Nerd Poker - S4E76 Lava Bear

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

Bears made of lava sure sound fun on paper, but the Castaway Cuties have to contend with getting one to not melt everyone. The cave they're in should have been a better option than climbing that cliff, so at least there's that!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 76.

We did it. Pee Wee Herman's here. Again, he's a guest right sarah that's right get ready everyone uh dan's here well hi brian how are you buddy ken's here hello brian how are you doing today good what's up what's the little guy you got out there dan that's the that's the narwhal guys from last season oh wow yeah yeah the 3d model that i thought it was steve agey i hated those yeah by the way we're recording on thursday i'm missing peacemaker for this session you guys let's let's get down you watch it anytime you want that's what's so great about the world that we glenn's here you guys hey hi Welcome to the 21st century with us. And he's not on

this screen. Let me open up a different view because I need some Tallman in my life. One Tallman delivery coming up. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Good to see your face. And

I mentioned earlier B.B. herman's keeper uh samuel keifer you guys there he is hello sweet children how are you man i'm good i'm good good to see you uh where's your where's your adorable pup he is sleeping over on the bed he had a big day all right yeah we've moved he was awake all day oh is that blues brothers is great too is that is it signed or yeah i went to a he was at a liquor store signing it said in the paper he's signing only his crystal head vodka so i stood in line with the blues brothers thing and then when i got there i went hey there's no way i want you to sign that and he went yeah i get it and signed it he was very nice about it he was very

sweet he goes yeah of course not who would want that that's great yeah he seems like a good dude yeah he was really nice about it right on uh cool let's uh jump in dan you got some people you want to thank brian i do and i'm gonna go ahead and get down to it there are Patreon supporters who go by usernames like Doom Vault hello Doom Vault and thank you sounds like a record store it might be I think it might be like a D&D

thing it's our friend Nico Potter yes yes yes of course I blew your cover Nico whoopsie doodle also thank you the rest of Skeletor thank you, the rest of Skeletor. Thank you, finally. Thank you, Fint the Druid.

Thank you. Thanks, Sean George. Thanks, Kaya the Wonder Poodle. Thank you. Thank you, Toons7AD. Thanks, Toons. Thank you, Iva's Masks Unlimited. Unlimited masks. Thanks, Rob. Thank you, Iva's Masks Unlimited. Unlimited masks.

Thanks, Rob I Am. Thank you, Fart Cannon is online. Thank you, Blaine's Prehaw Bit Killed in Donkey Land. Donkey Land. Thank you, We Need a Whole Billy Episode. I don't think that's true. Well, have you asked Billy if he's available, Chris? Because maybe he would be into it. I would love to take

over the show and actually talk a lot more about home cleaning. Oh, wow. That sounds very functional. Yes. I'm very into drawer corners. Get that dirt out of your drawer corners. Out of your drawer? Oh, I see what you're saying, because it's

hard to get in the corners. What do you think of Marie Kondo's whole get rid of things that don't spark joy thing, Billy? Yeah, whatever, man. I like her. This is the most sensible you've ever been, honestly. Yeah, you know, you guys never let me talk about

how much I love to clean drawers. I wish I had in the past. Yeah, you know, you guys never let me talk about how much I love to clean drawers. I wish I had in the past. Also, thank you, Shakira. When the walls fell. Yeah, we're done. Thank you, Lord Brownington. Thank you. Thank you.

Michelle, that's it. Just Michelle. Thank you. Thank you, War Anus. Oh. Kind of the opposite of Michelle. It's it. Just Michelle. Thank you. Thank you, War Anus. Oh. Not the opposite of Michelle. It's pronounced War Anus. Thank you, Mark Strandberg. Thank you.

Thanks, Kevin Hitt. Thanks, Billionaires. Thanks, Beta Ray Bill Nye, the science guy. Wow. Thank you, Ramsey. Thank you, the artist formerly known as BJ Machine, a sad, stupid child, Napoleon's Festering Piles. Don't know what's happening.

Me neither. Thanks, Ian Buckley. Thanks, Robert Jenkins. Thanks, The Other Gus. Oh, thanks. Thank you, Kiel Bossa Nova. Thank you, Eric Kobler. And then he has a pronunciation guide in parentheticals.

Thanks, Eric. Thanks, Just Some of Anonymous Martin. Thanks guide in parentheticals. Thanks, Eric. Thanks. Just some of anonymous Martin. Thanks. Captain. Good times. Thanks. Hulk hoagie for 20.

Hey, Oh, thank you, Michael McAvoy. Thank you. Paleo Dan. Thank you, Andrew Gerald.

Thank you, James DTJ, which of course stands for down the jamboree. And finally, thank you Flayzacola Man's botched wisdom saving throw. Thank you. Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by?

