Nerd Poker - S4E78 Cave Clearing Chaos

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

Yipes, this cave battle is getting very ugly for the Castaway Cuties. Hopefully amongst the bodies there will be a few good saving throws. And death saving throws.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Blay Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody. Guess what? I'm Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker.

Episode 78? Yeah? Sure. Thumbs up. Let's keep going. Look, my friends are Sure. Thumbs up. Let's keep going. Look, my friends are here. There's Dan. It's me.

Is that that Dungeons and Dragons? Dungeons and Diners and Dragons and Drive-Divers. Yeah, yeah. It's so great. I wish I could have said it right also. We all have this shirt somewhere. Yeah, somewhere. Blaine Kepatch is here, everybody.

Are we still doing funny Stephen King movies? Pamela Knockers. No, that was before the show. Oh, man. Tootie's here. What's up, Tootie? Hi. How are you doing?

I'm good. Sarah, hello. Hi. Chris. Hello. How are you? I'm good. Sarah, hello. Hi. Chris. Hello. How are you? I'm great. How are you, Brian? I'm good, buddy. I hope you never fall into the live zone.

Nice. Yeah, that's right. Oh, man. Sam is here. Hello, sweet children. What's up, pal? Hi, everyone. How you doing? Good.

Doing good. Doing good. How's your gig playing for The Cure? I don't know that that one matches now. It totally matches, dude. Can you see me? You got your Lowell Tolhorst. It's totally your end of the red in Lowell Tolhorst.

There is a dude in Depeche Mode that had that bleached. Yeah. The way that looks. I think I said that a week or two ago. That's why I said stop the insanity last time. Susan Powder. I like it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's going on. It's my way of saying nice hair, man. Thanks. Susan, you just cried. Oh, sorry. Susan Powder. Sorry, I way of saying nice hair, man. Thanks. Jesus Christ. Susan Powder. Sorry, I didn't realize you were going to say Kudo. Susan Powder, Ken. Yeah. Kudo.

Deep cut reference. Kudo. Kudo's to both of you. Is it Powder the movie with Ken or Susan Powder? is it powder the movie with a can or is it just Susan powder alright let's let's thank some people and start this train wreck alright

hey folks I'm gonna thank folks who folked at the Patreon level known as Stargoyle or HeyBoss you go by usernames like DickSword. Thanks, DickSword. Thank you, RayRPG. Thanks, Carrie Marsh. Thanks, Gregory Dodds.

Thanks, Dargther's Secret Ropehole. Oh, dear. Thanks, DickTrebouchet. Thank you. Thanks, TT. Thanks, Douglas Scott. Thanks, John Matthews. Thank you, Dargther's Ass Closet. thanks dick trebuchet thank you thanks tt thanks douglas scott thanks john matthews thank you dargther's ass closet he's got a lot of stuff going on he's got a lot of hidden pockets wink a dink dinky wink well go ahead i see what that means. Thank you, Gimme5BeesForABoinCone.

Thanks, DevonaUpYouRock. Thank you, OneQuarterVikingThreeQuarterSassy. Thank you, Warthog. Thank you, Alan Minarik. Thank you, PacoSkaOrDiePluma. Thanks, Alan. Thanks. Thank you, FunkJuggernaut.

Thanks, Zaf. Thank you, ThatKid'sDead. You you, Funk Juggernaut. Thanks, Alf. Thank you, That Kid's Dead. You know which kid I'm talking about. Don't assume. We don't know. I'm sorry. That Kid's Dad. You know which kid I'm talking about.

This has got to... He wants revenge, probably. Thank you, Scott Parker. Thank you, Flesh Muppet. Ew, Flesh Muppet. Yeah. Thank you, Parn, watching you through a black pool in hell. I think that's an NPC you forgot about in the first Earwolf season.

Thank you, Ziggy Keelmeister. Thank you, Andy Parker. Thank you, Nicholas, Nicholas Grimmel. Thank you, Smurfettes conspicuous bulge thank you big angry thank you Kugelbear thank you Stefan Jack Stefan

thank you Rob thank you so behind I'll go with Prehaw why not and finally thank you. I am 49 years old and from New Jersey. I therefore understand almost every

reference you guys make, especially Blaine. Oh, nice. Also home of Doors Unlimited. Blaine, speaking of you. Oh yeah, no, Doors Unlimited. What now? Same town. I was hoping we would hear you sing it when I queued you up for just one word,

but you just were so disgusted. I wasn't disgusted. I was thinking about it. Okay. I just would like some Cujos for trying. Hey, Blaine. Doors unlimited. Unlimited doors.

I woke up in the neighborhood. I can bully my friend. Blaine, who is that bullying brought to us by? Doors Unlimited brought to us by Monster Egg Drink. Denver, Chili Cheese, and Poach. Get the monster into your mouth for breakfast, Monster Egg Drink. And I am for odor moths. Luna was getting a little slow and I knew it was time.

