Nerd Poker - S4E86 Temple Crawl

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

The finish line is seemingly only inches away, as the Castaway Cuties and their new barbarian friend approach the temple of Bahamut beneath Flaysacolan ruins. Hopefully the creepy glowing green eyes in the dark are friendly!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Possein's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Possein. You're listening to Nerd Poker with me and my friends. Who do we got here? Look at him. There's Ken. Hello, Brian. How are you? Good to see you.

What are we calling this episode? I didn't say that yet, but it's 86. Yeah, Brian. How are you? Good to see you. What are we calling this episode? I didn't say that yet, but it's 86. Yeah. Remember episode 85? That was a good year. That's when they run out of eggs at the diner. Yeah. Chris is here.

Hey. Oh, man. What are they going to do at the diner without them eggs? I don't know. It's going to be nuts. What's that, Sarah? Hi. Hey, Sarah the diner without them eggs? I don't know. It's going to be nuts. What's that, Sarah? Hi. Hey, Sarah.

You're talking about eggs? At the diner. I know. I know. It took me a moment. I did the Drake meme of the like, what is he talking about? Oh, I got it. Or maybe it was that kombucha lady. You know what I'm talking about. You know all these memes and gifs, the internet culture, the way the kids talk back and forth.

You know. I like to gif people with memes. I think that's great. It's one of your best qualities. Yeah. Blaine's here. Oh, hey. I'll take mine scattered, smothered, covered, and chunked. Hey, are you going to eat those headphones when you're done with this episode?

Yeah, it's like they taste like Andy's mintsints and then they also have like a little cherry thing in them. Nice. I like cherries. Dan's here. Oh, I won't make an egg reference. I'm a traitor or as you might say a real Benedict

Arnold. Shut the fuck up! Oh my god. By the way, listeners, we didn't explain it. Blaine has his child's candy-colored headphones on. That's what the reference was a second ago. Oh, I don't need to explain a joke. Dan, looking

handsome there with your salt-and-pepper beard. How are we doing, my friend? Thank you. I've been sculpting it. I appreciate you noticing how handsome I look. Let's meet up later. You got some beard oil? Do you use beard oil or beard salve?

Funny you should ask. I use beard oil made by a company called Jack Black, which is not related to the Jack Black that we all are acquaintances with. Weird. Out of the side hatch. Yeah. And then we got, oh my god, how did we... Look who we have.

Ramen and his owner. Our sweet child, Sam, up there. Hello, diner children. Did you get the eggs? Are we out of eggs? I think we did all the eggs. Jokes.

All right. Dan, you should thank some people. I'm gonna. We should get into episode 86. 86 is just around the corner. First, let's give a little shout out to the folks who are keeping us in the business. Thank you to Patreon supporters with usernames like ForTwoFingersInTooManyPlaces.

Thanks. Thank you, Marvin McGurkin's Merkin Warehouse, one block south of the Dildo District. Of course. Thank you, DolomiteButWithDrow. Thank you. Thank you, Luke the Husbatron Jibjibus Prime.

Wow, thank you. I'm guessing there were nine references in that. Thank you, Ruroni Kalane. There would have been far fewer dwarf guts in the walls if Sarah had been there to remember they were there. Thank you. Ed Gein's personal tailor. Oh, dear.

Yeah. Thank you, Droozle. Thank you for apologizing. Thank you. Randall's candles, handles and sandals. Emporium deep in the dildo district.

Wow. That's becoming a real. Thank you, sir. Swedish sirloin meatballs. Thank you. Thank you. Chew Baka a real... Thank you, Sir Swedish Sirloin Meatballs. Thank you. Thank you, Chewbacca Cabra. Thank you, Billy and Ayahuasca Nathan

in a one-man staging of The Sunset Limited. Wow. Yeah. Props to me for recognizing how ayahuasca is spelled. That's a handful. Thank you, Jockey Chan. Thank you, Vorpal Botch.ch thank you dargther digby sellers thank you thanks billy and terry's excellent crustacean massage therapy thanks

i'm sorry crustacean message therapy oh that's know. Thank you, Tooties Neglected. Tooties Neglected Magic Hammer came down on no one's head. Oh. Give him a break. He's waiting to power it up at a church temple thing place. I think we're dealing with it right now. I think we're there.

Like a few yards away, probably, for Christ's sakes. This name could not be more relevant to today's news. Thank you. And Kerpatch. Daybreak. Furnace.

17. Rusted. Agent Kerpatch. Activate. Operation Market. To the future is a go. Wow. Thank you.

I'm on it. I think we had this before, and the fear is that Blaine is being, like, mentoring and candidating. Yeah. And he's now activated. This one, they spell it Kerpatch, K-E-R, and I wonder if they think that's how his name is spelled. It'd be cool if it was.

I've seen it spelled like that. Like a comic bubble. I've seen it misspelled so many different ways. Might be a good time to try and change it. Thank you, Allie Allie Bobally. Thank you, Meow Meow Beans Danny Five. Good old community reference. Thank you, Ramen the Dog's Lowdown

Koreatown Butter Knife Incident. Yes! Thank you, Scoopacabra. We've got a lot to get through today. Thank you, Sparky the Unicorn of Woe. Thank you, Forget the Hammer. Get to the Bunny Fluff, Nathan. Thank you,

Roll for Diabetes. Thank you, Jason Brobards is jock loot thank you short name for Dan thank you goth Phillips because emo wasn't dark enough thank you Jason yarn thank you the callous on Sarah's back from carrying

this campaign thank you I met Amy Sherman at Palladino's. Thank you, Huckle McFuckleberry's good luck pants tuck. Thank you, Smokey the Bugbear knows what Sarah did. What? Oh, the fire. That was a forest fire.

