Nerd Poker - S4E79 Tunnel Time For Danny

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

The Castaway Cuties attempt to put a particularly blood y battle behind them, and  Danny goes on a special mission to find a way into the now-evil city of Flaysacola.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 79. My friends are here. We're going to play some D&D. Watch us. Or just listen. Look at them. Ken's here.

Hey, buddy. Howdy, doody. What's going on? Not a lot. Chris is here. Hey, pal. I predict we will fight a kobold. That'd be great.

Yeah, that's it. Let's ask this guy. Dan, what's up, buddy? Oh, I'm just thinking about kobolds. I wonder what they're going to do today. Hmm. Blaine? I've been fighting ahead, kobold.

Ha ha ha. Sarah smiled at that. Hey, Sarah, how are you? I did. I chuckled in my pants because I was like, what am I going to say that's funny? Nothing. Hi. You don't have to.

Look who's here. Sam. Hey, buddy. Hello, sweet children. You want to tell us who said hi and who was funny just now? I got to give it to Sarah. I win again. Most memorable hello.

Nice. Let's get in. Let's. Dan, you want to thank some people? I actually do. You know what? Thank you. You guys, some of you support us at the Hey Boss and Stargoyle Tears.

You go by names like Grigsby Silverskin. Thank you. Thank you. Sean Bryant. Uh-oh. Thank you. Sean Bryant. Uh-oh. Thank you, Sean Bryant. Thank you, Holy Trunks. Thanks, HT. Thank you,

Sarah's Weighted Dice. Oh, Sarah's a dice liar. Thank you, Sarah's Weighted Dice. Thank you, Bob Robb. you, Bob Rob. Thanks, Bob Rob. It's spelled B-A-H-B-R-A-H-B. Don't know what that means.

Bob Rob Rob. It might be a name. Thank you. Bob Rob Rob. Bob Rob Rob. Bob Rob Rob. Bob Rob Rob. That many characters doesn't fit, Blaine.

No. Thank you, David Feig. Thanks, GF. Thank you, David Feig. Thank you. Thank you, Wick Rotation. Thank you. Thank you, you're the hunter from the future. Thanks, you're.

You're the hunter from the future. Am I? Thank you, Stephen Terrell. Thanks, Stephen. Thank you, Clay Carver. Thank you, Roland of Gilead. Thank you, Stephen Terrell. Thanks, Stephen. Thank you, Clay Carver. Thank you, Roland of Gilead. Thank you. Thanks, of Gilead.

Thank you, Fast and Furious Presents Peter Leipzig. Thank you. Thanks, Seth. And finally, thank you, Manfred Manthrax. Ah. Thanks. Thank you. Blaine, who are those supporters

brought to us by? Those supporters are brought to us by Icy Hot Suppositories. Fire in the hole. Then ice cubes in the hole. Then fire in the hole again.

Then ice cubes in the hole. Then fire in the hole. Then ice cubes in the hole again! Then ice cubes in the hole. Then fire in the hole! Then ice cubes in the hole. Then fire in the hole! Then ice cubes in the hole. Wreck them! Hell?

It killed them. Dan? Whoa, Blaine, I just had the weirdest auditory hallucination it's good to see you and hear you oh hi sorry I just got here I was parking I get it man there's valets everywhere that doesn't

help no one's gonna pay for valet parking alright it's time for me to remind everyone what happened last time on nerd poker welcome to the in-between lands tarnished before you a tree sentry marches on his golden horse to your east a lush forest to the west cliffs above a shoreline. And in the distance, the looming castle's storm gate keep. Large spectral golden tree- Oh wait, I'm not playing Elden Ring anymore.

Last time, the castaway cuties went into a cave underneath Flay's Acola. They got bit by a bunch of cave dogs and a magma bear, and spent the night healing. A couple of them almost were donezo. Will they make it into the city, which is now taken over by undead Vendarian elves so they can get in the Temple of Bahamut and destroy the phylactery around Panzuzu slash Pazuzu's neck?

Let's find out. All right. Sarah's dying. to panzuzu slash pazuzu's neck let's find out all right uh sarah is dying um some water strayed down the wrong pipe i that was painful i was like i was like it's look you're making a face like you're the one doing the intro

and you're holding it in i was trying to drink quietly because i realized i was right in front of the mic and then in doing so i like compressed my esophagus or something i don't know what i did but it wasn't you did like a ballet that almost killed you instead of hitting the mute button which it was like that gif that amazing gif of that girl drinking kombucha or whatever first it's gross and then hmm thoughtful enjoyment okay so uh yeah you guys are all healed up

you are contemplating going deeper into the cave you've gotten through a few chambers and you know there's big fight that you finished and when the bear started to come back to life probably because he's full of fire magic or some shit you shoved him into the acid pool but you back um and here's the thing you were woken up in the middle of the night by