I wanted to make the most out of her last couple of months. I am for odor moths. Dan. Oh, it's a little upsetting. Thank you, Blaine. I believe it is now time to talk about what happened last time on nerds pokers nerds pokers that's right blaine i made the first one possessive and the second one plural wow yeah i like it

wow yeah I like it you guys are killing some cave dogs in a cave alright so um Sarah went last Mark Rivers is banned yeah yes google it that's gonna mean

Princess Cosby is gonna attack these cave dogs yeah you guys are trying to make your way into Flayzacola listeners I don't want you to forget they're trying to go into blaze of cola secretly through a cave because it's apparently been conquered by undead elves from vindaria and unfortunately they are waylaid by a magma bear that woke up three cave dogs and one of them's about to be attacked by princess caspia she's gonna try to stab at it and uh she's gotta run to it because the one by her is dead.

So she's going to go for the one that was coming after Nathan. Tis a hit. Finally, she's been whiffing a lot with her dagger. And that'll be... Seven points of stabbing damage. And that'll do it for her. Up next comes Hound Dead Died. I'll cross him out.

And Hound number three, the one she just stabbed, is, I mean, going to notice it and try to attack her. Also, I'm going to scoot Caspia down one peg because I put her between 2D's glaive and the cave dog, which I don't think is a good idea. We're going to need a short rest at least after this. Maybe. Maybe. this maybe maybe the dog is gonna run up and try to bite Caspia they love to do that all right that's gonna be isn't she already down who's down she went down and got brought back up. Just barely got hit. This is a bite. The bites are worse than the claws and tails. Claws and tails can be a multi-attack.

But if it's a bite, it's a lot of damage. So this is first up, 4d12 plus 4. You listeners who don't play Dungeons & Dragons, that's what they call a lot of potential damage. It's 4 times 12. 4d12 plus 4. 15. Already dead.

Yep, just chomps right through her there's gonna be a splatter of blood as it cuts its fangs through Caspia and she her eyes just roll back in her head uh that's awful

she up next comes Chris Nathan sees that happen and he casts chill touch against the whatever rock hound that just bit her

so first it's an attack roll you need a 17 for these cave hounds let's see don't you have a thing where you can go back in time and do a different fork in reality or something? Yeah, but I can only do that. I've already done that twice in this fight. Unfortunately, that's it for my...

I rolled a six, so I'm going to use a luck point and try and make it better. Oh, there we go. That's an 18 plus 6 to hit 24. Oh, that's a hit, all right. So it does 2d8. I believe it's necrotic damage because it's a ghostly rabbit's paw

that's doing that. So 6 and 4, 10. So 10 points of necrotic damage. And then is this thing undead, possibly? I'm going to double check. No. All right. It is a large monstrosity.

If it was undead, there'd be extra stuff from Chill Touch. But that's it. Large monstrosity. If it was undead, there'd be extra stuff from Chill Touch. But that's it. And then maybe for my move, I will just move a little away from the edge. I'm going to fall back here. Yeah, you are definitely jumping over a pit of acid last episode.

Oh, boy. Put you in a slightly precarious position. Ken, you just saw, as 2D, Princess Caspia stabbed this thing in the neck, and then this thing bit right into her, and she's still dangling from its jaws. I'm going to glaive this fucker again. Okay. Okay. That's a 10 to hit. No good. Nope. That's a 21 to hit.

Oh, that's a hit. And then that is... Oops. Wrong thing. Okay. That is six points of damage. Okay. That's six points of damage.

Okay. Brian, did you do Fire Stopper? I said something else like Fire... Something. Okay. I can't remember. Sparky Smoosher. All right. That'll be Blaine.

You're up. Oh, Fire Pusher, I think I said. Oh, Fire Pusher. Okay. Heat Creator. right that'll be blaine you're up oh fire pusher i think i said oh fire pusher okay heat creator can uh uh can i take another attack at this thing with my sword yes i'm still it's still so that's a 14 I want to check my my attack thing here sorry hey Billy what's what's this looking for thing brought to us by Billy

oh my god Billy's just frozen or is he staring I honestly can't tell can't tell he dropped out oh my god it looked so scary because it really looked like he was just holding his face very still. But then it went on just a smidge too long. And then.

Yeah, he has this very placid look on his face. Oh, I don't like that at all. He'll be back. Oh, he'll be back. But what if he's back and it's the same face when he comes back? I don't like that at all. And then what if his face replaces all everyone else's faces in the Zoom chat? Oh my god, what the?