Thank you, Blaine's Hot Mike, which is actually just a rabbit in drag. The rabbit in drag. The rabbit in drag. Thank you for saying that very quietly. Also, thank you, Poseidon in the Brain, sold only at Spencer's. Poseidon in the Brain Brain!

Thank you, OSE. Thank you, Jacob Livermore. Thank you, Marion, the octogenarian barbarian. Thank you, my stimulus check. And thank you, Doors Unlimited LLC, as featured on the opening credits of the hit HBO Max series, Peacemaker.

Nice. I don't know what that means. I've seen every episode of Peacemaker. I never skipped those beautiful opening credits and I don't know where in there was a Doors Unlimited reference. We're going to have to watch it all over again. You know what I'm going to watch right now?

Blaine trying to go ahead and tell us who those Patreon supporters were brought to us by. We're digging deep for our brought to you by, Dan. We're going with... Classic. Halsman's House Wax. For the shiniest house on the block. Polish up those sheaths with Houseman's House Wax.

Birds slide right off. Houseman's House Wax. Oh, I'm John Houseman from the paper chase. And I'm here to tell you I'm not legally affiliated with Houseman's House Wax. Houseman's House Wax, no longer affiliated with John Houseman from the paper chase. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. Very informative

No longer a filly I know Well he's dead I think they tried to get him because his name was Houseman And it They thought they were going to do a little Coattail surfing there Well speaking of coattail surfing

It's time to figure out who's riding Sarah's coattails in season four of Nerd Poker where what happened last well Sarah I'm sorry

do you need to narrate your volume settings what's happening what narrate them what did you do it sounded like you were talking to yourself

but oh I have to keep turning my my mic on and off because my kids are putting away magnetiles by I think, throwing them

across the room into a bucket, so it's real loud in here. Can I come do that? Fun but loud. That can't possibly sound any more grating than the five nerd voices that they hear every week. You would be surprised. Oh!

Anyway, speaking of nerd voices, the castaway cuties have found their way into the Shattered Temples beneath the city of Flasicola. They're searching for the Altar of Bahamut amongst the dark hallways and chambers, and of course, as was mentioned, I have a paper bark that's puking everywhere. We take you right now to the Cast where Cutie's already in progress. So you guys just opened up one of, you went up into one of the most chill temples.

You knew it wasn't the one that had Bahamut, but you peeked out of the temple. There's a side door. You're sort of in the, you're in the basement of the temple complex where a lot of the altars are. Of course, the, it's very hard to get down here. Most of the doors have been destroyed by the evil undead who now run Flay's a colonia. Now in the distance down the hallway, you see green eyes approaching.

Um, I do not remember. Had you guys just shut the door or are you still staring at the glowing green eyes in the dark? I don't believe we shut the door. I think 2d opened it, saw and we shut the door. Alright. I think 2D opened it, saw, and immediately closed the door. Cool. Everybody roll

a perception check, please. 17 plus 6, 23. Who can beat Jelf? Anybody? Not in combat. 7. No. 15 plus 1, 16. 16 plus 3, 19.

19. Also pretty good. So, yeah. Golbar and Iva, you're both kind of just going like wait what what's happening what what uh Batuti Nathan what is happening Jelf the three of

you um you can hear there's this sound coming down the hallway towards the door now going click click click click click click click click click click click and Jelf you hear it so well you can tell they are what sounds like two feet with talons clicking on the ground as it approaches the door is it elizabeth taylor

oh do come in we're around back don't mind richard he's unconscious she has purple eyes. And we can't see anything with even with our... That's a good call, Sarah. Thank you. My reflection. Nice and emerald green. With our D&D schedules

and eyes and stuff. We can't see anything in the dark around the eyes. Right now you've closed the door. Closed the door. And we're hearing it

right outside. What do we hear coming down the hall towards us? Coming out from the cracks around the door that you've closed. Out from the cracks. Weird.

Jace. Let's kill something that's outside. Or shall we run away and go elsewhere? No, I think we should kill it. Do we have any other exits? Aren't we still looking for Bahamut's area? Yes. So if that's not it... There's no other exits? Well,

you... Hold on. Okay. We had to go through there to get to the next thing? Correct. You were peeking into a hallway. You came in through a basement sort of cellar door latch that went into the sewers, which is why Iva was all pukey times. Mm-hmm.

This hallway could lead to more altars. It could lead to, say, Bahamut's altar, But when you peeked, you saw a green glow, yes. But we must pass this way. So we have to go back in. Perhaps we can charm the creature. Perhaps it's a guardian. Or maybe it'll just try and eat our faces. Maybe we'll just try to talk to it.

Oh, yes. Good idea, Ivor. Go for it. Um, bleh. Okay. Sure, it's going to go great. Get him, Admiral. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Please go full

Darkthor. Please go full Darkthor. I don't think this is a job for Ivor. But I can try, I guess. Why don't you commit to it as if it were? So we can all enjoy the hubris we'll help you sure let me see what my what my charisma is yeah um yeah i don't have a great i do have a good persuasion though can i am i will that okay if you want to persuade i mean i always just go by the rule of if you try to if you try to tell i always check you guys in particular

right if you try to persuade but then you say something openly hostile we're going to go ahead I'm going to crack the door and I'm just going to call around the door Yoohoo Hello? Mr. Monster We're just trying to get through here You hear

a voice. Um, it sounds like it's right on the other side of the door, so you can't see it, right? You're, you're peeking through the crack kind of to your right. And it's sort of right on the other side.