those shenanigans uh you you might want to go back to sleep for like another four hours or so okay okay yeah i think that's what we were doing because i think we were going to wake rested that was like how we the the magma bear shenanigans were caught at the last second by your watch so you might want to we definitely want to be fully rested in fact i've already rested up well i don't need i don't need to do uh any more resting so i'll do a perception check jelf i'd love to uh i botched one but it's a plus uh six it's one of my proficiencies so i i rolled a one but it's a seven cool you get high off some acid pool fumes and just kind of mellow out for the next four hours okay i'm just microdosing at work as they as the kids say yes you don't catch any noises

sights it's pretty quiet and i will say uh you know other than the thing right next to you that was dead coming back to life you feel like since the other watches went well things are seeming pretty good right now okay can i get a another perception roll on another uh shift that was your last shift i believe according to my records you guys did two shifts caught the cave thing during the second shift okay actually you can do you can do one more since that one was interrupted uh but i don't i wasn't gonna make you uh just six six button and six is twelve Okay so this is like a two hour shift As opposed to a four hour shift

And you're just kinda like Alright seems good all goes well Okay The crew wakes up Princess Caspia Yeah leaps to her feet Good job thank you for letting me sleep For twelve hours

Shit pillowcase scar Down the side of her Good job. Thank you for letting me sleep for 12 hours. Shit. Pillowcase scar down the side of her. Yeah, well, you know, she got bitten nearly in half by a cave hound. She was doing her death saving She almost died twice. You died. It was terrible. It was just terrible.

And you're not at the final boss yet. We are approaching how long uh how long season three was and i'm trying not to make this one too much longer than season three so just try to keep that in mind listeners and players alike season four has been plotted out because i'm a freak um but as you approach walking into a propeller you guys as you approach each other uh what's the plan you got a couple options could go back and climb up that cliff or you could keep on the cave ahead and i will say ivah did use her what is i forget the the power exactly but she got to guesstimate what the best path was. And the cave did seem like the best path.

And a big part of it was once you climbed up that cliff, could have been a whole army up there. Right. The city border is right by that cliff. I think we left it that we were going to go ahead and keep going through the cave, right? Because we'd already. Yeah, we just wanted to heal up.

Where it's reminding each other and listeners. Sure. I don't know if that's correct or not. Somebody. Well, if we don't end on a big cliffhanger it's kind of like wait what the fuck did we end up cliffhanger they're just shenanigans is the last episode and so yeah yeah we can go deeper into the into the caves who's going uh up first what's the marching order um let's see we don't really have like a sneaky person do we

I can oh I have a you're sneaky I'm sneaky yeah and uh Danny I think it's pretty sneaky also I take back what I said we are filled with sneaky people yeah you were way wrong Danny's got sweatpants they're a plus seven to stealth

nice it's called sneak pants um I think Danny actually is the one who's who snucked ahead last night and so he could he could sneakles now ahead since he has already been there yeah since you're leading with a sneaker hey brian why don't you roll a perception check for us as danny scouts ahead i'm only seeing the uh entire continent map by the way and roll you're not in combat so okay i didn't know because of the caves. Well, first we're going to start with a perception check, and then we'll see if there's another combat

map, so to speak, or a cave map. Just a six, sorry. Alright. You guys, it takes a long time. Danny's trying to scout ahead. You've all got night vision, I think, but as you sort of

nathan and cospia don't uh right no so uh you're all kind of sneaking along but there's so many turns it takes you about uh an hour before you realize the path is headed north under flazikola again it was turned south for a bit and uh you're starting to get to what feels like sewers there's a little opening and you and you kind of go through this opening in the rock the rock had been rather smooth and moist up until now now it's more like a tunnel it almost looks like somebody blew up things here or carved it. It's kind of sloppy, but you hear dripping and it looks almost like a tube straight ahead. You can see into the far distance and the tunnel points north. You're pretty sure it goes right through the bottom of Flay's Echola.

the bottom of Flazacola. Okay, so to recap, we are trying to get this demon to what we hope is still a temple, but very easily could not be because we changed everything. Right? So that we can destroy it. The timeline got pretty goofed.

You seem to have landed about the same day, but it's as if things were very different and the power structure of davin glavin's weird so now there's undead elves everywhere which you were trying to escape when it seems like somebody we should send somebody out to scout find out if the the temple is still there and then and that the easiest way to get there. Right? Yeah, so you could have somebody, perhaps

Danny, scout ahead and look for some sort of way up into the city. Oh, cool. Danny's my vote. Danny, Danny, he's the Manny. Sure. You're being democratically elected, Brian. It's Danny's big moment.