Wait, he said something. Texted us. Write it down and sell it to Blumhouse. So that's a 19. Alright, his computer totally froze. That's a hit. And a 14. Not a hit. Okay. So yeah, Chris is rebooting his computer

given that. We're a booty. Luckily, he just had his turn, so So yeah, Chris is rebooting his computer given that. Rebooty. Luckily, he just had his turn, so luckily he won't miss too much of his own business. Seven, eight, so twelve. Twelve points.

And is there any way that I can sort of like after I do the second attack to just sort of disengage get away from it a little bit so that I can kind of take stock of what's going on I think you have to use your action to disengage am I

wrong disengagers in the party oh bonus action some people have it I say connection. Oh, bonus action. Some people have it. I think I have it as bonus action. Check Jelf, yeah. But it's not a given. I'm going to go ahead and look at your

character sheet, Blaine, so I can back you up if you can't find it. Actions in combat. Disengage. Bonus action. You can shalala. curving shot or second win those are your only options as a bonus action unfortunately okay all right i'll just i'll just i'll just stay where i am cool but yeah you can next turn if you want to sacrifice your attacks you can disengage and try to like i don know, either crawl across the wall or scoot down this little

And how, like, how damaged does this thing look at this point? The one up by you has got a lot of blood dripping off of its hide. The one that was running along the ledge originally to attack Nathan, but with now a Cospi in its mouth

is less hurt. Okay. Okay. And that means we're going to talk about what Danny Yen is going to do. Danny Yen. How far am I from the one that's just trash Caspia? Five feet.

Yeah, you're five feet away. Okay, well, that one, I'm going to mix it up and resheath my crossbow. Okay. And then I'm going to... Excuse me.

Burp on it. Burp on it. I'm going to burp on it so hard. Just trying to find D&D beyond. Where did I... Burp on it. I'm going to burp on it so hard. Uh, uh, uh, um, just trying to find D&D Beyond. Where did I... Son of a biscuit eater. Where did it get to? I don't know. Hey, Nathan.

I'm sorry, Billy. What is this looking up D&D Beyond brought to us by? Lost time. Sometimes things happen and then you have like a blackout. But no, you have lost time. Hope an alien didn't put a bite dick on you. Hey, Billy, this is your reminder to press record a second time.

Oh, I already did. You're going to have fun with this one, Sam. Thank you, Billy. Okay. So Danny, is he taking out a melee weapon or is he doing something with his hand? I had to go back and find the whole sheet

and everything. Sorry. Reboot it, actually. There we go. No, I'm going to use my short sword. Caspia's still in its mouth. Oh, yeah. Okay. There we go.

Probably not that first one. That was a 12. No? Nope. Afraid not. 16 isn't a hit either. God damn it. Nope. Sorry.

Okay. Danny tried. It's going to be, Danny, six seconds unfortunately. I'm going to scoot you up a little bit a little closer, right by, unfortunately. I'm going to scoot you up a little bit, so you're a little closer, right by Tootie. And next up is going to be the Hound up by Jelf.

It's going to be a crit. Oh, jeez. Jeez. So it rears back to bite Jelf. Oh. Oh boy. Sorry, Jelf. This is gonna be 4d12 plus 4.

Wow. For the last bite that took down Cospia. That's at least 8. How many hit points do you have left? 27. Okay. This is gonna be... Uh...

Uh... 23 points of piercing damage. Okay. And now you're in its mouth, and you're gonna take 1d6 acid damage. I've been there, man. All right! Uh, 6 points of acid damage. I've been there, man. All right. Six points of acid damage.

Okay. I'm down. Unconscious. Okay. So both of the hounds now have somebody unconscious in their mouth. Jesus. Yeah, this one took a turn. All right. yeah this one took a turn all right so up next is iva iva you can hear acid drool dripping down the cliff above you and you look up and you see that jelf is now in the maw of this thing 15 feet above you now i attack this

guy with my oh you're actually up there yeah you're right next to it you use okay sorry because i can still use that i that lasts for a minute my insightful fighting um so it means i still can do sneak attack damage on him do i feel confident or at least semi-confident that i can attack the thing without hurting jelf like can i swing yes Yeah, it's back is cute. It's been all over Jelf. Alright, so here I go. Hopefully this will do it and it'll just drop you. Yeah, if anyone attacks

these guys while they have someone out I'm doing a roll to keep the character in attack. Oh, yeah. That would be horrible. I'm so sorry. I was about to drop from its acid-dripping job. Was that a miss? Yeah, I missed. 14. Okay.

Are you going to move or are you going to stay up there? Um. Can't. Shoot. Let's see. No. I was just trying to see if there's anything I can do with my bonus action. I guess I can disengage, but I don't want to because I need to be able to attack him on my next round to get Jelf out if nobody else gets up here.