Okay. You hear a voice go, what? And then say, hello in your voice. Oh, I didn't say hello though. I said,

you who? Um, Oh, did you? I misheard that. And it says you who? I thought you said hello. I was trying to track what I was saying say hello though. I said Yoohoo. I misheard that. It says Yoohoo. I thought you said hello. I was trying to track what I was saying. It's that guy. It says Yoohoo.

Yoohoo. Listen, green eyes and talons on the floor can mean only one thing. It's comedian Pudgy who's an incredible impressionist. Okay. Is it a giant?

Or it's a giant parrot. It sounds like that. Oh, or a parrot. Pudgy. Did you encounter a guy like this on the prison planet? On the prison place? Yeah, it was a Kenku guard. Yeah.

I didn't like that. Yeah, they're like, exactly. Prison planet? What are you talking about? Not the prison planet, but we're at the prison. Why can't I remember this at all? A couple adventures ago.

On the moon? How am I remembering something in your network? There was like a, there was a Kenku jailer who helped us get around, but they could only communicate through quotes.

Oh, man. Oh, that sounds vaguely familiar. And that was the name of that tune. Do they have green eyes? Can we come through here? Green eyes. Polly want a cracker? It says, uh...

Prayer? Oh, okay. do any of us recognize which god it might, which god room this might be? At the end, Ken recognized it as like the nature god. Okay. That's why the green eyes.

So can we, can Ken say a prayer to the nature god or something? Do I know any nature god prayers? Since I recognize? Not really. You're mostly a Bahamut guy. But then you told him who which god it was.

You said the last room was such and such, and this room is such and such. I believe you went to the Pelor one, yeah. Yeah. And then there was another offshoot one, Lathander. But I believe you're in Paylor right now. Glory to Paylor. You hear it say

in, again, the door's just kind of like open a crack and Iva's got the door handle in her hand. You hear it say in your voice, Tootie, Paylor, and then, Prayer? Baruch atah Adonai.

Do any of us... Can I do a religion or a canna check or something and see if I might have heard in my travels an appropriate prayer? And I will do the same since i recognized who this was okay or dan's look says maybe that's not what he's looking what the guy is looking all right well i mean let me be clear there's some creature on the other side of this door speaking in incomplete sentences right right i would say we'll call it passive insight in these situations,

so I don't have to make you roll. This is just what you would get without a roll for insight. It seems to be trying to communicate, but that is not necessarily what your basic intuition would tell you, that it's like asking for a prayer. It seems to be feeling you out, though. It's trying to talk to us. Okay.

You can roll an insight check, but I don't think an arcana or religion would necessarily help you with the communication that's happening. Alright, I'm going to roll an insight check, then. Okay. Did it sound like it? Nope. Too busy puking. That's a nine. A little bit, just a bubble comes out of your nostril.

I've never noticed this. I say offering? Are we rolling an insight check first, or are you just saying offering? Sure, I'll roll an insight check first, and then say offering. Okay. My insight is 19. That's not bad. You get a sense that it is trying to just figure out what you want.

And when you say offering, it says, tithes for me! There you go. Well, yeah, so we need to give it some... Yeah, let's open the door. Shall we open the door and talk openly? Sort of like a... We can all kind of peer out like,

hello! Okay. Opening. sort of like a we can all kind of peer out like hello opening you're gonna open it pretty like normal speed yes and i'm saying opening it like cheerily opening but maybe like on the slower side of normal so it doesn't in any way feel free just like a real like hello i'm opening the door speaking to you as i'm very gently opening the door hello there you can see like that all right so you very slowly open the door and all of you see this short four and a half foot tall raven like creature that instead of wings has sort of feathery clawed black hands and one of them is carrying a staff. It has emerald green

bright glowing eyes and it sort of tilts its head to the side, holds out its palm and says time for me! Okay! Didn't the mask also have black feathers on it? It did. Do we want to give this? Yeah, why not?

No, no, no. I just am like, did we steal something of his? I'm not just giving him the mask. It's an identity. Yes. Can we give him some coin? Yeah. Do you want to start with Nathan? I believe does not have any money. Breadcrumbs. Nathan has no cash, but that would be

Nathan's suggestion. Like perhaps if we cross his palm with silver. Yeah. Do you have some? Can I have some? Yeah. Give him some silver. Okay. How much silver are you giving him? Three. So he holds his hand out. You put three little

pieces of silver. He kind of cocks his head. He pecks at it for a second and then he takes a little pouch off of his belt and stuffs it in there. He goes, ha ha ha ha ha! Thank you! Alright, now I'm starting to like this guy. You're welcome. Uh, should we ask him directions? Yes.

Guidance? Bahamut? Bahamut? We're searching for Bahamut, old boy! Bahamut! For you? Yeah. Yes. Bahamut, with me! And he turns and he starts walking down the hallway. You see he's wearing

a dark blue tabard with like a an ocean wave violently crashing against a rock. Let's follow him. Sown into it. Follow him. Yeah, we follow him. Follow him. Absolutely. Okay. He takes you down

a hall. First pretty far straight. So you're turning right out of this door, if anyone's drawing a map. Okay. You turn right out of this door. You go past a couple of hallway forks and then at the end of the

hallway, without even making a turn, there is an ornate door and a stairwell going up to what looks like an avalanche of rock that is caved in to your left. So like maybe you would used to walk down here and in front of you, there is a door with what looks like a silver or platinum dragon embossed on the outside of the door. That's Bahamution. Bahamut for you?

