Nerd Poker - S4E71 No Big Deal Just a 100 Foot Tall Demon Lord

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

Welp, we went back in time to get the phylactery from the demon lord, and look at this fine mess we got ourselves into. Anyone got a smoke?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. It's episode 71. My friends are here.

Look at them. We're going to get into it, because if you remember shit, shit was about to go down last time. look at him we're gonna get into it cause if you remember shit shit was about to go down last time look at him he's ready to unleash some shit on us it's Dan everybody hello Dan he's frozen there he is

I'm back are you in the New York roof I don't know what that means I forget is that a lyric yeah sure hey Ken oh you're saying someone else already I did so much Are you in the New York groove? I don't know what that means. I forget. Is that a lyric? Yeah, sure. Hey, Ken. Oh, you're saying hi to someone else already. I'm just the simple Ken. Dan, this is my time. But unfrozen. Okay.

We got to move. Blaine is here. Hey, Blaine. Oh, hey. Hi. Hi, Brian. I didn't hear you come in. I'm right behind you.

Sarah's here. Hey, Sarah. Hi, Brian. You're in space And yet you can still hear me it was just gonna Change it I think this is like the default Zoom background I don't remember getting this myself So I'm gonna find something more

Appropriate can only use it if you Scream the whole time And uh but then no one will hear it My friend in a Purple room it's uh it's Chris Everybody hello I wish I could get out of this purple room. Purple room.

Is that a Batman statue way in the back? It is like a dress form that my wife makes clothes and stuff on. And it looks just enough like a human shape that I see it out of the corner of my eye every once in a while and think I'm about to die. Oh, I see. I thought it was like a cool Batman statue from like sideshow toys or something. I wish. We've got our man that keeps this show together. There he is.

Peter Herman behind him. Are you in a new space? I am. I, after two years of facing the window directly into the sun and occurred to me to turn my desk to the side oh i finally did that in my office too moved everything around yeah yeah congrats guys yeah and i got blinds which helps you watch tv too it's really like we've lived in this house 14 years and i just got blinds in this nerdy office. Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, man. Let's jump in, Dan.

We want to thank some people. I really do. Thank you, Patreon supporters, because let's be honest, if we didn't have Patreon supporters, the sky would rain frogs. We would bleed out of our eyes. The bombs would drop.

It would all be over is the point but i really am thankful to all of you who listen yet i would like to call out and shout out those folks who support us at our top tiers they are so delightful and they go by usernames like a doll with Wes Borland eyes turn around every now and then I think another supporter who goes by Sean no I am not related Nixon to the watch thank you Randy

butternubs thank you delicious nobody better lay a finger on him. Thank you, me, Dan Telfer, lord amongst tail spinners, hater, familius to all the sweet children, and dungeon master to the

stars. Very straightforward compliment. I'm worried there's like an acronym hidden in there that says like I'm a douchebag or something. Thank thank you don't want to end up like no poo bear another reference to my stand-up comedy that's a reference to one time i was on a train platform and there were a bunch of bees everywhere and i tried to tell someone who was in the little like shed on the train platform that there were so many bees like people were hiding. And he said,

I don't want to end up like no poo bear. And he wouldn't do anything about it. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. Thank you. He wasn't wearing pants at the time. That's fair. Just a big red shirt.

A big old pot of misspelled honey. Thank you, Steve. They seen. Thanks, Steve. Thank you, Paul Bunyan,rysler and buick megamall yeah oh man they're doing great thanks zach clerk

thanks ben thanks defiant geek thank you thanks tg thank you and this is just a handy fact thank you dildos always beat hitler true thank you victorious secret dwarven. Me thrill under mail,

a masterwork in comfort. It's very clever. You forget you're wearing it. Thank you. You win. Thank you. Megatron's Merkin. Thank you.

Sean McCoy. Thank you. Hail yourself. Thanks. Thank you. Congress yourself. Thanks, Hail. Thank you, Congress. Parenthetical. The midterms are coming. Register to vote today.

Get your friends registered. And parenthetical. Thank you for that. Double thanks for that. That was nice. Thank you, Ridge Carpenter. Thank you. Thanks, Cabby's on Pot.

Thank you. Thank you, Teachers Talking Teaching. And finally, thank you, Danny's Huge Pants, because too much McFlurry. Thank you, Danny's Huge Pants. COVID, right? It's too much McFlurry. Hey, man.

We all changed. You know what I'm saying? I can't shake it off. I'm just a big fat fatso still. But anyway. So it is yummy. Yeah, it's so good. Hey, Blaine, who are my McFlurries brought to us by?