Big quick list, Dan. Charmin Roll-Ups, rolling it up. Desiccant Cereal, do not eat. Desiccant Cereal, part of this balanced breakfast. Do not eat. The Elderly, if you're cold, they're cold. Bring them inside. Searing abdominal cramps from the makers of vomiting and

hot farts. Melatonin Cheez-Its. Mmm, dreamy. Doom and Gloom appearing with Charo this weekend at the Morago Casino. Tickets are somehow still available. And Delray's Manscaping. We're gonna get in there. Dan?

Thanks, Blaine blame oh my goodness oh my gosh well i believe it's that time time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker the castaway cuties realized upon arriving in flazicola it wasn't quite the same place it used to be so they went to go run through a cave. Cave had some weird gravity issues as well as acid pools, and whoopsie-doodle, they stumbled on a magma bear. So you guys

are in this cave if you would like to open ye old rolls of 20. I will drop a link in the chat in just a moment for those of you who need it. But yeah, we're going to go ahead and have a little map. Little map. And I'm going to go ahead and screen grab it

for our Patreon supporters or what have you. So as you look at the map, you're noticing this and i will let the listeners know you've kind of gone through a tunnel a little ways you went across the sort of precarious ledge around an acid pool and while trying to find the exit you bumped into this large the exit you bumped into this large simmering rock thing that seemed to be radiating a weird nonsensical whisper just sort of gibberish you you listen real closely but it just sounded like gibberish i would say at this point now that you know that it was emanating from the magma bear uh you don't think it was necessarily people going out. It was emanating somehow or for some reason off of him. And he's roaring.

Nathan and Danny, I believe, just had an attempt to get off the rock. Right. You guys tried to jump off the little stone pedestal back to where Tutti is. Right. Yeah, we didn't do great you got out right you just took some acid damage uh yeah i don't know if we i don't know if we got any further past us getting out i thought we just kind of landed in it and it made a splooshy sound and it woke up magma bear got it so i'm gonna just scoop both your tokens like right there and

there and say you're sort of on the precipice and 2D's about to pull you out. Great. But before we get to that, it's initiative time. Everyone can roll initiative. I rarely get a high

initiative with the bad guy, but I did. Alright, so the magma bear a high initiative with the bad guy, but I did. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. All right. So the magma bear got a 19. Nice. Chris, what did you get?

I got a six, Dan. All right. Sarah, what'd you get? 10. Wayne, what'd you get? 10 plus 4, 14. Brian, what'd you get? 10 plus 3, 13.

Ken, how about you? I got you all beat. Two. Sure did get his beat, but only in a sad way. All right. So those are a whole lot of low initiative rolls for the Castaway Cuties. It's our biorhythms are down, Dan. Portent of things to come.

Yeah, well, you know. Let's see. of things to come yeah well you know let's see uh remind uh listeners uh danny and uh nathan do you have how many hit points you lost from the acid four i believe

yeah all right yep so first we've got the bear boo the bear yeah everybody in the if you're listening at home or in the car or what have you start booing don't like share with the people around you

why if you're home alone boo extremely loud if there's other people around boo even louder yeah and hiss magma bear is going to can't get enough of that magma, Chris.

Pedestal. This pedestal. And he is going to grab at Danny. That's right, he's an asshole. Let's cut to that Dennis Leary clip.

Yo, yo. Alright. So, that is a nine to hit. The first one is a miss, I believe, Danny. He's trying to swat you. Like that kid did to that man in Chicago

remember that swatted a guy he was playing online video games with the swat guy's game swatted a guy 26 to hit Brian yeah that hits so he's getting you at the second claw attack

and that's going to be d6 2d6 plus 5 that is 13 points of slashing damage Danny and then he is going to look up at

you, Tootie. I am going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw. We look up to Tootie, don't we? What's that? We all look up. We all look up to don't we what's that we don't look out sir oh we all we all look up to 2d hmm i rolled a 17 okay so you made the saving throw um you all notice the bear rear its head back. And let's see.

Iva, you don't notice this, but you're about to hear it because you're kind of around the corner. It starts to roar. It goes, and then this explosion of flame jets out of its mouth. Tootie, this bear is about to start with you it's going to do a cone outwards i don't believe anyone else is close enough now it's going to just barely uh jelf and princess cosby are both going to see like the flame explode out of this passageway but not quite reach them Dan you're chuckling during our pain it's starting to

bum me out oh don't worry I'll feel bad later when I text you and say hey do you want to talk I'm so sorry um you can hear the ice in the glass when you pick up the phone uh seven plus so that's gonna be 16 20 20 points of fire damage you're gonna have so that's 10 points of fire damage 2d is this and you just kind of flatten yourself against the cave floor enough that it mostly

just singes your back but um singes it real bad and you can just feel your skin kind of bubbling underneath your armor that'll do it for the magma bear you guys we gotta fucking kill him what you're up to Blaine

oh uh I'm going to uh shoot an arrow at it okay uh well I'm going to shoot two arrows at it oh I see uh so that's a

13 plus 1 plus so uh let's say oh wait wait wait sorry sorry... That's a... Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's a 18. That's a hit! And a, uh...