So this tunnel seems to go for quite a bit, and then you think you see a bend up ahead. Why don't you roll a perception check as you go? You're going to be looking on the wall, so I'll also allow an investigation check because you're trying to find something like a grate or secondary tunnel. 15. Cool. As you go ahead, you see as the path bends east it is indeed a sewer tunnel it leads into a more of a grid of tunnels and you think you see some kind of

pale light not quite sunlight but pale light coming through something high above there's not a ladder but um there is like a drip drip noise that's splashing into the moist puddles below uh what would you like to do uh keep going okay hey dan just you know back with the group i'm getting the crystal ball out and pull and doing that scrying thing so at least that way we can from a distance see what danny's up to nice okay great danny you you feel a spectral nathan following you and watching over you danny good luck thank you um why don't you roll another I'll let you choose perception or investigation check Danny

okay dice dice the musical fruit the more you roll the more you die alright so you're kind of looking around and yeah it seems like there's a series of those grates. They're kind of high up, but most of them

are dark. You keep looking and the only one that had any light kind of coming out of it was the first one you found. Hmm. Okay. Okay. How would you like to proceed okay you're underneath it now

the rest of the castaway cuties are kind of hanging out near the beginning of these city tunnels you're about 15-20 minute walk back to the group but you're right under this thing and you look up there's something like

50 feet after it rises out of the tunnel, a smaller vertical shaft that a person could fit through. And then 50 feet up, a grate with pale light coming out of it. You feel a drip hit your cheek. Okay. Should I go back and tell them? It's up to you. You can try to get up there if you want. I don't know how you do it.

It's the top of the tunnels about 10 feet high. What was I looking for? You're trying to see if the temple is still in Vlasicola. If you can. Okay, so yeah, I'll look up and try to eyeball out of that thing. Okay, why don't you do an athletics check difficulty 17 uh five i bail i fall yeah you're trying to run up the wall and kind of spring off of it grab some rocks at the bottom of this vertical shaft you just can't get a hold of it. Grab some rocks at the bottom of this vertical shaft. You just can't get a hold

of it. There's no ladder or rung to grab hold of, unfortunately. Right. And so what would you like to do? I'll let you try again, but that means a lot of time is going to pass regardless of how high the roll is. Yeah, I want to try again.

Give it a shot. DC's still 17. Oh, shit. 20 plus 6. All right. So, you managed to

run at the wall, take two big steps up the wall, jump off the side of the wall plant one hand on the far side of the vertical shaft and plant another one ninja warrior style on the other side of the vertical shaft and you shimmy just using the strength of your arms up the vertical shaft nice you get yeah you get to the top there are bars on a circular uh it's almost like a sewer lid but instead of being completely solid with holes in it it's rusty steel bars about three of them you can't tell if it's sealed or not you're kind of just right underneath it and it's just covered in grime and gristle you're not

sure what's going on and the pale light going through it is refracted somehow you don't see the sky above you just see uh kind of like it looks like a tiny dark room okay what would you like to do uh can i get into that room You can try to push up the sewer grater. Sure. That'll be a strength check. Straight strength. You've already made the athletics. Now you're going to try to shove up a heavy steel

grate. While you're clinging to rocks. Right. I mean, you got it, right? The DC on this one is 15. I got it. 16 plus 6, 22.

Oh. You're rolling high as shit, and good thing, because you might fall and break your neck otherwise. Danny, you get a hold of the grate, shove it up, and you crawl up. You're now in a very wet dark moist room

it seems like the ceiling is made of wood and you start to look around you think there's no walls you're under some kind of patio you look to one side there's some sort of wooden structure blocking off one side and you're kind of ducking low it's like two and a half feet up so you're almost crawling and you look to the

other sides and you see it looks like open city there's a there's a few boots walking by and you're not sure where in flasicola this is because you're in such a small cramped space you're under something okay how would you like to proceed just under something yeah I don't know what to do Nathan you're witnessing

all of this and you have the ability to message an idea of what to do next to danny or even confer with the group and then message the group so what would the group like to do suggestion wise or they could just try to catch up to danny is he under something that he could like emerge from he could probably do sewer yeah check it out yeah he's above ground and now he's under some kind of wooden platform. It's like a

public sidewalk or something. We can go closer to where he found this entrance so we're prepared to join him, but yeah, if he can try to sneak out of where he's... Danny, perhaps how about you sneak around, find a place to tie off a rope so that we might climb up. Okay.

Yeah. That's what I'll try. To find somewhere to tie off a rope so that we might climb up. Okay, yeah. That's what I'll try. To find somewhere to tie off a rope? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you easily are like, okay, if I get the grate kind of like off to the side, I can turn it up on the thin end. So instead of being flat, it's sitting up like a coin on its edge

tie the rope off there and it'll be wedged underneath this wooden platform you're beneath however before you're able to throw the rope down the vertical shaft I'm going to need you to do a charisma saving throw charisma

yep is this a kobold thing classic kobold trick who can resist a kobold moment I like to pronounce it kobold kobold 14 plus 3 is 17 okay

you suddenly feel very woozy. You shake it off, but you're like completely filled with a vertigo and spinning all of a sudden. You brace yourself, but it feels as if you got hit with something. You didn't take any damage, but something

sort of smacked you for a second. Nathan, you see Danny get very woozy and almost lose consciousness. He sort of smacked you for a second. Nathan, you see Danny get very woozy and almost lose consciousness. He sort of shakes his head side to side. He's alright, I think. Does anyone have a levitate spell?