Oh, we have a big list tonight here, Dan. Aqua Fresh Toothpaste, Full Blown Roll Aids, Dreyer's Idea Antiperspirant Ice Cream, The Velvet Underground and Necco Wafers, Derringer Condoms for the small man. Christy Turlington Coat Factory, Large Magellanic SoundCloud, Penis Pan, Penis Butter, Impossible Doritos. It tastes just like real meat.

Rizzla Self-Rolling Cars, The Hitachi Husband Pegger. Kick it back for once. Phillips Oat Milk of Magnesia, Garlic Sanka in the morning. Peppered Farm, morning Melissa Milano's tips you go any longer you're gonna have to put it in his first heart attack too please stop

oh my god thank you Blaine prepared extra funny because this is the episode that is 69 material up its posterior hey everybody I think it's time for us to talk about this is the episode that is 69 up its posterior uh hey everybody i think it's

time for us to talk about christy's go back president's day savings slap a coat on it button it up at christy you hurt brian well then it was like 11 more after that yeah exactly brian did did you catch f tips yes uh it's like f troop but with q tips fuck and then uh oops all crab cake i like that one

that would be a bad thing again i wrapped it up with the ups that was epic thank you we had to get those we had to do some house cleaning get some people wrapped it up with you. That was epic. Thank you. We had to get those. We had to do some house cleaning, get some people that we hadn't touched on because they all paid us $28,000. Oh my God. All right. That reminds me,

one of our listeners, I think we already thanked them like several months ago, gave us a bunch of homemade cider. They gave them to Brian. And then when I was over, when my girlfriend and I were at Brian's house playing Goonies the Board Game, Brian gave me this big old crate full of handmade cider and was like, go drink this. I still haven't drank it. It's sitting in my garage.

If any of you guys want some listener-made cider in a bottle, it's still sealed and delicious. We have a couple of things here that are made by listeners and waiting for you guys to show up. Well, no, it sounds bad, but a guy made some really cool wooden coasters for us. That's right, yeah. There's a couple other things in the garage that I've been holding on to just to wait till we're all together eventually. Yeah, as soon as we're not all full of invisible wolves, we'll go meet up and we'll exchange

solid items once again. I know some guy is about to send us a package of t-shirts. Someone just asked me on Twitter, hey, I'm sending the P.O. Box some t-shirts and stuff. Oh, okay. That's nice. Maybe he's just sending me one and he's sending you guys stuff. Yeah, check the P.O. Box, Brian, because maybe there's some weed

in there or decapitated. Wait, you gotta taste the ciders. I can't believe you guys are just handing off cider to each other and then storing it. Have one at least and let us know Well you live closest to me you can just have it. Right I don't I feel like this is very rude to the person

who made cider and now you're like well it's sitting in my garage. I'm just reminded of I gave it to Dan because I don't drink I don't or that it to Dan because I don't drink. I don't, or that kind, I drink whiskey. I don't drink beer or cider or anything else. Nothing. Cider is delicious. Yeah, but at any rate, it was going to go to waste at my house.

So Dan was over to play. And Dan's the only person I've seen of any of you. I'll come save it. Dan came and played. We played The Thing or what did we play that night? We played Goonies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which we figured out, I think, like halfway through,

so we can play again and this time actually know what we're doing. It was really fun. It was way more fun. It was fun, and what I really liked was... It was the two of us and our ladies, our better halves. Yes. And there's a lot you can do to mess with the game

to make it more fun on the fly. It's good for a game that's like adventure-y but not quite as freewheeling as Dungeons & Dragons. Yep. Cool. Good stuff. Good stuff. And Blaine was still the thing and he wasn't even here. I know.

He showed up as the thing. Yep. Blaine was still the thing and he wasn't even here. I know. He showed up as the thing. Yeah. Blaine, remember when my girlfriend and I were over at Brian's house and Melanie was out there with us and we were all just having fun and then you just showed up crawling with like on your hands and legs like with your stomach turned up towards the sky and there was

this big toothy monster maw coming out of your stomach? Yeah. That was pretty cool. What a time. I was late getting there. I'm sorry. Well, you were doing a crab walk. It probably took you twice as long to get there. Yeah.

I went up to Mulholland, but there was construction. He was just being practical. Oh my God. Getting around LA when you're not the thing is such a pain. No, get it, because it's a practical effect. CG. Yeah.

Instead of... That was a riff. I got it. That's why I didn't laugh. Ken, I hate you. I hate you so much, I'm going to remind you of what I'm about to do to you by telling you what happened last time. Oh, my God.

On Nerd Poker, the Castaway Cuties were offered a portal. By a powerful wizard. They decided what the hell. Let's go through it. What's the worst that could happen. Of course they went back in time. And back to the future. Like they didn't want to create a butterfly effect.

