, I feel like. I just mean, I think she's in like a transitional phase. Ah, okay. Okay, she's figuring stuff out.

So you don't think it might have been something to do with changing from an undersea monstrosity to a fluffy bunny? Entirely possible. Oh, entirely possible. I guess I'm not sweating it. Okay. How did it happen? How did what happen? What, what?

Oh, I'm sorry. You're talking to Nathan. How did you change? Oh, you did it, you fools. We paid for it. Yes, of course you paid for it. It's been a while. What a bunch of strange, forgetful spendabouts. We didn't actually pay too much for it because we sort of charmed them and they paid for

like a million GP worth of diamonds or something like that. We went back and gave them more. Oh, you did? Yeah, we did. When you guys were in there, we gave them some more because then they teleported us here also. Oh, nice. I wish they could have done the same for me.

Interesting. How'd you get here? By way of paw and stern internal fortitude. Well, we're happy to see you. We're just about to get a room or rooms, I guess. Yes, I see you hosed off all of your blood. Yes. You seem recently hosed, I suppose is what I'm saying.

Does Chris know what actually happened? Should we fill him in? Chris should tell me. I'm not sure, Chris. I listened to sort of the end of the last episode just to kind of catch up here but i have not caught everything in the middle oh you missed the party well yeah basically we chased a vampire well maybe yeah dan probably i think what might be good is if you all uh went and rested if i may prompt you yeah right now um a little bit it's a little bit socially awkward you are right

outside an inn where some of the castaway cuties had a little bit of a stare down with a vampire in the lobby while it was crowded so you're not really being outed or talked to by the crowd that's gathered around the fuzzy knuckle but getting in there and renting a room seems like it might be again socially awkward you did break into the basement um but you do know just from wandering from the temple to the fuzzy knuckle there's at least like one in none of you really remember what the name of it was uh i thought we already did this because they yeah i thought they asked us to to hose off right yeah that's right yeah to wash it oh that's right that's right like the morning egg or something right yeah yeah forgot about that you did don't go nuts what is it what's the name of the place it's a

bed and breakfast you said yes that's right you're you're all you're all retired but you're you're now uh you know you can you can like give a room well your room to nathan to you know sleep up they could get him a new one. But, yes. I'm more than willing to curl up at the end of someone's bed. I don't want to put anybody out. Are you two

traveling, you know, together now? You know, yeah, we're traveling at the same time. I would not presume to say anything more forward than that. Okay. Well, yeah. Why don't you guys grab a room and then we'll all meet for donuts in the lobby.

How about we meet in front of the Luxor at 11 and go get omelets? Love it. Hey, Dan, have we already checked in and done all that stuff that we needed to do? Are we all ready to just go to our rooms and relax? Yeah, you guys can go relax. Can I ask the maitre d', not the maitre d', the concierge? Yeah. Can I, or whoever's working there, hey quick question have we ever checked

in here before do an insight check good idea Blaine 14 plus 6 20 that's good you look familiar yes you feel like it's a little weird the way they answered that okay plus 620. That's good. Oh, you look familiar, yes. You feel like it's a little weird the way they answered that. Okay.

Yeah, because I don't know if... Go ahead, go ahead. Explain. Nathan, we think that there are... We know that there are clones of us running around. Clones? Wait a minute. How are we checking if this isn't a clone, Nathan? Nathan turns into a blood monster.

Yeah, guys, we've got to ask Nathan a question. Only Nathan and Caspia know. Oh, yes. Very good. And then if I pass, we should have a secret word that if we all believe everybody's normal now, that only the normals would know. We did pick a secret word. Does anyone remember? I think I remember what it was. I think I remember what it was. I'm not going to tell Nathan yet

because we don't know that he's safe. I'm going to type it in group chat, though. Oh, wait, no, I can't. What's a... What's something... What is something that only... Group text, group text. So, Cosby, where did we...

The name of the weird snake-headed fellow who led us through the salamander caves at the very beginning of Ardventia, Verge. I just ran into him in town. Verge, actually. Verge!

You remember. Interesting. Maybe you only remember because you just ran into him in town. We gotta ask him a question. We can ask something about the house, the mansion. There's a little elf boy who talks through the giant monster armor.

