Nerd Poker - S4E89 Tidying the Temple

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

The mess in the temple is only getting messier. Will the Castaway Cuties make it out alive? Well, some of them anyway?

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Lee, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 4. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint.

You're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 89. We did it. Yep. We're there. 89 was a pretty good year, actually. Remember that shit, Blaine? No. Must have been fantastic.

Did you start stand-up like in 87 or 88? 85. 85. Oh, wow. Yeah. Chris, how are you? I'm just enjoying Michael Keaton as the Batman in theaters. Everyone thinks it's going to be fun. Yeah, I was a little split on that one.

Sure. Yeah, I was the contrarian friend. I was the guy who didn't like Jack Nicholson, and I did not love Prince. Were you a real Knox head? You just loved Alexander Knox, investigative reporter for the Gotham Gazette? I actually liked Keaton in the role, but I just didn't like the music and I didn't like some of the direction and I really didn't like the Joker.

I really had a big problem with the Joker. You wanted it way more sexual? No, I just wanted less hammy fucking Jack Nicholson bullshit. And I wanted like an actor to just play the Joker and not play himself. You know, yeah, I kind of didn't buy it. More than ever. I never have. I think about Jack Nicholson.

That guy's a Joker anyway, man. He's perfect. You guys don't know. No, he's a great actor. And I love him in The Shining and I love him in other things. Yeah, great-ish. Dan's doing his – Dan's here, by the way. Oh, hey, Brian.

Just took a break from watching Weird Al Yankovic in UHF. Oh, that's a great one. Is that appropriate for Rhodes? He just turned 13 this week. For sure, for sure. My kid loved it. Oh, yeah? Oh, he's already seen it? Yeah, and 13 this week. For sure. My kid loved it. Oh, he's already seen it? He's eight.

The opening scene where he whips off, the Indiana Jones guy whips the guy's arm off. Ollie turns around and looks at me and says, I want to live in this movie. That's amazing. Isn't that amazing or is that terrifying?

Yeah, also, definitely, yeah. Don't let him have any lips. Ken Daly. Yeah. Hey, buddy. Didn't you love Always? That was such a good movie.

It came out in 89. Richard Dreyfuss, Spielberg. Come on. And Sarah's here. Hi, hello. Hey, how are you? I'm doing well. How about yourself?

Good. What's your least favorite Spielberg film? My least favorite? Yeah. Oh, this is a trick. I don't like it. It's a trick question. What's your best favorite then? Your most favorite? These are both trick questions. Hold on. I'm going to, I'm going to, I got to go to the books. I'm too scared to. Spielberg's not going to hire you.

So you could keep up your sleeve for that one is Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I think that's it. That's got the fridge. You can see it. That's the thing. I feel like a lot of the worst I didn't see. So that one's not so great. And I like I like Shia LaBeouf and I like refrigerators. I'm going to get back to you. I'm looking at that laugh. There he is, everybody. Our engineer, Sam.

Hello, sweet children. What's up, sweet child of mine? Hi. Made me blush. Hello. Got me good. Cool. 89.

We did it. All right. Dan's kill us soon i feel it i feel it in my dry i just told everyone off the air i feel like there's maybe two three episodes left in the season so i think we're not gonna feel it too uh jell's gonna go off to college remember when Remember when Danny died? Hey, everybody. Dan, let's thank some of our followers, listeners. Holy shit. Here comes the thanks. Thank you. Terry Snacks with three X's.

They're like Scooby Snacks, except they're just new ports with the filters ripped off and a whole banana. Terry Snacks. Love banana. Terry snacks. Love it. Jaws. Obviously this is dumb. I don't even know why I was looking, but I didn't want to jump on 1941. Cause everybody would pick 1941. I don't hate 1941.

A lot of people forget about that one, but yeah. Yeah. But then, so that one's your favorite. No, I would say Jaws is my favorite. I wouldn't pick 1941.

I think I saw it the wrong age. Speaking of which color't pick 1941. I think I saw it at the wrong age. Speaking of which, Color Purple is my least favorite because I saw it at my friend's eighth birthday party. Oh, no. That's a weird birthday party. The parents took everyone to the movies and we all went to see the Color Purple. There's not really a right age for 41. It's the comedy. No, that was the Color Purple.

Oh, there's not a right age for 41. No, comedy misfires all over the place. Damn. But's the comedy. No, that was the color purple. Oh, there's not a right age for 41. No, comedy misfires all over the place. Dan. Brian. You want me to get back and down to business? Thank you, Eric Payne. Thank you, Flea 47. Thank you, Douglas Calabrese.

Thank you, Jeremiah Sacralicious Waffles Dudek. That's a good friend of mine. Thank you, Terry and Billy Spinoff. Thank you. I like it. Thank you, It's Terfluten Blaine, not Fluteduckin.