12. Alright. That second one is a miss, so give me the damage on that first one, won't you? It is, uh... right that second one is a miss so give me the damage on that first one won't you it is four plus four eight that's it nice so

I can't shoot anything explosive at it because it's already explosive and I can't shoot any grasping vines at it because it will, uh, it will burn through the vines. Do a, um,

free insight check for me, Jeff. Um, 10 plus six, 16. Yeah. You got a pretty good sense. Fire attacks or anything that would cause fire damage is pretty useless

against this thing. And, uh, explosion would likely do that kind of damage also you yeah you would notice these guys are right in front of the bear i'll give you that with the insight check too so if you did like an explosion it would uh yeah nuke three of your friends yes are. Are you going to move at all? You know what I would like to do is I would like to cast Longstrider on myself if I could and then move on the next round.

Great. I just got to check and see if Longstrider is something you can do if you've used your action already. Because I think if you're using your action to do two bow attacks long strider might also be an action

anyone else would like to weigh in on this while I look it up action surge I can take one one additional action on my turn this can be used one time per short rest one of our favorite topics rest additional action on my turn. This can be used one time per short rest. Nice. One of our favorite topics, rest.

The 50-year-old dungeon troop talking about rest all the time. Well, that'll do it. Yeah, I just want to lay long strider on me so that I can run around and not get... Excellent use of your extra action per short rest,

Joe, I think. Thanks, Dan. The listeners will be glad you did that. Alright, next up we got Brian. Hey, Danny, you just got clawed a bit by this piece of shit. What would you like to do? Son of a bitch. Run. Okay.

Do-do-do. I really what do we feel like what do we feel like our possibilities are against this guy you guys I feel like he's kicking our ass and we'll continue and we'll get murdered yeah he does a lot of damage

I don't know how many hit points he has I'm gonna this thing run away well but if I leave him then he'll get an advantage you can disengage you can disengage and run so that is an option

can I attack disengage and run I believe you need to use your action to disengage oh but i get two don't i do we feel that that there's anything beyond this guy in this room is that why we're fighting him is there a feeling of like treasure or something that he's guarding something or that you started attacking us yeah you approached him because you were hoping that it was the direction towards Flay's E. coli, and it turned out to not be the case. You went to him, uh, run away, actually, and by splooshing in the acid, you woke him up. So, you're not trying to confront him, but you got his attention, and it's, you know, a mess at the moment. I'm going to dis your gates, because I'm one and a half swats

away from getting killed. Yeah, you can definitely disengage as an action. I'm not sure you've also got an attack you can do. That's alright. I'm getting the fuck out of it. I think you could if you did your attack as an action, you might get

a second action. So yeah, why don't you... Your movement is, what, 40 feet? I think 45 feet because you're nimble. So I'm going to show you you can get up to that far away, Brian, if you look at the map. All right, well, I still want to help my friends and use my... I'm going to go half that distance.

I'm going to go to where Nathan is. Oh, no, that's not Nathan. You mean Caspia? Caspia, yeah. Cool. If you want to run back there, you may. Yeah. You just drag your token.

Cool. And then I don't get it. That's it yep that'll be it for you sir but you definitely got yourself out of harm's way all right well cool darts next round up next we've got sarah what's ivah gonna do sarah um i think i'm going to go ahead and, I guess, fire an arrow. There are people within range of him, so it'll count as a sneak attack, I believe. Mm-hmm. Sounds right to me.

That is a 21 to hit. Ooh, that's a hit. That sure is. That's a total of 23 points of damage. Holy shit. Hits him real hard. I'm just looking at his tally. Yeah, that's rough.

I mean, you see chunks of magma and sparks fly off of him. Good. And will that do it for your turn? Yes. Okay. It would be

up next to the turn order, Mr. Tallman. But first, all of you here come from back in the south end of the cavern. Iva, do a perception check. Alright, I will. Let me see what I perceive. a perception check all right I will

let me see what I perceive you look over your right shoulder towards the source of this sound to the tune of 17 okay so you look over your right shoulder and something

resembling like a giant hound with like rocks coming up off the top of its head and its back is charging towards everyone. Cool. It's not good. Uh. All right. Reveal that part of the map. As if the bear wasn't bad enough.