Yes. Thank you, friend. You prisoner. No. Why prisoner? Show Guilfrey not prisoner. Guilfrey was that guy's name. Yeah, that guy was Guilfry not prisoner i show that i was that guy's name yeah that guy was gilfry show gilfry not prisoner i have i'm not prisoner i have no shackles we're all free do do a uh persuasion check please all right suddenly that made me remember suddenly. Everybody do a persuasion check, please.

All right. All right. That's an 11. That's a good for a gold bar. Oh my God. That's a two plus eight. Yeah. I just got a seven.

So I don't think it's convincing or anything. I guess you don't have any luck. What'd you get? I got a 13, but I do have luck, and Nathan's like, wait a moment. And he's going to try it one more time. I'm out of luck. No, not much better. Sorry.

12. Well, I think you guys are going to be happy to hear it. I rolled a four and I have a minus one. So he like, he like nods at you, Tootie. He's like, he like points at all of you individually. He's like nodding. Like he's thinking he looks at Goldbar and he goes, the Cox's head, Cox's head. And then. He looks at Goldbar and he goes mmmm.

He like cocks his head. And then he like looks at Jelf and he goes ahhh. Ahhh. Prisoner. Not prisoner. No. No Jelf. Jelf not

prisoner. No prisoners here. Jelf prison-y. While looking at you, Jelf, he starts tracing in the air what looks like sort of like an oval with a triangle, like a pointed thing at the bottom of it. And as he does it, you see this bright purple thin line hang in the air tracing after his finger. Huh. Give him some more coin.

How would I have coin if we're prisoners? Coin? Prisoner or not have coin? Coin? Tithe for me? Alright, yes. Not tithe. He holds his hand out again. Give him another three silver. Can I sort of state something

clearly to him? Like, it's like, tithe, no prisoner. Tithe, no prisoner! He, like, holds his hand out like, I, tithe, no prisoner! Alright. And I give him three gold. Three silver or three gold? Three silver.

Three silver? He pecks that and puts it in his pouch. He says, no prisoner, and he holds his hand out again. Good boy. How about one for each of us, so if you give him two more, it's a total of five. Silver. Yes. Okay. Are you saying this out loud?

Yeah. He goes, silver, silver, silver. And he nods and holds his hand towards everybody. I'll give him 10 to be fair about that. Oh. Okay. A little juice. He pockets it.

He spends like a solid 10 seconds cupping his hands, holding all of it, and just bashing his beak into it to test it. And then he- What a weirdo. Very awkwardly, because he's's got it looks like really bad coordination just like opens his pouch with well the coins are all in this like bowl of his little claw hands and he's like trying to squish it in there without dropping any um the whole time you guys see hovering in the air in front of jelf there's this purple what looks like bird skull just hanging in

the air once he's got all of the silver in pouch, he kind of looks at it and like squints and like blinks his, his little inner eyelid things and waves his hand over it and it disappears. Okay. Good. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you for sorry.

Bahamut. Huh? Bahamut. Huh? Bahamut. Yes. Sorry. Made call.

Okay. Is so the door with the dragon on it is that another door as opposed to the stairs yeah the stairs don't have a door there is an archway there's an archway with steps that go up and then you can tell you can't really go

a full flight up without encountering large rocks that block anything from going up but that's where he was pointing. No, he was pointing at the door. There's a door. Straight ahead, there's a door. To your left, there is a caved-in stairwell. Checking the door. He starts sort of walking away from

you guys down the hallway. Just you hear like a click, click, click, click, as his claws hit the floor. Thank you, weird one. Thank you! I think he was going to do when he was drawing in the end. Some kind of spell.

He said sorry for the call. Sorry I called. I think he was calling in backup or calling police. I think that guy needs to grow up. Oh, boy. I'm getting out of here right now and I'm going to give you a spanking. Ken got him.

I am going to check the door for traps. What a joke. Jesus. Yeah, go ahead and do an investigation check, Ivo. 24. That's good. It does not appear to have a trap. All right.

So Tootie, perhaps, should do the honors? I will open the door. Okay. So you open the door. There is what looks like a prayer chapel for Bahamut, and it looks very familiar. You think in an alternate timeline, you did see this room.

Right. There is a summoning circle sort of in the back and there are also a few pews for people to sit at and a small altar where a priest of bahamut would probably stand and tell stories of the platinum dragon the walls have a few tapestries on them the room is is very dusty. There's no natural or artificial or magical light of any kind. It's dark, but I believe one of you has a torch lit, if I'm not mistaken. I do, for sure. Okay. What would you like to do?

I'm thinking of taking the hammer to the altar. Or the circle. What's the circle again? I sorry that is a uh circle it's like a circle of teleportation um with the right command it could take you to a linked circle somewhere else in the world i'm sorry there's already directly outside my window right now so i'm just going to take two seconds to take a picture of it. You summoned him, Dan, with your... Sarah, are you going to shoot him with a crossbow? Yeah, absolutely.

I'll be right back. Give it marshmallows. They love marshmallows. Well, I think falcons do. That's great. Okay, this is a hawk. So, my thinking is to take the hammer to the altar and pray to Bahamut.

Yeah. All right. Would the rest of you like to be doing anything? You want to just sort of like give 2D the floor, as it were? I'll sit in a pew, grab a psalm, book of psalms. There are little pamphlets stuck in the wood. For your yarmulkes.