Thanks, RayRPG. Thanks, Carrie Marsh. Thanks, Dargther's Secret Ropehole. Thank you, Dick Trebuchet. Thank you, Douglas Scott. Thank you, John Matthews. Thank you, Dargther's Ass Closet. Two in a row. Thank you, Devona Uppurock.

Thank you, TwoDicksOneBall. Sorry. Not sorry, Dan. I don't know what that means. I don't either. Thank you, Warthog. Thank you, Alan Manerick. Thank you, Paco Scott or Di Pluma. Thank you, Total Rad NES. Google it, bro. Thank you, Alan Manerick. Thank you, Paco, Scott, or Di Pluma. Thank you, Total Rad. NES. Google it, bro.

Thank you. So, I'll go with Preha. Mm-hmm. I mean, excellent choice. Thank you, That Kid's Dad. You know which kid I'm talking about. Thank you, Scott Parker. Thank you.

I don't know who Stacy Keach is, and at this point I'm afraid to ask. Thank you, Sam's Hydro Seal. Not sure why that medical condition is being made fun of. Thank you, Parn crying in hell because you forgot

him. Parn, of course, is a beginning season Earwolf NPC that you guys forgot was with you at some point. And people love on social media to bring that up. So, RIP, Parn. You're probably dead.

Thank you, Ziggy Kielmeister. Thank you. We've got fifth edition and we're ready, so are you ready yeah thanks Andy Parker thanks Amanda Hug and Kiss I feel like I got tricked thank you Smurfette's Conspicuous Bulge

thank you Big Angry thank you Kugelbear thank you Toilet Rat for Sarah's Revenge I don't know what that means oh Toilet Rat for Sarah's Revenge I don't know what that means. Oh, toilet rat for Sarah's revenge. They didn't put a colon in there. Maybe they don't let you put a colon in your username. Uh,

finally, thank you. I get it. Uh, thank you. I am 49 years old and from New Jersey. I therefore understand almost every reference you guys make, especially blame.

Yeah. Love that one. And speaking of him, who are they brought to us by? I therefore understand almost every reference you guys make, especially Blaine. Yay. Love that one. And speaking of him, who are they brought to us by? Blaine. Those are brought to us by... Adfuture. Bring your gold gas. Inhale the gas. Bring yourles gas. Inhale the gas.

Pringles gas. Inhale the gas. Inhale the gas. Pringles gas. Creams. Onions. Killers. Vagabond.

Inhale the gas. Inhale the gas. Pringles gas break all the gas inhale the gas inhale it pop stop pop stop pop stop the gas inhale the gas break all the gas

Dan what the fuck sure that was a future it was an ad from the future. May I ask 36 questions? Sure. Take it off the air.

Oh, yeah, off the air. No, no, no. What was your first question, Chris? Inhale the gas. Did I hear that right? Inhale the gas. Okay, just want to make sure. I think that was the key.

That's a key question, yes. It's actually questions one through 35 are. Pretty much. Did I hear that? was the key. That's a key question, yes. It's actually questions 1 through 35. Did I hear that? Inhale the gas. I believe the medical term is huff. Inhale the gas. You would know.

Speaking of gas, it's time to hear about what happened last time on NerdPoker. The castaway cuties are currently backed into a caved-in temple where in one room has one exit and there's a vampire on the other side of the door they wouldn't let him in so he went ahead and summoned a bunch of dark creatures into the room we take it as a guess we cuties already in progress so you guys are mid combat if you head on over to roll 20 you'll see what i'm about to describe to listeners

to the south lord amalegda is just outside a door you can't see him because he just made himself invisible there is a strange tentacled monster with just like it's made of basically just straps of brown flesh with long tentacles and just vicious teeth coming out of it and it's all up in Golbar's shit trying to rip Golbar apart Jelf and Iva are on

either side of it and just above Danny some ravens have shown up Caspia and Nathan are kind of off farther down in the room you know uh kind of kind of bracing themselves behind some broken pews in this temple and outside uh kind of like near the outside i should say near the doorway is 2d who i forget if you're like peeking out the doorway looking for amalegda but he's invisible um that'll do it for my description i believe sarah went last so in the turn order that would take us to jelf jelf you're kind of hanging out in the southwest corner uh you see you know your new friend Golbar is getting ripped at with this

monster stuck to the ceiling with tentacles and it appears ravens are starting to appear above Golbar. He's in a weird place. He was basically in the line of sight of the vampire. Okay, I'm going to fire a couple of explosive arrows up into the monster

where the tentacles are rooted sounds good nice and do a thing here and that first one is a three that's a bit plus nine that would be no still in us the second one is 19 that That's a hit. So my exploding arrows do 2d6 force damage. Roll that 2d6. So that's four points of the force damage, and the arrow itself does 28. So that's eight. So eight plus, what was that?