There we go. Okay. Now, Caspia, where did we find you? In your hearts, where I always was. Oh, I was in an underwater lake. That's right. Dan is fake smoking, for real. Maybe for real smoking, for fake.

I don't know, but it's... Oh, my arm's great I'm keeping it busy right now is this smoking thing sort of been a forever thing we've found a monster oh no I've always wanted to try it I pock picketed this from one of the priests

at the temple of Bahamut oh you pock picketed it oh what do you call it I've never done it before we don't have pockets underwater it? I've never done it before. We don't have pockets underwater. That's a good way to get boink cones. Alright, well, does everyone believe now we can tell Nathan that we think that we've all been

cloned and by the blood that was stolen by the vampire. There's some sort of cabal thing. We found five empty vials of blood that we believe may have been ours. You knew about this part okay yeah i heard the part where you found vials yeah and then now we believe that they've been sent here to unleash what's his name panic at the disc pan pan zuzu pan zuzu

yes and then uh at the discount. Is this part of the cabal, Dan? Or is this something other than the cabal? The cabal was trying to unleash. Pan Zuzu. So it is the cabal. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's like merchant vampires. There's a lot of stuff, Chris, just so you know. It seems to me that was happening in season one, which I was not here for, and I think you were not here for, but I don't know if you listened to. I didn't. So I think a lot of stuff is whooshing over my head in terms of references.

It's mostly there for just Easter eggs. You don't have to remember the first season. But there is a vampire-related thing happening. And they're working for the Lich. That's what I found out in town. The Cabal's working for the Lich over in Cloddenheim. Oh, we didn't know that, did we? No, I don't think so.

Bringing it all back together. So if we handle this cabal properly, we will certainly get the attention of one person we would love to kill. Larry the cabal guy fucking idiot i love you how is he so fast uh yeah you know um there's a lot you guys could catch up with and i'm gonna play friendly dungeon master to uh get you guys all to like me and also because why not there's been such a breach between episodes um we're gonna say um i just want to i just want to throw out there like you you're you're gonna have that interaction with the concierge at the front of the bed and breakfast and then i'm gonna just say

you went to your room to have this conversation about all this so he wouldn't overhear it because he did give you a weird vibe and um while you're talking i want to tell you guys a few things that you should probably uh talk about because i've kept track of some of this stuff but uh because chris just recorded his solo episode maybe chris uh if there's anything you want to relate to the castaway cuties go for it then maybe i'll i relate to the castaway cuties go for it then maybe i'll i'll help the castaway cuties remember some of the stuff they did without you yeah i mean the main thing was i went to the temple picked up princess cospia she's changed and i think personality wise is just sort of like figuring yourself out um says she says she wants

to be an adventurer so i told her to come along with me for the time being but then ran into verge charmed him and basically found out he gave me a map which i'll share with everybody which has the different cabal locations on it but i think maybe you guys have already gone to all of them um basically just sort of laid out the dan this is right the so so yeah nathan points at the two cabal locations one of them is lady mesra main's manor which you do of course know about the other one is right where you were headed that you turned around oh good it's remember you went through that clearing where you were chasing lord amalegda and his bodyguard woody in that clearing and i told you you could kind of see, like, just past

the clearing there was maybe another building, but you went back to the place that called it a rest. He's pointing right where you were headed. Oh, okay. They haven't been there yet, Nathan. Oh, great. Yeah, so there's another cabal location. And then, I think most importantly, the Therians working

in service of the Lich, perhaps trying to exert its influence yeah and as nathan tells all of you this you all remember that you found a little like war room that the cabal had set up in the basement of the fuzzy knuckle and you acquired not only a magic bagpipe that did some very erotic things to lord amalegda in the dark that we may or may not ever find out about in detail because you slew Lord Amalegda. But you also acquired like tons of scrolls and maps of the cabals that seem to detail a lot of their plan. And you haven't even looked at them yet. Oh, we should check those out.

Yeah. All right. Why don't we have everybody roll your choice, a perception or insight check. Please tell me which you rolled when you give me your number. All right. Perception or insight, you say? Yes.

