Nerd Poker - S4E72 Petrified Pazuzu

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Now that the Castaway Cuties have their hands on the demon lord Pa(n)zuzu, all they have to do is kill it and/or smash the phylactery around his neck, and the world will be a safer place. One thing, though- reality has been completely warped and nobody on the continent may remember who they are. Probably nbd, right?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 72. My friends are here.

Hey, buddy. Hey, Dan. How you doing? I'm very well. How are you, Brian? I'm good. thanks for not killing this last episode did my best to yeah uh that was scary before and then it wasn't um ken is here hey ken hello here i am i am ken look at you thanks for being here buddy uh is that a beetle

juice thing to the left? Like a real... It's very Beetlejuice, yeah. That's a piece I made for an art show. Oh wow, it looks so Beetlejuicy. There's a Ratfink show, it's called Artfink. I see the Ratfink now. Yeah, that's cool. Sarah's here.

Hi. In a cantina by yourself, poor lady. Man. Putting her kids through college. Hi. Hello. In a cantina by yourself. Poor lady. Man. Putting her kids through college. Taking up a couple extra shifts at the old tavern. Nice. Chris is here.

Hey, it occurs to me that Sarah's kind of like Bea Arthur in the Star Wars holiday special. In a lot of ways. Exactly like that. I'm glad that you picked up on that because that's what I was referencing and going through. I'll keep bringing it up. Boba Fett. That's something, right? Yes. Stir, stir, whip, whip, whip,

stir. You're actually closer than you think because that's actually... I know. That's the first appearance. It literally is the first appearance of Boba Fett. He's the best part of the holiday special. Oh, yeah. So much only watchable part of it. Yeah. I think I actually might know more about Star Wars than any of you guys.

Oh, shit. Here we go. It's not hard. I'm saying. I've forgotten most of what I liked. Blaine. Oh, hi, guys. I'm sorry.

I was busy shutting down all the garbage mashers on the detention level. Nice. No, shut them all down. Sorry, I've cursed this metal body. I'm not fast enough. Our engineer is here. He's about to be attacked by Pee Wee Herman. Sam, everybody.

Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. Hi. How you doing? I'm good. Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. How you doing? I'm good. I'm good. The only thing I don't like about this view is no ramen. Yeah, he's right over to the left of me. Sam, I demand you

call ramen. Or make him chill on that fucking pillow right there. Can you make it so ramen is... He thinks this is a game now. He's gone. Oh, sure. Your girlfriend lives in Canada. Ramen's right off screen. Whatever. Ramen's in Niagara Falls, man.

Jan's boyfriend is here, too. Blaine, do you get that reference? I get that reference. Sam, that image of Pee Wee Herman behind you, it looks like he's peering over your shoulder there's a shelf under him could you at some point someday get Ramen to sleep on that

shelf right under him so when you call Ramen it looks like Pee Wee Herman is delighted that Ramen woke up absolutely absolutely do that that would be the best thing I've ever seen and my show notes will suffer for it I'll do that I will do that. That would be the best thing I've ever seen. And my show notes will suffer for it.

I'll do that. I will do that during a session. God, it's Sophie's choice of Sam delights. All right, have fun, nerds. You said shelf, and we just went through the holidays. I don't know if any other parents went through this. Rhodes only played or had an elf on a shelf once, and he was real young.

I think three or four, and he brought it up the other day of how traumatizing it was and how much he fucking hated it. Did anybody else do that? My mom did it. My mom bought it. So we did it for a little while, and then we had to retire him. We told him

that we put him in a box and took his powers away. We had to retire him. We told him that we took his, put him in a box and took his powers away. We had to like, I think it's a, I think we never did it, but I think it's a really cool idea that got out of control, but we had the same kind of issue with the, cause the lyric in the song,

I'm lowering my voice a little cause my kid, but the lyric in the song where he, he sees you, he sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake Or like you know Whatever Whatever the The Santa song

Yeah yeah We had to sort of explain like He doesn't watch you Going to the bathroom Like you know what I mean It's more of a He's not God He gets a sense

Right he gets a sense Of what you're doing But he's not actually It's not like a Security camera It's a tagline for a horror movie I know So it's like

We had to like You know frame it a certain way for it to. Thinking of dead parents. God and dead parents watch you pee, but not Santa Claus. Well, he's got you on a monitor. He's not watching that monitor the whole time, though, but he can rewind it. If he wants to watch you pee, if he wants to watch you pee, he could. I thought... He's more powerful than God.