Four. Eight plus 412 damage. This guy has been hit for a total of 56 hit points. Still doing all right. Up next... Oh, wait. Are you doing anything else, Joe, if you're running around? You doing any bonus actions I don't know about?

I think if I could... I think I already cast Longstrider on myself, but if I could just sort of quicken myself up a little bit, that would be nice. Yep. We'll say you're casting Longstrider. Alright, cool. So I'm good to go. Thanks, everybody!

And even if you don't use your movement, don't forget to stand in the place where you are. Now face left. Up next in the turn order is Tootie. I am going to... Again, you're kind of like on... Yeah, you're like on the south wall just to the east of the doorway. Yeah, I'm going to move up and attack this guy.

Which guy? The ceiling monster? Yes, the horrible flesh strap monster. I'm afraid you'll have to get a bit closer to him than you just did. I have a glaive. It's 10 feet.

Oh, well, aren't I wrong? Enjoy that Reddit. I'll move a little bit up. No, you can stay on it. Please don't get me in trouble on the internet. It's weird that we're all hanging out with a dude that has a 10-foot long weapon. Right? It's weird that he would just sit down.

Sorry, sometimes D&D, you think about it. We're carrying so much stuff. Yeah, we have... I have so much stuff in my pockets. We had a giant mummy of a demon with us. Like, we put it down in a coffee shop and tell somebody to watch it while we went to the bathroom.

We don't really do encumbrance, but yeah, it's like just a... But it's like, you know, in a video game, you've got 16 different guns and stuff. It's on your character sheet, But it's like, you know, in a video game, you've got 16 different guns and stuff. It's on your character sheet, but it's like, if you imagined that, if you imagined us actually holding all the things that we're holding.

Oh yeah. Yeah, like I try to just do it by basic thoughts and all that shit. No, me too. I've never played with a DM who does like any of the, I feel like you're pretty fair. You've told us before. It's like,

Oh, you're holding this thing. You can't, it's too heavy. Yeah. And like the demon was just like narratively, like, like I know you were trying to be careful with it.

And we did occasionally like go like, Oh, it was going to maybe sink under the water or something, but it's just kind of dumb. Like in real life, I don't think a lot of people, like, accidentally leave their mummified demon in the coffee shop. They remember before they leave the coffee shop, so.

Oh, shit, the demon. Seinfeld did that one episode. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, Seinfeld, am I right, folks? So right. I rolled a 25 to attack. Is that glaive for a 25 is a hit? And I will do some damage.

Gobar, your new friend is coming to your rescue with his glaive. Thanks, buddy! You're welcome. That's eight for the first attack. That'll be eight slashing damage. Melee, actually. There's no such thing as melee damage.

Believe it or not. I will attack again. I will roll a 14. No, sir. That's going to be a whiff as its tentacles just sort of writhe out of the way at the last second. Poopy doo-doos. Are you going to be doing any dancing about using your movement or bonus action?

That's what I call it now. Perhaps I will disengage. Okay. You can do that. I'll come back. I mean, he hit it pretty hard. Didn't kill it, but it's got a lot of hit points. And now that you are done

with your turn, we're coming round the mountain to fight as the vampire, so he is visible. Is this doorway just an open doorway, or is it something we can close? There's garbage all around it. He blasted it open. Right.

So if there was a door, you... I mean, there was, yes, there was a door. But it is shot down. Yeah, it's gone. Should it be? Doesn't matter. All right. Let's see.

I'm just going to check distance here because he is a naughty boy. Too far. It's too far. Well, not if he moves. He can't move. What? Oh, no. Yeah.

It's just a big thing. Hey, Golbar, can you do a wisdom saving throw for me? Yeah. Watch me. E-E-E. The 14. All right. All of a sudden, you get this really warm feeling over yourself.

You feel like this vampire is not that bad of a guy. Oh, no. You suddenly notice the creature on the ceiling and the ravens seem to divert their attention away from you. And, you know, you just feel like you're really going to protect this guy. just feel like you're really gonna protect this guy brian the vampire does something from the hallway he's invisible but you get the feeling he can see you all of a sudden this warm just like pleasant feeling almost actually like a cool feeling through your blood like adrenaline is just chilling you out goes through and like you know this this vampire lord amalekda seems like he's kind of a kind of a cool dude seems kind of chill all of a sudden you see look up the monster on the

ceiling he kind of like turns towards tootie and diverts his attention away from him you see the the ravens start to fly towards nathan uh behind the bench and you get this feeling of like like you know what i'm i have the freedom to do whatever i want but it's almost like if i try to attack the vampire or his friend something's just gonna inside stop me from doing it so you're not gonna lose control of your character except that if you uh if you try to attack the vampire's allies, there's going to be a mental block that won't let you. You get to re-roll this at the end of your turn, though. This wisdom saving throw. So

keep that in mind. Okay. But yeah, you just got whammied by the vampire. I specifically said no whammies. Stop. Isn't Cobar so much of a dumb guy that he would still try to fight? Well, unfortunately, the way the spell works is it takes advantage of people who can't roll a higher wisdom saving throw.