And now it is your turn, Chris Tallman. Well, I don't know what coming or going. Am I in melee? I'm not in melee with the thing, am I? Yes, you are. It is just looming over you, and you got really lucky on its turn it raked at danny because he was slightly closer and then it rocketed flame at 2d but it didn't go for you

all right so i'm going to then with my i'm going to disengage with my action and with my movement and with my movement I'm going to sort of uh hightail it towards Danny and Caspia wait for me one two three four five and I'll sort of

stand in a little line me and then Caspia and then Danny and pull out my wand cool well and then Danny and pull out my wand. Cool. Well, that'll do it for your turn.

Uh, Ken, what's 2d up to 2d is going to cast calm emotion. Okay. Remind me how that works. Charisma saving throw 13. Uh, and, what that does is it... Where is it? I can make a target indifferent about creatures of my choice that it is hostile towards.

Okay. Okay. It got an 18. Well, shit. 19 minus one. Nothing happens. I shit my pants. Oh,

in addition to one level. Yeah. Do you have advantage against a rectal saving throw? Um, would you like to move? Letal saving throw? Oh, dear. Would you like to move? Let me see. Let me look here.

Oh, I have two attacks. So can I try another spell, perhaps? Yeah. Why not? Sure. Why not, you goofy fool? Yeah. I'll try sleep this time.

I could go for a short rest. And now that's the hit points versus. So I roll 78 to see if it works. 78? Nice. All right, remind me what this one does again. Puts him to sleep. I had a rest that was so short once This is great

Does he do a saving throw or is it just a hit point It's just if I can beat his hit points Thank you I was in another window And I needed you to lay that out for me You got it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 Come on baby Let's do the 27th 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Come on, baby.

Let's do the 27th. I'm going to do some math here. Blaine, can I get some HitPoints math music commercial? There you go. That's what I want. commercial. That was the music that was in the background of squirmals. Do you remember squirmals? Yeah. It looked like a pipe cleaner worm that would move through your hands.

It was a magic trick kind of thing. Orange fuzzy worm. It's terrifying. You look like a Muppet leech. Anyway, stick around. After Nerd Poker coming up, after we go off, it's Bang Bus she wrote with Angela

Lansbury Jr. Stick around. Set your TiVos if you still have those. All this and more on seesaw babies all right well uh you you attempt to make it go to sleep tootie and it just kind of goes

and just like shakes its head and drools a couple drops of magma into the acid doesn't quite keep it well no it's now he's focused on you. That's fun. And guess what? It's his turn. Oh, shit. Boo.

Boo. All right. Oh, hey, Mavis. Mavis, everybody. Hey, Mavis. Hey, sweet angel. Hi, Mavis Hello Mavis Hey Mavis 2D this is going to be a 25 to hit Oh not a chance

I believe that's definitely For me What is your armor class At that moment Nathan goes, I've seen this moment before. Oh, you pretty boy.

And he turns whatever you rolled into a four. Wow. Alright, so the bear opens its maw much larger than any normal bear could. You just see these rings of bright yellow magma down its

throat and it kind of like feels like a kink in its neck and just kind of snaps its jaws way way too early and kind of like like shoves its face towards you and it's still shaking off to sleep it doesn't know what the fuck just happened. But it is going to take a couple of swipes at you. Oh, God. Alright, that first one is going to be a 13 to hit. Nope. I feel you. The second one is going to be

a 16 to hit. Burn, burn, burn. That's a tie. Burning ring is a magma. That's unfortunately a hit. Yeah. So the first time he swipes a massive paw at you, you hear a whoosh by. The second time, it's going to connect with your jaw. Oh, my face, my beautiful face.

I cover your face. True, did you have one of those beautiful curly beards? I do. Yeah. It goes on forever. Nice and thick. And it connects right in your beard and goes for 10 points of slashing damage. Oh, my beard.

All right, then. And that's going to not feel good. What's happening? What copyright are we violating right now Blaine? It's scribbles It's public domain right now Sorry That sounded dirty

I wanted to help Brian Help Brian understand Oh I get it No I know you were humming it i wanted you to get it right but it plays over and over in your head for the next 18 or 15 hours he is not going to move other than inch right up to 2d for those attacks that's going to be it for him up next we've got blame uh i would like to uh fire a couple of squirrels at him. I'm going to do the same thing where I'm going to take two arrow shots at him. And hey, I have that ornate bow

that I got from the office back in time. Do you remember that? I do. So I don't know what the... I'm assuming that I used it for the last attack. So I'm using these attacks to kind of attune myself to it, I suppose. It's a standard longbow.