See, I imagine he has like a sizometer feed of what is that? That printer paper where it measures goodness and badness. It's constantly... He gets a reading of all the naughty and niceness on his old... What are those printers called?

Dot Matrix? Yeah, old Dot Matrix printers it's got a fucking feed out of everything it's like the radiation detector in like Fallout, like crackles and now he's got to pay, oh okay it's like this but no, it's not like a should have drank clean water, Santa

I read if you pay AT&T U-verse $3.99, then you can get the channel that Santa uses to watch people pee. I know a guy who actually will hook up your cable in a special way where he flips a switch

and you can see what Santa sees. Ho, ho, ho, yeah! Ow, shit. I just put Purell on and I have a cut on my hand and I'm dying. Oh, I'm dying. Oh, my God. It's good for you.

Oh, no. No. Good for the cat. It's in there. It's in there. I can't get it out. Sarah, I did that. Every muscle in my body is clenched.

At the beginning of the pandemic when I was cutting vegetables for like the ninth time in five days, and like, I was just not that used to cutting. I got a big gash on my thumb. Right. And I, and I like, I banded it up,

but it was there forever. And I got Purell just down this massive cut. This one, I was reaching too aggressively into the fridge to get some cheese today. And I just really went for it and just sliced open the top of my hand on a, on the shelf. I did get the cheese. I captured the cheese and ate it,

but now I have a huge cut there and that I forgot about. Anyway, for cheese. Now I have some wine. Everything's going to be fine. We found a cheese monger in Pasadena and it changed our lives. Ooh. Wow.

Do tell off. Or it changed our lives. Do tell. Off the podcast maybe. It's called Milk Farm. Milk Farm. You can make your own cheese. Were we bringing a demon through a time portal or was

that... Did I misremember that? Is it that time already or do I thank some supporters first? We haven't even gotten there. or do I thank some supporters first? Oh, right. Sorry. We haven't even gotten there. Jeez. First, I'll thank some supporters and then we'll talk about how you've been wiped from the face of Dave and Glavin. Please do.

Folks. These are two of the silliest openings we've had for episodes. This is the last one. Folks, you didn't come here for the Dungeons and Dragons. You came here for the shout outs on Patreon. And guess what? Here they come. Here they come.

Chris seems skeptical because he knows why people really come here. But also, I think sometimes when I throw curveballs, Chris makes a very dramatic skepticism face. I'm listening. He wants me to know that much like Santa, he's watching me. And a rock and roll actor. And a lot of acting. That's the other thing. He's a very successful

actor, so he knows how to emote. Oh, look at him. That face. Folks, I want to thank Nick Hinks. Thanks, Nick. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Thrandamore. Thanks, Thranda. Or his name is The Randomore. I don't know. And he just didn't space it. Jeff, thanks, Jeff. Thanks, Jeff. Thanks.

Thank you, Bernie Sanders Magical Mittens. Thank you, Highway to the Newman Zone. Ooh. Thank you, Riley. Highway to the... The Newman Zone. Newman! Thank you. Remember when Newman had the poison mud spit on him in Jurassic Park?

Thank you, Misaligned Duck. Thank you. Thank you Four Nice Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place Called Paladinos. Oh, I know it. Paladinos. Thank you Fred Durst's Vagina. He's got one.

Thank you Les Cole. It's not his. Thank you No Dan.'s not his thank you no dan thank you thank you this one makes me laugh every time it's very stupid thank you season one episode six do you remember what happened that episode ken no i ate pizza you ate pizza. You ate pizza. Thank you, Brian. I'll do it again. Thank you, Brian. You can make it with Play-Doh. Oh. I think his name is Brian Play-Doh.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Tommy Bahamut. Tommy Bahamut. I like that one. Dude, he wears those. This shit is Bahamut b-a this uh b-a-h-a-m-u-t s um i was i tried to do the quen stefani joke it just took me yeah yeah thank you sarah pinged my hole at Palatinos. Oh dear.