How many time travel references can I make. They didn't want to touch much. Because they went 15 years in the past to try to kill pen pan slash bazuzu who was being trapped inside the mayor's body we now take it to the cast where cutie's already in progress yeah so you came up to the room above the tavern where these monks from the filament of dongle were just about to trap the spirit of pazuzu in the body and you convinced them to instead let you just straight up kill pazuzu and they were like like they're pretty skeptical of it and they're like okay get ready

this is gonna be wild and they summon pazuzu pazazuzu is about 100 feet tall. He has exploded the top of the tavern inn. He's towering over you. This purple and black tendrils of smoke are surrounding his body. You see this horrible raven skull face glaring down at all of you. And the filament of dongle

monks cry out to you all flee he's too powerful for us do it let's flee let's flee but if we flee don't we completely fuck the past

I mean like then we're just we literally came back here and made stuff significantly worse it's a hundred and feet tall I've already fled are you all instead stealing yourselves I am yeah I mean I feel like this is a

this is a I don't know I mean Even if we did flee, then we go back to what's the future going to look like now that we've ruined their ability to put this demon inside. There's probably no future anymore. Yeah. Just a free-roaming demon.

His wings unfurl and cast a shadow over half of Flay's Echola. I am now going to... Half of Flay's Echola? At least the whole area you're in, it seems like the sun has gone behind a cloud. Yeah. I'm... Well,

okay, first, before I do anything, I'm going to remind people, I went back, just so everyone's on the same page, because I went back and listened to the actual episode where Balthazar first spoke to Chris. Because I was like, I don't remember any of this. And I feel like it was unclear.

So just so you guys remember, basically the pirate, the sword that we found with this monk in like a lava tube. I picked it up and then I and then it spoke to Chris because he was helping somehow and he said he was Balthazar was trapped in the ethereal plane in our house in an orb and I think that's why he was speaking to Chris and then we were supposed to

I think at some point probably try to bust him out of that orb but we just went ahead and forgot about that entire thing because that did happen in April of this year. So that's a long time ago. We sort of breezed through it. Um, it was his sword.

He's not inside the sword. He was trapped in an orb that probably is still happening. And also the same cutlass is the thing with the, uh, uh, prismatic spray that I use to destroy all the things on the beach, all the guys on the beach, because that's, I attuned to it,

but he spoke to you because you were, it was something that happened in that episode where it was like. We were talking orbs. And I want to chime in real quick too. Like you guys would all remember that moment as characters, even if you don't as players. Right.

As this is a very powerful wizard or sorcerer or something. And the fact that he's tied to this cutlass implies that he's very powerful um and for the listeners a few because this we're recording this like right after the last episode dropped uh several people have called me out uh and i'm not exaggerating when i say several uh and said that i really was rushing it by suddenly introducing this character. I, from my point of view as Dungeon Master, your characters would be like, this guy would try to stop the world from being destroyed.

Of course he would offer you a portal and try to intervene and, you know, bring all, use all of his power to try to do this for you guys. But I think some listeners were like, where the fuck did he, who is this? What's going on? So I just want to be clear. I was not trying to, like, I don't care when this season ends.

I'm not trying to fuck with you guys. But yeah, it's towering over you. The Filament of Dongle members are all calling for you to flee. I'm going to let you all try to size up the situation. It's a lot to take in so everybody i'm gonna let you choose you do either a perception or an investigation check and you get a different answer depending on what you got i'm gonna need a 15 or a 20 to get different responses if you somehow get like a 25 or some shit i'll of course try to

throw some salty caramely goodness topping on top of it. What was the option? I got a 15. Investigation or what? Perception. Investigation or perception. And if I could go around the horn and find out what everybody got. Sarah, I heard you say something.

What did you get? 15, investigation. Great. Chris, what'd you get? I got an 18, investigation. Give me some of that salty caramel topping. Oh, here it comes. Just a moment. Ken, what'd you get? Uh, I got an 18 investigation. Give me some of that salty caramel topping. Oh, here it comes. Just a moment.

Ken, what did you get? I got a 14 investigation. Blaine, what'd you get? I got a 16 plus 622 perception. So we got a 22 perception and an 18 investigation. Brian, what'd you get? I got the same as Blaine, but I got to a 19 plus 3 on perception. 22.

Great. So you guys are perceiving the hell out of this and doing a damn good job investigating. Brian, Danny looks over at Jelf and you kind of like make eye contact, look back and forth. and you kind of like make eye contact look back and forth um you are noticing a significant lack of screaming in the streets that sets off your spidey sense a little bit uh jelf and danny both you got you guys even kind of look at them and like you can tell they're suddenly making a weird face at each other. Nathan, you notice something about this demon god over you. Feels a little phony baloney.