If you see him, you should get out of there wherever he is, right? Maybe he hit like a trap or some kind of sentry system? Maybe. Or someone saw him. Perhaps it was a booby trap. Do you want to finish what I interrupted?

Would you like to throw the rope down the vertical shaft, Danny? Okay. So you toss the rope down the vertical shaft. Is everyone now going to catch up to Danny? Yeah, I thought we were going to be be closer but not necessarily go up yet he was gonna see if he could emerge from wherever this got it place was danny um is that what you're up for so you approach the edge of the platform you can see it's about like 50 feet wide this platform you're underneath this was wooden edge it's about like 50 feet wide. This platform you're underneath.

This was wooden edge. It's very simple. It's a strange patio like thing you're underneath and you see, uh, let's, how should I describe it? Uh, to one side nearby,

there is a tree and it looks like the side of a small shop. There's an in, uh, on the part that's partially obscured. There's some sort of bushes nearby there's a looks like a big like kind of ceremonial building to one side you're in a town square you see darkened sky above um why don't you do a stealth check 13 all right you start like tiptoeing towards the marketplace it's about 150 feet ahead and you're you're gonna sneak sneak sneak sneak and just as you get underneath a cart you see

there is a patrol of elven guards and heavy plate mail that just goes and they just miss you as you slide underneath a cart uh two of them walk by and then another two meet up and they just miss you as you slide underneath a cart. Two of them walk by and then another two meet up and they start chatting. Nathan, you see all of this. I mean, seems like a lot for us to have to kill an army. Danny,

why don't you do a perception check to try to figure out where you are in in relation to where the temple is and where you have previously been in town at least in that other timeline real low four sorry one plus three yeah so you're like looking around you're like shit the buildings look vaguely familiar but i don't know where I am in town. Now, Danny, I'm going to need you to do a charisma saving throw. Okay. The saving throw brought to you by this new Starbucks self-driving car. A great way to get to Starbucks. And nowhere else.

The Starbucks self-driving car. Wow. Uh, charisma saving test six. So this time when you get whammied by an unseen force, it's almost instantaneous. Nathan, you see Danny, he's

looking around, he can't get like a good focus on where he is and all of a sudden his head kind of wobbles and he flops completely unconscious underneath the cart oh dear Danny yeah you awaken

in a purple and sparkling swamp what Nathan you see Danny's unconscious body lying underneath the cart. But Danny, you awaken in a sparkling purple swamp. Oh, I think I know what's happening.

He's Shrek. Try to get back. You look around you. This swamp is vaguely familiar. Would you do an insight check please classic level three shrek we have to go back and uh redo all those episodes with uh an accent what was that brian eight eight oh you're like i've been here i this is not flay's a cola though

where it seems like some sort of strange dimension is can nathan see where he is now no because i've um nathan sees danny face down under the cart i don't know what's going on. Uh, but unfortunately it hasn't been communicated to you. Well, communicate it. Danny's mind is on another plane at the moment. Would you like to look around Danny?

Sure. Yes. All right. Uh, you start to walk around the edges of where you are. And then just off the shore of the swamp you see a tree stump and upon it sits a giant sheepdog sized toad and you recognize this toad as the toad you met when you had a bug stuck down your throat and you drank a potion and it said to you

Danny it would remove the bug from your throat but you would owe this toad a favor the toad says to you Danny hello hi I guess welcome I've come to ask for my

favor that's not a great time Yes. Welcome. I've come to ask for my favor. That's not a great time. What do you mean? Just kidding. I'm not really interested in that. I would like to cash in my favor, and it will only take a moment.

I see you're stunned silent. Sure. I see you carry sharpened weapons. Would you please remove your face and give it to me? Fuck you. Oh, you cannot return to your friends until you give me what I want. And he starts laughing. I'm going to attack him.

All right. Roll to attack. Oh, I cannot get your ship out. I have a look. He's lying right there under the cart as plain as day. Hey, you know what? He just, I think he's just taking a little snooze. Yes.

Hold on. We should probably be going up to check on him if we can. Do you guys make your way towards the rope at this point? Yeah, I think so. Alright, so that's happening, but let's get back to Danny and his attack roll. I'm gonna hit him with the short sword.

Great. Thirteen. So you swing your short sword, and he goes, oh, no! And you nick him. Roll your damage. Five. five so he takes five points of damage

and uh he goes whoa and he starts scurrying around really fast let me out of here or send me back to my friends immediately I'll compromise how's that I'll compromise I'll cut your damn throat and or

either or you're in my domain no I didn't ask to be here send me the fuck home all I ask is you pay your debt no I'm stabbing you already I'm stabbing you already so he's now

moving pretty fast a danyster never pays his debts he's moving pretty fast sc Danny still never pays his debts. He's moving pretty fast, scurrying around the swamp. And when you start getting really aggressive, he dives under the water. Do an investigation check to try to get him because he's now in the swamp you woke up in, which is about two feet deep. Eleven. You lost him. Hmm.