So I'm going to remain engaged. Congratulations. Wish-hmm. So I'm gonna remain engaged. Congratulations! Wish us well! We're going to Tahiti. Oh! Well, on that sweet note, it's time for Princess Caspia to do her first death saving throw.

Success! Yay! Hang in there. Next, we have a hound with her in its mouth Ooh It's going to try to open its mouth and swallow her Oh my god!

Can't quite get her down but she is going to take a hit and that's going to be an automatic death fail. Oh, God. Up next is going to be Nathan. I will do that chill touch again against that same guy who's got Caspia in her mouth. Oh, yeah, I'll sort of see her sort of gaspian her mouth oh yeah I'll sort of

see her sort of gulping her down like the princess 17 plus 6 to hit 23 oh that's sure hit all right so chill touch again is points of necrotic damage. All right. He takes these nine, uh, not happy about it, but still not quite as screwed up as the other hound. Oh, shit. He does drop Caspia. Good! He does drop Caspia.

Good! So you guys see her kind of thud unconscious to the ground. Anything else you'd like to do, Chris? I mean, so much, but that's all I can do for now. Sure. It's a long fight. Tutti, you're up. This happens right in front of you,

the dropping of the unconscious. So she has one success and one fail. Yes, sir. And she needs two fails or two successes. Three. Oh, three. Okay. Yes.

It's best of five. Great. Then I'm going to attack the asshole. Specifically? No, it's what I'm calling the whole thing is an asshole. Assholes and dick biting. I'm going to kill this whole asshole. Nerd Poker

After Dark. That's a 17. With the glaive. That's sure a hit. That's 12 points of damage. And then that's a 21. That's also a hit. And then that's a 21. That's also

a hit. And that is 14 points of damage. Jeez! Motherfucker. He is much more fucked up than the other hound. That's good. He's not looking great. You've definitely got some

revenge, 2D, for the gore in front of you. That's going to bring us around to Jelf. Jelf, please do a death saving throw. It's a 20-sided dice. You want 10 or better. 10 or better. 10 or better. 17.

Great. Mark of success. You have one success. You need three to wake up, three to pass away. Up next, we've got Brian. Yeah, pal. Danny N. Caspia's body lies before you.

The drippy acid maw of one of these fuckers is just shredded by Tootie. Okay. But there's still one left, right? There's two left. This one's almost... One of them just bit the shit out of Cospian and is right in front of you. The other one

has Jelf's lifeless body in its mouth. Is somebody helping Jelf? Iva's trying. I'm going to kill this one that's closer to me that has damage already right do it

it's pretty fucked up now specifically 2D just did a called shot on it's asshole I tore it's asshole up finally 17 I did it to hit

that's why I short-sorted him. To hit. Tear his asshole some more. Oh, I want to tear his asshole up. Fucking asshole. 3 plus 3, 6. Really? Sometimes the shit-talking gets real meta.

Yeah. While that happened, my Apple Watch just congratulated me on achieving all my activity goals, and I don't know what else we're doing right now. Was one of them tearing assholes? Apparently, yeah. One of them having your soul leave your body? 26 points.

What was that, Brian? Six points. Do I need to hit him again or no? You can. No, he's still alive. Oh, okay. You still coming? Do you take another swing? Yes. For his asshole?

Right for it. Oh, my God. Critical hit. Okay. Wrecked him. Hell, it killed him. Plus six. Okay. Roll your damage. King Kong's balls?

I thought you said ping pong balls. What are you doing right now? What are you lifting? Brian looks like he's grabbing his computer monitor to smash it. Okay. I was stretching. Let's see.

That's very weird. Brian's watching YouTube yoga in another tab. That's why he has to keep going back to his sheet. Nine, three plus three plus three. Suck it. Okay. So, Brian, right before you attack him this time, like, because he's a dog,

he just, like, turns around and, like, presents his butt to you. And how would you like to see him die I yell go to sleep and I cut his belly open oh god good night no owner there to take him to the rainbow bridge

no no passes out before you yeah take him to that big acid filled cave upstate give him a Colombian necktie Yep That'll do it for that Fucker But

Note that does not mean Caspia springs back to life You've still got her Downed body there And Jelf is unconscious in this Thing's mouth up on top of a cliff. Does my character know how to bind? Can I help her in any way? Yeah, I mean, anybody can use their action to bind.

Okay. But you've got to do a medicine check. Okay, well, I used both my actions, though, right? Correct. But if someone were to run up with an action, and check. Okay, well, I used both my actions though, right? Correct. If someone were to run up with an action, you actually also have not used your movement, so you can get closer to where Jelfa

is, if you like. Oh, okay. Well, I was trying to help. Is she totally, is Caspia helpable at all? Unless, um... If you bind her, she won't have to. Yeah, but he doesn't have an action to do it He's already used his action Well I'm going to stay with her anyway

I'll stay with her and bind her when I can And yell for somebody to help me Okay I'm right here Help friend I am right here Inexplicable Inexplicable That Inexplicable!