Yeah. Insight or perception, perception or insight. say yes insight or perception, perception or insight I'm rolling insight ooh and Sarah's internet dropped out she may try to come back listeners if you hear me re-explaining something I got a 19 nice, I got an 18 on perception

insight for mine great, what did you other two fellas get 16 insight feels right tight out of sight drinking sprite oh well okay six on insights well tootie and nathan have your back because they got an 18 and a 19 that's pretty good so you guys were able to like lay all this out in a little bed and breakfast room on their little college cottage core like quilt on the bed you figure out a few things about the cabal all they seemed to have enough blood from enough people to start a mass switch over where a lot of people were being like townspeople were being replaced with ghouls like undead servants of the cabal gaba ghs? And some of the more influential people

were for a while being replaced by members of the cabal on and off whenever they felt like it. But then the cabal was looking for some new people so they could get away with some new shit. Nathan learned a little bit about this. But they realized once you guys came to town,

there's extensive notes on this group of adventurers who had crash landed just outside of Dave and Glavin and come to Blingbottom. And they collected your blood with the intention of pinning a lot of crimes on you. So you realize, oh, we've slain all but one of the vampires. They're not all vampires, actually. Nathan learned a little bit about this as well. You find notes about the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the lot of that stuff too but uh you're realizing okay the members of the cabal who are still alive there's only two uh you you realize the the weird bat creature that actually all of you encountered at some point nathan also encountered it i'm a big fan it's not a vampire like you thought it might be but uh it was you did notice it was in the daytime it was a werebat nathan found out a bit about this werebat and uh you also find um this very interesting passage in their war journal that i think is interesting anyway uh and i am going to paste it in the Zoom chat. I'll let you pick, 2D or Nathan, which one of you would like to, as you sort of discover this note together, which one of you would like to... Oh, I'll have 2D read it. I'll read it, sure.

2D, if you will. I must discover it yet. I'm yet to discover. And there it is. 2D, if you would please read this passage. After years of subjugation, it has become clear that the lich's infiltration over a sacred cabal is untenable. And as long as the phylactery is intact,

we can do nothing about his near-limitless power. Therefore, the only way forward is to summon Panzuzu, destroy the phylactery he wears around his neck, travel to Vindaria, infiltrate his dread castle, and slay King Valix. Panzuzu can only be summoned if we first destroy the Bahamut Monk Order of the Filament of Dongle. T.L.D.R. Jesus Christ. tldr jesus christ where they oversee the containment of panzuzu's consciousness within the mayor of flazicola whose name is derf depple so we have to destroy the bahamut monk order they're already pretty fucked up you visited them you made friends with one of

them yeah yeah uh by performing a simple simple ritual on deol, or even more simply by executing him, Panzuzu will appear. Confused at first and likely helpless for at least a moment, we can then steal the phylactery around his neck, re-impression him, banish him, or form a pact. Let's go kill the mayor. Re-imprison him is what it says, not re-impression him just for the listeners. Sorry.

Quite all right. Love it. Let's go kill the mayor. Let's do it. And we'll set everything on fire. Yeah, I mean, we also have to find our copies.

Oh, yeah. I can kill them. And also, is the other cabal location nearby here? Yes. What is that, too? Yeah. Not a lot to do.

Well, is it safe to assume, Nathan would ask the group, if everyone has copies and we are meant to be replaced, is it not safe to assume that the copies will find us? You think they're going to try to kill us or something? Isn't that the plan? They want to pin crimes on us. Oh, so we don't need to be out of the picture. So I think they want us to be alive and get captured for the crimes. Is there an Egyptian

exhibit perhaps we could stake out? Should we maybe change our appearances? So really briefly, Sarah is back. Sarah, I just texted you the note that everybody

just found. Yes, I'm reading it now. Sorry, my computer went insane. That's cool. Great words in here. Subjugation, untenable. Dirt. Want to listen to me read?

I don't know. While you read, why don't we have everybody do an insight check now? Because there's something that may occur to one of you if you roll over a 20. No, 17. Oh, I'm going to try to roll over 20. No, for Danny, 10. 24. Oh, nice. Danny, 10. 24. Oh, nice.