I don't know which of those are what references, but I know there's at least three, possibly five references in there. It's making me do this to my beard. I don't want that at all. Thank you Dave Miertens. Thank you. This next one

is Thank you. Turns out I can stick thank you this next one is thank you turns out I can stick two fingers up my ass almost any time broken clocks right twice a day merry Christmas who's watching

that's like finding out Santa's real thank you Peter Bartlett. Thank you. Thanks, Peter. Thank you. Thank you, Sean Allen. Thank you. Thank you, Ben Feltz. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, War Duke. Thank you, War Duke's armored cube. Thank you. And finally, that oh thank you war dukes armored cube you and finally thank you and kerpatch daybreak furnace 17 rusted

agent kerpatch activate operation market to the future is a go I don't know what's going on it feels very what's the frequency kind of I don't know what I feel like mentoring feels very what's the frequency Kenneth I don't know what I feel like Venture and Candidate and now Blaine has been activated and something's going to happen I guess we just

have to see if Blaine's activated hey Blaine is there anything you would like to say right now since you're activated shit's going to get Bahamut nah see I was deactivated apparently I didn't know I had an off switch, Dan.

Thanks for helping me out. Is this your way of saying I pimped you into too many commercials last episode and you don't have any, you can do, or can I ask what was that list brought to us by? Oh, Oh, that I think that list was brought to us by a classic

incosynifrin get rid of sputum and mucus and mucus. Remove heart. Smell heart. Phlegm is gone. The gods are pleased. Incus and Ephraim. Dan?

Thank you. That went way back. That was very classic. All right. it's time for us to discuss what happened last time on nerd poker oh the castaway cuties didn't die but uh i can't do the voice anymore um you gotazuzu's petrified body with the phylactery of the archlich dangling around his neck. And you took it through the Mayor of Flayzacola's office and then through a portal opened to you by the powerful being known as Balthazar. One hiccup occurs to all of you as you pass through the portal. The vision of the office in front of you changing as you begin to pass through.

Hey, if we change the past, how would Balthazar even know to open the portal in the first place? open the portal in the first place. Everybody please roll a charisma saving throw. Oh.

Is this against magic or just in general? Great question. This is in general. Shoot. Don't like that answer. That's my great question. Nine. Are you going to luck that?

I think it might get worse. Oh. And I only have two left. Fascinating. I got a 22. Okay. I'm not saying until I'm called upon 18 minus

117 okay I didn't know Jelf had a penalty to his charisma I have a 9 charisma if I knew that I forgot Ken you were waiting to be called on and I'm gonna go ahead and do it I'm gonna call on you what is your saving throw 20 oh

that's some sweet business Brian we all know he's fucked saving throw. With 20. Oh! That's some sweet business. Brian, we all know. He's fucked. Five. Okay. Thank God Danny doesn't need his charisma. Well,

I was saving this for the person who rolled the lowest charisma check. Brian, will you please roll a 100 sided dice? Yeah. That's 520s. Now roll low. But they don't have 100 on the

as an option. No, it's You can always roll 10 twice. There's two next to each other. It's D100. They look like two dice if you're being two next to each other. It's D100. They look like two dice, if you're being generous, next to each other. Perhaps a pair of fancy earrings. Sure. To wear to the ball.

Earrings. Earrings. It all looks like bad guys in Tempest, all them different dice drawings. Looks like they're coming at you while another guy puts quarters on the machine because he's next. I rolled too many. Hold on. That's it.

Oh, wow. He rolled 173, so that can't be right. That's interesting. That's not on my table of results 54 oh right in the middle huh okay i think you might want that 173 um everyone who rolled under a 15 who's that remind listeners yeah and brian i think brian and ivah you black out cold as soon as you pass through the rest of you uh as you pass through you see what looks familiar um but it is not the place that you entered the portal it is not the mayor's office um it is a body of water that is rushing towards you you are all facing the ground and plummeting

towards uh water um you go underwater uh kind of grab a hold of yourselves um and jelf nathan and tootie you see the unconscious bodies of um iva and danny kind of float and start to go down the current you are in the river in the middle of the Dave and Glavin continent. Perfect. I will swim after whoever's closer to me, Iva or... I wake up due to hitting the water. No. Darn. I'm pretty sure she did.

No, I think that's what my character would do. That's what my character would do. Hey, can I cast Longstrider on myself to increase my swimming speed and swim and grab these guys? I'll allow it. Okay, I'm going to go and I'll sort of take a little rope

and whatever and try to secure these guys to me so they don't, or at least... Yeah, all three of you guys, I'm going to need an athletics uh for you to make the current also you see you know you're you're all you're all good you're all trying to grab on with one arm to the petrified body of pazuzu that also floated up to the surface it's not starting to get big, is it? Not yet. It's in the water swelling up like one of those dinosaurs. We don't... Sarah and I don't

have to roll athletics, right? Correct. I got a 10 plus 1, 11. I rolled a 23. Nice. I got a 5 minus 1, so that's a 4. Cool.

