Nerd Poker - S4E8 Marrow, Wanna?

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

Our heroes deal with the final obstacle between them and the beach of Davenglaven, and the unseemly field of bones at the cave's exit. Will the party have another charm-off competition? It's virtually guaranteed!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. It's episode 8. My friends are here.

Season 4, by the way. But we've got Ken. Hello, Ken. Hi here. Season four, by the way. Uh, but, uh, we've got Ken. Hello, Ken. Hi. There. I see Dan. Hi. Hey, Dan.

I see Chris. Hello, Brian. I see Sarah. Hello, Sarah. Hello, Brian. And Blaine. Hi, Brian. Hi, guys.

And, uh, on the upper left, with his, uh, pal, Rahman, sitting in his lap. It's Sam, everybody. Hello, sweet star children. That dog's fucking ridiculously cute. Like, he's, I only see him doing cute shit. I have not yet

looked over at him and gone, what's that about? Like, every time I look over it's like I'm adorable you can hold him upside down and he goes limp he's being cradled it's very sweet and he also his ears look like a bunny or a fox

yeah his ears are hilarious does he know we're talking about him oh he looks Sam's nose his mustache still had some crazy cheese also is first of all you just threw your dog like you threw the goat toy last episode that was very disconcerting also your mustache it's upsetting did you have that the last time we were i don't know no he shaved his Yes. The mustache. Wait. It's very Bob's Burgers. Thank you. You're welcome.

Yeah, you look like you're about to kill somebody on an episode of Beretta. You can take that to the bank. I'm going to take the bank. These patrons. I know. I started singing. I was like, wait, this is SWAT. Keep you around around Sparrow

Don't do it Digga digga Pow pow Sammy Yeah what We have some people We should thank Spit take

Yes We do have some people I would like to thank They go by names like Callum Kennedy Thanks buddy Thank you Prunk Brewpot

Thank you Thank you Thanks Hey Cackola Kill me softly With his song Thank you very. Thank you. Prunk Brewpot. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Hey, Kaka La Kill Me Softly with his song. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you, Bojangles. Thank you, future Super Bowl champs, the Washington Mansplainers.

Thank you, Robert Collins. Thank you, Brent Crineup. Thank you. Thank you, TikTok's copper clock cock whoa we all 3-0 reaction thank you

it was different it was it had some fun rhyming words guess what this next person's called smack dab in the middle smack dab in the middle smack dab in the middle thank you roast beef dust buster keep that gorge down uh thank you craig Score. Thank you, Wade Long. Thank you, Ditch Wizard.

Thank you, Anatomically Correct Warforged. Thank you, Sean George. Thank you, Fint the Druid. Thank you, Michael Teal. Thank you, Dr. Wieners. And finally, thank you, Will Will Smith Smith, Will Smith Yes, Will Smith, Will Smith, Will

Smith. Thank you Making you do some Linguistic warmups That was so much Will Smith It sure was just like The I am legend reality we're living in right now Hey uh Blaine

Who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by Brought to you by Galco Geico insurance but for girls Galco also brought to you by Galco, Geico Insurance but for girls, Galco also brought to you by Bud Late where the hell's our waiter with our beer? Bud Late. Don't forget Transylvania Pizza Kitchen Transylvania

Pizza Kitchen Dan Thanks Blaine and now it's time to talk about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Everybody was kind of checking out a chamber for an interminable amount of time. I feel like only exploring the side of a boat and slowly climbing up it has ever taken as long as we thought about what the fuck was happening with that little passage and chamber. Anyway, the not ice five were at this chamber. Anyway, the not-ice five

were at this chamber. Blaine shook his head on that one. He's like, Dan, trying to organically figure out this. I think you should call us the nice five. You are very nice. Just saying. Get out of here. I'm talking.

So, everybody, including Danny, was checking it out. We did some checks. Iva touched the strange stone door on the east side of this chamber, only to feel its leathery texture and tickle it. It blinked out of existence. Danny spent half an hour running all the way to the beach and then having a Ryan O'Neill moment as he noticed there were skeletons everywhere.

Oh god. And then he came back. Reappeared, told everybody. And just as Nathan was feeling around at the ground, right at the lip of this passage, Iva put it together that some sort of

super predator was maybe corking up this doorway and with someone else was it who was it anybody and fucking get a lot of head shakes and cringing during this recap it's very distracting we're gonna just bow out real quick anyway anyway somebody just figured out that there was some sort of gigantic predator that was blocking up this passage to the east. Of course, we should definitely provide some sort of screenshot for social media or otherwise for our maps whenever we can. So I should remember to screen grab this.

But yeah, it's like a big open area with some parts you can't quite get to. And then there's this passage where there was a blockage and now there's not. Okay. Are we all still logged into rule 20? Yes. Lovely. I would say it pretty properly represents it, except I'm going to scoot Nathan

right between Iva and Tootie. Danny, I'm going to say you came all the way in before you became visible. Yeah. That looked rather phallic the way I shot out of there squirt yeah gross

my hair hey is there should we like pop out of this little thing and go into these tunnels and try to like flank this thing or does this thing do we feel that this thing lives in these tunnels can we determine if the cavern was made by the thing that lives in here or anything about

what this thing is from the cavern yeah i mean you could do some investigating um but i will tell you from last episode i did give you more specific information than that this does appear to be a threshold that's waiting for you to visibly cross. So should we go the other way? Sorry. I'm just saying based on that, it's like, okay, there's something in here. Can we figure out what it is? What if we were able to

have a visible thing cross the threshold? Wouldn't it attack it? Maybe. Well, throw noodles out there. No, we're not holding noodles. I have

an unseen servant. Can I do things with them? But he's unseen is the whole point. Yes. You did already have an invisible. That's where the bathrobe comes in. Could we though, like, let's say hypothetically,

I said, hey unseen servant, I'm going to put this picnic blanket over you and then go walk over there. Do we have anything big like that that would make an invisible thing visible? You do have a tapestry. No,

we're not going to put the tapestry on him, but I'm sure we have. I have my gritty costume from my Philadelphia Halloween party. With mud? Can we just pat him down with mud? Yeah, I mean, you could pat some wet sand on him. Sure.