All right. The rest of you make it to the rope. Okay, we're going to climb up the rope. Let's see what's going on with Danny. I'll give it to you that this is just a rope that's secure, and you all managed to shimmy up it. Awesome. You get underneath the platform.

What would you like to do? What if our most sneakiest, Jelfin Ivor, go and get Danny and bring him back here? Might be a good idea. I mean, is he hidden where he is right now? Yep. Feels like we might

attract more attention. Feels like if we should just go wake him up or see what's going on with him. If we drag him out, he'll open again. You look in what you can approximate as south and he's underneath a cart. And that cart is almost completely surrounded by empty wooden crates that hold fruit on top of them during the day. So he's mostly obscured, you know, from watching Nathan and you relay this to everyone. That's where he is. But, you know, he's he's pretty well hidden.

Now that we're up there, can we get a look at how everybody else is dressed? I'm kind of wondering if we wanted to pretend just to be people of the city. Would that make sense? Or is it just a dead elves? Sure. Uh, you, you all kind of peek underneath here.

Nobody is looking underneath. No one's paying attention to this strange wooden platform. And, um, you see it's just elves, uh, just undead elves and heavy plate mail. Um, there's, there's there's um do a

perception check nathan perception you say adding three to 13 16 total you spot four of them they're in the opposite direction from danny but they're uh they're kind of stopping on patrol two of them they're in the opposite direction from danny but they're uh they're kind of stopping on patrol two of them are talking to each other the other two are separate leaning up against brick walls on roads heading north and nobody's around the cart that danny's under nobody nobody that you can see but you don't have a very good view of the cart from where you're at there's a whole like table between you guys and danny all those crates like where you know where he is but you can't see him well i mean yeah i mean i can sneak over and try to wake him up i just feel like dragging him out is gonna but i'll do that if, if that's what we want to do. Sarah knows that that's not going to work because he's trapped in an

alternate dimension, but either doesn't. So she's going to go for it. Great role. It's stealth check. Iva. What's this chamber look like that we're in this thing, this place.

18. You're, you know, from, uh, I'm going to get to you in a second, Sarah, I'll answer You're, you know, from, uh, I'm gonna get to you in a second, Sarah, I'll answer,

uh, Blaine, cause this is a given. Nathan saw this already and he related to you, uh, but you're under, it's a very short patio and there's like four wooden legs. And on one side,

uh, the West side, it's partially obscured by like a wooden you're guessing it's stairs uh and that go up on top of the platform and then there's a bush next to that and then on the other side there's also a bush across from that side okay you don't know what's on top of this platform though danny snuck away from it and then passed out, so he didn't really get a good perception roll and see what it was, and you guys haven't come out from it yet. benches through some little palms and some bushes. You sneak past what looks like some sort of city hall. And then you get through one pull cart and you see a couple more elves. As you get under Danny's cart,

you see two more. So in this square right now, you're aware of six elves. Okay. But I'm still not, still don't have a map or anything for this, right? Nope.

Okay. Okay. So I try to actually wait here. I'll get, I'll give you guys a map at this point. Just let me move. I have this token because I've, I've been fucking with it.

I just, I just, uh, I didn't want you guys to see too much too soon go to roll 20 why don't you if you're not i will link it in the chat get ready dan's cat singing brought to you by pigs in a a Slanket. Great way to enjoy sausage on the couch. Pigs in a Slanket. A new impossible.

Pigs in a Slanket. Tastes just like real sausage. Dan. Right. Why don't you roll a perception check now, Iva, as you get to Danny. Four. This will be kind of like, because you succeeded in the stealth roll, this is happening like right as you get to Danny. I know you might want to do something to Danny right away, but this is-

Eleven. Yeah, you didn't get a good look really didn't catch any really new scenery all you know is you're in some kind of square you get to danny yeah so i'm gonna you know check him out and then potentially try to wake him up if he seems like he's out all right but first back to danny in the purple sparkly swamp danny you haven't seen the to Danny in the purple sparkly swamp Danny you haven't seen the toad in a while and then about a hundred feet away he pokes his head out of the water and says

we are bound by a magical deal what would you like to do uh no we're not i didn't make a deal with you roll a persuasion check also you know you did make a deal with them you're reneging on it when uh when you had a bug stuck in your throat and you drank a potion to get rid of it, you went to this place and he told you he'd remove it if you promised him a favor at a future time

of his choosing. Alright. Slicing off your face is a bit... 13 persuasion. There's nothing I can do to undo the spell! Stab. Roll to attack. You're kind of

a monk at this. 13 to hit, Brian. 13 to hit. No, first one isn't. Alright, you swing well. I'm not engaging you in combat yet because he's running as soon as he gets hit so uh but you're in i but as soon as you swing the first time he ducks under the water and swims away at lightning speed okay uh if you can do a perception

check to try to track where he goes now fuck him he'll come back okay so yeah you wait a couple minutes and sure enough he pokes his head out again and he says, Luce? Stab. Stab. Roll to attack. 20. 19 plus 6. No, 25 actually. 19 plus 6.