Tootie, Nice. I got a five minus one. So that's a four. Cool. So, um, 2d, um, the other two aren't able to reach Iva and Danny. So you can make a choice. You can either grab both of these guys, or you can grab one of them and help them secure Pazuzu with the other hand. You're either way.

Either way. You can't do all three things at the same time. I'm going to grab both of them. Okay. You grab them. You guys see Tootie starts to float away from you pretty quickly. I'm going to need Iva and Danny to do a Constitution

saving throw. Do we... Is this Rapids right now um it's moving pretty quick is it i'm gonna i'm gonna give you a perception check as soon as i get these uh okay this bit of narration out of the way sorry to make that's 20 okay fantastic where do you get danny eight, you're going to take six points of force damage as you gag on water. Alright.

Perception check from our three awakened adventurers. Oh! Oh! I got a one plus six is seven. Sorry.

Botched my perception. Great. I got a 20 plus three, 23. Damn. Six plus two, eight. Okay. You're a little

wrapped up, Tootie, trying to keep your friends near the rest of your friends. Jelf, you just get some fucking river in your eyes you don't see shit um nathan you start looking around um you see cospia is knocked unconscious oh shit and she's a little bit down the river at this point um you feel like you could get to her if you trusted jelf alone with pazazuzu, but it's going to put about 20 feet away from you and everybody else. Oh.

In addition to that, you do put together, because you've been down this river before, that you are near the mouth of the Peel to the far northwest. You see high cliffs and an opening out into the ocean, so that tells you that this is on the west side of the peel um and you're headed towards the ocean so uh by the turtle oh wait i can't no the opposite end of the turtle okay sorry items which way does that river flow does it flow south north or does it start in the middle or

thanks to the way your dungeon master is making this magic river it is flowing outwards from the middle in both directions oh okay weird that's great you'd think there'd be a lot of tourists there get a picture of me when it's during a river start

I will go after Princess Caspia. Great. Give me an athletics check, please. I'm no good at these. Bunnies. That's a three minus one. So that's a total of two. Dan, you're so smart.

You guys, Tootie and Jeff, you see Nathan and Caspius just sort of floating out towards the ocean. They're like about 150 feet away pretty quickly. They get taken out. Hey, do I know how deep the water is right here? Feels like it's at least 20 feet deep. Okay, can I sort of see where this statue is going down is there a way for me to come down no you're it's floating it's floating i was floating oh i thought it was i thought it was like solid because he was petrified okay well if it's

floating then i'm gonna uh secure that to me with a rope somehow and then start swimming after Nathan and Princess Caspia, please. That's good. 2D, what are you up to? I'm going to try and get these guys to the shore. Great. You, looking at the map of Dave and Glavin,

you have a choice. You can go to the left towards Flay's Acola. Looks like there's almost nothing visible but cliffs, or you can go to the left towards flay's acola uh looks like there's almost nothing visible but cliffs or you can go to the right uh to the north where you can see about i don't know like a quarter mile away there's a beach uh beach all right um jelf nathan you see tootie with the two unconscious friends kicking as hard as he can to the north um i'm gonna need another constitution saving throw from danny and iva the show brought to you by toothpaste color your smile toothpaste

yeah I am gonna use a luck point oh man okay for the botch that I just had oh oh no nine okay Oh no Nine Okay Where'd you get Brian?

Twelve Okay Sarah, Iva's gonna take two points of force damage I'm dead You're dead? Wow I thought you just had a long rest Oh shit

Danny, you're going to take another six. Okay. Nathan, will you roll an athletics check? You know what, Dan? You're on your athletics checks. 14. Okay. You make it to Caspia, but you guys are getting pulled out um pretty far you feel like

um if you were to focus on one thing or the other you could get it done you could try to um get cospia to shore or you could try to wake her up cospia to shore okay so you start kicking um same direction as 2d yes jelf are you heading to the north beach also yes i'm trying to uh to just keep these guys in sight so that i can get a rope around them and help them back to the beach okay uh all of you think you see in the distance a boat um it's pretty far away you're not sure um what that means but it's towards the northwest near where there's a island on the map which you can't see more than like just the boat in that direction you get a pretty close to the beach and i'm gonna have our intrepid unconscious friends do one more constitution saving throw.

Tootie's doing his best to keep you afloat, but he's using both hands, so he can't really wake either of you up. Oh, come on. Six. Go roll again. Yeah, one more time, Brian. Six. Go roll again. Yeah, one more time, Brian. Fuck.