Yay, 2D. Great. I will just say, Sarah, you can roll if you want, but you probably don't need to because you got 24, and I clearly made it clear that he did, blah, blah, blah. I wouldn't have told you guys this otherwise, but as you're looking over everything, a little light bulb goes off over your head 2D

and you're talking to Nathan um and this is time sensitive so I'm kind of going to put these words in your mouth a little bit here Nathan but you're telling them about how on the way up here you saw the werebat yeah it's actually a bugbear who turns into a werebat

how cool is that Jesus I wish we could be friends. A werebear bat. Uh, and you saw him heading in the direction of the hideout. The hideout.

The cabal hideout where you were going to go eventually. And it occurs to you he probably got there by now. hideout where you were going to go and it occurs to you he probably got there by now and he's probably up to something there and the only two remaining members of the cabal are him and the arch

lich king valix all right well let's head out to the it's the hideout where we thought the vampire was going? Yes. Okay. But we don't know exactly where it is.

We just know... I have a map. It's beyond the clearing. Oh, great. And it doesn't matter. Why don't we take like a day and get our shit together? Because we have to level up, don't we? Yeah. Yeah.

So that brings us to another important point of order. You are all now level 8. 8? I believe it's 8. Level 7. Did I miss a level? Yeah, I thought it was 7. Am I wrong? Is it 7? I'm going off memory.

No, it's 8. 8's right. We're wrong. No, it's 7. I'm pretty sure it's 8. You're right, it's... Level 6. Yeah, it's right. We're wrong. No, it's seven. You know how I know it's... I'm pretty sure it's eight. No, you're right. It's... Level six. Yeah, it's seven. Yeah, because I just went up to seven. I just went up to seven.

The way I know for sure is I check Sarah's character, and then that's what it is. That doesn't hurt. Nathan, it normally would also be you, uh yeah i might have i might have missed something it's totally possible so no no no i did it from memory i didn't i i thought i was right sometimes i we're seven now as listeners who know how dungeons and dragons works are often uh aware i forget things so you guys are now level seven um i want to uh use this time for all of you to level up the the most exciting thing of which to me is you roll your hit dice and find out how many hit

points you have so everybody look at your sheet and find out how many uh or what what uh what dice you get to roll right now if you don't know already. Hit dice come in only once in a while. So please, everybody, give it a peek. I'm rolling a D8. Oh, good. I rolled a six out of eight, which is good for me. That's great. Yeah, I already rolled mine.

Brian, you're a D8, right? We just went over that last time we recorded. Yeah, I did just say that, yeah. Yeah, me too too i'm already rolled up i'm 46 but mine it does it automatically oh and i have a new thing i'll share with you when everyone is done there oh yeah i have some new things yeah everybody start looking up your new things dnd beyond will really walk you through it if you search your class in dnd beyond it will tell you like by level and also your focus so for instance um way of the shadow your focus uh danny you have some things you get on certain

levels just because you're way of the shadow let's definitely take advantage of the fact that one of you has something to say iva what's up well i have something called evasion which looks like it's just a slightly better version of Uncanny Dodge, but beginning at 7th level, I can nimbly dodge out of the way of certain area effects like an Ancient Red Dragon's Fiery Breath or an Ice Storm spell.

When I'm subjected to an effect that allows me to make a Dexterity saving throw to take only half damage, then I would instead take no damage if I succeed and half damage if I fail. How great is that? A little circular with Uncanny Dodge, but I think I got it.

I'll read it more. I think that's all other than the hit dice that I get for 7th level, as far as I see. I can interact with an object. Oh, nice. No, actually, I have a new thing. Well, tell us about it.

It is Aura of the Guardian, and I can basically... Anyone within 10 feet of me taking damage, I can take the damage for them. Ooh. Oh, wow. I'll stand next to you.

That's the idea. So it's sort of a healing, but damaging me, yeah. Radiate health. I love it. Yeah, Nathan, you see what you got? Yeah, I

picked up a second level in Rogue, so I'm with level 5 wizard and now a level two rogue. I've been trying to be nimble and careful. So now I picked up a cunning action, which is as a bonus action, I can hide, dodge,

or dash, I believe. I got that one too. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I've been studying you. Welcome to the rogues. Z on the that one too. Yeah, I've been studying you. Welcome to the rogues.