Roll your damage. Sorry. Gotta hit this fucker. You made a deal with him. I don't give a shit. I don't remember even making the deal. He so readily made the deal. Everyone else is like,

yeah, but he asked me to cut my face off. No, fuck him. Fucking die. And quickly so I can go back to sleep. You guys, all the pauses. Brian has been looking very angry. Like, what am I even supposed to do with this injury? Seven.

All right. So he takes seven points of damage. He goes, and he swims away again underneath the water. Can I stomp on his face as he swims away? You're not entering combat because he is leaving as soon as you, like he sees you coming, right? And you're, I'm giving you that you're running and catching up to him, but Somebody get me the fuck out

of here. Iva. Mm-hmm. Danny lies limp before you on the cobblestone. Danny lies. Yeah, he's limp. I'm trying to wake him up. Great. Do a medicine check okay we'll do medicine rolling rolling rolling uh that is a 15 hey you can tell he's been whammied magically

you you check him everything there's no signs of any like physical trauma to him. He's breathing, uh, fine. It's not even shallow breaths. He's breathing fine. But when you do basic things like try to, you know,

wake him up, uh, give him a little very light, like pop, pop slap on his cheek. He doesn't wake up. Uh, give him a light little shake of the collar.

He doesn't wake up. Can I do an insight check? Like if I know that he's like magically, you know, would like if I cut him a teeny bit or like, you know, do I think that might drawing blood might do it? Do an insight check.

Why not? Why not see an insight check for whether Danny will wake up if you, if you stab him 15 lightly, uh, you, you don him. 15. Lightly. You don't think it'll really help. All right. Try cutting off his face. Okay, I'm going to try to cut off his face.

Give it to the frog. No. All right. You don't know what he wants. You haven't heard. Can Nathan's scrying work now because he's near Danny? Can I communicate something through i'll i'll do like a hand gestures of like magic sleeping yeah for the nathan you see the like the signs communicating this i'll point my message now you can cast a message of course what are you doing I don't understand I'm doing like three syllables

first syllable you can reply to this message what are you doing he's magically asleep or something he's out so not really sure how to proceed at all I didn't notice that much when I was running over here but i

looks like a lot of elves these are elves so do i have a sense peeking out can i get a sense of where the temple used to be or would have been uh yeah do an insight check for that that is a botch plus five something about sneaking so fast over towards Danny you've completely lost your bearings you don't even remember which way

is Sarah might but you don't know which way is north anymore right oh guys okay I'll turn to Jelfin to but you don't know which way is north anymore. Right. Oh, guys. I'll turn to Jelfin and Tootie and be like, do we fight these guys? While they

think about that, back to Danny. Danny Torzo, the toad, lifts his head above the water about 200 feet away. He's clearly trying to distance himself so he can shout something at you before you stab him. Cause he's taken fair bit of damage now and he's a weird little toad man.

So he's, he's not fighting back. He says, listen, I will give you something in return for, for, for paying off your debt, but I'll let you pay it off a little less.

How's that? No face. You keep your face. Continue, I guess. Keep talking or shut the fuck up or whatever. I just do whatever you gotta do. Did he really woke up on the wrong side of the bed from that long rest? I've never seen

Brian this angry during, not of all the boss fights, he's never been this pissed. You weren't this pissed after season three ended. So, he says listen, if you could just give me a tiny bit of, just, I mean, we're talking tiny bit of flesh. The spell will undo itself.

No. But I'll give you something magic in return and it won't be a favor this time. I want out of here or I want you dead. We are magically bound. I don't care. All right. I never promised you that I'd give you my face. I wouldn't have done that. I just wouldn't have done that.

It was a gift from the future and a time of my choosing. I hate you. I know. Scoop of flesh. Do you want to talk it out though, bro? It's a magical bargain. I can't cancel it.

I had to cast powerful magic to undo what you had in your throat in another plane. I wasn't there. Well, then unhelp me. Kill me, then. Would you like me to put the mug back in your throat? Yeah, sure. All right. Because I'm not giving you my face,

so do whatever the fuck you got to do. I said it doesn't have to be your face. Again, just a tiny bit of flesh, but oh, you want the bug back in your throat? Are you close to me? Mr. Tough Man. Are you close to me? Are you still yelling this from fucking super far away?

He's yelling. He's terrified of you. All right. Now I'm shooting crossbow bolts at you till you shut the fuck up. Roll to attack. Are we sort of aware what's going on? That he's asleep? We know that he's magically asleep.