Seven. Okay. Sarah, you're going to take one point of force damage. Brian, you're going to take another six. Okay. Bad luck on the water dice Brian sorry you guys teen yeah you guys make it to the beach jelf you're

able to pull Pazuzu's petrified body up onto the beach of course he looks like Pazuzu again because the person who had been casting the illusion spell is now unconscious to do you pull both of your friends onto the beach and they're sputtering water but they're still unconscious they're not they're not like in danger of drowning you know what i mean they're not like uh they're not not breathing but they look pretty shitty they both have blue pale skin all right um iva iva in particular really

looks like she could use a makeover or something. It's pretty ugly. And, um, yeah, Nathan, you get Cospia last onto the shore. Um, she didn't look great.

She didn't look great. She's breathing very shallow. Um, it, it looks like maybe she's got water in her lungs. It's, uh, she's kind of like,

Oh, I will clear any, uh, fish or toads out of her mouth and give her mouth to mouth. Medicine check, please, Nathan. Oh my gosh. The fan art. Here it comes.

So fucking hot. Their fan... 19. Finally. Nice. Their mouths touch. You pull just a little bit of seaweed out of her mouth. You pump your hands against her sternum and you go,

alright, I guess it's time to mouth-to-mouth. You pinch her pink little rabbit nose and you go in and you manage to resuscitate her. The seawater splashes against your face like like sea foam in a fresh

morning crest as she opens her eyes oh yeah oh yeah keep going she says Nathan did it work are we safe did we save the world define work we are here

Iva and Danny are in, I think, a bit of trouble. Also, the mayor's office does not exist. You guys just made out, so... Yes. Oh, sorry, I'm unconscious. Don't mind me. I'm just watching you. Yeah, what do you guys want to do about the two unconscious player characters?

I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on Danny. Great. Yeah, to be honest, he looks... Well, let's be fair. I am doing worse. Although I busted out of his balls, Danny looks way worse in actuality. He took I think 18 points of damage.

So he looks... So he gets four back. Then I can give... I can heal Iva too. Yeah, why don't we just... Why don't we go ahead and do that heal and then you and Jelf, could you both do a medicine check

or... I know I'm giving Ken two things to do, but let Iva know her hit points. How many are you down, Iva? I'm actually not down very much. I'm giving Ken two things to do, but let Iva know her hit points. How many are you down, Iva? I'm actually not down very much. I'm just unconscious. I'm down like... Oh, but if I heal you, I think... I'm literally down three points. Okay, I'll give you three points from my

pool. Oh, thank you. That should make you conscious again, I think. Yep. I would hope. I'll give full health as equals consciousness. So then let's just get a medicine check from Jelf. You're trying to wake Danny's ass up. I got a 13 plus 3, 16. Only his ass.

So Danny, you wake up and you just see like, you spit water up. And like two beautiful morning suns, you see the water spit out of your mouth and splash across the handsome face of Jelf. Your savior. Hey, we got married in Vegas. What the? I'm fucking with you. Last New Yorker Saturday night. What the?

I'm fucking with you again. We're actually married. You guys can ponder this, investigate this more, whatever the hell you want but you piece together uh the the last thought you had oh yeah balthazar would not know to open this portal if the timeline changed so this portal just spit us out just went to a different place at a random place in david glaven you're not sure when it is um or what has changed. Perfect.

He said it should be the same. Oh, but I see. Okay. Great. So you know at the very least, it seems like there was a missing because remember it was like a series of portals that he cast. There's missing steps because as you went through these, Balthazar's choice ceased to exist.

So you got just whipped into the middle. I need to look at the map of Davian Glavin. I'm going to pull that up. And I did just put like a 100 square grid over the continent. Oh, you did? Sorry, I didn't even hear that. So where you landed was 50-something, whatever Brian said. I was busy being unconscious.

Also, my computer wants to shut down every time I open Roll20. I highly recommend this to other people running D&D campaigns, having a portal spit people into a random spot on a map with a grid on it and have them roll 100. Fun times. For you. Oh yeah. All

kinds of shitty things are fun for me. So everybody's awake now? Yeah. And we're up on the beach. You're up on the beach. Danny's still down a few hit points. It's worth noting. I'm going to throw another heal on him. And we're up on the beach. You're up on the beach. Danny's still down a few hit points. It's worth noting. Caspia's probably...

I'm going to throw another heel at him. Can I see a... Caspia could probably use a few. Is that boat still in the distance? Yeah, you do see a boat in the far northwest distance. If listeners and players alike would like to note it, it seems pretty far off, but also you see down the coast.