Right. Yeah, he just feels chill is the thing. Golbar, he could get angry, but he's going to feel like his hands won't do what they want to move if he tries to attack those folks. I dream like that. Right? It's creepy. Hey, Tootie.

I guess I'll sit this one out then. Well, you don't sit it. Your next turn is coming up. It's not that, it's like three people away, and you'll get to re-roll. Right? And you can do stuff. You can do stuff. I mean, you can do something like try to re-block the door, help a friend.

But if you try to attack the vampire or one of his summoned beasts, you're going to be like, No, I just can't. I just can't. So you can get creative and maybe think of something to do. so you can get creative and maybe think of something to do Tootie if you could please

roll a wisdom saving throw as well but I don't want to ah shucks should I should I not make him folks that's a five damn okay Should I not make him, folks? That's a five, Dan.

Okay. That's fun. Yeah. You guys look over towards Tootie for a second. Some of you out of the corner of your vision, some of you from across the room. Goldbar, he's almost right in front of you. All of a sudden, in a puff of purple smoke, Tootie goes, and turns

into a little bunny rabbit. You are now a little bunny rabbit. Wow. Tootie. Up next in the turn order is Nathan. Nathan. You just saw your paladin get turned into a bunny. Yeah, I mean, it seems like this vampire's kind of climbed to the top of the charts.

We need to deal with him immediately. Nathan is going to, from his hiding place behind the altar, one more time cast fireball. And Dan, my plan is to cast it just a little bit inside the hallway so that with its 20 foot radius, it could maybe hit the tip of this creature but not Danny

and not Tootie, but fire deeper into that. So if the vampire is anywhere in the threshold of the hallway or deeper in, he would still be... I mean, yeah, it's... We should tell

the listeners. I still have Danny as my icon on the map. Oh, I apologize. Sorry, Goldbar. Thank you. Yeah, that's a little goofy. I need to replace your icon, your token, in roll 20. That's my bad. I'll find someone a new token while we're playing.

Yeah, that should do. I just measured it like you probably did, and it looks like 2D and Gold Bar are just outside the 20-foot range. Perfect. I just want to make sure. Okay, so it's a DC 14 deck save potentially for the vampire and that horrible tentacle monstrosity.

I will roll damage, which is, I believe, 86. Holy crap. Okay, the monstrosity. Monstrosity rolls a 19. The vampire... That was a 20 minus 1, by the way. The vampire rolls a 26 on his dex check.

Okay, so they both take half. It was 34, so half of that would be 17. So they each take 17 fire damage. Nice. Huge explosion in the doorway, y'all. But hopefully at least hurting both of them.

And then for my move, I'm going to run over here and bonus action hide so that I'm not in the same places where I cast the spell from. So I've, I've run about 15 feet to the East and I guess, is that a pew Dan or something?

Some kind of, that's a turned over pew, right? Yeah. So I'm going to use my bonus action to hide amongst the wreckage of the pew. Got it. Sounds like a plan stinky you keep seeing pew p-u-go bar oh i see what's happening that was up next in the turn order is sweet princess cospia so she is going to kneel and fire her crossbow at the ceiling creature

shit yeah is it like an atiug or is it just some sort of thing we've never seen before um you've never your group has never seen this before. You encountered an Adiog in season three with a different character. I'll say, um, keep, keep that in your head and I'll let you roll an insight check or something on your turn. I'll check my Autobahn manual of crazy monsters. I mean, I think I really, I really like to just let you on your turn make rolls like that for free. But I want to save it for your turn so we can, we can parse it out because new shit might happen. That is going to be 16 to hit.

And that is a miss. And on Forge I think that's her only move so that's going to bring us up to Golbar. Golbar! Yeah? What do you want to do? You can do pretty much anything except attack one of these enemies.

I want to attack one of these enemies. I'll tell you what I invite you to try but you're not going to like what happens. Alright. I'll tell you what, I invite you to try, but you're not going to like what happens. All right. Well, what are my friends doing? Well, right now, nobody is in direct combat, but you just saw Tootie get turned into a little tiny bunny rabbit. And the crows seem to be flying towards the duo of Caspia and Nathan to the north.