Okay, let's all massage wet sand into the unseen servant. It's a ritual. I can do that as a ritual, so it's going to take 10 minutes. Put on the spa music. So make some muddy goop while I take 10 minutes and go his name is Jeremy and he's very

good at having mud on him oh my god so yeah Jeremy after 10 minutes is summoned and you slather some wet sand upon him and you know he looks very mannequin like

not a lot of prominent features hmm okay bye Jeremy you send Jeremy down the tunnel yes good luck Jeremy starts walking down everybody do a perception check

oh my god nice Starts walking down. Everybody do a perception check. Oh my god. Nice. I got a one. Wow. Jel, if you think about the woods, you think about climbing, hopping. Yeah, I'm just very distracted. What are we doing? Insight?

No. Perception. Perception. Twelve. Oh, sorry. Twenty. Ohception. 12. Oh, sorry, 20. Oh, shit balls. Danny, what'd you get there, Tootie? Danny got a 21 total. Damn.

Nice. 18 plus 3. I got a 5. All right. So, Iva, Jelf, Tootie, you don't see this as clearly as Nathan and Danny will. So, that'll give you two versions of what's about to happen. So, you see the sort of muddy form of Jeremy sort of stride down the tunnel,

just sort of, just not too jaunty, I would say, unless that's what you want, Nathan. Is there a bit of a... Oh, I want him to enjoy himself, sir. Oh, so oh so yeah he definitely is like a little bit of a head bob almost like there's a little bit of like music playing in his head you know throwing his elbows from side to side as he marches down the he gets about you know like five feet then ten feet and for a minute you're like this is ridiculous we've been here for almost an hour uh and then uh there is a a flash of blue light and something enormous um seems to fly for right where you guys are almost as if it's teleporting in um and then just completely fill the tunnel so you can't see jeremy and it just bolts down the tunnel with jeremy um in particular danny and tootie you think you

notice that familiar doorway except now with some sort of exoskeletal legs uh dangling around it as it squeezes into the tunnel and disappears how how big did it look some sort of electric centipede it looked very large it looked like the size of all of you put together so let's go the other way unless you want to kill it but I don't know not if we have to

so unseen servant unseen servant has if I'm not mistaken Chris armor class of 10. Yes. And one hit point. I mean, but it's a one solid hit point. Well, here's the thing.

This thing just rolled a one. Uh-oh. Oh, no. What kind of sensory abilities does your Unseen Servant have? Do you have that in front of you? I'm looking it up right now. Servant springs into existence. The servant can perform simple tasks that a human servant could do,

such as fetching things. And I basically said, just walk straight in that line. Once you give the command, the servant performs the task to the best of its ability until it completes the task, then waits for my next command. So assuming he's not dead, he exists for an hour. Okay. He can last up to 60 feet, but he can only move 15, right? Yeah.

If you command the servant to perform a task that would move it more than 60 feet, the spell would end. So I guess if he kept on walking and got 60 feet, he would vanish. Yeah, you know, this thing just slams into Jeremy. For a while, this thing disappears down the tunnel. So you guys want to run away is the gist of what... Yeah, I mean, you feel like you've only got a second to sort of gather yourselves.

Oh, why? It's going to come back in here or anything? Which direction can we go? Well, also, I feel like I need to clarify something because Ken keeps bringing up, like, you can just turn around and go. There's a full day of just one way tunnel behind you yeah i feel like we gotta we gotta kill this thing or get or figure out a way to like time ourselves to get past it figure out whatever the the joystick you hear down the tunnel that a sort of like like this weird hissing and like clicking noise. Does anyone have like

a fire spell? Because it feels like being he like takes up the whole tunnel when it goes it'd be good to be just send some flames down there. Seems like we have a lot of quiet kind of. Or set a bomb or something? Yeah like but I don't think we have anything like that right? I have a I can do one of those arrows that explode

Exploding arrow? Danny has not had time to do I can do one of those arrows that explode. Exploding arrow? Danny has not had time to do poison yet. Yeah, you and me feel like we don't have time also, right? No, that's like staying in an inn for the night kind of task, like to learn how to do the poison making. Iva, are you all right? Well, I just remembered because we have these breaks between

our recording sessions i did remember that i very badly need someone to heal me does anybody have that ability or a potion of some kind because i am right on death's door actually and just didn't even think about it you've been dying this whole time and never spoke up not once i did not remember this is the best kind of D&D moment when someone's been dying for a while and forgot to pipe up. I mean, I'm not dying, but I certainly should not be doing anything.

I should be resting. Anybody got some Healies? I think that would be you. Does this group have no healing ability? That wouldn't be a spell, right? I've never played any. 2D has something. Yeah.

I believe as a paladin, you have a special healing touch, 2D. Let's see. I believe you're right. I'm going to pull up your character sheet. Lay on hands. You have a pool of healing power that can restore 15 HP per long rest.

I will touch you and heal you now. Does everyone hear me? Am I being clear? Here it comes. Got it. Yeah, so I will give you 15 HP. Does he have to roll? Well, yeah. Does it work

that he can split it up? Like he gets 15 total over the course of the long rest? I don't think so. I have to read the rules because that was the most... A paladin has a pool. You can touch a creature to restore any number of hit points remaining in the pool. No, but any number of hit points he can touch, and so he has a pool of 15. So it doesn't mean he can just do it

again. That's what it sounds like to me. After a long rest. Oh no, but okay. A paladin... For a long rest he can do that. Yeah. The pool I think resets after the long rest, he can do that. Yeah. Not yet. The pool, I think, resets after the long rest. He's got a pool of 15 that he can do whatever he wants with. I understand that, but I guess I was just asking if he only gives me 10, for example, does he then get to use the rest of the five?