I will take that into account. You do not get the bonuses just yet. these attacks to kind of attune myself to it, I suppose. It's a standard longbow. I will take that into account. You do not get the bonuses just yet, and Mr. Chris Tallman would like to note something perhaps? He just put a finger up because he was having an idea bubble? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I was sort of reaching to scratch my eyebrow and made the I have an idea gesture.

Oh, how's your eyebrow doing? Oh, I have an idea about scratching it. Sorry. Congrats. Congrats. Oh, congrats. All right. So, uh, 17 plus. Oh, so, so 17 plus nine is, uh, 26 to hit on one. Okay.

And seven plus nine is 15. Those are both hits. Oh, I like the sound of that. Let's check both hits. Ooh. I like the sound of that. Let's check this out. Whoa! 2 plus 4, that's 6. And 2 plus 4, that's 6.

12. Nice. Sweet. Okay. So, another one lands in this guy's hide.'s uh you're doing some serious damage you guys he's not dying or anything but you're definitely feeling like you are connecting in some way with a large amount of damage cool can i can i move during this thing after i attack can i uh start a kind of... You got Longstrider going, yeah. So, you know, normally you have 35 feet of movement,

but Longstrider means you can get 10 more, so you can go 45. Because I would like to sort of get into a... I think the bear might might be okay with you guys i want to get into position where i can attack this rock thing okay so it's where's where did you say the rock thing was i'm sorry you can see it to the southwest if you look at the map way down there oh okay okay so i'm gonna try to go do you see uh uh on this rock here is there a way for me to kind of get up on some rocks so i can aim down at it yeah um that's actually a good amount of uh distance you can go without using the rest of your movement to go vertically

so i'm gonna need an athletics check uh 18 plus plus one my regular athletics bonus uh there's not a ton of room however i will open up on the map a little bit of like flat rock you can stand on so you can kind of see right there but it connects with the ceiling after that yeah okay just somewhere that i can sort of like be uh i know it's going to kind of charge at me at the column or whatever i just don't want your tramp your token on there all right help remind us that you're on top of that rock. Cool. Thank you, Dan. You're welcome. A boss. Up next, we've got Brian. Hey, Danny. Hey, buddy.

Hey, Danny. It's me, Danny. Yeah, I'm gonna use my crossbow, my friend. Sweet. Why don't you tell me what turns out to happen? Alright, watch this. Twelve. It's going to be a miss on Forge.

Damn it. And I just get one? Um. Let me see. I think you might get two I'm just double checking yeah you get two attack actions I thought always

or just done um did I have it earlier when I asked no the way I have it here is if you use your action to attack you get a second one okay cool i got you that makes someone sees otherwise let me know attacks for action is what i try to leave you guys in charge of this but yeah i'm gonna take another one sweet no real low nine damn it sorry guys

Sarah is super pissed when aren't I Danny just likes to help and he's not helping well um you did your best Danny that's all that matters and up next comes Iva

um okay so I You did your best, Danny. That's all that matters. And up next comes Iva. Okay, so I technically am within both of these things, within range of both of these things, right? Mm-hmm. Does it feel like the rock animal is more pressing from where I am? Do an insight check uh that is a 22 you think it's more of a frightening unknown i'll put it that way you feel like you've done some damage against the other thing but it doesn't necessarily look more powerful on its own it's definitely healthier looking um i guess i just mean like if i do i have a chance of like stopping

its progression if i if i fire on that guy right now you don't know about you don't think you'll stop its progression you think you'll get its attention oh i see well um I guess I'm going to fire at the bear then again and try to take it down. All right. Just keep going with that plant. Oh, wait. Let me look at the map again to see, though, because is somebody still... Oh, yeah. Okay.

So, because sneak attack... Because an enemy is within five feet of it then i then i don't need advantage right for sneak okay just double checking and we're viewing for everyone who's listening is anyone listening hello um oh i didn't mean you guys i meant the other listeners secret ones yeah you're listening right now. Is there other people involved? No. Sorry, you're muted. Forget I said anything.

Ken, forget I said anything. Sarah, by muted, we mean we're going to talk over you. What did you roll? 17 to hit. That's a hit? Roll that damn. Okay, then I'm going to do seven points of regular damage. Ooh.

So 17 points of damage. Now, my only question is once per turn. Oh, yeah. So once per turn, I can do that. So it's fine that I already... I can just keep using it throughout as long as somebody is... That's correct, right? As long as it's engaged, yeah.