The monster looks like he's about to eat a bunny rabbit. The ceiling monster. Okay, well, I'll defend the bunny rabbit. Like, kind of like put your body over him? Yeah, or grab him and hold him. You can do that. And cuddle him and rub them. That's the cutest shit I've ever heard in my life.

Of my son. All right, so you're going to run over, scoop them up, and run away from the silly monster? I will hug them too hard, George. Where do you want to go with it, Brian? Behind the bars. I just avoid them, you know, kind of scoot off maybe to this thing to the left, that wall to the left. Cool. I'm going to drop you over there with 2D in your arms. But wait, you're going to be heading towards it, actually. Let me check the, you get, 2D is most of your full distance.

So I would say you would intuitively just go kind of where the IVA is if you're going to take cover behind something. Okay. This is adorable. The other side of the room is, the west side of the room is a little too far away. A lot of rabbits in this episode. Three rabbits. I mean, you think it might have been a mocking

choice of Lord Amalegda to turn one of the non-rabbit folk into a tiny rabbit. He seems pretty petty. This is like an episode of Starsky and Hutch. Nice. Sunglasses.

Brian, I like your choice. Up next, we've got the Swarm of Ravens. So they are looking northward, but I'm not sure they're going to be able to make it to Nathan. Speaking of Swarm of Ravens,

I've been raving about the shawarma at Zanku this afternoon. Yeah. Garlic sauce. Pretty good. Zanku is delicious. Yeah, I did it. Garlic sauce. Pretty good. Zanku is delicious. I don't even like garlic and it's good.

I'm sorry. Stop everything. Hold the phone. Oh? Did you just say that you don't like garlic? No, I said I don't. Well, I don't like garlic,

but I like the garlic sauce. Sometimes I crave it, but it gives me a headache if I don't. You don't like garlic? I don't. My parents don't my parents didn't like it maybe they had an allergy or something yeah really the people don't like garlic i love are you italian though i am although actually there's not a ton of garlic and it's more italian

american so if your parents run into it i get it yeah and onions be have be uh as i've gotten older onions uh have made me increasingly sick. Oh, that happened to one of my parents. I've developed food allergies as I got older. Like apples, I can't eat raw apples. They make my mouth and throat itch really bad. That's oral allergy syndrome. See, I told you I can diagnose many things.

I used to have that with a lot of stuff and it went away as I got older. I had it for avocado and I just kept eating it. Me too. Avocado and strawberries and melons stuff and it went away. I had it for avocado and I just kept eating it. Me too. Avocado and strawberries and melons. And it went away. It has returned, though, a couple times for weird random times. Yeah.

Apples, that sucks because they're delicious. Probably not ripe enough. Tip, you can, I'm pretty sure this, you can, if you microwave something really quickly, it breaks down the enzyme or whatever. So you don't have to eat, I don't think, a hot apple. But if you slice it up, look it up, but I think there is something about that. If it's cooked, it's okay.

On a summer afternoon, there's nothing like a hot apple. I mean, hot apples are delicious. Hey, you guys, hot apple is a totally different thing on one of these chat rooms. No, yeah, Mike. Apple pie, apple strudel, apple... You can just make an apple. Did Ted Hayes get hot? Apple pie, apple fritter, apple... You can just bake them out.

Did Chet Hayes get hot? He got arrested for giving somebody a hot apple. Yeah, he gave this dude a hot apple. Please don't ruin hot apples for me. Or Chet Hayes. Also, don't ruin Chet Hayes for me, yeah. I'm going to bake that one. What if I was worried about it?

Apple pie, apple fritter. Come on, guys. These are delicious things. Apple fritters at Krispy Kreme are impossible for me to stop wanting. They're very good. They are super sweet, like everything at Krispy Kreme,

but they're good. Oh, when it comes out of the oven there, oh, so good. It is. What else do I like? What else do I like? Sunset. Can you eat that?

Yeah, I wish I could. They're so beautiful. They're all tasty, but so beautiful. Right out of the oven, right? Right. The sun is like an oven. Or like a delicious fresh bag of marshmallows. Just a huge bag filled with marshmallows.

Eat them all. Yeah, put a bunch of eggs on the hood of your car and let the sun eat them. Sun's like a big hot apple. That's great. Anyway, Dan, you were killing us. Oh, yeah. 13 hit Nathan.

Nathan, how are you feeling with that? What's your armor class? With my mage armor, it's a 15. Great. You see a couple of the raven's beaks glance off of you as they swarm all over you. Is it a swarm or a conspiracy or an unkindness?