There's a Z on the end of that. Oh, and do we have like a cool like rogues kind of thing? Yeah, but it doesn't look like that though. Oh, no. No, I'm bad. Hey, Brian, did you look yours up yet? I didn't

because I don't even know how to figure that out well i will be happy yeah yeah so how do i do seven it's i was wrong um i was corrected by uh your fellow castaways it is seven and then they tried to take it back and i insisted that they were uh right to ruin their own uh extra level so you're at level seven danny um the coolest thing right off the bat is you have an extra key point so yeah yeah yeah yeah you're you're up to seven key points you basically get one key point every level how do i roll uh an eight on um on this though on uh in the corner there's that 20 sided die image

oh I don't know actually on the computer on the app you can go in and edit it manually is the way I always do it I also just roll my own did you roll your D8 yet for it? no

I wanted to do it online they don't have like a die you can do it online. Oh yeah, I don't know. They don't have like a die you can do with. They can just randomly assign you a number. Do they? They do. Sarah, would you help us out here? Because this is where I'm deficient because I don't make characters that often so I just know You still have to add it manually

but if in the lower left hand corner of the screen is the die, you click it and then it'll show you the different days okay cool you can pick however many of each you need yeah all right that's cool but yeah you get an extra key point um please please continue and interrupt at any point uh if you like brian but i can also tell you uh you get evasion much like uh sarah does so that's great i don't know if you like Brian but I can also tell you you get evasion much like Sarah does that's great

I don't know if you heard that but you get a lot of cool bonuses with evasion a monk also gets stillness of mind which is pretty cool oh wow that is cool would you like me to tell you what stillness of mind is

no oh yeah that would have been funny if you were like stop talking um okay so i'm just pulling that up right now uh so i will tell you one how do i change my how do i add it to my max i found i rolled a three um sarah does it automatically add it if he rolls it no you have to go then to uh management yeah you in your edit

character thing you go to where the hit points are clicking on your hit points yeah okay my HP management yeah so what do I hit? I'll add, hit the plus button however many times.

But that's to heal, right? Oh, yeah. Are you viewing your character sheet or are you editing your character sheet? I'm in it. I thought I was. There's two different ways to do it. There's viewing it

and then there's editing it. If you go back to the main screen where you see all the characters from our campaign or whatever, you can. Yeah. On your character sheet, there might be like a kind of anvil icon sort of towards up, right? That's that's how

you edit. OK, so I hit level. We're at seven up, right? That's how you edit. Okay. So do I hit level? We're at seven now, right? Yep. Sorry, guys. It's all good. Manage HP. There we go.

This is a fundamental part of D&D. And then you can just change the rolled HP number. The override HP? Oh, no, rolled HP. Yeah, rolled HP. You just add what you rolled to that cool okay cool thanks again guys for helping Brian out

Brian also stillness of mind so what that is is you can use your action to end an effect on yourself so if you're oh if you're charmed or frightened specifically you can use stillness of mind to like zen out and meditate in the middle of combat and disperse the charm or frightened effect on you that's badass yeah that's really good for i don't know fighting a demon lord or something yeah uh jelf have you looked at what you get with your level up yet yes i yes i have would you would you relate to the listeners what you've discovered about yourself? Well, I'm an archer kind of a guy. An arcane archer fighter, right?

An arcane archer fighter. So with seventh level, what I do is I gain another kind of arrow. Well, first of all, all of my arrows are now plus one. They effectively are treated as magic arrows and bad guys with spells are helpless against them. Nice. But I already have a grasping arrow, which makes vines come out and grab you like you're in that Steve Miller song, Abracadabra. And I also have an exploding arrow, which when it hits you, covers you with dye like you just tried to rob a bank. And also, but now I have a seeking arrow,

which is I choose a creature I have seen in the past minute, and the arrow will go towards that creature within bounds of reason. Make a dexterity saving throw as long as it's within range. I get the regular damage plus 1d6 force damage. Jeez. Yeah, so that's nice.