Right. It's all very dusty. I feel like no one's sat here or read the pamphlets stuck in the wood. Don't forget your yarmulkes. Right? It's all very dusty. I feel like no one's sat here or read the pamphlets in a while, but yeah, you could easily pull up. Is there anything that we should chant? Yeah, focus on Bahamut. I'm taking

the hammer up to the altar and I'm praying. Okay, so you lay the hammer on the altar, yes? I will kneel with the hammer holding it. Oh, okay. So the altar is about three feet wide and about four feet off the ground. So it's wide, but it's pretty small, and it's made of marble. Are you going to put, like, how you describe to me in relation to this four-foot-high, three-foot-wide thing you're holding the hammer. Well, I guess I'll put it up on the altar, then.

I don't need to hold it. Are you going to keep holding it? I was considering holding it, but if it's not floor level, then I'll just put it on there. Okay. And are you going to do anything else? Just pray? Pray, yeah. just pray pray

yeah I'm gonna let you roll with advantage because you got the rest of the cuties to think Bahamut thoughts alright

and it's religion yeah you got this Ken wow well that was a nine and a twelve you hear bahamut's voice but you cannot make out what it's saying and you suddenly get this

feeling that you're just so deep beneath the ground something else is going to have to assist you or you're going to have to rest before you try again. Alright. Well, we need to rest anyway, right? Yeah, let's have a rest then. Let's block the door, question mark, and... There are wooden pews you could use to shove up against it to make entry difficult. The door opens inwards, so it would be

easier to block than if it were the other way around. I hope our crow friend isn't offended. Or perhaps we can, you know, the next time he comes by, if we lay out a little portion of something for him, we can say, hey, listen, we're just going to stay here for a little bit. Here's another... Sunflower seeds. Something, I don't know.

I think he probably won't care, right? He won't care that we've now gone past his area. What do you think? Maybe. If he comes back, it would be, I mean, he. Yeah, he comes back. Yeah.

So we just rest and have a watch set? Yeah. Okay. Let's be clear. You're trying to heal up and get your spells back, right? Yes. And also again, so that he can do it again. So we're talking long rest.

Yes. Who's watching first? Although. Yes. Who's watching first? Although if... I'll watch first. Excuse me. Ah. You're excused. There's one person who only needs four hours, right?

I believe Jelf? That is Jelf. Oh. But because there's only one person who needs four hours, we can't... We still have to do like some insane amount of time

in order for everybody to do it. 12 hours. Yeah, which is crazy. Okay, but I guess... It's rude. But that's only if you have to do some insane amount of time in order for everything to do. 12 hours. 12 hours, yeah. Yeah, which is crazy. Okay, but I guess. It's rude. But that's only if you want to do watch. You can always be like.

Take a chance on the first four hours. First four hours or second four hours, you can roll the dice, so to speak. It would save us four hours. But realistically, it's just a game. The extra four hours don't mean anything, right? What are you saying, Sarah? Do we have somebody else who can watch? Your bird is gone. I think

let's do three watches, you know? Okay. It'll be fun! Like Jamiroquai. What? Is three watches a Jamiroquai song? What is that reference? I thought, I was trying to think of somebody who would wear three watches a Jamiroquai song what is that reference I thought I was trying to think

of somebody who would wear three watches and the only guy I could think of would be maybe Jamiroquai I feel

sounds like plausible plausible enough for a joke like a hip hop thing maybe too yeah I didn't think I was gonna get

called on it but yeah Dick Tracy's son Chet Hayes if Dick Tracy had a son like Chet Hayes Then Chet Hayes would wear Like three TV wrist radios Blaine loves Chet Hayes

And on that note let's go to sleep I'm a huge fan Okay are you ready Who's doing watch first Tootie I'll do it first because I want to capture this lightning in a bottle in my journal 2D and Jelf you get to do two Jelf so enjoy okay

alright 2D Jelf please roll a perception check 14 plus 6 20 what you got for 2D 14 plus 6, 20. What you got for Tudes? All right. Well, Tootie, you're not much use this first watch, unfortunately. Shoot him.

Jelf. That's not nice. Jelf, you get a real eerie feeling, but that's it. Is it a peaceful, eerie feeling? Peaceful. You mean like in general or a specific kind of eerie feeling? So over the course of four

hours, there's this increasing feeling that there's something on the edge of your hearing and the hair goes up on the back of your neck when you focus on it. Okay. Am I taking two consecutive shifts?

Up to you, but you do have to sleep for one of the three. I'll just stay up and whoever takes the second one, I'll tell them all about it. I'll do second. Alright, Nathan and Jeff, let's get them rolls. Perception?

Yeah. Copy that. I'll do second. All right, Nathan and Jelf, let's get them rolls. Perception? Yeah. Copy that. 14. All right. 17 plus 6, 23. Whoa. You hear this?

Nathan, you heard what Jelf told you at the beginning of your watch, and you're paying close attention. You don't quite feel it. You're even trying to, like, use whatever senses you have about magic sensitivity. I want to believe you, Jelf. I'm twitching my nose and my whiskers. I'm just not getting it. Jelf, it's about the things you're not hearing.

Speaking of which, this time you're focusing more and um yeah you get the feeling something magic is watching you okay good good magic bad magic this magic is beyond you you're not a magic uh expert um and you don't believe you have a way to really figure this out on your own but you get the you get the sense that there is something otherworldly going on if can i do a religion check and see if i can do some sort of like uh elvin go into some sort of elvin trance or something absolutely absolutely touch that can i get in touch with what's happening they were at coachella right elven trance yeah uh so uh 16 plus 3 19 all right well you're from amina the elven population there is mostly wood elves and they're pretty isolated so you have very specific aminah gods you pray to

and as you do so yeah like you just you just get validation you just get this like twinge in your soul something is watching you unfortunately you don't get clarity other than validation okay how about now how do i get it now um this is gonna make it the end of your watch we're gonna go ahead and hand off to somebody else and jelf you're gonna need to sleep if you want to get your hit points back you're pretty fucked up as it were doing it um who's who's taking this watch one or two people i can do it i'm i'm all good now. I believe technically you and you and Goldbar are the two who don't need it right now.