It's pretty hard to figure out how you'll get across the peel again. And way off to the north, you can see the peninsula with weird little haze around it because it's so far away. I threw another four on you, Danny. The boat is going away from us, just off in the distance, coming towards us. Can I tell? It looks like it's going south towards Flazacola. It's very far away, though.

Okay. Can I wave at it? Yeah. Do a performance check. Save four, Ken. We're not far. So we're not far from Flazacola, though. Save four, buddy.

Yeah. Cool. thank you. You bet. You actually came pretty close. Looking at the map, we're actually pretty close. Yeah, we're right there over land. Should we take the thing off of Pazuzu?

We still can't, right? You just need to figure out what spell amongst you you feel like somehow there must be a way to get it off you've at least gotten him away from the ritual and you've gone through the portal

um and I'll say you guys feel like there's not necessarily a morally negative consequence to the change you made right like all things considered if you guys do a mental inventory right like all the the the monks are probably disappointed nervous and tense as they leave you withazuzu and their reactions will reflect that. The mayor is going to live a pretty identical life.

However, at some point the cabal figured out that Pazuzu had this phylactery, right? If you'd like to think more on those consequences, I'm going to require a roll, but I think you would all figure out the

timeline of the cabal would have significantly changed which means people would be going after the mayor less which means a lot less conflict that you would have uh already experienced so um that occurs to you guys well it feels like we gotta just get to a locale that we know and see what's going on, right? But I guess if we need to get this thing off of him, somebody has something. Yeah, I don't know. The only thing I... Everybody check your inventory. I look at my spell list.

I have enlarge, reduce. Do I feel like I could shrink Pazuzu out of the necklace? Or would the necklace shrink with him? Yeah. Let me read the rules on this one. Large reduce.

This is hard because he's making contact with it while... Okay. I'm slicking my spell list. I don't know what else I have that would do it. I have Petrify Pazuzu. Do you think I should cast that? And I have a Pazuzu Be Gone potion.

Can I just try to steal it off of him? Any item dropped by the affected creature returns to normal size at once. If the target is a creature. Everything it's wearing and carrying changes size with it.

So yeah, I mean wearing and carrying change of size with it. So, yeah, I mean, none of you have tried to yank it off yet. None of you have tried any spells or magic effects on various things

other than... So if we do damage to him, we think he's going to wake up or be would you like to roll for the answer to that i'm sure yeah i mean i'm assuming but yeah it's an insight and now an episode where everyone sits on the beach and ponders the frozen demon that they've got with them 18 hmm you would put it 50 50 odds you're not sure but based off what you know about spells like this it seems possible okay well we can just carry him to bahamut's temple and then just start smashing him with the hammer all right do you feel like that temple's not too far away?

It is because there's one in, isn't there one in Flazacola, right? That we just moved into. The, there's a very big plus and a very big minus to your geographical situation. Very big plus is you are closer to Flazacola than you were from your house. to flazikola than you were from your house so you know um your house is like way across the continent and you guys are like you know in a suburb of flazikola almost that you could call it so there's no civilization that you can see but you know if you could just get like what a few few dozen miles south you'd hit flazikola um but it's far enough and there is a there's not a clear route other than getting on some sort of sea craft and going around the rushing water coming out of the canyon and the

canyon has these two really tall cliff faces so it's not clear how you could you already experienced this issue before on the opposite end of the canyon there's not an obvious way to cross is that boat still around? in the distance I have two thoughts about people we can speak to

one can Nathan try to talk to Balthazar through the sword again? And two, can't Tootie talk to Bahamut through his hammer? Just basically start. These are our lifelines. Yeah, I have. Let's start calling lifelines.

All right. To do this, I would need a religion check from tootie and uh you would need to down some of that fluid, viscous fluid. So, you can roll for me and Arcana check. Okay. Nathan. Go ahead and shout those numbers. Only two of you rolling. Just shout them at me. 17.