Yeah, so 17 points of damage. Nice. You're really racking up the damn. Indeed. Damn, damn. Yeah, I mean, it just slams it. This guy is really pissed, and you definitely have the bear's attention now. We'll see if you hold it, because

I'm going to use my bonus action to hide oh great it's uh it's definitely something that would occur to you after you slam that arrow and you just see its eyes like tracking the back of this tunnel so that'll do it for your turn um up next princess cospia who's been pretty freaked out who's gonna stop hiding herself so she you guys have sort of been gathering around her um she is gonna make a run for the bear. Oh. So she bravely cries out, I'll take care of him, Nathan. I'll get him for what he did to you.

Did he do something to you? I slipped in the acid water. Oh, that's unacceptable. And she goes charging off towards him. She busts out the dagger that Iva loaned her so long ago for her sneak adventures through her father's castle. And that's

going to be a 26 to hit. Wow. And so she takes this thing and just slams it up into its chin. And then let's see, what else can she do? What else can she do? Coming up after Dirt Poker, stay tuned for Dowagers.

Immediately followed by the Lisbon Muppets present body heat. All this and more after Dirt Poker. As soon as she cuts into this thing's jaw, she yells out Huzzah! And she backflips about 15

feet. Wow. He's the least. Wish I could do that. A move called Bunny Hop. Nice. And up next, you hear the howling continue.

All right. This thing is going to start charging towards everyone what is it? whose turn is it? the hound got it um

Iva I'm gonna have him roll uh what does he do to find you when you're hiding? What is that roll? I think it's perception versus stealth, but I don't remember if because you're hiding it means you're good,

but he saw you when he wants to bite you. He sees you when you're hiding. When you try to hide... D&D 5e... You can't hide from a creature that can see you so if he had already seen me i don't know if he had at that point um well if it had already yeah i mean everybody everyone has seen you at this point Everyone has seen you at this point.

Yeah, if he'd already seen me at the point that I hid, then I can't hide from him anyway, I don't think. That's kind of surprising. I thought we have read differently. When you decide to hide, DM first decides whether it's reasonable you could attempt to hide in a situation. I mean, you can hide from the bear because you've got that tunnel. Okay. I could say you could just

sort of squeeze a little bit between some rocks. Generally, this determination is based on how clearly they can see you. I decide if your character can try to hide. Oh, so make a stealth roll. Okay. And no avocado.

That is a natural 20 plus 9 yeah you are so hired I disappeared from this dimension one second hey Blaine can you that scared Mavis sorry Mavis give us one more commercial yeah

of course back Back to school code up, everybody. So you're going to need lots of Nestle's gasoline. Lucky strike. Kid cigarettes. Asbestos crest with lead for the asbestos teeth. Dan, are we good? Yeah, we're good. Yeah, it can't spot

you. So you managed to duck between some rocks. This hound is like hunting around for you and uh you managed to get just behind you're like leaning very precariously but uh yeah uh you managed to get just out of the way is it doing anything else on it is it its turn right now it is on its turn right now? It is on its turn. Okay. Um, then,

uh, I'm going to have Nathan do a perception check. Perception. You say, yeah, uh, let's say so three plus three, six, Dan,

let's say so three plus three six Dan all you really see is this thing is snorting right where you can see both Iva and this thing snorting about 10 15 feet away okay I will with my wand out

I will cast witch bolt at third level against the rock hound um cool okay so it's an attack roll 13 plus 6 so total of 19 is that right yeah one second I gotta pause sorry oh sorry what's gonna happen what oh yeah yeah

yeah guys can you hear that hi Mel everybody's saying hello. Hi, Mel. Hi, Melanie. Mel and Drew appears to courtesy Cocoa Pulse with nine vitamins of iron. Sure. I rolled a 19 to hit

against the granite beast. That is definitely a hit. Roll your damage, please. Awesome. Now, because I cast it at third level, it's 3d12. Okay. All right. Perfect. So a one and a four, five plus four.

So nine. How disappointing is that? Nine points of damage, Dan. Okay. That's definitely not as much as you could have done, but... Any damage is good damage. Yep. That's right, Ken.

Smacks into the hound. Any movement? Anything else you'd like to do with your turn? Yeah, I will... You tell Mama? Tell Mama you're happy to see her i think i'll basically stay where uh i will move to the edge of 30 feet away from the thing because that's the range on my spell so i'll move to that's 25 g's so i'll move to there sort of the far side this is that also i'm assuming acid damn sure feels like it four five six seven which is my full movement i can move 35 feet so i move you

across the far side of the acid uh pool from this thing. Cool. Cool with your pool. Thank you. And up next is going to be Ken. Hey, what's Tootie going to do? I'm going to attack the bear. Oh. That is a 18 to hit. Oh shit, that's definitely a hit.

Alright, using my gla hit. Oh shit. That's definitely a hit. All right. Using my glaive. Oh my God. Uh, 11. Um, um, uh, yeah.