Okay. Goldbar, you want to share this watch? Sure. Go ahead and roll a perception check. Absolutely. Y'all. I forgot how messed up I was. 19 plus 1, my friend.

That's a very good roll. What were the rest of you saying there? I think Ken and Sarah? Blaine? I just gave 17. Okay. I just heard three people talking at once. You got a 17 and Brian got a 20? Mm-hmm. Great. Iva, you can't quite okay i just heard three people talking once you got a 17 and brian got 20 great um

uh iva you can't quite make much out either much like nathan you give it your all but you're just not catching it uh go bar you've you've heard the stories from your new friend jelf of the strange magic that is monitoring you and the hair goes up on the back of your neck as well. You feel as if something is hunting you. Uh-huh. As if a predator's eyes are watching what you do from the shadows.

Weird. Is it sexual? No, no. Of all the sexual jokes I could do, I would not include the word predator with it if I wanted it to actually get a laugh. That is not what is happening. But yeah, Goldbar, you're getting it too. Weird sixth sense instinct. Would you like to do anything while you and Iva are, observing, or do you want to wait until everyone wakes up?

Wait until everyone wakes up. Okay. So the 12 hours finally pass. You're all feeling really stiff from sleeping on cold stone and wood deep in this little temple chapel. But, 2D, you do feel like you have a clear head and you can try a prayer again. However, after talking to everybody, you feel like because you all stopped to wait 12 hours,

the consequence was there is some kind of supernatural observation spying happening right now. Okay. I mean, it could very well be Bahamut just seeing who's hanging out in his house. Yeah, just be like, you like what you see? I mean, I didn't...

Is that what we would say? That's what you would say. But you'd say, do you like what you see? Sort of rubbing my underbelly towards him. Oh, no. I mean, you added that, but I liked it. It's sexual. True. rubbing my underbelly towards him oh no you added that but I liked it it's sensual

making the subtext text Chris Tallman I'm trying to find my rest again on this thing I mean are we all awake now though? so everyone can talk about the creepiness am I awake it seems rest again on this thing. I mean, are we all awake now, though? So everyone can talk about the creepiness? Am I awake?

It seems... I can scry on something. We can sort of look back, but I think I have to know what I'm looking at. Yeah, are we like... I said, I missed it, I guess, with all the bunny dancing and stuff. Yeah, remind me how scrying works. Don't you need to have met a person? Yeah, that's it are we

all awake though is this over yeah you're all awake we're just waiting for tootie to shuffle through his thing so we can go ahead and uh so scrying um feel free to describe to me but while i check the rules chris so i think i think it's just that i think i think i have to know who i'm scrying on um that's what i was saying like i could try to look back but we have to know who it is that we would be looking so here's the trick with scrying you need to know who you're looking for and what many uh wizards in the past have done in your situation is roll the dice. Pick somebody. It's going to use up a spell slot, but you're going to try to find out where a suspect

is. Does anyone have any ideas? Well, I mean, we were waiting until... I don't know that we need to do that, right? Well, then let's go. Like, 2D should try again to pray. Yes, for sure. We got to get this thing destroyed.

How is the demon, the frozen demon doing? He has been sitting there. Yeah. Does he look the same or does he look like, like more lifelike? Do an investigation check. I can't feel.

We look over and he's just sitting there reading a magazine. He's got highlights. Under a hairdryer. The goodness and gallant is fantastic this month. That's us weeklies from last year. You know what's underrated is Timbertoons. 13.

You know, you can't tell a big difference, but you wouldn't be surprised if someone told you something was different about him and you definitely feel weird about the investigation check. So we gotta get in touch with Bahams.

Yeah, let's do this. Everybody concentrate. Everyone, you already said it's time to have a Bahams. Yeah, let's do this. Everybody concentrate. Everyone, you already said it's time to have a Baharmut party. Bahart to heart. Bahart to heart. Please roll a religion check with advantage again, Tudy.

You're placing the hammer on the altar again and you're kneeling or whatever. Maybe, Tudy, this time put your hand on the hammer again and you're kneeling or whatever? Yes, sir. Maybe, Tootie, this time put your hand on the hammer. Really, you know, squeeze it up. I'm a little concerned that something might zap me,

but okay. Oh, then never mind. Okay, I'm religion. Let's see. Boop, boop, boop. That is a 21. Hey! Oh, Bahamut. You clear

your mind. You listen to the sound of your own breathing. You tune out all of the sounds around you. And a vision appears inside your mind's eye. You see the platinum dragon Bahamut appear through the mists of your mind, and just sort of his visage,

and you just feel the power of his wings and muscle behind him that you've worshipped for all these years. He says, Tootie, mighty Tootie, you're in the right place, but you must destroy one thing that you hold in purest regard with the hammer, should you wish it to destroy something as powerful as the phylactery. Each time you do so, the hammer will be charged with one such moment.

And he exits via mist. Praise Bahamut. He holds out a peace sign and says, So, you have to kill us all and says Audi 5000. So, so what,

so what, you have to kill us all whack-a-mole style with the hammer? Something I can destroy. My left nut. Yeah, you feel he wants, he wants you to take something

of purest value, place it on the altar and destroy it with the hammer and it will basically give the hammer a charge capable of destroying something like a phylactery. That's like that old MTV show I worked on, Trashed.