That's not it. That's not what it says. You idiot. This hound up on top of the cliff is now going to try to, again, kick its head back, open its maw a little bit, and chug Jelf down into its stomach. Oh, no!

That is... Can't quite get him down, but Jelf, you are going to take some acid damage, and there is an automatic death saving throw fail for you. One and one. So you're one and one, just like Caspia. There was a guy who lived in my town square, Sonoma, growing up, named Duffy, and he took hella acid damage. So much.

So much acid damage. Sarah, you're up. I've okay. I mean, there's no point in trying to bind his wounds while he's still inside the creature. So it can't be.

Yeah. So I'm just going to hope for the best here. We're still within the initial minute of me using that insightful fighting i believe um six seconds per turn right yes so um 10 turns yeah okay so i'm gonna okay sorry i'm gonna do my vaseline it's okay i'm dead you're close oh my god i'm so sorry it's not a hit sounds like a miss uh jelf's looking on the cusp up there um can i use my bonus oh god damn it you can try if you've got oh okay oh i can't i should have just done that

i don't think i can oh what a nightmare it is in dire moments like this it is probably worth everybody scanning their bonus actions and such uh you've got one healer uh and a fair amount of distance between the two down bodies and we've got one in one um all right well i'm gonna just because i there's nothing else i can do i'm gonna use my bonus action i for detail which means i can make a perception check to spot hidden creatures or objects or to make investigation checks to uncover or decipher clues so i guess i'd just like to sort of if possible kind of do it like i'm scanning the scene to try to see anything that might help jelf you know is there anything that's gonna jump out at me if i do this um perception check eye for detail um i mean forget it doesn't matter anyway because i rolled it's investigation check

notice perception but it doesn't fucking matter because i rolled you could roll one yeah i did and i rolled again a three so i like how you you cut yourself down so hard that if anyone else tried to do it it would just be a shit that's style. You'd find that people can still do it, though. Yes. And I'm just the bully to do it. So look out. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's stuff you could do.

You're a smart player. You can guess the two things I might have told you. But yeah. All right. Well. Next, we've got a death saving throw for Princess Caspia. Oh, dropped the dice. It's going to be a nine.

That's a fail. Chemists are drinking now. Next in the turn order is... Nathan. Great. I will cast Chill Touch against the one that's got Jelf in its mouth. All right.

All right. Natural 20. Oh. Automatically with a crit he's gonna drop jelf onto the rock shell awesome that's 2d8 and then matt matt sorry do i resemble

another dungeon master to you chris uh oh it's a d10 like what is it sorry i rolled a d10 Do I resemble another dungeon master to you, Chris? Oh, it's a D10. Sorry, I rolled a D10. Okay, there we go. So six doubled would be 12. Okay.

How would you like to see this hound die? I would like it to drop jelf, and then maybe it tries to snap for him and it kind of loses its footing and it falls off the shelf and it snaps its neck and it's dead on the ground. Alright.

Beautiful. So the way we're going to do this because some lives hang in the balance and it is going to take healing and medicine checks, we're going to call this slowed down adrenaline time and we're going to do this, because some lives hang in the balance and it is going to take healing and medicine checks, we're going to call this slowed down adrenaline time and we're going to keep going through the turn order because their lives are quickly draining away and you've got a very limited amount of time to help them.

So up next is Tootie. I will cast Cure Wounds. Okay. On Caspian that is 10 points okay with a gurgle her chest starts to rise and fall again and i will begin to make my way to jelf great to make my way to Jelf. Great. You want to move your token?

Yes. All right. Do you have enough to climb or not? Let's see. Hang on. Sorry. I didn't check the distance. That was, I think, 15 feet. Okay, then yes.

At least. Mine is 25, so I only have 10 feet. Yeah. You can get most of the way up there. All right. minus 25, so I only have 10 feet. Yeah, you can get most of the way up there. We'll say you're 5 feet from the ledge. Alright.

Now we're going to go round to Jelf, I'm going to need a death saving throw. D-S- D-S-T? C and R-E-U. 17. throw a ds uh dst uh c and ru 17 nice another success you got two successes one fail things are looking up take us round to brian hey danny and brian uh you see danny princess Caspia has been pulled back from the brink

by the healing powers of 2D nice folks are starting to rush over to Jelf are you going to intervene at all um yeah I'll help Jelf but the dogs are dead right yeah all the dogs are dead you're just

it's racing the death saving throws right now all the dogs are dead right yeah all the dogs are dead you're just it's racing the death saving throws right now all the dogs are dead all the dogs are dead and the sky is blue what a great day so I'm gonna put you there unless you're a cocker poo

uh California Put you there. He doesn't call you. Unless you're a cocker poo. California. So Brian, you're like just under the ledge. Like you don't have enough movement to get up the ledge all the way. But you're getting close. Take us to Iva. Yeah.