I still have five. I can give five to someone else. That's my question. Yeah. Right? That's what a pool generally means. Dan's crying like like no, but we can figure it out. I mean, I'm trying to read it while

people discuss. I need 11 anyway, so it's gonna if that's all right with you. I'll give you 11. You need 11 or you want 11. Maybe you only need two. Yeah, you've got 15. You can spread around. I'll say right.

I tweak one of those ears. Always joking. There you go. Please don't murder me. I'm good to go. Hey, Dan, when you said that there was a flash of blue before this thing just appeared or it disappeared like it blinked out of existence, like it was like it it blinked out of existence is this just thing just moving really fast or is it some sort of phase creature like a blinking centipede or i'll allow an arcana check in this moment

get my thing out here oh hey that's a 20 hey uh plus plus my what was that perception because I have proficiency in that that was arcana no or arcana oh I also have proficiency in that

so that's 25 it's funny how you can talk real fast say hey can I do an arcana check I got a 20 that was perception right

what I was I was I had another joke about uh rolling a one because I've been rolling nothing

but one oh no you did fantastic though yeah it was the opposite yeah it feels very the exact opposite very much like this thing is blinking to another plane of existence uh and can i get a feeling that like uh it has that that the entry and exit point is in a certain place or that it can just do it at random wherever it wants random wherever

it wants also things just got real quiet is. Is it blocking the door back or no? Can't see. What do you mean? I don't understand. This thing disappeared down the tunnel. You heard some noises, and now everything's really quiet. Okay. No sign of Jeremy.

We're probably fine. Let's check the GoPro that we put on the unseen servant. Hmm. check the GoPro that we put on the unseen servant. Hmm. Then, I guess the question is, do we want to find it in this chamber or in that hallway? Right? I mean,

that's sort of all we get. It's at least 60 feet down the tunnel that you can't really see. There's a chance you could hit it if you fired an arrow down there. There's a chance it blinked out of existence again. Right. Alright. What do you think, Danny?

You're the master of... Danny's never met anything like this. Has he? Nope. But you're very good at fighting. In what space do you like fighting in? Is it better for you to be narrow or wide? I am not afraid of it. Was it corporeal in this room? Just in the doorway, I think.

But wondering if we can fight it strategically. What is the best way for us to battle this? Well, here's a question. Can we all get inside your... Not inside your pants, but inside... Can you make someone invisible and we all get inside one big cloak? Didn't we establish that somebody's clothes go invisible with them and you can conceal stuff inside the clothes right so i can't cast that spell anymore i need to take a bit of a wheezy so we can rest here because it seems we could rest here and then and then try to like use like and then try to use like my clothes are that

baggy no not your not yours right now but we could figure out something to put on you that would work that way. Oh, right. Or you or anybody else. And then we all just shuffle. I am wearing hammer pants. You know what I mean? And then we all shuffle out. What do you guys think of my idea?

I love it. It's the classic us taking a long rest while something is in the next room waiting to kill us. What could possibly go wrong? How big is the tapestry? Not big enough. I have another idea of where we go see a movie and we stand on each other's shoulders and wear a big jacket. Sarah hates this concept. Sarah is not a fan.

I'm at the top. Where's the hat? We can rent a car. We can car some cork and make a beard now sorry last question and maybe you said that i was um looking something up but did it come back through like it went all we know it went through the tunnel out to the beach then did it come back through the tunnel or did it just just once it was out on the beach we didn't see it again first of all the tapestry is five by 5 feet when it is completely unrolled. Second of all, it dove down the tunnel when at least 60 feet seems to have vaporized somehow the unseen servant, Jeremy. Possibly just by pushing it more than 60 feet. And right now there's no sign of it.

It has either disappeared into the darkness or it has blinked out of existence, but none of you are sure. I guess I was just thinking, can we send something out ahead of us? And then we run, then it goes and we run behind it. I mean,

you do feel like at this point there's a chance it could be just like realizing you tricked it and it's coming back for you. That definitely would be a thought. There's a chance it could be just like realizing you tricked it and it's coming back for you. That definitely would be. What about this? When it blocks the doorway again, let's attack it when we can see it. Yeah, but it hasn't. Right.

The nose. We're here now. I mean, passive insight, just like basic common sense. Basic common sense. You guys would all feel like it might be coming to murder us now. All right, well, then let's just get ready to fight it. Let's spread out. Yes. I hide.

I'll make it, though. I use my hiding ability. I don't know if it can fit through the door. It dove through the door. You think it can fold its body up pretty small. Fucker. Okay, so I hide and I wait. It doesn't seem like it corked it truly.

It seems like it's able to be flexible. Shut up. I'll go hopping. Please move your tokens where you'd like to hide. If you are doing some sort of hide ability or you are stealthing, please do a stealth check.

Stealth. I can... Oh, this is a thing I have Mask of the wild I can attempt to hide even when I'm only lightly obscured Wow, nice Great Oh, it says here I'm immune to whatever's in this cave Very lucky Very lucky indeed Great. Oh, it says here I'm immune to whatever's in this cave.

Very lucky. Very lucky indeed. I'm going to go to the beach and run a hotel room for you guys and get some food going. I'm peeking back here from around this corner. My stealth was a four, and I'm going to cast Mage Armor on myself. Magical glowing armor protecting me. Ooh. All right.

While the rest of you hide, a couple of you seemingly disappear into the walls, and things are very quiet for a while. Verge kind of looks around and starts getting nervous because he can't even see all of you. So he's kind of just like, and he goes over to you, Nathan, and says, I feel like it's been a while.

Should I just go? You would hide, right? Maybe you should hide. I feel like I'm good at hiding, but this has been a while. I should just go. If you feel that, you must. You must.

I'm worried that as soon as you walk away, it's going to eat you. You don't want to just hide for now. Or we could let him get here. That's what it is. And then we don't let him get it. Yeah. And then we don't have to pay him. Yeah, and we also take back my wallet. Yeah. I feel like it's gone.