27. Two to you. Bahamut basically sends you this message like you know although we did thank you for touching base it's so nice to hear from you if

you were in a slightly different position there's more I could do for you thank you for everything you've done to the peace out well thanks that was nice he's waiting for us to get to his temple I guess to really right I mean like getting divine intervention in this game

is something I try to reserve for 20 plus rolls otherwise just vague stuff but since you are of course a religious class I will give you some communication Nathan you rolled extremely high so you guys see nathan just just like dip a little on his lip and immediately without even falling down right

full standing up his body just goes straight and his eyes roll back in his head and become a deep black uh nathan you are now oh i'm sorry what i'm here for me i couldn't hear you because i talked over you for the listener you got to hear that sweet voice twice you see the ethereal plane it's this misty semi there place and you you're reaching out trying to find a familiar powerful being and you reach out towards the house which you know he was trapped in for a long time and um you feel a familiar energy but it's not receiving you as excitedly as you were hoping it would and um you rolled very high so like it takes some persistence.

You're, you're this sort of energy floating above the house at this point, you can see the outline of the house. You see, I meant to put the sword in his hand. So he has, cause I know in this scenario, so he has some, I mean,

listen, he's, he's been given an advantage of sorts, a tripping rabbit carrying a sword but like as you're this sort of floating spirit over this misty version of the house you you feel there's like a light of energy somewhere in it that you're trying to draw your yourself towards through the sort of roof of the house um but but then you start to see more energies you see a lot of energies in the house um you start to lose focus for a second you're not sure which ones balthazar but

then finally you go into the roof the floor of the second floor and through a wall and then directly into one of the orbs in the landing um and uh do a perception check while you get swooped through the building that you once were the owner of nine you can't quite tell if anything is different of note but i mean everybody i'm sure you are aware the house might not be exactly uh under your name in the city registry anymore. You see Balthazar before you, and he clearly was like in a trance or something, but he like snaps to you and goes, who are you?

Oh boy. Why have you come to see me? It's me, Nathan. We've been working together. You created a portal. Is this some kind of trick? No, listen, I know this is going to feel very... You've kept me here long enough, you people.

No, I'm trying to get you out. You sent me through a portal 15 years back to try and stop Pazuzu. We're trying to get the necklace off of Pazuzu, but then in coming home there was like a weird time travel thing. But we're friends.

You like me tons. I am going to let you roll a persuasion check with advantage because you're holding a familiar energy. And I am also going to tell you the DC difficulty check. You're going to need to hit a 15 for him to vaguely think it's too high. You know that. You know it's too high. You know, we all

had our hopes up. With advantage? Yeah. Do you want to make it an 11? You should make that DC an 11. Chris, do you have any kind of an 11? You should make that DC an 11. Chris, do you have any kind of luck features? I do! I will roll.

Chris, describe to us what's happening in the voice. Uh-oh. Oh yeah, by the way, the rest of Castaway Cuties need to be caught up. We don't know what's happening. He's here. He doesn't remember. I'm using luck remember I'm using luck

I'm using luck again oh twice yikes I'm using luck one more time did you roll a 27 dice five times five times what was it roll where's that die out the window it ended up being a six dan

it was a real roller coaster and then it went like this down well he can he can tell you're you're trying to summon some sort of integrity and charisma but but he's just like suspicious and he says i can see how that story would make sense but i have your sword all i see is the aura of a of a thing that once belonged to me how how am i supposed to trust you when I'm surrounded by powerful magic powerful magic prison wards wardens this is ridiculous the dungeon master can't remember how to

say words yeah you he's like okay so I'll humor this but I don't believe a word you're saying what do you want if I free you would that help if you what freed you What do you want? If I free you, would that help? If you what?

Freed you? Of course. If anyone freed me, I'd... Is there any way I can free him while I'm in this weird trippy state? You can tell that you're in some sort of sphere. You're in a round room. You're hovering because the floor is curved and the two of you are sort of suspended auras

in the shapes of your physical forms and you can't really see outside the misty glass inside the orb I have to go speak to my friends but we're coming for you.

Hmm. Alright, I look forward to seeing you again, rabbit man. Nathan! Nathan! I'll remember that name. Alright, I'll go back. Oh? His eyes go back to normal and he just crosses his arms he's just like well that didn't work

alright well we gotta get to the temple then that's our only I think that's our you guys have been so close yet so far away on this I admire your tenacity. To the

temples and yeah, let's go. Do we put Pazuzu on our back like Yoda? Sure. Do we put him in the hat? Is he too heavy to go in the hat? He's too heavy for the hat, yeah. How long do we think he's gonna stay like this did we talk about that yet no you i would say none of you haven't the slightest idea that this

appears to be some kind of um really powerful spell put on him but um i've had you roll like 30 insight checks in the last two episodes so i will just say at this point you're kind of like they were going to put them into the mayor's body for a reason this is not a good permanent solution can I send Agatha ahead with a note to like for someone to bring a

carriage or something for us oh yes okay I'm going to write up a quick note, and I'm going to... Tell us exactly what it says. Okay, it's going to say... I got to check how much money I have. Hang on. Where is my gold?