And then I've also been using Shillelagh, which on my short sword, which is a cantrip, I can use it at will and it enchants my sword to a plus one kind of thing. I also get two attacks instead of one extra attack. I think that's it.

Oh, and I also get a curving shot if I'm not using a seeking arrow. I can use a bonus action to re-roll the attack roll against a different target within 60 feet of the original target. That's if I roll

and miss. You get a really cool thing at level 7. That's great. Not bad. Good archery stuff. Jelf is fun. He's fun to play. Hey, Nathan, will you do a straight charisma check for me, please? Certainly. Just straight charisma check for me please certainly just a charisma check yes okay i'm adding two to the 19 that i rolled so a total 21 dan so as you guys are all

sort of talking to each other about some of the things that you've learned on your adventure lately and the new skills you're hoping to try as you approach what seems like it will be a tricky confrontation of some sort. You notice you're talking a bit Nathan about yourself and Cospia's ears kind of perk up and she pulls you aside and she says, Nathan, I've learned a lot as well, and what do you think I should do? Should I continue my sort of life of subterfuge as I have,

as an outcast, sort of sneaking from one civilization to another, stealing things to survive, hoping someone would turn me into something else, or should I find a new path? I mean, the way you just described it, find a new path sounds like the way to go. Oh, right. The other one, I think you described yourself as eating trash in an alley.

That did not sound good. No, but it was a necessity, and I've picked up a few things I can... Yes, I was just there. ...steal a pack of smokes, as it were. But what direction do you recommend? Well, we discussed it before, and you said a life of adventure seemed interesting. So if you're looking for adventure, it's going to be in the next building we enter. If that does not sound good to you, perhaps you should wait back in.

I mean, think of it this way you're the last time you were in a fight your arm was turned to stone that can happen nathan i do not care for your tone i did not ask you whether i should be adventuring i was asking you what sort of skills i should be picking up oh i didn't understand you're talking about your character. I get to respect. I'm so sorry. I thought we were speaking module. You mean like what class? I took it the same way. Oh. Conversation all not that good at role playing.

No, it's very Casper. Class. I mean. Yeah, I will let you. I will let you choose what she starts leveling up at this point. Because you rolled over a 20. Thank you. I would turn to the group and say, just a moment.

And may I apologize for that last thing? I didn't understand. And I'll say to everybody, I was trying to decide what she wants to be when she grows up. So she is currently a level three rogue, but she's noticing you're doing new stuff and wants to give it a crack. You mean like magic? So she might want to change class? Yep. I mean, a paladin is always good.

Look at Jelf. He's got those arrows. Danny can get rid of any effect. I feel like she'd be a good magic user. Stay out of the fray. I can train her in wizard. yes yes she what what is most yeah she needs to look inside herself this really isn't something nathan should be answering for you you need to it would have to be it would have to be a class of either something you or an npc she's

seen in combat does and if you could tell me like an npc uh that you're not sure what it was i could tell you what class and uh all that but if you want to do wizard that's absolutely an option what is she like what does she want to do i mean she's you know she's not sure she's asking because she's not sure would you rather be stabbing stealing spell casting or i can't think of an alliterative word for praying, but, you know. Praying sounds boring. I'll tell you that much.

What about something that, say, could open new worlds, like take me new places? I would say paladin or wizard. You want to go to other places, right? You're talking about magic? I like the magic.

We keep talking about magic. Let's do magic. Magic it is then. All right. So she's level three rogue, level one wizard. She's going to be giving that stuff a shot. All right. So you guys are now talking about what?

Like trying to prep to go to your next spot. I'm not sure where exactly you want to go next. Please tell me. It's a big city. You're right. It's a big port city. It is less corrupt looking than bling bottom plays a cola. Um,

it feels like we need to find the mayor right before they kill him. I was sorry. I missed the part where my computer crashed. I don't know if you guys already talked about this. No, we just read the the passage you just read it but you didn't decide what we're doing

no we can go to the cabal we can protect the mayor yeah because they already have destroyed they've already destroyed the filament dongle suddenly it occurs to me if they really want us to be

in trouble, our clones would be there to kill the mayor. So perhaps we should be there to fight them. That's what it feels like to me. I think that's what that guy that we killed said. He was like, I'm dying now and I'm going to tell you my master plan. You guys are going to kill

the mayor, right? Basically. Am I wrong? Say that again. I got a little confused. Didn't we get like when we were torturing that guy or killing him? One of the guys said that's what the clones were going to do. They were already on their way to like kill the mayor and release Pantuzzi, right? Correct. So that is the clone's job.