I feel like you tricked it. Well, you can lead the way at the door. Rock on, Veg. He wants to go out the other way, huh? He wants to go back the way we came, or he wants to lead the way? No, he's pointing the way out. Oh, go ahead.

Will you come with me for protection? No. Yeah, but you go first. No. Just check it out. Wait, Tootie said he would. He walks over to Tootie. Did you say that you would go with me?

I will let you go ahead of me and I will wait. Okay. So, Verge heads out the tunnel with your encouragement. Bye-bye.

Yeah. It's about 5 feet in there 10 feet in there and uh oh blinks into existence disappears down the tunnel um yeah gone

it's a long word just gone you don't hear anything you don't hear anything I will say 2 Tootie, for a moment you see this flash of something going past you. What do you do? I think let's go. Attack, attack, attack!

Oh, okay. I was going to say we follow it. Well, okay, Tootie. I said I would smack. Here I go. I didn't say I would smack it. Here I go. You did say you would smack it, and I made sure I gave him an opportunity to say it, because I almost just... It does try to disappear down the tunnel.

All right. Let's see what happens. My tower is blocked. That's what happens. An attack of opportunity, we'll say. Ooh. All right. Sorry. Ooh Alright Sorry Ladies and gentlemen, Ken looks for his 20-sided dice

I was having trouble with my tower 18 That's a hit You can tell me your bonus Do you want it? It's 24. Yeah, roll your damage, man. To win it.

All right. That's five. Five. You hit it, and it screeches. Verge is on the other side screaming at this point. Everybody roll for initiative. We're doing it. We're doing it.

You are doing it. Congratulations. It is time for initiative. Ta-da. Ten. Yeah. And for Iva. Danny, what'd you get?

Okay, Jelf, what'd you get? He was praying first. I got a 20. Just tell me your initiatives. 20. It's 22. Great. 19.

Jeff, what'd you get? Oh, I got a 13. A what? A 15 or an 18? A 13. Sorry. Couldn't quite hear you. All right.

Up first, we've got 2D. No, I'm sorry. Danny. Danny. You see all of this going down There's a blue flash And just in the nick of time Tootie's hammer Collides with this thing's butt

And it's now got it's butt Kind of plugging up the doorway a little bit It's a real butt plug situation Chris Danny will hack at it Hack at it. Hack at it from, with his short sword. Are any legs exposed?

Yeah, there's a couple. Or just the butt? A couple, yeah. He'd hack at the legs and try to take some of the legs off. Right. What sort of legs are they? Exoskeletal. They're insectoid,. So this is a

big centipede thing. No, definitely not as long as a centipede. Alright. So like a millipede then? Sure, maybe. We'll see. A dozen-peed? Right now you've been hitting at its

back end that is still kind of in the doorway. Is that 15 a hit? That's a hit. All your damage. I love this music. Say the name of the person who helped us out with this again. Yeah, Patrick,

aka Newtans. Thanks, Newtans. You're awesome. It's so much fun. It's like another level. I mean, obviously. It's a four plus three piercing damage, please. Great. All right.

So you hack at this thing, and this bright white and blue blood kind of splatters out of it. Oh, wow. All right. That sounds pretty. Do I get a bonus? Do I get an unarmed strike? You get an unarmed strike with your bonus. Please tell me what you roll. Um, okay.

Yeah, we gotta roll that attack. No, I know. I have a question for you. I have answers. For later i have answers for later oh for later okay well you know rizza you know that uh a guy from wu-tang clan he did those movies a man with the iron fist uh danny's really thinking that he would love to make some uh some iron fists at some point or some kind of some kind of gauntlets the way uh my other guy had gauntlets yeah just down the road not today but sure yeah i will say fifth edition rules for monks are are weird so they would be a little different than if someone else wielded them we would we

would look at the custom rules for that just you might like to train yeah because like i self-aware uh a monk levels up their weapons so like if you use like typical like knuckle duster rules i think it would be too high power but we can figure that out all right let me roll this on arm strike yep oh nice uh 16 plus five sir that's a hit. Roll your damage. Yep. Here it comes. Oh, here it comes. He's gonna punch that thing. He's gonna punch it right in the abdomen. Oh, a 6. Alright.

So that's another sploof, like right in the little leathery backside I'll just leave it at that I won't do flurry of blows on this first one Oh How generous of you to not spend a ki point Which you're probably running out of Alright next up we got 2D

I am casting thunderous smite Oh lord First time you hit with a melee weapon attack During the spell's duration your weapon rings with thunder that is audible within 300 feet of you, and the attack deals an extra 2d6 thunder damage. That's how I call you 2d. So, it's a strength saving throw for him. Strength saving throw.

All right. Well, this guy gets a plus two to his strength. And he rolls a 19! 21! Well, never mind then. I will still attack with my hammer. He steals himself against the tunnel as you thunderously wallop his bottom.

That is a 17. That is a 17. That is a hit. Excellent. Alright. That is 9 points of damage. Ooh. That time you really lay into it. It's looking

bad. Like you're all just wailing on this thing. I like it. Okay, up next we've got Nathan. President Bartlett's coming in for a landing, everyone. Do you hear? This is the music where we're going to destroy

this thing. Alright. The hopeful music. So first, just to see what's going on, Nathan, like, kind of peeks around the corner and I'm coming, I'm coming. So he goes, one, two, three. What a great Bradley Woodford impression. Five, six, seven. And then I think from there, I can just peek around that corner. Do I have line and sign on it from there, Dan?

Yes, you do. Yeah. Okay, great. So I have line and sign on it from there, Dan? Yes, you do. So I will cast Magic Missile against it. Okay. So I cast it by Carrot Wand, and it just hits. You create three darts of glowing magical force.

Each dart hits a creature of your choice that you can see within range. And so I'm casting it at first level, so it's three darts. Each one is a d4 plus one. So the first one is... Make sure you shout magic missile in Nathan's voice. Magic missile!