Jelf's right in front of you. Yeah. Canelf's right in front of you. Um, yeah. Can I bind him? Medicine check, please. I mean, we know how this is gonna go. Oh, okay, not bad. 15.

Okay. Uh, Jelf, you get stopped at the brink. Um, iva manages to cut the bleeding and sort of stabilize you you're still at zero hit points okay um on that note we're going to pop out of combat adrenaline mode and skip turn orders and you guys can just talk to me about how you want to proceed jelf you are unconscious. Zero hit points. Oh, okay.

Let me know when I'm awake and aware. I'm going to throw a cure wounds on him. Yeah, is there a safe place to maybe go to the side and rest? Does not currently feel very safe inside the cave. Yeah, seven points, Jelf.

Let's kind of get up in some corner where we can kind of at least see anything, you know. Well, how far is it for us to exit to the beach again? Yeah, anybody got a sense of that? It would take you like a minute or two to get around. You just are going to have to do

you're all going to have to do a check to get across that rocky crevasse again. I mean, I guess, or we can just try to keep Forge forward. I don't know how far it is. Like, maybe we can Is there any way we can hunker down here and rest? There's some giant monster corpses

laying all around. Oh, let's surround ourselves with them. Yeah, let's You're going to make a tent out of corpses? Yeah. Okay. Doesn't anybody have a tiny heart or something? I mean... Ah. Basic insight check. You're all very aware there is

an acid pool, a large acid pool next to you, too. That's okay. Just nobody's sleepwalk. Well, I mean, you would think about kicking the bodies in there for at least a second. What if they're going to protect us? Yeah, we're going to use them as, like, walls.

They're rocks. They're rock animals. Would they perhaps attract other hungry things? Do we need to worry about that? So, given that there are folks wondering, let's all do insight checks, please. They're not neat. There's no meat in these things at all? Oh, there is.

What if one of four does want to eat them? You know what? Sorry, cross-pockets at all. Sorry. Should I run ahead and see how close we are actually to escaping? Let's do these insight checks first. You're more than welcome to all right that's nothing for 2d that's nothing for nathan

anybody got any insight 14 okay can you beat that jelf oh i'm uh unconscious no you're back oh that's right you know but yeah i think you feel like i healed you for seven you have you have seven hit points you feel like utter shit but you're like you're limping two plus six eight so no i've uh everybody's sort of just sort of confused and you kind of just get like a basic idea, especially given some of your abilities. You're like, all right. Feels like even odds that these monster bodies are going to deter or draw attention.

Hmm. Should we back into this other cave and plug off the entryway somehow? I mean, let's try to get out of here. Let's just try to get out of here. Let's just try to get out of here. So the problem is we either, if we get out, then we, A, are going to have to roll to not fall in the asset again. And B, then are we just saying we're not coming this way?

We're trying to get to Flasicola. So then we're going up the cliff. So then that's going to be another three episodes, metagaming, of us climbing up a cliff. We have already i'll probably let you up the cliff if you succeed the roles within three episodes um i mean there won't be like 30 eagles all nesting on the cliff for you basically there's only one more pathway for us to go in the cave right that we haven't tried. So if the odds are 50 50, I mean, we can just wait here, rest and then try this final path.

All right, let's do it. I think we got to risk is real fucked up. Yeah, I mean, the inside role was specifically for what to do with these. But right. So if it's 50 50 that they're going to attract or. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Why don't we pile them up? Why don't see, I think if it's 50 50, it might.

Why don't we pile them up as a barricade and we all sleep in this little hallway and then if they do start to attract things, then they'll then things will kill us. That sounds good. But we can bottle we can bottleneck it that our strongest people are at the front, maybe? I mean, I don't know. Yeah.

Okay. So you all kind of chip in together. Yeah, it's sloppy, gross work. But you managed to pile it. Show me, ping me where you want these bodies piled up. Like where the bear is, I think, right? Yeah. And then we're just going to be...

Beyond the bear. Just remember there's an entrance down here that we haven't explored in that cave. Oh, I thought... That's why I just asked, because I thought there was only one exit that we had. One way that we hadn't. No, when... I think when Brian

and I had climbed on that... Or was it Tootie and I had climbed on that rock? We saw it down and I climbed on that rock we saw it down here So Dan there's two ways that we haven't explored yet Yes But they're going the same direction It might just be a clear path Does someone want to go explore any of that area? Yeah do you want me to sneak around here

and see? Danny also offered to Oh sorry Danny yes go Maybe he should Danny you want to oh sorry Danny yes go maybe he should Danny you want to go ahead and scout yeah roll a stealth check for us and I'll depending on the stealth check reveal

more of this area because you guys can all see pretty well but there's a lot of twists and turns 15 sir okay Because you guys can all see pretty well, but there's a lot of twists and turns. 15, sir. Okay. Yeah, you're looking around and... I feel like you get a pretty good sense that this is a loop. Got it.