Something pure, like silver? Like something of value? Something he holds dear, he said, right? But I don't know. Seems more conceptual than monetary, for sure. I'm looking. Like if you had an 8x10 of Betty White or something. I have a book

of them signed. Is there something we have that we hold dear? I don't have anything with me. He did say you though, right? Yeah. I think if it's your hammer, you have to say anything you hold dear. This is what happens when he doesn't care about anything.

What about one of your toes or something? A memory of that Danny guy. He's lost. He'll lock it with Danny in it. Goldball, did you ever meet Danny? No, but he sounds awesome.

Yes, he was wonderful. He had these pants. I know he valued friendship, and I like that. I don't know if I got that sense, but he had these pants. But I heard his last words were friends. He was talking about the show. Oh, that was good. Have you seen it?

The monkey. Yeah. The monkey. I love Goba. He's a good egg. I don't know what I have to... So Ken doesn't care about anything, and therefore we're going to be unable to destroy the flag. What about your daughter Gamora? I don't want what I have to... So Ken doesn't care about anything, and therefore we're going to be unable to destroy the flag.

What about your daughter Gamora? Can't you have her? That's how he gets an Infinity Stone, Chris. He said your daughter Gamora. I see. No. A guy who loves nothing. A bunch of nerds.

2D. What if it's... I don't know. A guy who loves nothing? A bunch of nerds. 2D. Yeah. What if it's, I don't know, something. Why are you doing all of this 2D? I noticed before when we went to the city, you made a point of going and helping at the church and with the donations and stuff. Is it perhaps there's something there? I could destroy a part of the church.

Destroy some tithe. I guess gold is important to me for the charity aspect of it. What if you flip it in the other direction and say, Oh, boy, you know what? I'll give up? The next thousand coins I earn, I automatically get... I don't know, does Bahamut

want you to destroy the church? Yeah, that feels like it. That's what's important to me. What do you wish for a Bahamut moment where he really done screwed up? Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. What if you destroy your own wealth? What if you sacrifice

for, you know, the next year? Everything I get belongs to Bahamut. Sure, but how do I destroy that? It's conceptual, not real. He said he has to destroy it with a hammer, and it will charge the hammer, right?

Genuinely, I think it needs to be a body part. Something pure that is dear to him, that has pure meaning and value. Which a body part, I would think would be a logical nomination. You look through your whole inventory and there's nothing that... No. I mean, you know. What about rope 50 feet? Yes, Trudy, you're always going on about your studded leather.

But I'm not all my ball bearing. Gaming dice. Chest set. Flask. You don't have any like magical items that we've picked up. What about a memory? What about a fleshy bag with hard lumps? There's the bagpipe.

Was that from this? You should see a doctor. The magical bagpipes that you found in the ball's headquarters. Pretty fucking cool. Let me destroy that. If your bag has lumps

you should go talk to a guy we've got a couple of flesh bags two different ones I think that's not something important to me it's not pure I'm just listing stuff at this point can we all roll an insight check

to think of something pure that we think would be good for him to destroy? Yes, you may! Although that was a very entertaining conversation just to have everybody look at their inventory and be like, ugh. All right, well, I rolled a 24. Nice! Oh, well, I rolled a 24. Nice! Oh, well, good. Nobody else has rolled. I mean, you can roll if you want to try and be a 24, just for the fuck of it.

No? Don't waste the good numbers. Don't waste the good numbers is a very D&D way to think of it, yes. What kind of check is this? Insight. Oh, alright. If you roll between a 20 and a 24,

it's going to feel like you wasted a good number. Don't waste a good number. I just got an 18. That's pretty good. All right. I like that Skid Row song. There's somebody inside telling me that I did not realize it. Well, first, let's go ahead and throw a boing cone to gobar

for that 18 gobar feels like what he gathers is it doesn't have to be something even that you own it's something that has value to you 2d but it could be something that has value to you because it's as value to say your friend as well. What if it's the pendant? Which pendant? The thing we're supposed to destroy. I can't remember the name. Oh, the phylactery? That's very important. He definitely was clear enough that you don't think that kind of shenanigans.

That's what we have. We have to destroy something. Destroy something who, while it is intact, holds value to your friends and then when you put together 2d for your role yes in addition to gold bars 18 with your 24 you piece together the yeah like you as 2d do not ever really place value on money you've been giving it away since the beginning of the campaign yeah you're always the first one to hold out your coin purse you don't think that would really help.

However, something like a powerful weapon, something that has sentimental value to you or your friends, those sorts of things might matter, or a body part. You do think a body part might legitimately do the trick, but you're not sure which is best or, uh,

what will be powerful enough. Or if any of those questions even matter, those are just, I will smash my right ear. No. Judy, may I volunteer an idea? You know your body part. Nathan will reach

into his messenger's bag and pull out that white mask that we just found to be like, if we're talking about powerful weapons... I've already seen the bag, too. But the magpike was just...

Was that a powerful weapon? Yeah. Oh, it was? It makes that ACDC song sound better. He did use it against someone while there was a Shroud of Magical Darkness, and he's not sure what it did, but it did... And he rolled a 69, and it did something terrible,

and we still don't know. Can I roll an insight check to know what it did or did we already do that uh i think you already did that and rolled really high and i told you like the closest i could okay well i mean i have what are the most power the most powerful things that we have are magical i have boots of speed i have the scimitar thing which is pretty awesome the oh yeah it we've used at least two of the three charges now i don't want to give that up so therefore it might be a really good thing to give up i guess um that's good i have the crystal ball like I said I have the white mask I have I don't know if this counts I have purple mushrooms from the shadow

fell I think I'm going to go with the bagpipe since I'm holding it and I really enjoyed using it great I think that's got to count for a lot I think if in your estimation it's pure and a worthy sacrifice I think that's got to count for something.