So let's start a clone war. Nice start a clone war for Star Wars Rebels nice the clone war it's in Harry Potter too you should look it up has war begun it alright you guys are heading

should we disguise ourselves as not us I think so although I love that I'm walking on sunshine hats hats hats hats hats i'm gonna wear a peanut butter sandwich costume don't it feel good cloned as well um you the only so as you guys are talking uh you discover nathan that very briefly the castaway cuties were scoping out

bling bottom trying to pick up clues a couple of uh them went to interrogate uh the mortician who was looking at the body uh nathan actually saw the body of octavio briefly pinned to the door um that they all they went and talked to the mortician but they noticed a double of Iva behind the manor called her out and she turned into the werebat oh

so you guys have actually you guys can tell someone specifically one of the remaining members of the cabal was posing as Iva recently in Blingbottom. But perhaps we'll see the werebat at the mayor's house. Perhaps,

but I like this premise that Sarah brought up. Are you all going to disguise yourselves before going to the mayor's house? I was just asking if I knew how to call him. You guys can all head to the tailor and spend a few silver and have a dress-up costume

montage. No one has like a disguise spell, I assume then? No, I do not. Is it better to disguise ourselves or not to disguise ourselves so that one person can see two of us? Either way, I i'm gonna have you

guys roll uh a check i'm gonna go ahead and look at the sheets and tell you what i think about this but yeah you'll roll a check to basically see how well you disguise yourself okay all right and what's the what's our proficiency i guess so well what's your proficiency it's deception that's well i'm gonna i think break it down like this you're gonna do a performance check to express yourselves with a disguise and then in the social interaction you'll be doing deception checks so none of you have a spell Danny should be an admiral if you Admiral Danny

I don't I don't understand the joke excuse me I drank water thinking I would be covered by more discourse so you guys are all gonna head to a tailor known as uh the velvet conch that's just down the street and i'm gonna have you all roll a performance check you all you all you all lose two silver buying new outfits for yourselves unless you want to spend more for something extravagant may i borrow two

silver from anyone yes here you go thank you i rolled a natural 20 plus two oh shit all right so ivah your outfit you you you can look like a completely a different a shorter version of any uh other race basically because you've managed to get a hat that's got like a little frilly veil in front of it and it's got very bulky misshapen you you look very convincing as a, as a discreet stranger. What are the rest of you get? I rolled a 12.

Oh, so 2d, you definitely look like a dwarf, but you're able to make your armor. You can make your armor look like it's not an important part of what you're wearing. And it kind of like can make your look like an ornamental robe. That's kind of lumpy.

And you know, it occurs to you. You could shave your beard. Do you want to shave your beard? Yes. Okay, so I'll give you that too. So you shave your beard and you do feel like all that helps a bit. Look at that baby face. How about the rest of you guys?

14 minus 1 is 13. 18 total. We got 3 at once. Let's start with Jelf. Jelf, what'd you roll? 14 minus 1, 13. 18 total. We got three at once. Let's start with Jelf. Jelf, what'd you roll? 14 minus one, 13. Okay, so you do a nice, pleasant, mediocre job of disguising yourself. You manage to not look like you spend as much time in the woods.