I'm going to say 10 times this awaits you if you pick us up. Is there any kind of um feet like halfway between is there like a road or anything that we can travel that i could tell someone to meet us like halfway if we start walking you know what i mean well the downside is you're on the other side of a chasm so either you gotta swim or come up with a way i forgot you know you You've got... Should I send them to the boat? You've got like a long multi-day journey by foot, or you can find a way to float and maybe it'll take you a day. Okay, I can send her to the boat, but we don't know if they're friend or foe. Correct.

Is what I'm announcing to these guys. A boat would be faster. Should I try it? I've heard that. How much are you promising them and how much do you actually have? Right, that's where I was... I don't know why it's impossible to find my pointage on here. It's on your equipment.

I know. Inventory? I see. Okay, so yeah,'m promising um let's see i'm promising them what would a normally a passage like that cost do i know i have no i don't know the currency. Yeah, like maybe 50 silver. Okay, great. So I'm going to send one gold piece and I'm going to say,

because I think that's all she can carry. And then I'm going to say one gold piece. And then I'm going to say, you know, 10 times this awaits. If you pick us up and take us to Flays of Polo. And you give them your location, which is the beach just north of the pier. Right.

Okay. How much again did you say? You promised me. Well, that would work out to be you said it was 50 silver. Yeah, half a gold basically so you're gonna give them so i'm offering them and i'm offering 10 gold and how much do you have i don't think that's any of your business i think listeners would like to know would you like me to take my headphones off i have 17 gold right now cool so. So, you send Agatha off. Now, remind me, do you normally do an animal handling check with Agatha, your special friend?

She basically is going to do what she wants. And if I, you know, so I can sort of promise her, I can communicate general ideas to her. And she's just going to do it or not do it. And I don't have like control over her, if that makes sense. You could say like boat help. Yeah, like take to boat to boat you know take to boat and return you know drop off at if you i i will say that that can be a given but if you want to roll an animal handling check where you get a success and it means this will be communicated more sharply to agatha i will allow that sure i only got an 11 on that. Okay.

She definitely can tell you're worried and that you want her to take it to the boat, but that's about all you can confirm. Fly, Agatha, fly. So she takes off and now it's time to hang out on the beach. It's going to take Agatha a bit. Weenie roast.

Rest and revive. Yeah, I don't know. How low are you guys on all your spots and such slots? I think Chris and I could use our luck back, but I don't know. Get some spells back.

The sun is low in the sky, approaching the horizon of the ocean. You could kind of bunk down for a couple hours. It's going to take at least a couple hours for this boat to turn around and come to you if it wants to take you up on your offer. I think this sounds like a long kind of rest coming up. It's the longest rest. Yeah. All right.

Well, as you uh hunker down on the beach with uh I'll guard the first shift with the sleepy demon um we're gonna have to find out on the next episode of nerd poker how well that goes um boy oh boy

I was really hoping I could get you guys to to land in a part of the map you haven't been to yet but uh i guess you're kind of are the ocean yeah you haven't been to this beach before maybe you know maybe they've got weenies to buy maybe there's a little hot dog stand nearby you could go explore in the jungle in the dark it's good south of the border i keep seeing those bumper stickers sam keifer what do you think we just did episode 72 uh coming out of the portal did not go as planned classic portal am i right uh we're in the river splashing around like a bunch of goofs we made it to the beach we're trying to figure out how

to get pazazuzu out. Nathan is in a real Luigi's Haunted Mansion scenario floating around all spooky. We sent a bird with some money to go get us a taxi. And now we're hanging out on the beach and the sun is low. So you know what that means. My favorite, rest.

Nice. Dan, my friend. Yeah, please watch the dragon prince on netflix if you get caught up you'll enjoy the role-playing game i'm adapting right now that's coming out in a little bit uh tour dates things are moving around but uh hopefully these will stick rampsane.com and uh i have a comic book announcement soon when things are when i have some dates and people can start to uh pre-order i'll let you know uh anything else uh blaine you and um oh uh uh stacy keach is doing a one-man show next weekend. It's-a me, Steven Seagal. And it contributes towards his community service.

So I'm opening for him. Nice. Perfect. Cool. Thanks, you guys. Nice episode, Dan. Yeah, thanks, Dan. Cheers, everyone. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker.

You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.