It's a murder. A murder? Those are crows. I've decided they're crows. I once saw a really funny TikTok or whatever where a guy's're crows. I once saw a really funny TikTok or whatever where a guy's feeding crows outside, and he's just like, I'm feeding my crows. I had some friends tell me in the comments of my last video

that these are actually ravens, so now I'm going to do this every single day and make sure everyone knows that I'm feeding my crows. It made me laugh because they do look exactly the same. I think one of them has like more blue feathers or some shit. Anyway, good job, Nathan. And next after Nathan. Close to Raven.

And Cosby's. Goldbar did his thing. Nevermind. Raven. The ceiling monster No longer has anybody Within Its reach Does it die of loneliness

It disappears I like it You mean like magically or Yeah all of a sudden just goes Out of Out of My dick I would say you guys probably Don't feel great about that out of, uh, out of my dick.

I mean, I would say you guys probably don't feel great about that. Oh, it feels like, like, oh, oh, as if things weren't bad enough. Dan,

is that a spell that it's potentially casting? Sure is. Could I, with my reaction, cast counter spell? Wait, is it a spell? It is magic. I don't know.

I attempt to interrupt a creature in the process of casting a spell. If this thing is casting a spell, that's what I'm asking. Oh, man, I'm going to get reamed on the internet for this one. Does it cast Invisibility, or is it a feature? It's a legendary action. Oh, I don't think I can counterspell a legendary action. And actually, I think I'm not supposed to use that

on this turn, so instead it is just going to scoot around. I'm looking at, I thought it was an action. I looked at the sheet wrong. A legendary action you're supposed to use at the end of someone else's turn. It's an asshole move that a creature can make so instead yeah it really sounded like it involved the but i think he meant it was like sometimes sarah

that's your answer for everything i like our brains are filth i like to word things we are just we've ruined them it's going to scoot across the ceiling and take a swipe at Iva. By continuing to associate with each other. So it's actually... And warding this behavior... ...across the ceiling. So that's going to be... ...a...

...16 to hit Iva and 23 to hit. Yes, those are two hits. Okay. Hit. Uh, it bites you for a lot of stuff.

Now I am going to uncannily dodge. Okay, well, this would have been 22 points of damage. So I'll take 11 on that one. Piercing. And then one of its tentacles grabs at you. And that is going to be... at you. Um, and that is gonna be...

Uncanny Dodge is down by, uh, weird Hyundai. And, uh, that fucked up Kia place. Twelve points of bludgeoning damage, and you are now grappled. Okay, now, so, I can only use the... I'm looking it up, but I can only use

Uncanny Dodge once, or can I use it on both? I have to look it up, but I think it is for a reaction. It's a reaction, but if it's an attack, they're both attacks, right? I think you only get one reaction. Yeah, that's how, on your turn, you get an action, a bonus action, and a reaction. What I think's how on your turn you get an action, a bonus action

and a reaction. The way it works is from the beginning of the turn order to the end of the turn order, you get one reaction. It's considered your turn somewhere in the mix of it, but yeah, I think you only get the one. Okay.

Well, okay. So I'll take 12 on that other one i guess and then i'm also grappled you say yeah you are grappled it's uh it's a mean thing he did to you hmm i'm gonna put a mean icon on your token. That's a good grappling one. We'll do like a net or some shit. All right. So that's going to do it for the creature's turn.

Next after that thing is Iva. Yeah, thanks a lot. I waited 20 minutes for my turn, and then you immediately attacked and grappled me right before it. I'm not nice. Oh, I was talking to the creature, but you're perfectly kind. It's this thing that I don't like. I mean, all I can do is try to get out of,

release myself from the grapple, right? Yeah, well well you can and that is going to be a DC let's see boop boop boop 15 of what I think it's strength. Right? Hang on. Let's see. That's a good question. I'm going to grapple saving throw because I'm not seeing it.

Grappled creature can use its way. That's not. It is a strength saving throw because I'm not seeing it. Grappled creature can use its way. That's not. It is a strength saving throw. Oh, you get to choose strength or dexterity. Strength or dexterity, acrobatics or athletics. Cool. You should use history. Did you know, sir,

that 50 years ago... I release my hands from you as I rub my chin in wonder. And just to be clear, there's two other ways you can break a grapple if you didn't just read this also. You can incapacitate the creature or you can do something to it to shake you loose. Like a Thunderwave spell is what they use as an example in the book.

Okay, well that's a 19. Oh, you're free! Yay! But that's my turn, right? Yep. That's your action. So, congratulations. You can move, but you couldn't...

You got a bonus action. You couldn't... Yeah. You've got a bonus action. I guess I'm gonna... I guess I'm gonna bonus action. So, right next to me is Golbar and he's holding the bunny? Yep.

Okay. I'm gonna use my bonus action, I guess, to... I can't dash without... I have to choose whether to disengage. If I disengage, can... Does that include me? Yeah. Okay.