You kind of figure out how you can tuck your quiver under a cloak and it doesn't beg your pardon. Tuck your quiver. You know what I'm talking about? Sashay away. And you manage to like kind of... Oh, fuck me. You find very human garb, so you don't think you'll even come off as an elf if you

wear this cap that covers your ears even. Okay. Nice. Brianrian what'd you roll 18 wonderful so danny you definitely can hide your your monkness and your half elfness uh you're you're able to find some it's not really monk clothes you just sort of dress yourself up like a baker because they have a lot of baker clothes and you look very unassuming you look like just like a oh i'm just a baker and you're like okay whoever i approach it i have to come up with some story about why i'm a cook but i absolutely do not look like a monk or a half elf

monk in other words pretty much everyone here got a decent disguise but our most vulnerable at this point are uh tootie and jelf who just kind of a little bit of subterfuge nathan how'd you do i got a four dan why are you rubbing it in what can i say but you look very much like a rare rabbit folk i have a different scarf exactly now nathan's got a pink scarf instead of the usual paisley blue. It's really taut. Hey, Dan, I always forget to ask this because I wait for the right time and it never comes. But long ago, I got a green beret in some adventure. And I was wondering if I could maybe have used our time in the hotel to sort of figure out what it was. Well, I believe you finally have your party member who can cast identify with you.

I certainly can. Would you like to do this? I would. It's a 10-minute ritual, but I will sit there and figure out what it is. All right. Do a quick dissolve back to this scene. That was a 10 minutes well spent. You step into a little alley behind the Velvet Conch and stare at a beret for 10 minutes.

You figure out this, once he attunes to it, which I'll make him roll an Arcana check, it'll be a plus one bonus to stealth. Oh, cool. I'll run up. It is an enchanted cap that allows for a plus one bonus to stealth. So why don't I'll run up. It is an enchanted cap that allows for a plus one bonus to stealth. So why don't you roll an Arcana check for me,

Jeff? 16 plus 6 is 22. There you go. Yeah, sure. You can put that cap right on. Oh, where'd I go? The only thing is, how many magic items are you attuned to? I think this is it. Okay. Sounds good. Gotta keep think it's the there's a maximum

on it so we just want to make sure and so you're headed to the mayor's office yeah that's it all right and uh as as uh nice beret for the fan art as the castaway question marks head south in town towards the mayor's. Can you guys hear me? Okay. My internet connection just gone. We hear you fine. Ooh. Well,

as the castaway is that the, Oh, sorry. Is that a Prince reference? Um, GI Joe. I was going to, but.

Oh, all right. Uh, step on you. Oh, not at all, Brian. That'll be it for today's episode. Hey, Sam.

Samuel. Hi, everyone. What do you think happened, man? All right. 68. We're headed to Flazacola when we saw an unwaveringly cute shape of an old friend. We learned officially that the cabal is swapping people out with cabal people, which I think we

thought. And then we leveled up to eight or seven or eight. No, seven. We learned the weird Iva was a cabal person. And I think for once I understand what we're doing. I think we're on our way to the mayor to get something from around his neck because that's what would summon Pazuzu. And then we all dressed up as things.

Good. Yep. That's good. And that's what would summon Pazuzu. And then we all dressed up as things. Good. Yep. That's good. And that's it with that. Goodbye forever. I now understand what we're doing and have to go. That has always been the game. I now understand. We didn't even talk about how many adventures Nathan had with Terry

in the last episode, you guys. Oh, man. Good times. Not well. brian what are you up to these days uh tour dates brianpussain.com recording my special i believe it's the 22nd right uh kitchen uh january in chicago uh we're doing two shows, Dan and I, and it'll be fun. Awesome. My new record's called Posein and En Grata, and it's another pun. There you go. That's what I got. But other tour dates coming up. I'm coming to Boston, which I haven't done in a while

that'd be great at the Wilbur Theater I'm coming to New York I'm coming to Hamden Connecticut all after the first of the year but BrianBassain.com tour dates please come cool January 22nd I'm going to be opening

for some weird stoner from Just Shoot Me at the Bee Kitchen in Chicago I'll be doing some other shows around LA and wherever I can around the other places I'll talk about it on the old social media anybody else anybody else perhaps are you and your friend up to anything

these days Stacy's going back to high school to get his diploma which he found out he didn't actually get and to high school to get his, uh, diploma, which he found out he, uh, didn't actually get. And, uh, I'm going to play his son. Wait, so you're doing it in real life and you're playing his son? Yeah, it's, it's... Or you're doing a movie?

It's weird. It's, it's, it's 601 and, uh, a baker's dozen of the other. Nice. Anybody else that's Bueller? Chris, so happy to have you back. Thanks. I missed you guys so much. I'm so happy to be back.

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