So it's like an illusion. It's an illusion vibe happening. Cool. Interesting. I still flee. The filament of dongle members, you notice some of them are in kind of they're all they're all in robes similar to the guy who you went to uh pandemonium with he they're in kind of robes but um there's obviously some of them are monks some of them are wizards and nathan

you're like i think these wizards are combining major illusion or major image to like make this extra large sort of being appear in front of us and you can't quite see through it but you're like this seems like they're fucking with us crowdsourcing wizards yeah okay and do i do i have an eye on all those wizards do i yeah you've all got an eye on all of them and um none of them seem to have done you wrong. You have good authority. These are the right ones, but there's just something odd about the whole thing. Are there like rocks on the ground or anything? Well,

you're in the upstairs of an inn and a tavern. So right now you see some like wooden stools. There's like a Murphy bed built into a wall. What about a bottle or a jug?

No, I mean, there's no bar waste. These guys rented the room and it was clean. I just wanted to hit one of the wizards just to distract him. I was going to wing a bottle at him or something like that. And you didn't want to plunge an arrow into his head? No, I don't

want to kill a guy. I just want to distract him. I was trying to break the illusion by distracting one of the wizards. You want to do like one hit point of damage and see what happens. I'm going to look behind the curtain. Danny, I'm going

to give you the call out on this. Danny, why don't you tell me just the basic adventuring supply, or you can take a chair that you want to whip at one of the wizards. Yeah, I was trying to look if I had anything on my body. Do you have any darts? I mean, just ask me something a little more hotel room and a little less bar, and I'll give it to you. Okay.

The travel clock all right i can work with that i can work with that um you see on the floor there is um there is some sort of sundial like device uh it looks like it's actually from one of the travel packs of these guys it's meant to measure the place of the sun in the sky it's fist size okay I want to wing that at uh the closest wizard and try to distract him sweet roll to attack throw it at his shoulders

or at his leg cool uh what am I rolling on that just give yourself an athletics bonus uh roll 20? Give yourself an athletics bonus. Roll a 20 and give yourself an athletics bonus. Rich Danny should have a very decent one. I'm using brand new dice today.

Oh. Did you get one on the holidays? yes from Secret Santa of Kaylin's family I got some nice fun ooh are they black? they're like marbled blue and reddish

I'll see if I can get the camera to focus a little better it's hard with these things there you go. It actually 14 plus 6, 20. Oh, roll your damage which will just make that a 1d4. Okay.

I'm trying to, how do you do that? And for this purpose, you want to roll kind of low. I think 4 would be a little low. How do you do that on D&D Beyond? Just roll a... Wait, we don't want to kill anybody? On the lower left-hand corner, there's that 20-sided die icon.

Oh, yeah, okay. Hi, Rhodes. And you can turn that into a four and roll it. Gotcha. Hey, Rhodes. He said hi, but I have the headset on. It's a three. Okay.

You throw this thing and it cracks him right across the... Brian, I'll tell him when he puts his earbuds back and he's talking to his child. Blaine, what was this beautiful father-son moment brought to us by? It was brought to you by dumb water. Planar peanut. Quench that thirst with dumb water

and scrotal clearasil clear it clear it up on the back scrotal clearasil dan brian this little uh fist-sized sundial thing cracks the wizard across the brow the i didn't want to hit him that hard too yeah anyway well three point i mean you winged it and it was accidentally you were like aiming for his torso and you were just too good and i mean you rolled really high on that attack roll too so i'm just saying like the luck was more with you than you wanted it to be and it smacks him um he is now going to roll a check. He rolled two plus three. He you see him like real backwards

and the like head of Pazuzu kind of disappears for a second. Ah. So he's like three wizards in a giant trench coat. He's three major images in a trench coat. Yes.

Does everybody else sort of see what's going on to the past? Yes. We've all talked about it. No, but not just our group. Are there other humans and townspeople? No one else is afraid. Oh, okay. We should call on them.

This is just for us and it's also in the room, but I don't understand what's going on. You should. I'm giving you guys an opportunity to call them out before they all just sort of They don't want us to stop. What would you like to say as you uncover that this is all an illusion, someone?