Let's see how that goes around. All right, so we're blocking at least one of them, man. And, yeah, like, you look farther down the tunnel, Danny. I'm just checking to make sure I don't have the wrong token in place. Yeah. You guys feel like, based off of

Danny's intel, this, like, part of the cavern is gonna keep going for quite a while more twists and turns but not as many acid pools at least for a little while danny you get like with that stealth check maybe you know 20 minutes in and then you start heading back you get pretty far and it twists a lot. Okay, so I feel like then we're in a pretty, if we do stay here, if we can get our

you know, everything back, then we'll be in good shape to head through. Great. Yeah. Fingers crossed. I mean. Yeah. Okay. I'll head back. And so you guys are going to attempt a long rest Yay Who's going to do what?

Hey Dan Sorry hey I can do a thing A special Second wind once per short rest I can use a bonus action to regain 1d10 plus 7 hit points Now are you sure you want to... I mean, you can do that,

but I think everyone's talking about taking a long rest, which will get you all your hit points back. Oh, okay. You want to reload spells and it's all kinds of... Assuming the long rest goes great. You can still do long wind. Long wind, I'm not saying that's a bad idea. I'm just throwing it out.

Okay. Making sure everybody hears what everybody's... Okay,'s okay yeah yeah I'll just hang out long wind but long wind is something else okay yeah maybe I'm maybe I'm just still kind of stunned from being chewed up so yeah this was long rested um Danny I'll take guard for the first shift but I do need to heal at some point but I'm not as down as everybody so

I'll take the first I'll go with you on the first one too because I'm also not that down great let's get a perception check from both of you while everybody else takes a nap nine from both of you while everybody else takes a nap. I poo. Nine. Okay.

Nineteen. Thank you. Okay. A couple hours go by. It seems like you guys have a decent plan You're all hiding behind a pile of corpses And things seem pretty quiet Danny You realize

After a couple hours Something very strange is happening You're hearing those whisper sounds again Okay Those whisper sounds you heard When you first stumbled around That large pile of magma rock. Yeah.

That was what we heard before the bear, right? Yep. Okay. Well, I'm going to keep it to myself. Oh, no, I'll tell Iva because she's awake. But just another heads up, maybe, maybe expand our little, uh, our circle a little bit. Yeah. Or just if I think the last time we heard them, but it only was a problem once we like disturbed the bear,

like it's going to start. Yeah. So we'll let them sleep. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll hang out still. Okay. But I shared it. Sounds good. Anything else you want to do other than just sort of hang? Either of you?

I'll invest. I'll keep an eye on the petrified demon that we're carting around with us. How's it doing? Do an investigation check. Okay, I will. 18. How's it doing? I'll do an investigation check. Okay, I will. 18. It's remarkably unblemished for something that's been thudding around a cave floor in multiple boats.

It's looking pretty good. It's frozen in place and seemingly indestructible for now. Okay. Doesn't Blaine have a thing Pretty good. It's frozen in place and seemingly indestructible for now. Doesn't Blaine have a thing where he only has to do four hours of rest? And that's like a long rest or no? Yeah, it's an elf thing. Where I can, where I, instead of getting a whole night of lying in bed thinking about bills I only have to lie in bed for four hours thinking about bills

so he should be the first one that we wake up for sure yes are you gonna wake anybody up well he's now had a long after four hours he's had a long rest okay so okay it long after four hours he's had a long rest so okay so so okay uh it's been four hours do you wake him up and then take your turn sleeping um both of you well somebody has to

stay i guess i can how danny how i'll stay away okay he says he'll stay i'm 27 and 44 so i just need i don't know okay i think we're about the same time. 23 of 34, but I'll, I'll sleep if you want. I, the luck points would be, just a reminder.