All right. So you lay the bagpipes on the altar. And then smash it with the hammer, Tootie? Yes. Roll to attack, please. Oh, he's definitely insolent. Yeah, I really hope Sam, try to help us find some

royalty-free bagpipes for this moment. Something mournful. I'll learn to play them for this. Yes. I have a bag of pipes if you guys need it. God damn it. That's an 11. Do I need to... I don't know what I mean what's the bagpipes ac i feel like that's just exactly exactly i'm not necessarily looking for you to just pound

the hell out of it i want to make sure you don't slip okay or or like just kind of mush it because you rolled a two but um yeah you go crank and as you hit the bagpipes first of all of course cadence to arms starts playing by the dropkick murphy's but uh you're also given a flash of a moment where you couldn't see what was happening in the past but you you suddenly see the memory from like like above of when you last used the bagpipes, except this time there's no magical darkness. And you see that there is a vampire advancing on you. And as he comes down the hallway, you begin playing the bagpipes. And you see him grab the sides of his temple and start saying, no, no.

And you suddenly pull inside his mind and you see what he was seeing, which is, uh, his own parents having sex with each other. Um, and then you zoom outside of his head and you, you see him again, clutching his head and going,

ah, how could you know? And then fleeing up the stairs. Those are good backpipes. Sexual backpipes. When you come out of the vision, you feel the hammer is throbbing

with power and you see for a moment this wave of Cerulean magic spirals around it as if it refrains. We'll have to find out what he does with that charge on the next episode of NerdCover.

Stroke the handle is what I'm going to do. Wow. Hey, Sam, what happened during this episode? Yeah, that's one. Much like a jealous lover, we have encountered a green-eyed monster. It has talons, which if you know me and anything about how I feel about birds on this show is thrilling.

Iva is puking like it's spring break and we're following a nature god around who keeps accusing us of being prisoners. There's an actual bird outside Sarah's window. This is the best day of my life. Now we're resting. Is this an all-thing Sam-like episode? There's something magic watching us. I hope

it's David Blaine. Tootie saw Baphomet in his mind. Bahamut, I said that wrong. And he's got to destroy something he likes to turn the hammer on. God, I hope he kills Terry. Finally, we smashed a bagpipe and killed a vampire that has sexual repressions. Close enough.

Nailed it. Dan, you got anybody you want to thank? Oh, you mean, do i have any plugs for myself in a selfish way yeah or yeah exactly i would love to plug such a selfish um you can of course buy my book at tales of zadia.com that's zadia x-a-d-i-a but also i'm doing stand-up again blaine was nice enough to do an installment of my new monthly show at the Glendale Room out here in the Los Angeles metropolitan area. I think by the time this goes live, you'll have 24 hours notice to come see the next

show if you're in LA. So I would love if you could come. I host it and then I do a set at the end and there will be sets from Laurie Kilmartin, Peter Kim, Joel Kim Booster, Adam Conover, and Maggie May. So it would be super

cool if you could come and see us do standing-ups comedies. And yeah, I'm trying to get road dates so you'll be able to see them on social media except for Twitter, which I can't use anymore because the Tesla guy bought it. Just kidding. I'll be on there sometimes. That

might not have happened by the time people are listening. Oh, he bought it. No, they approved it. It's done. Oh, eh. Not important, but yeah. I have money from somebody that one of my shows recently

gave us a 20 to Nancy Tomaszewski. Thanks, Nancy. There's a shirt here that I've had for months, for a long time, and it's from a listener. It says, have I shown you guys this before? It's XL, so one of you gets it, because I will never fit in an Excel ever. But it says... Oh, that's awesome.

Wow. Can somebody else read it? I can read it. I don't have friends or family. It's from a listener. It says, can't tell you how much I laughed when I saw this at Goodwill. It's washed.

It's washed it's with thanks and it looks like it could be dave easton dale easton paul easton pizza easton i don't know all easton's sheen easton uh english teacher in skokie who lost his dm when my mom found eggs and ken car Carlson's sleeping bag. Thought he was on drugs and banned him as a friend. Thanks, Mom. What? That's a great story. But thanks for listening and thanks for sending that.

And the shirt's been sitting in my garage, but I will give it to Dan when I see him. My show is BrianPersino.com. Is this airing this week? yeah it's going to open tonight right? we already had an episode go tonight this will be the second the evening of next Monday

I'm in Spokane with Johnny Taylor coming up he's done the show hasn't he? nope we've talked about him many times funny comment but yeah Johnny Taylor coming up. He's done the show, hasn't he? Nope. We've talked about him many times. Oh, funny comment. But yeah, great shows up in Spokane at the Spokane Comedy Club. And then I got shit coming up, but not a ton.

I really don't have a ton of stand-up in the summer. But look for dates. I've got Austin at some point, but not until July. So, I don't know. Come watch me do stand-up in my backyard. That's all I got. Anybody else? Blaine?

If this airs before May 5th and 6th, I'll be doing Lucha Vavum For Cinco de Mayo at the Mayan downtown And then I'm going over to France With Stacy Keach We're going to dinner with Bibendum Oh nice

It's like a comedians and cars thing Is that one of those live pornos even? I wish No we go to dinner with the michelin man guy oh that's a bunch of white tires yeah and we got all these michelin restaurants and it's just it's it's i don't know what that's the gimmick oh cool all right we appreciate your ears Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker And you get bonus episodes from there

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.