Nice try. What are you doing? There's those pesky wizards. Ken, I think I heard you first first did you say nice try no somebody said that was me but we do sound alike i said what the fuck are you doing my brain scrambled it i apologize um i was trying to come up with a rhyme for pizuzu why are you trying to deceive us they all kind of um release their spell and you uh you know the wizards are all super annoyed

they're oh my god flustered and frustrated sorry i don't know where i cut out i saw you all freeze too late where did i draw that's what we heard they're all they're all super frustrated and flustered they're kicking the dust on the ground um bunch of jerks they're uh they're annoyed but one of the monks uh responds to the and as he walks over to you you see sort of in the middle of the room above the unconscious body of the mayor there is a seven and a half foot tall uh frozen being that looks very similar but less dramatic that seems it is pazuzu in a petrified state um and a monk comes over to you and says listen i don't believe you are powerful enough to defeat pazuzu he must be transferred into the consciousness of a man there's it's simply too much the i i the only way you would be able to do this is if you had some sort of legendary weapon and it was in the house

of that god itself so you could get a blessing from that god there you can't just march in here and and do that? We can't just smash the statue with a hammer? Yeah, can't I get it? Oh, so we need to take him to the Temple of Bahamut and then squish him? Well, yeah, perhaps. That's what he's saying. Perhaps. Also, I need to do a moment with Ken.

Ken, you may have seen what I have seen on social media, which is since the last couple episodes have aired, some listeners have said does tootie even have the hammer yes or did he leave it somewhere no i have the hammer we checked last time i had multiple listeners not uh agree with that statement and say what what npc gave them the hammer uh so okay to be fair it's possible that we at some point we have the hammer now I know I asked you at some point if you're and if we didn't

we're not really elves I'm just doing an inventory of everything people were freaked out by in the last two weeks because I want to check in with everybody since we're all a bunch of as far as I remember you checked in with me and we're all a bunch of As far as I remember, you checked in with me and I said yes I am. That's what I remember too.

That's what I remember too. Does that answer all your fake Twitter accounts? Yeah. You'll never see me coming. I'm trying to make this all look stupid. My god. Tootie, yeah, you're aware that your hammer is perfect for this,

but you are not near a temple, Bahamut. And do an insight check, Tootie. I just do a Google Maps check for the nearest. But it does let you find a phylactery. This is exactly why... Mind your tongue. Ken, can you... I'm sorry.

Yeah, it is what it's called. Ken, yeah, you're on to why I'm having you do the check. What's the check? I'm sorry, insight? Yes, sir. That would be a 16. So you do the visual calculus, right? In your head.

You've already spent about we'll say four minutes of your 15 minutes just getting here and to get to the temple of bahamut would take at least like another 10 minutes there's no way to get there and back to get there without um but what did you roll again? 16. 16. That's enough. I will give you this. It does occur to you that you could take Pazuzu back to the present. Oh.

Interesting. The problem would be... It would change history. Butterfly effect, yeah. It would still butterfly effect. Can you smash his thing? His little thingy? The thing around his neck?

Yeah. Oh, that's for the big bad guy. That's not his thing. Well, and I have... I have... Well, that's the thing. So, let's address everything you're questioning because there's going to be some people

who want me to address this anyway. So, first of all, he's unfortunately in a classic mummy pose. His hands are over the necklace that have the the phylactery but you can see you can see there's like a cord going underneath it that resembles the cord and the giant illusion a second ago and you do the one-to-one and you're like okay so it's there um uh what else did you guys ask anyone portal me over there or is that you guys just asked some other questions um the phylacter is used to kill the archelich not i would say uh as players

none of you are probably sure whether i'm gonna have you fight the archelich in this particular season or campaign whatever you want to call it and uh as characters you're all like i don't know how soon we're going to have to deal with the Archlich. And some of your characters might not even know if they want to fight the Archlich. But as far as the continent you're on right now, by destroying this, you're going to bring hope to the whole planet or plane, whatever you want to call it. Oh, that's fun.

And I would think removing him from here would make the future possibly better. Can't we just get his little necklace off? Can't we just give it a little snip? Is it paralyzed as well? This is a classic moment when listeners would be mad if I didn't say, how about everybody do an insight check? Insight check. I have things to tell you.

If you get any multiple of five, 17. So one second, you guys, how many years before you catch on that? I'm bad at remembering numbers. Um, never happened to do.

You got a 17. You said you remembered Jeff, what'd you get? 16 plus 6, 22 again. Thank you for showing me your math. Danny, what'd you get? 17 plus 3, 20. Ooh. Iva, what'd you get?

12. Sweet. And Nathan, what did you get? 19! Holy mackerel. So, let's go bottoms up. Iva, you are thinking about the situation. You do feel like there's definitely multiple ways to deal with this.