A long rest takes four more hours. If you double up the watch. Right. Yes. But we can't leave somebody alone, right? No. I mean,

I guess we can, but. Well, Jelf will be one. we can't leave somebody alone, right? No. I mean, I guess we can, but... Well, Jelf will be one. Yes, because he's had his long rest. Yes, I'll stay up with Jelf. Jelf and Danny. But then we have to wait for Danny to do a full rest

is the point. Yeah, right. Okay, I mean, if Jelf feels like he can do eight hours, at this point, Jelf could do... Now we have to do eight hours anyway, so eight more sure yes correct you've already done one shift so it's it's happening regardless you just got to sort of commit to it so jelf and danny please roll perception check okay i'm also gonna go get my arrows out of the dead things oh but but we are telling him to be very very quiet because of these whispers so we are telling him to be very, very quiet because of these whispers. So we're just trying to be completely

still and silent. Okay. I got a natural 20 plus 6. 26. I got a 16. 13 plus 3. I mean, that's pretty good, Danny. So you're going to hear this too, but Jelf's going to hear it first because that's a

ridiculous perception check you're only hanging out for like another hour or so Jelf before you're like yeah I'm hearing that whisper to Danny and yeah it's

for you Jelf it's a little persistent Danny you just catch it for a second but Jelf you think you hear a consistent like, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I hear the whispers. Houdini. Should we wake up everybody who doesn't need to sleep for four hours? Everybody, I mean, are we just going to try to roll to get through this or not? Because it's... Is there a way for me to determine, like, if I have such a great perception check,

can I kind of get a direction? Can I figure out how the sounds are echoing off the cave walls? Boss, that's what we call an investigation check. Which you're both welcome to do. 9 plus 3, 12. Not the best. What you got, Danny?

17. what you got danny 17 you're both looking around you search the area again and it's weird it's the whispers are pretty loud but you don't see another creature coming down and jelf you're kind of like puzzled and you lean against the pile of corpses for a second and you realize the body of the magma bear is starting to heat up again. Oh. You start to see a little crackle of orange glow between the crevices and its rocky skin. You want to push it into the acid? Yeah, we should do that.

Let's try that. Okay. Are we? Unless it's like pushing it into a healing bath. If you do it together, I'm going to have one of you take the lead and roll with advantage a strength check. Okay. What's your strength? I have a 13. I have a what's your strength I have a I have a 13 I have a plus 6 okay yeah 13 which is double

my strength in real life oh no that's my saving throw is plus 6 sorry yeah look at what your plus is for plus 3 I have 16 and plus 3 what's your plus Joe plus 4 I have 16 and plus 3.

What's your plus, Jelf? Plus 4. Oh, it is. Yeah, so you might want to do the roll with advantage on this one. Yeah, let him. So let me know what you get there, Blaine. Oh, I got a 9. So you... That was your roll with advantage?

Did you roll it twice Blaine oh that one was a 22 oh what a comedy of errors this was sorry I was just chewed up you guys push and push trying to get this massive

magma bear off, and you get it right up to the edge, and Jelf, as you do the final shove, you see its eyes flick wide open, and it goes, as it falls into the acid. Ooh. And it sizzles and screams.

I would say everybody would wake up for at least a moment what the fuck I just cover my ear and roll back over I take off my sleeping mask we just need to be a little bit quieter please and puts it back on it's very rude whatever's going on

here is inconsiderate back to sleep and as you, go back to sleep. And as you all go off to sleep, regaining your hit points, we'll have to find out what the next morning brings on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Nice. Excellent.

Gotta buy a skinnier teeth than you guys. I was dead. I saw dead elves sam what do you think what do you think happened today sam you're muted you're muted oh boy guys i want to make merch that says just you're muted that's good merch i like it you know you know uh all right here we go 78 we're with cave dogs which sounds like a paulie shore movie uh it's classic nerd poker we're shillelagh i watched billy die in real time and then jeff

jelf almost die in the game uh caspia took a little pain but tootie avenged everybody sweet nathan killed a dog and we had a nice slowed down adrenaline time where we all fixed each other up we're figuring out where to go next and having the best part of the show rest we heard the whispers again and pushed a dead bear into some acid and to you all listeners I hope this episode tore your ass up

nice Dan got anything you want to plug my friend I mean just keep an eye on my social media to see if i'm doing stand-up please and tell your local comedy clubs that they should book people who have been too terrified to get on planes because they still want to be doing stand-up comedy and wanted to be doing it the entire time and watch the dragon prince on netflix before the tabletop role-playing book came out. Cool. Uh,

Brian Pussain.com for a live tour dates. I'm coming to Indianapolis. I'm coming to Denver. I'm coming to Spokane. Uh, and then, uh, check the,

that place too. And also my social media for, um, and here for, uh, any announcements about my uh comic book stuff and uh buy merch that helps us all nerdpokerpod.com yep uh blaine oh uh i have an auctioneering gig this weekend uh they found a they found a garage full of Falco's old stuff.

So going in there, I'm going to try to get rid of it. Oh, wow. It's nice you're finally going off with one of your own hobbies. I feel like you've really been leaning hard on Stacy Keach to keep you entertained. But it's nice to hear that you're just sort of doing something for you. I think he's got some, one of his kids is doing some graduation stuff. So I'm just going to putter around town a little bit. I'm not lonely or anything.

Oh no. I mean, I enjoy the time to myself. A little unexpected, but I enjoy the time. All right. That's all we got. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.