I mean like you, you, the slash across his neck and, uh, it howls and like rears back. It's not dead, but that fucked it up. I'm going to attack again. Okay. That is a 12 to hit.

Ooh, that's a miss, unfortunately. I'm going to once again shit my pants. Cool. The bear is going to attempt to grapple you. So let's get a strength check.

Can you beat a 22? Oh. At this moment, Nathan goes, I've seen this moment before. And he turns whatever the day, whatever he rolled, he turns it into a nine. What'd you get, Ken?

Thirteen. Oh, man. So. He he he tries so hard to get purchase on you with his jaws like he really wants to just grab your head with his mouth and flip you over his shoulder into the acid but he just keeps clacking his teeth against your pauldrons and they just his head keeps just sliding back as you like kind of brush him away. Phew. Um, he then gets fed up with you.

He feels like he's having a real hard time nailing you. And he storms down the passage to go find where all the other dickheads are that have been shooting arrows and such at him. I'm going to need you to do a dex check as he takes up the entire passage and stomps past you. That is a six. Ah, wait a minute.

Oh. Hang on. Hold the phone. 21. 21. So he just absolutely slams past you and you managed to catch his sort of lava like shoulder in such a way where you can spin and land flat against a wall but you came pretty close to tumbling backwards into the acid. It's a relief.

He is now in the thick of it looking around for someone to bite and he's got a pretty good view of Danny and Caspia. Caspia also is going to roll because he's going to just stomp right over her. She's tiny and he is not.

Yep. She rolled high enough where she can also sort of press up against the wall. But yeah, she's looking, she's looking at the bears, looking around at Caspia. Danny doesn't have enough time to spot Iva hiding, but Iva,

you can see its head just like, like the cave troll in the minds of Moria just like like looking around next to you and you know there's a hound on the other side of the rock you're behind it's a

great time up next is Blaine hi Blaine hi so where's the this thing I'm sorry I'm looking at this thing yeah the rock thing you say it's right below? I'm sorry, I'm looking at the... This thing? Yeah, the rock thing. This thing you say. It's right below me, I guess. The hound or the bear?

The hound. The hound is like directly beneath you snuffling around a sort of smaller pillar of rock that Iva is pinned behind. Can I take a look at it and see if there's like any breaks in its rocky hide that I would be able to put some arrows into? Like take a, see if there's like bright red things on a video game that show you where to shoot at. I'll let you pick. You can do perception or insight. Perception 20 plus 6, 26.

Perception 20 plus 6 26 Yeah I mean there's like a small little spot Between the rocks On the back of his head and the rocks On the back of his back and shoulders But you think you'd need to roll a 20 or higher To connect with a called shot like that Can I do both

Called shots Yep I'm gonna do them here we go That is a 14 which is a miss if i need natural 20s um well he yep not enough for him and uh that was a 19 first one clacks off of his rock the second one's gonna hit roll your damage oh and uh can i use a an exploding arrow on this one? So, which is another 2d6 after the... Mm-hmm. So that's 8 plus 4 is 12, and 2d6...

12 plus 8 is 20. Sweet damn! So, exploding arrow uh do do do do do do if it hits it does immediately after the arrow hits a creature the target and all other creatures within 10 feet of it take

uh 2d6 force of force damage each okay and what was the force damage uh 2d6 okay um Sarah damage? 2d6. Okay. Sarah, we're going to need a dex check. You're going to have to try to get away from

this pillar as you see the exploding arrow flying down at the hound about 5 feet away from you. A saving throw or a dex? Dex saving throw, yes. Yes.

Pardon me. Oh my god. That fake die like rolled on its edge and then rolled the wrong way for me. So I'm going to go ahead and use a luck point

actually. What was the force damage again, Blaine? 2d6. D means D is for god. What was the force damage again blaine two two d six d means d is for what did you what was the result of that roll uh that was uh four and four eight eight okay uh

nine all right so that's gonna be eight points of force damage as part of this pillar smashes into you oh sorry i have a for you as part of this pillar smashes into you. No! Sorry, Ava. For you? Just kidding. She just rolls and brushes it off and gives a thumbs up.

Okay. Brian, you're up. Wouldn't the bear also take damage? Wait, wait, hang on. The bear did take damage. Wait, wait, hang on. The bear did take damage. Okay. I just wanted to know about it.

That's fair, that's fair. I just wanted to get to the thing at hand. How close is that bear, my friend? Brian, you just did you just go? No, you just said I could have a round. Did I skip? Oh, yeah or yeah oh that's right because blaine went and now it's your turn i got turned around a little bit because of the sarah thing

you're up sorry brian right but my question is uh is he close you are so in the shit right now my friend um the bear is directly in front of you uh and probably gonna bite you or iva or cospia in in two seconds i'm gonna short sword him okay actually let's see i'm maybe i'm gonna shoot crossbow close range right at his face. Okay. Because I get the most damage. Ha! 14 plus 6, that's a 20, my friend. Alright, roll your damage. Alright.