Maybe there's some way you can get the phylactery off the petrified guy maybe there's some way you could take the whole pazuzu thing back through the portal and maybe there is a way you could get these guys or somebody to portal you guys to the temple of bahamut um but you're not sure what the best one is or anything like that um but you think all these are possibilities that your dungeon master may have uh made available to you next up we have 2d you got the 17 which i so thoughtfully remembered you are thinking about the whole thing and you're like okay i have definitely enough power in this hammer that i it's like all i can get i guess what i'll have to do once i'm in the temple is do a prayer a religion check basically and I'm going to maybe have to do it multiple times and it's maybe going to take like

a turn each time you pray so there's going to be some component of combat when you do this that you're going to be like oh okay I gotta pray then attack and if the prayer is not good enough the attack isn't going to do what i wanted to do um also we have up next nathan um you are pretty sure one of you has the magical means to get that thing off of his neck oh however you're not sure if there's a way to do it without also awakening Pazuzu himself. You're not sure. You think it can be done magically, but you're not sure. Because it looks like as it currently is, it's petrified against his demon flesh. I saw demon flesh open for Macedon.

And then. Oh, I see. Danny, you're looking at these monks and you're're thinking okay fill them in a dongle they don't really normally have a lot of wizards and these guys you know are probably from different areas or like you know they they they might be able to open a portal but you're not so sure they're going to be able to do it as fast as you want them to. You think if they open a portal, it might simply be,

uh, to some, another building close to the temple. Um, and, uh, Jelf, you are like,

I think the highest rate of success of saving everybody is getting Pazuzu through the whole thing through the portal. But also, a combination of ideas you could do is somehow get the necklace off of Pazuzu and then take that back to the future. zoo and then take that back to the future rather than try to do all the destroying here in the past which i think might have been the default for some of your imaginations so we try to get the get the uh the thing off his neck get that back to the future and then let the past deal with that that doesn't have the uh the power of the correct and then they'll just put him in the body and the only butterfly effects will be from your brief interactions with people here. That's the sweet spot.

You think if that fails somehow or you can't figure it out, you're going to need to grab Pazuzu and haul ass back to the mayor's office. Okay. And some rescue dogs. Yes. Okay.

However, the filament of dongle, they're all, you know, they talk for a couple of seconds back and forth and they're like, look, uh, we don't, we don't have a spell that will just unfreeze the necklace between us. So you're on your own.

If that's what you want to do. Uh, Nathan turns to 2d and say, 2d, is it possible you have some sort of blessing or some sort of super duper like, I feel like

petrification is a case of blessings. And maybe there's a way you could make a blessing just on the necklace and not on the asshole wearing it. What kind of blessing spells you got? Channel Divinity. the necklace and not on the asshole wearing it. What kind of blessing spells you got? Channel Divinity.

That's where I watched the 700 Club. Channel Divinity. Yeah, I mean, that's... I think we should just pick him up and tone him back. Divine Smite. Divinity. Divine sense that's good and evil. Let's just tuck him under our arm and just towed him back to the present.

Do you have any restoration spells, Ken? I mean, I have- I can heal. Okay. I can take the damage from someone else. If we take only the necklace, we're leaving Demon in the past. They're going to put him in... Presumably, they're still going to put him in the mayor. Can they without the necklace?

I assume so. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I thought the necklace was just sort of an incident that was one of the things but then we're still going to have to deal with this dude this demon dude in the future so we might as well just carry him with us now

future kill? yeah we'll just like wrap him up take him out carry on at him, and then go back to the future. Maybe there's a way we can leave him in the portal

and time can kill him for us. I do like the idea of time killing him for us while it's worked for us. Can I use my feature where I can find the best path? Oh, that's right.

It's called never tell me the odds. Probability and odds are my bread and butter. Okay. Figuring odds in the best plan, you can get a solid sense of which choice is likely the best one and which opportunities are too good to be true. At the DM's determination. You are the DM in this scenario um how shall i word this um

this is one of those things where if we weren't a podcast i would want to tell you this separate from everybody else um you text it to her nah because like the listeners want to hear this when uh i mean everybody want to take their headphones off yeah i guess mute me or i don't know how it works yeah that sounds too hard no it's none of these people know how to click on you thumbs up or something thumbs up or something. Yeah, absolutely. Alright. Okay, you think there's two... You basically already figured out the two best ways it's getting him through the portal or the

phylactery through the portal. The solution of bringing the entire demon back through the portal seems like the most likely to bring positive effects um it seems like if you just find the right spell to we'll say collide with the necklace somehow to separate it it would be ideal for your characters because you would have a similar

timeline. The timeline is going to get more fucked up if you take Pazuzu himself through the portal, right? But you're worried that the odds are actually not that great. You're going to be able to figure out which magical solution is there. And somebody is going to bork it and it's going to either wake up Pazuzu or something.

So I would say you think taking him through it, but you would also into it. There's a chance we could literally be driven into madness by how weird the future is when we return to it. Okay.