I'm saying like Nathan has told us. Nathan told i'll when it comes to basic communication like that i try to make it a gimme and yeah yeah uh 2d uh real quick before you tell me the attack roll remember that number right 2d and uh jelf while we have you what do you want to do do i think any sort of a heal might help him snap out of it. Perhaps you could pray to your God. Or pray. We'll see how that goes after we hear Brian. What did you get on your attack roll? 12. Yeah, unfortunately, you get really close under the swamp water again.

Disappears. This is so crazy. All right. Listen, he says another 300 feet away this time i'll get you choose a tiny tiny piece of flesh that is not your face or the bug back in your throat as you awaken in your realm neither no i'm not cutting a piece of my body off for you. You're a fucking weirdo. It doesn't have to be like a piece. We're talking like a fingertip

or something. It just has to be skin. Try and get it yourself. Come over here and take some. With a fingertip, that's pretty good. Oh, I'm not there. He goes, if you want some of my skin, come take some. But I'm so weak.

Can't you see? Get close. See what happens. That's why I wanted to make a favor because I'm weak and I just wanted to be part human. I just wanted to be part human, Mr. Daddy. Oh, my God. Maybe he'll be your friend. If you gave me your face, I would have been like, oh, I'm part human.

And then I could give you a gift in return. If you gave me a piece of your flesh, I'd be like, oh, give me a gift in return. But no, you won't do it. I'm so upset. If you're just joining us, what the fuck is going on? Who is this asshole? Torzo.

The toad. He's large. Come over here, large toad he's large come over here large toad the toad is of course the taintest of all dime I'm not coming over there cause you're gonna kick my ass till it's dead I'm gonna just hide under the waves until you decide you'll

calm down I bet daddy's having the nicest dream right I bet it's having the nicest dream, right? I bet it's filled with bubble gum and chocolate discs, probably. Some sort of sweetery popping corn.

All right. You want to do that religion check, Tootie? Yes. I say he gives him a piece of his foreskin and then we can have a bar mitzvah. Thank you to our Jewish cast member. Alright.

Religion. Religion. That's a 17. Hey. So you feel from bahamut it's like wave of empathy and then it passes well thanks said usually how it works with bahamut you you might give you like a more specific message if you'd rolled at 18. If you'd

gotten to 20, he might have been like, I feel for you, man. Sorry, but what's going on with you, bro? Thanks, Baha. You're right under it. So I gave you like a little pat. A little roll. At least I know he's there. Yes.

Anything else you'd like to try before we cut back to Danny and the magic purple swamp? Let's all attack Danny. If you want, someone else can sneak out of where you are. Iva is alone with Danny right now.

Do I recognize any buildings around the area? Do a perception check i shall oh you know what i'll give you advantage because it's a temple of bahamut and you would remember yeah that is a four with advantage oh mother fuck that's not a great couple of rolls. Wow. Wow, yeah, what's your bonus to perception? A middle finger?

That's two. Yeah, those are the two lowest advantage rolls. Well, the one and the two. And a bugger. You see Tootie really confidently turn away from um from uh you guys nathan jelf and cospia and when he turned like he turns to like look out from under this platform and he turns back to you and he just like shakes his head like it was almost hurt him to try to look confidently oh i mean perhaps we should uh If we can't help Danny, perhaps we need to get rid of these elves.

Can I hear him? I can send you a message. I'll send him a message for that and then send an identical message. Because the whole town is filled with them. They've taken over the whole town. Yeah, it's like a whole... I just mean around here.

Maybe we can, you know, knock these guys out and stormtrooper it up. That sounds fun. We could also try to do it the sneaky way, using some kind of invisibility or teleportation. I can make something invisible. I can do a distraction or something with a little bit of an illusion. distraction or something with a little bit of an illusion.

I'll probably have to make Pazuzu invisible. Oh, Danny, yes. Well, we have an embarrassment of heavy things to make invisible, don't we? True. So,

what you gonna do, folks? Jeff, anything you think foresty that might come in handy? Should I maybe scout out and see if there are other elves on any kind of patrol? Maybe if we could take these guys out quietly and maybe take their uniforms, we could do some sneaking around, dress like a zombie elf. I'll say at this point, you guys have been brainstorming for a while, so Jelf, I'm going to let you

you're going to get advantage because both Nathan, well, all three Nathan, Caspia, and Tootie all try to help you brainstorm. Okay. And we only see four? You know there's four near you and two by Iva.

She would have communicated. There might be more. You guys are in a really cramped space. This platform is pretty low. I doubt it. I bet it's just these guys. I feel like sneaking is trying to sneak at least. It looks like a prominent...

It's not the biggest square in Place de Cola because you've been through it when it's near the town hall. If we can sneak and then if we get caught, then we can unleash Fury on them. Great. I like that idea. It looks like we're under gallows. I mean, that's the only thing. We're going to have to

leave Danny right now. Danny doesn't know. Could Tootie carry him? Poor Danny. Could we get him in that hat or the bag or whatever it is that we have? Blaine, what did you get on your insight roll that you had advantage on?