So the first one's two points. Second one is four points. And the last one is three points. Damn. So... second one is four points and the last one is three points damn so lay into this thing you did pretty good damage and it uh wheels around and you see these glowing whitish orbs in its face the giant spider oh I don't like the sound of that yeah and so let's look at the map spiders bad enough giant giant's bad enough spider sees Danny right those words suck it sees Danny right in front of it, so he is going to try to bite Danny. Oh, that's a nine for its attack.

That's not very good. Gonna bite Danny was a David Belgetti song, wasn't it? It's a miss. Uh, Jelf, you're up. Oh, uh, I am up. Where exactly is this? This thing is back here where the big square is, right? The big ol' white square

Okay I'm over here, as you can see I'm going to shoot a Bursting arrow at the thing I'm gonna try to hit it in a place Where it's not close to any of my compatriots Sure Uh, let's see bursting arrow's rules, though, because

there is somebody right up against it right now. Let's see. Bursting arrow. You imbue your arrow with force energy. The arrow detonates immediately after it hits a creature. Everyone in 10 feet takes 2d6 force damage. I got a

20. Does that mean that i can sort of like weave it in uh away from people that uh don't get hurt or get it underneath it or something what a fun thing to say well this is for sure gonna hit 2d and danny unless uh you roll a 100 and get over a 50. But in addition to what you get from being over 50, there will be some special effects because you're critting with an arrow. I got a 003. So, 03.

All right. So, this is going to roll your damage and this is going to hit Tootie and Danny also. Sorry about that, guys. I thought it was big enough to hit away from you guys. How much is the bursting arrow? In addition to your usual

arrow damage, it's 2D6. 2D. Get it? 2D? 4. 4 on the 2D6. I got a 1 and a three. Alright, so that's four damage to 2d and

your friend Danny. What's the other dice damage for the arrow? No. The other dice damage for the arrow is That's for the spider only. Is 1d8. And that's for the spider only is uh 1d8

and that's a 5 ooh what would you like to say to this spider as you murder it uh hey uh with great power comes great responsibility so dropped it oh just just for a second

you see it recognize that it's heard it's origin story across several film studios and I would have made it rhyme because that's my ability there you go rhymed ability with ability

and there's a lot of cadence to Jop. He's like the Beastie Boys. He's not afraid to rhyme the same word with the same word. It was beautiful. Responsibility. Congratulations. You may say I'm a dreamer. I'm not the only one.

Today, we hope you'll join us. The world could be as one. Good enough for him. Good enough for him. Good enough for you. Sorry. The spider slumps and sort of folds

down on the ground. It's completely motionless. It's huge. Just this gigantic phase spider. What a little bitch ass spider. Whoa. Jesus Christ. gigantic phase spider and um what a little bitch ass spider whoa oh I'm just saying it died really quick guys come on this is the triumphant moment we're supposed to yay

yeah you fucking bitch ass spider are you all right good work I say going to die Nathan you notice there's no response. Danny doesn't think it's a bitch-ass spider. He thinks that we got lucky

where we were able to pin it. And the person who was responsible fought valiantly. And he hopes that we can give this thing a proper burial. Iva raises her eyebrows at that when Danny refuses to high-five over the spider's corpse, and she goes to check on Verge.

Let's cook it. Ew. Yeah, Nathan calls out for Verge, and there's no response. You pull the spider's corpse into the chamber, and you see Verge is lying motionless, two large puncture wounds in his back.

Is he alive or is he dying? Do a medicine check. Ten, unfortunately. Danny has Yeah. I can as uh yeah I can

shelf got 12 if I was right about the paladin thing you should have four hit points left to be able to use but I don't know if you want to I mean it seems like like uh he's probably alive but his breath is extremely shallow

he seems like he's just like his eyes are kind of like open but he can't move I think I even read that you can do something with poison in medicine I've told you what I can with the medicine there's a thing lay on hands has

a poison part I think so does it perhaps we need to suck out the poison um has a poison part, I think. Does it? Perhaps we need to suck out the poison. I'm looking. Somebody gotta fill this space. Knees!

Bending your legs in the middle! Helping you sit in a chair Knees Helping you go up a stairway Hey, take a look at these At my knees, at my knees, at my knees Knees, but they're just ankles You can cure multiple diseases and neutralize multiple poisons With a single use of lay on hands

Spending hit points separately for each one. So yeah, I can give him the four points that I have left in my hand. And he can neutralize the poison? Yeah. Yes. Alright, so you lay hands and for a moment

he starts he's still kind of frozen, then he starts breathing more normally. It did look like he was paralyzed in addition to being at zero hit points so uh yeah you you saved him and he's kind of uh i guess i shouldn't have gone down the yeah that was not great so we're gonna take one gold piece back from your payment to pay the paladin to continue his charity work, but you'll still get your

nine remaining when we get out there. You ready? Do an intimidation check. I think it's more of... You're just taking money away from him. Yeah, but you saved his life. I will allow a persuasion check

if you prefer. If you're trying to tell me you're gently... Yes. Yeah, I think I'm telling him, like, you get it. We're going to take one of your gold pieces to give to... More people can be healed. 18. He very, like... He, like, hangs his head. Like, you can tell

he's had the shittiest day. He, like, he like hangs his head like you can tell he just, he's had the shittiest day and he like takes he looks at the two coins and like gives one back. Oh, I meant out of his, I meant out of the money we were going to give him once. He's already got his advanced payment he's given back. I'll take it back.

Now let's go. Triumphant into the sunshine. Bone City. There's, of course, yes, that exit from the beach. And yeah, as you come out on the beach, it's wonderful air. You're finally smelling very similar smells that you had earlier. But now finally, you see the pastoral area around you. It's nice. you see the sort of pastoral area around you it's nice there's not pastoral but like you know like bucolic i guess was the the perfunctory naturey word i was going for the too many

syllables excuse me but i'm gonna go ahead and bring our roll 20 over to the map so i can show you guys uh where we are in davin glaven So you guys are on the mainland, but on the beach. So if I can direct your attention to the ping on the south edge. It took you a few days, but you are here. I can see the pink ping.