Thumbs up. Come back. How do we get Brian who doesn't look at the screen sometimes? Brian. Brian. Knocking on the screen. Brian. Brian.

Is Brian back? Brian's doing his taxes. Oh, here he is. We won. Someone has to drive to Brian's house now. Okay. Welcome back, guys. So the reason I wanted to tell Sarah, just so

you're all aware, is because I feel like Iva would make a choice in how she proposes this information. She would. Okay. TLDR, I was correct. We should bring him back.

Just tote him back. His whole thing. Alright. Minor PS on that. There is a chance that we will all be driven wildly insane by what has happened to the future once we do return.

However, that's a chance we just gotta take, man. Insane like a cool van insane in the membrane I think and just basically gone just try to ignore everything that's happening around us well the problem is that if we as I understood it it's like we don't have time

to sort of dilly dally dither over how to get this necklace off is he gonna is he gonna wake up? We just got to get going. And so we just got to take him, go. That is going to affect the future. And we're just

going to have to deal with it. Given our track record, we will all go insane. And that will be the end. I want to be clear. If you feel like you'd you could you could probably get to the temple of bahamut and fight this guy and destroy it in the in the past where you are right now it would just very look very difficult odds of getting back right to your timeline right it could be done but i'm not saying any of this is impossible. It would be some difficult roles.

Doesn't Jelf have some sort of portaling spells or something like that? Or maybe this is our doc. No, Jelf's an archer, man. Maybe we just stay here in the past. Forever. Very Steenburgen. What if I find that penny in my vest? Well, Iva's made her proposal made her proposal everybody yes grab it and go

yeah let's do it um is there anything you would like to tell the filament of dongle here 15 years prior but as you approach the demon and you're obviously going to need to say something to just be trusted to take him uh we're gonna fix this him. We're going to fix this. Give me something a little more you're about to do a persuasion role somebody. I feel like there's really no... I feel like we

need to explain to them your option is annihilation. Your entire order is annihilated. We are trying to prevent that. It truly can't be any worse for you in the future. And so let us try to make it better do a persuasion check i actually have to we're kicking the can into the future for you guys persuasion here goes and nothing that's a four plus eight. So 12.

Ooh. Um, so with a 12, um, they all kind of like look at each other, shake their heads and they say, uh, or the one who seems to be representing them says,

um, uh, chunch says, uh, you can take him, you can take him. But, um, uh take him but um if if what you say is true it will be of little consequence to us for 15 years so uh so much could change the mayor we can help him go right back to his office things won't be much different for him but um

um there's not much we're going to be able to do as far as how you will be received once you appear in the mayor's office with a petrified demon. So, best of luck. Can they prepare for this moment? Can't they spend 15

years getting ready to meet us there? With the 12, they all just sort of shake their heads and say, what do you expect us to do? Mark the date and go see us. Let's have a date in the future. We're going to meet at the top of the Empire State Building. They all sigh deeply hearing this, realizing that

maybe they could do this and begin to exit the room. What a bunch of... You're welcome, but fine. We don't have time for this. I gotta return that coin to that guy's pocket. Monks are punk. At least you got it better than a 10, or that would have gone

worse. Let's get back to the future and go insane, you guys. You all pick up the petrified demon? Yeah. Any special way you're gonna haul this out of the tavern? I'll use the corners of my capelet to sort of protect my paws. Right, and you know...

Weekended Bernies. Oh yeah, he's really drunk. Caspia kind of makes a, oh geez, little kind of face and takes her cape off and also tries to put it over this seven and a half foot tall demon mummy this is how I got Richard Keel through the Rio airport

you realize it's going to take at least like a little like one more cape trying to think of I can do a minor illusion on it what would be a helpful well my illusion I can do a minor illusion on it. What would be a helpful Well, a minor illusion

I mean, it would occur to all passive insight. This would look like you were carrying a body out of the tavern if you just threw cloaks over it. You make it look like a rug. A keg of beer. A keg of ale. Can we throw him out the window?

Or lower him out the window or lower him out the window whatever yeah you've all got some rope levitate him down from the window i'm just trying to look up a minor illusion what the the boundaries are for this it's five feet or something or second or something yeah can i just put a box around his it's just yeah this is too we don't have time we really don't have time we gotta we gotta really uh yeah like you could um create an image in a no larger than a five foot cube so it could be like an you could like wrap it up and have an exposed part of it look different right um trying to see if it can move a fun fun mask. I would give it to you. If you're treating the petrified demon as if it is the ground, I will give it to you.

The illusion will follow. World's largest potato. So I'll give you an option. You can either pick your own thing or you can roll one more insight check and Iva could be given an idea of what she could do. Can I just turn him into a five feet of statue?