6. Okay. You gonna attack again? Yes. six okay you gonna attack again yes uh nine that time oh that's gonna miss but when you when that crossbow hits him right behind the eye you see like magma gushing out of his face he's he's not looking good. He's going, oh, jeez. He's having a bad day. All right.

I hope it gets worse. Do, do, do, do. Sarah, you're up. You got a big bear and a cave hound, too. Yeah. So I guess I'm going to attack the bear if he's looking bad he's looking pretty bad with a um shortsword okay now so can i still this seems wrong if i can still do a sneak attack when i'm right here in front of him but i can well how does sneak attack work for you right here in front of him, but I can. Well, how does sneak attack work

for you specifically? I think it's the same as for anybody. It's just... It's because there are other combatants in melee. He's distracted. He also gets narratively stuck in the eye.

Right. Okay, cool. Well, I'm going to do it. I'm going to try it. Enjoy it. As Brody would say. Oh, well, no. I'm going to go ahead and use my last luck point because that was bad. So that's a 17 to hit.

That's a hit. Roll your damage. Okay. And then that. hit roll your damage okay and then that um so i'm gonna do him 27 points of damage with my how would you like to see this magma bear die sarah fuck yeah short sword in slow motion fuck him um i'd like yeah i'd like the magma to continue you said it was flowing out of his like eyes and stuff right behind his uh right eye yeah okay so i'd like to like basically i shoved the sword in through his socket and then the tears of magma magma start to flow like down his face as he like

collapses to his knees and like deflates like a balloon and the magma tears spell out why on the ground and then he falls down uh he he spells such a thing out on the ground and boy is it poetic and then he falls on his chest and then his haunches starts to just sort of like go cold you see the glow leave you hear the whispering start to die off but you do still hear more howling coming from the southern caves and we'll have to find out exactly what that means on the next episode of pokey mcnerds hey. What do you think is happening? Episode 76. Like a circus in Russia,

we are mistreating a bear. It's breathing fire and spinning around while we poke at it. And mock it all you want, Blaine, some of us love a rest. Iva did some excellent damage and now there's a rocky dog

as well, I think. Toonie made an animal briefly tired, but then more mad, which resulted in him getting slapped. Iva again did some hurting, and even the princess did some stabbing. Iva hid so hard that I audibly gasped, and Ken shit himself like a hero. And then Iva killed a bear. Basically, we had a really nice time with some animals, just like Noah's Ark, which I

haven't read, but I assume is similar. Dan, anything you want to plug, my friend? Yeah, please go watch The Dragon Prince on Netflix. There's three seasons that you can go ahead and watch anytime. And if you're all caught up by the time the book comes out, I've adapted it for tabletop role-playing, and I think you will really enjoy it. It's kid-friendly, too. Oh, right on.

If they're like, oh right on at least 10 yeah I got my regular show Grandpa's Metal Stash chugging along we're on episode 87 just turn it in that'll be on Tuesday morning Gimme Metal streaming channel

two hours of heavy metal every week it's been a fucking blast and I'm starting to run out of songs but I am definitely replaying bands all the time but it's fun for me

and then I've got a couple different comic books in different stages the first one's gonna be out on 420 with Jerry Duggan and Scott Koblish it's called The Secret Wars Against Weed. That's not exactly right, but it's close to that.

You can find it. Jerry did the title, but at any rate, it's fucking insane. We're having a lot of fun doing it. Then I've got a comic called Axe coming soon on Heavy Metal. I think that comes out in May also in Heavy Metal magazine. As soon as I know the date, I'll be plugging that.

And we'll have Joe Truman come and play because he wrote that with me. I'm super excited about that and then I have another two other image books that are coming out soon too but it's busy here at House Posein and I'm on the road see me in Portland

see me in Denver BrianPosein.com anybody else? Oh, I got nothing. Stacy Keach got botulism at an eating contest. So I got a couple of weeks off. What was he eating? You name it.

It's usually fatal. It was just an eating contest. It was at the one surviving Arthur Treacher's. Oh, yeah. I didn't want to bring names into it. Arthur Treacher, yeah.

We felt betrayed. I'll just say that. Oh, wow. I want a hot for teacher parody for Arthur Treacher's prepared by next week. E.coli, E.coli, E.coli, it's Arthur Treacher's. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at Patreon.com slash Nerd Poker And you get bonus episodes from there

And you can also Send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.