I don't see your ping. Can you do this? I don't see a ping, but... Oh, well, that's because I'm on the wrong layer. You're down here. Ah, yes. There it is I'm on the wrong layer. You're down here. Ah, yes, there it is. Down in the south area. Okay, so we're close to where the Gronk, the guy, is, right?

Correct. You're near the jungle where that guy is. What is that fucker's name? I'm looking at my notes. Gronk, the walking economy. And you see, of course, Mount Veskis to the west.

Blingbottom is just to the east. Maybe in a half day's journey to the east. And Verge sheepishly wonders, well, am I taking you all the way to the city or shall I receive my payment now?

Definitely to the city, Verge. That was clear. Yeah, I want you to chill out, bro. Oh, give a guy a break, you know? Already did. Jeez Louise. Yeah, he's definitely feeling the heat from you guys and walks you east. Danny was wondering about the skulls that we walked by.

Does it look like that was where the spider fed? It seems like, yeah, over the last month, the spider has been taking bodies out here and just dumping them. Are there any magic wands or bags of gold or anything from any of those dead bodies?

Would you like to go grave robbing? Let's have an investigation check. Good idea, buddy. Did the spider bury them in a proper cemetery? Well, the way Danny had seen it described, it was all just

skeletons that were picked clean. They were picked clean and left in the sun it doesn't take too long to bleach a bone that way but yeah the does cronk eat bones or does he need flesh as well you're asking verge i assume yeah um oh he'll take whatever he can get all right i take some bones and then uh i got a 14 on my investigation which of course you're also doing this investigation check sort of just have just like happenstance like you're just very politely burying these bones like in a very religious and respectful way i just happen to be rifling your fingers

between the things that fall i'm burying a hundred bodies no okay well there's a lot yeah but you're going through them. I got a 21. 18. Danny got an 18. I'll say a little prayer over these skellies. Nathan, are you going to rifle through the bones also? Danny definitely

Danny definitely talks to his Well, he does, but does he still rifle through the bones? No, I'm going to Definitely talks to his... Well, he does, but does he still rifle through the bones? No, I'm going to... Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Danny. No, I don't rifle through the bones, but...

Here's the thing. If you're doing an investigation... Yeah, he does, but he also blesses them. Yeah, he also blesses them. Very well. I would like you to do a religion check. Okay. And Danny, I would like you to do a religion check.

And while you're doing those checks, Nathan, what are you doing at all right now? If we're searching for... I'd like to cast detect magic as a ritual, which is a 10-minute thing. So I sort of sit down and just sort of be like, What do you think? Is there magic around here? Is there magic hidden inside of something here? What's going on here?

Magic, what's up? Danny got a 20, 17 plus three. Cool. I rolled a 16. Great. Well, 2D, you ask Bahamut to look over the souls that were lost here on the beach or in the tunnel leading up to it.

And you, you know, get this sort of comforting but kind of cold and bracing feeling that you often get from Bahamut that just tells you as long as you can keep looking for justice, this will remain a world where souls can find peace. This will remain a place where souls can find peace and that this island continent is not all evil. Uh, Danny, you check in with your God and you definitely get this like, kind of like, like kind of dull headache of regret.

Thinking about running your fingers through all these bones. Yeah. Okay. Uh, you don't, you don't feel like you have to stop everybody, but you do feel like, as a personal choice, it'll

affect you a little bit. He stops. He stops then, yeah. Do you have the name of my guy? I do. The name of your guy is Labilus Enerith, or just Labilus.

He is a wood elf god of justice. How do you spell Labilus? I'm going to go ahead and put a Forgotten Realms fandom link in the chat for you so you can see not just his name, but more info about the fella. And

can you please remind me of your investigation checks i'm so sorry sarah and blaine do you still have them i don't remember mine i think it was i think it was you had like a 12 14 14 i think i think 14 because i had nine listeners know the truth and i'm gonna go with a 14 all right and i'm gonna give nathan his detect magic is gonna ping to help you guys so i'm gonna let you both roll one more time for advantage assuming nathan's sharing this information yeah i'm not necessarily thinking of it in terms of harvesting i'm just trying to get a sense of like is this like a good graveyard what i i want to talk to magic and go what's going on here magic i assume the spider was just dragging everything out here and eating it is that incorrect no that's correct okay yeah

that's what i was not like i was not like being disrespectful she's just like look ashes to ashes man this is what happens to everybody it's a circle of life so uh let's let's get what we can and get out of here yeah i don't think it's necessarily aggressive but i do think certain characters who may be like pray to their gods more might feel uneasy like if you said it also goes through the bone right you say a prayer over the bones i'm gonna let you know what happens um so yeah the uh 18 this time right okay right uh blaine what was your second 21 and an 18 are the high numbers so first we're going to go to nathan you get two pings of magic they're both very faint but there's

one um just at the edge of your 30 foot of distance that you can feel like out in the bones just near the jungle where it looks like someone got dragged off there's a whole human skeleton over there and then there's another ping. Only about 10 feet away. A little bit to the south. Where the bones are very bleached in the sand. Some real gruesome stuff coming up there buddy. A little kid looking into the camera.

But yeah so. Blaine. You kind of go over to. The one way far out. and you find a hat. It's kind of like a little beret. It's dark green, and it's magic. And you're not sure what, but you bet your friend Nathan could help you figure out what this does. A hat.

A hat. Like a little dark green beret. A little green beret hat yeah and it was mostly just like caked in in dry sand uh kind of like wedged under a body uh skeleton but um yeah a little magic beret got a time cake got a hat is there anything uh tracking me in the woods not yet that you can tell passively. But first, before we get too into... Would you say that beret was the kind you'd find in a secondhand store?