A lot of actual brainstorming happened while you were rolling to brainstorm. Oh, 18 plus 6, 24. Right. I think you could potentially take them out one by one

if you dragged them under this platform, but the sight lines are a little rough. All four of the ones by you look like they'd have, at least through the corner of their eyes, sight lines on each other. Cool. Oh, I have an idea oh sorry go ahead oh go ahead go ahead i was just gonna say that i could um agatha is not here with us but i could try to talk to an animal in town and see they might

be able to recognize like uh you know the temple or something around right you can certainly tell us how many are actually here in the town yeah like how many how many peoples and things do i see rats or anything you don't but i'll let you roll an animal handling check to like spend some time making little whispery noises and clicking noises to try to lure one over and talk to you um that's a 12 for clicking. No, that's not going to do it. Good idea, though. Okay, well, I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for small animals.

All right. But in the meantime... In the meantime, yeah, you know what's happening. Back to Danny in the purple swamp. So, Danny, time is passing a bit more slowly for you than for everyone else you feel like 10 minutes go by before he reveals himself to you again um anything particular you'd like to do during those 10 minutes you're alone in the sparkling purple swamp sharpen all my blades all right So after what seems like an interminable length of time, uh,

roll a perception check. Slow five. You're not sure how he did it but all of a sudden you hear from up in a swamp tree his voice he's now high off the ground he says I'll tell you what I'm just gonna send you

back with a bug in your throat whether you like it or not he's about he's about 40 feet away he's much closer this time but he is up a tree you say okay yep he goes well this went really bad and he raises his his little toad arms tiny little toad arms to cast a spell and he waves his fingers you start to feel hazy and but you say fuck you just as he's about to

finish the spell you hear him as you uh change planes of existence you hear him go bull and uh you kind of pass out again you feel yourself like you're gonna fall over in the swamp water and then uh iva you see uh danny start to shake himself awake. Oh, hey. Good morning. Hey. What happened? You took a little snooze, it seemed like. Something magical. Do I still have this thing in my throat or no? You feel, Danny, what feels like a large lump in your throat.

Can I see it? Is it because he's back and happy to see us? Can I see it from the outside? You can't see it from the outside. but uh yeah danny you feel it okay what happened in there what's going on uh long story that that uh that bug is back the bug the bug i swallowed and now it's physically in my throat again it's back back. How did that happen? Why would you swallow it again? I wouldn't make a deal with this little fucking frog asshole.

Oh, the toad who took it out before? Yeah, I guess. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you breathing okay right now? I don't know. Am I? We'll have to find out if you're breathing okay on the next episode of Nerd Poker. God damn it.

I didn't think that shit thing would come back. The bug is back, baby. Dungeon Master never forgets. Hey, Sam. Sam. Hi, everyone. Episode 79. Much like the bad seeds, we're excited to be around a cave.

Danny is shimmying up the wall and we went through a sewer opening like a ninja turtle blaine i was hoping you would like that i did into a swamp the swamp contained a little wizard man so danny tried to stab him all of us are doing some excellent sneaking danny is still bickering with the little swamp riddler and is either going to give him some of his face or get that throat bug back. That made us all want to vomit. Not in the dream. The rest of us are deciding how to murder some guards. And we ended the game with Danny having the throat bug again,

which now all of us have, including the listeners. Cool. Danny, you got anything you want to plug? Yeah. Since we've last recorded

we have announced the date my book is coming out so just checking that real quick please go to talesofzadia.com it comes out March 29th so March 29th this 300 some page book that I've spent

the last couple of years writing is finally coming out. So please hop on over to Netflix, of course, and catch up on the Dragon Prince three seasons. And the fourth season comes in soon, too. This takes place between seasons three and four. Don't you want to know what else happens? I wrote a whole fuck ton of lore, including dragons. So it would be rad if you got the book and i'll be doing stand up soon right now i'm doing open mics around la so you might see me on accident if you go to a weird bar

all right um brianpussain.com for tour dates for me uh got den Denver coming up still. And next week I'm in Wilmington at North Carolina. But, you know, comic book shit coming up also here and BrianBastien.com would be the place to find the information. Or if you follow me on social media.

Anybody else? Blaine? Oh, Stacy Keish and I are doing uh we're doing a thing we're gonna be Skipper and Gilligan uh for a porn oh no oh

I mean I get it's nice that you guys are so close that you can do things like that oh I mean we don't know we're not doing like the we're not doing the I think we do it like a setup like they meet us like we're at a signing event and then these people meet us and then they freaky friday with us and then they have and then they do a thing it's like they do a freaky friday thing if they do a freaky friday thing it's still going to be your physical bodies having the porn sex blame you You might want to think this through. You might get pregnant.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's District 9. It's a weird crossover. Hmm. Hmm. All right. All right. Enjoy your listenage.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416. Thanks for listening.