So, I'm gonna use my bonus action, I guess, to... I can't dash without... I have to choose whether to disengage. If, I guess, to... I can't dash without... I have to choose whether to disengage. If I disengage, does that include movement? I'm going to disengage. If you're doing it as your bonus action, no, you get movement on top of that. Okay, so...

Yeah, so I'm just going to get away, basically, but I don't want him to get an opportunity attack, so... Right, so diseng so I'm just gonna get away Basically, but I don't want him to get an opportunity attack So Right So disengaging will definitely help you Um, okay, so I'm gonna do that Scoot where you'd like to scoot I'm gonna move up

Nathan's all alone up there So I'm gonna go follow Go up this way Oh, he's not alone I see Caspia But I'm coming closer to It's a secret club of heidi people i don't know those ravens seem to see you no i'm hidden did they see him they tried to kill me

does who do the ravens see nathan yeah they're going for him yeah i thought all right but if you close your eyes and you can't see them, then they can't see you. That's monster rules. Yes. I'm under the blanket. Yes, exactly. What are these guys? Jelf, you're up. Oh, I'm

going to put a couple more. The monster's over here attacking these guys, right? He sure is. I'm going to put a couple more. The monster's over here attacking these guys, right? He sure is. I'm going to put a couple more exploding arrows into him. Roll those attacks. Please. 14 plus 9, 23. And 5 plus 9 is 13. Okay.

I think one of them hit I don't know about the other one It's a 17 hit Okay so one of them hit Yes So uh Six points of piercing damage And

Uh Six more points of The exploding damage Great Good job six more points of the exploding damage. Great. Good job. Pop, pop, you land a couple arrows in there. Would you like to do some sort of check to recognize what this monster is?

I would. I would also like to sort of move myself up against the wall here a little bit. Okay. Yeah, and sort of try to blend in a little bit there. And you can choose. You can do insight or history. Insight or history.

I have a six insight, three history. So I think I'll do a, hmm, what kind of a roll do I need here? Two plus six is eight. Yeah, you can't quite place what kind of creature, what it is, or what it does, but you squeeze your brain. Up next is going to be Tootie. You a rabbit. Do I get to do a wisdom save me throw again or anything? That's what I'm checking.

Otherwise, I wiggle my nose and scratch my ear. It's adorable. I'm going to give him a carrot. No, I'm way across the room. Just firing it at me with your bow. I mean, you can do pretty much whatever you want. You can hide in Goldbar's arms.

You can run from him. You can do something sneaky. But your damage output is great. I can't try to change back to a me. I am so bad at this spell that I wanted to do so bad. I looked this up earlier. What is it? Transmogrification? What is it?

Polymorph? It's polymorph. I'll give it away. Bunny shock? You're still yourself. Yeah. You can't speak, but your intelligence is severely lowered.

Oh. Can I smell the other bunnies in the room? You can't do dispel magic. The only way to do it is wish limited wish or no, that's a different thing. I'm wrong. So it just has to wear off

or we kill the guy? Wish I could help, guys, but I'm a buddy. Why am I not seeing... Because this isn't... Well, how long does it last? Blaine, can I get a commercial? I'm so embarrassed. Don't make fun of me on the internet it's the worst we'll make fun of you here

we'll just take an actual break dan yeah just take an actual break and look okay back back to the game i can't believe I forgot that Because there's a big ol' fuckin' It's obviously concentration There's a letter on it But I always forget where to look That means that You gotta hope one of your friends can

Smack the vampire Yeah, so what I'm gonna do Is jump out of Goldbar's arms And try to lure him away with me up towards the other bunnies. Okay. So, scoot your token. I'm trying to switch everybody out oh what is it

yeah I'll go okay and listeners he is running north towards his rabbit friends yes yes and i'm taking the token off iva that i should have already taken off up next after my rabbit friend is lord amalegda uh okay he like, duh. Okay. He You hear a weird crunching noise

suddenly from the hallway. Is it those carrots? Nope. Up next in the turn order Nathan it's your turn oh dear oh dear Nathan is going to bonus action

disengage from the murder of crows and I'm going to use my movement to one two three four over here with my pals okay um i'm gonna get right next to cosby if i can um and then i'm going to for my action action at second level cast Witch Bolt against said Murder of Crows. Go for it.

Alright. Caw, caw, caw. 18 to hit, Dan. That's a hit. Caw, caw, caw. Nice. Because it's at second level, it's 2d12. Mmm. So... Oh! That was close.