Just... Oh, sorry. Gooseberry beret. Sarah, you find some boots from the other peng. They're studded leather and... Are they made for walking? All right. Um,

regardless, walking is what they'll do. Uh, but no, the, the, one of these days they're going to do something who knows, but,

uh, you, you managed to like look them over and they're also magic. You also feel like maybe Nathan could help you out. Okay. Um, and just from generally canvassing with those two very high roles and with Nathan doing those pings.

No. Sorry, I was telling my kids insisting on a donut. It's 830. Sorry, let me mute this. Donuts. Are you fine? Blaine, can you come over here and do that to me every night? Sarah.

I'm about to go out for donuts. Iva finds four simple throwing daggers. Okay. And Blaine, you do find what looks like... Donuts? No, a very fine elven quiver of arrows. Ooh! I could use those.

I'm a fine elf. Does Noodles look really impressed with the outdoors? Just noodles, like giant oval eyes, just like looking up at the sky. Like just very, very thrilled looking around. So that was three. Also that crazy bright in the sun. This thing is, it looks like it's scale i get

it can i get a shirt of you doing that face yeah it's it's uh these noodles is very excited but they get very bright blue in the sun it's like it's like got protective scales for for. So it's usually... Like your hair. Ha ha. Kind of like my hair. Do it again. One more time. Oh!

Okay, now four more times. The rest of the episode. We'll be right back on a tribute to Mr. Belvedere sitting on his balls wrong on her poker gus would you like to hear 12 more things yeah yeah yeah total gus reaction yeah uh one of my favorite snl sketches ever was the the one with the mr belvedere fan club with phil hartman talking about wearing his skin as a portal into another dimension. What a fucking crazy ass world we live in.

Anyway, yeah, Verge is ready to guide you whenever you're done. Okay. So, Blingbottom? Yes, let's keep to the coasts, away from the forest, right?

We don't want to go inside bone money monsters. What time is it? Oh yeah, I'm not going to bring any bones with me. It's evening. That is disrespectful. Evening? Okay. Yeah, it's evening. Yeah, leave the bones. I'm watching. Make sure nobody We figure out some sort of

maybe now's our chance to sort of set up a camp or some sort of... Maybe now's our chance to sort of set up a camp or some sort of a Leomond's tiny... Can we... It only takes a couple... Within two hours, you can get to Bling Bottom. So we can go to an inn or something. Doesn't that sound lovely?

To Bling Bottom! It does sound good. Okay. March along the beach. You see a few shiny blue crabs on the beach but otherwise no monsters nothing nefarious the volcano to the west is got a huge plume of smoke it is very active and it's a little unsettling you thought maybe you saw like yeah like a good good sign of it earlier but this is of course drawn by sean bryant who has embellished a lovely skull in the plume of smoke and yeah there is just something very like almost fast and suspiciously sentient about the smoke that seems to be curling in big cotton candy like bunches out of this volcano and going into

the clouds almost without dissipating it's very thick so you keep walking east and you get to the gates of bling bottom uh port town you see lots of boats coming in and out of the port and it does occur to all of you oh if there were survivors in any lifeboats from our ship the schooner rooney there's a chance they could have ended up in bling bottom so maybe maybe you could encounter someone probably not that guard you chummed the water with and uh drew a giant sea turtle with but uh everyone else who maybe have made it into a lifeboat there's a chance you could meet up with them again in bling bottom maybe you don't know how many people's lifeboats didn't get eaten but you approach the gates Verge points out to you the docks on the east side of town kind of like going on a

diagonal and south to east he points out you know here's where you can find your inns if you're interested you can of course find the lord of blingbottom he's got

intel on various things around the entire continent. He's got a lot of connections. You can talk to the Lord of Blingbottom. Of course, there's this shack. And he points to this little shack. And he says, that's Kurt's shack. Don't go in there. He's very pathetic.

He wouldn't like it. Kurt's shack! He's very boring and stupid, but he thinks himself a hero. Just don't bother with Kurt Shack. Wow, it seems like you're setting us up to maybe go check out Kurt Shack. He's very, he's like a goody two-shoes. He's, knowing you guys, you wouldn't like him. He don't drink, don't smoke.

What do we do? He don't drink, he don't smoke. Verge says, okay, well, what inn are we staying at? You got a choice? You do have a couple of choices. What's this wee shit? You have a mouse in your pocket?

I haven't been paid yet. Yeah, I'm going to pay him. I'm going to give him the opportunity, if he wants, I'm'm not gonna say double or nothing because that doesn't seem fair um only a real gambler would take that chance but but i will we'll take he's supposed to get 10 right yeah that's what we yeah so i i offer to do a quick dice game and if he wins he he gets 15, but if he loses, he gets 5. It's up to him. Against Verge?

Yeah. Alright. He takes you up on it. Here we go with the gambling. Bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet what do you want me to what do you uh i had to roll a sleight of hand last time right um i i genuinely don't remember because i i don't know what the dnd 5e rules are for gambling because she's not cheating that's but she does have uh like it's it's her background is yeah i mean generally like uh generally like it's like I know there's something about like carousing in

the dungeon masters guide hang on one second hey Blaine what is this yeah what is this carousing check brought to us by this is brought to you by backgammon pizza take that

dominoes takes longer to get there but it's more satisfying Backgammon Pizza. Take that dominoes. Takes longer to get there, but it's more satisfying. Backgammon Pizza. It's there in three or four hours or it's free. Dan? I was hoping she'd actually play poker in Nerd Poker.

Ooh. People's heads would explode. Cool. I'm gonna try out the carousing rules. So characters can spend their downtime engaged in various activities such as binge drinking, gambling, carousing, character spends money. What about the game?

You're going to roll a D100. Sarah, roll a D100. You're going to try this out. I think I need you to slide a hand on the boat because I was just trying to see if you're going to pull one over on uh the schlenny i believe our patreon supporter named npc schlenny 75 oh okay well on uh we're gonna look at this table here great so you get modest winnings is what 75 is so this is going to be we'll call it

2d6 additional gold oh well i don't i i this was just for one i'm not trying to take any more from him it literally was just a one shot diced if he wanted to try to to make oh 50 more well but i'll say well well, then, yeah. Right, right. You're not going around town. You're just doing this guy. So. So he lost. He did lose.