Wrap up his legs. The upper part of him is just going to look like a stone statue version of exactly whatever. Absolutely. Okay. You cast... I'm going to get this Bob's big boy back to the big boy. You get your wizard capes around his legs.

The top of him looks like... Is it going to be a Pazuzu statue? No, I'd like it to be a statue of... Me. No. I'd like it to be a statue of... It can be. You know what?

Let's make it a statue of Bahamut. Okay. Like triumphant or a platinum a platinum dragon god just sort of like in a in a we'll call it a vertically similar pose maybe arching his back so he looks like something you get from like qvc and put in the garden or whatever like just some really tacky looking light. You admitted a big gnome. Yeah. Hey, why you got a slag on QVC garden statues like that? Design Toscana or whatever.

I don't know what those things. I got a catalog for it. Listen, I've got only one hobby and it's QVC garden statues. So please. Yeah. Oh, so you cast it and you guys start heading back to the mayor's office

yes yeah yes all right um as you're walking down the street um tootie yes someone recognizes you as a paladin recognizes the statue and runs over to you um they look like they're a guard you know uh the the guards were already letting you in and out of the mayor's office it doesn't seem like you're gonna have much trouble getting back in there but a guard who you haven't dealt with runs over and says uh oh are you taking that to the mayor's office we are uh do you know where you're going to leave it? Because I'm usually on guard duty for the mayor's office specifically. And that looks pretty valuable. What a where's that going to end up?

We're going to stay there and guard it. Really? Do a persuasion check duty. Okay. I want to remind you that I said I was putting the coin back in that guy's pocket on our way out uh do a slight hand check I have a I'll do I'll let you know after 2d does

great he says oh all right no one will be uh near the mayor's office while you do your statue thing for a bit how long you guarding it probably uh overnight you want us to let you guard the man well you rolled a 19 mister so i guess that'll work uh yeah i had the highest possible

uh outcome being 18 so you're good um uh sarah what'd you get 16 16 on the side of hand you you deftly kind of put the coin back um we did we've changed nothing and everything's gonna be perfect you head back up the stairs the walkway the hallway um there is a guard in front of the mayor's office who goes oh is this that going inside or right here in the hallway um there is a guard in front of the mayor's office who goes oh is this that going inside or right here in the hallway oh we're taking that inside insides for the mayor's delight uh big boss fight mayor's delight so you guys um he kind of like goes okay. You take it inside. The portal is swirling right behind

the mayor's desk. Do you take Pazuzu's statue through? Yes. Yeah. There you go. Got some handy smits on the way out from his desk. As you approach, you can see what the future you came from looks like, but it begins to warp and twist. You can see what the future you came from looks like, but it begins to warp and twist.

You can see the furniture. The matter of it is still on the other side of the portal, but it seems like the molecules are bending it and putting it in a different place. It seems like the weapons that were in the office are starting to be like pushed out of view. And as you go through the portals, all of you have this horrifying feeling that you don't even know if you're going to be going back to the same plane of existence. And we'll have to find out what that means on episode 72 of Nerd Poker season four. Sam, what do you think these guys just had to deal with? Let's find out. All right, episode 71.

I'll start by saying I cannot believe the amount that we have said the word illusion so many times without one single use your illusion reference. We broke the illusion and found a smaller, more frozen Pazuzu. We're trying to chip them apart, get what we need. We're going to bring him through time, I think, or part of him. We're risking potentially fucking up the future and going insane. We snuck Pazuzu into the mayor's office portal, but as we went through, we realized things might be not great.

Pretty much on target. Nailed it. Dan, anything you want to plug uh please watch the dragon prince on netflix you're gonna really like this handbook that's coming out in a few months it's i've put a lot of blood sweat and tears into this beast it is many pages of brand new lore and a whole new adventure that i've written for it and if if you guys like D and D dragons, you're going to love the dragon Prince dragons that I made up. So please catch up on the show while you wait for this thing.

It's based on the show. It takes place after season three. So you can go binge three awesome episodes or seasons of television and then have a game to play when it it comes up that's it for me cool i've got uh is this going to be before the 21st or 22nd it's going to be uh monday night before that weekend okay cool uh so there's still tickets available for uh i'm in milwaukee uh on this friday the 21st and then the 22nd, I've got one show sold out at the Beat Kitchen in Chicago. But my second show still has tickets available.

So and then I'll be in July or not July, but I'll be February, the first week of February, 4th and 5th in Hamden, Connecticut and New York. But my my dates are on uh brianpussain.com i hate that i can't come everybody i just uh can't come that's all right everybody else uh anybody else blaine oh uh stacy keats just tested positive for a week off. So, uh, I have two weeks off. Nice.

All right. Uh, keep listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.