For a second, it was much higher. They take 15 points of, I guess, that would be lightning damage. Feathers everywhere. They're not dead, but they caw-caw very very loudly and that's one to crow on a few of them are fried but there's plenty of them left nice all right uh and i will turn and say to my friends dan do i recognize as a wizard do i recognize what's happened to

tootie that he's been polymorphed yes sir, sir. Okay, so I will turn to Cospia and who else is right there? Is that Iva? I will turn to Cospia and Iva and say, you know, if you kill that bunny, it will return to its true form. Something to think about. Wait, you want me to kill Tootie?

Just saying. I'm throwing my witch bolt back at the crows. Interesting. Caspia is up next. Doesn't know what to think about that statement. Definitely makes a face. Fires a crossbow at the ravens.

Hits. um like definitely makes a face fires a crossbow at the ravens hits uh they the last couple of them just get skewered by the crossbow bolt the ravens are taken out of commission and that's the name of that dude. Golobar, you're up. Yay. Am I still just chilling with my bunny friend? Your bunny friend ran north. Okay. I think to protect himself. Okay.

I miss him. Also, I've replaced your token on roll 20 with Woody Harrelson and cheers. Nice. harrelson and cheers nice uh you know his his brothers uh shitty harrelson and cootie harrelson were unavailable uh how am i feeling towards this monster above me not great but like at the same time why why hurt him um did you do your wisdom saving throw last turn? I feel like we forgot to. I haven't done one in a while. Why don't you roll your wisdom saving throw? I think we forgot to do that last turn.

Okay. Sorry. It's alright. Screen. There we go. 18. Oh, you shake it off. You can, you can, that's last turn technically.

So yeah, you can, you suddenly get your wits about you and that monster above that was coming for you and Tootie seems like you should maybe be less nice to it, Goldbar. Okay. Um... I'm gonna throw a javelin at it. What? It's right in front of you. Oh. It is? Yeah. Okay, I'll use the Hellfire

Great Axe then. Swing it! I saw a sweet javelin the other day. Oh my gosh, it should have been in a museum. It's an AMX, a red AMX. It had like hood gauges. Oh man, it was fantastic. 23, my friend. 16 plus 7.

Ooh, that's a hit. Roll your damage. Roll your damage. Roll your damage. Maybe I don't wanna. Everybody relax. 15. 11 plus four. You just chop right into that fucker.

Cool. And you're raging, so you can swing again. Okay. Yes, do, do. And you're raging, so you can swing again. Okay. Yes, Blaine? Question from somebody just watching in the audience. Is this monster like a real monster? Because you said it disappeared when somebody was out of range. Do you mean when it disappeared magically and it just reappeared in a different spot?

With that insight check you rolled last time, I'm not going to clarify that for you. I'm going to be a dickface. Just trying to... What's your second attack? I got a 19. 12 plus 7. And what's your damage? Oh, shit. Heavy hitting. 12 plus 4 is

16. How would you like to see this thing die, Brian? Yeah. team. How would you like to see this thing die, Brian? Yay. Do I have any sort of maybe I have residual where I

can feel what this thing's feeling and I see its life history as it dies. I see its parents i see it go to high school and then and then it just dies in front of me screaming all right it was a balhanas by the way okay uh you see it go to yeah balhanas kindergarten balhanas high school sure you see it's balhanasas graduation ceremony and then yeah it is it is via the lens of empathy

chopped into little bits and just sort of splats on the floor uh after you do that you hear that crunching noise coming from the hallway again everybody you see entering through the door

the shambling corpse of your friend Danny. Oh, brother. And that'll do it for this episode of Nerd. What? Fun times. Zombie me? It goes. We did leave his body.

Yay. To come back to it. Yay. Danny, you're back. Now you can kill yourself Nathan you missed me I did I did brains let's hear the call

uh hey Sam what do you think happened this episode hey everybody episode 89 much like me in therapy we are fighting many things at once there's ravens which is cool because I like birds but there's also a vampire tootie became a bunny we all became hot apples and i've made a couple asshole moves myself

uh then we got to the dnd part where i stop understanding and we're saying things like uncanny dodge and polymorph and we ended by gold bar giving the old great axe and killing something because gold bar is very very good and then we met zombie danny the end let's see this is coming out next week i mean just keep in think the world changes fast keep an eye on my social media see what i'm up to that's it me too and then brian persain.com for tour dates uh i've got um springfield missouri coming up and uh Springfield, Missouri coming up and Austin, Texas coming at

some point this summer too. And comical books. And I'll be at Comic-Con and I'll also be at a Star Wars celebration with my son. You can maybe decide if you want to bug me depending

on how my face looks. I like that challenge. Yeah. Anybody else blame? Oh, Stacy Keach is taping another season of Balsa Wood Lumberjacks on Hulu. So I'm just in there punching some stuff up. Oh, love it.

Uh, cool. Your listening is, uh, appreciated by all. Thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker. You can follow us at patrion.com slash nerd poker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also,

uh, send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.