So he gets five now? Sorry, man. Yeah. So, you know what? I'm going to actually give him seven now because I kind of just wanted to play for fun. Okay. So you basically managed to get rid of Verge by giving him seven. And he's like, he's grateful, but also he's just like...

He's violently attacked. Feels kind of like he trusted you guys a little bit and you let him walk down that path and then kind of made fun of him. So he just kind of looks over his shoulder at you like... But he's a real asshole. And he definitely planned on double crossing you at one point.

I give him a I like nudge him and I'm like, you want to meet up with me later at the inn? I can show you a couple tips and tricks. Might win back all that extra and then some. Well, there's a few inns. Which inn are you staying at tonight? Would you like me to tell you which ones there are?

Worth a double or nothing tree. Guys, we deserve a treat. Let's pick a nice inn. You have a few options. In New Orleans. He points out there is two taverns that have rooms upstairs. One of them is just a basic tavern with rooms upstairs

called the Knotted Nook. And then there's one called Lost Fingers that has a large gambling room downstairs and then there's uh then there's one that verge refers to as an in if you catch my drift and winks really hard the fuck does that mean is it a broth brothel? When you ask him if it's a brothel, he says, yeah, you know an inn, and he winks again. It's called the sweaty proposition. Okay, yeah.

So it is an RV. Let's stay there. I mean, Iva has a clear... I think we're definitely going to the... Lost Fingers? Lost Fingers. I think everyone will have the best time there. Everyone?

Are the beds comfortable? They're having a gym teacher convention there this weekend Danny is not going to gamble He's going to rest Yeah, are you going straight to Work on his key and eat We've made notes about where the shack is and everything But yeah, for tonight I think we all need to We need a good night's rest and

Regroup Keep an eye on your fingers guys Beds at the Lost Fingers A simple two silver each Not too bad So please make a note that it will be Five times Two although they do give you a weird look

Because you've got animals And they say That'll be one silver each for the animals as a deposit those are our service animals so they're my animals right both of them are with me uh-huh okay so it's one silver extra per animal yes okay i put it down easily and give them a nice nod and a wink. All right. And I believe it is off to slumberland. Um, that's your,

do, do your group have a name? Do you, do you guys think you have a name yet? Oh, not yet. I'm pushing. I'm pushing a nice five.

Nice, nice five. I love nice five as a concept but we got it look we got to differentiate we haven't done anything yet we got to think of the ice five emerged from frozen from ice that's how we were named and we went spent forever thinking of how to name us and then we came up with the dumbest name possible and i'd really love it if we could do that again well you know we just we just came out of a cave. Why don't we call ourselves the caveys? We also have

shipwrecks. Yeah, how many are there of us? Five. Although you do have... The Gilligan gang. The Castaways. Oh, Castaways I like. Castaways is good. Fine. Castaways. The Castaways. Oh, Castaways I like. Castaways is good.

Fine. Castaways. The Castaway Crew. The Castaway... CRE? The Castaway... KREW? I feel like unnecessary K's have

sort of like an awkwardness to them. No, no, no. C's. The Castaway... The Castaway Coconut. Yes, no, no. Seas. Seas. The Castaway. The Castaway Coconuts. Danny thinks. Yes, the Castaway Club. Danny thinks. We should be called the Lucky Five because it is lucky that we all met each other.

The Lucky Castaway Crew? No. That is confusing. Lucky Five. Castaway Club. Ooh, Castaway Club. That's like a young adult kind of sleepover series. I think the Castaways

is good. It sounds like a gang. I like it. Ooh. MS13. No, like a teen, like a 1950s teen. Well, we'll have to revisit this, I think, next episode. I feel like we've got a very strong contender here.

We'll see how it feels. I feel like maybe you guys need to just see what's next. Danny wants everybody else to be happy, whatever they want. You know who I want to be happy is listeners waiting to hear what Sam thinks happened this episode. Hi, everybody. episode hi everybody now on the surface it looks like it's just an episode where we battled the giant spider and got a magic hat and some daggers and bows and arrows but underneath it was also an episode about friendship and love and believing in yourself and and always doing the right thing even even if it's can be hard oh oh my god i feel i feel good about it thanks dad

this means he didn't listen at all no he actually he mentioned a lot of things that were in the episode his credit no he knows that was like a nerd listen i think he paid attention for a solid like five seconds like he did mention... I thought he was going to end on the bone field that we rated, and since he didn't, it suggests to me that... It sounds like a certain activity is weighing heavily on the conscience of one of our players. No, not at all. Brian, you got anything you want to plug?

I mean, I agree with you. Is it rapidly deflating? So is your old man. You know, give me metal, Grandpa's Metal Stash, fucking YouTube. That's it. Indeed. Fucking YouTube and that's it. I have a TV show coming out with Ron Funches on True TV at the end of the month.

But I'll plug that when I have to. Awesome. And yeah, I do still have my Twitch show, twitch.tv slash tellfordan every Friday at 8pm. That's it. Cool. Yay. Bye, everyone. Oh, wait.

Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus Lord. I almost forgot. Jesus is Lord first of all, second of all blaine it's it's okay we're not doing anything we uh we were supposed to me and cc keach were supposed to be on snl this weekend but we got canceled when some footage uh surfaced of us at a gender reveal party oh man we weren't we weren't practicing social, but we were pretty hammered. So what are you going to do? Also, you did a table read for a porn two weeks in a row. SNL might frown on that, too.

Well, we're bumping up the taping for volumes three through six. Thanks for listening. Oh, and the director's cut. We're doing some commentary. I said thanks for listening. I said we're doing some commentary. I said thanks for listening. I said we're doing some commentary. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.